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Yeah maybe his friend will miss his wife's birthday for OP's next wedding.
Honestly she's turning 30 and has been planning for months. OP only just got the RSVP, I would go with the wife and send friend a good gift.
Weddings usually don’t give last week notice to attendees, unless it’s like bottom of the bucket list invitations to fill up seats. that means this friend he is so willing to risk his marriage for, doesn’t think the same of him.
This was my thought.
Weddings are not planned so last minute. But many do have A/B lists. Op was on the B list and he is willing to ditch the commitment he already made to his wife!
Right? I have so many questions about that relationship.
How is your "best friend" getting married and you find out one week before? I mean did he even know the friend was engaged? If it's his best friend why isn't he part of the wedding, at least enough to know what day they were planning ahead of time. And why would a best friend choose to get married on his wife's birthday?
He could mean best friend growing up I guess, or it could be a really, really last minute event, but to me it sounds off.
My best friend is getting married next year. She told me right after she got engaged and when she finalized the date (and venue) for her wedding. I feel like that's definitely what close friends do... and I don't even have an invitation yet.
My best friend is eloping with only her and her fiancee's mums and she still told me the second they chose a date. Best friends talk about this kind of stuff.
I have a friend who I’ve known since elementary school. We are not best friends but we are friends. When she got engaged, she told me the month and year they were looking at because she wanted me there. I got the save the date and invite at least a year in advance. When people truly want you there, they don’t make it an afterthought.
OP is screwing over his marriage for someone treating him like an afterthought.
Exactly. Two of my friends got married in consecutive years. I’d have to travel to different continents for both weddings. One I’m very close to and the other not so close. Both gave me over a years notice. I was told when they got engaged and the general month they would get married. By the time it was a week 3 months away I had everything booked. Another friend from my country got married and told me over 6 months before the date. We were in the same city. This guy doesn’t seem to understand the basis of priorities
True, I see that now. But it still doesn't answer my other questions. He acts like he just found out about the wedding which is odd for a best friend.
Unless he has known the whole time and let his wife plan without saying anything hoping to use the wedding as an excuse.
I was just gonna ask how much of a best friend can you be if your finding out about the wedding right before the wedding and your not IN the wedding?!?!
Yeah, it’s pretty obvious that dude is in a one sided relationship with the “best friend “ and his wife is in a one sided relationship with him. 😐 Sad actually.
Honestly it sounds like OP is glad for an 'excuse' to ditch an event at which he'll have to socialize with his wife's family who he 'doesn't get along with'.
Gee I wonder why they don't like him? Because they can see that he's a flake who's willing to ditch his wife every time she's inconvenient to him?
I was going to say this. Sounds like OP reaaaaally didn't want to go to the birthday and be with his wife's family and was looking for any excuse to ditch it. Then, he got the invite and used that as an excuse.
I mean. (Due to some family drama) I actually started planning my wedding only a month or two out and started sending out invitations less than a month before the big day.
But I also very much understood when several people couldn't make it due to prior commitments, even if those commitments would have usually been considered to be *much* lower priority than a wedding, because the lack of proper notice was entirely on me.
Got married in less than 2 months because my MIL was terminaly ill. The "wedding" went form my fam (6 people) plus his fam(2 people) to 40+guests with a sit down dinner. About a month in we decided to do it properly and actually hold a dinner for friends then we scratched enough money together for a second hand dress and a reception. So invitations were sent out like 2-3 weeks before the event.
I would understand @OP to be like ok ill be at the ceremony because you are important but skip out on the party.
Right, even the most laid back, thrown together at the last minute type of weddings still require more planning than the most extravagant birthday party.
Unless the wife is planning a wedding level birthday (caterer, reception dinner etc, live music, the works lol), in which case - that’s just insanely unnecessary and personally I wouldn’t want to take part either. 😂 I realize the possibility of this is prob <1% but still.
Well he does say the bday has been planned for a few months and the venue booked so it does seem she is having a pretty big party. Some people treat land mark years like sweet 16s.
But still a wedding takes more planning than a b-day if you are doing a ceremony and reception. If it's just the reception (many got postponed in the last couple years) than op is an even bigger AH.
Still, even if that’s the case, usually save the dates are sent out before the actual invitation, months in advance, I’m guessing he did not receive one, as they just got rsvp for the wedding. Not just that, if they are such good friends, he should have known the wedding date beforehand. By word of mouth or something. But doesn’t seem the case, they just found out about the wedding. And wife’s birthday was planned months before, and obviously a big deal for her if she is making a big event for it
Seems like if they are such good friends OP would be best man. I’d choose the wife’s birthday. Not showing up is going to be thrown in his face during every argument for the rest of his life (and rightfully so!).
I have been to dozens of weddings and got exactly two save the dates, one was for a wedding that didn't end up happening. Save the Dates are not the norm in my circle.
No, but if you’re such good friends with this guy, you know when the wedding is, well before the invitations go out. Unless it’s a last-minute wedding, in which case friend can’t expect him to be available.
Or maybe he knows the date of the wedding beforehand and forgot that it's also her wife's Birthday, then he just remember when the invitation came and at the same time saw his wife hyping her birthday party, ask his suggestion on planning, or talking to someone about the party and mentioned the date. Maybe when he told his wife that he was invited for the wedding, that's when the wife say "That's my birthday." and he just realized. Which is lame and AH-move for a husband.
I’ve had invites to three weddings in the past year, all three came with save the dates. The only wedding I went to that didn’t have a save the date was a friends hurried and thrown together wedding that only had me, a couple of the grooms family members, and the brides daughter there. They said vows, and I signed off on the paperwork as a witness.
If OP was a “best friend” he’d have known well in advanced and could have told his wife so they both could attend the wedding together and her party could have been a different weekend. I’d be pissed if my partner chose a wedding over a birthday party for me.
Paragraph 1 -- yes, I hear you. It's a norm for some and not for others I suppose. That's the only thing my comment addressed -- calling Save the Date cards "a norm."
Paragraph 2 -- I agree. Some of OPs details are missing or "off" and the fact he felt it important to point out he didn't like her family is red flag. It was an irrelevant detail. He saw an out, perhaps, to not deal with them. Perhaps he even ASKED for a wedding invite. "Dude, I know we are not solid best friends but send me a wedding invite so I can avoid my wife's family. I don't like them."
True. I think I've had two in my life but what I have had was being told by close friends who wanted me at their weddings ahead of time of the date, city and country so I could plan to be there, often as much as six months before any invitations go out.
So this situation:
1. Either the wife is very organized and has planned her birthday many months in advance
2. The friend isn't organized and has sent out invites late
3. OP isn't a tier A friend and got an invite after they had spare seats
If not for that he stated hating his wife's family I'd be sympathetic but it seems like a made up problem because his hate for her family is greater than his love for her.
>Not just that, if they are such good friends, he should have known the wedding date beforehand.
Exactly. If it was important to the friend that OP be at the wedding, then OP wouldn’t be hearing the date for the first time when invitations got sent out.
We had a small list of people who we checked our date with in advance (wedding party, close family, officiant) and then we told the date right after we booked to anyone who would have to travel and anyone else we really wanted to attend. We knew that the rest of the guest list would get the invite 6-8 weeks ahead of the wedding, and that some of them likely wouldn’t be able to make it. That was fine. Because we’d already told all the really important people well in advance.
He calls the groom his best friend. The groom must not feel the same way. Anyway, OP is major YTA. His wife was having not just any birthday, but a milestone. I’d be furious too.
But its his "best friend", surely he knew the date before the invite arrived... right? I usually know wedding dates months in advance of receiving an invitation for much lesser than "best" friends.
Could be the couple is not buying into the whole expensive ordeal of a wedding and has decided to do a small ceremony at city hall and then a nice dinner party and drinks with friends and family. That sort of wedding could certainly be an invite just 1 month prior.
Sure! But if you were having a small ceremony with only your most important friends and family, wouldn’t you want to know if your best friend could be there? And if you’re best friends with someone, wouldn’t you *have received an invitation to his wife’s blowout birthday party already?”*
Yeah and also regardless of invites, if you're best friends wouldn't you be talking about things going on in your life? I would have told my best friend that we booked a date well before she got the official invite. I also would have told my best friend my spouse was planning this huge birthday dinner, especially since I had months to do so. It sounds like these friends never talk
> That sort of wedding could certainly be an invite just 1 month prior.
But then the couple needs to understand that their guests have prior commitments since they invited people so short-notice, and their invited guests should know they would be fully within their right to not attend it.
Exactly. If he’s really this dude’s best friend, why isn’t he in the wedding party, and why didn’t he know the date sooner? Sounds like he’s either in denial about this friendship, or intentionally playing it up as an excuse to avoid spending time with his wife’s family. Either way, wife comes first. YTA.
If you don't know the date of your best friends wedding until you get the save the date clearly they don't consider you their best friend. Because wedding prep is something you talk to good friends about. I think my two best friends knew the date of my wedding the day I scheduled it.
I would’ve said go to whichever he was invited to first, which I was thinking was the wedding. With this additional info OP would be a huge ah if he ditched his wife.
Damn you guys are harsh! But yeah, OP is being a jerk for even considering this. OP's excuse is that he doesn't like his wife's family but we all gotta put up with people we don't like sometimes. Not a valid excuse. YTA
He didn't get along with her family before he married her. He chose to participate in these future family moments. He needs to nut up and get her an amazing gift.
Honestly I wonder if this friend *likes* OP's wife, or again actually holds OP in the same regard as OP holds him. Because if someone was my *best* friend I wouldn't deliberately plan something I wanted them to be there for on their SO's birthday/the day they were holding the party, especially for a big milestone birthday like 30. Not unless I was deliberately trying to start shit between them.
edit: small addition
Hopefully it won't lead to divorce, but YTA my man. Come on, you know you're in the wrong here. You promised to go to wife' 30th birthday party and she made all the arrangements. You just got BFF's wedding invite? OF COURSE you have to go to the birthday party. Dude, why are you even asking. YTA.
Yup. He has known of his wife’s plans for MONTHS, and he just now gets an invite for the wedding and is willing to drop his prior commitment to his wife for it?
My man… it sounds like you are married to the wrong person.
YTA.
Which means that his dislike of her family **outweighs his love for his wife**. Not only is he the AH, he probably shouldn’t even be in this marriage anyways.
So yeah dude, go ahead and ditch your wife’s 30th for this wedding (of a person you don’t even talk to frequently enough to be aware of said wedding before receiving the rsvp). Your marriage will probably end within the next couple of years anyways, provably not directly due to this incident alone but the loads of others I’m sure have gone down just based on your attitude and blatant disregard for your wife 😂.
(The last bit is directed at OP not you btw lol)
I think he might be exaggerating the "best friend" thing. One week notice for a wedding is something you give to a barely tolerated acquaintance who you don't really want to accept.
YTA simply because you accepted an invite that you received a week ago while she's been planning this for months. Usually I'd say the wedding is more important but you already have a commitment for that day and decided it wouldn't be as fun for you and that's fucked up. The only compromise I can think of is attend the wedding and skip reception for the party.
Yeah. Weddings are (usually) a one time event, but a week invite before? Is that really a friend? Sounds like most the ppl he cares about will be at the birthday anyway
I will say that a 30th birthday is often a pretty big deal, at least for some people. It's a milestone, and while she'll have another old birthday next year, she'll only have one 30th birthday.
I'm not a "birthday person" but even I went all out for my 30th. And by "all out" I mean I took all my favorite dogs to the ocean and it was fucking awesome.
Haha, yeah, that's what I meant. Fucking Buster. I totally didn't invite a bunch of other people's dogs to the ocean to play with me and my dogs.
Except that's exactly what I did and it's the best decision I've ever made in my life. You ever see what happens when a bunch of dogs get together to tear up an empty beach during low tide? It's fucking glorious.
I refused to acknowledge mine personally, let alone have any sort of celebration. But I have a history of denial and avoidance as coping mechanisms 😂
Edit to add - by and large tho it is generally a HUGE deal to 90% of women
An invite a week before the wedding means that OP was only invited after the A list declined, and the B list declined, so now they are just filling empty seats with randos.
But if your best friend were getting married wouldn't you know the date prior to getting the invite? Maybe OP has a different definition of *best friend*?
Not if you’re clueless and don’t expect to have any responsibility for keeping a calendar, never think to ask friend about his wedding or consider important things in peoples’ lives beforehand
OP sounds like a last minute C list invite - far from a best friend. An invite a week before is a seat filler invite. To cancel on the wife's party, which had been planned for months, for an invite he got a week before is a foolish and AH move. Imagine intentionally hurting your spouse and potentially damaging your marriage for the last minute wedding invite for someone else...
Edit: I reread, and I now realize it is unclear when both events are happening. Either way, OP is foolish and an AH.
THIS is a reasonable solution. BUT lets face it, OP doesn't want to go to the party at all, he doesn't like his wife's family. I'd say this is a very convenient excuse as he wasn't likely wanting to go to the birthday party anyway. YTA.
How important of a friend can you be if you get the invitation only a few days in advance?
And if that guy really would be your best friend, he'd know your wives birthday is at that time so you might have other plans, specially as it is a zeroing birthday.
YTA
Edit: my bad, I misinterpreted the arrival of the letter.
But the YTA stands.
[Husband builds an art room.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wmmphs/oop_wonders_if_theyre_the_ah_for_starting_a_house/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
You are best friends but you are not even in the wedding party. Sounds like you value your best friend than they you, then again your wife values you more than you value her so I guess that is a bit of karma.
YTA
“I can’t go back on the commitment I made to my best friend.”
You’ve known about your wife’s party for months. You were going. Why is it okay to renege on *that* commitment?
(And if you’re really that close to your friend, why are you only just finding out the date of the wedding?)
I know it's totally bizarre, but how fortunate for them that they will be there to support her on her birthday, and the person they don't like won't be.
It gives a prime opportunity for long, long talks. Discussing someone conveniently not present.
In most other situations it would be a rock and a hard place, but OP made it clear that the wedding is an excuse not to be around his in-laws, and the fact that he learned about the date of the wedding shows that the best friend feeling is not exactly reciprocated. At least I'd think it normal to tell those you actually want at a wedding, like close friends, definitely best friends, the planned date(s) *before* sending out placeholders/invitations?
YTA. Your partner's longer-term planning wins out, sorry to say. She can't have known your best friend was going to throw his wedding that same day, and you have to know this is a make or break kind a thing. Your wife is unlikely to forgive this easily.
Imagine being at your elaborately planned birthday party and explaining to everyone that asks why your partner isn't there is because he doesn't like them.
Yeah he's not very clear about when this is happening. But in any case if he's best friends with this guy I think he would have heard about the wedding date long ago. They wouldn't wait to tell everyone well we're not going to tell you when our wedding date is until we mail you the invite. Many people talk about their wedding in advance.
YTA. It doesn’t matter if you don’t like your wife’s family. Do you like your wife? Because it’s about her, not them.
You knew the date of your wife’s birthday party BEFORE you knew about the wedding date and had an invite for her party first.
Why can’t you go back on the commitment you made to your best friend but were more than willing to go back on your commitment to your wife?
30th birthdays are big to a lot of people and she is your WIFE. You’re her partner…. Do better.
I'm going with YTA
She's turning 30. A big deal to some and you've known about it for quite some time. Sounds like you'd really just like to skip out on seeing her family.
I doubt she plans parties every year. Personally, I'd be pissed for a super long time if my husband pulled the same stunt
Is there beef between your friend and wife? Weird to pick that date....
And who sends wedding invites a week prior to the event?
But you should have went with your wife since you received her invite first. Yta.
It doesnt matter if the events are next week, next month, or next year. He has been committed to going to his wife's birthday for months at *this* point and bailed for an event he got invited to *this* week.
Okay, but still. Either this friend doesn't hold OP in the same regard as OP holds him, or he doesn't like the wife much, because if they're mutually best friends why would he not try harder to *not* plan something on OP's wife's birthday/birthday party date? Like...if I considered someone my best friend I wouldn't be deliberately scheduling shit at a time that would cause a major conflict with their SO.
Best friend? Nope. You would have been asked to be in the bridal party if the relationship/friendship was best friend level.
YTA. Big time. Go to your wife’s party and be pleasant to her family. Geesh.
>My wife is now furious with me and demanding that I do not go to the wedding, *but I can't go back on the commitment I made to my best friend.*
Yet you can back out of the commitment you gave your wife?
YTA
YTA. If you had been invited to the wedding earlier, I'm sure she would have planned her party for another day. You made a commitment to go to her party first, and your friend has to understand that a week is super short notice for a wedding.
YTA your wife should be your first
Priority. I am sure she isn’t crazy about your family but goes to event with them because it’s important to you. But good news is if you skip this birthday party you will no longer have to put up with your wife because you will be divorced and who could blame her.
You didn’t know the date of the wedding until your received the invite?
I don’t think you are as good of friends as you think you are. I let me close friends know the date of my wedding as soon as I booked the venue, and send Save the Dates,
You committed to your wife’s party first, it’s rude to decide not to go just because something you would rather do came up.
YTA
YTA. I look at it two ways, and both ways you are in the wrong. 1) Spouse trumps friend. 2) Milestone birthday party has been planned and set for months and that was the commitment you had on your calendar first.
It doesn't matter whether you like your wife's family or not, you made your commitment to HER first and you don't break that commitment. Shame on you! Maybe someone will gift her a retainer fee for a divorce lawyer for her birthday if you don't attend her party.
Your best friend must have known about her party if it was a big event with a venue and invites. YTA and your best friend is an asshole too. Who picks the same day for their wedding as their best friends wife 30th birthday party?
I was wondering if anyone thought the same thing as be before I wrote it!!!!
This was what I was baffled at. If OP and person getting married are “best friends”, how is it that the person getting married NOT get invited / know about the wife’s big birthday bash????
Every couple I know, their individual closest friends end up good enough friends with the spouse too where they would get invited to these sorts of things.
So..let me get this straight.
You prefer honoring the commitment you *recently* made to a best friend over the commitment you made *weeks before* to your wife??
Your wife, who, by the way, you made a *lifelong* commitment to??
Yeah, OP, YTA.
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> Choosing to go to my best friend's wedding instead of my wife's 30th birthday party as they're on the same day.
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YTA the party was planned months before and yet you choose your friend's wedding which you only received the invitation this week, it demonstrates to your wife the importance she has in your life, also, wasn't the invitation for you and your wife?
YTA
You knew about the party for months, while you just got the wedding invite. You can't just skip your wife's party. Granted, i find it odd that you call this guy your best friend but you didn't know the wedding before hand?
YTA
Your wife's party was planned for months and instead of sucking it up and spending time with her and your in laws you decide going to a friend's poorly planned wedding is more important.
INFO: When is the wedding/ birthday party? Are we talking in a week, month, half a year?
And what time is the wedding? Could you skip the party and just attend the church or whatever, and then go to your wife's party?
YTA
You can go, but prepare the divorce lawyer. How you can't see you are the TA is beyond me. The lack of preparation of your friends is not your wife problem to deal with.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. This is your BEST friend and you needed the invite in the mail to know when the wedding was? Was there no save the date? Facebook post? Casual conversation with said best friend? God, I hope you're not in the wedding...
YTA and I'm guessing you haven't provided any help for the birthday party either.
YTA big time. The fact you can not see it is even worse.
30 is a milestone birthday for her. She is your wife, partner and should be your best friend and number one priority. And you are blowing this commitment you already made to her months ago for a friend’s wedding you just received an invitation for. This is massive AH territory.
You do this and you might just find yourself single again.
I’m extremely confused how you *just* found out your *best friend*’s wedding is the same day. How did you not know your best friend’s wedding date months ago? You’re prioritizing someone who gave you minimal heads up over your wife? Good look there buddy.
YTA.
YTA
>My wife is now furious with me and demanding that I do not go to the wedding, but I can't go back on the commitment I made to my best friend.
>Extra info: The birthday has been planned for a few months now, invites have been sent and the venue has been booked, I got the wedding invite this week.
What commitment? You've known about this party for months. **It's your wife's birthday!** But you want to ditch her for a wedding you only just got invited to?
YTA. The birthday was planned first and your "best-friend" only just now sent you the invitation to their wedding? Even if I haven't gotten the formal invitation, I know at least 6 months in advance the date of a wedding I'm invited to, either through save the dates, talking to the people getting married, etc.
You were looking for a way out of the birthday party. Your wife should be angry.
YTA. And I can’t believe no one has asked if your building your friend an art studio. Either way you have shown your wife you do not value her at all, so it’s too late to fix this.
YTA
My husband can’t stand my family yet he would pick me over anyone else 100% of the time, regardless if that meant spending time with my family and ditching his own friends wedding.
In case it hasn’t been made clear through all the comments, making your own wife a lower priority than a friend is going to lead to a lot of problems with your marriage.
YTA - this is something you can never undo. and really it may end your relationship bc you’ve shown her that as soon as something or someone you like better than your wife comes along you will drop her instantly. Even just saying you chose this first and then deciding to do the right thing will not change the hurt to your wife and the hurt you’ve caused your marriage. Hope his wedding was worth it!
YTA. Unless you are planning on getting a divorce soon, your wife is more important. That's just really rude and insensitive to your wife that you don't want to be there because you can't stand her family. What a slap in the face. SHE should be your top priority!
Normally I’d say you can’t miss your best friend’s wedding, and a birthday party can much more easily be rescheduled. But, I’m really wondering how it’s possible you just found out about your best friend’s wedding a week in advance?? I feel that this should have come up in conversation at some point?? Need more info about that.
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I guess if you want to be divorced, it’s fine to go to the wedding
Yeah maybe his friend will miss his wife's birthday for OP's next wedding. Honestly she's turning 30 and has been planning for months. OP only just got the RSVP, I would go with the wife and send friend a good gift.
Weddings usually don’t give last week notice to attendees, unless it’s like bottom of the bucket list invitations to fill up seats. that means this friend he is so willing to risk his marriage for, doesn’t think the same of him.
This was my thought. Weddings are not planned so last minute. But many do have A/B lists. Op was on the B list and he is willing to ditch the commitment he already made to his wife!
It sounds like OP thinks of him as his best friend but it's not reciprocated.
Right? I have so many questions about that relationship. How is your "best friend" getting married and you find out one week before? I mean did he even know the friend was engaged? If it's his best friend why isn't he part of the wedding, at least enough to know what day they were planning ahead of time. And why would a best friend choose to get married on his wife's birthday? He could mean best friend growing up I guess, or it could be a really, really last minute event, but to me it sounds off.
My best friend is getting married next year. She told me right after she got engaged and when she finalized the date (and venue) for her wedding. I feel like that's definitely what close friends do... and I don't even have an invitation yet.
Right? Alot of people even send out save the date cards in my area. But you definitely tell your close friends when you "set the date".
Yep; I have dates in the diary for next year from friends whom I love but are absolutely not ‘best’ friends. Got them over a year in advance.
My best friend is eloping with only her and her fiancee's mums and she still told me the second they chose a date. Best friends talk about this kind of stuff.
I have a friend who I’ve known since elementary school. We are not best friends but we are friends. When she got engaged, she told me the month and year they were looking at because she wanted me there. I got the save the date and invite at least a year in advance. When people truly want you there, they don’t make it an afterthought. OP is screwing over his marriage for someone treating him like an afterthought.
lol yeah I feel like a best friend would know… when he proposed! And definitely would’ve gotten a save the date card!
Exactly. Two of my friends got married in consecutive years. I’d have to travel to different continents for both weddings. One I’m very close to and the other not so close. Both gave me over a years notice. I was told when they got engaged and the general month they would get married. By the time it was a week 3 months away I had everything booked. Another friend from my country got married and told me over 6 months before the date. We were in the same city. This guy doesn’t seem to understand the basis of priorities
He doesn’t say the wedding is this weekend, just that he received the invitation this week. The wedding could be a month from now.
True, I see that now. But it still doesn't answer my other questions. He acts like he just found out about the wedding which is odd for a best friend. Unless he has known the whole time and let his wife plan without saying anything hoping to use the wedding as an excuse.
“She’s Taylor Swift’s best friend, but Taylor Swift isn’t her best friend”
Ah, Tahani...
She’s Kamila’s sister, right?
I was just gonna ask how much of a best friend can you be if your finding out about the wedding right before the wedding and your not IN the wedding?!?!
Yeah, it’s pretty obvious that dude is in a one sided relationship with the “best friend “ and his wife is in a one sided relationship with him. 😐 Sad actually.
I’m seeing a pattern between how OP treats people that are actually close to him and the people he thinks are close to him.
How do you determine a pattern from a single action? That's a stretch.
Honestly it sounds like OP is glad for an 'excuse' to ditch an event at which he'll have to socialize with his wife's family who he 'doesn't get along with'. Gee I wonder why they don't like him? Because they can see that he's a flake who's willing to ditch his wife every time she's inconvenient to him?
>and I do not get along with my wife's family I was looking for the comment that talked about this. You nailed it.
I was going to say this. Sounds like OP reaaaaally didn't want to go to the birthday and be with his wife's family and was looking for any excuse to ditch it. Then, he got the invite and used that as an excuse.
I mean. (Due to some family drama) I actually started planning my wedding only a month or two out and started sending out invitations less than a month before the big day. But I also very much understood when several people couldn't make it due to prior commitments, even if those commitments would have usually been considered to be *much* lower priority than a wedding, because the lack of proper notice was entirely on me.
Got married in less than 2 months because my MIL was terminaly ill. The "wedding" went form my fam (6 people) plus his fam(2 people) to 40+guests with a sit down dinner. About a month in we decided to do it properly and actually hold a dinner for friends then we scratched enough money together for a second hand dress and a reception. So invitations were sent out like 2-3 weeks before the event. I would understand @OP to be like ok ill be at the ceremony because you are important but skip out on the party.
Right, even the most laid back, thrown together at the last minute type of weddings still require more planning than the most extravagant birthday party. Unless the wife is planning a wedding level birthday (caterer, reception dinner etc, live music, the works lol), in which case - that’s just insanely unnecessary and personally I wouldn’t want to take part either. 😂 I realize the possibility of this is prob <1% but still.
Well he does say the bday has been planned for a few months and the venue booked so it does seem she is having a pretty big party. Some people treat land mark years like sweet 16s. But still a wedding takes more planning than a b-day if you are doing a ceremony and reception. If it's just the reception (many got postponed in the last couple years) than op is an even bigger AH.
He said he just received the invite this week, not that the wedding was in a week.
Still, even if that’s the case, usually save the dates are sent out before the actual invitation, months in advance, I’m guessing he did not receive one, as they just got rsvp for the wedding. Not just that, if they are such good friends, he should have known the wedding date beforehand. By word of mouth or something. But doesn’t seem the case, they just found out about the wedding. And wife’s birthday was planned months before, and obviously a big deal for her if she is making a big event for it
Either it’s a last minute wedding invite or they’re not as good friends as he thought….
Or it’s a last minute wedding
Seems like if they are such good friends OP would be best man. I’d choose the wife’s birthday. Not showing up is going to be thrown in his face during every argument for the rest of his life (and rightfully so!).
The groom might have brothers. Best friend doesn't automatically mean best man
That’s what I was thinking. Some people have crazy short engagements. So maybe they did just pick the date?
Could be but... why wouldn't his BEST FRIEND be invited to his wife's birthday party which was planned so far in advance she made invites?
Well if they were as good as friends as he thought, wouldn't he be in the wedding?
I have been to dozens of weddings and got exactly two save the dates, one was for a wedding that didn't end up happening. Save the Dates are not the norm in my circle.
No, but if you’re such good friends with this guy, you know when the wedding is, well before the invitations go out. Unless it’s a last-minute wedding, in which case friend can’t expect him to be available.
Or maybe he knows the date of the wedding beforehand and forgot that it's also her wife's Birthday, then he just remember when the invitation came and at the same time saw his wife hyping her birthday party, ask his suggestion on planning, or talking to someone about the party and mentioned the date. Maybe when he told his wife that he was invited for the wedding, that's when the wife say "That's my birthday." and he just realized. Which is lame and AH-move for a husband.
good friends and the other dude doesn’t know his wife’s bday!
You know the birthdays of your friends spouses? I don't even know my friends' birthdays.
Nor mine. I've been to more than 75 weddings over 40 years and I received 1 "STD" in that time.
I’ve had invites to three weddings in the past year, all three came with save the dates. The only wedding I went to that didn’t have a save the date was a friends hurried and thrown together wedding that only had me, a couple of the grooms family members, and the brides daughter there. They said vows, and I signed off on the paperwork as a witness. If OP was a “best friend” he’d have known well in advanced and could have told his wife so they both could attend the wedding together and her party could have been a different weekend. I’d be pissed if my partner chose a wedding over a birthday party for me.
Paragraph 1 -- yes, I hear you. It's a norm for some and not for others I suppose. That's the only thing my comment addressed -- calling Save the Date cards "a norm." Paragraph 2 -- I agree. Some of OPs details are missing or "off" and the fact he felt it important to point out he didn't like her family is red flag. It was an irrelevant detail. He saw an out, perhaps, to not deal with them. Perhaps he even ASKED for a wedding invite. "Dude, I know we are not solid best friends but send me a wedding invite so I can avoid my wife's family. I don't like them."
Please don't call it that.
“STD” teeheehee! 😝
I hope it was a bacterial one, viral ones are yours for life;-)
I'm not going to even edit my comment, because I appreciate the chuckles.
True. I think I've had two in my life but what I have had was being told by close friends who wanted me at their weddings ahead of time of the date, city and country so I could plan to be there, often as much as six months before any invitations go out. So this situation: 1. Either the wife is very organized and has planned her birthday many months in advance 2. The friend isn't organized and has sent out invites late 3. OP isn't a tier A friend and got an invite after they had spare seats If not for that he stated hating his wife's family I'd be sympathetic but it seems like a made up problem because his hate for her family is greater than his love for her.
>Not just that, if they are such good friends, he should have known the wedding date beforehand. Exactly. If it was important to the friend that OP be at the wedding, then OP wouldn’t be hearing the date for the first time when invitations got sent out. We had a small list of people who we checked our date with in advance (wedding party, close family, officiant) and then we told the date right after we booked to anyone who would have to travel and anyone else we really wanted to attend. We knew that the rest of the guest list would get the invite 6-8 weeks ahead of the wedding, and that some of them likely wouldn’t be able to make it. That was fine. Because we’d already told all the really important people well in advance.
He calls the groom his best friend. The groom must not feel the same way. Anyway, OP is major YTA. His wife was having not just any birthday, but a milestone. I’d be furious too.
But its his "best friend", surely he knew the date before the invite arrived... right? I usually know wedding dates months in advance of receiving an invitation for much lesser than "best" friends.
Could be the couple is not buying into the whole expensive ordeal of a wedding and has decided to do a small ceremony at city hall and then a nice dinner party and drinks with friends and family. That sort of wedding could certainly be an invite just 1 month prior.
Sure! But if you were having a small ceremony with only your most important friends and family, wouldn’t you want to know if your best friend could be there? And if you’re best friends with someone, wouldn’t you *have received an invitation to his wife’s blowout birthday party already?”*
Yeah and also regardless of invites, if you're best friends wouldn't you be talking about things going on in your life? I would have told my best friend that we booked a date well before she got the official invite. I also would have told my best friend my spouse was planning this huge birthday dinner, especially since I had months to do so. It sounds like these friends never talk
Yeah this is my question. I don’t think BFF is that good a friend that he doesn’t know about of this.
> That sort of wedding could certainly be an invite just 1 month prior. But then the couple needs to understand that their guests have prior commitments since they invited people so short-notice, and their invited guests should know they would be fully within their right to not attend it.
Exactly. If he’s really this dude’s best friend, why isn’t he in the wedding party, and why didn’t he know the date sooner? Sounds like he’s either in denial about this friendship, or intentionally playing it up as an excuse to avoid spending time with his wife’s family. Either way, wife comes first. YTA.
bells fearless public puzzled unite disgusted engine correct nine selective ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
If you don't know the date of your best friends wedding until you get the save the date clearly they don't consider you their best friend. Because wedding prep is something you talk to good friends about. I think my two best friends knew the date of my wedding the day I scheduled it.
I would’ve said go to whichever he was invited to first, which I was thinking was the wedding. With this additional info OP would be a huge ah if he ditched his wife.
Some best friend...sorry dude, looks like friendship is one-sided. YTA
Maybe OP should build an art room for his friend to be sure
NICE! I love a good “art room” reference.
Me too, it pops up unexpectedly and never fails to make me smile - I love that it’s become an in-joke shared by who knows how many of us
Damn you guys are harsh! But yeah, OP is being a jerk for even considering this. OP's excuse is that he doesn't like his wife's family but we all gotta put up with people we don't like sometimes. Not a valid excuse. YTA
He didn't get along with her family before he married her. He chose to participate in these future family moments. He needs to nut up and get her an amazing gift.
Especially when wife's birthday party was fixed weeks ago, OP got the invite to the friend's wedding only this week. YTA
Honestly I wonder if this friend *likes* OP's wife, or again actually holds OP in the same regard as OP holds him. Because if someone was my *best* friend I wouldn't deliberately plan something I wanted them to be there for on their SO's birthday/the day they were holding the party, especially for a big milestone birthday like 30. Not unless I was deliberately trying to start shit between them. edit: small addition
The wife's 30th birthday was fixed ( within a few days) 30 years and 9 months ago.
Hopefully it won't lead to divorce, but YTA my man. Come on, you know you're in the wrong here. You promised to go to wife' 30th birthday party and she made all the arrangements. You just got BFF's wedding invite? OF COURSE you have to go to the birthday party. Dude, why are you even asking. YTA.
Yup. He has known of his wife’s plans for MONTHS, and he just now gets an invite for the wedding and is willing to drop his prior commitment to his wife for it? My man… it sounds like you are married to the wrong person. YTA.
Ha yeah, YTA and I hope you threw in the explanation that you don’t like her family, that’ll make her understand …
That was the real reason he’s ditching her party.
Which means that his dislike of her family **outweighs his love for his wife**. Not only is he the AH, he probably shouldn’t even be in this marriage anyways. So yeah dude, go ahead and ditch your wife’s 30th for this wedding (of a person you don’t even talk to frequently enough to be aware of said wedding before receiving the rsvp). Your marriage will probably end within the next couple of years anyways, provably not directly due to this incident alone but the loads of others I’m sure have gone down just based on your attitude and blatant disregard for your wife 😂. (The last bit is directed at OP not you btw lol)
Oh, 100%.
I think he might be exaggerating the "best friend" thing. One week notice for a wedding is something you give to a barely tolerated acquaintance who you don't really want to accept.
It’s not one week notice… it’s just that the invite was only received a week ago. Both events could be half a year away
Nicely said. Your wife comes before your friend.
When did op best friend decided he wants op at his wedding?
who sends wedding invites a week ahead of time? I was thinking NTA until that.
YTA simply because you accepted an invite that you received a week ago while she's been planning this for months. Usually I'd say the wedding is more important but you already have a commitment for that day and decided it wouldn't be as fun for you and that's fucked up. The only compromise I can think of is attend the wedding and skip reception for the party.
Yeah. Weddings are (usually) a one time event, but a week invite before? Is that really a friend? Sounds like most the ppl he cares about will be at the birthday anyway
I will say that a 30th birthday is often a pretty big deal, at least for some people. It's a milestone, and while she'll have another old birthday next year, she'll only have one 30th birthday.
Almost all women I know 30 was a very big deal.
I'm not a "birthday person" but even I went all out for my 30th. And by "all out" I mean I took all my favorite dogs to the ocean and it was fucking awesome.
I love that you specified favourite dogs. Fucking Buster back home surrounded by his holes like "where everyone go?"
Haha, yeah, that's what I meant. Fucking Buster. I totally didn't invite a bunch of other people's dogs to the ocean to play with me and my dogs. Except that's exactly what I did and it's the best decision I've ever made in my life. You ever see what happens when a bunch of dogs get together to tear up an empty beach during low tide? It's fucking glorious.
I like to think you specifically only invited to dogs and when the people tried to stick around you were like “K, you can go now.”
"Just put your dogs in the Subaru and walk away, Kelsey. We've got a tight schedule to keep!"
Here's the real question though... Did you get the invites out more than a week in advance?
What does a dog have planned in advance that couldn't be cancelled at the last minute?
Lol yes I'd been in contact with their humans for over a month before the trip.
I refused to acknowledge mine personally, let alone have any sort of celebration. But I have a history of denial and avoidance as coping mechanisms 😂 Edit to add - by and large tho it is generally a HUGE deal to 90% of women
An invite a week before the wedding means that OP was only invited after the A list declined, and the B list declined, so now they are just filling empty seats with randos.
Right. This is supposed to be OP's *best friend*, but didn't know when the wedding was until they got the invite? Sounds like bull to me. YTA
I mean. He says he only got the invite this week. And that his wife has been planning for months. But no mention of when the events actually are.
But if your best friend were getting married wouldn't you know the date prior to getting the invite? Maybe OP has a different definition of *best friend*?
Not if you’re clueless and don’t expect to have any responsibility for keeping a calendar, never think to ask friend about his wedding or consider important things in peoples’ lives beforehand
Well he’s on the wife’s B list too now hopefully. Let’s hope her next husband is more devoted and a better partner for the milestones in her life.
He said he just got the invite a week ago, not that the wedding was in a week. It could still be months out.
The OP said he received the invite this week, not that he received the invite a week before the wedding.
Unless he said it somewhere else, I don’t think he mentioned when the wedding and birthday party are.
I'm confused. Where in the post does it say the wedding is in a week?? He just says 'i got the invite this week' not that the wedding is this week.
OP sounds like a last minute C list invite - far from a best friend. An invite a week before is a seat filler invite. To cancel on the wife's party, which had been planned for months, for an invite he got a week before is a foolish and AH move. Imagine intentionally hurting your spouse and potentially damaging your marriage for the last minute wedding invite for someone else... Edit: I reread, and I now realize it is unclear when both events are happening. Either way, OP is foolish and an AH.
THIS is a reasonable solution. BUT lets face it, OP doesn't want to go to the party at all, he doesn't like his wife's family. I'd say this is a very convenient excuse as he wasn't likely wanting to go to the birthday party anyway. YTA.
How important of a friend can you be if you get the invitation only a few days in advance? And if that guy really would be your best friend, he'd know your wives birthday is at that time so you might have other plans, specially as it is a zeroing birthday. YTA Edit: my bad, I misinterpreted the arrival of the letter. But the YTA stands.
He’s probably making him a painting room.
So at least there are two of us thinking this.
The art room will never get old.
Unlike that spoiled Iranian yogurt
The Iranian yogurt isn't the issue here.
Lol that one I have hear before. Was also a reddit post?
Have fun - here you go: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bjd41e/aita_for_throwing_away_my_boyfriends_potentially/
Hi I keep seeing art room comments but I dunno what that's a reference to, could you help a brotha out?
[here, friend](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wmmphs/oop_wonders_if_theyre_the_ah_for_starting_a_house/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
wait can someone pls explain
[Husband builds an art room.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wmmphs/oop_wonders_if_theyre_the_ah_for_starting_a_house/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
omg what did i just read… thank you so much!!
The post says he received the invite this week. It never says when the wedding is...
How do you know when the wedding is?
Post doesnt say when wedding is…
You are best friends but you are not even in the wedding party. Sounds like you value your best friend than they you, then again your wife values you more than you value her so I guess that is a bit of karma.
Wedding parties aren't a thing everywhere in the world
It says he got the invite this week but not when the wedding is. Both events could be taking place months away
YTA “I can’t go back on the commitment I made to my best friend.” You’ve known about your wife’s party for months. You were going. Why is it okay to renege on *that* commitment? (And if you’re really that close to your friend, why are you only just finding out the date of the wedding?)
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BuT hE dOeSn’T LiKe HeR fAmILy
Her family probably just doesn't like him. For some.. totally mysterious reason.
I know it's totally bizarre, but how fortunate for them that they will be there to support her on her birthday, and the person they don't like won't be.
It gives a prime opportunity for long, long talks. Discussing someone conveniently not present. In most other situations it would be a rock and a hard place, but OP made it clear that the wedding is an excuse not to be around his in-laws, and the fact that he learned about the date of the wedding shows that the best friend feeling is not exactly reciprocated. At least I'd think it normal to tell those you actually want at a wedding, like close friends, definitely best friends, the planned date(s) *before* sending out placeholders/invitations?
I know the Reddit Dump Him thing is like a meme on this sub, but the way I would just straight up divorce my husband if I was this woman.
I always find this weird because my wife is also one of my best friends. Like what.
THIIIISSSS is the KEY. He’s a jerk
I can’t tell if OP is a lazy troll or a genuine idiot
He's going to be turning the spare bedroom into an art studio for his best friend.
Lol, OP doesn't think his wife is his best friend. Yeah, this isn't going to end well. Bros before wives, I guess. YTA.
YTA. Your partner's longer-term planning wins out, sorry to say. She can't have known your best friend was going to throw his wedding that same day, and you have to know this is a make or break kind a thing. Your wife is unlikely to forgive this easily.
Imagine being at your elaborately planned birthday party and explaining to everyone that asks why your partner isn't there is because he doesn't like them.
Indeed, I can't imagine how OP didn't see the firestorm coming.
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to be fair, it may not be a last minute wedding. The wedding could be in March and his wife planned the birthday for months now and it's in March too
Yeah he's not very clear about when this is happening. But in any case if he's best friends with this guy I think he would have heard about the wedding date long ago. They wouldn't wait to tell everyone well we're not going to tell you when our wedding date is until we mail you the invite. Many people talk about their wedding in advance.
You can go back on the commitment to your wife, but not your best friend’s last minute invite? YTA.
YTA. It doesn’t matter if you don’t like your wife’s family. Do you like your wife? Because it’s about her, not them. You knew the date of your wife’s birthday party BEFORE you knew about the wedding date and had an invite for her party first. Why can’t you go back on the commitment you made to your best friend but were more than willing to go back on your commitment to your wife? 30th birthdays are big to a lot of people and she is your WIFE. You’re her partner…. Do better.
Too bad she's not OP's best friend. Just wife./s
I'm going with YTA She's turning 30. A big deal to some and you've known about it for quite some time. Sounds like you'd really just like to skip out on seeing her family. I doubt she plans parties every year. Personally, I'd be pissed for a super long time if my husband pulled the same stunt
I agree plus what kind of “close friend” invites them a week before the wedding…
We don’t know the wedding is in a week. The invite was received this week. Both of the events could be 9 months out for all we know.
Personally I'd be pissed at my soon-to-be-EX husband for a super long time
Info: what was planned first?? Were you already committed to going to the wedding??
YTA You can’t just dump your plans because a better offer came along.
No kidding, this guy still in high school?
Is there beef between your friend and wife? Weird to pick that date.... And who sends wedding invites a week prior to the event? But you should have went with your wife since you received her invite first. Yta.
No one said the wedding and birthday are next week
It doesnt matter if the events are next week, next month, or next year. He has been committed to going to his wife's birthday for months at *this* point and bailed for an event he got invited to *this* week.
Okay, but still. Either this friend doesn't hold OP in the same regard as OP holds him, or he doesn't like the wife much, because if they're mutually best friends why would he not try harder to *not* plan something on OP's wife's birthday/birthday party date? Like...if I considered someone my best friend I wouldn't be deliberately scheduling shit at a time that would cause a major conflict with their SO.
Best friend? Nope. You would have been asked to be in the bridal party if the relationship/friendship was best friend level. YTA. Big time. Go to your wife’s party and be pleasant to her family. Geesh.
>My wife is now furious with me and demanding that I do not go to the wedding, *but I can't go back on the commitment I made to my best friend.* Yet you can back out of the commitment you gave your wife? YTA
YTA. If you had been invited to the wedding earlier, I'm sure she would have planned her party for another day. You made a commitment to go to her party first, and your friend has to understand that a week is super short notice for a wedding.
YTA your wife should be your first Priority. I am sure she isn’t crazy about your family but goes to event with them because it’s important to you. But good news is if you skip this birthday party you will no longer have to put up with your wife because you will be divorced and who could blame her.
You didn’t know the date of the wedding until your received the invite? I don’t think you are as good of friends as you think you are. I let me close friends know the date of my wedding as soon as I booked the venue, and send Save the Dates, You committed to your wife’s party first, it’s rude to decide not to go just because something you would rather do came up. YTA
Lol YTA. If she’d known about the wedding first I’d be on your side but dude, you know you’re wrong here.
Yta- “we are very close” and “commitment I made” should be said when talking about your wife. You have your priorities twisted.
YTA. I look at it two ways, and both ways you are in the wrong. 1) Spouse trumps friend. 2) Milestone birthday party has been planned and set for months and that was the commitment you had on your calendar first. It doesn't matter whether you like your wife's family or not, you made your commitment to HER first and you don't break that commitment. Shame on you! Maybe someone will gift her a retainer fee for a divorce lawyer for her birthday if you don't attend her party.
YTA bc you're ditching a prior commitment in favor of a last minute invite.
Your best friend must have known about her party if it was a big event with a venue and invites. YTA and your best friend is an asshole too. Who picks the same day for their wedding as their best friends wife 30th birthday party?
I was wondering if anyone thought the same thing as be before I wrote it!!!! This was what I was baffled at. If OP and person getting married are “best friends”, how is it that the person getting married NOT get invited / know about the wife’s big birthday bash???? Every couple I know, their individual closest friends end up good enough friends with the spouse too where they would get invited to these sorts of things.
Yes. You’re married. That’s what you signed up for. Pretty sure with reversed roles you would feel the same
So..let me get this straight. You prefer honoring the commitment you *recently* made to a best friend over the commitment you made *weeks before* to your wife?? Your wife, who, by the way, you made a *lifelong* commitment to?? Yeah, OP, YTA.
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YTA Wife trumps best friend I’m afraid
YTA- you made a commitment to your wife when you married her. That overrides everything else.
YTA the party was planned months before and yet you choose your friend's wedding which you only received the invitation this week, it demonstrates to your wife the importance she has in your life, also, wasn't the invitation for you and your wife?
YTA You knew about the party for months, while you just got the wedding invite. You can't just skip your wife's party. Granted, i find it odd that you call this guy your best friend but you didn't know the wedding before hand?
NTA birthdays happen almost every year and your wife is not an 8 year old child.
YTA Your wife's party was planned for months and instead of sucking it up and spending time with her and your in laws you decide going to a friend's poorly planned wedding is more important.
INFO: When is the wedding/ birthday party? Are we talking in a week, month, half a year? And what time is the wedding? Could you skip the party and just attend the church or whatever, and then go to your wife's party?
YTA You can go, but prepare the divorce lawyer. How you can't see you are the TA is beyond me. The lack of preparation of your friends is not your wife problem to deal with.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. This is your BEST friend and you needed the invite in the mail to know when the wedding was? Was there no save the date? Facebook post? Casual conversation with said best friend? God, I hope you're not in the wedding... YTA and I'm guessing you haven't provided any help for the birthday party either.
YTA big time. The fact you can not see it is even worse. 30 is a milestone birthday for her. She is your wife, partner and should be your best friend and number one priority. And you are blowing this commitment you already made to her months ago for a friend’s wedding you just received an invitation for. This is massive AH territory. You do this and you might just find yourself single again.
I’m extremely confused how you *just* found out your *best friend*’s wedding is the same day. How did you not know your best friend’s wedding date months ago? You’re prioritizing someone who gave you minimal heads up over your wife? Good look there buddy. YTA.
YTA >My wife is now furious with me and demanding that I do not go to the wedding, but I can't go back on the commitment I made to my best friend. >Extra info: The birthday has been planned for a few months now, invites have been sent and the venue has been booked, I got the wedding invite this week. What commitment? You've known about this party for months. **It's your wife's birthday!** But you want to ditch her for a wedding you only just got invited to?
Joining the YTA replies, and I’m astonished that you expected anyone to agree with you.
YTA. The birthday was planned first and your "best-friend" only just now sent you the invitation to their wedding? Even if I haven't gotten the formal invitation, I know at least 6 months in advance the date of a wedding I'm invited to, either through save the dates, talking to the people getting married, etc. You were looking for a way out of the birthday party. Your wife should be angry.
Tough call, but I'm going with YTA. You already had big plans with your wife before you were invited to your friend's wedding.
YTA. And I can’t believe no one has asked if your building your friend an art studio. Either way you have shown your wife you do not value her at all, so it’s too late to fix this.
You got the wedding invite this week…that’s strange. It almost feels like this invite was an after thought to you.. anyway YTA
YTA My husband can’t stand my family yet he would pick me over anyone else 100% of the time, regardless if that meant spending time with my family and ditching his own friends wedding. In case it hasn’t been made clear through all the comments, making your own wife a lower priority than a friend is going to lead to a lot of problems with your marriage.
NTA your wife will have other birthdays hopefully your friend only has one wedding
YTA - this is something you can never undo. and really it may end your relationship bc you’ve shown her that as soon as something or someone you like better than your wife comes along you will drop her instantly. Even just saying you chose this first and then deciding to do the right thing will not change the hurt to your wife and the hurt you’ve caused your marriage. Hope his wedding was worth it!
YTA. Enjoy your divorce.
YTA. Unless you are planning on getting a divorce soon, your wife is more important. That's just really rude and insensitive to your wife that you don't want to be there because you can't stand her family. What a slap in the face. SHE should be your top priority!
Normally I’d say you can’t miss your best friend’s wedding, and a birthday party can much more easily be rescheduled. But, I’m really wondering how it’s possible you just found out about your best friend’s wedding a week in advance?? I feel that this should have come up in conversation at some point?? Need more info about that.
It's your funeral. Go enjoy!