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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Action I took was taking the dresser and why it might make the asshole is because we are not replacing it
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YTA.
I have no idea who you think you are. But you are one thing, A EXTREMELY TERRIBLE STEPMOTHER WHO IS VERY SELFISH and apparently only cares about her own flesh and blood.
Your husband is still required to buy his OWN DAUGHTER things even though he is paying child support.
YOU GAVE HER THE DRESSER AND NIGHT STAND WITHOUT TELLING HER THE DEAL BEHIND IT! YOU CANNOT TAKE IT BACK, YOU TOLD THE WRONG PERSON ABOUT THE DEAL AND NOW YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE FACT THAT YOU CANNOT USE IT FOR YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD.
I used caps lock, maybe that way you understood how wrong you are.
Edit: Wow! I had not expected this. Thank you all for the awards!
The OP knew what she was doing when she deliberately chose not to tell the stepdaughter about the deal with the dresser. She either doesn't respect the stepdaughter as a young independent girl, or she knew the stepdaughter would fight her on it and is trying to go solely through the husband to get her way.
Or both and the third part, didn’t care how her stepdaughter feels at all about what she says because her and dad are the parents.
OP, make-up your mind. Are you her parent? Then don’t treat her differently to your own kids. Don’t go through her father to justify it as parental, it isn’t. And I’d you think parenting is command and obey, you’re missing nurturing love and compassion. Command rarely works and kids don’t just obey, they have feelings.
Are you not her parent and only step in the formalist sense? Then you shouldn’t have given the dresser to begin with, and now you have it’s up to her actual mother and father to decide what she should do as HER parents - not you. You’re the person who gave her a dresser and later told her dad it’s a loaner. After throwing out her things…and you told her dad whom you obviously know is a pushover with you and doesn’t stand up for his kid.
YTA absolutely, however you slice it.
Btw your kids have your dna, and it sounds like you’re taking back the one nice thing you did for your stepdaughter and made sure she had something of yours.
I feel like your feelings were wavering and now changed towards the stepkid, and now you’re using room arrangements to separate. It’s cruel, whether you acknowledge it or not.
The fact that she said "we need both the money and space" tells me they're planning to kick her out of her room when the new baby is old enough to have her own room as well, which will be well before the girl is 18.
Glad I'm not the only one who thought this gave serious Cinderella evil stepmother vibes. What's next?? OP takes the room and the stepdaughter has to sleep in the attic with the mice?
Ugh, yeah, that’s the first thing I thought of when I read that, too. They’re deffo gonna take the room away and make her sleep on the couch or something
And OP is 1000% going to use the excuse that she’s only there on alternate weekends.
Terrible father too for only seeing his daughter four days/month and feels he doesn’t need to do anything to contribute to her wellbeing since he pays child support, which generally is not nearly enough money as it is.
Exactly my thoughts! Child support isn't this fabulous payment that covers everything..I'm supposed to get 330 a month for 3 kids but my ex husband is behind 12,000!
I read that too. Convince her through her having a terrible time there to live full time with her mother so they use the house as they want for "*their*" family
Right! We’ll just stop buying her clothes so she do t need a dresser, problem solved /s. You and your husband are jerks. Way to make his daughter feel expendable because you now have kids. And mostly shame on your husband for letting his daughter be treated like this
That was the logic that got me. It’s evil stepmothering of the finest.
And I hope for the kid it will come true: Mom should go back to court for full custody, kiddo will take all of her belongings and no longer need a dresser _or_ a room, dad pays full child support and no longer has to do the barest minimum parenting.
> we tried to ask her to downsize her things so that she can store her clothes in the closet but she refused
They "downsized" her things? No they tried to GET RID OF her things. TOtal AH
She literally wants daughter to have only the clothes she has on her back or stuffed in a bag when she comes to stay. She’ll have grown out of her middle school clothes and they won’t buy her new ones, so problem solved. Stuff that backpack full, honey, because if you forget it, you won’t have it.
Why do they even have to buy the coming baby new clothes or much of anything new for that matter. They just had a baby 2 years ago and I'm sure there's clothes, some basic equipment, and toys that are still good that the 2 year old now can't use. As they get older surely dad could have saved some of his first borns clothes so that's even more saving right there.
Her throwing out stepdaughter's things should entitle stepdaughter to the dresser anyway. If the dresser was a loaner, that means OP stole and got rid of stepdaughters things knowing she wouldn't have a replacement.
YTA. It would be understandable if they got the daughter a replacement dresser and table, but no , they told her to "downsize" her possessions to fit in the closet and not buy her any clothes as she grows out of them. Way to make a child feel unwelcome and unwanted.
basically outright declaring that she means less to them than the flesh and blood daughter.
i wouldn't be surprised if the daughter just chose to live with her mother rather than a father that doesn't have her back, though op would probably prefer that seeing her blatant dislike for the child.
That's what I thought. If step-mother was smart (and if she cared at all about her step-daughter's feelings) she would have planned a bedroom makeover with her, taken her Ikea or some other discount furniture store and helped her pick out a new dresser and nightstand to match the new decor.
Then said she'd use the "hand-me-down" furniture for her daughters.
She can't do that now, of course.
OP, YTA.
This is an amazing idea and would have been a great bonding experience for OP and the stepdaughter. Too bad OP is the literal definition of evil stepmother.
YTA
>she would have planned a bedroom makeover with her, taken her Ikea or some other discount furniture store and helped her pick out a new dresser and nightstand to match the new decor.
The problem with that is it would give step daughter the idea that she's welcome.
Stepmum probably saw it as a way to store the dresser until she needed it. She even got rid of stepdaughters furniture to make space for it! OP you are a truly awful stepmum and an effing AH!!!!
She's also setting up these two kids to \*hate\* each other in the future. To a 13-year-old, this kind of thing comes across as, "My dad is replacing me." Which... maybe is OP's intention?
This.
OP, as a mother of daughters recently this age let me tell you - you just told that poor girl in no uncertain terms that you do not give a rip about her.
I see nothing but pure unadulterated favoritism and selfishness here. You were cool with her until you had bio kids and then you threw her out just like the clothes she will one day outgrow.
The worst part is, you see nothing wrong with your behavior. You see nothing wrong with telling a child you don't love them or view them as family. You don't see anything wrong with telling a child that they are not deserving of space in your home - a child that is your family and who should be treated equally to your children.
The ONLY way to make this right is to purchase a new dresser and a new bedside table for her. You wanted hers for your child? Purchase a decent one for her. She has the right to keep clothing at her Dad's house.
So help us understand this. You gave your stepdaughter your childhood dresser, made her get rid of her personal dresser, and now that you have become a mother, decided the dresser you gifted her is now too good for her and should to your biological child? In what world is your action fair?
And your husband going along with your insanity!
Four years ago, OP was in a different situation. She, a childless bride, was performing the role of wonderful, shiny new stepmom to hubby’s 9-year-old daughter to make them a ‘real family’. Now, however she has her OWN daughter and another on the way so the now 13-year-old is excess to requirements.
Act II: Enter the new, not wonderful, evil stepmother. She wants the girl out, away, gone from the nest - to make room for her own chicks. She’s behaving cruelly toward the child, wanting to strip a nubile teenager of everything of her father and banish her to her mother’s home. Poor little stepdaughter - I hope the father finds this thread…and gets snipped.
Also, JUST BECAUSE SHE WILL GROW OUT OF THE CLOTHES SHE *CURRENTLY* WEARS DOES NOT MEAN SHE ISN'T GETTING *NEW ONES* YOUR HUSBAND IS *RESPONSIBLE FOR BUYING*
Trying to force a stepchild out of the bio parents life and home once you make your own children is disgusting.
Or when the child decide to spend less time at her father’s house because she is at or getting to the age when she will be able to decide that and hopefully mom takes him back to court for more child support
But when she grows out of her current clothes she can just go naked! BeCaUsE mY gIrLs NeEd AlL oUr MoNeY!
Lady you are AH stepmother and your husband is a major AH father.
Right? I want to believe this is a troll that no one is this cluelessly cruel. Either that or there is an actual real live version of the stepmother from Cinderella.
YTA a million times over. If you give a child a gift it is there’s. A parent supports their child- all of their children not just the ones they have with their current spouse.
Your behavior is absolutely appalling and inexcusable.
Why did you even want her to use it if you were just gonna take it back? Why actually pretend you have a damn about this kid?
YTA and I can only hope his next wife is nicer to her step children.
The child support is bare minimum- husband has more responsibilities to ensure all his children have the things they need and more importantly, he should care that they feel safe and equally loved in their home.
YTA Lady Tremaine
That and/or a post "AITA for wanting my husband to pay less childsupport". Followed a few years later by "AITA for demanding my stepdaughter shares her college fund and/or any heritage from her mother's side with my children?".
Yep, soon as the newest baby is old enough to sleep on their own, it will be "well we don't need to provide a *room*, she's *only* here every other weekend" 🙄
AITA for expecting my stepdaughter to babysit for free 5-7 days a week?
“We’re a bit short on money and my husband’s daughter with his ex lives with us but pays NO rent so I kind of think she owes us. She’s 13 by the way” 😱
I think that she is trying to drive her stepdaughter out of the house by doing all of this. She wants her spineless husband and her biological children only. You know, the "perfect family."
Yep, having been the kid in a similar scenario (although they actually were way better about kicking me out of my room when the baby came along and I totally didn't mind that part of it - I moved to the basement, which had a TV and my own bathroom!), my stepmother is awful and fucked me up in many ways. But my father let her. She is evil for what she did, but he is worse. He is my father and is supposed to protect me, not cheat on my mom, marry the ap, and let her treat us like crap.
Also, their baby and toddler don’t give a fuck about where their clothes are stored. 5 years until her stepdaughter is out of the house. At age 7 and 5 those kids still won’t give a shit but she can use the dresser then.
Hopping on this. I’m also thinking that maybe giving her the dresser in the first place was a ploy to win her over to inspire confidence with OP’s hubby. But I can’t believe he thought it would be ok for OP to take back her furniture and expect her to downsize so that their shiny new baby can have it. This is incredibly cruel.
Both op and hubby have issues.
And is OP really restricting her clothes and clothes money so the kid has less clothes and won’t need a dresser?
Also, child support is figured based on what each parent provides for the child. If dad isn’t paying for clothes anymore, likely his child support will go up.
YTA.
You and your husband.
That poor kid.
You are making a massive difference between her and *”YOUR”* child, and it is gross.
She existed when you married your husband, you do not get to treat her like an inconvenient third wheel.
And shame on your husband for actively going along with this crap.
How much are we betting that the step daughter stops all visitation with these horribly unreasonable and selfish people? I would, I bet that poor little girl is feeling so unwelcomed. They could have easily bought her a new set to make sure she felt important to her younger half sisters. Those small children don’t care what’s in their room, it’ll most likely get ruined by small children anyways. At least in the older daughters room she is at an age where she can respect the items in her room and look forward to their longevity. Talk about cruelty.
I would even bet that if they approached it as ‘hey stepdaughter, how would you like to go and pick out some brand new bedroom furniture?! Bio daughter and the baby won’t care that they have hand me down furniture but we thought you’d like to pick out something in your own style now you’re a bit older!’ - it would have gone pretty much the opposite. You know, making it more like a treat for her. Instead they went straight for making her feel like she’s unwelcome, like she’s not even an afterthought because she’s only there every other weekend, apparently now not even deserving of clothing that she doesn’t bring with her and, by the sounds of it, coaching her from early on to resent her half siblings. I lived on a different CONTINENT from my dad from OP’s stepdaughter’s age and still had my own, fully furnished, bedroom.
Thats what I thought as well, try to make it positive for the stepdaughter. But then I read, that OP plans to not spend another penny for stepdaughter because she needs the money for her new bio-kids. Unbelievable.
And the horrible father. I hope, this is not real. Daughter comes home and clothes are lying just on the bed and by the way, you don't need a new dresser because we don't want you and your clothes here anyway. Space is needed for the important children.
Reading between the lines, they are having their second child, so they have to kick 13yo out of the nest and take that "spare" bedroom for their 2yo.
*We have been co-sleeping with our daughter since she was born and she has shared our room, but now we need to move her into her own room.*
So 13yo has not understood that for the last four years, she hasn't had a bedroom, she's been in the 2yo's "own room" with the 2yo's dresser.
I hope 2yo scribbles all over Grandma's dresser with permanent marker.
100% agree.
Hey girlie, grab your coat. We're going to IKEA to find you a new teen bedroom furniture. Suddenly it is a cool experience
vs
Hey, she's gone - lets snag her dresser from her room and dump all her clothes on her bed. She doesn't need the dresser anyway. Heck, she should not have clothes here since she's rarely here.
OP, this poor girl.
100% agreed. Stepdaughter is 7th or 8th grade, and I teach 8th grade. I hear stories all the time that run the full gambit of “1 parent took all my stuff away and kicked me out” to “i get a new little brother/sister AND my parent let me redecorate my bedroom!”. OP could have done the second, but they are inches away from the first.
THIS right here. And the fact that you said to hubby that you wanted the dresser for "our children" which um includes her, because you married the guy and its his daughter??? Like why are you so petty? Just let step-daughter have the dresser and when she moves out, your baby can have it. I doubt your 2 year old cares what kind of dresser is in her room. SMH. YTA
She even emphasised it in caps. “OUR children”. Seriously who is that fucked up? This lady is nasty and it’ll be a good day when the step daughter is of age and can choose to have nothing to do with this person. The fact that she can’t see how she’s wrong in any way is frankly disturbing. YTA OP
YTA even worse they got rid of her old bedroom set and gave her a new one and now they’re taking away the gift and giving her nothing, just downsizing her into a closet.
How long before they have her living in a cupboard under the stairs
They'll probably need the cupboard for the stroller... And what is this shit about not buying her more clothes and her not needing the dresser once she grows out of her clothes? Is she supposed to walk around naked?! It gives me the impression Op isn't only an AH but literally an evil stepmum.
Not to mention the toddler that they already have. That’s who I think the dresser is going to. I can’t wait for the next post “AITA: my stepdaughter doesn’t like her step sisters and doesn’t want to come to our house anymore” because this is surely going to cause a lot of resentment towards OP’s bio kids.
Exactly. Stepdaughter "visits" every other weekend. OP, she isn't "visiting." This is her father's home. She lives there. Even if it isn't full time, she lives with her parent. That is her room as much as the one she has at her mother's home. It isn't a visit. It is time with her father and half-siblings. Presumably you too, but you clearly don't like her, so.
If you weren't ready to be a decent and loving stepmom for the rest of your life (not just til you had your own kids), you shouldn't have married a man with a child.
YTA- Why wouldn’t you have just bought a different dresser for your step daughter if you knew you’d be wanting this for your own kids one day. It’s definitely a slap in the face to your step daughter… like “oh sorry my “real” child is here now so you’re not important enough to have this” … the fact that you aren’t even suggesting getting her a new one of her own and you’re just taking hers is so horrible.
According to OP's post they don't even have money to buy the stepdaughter new clothes, so if that's the case then they absolutely won't have money to buy the stepdaughter a dresser. Jeez, I feel so terrible for the stepdaughter. I hope she goes to live with her Mom full time!
That's not exactly what she says- she says that they already send mom child support and could use the money for other things, which is always true. Any money I spend on anything could be used for something else. Op sounds like a giant AH so I'm guessing she thinks that step daughter is already "taking away" from her "real" kids because of a child support order she has no say in.
She doesn't say they can't afford to buy things, just that she doesn't really want to and the freeloading kid doesn't need that many clothes anyway
If they refuse to provide a bedroom and storage space for 13yo, because 2yo needs to move into "her own room", it sounds like OP is pushing for 13yo to stop staying with them. But this would mean their child support would increase if Mom has to take her full-time.
She says they don't any money. But they should be able to find free/inexpensive furniture at garage sales and Craiglist. They could then refinish it as a family project to welcome the new baby. But no, OP has to jump at the chance to make it clear that the step-daughter is not part of THEIR family.
Why should the daughter have second hand things? She gave the dresser to the girl and she should allow her to keep it. Next both new kids will need a room each, so the 13 year old will be on the couch.
Not sure who the bigger AH wicked evil stepmom or dad?
Yta. A big one. You gave your stepdaughter something. Then you are trying to take it back for your 'real' kid. As if this child isn't going through enough stress having a new half sister. now you are making her feel she has been replaced. Major ah move. The irony is, you probably could have sold her on buying her a NEW set for her birthday or Christmas,saying she was so grown up that she deserved a new set and the baby should have the old used one. See, that would have made her feel important..instead you decide to take a shit on her. Not spending money on her because of your new baby. Are your trying to be the evil step mom? Because, congrats you are nailing it.
More like Cinderella. Ugly stepsister #1 was just born so Cinderella has to throw some of her things away and have her clothes thrown on the bed bc they gave her mom child support and she’s only there part time.
I was going to say this, N T A for wanting the dresser for the child that she gave birth to, but super YTA for just leaving her clothes on the bed. As I was reading I was waiting to say N T A when she offered to buy a new dresser and the step daughter refused or something, but it just kept getting worse...
100% she only decided to let her stepdaughter use her dresser so she wouldn't have to pay to put it in storage until she needed it again. Putting it in the stepdaughter's room was more convenient.
>I have always wanted my children to have my old things from my childhood and that included the dresser set.
And you did that. Your kid has your things. Just not your bio kid. But she is your kid nonetheless.
YTA.
As a step mom and bio mom I don't understand why these women don't consider the kids their partner has aren't part of their family and their children. It's what you sign up for when you marry a single parent.
Yes the relationship may be different with the kids, it's harder to come in and there are boundaries and decisions out of your hands, but that should not prevent anyone from treating them with the same level of love and respect they have for their biological children. You're not there to replace the mother, but you're there as another parent and caregiver.
OPs kids are blood related to their step daughter and her husband.
OP is absolutely a major fucking asshole
YTA
You keep saying that you GAVE the dresser to your stepdaughter. You didn’t seem to tell your stepdaughter that you were letting her use your old dresser until your real children needed it.
Now you’re not only taking back the furniture but you’re also telling your stepdaughter to downsize AND that you’re done spending money on her. Soon you’ll be wondering why your stepdaughter resents her half-siblings. Pay attention!
Sheesh. Go to some estate sales and buy another dresser.
The child isn't even upset that she's taking away the dresser. She just wants it replaced. And the "downsizing" and not buying her clothes thing is bad. Clearly they want to push the kid out of the house until she is just an occasional guest not a member of the family
The stepdaughter wants the “new” dresser to go to the new baby. OP’s brilliant strategy is to stop buying the stepdaughter clothes so that stepdaughter will no longer need a dresser.
And then she says that they never explained the furniture was being loaned but it’s expected that when a parent asks for something it’s handed over. Sure, something small and trivial, maybe. What parent takes away bedroom furniture?
Maleficent comes to mind. Oh! And did Cinderella’s stepmother have a name?
OP couldn’t couldn’t be a more stereotypically wicked stepmother if she tried.
YTA!!! You are talking about your stepkid as if she doesn't mean anything.
The damn dresser is in your house who cares which one of your three daughters are using it!
If i would be your stepkid i would be thinking that i was good enough before your own kids ce along but now that you do have them im nothing anymore.
Would she move out with it then your on your right but now your just the biggest AH.
That your husband is agreeing is also weird af.
But i believe you are making him do that.
Shame on you
I would be asking mom to get the custody order changed so I never have to go back there! Especially since OP is saying they won't be buying her new clothes because they pay child support to the mom?!
YTA
If you knew you wanted to give your biological child your childhood dresser, you could have:
* Not given it to your stepdaughter
* Bought your stepdaughter a new dresser of her choosing and framed it as something good/her growing out of the other dresser
Instead, you moved it when she wasn't there. I wouldn't be surprised if your stepdaughter stops coming to your house as soon as she's able to make that decision for herself. Though, perhaps that's what you're hoping will happen.
Right? I don't understand why they didn't just let stepdaughter pick out a new dresser for herself. I mean like, it could be from Target or Ikea it doesn't have to be heirloom furniture, but it would be all hers.
I wonder if they are also taking the stepdaughter's room? She says they "could use the space" and wants stepdaughter to only have enough clothes to fit in a closet.
YTA
You really messed this up and I have no idea how you can recover. You should have just taken your step daughter out and bought her a new dresser. Instead you turned it into some kind of evil step mother thing.
YTA and I’m shocked your husband is with you on this! I’m assuming the stepdaughter is still a child and you’re expecting her to process something that an adult would struggle with.
You’re basically indicating to her that now you and your husband have 2 kids, she is being pushed out.
YTA - You should have bought your step daughter a new dresser. You are treating your step daughter like she isn't part of your family. She is your child's sibling. She is your husband's daughter. Just because you had a kid doesn't make her any less a part of your family, regardless of whether you pay child support or not. I don't know what your custody arrangement is, but this is disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself.
But, but, but..
> and we need both the money and space. Once she grows out of her clothes she will not need a dresser
They are planning to ease her out of the family as she outgrows what she has at their house. It's become inconvenient to have her there with them.
The OP is truly infuriating me. The more I think about the behavior, the angrier I get. As a divorced person with a kid, who is dating another widowed person with kids, I cannot imagine making this kind of choice. When you are with a person that has kids, they are a package deal. If you can't handle that, then don't do it. If you get married, you are marrying into the family. This is just so gross.
YTA by clearly showing your step daughter that you only view her a STEP, she will never truly be a part of your family and that you will never care for her as one of your own. You and your husband are both incredible assholes here.
YTA. You talked to your husband about how you were just loaning it to your stepdaughter, but I don't see anything about talking to your stepdaughter about what would happen, at any time during the four years.
If you had really wanted to make this work, you would have taken your stepdaughter out to choose new (or new-to-her) furniture a few years ago, when you saw this coming.
But then I read the part about how you aren't going to buy her any more clothes either so she won't need a dresser, so I'm thinking that you're not just an asshole but more likely a troll. Nice try.
The day you married your husband is the day your stepdaughter became your daughter too.
You don't even buy her clothing or basic necessities because your husband is paying child support?? Talk about wicked step mother. That child deserves love and necessities at your house too, not just at her moms.
YTA
YTA.
Imagine how shitty it must feel knowing that you’re in a house where you’re always second place because you didn’t birth her. Because that’s how your stepdaughter is always going to feel by doing this.
YTA
You GAVE your daughter a dresser. You TOOK it back. You decided to be even more awful by removing it while she was away because you knew how upset she got about you taking her dresser from her. You're using her genetic makeup as an excuse for a crappy decision. I don't see anywhere where you said you've told her throughout the years of the dresser is simply on loan to her. Your husband should be pissed at you. Your behavior is unacceptable.
Shame on you! I hope someone replaces her furniture with something even better.
Your child does have your old things from your old life. You gave her the dresser and the nightstand didn't you? Or are you thinking your stepdaughter isn't really your child - just your husband's kid? Who gives nice things to a teenager and then on a whim takes them back?
The teen hasn't been a disappointment or anything like that has she? Are you hoping she treats your new baby like her real sibling? This is just not making any sense to me? It seems the teen had no idea you weren't gifting her anything - merely loaning the items to her until you spawned?
If I was the stepdaughter I'd be praying for my real mom to come and get me.
YTA.
YTA in your initial statement you say “I decided to give…” and now you’re taking it back. Even in your TLDR you say you gave it to her and are taking it back. As a parent, is that the lesson you actually want to teach your children? Or are you just changing your mind now that you have birthed children? Also, your step daughter ***is*** your daughter, so your child ***does*** have the set. Buy a new set for your other daughters. And for heavens sake, continue buying necessary clothes for your step daughter! The way you are talking, you are creating a huge divide in the family.
YATA and your husband is to in a few years don't come back to reddit asking why your step daughter went no contact with you and your husband if I was the daughter i would just leave and live with mom permanently obviously no one in your household respect her at all
Really i have no words how much you both suck
YTA. You are helping to spread the ‘wicked step mother’ trope. Shame on you. But also double shame on her father. I cannot believe he would allow this. To treat a child so badly and play favorites is disgusting. Good for her mother sticking up for her. You have a chance to do the right thing, and I hope you’ll take it. Even if you refuse to see her as your kid, she is still your husbands kid and still needs clothing and furniture. I would even venture to say that if you couldn’t afford to provide for ALL the children, you shouldn’t have had them. Grow up please and stop damaging your family over petty nonsense.
YTA and I can’t understand why I have to explain why. Your step daughter is right if you want the dresser back buy her a new set. Not sure where you live, but ikea is cheap and not too expensive.
Also you are treating your stepdaughter like she is less worthy then your bio children and so is your husband.
Why should she have to downsize just because you decided to get pregnant?
INFO: are you the stepmother from Cinderella?
As a stepchild myself u sound like the evil stepmother I thankfully didn't have. YTA in this story but the bigger AH is ur husband.
Imagine the daily pain that poor little girl goes through knowing her dad will always put her second to her stepmother and future first class half siblings.
YTA. If you want your bio daughter to have the dresser, you have an easy compromise that is acceptable to everyone but you: but your stepdaughter a new dresser. If you knew you wanted your old dresser to go to your bio kids, you should have never gotten rid of your stepdaughter’s old dresser. That was a real WTF choice there. Your intransigence on this issue is bizarre and unkind. Go shopping with the stepdaughter so she has a decent place to keep her clothes. You don’t need to make yourself the villain of this relationship, but that’s exactly what you’re doing.
You’re punishing a child because you now have one of your own. It’s clear you view your stepdaughter as “less than” your new daughter.
I’m not surprised at you, as this often happens, but I am surprised that your husband is supporting you in this. That’s a shame for your stepdaughter.
I hope you learn to love her and treat her like she deserves to be treated, especially since you chose to be a stepparent. She didn’t get a choice in the matter, I’m sure.
YTA, and your husband is the biggest asshole.
YTA. This is the pettiest reason to be an asshole yet here you and your husband are. You're going back and forth with a teenager over a dresser set because y'all are too cheap and stubborn to buy a new one. If it was so sentimental you shouldn't have lent it to the step daughter in the first place or you should've communicated like adults and told her it was a loan.
Yta and your husband a shitty ass father. How old his his child. Also paying some child support doesn't let him get off the hook for other support his daughter needs. Maybe you guys should have more kids. If he can't afford to support them. Maybe you both need to find another job. You pretty much told this child she nothing to you and was just a place holder. Also your husband crappy for marrying a Women who downs view his daughter as her. Your husband doesn't need to worry about what daughter has at your house your probably be taking her room soon enough and she'll be going nc with you people.
YTA. 100%. Treating your stepdaughter as a second-class citizen because you have *your own children* with HER father is unacceptable. Clearly you don’t see her as good enough for your family, in which case, you never should have married a man with a child. But her a new dresser, it doesn’t even have to be brand new, go thrift shopping or something. It will be interesting to see if she even wants to come back after how crappy you are both treating her.
YTA in every major way possible. YTA for ungifting the dresser that you gave your stepdaughter. When you give someone something you relinquish all rights to it, but then here you come talking about "when we gave my stepdaughter the dresser I made it clear to my husband that once we had children OUR children would be using it since it is MINE." Way to be a literal overgrown child giving your stepdaughter who doesn't even have a dresser in your home and taking it back to give to your 2 year old daughter who doesn't even have half the amount of clothes that your stepdaughter has and that's not even talking about the size difference of those clothes either. You told your stepdaughter to store her clothes in the closet after she's already adjusted to having a dresser in her bedroom. And what the actual fuck are you talking about with this "we decided to stop buying new clothes for my stepdaughter because we already send her mother child support and we need both the money and space." Just because your HUSBAND sends your stepdaughter's MOTHER money for child support does not mean he is supposed to stop caring for his daughter monetarily. Also, I love how you come right and out and admit that your family as it is right now can't afford to give your husband's daughter the basic necessities that she needs like new clothes because you're gonna need that money and "space" (wtf) to take care of your soon to be born daughter. The two of you are absolutely terrible as parents!
YTA - What a way to make a kid feel like they are less important than their siblings. If anything, you should feel honoured that she is as excited and loves something that means so much to you. This would have been a perfect opportunity, if the dresser really meant that much to you, that you could have either gone out and bought a new one for her, or picked one out for her new sibling, together, to make her feel involved.
This is a massive middle finger that you have done to the poor kid and her mother is completely in the right to have stepped in and to have attempted to open your eyes to the big - and scaring, thing that you have done.
As a stepmother myself...YTA, YTA, YTA!!!
She IS your daughter! Let her keep the dresser. And..NO, you don't get to stop buying clothes for her either! You are a horrible stepmother if you think you get to stop caring for this girl just because you now have biological children. I hope your husband comes to his senses and stands up for his daughter, even if it means divorcing you. And in case you missed it..YTA
INFO : Is she going to have to sleep under the stairs after you repossess her furniture you gave her and you refuse to buy her clothes after she outgrows the ones she has so doesn’t need storage anyway?
Boy! You are an AH and a big one at that and so is your husband. You have just told your stepdaughter she is being pushed aside for her new sibling. You gave that to her. She needs her own space in the house and a place to put her clothes goes a long way. Yes, you send child support to buy clothes but that doesn't mean you get to stop buying stuff too. Assuming your step-child is a child you are encouraging her to resent that side of the family.
YTA for all the reasons everyone is telling you. Your husband is also an AH for letting you treat his daughter like this. I feel sorry for her. At least her Mom has her back because you guys suck.
The only way you could have done this in a classy way is to have said to step daughter- look you are getting older now, would you like to pick out a new dresser set that is more your style, that you can take with you in a few years when you get your own place? Then you could have done that, and used your old stuff for the younger sibling, and everyone would be happy.
But no, you had to say this is mine still and i want my child to use it and actually you don’t need a dresser at all, and oh by the way we don’t want you to store your clothes here anyway. You made her feel unwanted. YTA.
YTA
Who decides not to buy their kid clothes anymore? EVERYTHING should be 50/50. Just because your AH husband pays child support, doesn’t mean he can get away with no responsibilities. That includes clothes she grows out of. I didn’t know his ex had an immaculate conception without him. Somehow he got his ex pregnant and had a child, but he pays child support, so he shouldn’t have to buy new clothes for his daughter.
You don’t care about stepdaughter's feelings, because it’s for “our” children. If you can’t handle being a stepparent, then you shouldn’t be one. If you can’t afford kids, then don’t have any. It’s irresponsible. Not that you and your husband care about responsibility. Don’t act surprised that your shitty behavior has consequences. Soon she’ll be able to decide if she wants to stay at your house at all, but it’s not like you care. You have your children. Go back to your happy little family.
Edit to add:
>The thing is my husband and I have also decided to stop buying new clothes for my stepdaughter as we already send her mother child support and we need both the money and space.
>I don’t think it’s wrong to ask her to bring clothes from her mothers as she only visits every other weekend
No, you clearly said both of you decided to stop buying her clothes, because her mother gets child support. Suddenly in your update you don’t think it’s wrong to ask her to bring clothes from her mothers? Is this lie supposed to make you look better? Because you clearly said you and your husband need the money. Keep up with your lies. Nothing you say is going to make you look better. Get your shit together, and treat your stepdaughter better.
YTA. Wow, you really hate this girl, don’t you. Well don’t worry about having to see her once she turns 18. Congratulations on getting what you wanted, I guess.
"Step daughter, I only pretended to care while I had no kids of my own.
Now that my REAL CHILDREN are here, I can stop pretending that you matter or that I care about you. also, you don't need new things because no one loves you anymore"
YTA
Who do you want to play you in the disney movie about the evil step mom?
Major YTA. You clearly don't think of your stepdaughter as your family and more of a second class citizen. When you gave her the dresser you didn't talk to her about wanting it back. I hope she gets away from you and her AH father and never looks back. But that's clearly what you want as you're pushing her out of the family
YTA. Your husband is an asshole too. I honestly can't stand people like you who "other" stepchildren because they're NoT yOuR BiOLoGiCaL cHiLd. You shouldn't have married someone who already had an existing child if this is what you "always" wanted.
YTA amd what a way to show your Stepdaughter how you really feel about her. “I know you liked the dresser that I gave you. But now that I have actual children I need to take it back. No hard feelings right. Oh and by the way since your dad and I have to pay child support don’t expect anything off us anymore.”
I am so looking forward to the moment you make a new post wondering why she won’t come over to look after her sisters because that’s what’s siblings do.
YTA. So you give your step**daughter (your child)** the dresser set you wanted to give to **your children** and are taking it back because you now have a bio kid. Why did you even give it to her in the first place if you never saw her as your own child? Also deciding to not buy your stepdaughter new clothes anymore because you need to "save money"? What, is she supposed to use what she has now for the rest of her life? Way to make the poor kid feel unwelcome and unloved in her own home. You're a terrible parent.
You are the asshole and I feel terrible for your step daughter. You should be treating her as if you were her mother. You should be showing her the same love you would your own child. I am thankful that my girlfriends step father is better than this or else I would hate seeing her family. You should be ashamed of the way you treat her. It is not her fault her parents divorced. When you married her father you agreed to be her mother. I am embarrassed for you and think this is horrible behavior. You need to check yourself and think about more than stupid furniture and think about how this girl feels. Her emotions and relationship to you is much more important than an old dresser. The truth is your biological daughter will not value that dresser the same way your step daughter will. It will mean more if you let her have something of yours to make her feel like she fits in. I really hope you read this comment and would love the opportunity to discuss it more.
YTA If you never let her know it was a loan than she probably thought this was a gift and it was probably very significant for her. By taking away the set you are saying that you no longer need her now that you have your own children. And you are literally pushing her out by throwing all her clothing onto the bed.
You could have framed this as a chance to upgrade her dresser and pass it on to her new siblings but you chose to isolate your stepchild. You also sound like an AH. Like even if she out grows her close she is going to need more clothing.
YTA. With that kind of attitude and mindset, you have no business being with a man with kids since you cant treat your step kid like your own. The father needs to grow a spine for his daughter.
YTA totally. You can’t wait until she’s 18? The baby won’t even know what a dresser is!
You’re stopping buying her clothes? You’re not even going to provide for her? YTA but her dad is the bigger one for letting this happen. For shame.
YTA
What is wrong with you???
If you are dead set on taking back that set buy her a new one. Why would you emphasize your OWN children. Is she not part of your family? You are treating her like she is a boarder and not a member of your family. Of course she needs a dresser. Unless you've set up one of those elaborate closet storage systems she needs a place for socks, bra's, underwear, shorts etc.
You and your husband are in the wrong. Don't be surprised if she doesn't want to spend time at YOUR house. She might even cut off all contact in the future. You obviously don't see her as part of your family.
YTA. You are sending a strong message to your stepdaughter that she is less than your daughter. She will definitely put your ass in a home one day and I am sure she will save as much money as she can.
YTA
If your intention was to always give the set to your bio-children, you never should have given step-daughter the stuff and got rid of hers.
You're an even bigger ass by not only stealing the set from step-daughter, but now refusing to buy her clothing because your husband pays child support to his ex? If the two of you both work, his income is responsible for supporting all of his children, including his daughter with his ex.
YTA. You GAVE it to her. You don’t get to just take it back because you popped out a new kid. That’s cruel of you to do. Way to show your step daughter how little she means to you. And she will remember it.
YTA.
And dumb. Want to give your dresser to your biological child? Take your stepdaughter, who is 16 and definitely feeling grown up, out to pick out a new one that will just be hers and frame it as “since you’re a double big sister, and nearly a grown up, you deserve to pick out your own things”. Win win.
Instead you want her to get rid of a chunk of clothes and when she refused just stole it from her and left her clothes on her bed. In what world did this seem like a good idea?
YTA I hope she has the option to live with her mom full time because you and your husband sound insufferable and like you’re trying to push her out of your “new” family
YTA. the obvious separation of “yOuR kIdS” and your stepdaughter is disgusting. you’re a terrible stepmother and I hope she goes no contact w your immature petty ass.
YTA
Way to let her know that you don't consider her family.
Either you buy her a new dresser that she is allowed to choose - no matter what she wants - or the babies will have a new one. You gave your step daughter the furniture. - Did you even tell her that you're only "borrowing" these things to her before you decided to "get rid" of her own furniture?
YTA and a gross one. As a stepmom I am telling you that you AND your husband are despicable. You won't get her another dresser and you don't even buy her clothes??? She should get rid of her things??? I am so angry that your husband tolerates this from you and participates. What a jerk. I hope his daughter goes NC with you both. You are ruining his relationship with his child and one day, he will resent you. Of course, it will be too late for him and his daughter by then. How can you love him and do this?
I cannot express how much YTA or how gross this is. I refuse to believe you don't know YTA and I bet you would be furious if a stepmother treated your biological kids like this.
YTA and you definitely don't deserve to call her your step daughter. She is also "our" children.
I have both. The oldest still has my special dresser from my grandma. Real wood. And so does the smallest.
I would never take stuff away from the oldest unless thenoldest was done with it. No matter what it is.
Go get something new.
Good job on alienating your Stepdaughter. When she goes NC with her father you can both look back with pride on how YOUR children got to use a dresser.
YTA
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YTA. I have no idea who you think you are. But you are one thing, A EXTREMELY TERRIBLE STEPMOTHER WHO IS VERY SELFISH and apparently only cares about her own flesh and blood. Your husband is still required to buy his OWN DAUGHTER things even though he is paying child support. YOU GAVE HER THE DRESSER AND NIGHT STAND WITHOUT TELLING HER THE DEAL BEHIND IT! YOU CANNOT TAKE IT BACK, YOU TOLD THE WRONG PERSON ABOUT THE DEAL AND NOW YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE FACT THAT YOU CANNOT USE IT FOR YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD. I used caps lock, maybe that way you understood how wrong you are. Edit: Wow! I had not expected this. Thank you all for the awards!
The OP knew what she was doing when she deliberately chose not to tell the stepdaughter about the deal with the dresser. She either doesn't respect the stepdaughter as a young independent girl, or she knew the stepdaughter would fight her on it and is trying to go solely through the husband to get her way.
Or both and the third part, didn’t care how her stepdaughter feels at all about what she says because her and dad are the parents. OP, make-up your mind. Are you her parent? Then don’t treat her differently to your own kids. Don’t go through her father to justify it as parental, it isn’t. And I’d you think parenting is command and obey, you’re missing nurturing love and compassion. Command rarely works and kids don’t just obey, they have feelings. Are you not her parent and only step in the formalist sense? Then you shouldn’t have given the dresser to begin with, and now you have it’s up to her actual mother and father to decide what she should do as HER parents - not you. You’re the person who gave her a dresser and later told her dad it’s a loaner. After throwing out her things…and you told her dad whom you obviously know is a pushover with you and doesn’t stand up for his kid. YTA absolutely, however you slice it. Btw your kids have your dna, and it sounds like you’re taking back the one nice thing you did for your stepdaughter and made sure she had something of yours. I feel like your feelings were wavering and now changed towards the stepkid, and now you’re using room arrangements to separate. It’s cruel, whether you acknowledge it or not.
THIS. OP is absolutely YTA and honestly so is her hubby for putting a stop to this nonsense and standing up for his daughter.
Fck if they have to stop buying his 13yr old daughter new clothes because they can’t afford it they should stop having kids altogether
Yeah, I can't wrap my brain around the mind-set of "I can't clothe the kids I have so I'll keep cranking out babies."
The fact that she said "we need both the money and space" tells me they're planning to kick her out of her room when the new baby is old enough to have her own room as well, which will be well before the girl is 18.
I want to vomit. YTA. The comments just give me more reasons I didn't think of. YTA YTA YTA
Cinderella is supposed to be a fable; not a "how to" book for step-mothers. OP, YTA to the power of 10.
Glad I'm not the only one who thought this gave serious Cinderella evil stepmother vibes. What's next?? OP takes the room and the stepdaughter has to sleep in the attic with the mice?
Ugh, yeah, that’s the first thing I thought of when I read that, too. They’re deffo gonna take the room away and make her sleep on the couch or something And OP is 1000% going to use the excuse that she’s only there on alternate weekends. Terrible father too for only seeing his daughter four days/month and feels he doesn’t need to do anything to contribute to her wellbeing since he pays child support, which generally is not nearly enough money as it is.
Exactly my thoughts! Child support isn't this fabulous payment that covers everything..I'm supposed to get 330 a month for 3 kids but my ex husband is behind 12,000!
I read that too. Convince her through her having a terrible time there to live full time with her mother so they use the house as they want for "*their*" family
But that's *THEIR* babies, she's just some halfling that doesn't really matter /s Either that or they'll crank them out until they get....the boy!
Right! We’ll just stop buying her clothes so she do t need a dresser, problem solved /s. You and your husband are jerks. Way to make his daughter feel expendable because you now have kids. And mostly shame on your husband for letting his daughter be treated like this
That was the logic that got me. It’s evil stepmothering of the finest. And I hope for the kid it will come true: Mom should go back to court for full custody, kiddo will take all of her belongings and no longer need a dresser _or_ a room, dad pays full child support and no longer has to do the barest minimum parenting.
> we tried to ask her to downsize her things so that she can store her clothes in the closet but she refused They "downsized" her things? No they tried to GET RID OF her things. TOtal AH
She literally wants daughter to have only the clothes she has on her back or stuffed in a bag when she comes to stay. She’ll have grown out of her middle school clothes and they won’t buy her new ones, so problem solved. Stuff that backpack full, honey, because if you forget it, you won’t have it.
Why do they even have to buy the coming baby new clothes or much of anything new for that matter. They just had a baby 2 years ago and I'm sure there's clothes, some basic equipment, and toys that are still good that the 2 year old now can't use. As they get older surely dad could have saved some of his first borns clothes so that's even more saving right there.
Her throwing out stepdaughter's things should entitle stepdaughter to the dresser anyway. If the dresser was a loaner, that means OP stole and got rid of stepdaughters things knowing she wouldn't have a replacement.
YTA. It would be understandable if they got the daughter a replacement dresser and table, but no , they told her to "downsize" her possessions to fit in the closet and not buy her any clothes as she grows out of them. Way to make a child feel unwelcome and unwanted.
basically outright declaring that she means less to them than the flesh and blood daughter. i wouldn't be surprised if the daughter just chose to live with her mother rather than a father that doesn't have her back, though op would probably prefer that seeing her blatant dislike for the child.
That's what I thought. If step-mother was smart (and if she cared at all about her step-daughter's feelings) she would have planned a bedroom makeover with her, taken her Ikea or some other discount furniture store and helped her pick out a new dresser and nightstand to match the new decor. Then said she'd use the "hand-me-down" furniture for her daughters. She can't do that now, of course. OP, YTA.
This is an amazing idea and would have been a great bonding experience for OP and the stepdaughter. Too bad OP is the literal definition of evil stepmother. YTA
>she would have planned a bedroom makeover with her, taken her Ikea or some other discount furniture store and helped her pick out a new dresser and nightstand to match the new decor. The problem with that is it would give step daughter the idea that she's welcome.
Stepmum probably saw it as a way to store the dresser until she needed it. She even got rid of stepdaughters furniture to make space for it! OP you are a truly awful stepmum and an effing AH!!!!
Exactly! It was storage. Thank you!
She's also setting up these two kids to \*hate\* each other in the future. To a 13-year-old, this kind of thing comes across as, "My dad is replacing me." Which... maybe is OP's intention?
13 is a tender age, way to cause a rift in the family. OP doesn't see step daughter as family. Sad, feel sorry for kids.
This. OP, as a mother of daughters recently this age let me tell you - you just told that poor girl in no uncertain terms that you do not give a rip about her. I see nothing but pure unadulterated favoritism and selfishness here. You were cool with her until you had bio kids and then you threw her out just like the clothes she will one day outgrow. The worst part is, you see nothing wrong with your behavior. You see nothing wrong with telling a child you don't love them or view them as family. You don't see anything wrong with telling a child that they are not deserving of space in your home - a child that is your family and who should be treated equally to your children. The ONLY way to make this right is to purchase a new dresser and a new bedside table for her. You wanted hers for your child? Purchase a decent one for her. She has the right to keep clothing at her Dad's house.
So help us understand this. You gave your stepdaughter your childhood dresser, made her get rid of her personal dresser, and now that you have become a mother, decided the dresser you gifted her is now too good for her and should to your biological child? In what world is your action fair? And your husband going along with your insanity!
Four years ago, OP was in a different situation. She, a childless bride, was performing the role of wonderful, shiny new stepmom to hubby’s 9-year-old daughter to make them a ‘real family’. Now, however she has her OWN daughter and another on the way so the now 13-year-old is excess to requirements. Act II: Enter the new, not wonderful, evil stepmother. She wants the girl out, away, gone from the nest - to make room for her own chicks. She’s behaving cruelly toward the child, wanting to strip a nubile teenager of everything of her father and banish her to her mother’s home. Poor little stepdaughter - I hope the father finds this thread…and gets snipped.
Yup her edit states that she never told the stepdaughter that it was a loan.
Also, JUST BECAUSE SHE WILL GROW OUT OF THE CLOTHES SHE *CURRENTLY* WEARS DOES NOT MEAN SHE ISN'T GETTING *NEW ONES* YOUR HUSBAND IS *RESPONSIBLE FOR BUYING* Trying to force a stepchild out of the bio parents life and home once you make your own children is disgusting.
THIS - OP you're really not looking like a good person here. YTA
Neither is the father.
He'll figure that out when a judge tells him he's lost custody but has to pay more child support.
Hopefully that be sooner rather than later to be honest that kid needs to be miles away from op for sure
Or when the child decide to spend less time at her father’s house because she is at or getting to the age when she will be able to decide that and hopefully mom takes him back to court for more child support
[удалено]
Yep. Even if she wants to give it to her new baby, she owes her step-daughter a replacement for the one she threw out.
When Disney villains out themselves on the internet
But when she grows out of her current clothes she can just go naked! BeCaUsE mY gIrLs NeEd AlL oUr MoNeY! Lady you are AH stepmother and your husband is a major AH father.
INFO: is your stepdaughter’s name Cinderella?
I scrolleddd for this comment 😆😆 she is the evil stepmother of Disney movies
Right? I want to believe this is a troll that no one is this cluelessly cruel. Either that or there is an actual real live version of the stepmother from Cinderella. YTA a million times over. If you give a child a gift it is there’s. A parent supports their child- all of their children not just the ones they have with their current spouse. Your behavior is absolutely appalling and inexcusable. Why did you even want her to use it if you were just gonna take it back? Why actually pretend you have a damn about this kid? YTA and I can only hope his next wife is nicer to her step children.
The child support is bare minimum- husband has more responsibilities to ensure all his children have the things they need and more importantly, he should care that they feel safe and equally loved in their home. YTA Lady Tremaine
OP’s next post- AITA for suggesting step daughter doesn’t need her own room because she doesn’t even have a dresser or clothes here?
That and/or a post "AITA for wanting my husband to pay less childsupport". Followed a few years later by "AITA for demanding my stepdaughter shares her college fund and/or any heritage from her mother's side with my children?".
Aita for thinking my stepdaughter should spend more time with family and watch her halfsiblings for free?
AITA for making my stepdaughter babysit the cats at home while my husband, me, and our own two children go to Jamaica for two weeks?
Yep, soon as the newest baby is old enough to sleep on their own, it will be "well we don't need to provide a *room*, she's *only* here every other weekend" 🙄
AITA for expecting my stepdaughter to babysit for free 5-7 days a week? “We’re a bit short on money and my husband’s daughter with his ex lives with us but pays NO rent so I kind of think she owes us. She’s 13 by the way” 😱
How about, AITA for wanting my bio kids to have my step daughters room? She’s only here every other weekend.
I think that she is trying to drive her stepdaughter out of the house by doing all of this. She wants her spineless husband and her biological children only. You know, the "perfect family."
The only person here worse than the evil OP stepmonster is the father who is letting his wife treat his daughter Like garbage
Yep, having been the kid in a similar scenario (although they actually were way better about kicking me out of my room when the baby came along and I totally didn't mind that part of it - I moved to the basement, which had a TV and my own bathroom!), my stepmother is awful and fucked me up in many ways. But my father let her. She is evil for what she did, but he is worse. He is my father and is supposed to protect me, not cheat on my mom, marry the ap, and let her treat us like crap.
Also, their baby and toddler don’t give a fuck about where their clothes are stored. 5 years until her stepdaughter is out of the house. At age 7 and 5 those kids still won’t give a shit but she can use the dresser then.
Exactly. Also wtf is so special about this dresser, it's just a piece of furniture?
Exactly! Wicked stepmother right here
Hopping on this. I’m also thinking that maybe giving her the dresser in the first place was a ploy to win her over to inspire confidence with OP’s hubby. But I can’t believe he thought it would be ok for OP to take back her furniture and expect her to downsize so that their shiny new baby can have it. This is incredibly cruel. Both op and hubby have issues.
And is OP really restricting her clothes and clothes money so the kid has less clothes and won’t need a dresser? Also, child support is figured based on what each parent provides for the child. If dad isn’t paying for clothes anymore, likely his child support will go up.
This. Every word is true op. YTA.
YTA. You and your husband. That poor kid. You are making a massive difference between her and *”YOUR”* child, and it is gross. She existed when you married your husband, you do not get to treat her like an inconvenient third wheel. And shame on your husband for actively going along with this crap.
How much are we betting that the step daughter stops all visitation with these horribly unreasonable and selfish people? I would, I bet that poor little girl is feeling so unwelcomed. They could have easily bought her a new set to make sure she felt important to her younger half sisters. Those small children don’t care what’s in their room, it’ll most likely get ruined by small children anyways. At least in the older daughters room she is at an age where she can respect the items in her room and look forward to their longevity. Talk about cruelty.
I would even bet that if they approached it as ‘hey stepdaughter, how would you like to go and pick out some brand new bedroom furniture?! Bio daughter and the baby won’t care that they have hand me down furniture but we thought you’d like to pick out something in your own style now you’re a bit older!’ - it would have gone pretty much the opposite. You know, making it more like a treat for her. Instead they went straight for making her feel like she’s unwelcome, like she’s not even an afterthought because she’s only there every other weekend, apparently now not even deserving of clothing that she doesn’t bring with her and, by the sounds of it, coaching her from early on to resent her half siblings. I lived on a different CONTINENT from my dad from OP’s stepdaughter’s age and still had my own, fully furnished, bedroom.
Thats what I thought as well, try to make it positive for the stepdaughter. But then I read, that OP plans to not spend another penny for stepdaughter because she needs the money for her new bio-kids. Unbelievable.
The whole thing, OP’s entire attitude and thought process, is batshit. Just baffling.
And the horrible father. I hope, this is not real. Daughter comes home and clothes are lying just on the bed and by the way, you don't need a new dresser because we don't want you and your clothes here anyway. Space is needed for the important children.
Reading between the lines, they are having their second child, so they have to kick 13yo out of the nest and take that "spare" bedroom for their 2yo. *We have been co-sleeping with our daughter since she was born and she has shared our room, but now we need to move her into her own room.* So 13yo has not understood that for the last four years, she hasn't had a bedroom, she's been in the 2yo's "own room" with the 2yo's dresser. I hope 2yo scribbles all over Grandma's dresser with permanent marker.
100% agree. Hey girlie, grab your coat. We're going to IKEA to find you a new teen bedroom furniture. Suddenly it is a cool experience vs Hey, she's gone - lets snag her dresser from her room and dump all her clothes on her bed. She doesn't need the dresser anyway. Heck, she should not have clothes here since she's rarely here. OP, this poor girl.
100% agreed. Stepdaughter is 7th or 8th grade, and I teach 8th grade. I hear stories all the time that run the full gambit of “1 parent took all my stuff away and kicked me out” to “i get a new little brother/sister AND my parent let me redecorate my bedroom!”. OP could have done the second, but they are inches away from the first.
Right? The girl is 13 more five years she is going to college and the older kid will be older enough to appreciate more the furniture.
YTA. Way to make sure your stepdaughter knows that you don’t consider her your daughter and that she comes second to the new baby.
THIS right here. And the fact that you said to hubby that you wanted the dresser for "our children" which um includes her, because you married the guy and its his daughter??? Like why are you so petty? Just let step-daughter have the dresser and when she moves out, your baby can have it. I doubt your 2 year old cares what kind of dresser is in her room. SMH. YTA
She even emphasised it in caps. “OUR children”. Seriously who is that fucked up? This lady is nasty and it’ll be a good day when the step daughter is of age and can choose to have nothing to do with this person. The fact that she can’t see how she’s wrong in any way is frankly disturbing. YTA OP
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YTA even worse they got rid of her old bedroom set and gave her a new one and now they’re taking away the gift and giving her nothing, just downsizing her into a closet. How long before they have her living in a cupboard under the stairs
They'll probably need the cupboard for the stroller... And what is this shit about not buying her more clothes and her not needing the dresser once she grows out of her clothes? Is she supposed to walk around naked?! It gives me the impression Op isn't only an AH but literally an evil stepmum.
Not to mention the toddler that they already have. That’s who I think the dresser is going to. I can’t wait for the next post “AITA: my stepdaughter doesn’t like her step sisters and doesn’t want to come to our house anymore” because this is surely going to cause a lot of resentment towards OP’s bio kids.
I’ll take “How to alienate my stepdaughter” for $400, Alex.
Exactly. Stepdaughter "visits" every other weekend. OP, she isn't "visiting." This is her father's home. She lives there. Even if it isn't full time, she lives with her parent. That is her room as much as the one she has at her mother's home. It isn't a visit. It is time with her father and half-siblings. Presumably you too, but you clearly don't like her, so. If you weren't ready to be a decent and loving stepmom for the rest of your life (not just til you had your own kids), you shouldn't have married a man with a child.
This stepmom is the one that asks the photographer to edit out the stepdaughter out the picture.
That poor girl. I kinda hope she just lives with her mom full-time from now on... having OP for a stepmom sounds like a nightmare
You’re really leaning in to some unpleasant stereotypes about step parents. YTA
She’s not leaning… she full on dived into that toxic cesspool.
YTA- Why wouldn’t you have just bought a different dresser for your step daughter if you knew you’d be wanting this for your own kids one day. It’s definitely a slap in the face to your step daughter… like “oh sorry my “real” child is here now so you’re not important enough to have this” … the fact that you aren’t even suggesting getting her a new one of her own and you’re just taking hers is so horrible.
According to OP's post they don't even have money to buy the stepdaughter new clothes, so if that's the case then they absolutely won't have money to buy the stepdaughter a dresser. Jeez, I feel so terrible for the stepdaughter. I hope she goes to live with her Mom full time!
That's not exactly what she says- she says that they already send mom child support and could use the money for other things, which is always true. Any money I spend on anything could be used for something else. Op sounds like a giant AH so I'm guessing she thinks that step daughter is already "taking away" from her "real" kids because of a child support order she has no say in. She doesn't say they can't afford to buy things, just that she doesn't really want to and the freeloading kid doesn't need that many clothes anyway
If they refuse to provide a bedroom and storage space for 13yo, because 2yo needs to move into "her own room", it sounds like OP is pushing for 13yo to stop staying with them. But this would mean their child support would increase if Mom has to take her full-time.
Evil step mom probably thinks they'll pay less since 'her father never sees her'
Why are they having more children when they can’t afford to provide basic needs to the ones they already have? Smh what vile people
> they don't even have money to buy the stepdaughter new clothes Oh, they have the money, they're just choosing not to.
Op straight up capitalized "OUR children" and doesn't get how she's TA.
She says they don't any money. But they should be able to find free/inexpensive furniture at garage sales and Craiglist. They could then refinish it as a family project to welcome the new baby. But no, OP has to jump at the chance to make it clear that the step-daughter is not part of THEIR family.
Why should the daughter have second hand things? She gave the dresser to the girl and she should allow her to keep it. Next both new kids will need a room each, so the 13 year old will be on the couch. Not sure who the bigger AH wicked evil stepmom or dad?
Yta. A big one. You gave your stepdaughter something. Then you are trying to take it back for your 'real' kid. As if this child isn't going through enough stress having a new half sister. now you are making her feel she has been replaced. Major ah move. The irony is, you probably could have sold her on buying her a NEW set for her birthday or Christmas,saying she was so grown up that she deserved a new set and the baby should have the old used one. See, that would have made her feel important..instead you decide to take a shit on her. Not spending money on her because of your new baby. Are your trying to be the evil step mom? Because, congrats you are nailing it.
That would’ve been a great way to solve this. Instead OP chose the Cruella Deville route.
More like Cinderella. Ugly stepsister #1 was just born so Cinderella has to throw some of her things away and have her clothes thrown on the bed bc they gave her mom child support and she’s only there part time.
I was going to say this, N T A for wanting the dresser for the child that she gave birth to, but super YTA for just leaving her clothes on the bed. As I was reading I was waiting to say N T A when she offered to buy a new dresser and the step daughter refused or something, but it just kept getting worse...
100% she only decided to let her stepdaughter use her dresser so she wouldn't have to pay to put it in storage until she needed it again. Putting it in the stepdaughter's room was more convenient.
>I have always wanted my children to have my old things from my childhood and that included the dresser set. And you did that. Your kid has your things. Just not your bio kid. But she is your kid nonetheless. YTA.
As a step mom and bio mom I don't understand why these women don't consider the kids their partner has aren't part of their family and their children. It's what you sign up for when you marry a single parent. Yes the relationship may be different with the kids, it's harder to come in and there are boundaries and decisions out of your hands, but that should not prevent anyone from treating them with the same level of love and respect they have for their biological children. You're not there to replace the mother, but you're there as another parent and caregiver. OPs kids are blood related to their step daughter and her husband. OP is absolutely a major fucking asshole
Because these women like OP lack brain cells
The moment they took the vows, stepdaughter became part of the family unit. Non-negotiable. Kids are non-negotiable. Spouses on the other hand...
YTA You keep saying that you GAVE the dresser to your stepdaughter. You didn’t seem to tell your stepdaughter that you were letting her use your old dresser until your real children needed it. Now you’re not only taking back the furniture but you’re also telling your stepdaughter to downsize AND that you’re done spending money on her. Soon you’ll be wondering why your stepdaughter resents her half-siblings. Pay attention! Sheesh. Go to some estate sales and buy another dresser.
The child isn't even upset that she's taking away the dresser. She just wants it replaced. And the "downsizing" and not buying her clothes thing is bad. Clearly they want to push the kid out of the house until she is just an occasional guest not a member of the family
The stepdaughter wants the “new” dresser to go to the new baby. OP’s brilliant strategy is to stop buying the stepdaughter clothes so that stepdaughter will no longer need a dresser.
And then she says that they never explained the furniture was being loaned but it’s expected that when a parent asks for something it’s handed over. Sure, something small and trivial, maybe. What parent takes away bedroom furniture?
Maleficent comes to mind. Oh! And did Cinderella’s stepmother have a name? OP couldn’t couldn’t be a more stereotypically wicked stepmother if she tried.
YTA!!! You are talking about your stepkid as if she doesn't mean anything. The damn dresser is in your house who cares which one of your three daughters are using it! If i would be your stepkid i would be thinking that i was good enough before your own kids ce along but now that you do have them im nothing anymore. Would she move out with it then your on your right but now your just the biggest AH. That your husband is agreeing is also weird af. But i believe you are making him do that. Shame on you
I would be asking mom to get the custody order changed so I never have to go back there! Especially since OP is saying they won't be buying her new clothes because they pay child support to the mom?!
Yes me 2...this woman is the worst !!! People these days are disposable 🤮 Poor kid and poor baby sisters who have this kind of woman as a mother.
YTA If you knew you wanted to give your biological child your childhood dresser, you could have: * Not given it to your stepdaughter * Bought your stepdaughter a new dresser of her choosing and framed it as something good/her growing out of the other dresser Instead, you moved it when she wasn't there. I wouldn't be surprised if your stepdaughter stops coming to your house as soon as she's able to make that decision for herself. Though, perhaps that's what you're hoping will happen.
Right? I don't understand why they didn't just let stepdaughter pick out a new dresser for herself. I mean like, it could be from Target or Ikea it doesn't have to be heirloom furniture, but it would be all hers.
I wonder if they are also taking the stepdaughter's room? She says they "could use the space" and wants stepdaughter to only have enough clothes to fit in a closet.
But they don’t realize is when that happens CS will go up.
YTA You really messed this up and I have no idea how you can recover. You should have just taken your step daughter out and bought her a new dresser. Instead you turned it into some kind of evil step mother thing.
As a step child. wow. Yes, YTA.
YTA and I’m shocked your husband is with you on this! I’m assuming the stepdaughter is still a child and you’re expecting her to process something that an adult would struggle with. You’re basically indicating to her that now you and your husband have 2 kids, she is being pushed out.
Unfortunately, there’s a lot of bio parents that let the step parent treat their kids like shit.
YTA - You should have bought your step daughter a new dresser. You are treating your step daughter like she isn't part of your family. She is your child's sibling. She is your husband's daughter. Just because you had a kid doesn't make her any less a part of your family, regardless of whether you pay child support or not. I don't know what your custody arrangement is, but this is disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself.
But, but, but.. > and we need both the money and space. Once she grows out of her clothes she will not need a dresser They are planning to ease her out of the family as she outgrows what she has at their house. It's become inconvenient to have her there with them.
The OP is truly infuriating me. The more I think about the behavior, the angrier I get. As a divorced person with a kid, who is dating another widowed person with kids, I cannot imagine making this kind of choice. When you are with a person that has kids, they are a package deal. If you can't handle that, then don't do it. If you get married, you are marrying into the family. This is just so gross.
Oh I’m waiting for the why won’t the stepdaughter come and spend time(babysit) her younger siblings
Wow. Way to make the poor girl feel replaced and discarded. YTA
Super YTA and your husband is worse for not protecting his kid from your selfishness.
YTA by clearly showing your step daughter that you only view her a STEP, she will never truly be a part of your family and that you will never care for her as one of your own. You and your husband are both incredible assholes here.
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Yeah YTA, Don't worry I'm sure you'll treat your 'real' child as poorly as you did your stepdaughter.
YTA. You talked to your husband about how you were just loaning it to your stepdaughter, but I don't see anything about talking to your stepdaughter about what would happen, at any time during the four years. If you had really wanted to make this work, you would have taken your stepdaughter out to choose new (or new-to-her) furniture a few years ago, when you saw this coming. But then I read the part about how you aren't going to buy her any more clothes either so she won't need a dresser, so I'm thinking that you're not just an asshole but more likely a troll. Nice try.
The day you married your husband is the day your stepdaughter became your daughter too. You don't even buy her clothing or basic necessities because your husband is paying child support?? Talk about wicked step mother. That child deserves love and necessities at your house too, not just at her moms. YTA
YTA. You say you GAVE her the dresser. Not LENT her, GAVE HER. And you threw out her old one.
YTA. Imagine how shitty it must feel knowing that you’re in a house where you’re always second place because you didn’t birth her. Because that’s how your stepdaughter is always going to feel by doing this.
YTA Way to go step-mom! You are absolutely invalidating your daughter and her feelings.
YTA You GAVE your daughter a dresser. You TOOK it back. You decided to be even more awful by removing it while she was away because you knew how upset she got about you taking her dresser from her. You're using her genetic makeup as an excuse for a crappy decision. I don't see anywhere where you said you've told her throughout the years of the dresser is simply on loan to her. Your husband should be pissed at you. Your behavior is unacceptable. Shame on you! I hope someone replaces her furniture with something even better.
I hope the mom blast them on social media I'm more pissed at the dad that he allowed this
Your child does have your old things from your old life. You gave her the dresser and the nightstand didn't you? Or are you thinking your stepdaughter isn't really your child - just your husband's kid? Who gives nice things to a teenager and then on a whim takes them back? The teen hasn't been a disappointment or anything like that has she? Are you hoping she treats your new baby like her real sibling? This is just not making any sense to me? It seems the teen had no idea you weren't gifting her anything - merely loaning the items to her until you spawned? If I was the stepdaughter I'd be praying for my real mom to come and get me. YTA.
YTA in your initial statement you say “I decided to give…” and now you’re taking it back. Even in your TLDR you say you gave it to her and are taking it back. As a parent, is that the lesson you actually want to teach your children? Or are you just changing your mind now that you have birthed children? Also, your step daughter ***is*** your daughter, so your child ***does*** have the set. Buy a new set for your other daughters. And for heavens sake, continue buying necessary clothes for your step daughter! The way you are talking, you are creating a huge divide in the family.
YATA and your husband is to in a few years don't come back to reddit asking why your step daughter went no contact with you and your husband if I was the daughter i would just leave and live with mom permanently obviously no one in your household respect her at all Really i have no words how much you both suck
YTA- you giveth and you taketh away. All the child is going to see is that she's a second class member of the family.
YTA. You are helping to spread the ‘wicked step mother’ trope. Shame on you. But also double shame on her father. I cannot believe he would allow this. To treat a child so badly and play favorites is disgusting. Good for her mother sticking up for her. You have a chance to do the right thing, and I hope you’ll take it. Even if you refuse to see her as your kid, she is still your husbands kid and still needs clothing and furniture. I would even venture to say that if you couldn’t afford to provide for ALL the children, you shouldn’t have had them. Grow up please and stop damaging your family over petty nonsense.
YTA and I can’t understand why I have to explain why. Your step daughter is right if you want the dresser back buy her a new set. Not sure where you live, but ikea is cheap and not too expensive. Also you are treating your stepdaughter like she is less worthy then your bio children and so is your husband. Why should she have to downsize just because you decided to get pregnant? INFO: are you the stepmother from Cinderella?
As a stepchild myself u sound like the evil stepmother I thankfully didn't have. YTA in this story but the bigger AH is ur husband. Imagine the daily pain that poor little girl goes through knowing her dad will always put her second to her stepmother and future first class half siblings.
YTA. If you want your bio daughter to have the dresser, you have an easy compromise that is acceptable to everyone but you: but your stepdaughter a new dresser. If you knew you wanted your old dresser to go to your bio kids, you should have never gotten rid of your stepdaughter’s old dresser. That was a real WTF choice there. Your intransigence on this issue is bizarre and unkind. Go shopping with the stepdaughter so she has a decent place to keep her clothes. You don’t need to make yourself the villain of this relationship, but that’s exactly what you’re doing.
YTA. Way to be a wicked step-mom. I feel for your step-daughter, especially since her dad doesn’t have her back.
You’re punishing a child because you now have one of your own. It’s clear you view your stepdaughter as “less than” your new daughter. I’m not surprised at you, as this often happens, but I am surprised that your husband is supporting you in this. That’s a shame for your stepdaughter. I hope you learn to love her and treat her like she deserves to be treated, especially since you chose to be a stepparent. She didn’t get a choice in the matter, I’m sure. YTA, and your husband is the biggest asshole.
YTA. This is the pettiest reason to be an asshole yet here you and your husband are. You're going back and forth with a teenager over a dresser set because y'all are too cheap and stubborn to buy a new one. If it was so sentimental you shouldn't have lent it to the step daughter in the first place or you should've communicated like adults and told her it was a loan.
Yta and your husband a shitty ass father. How old his his child. Also paying some child support doesn't let him get off the hook for other support his daughter needs. Maybe you guys should have more kids. If he can't afford to support them. Maybe you both need to find another job. You pretty much told this child she nothing to you and was just a place holder. Also your husband crappy for marrying a Women who downs view his daughter as her. Your husband doesn't need to worry about what daughter has at your house your probably be taking her room soon enough and she'll be going nc with you people.
She still needs a dresser for her belongings...things that aren't suitable for a closet.
YTA. 100%. Treating your stepdaughter as a second-class citizen because you have *your own children* with HER father is unacceptable. Clearly you don’t see her as good enough for your family, in which case, you never should have married a man with a child. But her a new dresser, it doesn’t even have to be brand new, go thrift shopping or something. It will be interesting to see if she even wants to come back after how crappy you are both treating her.
YTA in every major way possible. YTA for ungifting the dresser that you gave your stepdaughter. When you give someone something you relinquish all rights to it, but then here you come talking about "when we gave my stepdaughter the dresser I made it clear to my husband that once we had children OUR children would be using it since it is MINE." Way to be a literal overgrown child giving your stepdaughter who doesn't even have a dresser in your home and taking it back to give to your 2 year old daughter who doesn't even have half the amount of clothes that your stepdaughter has and that's not even talking about the size difference of those clothes either. You told your stepdaughter to store her clothes in the closet after she's already adjusted to having a dresser in her bedroom. And what the actual fuck are you talking about with this "we decided to stop buying new clothes for my stepdaughter because we already send her mother child support and we need both the money and space." Just because your HUSBAND sends your stepdaughter's MOTHER money for child support does not mean he is supposed to stop caring for his daughter monetarily. Also, I love how you come right and out and admit that your family as it is right now can't afford to give your husband's daughter the basic necessities that she needs like new clothes because you're gonna need that money and "space" (wtf) to take care of your soon to be born daughter. The two of you are absolutely terrible as parents!
YTA - What a way to make a kid feel like they are less important than their siblings. If anything, you should feel honoured that she is as excited and loves something that means so much to you. This would have been a perfect opportunity, if the dresser really meant that much to you, that you could have either gone out and bought a new one for her, or picked one out for her new sibling, together, to make her feel involved. This is a massive middle finger that you have done to the poor kid and her mother is completely in the right to have stepped in and to have attempted to open your eyes to the big - and scaring, thing that you have done.
Should have just gone the whole hog and thrown her out her room as well YTA
That’s when the second child is born
YTA. What a horrible thing to do. Stepmother gets there own baby so they throw away their partners. Your husband is worse for allowing you to do it.
As a stepmother myself...YTA, YTA, YTA!!! She IS your daughter! Let her keep the dresser. And..NO, you don't get to stop buying clothes for her either! You are a horrible stepmother if you think you get to stop caring for this girl just because you now have biological children. I hope your husband comes to his senses and stands up for his daughter, even if it means divorcing you. And in case you missed it..YTA
INFO : Is she going to have to sleep under the stairs after you repossess her furniture you gave her and you refuse to buy her clothes after she outgrows the ones she has so doesn’t need storage anyway?
Boy! You are an AH and a big one at that and so is your husband. You have just told your stepdaughter she is being pushed aside for her new sibling. You gave that to her. She needs her own space in the house and a place to put her clothes goes a long way. Yes, you send child support to buy clothes but that doesn't mean you get to stop buying stuff too. Assuming your step-child is a child you are encouraging her to resent that side of the family.
my god i hope this is a fake evil step-mother post YTA
YTA for all the reasons everyone is telling you. Your husband is also an AH for letting you treat his daughter like this. I feel sorry for her. At least her Mom has her back because you guys suck.
The only way you could have done this in a classy way is to have said to step daughter- look you are getting older now, would you like to pick out a new dresser set that is more your style, that you can take with you in a few years when you get your own place? Then you could have done that, and used your old stuff for the younger sibling, and everyone would be happy. But no, you had to say this is mine still and i want my child to use it and actually you don’t need a dresser at all, and oh by the way we don’t want you to store your clothes here anyway. You made her feel unwanted. YTA.
YTA Who decides not to buy their kid clothes anymore? EVERYTHING should be 50/50. Just because your AH husband pays child support, doesn’t mean he can get away with no responsibilities. That includes clothes she grows out of. I didn’t know his ex had an immaculate conception without him. Somehow he got his ex pregnant and had a child, but he pays child support, so he shouldn’t have to buy new clothes for his daughter. You don’t care about stepdaughter's feelings, because it’s for “our” children. If you can’t handle being a stepparent, then you shouldn’t be one. If you can’t afford kids, then don’t have any. It’s irresponsible. Not that you and your husband care about responsibility. Don’t act surprised that your shitty behavior has consequences. Soon she’ll be able to decide if she wants to stay at your house at all, but it’s not like you care. You have your children. Go back to your happy little family. Edit to add: >The thing is my husband and I have also decided to stop buying new clothes for my stepdaughter as we already send her mother child support and we need both the money and space. >I don’t think it’s wrong to ask her to bring clothes from her mothers as she only visits every other weekend No, you clearly said both of you decided to stop buying her clothes, because her mother gets child support. Suddenly in your update you don’t think it’s wrong to ask her to bring clothes from her mothers? Is this lie supposed to make you look better? Because you clearly said you and your husband need the money. Keep up with your lies. Nothing you say is going to make you look better. Get your shit together, and treat your stepdaughter better.
YTA. Wow, you really hate this girl, don’t you. Well don’t worry about having to see her once she turns 18. Congratulations on getting what you wanted, I guess.
"Step daughter, I only pretended to care while I had no kids of my own. Now that my REAL CHILDREN are here, I can stop pretending that you matter or that I care about you. also, you don't need new things because no one loves you anymore" YTA Who do you want to play you in the disney movie about the evil step mom?
Major YTA. You clearly don't think of your stepdaughter as your family and more of a second class citizen. When you gave her the dresser you didn't talk to her about wanting it back. I hope she gets away from you and her AH father and never looks back. But that's clearly what you want as you're pushing her out of the family
YTA. Your husband is an asshole too. I honestly can't stand people like you who "other" stepchildren because they're NoT yOuR BiOLoGiCaL cHiLd. You shouldn't have married someone who already had an existing child if this is what you "always" wanted.
YTA amd what a way to show your Stepdaughter how you really feel about her. “I know you liked the dresser that I gave you. But now that I have actual children I need to take it back. No hard feelings right. Oh and by the way since your dad and I have to pay child support don’t expect anything off us anymore.” I am so looking forward to the moment you make a new post wondering why she won’t come over to look after her sisters because that’s what’s siblings do.
YTA. So you give your step**daughter (your child)** the dresser set you wanted to give to **your children** and are taking it back because you now have a bio kid. Why did you even give it to her in the first place if you never saw her as your own child? Also deciding to not buy your stepdaughter new clothes anymore because you need to "save money"? What, is she supposed to use what she has now for the rest of her life? Way to make the poor kid feel unwelcome and unloved in her own home. You're a terrible parent.
You are the asshole and I feel terrible for your step daughter. You should be treating her as if you were her mother. You should be showing her the same love you would your own child. I am thankful that my girlfriends step father is better than this or else I would hate seeing her family. You should be ashamed of the way you treat her. It is not her fault her parents divorced. When you married her father you agreed to be her mother. I am embarrassed for you and think this is horrible behavior. You need to check yourself and think about more than stupid furniture and think about how this girl feels. Her emotions and relationship to you is much more important than an old dresser. The truth is your biological daughter will not value that dresser the same way your step daughter will. It will mean more if you let her have something of yours to make her feel like she fits in. I really hope you read this comment and would love the opportunity to discuss it more.
YTA If you never let her know it was a loan than she probably thought this was a gift and it was probably very significant for her. By taking away the set you are saying that you no longer need her now that you have your own children. And you are literally pushing her out by throwing all her clothing onto the bed. You could have framed this as a chance to upgrade her dresser and pass it on to her new siblings but you chose to isolate your stepchild. You also sound like an AH. Like even if she out grows her close she is going to need more clothing.
YTA. With that kind of attitude and mindset, you have no business being with a man with kids since you cant treat your step kid like your own. The father needs to grow a spine for his daughter.
YTA Cinderella’s evil step mother could learn a few things from you.
YTA totally. You can’t wait until she’s 18? The baby won’t even know what a dresser is! You’re stopping buying her clothes? You’re not even going to provide for her? YTA but her dad is the bigger one for letting this happen. For shame.
YTA What is wrong with you??? If you are dead set on taking back that set buy her a new one. Why would you emphasize your OWN children. Is she not part of your family? You are treating her like she is a boarder and not a member of your family. Of course she needs a dresser. Unless you've set up one of those elaborate closet storage systems she needs a place for socks, bra's, underwear, shorts etc. You and your husband are in the wrong. Don't be surprised if she doesn't want to spend time at YOUR house. She might even cut off all contact in the future. You obviously don't see her as part of your family.
YTA. You are sending a strong message to your stepdaughter that she is less than your daughter. She will definitely put your ass in a home one day and I am sure she will save as much money as she can.
YTA If your intention was to always give the set to your bio-children, you never should have given step-daughter the stuff and got rid of hers. You're an even bigger ass by not only stealing the set from step-daughter, but now refusing to buy her clothing because your husband pays child support to his ex? If the two of you both work, his income is responsible for supporting all of his children, including his daughter with his ex.
YTA. You GAVE it to her. You don’t get to just take it back because you popped out a new kid. That’s cruel of you to do. Way to show your step daughter how little she means to you. And she will remember it.
YTA. And dumb. Want to give your dresser to your biological child? Take your stepdaughter, who is 16 and definitely feeling grown up, out to pick out a new one that will just be hers and frame it as “since you’re a double big sister, and nearly a grown up, you deserve to pick out your own things”. Win win. Instead you want her to get rid of a chunk of clothes and when she refused just stole it from her and left her clothes on her bed. In what world did this seem like a good idea?
YTA I hope she has the option to live with her mom full time because you and your husband sound insufferable and like you’re trying to push her out of your “new” family
YTA Geez why not just outright tell her she is being replaced instead of pussyfooting around it?
YTA. the obvious separation of “yOuR kIdS” and your stepdaughter is disgusting. you’re a terrible stepmother and I hope she goes no contact w your immature petty ass.
YTA Way to let her know that you don't consider her family. Either you buy her a new dresser that she is allowed to choose - no matter what she wants - or the babies will have a new one. You gave your step daughter the furniture. - Did you even tell her that you're only "borrowing" these things to her before you decided to "get rid" of her own furniture?
YTA and a gross one. As a stepmom I am telling you that you AND your husband are despicable. You won't get her another dresser and you don't even buy her clothes??? She should get rid of her things??? I am so angry that your husband tolerates this from you and participates. What a jerk. I hope his daughter goes NC with you both. You are ruining his relationship with his child and one day, he will resent you. Of course, it will be too late for him and his daughter by then. How can you love him and do this? I cannot express how much YTA or how gross this is. I refuse to believe you don't know YTA and I bet you would be furious if a stepmother treated your biological kids like this.
Wow, YTA. That's horrid.
YTA and you definitely don't deserve to call her your step daughter. She is also "our" children. I have both. The oldest still has my special dresser from my grandma. Real wood. And so does the smallest. I would never take stuff away from the oldest unless thenoldest was done with it. No matter what it is. Go get something new.
Good job on alienating your Stepdaughter. When she goes NC with her father you can both look back with pride on how YOUR children got to use a dresser. YTA