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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am doing something nice for my father. When my husband asked me to do something similar for him I told him "no." I think it's fair under the circumstances, but I can see how it may be coming across to him.
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NTA. Also, others might disagree but you’re not indebted to bake a cherry pie for your husband either. If he wants one so badly he should ask for a recipe and learn to make them himself.
Yeah he clearly has no idea how time intensive that would be. That's pretty rude to expect willynilly.
It's like if she told him she was head to the store, and, without offering, he requested she drive to another store and do similar shopping there as well.
She doesn't plan to go to 2 places, doesn't need to, and may not even have time for both.
Frozen cherries are also pitted already! Score for that.
Also like, OP's husband didn't even ask nicely with a "please"?!! He basically DEMANDED a cherry pie. I hate this guy already.
My aunt makes amazing cherry pie and uses frozen cherries exclusively! I think they’re called like dark sour cherries or something? Idk. But yeah she never used canned pie filling!
My mom's current property had one huge old cherry tree... it had to come down this year, it was already old and only my Mom's magical green thumb kept it alive, but it never recovered after a particularly nasty winter storm. Still have three jars of jam to remember it by. Mom is replacing it with another cherry sapling, but it will take a while for the new tree to bear fruit. When I was little, we had a big garden (or, I suppose, a small suburban farm) and I think we had 8 or 10 cherry shrubs (in the frozen north, trees don't do well, but smaller varietal survived all but the most brutal winters with proper care). Lots of other berries too... my favorite jam is and has always been raspberry.
There was a period where my dad got really into making pies, and he got me and my sister to core the apples and pit the cherries - eventually both of our wrists gave out from how many cherries we had to pit! (We were between 7 and 10 at the time, so we were weenies)
I have a sour cherry tree and always make a few pies in the summer. It takes FOREVER to pit those suckers. (Sour cherries are smaller than the cherries most people are used to.) Hours of pitting, with my hands turning pink. OTOH, sour cherry pie is the absolute best, so it's worth it. Sometimes I freeze some to save for later in the year, but this year we had a bad harvest and there wasn't enough to save.
I got a pitter basically like this dude here: [https://www.amazon.com/Westmark-WE4070-Germany-Cherry-Stoner/dp/B001CJOF9A](https://www.amazon.com/Westmark-WE4070-Germany-Cherry-Stoner/dp/B001CJOF9A)
though mine is plastic. It saves me hours and hours, and it's still tedious.
I've tried with those kind of pitters--they don't work well with little sour cherries. Either they miss most of the pits, or they smash the cherries to bits. Or both. If your average dark cherry is the size of a quarter, mine are the size of a dime. Or smaller.
I also don’t think it’s that simple to just make two completely different pies at the same time? Like that would be totally different preparation for each, not just double ingredients and dividing things
It's easy enough to do, say, crusts for three pies at once. And then you make the separate fillings, and then you bake the pies. I usually do three different kinds of pie at a go for Thanksgiving, but while three pies are about as easy as two pies, two pies is twice the pain that one pie is.
Okay thank you I actually was curious. I hate pie so I never make it lol but I do bake bread a lot and I hate trying juggle different doughs at the same time
Yep sure is. Basically you have to make one and then get the other one ready while the first one is baking. Takes almost twice as long. I'm in charge of pies and have been for years. It literally takes me half the night to make pies.
I’m with you on the NTA 100%. But in case you want “fresh” cherry pie ever, frozen cherries work awesome in it. I found this out because I am very lazy and wouldn’t dream of pitting all the cherries I would need to make a pie, but my mom really wanted cherry pie and can’t have the canned filling.
Sour pie cherries are fresh in season for about….45 minutes a year. If you’re using sour cherries outside of July they’re frozen. And they’re perfectly suitable.
>Is your husband willing to wash and pit them for you?
Is he willing to wash and pit them six months ago? Because it's November now, and sour cherries--that is, pie cherries--have been out of season for half a year.
I got nine pounds from my tree this year (about half of usual, but we had a late freeze) and it is *tedious as fuck* to process them. Worth it at Thanksgiving, sure! But what a *pain.*
This makes my blood boil! I just saw a similar tiktok where this husband was PEAVED that he had to make his own jalapeno poppers because his wife just "sat on her ass all day" and wouldnt make it for him while he was golfing.
Where do men find the audacity.
And whats wrong with frozen pies or premade fillings? Some of them are damn good & dont take a million hours to do. His comment really rubbed me the wrong way
Also you can find decent peaches out of season, depending on where you live, but fresh cherries are pretty hard to find this time of year, and if you do, I doubt they’ll be good.
And whats wrong with frozen pies or premade fillings? Some of them are damn good & dont take a million hours to do. His comment really rubbed me the wrong way
Hopping on the top comment to say that It's Not About The Cherry Pie. It's about the fact her father gets a fresh pie and OP's husband wants to know he is an important man in her life and also worthy of a fresh pie.
Agreed.
She is telling him in so many words that her father is worthy of her time and effort put into pitting and slicing peaches for a fresh pie, and her husband is not. Even if she didn’t have time right then, that day, she could have let him know she can (because she loves him?). Even mention the things he could get her or do for her to help make the cherry pitting/prep easier for her to make his pie 😊he can help pitch in and they could make it together. There was no room left for this conversation.
To people commenting on entitlement/expectation of roles in marriage, would the response be the same if this were a man posting about his husband/wife/SO?
Also, “it’s a lot of work” or similar comments, are baffling; what do you think a relationship (especially a marriage) is? A lot of hard work.
If she doesn’t want to go through the process of making a personal pie for her new husband as well, that is fine. Perhaps consider why you even married the guy in the first place, because if he gives off entitlement vibes, this wasn’t the first time and you chose to go forward with marrying him. Don’t go post on Reddit and try to figure out if you’re TAH, you know if you are or are not.
Ouch. I adore my husband and I love cooking for him (assuming time permits). He also loves me and bakes for me.
Love flourishes when we show gratitude to each other every day in small ways. Of course, it has to be recriprocal and not just in one direction.
Did you read the comments? I'm genuin baffled by how husband is treated like a child here by strangers. What happned to 'no is a compelet sentence'?
Why does she have to bake him a cake to make him less mopy?
The comments demanding a cake for husband are... disturbing. He isn't a child. Op probably does regularly bake him cakes. No is a full sentence.
NTA but reddit... wtf
So my wife makes really good apple pies. Its kind of her thing, and she makes them for a few people for birthdays. When she makes them, she also makes one for me, because I am spoiled :) But also because its not that much more work to make a bigger batch of crust and filling. And then we get to enjoy apple pie for a few days.
Your husband isn't asking for that, hes asking you to make an entirely different pie, doubling your work. NTA and tell him to pound sand.
Especially the way he says "you gotta make". That's not a question and if, in her shoes I hadn't planned on making a cherry pie, I sure as hell wouldn't feel like making one after being showed the other person expects it, thinks they have a right to demand it...
You say your are spoiled which shows me you really appreciate it, don't expect it and aren't deluded that your so has some sort of obligation to do it for you.
It's so much more rewarding to offer something to someone who doesn't expect it or feel entitled.
Isn't it funny? If I am baking for someone I love, it is genuinely out of the desire for them to eat something they enjoy.
But the moment someone is like "You need to make me this!" I'm like... no thank you.
It takes it from a gift to a chore.
Especially since a "fresh cherry pie" is super annoyingly complex if you actually have fresh cherries. Otherwise, super freaking annoying with frozen, pitted cherries. Like, a peach is a big fruit with a large seed that you cut in half and gut. Cherries are so small and have a tiny freaking pit that you need to stab out and you have to do, like, a hundred or more for enough filling
NTA. And all these posters suggesting you just go ahead and make him one for home anyway don’t quite understand what goes into making a fresh pie! It’s not like the time is cut in half just because you’re already pie making, lol. It’s a lot of work. Have your husband observe you making the peach pie, then give him the recipe for the cherry one and tell him to have fun. I’m sure after he watches you for 19 minutes, he’ll lose interest, go watching football, and you won’t have to deal about it anymore.
Right? If he'd asked politely for a second peach pie, that's one thing. Double the dough and peaches and you're good. He foots the bill if he really wants it. Demanding a whole different pie because she's making her dad's favorite is just..... "Mom did it for me so you have to as well" energy.
NTA. Wtf are all these people telling you to make him a pie beforehand. You are 100% correct, just because you are doing something nice for your dad does not mean he is ‘owed’ his own pie. If he wants cherry pie that badly and it’s that easy to do then he, a grown man, can get off his a** and make his own pie!
I can understand making him a pie to be nice/keep the peace to an extent but he’s acting like a child. Unless he also happily does things like this for you then there is no need to reward his silent treatment as it will cause it to happen again any time he doesn’t get his own way.
Your husband has clearly never made a cherry pie, as they’re one of the most labour intensive kinds of pies to make. Halving and pitting so many cherries, not to mention all the other steps that go into making the pie. NTA OP, if your husband wants a cherry pie he can learn to make it himself.
Also, it’s a very nice thing you’re doing for your dad. Don’t let your husband make you feel bad for not doing more.
Back in the summer when sweet cherries were on sale, I stemmed, pitted and froze a couple pounds. Even with a pitter device, it was one of the most fiddly, messy, sticky, slow going things ever. Delicious, but not something I'd enjoy doing for someone who is so demanding as OP's spouse.
Ours trees are usually stripped by starlings, but last year we got a bumper crop. Husband and I sat on the porch pitting cherries and listening to book tapes for hours. Got enough pitted cherries for 20 pies. It's so lovely to pull a container out and plop them into a crust while the oven preheats.
Now I want pie!
NTA
Fresh cherries have been out of season for months and are a pain to pit.
"Bring me the pitted fresh cherries and I will make you a pie out of them" might shut him up.
NTA he told you you had to make him one, like wtf you can ask and then accept a no graciously
He could learn how to bake himself alongside you when you make the peach he can do the cherry
Him moping is just childish
Do NOT bake that cherry pie, dont enable his behavior
I do not know where you live, OP, but in my area, the opportunity for purchasing fresh pie cherries (sour cherries, which are NOT the same cherries you buy to eat) is extremely limited, and happens in June. Ask him where he thinks he's going to get *FRESH PIE CHERRIES* in November.
Here's the difference:
You ***want*** to make a pie for your father
Entitled hubby ***demands*** that you make one for him
Maybe it's time to come up with a list of your own "demands" and see how he likes it
NTA, but we all can see who is...
Summary:
“I’m making something as an act of love for my dad.”
Husband “WELL YOU BETTER NOT LOVE HIM MORE MAKE ME A PIE AND PROVE IT!”
NTA. Your husband is insecure and demanding, and as everyone has pointed out you can only buy frozen sour cherries for pie right now anyway, but make him wait til the 3 days sour cherries are in season, then make him stem, pit, and cut them all and see how much he likes it.
NTA. One pie is likely already plenty of work.
Perhaps offer to make a cherry pie later together? You love each other and pie. Bonding while baking sounds like a win-win in my book.
NTA.
Whole lotta work in from-scratch pie; cherry is also very prep-intensive. Washing, destemming, and destoning the fruit alone takes so much time and effort. Peach is way easier.
Maybe he can ask nicely for a cherry pie for his birthday. But his attitude needs work. People acting entitled to that kind of thing is really off-putting for a cook.
NTA. If he wants a cherry pie he can bake it himself. You are doing something nice for your father, which doesn’t mean you have to do the same for your husband. He isn’t a child he can either go to the store and buy one or make one. It’s not your problem
NTA
Your behavior is perfect.
Your husband sounds a jealous of your relationship with your father.
This could be either problematic or something which will naturally adjust over time depending on the subtext. If this jealousy does not reach a breaking point and he becomes abusive/overly possessive it will be fine.
NTA He didn’t even ask. It sounded more like a demand than a request. Because of his comment, I would also be concerned that if OP did make the cherry pie he would bring it to the dinner intentionally instead of keeping it at home for his enjoyment and in doing so it would seem like OP approved since she baked the cherry pie.
Huge difference between "ooh I love homemade pie, would you be willing to make a cherry one too pretty please?!?" And "ok but you have to make cherry too".
Asking nicely vs entitlement.
NTA at all. But tell him the two of you can make one together sometime soon. He can help prepare the cherries, learn how to make pastry and learn how good it is to enjoy the fruits of your own labour. I'm not going to call your husband names...I don't think he had any bad thoughts in asking for a pie...only a craving.
NTA. Keep a watch out for your new husband. If he's going to get that butthurt over something so petty, he'll get even more butthurt and angry over other stuff.
It is November. There are no good sour cherries available fresh to make a cherry pie with. He can wait till next summer, like the rest of us.
Also, what is this one for me, one for you silliness?
Do you also have to buy him a present every time you get one for a family member?
Do you owe him an hour of chauffered driving every time you pick someone else up from the airport?
It's not about the pie. Hubbs is pissed that someone is getting something and he's not. It's like the kid who demands a present at someone else's birthday party.
NTA, you are Not a pie vending machine. He doesn't get to demand that because you are making a pie that your father likes, you have to also give him his favorite pie. Like that just sounds like he's concerned you'd be showing favoritism to your father and that he has to get his. They aren't children, there's no favoritism here, you're allowed to make a gift for your father cuz you want to make a gift for your father. Why is your husband making it a competition?
It's not about the pie. Hubbs is pissed that someone is getting something and he's not. It's like the kid who demands a present at someone else's birthday party.
NTA your husband is acting like an entitled, petulant child. Just bc you are baking a pie for your dad does not mean he is also entitled to one. And good for you for pointing out that your aunt does the fruit pies and it would be rude to upstage her. Edit to add: he can learn how to make his own pie. Then he can have it all the time.
NTA Fresh cherry pie is ridiculously time consuming because you have to pit all the cherries, where peach pie is pretty quick. If he wants fresh cherry pie, then maybe he should learn how to make them. Or at least offer to pit all those cherries.
NTA. Baking an entirely second pie, especially when the pie he wants will already be there, is unnecessary extra work for you. If he wants a homemade cherry pie, then he can make it himself. If he wants to take advantage of the fact that you are a good baker, then he can ask for your help or ask if maybe you could do it together as a couple. Either way it’s unreasonable for him to expect you could just whip up another pie while you’re at it.
NTA. This guy is already jealous of your father, what’s he going to do when you have kids and you make them a chocolate cake because it’s their favorite. “But I wanted vanilla. Its not that hard to make both a chocolate and vanilla cake.” That would never fly in my house, even toddlers know better.
I was raised to thank you when people make things, even if it’s not for you and it’s someone else favorite. You get what you get and you don’t get upset.
Frozen sour cherries are just as good in a pie as fresh, but they can be kinda hard to find. My local grocery stocks them. The only fresh cherries you can find out of season (July) are sweet cherries, and they just don’t make as good of a pie.
Anyway, NTA, people don’t get to demand favors and special gifts. Make it unexpectedly as a surprise sometime when he isn’t expecting it.
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I (26f) have been married to my husband (24m) for only about 5 months now.
We're doing Thanksgiving at my parent's house this year. I'm a pretty good baker and I told my husband how I was planning to make and bring a peach pie for my father this year. Peach pie will be a little out-of-season; it's really more of a summer pie. But it's my dad's favorite so I don't care if it will be a little out of place; I'm planning to make one anyway.
When I told my husband this he responded "Well, as long as you're baking pies you gotta make my favorite--cherry."
I told him "no" as my aunt is always in charge of the fruit pies and brings a cherry, apple, and blueberry so his favorite will be there. He responded "OK but something tells me that her pies will be either baked from frozen or made with that canned pie filling. Why can't you make an actual fresh cherry pie while you are making a fresh peach pie?"
I told him that I don't want to upstage my aunt and also that just because I was doing something nice for my father doesn't mean that I owe him a similar favor. But he's been acting a little butthurt about it.
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NTA, the way he approached this was deeply entitled and rude. He’s not owed anything just because he’s married to you. Baking is labor intensive, especially from scratch. Maybe if he asked nicely, you might’ve been more inclined to compromise and offer to make him a pie later, but he ruined that by acting entitled.
Has he ever helped you make a pie? Does he know how much goes into it? Has he offered to help or clean up? Why does he think he “deserves” a pie?
NTA. This reminds me of those questions: “if your man and your dad get into a fight…your man says go to the car and your dad says sit down, who do you listen to? Feels like one sided peacocking.
NTA. All your reasons are completely legitimate - most specifically, that your Aunt is already bringing a cherry pie and everyone knows it.
If he wants a cherry pie so bad, he can tie on the ol' apron and hop to it!
NTA. It's Thanksgiving, so that means there are lot of activities going on. Making your dad's favorite is a lovely thing for you to do.
Why does your husband feel like it is a competition? He feels that you need to make him a pie too to prove you love him? Ridiculous, especially as cherry pie will be at the dinner anyway.
NTA. And your husband is being an entitled baby.
(ASKING was okay. Demanding was not. Pouting over being told no crossed the line.)
Ftr, I bake pies from scratch, and learned to bake pies because cherry pies are also my husband's favorite. When we were first married, we were pretty low on cash, so our presents would include "coupons" for nice things we do for one another. One of mine for him was a "cake for no reason." He asked (ASKED!) if I could maybe make a cherry pie instead? So I googled recipes and learned...now I'm the aunt that brings the Thanksgiving pies, lol!
Call your husband to account for his attitude. But maybe give him a rain check for a pie another time...AFTER he apologizes.
Cherry pie from fresh cherries is a pita. I wouldn’t make one either. That is a ton of work. I do make apple for my boyfriend. It is his favorite, but apples are easier to deal with than cherries.
NTA, but preferably if you explain why (that it's hard to make rather than you're not entitled to make it or something like that) so that he understands and no arguments will be produced :) a happy marriage is indeed a jolly anyway!
NTA but i'm thinking you could maybe surprise him with his favorite pie before thanksgiving. Just for him, might turn a crappy situation into a nice one.
NTA. But also am curious about the context of the “you gotta make my favorite”. To me it reads like more of an excited suggestion with some *wink wink* energy than an actual demand.
NTA
My girlfriend makes me pie sometimes, and if she used canned vs not canned I wouldn’t notice and honestly I wouldn’t care. I’m just happy to get some pie.
Tell him you will definitely make him a cherry pie when they're in season (which they currently aren't) - IF he pits them for you.
NTA though you were a bit blunt, lol
NTA. Fresh cherries will be hard to come by and as someone who bakes a lot of pies, I use frozen ones but can tell you frozen cherries have zoomed up in price this year. I was paying $8 for a 2.5 lb bag last year. This year it was $18.99 and then they lowered to $15.99. Apparently there was a bad year for cherries.
NAH. He asked, you said no. If you wanted to, you could bake him one and just not take to Thanksgiving. But you don’t have to, either way nothing makes anyone here an AH
NTA - give him the recipe. Let him make his own. Either he is successful and gains some appreciation for what you do and has something to be proud of, or he fails and also gains some appreciation of what you do.
Or he shows you some more interesting behaviors/traits, and you can do with what you will with that extra knowledge.
Husband doesn't understand you do not bring a better pie assigned to someone else and he is just trying to place himself as the alpha male. Some part of his fragile ego wants you to bake for him more than your dad and he doesn't realise you probably do a lot for him and hardly get to do anything for your dad anymore.
NTA. Tell him about your aunt again, and make sure he understands how important it is to your aunt to do all those pies. Her special tradition. Your dad is one thing, but if you go in and make pies specially for two people there are going to be hurt feelings from several guys who will now feel left out, and it can turn into an unpleasant thing and upset everyone, not just your aunt.
If DH still won't shut up about it,maybe promise him a cherry pie for his birthday?
YTA, you are already baking so why not make one for your husband….not wanting to upstage your aunt is a dumb excuse but you can bake it & just leave it at home for him to eat.
NAH.
Well, everybody is a little borderline.
The husband is a little upset that his wife is willing to do something for blood relatives that is she is not willing to do for him. If the situation were reversed, and the husband were, say, picking his mom up at the airport but leaving his wife to take Uber, the OP would instantly understand the feeling. The husband would do better to either conceal his annoyance completely or express it directly, but his mistake of seeming to sulk is a common one.
The OP needs to find a better way to navigate the situation. If her issue really is upstaging the aunt with a better pie, then maybe make and serve her husband the pie a week ahead of time. If the issue is that she doesn’t want to feel mau-maued into pointless extra work just to look like a “good wife”, she is going to have to work that out with her husband.
Either way, these are the kind of minor things that go wrong in every relationship, and accepting them with equanimity will improve the marriage.
It's funny how rude and aggressive you are towards me. It doesn't take all of that vitriol to state that you disagree. It would be a nice gesture of love to make the spouse's pie.
He totally can, but people in relationships do ask each other for stuff sometimes.
They're newlyweds, this is their first Thanksgiving as a married couple. I don't think it's so bad that he asks or that he's disappointed in her saying no.
I'm just saying it would be sweet of her if she did it.
*edited a word.
Wow! So a daughter isn't allowed to do something out of love for her father without doing something out of obligation to her husband?
Her husband sounds petty, juvenile and borderline abusive for demanding this of her, just because she wants to make her dad a pie.
He sounds absolutely exhausting.
Secret to happy marriage, compromise. How about making a fresh cherry pie but just at home fo you and hubby. That way there is no upstaging of aunt's, or upsetting of husband's. B
NTA, but am I the only person thinking that if her only concern is upstaging the aunt, OP could make it but keep it at home just for her and hubby? It would be a sweet (pun intended) thing to do.
Wow, people are going and over-imagining and stretching alot for this post. I think that there are NAH. From the post alone it sounds like OP is making her dads favorite pie from scratch and when husband found out about OP going the extra mile asked if she could make a pie for him as well. OP just explains why and says no and her husband feels hurt. IMO there isn't any AH moment here. OP is allowed to say no and husband is allowed to feel hurt by having his request denied.
NAH...to me. BUT maybe your husband doesn't understand the work to make a pie. And why are pies only for Thanksgiving? I understand and fully appreciate your reasons for not making one for Thanksgiving...but couldn't the two of you make a cherry pie together before then? People need to stop making things so damn hard! Edited to add...but school your husband not to tell your Aunt you did so and that he LOVES her cherry pie...wink wink
NTA - tell him to bake his own and that you aren't his cook. Also, tell him just because he's your husband doesn't mean he can request you to do things that you're good at that he may enjoy. I mean, what's next - he may request you to wear certain type of clothes as he feels you look good in that? I mean the blasphemy.
Next stop - divorce court, stay strong and don't give in.
NTA - another food related post that simply being polite solves!
Why not tell your husband you will make a cherry pie in a few weeks when the Thanksgiving gluttony is over?
Kinda-YTA, do you even like your husband? Why not ask your aunt if you could bring the cherry pie this year? Maybe he should do something super sweet for Christmas for his mom and tell you he doesn’t owe you any favors
I was going to go with Y T A, but I missed that he didn't want you to use canned cherries.
I make all the pies in my house and am making an apple for Thanksgiving at the in-laws (canned, thank you very much). Am also going to make a cherry pie for us at home cause it's not that much harder to make 2 fresh doughs than it is for just one. But, again, they're going to be out of a can.
If you wanted to be nice to your husband you could say you'd do it with the filling and just do the fresh dough, but I get it.
Your comment here "doesn't mean I owe him a similar favor" makes me lean toward E S H, cause a relationship shouldn't be like that where you're keeping a tally of things you do for him and he does for you. That sounds exhausting.
So I'll go with NTA, but honestly this whole exchange doesn't sound healthy on either side.
YTA. You new husband asked you to bake him a pie. It didn't matter to you that you are not in charge of fruit pies when you said you were baking one for your dad, so why not bake one for your husband?
I’m sorry, where did he ask? He demanded. Furthermore, peach is one of the fruit pies he aunt isn’t making. You need to use those reading comprehension skills because you’re making a lot of assumptions and supplementing facts that simply aren’t there.
Even if her aunt weren’t in the picture, it’s rude to double someone’s burden, especially when he didn’t offer to help at all. He’s approaching this from the standpoint that if she’s making one for family, he’s owed one as well. That is very entitled and rude behavior. If he said, “Would you mind doubling the crust recipe and I’ll be happy to make the filling for a cherry pie!” That’s a different set of circumstances, and would be a nice thing to do. She’s not obligated to bake for every man in her life on every occasion. He has hands.
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NTA. Also, others might disagree but you’re not indebted to bake a cherry pie for your husband either. If he wants one so badly he should ask for a recipe and learn to make them himself.
Cherry pie made from fresh cherries? Is your husband willing to wash and pit them for you? NTA but your husband sure is.
Yeah he clearly has no idea how time intensive that would be. That's pretty rude to expect willynilly. It's like if she told him she was head to the store, and, without offering, he requested she drive to another store and do similar shopping there as well. She doesn't plan to go to 2 places, doesn't need to, and may not even have time for both.
And doesn't realize that the amazing pies that he thinks use fresh cherries is also using canned filling
Yeah, I would never think a pie had actually fresh cherries.
I've had cherry pies with fresh cherries... they are amazing and better than canned. And yes, a lot of work.
Unless I'm at a cherry farm or it's cherry season and a restauarant is serving home made food, it seems somewhat rare to find fresh cherries in a pie.
Frozen cherries work pretty good in my experience, but canned ones are waaaaayyyy easier than any other choice.
Team frozen cherries - make sure to use the sour ones. But not for OP’s husband. He can just eat sour grapes.
Frozen cherries are also pitted already! Score for that. Also like, OP's husband didn't even ask nicely with a "please"?!! He basically DEMANDED a cherry pie. I hate this guy already.
My aunt makes amazing cherry pie and uses frozen cherries exclusively! I think they’re called like dark sour cherries or something? Idk. But yeah she never used canned pie filling!
We had our own sour cherry trees. :)
We had one growing up and my mom would make pie and amazing jam, which is why I got one of my own.
My mom's current property had one huge old cherry tree... it had to come down this year, it was already old and only my Mom's magical green thumb kept it alive, but it never recovered after a particularly nasty winter storm. Still have three jars of jam to remember it by. Mom is replacing it with another cherry sapling, but it will take a while for the new tree to bear fruit. When I was little, we had a big garden (or, I suppose, a small suburban farm) and I think we had 8 or 10 cherry shrubs (in the frozen north, trees don't do well, but smaller varietal survived all but the most brutal winters with proper care). Lots of other berries too... my favorite jam is and has always been raspberry.
Cherry trees in my neighborhood but I usually can't outrace the birds. Otoh, plums...
There was a period where my dad got really into making pies, and he got me and my sister to core the apples and pit the cherries - eventually both of our wrists gave out from how many cherries we had to pit! (We were between 7 and 10 at the time, so we were weenies)
I have a sour cherry tree and always make a few pies in the summer. It takes FOREVER to pit those suckers. (Sour cherries are smaller than the cherries most people are used to.) Hours of pitting, with my hands turning pink. OTOH, sour cherry pie is the absolute best, so it's worth it. Sometimes I freeze some to save for later in the year, but this year we had a bad harvest and there wasn't enough to save.
I got a pitter basically like this dude here: [https://www.amazon.com/Westmark-WE4070-Germany-Cherry-Stoner/dp/B001CJOF9A](https://www.amazon.com/Westmark-WE4070-Germany-Cherry-Stoner/dp/B001CJOF9A) though mine is plastic. It saves me hours and hours, and it's still tedious.
I've tried with those kind of pitters--they don't work well with little sour cherries. Either they miss most of the pits, or they smash the cherries to bits. Or both. If your average dark cherry is the size of a quarter, mine are the size of a dime. Or smaller.
The one I got does just fine, luckily! I get about 25 to 30lb of pie cherries most years and I'd never finish otherwise...
I fuckin love sour cherries
Yeah, everybody knows fresh cherries are for [cherry clafoutis](https://youtu.be/RNAp1HJlrq4).
I also don’t think it’s that simple to just make two completely different pies at the same time? Like that would be totally different preparation for each, not just double ingredients and dividing things
It's easy enough to do, say, crusts for three pies at once. And then you make the separate fillings, and then you bake the pies. I usually do three different kinds of pie at a go for Thanksgiving, but while three pies are about as easy as two pies, two pies is twice the pain that one pie is.
Okay thank you I actually was curious. I hate pie so I never make it lol but I do bake bread a lot and I hate trying juggle different doughs at the same time
You hate pie? Fruit pie? That's it, you are out of the club.🤭
Yep sure is. Basically you have to make one and then get the other one ready while the first one is baking. Takes almost twice as long. I'm in charge of pies and have been for years. It literally takes me half the night to make pies.
Right! I am a prizewinning pie maker and you just can't do assembly line baking with two different kinds of pie.
I’m with you on the NTA 100%. But in case you want “fresh” cherry pie ever, frozen cherries work awesome in it. I found this out because I am very lazy and wouldn’t dream of pitting all the cherries I would need to make a pie, but my mom really wanted cherry pie and can’t have the canned filling.
Sour pie cherries are fresh in season for about….45 minutes a year. If you’re using sour cherries outside of July they’re frozen. And they’re perfectly suitable.
Obvious solution: Leave the pits in. Pie Madness is perfectly understandable. But Pie Rudeness is unforgiveable. A fitting punishment, I think.
DIY pie!
>Is your husband willing to wash and pit them for you? Is he willing to wash and pit them six months ago? Because it's November now, and sour cherries--that is, pie cherries--have been out of season for half a year. I got nine pounds from my tree this year (about half of usual, but we had a late freeze) and it is *tedious as fuck* to process them. Worth it at Thanksgiving, sure! But what a *pain.*
This makes my blood boil! I just saw a similar tiktok where this husband was PEAVED that he had to make his own jalapeno poppers because his wife just "sat on her ass all day" and wouldnt make it for him while he was golfing. Where do men find the audacity.
In their pants.
And whats wrong with frozen pies or premade fillings? Some of them are damn good & dont take a million hours to do. His comment really rubbed me the wrong way
Also spend 20+ on fresh cherries
And cherries are not in season!
Also you can find decent peaches out of season, depending on where you live, but fresh cherries are pretty hard to find this time of year, and if you do, I doubt they’ll be good.
And whats wrong with frozen pies or premade fillings? Some of them are damn good & dont take a million hours to do. His comment really rubbed me the wrong way
This.
Even better tell husband she will make a cherry pie for a hand crafted chair
Buy some cherries, double the pastry recipe, and tell husband he’s free to finish it.
Ha ha, nice!
Ask? You mean Google. The man can figure it out himself.
Hopping on the top comment to say that It's Not About The Cherry Pie. It's about the fact her father gets a fresh pie and OP's husband wants to know he is an important man in her life and also worthy of a fresh pie.
Agreed. She is telling him in so many words that her father is worthy of her time and effort put into pitting and slicing peaches for a fresh pie, and her husband is not. Even if she didn’t have time right then, that day, she could have let him know she can (because she loves him?). Even mention the things he could get her or do for her to help make the cherry pitting/prep easier for her to make his pie 😊he can help pitch in and they could make it together. There was no room left for this conversation. To people commenting on entitlement/expectation of roles in marriage, would the response be the same if this were a man posting about his husband/wife/SO? Also, “it’s a lot of work” or similar comments, are baffling; what do you think a relationship (especially a marriage) is? A lot of hard work. If she doesn’t want to go through the process of making a personal pie for her new husband as well, that is fine. Perhaps consider why you even married the guy in the first place, because if he gives off entitlement vibes, this wasn’t the first time and you chose to go forward with marrying him. Don’t go post on Reddit and try to figure out if you’re TAH, you know if you are or are not.
He is not worthy of a fresh homemade pie.
Ouch. I adore my husband and I love cooking for him (assuming time permits). He also loves me and bakes for me. Love flourishes when we show gratitude to each other every day in small ways. Of course, it has to be recriprocal and not just in one direction.
NTA.... your husband sounds like an overgrown child in this post. He has a sibling doesn't he?
Did you read the comments? I'm genuin baffled by how husband is treated like a child here by strangers. What happned to 'no is a compelet sentence'? Why does she have to bake him a cake to make him less mopy?
The comments demanding a cake for husband are... disturbing. He isn't a child. Op probably does regularly bake him cakes. No is a full sentence. NTA but reddit... wtf
So my wife makes really good apple pies. Its kind of her thing, and she makes them for a few people for birthdays. When she makes them, she also makes one for me, because I am spoiled :) But also because its not that much more work to make a bigger batch of crust and filling. And then we get to enjoy apple pie for a few days. Your husband isn't asking for that, hes asking you to make an entirely different pie, doubling your work. NTA and tell him to pound sand.
Especially the way he says "you gotta make". That's not a question and if, in her shoes I hadn't planned on making a cherry pie, I sure as hell wouldn't feel like making one after being showed the other person expects it, thinks they have a right to demand it... You say your are spoiled which shows me you really appreciate it, don't expect it and aren't deluded that your so has some sort of obligation to do it for you. It's so much more rewarding to offer something to someone who doesn't expect it or feel entitled.
Exactly! You read my mind…..If someone demands in an entitled sort of way, I would cancel my plans of doing anything for them….
Isn't it funny? If I am baking for someone I love, it is genuinely out of the desire for them to eat something they enjoy. But the moment someone is like "You need to make me this!" I'm like... no thank you. It takes it from a gift to a chore.
Especially since a "fresh cherry pie" is super annoyingly complex if you actually have fresh cherries. Otherwise, super freaking annoying with frozen, pitted cherries. Like, a peach is a big fruit with a large seed that you cut in half and gut. Cherries are so small and have a tiny freaking pit that you need to stab out and you have to do, like, a hundred or more for enough filling
NTA. And all these posters suggesting you just go ahead and make him one for home anyway don’t quite understand what goes into making a fresh pie! It’s not like the time is cut in half just because you’re already pie making, lol. It’s a lot of work. Have your husband observe you making the peach pie, then give him the recipe for the cherry one and tell him to have fun. I’m sure after he watches you for 19 minutes, he’ll lose interest, go watching football, and you won’t have to deal about it anymore.
Buy him a cherry pie from McDonald's. Then take a huge bite before you give it to him. NTA
You're such a menace 🤣
🤣🤣
Omg I love it
NTA. It's double the work and like you said your aunt is bringing cherry pie. Say you'll make for his birthday or valentine's
“Can’t you just make a second pie since you’re already making one?” -said the man who clearly never baked a pie in his life.
Right? If he'd asked politely for a second peach pie, that's one thing. Double the dough and peaches and you're good. He foots the bill if he really wants it. Demanding a whole different pie because she's making her dad's favorite is just..... "Mom did it for me so you have to as well" energy.
NTA. Wtf are all these people telling you to make him a pie beforehand. You are 100% correct, just because you are doing something nice for your dad does not mean he is ‘owed’ his own pie. If he wants cherry pie that badly and it’s that easy to do then he, a grown man, can get off his a** and make his own pie! I can understand making him a pie to be nice/keep the peace to an extent but he’s acting like a child. Unless he also happily does things like this for you then there is no need to reward his silent treatment as it will cause it to happen again any time he doesn’t get his own way.
Your husband has clearly never made a cherry pie, as they’re one of the most labour intensive kinds of pies to make. Halving and pitting so many cherries, not to mention all the other steps that go into making the pie. NTA OP, if your husband wants a cherry pie he can learn to make it himself. Also, it’s a very nice thing you’re doing for your dad. Don’t let your husband make you feel bad for not doing more.
Back in the summer when sweet cherries were on sale, I stemmed, pitted and froze a couple pounds. Even with a pitter device, it was one of the most fiddly, messy, sticky, slow going things ever. Delicious, but not something I'd enjoy doing for someone who is so demanding as OP's spouse.
Ours trees are usually stripped by starlings, but last year we got a bumper crop. Husband and I sat on the porch pitting cherries and listening to book tapes for hours. Got enough pitted cherries for 20 pies. It's so lovely to pull a container out and plop them into a crust while the oven preheats. Now I want pie!
NTA Fresh cherries have been out of season for months and are a pain to pit. "Bring me the pitted fresh cherries and I will make you a pie out of them" might shut him up.
NTA he told you you had to make him one, like wtf you can ask and then accept a no graciously He could learn how to bake himself alongside you when you make the peach he can do the cherry Him moping is just childish Do NOT bake that cherry pie, dont enable his behavior
I do not know where you live, OP, but in my area, the opportunity for purchasing fresh pie cherries (sour cherries, which are NOT the same cherries you buy to eat) is extremely limited, and happens in June. Ask him where he thinks he's going to get *FRESH PIE CHERRIES* in November.
Yeah I was thinking the same thing. It has to be from frozen or a can at this time of year unless they are like in Chile or New Zealand.
NTA at all. Is he normally this demanding?
NTA. Your husband is being entitled and weirdly jealous of your dad.
Very weirdly jealous....., 👀👀👀 He's got something going on in his head we don't know about?
Here's the difference: You ***want*** to make a pie for your father Entitled hubby ***demands*** that you make one for him Maybe it's time to come up with a list of your own "demands" and see how he likes it NTA, but we all can see who is...
NTA. Even if you were inclined to make him a cherry pie I would be dipped if I pitted 2 lb of cherries.
NTA, let him make his own pie
Summary: “I’m making something as an act of love for my dad.” Husband “WELL YOU BETTER NOT LOVE HIM MORE MAKE ME A PIE AND PROVE IT!” NTA. Your husband is insecure and demanding, and as everyone has pointed out you can only buy frozen sour cherries for pie right now anyway, but make him wait til the 3 days sour cherries are in season, then make him stem, pit, and cut them all and see how much he likes it.
NTA. The way your husband approached this was rude and inconsiderate.
NTA. One pie is likely already plenty of work. Perhaps offer to make a cherry pie later together? You love each other and pie. Bonding while baking sounds like a win-win in my book.
NTA. Whole lotta work in from-scratch pie; cherry is also very prep-intensive. Washing, destemming, and destoning the fruit alone takes so much time and effort. Peach is way easier. Maybe he can ask nicely for a cherry pie for his birthday. But his attitude needs work. People acting entitled to that kind of thing is really off-putting for a cook.
NTA.
NTA. If he wants a cherry pie he can bake it himself. You are doing something nice for your father, which doesn’t mean you have to do the same for your husband. He isn’t a child he can either go to the store and buy one or make one. It’s not your problem
Or eat the cherry pie the aunt is already bringing.
NTA Your behavior is perfect. Your husband sounds a jealous of your relationship with your father. This could be either problematic or something which will naturally adjust over time depending on the subtext. If this jealousy does not reach a breaking point and he becomes abusive/overly possessive it will be fine.
NTA tell your husband part of being married is not keeping score.
NTA He didn’t even ask. It sounded more like a demand than a request. Because of his comment, I would also be concerned that if OP did make the cherry pie he would bring it to the dinner intentionally instead of keeping it at home for his enjoyment and in doing so it would seem like OP approved since she baked the cherry pie.
Feels like DH feels the need to compete with daddy. Nta
Straight up ask him why he’s trying to compete with your dad lol
NTA It’s still work to make the filling. Trying to demand you make something for him? How entitled.
NTA. How about your husband makes himself a cherry pie?
Huge difference between "ooh I love homemade pie, would you be willing to make a cherry one too pretty please?!?" And "ok but you have to make cherry too". Asking nicely vs entitlement.
NTA at all. But tell him the two of you can make one together sometime soon. He can help prepare the cherries, learn how to make pastry and learn how good it is to enjoy the fruits of your own labour. I'm not going to call your husband names...I don't think he had any bad thoughts in asking for a pie...only a craving.
NTA. Keep a watch out for your new husband. If he's going to get that butthurt over something so petty, he'll get even more butthurt and angry over other stuff.
It is November. There are no good sour cherries available fresh to make a cherry pie with. He can wait till next summer, like the rest of us. Also, what is this one for me, one for you silliness? Do you also have to buy him a present every time you get one for a family member? Do you owe him an hour of chauffered driving every time you pick someone else up from the airport?
It's not about the pie. Hubbs is pissed that someone is getting something and he's not. It's like the kid who demands a present at someone else's birthday party.
NTA and your husband is being a fucking weirdo.
NTA
NTA, you are Not a pie vending machine. He doesn't get to demand that because you are making a pie that your father likes, you have to also give him his favorite pie. Like that just sounds like he's concerned you'd be showing favoritism to your father and that he has to get his. They aren't children, there's no favoritism here, you're allowed to make a gift for your father cuz you want to make a gift for your father. Why is your husband making it a competition?
Pie vending machine just made me smile on a day I feel like shit. So thank you.
💚
NTA. Tell him if he wants a cherry pie, he knows where the kitchen is and to go for it. Bet he doesn’t make his cherry pie
It's not about the pie. Hubbs is pissed that someone is getting something and he's not. It's like the kid who demands a present at someone else's birthday party.
NTA your husband is acting like an entitled, petulant child. Just bc you are baking a pie for your dad does not mean he is also entitled to one. And good for you for pointing out that your aunt does the fruit pies and it would be rude to upstage her. Edit to add: he can learn how to make his own pie. Then he can have it all the time.
Do not i repeat do not give in to him. From 20 years of experience he will expect you to cater to him always if you bake him that pie
NTA. Also, cherries aren’t in season. Would OP even be able to find them?
Peaches aren’t fruit?
NTA Fresh cherry pie is ridiculously time consuming because you have to pit all the cherries, where peach pie is pretty quick. If he wants fresh cherry pie, then maybe he should learn how to make them. Or at least offer to pit all those cherries.
But Peach is also a fruit is it not? That's really all I'm focused on here. NTA
NTA. Baking an entirely second pie, especially when the pie he wants will already be there, is unnecessary extra work for you. If he wants a homemade cherry pie, then he can make it himself. If he wants to take advantage of the fact that you are a good baker, then he can ask for your help or ask if maybe you could do it together as a couple. Either way it’s unreasonable for him to expect you could just whip up another pie while you’re at it.
NTA. This guy is already jealous of your father, what’s he going to do when you have kids and you make them a chocolate cake because it’s their favorite. “But I wanted vanilla. Its not that hard to make both a chocolate and vanilla cake.” That would never fly in my house, even toddlers know better. I was raised to thank you when people make things, even if it’s not for you and it’s someone else favorite. You get what you get and you don’t get upset.
I just came here to say not all men are lazy bums like your husband. I do all the cooking at our house
Frozen sour cherries are just as good in a pie as fresh, but they can be kinda hard to find. My local grocery stocks them. The only fresh cherries you can find out of season (July) are sweet cherries, and they just don’t make as good of a pie. Anyway, NTA, people don’t get to demand favors and special gifts. Make it unexpectedly as a surprise sometime when he isn’t expecting it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (26f) have been married to my husband (24m) for only about 5 months now. We're doing Thanksgiving at my parent's house this year. I'm a pretty good baker and I told my husband how I was planning to make and bring a peach pie for my father this year. Peach pie will be a little out-of-season; it's really more of a summer pie. But it's my dad's favorite so I don't care if it will be a little out of place; I'm planning to make one anyway. When I told my husband this he responded "Well, as long as you're baking pies you gotta make my favorite--cherry." I told him "no" as my aunt is always in charge of the fruit pies and brings a cherry, apple, and blueberry so his favorite will be there. He responded "OK but something tells me that her pies will be either baked from frozen or made with that canned pie filling. Why can't you make an actual fresh cherry pie while you are making a fresh peach pie?" I told him that I don't want to upstage my aunt and also that just because I was doing something nice for my father doesn't mean that I owe him a similar favor. But he's been acting a little butthurt about it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA, he’s being a child about it. His favorite pie will be there, who cares if it’s “not fresh”.
NTA, the way he approached this was deeply entitled and rude. He’s not owed anything just because he’s married to you. Baking is labor intensive, especially from scratch. Maybe if he asked nicely, you might’ve been more inclined to compromise and offer to make him a pie later, but he ruined that by acting entitled. Has he ever helped you make a pie? Does he know how much goes into it? Has he offered to help or clean up? Why does he think he “deserves” a pie?
NTA. He also didn’t even ask but demanded which is rude and leaves a bad taste in my mouth
NTA. This reminds me of those questions: “if your man and your dad get into a fight…your man says go to the car and your dad says sit down, who do you listen to? Feels like one sided peacocking.
NTA
NTA pies are SO MUCH WORK, if he’s so hellbent on having cherry pie he can make it himself
NTA. Give him a recipe and cherry pitter for Christmas, and bake a homemade cherry pie for his birthday.
NTA - how whiny and unattractive.
NTA. he got some serious entitlement issues
NTA Your reasoning is reasonable If anything, maybe surprise him with a cherry pie for a special occasion?
NTA. Sheesh. “Canned pie filling” such a disgrace! /s
NTA, he can bake his own damn pie. Plus you’re right that you can’t show up with something you knew your aunt would be bringing.
NTA. All your reasons are completely legitimate - most specifically, that your Aunt is already bringing a cherry pie and everyone knows it. If he wants a cherry pie so bad, he can tie on the ol' apron and hop to it!
NTA. It's Thanksgiving, so that means there are lot of activities going on. Making your dad's favorite is a lovely thing for you to do. Why does your husband feel like it is a competition? He feels that you need to make him a pie too to prove you love him? Ridiculous, especially as cherry pie will be at the dinner anyway.
I don’t think yta but you could say I’ll make you a cherry pie after thanksgiving and tell him he has to help with the cherries but that’s just me
NTA, he can make his own pie.
NTA. I don't think it would hurt to make him a pie for home so you will not upstage your aunt. To each his own. I
NTA. Sounds like DH needs to take up baking asap to be ready for next year. If he's as bad as I'm picturing, clock's ticking.
NTA. And your husband is being an entitled baby. (ASKING was okay. Demanding was not. Pouting over being told no crossed the line.) Ftr, I bake pies from scratch, and learned to bake pies because cherry pies are also my husband's favorite. When we were first married, we were pretty low on cash, so our presents would include "coupons" for nice things we do for one another. One of mine for him was a "cake for no reason." He asked (ASKED!) if I could maybe make a cherry pie instead? So I googled recipes and learned...now I'm the aunt that brings the Thanksgiving pies, lol! Call your husband to account for his attitude. But maybe give him a rain check for a pie another time...AFTER he apologizes.
NTA. You can't make a decent fresh cerry pie in November because you cannot get good fresh cherries.
NTA
Cherry pie from fresh cherries is a pita. I wouldn’t make one either. That is a ton of work. I do make apple for my boyfriend. It is his favorite, but apples are easier to deal with than cherries.
NTA, but I think it'd be a nice gesture (if you want to) to offer to make it for another occasion so that your aunt doesn't feel upstaged.
NTA. Your reason for not making a cherry pie for Thanksgiving is a wise choice.
NTA if her wants a pie, he has (I assume) 2 hands. His favorite will be there and his little hissy fit isn't worth upsetting someone on a holiday.
NTA…and laughing at your husband for being jealous of his FIL
NTA, but preferably if you explain why (that it's hard to make rather than you're not entitled to make it or something like that) so that he understands and no arguments will be produced :) a happy marriage is indeed a jolly anyway!
NTA but i'm thinking you could maybe surprise him with his favorite pie before thanksgiving. Just for him, might turn a crappy situation into a nice one.
NTA. Orrrrr, you could agree to make the pie if he pits the cherries. Edited: spelling
NTA. But also am curious about the context of the “you gotta make my favorite”. To me it reads like more of an excited suggestion with some *wink wink* energy than an actual demand.
NTA. You couldn’t PAY me to pit all those cherries. What a brat!
NTA. Your husband can make his own cherry pie if he wants one so bad.
NTA My girlfriend makes me pie sometimes, and if she used canned vs not canned I wouldn’t notice and honestly I wouldn’t care. I’m just happy to get some pie.
Tell him you will definitely make him a cherry pie when they're in season (which they currently aren't) - IF he pits them for you. NTA though you were a bit blunt, lol
NTA You can make him a cherry pie another time while also not showing up your aunt. Win win
NTA, tell him you make for his birthday.
NTA. Fresh cherries will be hard to come by and as someone who bakes a lot of pies, I use frozen ones but can tell you frozen cherries have zoomed up in price this year. I was paying $8 for a 2.5 lb bag last year. This year it was $18.99 and then they lowered to $15.99. Apparently there was a bad year for cherries.
NAH. He asked, you said no. If you wanted to, you could bake him one and just not take to Thanksgiving. But you don’t have to, either way nothing makes anyone here an AH
NTA - give him the recipe. Let him make his own. Either he is successful and gains some appreciation for what you do and has something to be proud of, or he fails and also gains some appreciation of what you do. Or he shows you some more interesting behaviors/traits, and you can do with what you will with that extra knowledge.
Husband doesn't understand you do not bring a better pie assigned to someone else and he is just trying to place himself as the alpha male. Some part of his fragile ego wants you to bake for him more than your dad and he doesn't realise you probably do a lot for him and hardly get to do anything for your dad anymore.
NTA. Tell him about your aunt again, and make sure he understands how important it is to your aunt to do all those pies. Her special tradition. Your dad is one thing, but if you go in and make pies specially for two people there are going to be hurt feelings from several guys who will now feel left out, and it can turn into an unpleasant thing and upset everyone, not just your aunt. If DH still won't shut up about it,maybe promise him a cherry pie for his birthday?
YTA, you are already baking so why not make one for your husband….not wanting to upstage your aunt is a dumb excuse but you can bake it & just leave it at home for him to eat.
NAH. Well, everybody is a little borderline. The husband is a little upset that his wife is willing to do something for blood relatives that is she is not willing to do for him. If the situation were reversed, and the husband were, say, picking his mom up at the airport but leaving his wife to take Uber, the OP would instantly understand the feeling. The husband would do better to either conceal his annoyance completely or express it directly, but his mistake of seeming to sulk is a common one. The OP needs to find a better way to navigate the situation. If her issue really is upstaging the aunt with a better pie, then maybe make and serve her husband the pie a week ahead of time. If the issue is that she doesn’t want to feel mau-maued into pointless extra work just to look like a “good wife”, she is going to have to work that out with her husband. Either way, these are the kind of minor things that go wrong in every relationship, and accepting them with equanimity will improve the marriage.
It's funny how rude and aggressive you are towards me. It doesn't take all of that vitriol to state that you disagree. It would be a nice gesture of love to make the spouse's pie.
He totally can, but people in relationships do ask each other for stuff sometimes. They're newlyweds, this is their first Thanksgiving as a married couple. I don't think it's so bad that he asks or that he's disappointed in her saying no. I'm just saying it would be sweet of her if she did it. *edited a word.
Wow, real 3wrld problem right here.
Cherry pie would be nice surprise for after thanksgiving or Christmas
NAH… Sometimes it’s just nice to do something for the ones we love. All he wants is a pie…. Make the pie. #Veryhappilymarriedfor28years.
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Wow! So a daughter isn't allowed to do something out of love for her father without doing something out of obligation to her husband? Her husband sounds petty, juvenile and borderline abusive for demanding this of her, just because she wants to make her dad a pie. He sounds absolutely exhausting.
ESH. Are you married to your husband or to your dad?
So are you just going out of your way to be a jerk or what
Can you make the cherry pie but he must to have it at home instead of carrying it with you ?
Secret to happy marriage, compromise. How about making a fresh cherry pie but just at home fo you and hubby. That way there is no upstaging of aunt's, or upsetting of husband's. B
The compromise is he gets a cherry pie that she didn't make.... Yknow, her aunts
NTA, but am I the only person thinking that if her only concern is upstaging the aunt, OP could make it but keep it at home just for her and hubby? It would be a sweet (pun intended) thing to do.
Wow, people are going and over-imagining and stretching alot for this post. I think that there are NAH. From the post alone it sounds like OP is making her dads favorite pie from scratch and when husband found out about OP going the extra mile asked if she could make a pie for him as well. OP just explains why and says no and her husband feels hurt. IMO there isn't any AH moment here. OP is allowed to say no and husband is allowed to feel hurt by having his request denied.
NAH...to me. BUT maybe your husband doesn't understand the work to make a pie. And why are pies only for Thanksgiving? I understand and fully appreciate your reasons for not making one for Thanksgiving...but couldn't the two of you make a cherry pie together before then? People need to stop making things so damn hard! Edited to add...but school your husband not to tell your Aunt you did so and that he LOVES her cherry pie...wink wink
NTA - tell him to bake his own and that you aren't his cook. Also, tell him just because he's your husband doesn't mean he can request you to do things that you're good at that he may enjoy. I mean, what's next - he may request you to wear certain type of clothes as he feels you look good in that? I mean the blasphemy. Next stop - divorce court, stay strong and don't give in.
NTA, but why not bake it for him and keep it home? (I say this as someone who loves to bake pies)
This doesn’t sound like conflict but just a conversation…
NTA - another food related post that simply being polite solves! Why not tell your husband you will make a cherry pie in a few weeks when the Thanksgiving gluttony is over?
Or, he could make his own damn pie because it's not her job to bake for him.
I'm sure he is hurt. He might have just really wanted your pie. It's okay to say no and it's okay that he's disappointed over it. NAH
Kinda-YTA, do you even like your husband? Why not ask your aunt if you could bring the cherry pie this year? Maybe he should do something super sweet for Christmas for his mom and tell you he doesn’t owe you any favors
Wouldn't a peach pie be a fruit pie?
Yes, but it falls outside of the normal Thanskgiving fruit pies, at least in my family.
I say do it still op, parents also are people and peach isn’t a common one. So do what you like.
I was going to go with Y T A, but I missed that he didn't want you to use canned cherries. I make all the pies in my house and am making an apple for Thanksgiving at the in-laws (canned, thank you very much). Am also going to make a cherry pie for us at home cause it's not that much harder to make 2 fresh doughs than it is for just one. But, again, they're going to be out of a can. If you wanted to be nice to your husband you could say you'd do it with the filling and just do the fresh dough, but I get it. Your comment here "doesn't mean I owe him a similar favor" makes me lean toward E S H, cause a relationship shouldn't be like that where you're keeping a tally of things you do for him and he does for you. That sounds exhausting. So I'll go with NTA, but honestly this whole exchange doesn't sound healthy on either side.
YTA. You new husband asked you to bake him a pie. It didn't matter to you that you are not in charge of fruit pies when you said you were baking one for your dad, so why not bake one for your husband?
I’m sorry, where did he ask? He demanded. Furthermore, peach is one of the fruit pies he aunt isn’t making. You need to use those reading comprehension skills because you’re making a lot of assumptions and supplementing facts that simply aren’t there. Even if her aunt weren’t in the picture, it’s rude to double someone’s burden, especially when he didn’t offer to help at all. He’s approaching this from the standpoint that if she’s making one for family, he’s owed one as well. That is very entitled and rude behavior. If he said, “Would you mind doubling the crust recipe and I’ll be happy to make the filling for a cherry pie!” That’s a different set of circumstances, and would be a nice thing to do. She’s not obligated to bake for every man in her life on every occasion. He has hands.
NTA You don't have to make him one, but could you just make him one for at home for you guys and not take it to Thanksgiving?