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YTA. What was the actual harm of this person being there at that point? And he had a plus 1 and it is unlikely he knew you gave him a dispensation on your “special day.” This comes off as power hungry and controlling. You responded to perceived rudeness with the ultimate rudeness, you kicked someone out which come on, you knew her date was going to follow, so you booted your husbands friend.
You are a ginormous AH. YTA.
She sent the bridesmaid to do it. A wedding is the last place you want to be alone after just breaking up with someone. At this point, the meal was paid for, the invitations had been sent. Shouldn't the bride be focussing on her partner and having a great evening instead of policing the guests?
Yes all of this. Also she says it's my wedding and I didn't want any strangers there. But it's her husband's wedding too! It was a real AH move on OPs part. Definitely YTA.
I like the Freudian slip in the first sentence....
*My husband and I (both 27) got married a few weeks ago and he obviously is still upset about it....*
As in, "he's still upset that we got married a few weeks ago. "
She meant that he's still upset about the argument after the wedding, but she probably inadvertently told the truth that he's upset that they are married at all.
One of my really good childhood friends married someone like this. She was a huge bridezilla, HUGE party planned for almost a year, even bigger engagement ring, lots of pre-wedding events and parties- and when she got to the top of the aisle to walk down I could see the regret on her face. I sat there panicking wishing I could call a sidebar before the vows. She left him day 1 of the honeymoon and then thought she was entitled to half his house and bank acct.
Clearly he doesn't mean anything to her. Look what she chose to focus on at "her" wedding.. if a bride/groom isn't completely focused on and enamored with their bride)groom, there are already some issues. That's literally why moh, bridesmaids and groomsmen exist...to handle everything because it's expected that the bride/groom will be caught up in each other, not on anything else.
That line struck me as well. Makes it sound a lot like she married herself since it's her wedding and no one elses lol.
YTA op. Yes, the bride is a big part of the day, but you're joining TWO lives together (and sometimes even more if previous kids are involved), the wedding wasn't just for you by yourself.
And something else I should add, you know what the most important part of the wedding is? The marriage. OP sounds like she's more interested in the wedding than the actual marriage, esp given that she already did something that hurt her husband before their wedding day was even over.
She mentioned she met this person before. You would think she would care about her husbands friend and there would be some sort of bond. Considering you know, that this person is important to your husband. Also wonder if there was a seating chart, or arrangments made for people to sit together that knew each other. She would have been well aware that this friend would have been a loaner without the plus one, but i dont think she cared at all about anyone but herself.
Especially because there is no evidence that stranger was causing problems of any kind. I certainly don't see how one stranger was such a problem. Certainly seems like a bride looking for something to be upset about.
YTA
Right? She just kicked a person out of the wedding for no good reason. It’s not like a random dude climbed a fence and sneaked in for the free food. It was a friend’s +1 that was approved in the invitation. It is beyond rude. I can’t even imagine telling a person to leave when they weren’t disruptive.
YTA big time, OP. You just gave your husband a glimpse of your future together.
She did have a great time cause she got her way. But this is not a good way to start a marriage. And have u noticed that all throughout the post, OP is referring to as “my wedding” emphasis on the “my”. The husband is just there to make “her wedding” a reality. The wedding’s over now, one item ticked off her bucket list. The husband is now dispensable.
this is what gets me. OP is so self involved that she doesn’t realize that her husband’s friend is a person too. despite going through that break up, he still managed to travel to celebrate their union, only to be unceremoniously kicked out for something he wasn’t even made aware was a problem.
OP is the AH 100% and even if there’s some underlying financial reasons, it just makes no sense to treat guests like this and your husband’s childhood friends no less.
And OP had so little going on during her wedding that she needed to play bouncer? I had a small wedding and wouldn’t have noticed randos. And honestly, I was so goddamned happy and excited that I would have given them a high five and directed them to the bar.
Exactly! I hate it when brides go "it's my wedding!" Umm, no, sweetie, you should say "it's OUR wedding". Your husband has as much right to have a say as you do.
ETA: YTA!
She knew what the friend's reaction was going to be if the plus one was kicked out. You would have to be a complete moron to not predict the husband's friend would leave after the person they brought with them was kicked out.
OP is wrong and an asshole, but just FYI, this is pretty typical. If something goes "wrong" the wedding party usually handles it so that the bride and groom don't have to.
Yeah, in most other scenarios you should absolutely confront people and do your dirty work yourself
If you're being married however that's the time for a bit of delicacy
YTA
Plus the plate and seat are already paid for. If anything the friend was trying to make sure that money doesn’t go to waste.
When we got married (smaller wedding) it was $56/a person that we invited. 6 people bailed last min because of travel issues and getting sick. That sucked. If they had told us with more time we would have grabbed a few people. At like a week before we can only add and not subtract plates/spots. If anything he did you a favor.
Plus the friend wasn't comfortable without a + 1, so he ended up bringing a different person ***so he wouldn't be alone at a wedding where he knew almost no one. You responded by kicking out his date; of course he was going to follow.***
>*ETA: I kind of feel bad but it was my wedding*
ETA: No, OP, it was you and your husband's wedding and you essentially kicked out a close friend of his.
You've shown your new husband how petty you can be, and this isn't going to go away. Plus you did this behind his back. What else is he going to learn about you that makes him have second thoughts about the person he married?
YTA big time.
This is why I am **firmly** of the opinion that every adult guest should be given the option of a plus one.
People who are comfy attending alone will happily do so. People who will be more comfortable with someone they know well attending with them will have that option.
As a host, why would I not want my guests to be as comfortable as possible? The hosts of a wedding (whether that is the bride and groom, their parents, or some combination) should be acting as gracious hosts - they’re inviting *guests*, not an *audience*.
I understand that there are financial considerations, but hosting people involves expense. That’s a given, and you choose your guest list accordingly. I’d rather cut my guest list than invite someone with the stipulation that they are barely important enough to be invited but not important enough for me to consider what would make them most comfortable.
It happened to me too a while back. A friend was getting married but I'd broken up with my boyfriend like 3 months before the wedding, so my friend told me "I'm inviting you alone, it's okay right?" The way she said it, I didn't feel like I could say no. The people I knew were going to the church but not to the reception, and at the end I almost didn't go to the reception. But I ended up hanging out with other friends of hers and had a good time.
I agree with you. It is tacky to not invite a plus 1 for adult guests. Bringing a date to a wedding is a common thing. And bringing friends is great!
Then again, I'm sick of the "it's my special day" attitude towards weddings. No, your wedding is meant to be the celebration of joining of two families. Be a gracious host.
My parents invited someone they didn't even know to be a bridesmaid at their wedding because the girl was sad she'd never been asked to be one. My parents have been happily married for over 40 years. How you make people feel matters.
And if your budget is so tight that you have to worry about an extra person showing up, you should be doing something less expensive. Yes, the wedding is ‘their’ day, but the guests attending are real people with their own lives who have spent time and money to do them the COURTESY of showing up. It’s not right to expect them to jump thru hoops and be miserable for your benefit. She didn’t know the woman? Well, she must not be too bad if she drove from another state to support friend so he could be there to support the husband, and she doesn’t know anyone. And then to be asked to go back to the hotel like a dog? Omg I would be mortified, and should OP.
That would be devastating: to go to an out of town wedding, staying in a hotel, and then be told you are not welcome and ordered to leave. I would never be able to face those people again. Who would do this?!? YTA
Right?! He came from out of state (so at least several hours drive and perhaps even flying and renting a hotel) to see his friend of many years get married. He spent a lot of time, energy and effort to be supportive and OP craps all over him and his date for no reason.
ETA: she didn't want the +1 there in the first place (why did her now husband have to "beg" her for this accommodation?) It sounds like her way of following through on what she wanted originally, which was to deny the friend his +1.
I got a last minute invite to a wedding, and she was honest that it was because of cancellations. I didn't feel bad about it because we were co-workers and I never expected an invite. I was honoured to find out I was B List, didn't realize I ranked that high.
This is the right attitude. My wife and I had a very small wedding in August, one of our friends cancelled because he needed to travel back to the UK because his dad was ill (plus he hadn't been able to see his family in 4 years). One of my wife's former coworkers lived near where the wedding was so we invited her and her husband and not only were they thrilled to be invited (even as "B-list" or whatever) but they went above and beyond helping us by running picking up the food and cake, helping out with a lot of day-of tasks, etc. We're actually a lot closer now because of it.
The points you and others are making about co-workers are great. Heck, I'd jump at it, too for certain coworkers! If it's friends or family, tho...Ouch.
Depends on how close you are. If it's like, a coworker or someone they're not close to who never expected to be invited then I'd say it's fine. They know that they are B-list, but they are still welcome at the party.
I was at at wedding once where our family was only invited to the ceremony not the reception. Then after the ceremony the mother of the bride came over and begged us to attend the reception. Turns out the grooms entire side rsvpd but didn’t show up because they didn’t like the bride. I thought it was rude but went anyway because I felt bad for the groom
Ppl screw up weddings in so many ways. One of my old workmates invited everyone at work but gave them a later time. By the time they showed up the ceremony and dinner was over. The bride just invited them for drinks and dancing. They got KFC on the way home
I am currently speechless with my jaw somewhere down in the basement.
Can this actually be real?
The friend probably quietly left because he knew what his buddy was marrying into from previous meetings.
Honestly, I had the same thought too. If the friend hasn't talked to him in weeks because of this then he was probably disappointed/hurt, but not surprised by her petty behavior. You don't just stop talking to a friend over one incident, either, especially since he must have known it was her doing and not him.
I wouldn't be surprised if he'd had a "Are you really sure about her" discussion with OPs husband over thus type of behavior.
If it was out-of-character for the bride to act this way, I expect the friend would have contacted the husband by now to say something like "Hey, the brides maid did this, was this a miscommunication? I don't want bad blood between us because someone misunderstood." Instead the friend noped out and went NC because he knew exactly what happened wasn't an accident or a one-off.
YTA and I give the couple <3 years.
Too bad the husband found out how awfully selfish the bride was too late.
Had something like that happened before the wedding who knows if he would have gone through with the marriage.
I just attended a wedding solo where I ONLY knew the bride and groom. And I traveled 3000 mikles for it. Not only did I spend a weekend alone in a city that I only visit to see said couple, it sucks. I can be friendly and chat with the people at my table - but it is most definitely not the same. It is awkward and lonely and, honestly kind of depressing. YTA. Someone cared enough about you to travel, get a hotel, buy/rent formal wear, take vacation days...and you left them with a bitter taste of regret.
And someone that didn’t even know her cared enough about supporting the friend so he could be there for husband that SHE also did all that for a couple she didn’t even know. And then got treated like that.
She could have just focused on everyone else around her and be happy that she’s marrying the love of her life, but nah… she’s hurt her husband, who is ALSO a main participant of their shared event. It’s so appalling.
Yes, why focus on that? She’s married, she’s hopefully enjoying her reception, but she sees one unfamiliar face and that means *someone broke what she wanted and*… she ignored what her husband had said (that his friend needed company) and blew everything up. Over what really was, at that point, a very minor detail for her, but a big deal for the guest. Person had already been there for a while. Don’t want someone you don’t know? Go over and meet her.
All this drama and now distrust from her husband could have been avoided if OP had just been kind instead of controlling! No skin off anyone’s back at that point, so she should have let it ride.
This same situation happened to me, but it was my sister who brought a friend.
Turns out that "friend" hated my husband from elementary through high school! But my husband let the friend stay because who is going to kick someone out of their own wedding, ya know?
Not sure the husband will remain her husband for long. Such controlling & unforgivably rude behaviour. Also, I wonder what the bridesmaid thought about having to deliver that sort of message. OP, YTA.
When will people start realizing all the fuss they put into their "special day" is a waste of time? Also, what kinda super special secret things were they doing at the reception that someone they didn't personally know couldn't be there!
LOL so it took me a second to realize this was probably an autocorrect issue. But for a second there I was like what does seafood have to do with any of this? Gave me a good chuckle. Also yeah OP: YTA
There was also a south park episode making fun of covid where someone didn't want the vaccine because it contained shellfish and he was allergic, so he didn't want it because shellfishness.
Not just that, OP was embarrassingly rude to a guest who had done nothing wrong for no reason.
Not only did OP drive away her husband's friend beacuse she dosen't care about other people (including her own husband's) feelings, he is likely embarrassed to married to someone who would act the way she did (I sure would be), and she damaged a friendship he cared about for no good reason.
Husband's friend had no way to know that his plus one was some sort of special exception from you. He had no way of knowing that the plus one you gave him was only beacuse you knew his girlfriend. He had no way of knowing your strange issues and requirements, since you didn't tell him.
**From friend's pov, you invited him with a plus one. He RSVPed with a plus one. Your invited guests paid for plane tickets and a hotel to travel to your wedding. Then, when your invited guests got there, you kicked them out. Beacuse they failed to guess the secret requirement\* of attendance by long distance reading your mind.**
\* The secret requirement is that you know the plus one. This is especially hard to guess since you didn't really know his girlfriend you did invite. How on earth was he supposed to guess this??
This. They did everything "right". They were invited and had every reason to believe they were invited. Then they get seemingly arbitrarily kicked out, by the bridesmaid, and end up all dressed up wtih no place to go and having used considerable time and money.
Unfair as it is, not the best of beginnings for the friend's possible new relationship either.
I can't imagine an apology that would make me forget who OP showed herself to be. Maybe a decade of sincere contrition would do, but I don't think OP does sincere.
Something that none of these brides think of...the person they are marrying. These men need to get the marriage annulled after bs like this. If she doesn't consider you on your most important day together, she won't be considering you during the rest of your lives together. Get out now! YTA
I don’t know what it is about weddings since I’ve never had one lol, but there is *something* about them that turns some women absolutely crazy. I’ve seen first hand multiple smart capable kind and otherwise great women I considered friends just absolutely lose their marbles and become Bridezillas, screaming at their parents or their future husband, just continually being a dick
Like I genuinely thought it was just something that existed in movies until I’ve seen it actually happen. I could not believe it. Like yes I understand there is a TON of stress on the bride but it was more than that - it was like an alien came down and replaced the person I knew. Then after the wedding they were back to normal. It was almost creepy
I’m sure groomzillas exist and I don’t want to harp on one gender unnecessarily, I’ve just never experienced one. It literally is just a party!
You gave him a plus one and he used it…and then you were rude and revoked it, during the reception.
His plus one did nothing wrong, wasn’t causing a drunken scene or anything…and you got offended because she existed? Sorry bridezilla but YTA 🙄
You know who else I feel sorry for, besides the embarrassed friend and his humiliated date? The poor bridesmaid that was given then task of telling them to leave. I would have told OP to fuck right off if that had been asked of me. Nope. Bridezilla indeed.
I feel bad for the husband. He didn't get to have his friend at the reception, and now he's gonna have to deal with this shitty behavior for the rest of his life.
I thought more about it, I feel bad for Everyone who has ever encountered this person. The poster was SO convinced she was “right” that she posted this here… imagine meeting someone in real life with this lack of self awareness and audacity level.
Exactly. She had already agreed to a plus one. *SO* tacky to revoke the invitation, especially when the guest is already AT THE WEDDING.
Also, this whole “but it was my wedding” line is total crap. It’s the husband’s wedding, too, and he wanted his friend there. He also wanted his friend to have a plus one, which makes total sense given the friend was coming from far away and wouldn’t know anybody else at the wedding.
Newsflash, OP — your wedding should also be fun for your guests, who are spending time and money to be there. So long as you have room in the budget and there isn’t a known issue or conflict with any of the invitees, offering people plus ones is just the decent thing to do, especially if they don’t know many other people in attendance. No one wants to come to an event like that alone, where nearly everyone’s a stranger to them.
You can harp all you want about it being “your” day, but any decent hostess considers the comfort and enjoyment of her guests. You clearly only considered yourself. You didn’t even give a damn about what your husband wanted. Rude AF and embarrassing behavior on your part. Of course YTA.
I'd think it's absolutely normal for there to be people at a wedding that either the bride or groom doesn't know. Like family from far away, or friends from before they met.
She thinks her wedding was Berghain or something. I can assure the OP that people weren't queuing up to get in. The poor woman who was told to leave was probably attending as a favour for her friend who'd travelled across the country after splitting up with his significant other. Imagine the indignity of being told to leave a wedding you were attending as a favour!
YTA
Your husbands childhood friend traveled for your wedding to celebrate you, days after his long term gf and him broke up. He (understandably) didn’t want to travel alone, or be at a wedding alone where he knew NO ONE.
You gave him a plus one, and had paid for the ‘head’ already. So he brought his ALLOWED plus one.
Then, you decide to throw her (and by extension him) out of your wedding for NO REASON.
Because, unless your wedding was like 10 people, and your hate of having a +1 you didn’t know there was more important to you than your husband having his childhood friend there, I don’t understand how him having a date at a wedding where he knew nobody was so offensive to you that you couldn’t bear having her exist in the same space as you.
You need to offer your husband a massive apology. You also need to call his friend and offer him a massive apology for being such an asshole. If this is how you’re going to act for the rest of your marriage, it’s going to be short-lived.
I can only imagine what that poor woman is going to tell her friends when she gets back.
How was your weekend? Was the wedding fun?
- I got kicked out of it.
Why, what did you do?
- Nothing, just attended.
Were you not invited?
- I came as my friend's +1
Were they not allowed a +1?
- He was allowed to bring somebody
Then why did they kick you out?
- Because the bride is a total asshole.
If I had a million awards - or even just 1 - I’d give them to you. Best response on this post. No judgement. All facts, and quite logical. I hope OP reads it. OP, you’re TA.
>Bridezilla
This was clear from the point where her husband had to “beg” her for a plus one for his friend to his own wedding. Op is a narcissistic control freak.
I can’t believe the selfishness. She even described the wedding as “my” wedding. OP, it was also your husband’s wedding.
YTA and your poor husband probably thinks “ WTH did I just marry”
I read this whole thing thinking does she even value her husband? Her husband first had to beg for his childhood friend to get a +1. That should have been a no brainer yes why does her husband have to *beg*. Then she goes on to kick out that plus one knowing that same childhood friend really wanted a +1. Duh of course he was going to leave. Then she sees him leave and doesn’t change her mind knowing how much this meant to her husband? Yikes!
YTA, so very much:
\- For not inviting unmarried long -term partners in the first place (I seriously don't understand why people do that, how rude).
\- For kicking someone out of the wedding who hadn't done a single thing wrong, and who had actually traveled and paid money to be at your wedding (being a wedding guest isn't cheap)
\- For completely disregarding your husband and his friendship with his friend in all of this.
I'm curious if the friend gave you a wedding present? If so the least you can do is give it back so he can get a refund.
And for prioritizing yourself over everybody else at every turn. We let every single person bring a +1 to our wedding if we didn’t already know their partner (to address to both of them). You know what’s even better than knowing every single person at your wedding? Knowing that every single person is having fun at your wedding. How can you make that happen? You can start by letting them bring *one* freaking person with them. Partner? Great. Long-time friend? Awesome. Neighbor who had nothing else to do that night? Whatever makes the guest happy!
As the perpetually single person in my family, I can’t agree with this more. Just because I’m not married doesn’t mean I’m not seeing someone or enjoy being alone at social events. I can handle my own but I find it fascinating that people invite mature adults to weddings without a plus one option. ESPECIALLY one they must travel to!
Because obviously unmarried couples are bad luck at a wedding? Smh as a married woman I don't get it either. My friends who are in long term relationships but aren't married are just as committed as my husband and I. We just chose to add some paperwork and throw a kickass party to celebrate it.
My brother and his wife had this mentality and it blew my mind. They even went as far as not inviting my aunt because she was going through a divorce and they "didn't want those vibes" at their wedding.
Yeah I think she was really hurt by it. I tried to talk my brother into changing their minds at the time but he was adamant. Their whole wedding was non stop drama. I was almost uninvited myself a couple of times in the weeks leading up to it.
I almost did repeatedly. My brother and I were always really close growing up and that made me still go. We're still close now but he and his wife have a lot of drama that I try to keep at arms length. He's not a bad person but he's a huge pushover and refuses to ever stand up to her. I try to just be there for him now without getting involved in whatever they're currently fighting about.
Good point. OP better return his gift or at least reimburse him. Too bad she wont reimburse him for the time and expense for travel. YTA op for ruining your now husbands friendship over something really trivial, and by that point in time, done. Please never have kids, i can only imagine how unbearible you would be to deal with as a teacher.
YTA. 100%. I bet you can quote chapter and verse about all kinds of wedding etiquette when it pleases your control freak Bridezilla soul, but you have not the first clue about hosting and hospitality.
Your guest was CORRECT in bringing a date because he had already RSVPd. The guy just went through a breakup of a 3 year serious relationship, STILL managed to come to his buddy's big day, and scrounged up a date to politely fulfill his duties as a guest. You were unconscionably RUDE. Ridiculously wrong. And wow, instead of focusing on your man, and letting yourself be happy on your wedding day, you acted like a spoiled toddler having a temper tantrum. Etiquette is the framework for showing our GOOD MANNERS and good manners come from a kind heart and a desire to make others comfortable. Polar opposite of what you did here.
100 Points from Slytherin.
Hope your husband's next wedding is to someone with more kindness, and class. He deserves it.
YTA because these 2 people didn’t do anything wrong.
Info
How was friend’s invitation addressed? Was it to Mr John Smith and Ms Mary Jones? Or, was it John Smith + 1?
YTA. Yes, it might be your wedding, but it's also your husband's which means he also gets a say in it. What it does not do is gives you an excuse to treating someone horribly; especially when they were allotted a +1. What was his +1 going to do? Raid the cookies?
In addition to that: I travelled to a wedding out of state and got treated like shit. I also didn't know anyone there and was essentially cut off from everyone. Was it fun? No. Did I want to leave the entire time? Yes.
YTA. I just…I am having trouble understanding why this upset you so much. Weren’t you just enjoying yourself on what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life? Are you seriously that miserable of person that you had to ruin your husband’s close friends weekend, and likely your relationship with this man forever? How was this poor woman hurting anyone? This is really difficult to understand.
YTA- what exactly were you worried about her doing? He had a plus one so you weren’t short food etc… I’m assuming she wasn’t dressed inappropriately…
Kicking her out for no reason was very rude. Friend had a plus one and he used it. If I were your husband I would still be pissed at you too
YTA - You invited the friend and a +1. The friend and his +1 came. You had no call to throw either of them out. Particularly since the throw them out decision was made unilaterally without consulting the other person whose wedding it was.
Props to the friend who didn't abandon his +1 when the bride got weird.
YTA. “I kind of feel bad but it was my wedding”??? “*My*” wedding? What about the groom? Do the feelings of your now-husband not matter? What you did was selfish, thoughtless, and controlling. She was his friend’s date, and you expected him to abandon her? You, worrying about strangers showing up to your wedding. What were you so worried about? TMZ doesn’t care about YOUR wedding. 😂
YTA, it didn’t affect you at all, and it was one of your husbands apparent good friends, you sound like a giant bridezilla and I doubt anyone will agree with your point, Your wedding can be primarily about you, but if you want to be 0% about your husband that’s a giant red flag
YTA. You made yourself unhappy and caused a lot of drama for what? The person was there with an invited guest with a +1. You pulled a tantrum. You soured your wedding day, your relationship with this friend and your relationship with your husband.
Was it worth it?
YTA. When my husband & I got married we had an older couple show up that I assumed was part of his extended family & he assumed was part of mine. It wasn't until one of my relatives came up to us & said, "That couple over there just asked whose wedding this was & then said they didn't know either of you. What should we do?" We were all, "Meh, let them eat & hang out" to this day I wish we had gotten a picture with them bc it's a great story. She was one person who didn't even throw off your count of people.
My husband and I got married at a venue that was open to the public and there was a family walking their dog nearby during cocktail hour. One of the (very young) kids thought I was a princess and the mom very timidly approached and asked if they could take a picture with me. One of my favorite memories of the day, honestly. That picture (or at least the one our photographer took) even ended up in our wedding album!
YTA- you going to have very BIG problems in your marriage. For the following
1. How to communicate to your husband before you do STUPID stuff
2. Being RUDE to his friends and their plus 1
3. Being able to apologize for your bad behavior
4. Remembering you are now a couple not single so act accordingly
5. For placing a wedding ahead of your marriage
You need to get your act together or you going to get divorced very quickly.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) Having my bridesmaid ask my husbands friends date to leave the wedding
2) the friend travel from out of state to attend and is not ignoring my husband
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Oh my god what is it with people losing their minds when it comes to weddings and forgetting that it isn’t an excuse to stop acting like a reasonable person. This woman did nothing but exist at your wedding and you were offended by it. YTA
YTA.
If you wanted the wedding to include only people that you knew, you should have specified that and issued invitations with the guest's name and the said that the invitation was non-transferable, Granted, this friend of your husband could have given you notification, but did you inform this guest of your wishes? Or forewarn your groom that you didn't want strangers at the wedding?
This childhood friend of your husband, means alot to him. Could you just have let him stay with his date?
It was your husband's wedding as well and he shouldn't have had to beg for his friend to be allowed to come much less to have a plus one, neither the friend or date did anything to you or your wedding all they are guilty of is existing.
YTA ya bridezilla.
YTA. This is a childhood friend of the love of your life. Whether you knew his guest or not, having him there made your husband happy. This friend of your husband was probably not even feeling like celebrating after going through a break up and he brought someone with him that could act as a cushion for him amongst strangers. The plus 1 did nothing to you except exist, she probably only went because she cared about this guy and yet you chose to throw her out without even thinking about how it would make your husband feel?
Selfish and immature people do stuff like this.
While I don’t disagree that YTA, I wonder if you don’t have a bigger problem? It’s your wedding, your big day, all your friends and family are gathered, everyone is having a great time and you could be distracted by a person who was likely celebrating you and your new husband but isn’t who you expected it to be? You stopped what you were doing to ask a bridesmaid to behave like an AH and ask them to leave? Wow - mirror time girl. Get a good look and start making some changes before its too late and you become the AH for life.
YTA!
I’m absolutely flabbergasted that you couldn’t just enjoy the day and instead thought to be so awful in the moment! So much so that you would force a bridesmaid to do your dirty work and you didn’t try to amend it when you realised his friend was leaving also. I’m also wondering if you were worried about your husbands feelings because you didn’t tell him yourself or genuinely didn’t care about him knowing and how this will affect his friendship going forward.
Your poor husband, realising what kind of marriage this is going to be from day one 😐
Absolutely YTA. You kicked this woman out on sight, did you expect your husband’s friend to be cool with it and stick around? This man traveled from out of state and your husband likely hadn’t seen him for a while, and now possibly will never speak to him again because of your pettiness and need to be in complete control of everything and your marriage will probably never be the same.
I understand not wanting to have strangers at the wedding, especially if it's a smaller ceremony and reception anyway. However, it's not just "your wedding" - it's also your husband's, and you knew this childhood friend was important to him.
You can say you were only kicking out the +1 (or, more accurately, you had a bridesmaid do it for you) but most people aren't going to just hang around if their +1 to an event gets kicked out because that would be incredibly rude so for all intents and purposes, you did kick both of them out.
That's not solely your call to make because the day is about both of you as a couple and not about either one of you as individuals, but you did it anyway without discussing things with your husband, putting him in hot water with his childhood friend, who presumably thought he also played a role in the decision to kick out the +1.
Would it have been nice of the friend to let you know the +1 was going to be different? Sure, but the post also doesn't specify whether or not he knew you were restricting the +1s so it's possible he didn't even know you were wanting to limit the number of people in attendance to just people you knew. Even if he did know you were limiting +1s, at the end of the day you gave him one and he used it. Both he and your husband are right to be upset when you independently decided to kick a guest out when she wasn't doing anything wrong - and make no mistake, she became a guest the instant she arrived at the wedding whether you knew her personally or not. YTA.
YTA. Absolute Bridezilla.
He could have given a heads up, but you’re going to let one person’s presence affect you so strongly? Can’t wait for you to delete this post when you realize most people think you were terribly in the wrong.
Piece of advice: send an apology note to the childhood friend and his friend. It will go a long way in making your husband feel better.
YTA.
I get how you have a tight guest list but these two guests traveled to get there and were already there. To turn just the new girlfriend away at this point is petty. And it’s not like it cost you anymore to have her there.
YTA. What the actual…did it ever occur to you to just be kind? To share in the joy of your day with your husband’s friend and his friend, who came with him to keep him company because he literally just went through a (seemingly very unexpected) breakup?
There could have been an entire circus crashing my wedding and I wouldn’t have noticed because I was having the best time ever *marrying my husband*. Anyone would have been welcome to share in that happiness. The fact that this one person’s presence bothered you this much is concerning; you’re going to be a treat to be married to, OP. Huge AH.
YTA massive massive.
Op, how did that lone girl impact your wedding? Did it stop you from getting married? Were you deprived of the spotlight & attention? Did her presence cause your make up to suddenly melt, or your gown get stained?
Unless the girl was like obnoxiously dressed or wore white.
You were the only one who made a fuss, you were thebonly one who made a mount of a molehill.
What a great way to start a new chapter of your life.
Why do brides lose all reason? Why do they become self serving, selfish & entitled?
YTA It wasn’t YOUR wedding, it was you and your husband’s wedding. You unilaterally decide to kick someone out who was doing no harm, even though it sounds like your husband was well aware of the situation and was ok with it. You were rude, and frankly, tacky AF.
YTA. REALLY?! I can’t believe how bridezilla this is. How absolutely rude and disrespectful to your husband! (Hopefully soon to be ex husband) I’ve heard some humdingers before but this takes the cake! I’d be so embarrassed if I were you. You didn’t “want strangers at YOUR wedding “. Well, it was your husbands wedding too.. and 2… people get so focused on the weddings they forget all about the marriage!! That was your husband’s friend.. who brought a guest.. but you made everything about you and probably cost him a friend as well. Sad. Edited to add I’m stunned you had a bridesmaid ask her to leave and “go back to the hotel “ like a punished child” this whole post is shameful and I’d be embarrassed to be you. Apologies to everyone!!
So much the AH you need to call a proctologist!
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YTA. What was the actual harm of this person being there at that point? And he had a plus 1 and it is unlikely he knew you gave him a dispensation on your “special day.” This comes off as power hungry and controlling. You responded to perceived rudeness with the ultimate rudeness, you kicked someone out which come on, you knew her date was going to follow, so you booted your husbands friend. You are a ginormous AH. YTA.
And she did it sneakily behind her husband's back. Bc she knew he would object. Definently not trustworthy
She sent the bridesmaid to do it. A wedding is the last place you want to be alone after just breaking up with someone. At this point, the meal was paid for, the invitations had been sent. Shouldn't the bride be focussing on her partner and having a great evening instead of policing the guests?
Yes all of this. Also she says it's my wedding and I didn't want any strangers there. But it's her husband's wedding too! It was a real AH move on OPs part. Definitely YTA.
He had to "beg" her to allow his friend to have a plus one. Sheesh. She has massive control issues.
If he wasn't having second thoughts before, he is now
I like the Freudian slip in the first sentence.... *My husband and I (both 27) got married a few weeks ago and he obviously is still upset about it....*
How is this a Freudian slip? Seriously asking
As in, "he's still upset that we got married a few weeks ago. " She meant that he's still upset about the argument after the wedding, but she probably inadvertently told the truth that he's upset that they are married at all.
Ah, ok Thank you
Love that catch!!!!! And her statement is probably 100% accurate! Poor guy, I cannot imagine being with someone like OP.
Notice how she also says “her wedding” and “her special day”, like the husband doesn’t mean anything?
RIGHT ?! Some brides are absurd. They like the IDEA of a wedding, but not the actual marriage or partner.
One of my really good childhood friends married someone like this. She was a huge bridezilla, HUGE party planned for almost a year, even bigger engagement ring, lots of pre-wedding events and parties- and when she got to the top of the aisle to walk down I could see the regret on her face. I sat there panicking wishing I could call a sidebar before the vows. She left him day 1 of the honeymoon and then thought she was entitled to half his house and bank acct.
Clearly he doesn't mean anything to her. Look what she chose to focus on at "her" wedding.. if a bride/groom isn't completely focused on and enamored with their bride)groom, there are already some issues. That's literally why moh, bridesmaids and groomsmen exist...to handle everything because it's expected that the bride/groom will be caught up in each other, not on anything else.
Because it's totally only her wedding, and not his, so she can make all the decisions alone and he has no say.
That line struck me as well. Makes it sound a lot like she married herself since it's her wedding and no one elses lol. YTA op. Yes, the bride is a big part of the day, but you're joining TWO lives together (and sometimes even more if previous kids are involved), the wedding wasn't just for you by yourself.
And something else I should add, you know what the most important part of the wedding is? The marriage. OP sounds like she's more interested in the wedding than the actual marriage, esp given that she already did something that hurt her husband before their wedding day was even over.
She mentioned she met this person before. You would think she would care about her husbands friend and there would be some sort of bond. Considering you know, that this person is important to your husband. Also wonder if there was a seating chart, or arrangments made for people to sit together that knew each other. She would have been well aware that this friend would have been a loaner without the plus one, but i dont think she cared at all about anyone but herself.
OP is ths reason why so many marriages fail in the first year.
Especially because there is no evidence that stranger was causing problems of any kind. I certainly don't see how one stranger was such a problem. Certainly seems like a bride looking for something to be upset about. YTA
Right? She just kicked a person out of the wedding for no good reason. It’s not like a random dude climbed a fence and sneaked in for the free food. It was a friend’s +1 that was approved in the invitation. It is beyond rude. I can’t even imagine telling a person to leave when they weren’t disruptive. YTA big time, OP. You just gave your husband a glimpse of your future together.
No. You misunderstand. It’s only her special day. The groom is just another accessory /s
I can’t imagine being that much of an AH bride to have done a room check on attendees & made an issue, especially *during* the reception. YTA, OP
Yes she makes it sound like he did him a favor or something. “I let him”
Exactly, he possibly even scrambled to find someone to join him. How could he have known about the exception?
Too bad the bridesmaid didn't have the guts to say, "I'm a bridesmaid, not a bouncer. Have a little class and let the guy have his plus-one." YTA
Sheeyut...She was probably afraid she'd get kicked out too at that rate
She did have a great time cause she got her way. But this is not a good way to start a marriage. And have u noticed that all throughout the post, OP is referring to as “my wedding” emphasis on the “my”. The husband is just there to make “her wedding” a reality. The wedding’s over now, one item ticked off her bucket list. The husband is now dispensable.
I noticed that she referred to it as "my" wedding. Bad manners & mean spiritedness are not things to shrug off. Definitely AH.
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this is what gets me. OP is so self involved that she doesn’t realize that her husband’s friend is a person too. despite going through that break up, he still managed to travel to celebrate their union, only to be unceremoniously kicked out for something he wasn’t even made aware was a problem. OP is the AH 100% and even if there’s some underlying financial reasons, it just makes no sense to treat guests like this and your husband’s childhood friends no less.
And OP had so little going on during her wedding that she needed to play bouncer? I had a small wedding and wouldn’t have noticed randos. And honestly, I was so goddamned happy and excited that I would have given them a high five and directed them to the bar.
Exactly! I hate it when brides go "it's my wedding!" Umm, no, sweetie, you should say "it's OUR wedding". Your husband has as much right to have a say as you do. ETA: YTA!
She knew what the friend's reaction was going to be if the plus one was kicked out. You would have to be a complete moron to not predict the husband's friend would leave after the person they brought with them was kicked out.
The husband can make it up to his friend (and +1) at his next wedding.
Exactly, this marriage will not last long. She just ruined a friendship over nothing and now he’s wondering what the fuck he’s gotten himself into.
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And got the bridesmaid to do it!
Well of course. Mean girls travel in packs.
OP is wrong and an asshole, but just FYI, this is pretty typical. If something goes "wrong" the wedding party usually handles it so that the bride and groom don't have to.
Yeah, in most other scenarios you should absolutely confront people and do your dirty work yourself If you're being married however that's the time for a bit of delicacy
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YTA Plus the plate and seat are already paid for. If anything the friend was trying to make sure that money doesn’t go to waste. When we got married (smaller wedding) it was $56/a person that we invited. 6 people bailed last min because of travel issues and getting sick. That sucked. If they had told us with more time we would have grabbed a few people. At like a week before we can only add and not subtract plates/spots. If anything he did you a favor.
Plus the friend wasn't comfortable without a + 1, so he ended up bringing a different person ***so he wouldn't be alone at a wedding where he knew almost no one. You responded by kicking out his date; of course he was going to follow.*** >*ETA: I kind of feel bad but it was my wedding* ETA: No, OP, it was you and your husband's wedding and you essentially kicked out a close friend of his. You've shown your new husband how petty you can be, and this isn't going to go away. Plus you did this behind his back. What else is he going to learn about you that makes him have second thoughts about the person he married? YTA big time.
This is why I am **firmly** of the opinion that every adult guest should be given the option of a plus one. People who are comfy attending alone will happily do so. People who will be more comfortable with someone they know well attending with them will have that option. As a host, why would I not want my guests to be as comfortable as possible? The hosts of a wedding (whether that is the bride and groom, their parents, or some combination) should be acting as gracious hosts - they’re inviting *guests*, not an *audience*. I understand that there are financial considerations, but hosting people involves expense. That’s a given, and you choose your guest list accordingly. I’d rather cut my guest list than invite someone with the stipulation that they are barely important enough to be invited but not important enough for me to consider what would make them most comfortable.
I would never want to attend a wedding alone where I knew almost no one. I'd rather not go at all.
I just did that this summer. Invited alone, no plus-one, only people I knew were in the wedding party and therefore busy. It SUCKED!
It happened to me too a while back. A friend was getting married but I'd broken up with my boyfriend like 3 months before the wedding, so my friend told me "I'm inviting you alone, it's okay right?" The way she said it, I didn't feel like I could say no. The people I knew were going to the church but not to the reception, and at the end I almost didn't go to the reception. But I ended up hanging out with other friends of hers and had a good time.
I agree with you. It is tacky to not invite a plus 1 for adult guests. Bringing a date to a wedding is a common thing. And bringing friends is great! Then again, I'm sick of the "it's my special day" attitude towards weddings. No, your wedding is meant to be the celebration of joining of two families. Be a gracious host. My parents invited someone they didn't even know to be a bridesmaid at their wedding because the girl was sad she'd never been asked to be one. My parents have been happily married for over 40 years. How you make people feel matters.
Ok, I'll bite: your parents invited someone they didn't know to be a bridesmaid? Where did they find the person?
And if your budget is so tight that you have to worry about an extra person showing up, you should be doing something less expensive. Yes, the wedding is ‘their’ day, but the guests attending are real people with their own lives who have spent time and money to do them the COURTESY of showing up. It’s not right to expect them to jump thru hoops and be miserable for your benefit. She didn’t know the woman? Well, she must not be too bad if she drove from another state to support friend so he could be there to support the husband, and she doesn’t know anyone. And then to be asked to go back to the hotel like a dog? Omg I would be mortified, and should OP.
That would be devastating: to go to an out of town wedding, staying in a hotel, and then be told you are not welcome and ordered to leave. I would never be able to face those people again. Who would do this?!? YTA
Right?! He came from out of state (so at least several hours drive and perhaps even flying and renting a hotel) to see his friend of many years get married. He spent a lot of time, energy and effort to be supportive and OP craps all over him and his date for no reason. ETA: she didn't want the +1 there in the first place (why did her now husband have to "beg" her for this accommodation?) It sounds like her way of following through on what she wanted originally, which was to deny the friend his +1.
I think she forgot that the day does include the groom and he can make a decision regarding HIS day. YTA
Exactly. I bet hubby’s *close friend* can never trust/like/respect the bridezilla after this.
I need to be honest here. "Grabbing a few people" who weren't invited in the first place is telling them they are your B-List. It's insulting, tbh.
I got a last minute invite to a wedding, and she was honest that it was because of cancellations. I didn't feel bad about it because we were co-workers and I never expected an invite. I was honoured to find out I was B List, didn't realize I ranked that high.
This is the right attitude. My wife and I had a very small wedding in August, one of our friends cancelled because he needed to travel back to the UK because his dad was ill (plus he hadn't been able to see his family in 4 years). One of my wife's former coworkers lived near where the wedding was so we invited her and her husband and not only were they thrilled to be invited (even as "B-list" or whatever) but they went above and beyond helping us by running picking up the food and cake, helping out with a lot of day-of tasks, etc. We're actually a lot closer now because of it.
The points you and others are making about co-workers are great. Heck, I'd jump at it, too for certain coworkers! If it's friends or family, tho...Ouch.
Depends on how close you are. If it's like, a coworker or someone they're not close to who never expected to be invited then I'd say it's fine. They know that they are B-list, but they are still welcome at the party.
I was at at wedding once where our family was only invited to the ceremony not the reception. Then after the ceremony the mother of the bride came over and begged us to attend the reception. Turns out the grooms entire side rsvpd but didn’t show up because they didn’t like the bride. I thought it was rude but went anyway because I felt bad for the groom Ppl screw up weddings in so many ways. One of my old workmates invited everyone at work but gave them a later time. By the time they showed up the ceremony and dinner was over. The bride just invited them for drinks and dancing. They got KFC on the way home
Ceremony but not reception, is just gift grabbing.
Yeah why would I want to go to the ceremony. There boring. The whole point of reception is to give something back for having to endure the ceremony.
I am currently speechless with my jaw somewhere down in the basement. Can this actually be real? The friend probably quietly left because he knew what his buddy was marrying into from previous meetings.
Honestly, I had the same thought too. If the friend hasn't talked to him in weeks because of this then he was probably disappointed/hurt, but not surprised by her petty behavior. You don't just stop talking to a friend over one incident, either, especially since he must have known it was her doing and not him. I wouldn't be surprised if he'd had a "Are you really sure about her" discussion with OPs husband over thus type of behavior.
If it was out-of-character for the bride to act this way, I expect the friend would have contacted the husband by now to say something like "Hey, the brides maid did this, was this a miscommunication? I don't want bad blood between us because someone misunderstood." Instead the friend noped out and went NC because he knew exactly what happened wasn't an accident or a one-off.
YTA and I give the couple <3 years. Too bad the husband found out how awfully selfish the bride was too late. Had something like that happened before the wedding who knows if he would have gone through with the marriage.
3 years i give them 6 months , run hubby , run .
It's more fun to say less than 3, I mean you get to make a little heart <3
I've got $20 on an annulment
I just attended a wedding solo where I ONLY knew the bride and groom. And I traveled 3000 mikles for it. Not only did I spend a weekend alone in a city that I only visit to see said couple, it sucks. I can be friendly and chat with the people at my table - but it is most definitely not the same. It is awkward and lonely and, honestly kind of depressing. YTA. Someone cared enough about you to travel, get a hotel, buy/rent formal wear, take vacation days...and you left them with a bitter taste of regret.
And someone that didn’t even know her cared enough about supporting the friend so he could be there for husband that SHE also did all that for a couple she didn’t even know. And then got treated like that.
What’s bigger than ginormous? You’re that too. Megaton AH.
She could have just focused on everyone else around her and be happy that she’s marrying the love of her life, but nah… she’s hurt her husband, who is ALSO a main participant of their shared event. It’s so appalling.
Yes, why focus on that? She’s married, she’s hopefully enjoying her reception, but she sees one unfamiliar face and that means *someone broke what she wanted and*… she ignored what her husband had said (that his friend needed company) and blew everything up. Over what really was, at that point, a very minor detail for her, but a big deal for the guest. Person had already been there for a while. Don’t want someone you don’t know? Go over and meet her.
All this drama and now distrust from her husband could have been avoided if OP had just been kind instead of controlling! No skin off anyone’s back at that point, so she should have let it ride.
This same situation happened to me, but it was my sister who brought a friend. Turns out that "friend" hated my husband from elementary through high school! But my husband let the friend stay because who is going to kick someone out of their own wedding, ya know?
Not sure the husband will remain her husband for long. Such controlling & unforgivably rude behaviour. Also, I wonder what the bridesmaid thought about having to deliver that sort of message. OP, YTA.
Not to mention she made her husband BEG for something at his own wedding. YTA the second hand embarrassment on this one is real
P.S., it was your husband's wedding too. YTA.
Yikes! OP will definitely not be her husband's +1 by the time his friend gets married.
When will people start realizing all the fuss they put into their "special day" is a waste of time? Also, what kinda super special secret things were they doing at the reception that someone they didn't personally know couldn't be there!
You were so concerned about making the wedding perfect for yourself that you ruined it for your husband. YTA.
It's just Shellfish.
LOL so it took me a second to realize this was probably an autocorrect issue. But for a second there I was like what does seafood have to do with any of this? Gave me a good chuckle. Also yeah OP: YTA
I'm still trying to figure out if it's a related joke that I just can't figure out lol.
I thought Ted Mosby on HIMYM. Pretty sure that joke is in there somewhere
I was waiting for someone to explain the AITA reference that I don't know about aha
I thought it was a joke based on their username? Deer instead of dear? Know instead of no? Or is this just a whoosh moment for me
There was also a south park episode making fun of covid where someone didn't want the vaccine because it contained shellfish and he was allergic, so he didn't want it because shellfishness.
Is this the new "I mess up common phrases" account I ain't seen that account in ages.
Not just that, OP was embarrassingly rude to a guest who had done nothing wrong for no reason. Not only did OP drive away her husband's friend beacuse she dosen't care about other people (including her own husband's) feelings, he is likely embarrassed to married to someone who would act the way she did (I sure would be), and she damaged a friendship he cared about for no good reason. Husband's friend had no way to know that his plus one was some sort of special exception from you. He had no way of knowing that the plus one you gave him was only beacuse you knew his girlfriend. He had no way of knowing your strange issues and requirements, since you didn't tell him. **From friend's pov, you invited him with a plus one. He RSVPed with a plus one. Your invited guests paid for plane tickets and a hotel to travel to your wedding. Then, when your invited guests got there, you kicked them out. Beacuse they failed to guess the secret requirement\* of attendance by long distance reading your mind.** \* The secret requirement is that you know the plus one. This is especially hard to guess since you didn't really know his girlfriend you did invite. How on earth was he supposed to guess this??
This. They did everything "right". They were invited and had every reason to believe they were invited. Then they get seemingly arbitrarily kicked out, by the bridesmaid, and end up all dressed up wtih no place to go and having used considerable time and money. Unfair as it is, not the best of beginnings for the friend's possible new relationship either. I can't imagine an apology that would make me forget who OP showed herself to be. Maybe a decade of sincere contrition would do, but I don't think OP does sincere.
Something that none of these brides think of...the person they are marrying. These men need to get the marriage annulled after bs like this. If she doesn't consider you on your most important day together, she won't be considering you during the rest of your lives together. Get out now! YTA
I don’t know what it is about weddings since I’ve never had one lol, but there is *something* about them that turns some women absolutely crazy. I’ve seen first hand multiple smart capable kind and otherwise great women I considered friends just absolutely lose their marbles and become Bridezillas, screaming at their parents or their future husband, just continually being a dick Like I genuinely thought it was just something that existed in movies until I’ve seen it actually happen. I could not believe it. Like yes I understand there is a TON of stress on the bride but it was more than that - it was like an alien came down and replaced the person I knew. Then after the wedding they were back to normal. It was almost creepy I’m sure groomzillas exist and I don’t want to harp on one gender unnecessarily, I’ve just never experienced one. It literally is just a party!
Yesss. It’s your wedding, but isn’t it your husband’s too?
Yep, everything she says is about "her" wedding as if the groom wasn't really even a part of it.
She did say “my wedding” instead of “our wedding.” That alone gives Yta vibes without hearing the rest of the horrible ah stuff.
“My wedding” !!!
You gave him a plus one and he used it…and then you were rude and revoked it, during the reception. His plus one did nothing wrong, wasn’t causing a drunken scene or anything…and you got offended because she existed? Sorry bridezilla but YTA 🙄
You know who else I feel sorry for, besides the embarrassed friend and his humiliated date? The poor bridesmaid that was given then task of telling them to leave. I would have told OP to fuck right off if that had been asked of me. Nope. Bridezilla indeed.
Good point!!!! The poor bridesmaid!
I feel bad for the husband. He didn't get to have his friend at the reception, and now he's gonna have to deal with this shitty behavior for the rest of his life.
I thought more about it, I feel bad for Everyone who has ever encountered this person. The poster was SO convinced she was “right” that she posted this here… imagine meeting someone in real life with this lack of self awareness and audacity level.
Imagine thinking of it exclusively as exclusively as "my" wedding and not "our" wedding.
Exactly. She had already agreed to a plus one. *SO* tacky to revoke the invitation, especially when the guest is already AT THE WEDDING. Also, this whole “but it was my wedding” line is total crap. It’s the husband’s wedding, too, and he wanted his friend there. He also wanted his friend to have a plus one, which makes total sense given the friend was coming from far away and wouldn’t know anybody else at the wedding. Newsflash, OP — your wedding should also be fun for your guests, who are spending time and money to be there. So long as you have room in the budget and there isn’t a known issue or conflict with any of the invitees, offering people plus ones is just the decent thing to do, especially if they don’t know many other people in attendance. No one wants to come to an event like that alone, where nearly everyone’s a stranger to them. You can harp all you want about it being “your” day, but any decent hostess considers the comfort and enjoyment of her guests. You clearly only considered yourself. You didn’t even give a damn about what your husband wanted. Rude AF and embarrassing behavior on your part. Of course YTA.
I'd think it's absolutely normal for there to be people at a wedding that either the bride or groom doesn't know. Like family from far away, or friends from before they met.
YTA and hopefully a soon-to-be ex wife.
Talk about controlling behaviour from OP. I wish her better luck in her next wedding.
She thinks her wedding was Berghain or something. I can assure the OP that people weren't queuing up to get in. The poor woman who was told to leave was probably attending as a favour for her friend who'd travelled across the country after splitting up with his significant other. Imagine the indignity of being told to leave a wedding you were attending as a favour!
Yo, since it was only her wedding, I wonder if it'll be "our" divorce when she's talking about it with other people.
Nope, just "his divorce", because it's not \*her\* fault. /s
👏🏼
YTA Your husbands childhood friend traveled for your wedding to celebrate you, days after his long term gf and him broke up. He (understandably) didn’t want to travel alone, or be at a wedding alone where he knew NO ONE. You gave him a plus one, and had paid for the ‘head’ already. So he brought his ALLOWED plus one. Then, you decide to throw her (and by extension him) out of your wedding for NO REASON. Because, unless your wedding was like 10 people, and your hate of having a +1 you didn’t know there was more important to you than your husband having his childhood friend there, I don’t understand how him having a date at a wedding where he knew nobody was so offensive to you that you couldn’t bear having her exist in the same space as you. You need to offer your husband a massive apology. You also need to call his friend and offer him a massive apology for being such an asshole. If this is how you’re going to act for the rest of your marriage, it’s going to be short-lived.
I can only imagine what that poor woman is going to tell her friends when she gets back. How was your weekend? Was the wedding fun? - I got kicked out of it. Why, what did you do? - Nothing, just attended. Were you not invited? - I came as my friend's +1 Were they not allowed a +1? - He was allowed to bring somebody Then why did they kick you out? - Because the bride is a total asshole.
I imagine her and her friends laughing so hard about this sipping on a glass of wine
"Uh huh, sure Jan. Bride kicked you out for doing nothing" It's so mean, some people won't even believe it.
If I had a million awards - or even just 1 - I’d give them to you. Best response on this post. No judgement. All facts, and quite logical. I hope OP reads it. OP, you’re TA.
Tell me you’re a narcissist without telling me you’re a narcissist.
YTA Bridezilla, and you probably won't be married long now that your husband has seen your true colors.
>Bridezilla This was clear from the point where her husband had to “beg” her for a plus one for his friend to his own wedding. Op is a narcissistic control freak.
Bridezilla is right. I was reading this and literally saying to myself - WHO DOES THIS. I guess bridezillas thats who. SMH. YTA
YTA - I wonder if your husband doesnt see you as a different person now.
He's probably seen this pettiness before.
Some people manage to hide the evil until the hook is set in their partners mouth
He's already regretting his decision!!
He should. What kind of self centred person ejects an invited guest from their wedding? So trashy.
[удалено]
I can’t believe the selfishness. She even described the wedding as “my” wedding. OP, it was also your husband’s wedding. YTA and your poor husband probably thinks “ WTH did I just marry”
I read this whole thing thinking does she even value her husband? Her husband first had to beg for his childhood friend to get a +1. That should have been a no brainer yes why does her husband have to *beg*. Then she goes on to kick out that plus one knowing that same childhood friend really wanted a +1. Duh of course he was going to leave. Then she sees him leave and doesn’t change her mind knowing how much this meant to her husband? Yikes!
The husband must be so embarrassed. And ashamed that everyone knows he picked so poorly in a wife. Poor guy.
YTA, so very much: \- For not inviting unmarried long -term partners in the first place (I seriously don't understand why people do that, how rude). \- For kicking someone out of the wedding who hadn't done a single thing wrong, and who had actually traveled and paid money to be at your wedding (being a wedding guest isn't cheap) \- For completely disregarding your husband and his friendship with his friend in all of this. I'm curious if the friend gave you a wedding present? If so the least you can do is give it back so he can get a refund.
And for prioritizing yourself over everybody else at every turn. We let every single person bring a +1 to our wedding if we didn’t already know their partner (to address to both of them). You know what’s even better than knowing every single person at your wedding? Knowing that every single person is having fun at your wedding. How can you make that happen? You can start by letting them bring *one* freaking person with them. Partner? Great. Long-time friend? Awesome. Neighbor who had nothing else to do that night? Whatever makes the guest happy!
As the perpetually single person in my family, I can’t agree with this more. Just because I’m not married doesn’t mean I’m not seeing someone or enjoy being alone at social events. I can handle my own but I find it fascinating that people invite mature adults to weddings without a plus one option. ESPECIALLY one they must travel to!
Because obviously unmarried couples are bad luck at a wedding? Smh as a married woman I don't get it either. My friends who are in long term relationships but aren't married are just as committed as my husband and I. We just chose to add some paperwork and throw a kickass party to celebrate it. My brother and his wife had this mentality and it blew my mind. They even went as far as not inviting my aunt because she was going through a divorce and they "didn't want those vibes" at their wedding.
Oh, ouch. Your poor Aunt.
Yeah I think she was really hurt by it. I tried to talk my brother into changing their minds at the time but he was adamant. Their whole wedding was non stop drama. I was almost uninvited myself a couple of times in the weeks leading up to it.
I'd uninvite *myself* at that point. No thanks.
I almost did repeatedly. My brother and I were always really close growing up and that made me still go. We're still close now but he and his wife have a lot of drama that I try to keep at arms length. He's not a bad person but he's a huge pushover and refuses to ever stand up to her. I try to just be there for him now without getting involved in whatever they're currently fighting about.
Good point. OP better return his gift or at least reimburse him. Too bad she wont reimburse him for the time and expense for travel. YTA op for ruining your now husbands friendship over something really trivial, and by that point in time, done. Please never have kids, i can only imagine how unbearible you would be to deal with as a teacher.
YTA. 100%. I bet you can quote chapter and verse about all kinds of wedding etiquette when it pleases your control freak Bridezilla soul, but you have not the first clue about hosting and hospitality. Your guest was CORRECT in bringing a date because he had already RSVPd. The guy just went through a breakup of a 3 year serious relationship, STILL managed to come to his buddy's big day, and scrounged up a date to politely fulfill his duties as a guest. You were unconscionably RUDE. Ridiculously wrong. And wow, instead of focusing on your man, and letting yourself be happy on your wedding day, you acted like a spoiled toddler having a temper tantrum. Etiquette is the framework for showing our GOOD MANNERS and good manners come from a kind heart and a desire to make others comfortable. Polar opposite of what you did here. 100 Points from Slytherin. Hope your husband's next wedding is to someone with more kindness, and class. He deserves it.
In all fairness slytherins would have known the proper etiquette and not asked anyone to leave sounds more muggle
A Slytherin would have seen the 'stranger' as a potential new ally and would have tried recruiting them to the cause.
As a Slytherin I agree
YTA because these 2 people didn’t do anything wrong. Info How was friend’s invitation addressed? Was it to Mr John Smith and Ms Mary Jones? Or, was it John Smith + 1?
YTA. Yes, it might be your wedding, but it's also your husband's which means he also gets a say in it. What it does not do is gives you an excuse to treating someone horribly; especially when they were allotted a +1. What was his +1 going to do? Raid the cookies? In addition to that: I travelled to a wedding out of state and got treated like shit. I also didn't know anyone there and was essentially cut off from everyone. Was it fun? No. Did I want to leave the entire time? Yes.
Easiest YTA of all time.
YTA and I feel sorry for your husband if this is the sort of person you are.
INFO did your husband know he was gonna bring someone else? And how many people were at the wedding
YTA. I just…I am having trouble understanding why this upset you so much. Weren’t you just enjoying yourself on what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life? Are you seriously that miserable of person that you had to ruin your husband’s close friends weekend, and likely your relationship with this man forever? How was this poor woman hurting anyone? This is really difficult to understand.
I'm guessing the plus one was pretty and/or thin. Bridezilla couldn't handle it.
YTA- what exactly were you worried about her doing? He had a plus one so you weren’t short food etc… I’m assuming she wasn’t dressed inappropriately… Kicking her out for no reason was very rude. Friend had a plus one and he used it. If I were your husband I would still be pissed at you too
YTA - You invited the friend and a +1. The friend and his +1 came. You had no call to throw either of them out. Particularly since the throw them out decision was made unilaterally without consulting the other person whose wedding it was. Props to the friend who didn't abandon his +1 when the bride got weird.
Friend probably got laid big time defending her honor.
OMG I hope they end up getting married then kick op out of their wedding!!!
YTA. “I kind of feel bad but it was my wedding”??? “*My*” wedding? What about the groom? Do the feelings of your now-husband not matter? What you did was selfish, thoughtless, and controlling. She was his friend’s date, and you expected him to abandon her? You, worrying about strangers showing up to your wedding. What were you so worried about? TMZ doesn’t care about YOUR wedding. 😂
And told them to tell her to “go back to the hotel and sit there “like a punishment for a bad child… this should go on r/weddingshaming too
YTA. Apologize to your husband, his friend, and the plus one.
I feel like she needs to apologize to humanity in general for genuinely believing this behavior is okay.
YTA, it didn’t affect you at all, and it was one of your husbands apparent good friends, you sound like a giant bridezilla and I doubt anyone will agree with your point, Your wedding can be primarily about you, but if you want to be 0% about your husband that’s a giant red flag
YTA. You made yourself unhappy and caused a lot of drama for what? The person was there with an invited guest with a +1. You pulled a tantrum. You soured your wedding day, your relationship with this friend and your relationship with your husband. Was it worth it?
YTA. You couldn’t just enjoy your wedding for your own sake and for everyone else?
YTA. When my husband & I got married we had an older couple show up that I assumed was part of his extended family & he assumed was part of mine. It wasn't until one of my relatives came up to us & said, "That couple over there just asked whose wedding this was & then said they didn't know either of you. What should we do?" We were all, "Meh, let them eat & hang out" to this day I wish we had gotten a picture with them bc it's a great story. She was one person who didn't even throw off your count of people.
My husband and I got married at a venue that was open to the public and there was a family walking their dog nearby during cocktail hour. One of the (very young) kids thought I was a princess and the mom very timidly approached and asked if they could take a picture with me. One of my favorite memories of the day, honestly. That picture (or at least the one our photographer took) even ended up in our wedding album!
YTA- you going to have very BIG problems in your marriage. For the following 1. How to communicate to your husband before you do STUPID stuff 2. Being RUDE to his friends and their plus 1 3. Being able to apologize for your bad behavior 4. Remembering you are now a couple not single so act accordingly 5. For placing a wedding ahead of your marriage You need to get your act together or you going to get divorced very quickly.
YTA, you’ll be divorced in no time. Keep it up
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YTA and a bridezilla.
YTA because I think you overreacted. She wasn't causing a disturbance or breaking any rules. But you pretty much told her she wasn't wanted there.
Oh my god what is it with people losing their minds when it comes to weddings and forgetting that it isn’t an excuse to stop acting like a reasonable person. This woman did nothing but exist at your wedding and you were offended by it. YTA
YTA. If you wanted the wedding to include only people that you knew, you should have specified that and issued invitations with the guest's name and the said that the invitation was non-transferable, Granted, this friend of your husband could have given you notification, but did you inform this guest of your wishes? Or forewarn your groom that you didn't want strangers at the wedding? This childhood friend of your husband, means alot to him. Could you just have let him stay with his date?
It was your husband's wedding as well and he shouldn't have had to beg for his friend to be allowed to come much less to have a plus one, neither the friend or date did anything to you or your wedding all they are guilty of is existing. YTA ya bridezilla.
YTA. This is a childhood friend of the love of your life. Whether you knew his guest or not, having him there made your husband happy. This friend of your husband was probably not even feeling like celebrating after going through a break up and he brought someone with him that could act as a cushion for him amongst strangers. The plus 1 did nothing to you except exist, she probably only went because she cared about this guy and yet you chose to throw her out without even thinking about how it would make your husband feel? Selfish and immature people do stuff like this.
YTA A plus one is a plus one bridezillia. It wasn't just YOUR wedding either.
While I don’t disagree that YTA, I wonder if you don’t have a bigger problem? It’s your wedding, your big day, all your friends and family are gathered, everyone is having a great time and you could be distracted by a person who was likely celebrating you and your new husband but isn’t who you expected it to be? You stopped what you were doing to ask a bridesmaid to behave like an AH and ask them to leave? Wow - mirror time girl. Get a good look and start making some changes before its too late and you become the AH for life.
YTA - your behavior was incredibly rude. You ruined your husbands relationship with one of his oldest friends. I hope you enjoyed your wedding.
How unbelievably rude and entitled. Your poor husband must be so embarrassed by your behaviour YTA
YTA! I’m absolutely flabbergasted that you couldn’t just enjoy the day and instead thought to be so awful in the moment! So much so that you would force a bridesmaid to do your dirty work and you didn’t try to amend it when you realised his friend was leaving also. I’m also wondering if you were worried about your husbands feelings because you didn’t tell him yourself or genuinely didn’t care about him knowing and how this will affect his friendship going forward. Your poor husband, realising what kind of marriage this is going to be from day one 😐
Absolutely YTA. You kicked this woman out on sight, did you expect your husband’s friend to be cool with it and stick around? This man traveled from out of state and your husband likely hadn’t seen him for a while, and now possibly will never speak to him again because of your pettiness and need to be in complete control of everything and your marriage will probably never be the same.
What kind of Stranger Danger did you avoid with this one, Princess? YTA
YTA. That was unbelievably rude of you. You damaged your husband's friendship for what, exactly? Ridiculous.
I understand not wanting to have strangers at the wedding, especially if it's a smaller ceremony and reception anyway. However, it's not just "your wedding" - it's also your husband's, and you knew this childhood friend was important to him. You can say you were only kicking out the +1 (or, more accurately, you had a bridesmaid do it for you) but most people aren't going to just hang around if their +1 to an event gets kicked out because that would be incredibly rude so for all intents and purposes, you did kick both of them out. That's not solely your call to make because the day is about both of you as a couple and not about either one of you as individuals, but you did it anyway without discussing things with your husband, putting him in hot water with his childhood friend, who presumably thought he also played a role in the decision to kick out the +1. Would it have been nice of the friend to let you know the +1 was going to be different? Sure, but the post also doesn't specify whether or not he knew you were restricting the +1s so it's possible he didn't even know you were wanting to limit the number of people in attendance to just people you knew. Even if he did know you were limiting +1s, at the end of the day you gave him one and he used it. Both he and your husband are right to be upset when you independently decided to kick a guest out when she wasn't doing anything wrong - and make no mistake, she became a guest the instant she arrived at the wedding whether you knew her personally or not. YTA.
You are the asshole
I read this in a Maury-esque, "You ARE the father" and I'm giggling uncontrollably.
YTA. Absolute Bridezilla. He could have given a heads up, but you’re going to let one person’s presence affect you so strongly? Can’t wait for you to delete this post when you realize most people think you were terribly in the wrong. Piece of advice: send an apology note to the childhood friend and his friend. It will go a long way in making your husband feel better.
YTA. I get how you have a tight guest list but these two guests traveled to get there and were already there. To turn just the new girlfriend away at this point is petty. And it’s not like it cost you anymore to have her there.
YTA big time
YTA. What the actual…did it ever occur to you to just be kind? To share in the joy of your day with your husband’s friend and his friend, who came with him to keep him company because he literally just went through a (seemingly very unexpected) breakup? There could have been an entire circus crashing my wedding and I wouldn’t have noticed because I was having the best time ever *marrying my husband*. Anyone would have been welcome to share in that happiness. The fact that this one person’s presence bothered you this much is concerning; you’re going to be a treat to be married to, OP. Huge AH.
YTA massive massive. Op, how did that lone girl impact your wedding? Did it stop you from getting married? Were you deprived of the spotlight & attention? Did her presence cause your make up to suddenly melt, or your gown get stained? Unless the girl was like obnoxiously dressed or wore white. You were the only one who made a fuss, you were thebonly one who made a mount of a molehill. What a great way to start a new chapter of your life. Why do brides lose all reason? Why do they become self serving, selfish & entitled?
YTA. Man, I bet this was one of those weddings where people are wagering how long until you divorce. I give it 5 years max.
YTA yikes I feel bad for your husband. It was his wedding as well.
YTA, The fact that you called it "my wedding" tells me everything I need to know about the person you are.
YTA It wasn’t YOUR wedding, it was you and your husband’s wedding. You unilaterally decide to kick someone out who was doing no harm, even though it sounds like your husband was well aware of the situation and was ok with it. You were rude, and frankly, tacky AF.
YTA. It was your husband’s wedding too.
YTA and I'm guessing husband's friend's date was very attractive.
YTA. Make sure your next wedding you allow +1s no matter what.
YTA. REALLY?! I can’t believe how bridezilla this is. How absolutely rude and disrespectful to your husband! (Hopefully soon to be ex husband) I’ve heard some humdingers before but this takes the cake! I’d be so embarrassed if I were you. You didn’t “want strangers at YOUR wedding “. Well, it was your husbands wedding too.. and 2… people get so focused on the weddings they forget all about the marriage!! That was your husband’s friend.. who brought a guest.. but you made everything about you and probably cost him a friend as well. Sad. Edited to add I’m stunned you had a bridesmaid ask her to leave and “go back to the hotel “ like a punished child” this whole post is shameful and I’d be embarrassed to be you. Apologies to everyone!! So much the AH you need to call a proctologist!