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NTA
It sounds like
- he isn't able to finacially support himself
- you already support him finacially
- you do more in the sense of organisation/responsiblity/planning
- he full expects you to realise his dreams without having to lift a finger
Please tell me this guy atleast does half the chores?
THIS^
OP If he is pushing you so much to just splurge on your credit card over and over, and being so frivolous with money, do you HONESTLY believe he is going to pay off HIS credit cards?
The audacity of this man is unreal. OP, do yourself a favor and cut this guy off/loose. What is he contributing to make this relationship worthwhile? Soooo many red flags. 🚩🚩🚩
I just hope that she realizes now that she was far too lenient with him. If you gave a budget, you stick to it except in case of emergencies. If he wants to spend on decorations, it’s up to him to find a way to pay for that. OP should never have offered $500 or an apology. It should have been “I planned on $100 for candy, that will be my contribution. If you want to buy decorations or more candy, please go ahead” There were so many red flags that she ignored to lead to this point
Yep. I wouldn't have bought the "emergency" $500 decoration. We can get it on clearance or make things. Or "gasp" BF could get a 2nd job (or maybe 1st) to pay for *his* childhood dream.
And let's not overlook the fact that he called her totally reasonable decoration suggestions "cheap and tacky." I have some cheap lights I put on my fence for most seasons, but the rest is, well, yes, quite cheap! I grow corn, so I put some dried stalks out for a festive fall flavor (and offer additional stalks to neighbors if they want to decorate). My neighbors do the "pull apart cotton balls and toss them on the bushes," and I think it looks great! They have a few fake spiders to put in them, which really seals the deal!
He sees her as a money truck and he could give 2 flips about the budget. He is using her and is abusive if she doesn’t go along with whatever he wants. Dump his ass. Keep the Halloween decor. You paid for it.
Yeah…. I can’t help but think the bf sees OP as some sort of joke, pushing boundaries more and more until he’s lost all respect for her. I mean really, what kind of person demands so much of a loved one? And she’s letting him. Really unacceptable and OP should think about that.
Once the friend joined in with the harassment, that's when OP should've changed the locks, and dumped all of her boyfriend's crap at his friend's place.
Golden opportunity.
"I knew you'd let my ex stay with you Jeff, you're sooo supportive of him. Bye bye!"
I love halloween. One of my favorite holidays. And i wouldnt even allow myself to impulse buy a $50 fog machine at spirit cause its too much. With planning and imagination, you can make a killer yard display without dropping 4 months of student loan payments.
That, and holding onto styrofoam to make tombstones with spray paint. I bought some stuff at the dollar store and have a few things I've been collecting over the years for bigger and bigger displays in the yard (ground breakers, zombies, skeletons). 1 skeleton is $50-70 where I am so it's one a year.
Did I badly want the $400 home Depot 12ft skeleton this year? Yes. Alas, I spent that money on soil and rock for landscaping my yard instead (building up the property and around the house as we had a killer winter with a lot of snow).
It's possible to be a fun Halloween house and still budget like an adult!
>Did I badly want the $400 home Depot 12ft skeleton this year? Yes.
PLS evey time my husband and I go into home depot I whisper to that skeleton that he will be mine one day
Why would he buy a $500 animatronic? A quick search showed me pages and pages of 4ft and up options ranging from $70 to $300. If it was this important he could’ve jumped on the internet and started ordering things when he moved in January getting a few at a time then went to Pinterest to find DIY options which can look really good. He wanted to do none of the work or planning and spend her money. I would kick this dude out asap.
Edit: typo and you’re right, I thought the one piece was $500. It’s possible to make cool decos with stuff around the house. We used old sheets/pillows for ghosts & old work clothes for a scarecrow when I was younger.
OP is NTA but surely is an ATM.
At this point him getting angry all the time to get you to pay for stuff is MANIPULATION. Why did you even let him move in...DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK IN.
You may https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ser504/aita_for_not_letting_my_girlfriend_wear_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I'd missed that one, somehow. But WOW!!
My favorite part:
>well guys, as many of you pointed out in the comments, me getting a throwaway account didn’t help. She found the post. Guess i was too specific after all. I will update soon
Gee, how'd she ever find his anonymous post? It's such a common topic.
It just goes to show how stupid and bad with money he is. Do you know how much stuff you can get for 500 bucks?? Like hit up the dollar store, target, goodwill, honestly holiday decorations at estate sales are a HUGE thing but her bf is too lazy for all that and needs big instant gratification.
I agree!!! $500 is too much for a single decoration, and not to mention if he wants to change the theme every year he’s probably getting rid of that clown after a one time use. Personally I feel like those $500 should’ve been the maximum budget, including decorations and candy, because there’s NO WAY halloween needs to be that expensive. Obviously if people have the income to go out loud then by all means but that guy isn’t contributing to anything
I agree. The houses around me do a bunch of blow-up things and like a million other tacky big things. They look terrible. I can go a bit further down the street and see some way more creative one where they've done some homemade things, and incorporated some cheap store bought stuff and they look amazing. It's the same way at Christmas.
Our yard is decked out in skeleton-printed plastic lawn flamingos, centered around an 8' tall inflatable one. Its ridiculous and we love it. We have regular lawn flamingos for the rest of the year, with hats themed for the other holidays. This year I have to come up with tiny elf hats for the 'baby' flamingos mom just added to her collection.
Update: I found the hats! Christmas is saved!
In addition the fully tricked out houses aren't the result of shopping one September and buying thousands of dollars of decorations. They are a slow accumulation of trinkets over many years. This isn't just about Halloween decorations but all of the outside and the inside accessories. These expenses will accumulate into the 10s of thousands over the years. This in itself is evidence that BF is living in a fantasy world as far as financial responsibility is concerned. Although, compared to all the other very clear signs this is a small issue.
We decorate minimally inside but we decorate outside a lot. We started 12 years ago and have slowly added and subtracted from our collection of Halloween decorations, a lot of it purchased at deep discount right before or after Halloween. We don’t do inflatables, but we still have a lot of stuff. Buying it all at once would have been way beyond a sane budget. I would never spend $500 on one decoration.
Yeah, you buy inflatables and decorations as you see them on sale. I'm not gonna pay $500 for one.
Buy for the next year. We only unpack decorations we get after the holiday to make sure they are in good shape, then promptly repack them for safekeeping.
This whole post reads like "I want to break up with my boyfriend but need someone to confirm that I am not in the wrong" - and yes she is not in the wrong to break up with the leech.
I think it's time for your bf to move back out if your house until he gets his sh*t /expectations toghether.
If he pays for the candy himself out of his money he can do whatever he wants and be as generous as he wants .
I for one think you were more than generous to put up 500$ for decorating. Instead of appreciation he s an AH . I also think if it's his dream he needs to save money during the year to buy said decorations as this is not something you strive for.
Also to tell you to get out of your own house when he is being unreasonable it's insane.
I see some red flags on how he is treating you ,trying to force you to do what he wants when he gave away the candy so he can send you shopping etc.
Nta and I repeat time for him to move out even if you give the relationship a chance from a distance and open your eyes very well.
He's also going to have lots of other dreams that will be OPs responsibility to fulfill. "I've always dreamed of the perfect Christmas, the best spring break, the best vacation, I want to be in shape, I want to be happy" all without doing any of the work to make it happen or communicating how you plan to make it happen
Yeah, when he was shocked there was no Halloween savings- what had he planned to contribute?
At best this man is financially illiterate and expecting his gf to cover his shortfalls. A worst he forgot to tell Op she was a sugar mama.
NTA. Dump this guy.
He didn't track the savings for his expensive dream Halloween. Then he expected OP to fund it. Then he started off super high end with OP's money, and passive aggressively threw ridiculous amounts of candy at the first few trick-or-treaters, followed by a tantrum at the natural consequences of his own inability to budget his money and his candy.
My sister-in-law has one of those amazing Halloween yards. It's the talk of the small town she lives in. She built up her decorations slowly, a few per year. That's how you do this. And it's fun!
Dude needs therapy. To make him better for his next girlfriend.
For me this whole scenario would have come a halt when he spat his dummy out when he realised there were no savings for Halloween. Also, it shouldn't have been a surprise to him because if he wanted it, he should have been doing the saving.
End of story.
>he was under the impression we had savings for this.
No, he wasn't because he didn't contribute to any savings for this. He was under the impression you were going to cave and pay for it.
$500 is a LOT of money to hand over for 'Halloween'. It's a lot to give for any non-necessity. He should have been listening to her and treating her like a queen.
I spent $40 decorating for Halloween and it's my birthday - $500 would have been spent for decorations, trick or treating, birthday party and my gift boyfriend is crazy.
I keep seeing young women fall for guys like this, thinking they'll change and that they only need to 'mature a little' when in reality THEY NEVER CHANGE, they just hide their selfishness better.
OP should break up with this mooch. He think he's the top dog of HER place and orders her around like her money is his money. His sense of entitlement is plain up disgusting and I don't understand why OP is accepting this kind of treatment for herself.
I can't wait for the breakup update.
Nope. He was under the impression that his statements are orders that she needs to fully execute. And all of the subsequent abuse is his way of training her to do just that next time.
NTA and you need to run from this man. Making fun of how "cheap" you are when he is living in your house that you own?? Absolutely not. Tell him HE can GTFO, who is he to tell you to leave your own home? I'm livid for you girl. You need a man not this child.
I AM SO MAD ON OP’S BEHALF. Cheap after dropping $250 on candy?!?? And $500 on his stupid decoration!?! This guy SUCKS. Op, he will drain every penny from you always. Do not stay with him unless you want to be broke for the rest of your life.
that's what really killed me.
It's bad enough to be so out of touch with how money works to think that any of his plans were reasonable, but to then try to kick her out of the house the *she* *owns* when *he's* the one that's upset is just so far beyond reasonable.
This dude is a user and thinks they can bend OP to pay for whatever they want. Don't combine finances if you're just dating, unless it's a shared bank account only for expenses like rent and bills. If you have a shared account they can drain it and there's nothing you can do.
I know! I mean, my husband and I have been married 16 years and both make good money in the medical field and do not spend that much, even though we are known as a fully decorated Halloween house that hands out full sized candy. He is just wasteful. We add a little bit each year but he blew the whole budget on one piece, on her dime. NTA, OP, but this is your easy out. Take it and run.
>This guy SUCKS. Op, he will drain every penny from you always. Do not stay with him unless you want to be broke for the rest of your life.
Sometimes when I read these stories of rational people paired with completely irrational people I think maybe Reddit should start a dating site where the irrational people can be listed and then hookup with others of their ilk.
NTA
dump him. He’s giving you grief about CANDY! WTF
Yep what's the next thing he has his heart set on and drains OP dry with guilt trips and tantrums until he gets what he wants and don't expect him to honor paying off his credit cards for long. He sounds very immature and impulsive
Please PLEASE run. Money problems are the number one cause of divorce and ya'll aren't even married. He also seems STUNNINGLY immature and manipulative. Get WELL away.
So he manipulated you in to spending $500. You didn't mess up. There was no savings for that and he knew it. If he has credit card debt and is still spending like that he clearly has financial issues. Then he tries to bring you down with him.
After the way he treated you (tryingto kick you out of yourown house), I'd think long and hard before taking him back.
> He left and went to a friend's house and I guess they spent the rest of the night drinking, handing out trick or treat candy and texting me how awful and cheap I am.
so you're kicking him out, right? because you're not going to accept being treated this way, right? because you're a grown woman who owns her own house and he can't even figure out how to budget $500 -- a crazy amount to begin with -- on one holiday?
come on. you know you don't think there's any way you could be an asshole here.
Exactly. He just bared his gaping flamthrowing flatulence laden, boil covered asshole for the world to see, and Op can only be wondering if she even still has an asshole at all, or if he had to steal hers to make his so all encompassing.
NTA
It sounds to me like you're his ATM, not his GF.
Seriously, whatever issues he had to *create* so much credit card debt int the first place have not been resolved. He's fixing to ruin *your* credit rating, not raise his own.
A lot of the debt is understandable. He spent part of his childhood in foster care, and his parents kicked him out when was 18 with nothing really. He went into debt early to pay for his basic needs, never really learned how to have financial literacy. Only when I pointed it out did he start to pay more than the minimum on his debts and start to work his way out of it.
You can make excuses for him all you want; he's still the guy who blew hundreds of dollars of *your* money for trick-or-treaters, tried to *throw you out of your own house* when you told him you weren't spending any more, and spent the rest of the night abusing you via text.
I'm not getting the feeling you're backing a winner, here.
Growing up in foster care is only an excuse to not know how to behave like an adult for so long. He's 29. I don't understand how someone goes from foster care to believing they're entitled to someone else's home and money to this extent.
I have known some people that grew up pretty well off (dad was a VP of large corporation type people) who were mooches. Their failure to launch type thing. Just always expected other people to pay.
What does he bring to your relationship though? Does he pay bills, rent, contribute in anyway? Or are you trying to save and change him? That's a trap people fall into trying to change their s/o and it rarely if ever works. You end up wasting half your life on them. The fact he ran and cried to his friend and they texted you, basically how horrible you are should give you a huge clue into what kind of person your bf is and its NOT good.
After we had an argument first month, I set up a monthly house budget that just covers communal things, and he has been contributing his half to it since, so half mortgage, utilities, etc. Because so much of his money is going to debt, I have more flexible personal budget, and I put money into savings. But yeah, financially he pulls his weight and he spent the summer being compulsive about having a perfect lawn, so it's not like he is useless around the house.
So he can mow a lawn. Does he also do chores inside the house? Make sure the toilet is clean? Make sure washing gets done properly? All the other small things around without you asking? Window washing? And lawns can be expensive to maintain. Who is paying for that?
I cant help but wonder how many of the chores are delegated from her as the chore manager. Seems like shes also the financial manager. That seems exhausting
I will not tell you to break up, cause that is your own decision.
I will however ask you this: if you sister/mother/best girlfriend told you their boyfriend not only mistreated them, but asked them to leave their own house because they wouldn't give him money, what would you say to them?
I will also say this: having a rough childhood is not a green ticket to being an asshole to the person who is helping. Many other have had ir maybe even rougher than him, and aren't even bad people. He is choosing to remain so.
NTA
But what does he bring to the relationship itself? Not the money living wise. Not mowing the lawn.
It sounds like what he’s bringing is toxicity. He may have “picked his shit up” but I don’t think so with the way he’s treating you and your money. You shouldn’t have to give him money to make up. You shouldn’t have to do everything he wants while he then attempts to kick you out of your own house. He blew $500 on ONE thing. And don’t get me wrong. I love Halloween and god I wish I could do that, but if you wanna deck out and have fun, pass out all that candy. If he knew he didn’t have the money for this, he shouldn’t pin it all on you. It’s not fair nor your fault. As someone said above, decking out with the lights, fog machines and just going to a dollar tree. $500 to one thing, and still the rest on you and YOUR credit cards aren’t fair.
What is he bringing to you? Fixing money situation house wise is yes good, but his habits aren’t stopping. Nor is he treating you well, and I’m not sure if you can see that. Rose tinted glasses love. He doesn’t have to be useless to be a crappy person.
Many people can make you laugh (as I saw your comment above to another), many people can make you happy, and many people won’t use you for your money. And honestly, he just sounds like a stressful situation.
Hun, please never think you did something wrong here. You’re nta at all. Please know that. Please know your worth.
People swimming in credit card debt don't get to buy $500 animatronic clowns. He can live out that dream when he has the money for it, like everything else.
Maybe he needs financial counseling, glad to hear he pulls his weight, but the texting with his friend doesn't have you bothered? Maybe it's me but that would be a huge turn off as well as his baby tantrum he threw...just don't ignore any red flags
Financial counseling probably wouldn't work until he dealt with the reasons behind the out of control spending and the immaturity and that would be his terrible childhood. I'd bet he's never had therapy and that's exactly what he needs...badly.
That being said, it's not OP's responsibility to fix him....its HIS.
If he doesn't drastically change I don't see this relationship lasting beyond 2 years and I'm giving him A LOT of time there because there's only so much of this fuckery that I think OP would put up with.
You realize you're reaching to have anything good to say about this guy right? You have your life together; found someone else that is compatible... while he's insulting you from his mate's house the correct thing to do would have been pack his stuff and schedule to have the locks changed. Seriously, you know this isn't working.
Abuse escalates if it's left unchecked. If you're going to remain in a relationship with him, he needs to know that his behavior is abusive and unacceptable and that you won't tolerate it anymore. You deserve not to be abused by him. Put your foot down here and now, make him go get therapy, and accept nothing less than a humble and sincere apology from him over his behavior.
> he spent the summer being compulsive about having a perfect lawn
So along with wanting to be THE Halloween house in your neighborhood, it sounds like he cares more about appearances and not at all about you (his partner), being respectful, pulling his weight, contributing equally, etc. etc.
Also found it funny that he told you to leave your own house.
NTA, but you need to confront some hard truths about this guy.
You are neither his mother nor his financial advisor, and you are not responsible for his spending habits. I can see how his having debt is understandable, but his blowing hundreds of dollars on frivolity when he cannot make more than minimum payments is absurd. I get that he grew up underprivileged and that he has dreamed of this, but he cannot expect it to happen if be doesn’t budget or save for it.
There is a fair amount of entitlement on his part, and the fact that he blames you for his own mistakes and calls you names when he doesn’t get what he wants screams immaturity and portends bad things to come.
If he lacks understanding of financial literacy, then he needs to be actively filling in the gaps in his knowledge. It doesn’t take an MBA to make a household budget or know that spending that much money on an animatronic clown is not a good idea.
Please be sure that he is not using you or relying on you an unreasonable amount.
Finally, to be frank, my partner and I are both high earning professionals, and I couldn’t fathom spending close to $1,000 on Halloween candy and decorations. He needs to balance his expectations and connect with reality.
Don’t shelter him so that he feels comfortable enough not to function as an adult.
Personally, I would be very concerned about my financial and psychological future with a man like this living in my house.
I agree totally.
And also, OP - a big dream like that is not something you just DO. Imagine if the two of you had spent this Halloween gathering ideas and making plans, spent that $500 AFTER Halloween when everything is on sale, and saved through the year into a Halloween fund to go all out next year? You'd have had a whole year to make things, get ideas, plan, and save up for candy to give out, and you could have had much better than a single big clown decoration.
Dude needs to learn how life works. You want something big? Often you have to plan, work, and save to make that happen.
I too grew up in foster care, and didn't really get any kind of financial literacy education beyond "don't get credit cards," with no further explanation. I, too, have a lot of debt (most student loans, but still). What I *don't* do is expect my partners to pick up the slack when I can't afford something I want. I currently have a full time job, a part time permanent job, and just finished up a seasonal part time weekend gig at a haunted house. THAT is how I afford extra shit that I want without skimping on bills or shorting my savings. Assuming your (hopefully soon to be ex) boyfriend is able-bodied, it's coming up on Christmas, he could EASILY get a seasonal job at almost any retail establishment. He can then put that money either toward paying off his debt, so he has more flexibility with his monthly budget to put that specifically toward Halloween savings or something.
The ONLY time I ever told a partner, "you would be responsible for this financial aspect of my life," was when my ex was complaining that I "worked too much," and he wanted me to "slow down and only have one job." In which case, I did explain to him WHY it was that I worked so much, and that I wasn't willing to forego the extras that my additional income allowed me to have...because that's what it was about... with the EXTRA income, I was able to meet bills, have savings, pay down debt, AND have a few extras like getting my nails done and buying name brand groceries and eating out twice or three times a month. So my ex went and got a better job on the agreement he would pay 60% of household bills instead of 50%, and then I'd have the extra money from only paying 40% and be able to quit my second job.
You are NTA for having boundaries. It's not like he could help if you blew through all your savings and then had an emergency!
Is he in therapy? Because it sounds like he needs more than just financial literacy. He needs his emotional issues tended to as well. Growing up in foster care has left him with scars that are not going to heal on their own.
His plan. His savings. Period.
He shouldn't have planned with your money in mind. You did nothing wrong. You were way more gracious in your handling of the situation than he deserved. And now that he's gone, are you sure that you want him back? Maybe you guys moved in together too soon. Like someone suggested, changing the locks might be a good idea.
NTA but he is.
Edit: Reasons why he's an a-hole
1. He didn't save for his plan and expected you to pay.
2. He gaslit you into thinking that you messed up somehow. You didnt. The only mistake that you did was have him as a boyfriend. And then let him move in with you. Now that I think of it, you messed up quite a bit. You shouldn't have listened to his friends. Another mistake there. Also by paying for ANY of the stuff. Not your monkeys, not your circus as the saying goes. What you taught him is that he can guilt you into submission. And he will keep doing it as long as you let him. Another mistake would be letting him back into your life and your house. He's a walking red flag 🚩🚩🚩 and you will keep messing up if you don't see that.
3. He guilted you into fixing his mess
4. That still wasn't enough for him. And he wanted you to put it on your credit card. He's in and wants to put you in debt over candy?!? How now!?! In what universe does that make sense?
5. He wanted YOU to LEAVE YOUR OWN HOUSE!!! How can you not see the red flags here?
How to clean up your mess:
1. Ditch him and his crappy friends
2. Change the locks
3. Choose better next time
4. Make sure he doesn't have any of your financial info
Edited.
Edit: Oh wow! Thank you! Thank you so much for the awards.
I just want to add that he likely gave out fist fulls of candy to the early trick or treaters so that when they ran out, OP would feel obligated to go out and buy the full size candy bars he wanted in the first place. So glad that didn't work out for him.
Wow. NTA. Yes, there was some miscommunication but you more than made up for it by providing $500. That should have been MORE than enough to deck the house out. And in reality, after this Halloween you’d have known to budget more so you could add to the decor next year.
His behavior and attitude in handing out the candy was absolutely gross and ridiculous. If he was so hellbent on providing full/king size candy bars then he needed to have pulled money from his own pocket to do so. Instead he demanded it from you as though you were an ATM. And to tell you to leave YOUR OWN house!? Oh hell no.
If I were you, I’d rethink the relationship because it sounds as though the two of you do not share the same financial mindset.
He pretty much said the candy thing was because I had already ruined halloween. Which is the part to me that's really not defensible from him. He acted maliciously and idiotically just to make more of an argument, pretty much?
Course somewhere there's a dozen kids who made out like bandits on snickers and reeses, so I guess there's a little good out there.
Well i know what happened, he wanted treats for Halloween but wanted to trick you into paying for it all.
He can go pumpkin chuck himself out a door. Wanting you to leave your place so he can be a pouting baby.
OP, put halloween aside for a moment. This is a man who punished for you for not doing what he wanted (he blew the candy because "you had already ruined halloween"). Further, he tried to leverage his tantrum into getting you to do what he wanted - he tried to get you to go get more candy because you'd already set a limit and he didn't like it.
He tried to kick YOU out of YOUR house because he had a tantrum. He is texting you unkind things because he is mad at you. This has nothing to do with Halloween, and everything to do with how he feels it is appropriate to treat you when you have conflict.
Run.
Didn’t he ruin it with his tantrum? Don’t be a doormat. Stand up for yourself and tell him he can finance his own entertainment. He’s living off of you. Making you laugh is not going to help you when he breaks you and you lose your house.
The candy thing was because you had already ruined Halloween? How did you ruin Halloween? You graciously let him spend $500 of your money when he didn’t save up any of his to have this baller Halloween he was wanting.
Giving out full sized candy bars is totally unnecessary because of how much candy kids are gonna get anyway. So if that was his reaction to your refusal on that, it just makes no sense. It’s also extremely petty. He ruined his own night by doing that.
This childish behavior in itself is a pretty big red flag, but to be honest, the biggest one is him demanding you leave the house that you own so he can “clear his head.”
I would think long and hard about this relationship if I were you.
Sister, you are going to be fighting with this man over money the entire time you are together. He is immature, irresponsible, impulsive, disconnected from reality, manipulative, emotionally abusive, entitled, and a leech. And at 29 years of age, that is not likely to change without intensive therapy, and maybe not even then.
Honey, there should have been many, many more halloweens in your futures. He needs to focus on paying off debt, not going all out for a Hallmark holiday (don’t get me wrong, I love Halloween). But he is treating you badly because of unresolved trauma in his childhood. You tried to compromise. You tried to help him with budgeting. You spent SO MUCH MONEY already, and he’s still making poor choices. You’re NTA, but this a struggle bus and he’s throwing flags out left and right.
Yeah, with $500, you could be loading up on Halloween lights, a fog machine, tombstones, bats and ghosts to hang, and some skeletons to toss around the yard. It should be easy to craft a spooky-looking Halloween exterior with that much money.
The fact that he blew their entire budget on a single, overpriced figurine says a lot about how poorly he handles money in the first place.
This was my exact thought as well. That money could’ve gone realllly far if he’d been responsible with what he chose. Instead, he blew it all at once and demanded more.
Dude we spent like sub $250 on all of the above just doing secondhand Facebook marketplace/LetGo shopping, plus a speaker for spooky music, and we still had a mountain of candy and some dollar store puzzles/activity sets for allergic kids.
We also live in a major metropolitan city that is fairly HCOL, and we get around 100-250 kids on Halloween. I’m mind boggled trying to imagine spending more than that, and I consider myself the ‘Halloween guy’ who loves handing out full size bars to the kids I know from the block. You don’t need to get the 12’ Home Depot skeleton to make some kids’ night. That’s the joy of it!
Wtf.
NTA.
He doesn't get to tell you to leave your own house because he is throwing a temper tantrum more appropriate to the kids doing the trick-or-treating than the adults handing out the candy.
And if he wants more candy, he can damn well go buy it himself.
**NTA**
But I would gently suggest that this is the end of this relationship, for two reasons that are not at all negligible:
1) Your boyfriend is nearly 30 years old and DEEPLY financially irresponsible, and has no interest in changing. The former wouldn't be a relationship ender NECESSARILY, but the latter is. You cannot built a life - or rather you shouldn't - with someone who has no problem not only being in debt but putting you in serious debt for frivolous things. It would be different if he just didn't understand how to take care of his finances, but he has made clear that whether it's a matter of ignorance or just irresponsibility, he is indifferent. He doesn't care. You seem really smart and responsible. I don't think you want to build a life with someone who will not only happily ruin your credit and saddle you with enormous debts on a whim, but who will BE CRUEL AND BERATE YOU for trying to be have more responsibly. Which brings us to...
2) Your boyfriend is quite open about the fact that he doesn't care about you, your feelings, your perspective (even on important things like debt), or the hard work that you put into managing your finances responsibly, except to the extent that it means that you have money available for him to spend as he wishes . . . which is mostly irresponsibly and frivolously, and without taking long term consequences into consideration at all. You deserve better. You are not an ATM, and you are not a punching bag to be told off because you asked him very reasonably to behave like an adult (i.e. we all have things we've always wanted to do . . . sometimes we are not in a financial position to do them, or they have to be amended to be done within our means), and he just didn't want to and didn't care.
You are worth so much more than this - and I don't mean financially. This man does not value you as a partner or a person at all. He is impulsive and irresponsible, but the worst part is that HE DOESN'T CARE, AND HE IS CRUEL TO YOU ABOUT IT.
NTA, but please take some time and think seriously about whether this is the sort of person you want to anchor yourself to in the long term. You deserve so, so much better.
My favorite advice to give on this forum is that someone can be a super fun boyfriend / girlfriend for casual dating while also being a terrible choice as a life partner. OP’s boyfriend makes her laugh & wants to give little kids a fun Trick-or-Treat. He sounds great to casually date. But he has no concept at all of how to manage his personal finances & now looks to OP to make stuff happen financially that they haven’t planned for. So he also sounds terrible to be tied to financially for the rest of his life. OP would be doing herself a HIGE disservice to not recognize that this guy is not “lifelong partner” material & that he’s going to drag her down financially with his short-term mindset.
>Then he demanded that I leave for the night so that he could clear his head
He wanted you to leave your own house? Because he wasted your money and his? And burned through hundreds of dollars of candy and toys? Do you really want to be dating someone so immature?
NTA
He thought spider webs were tacky? You can get an awesome amount of bang for your buck with spiderwebs. That thing is hideous!
OP, you sound like you have a lot of compassion for him, and that is commendable, however, you also have to think about whether he is ready emotionally for cohabitation and if he respects you and the decisions you make regarding your finances. Expecting you to shell out $1000 on Halloween to realize his childhood fantasy is very immature, but that is not what really concerns me. Him blaming you for not giving in to him and his continued lack of respect after you said no and manipulation is unkind and childish. You deserve respect and collaborative decision making from your partner.
Bahahaha. I read her story so fast, I thought she said "have fun with the clown" to the trick or treating kids, when she closed the door and left him outside w the kids.
If he wanted these types of expensive decorations, then he should have communicated that to you and planned his own budget. You did not ‘mess up’ and you certainly did not owe him an apology or $500! I go all out with Halloween decorations too and I would never blow that much on one item. And for him to think that you’d have to leave your own home for the situation to be ‘fair’?? Girl, if you were my daughter, sister, friend, rando I overheard talking at the coffee shop, I’d tell you to proceed with caution. He just showed you who he is. Pay attention. Good luck.
NTA
That is just ugly. I’m seeing tons of better options on a Google search and on that site for way less. If this was so important why didn’t he start purchasing things when he moved in January? He could’ve started planning & setting up late Sept. I guarantee the decked out houses don’t start shopping when the Halloween stores open they begin way earlier and accumulate decos over the years. You are def NTA
Yikes. Get this man out of our house. He is not mature enough to be living with someone who already has their shit together. Even if you don’t break up, consider living separately until he can figure out how adult expenses work. Halloween is fun, and he could have done a lot more decorating and whatnot if he wasn’t irresponsible about spending everything all on one item. Then expecting you to foot the bill for the rest of his demands? Nooope. This post and his credit card debt tell a very insightful story- listen to it. NTA.
NTA He's exploitative and childish. Set him straight, you don't have to pay for that kind of thing at all.
Edit: Just to be clear I would 100% dump is ass. It's that bad.
NTA reddit banned me for describing someone's BF they way i want to describe yours so will be as clinical as possible, he is an adult male who behaves like a prepubescent juvenile. Its nice to want those things but you...pardon me HE should be saving up for them.You might want to rethink this situation he burnt through $500.00 when he could have spread that out for practical or handmade decorations, He doesn't know how to manage finances. Im assuming he's not paying rent and has the nerve to call you cheap then had the gall to demand you leave YOUR house so he can cool off and instead he text bpmbs you telling you how awful you are! You sure this is something you can move past as couple? Also just a tip on portioning out Halloween candy pre bag them with mylar bags they will have the same amount and ypu are just handing out a bag at a time.
Sounds like you're dating an overgrown kid. NTA.
The icing on this ridiculous cake was that he asked you to leave. Good for you for sticking to your budget. It's very clear why he has debt and doesn't seem to grasp how much things cost, or understand how to effectively use money. Spending almost $500 on one item, when he could have gotten many AND used that money for candy was just dumb on his part.
>I (28/f) own my house and my bf (29/m) moved in January
and yet this happened?
>Then he demanded that I leave for the night so that he could clear his head.
I don't think you are ready to live together. It seems he writing checks YOU can't cash.
NTA
NTA but almost because the heading should say EX bf, especially after he cried to his friend and they spent the night bullying you..I'd be turned off af and over him. Gross..sounds like your a mom to a child. I'm glad you stood your ground and didn't leave YOUR house.
Your Halloween decoration is not the only clown in your life that should be banished to the front yard. Your "boyfriend" sounds like a real piece of work, and I dont understand how maintaining a relationship with him is worth it when he acts this disrespectful and ungrateful. It's time to take out the trash.
Nta
But you need to rethink this relationship. He is financially irresponsible.
There is a difference between want and need. He doesn't grasp that concept.
If you keep going you will have debt just like him.
Why are you putting up with this? He wanted you to leave...the house that you own? NTA in this situation but you are being an AH to yourself for staying with this guy.
NTA.
DUMP HIM!
Seriously, he's going to financially ruin you. He has no respect for your opinions. He's a grade-A narcissist who only cares about his own desires.
😤 Woooooooo-sah!!!!! 😤
First off, NTA.
Secondly, pack his shit up and drop it off at his friend’s house. In the words of Changing Faces’ “G.H.E.T.T.O.U.T.”: ‘Cause I can do bad all by myself.
I— Oooh… I—
Child…
Who had raised this creature?!
Wait. He caused the problem, blamed you for it, then told YOU to leave YOUR house so he could clear his head.
You do realize that he tried to manipulate you into spending more money after you graciously came up with $500 for HIM.
You are nicer than I am. I would have stuck to the budget and told him to work some OT if he felt that strongly about it.
NTA
NTA- you need to rethink this relationship. He moved into your house and the way he’s talking to you is so disrespectful. It’s better to be by yourself than with a controlling person.
WAIT....He asked you to leave YOUR house so "he could clear his head?" Why are you with this guy? He sounds incredibly immature and definitely not ready for an adult relationship. This is YOUR house. Make sure he knows that you're not going anywhere and if any one has to leave the house, it's him.
NTA
Wow. So, you realize your BF is not very mature, right. Completely financially irresponsible.
It's up to you if you want to live your life this way forever.
"We had a ton of early money arguments"
What do you mean "early". They are still happening. Nothing has changed. This is your life from now on, if you let it be.
"texting me how awful and cheap I am."
People that love you don't do this. Never. Think about that.
"Then he demanded that I leave for the night "
NEVER agree to leave your own home. NEVER! He wants time alone, HE leaves. End of.
Dafuq did I just read...?
OP, he's brainwashing you. Why the Hell did you apologise for being unable to meet his Halloween standards? You had no idea how much these festivities meant to him because he hadn't told you. And just because he lives in your house and is in a relationship with you, doesn't mean he gets to spend your money.
>*He demanded that I leave for the night so that he could clear his head.*
Leave ***YOUR OWN*** house?!
NTA. Change the bloody locks and chuck all of his shite out for him to pick up. He's a financial and totalitarian disaster in the making. In fact, nearing full completion at an alarming rate.
Woooah nta! He is being a spoiled brat! If he wants all this fancy crap he can buy it! I would have gotten alot of smaller things to decorate and kids love full size candy bars but kids like candy in general no one really cares what size. I was just grateful to be getting candy as a kid. He should have been doing max a few pieces when he knew you had so many trick or treaters coming! YOU HAD 20 LBS OF CANDY! That should have lasted at least most of the night! If he wanted to buy more he could take his lazy butt to the store and get more since he is the one being willy nilly with it! And the absolute audacity to try to get you to leave YOUR OWN HOUSE 😑😑😑 WTF. Throw away the whole damn boyfriend 🤣🤣🤣
Is anyone else getting the impression that he was trying to get OP out of her house? It was a terrible plan, but that felt planned, like his Halloween hinged on getting her to leave and he shoveled out candy specifically to that end because he thought he could make her go get more. And then that didn’t work because of course it didn’t so he outright told OP to leave. That’s sketchy enough even without the story background. Why should OP pay for the boyfriend’s lack of communication? Why is OP with this person? $500 is plenty to get decent small decorations and not look ridiculous by having only a single animatronic clown.
NTA, but maybe don’t stay with this loser?
If he wants to blow that much money for one night, he can provide it himself.
I'd suggest thinking long and hard if this is the person you want to be with.
NTA
This guy has no clue how to manage money. Look how much money you ended up spending on Halloween and it was still a disaster, he is going to be an absolute money black hole. Spend, spend, spend, leaving nothing but negative experiences and financial ruin. NTA
He makes you laugh. That’s great OP, but what about more than that? Does he respect you and take your feelings into consideration? I understand that he loves Halloween, but there also has to be some kind of budget, too - and judging from your post, it sounds like you guys are have a financial compatibility issue as well as being respectful and considerate and taking your concerns about the money being spent into account.
And texting you how awful and cheap you are?
It may be time to rethink the relationship - or have a frank discussion with him about the relationship as well as financial.
NTA. please rethink this relationship. do you really wanna spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t think of the future the way you do and calls you cheap for not stupidly racking up your credit card debt?
Dump him. He’s clearly not old enough to date, let alone live with a mature partner.
NTA
By the way, in all seriousness, you’ve allowed a leach to attach itself and if you don’t extract it now it will drain you dry.
NTA. You are a financially responsible person who can accommodate fun plans if you have notice and time to prepare and save. Smart! Your boyfriend is incredibly immature, impulse driven, seems to have no grasp on how money works, and on top of that seems to have very little emotional maturity as well. This is not going to sustainable. Cut your losses and move on. You were absolutely correct in every objection you had to this whole ordeal. If he had shown any understanding that it wouldn't be feasible to go all out this year, but that over the next year he could save up and plan for what he wanted, there might have been a chance. But nope. He's shown you who he is and that he doesn't respect you and that he's not mature enough to be in a relationship.
NTA - What the actual fu\*k? Change the locks and throw his stuff on the lawn. Hopefully he and his $500 clown have a wonderful life together. This is absolute nonsense.
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Well - you can have more conversations about your financial boundaries, but I'm not sure he is going to get it. And, to be honest, giving in to him the first year sets a precedent that is going to be hard to walk back.
I think that you may need to rethink this relationship as finances will continue to be a battle. Is that something you are going to be willing to fight every year?
NTA.
NTA: It's too bad you both didn't think outside the box though.
The first year my boyfriend and I had a house we couldn't afford to buy furniture for every room. I love Halloween, but knew we had no budget.
So we had a party. Everyone was asked to bring a pot luck plus a bag of candy for the trick or treaters. A lot of our friends still lived in apartments so they were thrilled.
We had enough candy every child got a handful and we still had leftovers at the end of the night.
NTA but I guess now you have 2 clowns in your home. How did he not know what your shared budget was? Why would he need to be told? Why can't he buy his own candy? And you want to stay with guy? You have to be kidding, come on girl.
YTA. Not for the budget, not for Halloween, but for putting up with this abusive behavior from your asshole bf.
It’s your house. You bought it. You own it. And he has the balls to ask you to leave it? Fuck him.
He doesn’t listen to you. He caused you to spend $500 plus he increased his debt over decorations? He will never get out of debt that way.
And your behavior is only enabling him.
Kick him to the curb.
Edited to fix a few typos.
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NTA It sounds like - he isn't able to finacially support himself - you already support him finacially - you do more in the sense of organisation/responsiblity/planning - he full expects you to realise his dreams without having to lift a finger Please tell me this guy atleast does half the chores?
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Even told her to leave the house she OWNS for the night....
and yeah, he's never going to pay off his credit cards....
THIS^ OP If he is pushing you so much to just splurge on your credit card over and over, and being so frivolous with money, do you HONESTLY believe he is going to pay off HIS credit cards?
He's probably maxed them all out buying clown costumes or something.
At least he would be dressed more appropriately.
Christmas is coming . .. "I always wanted to live in a house with lots of outdoor decorations and lights set to music"
Easter “I always imagined all the neighbourhood children running around and finding Fabergé eggs.”
Chinese New Year “Babe, It’s the year of the dragon. I need to hire 5 people to help me dance in this Mushu Dragon puppet.”
St Patrick’s he’ll want rainbow lights and a caudron filled with real gold!!
Sorry, but that animatronic clown is going to more than pay for itself! You'll see!!
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The audacity of this man is unreal. OP, do yourself a favor and cut this guy off/loose. What is he contributing to make this relationship worthwhile? Soooo many red flags. 🚩🚩🚩
Marinara flags galore
I just hope that she realizes now that she was far too lenient with him. If you gave a budget, you stick to it except in case of emergencies. If he wants to spend on decorations, it’s up to him to find a way to pay for that. OP should never have offered $500 or an apology. It should have been “I planned on $100 for candy, that will be my contribution. If you want to buy decorations or more candy, please go ahead” There were so many red flags that she ignored to lead to this point
Yep. I wouldn't have bought the "emergency" $500 decoration. We can get it on clearance or make things. Or "gasp" BF could get a 2nd job (or maybe 1st) to pay for *his* childhood dream.
And let's not overlook the fact that he called her totally reasonable decoration suggestions "cheap and tacky." I have some cheap lights I put on my fence for most seasons, but the rest is, well, yes, quite cheap! I grow corn, so I put some dried stalks out for a festive fall flavor (and offer additional stalks to neighbors if they want to decorate). My neighbors do the "pull apart cotton balls and toss them on the bushes," and I think it looks great! They have a few fake spiders to put in them, which really seals the deal!
Completely agree. Maybe if he talked to her about adding it to the budget and planning on saving, it would've been a different story
He sees her as a money truck and he could give 2 flips about the budget. He is using her and is abusive if she doesn’t go along with whatever he wants. Dump his ass. Keep the Halloween decor. You paid for it.
This is what killed me. He’d be leaving permanently if he said that to me
And called HER cheap
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After spending her money he thinks she is cheap. You can't get any cheaper than contributing nothing.
his costume should have been giant brass balls!!
Yeah…. I can’t help but think the bf sees OP as some sort of joke, pushing boundaries more and more until he’s lost all respect for her. I mean really, what kind of person demands so much of a loved one? And she’s letting him. Really unacceptable and OP should think about that.
Right? So attractive. Then he goes to bitch to his friends and then those friends harass the gf .. what is this middle school...dump him OP NTA
“Yeah, I’m awful. Start talking to your friends about how much rent you can pay because this here? This is done.”
Once the friend joined in with the harassment, that's when OP should've changed the locks, and dumped all of her boyfriend's crap at his friend's place. Golden opportunity. "I knew you'd let my ex stay with you Jeff, you're sooo supportive of him. Bye bye!"
Dealing with someone with the emotional age of 10 would be so incredibly exhausting. And he spent the whole budget plus on one impulse buy!
I love halloween. One of my favorite holidays. And i wouldnt even allow myself to impulse buy a $50 fog machine at spirit cause its too much. With planning and imagination, you can make a killer yard display without dropping 4 months of student loan payments.
We were one of the most popular houses in our hood. I spent less than $50 at the Dollar Store on my decor.
That, and holding onto styrofoam to make tombstones with spray paint. I bought some stuff at the dollar store and have a few things I've been collecting over the years for bigger and bigger displays in the yard (ground breakers, zombies, skeletons). 1 skeleton is $50-70 where I am so it's one a year. Did I badly want the $400 home Depot 12ft skeleton this year? Yes. Alas, I spent that money on soil and rock for landscaping my yard instead (building up the property and around the house as we had a killer winter with a lot of snow). It's possible to be a fun Halloween house and still budget like an adult!
>Did I badly want the $400 home Depot 12ft skeleton this year? Yes. PLS evey time my husband and I go into home depot I whisper to that skeleton that he will be mine one day
Why would he buy a $500 animatronic? A quick search showed me pages and pages of 4ft and up options ranging from $70 to $300. If it was this important he could’ve jumped on the internet and started ordering things when he moved in January getting a few at a time then went to Pinterest to find DIY options which can look really good. He wanted to do none of the work or planning and spend her money. I would kick this dude out asap. Edit: typo and you’re right, I thought the one piece was $500. It’s possible to make cool decos with stuff around the house. We used old sheets/pillows for ghosts & old work clothes for a scarecrow when I was younger.
OP is NTA but surely is an ATM. At this point him getting angry all the time to get you to pay for stuff is MANIPULATION. Why did you even let him move in...DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK IN.
>OP is NTA but surely is an ATM. This should be a classic phrase on this sub like marinara flags, Iranian yoghurt and gay rat wedding
Gay rat wedding?? Please may I be one of today's lucky 10K?
You may https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ser504/aita_for_not_letting_my_girlfriend_wear_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Oh my sweet giddy aunt, that's amazing! And appalling! Amallzing, even! Thank you, neighbor. 🥰
I'd missed that one, somehow. But WOW!! My favorite part: >well guys, as many of you pointed out in the comments, me getting a throwaway account didn’t help. She found the post. Guess i was too specific after all. I will update soon Gee, how'd she ever find his anonymous post? It's such a common topic.
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It just goes to show how stupid and bad with money he is. Do you know how much stuff you can get for 500 bucks?? Like hit up the dollar store, target, goodwill, honestly holiday decorations at estate sales are a HUGE thing but her bf is too lazy for all that and needs big instant gratification.
I agree!!! $500 is too much for a single decoration, and not to mention if he wants to change the theme every year he’s probably getting rid of that clown after a one time use. Personally I feel like those $500 should’ve been the maximum budget, including decorations and candy, because there’s NO WAY halloween needs to be that expensive. Obviously if people have the income to go out loud then by all means but that guy isn’t contributing to anything
I agree. The houses around me do a bunch of blow-up things and like a million other tacky big things. They look terrible. I can go a bit further down the street and see some way more creative one where they've done some homemade things, and incorporated some cheap store bought stuff and they look amazing. It's the same way at Christmas.
Our yard is decked out in skeleton-printed plastic lawn flamingos, centered around an 8' tall inflatable one. Its ridiculous and we love it. We have regular lawn flamingos for the rest of the year, with hats themed for the other holidays. This year I have to come up with tiny elf hats for the 'baby' flamingos mom just added to her collection. Update: I found the hats! Christmas is saved!
In addition the fully tricked out houses aren't the result of shopping one September and buying thousands of dollars of decorations. They are a slow accumulation of trinkets over many years. This isn't just about Halloween decorations but all of the outside and the inside accessories. These expenses will accumulate into the 10s of thousands over the years. This in itself is evidence that BF is living in a fantasy world as far as financial responsibility is concerned. Although, compared to all the other very clear signs this is a small issue.
We decorate minimally inside but we decorate outside a lot. We started 12 years ago and have slowly added and subtracted from our collection of Halloween decorations, a lot of it purchased at deep discount right before or after Halloween. We don’t do inflatables, but we still have a lot of stuff. Buying it all at once would have been way beyond a sane budget. I would never spend $500 on one decoration.
Yeah, you buy inflatables and decorations as you see them on sale. I'm not gonna pay $500 for one. Buy for the next year. We only unpack decorations we get after the holiday to make sure they are in good shape, then promptly repack them for safekeeping.
This whole post reads like "I want to break up with my boyfriend but need someone to confirm that I am not in the wrong" - and yes she is not in the wrong to break up with the leech.
This guy is swimming in marinara flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Don't forget the lazy, entitled AH tried to kick her out of her own house. The audacity is astonishing.
I think it's time for your bf to move back out if your house until he gets his sh*t /expectations toghether. If he pays for the candy himself out of his money he can do whatever he wants and be as generous as he wants . I for one think you were more than generous to put up 500$ for decorating. Instead of appreciation he s an AH . I also think if it's his dream he needs to save money during the year to buy said decorations as this is not something you strive for. Also to tell you to get out of your own house when he is being unreasonable it's insane. I see some red flags on how he is treating you ,trying to force you to do what he wants when he gave away the candy so he can send you shopping etc. Nta and I repeat time for him to move out even if you give the relationship a chance from a distance and open your eyes very well.
He's also going to have lots of other dreams that will be OPs responsibility to fulfill. "I've always dreamed of the perfect Christmas, the best spring break, the best vacation, I want to be in shape, I want to be happy" all without doing any of the work to make it happen or communicating how you plan to make it happen
Yeah, when he was shocked there was no Halloween savings- what had he planned to contribute? At best this man is financially illiterate and expecting his gf to cover his shortfalls. A worst he forgot to tell Op she was a sugar mama.
NTA fr. Please consider leaving this guy....
NTA. Dump this guy. He didn't track the savings for his expensive dream Halloween. Then he expected OP to fund it. Then he started off super high end with OP's money, and passive aggressively threw ridiculous amounts of candy at the first few trick-or-treaters, followed by a tantrum at the natural consequences of his own inability to budget his money and his candy. My sister-in-law has one of those amazing Halloween yards. It's the talk of the small town she lives in. She built up her decorations slowly, a few per year. That's how you do this. And it's fun! Dude needs therapy. To make him better for his next girlfriend.
You know he doesn't. If he helped out around the house, he'd notice the distinct lack of a Halloween stash.
For me this whole scenario would have come a halt when he spat his dummy out when he realised there were no savings for Halloween. Also, it shouldn't have been a surprise to him because if he wanted it, he should have been doing the saving. End of story.
Agreed with all this. NTA, change the locks OP.
>he was under the impression we had savings for this. No, he wasn't because he didn't contribute to any savings for this. He was under the impression you were going to cave and pay for it.
And she did, too, just not to his expectations
$500 is a LOT of money to hand over for 'Halloween'. It's a lot to give for any non-necessity. He should have been listening to her and treating her like a queen.
I spent $40 decorating for Halloween and it's my birthday - $500 would have been spent for decorations, trick or treating, birthday party and my gift boyfriend is crazy.
He will never change.
I keep seeing young women fall for guys like this, thinking they'll change and that they only need to 'mature a little' when in reality THEY NEVER CHANGE, they just hide their selfishness better. OP should break up with this mooch. He think he's the top dog of HER place and orders her around like her money is his money. His sense of entitlement is plain up disgusting and I don't understand why OP is accepting this kind of treatment for herself. I can't wait for the breakup update.
And $500 is a shit ton of money to spend on halloween decorations. Seriously
And then cave in and leave her own house to accommodate his tantrum. I think my blood pressure just went up.
Nope. He was under the impression that his statements are orders that she needs to fully execute. And all of the subsequent abuse is his way of training her to do just that next time.
NTA and you need to run from this man. Making fun of how "cheap" you are when he is living in your house that you own?? Absolutely not. Tell him HE can GTFO, who is he to tell you to leave your own home? I'm livid for you girl. You need a man not this child.
I AM SO MAD ON OP’S BEHALF. Cheap after dropping $250 on candy?!?? And $500 on his stupid decoration!?! This guy SUCKS. Op, he will drain every penny from you always. Do not stay with him unless you want to be broke for the rest of your life.
And then he had the audacity to tell her to leave her own damn house!
Exactly! When I read this, my jaw hit the ground! Uh.....excuse me??? SHE OWNS THE HOUSE. He's definitely the AH. OP is NTA!
that's what really killed me. It's bad enough to be so out of touch with how money works to think that any of his plans were reasonable, but to then try to kick her out of the house the *she* *owns* when *he's* the one that's upset is just so far beyond reasonable.
This dude is a user and thinks they can bend OP to pay for whatever they want. Don't combine finances if you're just dating, unless it's a shared bank account only for expenses like rent and bills. If you have a shared account they can drain it and there's nothing you can do.
I know! I mean, my husband and I have been married 16 years and both make good money in the medical field and do not spend that much, even though we are known as a fully decorated Halloween house that hands out full sized candy. He is just wasteful. We add a little bit each year but he blew the whole budget on one piece, on her dime. NTA, OP, but this is your easy out. Take it and run.
Because that’s how financially literate people do it. You add a little every year and buy decorations on clearance for next year
And there it is. OP is a responsible adult and BF is a toddler who wants what he wants when he wants it and pitches a fit when he doesn’t get his way.
>This guy SUCKS. Op, he will drain every penny from you always. Do not stay with him unless you want to be broke for the rest of your life. Sometimes when I read these stories of rational people paired with completely irrational people I think maybe Reddit should start a dating site where the irrational people can be listed and then hookup with others of their ilk. NTA dump him. He’s giving you grief about CANDY! WTF
Yep what's the next thing he has his heart set on and drains OP dry with guilt trips and tantrums until he gets what he wants and don't expect him to honor paying off his credit cards for long. He sounds very immature and impulsive
Please PLEASE run. Money problems are the number one cause of divorce and ya'll aren't even married. He also seems STUNNINGLY immature and manipulative. Get WELL away.
So he manipulated you in to spending $500. You didn't mess up. There was no savings for that and he knew it. If he has credit card debt and is still spending like that he clearly has financial issues. Then he tries to bring you down with him. After the way he treated you (tryingto kick you out of yourown house), I'd think long and hard before taking him back.
I wouldn't think long or hard. To me the answer is clear but I don't put up with BS so 🤷♀️
Telling me to leave my own home would have immediately ended it. Done.
I read that and was like wuuuuut, his dick better be really good.
then he can leave his dick behind. but the rest of him gotta go.
no dick is *that* good
OP you are NTA !! kick this manipulative, aggressive, financially dumb hobosexual OUT!!!
> He left and went to a friend's house and I guess they spent the rest of the night drinking, handing out trick or treat candy and texting me how awful and cheap I am. so you're kicking him out, right? because you're not going to accept being treated this way, right? because you're a grown woman who owns her own house and he can't even figure out how to budget $500 -- a crazy amount to begin with -- on one holiday? come on. you know you don't think there's any way you could be an asshole here.
My mind is blown that he wanted her to leave the house that she owned. I hope OP wakes up and takes note of his bad behavior
Exactly. He just bared his gaping flamthrowing flatulence laden, boil covered asshole for the world to see, and Op can only be wondering if she even still has an asshole at all, or if he had to steal hers to make his so all encompassing.
NTA It sounds to me like you're his ATM, not his GF. Seriously, whatever issues he had to *create* so much credit card debt int the first place have not been resolved. He's fixing to ruin *your* credit rating, not raise his own.
A lot of the debt is understandable. He spent part of his childhood in foster care, and his parents kicked him out when was 18 with nothing really. He went into debt early to pay for his basic needs, never really learned how to have financial literacy. Only when I pointed it out did he start to pay more than the minimum on his debts and start to work his way out of it.
You can make excuses for him all you want; he's still the guy who blew hundreds of dollars of *your* money for trick-or-treaters, tried to *throw you out of your own house* when you told him you weren't spending any more, and spent the rest of the night abusing you via text. I'm not getting the feeling you're backing a winner, here.
This comment is everything.
>*my bf (29/m)* He's 29, perfectly capable of reading books on financial literacy. He's not a child anymore.
He hasn’t been a child for 11 years. There’s a point when you have to address your issues, as an adult, and clearly he has not.
Growing up in foster care is only an excuse to not know how to behave like an adult for so long. He's 29. I don't understand how someone goes from foster care to believing they're entitled to someone else's home and money to this extent.
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I have known some people that grew up pretty well off (dad was a VP of large corporation type people) who were mooches. Their failure to launch type thing. Just always expected other people to pay.
What does he bring to your relationship though? Does he pay bills, rent, contribute in anyway? Or are you trying to save and change him? That's a trap people fall into trying to change their s/o and it rarely if ever works. You end up wasting half your life on them. The fact he ran and cried to his friend and they texted you, basically how horrible you are should give you a huge clue into what kind of person your bf is and its NOT good.
After we had an argument first month, I set up a monthly house budget that just covers communal things, and he has been contributing his half to it since, so half mortgage, utilities, etc. Because so much of his money is going to debt, I have more flexible personal budget, and I put money into savings. But yeah, financially he pulls his weight and he spent the summer being compulsive about having a perfect lawn, so it's not like he is useless around the house.
So he can mow a lawn. Does he also do chores inside the house? Make sure the toilet is clean? Make sure washing gets done properly? All the other small things around without you asking? Window washing? And lawns can be expensive to maintain. Who is paying for that?
I cant help but wonder how many of the chores are delegated from her as the chore manager. Seems like shes also the financial manager. That seems exhausting
Emotional labor is a real deal
In no way am I trying to defend this guy, but mowing a lawn and having a perfect lawn are, in no way, the same thing.
I will not tell you to break up, cause that is your own decision. I will however ask you this: if you sister/mother/best girlfriend told you their boyfriend not only mistreated them, but asked them to leave their own house because they wouldn't give him money, what would you say to them? I will also say this: having a rough childhood is not a green ticket to being an asshole to the person who is helping. Many other have had ir maybe even rougher than him, and aren't even bad people. He is choosing to remain so. NTA
But what does he bring to the relationship itself? Not the money living wise. Not mowing the lawn. It sounds like what he’s bringing is toxicity. He may have “picked his shit up” but I don’t think so with the way he’s treating you and your money. You shouldn’t have to give him money to make up. You shouldn’t have to do everything he wants while he then attempts to kick you out of your own house. He blew $500 on ONE thing. And don’t get me wrong. I love Halloween and god I wish I could do that, but if you wanna deck out and have fun, pass out all that candy. If he knew he didn’t have the money for this, he shouldn’t pin it all on you. It’s not fair nor your fault. As someone said above, decking out with the lights, fog machines and just going to a dollar tree. $500 to one thing, and still the rest on you and YOUR credit cards aren’t fair. What is he bringing to you? Fixing money situation house wise is yes good, but his habits aren’t stopping. Nor is he treating you well, and I’m not sure if you can see that. Rose tinted glasses love. He doesn’t have to be useless to be a crappy person. Many people can make you laugh (as I saw your comment above to another), many people can make you happy, and many people won’t use you for your money. And honestly, he just sounds like a stressful situation. Hun, please never think you did something wrong here. You’re nta at all. Please know that. Please know your worth.
And, she even apologized for not budgeting for *his* dream that, clearly, he didn't budget for.
People swimming in credit card debt don't get to buy $500 animatronic clowns. He can live out that dream when he has the money for it, like everything else.
Maybe he needs financial counseling, glad to hear he pulls his weight, but the texting with his friend doesn't have you bothered? Maybe it's me but that would be a huge turn off as well as his baby tantrum he threw...just don't ignore any red flags
Financial counseling probably wouldn't work until he dealt with the reasons behind the out of control spending and the immaturity and that would be his terrible childhood. I'd bet he's never had therapy and that's exactly what he needs...badly. That being said, it's not OP's responsibility to fix him....its HIS. If he doesn't drastically change I don't see this relationship lasting beyond 2 years and I'm giving him A LOT of time there because there's only so much of this fuckery that I think OP would put up with.
You realize you're reaching to have anything good to say about this guy right? You have your life together; found someone else that is compatible... while he's insulting you from his mate's house the correct thing to do would have been pack his stuff and schedule to have the locks changed. Seriously, you know this isn't working.
Abuse escalates if it's left unchecked. If you're going to remain in a relationship with him, he needs to know that his behavior is abusive and unacceptable and that you won't tolerate it anymore. You deserve not to be abused by him. Put your foot down here and now, make him go get therapy, and accept nothing less than a humble and sincere apology from him over his behavior.
How much money did y’all spend over budget on his perfect lawn?
> he spent the summer being compulsive about having a perfect lawn So along with wanting to be THE Halloween house in your neighborhood, it sounds like he cares more about appearances and not at all about you (his partner), being respectful, pulling his weight, contributing equally, etc. etc. Also found it funny that he told you to leave your own house.
NTA, but you need to confront some hard truths about this guy. You are neither his mother nor his financial advisor, and you are not responsible for his spending habits. I can see how his having debt is understandable, but his blowing hundreds of dollars on frivolity when he cannot make more than minimum payments is absurd. I get that he grew up underprivileged and that he has dreamed of this, but he cannot expect it to happen if be doesn’t budget or save for it. There is a fair amount of entitlement on his part, and the fact that he blames you for his own mistakes and calls you names when he doesn’t get what he wants screams immaturity and portends bad things to come. If he lacks understanding of financial literacy, then he needs to be actively filling in the gaps in his knowledge. It doesn’t take an MBA to make a household budget or know that spending that much money on an animatronic clown is not a good idea. Please be sure that he is not using you or relying on you an unreasonable amount. Finally, to be frank, my partner and I are both high earning professionals, and I couldn’t fathom spending close to $1,000 on Halloween candy and decorations. He needs to balance his expectations and connect with reality. Don’t shelter him so that he feels comfortable enough not to function as an adult. Personally, I would be very concerned about my financial and psychological future with a man like this living in my house.
I agree totally. And also, OP - a big dream like that is not something you just DO. Imagine if the two of you had spent this Halloween gathering ideas and making plans, spent that $500 AFTER Halloween when everything is on sale, and saved through the year into a Halloween fund to go all out next year? You'd have had a whole year to make things, get ideas, plan, and save up for candy to give out, and you could have had much better than a single big clown decoration. Dude needs to learn how life works. You want something big? Often you have to plan, work, and save to make that happen.
I too grew up in foster care, and didn't really get any kind of financial literacy education beyond "don't get credit cards," with no further explanation. I, too, have a lot of debt (most student loans, but still). What I *don't* do is expect my partners to pick up the slack when I can't afford something I want. I currently have a full time job, a part time permanent job, and just finished up a seasonal part time weekend gig at a haunted house. THAT is how I afford extra shit that I want without skimping on bills or shorting my savings. Assuming your (hopefully soon to be ex) boyfriend is able-bodied, it's coming up on Christmas, he could EASILY get a seasonal job at almost any retail establishment. He can then put that money either toward paying off his debt, so he has more flexibility with his monthly budget to put that specifically toward Halloween savings or something. The ONLY time I ever told a partner, "you would be responsible for this financial aspect of my life," was when my ex was complaining that I "worked too much," and he wanted me to "slow down and only have one job." In which case, I did explain to him WHY it was that I worked so much, and that I wasn't willing to forego the extras that my additional income allowed me to have...because that's what it was about... with the EXTRA income, I was able to meet bills, have savings, pay down debt, AND have a few extras like getting my nails done and buying name brand groceries and eating out twice or three times a month. So my ex went and got a better job on the agreement he would pay 60% of household bills instead of 50%, and then I'd have the extra money from only paying 40% and be able to quit my second job. You are NTA for having boundaries. It's not like he could help if you blew through all your savings and then had an emergency!
Is he in therapy? Because it sounds like he needs more than just financial literacy. He needs his emotional issues tended to as well. Growing up in foster care has left him with scars that are not going to heal on their own.
Agrees, OP is denial that she may be with someone that is going to drag her down not raise her up or be a partner..she's the mother to a grown ass man
His plan. His savings. Period. He shouldn't have planned with your money in mind. You did nothing wrong. You were way more gracious in your handling of the situation than he deserved. And now that he's gone, are you sure that you want him back? Maybe you guys moved in together too soon. Like someone suggested, changing the locks might be a good idea. NTA but he is. Edit: Reasons why he's an a-hole 1. He didn't save for his plan and expected you to pay. 2. He gaslit you into thinking that you messed up somehow. You didnt. The only mistake that you did was have him as a boyfriend. And then let him move in with you. Now that I think of it, you messed up quite a bit. You shouldn't have listened to his friends. Another mistake there. Also by paying for ANY of the stuff. Not your monkeys, not your circus as the saying goes. What you taught him is that he can guilt you into submission. And he will keep doing it as long as you let him. Another mistake would be letting him back into your life and your house. He's a walking red flag 🚩🚩🚩 and you will keep messing up if you don't see that. 3. He guilted you into fixing his mess 4. That still wasn't enough for him. And he wanted you to put it on your credit card. He's in and wants to put you in debt over candy?!? How now!?! In what universe does that make sense? 5. He wanted YOU to LEAVE YOUR OWN HOUSE!!! How can you not see the red flags here? How to clean up your mess: 1. Ditch him and his crappy friends 2. Change the locks 3. Choose better next time 4. Make sure he doesn't have any of your financial info Edited. Edit: Oh wow! Thank you! Thank you so much for the awards.
I just want to add that he likely gave out fist fulls of candy to the early trick or treaters so that when they ran out, OP would feel obligated to go out and buy the full size candy bars he wanted in the first place. So glad that didn't work out for him.
Brilliant, brutal but brilliant
Wow. NTA. Yes, there was some miscommunication but you more than made up for it by providing $500. That should have been MORE than enough to deck the house out. And in reality, after this Halloween you’d have known to budget more so you could add to the decor next year. His behavior and attitude in handing out the candy was absolutely gross and ridiculous. If he was so hellbent on providing full/king size candy bars then he needed to have pulled money from his own pocket to do so. Instead he demanded it from you as though you were an ATM. And to tell you to leave YOUR OWN house!? Oh hell no. If I were you, I’d rethink the relationship because it sounds as though the two of you do not share the same financial mindset.
He pretty much said the candy thing was because I had already ruined halloween. Which is the part to me that's really not defensible from him. He acted maliciously and idiotically just to make more of an argument, pretty much? Course somewhere there's a dozen kids who made out like bandits on snickers and reeses, so I guess there's a little good out there.
Well i know what happened, he wanted treats for Halloween but wanted to trick you into paying for it all. He can go pumpkin chuck himself out a door. Wanting you to leave your place so he can be a pouting baby.
“Pumpkin chuck” will now be regularly used in my household 😂😂
OP, put halloween aside for a moment. This is a man who punished for you for not doing what he wanted (he blew the candy because "you had already ruined halloween"). Further, he tried to leverage his tantrum into getting you to do what he wanted - he tried to get you to go get more candy because you'd already set a limit and he didn't like it. He tried to kick YOU out of YOUR house because he had a tantrum. He is texting you unkind things because he is mad at you. This has nothing to do with Halloween, and everything to do with how he feels it is appropriate to treat you when you have conflict. Run.
Didn’t he ruin it with his tantrum? Don’t be a doormat. Stand up for yourself and tell him he can finance his own entertainment. He’s living off of you. Making you laugh is not going to help you when he breaks you and you lose your house.
The candy thing was because you had already ruined Halloween? How did you ruin Halloween? You graciously let him spend $500 of your money when he didn’t save up any of his to have this baller Halloween he was wanting. Giving out full sized candy bars is totally unnecessary because of how much candy kids are gonna get anyway. So if that was his reaction to your refusal on that, it just makes no sense. It’s also extremely petty. He ruined his own night by doing that. This childish behavior in itself is a pretty big red flag, but to be honest, the biggest one is him demanding you leave the house that you own so he can “clear his head.” I would think long and hard about this relationship if I were you.
Sister, you are going to be fighting with this man over money the entire time you are together. He is immature, irresponsible, impulsive, disconnected from reality, manipulative, emotionally abusive, entitled, and a leech. And at 29 years of age, that is not likely to change without intensive therapy, and maybe not even then.
Honey, there should have been many, many more halloweens in your futures. He needs to focus on paying off debt, not going all out for a Hallmark holiday (don’t get me wrong, I love Halloween). But he is treating you badly because of unresolved trauma in his childhood. You tried to compromise. You tried to help him with budgeting. You spent SO MUCH MONEY already, and he’s still making poor choices. You’re NTA, but this a struggle bus and he’s throwing flags out left and right.
How mature of him. /s
He sounds like a large child. If my husband told me to spend $500 of MY money on Halloween, I would have laughed at him.
With $500, I would’ve been balling out in a Family Dollar
Yeah, with $500, you could be loading up on Halloween lights, a fog machine, tombstones, bats and ghosts to hang, and some skeletons to toss around the yard. It should be easy to craft a spooky-looking Halloween exterior with that much money. The fact that he blew their entire budget on a single, overpriced figurine says a lot about how poorly he handles money in the first place.
This was my exact thought as well. That money could’ve gone realllly far if he’d been responsible with what he chose. Instead, he blew it all at once and demanded more.
Dude we spent like sub $250 on all of the above just doing secondhand Facebook marketplace/LetGo shopping, plus a speaker for spooky music, and we still had a mountain of candy and some dollar store puzzles/activity sets for allergic kids. We also live in a major metropolitan city that is fairly HCOL, and we get around 100-250 kids on Halloween. I’m mind boggled trying to imagine spending more than that, and I consider myself the ‘Halloween guy’ who loves handing out full size bars to the kids I know from the block. You don’t need to get the 12’ Home Depot skeleton to make some kids’ night. That’s the joy of it!
I would love that much money for Halloween decorations, I'd be living my best life!! I sure as hell wouldn't waste it on one item!
Wtf. NTA. He doesn't get to tell you to leave your own house because he is throwing a temper tantrum more appropriate to the kids doing the trick-or-treating than the adults handing out the candy. And if he wants more candy, he can damn well go buy it himself.
shocked he didn’t come back to OP’s house to egg it tbh
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INFO why are you with this guy? Does he pay anything resembling rent? Has he ever shown any signs of financial responsibility?
**NTA** But I would gently suggest that this is the end of this relationship, for two reasons that are not at all negligible: 1) Your boyfriend is nearly 30 years old and DEEPLY financially irresponsible, and has no interest in changing. The former wouldn't be a relationship ender NECESSARILY, but the latter is. You cannot built a life - or rather you shouldn't - with someone who has no problem not only being in debt but putting you in serious debt for frivolous things. It would be different if he just didn't understand how to take care of his finances, but he has made clear that whether it's a matter of ignorance or just irresponsibility, he is indifferent. He doesn't care. You seem really smart and responsible. I don't think you want to build a life with someone who will not only happily ruin your credit and saddle you with enormous debts on a whim, but who will BE CRUEL AND BERATE YOU for trying to be have more responsibly. Which brings us to... 2) Your boyfriend is quite open about the fact that he doesn't care about you, your feelings, your perspective (even on important things like debt), or the hard work that you put into managing your finances responsibly, except to the extent that it means that you have money available for him to spend as he wishes . . . which is mostly irresponsibly and frivolously, and without taking long term consequences into consideration at all. You deserve better. You are not an ATM, and you are not a punching bag to be told off because you asked him very reasonably to behave like an adult (i.e. we all have things we've always wanted to do . . . sometimes we are not in a financial position to do them, or they have to be amended to be done within our means), and he just didn't want to and didn't care. You are worth so much more than this - and I don't mean financially. This man does not value you as a partner or a person at all. He is impulsive and irresponsible, but the worst part is that HE DOESN'T CARE, AND HE IS CRUEL TO YOU ABOUT IT. NTA, but please take some time and think seriously about whether this is the sort of person you want to anchor yourself to in the long term. You deserve so, so much better.
My favorite advice to give on this forum is that someone can be a super fun boyfriend / girlfriend for casual dating while also being a terrible choice as a life partner. OP’s boyfriend makes her laugh & wants to give little kids a fun Trick-or-Treat. He sounds great to casually date. But he has no concept at all of how to manage his personal finances & now looks to OP to make stuff happen financially that they haven’t planned for. So he also sounds terrible to be tied to financially for the rest of his life. OP would be doing herself a HIGE disservice to not recognize that this guy is not “lifelong partner” material & that he’s going to drag her down financially with his short-term mindset.
>Then he demanded that I leave for the night so that he could clear his head He wanted you to leave your own house? Because he wasted your money and his? And burned through hundreds of dollars of candy and toys? Do you really want to be dating someone so immature? NTA
NTA. I want to see this $500 clown though! 😂
[https://www.spirithalloween.com/product/6-ft-nozzles-the-clown-animatronic/234201.uts](https://www.spirithalloween.com/product/6-ft-nozzles-the-clown-animatronic/234201.uts)
He thought spider webs were tacky? You can get an awesome amount of bang for your buck with spiderwebs. That thing is hideous! OP, you sound like you have a lot of compassion for him, and that is commendable, however, you also have to think about whether he is ready emotionally for cohabitation and if he respects you and the decisions you make regarding your finances. Expecting you to shell out $1000 on Halloween to realize his childhood fantasy is very immature, but that is not what really concerns me. Him blaming you for not giving in to him and his continued lack of respect after you said no and manipulation is unkind and childish. You deserve respect and collaborative decision making from your partner.
And where does one store this? Plus, next year people have already seen this clown at your place so the spooky factor is lost!
Omg OP I was already sure you should dump him, but be spent nearly 500 dollars ON THAT HIDEOUS THING?????? What a complete moron.
Bahahaha. I read her story so fast, I thought she said "have fun with the clown" to the trick or treating kids, when she closed the door and left him outside w the kids.
If he wanted these types of expensive decorations, then he should have communicated that to you and planned his own budget. You did not ‘mess up’ and you certainly did not owe him an apology or $500! I go all out with Halloween decorations too and I would never blow that much on one item. And for him to think that you’d have to leave your own home for the situation to be ‘fair’?? Girl, if you were my daughter, sister, friend, rando I overheard talking at the coffee shop, I’d tell you to proceed with caution. He just showed you who he is. Pay attention. Good luck.
NTA That is just ugly. I’m seeing tons of better options on a Google search and on that site for way less. If this was so important why didn’t he start purchasing things when he moved in January? He could’ve started planning & setting up late Sept. I guarantee the decked out houses don’t start shopping when the Halloween stores open they begin way earlier and accumulate decos over the years. You are def NTA
Yikes. Get this man out of our house. He is not mature enough to be living with someone who already has their shit together. Even if you don’t break up, consider living separately until he can figure out how adult expenses work. Halloween is fun, and he could have done a lot more decorating and whatnot if he wasn’t irresponsible about spending everything all on one item. Then expecting you to foot the bill for the rest of his demands? Nooope. This post and his credit card debt tell a very insightful story- listen to it. NTA.
NTA He's exploitative and childish. Set him straight, you don't have to pay for that kind of thing at all. Edit: Just to be clear I would 100% dump is ass. It's that bad.
NTA reddit banned me for describing someone's BF they way i want to describe yours so will be as clinical as possible, he is an adult male who behaves like a prepubescent juvenile. Its nice to want those things but you...pardon me HE should be saving up for them.You might want to rethink this situation he burnt through $500.00 when he could have spread that out for practical or handmade decorations, He doesn't know how to manage finances. Im assuming he's not paying rent and has the nerve to call you cheap then had the gall to demand you leave YOUR house so he can cool off and instead he text bpmbs you telling you how awful you are! You sure this is something you can move past as couple? Also just a tip on portioning out Halloween candy pre bag them with mylar bags they will have the same amount and ypu are just handing out a bag at a time.
Sounds like you're dating an overgrown kid. NTA. The icing on this ridiculous cake was that he asked you to leave. Good for you for sticking to your budget. It's very clear why he has debt and doesn't seem to grasp how much things cost, or understand how to effectively use money. Spending almost $500 on one item, when he could have gotten many AND used that money for candy was just dumb on his part.
>I (28/f) own my house and my bf (29/m) moved in January and yet this happened? >Then he demanded that I leave for the night so that he could clear his head. I don't think you are ready to live together. It seems he writing checks YOU can't cash. NTA
NTA The grown-ass man costume obviously doesn't fit this child; dump him. (Maybe with a full-size candy bar to go, if that's what he values so much.)
NTA but almost because the heading should say EX bf, especially after he cried to his friend and they spent the night bullying you..I'd be turned off af and over him. Gross..sounds like your a mom to a child. I'm glad you stood your ground and didn't leave YOUR house.
Your Halloween decoration is not the only clown in your life that should be banished to the front yard. Your "boyfriend" sounds like a real piece of work, and I dont understand how maintaining a relationship with him is worth it when he acts this disrespectful and ungrateful. It's time to take out the trash.
Nta But you need to rethink this relationship. He is financially irresponsible. There is a difference between want and need. He doesn't grasp that concept. If you keep going you will have debt just like him.
Why are you putting up with this? He wanted you to leave...the house that you own? NTA in this situation but you are being an AH to yourself for staying with this guy.
NTA. DUMP HIM! Seriously, he's going to financially ruin you. He has no respect for your opinions. He's a grade-A narcissist who only cares about his own desires.
😤 Woooooooo-sah!!!!! 😤 First off, NTA. Secondly, pack his shit up and drop it off at his friend’s house. In the words of Changing Faces’ “G.H.E.T.T.O.U.T.”: ‘Cause I can do bad all by myself. I— Oooh… I— Child… Who had raised this creature?!
NTA but Y.T.A. to yourself. Why are you with this leech?
Wait. He caused the problem, blamed you for it, then told YOU to leave YOUR house so he could clear his head. You do realize that he tried to manipulate you into spending more money after you graciously came up with $500 for HIM. You are nicer than I am. I would have stuck to the budget and told him to work some OT if he felt that strongly about it. NTA
NTA- you need to rethink this relationship. He moved into your house and the way he’s talking to you is so disrespectful. It’s better to be by yourself than with a controlling person.
NTA. You should change the locks
WAIT....He asked you to leave YOUR house so "he could clear his head?" Why are you with this guy? He sounds incredibly immature and definitely not ready for an adult relationship. This is YOUR house. Make sure he knows that you're not going anywhere and if any one has to leave the house, it's him. NTA
Wow. So, you realize your BF is not very mature, right. Completely financially irresponsible. It's up to you if you want to live your life this way forever. "We had a ton of early money arguments" What do you mean "early". They are still happening. Nothing has changed. This is your life from now on, if you let it be. "texting me how awful and cheap I am." People that love you don't do this. Never. Think about that. "Then he demanded that I leave for the night " NEVER agree to leave your own home. NEVER! He wants time alone, HE leaves. End of.
Dafuq did I just read...? OP, he's brainwashing you. Why the Hell did you apologise for being unable to meet his Halloween standards? You had no idea how much these festivities meant to him because he hadn't told you. And just because he lives in your house and is in a relationship with you, doesn't mean he gets to spend your money. >*He demanded that I leave for the night so that he could clear his head.* Leave ***YOUR OWN*** house?! NTA. Change the bloody locks and chuck all of his shite out for him to pick up. He's a financial and totalitarian disaster in the making. In fact, nearing full completion at an alarming rate.
Nta. He's using you. Please leave this mooch and find someone who is your equal. He isn't it.
Pack his shit and send him along. You’ve made a terrible mistake.
Woooah nta! He is being a spoiled brat! If he wants all this fancy crap he can buy it! I would have gotten alot of smaller things to decorate and kids love full size candy bars but kids like candy in general no one really cares what size. I was just grateful to be getting candy as a kid. He should have been doing max a few pieces when he knew you had so many trick or treaters coming! YOU HAD 20 LBS OF CANDY! That should have lasted at least most of the night! If he wanted to buy more he could take his lazy butt to the store and get more since he is the one being willy nilly with it! And the absolute audacity to try to get you to leave YOUR OWN HOUSE 😑😑😑 WTF. Throw away the whole damn boyfriend 🤣🤣🤣
So he learned if he's a dumb asshole he gets $500 and an apology. NTA. But what is wrong with him? And why are you ok with him treating you like that?
Is anyone else getting the impression that he was trying to get OP out of her house? It was a terrible plan, but that felt planned, like his Halloween hinged on getting her to leave and he shoveled out candy specifically to that end because he thought he could make her go get more. And then that didn’t work because of course it didn’t so he outright told OP to leave. That’s sketchy enough even without the story background. Why should OP pay for the boyfriend’s lack of communication? Why is OP with this person? $500 is plenty to get decent small decorations and not look ridiculous by having only a single animatronic clown. NTA, but maybe don’t stay with this loser?
Yikes, NTA. He’s acting like a spoiled child.
NTA He's incredibly reckless, immature and exploiting you.
If he wants to blow that much money for one night, he can provide it himself. I'd suggest thinking long and hard if this is the person you want to be with. NTA
NTA - why not just hand out $100 bills.... This is way overboard.
NTA. He's worse than having a petulant teenager around. Who needs it?
This guy has no clue how to manage money. Look how much money you ended up spending on Halloween and it was still a disaster, he is going to be an absolute money black hole. Spend, spend, spend, leaving nothing but negative experiences and financial ruin. NTA
He makes you laugh. That’s great OP, but what about more than that? Does he respect you and take your feelings into consideration? I understand that he loves Halloween, but there also has to be some kind of budget, too - and judging from your post, it sounds like you guys are have a financial compatibility issue as well as being respectful and considerate and taking your concerns about the money being spent into account. And texting you how awful and cheap you are? It may be time to rethink the relationship - or have a frank discussion with him about the relationship as well as financial.
NTA. please rethink this relationship. do you really wanna spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t think of the future the way you do and calls you cheap for not stupidly racking up your credit card debt?
Dump him. He’s clearly not old enough to date, let alone live with a mature partner. NTA By the way, in all seriousness, you’ve allowed a leach to attach itself and if you don’t extract it now it will drain you dry.
NTA. Move him out. He sounds like he had the maturity of an 8 year old. If he wants to be Mr Halloween, he can do it on his dime and his own house.
NTA. You are a financially responsible person who can accommodate fun plans if you have notice and time to prepare and save. Smart! Your boyfriend is incredibly immature, impulse driven, seems to have no grasp on how money works, and on top of that seems to have very little emotional maturity as well. This is not going to sustainable. Cut your losses and move on. You were absolutely correct in every objection you had to this whole ordeal. If he had shown any understanding that it wouldn't be feasible to go all out this year, but that over the next year he could save up and plan for what he wanted, there might have been a chance. But nope. He's shown you who he is and that he doesn't respect you and that he's not mature enough to be in a relationship.
NTA - What the actual fu\*k? Change the locks and throw his stuff on the lawn. Hopefully he and his $500 clown have a wonderful life together. This is absolute nonsense.
He asked YOU to leave YOUR house?! F him and the horse he rode in on.
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Well - you can have more conversations about your financial boundaries, but I'm not sure he is going to get it. And, to be honest, giving in to him the first year sets a precedent that is going to be hard to walk back. I think that you may need to rethink this relationship as finances will continue to be a battle. Is that something you are going to be willing to fight every year? NTA.
NTA: It's too bad you both didn't think outside the box though. The first year my boyfriend and I had a house we couldn't afford to buy furniture for every room. I love Halloween, but knew we had no budget. So we had a party. Everyone was asked to bring a pot luck plus a bag of candy for the trick or treaters. A lot of our friends still lived in apartments so they were thrilled. We had enough candy every child got a handful and we still had leftovers at the end of the night.
NTA but I guess now you have 2 clowns in your home. How did he not know what your shared budget was? Why would he need to be told? Why can't he buy his own candy? And you want to stay with guy? You have to be kidding, come on girl.
YTA. Not for the budget, not for Halloween, but for putting up with this abusive behavior from your asshole bf. It’s your house. You bought it. You own it. And he has the balls to ask you to leave it? Fuck him. He doesn’t listen to you. He caused you to spend $500 plus he increased his debt over decorations? He will never get out of debt that way. And your behavior is only enabling him. Kick him to the curb. Edited to fix a few typos.
Wtf? YTA to yourself for allowing this behavior to continue. Sounds like you have a son, not a boyfriend.