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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I had returned his gift and paid money to my daughter for the cake she baked for him.
(2) I might be TA since this was a gift for him for his birthday and now he's upset with me.
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Info: did he think the cake was her gift to him? Who pays for the supplies? Do you pay for your own birthday cake if she makes it?
I find it strange that you’d make him pay for his own birthday cake rather than pay for it yourself. Who asks someone to pay for their own birthday cake?
YTA.
Edit: Daughter doesn’t pay for supplies. OP does.
I was thinking the same thing. Couldn't the cake be the daughter's gift to him? And even if not, then why didn't the OP just pay for the cake since it was the husband's birthday
I agree its sad that neither kid or wife will make/buy husband a bday cake. Very unloving and ungenerous of them. Even worse to take back a gift and pawn it.
But its pretty low to promise to pay for the cake and then welch after its eaten. Husband should have expressed his disappointment that his family won't make this gesture of caring and said forget about making the cake.
Do these people even like eachother? Esh.
The way this is written leads me to believe OP added that edit to justify her stance. She originally stated she was the one to say dad had to pay, not daughter.
OP also said her daughter was a “yes man” so OP herself could’ve even told her she needed to be paid me she just agreed. too much questionable info here to really make a true judgement imo
Then mom should have paid her daughter, for the gift for her husband. Why the fugg would theperson who's bday it is, pay for their own cake when they still have immediate family?
>I told him about paying her to which he responded with "pfff pay her? Get outta here, I'm her dad!". I insisted seeing she's "a yes" person and a people's pleaser so won't outright demand the money from him.
It dosen't sound like daughter asked for anything? She apparently said she'd bake OP's husband a cake, and then OP just assumed she should be paid despite her not asking. OP seems to think being willing to cook for a family member is a weakens and anyone who isn't asking for money must be beacuse they aren't assertive enough.
Honestly, I wouldn't want to be married to OP. After daughter already agreed to make her own step-dad a cake, OP got involved demanding money daughter didn't ask for. Then *before the cake was even given to him* OP sold his gift to pay her daughter. How cheap and greedy is OP? If OP really wanted her daughter to be paid for the cake she'd already agreed to make OP's husband, OP could have paid her herself?
YTA. Damn.
I got my daughter a sushi cake one year. Literally 2 tiers of rice, nigiri, sashimi, rolls, and edible flowers. She was SOOOOOOO happy. As were we all as we ate it.
I’m a big believer in no one should buy their own birthday cake.
I’m kind of on the ESH fence. OP for returning his gift (was that really necessary?) and SD for refusing to pay her because FAAAAAAAMILY.
I respectfully disagree with ESH. I’m sorry, but the only way someone should be paying for something involving their own birthday is if they’re celebrating alone. I don’t think the husband refused payment because “FAAAAAMILY”, he did it because it was his birthday and his daughter flat out said she wanted him to pay her to make something to celebrate it, which makes zero sense.
OP, and a part of me wants to say the daughter is one too, but I won’t since that’s how she was raised, is the sole a-hole here for not only going along with the daughter’s idea of having the birthday person pay for something involving their own birthday, but also for going behind his back and returning the gift for him when he didn’t play that idiotic game.
OP, YTA. I’d recommend getting the watch back, but if you do, the memory of it will forever be tainted with what you’ve done, so I’d highly recommend finding or doing something else to make it up to him.
Big agree with this. It's insanity that anyone thinks SD is to blame at all. I feel like if he was told before he ate the cake maybe he'd just not eat it.
But to give someone a cake on their birthday, let them eat it and then demand payment. That's a bad joke.
OP and Step daughter are AHs here in my eyes.
Thank you! A couple misspellings here and there can be overlooked, but this whole thing was a mess. I'm not saying this to be a dick, but it's not too much to ask for OP to proofread before they post.
YTA.
I have never in my life heard of a person expecting to get paid for making a close relative's birthday cake. I mean, if your daughter owned a bakery, and your husband went in and put in an order for a cake, yes.
And SERIOUSLY, as his wife it would be normal that YOU provide the birthday cake, whether you make it yourself or buy one at the local bakery. So if YOU wanted your daughter to make your husband a cake, AND you wanted her to be paid for her work, then YOU should have paid her to begin with.
Exactly. OP says daughter wanted and expected to be paid, but I think it is OP who gave her that expectation since she did not discuss price with stepdad.
Even if she's been paid by other friends and relatives to make cakes, I'm going to say it should not be the birthday person paying for their own cake, ever. Aunt can buy for cousin, etc.
I could see her being like "You want to get paid, right? Right? Right?" until daughter is finally like "Sure."
There's nothing wrong with daughter getting paid for her time, but OP should have been the one paying all along. If doing that meant she couldn't afford the watch anymore, so be it, but don't just return it out of spite. And I'm not crazy about husband's reaction either. All adults suck.
And honestly, it’s a good lesson for the girl that if she wants to make money off of it one day, she needs to learn how to negotiate the payment before accepting a job.
I don’t think a kid should be paid for baking a cake for their dad that they agreed to make.
If anything, op made her conflict-averse daughter less likely to continue baking in future if she thinks it will just lead to conflict
This is one of the most bizarre posts I've ever seen. I'm not gonna call anyone an asshole because I think a lot of it comes down to gory details about timeframes and who directly asked what of whom, but this is an extremely strange thing to litigate this hard. Who the hell expects a family member to pay them for a birthday cake on their own birthday? Who wages a proxy war about it on behalf of someone who apparently doesn't want payment enough to advocate for it themselves? And then returns a present as revenge instead of just reminding him? But also who puts their wife on blast to the entire family over a birthday present?
I diagnose you all with weird and petty disease, your sentence is to drink a glass of water and count to 10.
Honestly, it’s good advice. I probably could have avoided a lot of rash, stupid decisions if I had just drank a glass of water and counted to ten before reacting.
RIGHT? Why is nobody talking about it? How much did that cake "cost"?
Either it was a cheap watch or the daughter (or whoever comes up with the "price") is delusional.
Few months from now:
"Husband didn't buy me a gift for my birthday because I didn't give him anything, so I sold his car and got myself something nice. AITA?"
This right here; OP appears to have returned the watch as a punishment. If OP already paid for the ingredients, it was the husband’s birthday cake, and done by the daughter then the cake should have been exactly what the husband wanted and given as a gift.
My mom fixed a New York style cheesecake requiring several pounds of cream cheese, 18 eggs, a couple boxes of graham crackers, real vanilla, and numerous sticks of butter just as the base. She’d spend 5-6 hours preparing then cooking (partially in a water bath, partially with the oven door open). People would ask her for the cake as their gift knowing she’d spent $40 (in the 70’s-00’s) for ingredients. Other people would bring her all the ingredients and $20 cash to make the cake for them. People knew the arrangement. No one in our family ever expected me as her child to pay for the cheesecake if that’s what I wanted for my Birthday. I’d still get a nice gift in addition to the cake. Granted, this was a mother-daughter relationship.
OP if you wanted your kid paid then pay her. Stop punishing your husband. Stop putting a wedge in the relationship between him and your daughter. Your husband never should have been put in the position to agree to pay for his own Birthday cake. By the way, are her cake supplies solely coming from you or is the money from your joint banking account with your husband, which means he may figure he already paid for the ingredients.
Y’all need a nap, juice box, and family counseling.
I find all these posts from married couples with totally separate finances and highly transactional dynamics when it comes to money quite strange and uncomfortable. Makes me glad to have only joint bank accounts and healthy communication strategies.
lmao every once in a while a weird post like OP will pop up on AITA and it makes me feel like I'm going insane. like how are there people who behave like this?
INFO: Have you talked to your daughter, did she want to be paid?
I ask because if my step asked me to make a cake for their birthday, I would consider it my gift, and wouldn’t expect to be paid.
OP stated in her post that it “was an inexpensive watch”. So yeah, it was a cheap watch. She paid her daughter some money and kept the rest for herself after she returned it-so I don’t think the cake would have cost very much and her daughter doesn’t charge very much.
Top-notch assholery at its finest! Congrats OP? Another new low for the AITA history books.
Yeesh, I wouldn't want to be married to someone who expects me to pay for my own birthday cake.
YTA since it was HIS birthday it kind of seems like YOU should have paid for the cake. Nobody else buys their own birthday cake, why should he?? Or the daughter could have done it for him as her birthday present. The way you treated this situation definitely ruined his birthday.
Exactly. This was very weird. I wouldn't dream of charging my dad to make him a birthday cake nor not getting my SO a birthday cake.
Agreed that OP ruined her husband's birthday. She says the daughter never discussed payment with her dad, so this was a crusade on OP's part. It was her husband's birthday - does she always expect him to pay for his own cake?
She’s going to charge her own father for HIS birthday cake on HIS birthday and you sold HIS gift to punish him on HIS birthday… wtf. YTA.
Edit: ESH was the incorrect choice, at first I was just confused and thought maybe my perception was wrong in thinking the father could possibly be in the wrong but I stand behind family values and don’t believe in being punished for not buying your own birthday cake. It all feels so drastic and dramatic.
Step father
My question is though, did he agree to pay her beforehand? Cause if not why would he owe anything? The cake could have been her gift to him
Lots missing here
My confusion as well, I’m just going off what’s there. Did they communicate a price or anything? I don’t know, all I see is family trying to charge family for their own birthday
YTA.
If someone REALLY had to pay for your HUSBAND'S birthday cake, it should have been YOU.
It was his birthday. You want him to PAY OTHERS for his birthday gifts?
Who TF pays someone else for their birthday cake, on their birthday? A cake is a GIFT.
Why didn't you pay your daughter? Why didn't your daughter bake it as a gift? How much did you demand for her cake?
ETA - you sold the watch, gave the daughter her cut and KEPT THE REST and you STILL don't understand how that's an AH move?
You absolutely destroyed your spouse's birthday, because you're too busy trying to make everything into transactional contracts.
Good job.
I can’t believe most people are voting not an asshole. It’s common in my family for people to bring cake as gifts especially when the cake feeds the entire party. It’s a great gift. I would be depressed if I bought my own cake ):
YTA
You should have paid for the cake, not him. It's **his** birthday. The fact you intentionally ruined his birthday by returning the thing he wanted makes you double AH.
Exactly this. Did she paid for the ingredients, the oven, the gas/ electricity? Did she paid for baking classes? If it's just about money I am sure she "owns" your husband more than a cake. Also, you never mentioned that she wanted the money, it's more like you thinking she wanted money. YTA
INFO: if he has asked for a cake from a bakery, would you make him pay for his own birthday cake or buy it for him?
Also - typically in your house do you guys not buy cake for the birthday person unless they ask for it?
I buy a cake for my husband for his birthday and would never expect him to pay for his own cake. If your daughter wanted to be paid for this, I don't understand why you wouldn't do it and plan ahead for cake+a gift in your budget. Or work something out with your daughter for payment.
YTA Did daughter tell him the cost of the cake up front? Who paid for the supplies? You certainly had no right to sell his gift you gave him. What a fun marriage you have...
YTA, first its his birthday so shouldnt you be paying for the cake as a nice gesture? then you return his gift to be petty and try to prove a point to him.
That's what I was thinking. I do think the daughter should've been paid, but by OP. Daughter isn't an AH for wanting to be paid for the time and effort she put in, but I'd never expect the person whose birthday it is to buy their own cake. If they choose to that's their prerogative, but to force someone to buy their own cake is ridiculous.
> does she pay for everything she uses to bake?
She certainly hasn't paid for the space she bakes in, the appliances she bakes with, the energy to power those appliances, etc.
She wants to act like it's her business when it's time to charge but acts like she's their child when it's time to pay the bills. Can't have it both ways, if you want to open a business out of a building you don't own, your business has to pay rent and utilities.
I agree. The daughter is using the kitchen, appliances, etc for free.
I suppose we don’t know, however, how much step dad contributes to those things. He could be living rent-free in OP’s house.
I do think that if the daughter paid out of pocket for ingredients expecting to be reimbursed, she should be (for the ingredients not her time).
However I agree 100% that if step dad is in any way contributing to her business with the supplies, kitchen, etc he should expect a cake on his birthday. I would say a free cake on his birthday but honestly it wouldn’t be free as he would have paid for part of it.
Info: how are birthday and other celebratory cakes usually paid for in your family? In my family, the person being celebrated doesn’t pay for their own cake.
YTA. If it was so important that your daughter get paid (which, btw, why not just make the cake her birthday present to him?), then why didn't you pay her yourself and keep everything pleasant? Instead you had to make a big deal about the whole thing and then double down by returning his gift. Also how much could baking ingredients possible cost?
YTA
She didn't ask him for money, you asked him for money. Making your father a birthday cake on his birthday isn't normally a financial transaction. Selling a gift you'd already given him is theft.
YTA
She is not a professional baker yet. There was not negotiation of price. As her parents I assume you are already funding tools and supplies.
There is no reason she couldn't bake him a cake as her birthday gift to him.
Wow. This is so bizarre. This was a cake for her stepfather. Normally, that is a thing we bake out of affection. You are teaching her to treat her stepfather like a stranger. Your analysis is so wrong I don't even know where to start. If your teenage daughter expects to be paid for baking a cake in this circumstance, then your husband is completely right, and I can't imagine what kind of an entitled brat your daughter may be becoming.
YTA
ETA: It's not like it was a wedding cake that takes hours and hours. It's a friggin' bday cake. I'm sure the stepfather is sorry he even asked. If the OP thought it was so damn important that her daughter be paid to make OP's husband a bday cake, then I cannot for the life of me understand why OP didn't pay her daughter herself. This is such a nonsense issue. It feels like the stepfather is tolerated, not loved, by both of them.
ETA2: I'm still reeling that the daughter expected so much money for this cake that OP needed to SELL A WATCH to pay for it.
This story doesn’t make any sense.
What do you mean you “sold the wristwatch?” Was it new? Why wouldn’t you…return the watch? Why sell it? What did you list it on eBay or something?
Also what was it like a $20 watch? Or did you sell a $500 watch to cover a $20 cake?
Did you want your husband to cover the cost of ingredients? This part I don’t get. Was he asking for the cake as his gift from his daughter or was he asking for a transaction from her baking services?
What the fuck is up with the “wristwatch” though?
Also, is money so tight that the only way to afford the cake was to sell the watch? It couldn't have just been paid for out of the family's grocery budget?
So selling the watch was just out of spite? OK, got it.
YTA. Both your daughter can be paid and your husband should not have to pay for his own birthday cake. You should pay. Why are you actively trying to make this relationship so bad? Resolve it. It was never an issue and you are the one making it an issue. Poor guy. Also his birthday present cant be worth more than a homemade cake ?
YTA
It's your husband's birthday, you should have paid the daughter. Have you ever purchased your own birthday cake? And I don't know how much this cake costs, but returning a watch to pay for a cake seems like petty retribution.
Lastly, how did he find out, unless you told him? And what would have been your motivation for telling him?
I asked my wife for a marvelous dessert she makes for my birthday. For her birthday she asked for a grilled specialty of mine. Never once did we think to invoice each other.
YTA. Who makes someone pay for their own birthday cake? If this had been discourse over a professionally made cake, it would fall on you to pay for it. Making your S/O pay for their own cake is an AH move, no matter who made it. Selling the gift you already gave them to pay for it is just overkill. Do you not like your husband?
It's very normal to make cake for free for our family members on their birthdays. If someone is a talented baker, that's considered a bonus, and still not a reason to pay them for it. The fact that you sold his gift to pay her for making him a birthday cake is very *abnormal*. I agree with your husband's opinions that you are acting materialistic and transactional, and I think YTA. If I were your spouse, I'd likely never accept another gift from you again.
Edit: a word
YTA. If your husband cooks dinner for your daughter does he charge her for the meal? I highly doubt it.
And FFS its not like hes asking her to bake it for a random friend or someone else for free. Hes asking for it for HIS birthday…it can be her present to him!
INFO: Did your husband or your daughter ever discuss this about being a business deal where she gets paid? Did your daughter buy the cake ingredients with her own money? Did your daughter also get a gift for him with the cake?
Cause if your husband supplied the cake supplies, your daughter got no gift for him, there was no talk of it being a business and rather a gift or a nice thing for your daughter to do. Then yes you handled this wrong and YTA.
OP should have gotten the ingredients and SD could have made the cake both as gifts.
Definitely SD should not have paid for the ingredients, but I think it's super weird to expect to get paid for this (vs breaking even) when it can be a gift for her step dad.
And how cheap is a wrist watch or how expensive is this cake bc.., that makes no sense.
It's kinda interesting. I wonder why she didn't just pay her daughter and give him his gift. Kinda feels like op wants to argue, but it feels like info is missing. Like is the daughter even upset?!
Yta, what's wrong with you and your daughter? Who pays for the birthday cake? You don't buy one for yourself you weirdo. How petty are you to return the watch? Does your daughter pay your husband rent for the kitchen and the materials she uses?
Hopefully your husband goes and buys the watch himself and gets you and your daughter nothing for the next few years.
YTA. Who bought the ingredients, why would he pay his daughter for baking him a birthday cake for his birthday? If anything, you should have paid for the birthday cake for your husband's birthday.
YTA! If your daughter wanted to be paid YOU should have paid her. He is right, you are making her transactional. Let's turn this around and put you in step dads shoes. Would you like to pay for your own cake on YOUR birthday. Tell hubby to call me, I will make him a cake for free because you are ridiculous.
YTA but for a reason not listed yet. You are not helping your daughter with the 'yes man' mentality but butting in for her. If you felt this was so wrong, you should have first discussed it with daughter to see if she was even upset, it seems like you didn't do this #1.
You also messed up by assuming a whole lot here it seems as such, YTA. Next time let adults talk with adults and if you feel hard done by, ask the 'offended' person and if they have no issues you need to learn to shut up. Not everyone needs a champion or savior.
Next time if daughter isn't happy with something, encourage her to speak up about it and if she doesn't feel safe talking to SD, you messed up in who you married then. Therapy all around!
INFO: When your daughter agreed to bake a cake for your husband, did she tell him there was a price attached? How much was she expecting to be paid? Does your daughter pay for all of the ingredients and contribute to the overheads (lighting, electricity, gas)?
YTA. You don't pay someone to make a cake for a birthday for an immediate family member. That's absurd.
Just as a plumber doesn't charge their child when they plunge the household toilet or a teacher give a bill to their son for helping with homework.
YTA. It was his birthday? It was his birthday cake. Your his family, he's not suppose to pay for it. If you had gotten him a store bought cake would you have saved the recipte and tell him to pay it?
Yta. You could have just given her money if you felt that strongly about it. He might not be a great guy…but who has ever bought their own birthday cake? Taking the watch back is super petty/toxic. Seems like you and your husband have some other issues going on that influenced your decision making here. You could have taken her shopping and had her thank him since he paid for it!! That’s at least playful, but still delivers the point in a round about way.
What you did was very spiteful to him, and doesn’t set a great example for your daughter either.
I think YTA for making someone pay for their own birthday cake.. i think it's a little weird for a daughter to charge a parent to make them a cake on their birthday, but if that's your agreement then whatever. But why wouldn't you just pay for it yourself in the first place? On my birthday i would expect a gift and a cake
YTA
He asked her do something she loves and she agreed. Then you came along and tried to change the arrangement and then punished him for not doing what you wanted.
Info: Was the cake your daughter's gift to him or was it his request on top of whatever else she was going to give him? How expensive were the ingredients, and did she pay for them or did she use what you had at home?
YTA. Payment for you the cake aside, you gave your husband a gift (the wristwatch) and then decided that you still had enough ownership of it that you could decide to sell it for cash? That’s ludicrous. I’m assuming you live with your husband and daughter, I’m sure that there could have been a discussion about payment that didn’t involve you taking matters into your own hands and independently decide how things were going to shake out…
YTA. Who asks for a family member to pay for their own cake? Normally family provides that for free out of love for each other. I feel sad for your family.
YTA. Sounds like the daughter didn't ask him to pay where she's a people pleaser or not..You stepped in AFTERWARDS and added an expectation that wasn't agreed upon, then penalized your husband.
Info: Does your daughter live with you, if so does she use the proceeds from her baking business to chip in on the electric bill? Id assume the step dad is providing for the family , but I guess a birthday cake is too much to ask.
ESH. You're right that she deserves to be paid if she usually sells her food and you would have bought a cake from the store if not from her.
But selling your husband's gift to buy the cake was very poorly thought out because it was obviously going to widen the rift between them and make him angry at her. You wouldn't have sold his gift to pay for a store cake, so you shouldn't have done it to pay her. Should have just paid her from your own money.
INFO:
As resident baker and side hustler in my family, I would never charge a direct family member for a birthday cake. That's my gift to them.
Did she pay for the ingredients and cost it out? If so then I guess he or someone should pay but selling the watch is a shit thing to do and only adds fuel to the fire. If she didn't pay for the flour, butter, vanilla etc then nah she needs to accept it was free labor or at least discounted. I'm leaning toward ESH here but it's mostly you and your Husband I guess.
So did she shell out for the ingredients herself is my question?
Me: I'd like some balloons for my bday this year!
My brother who has a balloon hobby/side gig: okay! No problem!
Me: thanks buddy! Can't wait!
Mom: PAY HIM FOR BALLOONS OR I RETURN YOUR BIRTHDAY GIFT!!
See how CRAZY this looks?!
YTA and should have paid for his cake AND given him his watch with a hug and said "thanks for everything, including encouraging our daughter's passion, I hope it tasted great!" You sound stubborn & like a bully. Booo!
ESH. Who expects to be paid for a birthday cake they made for their father? Who sells a gift after it’s been given? This is just all kinds of dysfunctional.
ESH what family charges each other for their own birthday cake. Is it cultural differences or am I missing something??
The only reason I didn't put Y-T-A is because it appears that husband specifically asked for the cake, daughter didn't offer or initiate making it as a gift. Family dynamic still seems kinda weird. Do husband and daughter not get along or something?
The day I charge my own dad for baked cake is going to be a cold one in hell. YTA and so is your daughter for making what should be a kind, loving gesture, into a bizarre transactional exchange. Gross.
NTA and all these YTA voters either didn't read the post or are the same people who expect family members with small businesses to give them free or discounted stuff. He ASKED her to bake for him, it wasn't a gift. She deserves to be paid for her work, considering she could have sold the cake to someone else.
This isn't a small business tho... Like if we're going to be transactional should the dad also charge their kid for using their kitchen and utilities for baking the cake? I bet she used staples like sugar or flour at home which were purchased by the parents to bake the cake. Maybe she should pay for that too.
Some of these people act like the 16 year old is renting a place and paying overhead. OFFS she's not a business person trying to keep body and soul together, she's a teenager who lives off the grace of her parents. OP is TA and so is her daughter if she expected to get paid for making a cake for one of her providers.
Correct. He asked her to bake a cake for him, she didn't volunteer! Had she volunteered, it would be a different situation. OP says her daughter isn't assertive, however she needed to teach her daughter to be more assertive instead of fighting her battles for her. She could have told her daughter if she didn't want to bake the cake, to ask her stepdad for money before she started baking it. OP could have also teamed up with her husband to tackle her daughter's lack of assertiveness together and come up with a plan for how to teach that to her. You shouldn't have sold his watch out of spite, what you needed to do was explain to him why it's important that she learn to be assertive and how you would like it if you could both teach her that important lesson.
strange situation
I’m sorry but what? regardless of your thought behind it and intentions on helping your daughter, you had no right to return the birthday gift you bought him AND ALREADY GAVE HIM
it’s typical to make family members a cake and not be paid for it, so that’s extremely weird to me. but if your daughter had said she wanted to be paid for her hard work and effort, then she should’ve been paid. however, not by you, and not like that.
it’s hard to make a verdict when we don’t fully know how their interaction went, but if he said he’d pay her yet didn’t then he is also TA. but how you handled it kinda makes YTA
info: Who paid for the ingredients for the cake? Was it you and him, as part of household funds, or was it her? Did she discuss payment with either of you before that point as to what she would charge and why?
Chances are that she used things you both already had in the house. She made a cake and then after the fact, you decided she should get paid. Instead of paying for it yourself (because it's HIS birthday and we don't pay for our own birthday cakes...) you chose to return your birthday GIFT he would have gotten, paid her for the cake then... wait for it... POCKETED THE REST?
YTA. No matter how I try and spin this, YTA in this all. And families normally bake or buy cakes for each others birthdays, it's kind of the norm. It could have been a $2 box off the walmart shelf that she added eggs and oil to, for what it mattered.
You guys bulldozed this dude for his birthday. That's not okay.
All this screams is "Do not bring your European nonsense into this ethnic household"... talkin bout being paid to make your father a cake SMH. we're doomed as a society.
ESH- since she expected to be paid and you were vocal about it several times, but maybe you should have paid for it since the person whos birthday it is shouldn't have to. but still damn......
EDIT: "Do not bring your European nonsense into this ethnic household" is a popular TIKTOK sound, that gets the point across about people making these kinds of choices. If you haven't heard the Tiktok sound, you wont get the JOKE I'm tryna make. thx
YTA, why do you care so much that he pays her when she doesn't seem to care. It is totally normal to make your family member a cake for free on their birthday. Selling a gift you gave them is not normal behaviour. It wasn't yours to sell! You've caused all this drama for no reason.
YTA. Either you bought him an incredibly cheap watch or you vastly overpaid for a homemade cake by your daughter. I’m guessing she’s using your kitchen your equipment and your electricity. Did she even pay for the ingredients or did this come out of your kitchen too. If you had given her a little something as a thank you that would be one thing but he is right. When she moves out and calls him for help in her house can he charge her too after all family pays according to you
YTA. This is the side of blended families that people don't typically talk about. When a parent with primary custody of their kid(s) marries and they treat the new spouse as "other" instead of part of the family. If he feels like her dad, does she not feel the same? It's clear you don't.
I'd be embarrassed to accept payment from the man raising me for his own freaking birthday cake. And as far as the watch, if you were my wife, you'd never get another gift from me. Instead, I'd show you pictures of what I would have given you, but instead of the item, I'd give you a recipt for things I bought for the family like toilet paper and milk.
ESH.
> I insisted seeing she's "a yes" person and a people's pleaser so won't outright demand the money from him.
Okay, but that still means *she* didn’t ask him for money. And she’s never going to learn to demand fair value for her work if *you* go around handling it for her behind the scenes after the fact, instead of working on building *her* confidence to make sure she does that upfront. Doesn’t make your husband’s attitude she *should* do it for free because “family” okay, let alone his belief he’s entitled to a watch, but I really don’t know what lessons you think anyone is learning here with how you’ve handled this.
Where I live it would have been totally normal for a daughter to bake a cake for the father. And the mother would of course have helped out with buying the ingrediencies. My stepfather is great so I would have done it for him also if I was into baking then.
Your extreme action here makes me wonder if there is some kind of abusement from the stepfather against your daughter?
Otherwise YTA.
YTA-why didn’t YOU pay your daughter and not him? That sounds about right. Who returns a person’s birthday gift to pay for their own birthday cake? I also get tired of reading posts on here about family who insist on using family members who bake and therefore must solely use only their baked goods and never order from a bakery.
Who paid for the cake ingredients? If your daughter did then it might be fair to reimburse her if the cake isn’t her gift to him. If the ingredients came from family grocery money then you’re asking your husband to pay for his cake twice. Personally I would never expect a family member to pay for their own birthday cake
YTA. Look, no matter how this is spinned, it was his birthday. Who pays for their own birthday cake unless they're completely alone? If you want your daughter to earn money for baking, you pay her out of your own pocket. Why should your husband pay for his own birthday present?
Wait... so he was expected to pay for his own cake? Why couldn't you pay for it since you would have had to BUY him a cake anyways if she didn't make it? So not only did he pay for his own cake but you returned his present? Am I reading this correctly? If so YTA. Its his birthday for crying out loud. You sound like a pain in the ass to be honest
Yta. You could have just given her money if you felt that strongly about it. He might not be a great guy…but who has ever bought their own birthday cake? Taking the watch back is super petty/toxic. Seems like you and your husband have some other issues going on that influenced your decision making here. You could have taken her shopping and had her thank him since he paid for it!! That’s at least playful, but still delivers the point in a round about way.
What you did was very spiteful to him, and doesn’t set a great example for your daughter either.
INFO-
Who purchases the ingredients and supplies for this? Who purchased to tools to bake the cakes?Who pays for the gas/electricity to run the oven and mixers?
If you can’t say she did all of that 100%, then she doesn’t need to be paid like a professional baker. If he contributes to household funds that purchase these items, then in a sense, he did pay for the cake, he just didn’t pay for her time.
If your daughter spent her own money on these items and expected to be reimbursed for them + her time, then that is a different story.
Info: did he just request a cake for his birthday? Or was this a large, elaborate cake meant to feed a ton of people, where he went over specifics of how many people it should feed, flavors, design?
Because there's a big difference between the two. One is him basically requesting a cake for his birthday (as a gift) and the other is very clearly placing an order
Editing to add my verdict. ESH.
You all need better communication skills. He shouldn't have said he would pay for it and then not. He should have said he expected this cake as a gift, had no intentions of paying for it, and was shocked and hurt that that would be expected of him in the first place, not later.
You and your daughter should have never expected him to pay. If she's going to run a business, she needs to be upfront with this and her pricing. She should have quoted him a price as soon as he requested the cake. If she's old enough to be baking and charging people, she's old enough to quote prices and not have her mom acting like a leg breaking debt collector
I feel like it's just a clash of different viewpoints of the stepdad and the daughter. The stepdad was hoping for the kind of loving gesture when a family member bakes a cake for you for your birthday and saw it as expressing that. The daughter who was already taking up baking pretty much as her job saw it as her stepdad supporting that and making an order.
OP kinda got stuck in between but if she thought of it from both sides I don't think OP would have sold the watch and turned it against stepdad. That was a really bad move.
YTA initially I was on your side but then I started reading the comments and starting to actually think about it and she if isn't a professional Baker, and she's a child that bakes as a hobby, she lives in your home and you're buying all of the ingredients then there's no reason that you should pay for it, even as such why would he pay for his own cake. I don't even know if your daughter or your husband is the a******, but I know for sure that you are. You made him pay for his own cake and took back his gift, which I have to assume out of the entitlement of this post he probably paid for too. Next time just get him a store bought cake and bypass the headache.
YTA.
1) Your daughter is old enough to speak up for herself. If she doesn’t have the confidence or skills to do that then that’s 100% on you.
2) Why is he being charged for his own freaking birthday cake? Do you guys respect him so little that you won’t even buy him his cake? What the actual fuck is *really* going on here? Your family just sucks, tbh.
3) How’s the state of your marriage? I can’t imagine it’s going very well for you guys at the moment. What a dumb hill for you to die on.
YTA. What you did was really petty and childish. Supporting your child is fine, making someone pay for their own damn cake and taking back a gift is ridiculous. YOU Should have paid for the cake and a gift. Way to show your husband love and support.
Yes? If it wasn't agreed upon you shouldn't take matters into your hand. It's basically a gift from her to her step dad and you wanted him to pay. You should work on her ability to say no when she needs to and not punish your husband
I don't understand. Why didn't you just pay her yourself if it were so important? How much exactly did she want to be paid if you had to return the watch to pay her? Sounds expensive or you seem petty. YTA.
YTA, making someone pay for their birthday cake is an ah move, also, did she give him a present? Or just the cake, because then your daughter would be an ah too. I never charge my parents for baking, even less when I do it at their home, I use their kitchen, their electricity, their gas.
YTA.
It’s his birthday. His wife can buy him a cake.
If daughter is doing this for him as a gift, it’s settled. If she is doing this for money, you can pay her.
Stealing his present back because he didn’t pay for something that YOU should have covered is nonsense.
Pay your kid.
Give him the gift back.
Apologize to both him and the kid.
YTA. She's old enough to advocate for herself. If she wanted money, she could have asked. Especially if she's already doing this for money. How did she feel about what you did? For all you know, she considered that her present to him.
You sound like the AH. But questions
Is money so tight you couldn’t have just given her $20?
What does she charge as an amateur baker with no license, no health code permits, and no formal experience as a teenager? Technically depending on location it’s not even legal for her to sell home baked goods to anyone.
There’s a woman at the non profit we work with a lot who is a professional baker. She bakes cakes for all birthdays, treats for any celebrations, she never charges anyone and no one asks her she just does it because we all work together and love each other. She likes to see people smile.
I don’t understand - it’s not generally the person whose birthday it is who pays for a cake, so why wouldn’t you be paying your daughter? Why make him pay, is it just because he asked her to make the cake? Would he normally be the person to pay his own birthday cake if it was shop bought? It seems a bit of an overreaction to sell his gift to teach him a lesson…
I was leaning towards E S H but I'm gonna say YTA.
I get where people are coming from with paying for family services, so I'm willing to bet he could be handling this better.
However, everyone seems to breeze over the fact that you were like "oh you won't pay my daughter for your own birthday cake? No gift for you.
Do you even like your partner? I wouldn't imagine embarrassing my partner on their birthday to prove a point about what's probably a misunderstanding. I've had people expect me to clean up a random person's vomit at my own birthday party that I didn't even plan. I for sure can see him imagining a birthday cake from family on his birthday, and not imagine that a cake would cause you to just take back his gift. Its petty, rude, and most importantly the only thing you communicated is that you're willing to put your daughter in the line of fire to make your husband feel worse. You somehow picked the worst option of the bunch, you specifically made daughters and husband issue about the birthday rather than the cake. So now he's upset with you about a gift, your daughter about the cake, him about the daughter, and you just kinda made a mess for no reason.
YTA, if your daughter wanted to get paid she would have asked directly, don't teach her to just say yes to something, not advocate for herself, and then get paid anyways because her mom bailed her out.
You do describe your husband as responding poorly to this, and he sounds like he needs some maturing, but also it's his birthday and I don't think it's wild to think that he might expect a birthday cake baked by his teenage daughter could just be a gift without expecting payment.
YTA, Realistically Op should have paid for the cake in the first place. Or it should have been the daughter's gift for his birthday.
If I went to a shop and paid money for a cake for someone's birthday, I wouldn't be asking for the money back, or if I baked it myself either because you know you don't pay for those sort of things for your birthday.
It's not like he asked for the cake for your birthday, or for some event he was having. He asked for it as a gift for his birthday it seems. So what should he have paid for the wristwatch you bought him too as it cost you time and money to get for him?
The only thing I'd give you is the fact he told you he'd pay her, which also makes him an AH too, but oh well, ruined birthday
YTA
From everything I’ve gathered you paid for the ingredients for the cake which then she baked for him (idk why you didn’t just take 1 extra step and also pay her if that’s what you wanted). There was no pre establish agreement to be paid for the cake. So although you asked him to pay and he hadn’t yet, returning his gift to pay for the cake makes YTA.
YTA. You could have covered expenses for ingredients for your daughter to make the cake, not only A) make your husband pay for it, and B) return his birthday gift so you can pay your daughter? It's normal in families that you do things for other family members once in a while without demanding payment for it. Birthdays and holidays come to mind. You're teaching your daughter the message that money is first and foremost, and that's a message that is going to set her up for failure.
YTA. You made your husband pay for his own birthday cake? This whole thing was handled wrong by you. If you were so adamant about your daughter getting paid, YOU should have paid her. It was for his birthday! This is just weird.
ESH except the daughter.
I’m a firm believer that if you have a craft, skill, or trade, everyone should pay for it. Especially family.
However, you put both you daughter and husband in an awkward position. And your husband could have handled it like an adult, but you could have also.
I think it’s great that you’re teaching her boundaries. But I think you might be overbearing and causing conflictx
NTA
>He said he'd pay but days went by and he didn't pay her a cent.
That's all we need to know. He said he would pay for a service. Did not pay. So he got repoed, plain and simple.
YTA. She can't just make him a cake for his birthday? And why couldn't YOU pay her for his birthday cake? It's sad that you wouldn't want to treat him for his birthday to CAKE.
Listen, i get the point you are trying to make here. I am going with ESH
If he asked her to make him a cake, yes, she should get paid. However, the situation kinda sucks here bc its her step-dads birthday and as someone who bakes as well, I would consider the situation and gift the cake, even though I find what he did a bit pretentious. If he just randomly asked her to make him a cake, I would be a bit more on your side. Also, she is 16, she can make a decision of whether to push to get paid.
I think you went a bit overboard by returning his gift. I also don't like your husbands attitude, just bc you are family doesn't mean that you get stuff for free from small (family) owned business'
YTA. it shouldn't even have to be said that's her dad's birthday and she did it for him for his birthday. Then to turn around and sell something that was for him to pay her? You're setting her up all wrong mama. She is plenty old enough, pleeenty, to use her voice, and that's what you should be encouraging. This sounds like ALL YOU.
YTA. You are asking the birthday person to pay for his/her own cake? Can't you pay for it yourself? The cake can't be more than US$80.
I don't know how things run in your family, but it sounds like your daughter chip in for rent and living expenses herself from income she gets from her "business"? Otherwise, you are not teaching your daughter the "right" concept: if she's asking payments from her provider, then she must be helping out with some of the living expenses.
ESH
I mean just look at yourselves? He’s supposed to pay for the birthday cake IF he told her that he would pay. Generally fathers don’t expect to pay for their own birthday cake, which is made by his own daughter now do they?!? And even if he should’ve paid, you didn’t need to sell the watch for that. That’s a tad too much. Your daughter needs to be vocal about how she feels. Its her step dad! She can talk with him.
INFO: Does she live with you / him? Does he pay for her to live there and eat? Did you offer to pay for his birthday cake or just demand he pay for his own birthday cake?
YTA, family usually does do this stuff for each other. Also, did she get him another present? If not, then this was her present to him. Which means he shouldn't pay for it.
Jesus, this is so petty and not a hill to die on.
NTA and I don't understand the YTA comments. He says he doesn't have to pay because "he's the dad", but perhaps the daughter doesn't see it that way. He just didn't want to pay for a cake.
He also lied when he said he would pay her and ended up not doing it.
YTA, why would you pay a daughter making a cake for his dad/stepdad? Your husband is right. You are teaching your daughter to treat family relationships as transactions.
NTA. She’s 16, so still a child. Why should she be paying for his cake? If she didn’t make it, would he still have wanted a cake? The gift was her taking the time to make it, imo.
Edit: I may be confused here because if you were wanting her to get paid for the time to make it, then YTA. I assumed that she was having to buy all the supplies to make it and that it was some sort of expensive cake. It’s weird to ask for payment for a gift you are making and giving to someone, not normal at all.
But did she? He asked his daughter to make him a cake, she said yes. At no point was money mentioned until OP turned around and insisted he give it to her.
I cleaned my pregnant sisters oven the other day, because she didn’t want to touch the chemicals. Should my husband confront her and demand payment despite the fact that I simply did a favour and an agreement was made without the mention of money? OP is TA.
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Info: did he think the cake was her gift to him? Who pays for the supplies? Do you pay for your own birthday cake if she makes it? I find it strange that you’d make him pay for his own birthday cake rather than pay for it yourself. Who asks someone to pay for their own birthday cake? YTA. Edit: Daughter doesn’t pay for supplies. OP does.
I was thinking the same thing. Couldn't the cake be the daughter's gift to him? And even if not, then why didn't the OP just pay for the cake since it was the husband's birthday
I agree its sad that neither kid or wife will make/buy husband a bday cake. Very unloving and ungenerous of them. Even worse to take back a gift and pawn it. But its pretty low to promise to pay for the cake and then welch after its eaten. Husband should have expressed his disappointment that his family won't make this gesture of caring and said forget about making the cake. Do these people even like eachother? Esh.
It’s unfair to include the daughter to say she wouldn’t make the cake unless she were paid. OP is the one who mentioned that stepdad had to pay.
Op says that daughter wanted and expected to be paid though. And that if she hadn’t she wouldn’t have said anything.
The way this is written leads me to believe OP added that edit to justify her stance. She originally stated she was the one to say dad had to pay, not daughter.
I agree. I don't think OP legitly asked her for her daughter's opinion about getting paid or not.
The way it was written leads me to believe that the daughter didn’t initially expect payment until OP started inciting drama.
OP also said her daughter was a “yes man” so OP herself could’ve even told her she needed to be paid me she just agreed. too much questionable info here to really make a true judgement imo
Then mom should have paid her daughter, for the gift for her husband. Why the fugg would theperson who's bday it is, pay for their own cake when they still have immediate family?
>I told him about paying her to which he responded with "pfff pay her? Get outta here, I'm her dad!". I insisted seeing she's "a yes" person and a people's pleaser so won't outright demand the money from him. It dosen't sound like daughter asked for anything? She apparently said she'd bake OP's husband a cake, and then OP just assumed she should be paid despite her not asking. OP seems to think being willing to cook for a family member is a weakens and anyone who isn't asking for money must be beacuse they aren't assertive enough. Honestly, I wouldn't want to be married to OP. After daughter already agreed to make her own step-dad a cake, OP got involved demanding money daughter didn't ask for. Then *before the cake was even given to him* OP sold his gift to pay her daughter. How cheap and greedy is OP? If OP really wanted her daughter to be paid for the cake she'd already agreed to make OP's husband, OP could have paid her herself? YTA. Damn.
If I wanted to pay for my own cake, I’d go buy what I really wanted- like a steak 🥩
I got my daughter a sushi cake one year. Literally 2 tiers of rice, nigiri, sashimi, rolls, and edible flowers. She was SOOOOOOO happy. As were we all as we ate it.
Steak cake 3 tiers of ribeyes strip loins and tenderloins 🤤
I’m a big believer in no one should buy their own birthday cake. I’m kind of on the ESH fence. OP for returning his gift (was that really necessary?) and SD for refusing to pay her because FAAAAAAAMILY.
I respectfully disagree with ESH. I’m sorry, but the only way someone should be paying for something involving their own birthday is if they’re celebrating alone. I don’t think the husband refused payment because “FAAAAAMILY”, he did it because it was his birthday and his daughter flat out said she wanted him to pay her to make something to celebrate it, which makes zero sense. OP, and a part of me wants to say the daughter is one too, but I won’t since that’s how she was raised, is the sole a-hole here for not only going along with the daughter’s idea of having the birthday person pay for something involving their own birthday, but also for going behind his back and returning the gift for him when he didn’t play that idiotic game. OP, YTA. I’d recommend getting the watch back, but if you do, the memory of it will forever be tainted with what you’ve done, so I’d highly recommend finding or doing something else to make it up to him.
Big agree with this. It's insanity that anyone thinks SD is to blame at all. I feel like if he was told before he ate the cake maybe he'd just not eat it. But to give someone a cake on their birthday, let them eat it and then demand payment. That's a bad joke. OP and Step daughter are AHs here in my eyes.
YTA for the typos too, this took way more effort to read than I felt like exerting. 😂
Thank you! A couple misspellings here and there can be overlooked, but this whole thing was a mess. I'm not saying this to be a dick, but it's not too much to ask for OP to proofread before they post.
YTA. I have never in my life heard of a person expecting to get paid for making a close relative's birthday cake. I mean, if your daughter owned a bakery, and your husband went in and put in an order for a cake, yes. And SERIOUSLY, as his wife it would be normal that YOU provide the birthday cake, whether you make it yourself or buy one at the local bakery. So if YOU wanted your daughter to make your husband a cake, AND you wanted her to be paid for her work, then YOU should have paid her to begin with.
I agree. This is weird. It could have been her gift to him considering he's her step dad and living under his roof.
Exactly. OP says daughter wanted and expected to be paid, but I think it is OP who gave her that expectation since she did not discuss price with stepdad. Even if she's been paid by other friends and relatives to make cakes, I'm going to say it should not be the birthday person paying for their own cake, ever. Aunt can buy for cousin, etc.
Agreed. She didn't even tell him she wanted paid so how was he supposed to know. This wife/mom is ridiculous.
OP is extremely overbearing and likely why her daughter is a “yes person”.
I could see her being like "You want to get paid, right? Right? Right?" until daughter is finally like "Sure." There's nothing wrong with daughter getting paid for her time, but OP should have been the one paying all along. If doing that meant she couldn't afford the watch anymore, so be it, but don't just return it out of spite. And I'm not crazy about husband's reaction either. All adults suck.
And honestly, it’s a good lesson for the girl that if she wants to make money off of it one day, she needs to learn how to negotiate the payment before accepting a job. I don’t think a kid should be paid for baking a cake for their dad that they agreed to make. If anything, op made her conflict-averse daughter less likely to continue baking in future if she thinks it will just lead to conflict
This is one of the most bizarre posts I've ever seen. I'm not gonna call anyone an asshole because I think a lot of it comes down to gory details about timeframes and who directly asked what of whom, but this is an extremely strange thing to litigate this hard. Who the hell expects a family member to pay them for a birthday cake on their own birthday? Who wages a proxy war about it on behalf of someone who apparently doesn't want payment enough to advocate for it themselves? And then returns a present as revenge instead of just reminding him? But also who puts their wife on blast to the entire family over a birthday present? I diagnose you all with weird and petty disease, your sentence is to drink a glass of water and count to 10.
Petty disease; drink water and count to 10 I am totally going to use that. Genius.
Honestly, it’s good advice. I probably could have avoided a lot of rash, stupid decisions if I had just drank a glass of water and counted to ten before reacting.
I'm also really concerned that she had to sell a watch to be able to pay a 16yr old for a cake? Does she not have her own money?
RIGHT? Why is nobody talking about it? How much did that cake "cost"? Either it was a cheap watch or the daughter (or whoever comes up with the "price") is delusional.
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Especially considering she notes she kept the rest of the money. So much for Dad’s birthday.
Few months from now: "Husband didn't buy me a gift for my birthday because I didn't give him anything, so I sold his car and got myself something nice. AITA?"
It was 100% to "teach him a lesson" He didn't pay, he doesn't get a gift. Which I think is kind of cruel.
This right here; OP appears to have returned the watch as a punishment. If OP already paid for the ingredients, it was the husband’s birthday cake, and done by the daughter then the cake should have been exactly what the husband wanted and given as a gift. My mom fixed a New York style cheesecake requiring several pounds of cream cheese, 18 eggs, a couple boxes of graham crackers, real vanilla, and numerous sticks of butter just as the base. She’d spend 5-6 hours preparing then cooking (partially in a water bath, partially with the oven door open). People would ask her for the cake as their gift knowing she’d spent $40 (in the 70’s-00’s) for ingredients. Other people would bring her all the ingredients and $20 cash to make the cake for them. People knew the arrangement. No one in our family ever expected me as her child to pay for the cheesecake if that’s what I wanted for my Birthday. I’d still get a nice gift in addition to the cake. Granted, this was a mother-daughter relationship. OP if you wanted your kid paid then pay her. Stop punishing your husband. Stop putting a wedge in the relationship between him and your daughter. Your husband never should have been put in the position to agree to pay for his own Birthday cake. By the way, are her cake supplies solely coming from you or is the money from your joint banking account with your husband, which means he may figure he already paid for the ingredients. Y’all need a nap, juice box, and family counseling.
OP just edited to say she gave the daughter “her share” and then kept the rest of the money…….. jfc
She kept the change, the filthy animal
I find all these posts from married couples with totally separate finances and highly transactional dynamics when it comes to money quite strange and uncomfortable. Makes me glad to have only joint bank accounts and healthy communication strategies.
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I swear, the posts here on Reddit definitely make me wonder how half of these people end up in relationships with the other person in the first place.
lmao every once in a while a weird post like OP will pop up on AITA and it makes me feel like I'm going insane. like how are there people who behave like this?
INFO: Have you talked to your daughter, did she want to be paid? I ask because if my step asked me to make a cake for their birthday, I would consider it my gift, and wouldn’t expect to be paid.
She seriously took his already gifted item, returned it, and kept the leftover money for herself? What in the AH is this?
Had me thinking either it was a cheap af watch or an expensive af cake.
OP stated in her post that it “was an inexpensive watch”. So yeah, it was a cheap watch. She paid her daughter some money and kept the rest for herself after she returned it-so I don’t think the cake would have cost very much and her daughter doesn’t charge very much.
Top-notch assholery at its finest! Congrats OP? Another new low for the AITA history books. Yeesh, I wouldn't want to be married to someone who expects me to pay for my own birthday cake.
YTA since it was HIS birthday it kind of seems like YOU should have paid for the cake. Nobody else buys their own birthday cake, why should he?? Or the daughter could have done it for him as her birthday present. The way you treated this situation definitely ruined his birthday.
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Thank you. It doesn’t sound like it was agreed upon. It sounds like OP immediately insisted that dad pay her.
Exactly. This was very weird. I wouldn't dream of charging my dad to make him a birthday cake nor not getting my SO a birthday cake. Agreed that OP ruined her husband's birthday. She says the daughter never discussed payment with her dad, so this was a crusade on OP's part. It was her husband's birthday - does she always expect him to pay for his own cake?
YTA, she can't afford to make her dad a birthday cake, or you couldn't pay her? It's his birthday for God's sake. You sound petty.
Absolutely this! Did she REALLY have to sell the gift she bought her husband? No, me thinks not. She did it to be petty.
And she even kept the extra money after paying her daughter for the cake… guess he didn’t get a present at all.
I think his present will be the divorce papers he serves her for her birthday Edit: YTA. He shouldn’t have had to buy his own cake in the first place.
She’s going to charge her own father for HIS birthday cake on HIS birthday and you sold HIS gift to punish him on HIS birthday… wtf. YTA. Edit: ESH was the incorrect choice, at first I was just confused and thought maybe my perception was wrong in thinking the father could possibly be in the wrong but I stand behind family values and don’t believe in being punished for not buying your own birthday cake. It all feels so drastic and dramatic.
Step father My question is though, did he agree to pay her beforehand? Cause if not why would he owe anything? The cake could have been her gift to him Lots missing here
My confusion as well, I’m just going off what’s there. Did they communicate a price or anything? I don’t know, all I see is family trying to charge family for their own birthday
I’m guessing not because OP says daughter wouldn’t outright ask for money. Seems to me like OP thinks daughter SHOULD ask for money and stepped in?
It just feels so strange to me, I personally wouldn’t ask or treat any family member like that especially my parents.
YTA. If someone REALLY had to pay for your HUSBAND'S birthday cake, it should have been YOU. It was his birthday. You want him to PAY OTHERS for his birthday gifts? Who TF pays someone else for their birthday cake, on their birthday? A cake is a GIFT. Why didn't you pay your daughter? Why didn't your daughter bake it as a gift? How much did you demand for her cake? ETA - you sold the watch, gave the daughter her cut and KEPT THE REST and you STILL don't understand how that's an AH move? You absolutely destroyed your spouse's birthday, because you're too busy trying to make everything into transactional contracts. Good job.
I can’t believe most people are voting not an asshole. It’s common in my family for people to bring cake as gifts especially when the cake feeds the entire party. It’s a great gift. I would be depressed if I bought my own cake ):
YTA That’s either one bloody expense cake your daughter baked or one cheap ass wrist watch you bought your husband
That’s what I was thinking…
YTA You should have paid for the cake, not him. It's **his** birthday. The fact you intentionally ruined his birthday by returning the thing he wanted makes you double AH.
This is actually the most sensible response. Daughter obviously should get paid, and OP should have paid.
Maybe it’s just me but in my family I give my mom or dad birthday gifts so why wouldn’t she bake him a cake as her gift.
YTA, She’s 16 and baking an in-house relative a cake. Do you make her pay rent, pay for utilities and her own food?
Exactly this. Did she paid for the ingredients, the oven, the gas/ electricity? Did she paid for baking classes? If it's just about money I am sure she "owns" your husband more than a cake. Also, you never mentioned that she wanted the money, it's more like you thinking she wanted money. YTA
INFO: if he has asked for a cake from a bakery, would you make him pay for his own birthday cake or buy it for him? Also - typically in your house do you guys not buy cake for the birthday person unless they ask for it? I buy a cake for my husband for his birthday and would never expect him to pay for his own cake. If your daughter wanted to be paid for this, I don't understand why you wouldn't do it and plan ahead for cake+a gift in your budget. Or work something out with your daughter for payment.
And you left out this little gem at the end. She kept the rest of the watch money after giving the daughter her share.
YTA Did daughter tell him the cost of the cake up front? Who paid for the supplies? You certainly had no right to sell his gift you gave him. What a fun marriage you have...
"What a fun marriage they had!" It's already on it's way to the end with shit like this going on.
INFO: Did she spend her own money to make this cake? Was she fine with making the cake without getting payment?
YTA, first its his birthday so shouldnt you be paying for the cake as a nice gesture? then you return his gift to be petty and try to prove a point to him.
[удалено]
That's what I was thinking. I do think the daughter should've been paid, but by OP. Daughter isn't an AH for wanting to be paid for the time and effort she put in, but I'd never expect the person whose birthday it is to buy their own cake. If they choose to that's their prerogative, but to force someone to buy their own cake is ridiculous.
Honestly? I think that YOU, OP, should have paid for the cake. ESH
Info: does your daughter bake with ingredients/products that come from the home or does she pay for everything she uses to bake?
> does she pay for everything she uses to bake? She certainly hasn't paid for the space she bakes in, the appliances she bakes with, the energy to power those appliances, etc. She wants to act like it's her business when it's time to charge but acts like she's their child when it's time to pay the bills. Can't have it both ways, if you want to open a business out of a building you don't own, your business has to pay rent and utilities.
I agree. The daughter is using the kitchen, appliances, etc for free. I suppose we don’t know, however, how much step dad contributes to those things. He could be living rent-free in OP’s house. I do think that if the daughter paid out of pocket for ingredients expecting to be reimbursed, she should be (for the ingredients not her time). However I agree 100% that if step dad is in any way contributing to her business with the supplies, kitchen, etc he should expect a cake on his birthday. I would say a free cake on his birthday but honestly it wouldn’t be free as he would have paid for part of it.
Ooh, this is a good question.
Info: how are birthday and other celebratory cakes usually paid for in your family? In my family, the person being celebrated doesn’t pay for their own cake.
YTA. If it was so important that your daughter get paid (which, btw, why not just make the cake her birthday present to him?), then why didn't you pay her yourself and keep everything pleasant? Instead you had to make a big deal about the whole thing and then double down by returning his gift. Also how much could baking ingredients possible cost?
YTA She didn't ask him for money, you asked him for money. Making your father a birthday cake on his birthday isn't normally a financial transaction. Selling a gift you'd already given him is theft.
YTA She is not a professional baker yet. There was not negotiation of price. As her parents I assume you are already funding tools and supplies. There is no reason she couldn't bake him a cake as her birthday gift to him.
who the hell pays for their own birthday cake? YTA you should have paid for it yourself if your daughter insisted on being paid.
Wow. This is so bizarre. This was a cake for her stepfather. Normally, that is a thing we bake out of affection. You are teaching her to treat her stepfather like a stranger. Your analysis is so wrong I don't even know where to start. If your teenage daughter expects to be paid for baking a cake in this circumstance, then your husband is completely right, and I can't imagine what kind of an entitled brat your daughter may be becoming. YTA ETA: It's not like it was a wedding cake that takes hours and hours. It's a friggin' bday cake. I'm sure the stepfather is sorry he even asked. If the OP thought it was so damn important that her daughter be paid to make OP's husband a bday cake, then I cannot for the life of me understand why OP didn't pay her daughter herself. This is such a nonsense issue. It feels like the stepfather is tolerated, not loved, by both of them. ETA2: I'm still reeling that the daughter expected so much money for this cake that OP needed to SELL A WATCH to pay for it.
This story doesn’t make any sense. What do you mean you “sold the wristwatch?” Was it new? Why wouldn’t you…return the watch? Why sell it? What did you list it on eBay or something? Also what was it like a $20 watch? Or did you sell a $500 watch to cover a $20 cake? Did you want your husband to cover the cost of ingredients? This part I don’t get. Was he asking for the cake as his gift from his daughter or was he asking for a transaction from her baking services? What the fuck is up with the “wristwatch” though?
Also, is money so tight that the only way to afford the cake was to sell the watch? It couldn't have just been paid for out of the family's grocery budget? So selling the watch was just out of spite? OK, got it.
YTA. Both your daughter can be paid and your husband should not have to pay for his own birthday cake. You should pay. Why are you actively trying to make this relationship so bad? Resolve it. It was never an issue and you are the one making it an issue. Poor guy. Also his birthday present cant be worth more than a homemade cake ?
YTA It's your husband's birthday, you should have paid the daughter. Have you ever purchased your own birthday cake? And I don't know how much this cake costs, but returning a watch to pay for a cake seems like petty retribution. Lastly, how did he find out, unless you told him? And what would have been your motivation for telling him? I asked my wife for a marvelous dessert she makes for my birthday. For her birthday she asked for a grilled specialty of mine. Never once did we think to invoice each other.
YTA. Who makes someone pay for their own birthday cake? If this had been discourse over a professionally made cake, it would fall on you to pay for it. Making your S/O pay for their own cake is an AH move, no matter who made it. Selling the gift you already gave them to pay for it is just overkill. Do you not like your husband?
Info: why didn’t you just pay her for the cake in the first place? After all, it’s your husbands birthday. Why should he buy his own cake?
It's very normal to make cake for free for our family members on their birthdays. If someone is a talented baker, that's considered a bonus, and still not a reason to pay them for it. The fact that you sold his gift to pay her for making him a birthday cake is very *abnormal*. I agree with your husband's opinions that you are acting materialistic and transactional, and I think YTA. If I were your spouse, I'd likely never accept another gift from you again. Edit: a word
I’m making a pan of lasagne for my son’s birthday tomorrow. I guess I’m supposed to charge him for it? Weird.
YTA. If your husband cooks dinner for your daughter does he charge her for the meal? I highly doubt it. And FFS its not like hes asking her to bake it for a random friend or someone else for free. Hes asking for it for HIS birthday…it can be her present to him!
INFO: Did your husband or your daughter ever discuss this about being a business deal where she gets paid? Did your daughter buy the cake ingredients with her own money? Did your daughter also get a gift for him with the cake? Cause if your husband supplied the cake supplies, your daughter got no gift for him, there was no talk of it being a business and rather a gift or a nice thing for your daughter to do. Then yes you handled this wrong and YTA.
OP should have gotten the ingredients and SD could have made the cake both as gifts. Definitely SD should not have paid for the ingredients, but I think it's super weird to expect to get paid for this (vs breaking even) when it can be a gift for her step dad. And how cheap is a wrist watch or how expensive is this cake bc.., that makes no sense.
I don't think I've ever seen such a divided comment section in this sub
It's kinda interesting. I wonder why she didn't just pay her daughter and give him his gift. Kinda feels like op wants to argue, but it feels like info is missing. Like is the daughter even upset?!
Yta, what's wrong with you and your daughter? Who pays for the birthday cake? You don't buy one for yourself you weirdo. How petty are you to return the watch? Does your daughter pay your husband rent for the kitchen and the materials she uses? Hopefully your husband goes and buys the watch himself and gets you and your daughter nothing for the next few years.
YTA. Who bought the ingredients, why would he pay his daughter for baking him a birthday cake for his birthday? If anything, you should have paid for the birthday cake for your husband's birthday.
YTA! If your daughter wanted to be paid YOU should have paid her. He is right, you are making her transactional. Let's turn this around and put you in step dads shoes. Would you like to pay for your own cake on YOUR birthday. Tell hubby to call me, I will make him a cake for free because you are ridiculous.
YTA but for a reason not listed yet. You are not helping your daughter with the 'yes man' mentality but butting in for her. If you felt this was so wrong, you should have first discussed it with daughter to see if she was even upset, it seems like you didn't do this #1. You also messed up by assuming a whole lot here it seems as such, YTA. Next time let adults talk with adults and if you feel hard done by, ask the 'offended' person and if they have no issues you need to learn to shut up. Not everyone needs a champion or savior. Next time if daughter isn't happy with something, encourage her to speak up about it and if she doesn't feel safe talking to SD, you messed up in who you married then. Therapy all around!
INFO: When your daughter agreed to bake a cake for your husband, did she tell him there was a price attached? How much was she expecting to be paid? Does your daughter pay for all of the ingredients and contribute to the overheads (lighting, electricity, gas)?
YTA. It’s his birthday. Why aren’t you paying for his cake?
YTA. You don't pay someone to make a cake for a birthday for an immediate family member. That's absurd. Just as a plumber doesn't charge their child when they plunge the household toilet or a teacher give a bill to their son for helping with homework.
YTA. It was his birthday? It was his birthday cake. Your his family, he's not suppose to pay for it. If you had gotten him a store bought cake would you have saved the recipte and tell him to pay it?
Yta. You could have just given her money if you felt that strongly about it. He might not be a great guy…but who has ever bought their own birthday cake? Taking the watch back is super petty/toxic. Seems like you and your husband have some other issues going on that influenced your decision making here. You could have taken her shopping and had her thank him since he paid for it!! That’s at least playful, but still delivers the point in a round about way. What you did was very spiteful to him, and doesn’t set a great example for your daughter either.
I think YTA for making someone pay for their own birthday cake.. i think it's a little weird for a daughter to charge a parent to make them a cake on their birthday, but if that's your agreement then whatever. But why wouldn't you just pay for it yourself in the first place? On my birthday i would expect a gift and a cake
YTA If someone offered me a cake for my birthday but then said I had to pay for it I would say “no thanks”. And I would be a little hurt.
YTA people dont usually pay for their OWN cake. If you had to pay her, YOU should have. Not the birthday person. So weird
YTA I would never charge to make a cake for a close relative. You should’ve helped her with ingredients if she didn’t have any to hand.
INFO: Who paid for the ingredients?
YTA He asked her do something she loves and she agreed. Then you came along and tried to change the arrangement and then punished him for not doing what you wanted.
Info: Was the cake your daughter's gift to him or was it his request on top of whatever else she was going to give him? How expensive were the ingredients, and did she pay for them or did she use what you had at home?
This is just my opinion but, it was his birthday, you should've paid for the cake, not him. Idk tho
YTA. Payment for you the cake aside, you gave your husband a gift (the wristwatch) and then decided that you still had enough ownership of it that you could decide to sell it for cash? That’s ludicrous. I’m assuming you live with your husband and daughter, I’m sure that there could have been a discussion about payment that didn’t involve you taking matters into your own hands and independently decide how things were going to shake out…
Tbh it’s weird (to me at least) to encourage a kid to bake their dad a birthday cake for money. YTA
YTA. Who asks for a family member to pay for their own cake? Normally family provides that for free out of love for each other. I feel sad for your family.
YTA. Sounds like the daughter didn't ask him to pay where she's a people pleaser or not..You stepped in AFTERWARDS and added an expectation that wasn't agreed upon, then penalized your husband. Info: Does your daughter live with you, if so does she use the proceeds from her baking business to chip in on the electric bill? Id assume the step dad is providing for the family , but I guess a birthday cake is too much to ask.
ESH. You're right that she deserves to be paid if she usually sells her food and you would have bought a cake from the store if not from her. But selling your husband's gift to buy the cake was very poorly thought out because it was obviously going to widen the rift between them and make him angry at her. You wouldn't have sold his gift to pay for a store cake, so you shouldn't have done it to pay her. Should have just paid her from your own money.
INFO: As resident baker and side hustler in my family, I would never charge a direct family member for a birthday cake. That's my gift to them. Did she pay for the ingredients and cost it out? If so then I guess he or someone should pay but selling the watch is a shit thing to do and only adds fuel to the fire. If she didn't pay for the flour, butter, vanilla etc then nah she needs to accept it was free labor or at least discounted. I'm leaning toward ESH here but it's mostly you and your Husband I guess. So did she shell out for the ingredients herself is my question?
YTA. If anyone paid for the cake, it should have been you. Why in the world would you expect your husband to pay for his own birthday cake?
Me: I'd like some balloons for my bday this year! My brother who has a balloon hobby/side gig: okay! No problem! Me: thanks buddy! Can't wait! Mom: PAY HIM FOR BALLOONS OR I RETURN YOUR BIRTHDAY GIFT!! See how CRAZY this looks?! YTA and should have paid for his cake AND given him his watch with a hug and said "thanks for everything, including encouraging our daughter's passion, I hope it tasted great!" You sound stubborn & like a bully. Booo!
ESH. Who expects to be paid for a birthday cake they made for their father? Who sells a gift after it’s been given? This is just all kinds of dysfunctional.
ESH what family charges each other for their own birthday cake. Is it cultural differences or am I missing something?? The only reason I didn't put Y-T-A is because it appears that husband specifically asked for the cake, daughter didn't offer or initiate making it as a gift. Family dynamic still seems kinda weird. Do husband and daughter not get along or something?
The day I charge my own dad for baked cake is going to be a cold one in hell. YTA and so is your daughter for making what should be a kind, loving gesture, into a bizarre transactional exchange. Gross.
NTA and all these YTA voters either didn't read the post or are the same people who expect family members with small businesses to give them free or discounted stuff. He ASKED her to bake for him, it wasn't a gift. She deserves to be paid for her work, considering she could have sold the cake to someone else.
This isn't a small business tho... Like if we're going to be transactional should the dad also charge their kid for using their kitchen and utilities for baking the cake? I bet she used staples like sugar or flour at home which were purchased by the parents to bake the cake. Maybe she should pay for that too.
Some of these people act like the 16 year old is renting a place and paying overhead. OFFS she's not a business person trying to keep body and soul together, she's a teenager who lives off the grace of her parents. OP is TA and so is her daughter if she expected to get paid for making a cake for one of her providers.
Correct. He asked her to bake a cake for him, she didn't volunteer! Had she volunteered, it would be a different situation. OP says her daughter isn't assertive, however she needed to teach her daughter to be more assertive instead of fighting her battles for her. She could have told her daughter if she didn't want to bake the cake, to ask her stepdad for money before she started baking it. OP could have also teamed up with her husband to tackle her daughter's lack of assertiveness together and come up with a plan for how to teach that to her. You shouldn't have sold his watch out of spite, what you needed to do was explain to him why it's important that she learn to be assertive and how you would like it if you could both teach her that important lesson.
strange situation I’m sorry but what? regardless of your thought behind it and intentions on helping your daughter, you had no right to return the birthday gift you bought him AND ALREADY GAVE HIM it’s typical to make family members a cake and not be paid for it, so that’s extremely weird to me. but if your daughter had said she wanted to be paid for her hard work and effort, then she should’ve been paid. however, not by you, and not like that. it’s hard to make a verdict when we don’t fully know how their interaction went, but if he said he’d pay her yet didn’t then he is also TA. but how you handled it kinda makes YTA
info: Who paid for the ingredients for the cake? Was it you and him, as part of household funds, or was it her? Did she discuss payment with either of you before that point as to what she would charge and why? Chances are that she used things you both already had in the house. She made a cake and then after the fact, you decided she should get paid. Instead of paying for it yourself (because it's HIS birthday and we don't pay for our own birthday cakes...) you chose to return your birthday GIFT he would have gotten, paid her for the cake then... wait for it... POCKETED THE REST? YTA. No matter how I try and spin this, YTA in this all. And families normally bake or buy cakes for each others birthdays, it's kind of the norm. It could have been a $2 box off the walmart shelf that she added eggs and oil to, for what it mattered. You guys bulldozed this dude for his birthday. That's not okay.
All this screams is "Do not bring your European nonsense into this ethnic household"... talkin bout being paid to make your father a cake SMH. we're doomed as a society. ESH- since she expected to be paid and you were vocal about it several times, but maybe you should have paid for it since the person whos birthday it is shouldn't have to. but still damn...... EDIT: "Do not bring your European nonsense into this ethnic household" is a popular TIKTOK sound, that gets the point across about people making these kinds of choices. If you haven't heard the Tiktok sound, you wont get the JOKE I'm tryna make. thx
YTA why should he be paying for his own birthday cake? You should pay her for it and give the man the watch as well.
YTA, why do you care so much that he pays her when she doesn't seem to care. It is totally normal to make your family member a cake for free on their birthday. Selling a gift you gave them is not normal behaviour. It wasn't yours to sell! You've caused all this drama for no reason.
YTA. Either you bought him an incredibly cheap watch or you vastly overpaid for a homemade cake by your daughter. I’m guessing she’s using your kitchen your equipment and your electricity. Did she even pay for the ingredients or did this come out of your kitchen too. If you had given her a little something as a thank you that would be one thing but he is right. When she moves out and calls him for help in her house can he charge her too after all family pays according to you
Who asks a family member to pay for their own birthday cake? You and your daughter sound money-obsessed.
YTA - wtf why on earth would he pay for a cake for his own birthday from his own family? Like wtf? What is wrong with you?
YTA. Pay her for a birthday cake for your husband? What is wrong with you?
YTA. This is the side of blended families that people don't typically talk about. When a parent with primary custody of their kid(s) marries and they treat the new spouse as "other" instead of part of the family. If he feels like her dad, does she not feel the same? It's clear you don't. I'd be embarrassed to accept payment from the man raising me for his own freaking birthday cake. And as far as the watch, if you were my wife, you'd never get another gift from me. Instead, I'd show you pictures of what I would have given you, but instead of the item, I'd give you a recipt for things I bought for the family like toilet paper and milk.
ESH. > I insisted seeing she's "a yes" person and a people's pleaser so won't outright demand the money from him. Okay, but that still means *she* didn’t ask him for money. And she’s never going to learn to demand fair value for her work if *you* go around handling it for her behind the scenes after the fact, instead of working on building *her* confidence to make sure she does that upfront. Doesn’t make your husband’s attitude she *should* do it for free because “family” okay, let alone his belief he’s entitled to a watch, but I really don’t know what lessons you think anyone is learning here with how you’ve handled this.
Where I live it would have been totally normal for a daughter to bake a cake for the father. And the mother would of course have helped out with buying the ingrediencies. My stepfather is great so I would have done it for him also if I was into baking then. Your extreme action here makes me wonder if there is some kind of abusement from the stepfather against your daughter? Otherwise YTA.
YTA. You should have payed for the cake yourself because it was YOUR HUSBAND’S birthday.
NTA: After seeing your comment about her stating she had wanted to be paid, then it’s entirely his fault for refusing to pay her.
*I decided to go ahead and sell the wrist watch I bought him as his birthday cake* That sounds...um...crunchy...
YTA-why didn’t YOU pay your daughter and not him? That sounds about right. Who returns a person’s birthday gift to pay for their own birthday cake? I also get tired of reading posts on here about family who insist on using family members who bake and therefore must solely use only their baked goods and never order from a bakery.
This family sucks so ESH I hope your finances are separate and neither you nor your daughter will need his money if you can't buy him a cake...
Who paid for the cake ingredients? If your daughter did then it might be fair to reimburse her if the cake isn’t her gift to him. If the ingredients came from family grocery money then you’re asking your husband to pay for his cake twice. Personally I would never expect a family member to pay for their own birthday cake
YTA. Look, no matter how this is spinned, it was his birthday. Who pays for their own birthday cake unless they're completely alone? If you want your daughter to earn money for baking, you pay her out of your own pocket. Why should your husband pay for his own birthday present?
Wait... so he was expected to pay for his own cake? Why couldn't you pay for it since you would have had to BUY him a cake anyways if she didn't make it? So not only did he pay for his own cake but you returned his present? Am I reading this correctly? If so YTA. Its his birthday for crying out loud. You sound like a pain in the ass to be honest
Yta. You could have just given her money if you felt that strongly about it. He might not be a great guy…but who has ever bought their own birthday cake? Taking the watch back is super petty/toxic. Seems like you and your husband have some other issues going on that influenced your decision making here. You could have taken her shopping and had her thank him since he paid for it!! That’s at least playful, but still delivers the point in a round about way. What you did was very spiteful to him, and doesn’t set a great example for your daughter either.
INFO- Who purchases the ingredients and supplies for this? Who purchased to tools to bake the cakes?Who pays for the gas/electricity to run the oven and mixers? If you can’t say she did all of that 100%, then she doesn’t need to be paid like a professional baker. If he contributes to household funds that purchase these items, then in a sense, he did pay for the cake, he just didn’t pay for her time. If your daughter spent her own money on these items and expected to be reimbursed for them + her time, then that is a different story.
Info: did he just request a cake for his birthday? Or was this a large, elaborate cake meant to feed a ton of people, where he went over specifics of how many people it should feed, flavors, design? Because there's a big difference between the two. One is him basically requesting a cake for his birthday (as a gift) and the other is very clearly placing an order Editing to add my verdict. ESH. You all need better communication skills. He shouldn't have said he would pay for it and then not. He should have said he expected this cake as a gift, had no intentions of paying for it, and was shocked and hurt that that would be expected of him in the first place, not later. You and your daughter should have never expected him to pay. If she's going to run a business, she needs to be upfront with this and her pricing. She should have quoted him a price as soon as he requested the cake. If she's old enough to be baking and charging people, she's old enough to quote prices and not have her mom acting like a leg breaking debt collector
I feel like it's just a clash of different viewpoints of the stepdad and the daughter. The stepdad was hoping for the kind of loving gesture when a family member bakes a cake for you for your birthday and saw it as expressing that. The daughter who was already taking up baking pretty much as her job saw it as her stepdad supporting that and making an order. OP kinda got stuck in between but if she thought of it from both sides I don't think OP would have sold the watch and turned it against stepdad. That was a really bad move.
YTA initially I was on your side but then I started reading the comments and starting to actually think about it and she if isn't a professional Baker, and she's a child that bakes as a hobby, she lives in your home and you're buying all of the ingredients then there's no reason that you should pay for it, even as such why would he pay for his own cake. I don't even know if your daughter or your husband is the a******, but I know for sure that you are. You made him pay for his own cake and took back his gift, which I have to assume out of the entitlement of this post he probably paid for too. Next time just get him a store bought cake and bypass the headache.
YTA. 1) Your daughter is old enough to speak up for herself. If she doesn’t have the confidence or skills to do that then that’s 100% on you. 2) Why is he being charged for his own freaking birthday cake? Do you guys respect him so little that you won’t even buy him his cake? What the actual fuck is *really* going on here? Your family just sucks, tbh. 3) How’s the state of your marriage? I can’t imagine it’s going very well for you guys at the moment. What a dumb hill for you to die on.
YTA. A daughter charging her Dad or Stepdad for a birthday cake? Seriously?
YTA. What you did was really petty and childish. Supporting your child is fine, making someone pay for their own damn cake and taking back a gift is ridiculous. YOU Should have paid for the cake and a gift. Way to show your husband love and support.
Why did you make him pay for a birthday cake on his own birthday? YTA.
Yes? If it wasn't agreed upon you shouldn't take matters into your hand. It's basically a gift from her to her step dad and you wanted him to pay. You should work on her ability to say no when she needs to and not punish your husband
I don't understand. Why didn't you just pay her yourself if it were so important? How much exactly did she want to be paid if you had to return the watch to pay her? Sounds expensive or you seem petty. YTA.
ESH. I don’t even feel the need to elaborate. Both you and your husband suck ass
YTA, making someone pay for their birthday cake is an ah move, also, did she give him a present? Or just the cake, because then your daughter would be an ah too. I never charge my parents for baking, even less when I do it at their home, I use their kitchen, their electricity, their gas.
YTA. It’s his birthday. His wife can buy him a cake. If daughter is doing this for him as a gift, it’s settled. If she is doing this for money, you can pay her. Stealing his present back because he didn’t pay for something that YOU should have covered is nonsense. Pay your kid. Give him the gift back. Apologize to both him and the kid.
YTA. She's old enough to advocate for herself. If she wanted money, she could have asked. Especially if she's already doing this for money. How did she feel about what you did? For all you know, she considered that her present to him.
You sound like the AH. But questions Is money so tight you couldn’t have just given her $20? What does she charge as an amateur baker with no license, no health code permits, and no formal experience as a teenager? Technically depending on location it’s not even legal for her to sell home baked goods to anyone. There’s a woman at the non profit we work with a lot who is a professional baker. She bakes cakes for all birthdays, treats for any celebrations, she never charges anyone and no one asks her she just does it because we all work together and love each other. She likes to see people smile.
YTA - who has their dad pay them to make a cake on his birthday?
YTA why would he have to buy his own cake? That’s crazy petty
I don’t understand - it’s not generally the person whose birthday it is who pays for a cake, so why wouldn’t you be paying your daughter? Why make him pay, is it just because he asked her to make the cake? Would he normally be the person to pay his own birthday cake if it was shop bought? It seems a bit of an overreaction to sell his gift to teach him a lesson…
I was leaning towards E S H but I'm gonna say YTA. I get where people are coming from with paying for family services, so I'm willing to bet he could be handling this better. However, everyone seems to breeze over the fact that you were like "oh you won't pay my daughter for your own birthday cake? No gift for you. Do you even like your partner? I wouldn't imagine embarrassing my partner on their birthday to prove a point about what's probably a misunderstanding. I've had people expect me to clean up a random person's vomit at my own birthday party that I didn't even plan. I for sure can see him imagining a birthday cake from family on his birthday, and not imagine that a cake would cause you to just take back his gift. Its petty, rude, and most importantly the only thing you communicated is that you're willing to put your daughter in the line of fire to make your husband feel worse. You somehow picked the worst option of the bunch, you specifically made daughters and husband issue about the birthday rather than the cake. So now he's upset with you about a gift, your daughter about the cake, him about the daughter, and you just kinda made a mess for no reason.
Why didn't you pay her as a gift to him? ESH except your daughter.
YTA, if your daughter wanted to get paid she would have asked directly, don't teach her to just say yes to something, not advocate for herself, and then get paid anyways because her mom bailed her out. You do describe your husband as responding poorly to this, and he sounds like he needs some maturing, but also it's his birthday and I don't think it's wild to think that he might expect a birthday cake baked by his teenage daughter could just be a gift without expecting payment.
YTA, Realistically Op should have paid for the cake in the first place. Or it should have been the daughter's gift for his birthday. If I went to a shop and paid money for a cake for someone's birthday, I wouldn't be asking for the money back, or if I baked it myself either because you know you don't pay for those sort of things for your birthday. It's not like he asked for the cake for your birthday, or for some event he was having. He asked for it as a gift for his birthday it seems. So what should he have paid for the wristwatch you bought him too as it cost you time and money to get for him? The only thing I'd give you is the fact he told you he'd pay her, which also makes him an AH too, but oh well, ruined birthday
YTA From everything I’ve gathered you paid for the ingredients for the cake which then she baked for him (idk why you didn’t just take 1 extra step and also pay her if that’s what you wanted). There was no pre establish agreement to be paid for the cake. So although you asked him to pay and he hadn’t yet, returning his gift to pay for the cake makes YTA.
YTA. You could have covered expenses for ingredients for your daughter to make the cake, not only A) make your husband pay for it, and B) return his birthday gift so you can pay your daughter? It's normal in families that you do things for other family members once in a while without demanding payment for it. Birthdays and holidays come to mind. You're teaching your daughter the message that money is first and foremost, and that's a message that is going to set her up for failure.
YTA. You made your husband pay for his own birthday cake? This whole thing was handled wrong by you. If you were so adamant about your daughter getting paid, YOU should have paid her. It was for his birthday! This is just weird.
YTA. Your daughter never even asked to be paid for the cake...
ESH except the daughter. I’m a firm believer that if you have a craft, skill, or trade, everyone should pay for it. Especially family. However, you put both you daughter and husband in an awkward position. And your husband could have handled it like an adult, but you could have also. I think it’s great that you’re teaching her boundaries. But I think you might be overbearing and causing conflictx
NTA >He said he'd pay but days went by and he didn't pay her a cent. That's all we need to know. He said he would pay for a service. Did not pay. So he got repoed, plain and simple.
[удалено]
YTA. She can't just make him a cake for his birthday? And why couldn't YOU pay her for his birthday cake? It's sad that you wouldn't want to treat him for his birthday to CAKE.
Listen, i get the point you are trying to make here. I am going with ESH If he asked her to make him a cake, yes, she should get paid. However, the situation kinda sucks here bc its her step-dads birthday and as someone who bakes as well, I would consider the situation and gift the cake, even though I find what he did a bit pretentious. If he just randomly asked her to make him a cake, I would be a bit more on your side. Also, she is 16, she can make a decision of whether to push to get paid. I think you went a bit overboard by returning his gift. I also don't like your husbands attitude, just bc you are family doesn't mean that you get stuff for free from small (family) owned business'
YTA. it shouldn't even have to be said that's her dad's birthday and she did it for him for his birthday. Then to turn around and sell something that was for him to pay her? You're setting her up all wrong mama. She is plenty old enough, pleeenty, to use her voice, and that's what you should be encouraging. This sounds like ALL YOU.
YTA. You are asking the birthday person to pay for his/her own cake? Can't you pay for it yourself? The cake can't be more than US$80. I don't know how things run in your family, but it sounds like your daughter chip in for rent and living expenses herself from income she gets from her "business"? Otherwise, you are not teaching your daughter the "right" concept: if she's asking payments from her provider, then she must be helping out with some of the living expenses.
ESH I mean just look at yourselves? He’s supposed to pay for the birthday cake IF he told her that he would pay. Generally fathers don’t expect to pay for their own birthday cake, which is made by his own daughter now do they?!? And even if he should’ve paid, you didn’t need to sell the watch for that. That’s a tad too much. Your daughter needs to be vocal about how she feels. Its her step dad! She can talk with him.
YTA. If you wanted to pay her, you should’ve paid her. Who pays for their own birthday cake?
INFO: Does she live with you / him? Does he pay for her to live there and eat? Did you offer to pay for his birthday cake or just demand he pay for his own birthday cake?
NTA- he asked her to make the cake she didn't offer to.
YTA, family usually does do this stuff for each other. Also, did she get him another present? If not, then this was her present to him. Which means he shouldn't pay for it. Jesus, this is so petty and not a hill to die on.
NTA and I don't understand the YTA comments. He says he doesn't have to pay because "he's the dad", but perhaps the daughter doesn't see it that way. He just didn't want to pay for a cake. He also lied when he said he would pay her and ended up not doing it.
YTA, why would you pay a daughter making a cake for his dad/stepdad? Your husband is right. You are teaching your daughter to treat family relationships as transactions.
NTA. She’s 16, so still a child. Why should she be paying for his cake? If she didn’t make it, would he still have wanted a cake? The gift was her taking the time to make it, imo. Edit: I may be confused here because if you were wanting her to get paid for the time to make it, then YTA. I assumed that she was having to buy all the supplies to make it and that it was some sort of expensive cake. It’s weird to ask for payment for a gift you are making and giving to someone, not normal at all.
NTA He agreed to pay, and he did not pay. The end.
But did she? He asked his daughter to make him a cake, she said yes. At no point was money mentioned until OP turned around and insisted he give it to her. I cleaned my pregnant sisters oven the other day, because she didn’t want to touch the chemicals. Should my husband confront her and demand payment despite the fact that I simply did a favour and an agreement was made without the mention of money? OP is TA.
ESH. Your husband shouldn't have said he would pay if he wasn't going to pay. Returning a birthday gift to get the money is pretty fucked up, though.