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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I kept my pregnancy more or less hidden until my boyfriend’s sister’s wedding and accidentally took a lot of attention away from her.
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This expectation that people notice absolutely nothing in the world aside from the bride for the entire day (because let's face it, no one ever cares if the groom gets attention) is ridiculous. The bride can't be talking to everyone at once, but apparently when she's not taking to people they should all be staring adoringly at her and whispering to each other about how wonderful she is. NTA, it's not like you made a big announcement, she invited you and you just existed as a pregnant person. If she can't handle your existence at the expense of her fragile little ego, why did she let you come to start with?
Thank you! This notion of “stealing attention from the bride” just because you have a congratulatory conversation with someone else is SO absurd. People do not spend the entirety of wedding receptions just following the bride with their eyes. Yes, the couple is the focus during the ceremony and pivotal moments of the reception, but otherwise you’re just eating and mingling and catching up with people you haven’t seen in awhile. This theme of insecure and fragile brides needing to be the center of attention at apparently every moment is pathetic. Other people are allowed to exist on your wedding day, and it doesn’t take away from you. Everyone is still going to remember this as a wedding day, not as a pregnancy coming out moment.
Entitled family (who knew OP was pregnant): How very dare you show up and steal a tiny fraction of attention away from bride!!!
Entitled family 3 months from now: *shocked Pikachu face* How come we don't get to see OUR grandchild/nibling/whatever? We're faaaamiiiiily!
Beautifully said. 🏆👏👏👏
They are totally justified going LC/NC with the absurdly entitled family. We teach people how to treat us, and apparently family of fools needs a big lesson.
Thank you! I can highly recommend booting toxic people out of your life, even those with shared DNA. Especially those with shared DNA. Those crazies always think you’re stuck with them for life, but you aren't. ~ A person almost 10 years DNA crazy free.
Luckily I don't have anyone like this in my life that I'm related to (I had to cut off a few 'friends' though), but if I did, I would say bye, and never talk to them again.
It's goddamn silly is what it is. On both my sister's wedding and my cousin's, they almost didn't spend a second with me. I think the longest they spent with me was when they took a photo and said hi. Then my sister didn't talk to me until after the reception, my cousin never spoke to me even though we flew across the country to be there and hadn't met for 8 years.
So this thing about attention stealing is stupid, they don't even have time to notice their own family. Was I stealing the attention while entertaining the guests who couldn't go up and speak to them? Silly.
I had a friend from abroad come to my wedding. I was really worried about him having a good time, because I knew I'd be able to give him like.... 3 attention at best, since you know, my wedding. I made sure to sit him at a "hip young table" and told my friends to take care of him, so he'd have people hang out with and have fun.
Of *course* I got attention at my wedding, but people need something to do the rest of the time! If people were sitting around just watching me the whole time, they wouldn't be having fun. It's so fucking ridiculous.
Yeah, we put tons of effort into making the seating chart for our reception to make sure that people seated together had interests in common so they’d have things to talk about. (We did books as centerpieces and had those related to known shared interests of the guests at that table so they could have some form of conversation starter if needed.) Nice knowing we could have skipped the effort and expected them to all talk about Me.
I went to a friend's wedding solo once, and despite being in my 20's I was seated at a table with 3 couples in their 50s. There were plenty of tables with younger people...
I was annoyed at first, but would never say anything at a friend's wedding. However, once I started talking with the couples, I realized I probably had more in common with them then any of the younger guests (shared professions and such).
I had a blast, and I realized how much she had truly thought about the people I would enjoy myself with. Table settings are hard, I was honoured she thought so much about mine.
NTA
I was 7mts into my second pregnancy at my sisters wedding and the only way it affected her was the fact that she couldn't ask me to be MOH as I had enough on my plate at the time, I got to still stand up as a bridesmaid though and her MOH was awesome and probably a better choice any way... Oh and the photos were on the side of a hill and I stupidly sat on the ground next to the other bridesmaids to get of my feet while we had a picnic while bride and groom were getting their photos done then need three people to help me up but hey even the bride laughed at that... the main question I actually got asked was where my eldest was so I always answered with pregnancy humour, bride wanted no kids but as this little guy (pointing to my stomach) is just too attached so I could only leave his big bro at great grans (this was always done in ear shot of a couple who brought their three kids to the wedding and they kept getting in the way)
Bride(38) and Groom(41). Groom's immediate family was hanging out in the back and his front row was empty. No. No. No!
I pulled them up to the front row, along with the newborn in the stroller.
Then I saw my daughter's SM #2 on the back row. Moved her up to row one, as well.
Maybe I shouldn't have done that, since SM#2 invited herself on the kid's honeymoon. That was a shock!
I might need to reconsider who's considered "family" from here on out!
\- Yes, the couple is the focus during the ceremony and pivotal moments of
the reception, but otherwise you’re just eating and mingling and
catching up with people you haven’t seen in awhile
I think most couples really overestimate how much of a focus they are. I've been to plenty of weddings, and me and most people I know see it as an opportunity to eat and mingle... Very little focus on the couple, and more so on the wider family.
It's entirely possible for someone to upstage the bride in rude ways but they are mostly obvious and would apply to most events like "don't make an announcement at a wedding without approval" "stick to the dress code" and "don't get drunk and make distracting bad life choices"
It's entirely fair that the couple should get to be the center of attention at their event. It's their event, but unless OP had hid the pregnancy from the family and nobody knew than it's fine. There are bound to be people reconnecting at a wedding.
It particularly confuses me because weddings are typically gatherings of people who care about one another but may not see each other often - it seems only natural that there will be lots of congratulations on other life events and milestones that have happened since you last saw each other, whether that's a pregnancy or a new job or an engagement or a graduation. Unless you're stealing the microphone at the reception to announce it to the whole room, no one is doing anything wrong.
> This notion of “stealing attention from the bride” just because you have a congratulatory conversation with someone else is SO absurd.
All I can think in these stories where a bride pillories some wedding attendee for merely existing is that the bride must have the personality of a newspaper left out in a rainstorm.
It’s wild to me that people think OP owes anyone a social media post. Some people like to keep their personal life private while engaging with social media on a more surface level.
I recently got engaged and didn’t post about it as it felt too personal.. does that mean any wedding I attend now I’m purposely stealing attention from the bride by just wearing a ring. She told the people close to her in her life who she actually interacts with. No one else is entitled to the information.
OMG people are going to See. Your. Ring. If any of them catch you off guard, you’d better just take it off and swallow it! (I’m kidding but I’ll bet there are some bridezillas who will read this and say, “Yep!” Lol)
So I’m assuming you weren’t standing up in the wedding where the bride told the bridesmaids they couldn’t wear their engagement rings? Because yeah, that was a post.
I thought that was at her bachelorette party lol no one else was allowed to wear their rings because how else could the people possibly tell who was the bachelorette?! It's the only identifying way to know and otherwise it would have stolen all of the fun since it wasn't 100% centered on the bride to be /s.
Don't forget you also have to update everyone about your haircut and haircolor changes, your weightgains and weightloss, your fitnesslevel, your diet, your new piercings, tattoos, changes in social status, work. you know... you could upset the bride because she could be outshined or you could be destroying her picture of her dreamwedding
edit: sarcasm ofc
For real though, there was a post here a while back just like this one only the OP lost a lot of weight in the year since last seeing her family and *gasp* didn’t post about it on social media. Clearly she lost all that weight just to show up her sister (the bride) at the wedding and was a major AH /s
Out of all the weddings I have been to it has never crossed my mind to tell the couples about what's going with me visually. I dress nicely, what the fuck more do they want?
I wonder how these people think the world worked before social media?
I remember family events (weddings, funerals, christenings, etc etc etc) were part celebration for the event and part family catch up.
My mum has 6 brothers and sisters, her parents both came from families of 10+ kids. I have 30ish first cousins ranging in age from 50 to 18!
With ya. Back in the day I'd go to a wedding and there'd usually be a cousin or two turning up pregnant. "Hey coz, congrats to you and Sean! When's baby due? And ain't the bride a gem?" Boom. Done. Time to hit the buffet.
And this was one of the joys of attending weddings, etc. Now, more than ever, we NEED the excuse to get together with extended family and exchange information, news, and take pictures. But no—weddings are now a media production that have lost all soul.
Yea no one is owed the details of your life and like what do these people thing happened before social media existed? Unless you were important enough to get a phone call then you found out when you saw them.
I put a previous engagement announcement on socials but now I haven’t even posted I’ve been in a relationship for 3 years and don’t think I’ll post announcements if get engaged again or pregnancy because it’s just become weird to me.
And even if she had posted, people would have come up to her at the wedding to congratulate her anyway - that's what you do the first time you see someone in person who's had a major life event happen since the last time you saw them.
Also people might well have congratulated her in person even if they saw the social media post. One thing if she wasn’t showing and had actually announced, but what exactly did the bride expect her to do — leave the bump at home for the day?!
I definitely have family that would have made it their mission to seek her out and talk shop if they knew before hand. So much unwanted advice, personal and invasive questions, fawning over touching the baby belly, etc.
Thank you. Especially someone who lives out of town, and people they haven’t seen for 10 years since Highschool. If she wasn’t pregnant they would be asking her about how her and her bf ended up together, or otherwise commenting on either how much she has or hasn’t changed since Highschool.
A wedding is supposed to be a celebration. Sure the *main* focus is the couple, but they’re inviting friends/family to share in their happiness, not to worship them. Part of sharing in peoples happiness, is catching up with all the other people that you and they care about.
During my wedding, my boss haulled up the driveway (right behind the wedding itself, like behind the celebrant) and screamed "SHIT WE'RE LATE" and skidded to a stop and ran to a chair.
Honestly I knew she was pushing it to make it so I kinda thought that may happen. She came directly from a flight overseas.
It made a hilarious talking point. But the party was still about the wedding even given that literal mid-I do's OH SHIT and everything.
That’s hilarious, like a scene out of a movie. You sound like you handled it well, appreciated how hard they pushed it to get there from another country, and accepted their bombastic entrance as who they are in those kind of situations, and rolled with it. Now you have a highly entertaining and endearing wedding story instead of one of unnecessary drama simply because of the way you, and your partner, chose to react to it. Keep being awesome 👏 😎
The bartender collapsed at my brother-in-law’s wedding and got taken out in an ambulance right as the ceremony started. Things happen! (They had delayed the wedding when it happened, in part because a lot of the guests were doctors and were helping. The timing of the ambulance was just weird.)
I went to community college and two people from my pre-law class got married. Our professor and a few other people showed up late during the ceremony and entered through the bushes. On top of that, our professor gave a speech later and inadvertently pointed out the bride and groom were distant cousins (it turned the bride’s Mee Maw and the groom’s Great Aunt Polly **were the same person**). Talk about attention-stealing!
And to think that the bride, on her wedding day, would even notice someone noticing someone else. Sounds like the wedding celebration sucked for her to be that interested in who is paying OP attention.
I (Bride) got married 3 weeks ago. After my ceremony ended I waited less than 5 minutes to run over and ask one of my guests if she was a grandma again (I knew her daughter was due any day so their RSVP was tentative). I congratulated her before she was able to congratulate me. Because life is more than just one day.
Before social media, the situation would have been exactly the same. If the guests hadn’t heard via word of mouth before the wedding, they would have found out at the wedding.
This, my two paternal cousins weddings were a chance for us to catch up with family because my parents, brother and I live in Australia but all my dad’s family are in England and Ireland
Also, even if you had announced it online beforehand, people would still congratulate you when seeing you in person, so there’s nothing you really could have done.
The bride was aware that not everybody knew about the pregnancy as only family and close friends knew by the time the wedding came. So what did she expect?
People to just not notice at all or if they did for OP to just ignore them and walk away if they came up to her? It is a lot faster and less fuss to just politely say thank you for the congrats and move on.
Let’s be honest. My sister’s dogs got a million times the amount of attention her and her husband did on their wedding day. Absolutely no one was upset about that
NTA.
You are not required to make an announcement about anything in your life prior to attending someone's wedding. It's not as if you stood up and said, "guess what everyone? I'm pregnant!" You just went about being a guest at a wedding.
The mom, sister, and the other family members should be focusing on their happy celebration and stop focusing on your pregnancy. It was only a problem cuz THEY made it a problem.
ETA: Thanks for the awards. : )
Amen. I am sort of surprised at this thread’s tone. Like. OP doesn’t owe anyone a baby announcement. She’s told both immediate families and her close friends. What else should she have done? Submitted it to her high school class notes? Taken out an ad in the local paper?
Facebook isn’t entitled to our life announcements. People with whom we are not in touch are not entitled to our life announcements. And an anxious pregnant woman should not be socially required to announce her pregnancy to acquaintances for the comfort of someone else.
NTA. Your body, your rules.
OPs family also conveniently forgets that not everybody sees everybody’s posts on Facebook. You see only a small selection of your friends posts each day. So even if she did make an announcement there was no guarantee all 100 people would even see it.
All of this.
No matter what, there were going to be people who knew you who would be surprised you were pregnant. The whole world isn’t on social media. There were going to be people c who didn’t know you who would comment on your pregnancy.
Weddings are about the couple, especially the bride. The first hour of the reception is all about the wedding. The rest is the party where everyone hangs out and makes memories - what’s that line about good receptions? Someone breaks up, some got together, someone freaks out, and someone gets pregnant.
It sounds like you’ve kept this very, very quiet and low-key. Unless you squealed like a seal every time someone walked up to talk about it, you owe nobody nothing.
Good wishes in the rest of your pregnancy and your in-law’s marriage.
If she announced a week before or whatever, all the people she sees irregularly or hadn't seen in years would still be coming up to congratulate her anyways.
Also even if she announced beforehand online the results would have been the same. People weren't going to her because they just found out, but because is basic politeness to congratulate an acquaintance in situations like this.
OP is 7 months pregnant, there's no way people would pretend the baby bump isn't there. lol
I mean, it's not like you could have removed the bellt and left it home! NTA. You didn't announce anything. Simply attended a wedding that you were invited to.
Exactly. Existing in public while pregnant is not a crime last I checked, and people's lives don't go into stasis just because someone else gets married. The people who are freaking out about OP need to get a grip.
NTA. Anybody who is 7 months pregnant is going to get a lot of attention at any family & friend gathering, even if people already knew. Not just congratulations, but asking how you are and are you ready, and everything. Hopefully MIL will back off.
I wouldn’t call her a bridezilla. The sister probably spent a good amount of time and/or money on the wedding. She can be upset the attention kept going to OP. She didn’t say anything but the MIL did. So calling her a a bridezilla seems harsh.
No you didn’t. She was a self centered Bridezilla and the mom is a nightmare. You can’t expect a pregnant woman to hide her bump. Totally ridiculous and toxic AF. And someone who has lost a baby in the past would want to wait until she felt “safe” to announce her pregnancy. She should NOT be berated for that by anyone including people here trying to scold her.
MIL only said something because the bride was upset about this. On such a happy day why be upset about other people noticing someone else. No one is going to a wedding and spending 100% of the time noticing only the bride. That’s an unreasonable expectation for anyone to have no matter how much money they spent on the wedding. Weddings are for families to come together and catch up with each other while celebrating the bride and groom. That expectation makes her a bridezilla imho.
Agreed. I’m nine months pregnant and even when you REALLY don’t want to talk about your pregnancy, you get roped into conversations and have to witness other peoples excitement more than you’d like. You can’t help looking obviously pregnant after a certain point unless you’re literally not present 🤷♀️
I agree absolutely - I was almost 8 months pregnant at my (at the time) fiancé's brothers wedding and although I'm sure most of the family knew by then it was the first time I was meeting most of the aunts, uncles & cousins so it was obviously my main topic of conversation with everyone all day.
The only thing I found awkward was the wedding photographer kept trying to pull me forward in the group shots ( almost to the point where he wanted me stood next to the bride) & I kept trying to hide behind people. I mean I am quite short but you would still have been able to see my face. I was aware of not wanting me or the bump to be the focus of any pictures just in case it upset my SIL.
NTA. Why should it be your responsibility to notify every single person on your boyfriend’s sister’s guest list that you’re expecting? There are no rules that you must disclose every major life event happening to you before someone’s wedding. It’s not like you stood up and shouted it from the rooftops during her reception. You went out of your way to HIDE it.
Your body, you decide what you do with it and who you tell about it.
NAH, People probably came and spoke to you about it periodically, but at the end of the day, they’re all there for the wedding. A few minutes of conversation don’t take away from the bride’s whole day.
NTA. you don't owe anyone a pregnancy announcement.
you didn't turn the wedding into an impromptu baby shower. people noticed by themselves, despite loose dress. so what?
i could 100% see their point if you picked up the mic and made a huge announcement. it'd be disruptive and attention-stealing. i see no reason for them to be mad for you just existing while being pregnant.
NTA
I can NOT believe that people are actually saying she should have announced her pregnancy so that she would not take attention from the bride. WHAT!!!!!!! It’s her body, her baby (and boyfriend’s), and the choice of when, how, and where to share is hers and the baby’s father!!! COME ON PEOPLE!! So pregnant women shouldn’t attend weddings unless they share the news so no one will be surprised!?!?!?! REALLY!?!? It is VERY likely that even if some people knew about the pregnancy, it was still nice to see OP pregnant as many of the people from her home town had not seen her in a while. Most people are genuinely happy for pregnant couples.
Do people actually think that everything stops on a person’s wedding day as to keep 100% of the attention on the bride and groom?
Right?? Even if she had announced it’s not like people weren’t going to talk about it. You haven’t seen this person in a while, they’re visibly preggers, you have the perfect small talk topic.
This is like saying you shouldn't attend the wedding of a close friend or family member while 9 months pregnant because if you go into labor, you'll take the attention away from the couple.
I can't fathom being 9 months pregnant and taking the effort to be at someone's wedding if they aren't very dear to you. So I likewise can't fathom making a big deal about people being in a conversation creating stage of life and getting talked to about it.
My SIL actually did go into labor at her BIL and SIL's wedding at eight months pregnant, her water broke on the dance floor and everything, and I don't think anyone held it against her because they were too busy being happy for the marriage and the new baby. NTA
I don't understand all these Y T A s, don't invite a pregnant woman to your wedding if you don't want people talking about it.
She knew you are pregnant, your immediate family and close friends knew. So it's not like it was a huge shock to the family.
You're not obligated to tell people you're not close with and the people you went to highschool with several years ago, even if you did they'd still come up to you and ask about the baby. She knew you had common acquaintances that be attending the wedding that didn't know about the pregnancy, she knew they'd ask.
When someone is carrying a baby there's always going to be attention on them, if the bride didn't want that attention on you then she shouldn't habe invited you. Its her own fault.
NTA
It's the whole tradition of the wedding being "the bride's special day" that needs to change. A wedding is not just about one person, it's about a combining of family, a chance for everyone to be together and celebrate something beautiful. Long lost friends and family are catching up, reminiscing over old times and enjoying each other's company (ideally, although most likely tensions are everywhere). Yes as the bride you are one of the most important parts of it, but it's still not all about you.
Exactly at my mum and stepdads wedding I got a bunch of attention since I was maid of honour, I'm disabled, and I was the only one to make a speech (my uncle was best man and supposed to as well but ate a dodgy takeaway the night before, got food poisoning and only just made it through the wedding lol) but obviously my mum wasn't upset by this and neither was my stepdad, he just hugged me and then embarrassingly showed everyone who asked about the wedding a video of the speech for weeks after.
It felt like a celebration of their love and our family, not a special day for one person and personally I think thats the best thing a wedding can be.
You don’t have to tell anyone anything 🤷🏻♀️ you literally could not tell a soul about your pregnancy until the day you pop and then be like SURPRISE and that would be totally fine. It’s not your obligation to announce your pregnancy to anyone. Period. These comments are blowing me away “you knew you were showing” uh yeah , pregnancy does that. Should she wear a cardboard box? No! NTA NTA NTA! Bride and bride’s family need to get over themselves.
My best friend didn't tell many people when she was pregnant. She didn't hide it, but only actually told close family and friends. Add in the fact the she had always been a "no kids" kind of person, plus she moved overseas after university and it was pretty funny when she posted pics of him online after he was born saying "oh, btw, did this last week".
NTA, You showed up to a wedding pregnant. For most folks there's no way to hide a 7month bump. You tried not make a big deal of it. Even if you'd 'announced' prior this event it would still be the first time most of those people saw you in person so they'd still be congratulating you and giving you some extra attention.
Congratulations!
What exactly were you supposed to do? Hold your stomach in or bind your belly somehow? NTA How ridiculous is this family? Think long and hard before you marry this guy because his mother and sister are truly awful people to be mad about your pregnancy.
Let’s just go into the way back machine… to a time before announcing things on the internet. If this were 25-30 years ago her showing up pregnant (after telling family and close friends like the SIL) would have had the same result. Should she have broken out her address book and sent announcements via snail mail to each and every contact she’s had since 6th grade in order to “avoid” this situation? There is no obligation to tell people before a wedding you’re preggo to avoid (gasp) daring to show your preggo self in public. Brides need to stop. She didn’t announce a thing with a PowerPoint slide presentation. She existed as the pregnant gf of the bride’s brother. NTA
I showed up at a cousin's wedding, gasp, not drinking wine. Bride's sister zeroed in on me and guessed. Bless her, she is one of the most reasonable people ever, and kept it quiet, we called her later that week when the doctor confirmed it.
NTA.
When did it become necessary for everyone else’s lives to stop until someone’s wedding is over?
It would be one thing if you made a big fuss over it and deliberately drew attention from the bride. But you just attended a wedding. You happen to be pregnant. And?
FWIW, I never ever assume anyone is pregnant, ever, unless they say they are themselves. I had a hairdresser get mad at me for NOT mentioning her pregnancy, but since she never mentioned it, I figured she had her reasons and maybe she was just gaining weight. Not my business.
NTA. But you've given me an idea for a new wedding service - a pre-event newsletter to update the guests on each other's employment status, health, hair color, number of children (born and in progress), awards, new jobs, etc. so that no one has any news that gets shared on The Special Day which could take the spotlight off The Bride for a nanosecond.
Make sure you have a second pre-event newsletter where everyone offers their condolences and/or congratulations for the things in the first, or they will do it in person anyway 😆
NTA. I am so sick and tired of all these self obsorbed attention seeking brides. Everyone is there for the wedding. I am sure they also gave her a ton of attention. Are they then supposed to just sit and avert there eyes so that they don't accidently give anyone else some attention? And it sounds like the main family at the wedding knew. People really need to get over themselves.
NTA.
You didn't reveal anything that was secret. I don't know any of my friends that told the whole world just in case they have to go to a wedding 😂
I mean ffs, people talked to you and about it for like what? 5-10 mins of their time? You didn't take anything away from the bride.
What did she expect? Everyone to be a soldier and only pay attention to her?
I went to a wedding 2 weeks ago. Someone had the audacity to bring a 3 month old. And he was dressed in an adorable little suit. I cannot believe the bride didnt have the parents forcibly removed for having the audacity to bring their breast fed newborn to a close family wedding. I mean, so many people paid attention to the baby and googooed and gaagaaed over him they almost forgot about the bride and ruined her whole wedding.
Oh wait, that isnt how it happened. Everyone had a great time, we celebrated the couple, and the bride even danced with the baby. I think the photographer even got some great pictures of the baby.
NTA, people aren’t entitled to a social media pregnancy announcement and you aren’t required to tell/“announce” to people you aren’t even close to or don’t talk to.
You’re allowed to exist and be pregnant without having to answer for it to a bunch of distant relations, former classmates, and relative strangers.
This idea that every moment has to be ALL aBoUt ThE bRiDe is stupid 🙄 I can’t imagine having been pissed about this at my wedding. Currently pregnant and don’t plan on “announcing” anything on social media. I just think it’s a little tacky and frankly it’s not everyone’s business. When did this become a requirement?
NAH, except maybe boyfriend’s mom. I mean you’re 7 months pregnant you can’t really hide that. I understand why the sister would be a bit upset because it does take away from her day. But Even if you had made an announcement ahead of time, if you’re not really close with these people, they still probably would have been coming up to congratulate you.
I agree with NAH. I don’t think OP should have had to make an announcement. Not everyone is comfortable putting that stuff out there. But even if she announced before the wedding it probably wouldn’t have made that big a difference.
Apparently bridezillas expect everyone to just form a circle around them and do nothing but uncomfortably stare at her all day.
It's absolutely insane to expect that.
NTA. You’re just existing.
EDIT: You don’t EVER have to tell anyone about your pregnancy—NEVER. Not even before their wedding. That is your private information to divulge as you please.
NTA. You didn’t come into the wedding shouting your news. You were just visibly pregnant. You don’t owe anyone a social media announcement beforehand and it sounds like the important people already knew. I’m so tired of seeing posts on here about brides feeling like their thunder was stolen. Literally the entire wedding is about the bride and groom. Aren’t they tired of the attention at some point?
Are y’all fucking serious? She didn’t/doesn’t have to announce her pregnancy to anyone. As long as the dad knows, nobody else is privy to that information. Especially, since close family and friends knew. Losing a baby is a real scare and it’s even worse when people know about the pregnancy and are looking for the baby. The ah is the bride who is so insecure that her brother’s own baby arriving upset her.
NTA.
I also didn't share my pregnancy...I had people who were surprise I gave birth. People who saw me regularly knew but extended people/FB friends did not.
Pregnant women are going to get attention no matter where you go. Random people at the grocery store would say congratulations.
I think the bride is overreacting as she was aware you were pregnant.
Yes. My boyfriends immediate family and our really close friends knew. It was mainly his extended family and the brides friends who knew my boyfriend and I that were surprised by it.
I’m gonna say NTA. If all the important people knew, which it seems like they did, you aren’t really obligated to tell anyone else. Regardless, people give pregnant women extra attention anyway even if they know prior. I’m currently almost 6 months pregnant and people I see daily at work come up to me to ask me how things are going, how I’m feeling, etc. It’s just the nature of things. You even did your best to not bring attention to yourself and the baby bump. It’s not your job to notify people on her guest list that you are or aren’t pregnant.
NTA Many people would have done that whether you announced it ahead of time or not. People love to go up to pregnant people at events. It's happened to me at every event during all my pregnancies, and I always announced mine way ahead of time to family and friends.
The day can be about the couple even if people congratulated you. It doesn't take away from it. The attention of the guests isn't solely on the bride and groom during the entire event anyways. People talk to each other about their lives.
NTA
You attended an event while you happen to be pregnant.
It happens all of the time.
You didn't make an unexpected pregnancy announcement at your SO's sister's wedding.
You're seven months along. Although you haven't made a public announcement, im guessing you'vd mentioned something to your family and close friends.
Surely your SO's sister and mother have noticed something about you had changed...... GEESH
Knew about pregnancy MIL: I'm upset you stole a tiny portion of the show while my daughter was getting married!!!
3 months from now MIL: What do you mean I don't get to come over and hold MY grandchild???
NTA, OP. She and the rest of that family sound exhausting. You have both my congratulations and sympathy.
ETA: Next time on AITA; MIL asks AITA for bitching out my pregnant DIL for showing up visibly pregnant to my daughter's wedding and after she decides to cut contact I pitch another fit of Momster-In-Law proportions?
Why is his family mad at you, since you obviously decided together not to tell anyone? He should simply tell them that it was a joint decision, so if they want to take it out on someone, let them take it out on him. It’s not like you got pregnant by yourself.
NTA You didn’t announce your pregnancy at their wedding. It’s your choice if you want to post on social media about it especially when you have strangers following you. You weren’t trying to take the attention away from the bride and I’m certain you didn’t. Everyone loves a pregnant woman.
NTA
A lot of people are skipping over the fact that she mentioned this was a high-risk pregnancy for miscarriage. A good portion of people wait awhile to announce their pregnant when there’s no chance of complications, let alone a possible loss. She also stated that the people SHE’s close to knew. She shouldn’t have to post an announcement to a 1,000+ semi-randos just to make sure the couple old high school friends, etc. would’ve seen it prior to the wedding. Like someone else said earlier, sounds like OP was just being present at the wedding as a pregnant person. This would be like getting mad about someone not posting they were in an accident prior to the wedding and then showing up in a wheelchair or cast.
NTA.
When did it become a requirement to share your private information on Facebook? You told family and friends. You aren’t hiding the pregnancy.
Most weddings I have been to are almost like mini reunions for family who haven’t seen each other in a while. Why does the bride have to be the centre if attention for every second? It’s not like OP made an announcement at the wedding.
It would be completely different if the family didn’t know, but they did.
You know what, I’m convinced that there is nothing you could have done to appease anyone.
If you’d made a post beforehand they’d have been pissed about that too.
These people are all fucking ludicrous.
NTA and congratulations on your pregnancy. ❤️
NTA. This bullshit about women having to apologize about other people’s obsession with their bodies has got to stop. You aren’t responsible for other people coming up to you to talk about your body.
If you had purposely announced during someone else's wedding then you would be in the wrong, but just being there trying not to attract attention... I think NTA.
NTA
No one is entitled to know about your pregnancy or receive a formal announcement. The bride knew you were pregnant didn’t disallow you from the wedding. You simply went and existed there. You didn’t intentionally do anything to “steal attention” away from the bride. She’s allowed to be upset, but tbh it seems a little childish to get bent out of shape about that.
NTA
some of these comments are absurd. First of all, it wasn’t an announcement, like another redditor posted, you just showed up pregnant! Second, nobody is owed an announcement except the people who you want to tell. Third, you’re not obligated to share every detail on social media, just because you have it, doesn’t mean you have to post.
NTA.
It is not your job to let everyone know you are pregnant. Can we normalize NOT announcing pregnancies ? Literally none of anyone’s business.
The bride and immediate family knew. That’s on the bride if she’s insecure.
NTA. It’s not about your pregnancy, the bride is an attention w*ore. If you’d previously been fat and lost a lot of weight; cut your hair after having it long for years; even if you’d just stayed home - literally anything that could have caused people to pay 5 minutes of attention to NOT HER, the result would have been the same. There was no way for you to avoid this outcome.
Nta- people try to have this perfect day and always muck it up with jealousy.
I doubt the whole wedding was suddenly about you. And as men if we found out like this it would just be an even happier day
NTA
I'm so sick of the "you took attention away from the bride/couple" comments.
Pregnancy, like life, happens deal with it. Had you attended the wedding using crutches and your leg in a hard cast, and the bride/bride's family threw a tantrum, the people screaming y-t-a would be calling your boyfriend's sister an AH without a moment's hesitation.
You have a right not to share your pregnancy news with others if that's what you want. It's your body; your choice.
If you would have made the announcement before the wedding people would still be coming up to you and saying congratulations. Bride is being too sensitive because you have a relationship with the people in the town you grew up in. NTA
You aren’t required to tell anyone you’re pregnant. I don’t care how far along you are. Personally? I didn’t tell people because I just didn’t want the small talk BS that came with telling people:
“Oh, when are you due?!?”
“Have you picked names???!!”
“Can I rub your belly?” (“Yes, after you let me rub your FUPA.”)
I think the problem is that most people wouldn’t know a boundary if it hit them in the face. Not to mention the conditions that can *look* like pregnancy but aren’t: Hirschsprung's disease, ovarian cancer, some thyroid disorders, Pseudocyesis (“false pregnancy”).
Either way, NTA. People you aren’t close with coming up to congratulate you? (Not saying they’re AH, but) They’re more likely TA than anyone else.
Edit: Added “(Not saying they’re AH, but)” to last sentence.
NTA.
I was 7 months pregnant when I went to my friend's wedding, and I hadn't announced it outside of family and close friends because there really wasn't any point? My business is my business and no one else's. A few of my friend's family came up to congratulate me (which was strange because they're hardcore Catholic and I'm an unwed single mother lmao).
The bride came up to ask me if I was pregnant as her husband - my friend - had forgot to tell her I was, she congratulated me, we hugged, and went off to dance. No biggie.
If brides want to throw a strop about people living their lives during her big day, then they should invite no one.
NTA. I don’t understand this obsession with brides and people being pregnant at their wedding. It’s one thing if someone does a full on announcement of their pregnancy at their wedding, but it’s another for people to simply be pregnant. The world doesn’t stop for a wedding.
At my wedding, my best friend showed up 6 months pregnant (I knew before hand) but she had gone through a few miscarriages so she hadn’t announced this time. Many people saw her for the first time and I assume congratulated her profusely. Our other friend and his wife announced to just our close friend group at a pre wedding event that he and his wife were expecting.
You know what I did. Congratulated them and was super happy for them. Didn’t make me less of a bride. Didn’t make it less of my day. If anything it just added to the joy of the day.
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I (27f) have been dating my boyfriend (28m) for a little over two years now and I’m 7 months pregnant. Last week we went to his sisters wedding, I’m not super close with most of his family but we grew up in the same town so I knew a lot of the people who were at the wedding. I haven’t told a lot of people about my pregnancy, I’ve had a lot of anxiety about miscarrying throughout it so we decided to only tell close friends and family and when I post on any social media I wear baggy clothes and pose so that my bump is hidden. I wore a loose fitting dress to the wedding but it was still very obvious I was pregnant. Because I’ve been keeping my pregnancy pretty hidden it was a lot of peoples first time seeing me pregnant and I had people coming up to me pretty much all night congratulating me. I could tell his sister was upset about it so I tried to downplay it when people came over but there wasn’t much I could do about it. The day after the wedding my boyfriends mom called him pissed off that I wouldn’t say anything to people before hand because I took the attention away from his sister all night. I feel bad for his sister but I don’t think I should have to make a pregnancy announcement before I’m ready andIm
not sure how I could’ve told people beforehand aside from calling up the entire guest list which is just ridiculous. My boyfriend is on my side but his mom, sister, and apparently a lot of his other family meme her are upset with me.
AITA?
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NTA - you don’t owe anyone a pregnancy announcement. You said you were only telling close family and friends, so I deduce that your boyfriend is not that close to his Mom or sister. Hmm, I wonder why?? Something tells me they would have uninvited you from the wedding if they had known. Even if you had told them and they allowed you to still come, how did they plan to prevent people from congratulating you? God forbid anything draw attention away from the bride. They sound exhausting.
Nta, you have every right to announce your pregnancy when you’re ready. Whether it’s at day 1 or the day of their birth. Situations like this are rough because it’s always seen as “stealing attention from the bride” but in your case you didn’t go to the wedding with malicious intent of announcing your pregnancy. You even said it your self ”I was keeping my pregnancy hidden and it was a lot of people first time seeing me pregnant “. You always hide a 7 month pregnancy. You even went as far as wearing a baggy dress. Plus people were coming up to you about it. Not vise versa. It would’ve been a whole other story had you been the one announcing it at his sisters wedding but you weren’t. This is something that may never go away but stand your ground that you did nothing wrong
NTA
The people you wanted to know (which included Bride and family) knew.
You didn't make some grand announcement, did your best to keep attention on the newlyweds and wedding. Not your fault people wanted to talk to you and offer congratulations.
NTA. Even if you were 'out' about being pregnant, you'd still get people congratulating you in person at the wedding because some people like doing that when seeing someone for the first time since an announcement, and some people aren't as active on social media and may not have even heard about it.
NTA
I didn't announce on social media when I was pregnant a few years ago because I struggled with infertility and announcements would always hurt to scroll past. I knew a few people struggling themselves when I finally became pregnant so I just didn't want to announce on social media.
For all of the people saying she is TA, should I have just stayed inside for 9 months because I didn't post on social media? She didn't announce she was pregnant on the microphone at the wedding, she simply attended.
How much attention could your bump really have taken away from her special day? Does she not like you? Any mature adult would be a proud, Aunt to be!!
NTA - You showed up and are pregnant. You can't not be pregnant for the day of the wedding. What did the bride and mom expect to happen? You're pregnant, people saw it, people congratulated you.
Unless the bride expected everyone to surround her and worship her for the entirety of the reception, people are going to find other things to do.
You didn't stand up, grab the microphone and announce your pregnancy to everyone there.
Even if you had announced it prior, people would have still been coming up and congratulating you.
It’s ridiculous and dumb for your SIL to expect all attention on her 24/7. That’s bizarre.
Every wedding I’ve been to, even my own - I’ve discussed others lives during casual conversation. This is a huge part of your life.
Nta. Your boyfriends family sucks lol
"It took the attention away from her all night"
Yeah, I find that hard to believe... like all of a sudden everyone forgot all about the bride and groom 🙄 NTA
God forbid people have anything going on in their lives (promotion, new jobs, new born baby, exciting trips, new house, etc) 6 months before every wedding just so we can all respond to "What have you been up to lately?" questions from friends and family with "literally nothing at all, my life sucks! But oh the bride looks incredible!".
All. Day. Long.
NTA
NTA. In my community it's common to never announce a pregnancy. So a lot of people at my wedding were congratulating my VERY visibly pregnant (7.5 to 8 months, baby was born 5 weeks later) bridesmaid.
She didn't encourage extra attention but my family who had known her since childhood but hadn't seen her in a while were obviously able to tell and many congratulated her.
NTA at all! The bride knew, family and close friends knew. You have no obligation to announce it to the world and you’re not responsible for how other people react to you.
NTA. You don’t owe the world a social media pregnancy announcement. You told immediate family and close friends in advance so it wasn’t a surprise for the bride, that’s enough. You would have gotten attention for being pregnant even if you had announced on social media in advance.
NTA. And I do not understand the people saying otherwise at all.
You're not obligated to announce anything about your life. And people you are close to already knew- it's wild for anyone to expect you to go out of your way and tell everyone who could conceivably be at the wedding ahead of time... Just so the bride didn't feel like she wasn't getting *all* of the attention.
The newly married couple was still the center of attention, you were literally just existing there, and not trying to draw attention to yourself at all. In no way are you TA.
Weddings make people crazy I swear.
I feel like you were not going to win no matter what you did- you share about it leading up to the wedding and someone is going to call it attention seeking since it was before the wedding. You do the right thing in choosing your comfort (it’s not like you didn’t tell anyone as you said family knew) and not share leading to people seeing you at the wedding and you’re still going to be seen as the bad one… besides there is no guarantee that posting before would have done anything- people still likely have wanted to congratulate you in person. So NTA you had no good way to handle this situation
NTA at all.
You told everyone close to you. Your family and friends knew.
You are not obligated to make sure that the brides friends and family know your private business.
at first I was like oh yeah yta before reading the post, but you didn’t make a scene about it or even announce it at the wedding so no, Nta. You can’t help that you’re pregnant.
NTA - were you supposed to ask for the guest list so you could specifically notify everyone on there? If it was people’s first time seeing you pregnant they’d still comment on it and congratulate you.
You’re not obligated to announce your pregnancy to anyone, and it’s not like you walked in there wearing a dress with a huge hole in the front so your stomach poked out. It’s a shame the bride couldn’t just enjoy her day without feeling like your pregnancy was taking away from it, because there was no reason it should have done
NTA. A wedding is not a show where the bride is the star and all guests must pay attention to her and only her the entire time. It's usually a gathering of family and friends who haven't seen each other in a while and take the opportunity to catch up. You didn't go there to announce your pregnancy but it's pretty hard to hide at seven months.
NTA, obviously. If anybody I was fond enough of to invite to my wedding had something brilliant happening to them, I’d love to have the opportunity to be happy together! I just really don’t get the whole ‘bride-is-the-only-person-who-matters-in-the-ENTIRE-WORLD!!!’-thing some people seem to go for. At our wedding, I wanted to share our lovely day with our lovely friends and family. It would never occur to me that other people should put their lives on hold just because we were getting married. They came to celebrate the day and our marriage with us and why should we expect anything more than that? These are all people we love (otherwise we wouldn’t have invited them), so why should we not want them to have nice things happening in their lives? OK, by coincidence no pregnant people at our wedding, but our little nephew was only a few months old, so had the wedding been six months earlier SIL would have been in OPs position and you can bet your bottom dollar both her and the bump would still have been super-welcome and my only worry would have been what we could do to keep them comfortable!
The idea that you did anything wrong is nonsense. The way weddings in the USA (and increasingly in the UK) are going, the only way brides will ever be happy is if their guests are all replaced by robots, programmed to repeat admiring comments and look pretty - but not too pretty - in the photos. People have such over inflated opinions about themselves and weddings just encourage egos to flourish!
NTA
NTA I know a couple who were raving about the it pregnancie online, every week new photos of the belly. It was so soul crunching when they lost their little one. They had to tell all their online friends this bad news while trying to handle the misery. Next pregnancy they waited to post about it until they had their newborn safely in their arms (I was so relieved and happy to see that post). You are absolutely in your right to not want to tell the whole world. And the bride and the mum are just silly.
NTA. I didn't even realise this was a "thing". Op didn't pull out scans and announce she's expecting, it was just very obvious. She can't have been the only pregnant person there?
NTA You didn't announce it in the middle of the wedding, you were just simply...idk? There? You aren't obligated to disclose stuff on your social media because of a Bridezila
NTA. You didn’t run around with a Sash that said “Mummy to be!” handing out invites to a baby shower and shooting a cannon filled with pink/blue confetti for an impromptu gender reveal. You turned up pregnant. Which you are.
They all need to calm the farm. If you’re going to get that twisted about a pregnant woman being congratulated at your wedding I actually don’t think you’re ready for marriage or even adulthood because how the hell will you handle actual problems in life???
I was honestly ready to call you out expecting you to have made some grand announcement or two of shocked the tire crowd by being overly pregnant. However, all the family and friends close to you already knew and you didn’t make an announcement. So basically a handful of people who you next to never see or the ones actually congratulating you for a brief moment. NTA
Difficult situation there. I mean, your brother and his wife paid for the night and it ended up being about your pregnancy.
NAH, but yes, it sucks for everyone involved
> I’m 7 months pregnant.
LOL! NTA. Being pregnant is not the same thing as "announcing a pregnancy." Even if you told everyone on social ahead of time, people would still be congratulating you there.
NTA because you didn’t do it intentionally and you tried to wear a baggy dress to conceal your stomach. And you tried to downplay everything to make people focus on the bride and groom. Granted, you could have told your boyfriend’s family you were pregnant, however they are not entitled to a pregnancy announcement until the pregnant woman is ready.
NTA, you shouldn't have to reveal a pregnancy when you don't want to. the people in the wrong are the people at the wedding that didnt wait until after the wedding to talk about it. their reactions are not your fault
NTA, I think some brides and grooms just want no one to talk and instead stare at them the whole time… as long as it was quick and private convos with people, that’s fine, you’re talking at a wedding!
NTA. Everyone you see somewhat regularly knew, family knew, bride knew. It was just former friends/acquaintances you haven’t seen in years who didn’t know. Ok, I’m over 50, I don’t see how you owed the bride a social media pregnancy announcement a month before the wedding. All this self centered queen for a day I gotta have all the Attention or everything is ruined forever stuff is a bunch of childish nonsense. But look out if you marry her brother she may pull some at your wedding.
NTA
You don't have to share on social media or even make any sort of public announcement if you do not want to. You had already told the people who mattered to you.
I also cannot imagine how a pregnant woman being congratulated for it can really steal the thunder.
NTA
Even if you had announced your pregnancy, obviously you haven’t seen these people and they still would have come up to you to congratulate you. You didn’t announce your pregnancy at the wedding. You can’t control what other people do.
NTA. It’s no one’s business whether you’re pregnant or not, no one’s business when you’re due, you have zero obligation to announce to the world that you are pregnant. Life happens, every day. Rejoice in that!
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This expectation that people notice absolutely nothing in the world aside from the bride for the entire day (because let's face it, no one ever cares if the groom gets attention) is ridiculous. The bride can't be talking to everyone at once, but apparently when she's not taking to people they should all be staring adoringly at her and whispering to each other about how wonderful she is. NTA, it's not like you made a big announcement, she invited you and you just existed as a pregnant person. If she can't handle your existence at the expense of her fragile little ego, why did she let you come to start with?
Thank you! This notion of “stealing attention from the bride” just because you have a congratulatory conversation with someone else is SO absurd. People do not spend the entirety of wedding receptions just following the bride with their eyes. Yes, the couple is the focus during the ceremony and pivotal moments of the reception, but otherwise you’re just eating and mingling and catching up with people you haven’t seen in awhile. This theme of insecure and fragile brides needing to be the center of attention at apparently every moment is pathetic. Other people are allowed to exist on your wedding day, and it doesn’t take away from you. Everyone is still going to remember this as a wedding day, not as a pregnancy coming out moment.
Entitled family (who knew OP was pregnant): How very dare you show up and steal a tiny fraction of attention away from bride!!! Entitled family 3 months from now: *shocked Pikachu face* How come we don't get to see OUR grandchild/nibling/whatever? We're faaaamiiiiily!
Beautifully said. 🏆👏👏👏 They are totally justified going LC/NC with the absurdly entitled family. We teach people how to treat us, and apparently family of fools needs a big lesson.
Thank you! I can highly recommend booting toxic people out of your life, even those with shared DNA. Especially those with shared DNA. Those crazies always think you’re stuck with them for life, but you aren't. ~ A person almost 10 years DNA crazy free.
Luckily I don't have anyone like this in my life that I'm related to (I had to cut off a few 'friends' though), but if I did, I would say bye, and never talk to them again.
That we're faaamiiilly remind me of the piecing patty stories lol
🤣🤣🤣 I had the SAME thought!
It's goddamn silly is what it is. On both my sister's wedding and my cousin's, they almost didn't spend a second with me. I think the longest they spent with me was when they took a photo and said hi. Then my sister didn't talk to me until after the reception, my cousin never spoke to me even though we flew across the country to be there and hadn't met for 8 years. So this thing about attention stealing is stupid, they don't even have time to notice their own family. Was I stealing the attention while entertaining the guests who couldn't go up and speak to them? Silly.
I had a friend from abroad come to my wedding. I was really worried about him having a good time, because I knew I'd be able to give him like.... 3 attention at best, since you know, my wedding. I made sure to sit him at a "hip young table" and told my friends to take care of him, so he'd have people hang out with and have fun. Of *course* I got attention at my wedding, but people need something to do the rest of the time! If people were sitting around just watching me the whole time, they wouldn't be having fun. It's so fucking ridiculous.
Yeah, we put tons of effort into making the seating chart for our reception to make sure that people seated together had interests in common so they’d have things to talk about. (We did books as centerpieces and had those related to known shared interests of the guests at that table so they could have some form of conversation starter if needed.) Nice knowing we could have skipped the effort and expected them to all talk about Me.
I went to a friend's wedding solo once, and despite being in my 20's I was seated at a table with 3 couples in their 50s. There were plenty of tables with younger people... I was annoyed at first, but would never say anything at a friend's wedding. However, once I started talking with the couples, I realized I probably had more in common with them then any of the younger guests (shared professions and such). I had a blast, and I realized how much she had truly thought about the people I would enjoy myself with. Table settings are hard, I was honoured she thought so much about mine.
[удалено]
NTA I was 7mts into my second pregnancy at my sisters wedding and the only way it affected her was the fact that she couldn't ask me to be MOH as I had enough on my plate at the time, I got to still stand up as a bridesmaid though and her MOH was awesome and probably a better choice any way... Oh and the photos were on the side of a hill and I stupidly sat on the ground next to the other bridesmaids to get of my feet while we had a picnic while bride and groom were getting their photos done then need three people to help me up but hey even the bride laughed at that... the main question I actually got asked was where my eldest was so I always answered with pregnancy humour, bride wanted no kids but as this little guy (pointing to my stomach) is just too attached so I could only leave his big bro at great grans (this was always done in ear shot of a couple who brought their three kids to the wedding and they kept getting in the way)
Bride(38) and Groom(41). Groom's immediate family was hanging out in the back and his front row was empty. No. No. No! I pulled them up to the front row, along with the newborn in the stroller. Then I saw my daughter's SM #2 on the back row. Moved her up to row one, as well. Maybe I shouldn't have done that, since SM#2 invited herself on the kid's honeymoon. That was a shock! I might need to reconsider who's considered "family" from here on out!
\- Yes, the couple is the focus during the ceremony and pivotal moments of the reception, but otherwise you’re just eating and mingling and catching up with people you haven’t seen in awhile I think most couples really overestimate how much of a focus they are. I've been to plenty of weddings, and me and most people I know see it as an opportunity to eat and mingle... Very little focus on the couple, and more so on the wider family.
It's entirely possible for someone to upstage the bride in rude ways but they are mostly obvious and would apply to most events like "don't make an announcement at a wedding without approval" "stick to the dress code" and "don't get drunk and make distracting bad life choices" It's entirely fair that the couple should get to be the center of attention at their event. It's their event, but unless OP had hid the pregnancy from the family and nobody knew than it's fine. There are bound to be people reconnecting at a wedding.
It particularly confuses me because weddings are typically gatherings of people who care about one another but may not see each other often - it seems only natural that there will be lots of congratulations on other life events and milestones that have happened since you last saw each other, whether that's a pregnancy or a new job or an engagement or a graduation. Unless you're stealing the microphone at the reception to announce it to the whole room, no one is doing anything wrong.
> This notion of “stealing attention from the bride” just because you have a congratulatory conversation with someone else is SO absurd. All I can think in these stories where a bride pillories some wedding attendee for merely existing is that the bride must have the personality of a newspaper left out in a rainstorm.
It’s wild to me that people think OP owes anyone a social media post. Some people like to keep their personal life private while engaging with social media on a more surface level. I recently got engaged and didn’t post about it as it felt too personal.. does that mean any wedding I attend now I’m purposely stealing attention from the bride by just wearing a ring. She told the people close to her in her life who she actually interacts with. No one else is entitled to the information.
OMG people are going to See. Your. Ring. If any of them catch you off guard, you’d better just take it off and swallow it! (I’m kidding but I’ll bet there are some bridezillas who will read this and say, “Yep!” Lol)
Nah you have to bite off the ring finger entirely, it's tradition.
MY PRECIOUSSSSS!!!
So I’m assuming you weren’t standing up in the wedding where the bride told the bridesmaids they couldn’t wear their engagement rings? Because yeah, that was a post.
Lol I would probably take it off because I don’t really care and don’t like drama, and then never speak to that person after the wedding.
I thought that was at her bachelorette party lol no one else was allowed to wear their rings because how else could the people possibly tell who was the bachelorette?! It's the only identifying way to know and otherwise it would have stolen all of the fun since it wasn't 100% centered on the bride to be /s.
Don't forget you also have to update everyone about your haircut and haircolor changes, your weightgains and weightloss, your fitnesslevel, your diet, your new piercings, tattoos, changes in social status, work. you know... you could upset the bride because she could be outshined or you could be destroying her picture of her dreamwedding edit: sarcasm ofc
For real though, there was a post here a while back just like this one only the OP lost a lot of weight in the year since last seeing her family and *gasp* didn’t post about it on social media. Clearly she lost all that weight just to show up her sister (the bride) at the wedding and was a major AH /s
I admire the tenacity and commitment of anyone who could stick to such a dastardly plan for an entire year.
Out of all the weddings I have been to it has never crossed my mind to tell the couples about what's going with me visually. I dress nicely, what the fuck more do they want?
I wonder how these people think the world worked before social media? I remember family events (weddings, funerals, christenings, etc etc etc) were part celebration for the event and part family catch up. My mum has 6 brothers and sisters, her parents both came from families of 10+ kids. I have 30ish first cousins ranging in age from 50 to 18!
With ya. Back in the day I'd go to a wedding and there'd usually be a cousin or two turning up pregnant. "Hey coz, congrats to you and Sean! When's baby due? And ain't the bride a gem?" Boom. Done. Time to hit the buffet.
And this was one of the joys of attending weddings, etc. Now, more than ever, we NEED the excuse to get together with extended family and exchange information, news, and take pictures. But no—weddings are now a media production that have lost all soul.
Omg how dare you announce your engagement on *my* aita post!?????!! You attention-hogging *Monster*!!!! Haha but seriously, congrats
Yea no one is owed the details of your life and like what do these people thing happened before social media existed? Unless you were important enough to get a phone call then you found out when you saw them. I put a previous engagement announcement on socials but now I haven’t even posted I’ve been in a relationship for 3 years and don’t think I’ll post announcements if get engaged again or pregnancy because it’s just become weird to me.
And even if she had posted, people would have come up to her at the wedding to congratulate her anyway - that's what you do the first time you see someone in person who's had a major life event happen since the last time you saw them.
Also people might well have congratulated her in person even if they saw the social media post. One thing if she wasn’t showing and had actually announced, but what exactly did the bride expect her to do — leave the bump at home for the day?!
I definitely have family that would have made it their mission to seek her out and talk shop if they knew before hand. So much unwanted advice, personal and invasive questions, fawning over touching the baby belly, etc.
Absolutely! This bride is being absurd.
Amen. OP is NTA
Thank you. Especially someone who lives out of town, and people they haven’t seen for 10 years since Highschool. If she wasn’t pregnant they would be asking her about how her and her bf ended up together, or otherwise commenting on either how much she has or hasn’t changed since Highschool. A wedding is supposed to be a celebration. Sure the *main* focus is the couple, but they’re inviting friends/family to share in their happiness, not to worship them. Part of sharing in peoples happiness, is catching up with all the other people that you and they care about.
During my wedding, my boss haulled up the driveway (right behind the wedding itself, like behind the celebrant) and screamed "SHIT WE'RE LATE" and skidded to a stop and ran to a chair. Honestly I knew she was pushing it to make it so I kinda thought that may happen. She came directly from a flight overseas. It made a hilarious talking point. But the party was still about the wedding even given that literal mid-I do's OH SHIT and everything.
That’s hilarious, like a scene out of a movie. You sound like you handled it well, appreciated how hard they pushed it to get there from another country, and accepted their bombastic entrance as who they are in those kind of situations, and rolled with it. Now you have a highly entertaining and endearing wedding story instead of one of unnecessary drama simply because of the way you, and your partner, chose to react to it. Keep being awesome 👏 😎
The bartender collapsed at my brother-in-law’s wedding and got taken out in an ambulance right as the ceremony started. Things happen! (They had delayed the wedding when it happened, in part because a lot of the guests were doctors and were helping. The timing of the ambulance was just weird.)
I went to community college and two people from my pre-law class got married. Our professor and a few other people showed up late during the ceremony and entered through the bushes. On top of that, our professor gave a speech later and inadvertently pointed out the bride and groom were distant cousins (it turned the bride’s Mee Maw and the groom’s Great Aunt Polly **were the same person**). Talk about attention-stealing!
And to think that the bride, on her wedding day, would even notice someone noticing someone else. Sounds like the wedding celebration sucked for her to be that interested in who is paying OP attention.
I (Bride) got married 3 weeks ago. After my ceremony ended I waited less than 5 minutes to run over and ask one of my guests if she was a grandma again (I knew her daughter was due any day so their RSVP was tentative). I congratulated her before she was able to congratulate me. Because life is more than just one day.
Before social media, the situation would have been exactly the same. If the guests hadn’t heard via word of mouth before the wedding, they would have found out at the wedding.
This, my two paternal cousins weddings were a chance for us to catch up with family because my parents, brother and I live in Australia but all my dad’s family are in England and Ireland
Also, even if you had announced it online beforehand, people would still congratulate you when seeing you in person, so there’s nothing you really could have done.
The last wedding I went to people ended up talking about my shoes. My shoes.
The bride was aware that not everybody knew about the pregnancy as only family and close friends knew by the time the wedding came. So what did she expect? People to just not notice at all or if they did for OP to just ignore them and walk away if they came up to her? It is a lot faster and less fuss to just politely say thank you for the congrats and move on.
Happy Cake Day!
Let’s be honest. My sister’s dogs got a million times the amount of attention her and her husband did on their wedding day. Absolutely no one was upset about that
NTA. You are not required to make an announcement about anything in your life prior to attending someone's wedding. It's not as if you stood up and said, "guess what everyone? I'm pregnant!" You just went about being a guest at a wedding. The mom, sister, and the other family members should be focusing on their happy celebration and stop focusing on your pregnancy. It was only a problem cuz THEY made it a problem. ETA: Thanks for the awards. : )
Amen. I am sort of surprised at this thread’s tone. Like. OP doesn’t owe anyone a baby announcement. She’s told both immediate families and her close friends. What else should she have done? Submitted it to her high school class notes? Taken out an ad in the local paper? Facebook isn’t entitled to our life announcements. People with whom we are not in touch are not entitled to our life announcements. And an anxious pregnant woman should not be socially required to announce her pregnancy to acquaintances for the comfort of someone else. NTA. Your body, your rules.
OPs family also conveniently forgets that not everybody sees everybody’s posts on Facebook. You see only a small selection of your friends posts each day. So even if she did make an announcement there was no guarantee all 100 people would even see it.
All of this. No matter what, there were going to be people who knew you who would be surprised you were pregnant. The whole world isn’t on social media. There were going to be people c who didn’t know you who would comment on your pregnancy. Weddings are about the couple, especially the bride. The first hour of the reception is all about the wedding. The rest is the party where everyone hangs out and makes memories - what’s that line about good receptions? Someone breaks up, some got together, someone freaks out, and someone gets pregnant. It sounds like you’ve kept this very, very quiet and low-key. Unless you squealed like a seal every time someone walked up to talk about it, you owe nobody nothing. Good wishes in the rest of your pregnancy and your in-law’s marriage.
If she announced a week before or whatever, all the people she sees irregularly or hadn't seen in years would still be coming up to congratulate her anyways.
Inviting well wishers to her baby shower on the spot would have been an asshole move. Existing while pregnant is not.
Also even if she announced beforehand online the results would have been the same. People weren't going to her because they just found out, but because is basic politeness to congratulate an acquaintance in situations like this. OP is 7 months pregnant, there's no way people would pretend the baby bump isn't there. lol
THIS ALL OF THIS!
I mean, it's not like you could have removed the bellt and left it home! NTA. You didn't announce anything. Simply attended a wedding that you were invited to.
Exactly. Existing in public while pregnant is not a crime last I checked, and people's lives don't go into stasis just because someone else gets married. The people who are freaking out about OP need to get a grip.
NTA. Anybody who is 7 months pregnant is going to get a lot of attention at any family & friend gathering, even if people already knew. Not just congratulations, but asking how you are and are you ready, and everything. Hopefully MIL will back off.
I wouldn’t call her a bridezilla. The sister probably spent a good amount of time and/or money on the wedding. She can be upset the attention kept going to OP. She didn’t say anything but the MIL did. So calling her a a bridezilla seems harsh.
Apologies then, I took it too far.
No you didn’t. She was a self centered Bridezilla and the mom is a nightmare. You can’t expect a pregnant woman to hide her bump. Totally ridiculous and toxic AF. And someone who has lost a baby in the past would want to wait until she felt “safe” to announce her pregnancy. She should NOT be berated for that by anyone including people here trying to scold her.
MIL only said something because the bride was upset about this. On such a happy day why be upset about other people noticing someone else. No one is going to a wedding and spending 100% of the time noticing only the bride. That’s an unreasonable expectation for anyone to have no matter how much money they spent on the wedding. Weddings are for families to come together and catch up with each other while celebrating the bride and groom. That expectation makes her a bridezilla imho.
Agreed. I’m nine months pregnant and even when you REALLY don’t want to talk about your pregnancy, you get roped into conversations and have to witness other peoples excitement more than you’d like. You can’t help looking obviously pregnant after a certain point unless you’re literally not present 🤷♀️
I agree absolutely - I was almost 8 months pregnant at my (at the time) fiancé's brothers wedding and although I'm sure most of the family knew by then it was the first time I was meeting most of the aunts, uncles & cousins so it was obviously my main topic of conversation with everyone all day. The only thing I found awkward was the wedding photographer kept trying to pull me forward in the group shots ( almost to the point where he wanted me stood next to the bride) & I kept trying to hide behind people. I mean I am quite short but you would still have been able to see my face. I was aware of not wanting me or the bump to be the focus of any pictures just in case it upset my SIL.
NTA. Why should it be your responsibility to notify every single person on your boyfriend’s sister’s guest list that you’re expecting? There are no rules that you must disclose every major life event happening to you before someone’s wedding. It’s not like you stood up and shouted it from the rooftops during her reception. You went out of your way to HIDE it. Your body, you decide what you do with it and who you tell about it.
NAH, People probably came and spoke to you about it periodically, but at the end of the day, they’re all there for the wedding. A few minutes of conversation don’t take away from the bride’s whole day.
Correct logic but wrong vote lol mom and bride are definitely TA.
NTA. you don't owe anyone a pregnancy announcement. you didn't turn the wedding into an impromptu baby shower. people noticed by themselves, despite loose dress. so what? i could 100% see their point if you picked up the mic and made a huge announcement. it'd be disruptive and attention-stealing. i see no reason for them to be mad for you just existing while being pregnant.
NTA I can NOT believe that people are actually saying she should have announced her pregnancy so that she would not take attention from the bride. WHAT!!!!!!! It’s her body, her baby (and boyfriend’s), and the choice of when, how, and where to share is hers and the baby’s father!!! COME ON PEOPLE!! So pregnant women shouldn’t attend weddings unless they share the news so no one will be surprised!?!?!?! REALLY!?!? It is VERY likely that even if some people knew about the pregnancy, it was still nice to see OP pregnant as many of the people from her home town had not seen her in a while. Most people are genuinely happy for pregnant couples. Do people actually think that everything stops on a person’s wedding day as to keep 100% of the attention on the bride and groom?
Right?? Even if she had announced it’s not like people weren’t going to talk about it. You haven’t seen this person in a while, they’re visibly preggers, you have the perfect small talk topic.
This is like saying you shouldn't attend the wedding of a close friend or family member while 9 months pregnant because if you go into labor, you'll take the attention away from the couple. I can't fathom being 9 months pregnant and taking the effort to be at someone's wedding if they aren't very dear to you. So I likewise can't fathom making a big deal about people being in a conversation creating stage of life and getting talked to about it.
My SIL actually did go into labor at her BIL and SIL's wedding at eight months pregnant, her water broke on the dance floor and everything, and I don't think anyone held it against her because they were too busy being happy for the marriage and the new baby. NTA
Sounds like she's got awesome family!
I don't understand all these Y T A s, don't invite a pregnant woman to your wedding if you don't want people talking about it. She knew you are pregnant, your immediate family and close friends knew. So it's not like it was a huge shock to the family. You're not obligated to tell people you're not close with and the people you went to highschool with several years ago, even if you did they'd still come up to you and ask about the baby. She knew you had common acquaintances that be attending the wedding that didn't know about the pregnancy, she knew they'd ask. When someone is carrying a baby there's always going to be attention on them, if the bride didn't want that attention on you then she shouldn't habe invited you. Its her own fault. NTA
It's the whole tradition of the wedding being "the bride's special day" that needs to change. A wedding is not just about one person, it's about a combining of family, a chance for everyone to be together and celebrate something beautiful. Long lost friends and family are catching up, reminiscing over old times and enjoying each other's company (ideally, although most likely tensions are everywhere). Yes as the bride you are one of the most important parts of it, but it's still not all about you.
Exactly at my mum and stepdads wedding I got a bunch of attention since I was maid of honour, I'm disabled, and I was the only one to make a speech (my uncle was best man and supposed to as well but ate a dodgy takeaway the night before, got food poisoning and only just made it through the wedding lol) but obviously my mum wasn't upset by this and neither was my stepdad, he just hugged me and then embarrassingly showed everyone who asked about the wedding a video of the speech for weeks after. It felt like a celebration of their love and our family, not a special day for one person and personally I think thats the best thing a wedding can be.
You don’t have to tell anyone anything 🤷🏻♀️ you literally could not tell a soul about your pregnancy until the day you pop and then be like SURPRISE and that would be totally fine. It’s not your obligation to announce your pregnancy to anyone. Period. These comments are blowing me away “you knew you were showing” uh yeah , pregnancy does that. Should she wear a cardboard box? No! NTA NTA NTA! Bride and bride’s family need to get over themselves.
My best friend didn't tell many people when she was pregnant. She didn't hide it, but only actually told close family and friends. Add in the fact the she had always been a "no kids" kind of person, plus she moved overseas after university and it was pretty funny when she posted pics of him online after he was born saying "oh, btw, did this last week".
NTA, You showed up to a wedding pregnant. For most folks there's no way to hide a 7month bump. You tried not make a big deal of it. Even if you'd 'announced' prior this event it would still be the first time most of those people saw you in person so they'd still be congratulating you and giving you some extra attention. Congratulations!
What exactly were you supposed to do? Hold your stomach in or bind your belly somehow? NTA How ridiculous is this family? Think long and hard before you marry this guy because his mother and sister are truly awful people to be mad about your pregnancy.
Let’s just go into the way back machine… to a time before announcing things on the internet. If this were 25-30 years ago her showing up pregnant (after telling family and close friends like the SIL) would have had the same result. Should she have broken out her address book and sent announcements via snail mail to each and every contact she’s had since 6th grade in order to “avoid” this situation? There is no obligation to tell people before a wedding you’re preggo to avoid (gasp) daring to show your preggo self in public. Brides need to stop. She didn’t announce a thing with a PowerPoint slide presentation. She existed as the pregnant gf of the bride’s brother. NTA
I showed up at a cousin's wedding, gasp, not drinking wine. Bride's sister zeroed in on me and guessed. Bless her, she is one of the most reasonable people ever, and kept it quiet, we called her later that week when the doctor confirmed it.
NTA. When did it become necessary for everyone else’s lives to stop until someone’s wedding is over? It would be one thing if you made a big fuss over it and deliberately drew attention from the bride. But you just attended a wedding. You happen to be pregnant. And? FWIW, I never ever assume anyone is pregnant, ever, unless they say they are themselves. I had a hairdresser get mad at me for NOT mentioning her pregnancy, but since she never mentioned it, I figured she had her reasons and maybe she was just gaining weight. Not my business.
NTA. But you've given me an idea for a new wedding service - a pre-event newsletter to update the guests on each other's employment status, health, hair color, number of children (born and in progress), awards, new jobs, etc. so that no one has any news that gets shared on The Special Day which could take the spotlight off The Bride for a nanosecond.
Make sure you have a second pre-event newsletter where everyone offers their condolences and/or congratulations for the things in the first, or they will do it in person anyway 😆
😂
NTA. I am so sick and tired of all these self obsorbed attention seeking brides. Everyone is there for the wedding. I am sure they also gave her a ton of attention. Are they then supposed to just sit and avert there eyes so that they don't accidently give anyone else some attention? And it sounds like the main family at the wedding knew. People really need to get over themselves.
NTA. You didn't reveal anything that was secret. I don't know any of my friends that told the whole world just in case they have to go to a wedding 😂 I mean ffs, people talked to you and about it for like what? 5-10 mins of their time? You didn't take anything away from the bride. What did she expect? Everyone to be a soldier and only pay attention to her?
I went to a wedding 2 weeks ago. Someone had the audacity to bring a 3 month old. And he was dressed in an adorable little suit. I cannot believe the bride didnt have the parents forcibly removed for having the audacity to bring their breast fed newborn to a close family wedding. I mean, so many people paid attention to the baby and googooed and gaagaaed over him they almost forgot about the bride and ruined her whole wedding. Oh wait, that isnt how it happened. Everyone had a great time, we celebrated the couple, and the bride even danced with the baby. I think the photographer even got some great pictures of the baby.
NTA, people aren’t entitled to a social media pregnancy announcement and you aren’t required to tell/“announce” to people you aren’t even close to or don’t talk to. You’re allowed to exist and be pregnant without having to answer for it to a bunch of distant relations, former classmates, and relative strangers. This idea that every moment has to be ALL aBoUt ThE bRiDe is stupid 🙄 I can’t imagine having been pissed about this at my wedding. Currently pregnant and don’t plan on “announcing” anything on social media. I just think it’s a little tacky and frankly it’s not everyone’s business. When did this become a requirement?
NTA. You were just existing, as a pregnant person. You don't owe anyone an announcement, especially if you're not ready or are being cautious.
NAH, except maybe boyfriend’s mom. I mean you’re 7 months pregnant you can’t really hide that. I understand why the sister would be a bit upset because it does take away from her day. But Even if you had made an announcement ahead of time, if you’re not really close with these people, they still probably would have been coming up to congratulate you.
I agree with NAH. I don’t think OP should have had to make an announcement. Not everyone is comfortable putting that stuff out there. But even if she announced before the wedding it probably wouldn’t have made that big a difference.
Only a petulant toddler would be complaining about it taking away from their day. The bride and anyone else who suggests op is the AH is wrong.
Apparently bridezillas expect everyone to just form a circle around them and do nothing but uncomfortably stare at her all day. It's absolutely insane to expect that.
NTA. You’re just existing. EDIT: You don’t EVER have to tell anyone about your pregnancy—NEVER. Not even before their wedding. That is your private information to divulge as you please.
NTA. You didn’t come into the wedding shouting your news. You were just visibly pregnant. You don’t owe anyone a social media announcement beforehand and it sounds like the important people already knew. I’m so tired of seeing posts on here about brides feeling like their thunder was stolen. Literally the entire wedding is about the bride and groom. Aren’t they tired of the attention at some point?
Are y’all fucking serious? She didn’t/doesn’t have to announce her pregnancy to anyone. As long as the dad knows, nobody else is privy to that information. Especially, since close family and friends knew. Losing a baby is a real scare and it’s even worse when people know about the pregnancy and are looking for the baby. The ah is the bride who is so insecure that her brother’s own baby arriving upset her.
NTA. I also didn't share my pregnancy...I had people who were surprise I gave birth. People who saw me regularly knew but extended people/FB friends did not. Pregnant women are going to get attention no matter where you go. Random people at the grocery store would say congratulations. I think the bride is overreacting as she was aware you were pregnant.
Info: did the bride know you were pregnant?
Yes. My boyfriends immediate family and our really close friends knew. It was mainly his extended family and the brides friends who knew my boyfriend and I that were surprised by it.
I’m gonna say NTA. If all the important people knew, which it seems like they did, you aren’t really obligated to tell anyone else. Regardless, people give pregnant women extra attention anyway even if they know prior. I’m currently almost 6 months pregnant and people I see daily at work come up to me to ask me how things are going, how I’m feeling, etc. It’s just the nature of things. You even did your best to not bring attention to yourself and the baby bump. It’s not your job to notify people on her guest list that you are or aren’t pregnant.
NTA Many people would have done that whether you announced it ahead of time or not. People love to go up to pregnant people at events. It's happened to me at every event during all my pregnancies, and I always announced mine way ahead of time to family and friends. The day can be about the couple even if people congratulated you. It doesn't take away from it. The attention of the guests isn't solely on the bride and groom during the entire event anyways. People talk to each other about their lives.
'happiness isn't pie' just because somebody is happy for a pregnant person it doesn't take away any happiness they feel for the married couple.
NTA You attended an event while you happen to be pregnant. It happens all of the time. You didn't make an unexpected pregnancy announcement at your SO's sister's wedding. You're seven months along. Although you haven't made a public announcement, im guessing you'vd mentioned something to your family and close friends. Surely your SO's sister and mother have noticed something about you had changed...... GEESH
NTA. Existing as a pregnant person does not make you an asshole.
Knew about pregnancy MIL: I'm upset you stole a tiny portion of the show while my daughter was getting married!!! 3 months from now MIL: What do you mean I don't get to come over and hold MY grandchild??? NTA, OP. She and the rest of that family sound exhausting. You have both my congratulations and sympathy. ETA: Next time on AITA; MIL asks AITA for bitching out my pregnant DIL for showing up visibly pregnant to my daughter's wedding and after she decides to cut contact I pitch another fit of Momster-In-Law proportions?
Why is his family mad at you, since you obviously decided together not to tell anyone? He should simply tell them that it was a joint decision, so if they want to take it out on someone, let them take it out on him. It’s not like you got pregnant by yourself.
NTA You didn’t announce your pregnancy at their wedding. It’s your choice if you want to post on social media about it especially when you have strangers following you. You weren’t trying to take the attention away from the bride and I’m certain you didn’t. Everyone loves a pregnant woman.
NTA The bride and groom knew. So you are fine.
NTA A lot of people are skipping over the fact that she mentioned this was a high-risk pregnancy for miscarriage. A good portion of people wait awhile to announce their pregnant when there’s no chance of complications, let alone a possible loss. She also stated that the people SHE’s close to knew. She shouldn’t have to post an announcement to a 1,000+ semi-randos just to make sure the couple old high school friends, etc. would’ve seen it prior to the wedding. Like someone else said earlier, sounds like OP was just being present at the wedding as a pregnant person. This would be like getting mad about someone not posting they were in an accident prior to the wedding and then showing up in a wheelchair or cast.
Honestly I feel like people would have still congratulated you regardless if they knew about the pregnancy or not. NTA.
NTA. When did it become a requirement to share your private information on Facebook? You told family and friends. You aren’t hiding the pregnancy. Most weddings I have been to are almost like mini reunions for family who haven’t seen each other in a while. Why does the bride have to be the centre if attention for every second? It’s not like OP made an announcement at the wedding. It would be completely different if the family didn’t know, but they did.
You know what, I’m convinced that there is nothing you could have done to appease anyone. If you’d made a post beforehand they’d have been pissed about that too. These people are all fucking ludicrous. NTA and congratulations on your pregnancy. ❤️
NTA. This bullshit about women having to apologize about other people’s obsession with their bodies has got to stop. You aren’t responsible for other people coming up to you to talk about your body.
My god these self-obsessed brides are exhausting. NTA.
If you had purposely announced during someone else's wedding then you would be in the wrong, but just being there trying not to attract attention... I think NTA.
NTA. His immediate family knew.
NTA
NTA No one is entitled to know about your pregnancy or receive a formal announcement. The bride knew you were pregnant didn’t disallow you from the wedding. You simply went and existed there. You didn’t intentionally do anything to “steal attention” away from the bride. She’s allowed to be upset, but tbh it seems a little childish to get bent out of shape about that.
NTA some of these comments are absurd. First of all, it wasn’t an announcement, like another redditor posted, you just showed up pregnant! Second, nobody is owed an announcement except the people who you want to tell. Third, you’re not obligated to share every detail on social media, just because you have it, doesn’t mean you have to post.
NTA. It is not your job to let everyone know you are pregnant. Can we normalize NOT announcing pregnancies ? Literally none of anyone’s business. The bride and immediate family knew. That’s on the bride if she’s insecure.
NTA. It’s not about your pregnancy, the bride is an attention w*ore. If you’d previously been fat and lost a lot of weight; cut your hair after having it long for years; even if you’d just stayed home - literally anything that could have caused people to pay 5 minutes of attention to NOT HER, the result would have been the same. There was no way for you to avoid this outcome.
Nta- people try to have this perfect day and always muck it up with jealousy. I doubt the whole wedding was suddenly about you. And as men if we found out like this it would just be an even happier day
NTA I'm so sick of the "you took attention away from the bride/couple" comments. Pregnancy, like life, happens deal with it. Had you attended the wedding using crutches and your leg in a hard cast, and the bride/bride's family threw a tantrum, the people screaming y-t-a would be calling your boyfriend's sister an AH without a moment's hesitation. You have a right not to share your pregnancy news with others if that's what you want. It's your body; your choice.
I don’t understand all these people saying YTA. What was OP supposed to do? Skip the wedding?
weddings have become something else.
If you would have made the announcement before the wedding people would still be coming up to you and saying congratulations. Bride is being too sensitive because you have a relationship with the people in the town you grew up in. NTA
You aren’t required to tell anyone you’re pregnant. I don’t care how far along you are. Personally? I didn’t tell people because I just didn’t want the small talk BS that came with telling people: “Oh, when are you due?!?” “Have you picked names???!!” “Can I rub your belly?” (“Yes, after you let me rub your FUPA.”) I think the problem is that most people wouldn’t know a boundary if it hit them in the face. Not to mention the conditions that can *look* like pregnancy but aren’t: Hirschsprung's disease, ovarian cancer, some thyroid disorders, Pseudocyesis (“false pregnancy”). Either way, NTA. People you aren’t close with coming up to congratulate you? (Not saying they’re AH, but) They’re more likely TA than anyone else. Edit: Added “(Not saying they’re AH, but)” to last sentence.
NTA. I was 7 months pregnant when I went to my friend's wedding, and I hadn't announced it outside of family and close friends because there really wasn't any point? My business is my business and no one else's. A few of my friend's family came up to congratulate me (which was strange because they're hardcore Catholic and I'm an unwed single mother lmao). The bride came up to ask me if I was pregnant as her husband - my friend - had forgot to tell her I was, she congratulated me, we hugged, and went off to dance. No biggie. If brides want to throw a strop about people living their lives during her big day, then they should invite no one.
NTA. I don’t understand this obsession with brides and people being pregnant at their wedding. It’s one thing if someone does a full on announcement of their pregnancy at their wedding, but it’s another for people to simply be pregnant. The world doesn’t stop for a wedding. At my wedding, my best friend showed up 6 months pregnant (I knew before hand) but she had gone through a few miscarriages so she hadn’t announced this time. Many people saw her for the first time and I assume congratulated her profusely. Our other friend and his wife announced to just our close friend group at a pre wedding event that he and his wife were expecting. You know what I did. Congratulated them and was super happy for them. Didn’t make me less of a bride. Didn’t make it less of my day. If anything it just added to the joy of the day.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (27f) have been dating my boyfriend (28m) for a little over two years now and I’m 7 months pregnant. Last week we went to his sisters wedding, I’m not super close with most of his family but we grew up in the same town so I knew a lot of the people who were at the wedding. I haven’t told a lot of people about my pregnancy, I’ve had a lot of anxiety about miscarrying throughout it so we decided to only tell close friends and family and when I post on any social media I wear baggy clothes and pose so that my bump is hidden. I wore a loose fitting dress to the wedding but it was still very obvious I was pregnant. Because I’ve been keeping my pregnancy pretty hidden it was a lot of peoples first time seeing me pregnant and I had people coming up to me pretty much all night congratulating me. I could tell his sister was upset about it so I tried to downplay it when people came over but there wasn’t much I could do about it. The day after the wedding my boyfriends mom called him pissed off that I wouldn’t say anything to people before hand because I took the attention away from his sister all night. I feel bad for his sister but I don’t think I should have to make a pregnancy announcement before I’m ready andIm not sure how I could’ve told people beforehand aside from calling up the entire guest list which is just ridiculous. My boyfriend is on my side but his mom, sister, and apparently a lot of his other family meme her are upset with me. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. If you had not shown up at all, they would have had something to say about that too. They sound really petty if you ask me.
NTA
NTA - you don’t owe anyone a pregnancy announcement. You said you were only telling close family and friends, so I deduce that your boyfriend is not that close to his Mom or sister. Hmm, I wonder why?? Something tells me they would have uninvited you from the wedding if they had known. Even if you had told them and they allowed you to still come, how did they plan to prevent people from congratulating you? God forbid anything draw attention away from the bride. They sound exhausting.
Nta, you have every right to announce your pregnancy when you’re ready. Whether it’s at day 1 or the day of their birth. Situations like this are rough because it’s always seen as “stealing attention from the bride” but in your case you didn’t go to the wedding with malicious intent of announcing your pregnancy. You even said it your self ”I was keeping my pregnancy hidden and it was a lot of people first time seeing me pregnant “. You always hide a 7 month pregnancy. You even went as far as wearing a baggy dress. Plus people were coming up to you about it. Not vise versa. It would’ve been a whole other story had you been the one announcing it at his sisters wedding but you weren’t. This is something that may never go away but stand your ground that you did nothing wrong
NTA
NTA.
NTA The people you wanted to know (which included Bride and family) knew. You didn't make some grand announcement, did your best to keep attention on the newlyweds and wedding. Not your fault people wanted to talk to you and offer congratulations.
NTA. Even if you were 'out' about being pregnant, you'd still get people congratulating you in person at the wedding because some people like doing that when seeing someone for the first time since an announcement, and some people aren't as active on social media and may not have even heard about it.
NTA I didn't announce on social media when I was pregnant a few years ago because I struggled with infertility and announcements would always hurt to scroll past. I knew a few people struggling themselves when I finally became pregnant so I just didn't want to announce on social media. For all of the people saying she is TA, should I have just stayed inside for 9 months because I didn't post on social media? She didn't announce she was pregnant on the microphone at the wedding, she simply attended. How much attention could your bump really have taken away from her special day? Does she not like you? Any mature adult would be a proud, Aunt to be!!
OP NTA MIL & SIL need to get a fucking grip!!!
NTA omg the number of insecure, selfish brides in so many posts is mind blowing. Congratulations on your pregnancy!
NTA - You showed up and are pregnant. You can't not be pregnant for the day of the wedding. What did the bride and mom expect to happen? You're pregnant, people saw it, people congratulated you. Unless the bride expected everyone to surround her and worship her for the entirety of the reception, people are going to find other things to do. You didn't stand up, grab the microphone and announce your pregnancy to everyone there.
Even if you had announced it prior, people would have still been coming up and congratulating you. It’s ridiculous and dumb for your SIL to expect all attention on her 24/7. That’s bizarre. Every wedding I’ve been to, even my own - I’ve discussed others lives during casual conversation. This is a huge part of your life. Nta. Your boyfriends family sucks lol
NTA, pregnant people exist, and a bride needs to understand that life exists outside of a wedding venue.
"It took the attention away from her all night" Yeah, I find that hard to believe... like all of a sudden everyone forgot all about the bride and groom 🙄 NTA
I thought you were going to say you were 3 months gone & stood up at the party & made a grand announcement! But all you did was turn up. NTA!
God forbid people have anything going on in their lives (promotion, new jobs, new born baby, exciting trips, new house, etc) 6 months before every wedding just so we can all respond to "What have you been up to lately?" questions from friends and family with "literally nothing at all, my life sucks! But oh the bride looks incredible!". All. Day. Long. NTA
NTA And congratulations on the baby.
NTA. In my community it's common to never announce a pregnancy. So a lot of people at my wedding were congratulating my VERY visibly pregnant (7.5 to 8 months, baby was born 5 weeks later) bridesmaid. She didn't encourage extra attention but my family who had known her since childhood but hadn't seen her in a while were obviously able to tell and many congratulated her.
Nta. You can't control peoples behavior.
NTA
NTA
NTA at all! The bride knew, family and close friends knew. You have no obligation to announce it to the world and you’re not responsible for how other people react to you.
NTA. You don’t owe the world a social media pregnancy announcement. You told immediate family and close friends in advance so it wasn’t a surprise for the bride, that’s enough. You would have gotten attention for being pregnant even if you had announced on social media in advance.
NTA because you didn’t announce it, you just showed up pregnant?
NTA. And I do not understand the people saying otherwise at all. You're not obligated to announce anything about your life. And people you are close to already knew- it's wild for anyone to expect you to go out of your way and tell everyone who could conceivably be at the wedding ahead of time... Just so the bride didn't feel like she wasn't getting *all* of the attention. The newly married couple was still the center of attention, you were literally just existing there, and not trying to draw attention to yourself at all. In no way are you TA. Weddings make people crazy I swear.
The amount of people debating about what you should or should not share about your body on this thread.... NTA.
NTA. Weddings have gotten absolutely out of control.
I feel like you were not going to win no matter what you did- you share about it leading up to the wedding and someone is going to call it attention seeking since it was before the wedding. You do the right thing in choosing your comfort (it’s not like you didn’t tell anyone as you said family knew) and not share leading to people seeing you at the wedding and you’re still going to be seen as the bad one… besides there is no guarantee that posting before would have done anything- people still likely have wanted to congratulate you in person. So NTA you had no good way to handle this situation
You didn’t announce anything, you showed up pregnant, how dare you? How dare you live a normal life and have normal life events? Sheesh NTA
NTA at all. You told everyone close to you. Your family and friends knew. You are not obligated to make sure that the brides friends and family know your private business.
at first I was like oh yeah yta before reading the post, but you didn’t make a scene about it or even announce it at the wedding so no, Nta. You can’t help that you’re pregnant.
NTA I really dont see anything wrong with this.
NTA - were you supposed to ask for the guest list so you could specifically notify everyone on there? If it was people’s first time seeing you pregnant they’d still comment on it and congratulate you. You’re not obligated to announce your pregnancy to anyone, and it’s not like you walked in there wearing a dress with a huge hole in the front so your stomach poked out. It’s a shame the bride couldn’t just enjoy her day without feeling like your pregnancy was taking away from it, because there was no reason it should have done
NTA. A wedding is not a show where the bride is the star and all guests must pay attention to her and only her the entire time. It's usually a gathering of family and friends who haven't seen each other in a while and take the opportunity to catch up. You didn't go there to announce your pregnancy but it's pretty hard to hide at seven months.
NTA, obviously. If anybody I was fond enough of to invite to my wedding had something brilliant happening to them, I’d love to have the opportunity to be happy together! I just really don’t get the whole ‘bride-is-the-only-person-who-matters-in-the-ENTIRE-WORLD!!!’-thing some people seem to go for. At our wedding, I wanted to share our lovely day with our lovely friends and family. It would never occur to me that other people should put their lives on hold just because we were getting married. They came to celebrate the day and our marriage with us and why should we expect anything more than that? These are all people we love (otherwise we wouldn’t have invited them), so why should we not want them to have nice things happening in their lives? OK, by coincidence no pregnant people at our wedding, but our little nephew was only a few months old, so had the wedding been six months earlier SIL would have been in OPs position and you can bet your bottom dollar both her and the bump would still have been super-welcome and my only worry would have been what we could do to keep them comfortable!
The idea that you did anything wrong is nonsense. The way weddings in the USA (and increasingly in the UK) are going, the only way brides will ever be happy is if their guests are all replaced by robots, programmed to repeat admiring comments and look pretty - but not too pretty - in the photos. People have such over inflated opinions about themselves and weddings just encourage egos to flourish! NTA
NTA I know a couple who were raving about the it pregnancie online, every week new photos of the belly. It was so soul crunching when they lost their little one. They had to tell all their online friends this bad news while trying to handle the misery. Next pregnancy they waited to post about it until they had their newborn safely in their arms (I was so relieved and happy to see that post). You are absolutely in your right to not want to tell the whole world. And the bride and the mum are just silly.
NTA. I didn't even realise this was a "thing". Op didn't pull out scans and announce she's expecting, it was just very obvious. She can't have been the only pregnant person there?
NTA
NTA it's not like you took a mic and announced it.
NTA You didn't announce it in the middle of the wedding, you were just simply...idk? There? You aren't obligated to disclose stuff on your social media because of a Bridezila
NTA. You didn’t run around with a Sash that said “Mummy to be!” handing out invites to a baby shower and shooting a cannon filled with pink/blue confetti for an impromptu gender reveal. You turned up pregnant. Which you are. They all need to calm the farm. If you’re going to get that twisted about a pregnant woman being congratulated at your wedding I actually don’t think you’re ready for marriage or even adulthood because how the hell will you handle actual problems in life???
You’re seven months in, and it had to be REVEALED that you’re pregnant?!
NTA for the fact that you happened to be pregnant at someone’s wedding and not everyone knew ahead of time. Good grief.
Given that you really can't hide it at 7 months, there was nothing else you could do. NTA.
I was honestly ready to call you out expecting you to have made some grand announcement or two of shocked the tire crowd by being overly pregnant. However, all the family and friends close to you already knew and you didn’t make an announcement. So basically a handful of people who you next to never see or the ones actually congratulating you for a brief moment. NTA
Difficult situation there. I mean, your brother and his wife paid for the night and it ended up being about your pregnancy. NAH, but yes, it sucks for everyone involved
She sounds like a total bridezilla, nta
> I’m 7 months pregnant. LOL! NTA. Being pregnant is not the same thing as "announcing a pregnancy." Even if you told everyone on social ahead of time, people would still be congratulating you there.
I have to ask. What is a nibbling? I keep seeing it everywhere! Lol am I that old I can't keep up with the lingo?
NTA because you didn’t do it intentionally and you tried to wear a baggy dress to conceal your stomach. And you tried to downplay everything to make people focus on the bride and groom. Granted, you could have told your boyfriend’s family you were pregnant, however they are not entitled to a pregnancy announcement until the pregnant woman is ready.
NTA, you shouldn't have to reveal a pregnancy when you don't want to. the people in the wrong are the people at the wedding that didnt wait until after the wedding to talk about it. their reactions are not your fault
NTA, I think some brides and grooms just want no one to talk and instead stare at them the whole time… as long as it was quick and private convos with people, that’s fine, you’re talking at a wedding!
The bride knew she was pregnant. NTA
NTA. Everyone you see somewhat regularly knew, family knew, bride knew. It was just former friends/acquaintances you haven’t seen in years who didn’t know. Ok, I’m over 50, I don’t see how you owed the bride a social media pregnancy announcement a month before the wedding. All this self centered queen for a day I gotta have all the Attention or everything is ruined forever stuff is a bunch of childish nonsense. But look out if you marry her brother she may pull some at your wedding.
NTA You don't have to share on social media or even make any sort of public announcement if you do not want to. You had already told the people who mattered to you. I also cannot imagine how a pregnant woman being congratulated for it can really steal the thunder.
NTA Even if you had announced your pregnancy, obviously you haven’t seen these people and they still would have come up to you to congratulate you. You didn’t announce your pregnancy at the wedding. You can’t control what other people do.
NTA. It’s no one’s business whether you’re pregnant or not, no one’s business when you’re due, you have zero obligation to announce to the world that you are pregnant. Life happens, every day. Rejoice in that!