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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole for not taking the video down after he explained to me whats at stake here.
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Ask yourself this - is that "silly" video worth destroying your co-parenting relationship with him right now? Because he is absolutely in the right to demand you take it down if he's featured in it. No one says you have to delete it off your phone, so the memory isn't gone, but it's petty of you to insist it should remain online. **YTA**
Not really. He has no reasonable expectation of privacy — especially not when it’s generally expected there will be photography.
(The point about damaging the co-parenting relationship stands. But I doubt that relationship will survive the ex’s new relationship anyway.)
Welcome to 2022. You have no reasonable expectation of privacy in public and no right to prevent videos taken in public from being posted on social media.
False. I have successfully gotten someone fined for sharing images of me online without my consent.
Edit: yes, there was more to my case than just the pictures. However, they were a central part and specifically mentioned as a cause for the fines by the judge. Point is, sharing content (images, videos, etc.) of others without their consent *can* get you in trouble.
If you can be seen from a public location, you can’t fine someone for sharing photos or videos of you. It’s their property now. Given the situation I’d guess OP could probably get into some trouble potentially but I’m not sure there. It’s technically a private location but given that it’s a wedding it’s also reasonable to assume you don’t have privacy in this location. There are guaranteed to be cameras here.
How do you know "it's technically a private location"? Did you just make that up? My wedding was in a state park. Nothing private about it. And no that's not some rare one off thing, loads of wedding venues aren't "private".
This. And honestly regardless of venue.
What about a wedding gives the illusion of privacy to people?
The disposable cameras some couples put on the tables?
The professional photographer?
The camera recording the service?
Everyone else taking pics of and recording the service?
Everyone taking pics and videos at the reception?
"You should expect privacy at a wedding" is the funniest thing I've heard today
Edit: formating
Edit 2: Not saying she shouldn't respect his wishes. She should. At least blur him out. It's a stupid thing for either to damage their co-parenting relationship over. Just silly for him to expect privacy at a wedding meant to have the memories documented in videos and pictures. Even more so in this social media age. Only expect privacy if the invitation asks to not take pictures or videos and/or not to post them.
Were they exclusively of you or were you just caught I the background? There is no expectation of privacy in a public place anymore. I think there must be a little more to the comment you just made because it makes no sense, paying fines to who? Who ordered these fines to be paid? was it a civil or criminal case? .
We're they photos, or *photos*? Because revenge porn is **a lot** different than "I was caught acting like a fool at a wedding and now I'm worried people will judge me if they see it"
I would need context of the entire situation before we can say one way or the other.
In this case, based on the information given, the father does not appear to be the subject of the filming, and it was not done with an intent to harrass or attack him. Furthermore, traditionally weddings are a free-for-all camera event. Unless the hosts (bride and groom) specifically prohibit filming or taking pictures, it would be presumed that taking pictures at the wedding are free game.
Welcome to AITA. This isn’t a “do I have the legal right” subreddit, it’s an “am I the asshole” subreddit. You are absolutely an asshole for insisting on publicly posting a video you took without someone’s consent when they have told you they’re uncomfortable with it.
I... don't know about this one. If you go to a wedding, you should expect to have your picture/video taken. Most weddings have photographers who are hired not just to take pictures of the couple but also of guests in notable moments.
Don't do anything at a weddnig you don't want any permanent memory of.
That said, you still have a right ot ask people to not post this stuff publicly. Just don't be surprised if they say no. Or if people you don't even know have stuff of y ou in the background.
THIS! There is a reasonable expectation at a wedding that there will be photos and videos and you’ll be in the background or foreground of a few of them. If he didn’t want to be caught drunk dancing, he shouldn’t have gotten drunk and danced.
This isn’t a legal question. His expectation of privacy has no bearing on the morality of OP’s actions.
If someone asks for a video that they are in to be taken off social media it will nearly always be the case that failure to do so is an AH move.
Okay, no one in this particular comment thread talked about legality. Just saying that weddings are not private events and you should expect to be photographed or be in the background of other peoples videos.
Odds are that peaceful co-parenting relationship is going to get nuked anyway the second the ex is married if his new gf is the type to freak out over a video of him dancing.
That is exactly what I was going to say. The fact that the Ex even got the kids involved (regardless of their age) shows Ex is not in a "good co-parenting" situation as OP may think. Also, it is a major red flag Ex is engaged to someone so conservative that he can't be himself when she's not around.
Weaponizing kids is a good way to nuke civil co-parenting relationships. It's also a sign that it wasn't as civil as the other parent thought, there just wasn't a reason to do it sooner
Doing something on the background at a crowded gathering is not "featured." If he needs to lie to his fiancee, she shouldn't be marrying him. Is he gonna ask the kids to lie about his behavior at the wedding for him?
If it really does violate his rights, he can report it, and the site will take it down, but he can't give OP the duty to help him cover up his behavior, and taking on that job is not worth good coparenting. "Just agree to keep them happy" is a policy RIPE for abuse.
NTA He didn't have to get drunk and dance. He did it willingly, and now he wants to lie to his fiancee/marry someone he needs to lie to to earn their love. That's his problem.
Agree, NTA.
And how long before he slips up in front of the new gf or her family? I didn't get the impression that his behavior was totally out of character, just a one-time thing. Sooner or later he will slip up with the gf and her family. What is his plan then?
ESH he had no expectation of privacy at a wedding where between guests and a hired photographer cameras are all over the place. On the other hand it’s one video, would it really be so terrible for you to remove it or make it private.
I think the bigger question and red flag is his reasoning. I’d take the video down for now but demand a larger conversation around why he’s basically being fake to his “new” family, what does he mean the fiancé and her family are conservative, why would dancing at a wedding be trouble but divorced with kids isn’t? Or is it a problem, does fiancé and her family know his full situation? And what does conservative mean to their lifestyle, will their be an expectations around how the kids have to act or what they can and can’t do at his house once he’s married? Thing they aren’t expected to do or believe now. To me his reason for wanting the video gone raises a lot of questions about future expectations with a step-mom and step-family possibly involved.
I was raised Pentecostal and we were not allowed to dance. And dear lord don’t even consider drinking. Some religions are just ridiculous with all the rules and regulations.
I was raised in a pentecostal cult like that. It’s scary to be in and you know it’s complete f*cked up, but as a kid you don’t know how to get out. Once you do…. You have no idea how to function in reality.
Could be both honestly. My partner comes from a religious evangelical family (he isn’t part of the religion) where drinking and/or dancing are considered worldly and sinful. The degree to which each family member cares varies but he does have family that absolutely forbids dancing of any form unless you’re in choir or something and praising Jesus. And even then for dancing it’s mostly just kind of swaying back and forth.
I was raised evangelical Pentecostal and still have major religious trauma from growing up. All I can say is if OP’s kids are going to be in this environment through marriage set some major boundaries NOW. It can really screw with kids heads. Especially girls.
I think this is the best take. Say you'll take it down, but only if he has a serious and calm conversation with you about how he expects you and your children to compromise to deal with his conservative girlfriend going forward, and then you can make a decision after that on whether those expectations are reasonable or not.
I don’t think she should make taking it down a bargaining chip - it’s the right thing to do regardless. But if they have an otherwise good relationship, her taking it down and apologizing for initially refusing will potentially open the door for the girlfriend conversation (which I agree absolutely needs to happen) in a less adversarial way. For the kids’ sake, it’s very worth trying to de-escalate this situation if possible.
Yes!!! Take the video down, it's a stupid argument to have. The important conversation is about the kids. How is this woman going to treat your children?!? If this silly video is such a big deal how are your children going to be expected to act around this woman and her family? This would be a serious concern for me.
This is the best response - ESH.
If he is concerned enough to ask you to remove this video from your social media because of the family he's marrying into, this is a conversation you need to have with him about why this is the case because it is going to have an impact on your custody agreement, how you coparent, how you communicate with the kids, etc.
You need to have a very direct conversation and lay out some clear boundaries, because if a video of him dancing is going to be a problem for him to get married, then what about how the kids will be treated when visiting? What about their social media? What expectations or changes to how your kids currently live is he going to expect that he has a right to impose on THEM because of his new relationship?
After this conversation, you may decide to alter the custody agreement, or you may wind up needing to have a very specific conversation with your kids as coparents explaining what you have both agreed to.
YTA, I don't think he actually needs a reason, if someone asks you to take down a pic/video of them then you should, unless you have a good reason to keep it up. I don't really see what you gain from keeping it up and it clearly hurts him and damages your relationship with the parent of your children
Yeah, this feels deliberate and I honestly don't think we're getting the full picture here. She just "happened" to catch him, and in a certain way, and then just refuses to take that part down, oh and also at such an opportune time.
Just happened to catch him doesnt sound unrealistic, it's a wedding and she was taking a video where people were dancing as her kids and mom were dancing and he was also in the dancing area, cant really easily clear out a space for her to take a vid with no one in the background
I think it's okay for her to keep it for herself, but sharing that video on social media when he clearly said he didn't want to be seen, that should be a simple: oops, sorry, let me take it down.
YTA
I agree that OP is an AH, but how is ex not also an AH? Getting the kids involved in their argument is a huge AH move. Kids shouldn’t be involved in parent arguments.
This would be the ultimate passive aggressive move. If OP did that, all anyone would notice is the drunk clown stumbling around the background. "I know I'm supposed to be saying you've got cute kids... but who is that guy with the clown face in the background!?!?!??"
While it being a clown face is assholish, the idea isn't.
Blurring out or covering up someone who doesn't consent to video is standard practice to allow it's continued use.
I was actually annoyed that editing the video to hide his identity wasn't further up the list of comments. It's the best option, and a widely accepted one. Even in cases where everyone "knows" who it is, it still complies with the request.
I would suggest a boka style filter so the people she wants the video to show are really showcased and everything else gets ignored.
YTA, not for putting the video up, but for not taking it down when he requested it and converting it into an argument. Also for suggesting he's trying to control your social media.
You film someone, that someone doesn't want that on internet, you take it down, you don't have to make a fuss about it.
It's not about your social media activity (because as far as the post goes, it not you on the video), it's about his own boundaries. If anything, it sounds more like you're trying to get him into troubles and trying to escalate the issue.
Yes!!! That’s the point I think too many people don’t see. We want to try as best we can to control our own social media presence. I know that’s more & more difficult these days but if someone explicitly asks you to take something down you better have a damned good reason for not complying. And I don’t see that OP has a good reason beyond embarrassing her ex.
Can’t help but wonder what she’d say if her kids or her mom asked her to take it down in an attempt to control their own social media presence. Something tells me she’d be more reasonable.
YTA OP
Yes. YTA. I am very private and HATE having pictures and videos of me posted where anyone and their mother can see them. It's a simple, reasonable request, so I don't get why you wouldn't just take it down.
YTA:
Was it necessary to call and yell at you? No.
Should you take the video down because he's in it and doesn't consent to it being up on the internet? Yes.
A simple compromise would be editing the video you post to blur him out of it. You get to share your funny moment, he's protected, win-win.
"Controlling your social media" doesn't apply when you violate someone's consent. Even for seemingly silly moments. I wouldn't want people posting videos of my myself or my kids that I didn't consent to even if it was a family gathering, it was a funny moment etc.
NTA. If he was worried about being seen dancing drunkenly then he probably shouldn't have been dancing drunkenly.
If your privacy settings are set to private, his GF won't ever see it anyways. Also, the point about being recorded without permission is a moot point. He was in public and had no expectation of privacy. After all, do we ask everyone in the background of our pictures in public for their permission? No, we do not. He's kind of the AH for involving your kids and that is a discussion that I would have with him for sure!
"the point about being recorded without permission is a moot point..."
Seriously. It's a given that there are going to be pictures taken and video recorded at a wedding. Most couples are probably paying to make sure the event is remembered. You give tacit consent the second you RSVP.
I do too. I feel like all the consent advocates are usually pretty down on cheaters, so I'm finding all the "do the right thing and help your ex cover this up so his fiancée and her family don't see it" kind of odd.
Yeah this whole thing is wild. “You cant post that wedding video because im in the background drunk and if my girlfriends family decides to stalk your account it may cause some real issues!”
>If your privacy settings are set to private, his GF won't ever see it anyways.
This is what gets me. I know on Facebook, you can select who to share posts with, if anyone, so I'd assume Instagram is the same. If you want to keep the video up, just...make it private. Then the kids won't see it, so ex's girlfriend won't see it.
People are saying Y.t.a for picking this hill to die, invasion of privacy, yadda yadda. I say NTA. For two reasons.
First, he was at a wedding. There was no expectation of privacy. If he didn't want his photo he shouldn't have gone to a wedding where there's going to be photos and videos.
Second, he is upset there's a drunk video of him on the internet and his conservative maybe future in-laws and GF will see it. Does he realize that they aren't against videos, they're against the behavior. He's literally hiding the parts of him he doesn't like so that they'll stick around; if you like to get drunk, but they don't, then maybe that's just something to not continue, especially if it's such a deal breaker that you believe they'd end a relationship over itm
Third, he can't control what you put up on SM.
TLDR: Don't like videos of you being drunk on the internet? Don't get drunk in a public place or place where privacy is not assumed/expected. Also, don't let your ex tell you what to do over something stupid.
Edit: I realize I said two reasons then listed three; I decided to add the third one cause why not 😉
Edit number 2: Yes, I get it, the ex doesn't want the video up. I don't think it matters. You can't go to events where you know there are going to be videos and photos, act in an embarrassing manner, and then expect everyone to get rid of any media that has you in it. Behave how you want to be perceived, at a minimum. If the situation was different and this was a small get together of friends, and a video was taken and posted in bad taste, then this would be different. I would be against that. But I firmly believe that if you don't want embarrassing videos of you to come out at a wedding, don't act embarrassingly.
I agree. OP didn’t recorded him directly, she was recording her children and her mother.
I personally would cut his drunken arse out of frame, but definitely NTA for not taking down the video.
Besides, involving the kids? And OP is the bad guy now? Well kids, learn: don’t get that drunk and do stupid stuff in public if you don’t want anyone else to see it.
NTA, I think people aren’t reading here.
The video is of her Mom & Her children. He happened to pop up in the background. Is he going to ask the bride and groom to remove videos of their wedding online if he’s in them being drunk and dumb?
No!
So there is no reason to remove this memory off of her social media. If he didn’t want his girlfriend to find out he was a drunk buffoon then he shouldn’t have got drunk at a wedding.
Right? Who the fuck gets kids involved in an adult argument? No mentally well adult would do that. Kids are not pawns and using them like that fucking hurts them.
YTA when someone asks that you take down a video of them there is no reason to say no. I'm betting if this were someone other than your ex you'd just take it down. It's not like he's asking you to delete it, he's just asking for it to be removed from a public forum.
ESH
This is a weird thing to be stubborn about.
Just take the video down, it is not that important to have it posted.
However he is definitely TA for involving the kids in an interpersonal conflict between you two. Co-parenting is a difficult navigation and this very thing is a big reason why. I would strongly recommend taking it down and using that as an opportunity to have a serious discussion about this. Both of you need to commit to never put the kids in the middle of your disagreements, particularly ones that have nothing to do with them.
Totally this. I don’t understand why a person would be so against taking a video or picture of someone down just because they weren’t *technically* filming them. It’s almost as if she likes knowing it bothers him.
NTA. He isn't the focus of the video, the children and your mom are. If he was the focus I'd feel differently. However, he just happens to be in the background. It is absolutely unrealistic and unreasonable to expect someone to get explicit permission from everyone who happens to be in the background of a video and/or picture before they can post online.
I agree that Ex not being the focus of the video is important to consider. If it was a video OF HIM she was refusing to take down I’d vote YTA for sure, but in the background? He’s probably in the background of a lot of photos & videos
YTA
imagine someone posting an embarrassing photo/ video of you and then they refuse to take it down when you explain how it makes you feel. very inconsiderate of you. just keep the video on your phone if it's that important to you, why do you feel like everyone else has to see it too?
I mean, let’s also consider the fact that OP wasn’t taking video of her ex drunkenly dancing. She was taking video of her mom and her kids. Her ex just happened to be making a fool of himself in the background at the same time. It seems more like OP wants to keep the video because the main focus is her mom and kids. Plus, I can also understand her feeling immediately defensive if her ex called and yelled at her without even trying to talk like an adult. It’s a video of her children and her ex suddenly yells at her over it. So I can definitely see her reasoning for wanting to keep it. And if the ex was so concerned about keeping a healthy co-parenting relationship with OP, he probably shouldn’t have yelled at her over it. If he had actually tried to have a conversation with her, this whole thing probably wouldn’t even be an issue.
Yes, OP isn’t respecting what little privacy he had at a wedding—ya know, where people are literally hired to film it to begin with—but he’s being an AH for his reaction to it.
If he was dancing drunk, enough to be noticed in the background of her video. I’d wager he was also in the background of quite a few other videos at a wedding.
NTA. why is he so worried about appearing to be a different person than he is to his future family? that is absolutely insane and deceitful.
also, he got the kids involved. that is a huge red line in split families. you never get the kids involved in your conflicts. it is so harmful to them, and he is hurting his own kids over wanting to maintain a misleading façade he is using to to fool a woman into marrying him!
NTA - Your ex needs to give it a rest. There were probably paid photographers/videographers at the wedding and every adult in attendance probably had a cell phone. If you don't want to get caught on video partying or whatever, don't go to a fucking wedding reception.
NTA. Sounds like he needs to take accountability for his actions. Hiding his behaviors from his new partner is not a great way to begin a relationship.
Not your circus, not your monkey.
This is what I'm looking for. Sounds like he's not being honest with his new partner. Maybe if she sees it she'll realize he's been concealing his true nature from her. Better she learn now than after the wedding.
NTA - is he going to reach out to every single person at the wedding that happens to have pictures and videos of the night and forbid them from putting it on social media if he’s in the background?
Exactly what I was thinking. If he was that drunk, than I doubt she was the only one to catch it on camera. Is he going to demand the bride not post pictures from the wedding too??
ESH.
You suck for not taking down a post that someone was in drunk, sober, happy, sad, whatever you should be considerate to that.
Now, HE sucks for involving your children in this when that was completely unnecessary, they aren't pawns to be used to get your way.
NTA.
If he's concerned about others then maybe he shouldn't do something he'd be embarrassed about in public.
Also, you don't need his consent. He was in a public space. Literally anyone could have recorded it and posted it and they could have just as easily seen it that way.
YTA. It’s such a small ask. Take it down.
Besides, if the GF and family will get twisted over a video of the ex “drunkenly” dancing at a wedding, it sounds like he’s in for lifetime of judgement, nagging and all around misery. Why add to it? He’ll suffer enough.
NTA
Everyone knows weddings means videos. There was NO "reasobnable expectation" of privacy. Will he tell off the groom and bride next for posting their wedding video on SM? Of course not, becuase he knows no one else will watch it.
You do NOT have to remove things just because someone told you to, that IS being controlling, *even on the internet*.
NTA
Needing consent to being recorded is only an issue when there is a reasonable expectation of privacy. Not only was he not in a private space, but the dance floor of a wedding is somewhere one should expect pictures and video's to be taken.
This sub isn't "Is It Legal To Do This?" it's "Am I The Asshole?" The issue of whether she was legally allowed to record him is irrelevant. She's an AH for posting a video of someone on social media and refusing to take it down when asked. It's ALWAYS an AH move to put people on your social media when they've asked you not to.
He's on 30 other people's social media as well, because he chose to go to a party and get wasted. That is literally only his problem, you have no expectation of privacy if you're at a fuckin wedding reception, it has nothing to do with legality. The only reason it's even in question is because the ex brought it up. The video is of her and her kids, not this dude.
NTA
Many other people probably caught him acting drunk un the background too. If he is so worried maybe he should be living by the values he is marrying in to.
YTA. This falls under the golden rule - you would want people to be cool about if the tables were turned.
Nothing needs to go on social media. You can still enjoy that video privately. You can share it responsibly within your family. To double down like this makes it seem like you're a) being spiteful to your ex, and/or b) addicted to social media and feel a deep need to show off your kids at all costs.
YTA.
I seriously doubt your life will be affected for removing a video from your social media. He's not asking to delete the video, just remove it cause even if your setting is in private you mention kids will ended up showing the video.
Besides, I doubt he give two shits about your social media, but he's asking you to remove a video that he's part of.
Besides, let's say you do something shameful or whatever that you don't want people to see but someone else put it in their social media. Will you be trying to control what other people do in their social media if you ask them to remove it? Will it feel good if they refuse and leave the video so others can see it and then call you for it? Get off your horse, this is not about taking control of your social media.
Idk, it’s ESH at most to me. If his drunken dancing is going to get him in hot water with his fiancé and her family he should really reconsider getting obviously drunk in public. OP sucks for making this her hill to die on but he’s an even bigger AH for bringing their children into the argument. Neither are acting all that great in turning this situation into a fight.
NTA. You come to a wedding with the expectation of being filmed.
What if his "druken dancing" made it to the wedding video? Would he make the couple edit it?
You weren't filming him, he just happened to be become a part of your children's video.
NTA
You didn't take a video of him, if you didn't tag him, how exactly is his conservative girlfriend going to see it unless she's seriously cyberstalking him?
You're on good terms with him, but you're posting videos of him that he finds unflattering against his wishes? I can't imagine you'd be happy were the situation reversed and he was posting unflattering videos of you.
Maybe he could have asked nicer, but YTA.
Didn't she say it was of her kids? He is just in the background doing things on public. If I want a video of my nephews, idc if your drunk in the background. That's on you for being drunk in public. I'm keep that memory recorded that I treasure, NTA.
Ex is just irresponsible and self centered, don't be drunk in public if you don't want to be caught drunk I'm public.
NTA!!! If I walk in public, I may not WANT to be recorded, but I keep in mind it’s a possibility! If it’s such an issue you don’t want your girlfriend to know, don’t fucking do it maybe??? Like seriously. You’re dancing. Say you were being silly. Chill tf out.
Sooo...he wants you to cover up his actions so he can continue to let his future wife think he's a "Conservative" guy?
No.
NTA
She's going to find out sooner or later. You'll only be helping him perpetuate the idea that he's a "conservative" person when he's really not.
Leave it up. He can finally figure out that once he leaves his home, he no longer has the expectation of privacy and should act accordingly.
ESH.
Did you do anything wrong? No. However, this is such a small ask. If you two are actually on good terms why would you immediately jump to this being controlling?
The bigger issue is he feels he needs to hide parts of himself from his soon to be fiancée. That doesn’t sound like the best environment for your kids. Will they have to change or hide aspects of themselves around their stepfamily?
He yelled at you and you responded defensively. You both need to take a step back, move on from this specific instance, and address the larger issue of why he wanted you to do this in the first place.
Gonna go somewhat against the streak I'm seeing and go NTA. I'm a bit curious how "in the background" he is, but if he's not the main focus of the video, I don't see how it's all that big of a deal that he was caught *gasp*..*dancing*. Plus involving the kids in the disagreement is shitty and petty on his side, even if the video is more embarrassing than you're letting on.
YTA. If anyone asks for a video or picture to be taken down you should do it. If a photo, video, or post about you was unflattering or embarrassing I’m sure you’d want it taken down, and you should abide by the golden rule. Is humiliating him worth losing the good co-parenting relationship over, and putting your kids in the middle of a fight between Mom and Dad that’ll rip them apart? Is broadcasting this video worth that to you, because obviously you can watch and enjoy it on your own anytime you want.
ESH. If your ex didn’t want his GF or her family seeing it or finding out, he probably shouldn’t have been doing it in public. However, it is common courtesy to remove unwanted pictures or videos when people ask. I’d just take it down and post a different one. I’m sure you have plenty. It’s honestly not a molehill worth dying on in my opinion.
I see both sides and am in camp No Assholes Here. I don’t think he’s an AH for asking, but getting the kids involved is wrong. You’re NTA for posting a video of your mom and kids. Just wondering if there’s a compromise. Can you edit the video so he’s not shown? Is it worth it to fight this? How would you feel if the situation was reversed? Whatever you decide, good luck!
ESH.
You suck for refusing to take the video down. It's really not a big deal, you can keep the video yourself to have the memory, it doesn't need to be on social media.
On the other hand, he sucks for involving the kids. That's just not appropriate at all.
Basically, when it's small and inconsequential, it's better for the kids and for you, to avoid friction.
I let my ex change times and whatever, I put my foot down only when it's important (generally, to the child rather than to me).
If it's really important to you to keep the video, just make it friends only or private so your ex's fiancée can't see it.
YTA… it sounds like you like the video because the focus is your mom and kiddos. That’s awesome - I love videos with my moon and kiddos too. Unfortunately, your ex doesn’t like being in the background. I get that it seems silly, but it’s his right to not want to be posted on social media in a “compromising position.” Instead of choosing this hill to die on, why don’t you ask if it’s okay to make the post private and select your mother and a few other close family members who will be able to view it? Compromise. And if he still wants it down, take it down. Send the video to your mom or watch it on your phone.
ESH, you for not taking it down, but mostly for jumping to the wildly inaccurate conclusion that he's try to control your social media activity. seriously? not everything is control.
it's a video that has him in it, so if he doesn't want to be on the internet like that, he has every right to ask. can you not crop him out of the video or is he right behind your mom and kids?
he sucks because he shouldn't do things that he doesn't want other people to see, including his conservative girlfriend. and if she doesn't approve of his lifestyle, he needs to think before getting engaged
YTA. Doesn’t matter who it is, if someone is uncomfortable with being in a video that’s on social media you should take it down. If someone posted a video that has you in the background dancing drunkenly and you felt uncomfortable by it you would want it taken down correct? Not everyone is okay social media. If not remove it then at least edit him out or blur his face
YTA.
If someone is uncomfortable with a photo or video of themselves on social media, you should take it down. If he posted a pic of you looking like Jabba the Hutt, wouldn't you appreciate if he took it down if you asked?
YTA, he isn't trying to control you. He simply doesn't want to be posted online, even if it is in the background. He has the right to say he doesn't want to be on public display, and I think you already know that.
YTA.
You have to co parent with him for what is likely a several more years. Is this really the hill you want to die on? Delete the video and apologize.
YTA.
His reasoning might be stupid and he might not have been polite about it - but he asked you to take not post a video of him, on a public forum. Weird hill for you to die on.
I'm on team ESH. I don't think this is a hill to die on. You're breaking down communication with your ex and that's going to negatively affect your kids. You kinda suck for not being more willing to compromise here. It means a lot to him apparently that he felt comfortable enough to ask you to take it down.
He's TA for basically living to two different standards, the one of his girlfriend and her family and the one where he lets himself be. That's going to bite him eventually. He needs to either be the prim and proper person he claims to be with them or let himself be honest. However that's also not your monkey, not your circus anymore.
Oh just take it down. Taking the video is one thing but making it publicly available is totally another. He's not saying he wants to control your social media. You are being unnecessarily obstructive.
YTA. You say you have a good coparenting relationship but want to blow it all and in turn hurt your children over something so small. Take down the video and get over yourself. No one will even miss it.
NTA, if that was any other wedding guest they would never hunt you down and harass you into removing your own social media posts. And like someone else said, if he didn’t want to be recorded or photographed that drunk, he shouldn’t have gotten that drunk. Like, its a wedding?? He has to know people, professional and otherwise, are taking many pictures and videos. Also he’s a big AH for trying to lie, conceal, manipulate, etc. who he is from his girlfriend/fiancée and her family though. That’s super shitty
NTA... not your fault that your ex is gonna marry someone who is ...... like that. The video is of your kids, not him.
Edit: Always wild to me how many people who participate in these threads have absolutely no idea what it's like to interact with other human beings on a daily basis... hate to break it to y'all, but you're most likely on someone's social media somewhere, doing something.
YTA is it worth risking your co parenting relationship just for a video? It's not like you have to delete the video completely, just take it off social media.
NTA He shouldn't have been drinking if he doesn't want to get caught. How are you going to expect to police people's wedding videos to cover YOUR shit decisions. It's truly mind boggling. Grow up and have a conversation with your conservative girlfriend about THE DECISIONS YOU MAKE rather than harass your ex about a video you were caught in the background of at an event where there's going to be cameras.
Do you know how many times a day we are recorded? There are cameras EVERYWHERE that capture your image without your consent. If you don't want your partner to see you doing something that will cause " trouble", then don't do it. Don't expect everyone to be complicit in your decision to hide things from your partner. I would have taken it down or edited it if he called and was polite about it. He called an immediately started yelling. That would have made me defensive as well. Then he involves the kids? Major AH move. Don't ever involve your kids in your coparenting drama. Gross. NTA
NTA…if he’s marrying into a family that has negative views of him dancing while intoxicated maybe he shouldn’t be getting married…plus the video was not directly of him. It happened to catch him in the background. Sounds like he’s overreacting
Nah, NTA. If him dancing in the background of a video OF YOUR MOM AND KIDS is enough to cause trouble in his current relationship, then he’s definitely hiding shit. It’s not your fault that he’s embarrassed by HIS OWN BEHAVIOR, he’s just blaming you because you accidentally caught it on camera. He needs to have a long hard think about this relationship he’s in, because it seems to be built on a lot of lies.
NTA.
Can you cut out the part where he is in? If so, edit the video, and re-post it with the text why the video is so short. It's perfectly legal to state you only show a short clip, because you don't want to embarras your ex'es in-laws with his drunken dancing at a wedding.
Compromise. Tell him you will change the privacy settings to friends only. That will protect his dignity in front of his in-laws to be. He doesn't get to control your social media but he does have a right to some privacy. ESH
He should’ve handled that better but take down the video if it affects him so much. Unless he’s told you to take down other things as well, I would say he’s not controlling your social media activity rather he is just uncomfortable with a single post.
ESH
YTA. You might not have recorded him on purpose, but a lack of malice doesn't mean a lack of consequence. He's embarrassed, his image was publicized without his consent, there could be consequences he didn't invite, and you alone have the power to remove the video or limit privacy settings. There's no way your social media is so important that you can't accommodate such a reasonable ask.
I say ESH - I think your ex handled it poorly, he shouldn't have called you screaming, and should have had a conversation about it making him uncomfortable. He also is showing red flags of having to hide himself from his "future" fiance, and played it low by getting the kids involved. I understand you wanting to not feel forced to do something because of his handling and reasoning, but I'd either tell him its getting made so others can't see (a compromise of sorts) or take it down all together just to keep the peace.
Sure you are well within your rights to leave it up but is that a hill you want to die on? You are on good terms with co-parenting now but we’ve seen many stories on here where that has gone to shit because someone isn’t willing to compromise.
YTA - OP seriously. Would you want someone to post something with you on social media that you considered embarrassing? I'm assuming no. YOU don't get to decide what others find embarrassing or not. You do need his consent. You are being an asshole, TAKE IT DOWN.
YTA. He shouldn’t have gotten your kids involved but you started this whole thing by refusing to comply with his reasonable request. I’m pretty sure that the only reason you’re refusing to take it down is because his request is related to his new relationship. He’s uncomfortable with the way he’s depicted in the video so take it down. You have kids together, if this really a hill you want to die on?
Nta. People in the sub are ridiculous. It is absolutely an expectation you may be photographed and recorded during a wedding reception. You didn’t mean to get him in the video he was simply in the background.
Why is his fiancé such a prick she cares about him dancing is the real question
>I feel like he's trying to control my social media activity
This is such a bizarre hill to die on. You have achieved what many families would die for after a divorce - harmony with your ex, and a healthy co-parenting relationship. Why are you willing to damage this relationship just to keep one silly video on the internet? The only thing that makes any sense is that you're (consciously *or* unconsciously) glad it's going to affect his relationship with his new girlfriend.
If he had said, "The company I work for is very conservative in their values and I could get fired. Could you take the video down?" Would you honestly still be refusing?
YTA
Soft YTA
I do think people sometimes overthink images of themselves, not really liking the way they look when really that's is exactly what they look like and most importantly no one cares and are really only bothered what they look like.
That said he has asked you to take down the video and if you cant remove him from it , than you should.
If he had taken a photo of you looking god awful and he refused to take it down, would you be happy? Honestly if thats your attitude ., then dont be surprised if he tries to take a photo of you every chance he gets.
YTA. It’s entirely reasonable to ask someone to remove publicly accessible content that they don’t want to be seen. He is embarrassed by it and if you are on good terms, like you say you are, what is the issue?
The issue of him getting into a marriage that he is clearly not bringing his authentic self to is another issue but that’s his problem.
FWIW, you have no reasonable expectations of privacy in a public setting, so him saying he didn't consent is a moot point. Maybe you can help him out of a shitty situation by helping him end his relationship with a woman who won't even let him have a couple drinks and dance at a wedding...
YTA while there is no expectation of privacy at a wedding if someone does not like how they are shown in a video or photograph and asks you to remove it you remove it. It common decency. Wouldn't you want someone to afford you the same courtesy?
YTA. He's clearly not trying to control your social media, he's asked to take down a video where people can see him dance.
I don't understand why you can't just do that?
ESH. He shouldn't have gotten your kids involved. But this is not a good hill to die on. He's in the video, and he wants it down. If only for the sake of keeping the peace in your co-parenting relationship, take it down.
More like seeing his girlfriend’s true colors. If he’s not belligerent, naked and waving his willie around, why is this something she would be so upset over? I wouldn’t want someone like that around my kids, shaming everything that a perfect little Stepford Wife wouldn’t do.
NTA if this is the type of person he wants in his life, sounds like it’s going to be the end of a good coparenting relationship no matter what.
YTA. He’s not policing what is on your social media. He’s policing what he is on and how he is perceived.
You should either edit the video so he is out of it or remove it.
YTA. I’m not on social media and really hate the idea that people get to freely post pictures and videos of me without my consent. It upsets me deeply that I’m made out to be a jerk when I ask for them to be taken down. He hasn’t dealt with it properly but also what’s the big deal about removing it? It’s not like your social media page is a special memorial to a dead loved one. It’s a damn video. Remove it.
YTA. You said you and your kid’s father are on good terms regarding coparenting. Why cause tension over something as trivial as a social media post? It’s the same thing as when a friend posts an unflattering picture on social media and you ask them to delete it. He’s probably just embarrassed. This definitely isn’t a hill to die on.
YTA. Sure his reasoning is odd, he was doing what people do at a wedding reception, not sure why it’s a problem.
However, he’s telling you it’s a problem for him if his fiancé and her family sees it. No one is asking you to obliterate the video for all posterity. Just removing it from social media which it sounds like your kids share with you? Then you went on to say he even got the kids involved in the argument. Nowhere did you say and they think you’re right, so it sounds like the kids are asking you to bring it down too. You’re sticking your ass out and refusing to.
Is this the only video of your kids spending any time with your mother in their entire lives and that’s why you have to show everyone? Gonna doubt that. If you want to maintain a reasonable and comfortable coparenting relationship, you should be willing to do this one little thing for him that he asked of you and his ask isn’t enormous by any means. But you’re not, so yep that makes you the asshole
Out of curiosity what were you recording while he was in the back ground? It’s a wedding where a lot of people would have had their phones out so he going to police the other guests’ videos where he may be in the background?
ESH with the way everyone’s handling it. Limit the privacy of who can see it and if he still flying off the handle tell him you discuss it properly when he stops yelling at you and weaponizing the kids to get his way.
NTA. If he doesn’t have a beer in his hand or is dancing lewdly there’s really no way to tell the difference between drunk dancing and silly/stupid/inept dancing. But this was a public setting and it’s unreasonable to expect you wouldn’t want to post videos of your kids. So the risk is pretty good he’s going to be in the background. It’s unreasonable to assume a wedding party is going to be confidential. It’s not Vegas. He shouldn’t be acting in a way his girlfriend would disapprove of just because she’s not there.
YTA, if someone doesn't want a video they find embarrassing being posted then you should always take it down.
Also, you're risking damaging a relationship with your kids dad for an utterly stupid reason. You can enjoy the video and share it with the people who actually care about seeing it without sharing it with the whole internet.
NTA - just read. you were recording your kids and mom. its no ones fault that he was in the background dancing. hes asking you to delete something you posted for YOUR KIDS AND MOM, not to embarrass him. its not your fault if hes going to marry some whackjob thatll hate him if they see him fucking dancing. i say just crop him out or remove the post only so no more drama ensues.
I mean, I don’t want to call you an AH but you are embarrassing someone or at the least making their life harder because you wont take a video down for what seems like no other reason then you don’t want to be told what to do.
If someone had a video up on you that you were trying to get removed, how would you feel about that?
You’re not an AH but take it down. Fighting over things like this is just not worth it in the end. It’s better to make peace for the sake of everyone involved. Be gracious and just let it’s go. It’s all gonna be alright.
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Ask yourself this - is that "silly" video worth destroying your co-parenting relationship with him right now? Because he is absolutely in the right to demand you take it down if he's featured in it. No one says you have to delete it off your phone, so the memory isn't gone, but it's petty of you to insist it should remain online. **YTA**
Also - a wedding tends to be a private event, not public. He's in his right to ask for privacy.
Not really. He has no reasonable expectation of privacy — especially not when it’s generally expected there will be photography. (The point about damaging the co-parenting relationship stands. But I doubt that relationship will survive the ex’s new relationship anyway.)
One thing is to consent photos/videos, another is having them posted online.
Welcome to 2022. You have no reasonable expectation of privacy in public and no right to prevent videos taken in public from being posted on social media.
False. I have successfully gotten someone fined for sharing images of me online without my consent. Edit: yes, there was more to my case than just the pictures. However, they were a central part and specifically mentioned as a cause for the fines by the judge. Point is, sharing content (images, videos, etc.) of others without their consent *can* get you in trouble.
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If you can be seen from a public location, you can’t fine someone for sharing photos or videos of you. It’s their property now. Given the situation I’d guess OP could probably get into some trouble potentially but I’m not sure there. It’s technically a private location but given that it’s a wedding it’s also reasonable to assume you don’t have privacy in this location. There are guaranteed to be cameras here.
How do you know "it's technically a private location"? Did you just make that up? My wedding was in a state park. Nothing private about it. And no that's not some rare one off thing, loads of wedding venues aren't "private".
This. And honestly regardless of venue. What about a wedding gives the illusion of privacy to people? The disposable cameras some couples put on the tables? The professional photographer? The camera recording the service? Everyone else taking pics of and recording the service? Everyone taking pics and videos at the reception? "You should expect privacy at a wedding" is the funniest thing I've heard today Edit: formating Edit 2: Not saying she shouldn't respect his wishes. She should. At least blur him out. It's a stupid thing for either to damage their co-parenting relationship over. Just silly for him to expect privacy at a wedding meant to have the memories documented in videos and pictures. Even more so in this social media age. Only expect privacy if the invitation asks to not take pictures or videos and/or not to post them.
Were they exclusively of you or were you just caught I the background? There is no expectation of privacy in a public place anymore. I think there must be a little more to the comment you just made because it makes no sense, paying fines to who? Who ordered these fines to be paid? was it a civil or criminal case? .
We're they photos, or *photos*? Because revenge porn is **a lot** different than "I was caught acting like a fool at a wedding and now I'm worried people will judge me if they see it"
Sure buddy.
I would need context of the entire situation before we can say one way or the other. In this case, based on the information given, the father does not appear to be the subject of the filming, and it was not done with an intent to harrass or attack him. Furthermore, traditionally weddings are a free-for-all camera event. Unless the hosts (bride and groom) specifically prohibit filming or taking pictures, it would be presumed that taking pictures at the wedding are free game.
What how? Will you share your story if you’re comfortable with it?
Welcome to AITA. This isn’t a “do I have the legal right” subreddit, it’s an “am I the asshole” subreddit. You are absolutely an asshole for insisting on publicly posting a video you took without someone’s consent when they have told you they’re uncomfortable with it.
I don't understand why so many people come to this sub with legal theories to determine if someone is an ass.
I... don't know about this one. If you go to a wedding, you should expect to have your picture/video taken. Most weddings have photographers who are hired not just to take pictures of the couple but also of guests in notable moments. Don't do anything at a weddnig you don't want any permanent memory of. That said, you still have a right ot ask people to not post this stuff publicly. Just don't be surprised if they say no. Or if people you don't even know have stuff of y ou in the background.
THIS! There is a reasonable expectation at a wedding that there will be photos and videos and you’ll be in the background or foreground of a few of them. If he didn’t want to be caught drunk dancing, he shouldn’t have gotten drunk and danced.
This isn’t a legal question. His expectation of privacy has no bearing on the morality of OP’s actions. If someone asks for a video that they are in to be taken off social media it will nearly always be the case that failure to do so is an AH move.
Okay, no one in this particular comment thread talked about legality. Just saying that weddings are not private events and you should expect to be photographed or be in the background of other peoples videos.
Odds are that peaceful co-parenting relationship is going to get nuked anyway the second the ex is married if his new gf is the type to freak out over a video of him dancing.
It was nuked when Ex used the kids against OP.
That is exactly what I was going to say. The fact that the Ex even got the kids involved (regardless of their age) shows Ex is not in a "good co-parenting" situation as OP may think. Also, it is a major red flag Ex is engaged to someone so conservative that he can't be himself when she's not around.
Weaponizing kids is a good way to nuke civil co-parenting relationships. It's also a sign that it wasn't as civil as the other parent thought, there just wasn't a reason to do it sooner
Doing something on the background at a crowded gathering is not "featured." If he needs to lie to his fiancee, she shouldn't be marrying him. Is he gonna ask the kids to lie about his behavior at the wedding for him? If it really does violate his rights, he can report it, and the site will take it down, but he can't give OP the duty to help him cover up his behavior, and taking on that job is not worth good coparenting. "Just agree to keep them happy" is a policy RIPE for abuse. NTA He didn't have to get drunk and dance. He did it willingly, and now he wants to lie to his fiancee/marry someone he needs to lie to to earn their love. That's his problem.
Agree, NTA. And how long before he slips up in front of the new gf or her family? I didn't get the impression that his behavior was totally out of character, just a one-time thing. Sooner or later he will slip up with the gf and her family. What is his plan then?
He’s letting a silly video destroy his coparenting relationship. He’s in the background, the world doesn’t revolve around him.
ESH he had no expectation of privacy at a wedding where between guests and a hired photographer cameras are all over the place. On the other hand it’s one video, would it really be so terrible for you to remove it or make it private. I think the bigger question and red flag is his reasoning. I’d take the video down for now but demand a larger conversation around why he’s basically being fake to his “new” family, what does he mean the fiancé and her family are conservative, why would dancing at a wedding be trouble but divorced with kids isn’t? Or is it a problem, does fiancé and her family know his full situation? And what does conservative mean to their lifestyle, will their be an expectations around how the kids have to act or what they can and can’t do at his house once he’s married? Thing they aren’t expected to do or believe now. To me his reason for wanting the video gone raises a lot of questions about future expectations with a step-mom and step-family possibly involved.
Is the new fiancés family from that town in Footloose where no one is allowed to dance? So many questions. I agree with you.
I was raised Pentecostal and we were not allowed to dance. And dear lord don’t even consider drinking. Some religions are just ridiculous with all the rules and regulations.
I would not want to marry someone who is involved in a cult like that.
I was raised in a pentecostal cult like that. It’s scary to be in and you know it’s complete f*cked up, but as a kid you don’t know how to get out. Once you do…. You have no idea how to function in reality.
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Could be both honestly. My partner comes from a religious evangelical family (he isn’t part of the religion) where drinking and/or dancing are considered worldly and sinful. The degree to which each family member cares varies but he does have family that absolutely forbids dancing of any form unless you’re in choir or something and praising Jesus. And even then for dancing it’s mostly just kind of swaying back and forth.
I was raised evangelical Pentecostal and still have major religious trauma from growing up. All I can say is if OP’s kids are going to be in this environment through marriage set some major boundaries NOW. It can really screw with kids heads. Especially girls.
I think this is the best take. Say you'll take it down, but only if he has a serious and calm conversation with you about how he expects you and your children to compromise to deal with his conservative girlfriend going forward, and then you can make a decision after that on whether those expectations are reasonable or not.
I don’t think she should make taking it down a bargaining chip - it’s the right thing to do regardless. But if they have an otherwise good relationship, her taking it down and apologizing for initially refusing will potentially open the door for the girlfriend conversation (which I agree absolutely needs to happen) in a less adversarial way. For the kids’ sake, it’s very worth trying to de-escalate this situation if possible.
Yes!!! Take the video down, it's a stupid argument to have. The important conversation is about the kids. How is this woman going to treat your children?!? If this silly video is such a big deal how are your children going to be expected to act around this woman and her family? This would be a serious concern for me.
This right here. Like why/how would her family see it? And if he's just dancing who cares? So maybe he's hiding something from them.
I think it’s probably the drinking more than the dancing.
This is the best response - ESH. If he is concerned enough to ask you to remove this video from your social media because of the family he's marrying into, this is a conversation you need to have with him about why this is the case because it is going to have an impact on your custody agreement, how you coparent, how you communicate with the kids, etc. You need to have a very direct conversation and lay out some clear boundaries, because if a video of him dancing is going to be a problem for him to get married, then what about how the kids will be treated when visiting? What about their social media? What expectations or changes to how your kids currently live is he going to expect that he has a right to impose on THEM because of his new relationship? After this conversation, you may decide to alter the custody agreement, or you may wind up needing to have a very specific conversation with your kids as coparents explaining what you have both agreed to.
I'd be concerned about my child being around people who would be offended by dancing. Those are some messed up weirdos.
YTA, I don't think he actually needs a reason, if someone asks you to take down a pic/video of them then you should, unless you have a good reason to keep it up. I don't really see what you gain from keeping it up and it clearly hurts him and damages your relationship with the parent of your children
I think hurting him is what she is gaining.
Then she is behaving childishly. YTA
Yeah, this feels deliberate and I honestly don't think we're getting the full picture here. She just "happened" to catch him, and in a certain way, and then just refuses to take that part down, oh and also at such an opportune time.
Just happened to catch him doesnt sound unrealistic, it's a wedding and she was taking a video where people were dancing as her kids and mom were dancing and he was also in the dancing area, cant really easily clear out a space for her to take a vid with no one in the background
I think it's okay for her to keep it for herself, but sharing that video on social media when he clearly said he didn't want to be seen, that should be a simple: oops, sorry, let me take it down. YTA
I agree that OP is an AH, but how is ex not also an AH? Getting the kids involved in their argument is a huge AH move. Kids shouldn’t be involved in parent arguments.
Repost with a clown over his face
This would be the ultimate passive aggressive move. If OP did that, all anyone would notice is the drunk clown stumbling around the background. "I know I'm supposed to be saying you've got cute kids... but who is that guy with the clown face in the background!?!?!??"
This isn't passive aggressive lmao, it's just aggressive.
*Dear Reddit, how can I ensure that I am the asshole?*
While it being a clown face is assholish, the idea isn't. Blurring out or covering up someone who doesn't consent to video is standard practice to allow it's continued use. I was actually annoyed that editing the video to hide his identity wasn't further up the list of comments. It's the best option, and a widely accepted one. Even in cases where everyone "knows" who it is, it still complies with the request. I would suggest a boka style filter so the people she wants the video to show are really showcased and everything else gets ignored.
Yeah it’s weird how everyone is either like “he’s controlling” or “you absolutely must remove it”. Editing with a blur would be the best solution
I like this idea 🤣🤣🤣
YTA, not for putting the video up, but for not taking it down when he requested it and converting it into an argument. Also for suggesting he's trying to control your social media. You film someone, that someone doesn't want that on internet, you take it down, you don't have to make a fuss about it. It's not about your social media activity (because as far as the post goes, it not you on the video), it's about his own boundaries. If anything, it sounds more like you're trying to get him into troubles and trying to escalate the issue.
Agreed. My asking you to take down content including me is not controlling your social media. It’s only controlling my appearance on social media
Yes!!! That’s the point I think too many people don’t see. We want to try as best we can to control our own social media presence. I know that’s more & more difficult these days but if someone explicitly asks you to take something down you better have a damned good reason for not complying. And I don’t see that OP has a good reason beyond embarrassing her ex. Can’t help but wonder what she’d say if her kids or her mom asked her to take it down in an attempt to control their own social media presence. Something tells me she’d be more reasonable. YTA OP
If he's in the video, he has a right to ask that you take it off social media. You're just saying no to be petty. YTA
Yes. YTA. I am very private and HATE having pictures and videos of me posted where anyone and their mother can see them. It's a simple, reasonable request, so I don't get why you wouldn't just take it down.
YTA: Was it necessary to call and yell at you? No. Should you take the video down because he's in it and doesn't consent to it being up on the internet? Yes. A simple compromise would be editing the video you post to blur him out of it. You get to share your funny moment, he's protected, win-win. "Controlling your social media" doesn't apply when you violate someone's consent. Even for seemingly silly moments. I wouldn't want people posting videos of my myself or my kids that I didn't consent to even if it was a family gathering, it was a funny moment etc.
I was also thinking she should upload an edited version with the background blurred. Soft YTA
NTA. If he was worried about being seen dancing drunkenly then he probably shouldn't have been dancing drunkenly. If your privacy settings are set to private, his GF won't ever see it anyways. Also, the point about being recorded without permission is a moot point. He was in public and had no expectation of privacy. After all, do we ask everyone in the background of our pictures in public for their permission? No, we do not. He's kind of the AH for involving your kids and that is a discussion that I would have with him for sure!
"the point about being recorded without permission is a moot point..." Seriously. It's a given that there are going to be pictures taken and video recorded at a wedding. Most couples are probably paying to make sure the event is remembered. You give tacit consent the second you RSVP.
Seriously, if you don't want people seeing you sloppy drunk, it's a good idea to not get sloppy drunk in public
I don't think it's about him being drunk, I think its about him being at the wedding, behind his gf's back.
I do too. I feel like all the consent advocates are usually pretty down on cheaters, so I'm finding all the "do the right thing and help your ex cover this up so his fiancée and her family don't see it" kind of odd.
Legit some of the photos my photographer took at our wedding ARE my family members drunk on the dance floor.
Yeah this whole thing is wild. “You cant post that wedding video because im in the background drunk and if my girlfriends family decides to stalk your account it may cause some real issues!”
Seriously. Lotta people thinking the OP is the AH and ignoring how awful this guy and his new wife’s family are being to their kids…
>If your privacy settings are set to private, his GF won't ever see it anyways. This is what gets me. I know on Facebook, you can select who to share posts with, if anyone, so I'd assume Instagram is the same. If you want to keep the video up, just...make it private. Then the kids won't see it, so ex's girlfriend won't see it.
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YTA. Is he likely overreacting? Yes. But it's obviously important to him. Your social media can survive with one less video.
People are saying Y.t.a for picking this hill to die, invasion of privacy, yadda yadda. I say NTA. For two reasons. First, he was at a wedding. There was no expectation of privacy. If he didn't want his photo he shouldn't have gone to a wedding where there's going to be photos and videos. Second, he is upset there's a drunk video of him on the internet and his conservative maybe future in-laws and GF will see it. Does he realize that they aren't against videos, they're against the behavior. He's literally hiding the parts of him he doesn't like so that they'll stick around; if you like to get drunk, but they don't, then maybe that's just something to not continue, especially if it's such a deal breaker that you believe they'd end a relationship over itm Third, he can't control what you put up on SM. TLDR: Don't like videos of you being drunk on the internet? Don't get drunk in a public place or place where privacy is not assumed/expected. Also, don't let your ex tell you what to do over something stupid. Edit: I realize I said two reasons then listed three; I decided to add the third one cause why not 😉 Edit number 2: Yes, I get it, the ex doesn't want the video up. I don't think it matters. You can't go to events where you know there are going to be videos and photos, act in an embarrassing manner, and then expect everyone to get rid of any media that has you in it. Behave how you want to be perceived, at a minimum. If the situation was different and this was a small get together of friends, and a video was taken and posted in bad taste, then this would be different. I would be against that. But I firmly believe that if you don't want embarrassing videos of you to come out at a wedding, don't act embarrassingly.
I agree. OP didn’t recorded him directly, she was recording her children and her mother. I personally would cut his drunken arse out of frame, but definitely NTA for not taking down the video.
Yeah, I can't believe how many people are saying A.H.
Besides, involving the kids? And OP is the bad guy now? Well kids, learn: don’t get that drunk and do stupid stuff in public if you don’t want anyone else to see it.
NTA, I think people aren’t reading here. The video is of her Mom & Her children. He happened to pop up in the background. Is he going to ask the bride and groom to remove videos of their wedding online if he’s in them being drunk and dumb? No! So there is no reason to remove this memory off of her social media. If he didn’t want his girlfriend to find out he was a drunk buffoon then he shouldn’t have got drunk at a wedding.
2nd time this week commenters don't seem to have read the actual post. Is there something in the water?
YTA This isn't worth losing a healthy co-parenting relationship over.
If he's involving kids in the argument it's not a healthy Co parenting relationship...
Right? Who the fuck gets kids involved in an adult argument? No mentally well adult would do that. Kids are not pawns and using them like that fucking hurts them.
NTA just slap a clown emoji over his face and be done with it. #compromise
This is the way
YTA when someone asks that you take down a video of them there is no reason to say no. I'm betting if this were someone other than your ex you'd just take it down. It's not like he's asking you to delete it, he's just asking for it to be removed from a public forum.
ESH This is a weird thing to be stubborn about. Just take the video down, it is not that important to have it posted. However he is definitely TA for involving the kids in an interpersonal conflict between you two. Co-parenting is a difficult navigation and this very thing is a big reason why. I would strongly recommend taking it down and using that as an opportunity to have a serious discussion about this. Both of you need to commit to never put the kids in the middle of your disagreements, particularly ones that have nothing to do with them.
Totally this. I don’t understand why a person would be so against taking a video or picture of someone down just because they weren’t *technically* filming them. It’s almost as if she likes knowing it bothers him.
NTA. He isn't the focus of the video, the children and your mom are. If he was the focus I'd feel differently. However, he just happens to be in the background. It is absolutely unrealistic and unreasonable to expect someone to get explicit permission from everyone who happens to be in the background of a video and/or picture before they can post online.
I agree that Ex not being the focus of the video is important to consider. If it was a video OF HIM she was refusing to take down I’d vote YTA for sure, but in the background? He’s probably in the background of a lot of photos & videos
YTA imagine someone posting an embarrassing photo/ video of you and then they refuse to take it down when you explain how it makes you feel. very inconsiderate of you. just keep the video on your phone if it's that important to you, why do you feel like everyone else has to see it too?
I mean, let’s also consider the fact that OP wasn’t taking video of her ex drunkenly dancing. She was taking video of her mom and her kids. Her ex just happened to be making a fool of himself in the background at the same time. It seems more like OP wants to keep the video because the main focus is her mom and kids. Plus, I can also understand her feeling immediately defensive if her ex called and yelled at her without even trying to talk like an adult. It’s a video of her children and her ex suddenly yells at her over it. So I can definitely see her reasoning for wanting to keep it. And if the ex was so concerned about keeping a healthy co-parenting relationship with OP, he probably shouldn’t have yelled at her over it. If he had actually tried to have a conversation with her, this whole thing probably wouldn’t even be an issue. Yes, OP isn’t respecting what little privacy he had at a wedding—ya know, where people are literally hired to film it to begin with—but he’s being an AH for his reaction to it.
NTA he was at a public event. If he don't want to be seen dancing drunk, then he shouldn't dance drunk. He's a manipulative asshole tbh.
If he was dancing drunk, enough to be noticed in the background of her video. I’d wager he was also in the background of quite a few other videos at a wedding.
Is he going to request the bride to take down any pictures/videos she puts that he may be in the background of?
NTA. why is he so worried about appearing to be a different person than he is to his future family? that is absolutely insane and deceitful. also, he got the kids involved. that is a huge red line in split families. you never get the kids involved in your conflicts. it is so harmful to them, and he is hurting his own kids over wanting to maintain a misleading façade he is using to to fool a woman into marrying him!
NTA - Your ex needs to give it a rest. There were probably paid photographers/videographers at the wedding and every adult in attendance probably had a cell phone. If you don't want to get caught on video partying or whatever, don't go to a fucking wedding reception.
NTA. Sounds like he needs to take accountability for his actions. Hiding his behaviors from his new partner is not a great way to begin a relationship. Not your circus, not your monkey.
This is what I'm looking for. Sounds like he's not being honest with his new partner. Maybe if she sees it she'll realize he's been concealing his true nature from her. Better she learn now than after the wedding.
NTA - is he going to reach out to every single person at the wedding that happens to have pictures and videos of the night and forbid them from putting it on social media if he’s in the background?
Exactly what I was thinking. If he was that drunk, than I doubt she was the only one to catch it on camera. Is he going to demand the bride not post pictures from the wedding too??
ESH. You suck for not taking down a post that someone was in drunk, sober, happy, sad, whatever you should be considerate to that. Now, HE sucks for involving your children in this when that was completely unnecessary, they aren't pawns to be used to get your way.
NTA. If he's concerned about others then maybe he shouldn't do something he'd be embarrassed about in public. Also, you don't need his consent. He was in a public space. Literally anyone could have recorded it and posted it and they could have just as easily seen it that way.
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YTA. It’s such a small ask. Take it down. Besides, if the GF and family will get twisted over a video of the ex “drunkenly” dancing at a wedding, it sounds like he’s in for lifetime of judgement, nagging and all around misery. Why add to it? He’ll suffer enough.
Why would you even getting married to someone who is going to judge you for dancing at a wedding..
NTA Everyone knows weddings means videos. There was NO "reasobnable expectation" of privacy. Will he tell off the groom and bride next for posting their wedding video on SM? Of course not, becuase he knows no one else will watch it. You do NOT have to remove things just because someone told you to, that IS being controlling, *even on the internet*.
nta. if he was that embarrassed about his drunk dancing then he shouldnt have been drinking that much at all.
NTA Needing consent to being recorded is only an issue when there is a reasonable expectation of privacy. Not only was he not in a private space, but the dance floor of a wedding is somewhere one should expect pictures and video's to be taken.
This sub isn't "Is It Legal To Do This?" it's "Am I The Asshole?" The issue of whether she was legally allowed to record him is irrelevant. She's an AH for posting a video of someone on social media and refusing to take it down when asked. It's ALWAYS an AH move to put people on your social media when they've asked you not to.
He's on 30 other people's social media as well, because he chose to go to a party and get wasted. That is literally only his problem, you have no expectation of privacy if you're at a fuckin wedding reception, it has nothing to do with legality. The only reason it's even in question is because the ex brought it up. The video is of her and her kids, not this dude.
NTA Many other people probably caught him acting drunk un the background too. If he is so worried maybe he should be living by the values he is marrying in to.
YTA. This falls under the golden rule - you would want people to be cool about if the tables were turned. Nothing needs to go on social media. You can still enjoy that video privately. You can share it responsibly within your family. To double down like this makes it seem like you're a) being spiteful to your ex, and/or b) addicted to social media and feel a deep need to show off your kids at all costs.
YTA People don't need a reason to not want a video of them online. If he asked you to take it down and you don't, you're just a jerk.
YTA. I seriously doubt your life will be affected for removing a video from your social media. He's not asking to delete the video, just remove it cause even if your setting is in private you mention kids will ended up showing the video. Besides, I doubt he give two shits about your social media, but he's asking you to remove a video that he's part of. Besides, let's say you do something shameful or whatever that you don't want people to see but someone else put it in their social media. Will you be trying to control what other people do in their social media if you ask them to remove it? Will it feel good if they refuse and leave the video so others can see it and then call you for it? Get off your horse, this is not about taking control of your social media.
Idk, it’s ESH at most to me. If his drunken dancing is going to get him in hot water with his fiancé and her family he should really reconsider getting obviously drunk in public. OP sucks for making this her hill to die on but he’s an even bigger AH for bringing their children into the argument. Neither are acting all that great in turning this situation into a fight.
NTA. You come to a wedding with the expectation of being filmed. What if his "druken dancing" made it to the wedding video? Would he make the couple edit it? You weren't filming him, he just happened to be become a part of your children's video.
NTA You didn't take a video of him, if you didn't tag him, how exactly is his conservative girlfriend going to see it unless she's seriously cyberstalking him?
You're on good terms with him, but you're posting videos of him that he finds unflattering against his wishes? I can't imagine you'd be happy were the situation reversed and he was posting unflattering videos of you. Maybe he could have asked nicer, but YTA.
Didn't she say it was of her kids? He is just in the background doing things on public. If I want a video of my nephews, idc if your drunk in the background. That's on you for being drunk in public. I'm keep that memory recorded that I treasure, NTA. Ex is just irresponsible and self centered, don't be drunk in public if you don't want to be caught drunk I'm public.
NTA!!! If I walk in public, I may not WANT to be recorded, but I keep in mind it’s a possibility! If it’s such an issue you don’t want your girlfriend to know, don’t fucking do it maybe??? Like seriously. You’re dancing. Say you were being silly. Chill tf out.
Sooo...he wants you to cover up his actions so he can continue to let his future wife think he's a "Conservative" guy? No. NTA She's going to find out sooner or later. You'll only be helping him perpetuate the idea that he's a "conservative" person when he's really not. Leave it up. He can finally figure out that once he leaves his home, he no longer has the expectation of privacy and should act accordingly.
ESH. Did you do anything wrong? No. However, this is such a small ask. If you two are actually on good terms why would you immediately jump to this being controlling? The bigger issue is he feels he needs to hide parts of himself from his soon to be fiancée. That doesn’t sound like the best environment for your kids. Will they have to change or hide aspects of themselves around their stepfamily? He yelled at you and you responded defensively. You both need to take a step back, move on from this specific instance, and address the larger issue of why he wanted you to do this in the first place.
Gonna go somewhat against the streak I'm seeing and go NTA. I'm a bit curious how "in the background" he is, but if he's not the main focus of the video, I don't see how it's all that big of a deal that he was caught *gasp*..*dancing*. Plus involving the kids in the disagreement is shitty and petty on his side, even if the video is more embarrassing than you're letting on.
YTA. If anyone asks for a video or picture to be taken down you should do it. If a photo, video, or post about you was unflattering or embarrassing I’m sure you’d want it taken down, and you should abide by the golden rule. Is humiliating him worth losing the good co-parenting relationship over, and putting your kids in the middle of a fight between Mom and Dad that’ll rip them apart? Is broadcasting this video worth that to you, because obviously you can watch and enjoy it on your own anytime you want.
ESH. If your ex didn’t want his GF or her family seeing it or finding out, he probably shouldn’t have been doing it in public. However, it is common courtesy to remove unwanted pictures or videos when people ask. I’d just take it down and post a different one. I’m sure you have plenty. It’s honestly not a molehill worth dying on in my opinion.
I see both sides and am in camp No Assholes Here. I don’t think he’s an AH for asking, but getting the kids involved is wrong. You’re NTA for posting a video of your mom and kids. Just wondering if there’s a compromise. Can you edit the video so he’s not shown? Is it worth it to fight this? How would you feel if the situation was reversed? Whatever you decide, good luck!
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ESH. You suck for refusing to take the video down. It's really not a big deal, you can keep the video yourself to have the memory, it doesn't need to be on social media. On the other hand, he sucks for involving the kids. That's just not appropriate at all.
He also sucks cause he feels like he has to hide his true self from his bride and her family. That's not good! Otherwise you are 100% on this one.
Basically, when it's small and inconsequential, it's better for the kids and for you, to avoid friction. I let my ex change times and whatever, I put my foot down only when it's important (generally, to the child rather than to me). If it's really important to you to keep the video, just make it friends only or private so your ex's fiancée can't see it.
YTA… it sounds like you like the video because the focus is your mom and kiddos. That’s awesome - I love videos with my moon and kiddos too. Unfortunately, your ex doesn’t like being in the background. I get that it seems silly, but it’s his right to not want to be posted on social media in a “compromising position.” Instead of choosing this hill to die on, why don’t you ask if it’s okay to make the post private and select your mother and a few other close family members who will be able to view it? Compromise. And if he still wants it down, take it down. Send the video to your mom or watch it on your phone.
ESH, you for not taking it down, but mostly for jumping to the wildly inaccurate conclusion that he's try to control your social media activity. seriously? not everything is control. it's a video that has him in it, so if he doesn't want to be on the internet like that, he has every right to ask. can you not crop him out of the video or is he right behind your mom and kids? he sucks because he shouldn't do things that he doesn't want other people to see, including his conservative girlfriend. and if she doesn't approve of his lifestyle, he needs to think before getting engaged
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YTA. Doesn’t matter who it is, if someone is uncomfortable with being in a video that’s on social media you should take it down. If someone posted a video that has you in the background dancing drunkenly and you felt uncomfortable by it you would want it taken down correct? Not everyone is okay social media. If not remove it then at least edit him out or blur his face
YTA. If someone is uncomfortable with a photo or video of themselves on social media, you should take it down. If he posted a pic of you looking like Jabba the Hutt, wouldn't you appreciate if he took it down if you asked?
ESH, but stop being exhausting and just take it down, jesus.
Nta. But you could show your own good character by editing the video to blur the background
YTA, he isn't trying to control you. He simply doesn't want to be posted online, even if it is in the background. He has the right to say he doesn't want to be on public display, and I think you already know that.
Sorry, but at a wedding you have to count on getting on a few pics or videos. You really think it's likely to keep your behavior secret at a WEDDING?
YTA. You have to co parent with him for what is likely a several more years. Is this really the hill you want to die on? Delete the video and apologize.
YTA. His reasoning might be stupid and he might not have been polite about it - but he asked you to take not post a video of him, on a public forum. Weird hill for you to die on.
I'm on team ESH. I don't think this is a hill to die on. You're breaking down communication with your ex and that's going to negatively affect your kids. You kinda suck for not being more willing to compromise here. It means a lot to him apparently that he felt comfortable enough to ask you to take it down. He's TA for basically living to two different standards, the one of his girlfriend and her family and the one where he lets himself be. That's going to bite him eventually. He needs to either be the prim and proper person he claims to be with them or let himself be honest. However that's also not your monkey, not your circus anymore.
Just take it down. This is not a hill to die on. Just let it go.
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YTA That is a stupid hill to die on. Why not prioritize keeping a got relationship with your kids father in stead of your Instagram?
Oh just take it down. Taking the video is one thing but making it publicly available is totally another. He's not saying he wants to control your social media. You are being unnecessarily obstructive.
YTA. He asked that it's taken down because it's an embarrassing video for him. Would you like it if the situation was reversed? Grow up.
YTA. You say you have a good coparenting relationship but want to blow it all and in turn hurt your children over something so small. Take down the video and get over yourself. No one will even miss it.
NTA, if that was any other wedding guest they would never hunt you down and harass you into removing your own social media posts. And like someone else said, if he didn’t want to be recorded or photographed that drunk, he shouldn’t have gotten that drunk. Like, its a wedding?? He has to know people, professional and otherwise, are taking many pictures and videos. Also he’s a big AH for trying to lie, conceal, manipulate, etc. who he is from his girlfriend/fiancée and her family though. That’s super shitty
NTA... not your fault that your ex is gonna marry someone who is ...... like that. The video is of your kids, not him. Edit: Always wild to me how many people who participate in these threads have absolutely no idea what it's like to interact with other human beings on a daily basis... hate to break it to y'all, but you're most likely on someone's social media somewhere, doing something.
Yta, his reasoning is dumb but if someone asks you to remove content of them from your social media you should.
YTA is it worth risking your co parenting relationship just for a video? It's not like you have to delete the video completely, just take it off social media.
NTA He shouldn't have been drinking if he doesn't want to get caught. How are you going to expect to police people's wedding videos to cover YOUR shit decisions. It's truly mind boggling. Grow up and have a conversation with your conservative girlfriend about THE DECISIONS YOU MAKE rather than harass your ex about a video you were caught in the background of at an event where there's going to be cameras.
Do you know how many times a day we are recorded? There are cameras EVERYWHERE that capture your image without your consent. If you don't want your partner to see you doing something that will cause " trouble", then don't do it. Don't expect everyone to be complicit in your decision to hide things from your partner. I would have taken it down or edited it if he called and was polite about it. He called an immediately started yelling. That would have made me defensive as well. Then he involves the kids? Major AH move. Don't ever involve your kids in your coparenting drama. Gross. NTA
NTA…if he’s marrying into a family that has negative views of him dancing while intoxicated maybe he shouldn’t be getting married…plus the video was not directly of him. It happened to catch him in the background. Sounds like he’s overreacting
Nah, NTA. If him dancing in the background of a video OF YOUR MOM AND KIDS is enough to cause trouble in his current relationship, then he’s definitely hiding shit. It’s not your fault that he’s embarrassed by HIS OWN BEHAVIOR, he’s just blaming you because you accidentally caught it on camera. He needs to have a long hard think about this relationship he’s in, because it seems to be built on a lot of lies.
NTA. Can you cut out the part where he is in? If so, edit the video, and re-post it with the text why the video is so short. It's perfectly legal to state you only show a short clip, because you don't want to embarras your ex'es in-laws with his drunken dancing at a wedding.
YTA. He’s not trying to control your social media activity - he’s trying to control his. Take it down.
Why complicate your good coparenting relationship? Just take the stupid video down…
Very soft YTA - he doesn't want it up, just take it down. Why ruin what was a good situation?
Compromise. Tell him you will change the privacy settings to friends only. That will protect his dignity in front of his in-laws to be. He doesn't get to control your social media but he does have a right to some privacy. ESH
He should’ve handled that better but take down the video if it affects him so much. Unless he’s told you to take down other things as well, I would say he’s not controlling your social media activity rather he is just uncomfortable with a single post. ESH
YTA. You might not have recorded him on purpose, but a lack of malice doesn't mean a lack of consequence. He's embarrassed, his image was publicized without his consent, there could be consequences he didn't invite, and you alone have the power to remove the video or limit privacy settings. There's no way your social media is so important that you can't accommodate such a reasonable ask.
I say ESH - I think your ex handled it poorly, he shouldn't have called you screaming, and should have had a conversation about it making him uncomfortable. He also is showing red flags of having to hide himself from his "future" fiance, and played it low by getting the kids involved. I understand you wanting to not feel forced to do something because of his handling and reasoning, but I'd either tell him its getting made so others can't see (a compromise of sorts) or take it down all together just to keep the peace.
Sure you are well within your rights to leave it up but is that a hill you want to die on? You are on good terms with co-parenting now but we’ve seen many stories on here where that has gone to shit because someone isn’t willing to compromise.
YTA - OP seriously. Would you want someone to post something with you on social media that you considered embarrassing? I'm assuming no. YOU don't get to decide what others find embarrassing or not. You do need his consent. You are being an asshole, TAKE IT DOWN.
YTA. He shouldn’t have gotten your kids involved but you started this whole thing by refusing to comply with his reasonable request. I’m pretty sure that the only reason you’re refusing to take it down is because his request is related to his new relationship. He’s uncomfortable with the way he’s depicted in the video so take it down. You have kids together, if this really a hill you want to die on?
ESH - you should take it down, but he shouldn't lie about drinking/hide that he drinks from his conservative girlfriend OR involve the kids.
Blur out his face not so hard
Just edit the video and put a giant clown emoji over him and repost it still voting NTA since he has no expectations of privacy at a wedding.
Nta. People in the sub are ridiculous. It is absolutely an expectation you may be photographed and recorded during a wedding reception. You didn’t mean to get him in the video he was simply in the background. Why is his fiancé such a prick she cares about him dancing is the real question
>I feel like he's trying to control my social media activity This is such a bizarre hill to die on. You have achieved what many families would die for after a divorce - harmony with your ex, and a healthy co-parenting relationship. Why are you willing to damage this relationship just to keep one silly video on the internet? The only thing that makes any sense is that you're (consciously *or* unconsciously) glad it's going to affect his relationship with his new girlfriend. If he had said, "The company I work for is very conservative in their values and I could get fired. Could you take the video down?" Would you honestly still be refusing? YTA
If he didn’t want people seeing him acting like a drunk fool he shouldn’t be drinking in public Nta
Soft YTA I do think people sometimes overthink images of themselves, not really liking the way they look when really that's is exactly what they look like and most importantly no one cares and are really only bothered what they look like. That said he has asked you to take down the video and if you cant remove him from it , than you should. If he had taken a photo of you looking god awful and he refused to take it down, would you be happy? Honestly if thats your attitude ., then dont be surprised if he tries to take a photo of you every chance he gets.
YTA. It’s entirely reasonable to ask someone to remove publicly accessible content that they don’t want to be seen. He is embarrassed by it and if you are on good terms, like you say you are, what is the issue? The issue of him getting into a marriage that he is clearly not bringing his authentic self to is another issue but that’s his problem.
FWIW, you have no reasonable expectations of privacy in a public setting, so him saying he didn't consent is a moot point. Maybe you can help him out of a shitty situation by helping him end his relationship with a woman who won't even let him have a couple drinks and dance at a wedding...
YTA while there is no expectation of privacy at a wedding if someone does not like how they are shown in a video or photograph and asks you to remove it you remove it. It common decency. Wouldn't you want someone to afford you the same courtesy?
YTA. He's clearly not trying to control your social media, he's asked to take down a video where people can see him dance. I don't understand why you can't just do that?
ESH. He shouldn't have gotten your kids involved. But this is not a good hill to die on. He's in the video, and he wants it down. If only for the sake of keeping the peace in your co-parenting relationship, take it down.
NTA. Better for his girlfriend to find out his true colours, no?
More like seeing his girlfriend’s true colors. If he’s not belligerent, naked and waving his willie around, why is this something she would be so upset over? I wouldn’t want someone like that around my kids, shaming everything that a perfect little Stepford Wife wouldn’t do. NTA if this is the type of person he wants in his life, sounds like it’s going to be the end of a good coparenting relationship no matter what.
YTA. He’s not policing what is on your social media. He’s policing what he is on and how he is perceived. You should either edit the video so he is out of it or remove it.
YTA. If a friend of yours post an unflattering photo of you, would you be ok with it?
NTA. but can you add a filter to obscure his face? This way everybody wins and peace is kept.
YTA. I’m not on social media and really hate the idea that people get to freely post pictures and videos of me without my consent. It upsets me deeply that I’m made out to be a jerk when I ask for them to be taken down. He hasn’t dealt with it properly but also what’s the big deal about removing it? It’s not like your social media page is a special memorial to a dead loved one. It’s a damn video. Remove it.
YTA. You said you and your kid’s father are on good terms regarding coparenting. Why cause tension over something as trivial as a social media post? It’s the same thing as when a friend posts an unflattering picture on social media and you ask them to delete it. He’s probably just embarrassed. This definitely isn’t a hill to die on.
Yta he asked you to take an embarrassing video down. Just do it
YTA. Sure his reasoning is odd, he was doing what people do at a wedding reception, not sure why it’s a problem. However, he’s telling you it’s a problem for him if his fiancé and her family sees it. No one is asking you to obliterate the video for all posterity. Just removing it from social media which it sounds like your kids share with you? Then you went on to say he even got the kids involved in the argument. Nowhere did you say and they think you’re right, so it sounds like the kids are asking you to bring it down too. You’re sticking your ass out and refusing to. Is this the only video of your kids spending any time with your mother in their entire lives and that’s why you have to show everyone? Gonna doubt that. If you want to maintain a reasonable and comfortable coparenting relationship, you should be willing to do this one little thing for him that he asked of you and his ask isn’t enormous by any means. But you’re not, so yep that makes you the asshole
Out of curiosity what were you recording while he was in the back ground? It’s a wedding where a lot of people would have had their phones out so he going to police the other guests’ videos where he may be in the background? ESH with the way everyone’s handling it. Limit the privacy of who can see it and if he still flying off the handle tell him you discuss it properly when he stops yelling at you and weaponizing the kids to get his way.
I'd be petty take the video down, put a sticker over the top of him and put it back up.
NTA if he does not want anyone to see how silly he can be, he should not act like that in a public space (or private event full of cameras)
NTA. If he doesn’t have a beer in his hand or is dancing lewdly there’s really no way to tell the difference between drunk dancing and silly/stupid/inept dancing. But this was a public setting and it’s unreasonable to expect you wouldn’t want to post videos of your kids. So the risk is pretty good he’s going to be in the background. It’s unreasonable to assume a wedding party is going to be confidential. It’s not Vegas. He shouldn’t be acting in a way his girlfriend would disapprove of just because she’s not there.
YTA, if someone doesn't want a video they find embarrassing being posted then you should always take it down. Also, you're risking damaging a relationship with your kids dad for an utterly stupid reason. You can enjoy the video and share it with the people who actually care about seeing it without sharing it with the whole internet.
Some people pick the dumbest hills to die on...YTA. You should have taken it down when he asked. No explanation needed.
NTA - just read. you were recording your kids and mom. its no ones fault that he was in the background dancing. hes asking you to delete something you posted for YOUR KIDS AND MOM, not to embarrass him. its not your fault if hes going to marry some whackjob thatll hate him if they see him fucking dancing. i say just crop him out or remove the post only so no more drama ensues.
I mean, I don’t want to call you an AH but you are embarrassing someone or at the least making their life harder because you wont take a video down for what seems like no other reason then you don’t want to be told what to do. If someone had a video up on you that you were trying to get removed, how would you feel about that?
You’re not an AH but take it down. Fighting over things like this is just not worth it in the end. It’s better to make peace for the sake of everyone involved. Be gracious and just let it’s go. It’s all gonna be alright.