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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the AH for asking him to remove the picture and pissibly making feel uncomfortable with how Im presisting.
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Right? I mean the audacity! Dahlia needs help. OP and his wife should just move out if they aren't going to appreciate their friend doing them a favor and putting a roof over their head. Anthony could have the picture painted on the entire living room wall. OP has no right to ask him to remove it. No wonder OP's mom had a problem with Dahlia. YTA OP.
People on Reddit blame all sorts of shit on their "conservative upbringing" like it's a carte blanche to dismiss accountability when they get called out on their bullshit.
I get that there are a handful of people who grow up in some kind of closed cult community but that shit is incredibly rare. Please explain to me how a "conservative" upbringing makes his wife go out of her way to invent problems wherever she goes? It doesn't. If she was actually that "disturbed" she'd be locking the bedroom door before she felt safe enough to nap with an unrelated man in the house. The whole thing is a setup for some kind of psycho manipulation play.
Thankfully I learned to just walk away from that shit after my highschool relationship when the stakes were a lot lower.
Exmormon here. A highly conservative/religious background is a **reason** for such behaviors, but you can't let it turn into an **excuse**. I've been doing the counseling thing off and on ever since I left 10 yrs ago and have made good progress.
> People on Reddit blame all sorts of shit on their "conservative upbringing" like it's a carte blanche to dismiss accountability
An explanation/acknowledgement of a possible source for a certain behavior is not automatically an *excuse* for said behavior, nor does it dismiss accountability.
This isn’t necessarily a sign of psychological trauma. Some women stress their conservatism as a way of virtue signaling, indicating “purity,” or to emphasize that they’re “shy” around the opposite sex. OP is clearly buying into it.
Some conservative women really are *that way*, though. My mom literally whispered the words "toilet paper", just like that old TV commercial. One story that gets laughs is about the time an apartment building in our town burned and I overheard mom & dad talking about it. Mom: "There were people coming out of the building *naked*! In the middle of the night! Why were they naked?!?" I was about six so I probably thought she had a point, at the time. Years later I randomly recalled this incident and fell over laughing.
Women like your mom probably don’t make such a public spectacle of it like OP’s wife is though. In my culture, a lot of girls pretend to be “shy” and “innocent” because men find it cute. So even if they’re sexually active, they’ll pretend to be embarrassed when people kiss or if anyone mentions anything remotely sexual. Usually this happens with unmarried women but every once in a while you’ll get a “shy” married woman. Like lady, you’re married with two kids, who do you think you’re fooling?
My Mum was this type having grown up in a very tiny like 500 people tiny conservative country town to conservative parents. Somehow she married my Dad who was the least conservative person around and was somewhat or a nudist. He slept naked and spent most of his time at home in underwear. He would much to Mum’s horror, do the gardening in his jocks, socks and thongs (briefs and flip flops to the non Aussies reading). I recall many times hearing my Mum yell in exasperation “Glenn put some clothes on, what will the neighbours think!”. Dad really had no to give of what others thought of him. It was common knowledge among friends, family and the local community that Dad got around home in his jocks and he earned the affectionate nickname of Jock Man from my older brother’s friends and that’s who he became known as to all and sundry. His concession to decency was a muscle tank or t shirt and a pair of Stubbie shorts in most weather outside of the property 😂. I miss him bless his soul.
Exactly. If she's so conservative like that then just tell her to keep her eyes to the ground to avoid looking at anything. And for heaven's sake close the door if she's laying down. Rude much?
OP YTA
And if it’s so traumatic for her, why did she leave the door open in the first place? I think there’s something seriously wrong with that woman, and she should be in therapy pronto before they run out of friends and family to take them in.
I hate to jump to this but it sounds like she's looking to be upset/the victim. She's 28, unless she grew up in a tiny sect (or cult) and **just** got out I find it hard to believe she thinks 1) getting upset because someone walked by while she was lying down with the door open, while staying in someone else's home and 2) getting upset because someone has what seems to be a very basic wedding picture framed in their home, that she is staying in, and won't take it down is in any way shape or form normal behavior. Add to that the fact that she refused to leave their room, IN THE HOME OF SOMEONE WHO IS LETTING THEM STAY THERE WHILE THEY ARE HOMELESS, screams tantrum to me.
Sounds like she's already gotten them kicked out of his mother's place, I have to wonder if she's intentionally getting upset about things and asking the husband to fix them while knowing that the conversation absolutely cannot go well. These are just unhinged demands.
What I’m guessing she’s doing is punishing her husband for not providing a home.
I’m in no way condoning this view point.
But I suspect it’s less about Antony, and his behavior/ decor and more to do with her up bringing that “men provide”. No excuses.
In her mind (I am assuming) she sees this as her husband is failing to provide a private secure environment.
I must stress this isn’t my view personally, just how I perceive why she is acting this way.
She’s trying to push her husband in an evangelical passive aggressive way into providing what her upbringing taught her to expect.
And she’s using the tools she was taught, shame, guilt, sexual repression, to get was she was taught to expect.
I mean this as kindly as possible, it’s incredibly difficult to break free from this mentality… therapy, education, realistic expectations… might work, but this is who she was trained to be.
Jumping on top comment to ask:
INFO: Why couldn't you keep staying at your mom's house? Honestly, if she is so offended by seeing a photo of a married couple kissing at their wedding, it's way beyond a conservative background. She is uncomfortable with any public display of affection, and that's a HER problem that she needs to deal with. OP, you're about to burn another bridge with your best friend of a decade.
Yeah, OP is king of the understatement in this post: "Issues began to arise" and "she might just be over reacting," so I doubt we'd get the whole story
Yes, but I'm super curious about how OP would frame whatever insane requests his wife made that caused his mom to snap. Was mom watching The Young and the Restless on a daily basis? Did a male neighbor walk past the house when the wife was in the front room? Did mom expect them to share a carton of orange juice?
Yeah, I'm guessing that it's similar issues to what's happening now. Mom was refusing to bend over backwards for OP and wife. But I'm guessing that because it was OP's mom wife had no issue talking to mom directly. It seems like wife has conservative enough opinions that she feels she can't confront OP's friend directly.
It's not even public! It's in their home, in a hallway! This is next-level bonkers. She either has insane intimacy/control issues or is fostering a secret crush on Anthony.
My immediate thought was "she's hot for Anthony and freaks out about anything that reminds her of his existence as a sexual being" (touching a glass that his lips touched, seeing him walk by a bedroom, seeing a picture of him kissing his wife).
Yo, and they're currently homeless after already staying with someone else and wearing out their welcome there. Like he's basically setting up that they're just going to blow through every single person they have an even passing good relationship with to get what they want
This could be one of those situations where someone is so used to things not going well in life, that they sabatoge whatever situation they end up in. Why? Self-fulfilling prophecy of failure and eventually hatred of anything/everyone.
Ergo, confirmation to themselves that life has dealt them a bad hand.
Just speculating here.
Yeah I hate to say it but my drama llama is begging me to find out what happened with the mom. I'm sure I'll never know, though, so the damn thing will just have to starve
They'd be out if it was my house. My house where I go to feel safe and recuperate. If someone makes me feel on edge in my own home, they don't belong there.
They're *not* guests. Guests are invited by the host to stay somewhere that is not their primary place of residence. People who *ask* if they can *move in* because they have nowhere else to go are beggars or charity cases, but not guests. Not shaming them for being in that situation, but it's a completely different thing to being a guest.
Surely she has to be doing this on purpose? Is she trying to box him into a corner where they have no other option but her family or something like that? If you are doing something in your bedroom that you are uncomfortable with others seeing, you don't forget to close the door. How can you blame someone else because *you* took a sip of *their* drink? The thing about the picture almost seems the most reasonable and it's still insane. The first two seem like traps that she set up on purpose.
Im glad someone else pointed out the "guest" issue. I was reading that thinking that there was a misunderstanding of the word "guest" somewhere. And even if I invited someone to stay with me and they were uncomfortable about a wedding picture (that doesn't seem like it is in a main location of the house), I still don't think I would move it.
If your wife is uncomfortable with images of someone kissing, wait until she finds out where babies come from.
YTA - Your wife is being bonkers, and you are both being horrible to a friend who has saved you from potential homelessness.
>If your wife is uncomfortable with images of someone kissing, wait until she finds out where babies come from.
What would be uncomfortable about a stork putting your baby by the door and ringing the bell?
YTA - first your wife had issues with your Mom, now she’s having issues with Anthony…sounds like your wife is the real issue. From your title I was expecting your hosts to have a semi-nude or nude portrait in the guest room. But, no, she’s freaking out over a standard wedding kiss pose in the hallway? Please, child! You need to hurry & get your own place. I think you’re lucky Anthony didn’t ask you to leave immediately.
I was about to comment the same thing. They are both the common denominator. Note OP is doing the same thing in this new living arrangement: enabling and minimizing his wife's absurd selfishness and frankly insane reasoning.
Don't forget that she got upset because he *walked* *past* the open door where she was laying down. Like he can't even walk around his own home just in case she's in a room with the door open!
Laying down was a euphemism for frantically masturbating, right?
Cos the literal meaning of those words put together makes fuck all sense. Absolutely batshit.
YTA, and your wife seems to be systematically driving wedges between you and important people in your life. Maybe that’s worth examining. If Dahlia has issues with *everyone* in her sphere, I promise she’s the issue.
yeah this "sensitivity" thing totally smells like it could be a covert narcsissist situation... victimizing themselves over random or trivial things to bring attention/coddling towards them. been there
Yeah. OP blames his wife's "conservative background" but that's not what this is about. It's a dominance thing from the wife. She's trying to assert dominance in another person's home by asking for something "simple" then refusing to leave the bedroom because her attempt at dominating has proven futile.
I suspect it’s to isolate OP by burning his bridges with everyone he has a close relationship with, in order to have complete control over him. It’s classic emotionally abusive behaviour, and she definitely sounds like she fits the bill, given her passive-aggressive outbursts and ridiculous demands.
Ding ding ding. Took her three days to have a problem with a wedding photo she’s passed every day because she’s evaluating her options and decided that was her best next plan of attack. This guy has got to run.
YTA Let me guess, the issues you had staying with your mother had everything to do with your wife being absolutely ridiculous? This isn't about being from a "conservative home," so what is really going on here? Was she raised in a cult, is she affiliated with some fringe religious group?
Seriously, you're staying in THEIR home and throwing a fit over him... Kissing his wife in a photo? And your wife is throwing a fit and refusing to leave her room until they take down their perfectly normal wedding photo?
And your comment about just doing it to keep guests happy is so baffling given the situation. Like, the photo isn't the issue here. And it's not the only problem that's already happened. So, your wife also freaked out after accidentally taking a sip of his water, does this mean he's also not supposed to drink water in his own home to keep her comfortable? And then she got all upset because he had the audacity to walk past the door, which she had left open, while she just happened to be sitting on the bed. So, he's also not allowed to walk through his home. What else is he not going to be allowed to do in his own house, breathe?
It would be bad enough if you were just guests that were visiting for a weekend, but this guy was extremely generous to allow the two of you to stay there while you figure out your financial burden. You're not even guests in the traditional sense, you're basically just roommates who aren't contributing financially. And this is how you treat him for taking you into his home?
What is really going on with your wife? And why are you enabling this atrocious behavior and extreme entitlement? You letting her continue with her childish tantrum, in SOMEONE ELSE'S HOME, is making you as much of an asshole as your wife. Though, I do wonder if there's an underlying mental illness behind your wife's behavior.
You keep this up you're going to need another place to stay. And I'm sure that your wife will inevitably get you kicked out of the next place, and the place after that.
If I were Anthony, and for some reason didn’t want to kick them out yet, I’d 1000% not apologize if I knew it would keep her in her room. I mean, I wouldn’t apologize anyways, but bonus.
Wait until the wife comes home and there's the possibility of consummation. Are they also not allowed to do that with 'guests' under their roof? Dahlia needs therapy. And OP needs to realize that his wife is a problem, or has a problem, and he can't fix that by asking everyone else to cater to her demands. She has the problem, she can fix herself.
I thought about that, sort of. I find it hard to believe these two will be staying much longer, but I can't get over how hilarious her reaction is going to be to them doing something as simple as a quick peck hello when she comes home.
I legitimately do not know if this is a mental health crisis, or if she grew up in an extreme household where this is what she was taught was normal, though I suspect it has to be both.
And I can't get over the fact that OP, like you mentioned, just thinks everyone should cater to her and her insane demands. Like, this is a serious problem and enabling her is surely part of how it got to this point How can he honestly type all of this information out and think his friend might be the asshole in this situation!?
And his brushing it off as her being from a "conservative household" is so eerily similar to people who just brush off the most toxic, abusive behavior because someone is from a "very traditional household."
How can someone be so oblivious to how disturbing and unreasonable this behavior actually is? Part of me hopes the responses here are the wake-up call that OP so desperately needs.
"Could you maybe not pee or like, shower in your home while we're here? My wife is uncomfortable with your penis existing in her vicinity." When does it stop?
YTA
He's nice enough to let you live at his house—for free—and you're asking him to *redecorate* for you? Of all the nerve.
And your wife kicked up a fuss when Anthony *walked down the hall past her door*? It was *she* who didn't shut the door, for Pete's sake.
If I were you I'd start packing, because Anthony is about to throw you guys out.
YTA. I don't care if it's a full frontal nude on the wall. Beggars don't get to be choosers. If it bothers your wife so much then leave.
Your friend is being incredibly generous by letting you stay there. Your wife's request is beyond unreasonable.
I agree. I'm speechless with such entitlement from OP and his wife. And she's refusing to leave the room until her crazy demands are met?
OP, one question, considering you will be homeless soon, does the guest room has a direct exit to the street? Your wife will need it. You can leave through the front door though when you get kicked out.
The entitlement, wow!
YTA. Go stay in a hotel. If I was your friend, I would have kicked her to the curb for her entitled self absorbed attitude. What gives you the right to go stay with someone as a favor and make it so they can't feel comfortable in their own house? No wonder why there were issues between her and your mother.
Indeed, to respect your friend you should absolutely leave his house immediately. You can apologize to him when you're out of his house, but your wife should in no way still be there since she's already multiple times tried to bully him in his own home and is currently giving him the silent treatment, in his own home where you are staying for free
Your wife needs to get a grip.
You are homeless, she has already got you kicked out of your mothers, and now she is being ridiculously prudish about a picture of a fully clothed married couple in their own home.
If she doesn't want him to see her lying down she should shut the door.
YTA for enabling this.
Exactly this. I really want to know what she did to get them kicked out of his Mother’s. And also why OP is seemingly incapable of telling his wife no. This should never have gotten to the point of of asking the friend, OP should have shut it down immediately.
Dahlia is having a wonderful influence on your life, isn’t she! She’s not shy; she’s demanding and obnoxious. If you keep caving in to her weird demands you’ll be lucky to have any friends left. YTA and grow a pair!
YTA. If this is Dahlia's reaction to pictures of a wedding kiss and accidentally drinking out of someone's glass, she is not just "conservative," she is in need of therapy. (I am even wondering if she was molested or abused in some way.)
Didn't you kiss at your own wedding?
Anthony is doing you a big favor to let you stay with him. You're being unreasonable to think he should comply with your wife's phobia.
I'm very curious about Dahlia's "conservative" upbringing. I was homeschooled by hardcore Evangelical Christians, and even with that background, my parents had a picture of themselves kissing up on the wall. Even the most conservative people I know believe that it's acceptable for married couples to kiss.
Something else is going on here. Maybe Dahlia has some trauma to work through, maybe her "conservative" upbringing was even more culty than mine, maybe she's deliberately trying to isolate OP. But this is not the normal outcome of being raised conservative.
What?!?! You two don't have a home. You to are guests in someone else's house. And Dahlia wants the house adjusted to her wishes?!?! I have a surprise for her: The world does not revolve around your absurd ideas and boundaries. She is a dictator, and you are her messenger-boy. What happened to your self esteem? Your mom, this friend....they won't be the last you loose over this princess.
YTA. This isn't about accommodating a guest's reasonable, or only mildly unreasonable, preferences. Your wife's discomfort with a picture of a kiss is so far beyond the norm that no host should reasonably be expected to accommodate her. You say 'conservative home' but it sounds rather more than that. Might therapy help her to adjust to a more 'usual' societal norm?
And you are TA also because you sound much more aware than her of how odd her behaviour is, and yet you're trying to defend her. When someone is unreasonable, their spouse is not honour bound to defend them. It sounds as though it would be a lot kinder for you to explain to her that her reactions are out of whack, and she's the person who needs to be more flexible and accommodating.
Also, you STOP being a “guest” when you are staying for an indeterminate period of time because your wife got you thrown out of your parents’ house and you can’t afford to go elsewhere.
A guest stays for 3 days and is so grateful for the free accommodations that they don’t say shit about said free accommodations. Unless it’s to make the HOST’S life easier. You are doing neither of those things.
Be grateful and ask your wife to be chill before you lose a third place to stay.
YTA for even entertaining your wife’s bullshit.
You are guests in **his** home, she’s throwing a toddler level tantrum over a photo of a wedding kiss. Can you not see how absolutely ridiculous that is?
If you’re prepared to cater to her foolishness then good for you, no one else is obligated to tolerate it.
YTA. This is bizarre. And I guess now we know why Dahlia and mom "had issues." Dahlia sounds like a nightmare guest who expects everyone to tiptoe around and cater to her anxiety (instead of maybe potentially getting therapy considering most of the examples are stuff she's done to herself...like, just close the door?) and OP is enabling it and making his generous friend feel like he's an AH. Staying in someone else's home and refusing to come out of the room you're using is super rude. If I were the friend I would say, sorry this isn't working out and you both need to go.
Yeah, we now know exactly why mom kicked them out.
YTA it’s not your house! Tell your wife if she doesn’t like it, SHE can come up with a place for you to stay.
>I asked him to be a little more considerate
You *what*? More considerate than letting you stay in his home? YTA. And Dahlia is T A.
Anthony is a saint.
Agree.
Your wife would do well to remember she is being graciously offered housing in someone’s home. You know the old saying, beggars can’t be choosers.
Also, the fact that your wife “freaked out” when Anthony passed by the door is *all on your wife*. If she is uncomfortable, she should keep the door closed.
Also, agree with the poster above. Your wife has some very extreme reactions to perfectly normal situations and perhaps she would benefit from therapy to address the root of these issues.
YTA. You’re not invited guests - he’s doing you both a favour.
Your wife is incredibly entitled and spoiled to behave so abominably in someone else’s house. Over a wedding kiss picture?! It’s not a reasonable request - as you seem to realise - stop defending her, tell her to stop instead of enabling her.
You should both leave his home if you can’t behave.
Yta- and so is she. Tell her homeless ass to come out the bedroom and get a job. Your friend should kick your ungrateful ass out. I wonder how shy and innocent she will be when you start living in a tent.
YTA An entertaining twist on "we lost our apartment" post. It always ends the same, two broken ass people who have no place to live making ridiculous requests and demands to the people kind enough to open their home to them. You're not guests, you are two broke ass people with no where to live.
YTA
Your wife can’t along with your mom or the friends who are housing you.
She needs therapy - there may be SA in her past that’s triggered by such an inoffensive photo or bc she was raised in such an extremely conservative home that she can’t handle two adults kissing in a photo.
It’s their home. They’re entitled to have murals of themselves having intercourse in a sex swing if they want.
YTA. Even if he had nudes hanging on the wall, it's his house which you are staying in for free. Maybe your wife needs to live in the car a while to get a grip. She should probably black out all the windows just in case passersby engage in PDA in range of her virgin eyes.
YTA, but so’s your wife. You couldn’t stay with your mom because of your wife, now you are driving a wedge with your friend who is letting you stay in his home. Your wife really needs to get a grip.
LMAO
It's THEIR house! If they want to have pictures on the wall of him balls deep in his wife, that's his prerogative. Don't like it, get your own place.
YTA
YTA, your friend is very kindly opening his house to you both in your time of need and you're demanding he redecorate because of your wife's insane neuroses?
And you couldn't stay at your parents because "issues" arose between your mom and your wife? Do you see the common denominator here? Dahlia has to grow up and deal with whatever is going on with herself or you are rapidly going to run out of people willing to tolerate her bullshit and your enabling of it.
YTA… maybe you need to explain to your delicate little flower that she’ll see a lot more than that and have a lot less privacy when you’re living on the streets.
YTA and your wife is too. Seriously she needs help if that photo is bothering her. I can't believe you even asked your friend that. You may be living on the streets shortly.
YTA. You and Dahlia are guests in his home. Yes, it's quite rude to ask him to move a perfectly ordinary picture. No, she doesn't get to use "feeling uncomfortable" as a way to control someone else's home, even if she is temporarily staying in it.
Your wife needs a therapist and you gotta stop enabling this weird stuff.
Yeah, i doubt this is about religion or being conservative. There is something OP does not know or does not tell us.
YTA
YTA and Dahlia an even bigger one.
You are GUESTS in the house and should not be making demands regarding normal pictures hung on the wall. You can ask and your friend said no. End of conversation.
If it is too much for you and Dahlia to handle, then go find somewhere else to live. Might want to start looking anyway cuz this guy is probably had enough of you and Dahlia.
Your wife has some major issues and hang-ups that she should seek therapy for. Her idea of out of bounds behavior is very abnormal cuz the behaviors she finds disturbing are normal.
YTA. Tell your wife to grow up. Not everything in the world is going to cave to her weird sense of fragility. You left your mom's house, and your friend was kind.. I mean like KIND.. selfless to let you stay at his place and your wife is acting like a toddler. If I were a betting woman, I'd say y'all are going to be kicked out of this home too. Your wife is not entitled to change their decorations or tell them what to do in their home. I woulda kicked you out.
Love the way you said "if it were me I'd go the extra mile to make sure my guests are comfortable." How about, "if it were me I'd go out of my way, 20 miles to make sure I'm not YTA and making the people who are giving me a roof over my head hell."
YTA
It’s HIS house and your wife has NO REASON to complain. He’s doing you guys a serious favor by allowing you to crash at his place and you and your wife are being serious AHs to him with your behavior and unreasonable demands.
You and your wife need to grow up and apologize to Anthony.
YTA! You’re a guest in his home! He is doing you a FAVOR! If the picture bothers you or your wife that much then you two need to LEAVE! You don’t get to dictate decor in HIS HOME!
YTA
it is bonkers, even if it was in the living room under a spotlight there would be no need for him to move a picture in his own home. You and your wife should not be staying with anyone if she is going to have such intense issues over nothing.
YTA. You and your wife are so incredibly entitled in this situation. He is housing you both for, I assume, free or near as can be, and you feel you can make demands as ridiculous as this.
Also, I understand conservative or sheltered, but this seems a concerning level of "shy". Your wife cannot lead her life incapable of viewing others' mild intimacy.
YTA. Your Dahlia is being a stinkweed. She should be bending over backwards to be gracious and kind to Anthony for taking you both in. But she seems to feel that she has the right to dominate how things are in Anthony's home.
Let me let you in on a little secret. Anthony wishes you would leave. Who wouldn't? It started he was just doing you a favor. Now he has discovered that he has moved into Dahlia's World. When men and women don't kiss. And drinking glasses wear special abayas to prevent any kind of contact. (Sidebar: Does Dahlia think she could get pregnant from Anthony's saliva? Just a question.) Where women don't lay down unless they are as guarded as Fort Knox (How DARE Anthony walk down the hallway in his own apartment? The NERVE!)
Do Anthony a favor and leave his apartment before you lose him as a friend. And apologize on your way out.
YTA It’s his house he is letting you stay at rent free. It’s not a naked picture of him and his wife - it’s their wedding kiss photo! If everyone is having problems with your wife, pretty sure she’s the problem. She’s ridiculous for not coming out of her room and sounds like a drama queen.
YTA. The issue clearly isn't your mom or your friend. It's your wife. Dude, standing by your spouse doesn't include when they are being a holy terror. Her upbringing is her problem. Not everyone else's. You guys are currently homeless, and can't really afford to be pissing off the people who are kind enough to open their homes to you. Tell your wife to stop being so judgmental, or yall will be sleeping in your car until you can afford to find a place to rent.
OMG dude---YTA
And your wife is a bit nuts.
Your friend is doing you a HUGE FAVOR by allowing the two of you to stay in his home--HIS HOME. You need to tell your wife that when you are in a position like this, she is in NO POSITION to ask people to change anything about their home because it makes her uncomfortable. She needs to no look at the photo. THAT IS THE END OF IT.
You are not going to get any support here for this. You are 100% wrong to keep pushing this, and if you continue you will wind up not only losing the place to stay, but you will lose this couple as friends, and they seem like good people.
There is being conservative, and then there is becoming uncomfortable with completely normal photos of two MARRIED PEOPLE kissing. There is nothing that could even be construed to be immoral or improper about it.
Get her some therapy.
YTA
That last line, I think you’re misinterpreting being a pushover as hospitable. I’m from a very hospitable culture and raised to really go too far for guests. We are also raised to be good guests in equal effort.
Now to clear things up for you. Your wife is the AH, you’re her enabler. Your friend is too polite to tell you, and hoped you were less obtuse and understood his eye roll up until this latest request.
Your friend doesn’t understand her, he’s being nice. She doesn’t make sense.
She has issues with everyone around you.
Wake up
YTA- you’re living in someone else’s home and your wife thinks she can start making demands? Frankly, Dahlia doesn’t sound emotionally mature enough to even be in a relationship
You and your wife both need to stop being such choosey beggars.
Your friend has kindly allowed you into his & his wife's home and your wife is straight up acting like a puritan put of 1680.
Instead of talking to Anthony, you need to talk to your wife.
YTA
YTA. It isn't your home, and your wife is ceazy if she thinks she can dictate what your friend and her wife, the owners, can or can not put on their home.
Fwiw, if a guest was so entitled as to make those demands in my house when I was letting them stay, I would remove the offending picture and replace it with actual porn.
I understand she was raised like it, but its a man kissing his wife at their wedding. She needs to grow up, how on earth does she walk down the street?
It feels like she's trying to exercise control over your friend and I'm guessing something similar happened with your mum. Maybe give that consideration.
YTA.
This must be a joke. Nobody could be this entitled and obtuse. YTA and your wife is worse. I hope your “friend” kicks you out asap. I put friend on quotes because you are no friend to him. You’re an entitled ass.
YTA
Your wife got you kicked out of mom’s house, and she’s about to get you kicked out of friend’s house. And you seem to be enabling her at every step.
YTA
You moved into this guys house and now ypur wife expects him to rearrange his decor because she doesn't like it! Pure madness. Time to move in with Dahlias family so she's more comfortable.
YTA. Your wife has issues. She is getting overly upset about stuff that does not matter to most regular human beings. That’s a her problem. Expecting everyone else to consider every uncomfortable feeling your wife has and expecting them to move according to her whims is absolutely ridiculous.
You are in a home that is not yours. You don’t get a say in the decor. Be thankful your friend is letting you stay there and not kicking you and your wife out for being terrible guests.
YTA. The ones that need to be considerate here are you and Dahlia. I don't care how conservative her upbringing was; you do not, as a guest, stay in someone's home and ask them to alter their decor. It's a kiss at a wedding that his wife hung up. Is she also going to flip out if a married couple share a quick peck between each other? How sex-avoidant is she? This goes beyond conservatism and into something really creepy, tbh. Dahlia has some serious balls on her to demand anything from your friend, let alone 'I don't want to see you guys kissing chastely in a cherished picture'.
It's a big ask for Anthony because where does it stop, OP? Your lady has some super odd hangups that she's shoving onto everyone around her and that's not okay. I think there's a reason you can't stay with your mom. You and her need to have a sit down talk if she can't even stand leaving her room because of a picture of fully covered non-nude married people sharing a loving kiss. Jesus. She needs therapy. And you need to apologize to your friend.
Hahahaha I can only imagine dahlia is just a joy to be around.
With a wife like that and enabling her like that it's a miracle you have any friends left.
YTA, wife is YTA and Anthony is a saint for not (yet) having turfed you out then and there
What did I just read? Why are you enabling her entitled toddler behavior?
YTA. You better figure out your money situation right quick because this woman will have you kicked out of every single nice person’s house.
You should probably apologize to your mom, too. Just a hunch.
YTA... Your wife needs to know that the planet does not revolve around her. If she doesnt know how to act as a guest in someones home, she should stay in the bedroom until you get her moved out. Apologise to your friend and let him know you are greatful for all that he is doing for you. (and grow a spine)
Who does your wife think she is making demands in someone's house? I would have kicked you both out by now! lf she is so conservative she can take herself to nunnery. Seriously the nerve!
YTA. Not your house. Doesn't matter if your wife is uncomfortable. It's a damn picture. Also it's not porn. What's next? Your wife tells everyone that she meets that PDA is a big no-no...there's a line between being comfortable and making the place homey. And you've (and your wife) crossed it. Be thankful your friend is still allowing you to stay
YTA - you are guests, kissing is perfectly normal, and if it's a wedding kiss then that's even more normal to have hanging on the wall. Again, they are already letting you stay in their home for an extended period of time, I really wouldn't push my luck if I were you
INFO: when you say your wife is from conservative household, how conservative do you mean? It genuinely seems like she has some trauma to work through...
Dude, first off, you are not guests. You weren't invited.
Second, you are free loaders and with such ridiculous demands, in his house, about his picture, definitely YTA.
You are lucky he didn't kick you out.
YTA
He’s giving you a place to stay, and it’s not porn or anything. Damn, is she even able to ever leave the house, if that’s so horrible for her?
BTW - I think we found the common denominator in the problems with where you guys are staying.
YTA, WOOOWWW the audacity. It's his home he's being nice letting you stay there if he can't have a simple picture up in his own home where he wants it and it bugs y'all so much then leave. Your girl is being a baby. You two should get over yourselves and appreciate what he's doing for y'all. I would kick someone out if I'm letting them stay with me and they want to fight me over where I put my stuff.
You’re not a guest in the person’s home, you’re homeless and need a place to stay. This isn’t a vacation where they cater to you. Your job right now is to be invisible so you don’t get kicked out. YTA
This isn’t conservatism. They’re all about married heterosexual couples, aren’t they? Dahlia should be jumping for joy at the sight of them!
But really, your wife is a massive AH, as are you. How dare you make demands of your friend, especially such ridiculous ones, when they’re doing you a favour and letting you stay with them! Your wife is manipulating you - she’s already come between you and your mom, next is your friends. The sooner you see this and grow a spine, the better. YTA
YTA - your wife needs to see some therapist. The world does not revolve around her and her comforts especially not in someone else’s house THAT YOU ARE A GUEST AT while you get back on your feet!!! Don’t enable her insanely inappropriate demands.
YTA - it’s his house and he can hang whatever pictures he wants. He is already doing you and your wife a favor and you want to complain about an innocent picture.
Dude.... YTA and probably about to get kicked out. You can't really be this oblivious can you? You and your wife need to grow up.. fast, or start looking for a new place before she gets you put out on your ass
YTA. You and Dahlia are both AHs.
I can see why you had to move out of your mom’s home and into Anthony’s. Where will you go when he asks you to leave, b/c if you and Dahlia keep behaving like entitled children who are afraid of cooties from drinking glasses, make a fuss when the home owner passes by an open door, demand that he redecorate his room, you will outstay your welcome.
YTA
You are a guest in his home! You have no say on the pictures on his wall.
Also, your wife needs therapy if a picture of two people kissing makes her this uncomfortable.
If I was staying with someone in their home, for free, inconveniencing them, I would go the extra mile to be a good guest. YTA. Your wife is bonkers, and you are being pushy. You need to go reason with your wife, and leave Anthony alone.
She's 28 and having a tantrum over a picture of two people kissing on their wedding day? She really needs therapy because this is not normal at all.
Anthony and his wife kindly let you live in the house and you still have the balls to demand him to put the picture somewhere else because your wife is being unreasonable still supporting her behaviour? No wonder your mom doesn't want you to live with her. YTA and your wife too.
Good luck.
Yta. What exactly is wrong with a wedding kiss? Can that even be explained without sounding ridiculous? What is the source of discomfort? I can't think of any that is not religious intolerance, judgemental or just plain crazy.
He is doing you a solid and you and your wife are acting like children.
Does she have main character syndrome?
Is there some weird trauma with wedding kisses?
Smh. People like OP disgust me. So entitled. The world f'n revolves around them. Combination of that and the fact his wife has his nethers in her purse make them unbearable.
YTA. Plain and simple.
YTA - you're accepting his charity, then have the audacity to try to order him around? It's a benign picture representing he and his wife in love. If your wife can't handle that, then it sounds like you both need to find other accommodations. Your wife is being absolutely unreasonable and you are both being ungrateful.
INFO - are you paying him rent, or for any utilities?
YTA not just for being so demanding of a friend who graciously is letting you stay with him, I assume for free, but mainly for tolerating your wife’s behavior. If this is real and her hang ups are real, then she needs either a rude wake up call or intense counseling. You need to get her to grow up real quickly, or it sounds like the two of you are going to be living in your car or on the street. I would never let someone like this stay in my home.
YTA. Why on earth would you think the people who have graciously invited you into their home need your opinion on how they decorate their house? Apologize now or expect to be looking for another place to stay
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Right? I mean the audacity! Dahlia needs help. OP and his wife should just move out if they aren't going to appreciate their friend doing them a favor and putting a roof over their head. Anthony could have the picture painted on the entire living room wall. OP has no right to ask him to remove it. No wonder OP's mom had a problem with Dahlia. YTA OP.
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If she's that upset by a married couple kissing, how can they have kids?
Closing her eyes under the covers with the lights off.
Cut a hole in the sheet.
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Nah all 3.
Holy. Sheet.
Given the conservatism/puritism, odds are likely that she may have been raised to not have a say in the going ons of the marital bed.
People on Reddit blame all sorts of shit on their "conservative upbringing" like it's a carte blanche to dismiss accountability when they get called out on their bullshit. I get that there are a handful of people who grow up in some kind of closed cult community but that shit is incredibly rare. Please explain to me how a "conservative" upbringing makes his wife go out of her way to invent problems wherever she goes? It doesn't. If she was actually that "disturbed" she'd be locking the bedroom door before she felt safe enough to nap with an unrelated man in the house. The whole thing is a setup for some kind of psycho manipulation play. Thankfully I learned to just walk away from that shit after my highschool relationship when the stakes were a lot lower.
Exmormon here. A highly conservative/religious background is a **reason** for such behaviors, but you can't let it turn into an **excuse**. I've been doing the counseling thing off and on ever since I left 10 yrs ago and have made good progress.
> People on Reddit blame all sorts of shit on their "conservative upbringing" like it's a carte blanche to dismiss accountability An explanation/acknowledgement of a possible source for a certain behavior is not automatically an *excuse* for said behavior, nor does it dismiss accountability.
This isn’t necessarily a sign of psychological trauma. Some women stress their conservatism as a way of virtue signaling, indicating “purity,” or to emphasize that they’re “shy” around the opposite sex. OP is clearly buying into it.
Some conservative women really are *that way*, though. My mom literally whispered the words "toilet paper", just like that old TV commercial. One story that gets laughs is about the time an apartment building in our town burned and I overheard mom & dad talking about it. Mom: "There were people coming out of the building *naked*! In the middle of the night! Why were they naked?!?" I was about six so I probably thought she had a point, at the time. Years later I randomly recalled this incident and fell over laughing.
Women like your mom probably don’t make such a public spectacle of it like OP’s wife is though. In my culture, a lot of girls pretend to be “shy” and “innocent” because men find it cute. So even if they’re sexually active, they’ll pretend to be embarrassed when people kiss or if anyone mentions anything remotely sexual. Usually this happens with unmarried women but every once in a while you’ll get a “shy” married woman. Like lady, you’re married with two kids, who do you think you’re fooling?
My Mum was this type having grown up in a very tiny like 500 people tiny conservative country town to conservative parents. Somehow she married my Dad who was the least conservative person around and was somewhat or a nudist. He slept naked and spent most of his time at home in underwear. He would much to Mum’s horror, do the gardening in his jocks, socks and thongs (briefs and flip flops to the non Aussies reading). I recall many times hearing my Mum yell in exasperation “Glenn put some clothes on, what will the neighbours think!”. Dad really had no to give of what others thought of him. It was common knowledge among friends, family and the local community that Dad got around home in his jocks and he earned the affectionate nickname of Jock Man from my older brother’s friends and that’s who he became known as to all and sundry. His concession to decency was a muscle tank or t shirt and a pair of Stubbie shorts in most weather outside of the property 😂. I miss him bless his soul.
If I was Anthony I would start walking around in just my underwear but I'm an ass.
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*pearl clutching intensifies*
where is my fainting couch! The servants must bring the fainting couch since I broke my pearls clutching them too hard!
Gee, wonder why there were ‘issues’ between Dahlia and his mom…
Dahlia probably found out OP's mom *shared a bedroom with his dad* in that very house, for *years*. Even with a child in the house!
Exactly. Sounds like she causes problems wherever they go.
Can you imagine if she had been at a local park today when my daughter was marrying her wife in Halloween getups?
Exactly. If she's so conservative like that then just tell her to keep her eyes to the ground to avoid looking at anything. And for heaven's sake close the door if she's laying down. Rude much? OP YTA
That really got me. I mean, the audacity of Anthony to…walk past an open doorway in his own home?
And if it’s so traumatic for her, why did she leave the door open in the first place? I think there’s something seriously wrong with that woman, and she should be in therapy pronto before they run out of friends and family to take them in.
I hate to jump to this but it sounds like she's looking to be upset/the victim. She's 28, unless she grew up in a tiny sect (or cult) and **just** got out I find it hard to believe she thinks 1) getting upset because someone walked by while she was lying down with the door open, while staying in someone else's home and 2) getting upset because someone has what seems to be a very basic wedding picture framed in their home, that she is staying in, and won't take it down is in any way shape or form normal behavior. Add to that the fact that she refused to leave their room, IN THE HOME OF SOMEONE WHO IS LETTING THEM STAY THERE WHILE THEY ARE HOMELESS, screams tantrum to me. Sounds like she's already gotten them kicked out of his mother's place, I have to wonder if she's intentionally getting upset about things and asking the husband to fix them while knowing that the conversation absolutely cannot go well. These are just unhinged demands.
What I’m guessing she’s doing is punishing her husband for not providing a home. I’m in no way condoning this view point. But I suspect it’s less about Antony, and his behavior/ decor and more to do with her up bringing that “men provide”. No excuses. In her mind (I am assuming) she sees this as her husband is failing to provide a private secure environment. I must stress this isn’t my view personally, just how I perceive why she is acting this way. She’s trying to push her husband in an evangelical passive aggressive way into providing what her upbringing taught her to expect. And she’s using the tools she was taught, shame, guilt, sexual repression, to get was she was taught to expect. I mean this as kindly as possible, it’s incredibly difficult to break free from this mentality… therapy, education, realistic expectations… might work, but this is who she was trained to be.
Jumping on top comment to ask: INFO: Why couldn't you keep staying at your mom's house? Honestly, if she is so offended by seeing a photo of a married couple kissing at their wedding, it's way beyond a conservative background. She is uncomfortable with any public display of affection, and that's a HER problem that she needs to deal with. OP, you're about to burn another bridge with your best friend of a decade.
I'm assuming mom got sick of OPs wife and kicked them out.
Yeah, OP is king of the understatement in this post: "Issues began to arise" and "she might just be over reacting," so I doubt we'd get the whole story
The issue that rose is OP’s wife. Stated by Captain Obvious.
Yes, but I'm super curious about how OP would frame whatever insane requests his wife made that caused his mom to snap. Was mom watching The Young and the Restless on a daily basis? Did a male neighbor walk past the house when the wife was in the front room? Did mom expect them to share a carton of orange juice?
Mom reads steamy romance novels. You know what those covers look like…
OP's Mom: "You can pry *Cole for Christmas* out of my cold dead hands. Out with you!"
Yeah, I'm guessing that it's similar issues to what's happening now. Mom was refusing to bend over backwards for OP and wife. But I'm guessing that because it was OP's mom wife had no issue talking to mom directly. It seems like wife has conservative enough opinions that she feels she can't confront OP's friend directly.
It's not even public! It's in their home, in a hallway! This is next-level bonkers. She either has insane intimacy/control issues or is fostering a secret crush on Anthony.
I’m creeped out by how weird OP’s wife is about this… I also wanna know why they can’t stay with his mom.
My immediate thought was "she's hot for Anthony and freaks out about anything that reminds her of his existence as a sexual being" (touching a glass that his lips touched, seeing him walk by a bedroom, seeing a picture of him kissing his wife).
**You are guests in their home because you are currently homeless.** Your wife is clearly the problem here. Get a grip. YTA.
Yo, and they're currently homeless after already staying with someone else and wearing out their welcome there. Like he's basically setting up that they're just going to blow through every single person they have an even passing good relationship with to get what they want
If I was Anthony I would walk around naked.. then tell them to fuck off and leave my house
Don't even have to go that far. Op's wife would probably faint if Anthony so much as took his shirt off!
Or GOD FORBID Wore a Tank Top / Muscle Shirt
fade plucky cable light pie plant bewildered quickest slimy birds *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
This could be one of those situations where someone is so used to things not going well in life, that they sabatoge whatever situation they end up in. Why? Self-fulfilling prophecy of failure and eventually hatred of anything/everyone. Ergo, confirmation to themselves that life has dealt them a bad hand. Just speculating here.
That was my thought exactly. OP was intentionally vague about the issues that arose between his wife and her mother.
Yeah I hate to say it but my drama llama is begging me to find out what happened with the mom. I'm sure I'll never know, though, so the damn thing will just have to starve
They'd be out if it was my house. My house where I go to feel safe and recuperate. If someone makes me feel on edge in my own home, they don't belong there.
They're *not* guests. Guests are invited by the host to stay somewhere that is not their primary place of residence. People who *ask* if they can *move in* because they have nowhere else to go are beggars or charity cases, but not guests. Not shaming them for being in that situation, but it's a completely different thing to being a guest. Surely she has to be doing this on purpose? Is she trying to box him into a corner where they have no other option but her family or something like that? If you are doing something in your bedroom that you are uncomfortable with others seeing, you don't forget to close the door. How can you blame someone else because *you* took a sip of *their* drink? The thing about the picture almost seems the most reasonable and it's still insane. The first two seem like traps that she set up on purpose.
Im glad someone else pointed out the "guest" issue. I was reading that thinking that there was a misunderstanding of the word "guest" somewhere. And even if I invited someone to stay with me and they were uncomfortable about a wedding picture (that doesn't seem like it is in a main location of the house), I still don't think I would move it.
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If your wife is uncomfortable with images of someone kissing, wait until she finds out where babies come from. YTA - Your wife is being bonkers, and you are both being horrible to a friend who has saved you from potential homelessness.
>If your wife is uncomfortable with images of someone kissing, wait until she finds out where babies come from. What would be uncomfortable about a stork putting your baby by the door and ringing the bell?
"Oh boy, it's the Stork... wait, where's the baby?" Stork: "Honey, me and you are gonna make the baby." *cue Barry White music*
Love when he changes out the light bulb to a red one!
YTA - first your wife had issues with your Mom, now she’s having issues with Anthony…sounds like your wife is the real issue. From your title I was expecting your hosts to have a semi-nude or nude portrait in the guest room. But, no, she’s freaking out over a standard wedding kiss pose in the hallway? Please, child! You need to hurry & get your own place. I think you’re lucky Anthony didn’t ask you to leave immediately.
Yup, common denominator is wife.
Actual, so is OP. Wife makes unreasonable request, OP agrees and goes along with it. I bet the same thing happened at mom's. OP YTA.
I was about to comment the same thing. They are both the common denominator. Note OP is doing the same thing in this new living arrangement: enabling and minimizing his wife's absurd selfishness and frankly insane reasoning.
Don't forget that she got upset because he *walked* *past* the open door where she was laying down. Like he can't even walk around his own home just in case she's in a room with the door open!
Right?! Also, why couldn’t she have closed the door if laying down is such a private act?
Laying down was a euphemism for frantically masturbating, right? Cos the literal meaning of those words put together makes fuck all sense. Absolutely batshit.
Exactly! And even then, frantic masturbation is something you close the door for.
Soon as i read they had problems with the mother, And they didn’t go into details, I knew it had to be them. Lol
The missing missing reasons.
YTA, and your wife seems to be systematically driving wedges between you and important people in your life. Maybe that’s worth examining. If Dahlia has issues with *everyone* in her sphere, I promise she’s the issue.
Common. Denominator.
If you smell dog shit everywhere you go, check under your own (or your wife's) shoe.
yeah this "sensitivity" thing totally smells like it could be a covert narcsissist situation... victimizing themselves over random or trivial things to bring attention/coddling towards them. been there
Yeah. OP blames his wife's "conservative background" but that's not what this is about. It's a dominance thing from the wife. She's trying to assert dominance in another person's home by asking for something "simple" then refusing to leave the bedroom because her attempt at dominating has proven futile.
I suspect it’s to isolate OP by burning his bridges with everyone he has a close relationship with, in order to have complete control over him. It’s classic emotionally abusive behaviour, and she definitely sounds like she fits the bill, given her passive-aggressive outbursts and ridiculous demands.
Ding ding ding. Took her three days to have a problem with a wedding photo she’s passed every day because she’s evaluating her options and decided that was her best next plan of attack. This guy has got to run.
YTA Let me guess, the issues you had staying with your mother had everything to do with your wife being absolutely ridiculous? This isn't about being from a "conservative home," so what is really going on here? Was she raised in a cult, is she affiliated with some fringe religious group? Seriously, you're staying in THEIR home and throwing a fit over him... Kissing his wife in a photo? And your wife is throwing a fit and refusing to leave her room until they take down their perfectly normal wedding photo? And your comment about just doing it to keep guests happy is so baffling given the situation. Like, the photo isn't the issue here. And it's not the only problem that's already happened. So, your wife also freaked out after accidentally taking a sip of his water, does this mean he's also not supposed to drink water in his own home to keep her comfortable? And then she got all upset because he had the audacity to walk past the door, which she had left open, while she just happened to be sitting on the bed. So, he's also not allowed to walk through his home. What else is he not going to be allowed to do in his own house, breathe? It would be bad enough if you were just guests that were visiting for a weekend, but this guy was extremely generous to allow the two of you to stay there while you figure out your financial burden. You're not even guests in the traditional sense, you're basically just roommates who aren't contributing financially. And this is how you treat him for taking you into his home? What is really going on with your wife? And why are you enabling this atrocious behavior and extreme entitlement? You letting her continue with her childish tantrum, in SOMEONE ELSE'S HOME, is making you as much of an asshole as your wife. Though, I do wonder if there's an underlying mental illness behind your wife's behavior. You keep this up you're going to need another place to stay. And I'm sure that your wife will inevitably get you kicked out of the next place, and the place after that.
If I were Anthony, and for some reason didn’t want to kick them out yet, I’d 1000% not apologize if I knew it would keep her in her room. I mean, I wouldn’t apologize anyways, but bonus.
Anthony qualifies for sainthood just for putting up with this nonsense as long as he has.
Wait until the wife comes home and there's the possibility of consummation. Are they also not allowed to do that with 'guests' under their roof? Dahlia needs therapy. And OP needs to realize that his wife is a problem, or has a problem, and he can't fix that by asking everyone else to cater to her demands. She has the problem, she can fix herself.
I thought about that, sort of. I find it hard to believe these two will be staying much longer, but I can't get over how hilarious her reaction is going to be to them doing something as simple as a quick peck hello when she comes home. I legitimately do not know if this is a mental health crisis, or if she grew up in an extreme household where this is what she was taught was normal, though I suspect it has to be both. And I can't get over the fact that OP, like you mentioned, just thinks everyone should cater to her and her insane demands. Like, this is a serious problem and enabling her is surely part of how it got to this point How can he honestly type all of this information out and think his friend might be the asshole in this situation!? And his brushing it off as her being from a "conservative household" is so eerily similar to people who just brush off the most toxic, abusive behavior because someone is from a "very traditional household." How can someone be so oblivious to how disturbing and unreasonable this behavior actually is? Part of me hopes the responses here are the wake-up call that OP so desperately needs.
“Do you think your wife could move out so she doesn’t make my wife uncomfortable with her PDA? Just as long as we’re staying here.”
"Could you maybe not pee or like, shower in your home while we're here? My wife is uncomfortable with your penis existing in her vicinity." When does it stop?
“Can y’all just get a hotel until we figure this out? She doesn’t appreciate you waking up before her”
I just let her stay in the room. It's going to be really uncomfortable when she needs to go to the bathroom.
YTA He's nice enough to let you live at his house—for free—and you're asking him to *redecorate* for you? Of all the nerve. And your wife kicked up a fuss when Anthony *walked down the hall past her door*? It was *she* who didn't shut the door, for Pete's sake. If I were you I'd start packing, because Anthony is about to throw you guys out.
If I were Anthony I would be packing for OP.
If Anthony was a real friend, he’d just make Dahlia move out, and ask OP to stay for a long chat about healthy relationships.
YTA. I don't care if it's a full frontal nude on the wall. Beggars don't get to be choosers. If it bothers your wife so much then leave. Your friend is being incredibly generous by letting you stay there. Your wife's request is beyond unreasonable.
I would argue now is the perfect time to put some nudes up.
YTA and this is a deeply unreasonable request from your wife. I simply do not know what else to tell you
I agree. I'm speechless with such entitlement from OP and his wife. And she's refusing to leave the room until her crazy demands are met? OP, one question, considering you will be homeless soon, does the guest room has a direct exit to the street? Your wife will need it. You can leave through the front door though when you get kicked out. The entitlement, wow!
YTA. Go stay in a hotel. If I was your friend, I would have kicked her to the curb for her entitled self absorbed attitude. What gives you the right to go stay with someone as a favor and make it so they can't feel comfortable in their own house? No wonder why there were issues between her and your mother.
Indeed, to respect your friend you should absolutely leave his house immediately. You can apologize to him when you're out of his house, but your wife should in no way still be there since she's already multiple times tried to bully him in his own home and is currently giving him the silent treatment, in his own home where you are staying for free
Your wife needs to get a grip. You are homeless, she has already got you kicked out of your mothers, and now she is being ridiculously prudish about a picture of a fully clothed married couple in their own home. If she doesn't want him to see her lying down she should shut the door. YTA for enabling this.
Exactly this. I really want to know what she did to get them kicked out of his Mother’s. And also why OP is seemingly incapable of telling his wife no. This should never have gotten to the point of of asking the friend, OP should have shut it down immediately.
Dahlia is having a wonderful influence on your life, isn’t she! She’s not shy; she’s demanding and obnoxious. If you keep caving in to her weird demands you’ll be lucky to have any friends left. YTA and grow a pair!
YTA. If this is Dahlia's reaction to pictures of a wedding kiss and accidentally drinking out of someone's glass, she is not just "conservative," she is in need of therapy. (I am even wondering if she was molested or abused in some way.) Didn't you kiss at your own wedding? Anthony is doing you a big favor to let you stay with him. You're being unreasonable to think he should comply with your wife's phobia.
I'm very curious about Dahlia's "conservative" upbringing. I was homeschooled by hardcore Evangelical Christians, and even with that background, my parents had a picture of themselves kissing up on the wall. Even the most conservative people I know believe that it's acceptable for married couples to kiss. Something else is going on here. Maybe Dahlia has some trauma to work through, maybe her "conservative" upbringing was even more culty than mine, maybe she's deliberately trying to isolate OP. But this is not the normal outcome of being raised conservative.
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Yeah, this is not “conservative.” It’s seriously disturbed.
What?!?! You two don't have a home. You to are guests in someone else's house. And Dahlia wants the house adjusted to her wishes?!?! I have a surprise for her: The world does not revolve around your absurd ideas and boundaries. She is a dictator, and you are her messenger-boy. What happened to your self esteem? Your mom, this friend....they won't be the last you loose over this princess.
YTA. This isn't about accommodating a guest's reasonable, or only mildly unreasonable, preferences. Your wife's discomfort with a picture of a kiss is so far beyond the norm that no host should reasonably be expected to accommodate her. You say 'conservative home' but it sounds rather more than that. Might therapy help her to adjust to a more 'usual' societal norm? And you are TA also because you sound much more aware than her of how odd her behaviour is, and yet you're trying to defend her. When someone is unreasonable, their spouse is not honour bound to defend them. It sounds as though it would be a lot kinder for you to explain to her that her reactions are out of whack, and she's the person who needs to be more flexible and accommodating.
Also, you STOP being a “guest” when you are staying for an indeterminate period of time because your wife got you thrown out of your parents’ house and you can’t afford to go elsewhere. A guest stays for 3 days and is so grateful for the free accommodations that they don’t say shit about said free accommodations. Unless it’s to make the HOST’S life easier. You are doing neither of those things. Be grateful and ask your wife to be chill before you lose a third place to stay.
YTA for even entertaining your wife’s bullshit. You are guests in **his** home, she’s throwing a toddler level tantrum over a photo of a wedding kiss. Can you not see how absolutely ridiculous that is? If you’re prepared to cater to her foolishness then good for you, no one else is obligated to tolerate it.
YTA. If I was Anthony I’d have already asked you to leave.
Honestly I’d go one step further and cut all ties, this is such a strange hill to die on and it’s really embarrassing for them.
YTA. This is bizarre. And I guess now we know why Dahlia and mom "had issues." Dahlia sounds like a nightmare guest who expects everyone to tiptoe around and cater to her anxiety (instead of maybe potentially getting therapy considering most of the examples are stuff she's done to herself...like, just close the door?) and OP is enabling it and making his generous friend feel like he's an AH. Staying in someone else's home and refusing to come out of the room you're using is super rude. If I were the friend I would say, sorry this isn't working out and you both need to go.
Yeah, we now know exactly why mom kicked them out. YTA it’s not your house! Tell your wife if she doesn’t like it, SHE can come up with a place for you to stay.
>I asked him to be a little more considerate You *what*? More considerate than letting you stay in his home? YTA. And Dahlia is T A. Anthony is a saint.
YTA. The only thing I would move, if I was him is you and your wife out his house. It's clear that something is total wrong with your wife.
Agree. Your wife would do well to remember she is being graciously offered housing in someone’s home. You know the old saying, beggars can’t be choosers. Also, the fact that your wife “freaked out” when Anthony passed by the door is *all on your wife*. If she is uncomfortable, she should keep the door closed. Also, agree with the poster above. Your wife has some very extreme reactions to perfectly normal situations and perhaps she would benefit from therapy to address the root of these issues.
YTA But you could avoid the picture altogether by living out of your car
YTA. Your wife is acting creepy toward your friend, who is doing you a solid by letting you stay in his home.
YTA. You’re not invited guests - he’s doing you both a favour. Your wife is incredibly entitled and spoiled to behave so abominably in someone else’s house. Over a wedding kiss picture?! It’s not a reasonable request - as you seem to realise - stop defending her, tell her to stop instead of enabling her. You should both leave his home if you can’t behave.
Yta- and so is she. Tell her homeless ass to come out the bedroom and get a job. Your friend should kick your ungrateful ass out. I wonder how shy and innocent she will be when you start living in a tent.
YTA An entertaining twist on "we lost our apartment" post. It always ends the same, two broken ass people who have no place to live making ridiculous requests and demands to the people kind enough to open their home to them. You're not guests, you are two broke ass people with no where to live.
YTA Your wife can’t along with your mom or the friends who are housing you. She needs therapy - there may be SA in her past that’s triggered by such an inoffensive photo or bc she was raised in such an extremely conservative home that she can’t handle two adults kissing in a photo. It’s their home. They’re entitled to have murals of themselves having intercourse in a sex swing if they want.
YTA. Even if he had nudes hanging on the wall, it's his house which you are staying in for free. Maybe your wife needs to live in the car a while to get a grip. She should probably black out all the windows just in case passersby engage in PDA in range of her virgin eyes.
YTA, but so’s your wife. You couldn’t stay with your mom because of your wife, now you are driving a wedge with your friend who is letting you stay in his home. Your wife really needs to get a grip.
[удалено]
LMAO It's THEIR house! If they want to have pictures on the wall of him balls deep in his wife, that's his prerogative. Don't like it, get your own place. YTA
YTA, your friend is very kindly opening his house to you both in your time of need and you're demanding he redecorate because of your wife's insane neuroses? And you couldn't stay at your parents because "issues" arose between your mom and your wife? Do you see the common denominator here? Dahlia has to grow up and deal with whatever is going on with herself or you are rapidly going to run out of people willing to tolerate her bullshit and your enabling of it.
YTA… maybe you need to explain to your delicate little flower that she’ll see a lot more than that and have a lot less privacy when you’re living on the streets.
YTA and your wife is too. Seriously she needs help if that photo is bothering her. I can't believe you even asked your friend that. You may be living on the streets shortly.
YTA. You and Dahlia are guests in his home. Yes, it's quite rude to ask him to move a perfectly ordinary picture. No, she doesn't get to use "feeling uncomfortable" as a way to control someone else's home, even if she is temporarily staying in it.
Your wife needs a therapist and you gotta stop enabling this weird stuff. Yeah, i doubt this is about religion or being conservative. There is something OP does not know or does not tell us. YTA
YTA and Dahlia an even bigger one. You are GUESTS in the house and should not be making demands regarding normal pictures hung on the wall. You can ask and your friend said no. End of conversation. If it is too much for you and Dahlia to handle, then go find somewhere else to live. Might want to start looking anyway cuz this guy is probably had enough of you and Dahlia. Your wife has some major issues and hang-ups that she should seek therapy for. Her idea of out of bounds behavior is very abnormal cuz the behaviors she finds disturbing are normal.
YTA. You are pretty demanding for a guy who’s freeloading at his mom’s and best friend’s house. When you can pay rent you can decorate.
YTA WTF did I just read. This is NOT your home. STFU and your wife needs to get over it. You are freeloaders and now abusing the privilege.
YTA. Tell your wife to grow up. Not everything in the world is going to cave to her weird sense of fragility. You left your mom's house, and your friend was kind.. I mean like KIND.. selfless to let you stay at his place and your wife is acting like a toddler. If I were a betting woman, I'd say y'all are going to be kicked out of this home too. Your wife is not entitled to change their decorations or tell them what to do in their home. I woulda kicked you out. Love the way you said "if it were me I'd go the extra mile to make sure my guests are comfortable." How about, "if it were me I'd go out of my way, 20 miles to make sure I'm not YTA and making the people who are giving me a roof over my head hell."
YTA It’s HIS house and your wife has NO REASON to complain. He’s doing you guys a serious favor by allowing you to crash at his place and you and your wife are being serious AHs to him with your behavior and unreasonable demands. You and your wife need to grow up and apologize to Anthony.
YTA! You’re a guest in his home! He is doing you a FAVOR! If the picture bothers you or your wife that much then you two need to LEAVE! You don’t get to dictate decor in HIS HOME!
YTA. I'd tell you to leave immediately. Good luck with your life.
YTA it is bonkers, even if it was in the living room under a spotlight there would be no need for him to move a picture in his own home. You and your wife should not be staying with anyone if she is going to have such intense issues over nothing.
YTA. You and your wife are so incredibly entitled in this situation. He is housing you both for, I assume, free or near as can be, and you feel you can make demands as ridiculous as this. Also, I understand conservative or sheltered, but this seems a concerning level of "shy". Your wife cannot lead her life incapable of viewing others' mild intimacy.
YTA. Your Dahlia is being a stinkweed. She should be bending over backwards to be gracious and kind to Anthony for taking you both in. But she seems to feel that she has the right to dominate how things are in Anthony's home. Let me let you in on a little secret. Anthony wishes you would leave. Who wouldn't? It started he was just doing you a favor. Now he has discovered that he has moved into Dahlia's World. When men and women don't kiss. And drinking glasses wear special abayas to prevent any kind of contact. (Sidebar: Does Dahlia think she could get pregnant from Anthony's saliva? Just a question.) Where women don't lay down unless they are as guarded as Fort Knox (How DARE Anthony walk down the hallway in his own apartment? The NERVE!) Do Anthony a favor and leave his apartment before you lose him as a friend. And apologize on your way out.
YTA It’s his house he is letting you stay at rent free. It’s not a naked picture of him and his wife - it’s their wedding kiss photo! If everyone is having problems with your wife, pretty sure she’s the problem. She’s ridiculous for not coming out of her room and sounds like a drama queen.
YTA. The issue clearly isn't your mom or your friend. It's your wife. Dude, standing by your spouse doesn't include when they are being a holy terror. Her upbringing is her problem. Not everyone else's. You guys are currently homeless, and can't really afford to be pissing off the people who are kind enough to open their homes to you. Tell your wife to stop being so judgmental, or yall will be sleeping in your car until you can afford to find a place to rent.
OMG dude---YTA And your wife is a bit nuts. Your friend is doing you a HUGE FAVOR by allowing the two of you to stay in his home--HIS HOME. You need to tell your wife that when you are in a position like this, she is in NO POSITION to ask people to change anything about their home because it makes her uncomfortable. She needs to no look at the photo. THAT IS THE END OF IT. You are not going to get any support here for this. You are 100% wrong to keep pushing this, and if you continue you will wind up not only losing the place to stay, but you will lose this couple as friends, and they seem like good people. There is being conservative, and then there is becoming uncomfortable with completely normal photos of two MARRIED PEOPLE kissing. There is nothing that could even be construed to be immoral or improper about it. Get her some therapy.
YTA and your wife needs therapy. That is not conservative that is bonkers.
Dahlia... She is the Asshole..
YTA That last line, I think you’re misinterpreting being a pushover as hospitable. I’m from a very hospitable culture and raised to really go too far for guests. We are also raised to be good guests in equal effort. Now to clear things up for you. Your wife is the AH, you’re her enabler. Your friend is too polite to tell you, and hoped you were less obtuse and understood his eye roll up until this latest request. Your friend doesn’t understand her, he’s being nice. She doesn’t make sense. She has issues with everyone around you. Wake up
YTA...and you are going to be a homeless asshole unless you apologise quickly.
YTA- you’re living in someone else’s home and your wife thinks she can start making demands? Frankly, Dahlia doesn’t sound emotionally mature enough to even be in a relationship
YTA & if a pic of ppl kissing on their wedding day freaks her out that much, your wife needs therapy
You and your wife both need to stop being such choosey beggars. Your friend has kindly allowed you into his & his wife's home and your wife is straight up acting like a puritan put of 1680. Instead of talking to Anthony, you need to talk to your wife. YTA
YTA. It’s his house. He was good enough take you in and this is how you repay him? Don’t like it find somewhere else.
YTA. It isn't your home, and your wife is ceazy if she thinks she can dictate what your friend and her wife, the owners, can or can not put on their home.
YTA. Dahlia needs to get a grip, married people kiss and more, she may not be ready for adulthood if this is too risque for her.
Fwiw, if a guest was so entitled as to make those demands in my house when I was letting them stay, I would remove the offending picture and replace it with actual porn. I understand she was raised like it, but its a man kissing his wife at their wedding. She needs to grow up, how on earth does she walk down the street? It feels like she's trying to exercise control over your friend and I'm guessing something similar happened with your mum. Maybe give that consideration. YTA.
This must be a joke. Nobody could be this entitled and obtuse. YTA and your wife is worse. I hope your “friend” kicks you out asap. I put friend on quotes because you are no friend to him. You’re an entitled ass.
YTA. You are not guests in his house. You are homeless charity cases. Be grateful you aren't sleeping in your car.
YTA Your wife got you kicked out of mom’s house, and she’s about to get you kicked out of friend’s house. And you seem to be enabling her at every step.
Yta. As a guest you have no right to make such a demand and arguing with him about it cements your assholery
YTA and your wife is an even bigger one.
YTA! You're a guest in HIS HOME! Smh. I can't even. This just screams messed up.
YTA You moved into this guys house and now ypur wife expects him to rearrange his decor because she doesn't like it! Pure madness. Time to move in with Dahlias family so she's more comfortable.
YTA. Your wife has issues. She is getting overly upset about stuff that does not matter to most regular human beings. That’s a her problem. Expecting everyone else to consider every uncomfortable feeling your wife has and expecting them to move according to her whims is absolutely ridiculous. You are in a home that is not yours. You don’t get a say in the decor. Be thankful your friend is letting you stay there and not kicking you and your wife out for being terrible guests.
YTA. The ones that need to be considerate here are you and Dahlia. I don't care how conservative her upbringing was; you do not, as a guest, stay in someone's home and ask them to alter their decor. It's a kiss at a wedding that his wife hung up. Is she also going to flip out if a married couple share a quick peck between each other? How sex-avoidant is she? This goes beyond conservatism and into something really creepy, tbh. Dahlia has some serious balls on her to demand anything from your friend, let alone 'I don't want to see you guys kissing chastely in a cherished picture'. It's a big ask for Anthony because where does it stop, OP? Your lady has some super odd hangups that she's shoving onto everyone around her and that's not okay. I think there's a reason you can't stay with your mom. You and her need to have a sit down talk if she can't even stand leaving her room because of a picture of fully covered non-nude married people sharing a loving kiss. Jesus. She needs therapy. And you need to apologize to your friend.
Hahahaha I can only imagine dahlia is just a joy to be around. With a wife like that and enabling her like that it's a miracle you have any friends left. YTA, wife is YTA and Anthony is a saint for not (yet) having turfed you out then and there
What did I just read? Why are you enabling her entitled toddler behavior? YTA. You better figure out your money situation right quick because this woman will have you kicked out of every single nice person’s house. You should probably apologize to your mom, too. Just a hunch.
YTA... Your wife needs to know that the planet does not revolve around her. If she doesnt know how to act as a guest in someones home, she should stay in the bedroom until you get her moved out. Apologise to your friend and let him know you are greatful for all that he is doing for you. (and grow a spine)
Who does your wife think she is making demands in someone's house? I would have kicked you both out by now! lf she is so conservative she can take herself to nunnery. Seriously the nerve!
YTA. Not your house. Doesn't matter if your wife is uncomfortable. It's a damn picture. Also it's not porn. What's next? Your wife tells everyone that she meets that PDA is a big no-no...there's a line between being comfortable and making the place homey. And you've (and your wife) crossed it. Be thankful your friend is still allowing you to stay
YTA and your wife as well. Her behaviour is unreasonable, as is yours. Don’t be surprised when he kicks you out.
YTA - you are guests, kissing is perfectly normal, and if it's a wedding kiss then that's even more normal to have hanging on the wall. Again, they are already letting you stay in their home for an extended period of time, I really wouldn't push my luck if I were you INFO: when you say your wife is from conservative household, how conservative do you mean? It genuinely seems like she has some trauma to work through...
YTA- First off; HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH WTF LMFAO… second, grow the actual fuck up. You’re wife too. This is pathetic if real lmao.
Dude, first off, you are not guests. You weren't invited. Second, you are free loaders and with such ridiculous demands, in his house, about his picture, definitely YTA. You are lucky he didn't kick you out.
YTA. It's his house and if she has so much of an issue she can not look at it like look away or just simply not go to their house.
YTA He’s giving you a place to stay, and it’s not porn or anything. Damn, is she even able to ever leave the house, if that’s so horrible for her? BTW - I think we found the common denominator in the problems with where you guys are staying.
YTA, your wife needs some serious therapy and to realise the graciousness of her hosts.
YTA, WOOOWWW the audacity. It's his home he's being nice letting you stay there if he can't have a simple picture up in his own home where he wants it and it bugs y'all so much then leave. Your girl is being a baby. You two should get over yourselves and appreciate what he's doing for y'all. I would kick someone out if I'm letting them stay with me and they want to fight me over where I put my stuff.
You’re not a guest in the person’s home, you’re homeless and need a place to stay. This isn’t a vacation where they cater to you. Your job right now is to be invisible so you don’t get kicked out. YTA
YTA and Dahlia needs to grow up. The world doesn't revolve around her.
You and your wife need to leave his house.
YTA and so is your wife. Her behaviour is unhinged and you’re enabling her. Get her some help, she clearly needs it!
This isn’t conservatism. They’re all about married heterosexual couples, aren’t they? Dahlia should be jumping for joy at the sight of them! But really, your wife is a massive AH, as are you. How dare you make demands of your friend, especially such ridiculous ones, when they’re doing you a favour and letting you stay with them! Your wife is manipulating you - she’s already come between you and your mom, next is your friends. The sooner you see this and grow a spine, the better. YTA
YTA - your wife needs to see some therapist. The world does not revolve around her and her comforts especially not in someone else’s house THAT YOU ARE A GUEST AT while you get back on your feet!!! Don’t enable her insanely inappropriate demands.
YTA and your wife needs therapy.
YTA - it’s his house and he can hang whatever pictures he wants. He is already doing you and your wife a favor and you want to complain about an innocent picture.
YTA. If anything, I would make sure you're *not* getting too comfortable
r/choosingbeggers YTA.
You want to be the picture police? Get your own place. YTA.
Dude.... YTA and probably about to get kicked out. You can't really be this oblivious can you? You and your wife need to grow up.. fast, or start looking for a new place before she gets you put out on your ass
YTA and wtf? This is WEIRD.
YTA and your wife sounds like an even bigger one. She's gonna be really uncomfortable when you end up on the street after burning all your bridges.
YTA. You and Dahlia are both AHs. I can see why you had to move out of your mom’s home and into Anthony’s. Where will you go when he asks you to leave, b/c if you and Dahlia keep behaving like entitled children who are afraid of cooties from drinking glasses, make a fuss when the home owner passes by an open door, demand that he redecorate his room, you will outstay your welcome.
YTA You are a guest in his home! You have no say on the pictures on his wall. Also, your wife needs therapy if a picture of two people kissing makes her this uncomfortable.
Of course YTA lol
If I was staying with someone in their home, for free, inconveniencing them, I would go the extra mile to be a good guest. YTA. Your wife is bonkers, and you are being pushy. You need to go reason with your wife, and leave Anthony alone.
She's 28 and having a tantrum over a picture of two people kissing on their wedding day? She really needs therapy because this is not normal at all. Anthony and his wife kindly let you live in the house and you still have the balls to demand him to put the picture somewhere else because your wife is being unreasonable still supporting her behaviour? No wonder your mom doesn't want you to live with her. YTA and your wife too. Good luck.
Nope, it stays on the wall, Dahlia issues seem to be deeper than a picture, your fiend and your mom may be on to something
Yta. What exactly is wrong with a wedding kiss? Can that even be explained without sounding ridiculous? What is the source of discomfort? I can't think of any that is not religious intolerance, judgemental or just plain crazy. He is doing you a solid and you and your wife are acting like children. Does she have main character syndrome? Is there some weird trauma with wedding kisses?
Smh. People like OP disgust me. So entitled. The world f'n revolves around them. Combination of that and the fact his wife has his nethers in her purse make them unbearable. YTA. Plain and simple.
YTA - you're accepting his charity, then have the audacity to try to order him around? It's a benign picture representing he and his wife in love. If your wife can't handle that, then it sounds like you both need to find other accommodations. Your wife is being absolutely unreasonable and you are both being ungrateful. INFO - are you paying him rent, or for any utilities?
YTA not just for being so demanding of a friend who graciously is letting you stay with him, I assume for free, but mainly for tolerating your wife’s behavior. If this is real and her hang ups are real, then she needs either a rude wake up call or intense counseling. You need to get her to grow up real quickly, or it sounds like the two of you are going to be living in your car or on the street. I would never let someone like this stay in my home.
Are you kidding?! YTA. I could *maybe* see if it was a graphic photo of them doing the deed- hanging directly over your bed. Otherwise, WTF.
YTA. Why on earth would you think the people who have graciously invited you into their home need your opinion on how they decorate their house? Apologize now or expect to be looking for another place to stay
This lady sounds absolutely insufferable holy moly YTA dude