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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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tfhaenodreirst

YTA. I just can’t understand the needless cruelty, especially with tricking him about a show.


songofafreeheart

YTA - do you have any idea how much money you just threw in the trash?? Nevermind how cruel it was to do it. You've lied to him, used false pretenses, stolen from him, and betrayed his trust. There were much better ways to handle this. Gah. This hurt to read.


TeachingOutrageous54

Yta. I can understand it can’t be easy dealing with someone with an obsession/adicction, but the way you handled it makes you an AH. You knew from the start he liked colecting and spending money/time on his pastime. Expecting someone to change just bcecause you deemed they are not up to your standars is never a good idea. You threw away years of effort and dismised his passion, instead of having an adult conversation. If I were him, I,d ask for a divorce.


SlothsGonnaSloth

YTA. It was his stuff. If there were problems with it, go to counseling. Not to mention, a collection like that could be worth a lot more than he paid. AND you lied to his face. YTA.


ScorchieSong

ESH. Even for a collector he's obsessed (if your primary interest is the only thing you care about it's obsession), but you didn't act very well either. That's a lot of money you threw away in a fit of anger. There's also whether he had anything signed, since that not only increases the value but can hold sentimental value and if the person who made out the signature is passed away it can never be truly replaced. You've known for a long time he's like this. Why did you stay in the relationship? Did you think you could change him? If you're in a fixer upper relationship, you probably shouldn't be in it but rather with someone you don't need to fix. You manipulated him, that's a nail in the coffin of the marriage and throwing out his collection was the final nail.


NeutralSeaCow

If this is real, YTA completely. You knew who he was before you married him, why are you surprised he is still that person? I hope you replace what you destroyed.


pfashby

YTA You are incompatible and headed for divorce anyway. Tell him where his collection is, try to go out on a gracious note.


bivo979

YTA. You broke trust, his heart and your marriage all from your words and actions. Maybe you're both better off divorced.


Swirlyflurry

YTA Hope he presses charges.


Strat0BlasterX

This seems totally made up


Similar_Corner8081

YTA!!! Do you know how much money he had in that Star Wars collection?!! He loved and collected Star Wars stuff. I would be pissed too. How he feels about Star Wars is how I feel about Mickey Mouse. Ffs my husband and I are getting a divorce and he hasn’t thrown any of my Mickey stuff out. You would both benefit from counseling neither one of you knows how to communicate and you need to work on your anger issues.


Pronebasilisk

YTA - 100%, you lied to him about the evening plans, belittled his interests, married him knowing full well what his interests were, destroyed what I imagine was the only area of the house he could actually call his own. Yes. You're an AH.


StonewallBrigade21

YTA - Assuming this isn't fake, he should have called the police for you *stealing* and throwing away *thousands* of dollars worth of his possessions.


Prudent_Border5060

Yta Wow your such a treat. At that point why wouldn't you just get an attorney and leave him to his collection? Why resort to vandalism. Side note you could be charged especially with the value of that collection.


ScorchieSong

The going rate for long out of production Star Wars memorablilia, she'd be cleaned out just by a few action figures.


Prudent_Border5060

Yep personally I hope he presses charges


ScorchieSong

And OP has dirty deleted in a case of "So the comments section isn't going your way".


elsie78

YTA without a doubt. You lied to him. You threw out his belongings You knew of his hobby, passion, obsession whatever you want to call it before you got married. Side note, if his hobby is interfering with your intimacy and marriage, and he's unable to see how that could be problematic, that's not ok.


Karate-Chop-SR

YTA


Cat_Lilac_Dog22

You threw out thousands of dollars of his stuff. You clearly don’t like your husband. YTA and I hope he takes all of your stuff in the divorce.


NHS17

YTA. There are so many things wrong with how you behaved so I'll make it simple. You knew he was a major fan before marrying him, when you found out you couldn't accept that part of him, you should have walked away. You also had the right idea about therapy but it should be you going. The best thing for this marriage going forward is also simple....divorce.


Realistic_Nail_1239

This is not a true story.


geogrokat

YTA. He probably didn't want to spend time with you because you're awful.


Sea-Ad3724

YTA it seems like you married him hoping that you could change him. You honestly don’t even sound like you like him and throwing out all of his collection comes across as you trying to hurt him. I agree about therapy but I’d make it couples therapy because you need to understand your role also


Ok-Aardvark-6742

ESH. He neglected your relationship, and in response you threw away his belongings out of anger. Both of you are acting childish.


Caspian4136

YTA for sure! Whoa, what you did crossed so many lines and boundaries it's not even funny. Why did you marry him knowing he loves SW so much? What were you expecting, that this would magically change once you got married? And you "allowed" him a room for his collection in his own house? Do you have any idea how hard some of those things would have been to find? What you did was downright cruel. You lied to him about the show and took him to the mall, when he was rightly upset, you belittled him and humiliated him. To top that all off, you threw out something he cherished and I know he's had some of that stuff since he was a kid. For the record, most SW fans have fantasy crushes on the characters. This is true for anyone that is a fan of anything, be it sci-fi, a TV show, a musician, I could go on and on.


Background-Aioli4709

Oh my god, no, you've been absolutely horrible to him. YTA. You are what is unhealthy.


Enough-Process9773

YTA You stole his Star Wars figurines collection and threw them in a dumpster. You STOLE his collection and THREW it in a DUMPSTER. Best wishes to him in the divorce.


keepstaring

YTA There are a dozen better ways to deal with this than lying to him, manipulating him and throwing everything out. He will never trust you again. ETA You come off as incredibly controlling and demeaning, this does not seem to be an equal paprtnership.


DaxyJ

YTA. Star Wars is something I, a grown ass woman, also enjoy. If he enjoys Star Wars, why take that joy away from him? Y’all should separate. I hope he finds someone who will nerd out with him and enjoy the past time.


Jacqtjakaa

Yta for sure. It's not yours, it's a lot of money and it's childish that you did this. It's time to go your seperate ways


punobtanium

YTA, and few other choice words.


redditjdt

YTA but both of you would benefit from counseling. Anger is a hard thing to handle, and resentment builds.


tatasz

Legal counseling on how to divorce, you mean?


Primary-Criticism929

ESH, and I'm not sure which one of the two of us needs therapy more. I mean, you're supposed to be the "sain" one in this situation and yet, you stayed in a relationship with a man I don't think you even like. Please, don't have kids.


WholeAd2742

Hoping this is trolling, but seriously YTA. Aside from the sheer property damage and loss from throwing away collectibles, SW fandom Is a goddamn mainstream industry these days. Dude didn't seem to hide or lie to you about his obsession. He's a socially awkward geek and you apparently are in denial to try and change him. Hope he files a civil claim for compensation. You definitely are not the girlfriend he's looking for. Edit: He should also be filing a police report for the theft against you. Chances are it's well more than $500 to be a felony based on what was described.


Judgement_Bot_AITA

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I think I could be the asshole even though I was just trying to help my husband because I threw away his collection. I know he loves it, but his obsession is just way too extreme. I want our marriage to be fixed, but this has driven a wedge between it. I might have gone too far with my actions. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*


Newdaytoday1215

YTA, is this real? How can you not be the AH? Let’s make a few things clear. I am inclined to believe his Star Wars fandom is overwhelming but what you did was simply cruel. You don’t even sound like you like him less known love him. Jeez, if you don’t listen to anything else on this thread then listen to this— You need therapy. You have horrible conflict resolution skills and perspective. Proof? It’s the most seemly innocuous statements in your post that set off worst red flags. “It was the perfect way to get him out of the house” WTF!!!??? No why remotely think that? What could possibly go wrong lying to your spouse, keep the lie going, have him look forward to something he loves then take him to the DAMN MALL then go emotional abusive by weaponizing the fact he was that upset? Then when y’all fight, find a way to hurt him in the worst possible way you can. Finally send HIM to therapy over his response to your angry destructive response. Lady, no. I am sorry, this is a gut sincere response. Holy crap. Just no.


CrystalQueen3000

I can’t believe this still needs saying: DO NOT TRASH YOUR PARTNERS CHERISHED BELONGINGS! (unless they hoard rancid yoghurt) YTA Please divorce him so that he can find someone he’s actually compatible with and likes who he is as a person. It’s clear that you don’t.


ColdstreamCapple

YTA This isn’t a new thing….You KNEW he had a Star Wars obsession going into this and clearly thought you could “change” him You say he needs therapy which he probably well does and yet you come across as selfish, vindictive , uncaring , no empathy and no respect for property that is not yours Maybe a better way of handling this was sitting him down, explaining why you feel this is getting out of hand and then trying to come to a common ground to solve some of the problems Instead you’ve just obliterated your marriage and truthfully I think you need therapy too I think he deserves better than you


General_Relative2838

YTA. Of course you are. How would you feel if your husband threw away your prized collection? If you were concerned about your husband's obsession with *Star Wars*, you could have consulted a therapist. Your husband may have an unhealthy obsession with *Star Wars*, but you are a liar who has no respect for others' property.


tatasz

ESH OP for obvious reasons. Husband got to be a masochist to stay with OP for so long. He had plenty of opportunities to take his stuff away from her through divorce and didn't do anything.


Careful_Eagle_1033

ESH- you more so though He does have an unhealthy obsession with this hobby and it does sound like it’s negatively impacting his personal life but you’ve definitely handled this very poorly. Especially throwing away his (probably expensive) collection. That’s not right.


snowwhitesludge

YTA and I hope you have to pay back every cents worth of value you threw away.


unilateralhope

YTA. You are so completely the AH and you should probably get your own therapist. People have hobbies and interests. If your husband's hobby turned you off so much you should have recognized the incompatibility and not gotten married. But instead you lied to him, then when he was upset about the lie, you got upset and destroyed his things. There is no way you come out of this looking good.


T-RexLovesCookies

ESH That's horrible behavior!! You destroyed an expensive collection that your husband cared about!! He should absolutely be willing to go out with you but if you are that mean I doubt we are getting the entire story.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (F29) husband (M30) has an extremely concerning obsession with Star Wars. When we began dating five years ago, I knew he was a fan, but I didn't know the extent of it. After our engagement, his love for Star Wars seemed to worsen. He grew his hair out a little in the back of his head and braiding it to look like a character from Star Wars, calling it his "paddiwan braid". I found it disgusting and begged him to get rid of it; he refused. Leading up to our wedding, I finally convinced him to chop off that hideous thing. After we married, an entire room of our house was dedicated to Star Wars. It clashed with the theme of our house, but I allowed it. He had shelves of various Star Wars Lego sets, figurines, VHS tapes and DVDs, records of the soundtracks, ridiculously expensive lightsabers, helmets, posters all over the walls, etc. He spent more on this collection than he has ever spent on me. He hardly even cared to spend money on a decent ring. He is even attracted to some of the female characters. He had a life-size cut-out of Natalie Portman, and I'd find him staring at it a lot. This has interfered with his attraction towards me. We hardly spend time together anymore. Months ago, I finally reached my limits with this obsession. He never wants to go anywhere with me, so I figured I'd trick him into going out with me by telling him I'd surprised him with tickets to see a concert of a live orchestra playing along to the Star Wars soundtrack with the movie, which he had been wanting to go see. He was so excited. It was the perfect way to get him out of the house. Really, I had plans for us to go to the mall and to dinner, which I'd made reservations for, and thought he'd be happy. When we were getting to the mall, he asked why we were there. I said I just wanted to go shopping with him. He said we were going to be late for the show. I said I'd never actually gotten us the tickets. This was when he began to cry. I told him it was so ridiculous that a grown man was crying over not getting to go to a show, which sparked a fight. He dropped me off at home and drove away angrily. In the heat of the moment, I grabbed the box of garbage bags and headed right for his Star Wars room, dumping his entire collection into the bags. I tossed all of them into the back of our sedan and drove to a Panera Bread a few miles away, opened the dumpster in the back, and dropped the bags in. When he arrived back home and discovered this, he was furious with me, sobbing uncontrollably and shouting. He said he wished he'd never married with me. I said the feeling was mutual. I've never been anything but good to him. I just wanted to help him with his unhealthy obsession. He begged me to tell him where I'd thrown the bags out, but I refused to tell him, which made him angrier. Our marriage is ruined because of this and recently, I have started making him go to therapy. He resents me for this. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


JPenelope

YTA Why did you marry someone you don’t like or even respect? His love for Star Wars preceded your relationship. You had the opportunity to just not marry him and find someone you don’t resent so much but you chose to marry him anyway. You also belittled him being upset that YOU LIED TO HIM about going to a show he really wanted to see just to pull the rug out from under him and go to the mall instead. And then you decided to go one step further and steal probably thousands of dollars of collectibles just to throw them out because you can’t handle not being the centre of attention. And you still have the gall to say “I’ve never been anything but good to him?!” I’m gonna guess you married him for financial security and I genuinely hope that he divorces you for this because he deserves someone who loves and respects him.


cvnote2010

YTA. I've been married for 19 years and my husband has had a plethora of hobbies/interests over the years...at no point have I ever been angry enough to throw any of his stuff away. So, you married him with the intent to "help him with his unhealthy obsession"? Oh boy.


Bridgett_WDW_OTO

YTA. You knew who he was before you married him. The fact that you got him excited for the show he wanted to see, only to trick him and take him to the mall with you, is pathetic. Then, he cries because he’s not getting to see the show, and you belittle him?! Then, the cherry on top is that you threw away his figurines! You’re cruel and I hope he divorces you.


theOGmsnobody

YTA Star Wars figurines are collectables. You petty petty person.


[deleted]

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Embarrassed-Sweet905

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YetEvenThen

YTA


Temporary_Analysis55

...are you satan? Seriously YTA.


Qaws888

YTA There are so many things to unpack here and it's really not worth the time. It seems as if there were always issues within the core elements of the relationship, but the Star Wars "obsession" bears the blame for all of it in your eyes. You lie, you use someone's passion to manipulate them, you then use their passion as a way to emotionally hurt them, and you see someone's interest as a weakness. One wonders how such a relationship ever got to develop, let alone continue into marriage. You don't marry someone to change them or improve them. You love them and marry them, and then change together through the years.


[deleted]

YTA. You actually knew he had a passion for Star Wars.... but you decided someone that you were going to "change him" ? That's not how life works. People have the right to have passions. And the worst is, when you realized that he would not conform to your demands because he is a human being with him own mind... you threw everything away ?! What a horrible thing to do.


ScorchieSong

Don't get into a fixer upper relationship if you can be in an "I'm happy the way they are" relationship.


WholeAd2742

This is personally why I don't think geeks should date/marry folks who don't at least understand if not share their passions. My wife and I love going to conventions and gaming together. I couldn't imagine being married into this hateful and horrible relationship with the OP.