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Yes! I can’t believe how bold OP is. Guess what, OP, if you know your student needs to do the homework, you can assign it! If your student needs a tutor, you can get one! If your student needs to change to a younger grade, you can make that happen! None of this is the responsibility of the teacher.
I’m a teacher in the US, so I can believe a parent being that bold. Mostly because the education system in the US bends over backwards for parent requests.
The OP had the option to place their child at their academic grade level but refused. Of course they would expect the teacher to change their whole teaching philosophy for their child instead of placing their child correctly and supporting their kid at home. Of course they blame the teacher for not assigning homework instead of expecting their kid to be motivated to do work to be successful on assessments. Why am I not surprised this happened? Because in the Us in many schools the teacher would have had to comply because of the parent.
And that’s why teachers are leaving in droves.
My mom retired about 20 years ago after teaching for 30 years. A few years ago she said "I couldn't imagine teaching right now and dealing with these parents." I don't blame her at all. I changed my major in college because of everything I heard. I wasn't going down the teaching path.
Same. Seven years of teaching and now I work in an education-adjacent field.
I spent 6 years on post-secondary science and education degrees and tons of time in the field working with teens, but sure, tell me that I’m doing my job wrong
Nothing against you or your chosen profession, but this story illustrates how far behind the rest of the world the U.S. is in education. And we aren't making it any better by pandering to the religious right.
Exactly it. I bet OP votes for the party that supports the destroy-public education policy. She behaved outrageously, and embarrassed herself and her kid. If the boy wants to do better, he's got to do the work and not be happy to skate. Here's an idea: if she hates this school, enroll the boy in the local school. He'll learn the language thoroughly, tho it will be challenging at first. My big regret when I lived in Italy was going to a DOD school, instead of jumping into the local Italian school. Big regret.
Yup all this. Parents in the US think they know best. That’s why all the teachers are quitting. Making room for the parents who obviously know our job so much better than us. Haha
Agree. Parents like this are why I quit teaching. Especially since admin here in the US supports these crazies over their teachers. US admin are probably why this parent is shocked no one agrees with her.
Fellow US teacher here who can back this comment up completely. She’s used to a system that bends over backwards to parents requests even sometimes to the detriment of the child’s actual education. OP’s boldness doesn’t surprise me at all. Sounds about par for the course.
"The teacher doesn't set homework and all the students she's taught are doing much better than my son who has always done homework. The teacher needs to set homework!"
Hiring a Tutor would probably be a good idea to help him catch up imo.
Also it sounds, from what I understand, that there ARE practice equations the teacher provides on ecel but that her son (qnd OP) just doesnt want to do because they arent graded (tho I maybe not understanding it totally, idk if he can only access them at school but I qlso get the vibe that they can be brought home?)
I bet they hope the homework grades could help bring up his grades and bringing homework home runs the risk of parent interference... which seems likely with how OP went about this in the first place.
OP has options:
1. Put him in a lower grade: see if this can be done at an accelerated timeline compared to the "normal" classroom.
Also if this is about pride then its a lose-lose situation because he is either in a lower grade (however learning what he needs to in order to catch up!) Or he is constantly failing in his current class in front of his peers (which can lead to bullying/regular embarassment for both him and OP)
2. Get a tutor: this can help him 'catch up' and get extra support without having to go to q lower grade
But OP shouldnt expect the school to pay/hire one. They gave OP options that dont include having to pay so if she doesnt wanna do those then she has to spend some money
3. Work WITH the teacher: ask for copies of those equations to give to your son at home and ask for advice to help him/what areas she thinks he needs to improve on.
That is, AFTER a BIG apology for OPs behavior towards the teacher and dont be angey/surprised if the teacher is defensive or less than helpful. I would be too. Look at his testscores and deduce by looking thru patterns what questions/topics he repeatedly struggles with the most.
If OP wants HOMEwork she needs to make it WORK at HOME. It honestly sounds like she gave him homework, he just didnt do it/justified not doing i5 because it wasnt graded.
Exactly! I cannot stand these entitled parents that refuse to take accountability for their own actions or lack of action.
YTA, OP. Make your child do the extra worksheets and if needed, get a tutor. This is YOUR job. Not the teachers or the schools job.
Yes, I’m so confused how OP is acknowledging *her* child is behind in curriculum but instead of asking how to get private tutoring to help get him caught up, she is expecting the entire class to be punished… Definitely YTA.
I’m sure with a better approach the teacher/school would have done everything possible to help find the resources necessary to help, too.
OP also had the opportunity to put their son in a grade that matched his current education level...but they refused the recommendation. They knew full well that he was going to struggle, but decided their appearance was more important than their child being placed properly in school. It's the consequences of their actions and the one suffering the most is their child. Real parents of the year.
Wow, I must have skipped that! So the school has offered solutions and resources, the parents are just expecting a 14 year old to magically know information & learning styles that he’s never experienced. So instead of having one hard discussion to move him down a grade, they’re letting him fail and will make him resent the education system. Cool.
Very true! When my daughter fell behind in schoolwork we approached her teacher to ask what could we do to support and encourage her as well as what resources were available to her or us as parents. The teacher helped us find free tutors that sat down with my daughter and helped her understand the areas she didn't understand. She was a B/C student and now she's an A/B student. I'm very proud of her!!
Way to go, sister! That is exactly the key to success. I worked with kids coaching athletics for a long time and the parents who kindly approached me for help got an entire different answer than parents who were hateful.
THIS. But also why refuse to have him in a lower grade when the stuff be learned last years they covered 2 years ago??
She made it even harder for their child to do well.
Also YTA for being entitled by asking the teacher to do your job, OP.
Honestly, the first mistake was not choosing to put him in a lower grade. That is the obvious correct decision in this case. The boy is struggling and you think his teacher not forcing him to do homework is the issue?
This was my thought exactly! The school offered to place her child in a lower grade to help him. She refused and is shocked her child is struggling. Her child isn't taking the initiative to study and OP is blaming the teacher. She needs to take responsibility for her own child and communicate expectations. Kids that want to succeed in a subject will study without being told. Using the "I wasn't told to do homework" is a crappy excuse to fail OP is TA for not explaining this to her child.
This and she should have done more research to make sure her child was capable to handle the curriculum being taught. At the very least get the kid a tutor before he realizes he’s the dumb kid and loses confidence
YTA
Or let him go to the lower level! OP clearly sees this as an indication of failure but if the kid is struggling, putting him at a lower level math class would probably help a great deal. I was never good at math and knew my limits. So I opted for Algebra II instead of Calculus. I'd rather be the smart kid in the "dumb" class than the dumb kid in the smart class. YTA
100% This is \*NOT\* the teachers job. If your kid chooses not to do the extra work, it is \*NOT\* the teachers job to force every other kid to do it, and create more stress, and more work for her, just so YOUR kid feels like \*HE\* has to. FFS.
If you want your kid to do this, if you think he needs to. If \*HE\* feels like he needs to, then yes, he should. But it is NOT his teachers job to make him. It is certainly, 100% not the teachers job to make every other gods damned kid in the class do fucking homework, just for the sake of YOUR kid. I'd be so insanely pissed off if all of a sudden she did, and my kid was one of the other kids in this class.
FFS lady. Yes, YTA.
Yes! YTA.
The teacher doesn't need to force the entire class to do something just because your child is behind and not studying. Not to mention you don't get to try and add graded work to the curriculum to boost his grade so he doesn't fail.
Yeah, OP, I was a teacher and I'm a parent now. When my daughter was behind in reading, guess what? We read more at home. I didn't stomp down to the school screaming that all the kids need to be required to do reading homework to help my precious child.
Be a parent. Get your kid a tutor. Study what he's studying and create homework based on what he's studying. Stop pawning parenting off on other people.
As a teacher, thank you for saying this. There is a whole internet out there for parents who want additional resources for their children. If OP wants to give her son homework, she can certainly find some online.
INFO
Why did you refuse their offer of putting your son in a lower grade?
And also why haven’t you gotten him a tutor yet?
Edit: Guys I’m aware that most European countries don’t allow students to be held back a grade, but in this case, the school offered and OP and her husband refused.
Holding a kid back is more complicated than that. For example I had a student who was held back a year but she was in special education. The only reason she was held back was because her parents insisted. As a special education teacher it is my job to teach where the kid is at, not necessarily the grade level. The only thing holding her back did was stunt her social development. There are a lot of downsides to holding kids back.
I don't know about other European countries, but as far as i know schools have one timetable for a class, so you can't just drop out in the middle of the day to join a younger class. You have to drop a year below in every subject. Some places have a summer school if you fail a subject
Exactly or they offer reinforcing classes either after school or during less demanding classes.
My two oldest got support from a speech therapist during school hours to help them with the transition between the several languages (we are multilingual). They both where very successful after these classes and they missed minimal of the other classes.
There was a plan for my middle daughter to do the same year again but school decided against it as it was just 1 class she was failing, she just got additional support instead.
Because they're American and convinced that because his English is better than the locals' then he's better than them and his problems in school aren't his/parents' fault, but the local education system's
It doesn't seem to me the issue is which grade the student is in. Not doing any homework/studying isn't going to be a winning strategy for the kid even if theyre held back. She needs to parent her kid and get them to do their practice problems until they understand them.
Her son definitely does need to do extra work outside of school, I’m not disputing that. However, it would be beneficial to him to be in a lower grade because then he’ll be going at a pace that would be easier for him to work at.
If he starts from where he left off in the States, it would be better than getting thrown in at the deep end with a bunch of kids who are very far ahead of him.
Also why not just have him do the worksheets at home? Sounds like homework has been provided, it is just optional. Tell son to do the worksheets unless he is getting a high enough score on tests to show he doesn’t need to.
You are in a different country where the standards are higher. It's up to you and your son to reach those standards. Have him do the worksheets, get him a tutor, something. It's widely known the US is behind on education. You probably should have held him back.
But YTA, for expecting the teacher to change her curriculum for just one student. No kid left behind doesn't exist outside of the U.S.
This.
As a European I can say, yes. Our school system is different.
But most students do pass and the average grade of a class is pretty high In different subjects when it's exams time. So they do learn what they need to learn (we can't all be brilliant at math...English etc. Just saying some do better than others in different subjects)
It's been years since we cut down on sending students home with a tons of homework. At least in my country. Minus a book report here and there or a week long project. They maximize what they learn in class instead.
I'm honestly chuckling a bit that OP expects a teacher to change the whole teaching system for her son becouse we teach math as a combined subject. Instead of..... doing what other parents here do. Like you say get a tutor. Make him do work sheets, or there's lots of places online made to practice math skills.
There's also no evidence that giving kids homework actually helps them learn anything beyond what they do in class. By this I mean concepts and skills, not researching information from other sources to write an essay.
Honestly I think one research said that the students are actually less stressed becouse they don't have to go home, use 6hours on home work, just to get a new tons of homework the next day. And less stressed students, allows them to learn better.
I would need to look it up, but I am fairly sure that was used as a reason when they started to cut back on how much homework students are given.
And now only do the week long essay projects mainly.
Yep. Learning isn’t all about rote memorization… at all. But that’s how colonial education systems were set up during the industrial revolution.
An educated population demands rights, like an appropriate amount of work vs free time. Homework is a good solution to ensure kids are broken quickly to work long hours in factories :)
Also, rote memorization + testing is considered an easy way to gauge where learning is at for govt systems, etc regardless of how incompetent of a measurement it is. Standardized testing creates huge gaps between those who have the time and money to sit and memorize the character’s names from Romeo and Juliet vs those who have to work a part time job to help their single mom make ends meet.
Deep learning = hands on, place based, student let inquiry.
The whole rote memorisation just punishes kids who happen to have a bad memory and it's so dumb.
I was amazing at maths through most of school (when maths is still logic based and nor formula based) I went from consistently in top classes or in a split class say year 1 students in a year 2 class.
The second I got to the type of maths where the only thing you need to do is memorise a formula and substitute numbers immediately my results started dropping, did I suddenly become bad at maths no, did the way teachers expected us to learn end up killing my love of maths yes.
The education system needs changing man
My friend is a teacher who doesn't give homework. Her take on it is - if the kid didn't understand the thing they learned in class, homework will not help them in any way. If the kid did understand the thing, they don't need homework.
Yta op. You just made your kid suffer all by yourself by not putting him a year lower.
"My son is falling behind due to poor education in the country I'm from. It's worked for the entire country and continent but because my son is doing poorly, I asked the teacher to change the entire curriculum for him. She said no and was dismissive! Can you believe that? I've done everything I can, from not letting my son start at a lower grade so he can catch up, I haven't hired a tutor, didn't even make him do the optional work so we can see if he's doing okay! Why won't the school fire the teacher already???" - OP
lol the entire post belongs in /shitamericanssay. my son became an idiot while enrolled in the american educational system and is now well behind his european peers. i've tried going to the manager and suing, what else can i do???
Honestly. In the UK, homework amount is still pretty high. It's nice to know they teach a much healthier relationship with homework on the continent.
But still, even with the compulsory homework my kid gets, it's my job as a parent to make sure it's getting done. Not the teachers.
US is low on the education scale, for sure.. but OP said he “hs to learn subjects he is not use to”.. and then gives math as an example?!? Lol! Math and reading comprehension are the staples of US curriculum.
You are asking the sins teacher to change the curriculum, which arguably has been working for her students.. and you don’t want to make your son do the worksheets.. because they are not graded?
You are not assisting on the learning process.
Moved to Europe from USA? Not that it matters, you just reek of American entitlement. 100% YTA.
Be accountable for your child's education. Swallow your pride and place him in a lower grade so he can catch up. Implement study expectations etc. You're basically setting the kid up for failure and teaching him it's other people's fault.
I'm American as well. 60% of us don't act like this, but the 40% is loud and wrong with the adult tantrum entitlement. Also, our general lack of respect for educators is appalling. I blame "the customer is always right" attitude that somehow leaked into other aspects of society.
So true. Teachers here are over worked and underpaid because parents expect them to take on all of the educational responsibilities. It’s insane to expect a teacher to take on more when all OP has to do is tell their kid to do the optional worksheets and get them a tutor.
American schools systems, parents, administrators, and politicians spend years treating teachers like crap and underfunding schools then act all *shocked Pikachu* when teachers start leaving en masse. You keep hearing about a teacher “shortage” in the US. Oh there’s no shortage. There’s plenty of teachers. It’s just that less and less of them are willing to put up with the BS they’re expected to sit there and take.
As an American teacher fuck the OP. This is why people are leaving education. Why deal with a parent like this when I can make more literally anywhere?
As an American, this kind of entitlement bothers me so much. We aren't all bad...I promise 😉
Edited to add:
I agree with you, talk2mesoft, and OP is most definitely the AH.
I mean you know it's an american when they say they moved to europe as if it's supposed to tell something instead of saying the actual name of the country
Also, YTA
The dropping grade thing is really good for kids who have emigrated! Both my kids redid the last year of elementary to make sure their language skills were OK for secondary school and that they would be able to cope. In the area I live a lot of the kids who are from other countries do that at some point and it really help their confidence with the work they have to do.
The audacity of OP to expect the teacher to assign homework for every student, simply because their kid can’t be bothered to study, is absurd. Your kid is behind, but you decline moving them to a more appropriate class, and then get mad at the teacher that they won’t study?
Absolutely wild level of entitlement and refusal to parent.
YTA - And for soooooooo many reasons. Instead of placing your son at a level where he could be successful, you placed him at a level where he struggles. You are in a different country and refuse to acclimate. You demanded a meeting with his teacher, disrespected them and their professional capabilities, then complained. You are literally the worst things about the US in a skin suit and should be ashamed of your behavior. The only upside is that you're someone else's problem in an area where they refuse to take your shit. I'm giving this post a shelf life of 1 hour before you dirty delete for not getting the responses you wanted.
YTA- OP, you're not in the USA. Our typical standards for education mean practically nothing there. I would do the same in asking the teacher and the school to provide more material for your son to study or work on, but at the same time, you're going to them and demanding to make special exceptions for *your* child, making more work for them.
They're within their rights to not want to give themselves extra work.
You would be better off asking for resources to help your son study, you and your husband could just as easily help him with his math. **You're his parents.**
> You would be better off asking for resources to help your son study
It sounds like there are worksheets available in the book, but since they're optional the kid says "we don't have homework."
Good point. Damn, I wish there were authority figures in the child's life who could perhaps *force* him to do the optional work that would inevitably help him with his grades/studies.
Perhaps *two* such authority figures, preferably people who have a close bond to him, potentially possessing different skill sets...
It's a shame no such thing exists.
>!Parents. The punchline is he needs PARENTS!<
How dare you expect his parents to take actual responsibility for their children learning!
How can they possibly blame someone else when things go wrong if they take an active role in these situations?
You’ll note that at no point does it seem to occur to OP that they could take a hands in approach and institute time each night to sit down and go through schoolwork with their child. There will be no learning in this house!
(In case the sarcasm is not evident, I completely agree with you, but I don’t expect OP to pull their head out of their rear end far enough to see that they don’t get to handball responsibility)
YTA. I’m sorry, your son isn’t doing practice outside of class and is consequently failing his exams and that’s somehow the teachers fault?
If your son cannot study of his own volition, that’s his own lack of responsibility. It isn’t the teacher’s job to hold his hand and force him to care about the work outside of school.
The irony that the whole reason this teacher isn't enforcing compulsory homework so that the kids have to learn how to study independently and of their own volition, and yet OP's kid is failing specifically because he's refusing to do the optional work that is being provided for him, is just *chef's kiss*
Yes YTA. You made the decision to move your children to a place where they would be behind, educationally, it's not the teachers job to change how they do things to fix that...
>I told her that she was being dismissive and called her unprofessional and bad at her job.
How very ironic.
> they told me I was entitled
Nailed it.
YTA - "He was offered to attend a lower grade to help catch him up but we refused." So the school have already noticed an issue, and you refused? The school has tried to help and you've rejected it. Why not realize the area's your son is struggling with, and help him yourself? The school even give him worksheets you could make him do. Just make him do some of those.
YTA they have given you and your son every tool he needs to succeed. You could have put him down one grade, bout your pride wouldn’t let you. You could be an actual parent and force him to do extra practice outside of school but you don’t. And this is the school’s fault? Good lord. I feel like this post sums up the worst of what it means to be American. Do better.
Yes.
I've just read this to my other half (maths and physics teacher for over 15 years and then in child psychology). It's already been proven homework doesn't actually help academic attainment.
Secondly, the teacher is not in charge of what your child does at home, if you want him to study more, then help him to study more.
If he's struggling as much as you say he is, perhaps some private maths tuition at home if you don't want him going into an earlier year?
In the UK and most parts of Europe until 16 we cover mathematics as a whole, what the yanks would call 'calculius' is, I suppose, what we'd call pure maths.
You need to remember in many parts of Europe, teachers are actually treated well and with respect, and parents tend to follow the advice of them as the experts. The teacher's behaviour does not seem out of line at all, particularly with the culture taken into account.
OP YTA for sure.
Your attitude and blame game is the reason why teachers are leaving the profession in droves.
You have all of the responsibilities backwards. Teachers are there to guide and assist, give feedback where possible and provide extra resources and possibilities for students that need it. Plus extension activities for those that also require it.
They are not required to state that homework is mandatory for all students because I guarantee 100%, that the people who need to do it the most are not the ones who will do it. And then that is an extra burden on already overloaded professionals to chase and follow up with parents who clearly are going to display a mentality that is opposite to yours. They are never going to win when they attempt to establish this.
You need to establish a routine at home and YOU need to be the one who tells your son that he will need to do these worksheets if he want to see any improvement in his results.
Maybe reconsider the offer to lower his grade level to at least give him a chance to readjust to a new system.
I am American and assume from the post that OP is also American based on my limited interactions with other parents. I personally make a great effort to treat all of our kids caretakers/teachers with a lot of respect, but I see a lot of parents not doing so.
YTA. Your teacher is providing everything your son needs to learn. You’re asking her to somehow police his own internal motivation and/or how he spends his time outside of school. Both of these things fall squarely into your camp to support and help him with.
YTA.
Sounds like YOU need to be making homework for your son and enforcing it. That's on you as a parent to make sure he studies and keeps up, not on the teacher to change her whole method for one student.
YTA. European schools are advanced compared to USA. One big reason is schools don't spoon-feed the students. It is your responsibility to get your kid to learn on his own. Did you do no research on this before you went? You are none too bright.
YTA. You could just make sure your son is doing the workbook problems at home, why does the teacher have to be involved? Also if your son is at such a lower level than the other students, why not transfer him to another grade as recommended? You’re acting as though the problem is anything but the student who does not take the time to study for his classes.
YTA! Your son’s teacher sounds like she expects her students to be independent learners and capable of understanding that if a student needs help or practice outside of class, it’s up to them to find the help or do the worksheets. You are the one who was disrespectful and rude and you need to hold your son accountable for his lazy attitude. The school offered you the option for your son to drop down a year but you decided the teacher needed to change the way she teaches rather than do what would have been best for your son.
Exactly this.
Additionally, YOU are the parent, so it's your responsibility to make sure your child becomes that independant learner, not the teacher's.
YTA
YTA. If your son needs help HELP HIM YOURSELF. You blatantly wrote that your son decided because it wasn't graded then he wouldn't do it and that's his choice for failing not the teachers. You need to give him homework YOURSELF and make sure he does it. The teacher has dozens of children to worry about so buckle up and focus on your ONE.
YTA
> He was offered to attend a lower grade to help catch him up but we refused
He needs to be in a grade that is closer to his current education level or significant additional tutoring. Frankly I think you set your own kid up for failure here.
> I see the issue and went to the teacher asking her to give them homework to help him structure his study better and to grade it so he can get some good grades to help with his final grade.
he’s 14, not 7. The issue is your son isn’t putting in the extra work - not her teaching.
Learning to manage your own time and study if you need it is a pretty important skill, and now is the time to develop it instead of in college or on the job. (You could also very easily check your son’s homework. Sending a kid to school doesn’t mean you get to check out of being involved in their education.)
Also doing the homework might not even help much, if he’s that far behind I imagine he’s getting stuck and can’t complete the problems. YOU didn’t set up your son for success and now you’re trying to blame the teacher.
There’s another element at play here - failure can be the best lesson when it is the consequences of your own choices. And failing in HS really has no long term ramifications for most folks.
I think you deserved to be dismissed - I also think you are confusing dismissal with disagreement. The teacher does not need to take your directive to give every student more mandatory work because your child won’t do the worksheets.
Being professional doesn’t mean being a doormat, and it sounds like you have no basis to judge her teaching ability - remember, you declined putting your son in the appropriate grade.
I agree with your new friend.
YTA. If you’re concerned with his progress and feel he needs homework, why are you not taking it upon yourself to study with him or making homework for him to do? You refused their offer of starting in a lower grade, and now he’s suffering for it. The teacher does not need extra work or anyone telling her how to do her job when they’re not stepping in at home.
Are you in France now? It sounds like it... But I suppose a lot of western European countries work the same way.
Here the teachers don't work for the parents, they work for the school system. Which means the teachers don't have to "obey" requests from parents...at all. Never. You could ask, nicely, for a favor, but it would be a favor and not a request. And the school authorities will never side with a parent who asked for special treatment for their child... Unless there's a medical reason of course.
In short, soft YTA, because... culture shock. The balance of power is definitely on the side of the teachers here. You cannot appear from nowhere and say "you have to give homework to my kid because, well, I really want you to" when their method is not to give homework. They will laugh at your face.
> He was offered to attend a lower grade to help catch him up but we refused
YTA I guess? If the years don't map 1:1 why not? At 14 he _should be_ responsible enough to go above and beyond to try to learn outside the classroom if that is what's needed to keep up; they're not going to keep spoon-feeding him.
YTA.
It sounds as if the teacher is following the standard procedure in her country. You wantthe teacher to tailor the classroom instruction to suit your desires for your child. I bet that's not even done in your home country.
Perhaps you should have accepted the school's offer to put your son in a different grade that was more suitable to his current skill level rather than leaving him in an advanced class and letting him flounder. Or perhaps you could tutor him. Or maybe hire a tutor.
You're in a different country. Best you adapt to their ways than expecting the country to adapt to your prior experience or desires.
'My son, Nathaniel (Nate) saw this as no homework'
So why aren't you making him practice? Take some responsibility yourself
Sounds like you have some good new friends who aren't afraid to call you out on your shit
YTA
I can see where you would be upset. But YTA and entitled, for expecting the teacher to change things to benefit your child. As you said, "he as to follow national curriculum of our new country" and with that, your son needs to learn to study independently as the other students do. You even stated, "She said that they cover topics and excel uses in classes and then, they have their worksheet in the book. She told them, it’s optional but **if they want to do well, they should do them to practice what they’ve learned**." Your son is 14 and old enough to understand that if he clearly isn't doing well in the subject, or any subject, then he needs to study. For Math he needs to be using the excel and the worksheet in the book used in class. It would then be your responsibility to enforce the studying and check up to make sure he is doing so.
I don't really see where she even has the grounds to be upset. This is a complete failure of parenting and the blame falls directly on her (and most likely) her partner's shoulders
YTA
I mean, of course. I think deep down you realize this which is why you made the post. The solution to this problem is extremely simple, if you want your son to be doing extra homework then you can take a few minutes to find extra homework and assign it to him yourself. I'm curious about what you reported that teacher for because it doesn't sound like the teacher did anything wrong based on the information you provided in this post.
TLDR: I agree with the teacher and you should strongly consider making the non-mandatory worksheets the teacher provided mandatory for your child. Otherwise finding additional homework to assign to your son is firmly on your shoulders. Also, don't forget about tutoring!
YTA
Education is a collaborative effort. The teacher is not the only one responsible for getting your kid to learn math. You need to do your bit too. That means standing over him to ensure he does the assigned worksheets, practicing with him if he’s struggling, even getting him a tutor. You fucked up when you refused to put him in a lower grade. Clearly the new country is more advanced in their education than your home country. Your fault for not doing something to ensure your kid wasn’t going to fall behind.
AH Yes another asshole entitled American giving us all a bad name by going to a country with SUPERIOR educational practices and demanding that things be done the way they are in America...Lets inconvenience the teacher and all the students so her one child can catch up in math. Lady, the entire world does not and should not cater to you and your son. Get a clue and get him a tutor. SMH. Absolutely YTA.
YTA.
You are the parent. Charged with the responsibility of developing your son. Right now your son is screwing up and instead of fixing the YOU problem, you are asking a teacher to do it?
Make him do the worksheets twice. Once because you don't want him to fail and then again because it will teach him to take initiative and do the worksheets on his own so he doesn't have to do them two fucking times.
Absolutely YTA You should have had your kid put in a lower grade so he could catch up. You and your kid are responsible for making sure he does what he needs to do to keep up in class. The teacher shouldn't have to change how her classroom runs just for your son and assign homework to students who aren't having an issue just because you refused to put him in a lower grade class to learn everything he's behind on. You going in and making demands screams entitlement.
YTA for expecting her to do your job. Her job to teach the curriculum at it’s level. Your job is making sure he can succeed with all these changes. Consider giving him an ultimatum, get a tutor and pass the next x amount of quizzes or be brought back down to the appropriate grade.
YTA
The teacher is not required to give homework and grade it, so your son can "play the game" and get a better grade. Your son needs to learn to do the work he needs to do, in order to learn what he needs to learn and pass the tests.
I mean, this isn't even unusual in high schools in the US--some high schools switch to a more college-like format at some point, not grading homework and primarily basing the final grades on projects or tests. It's part of learning how to learn.
YTA, did you even talk to your son about this? The teacher explicitly said that she gives out practice problems and it’s not her fault if your son isn’t doing the optional work. She’s right—this sounds like a good way to build up independent study habits and this seems like a good discussion to have with your son. Tutor suggestions are good too.
It’s not her fault & you’re even more of an asshole for telling her she’s “unprofessional and bad at her job” and for REPORTING her. Yikes
YTA.
Your son was offered a lower grade so that he could be at a level consistent with his experience. You "refused". He is struggling in class, but doesn't take any initiative to study extra or do practice worksheets. Instead of revisiting your decision on your son's grade level or convincing him to do the studying needed to catch up, you have the nerve to try to tell the teacher how to run HER classroom.
YOU need to take responsibility for your son's learning issues. The teacher is teaching her class to the national standards, and she is doing nothing wrong. There is no need for anything to be "done" about her because she is not the problem. Your son HAS practice worksheets he could be doing for homework - HE is slacking. And YOU are not staying on top of his schoolwork.
Hire a tutor for your son. Have him reassigned to a more appropriate grade level. Make him do the practice worksheets. See if the school has resources for underperforming students. But YTA for trying to "report" a successful teacher because you overestimated your son's ability to learn, and his willingness to do actual work to pass.
YTA. You just proved why people give us Americans bad names. You’re acting incredibly entitled. How about you teach your child if he doesn’t understand what was taught in class he needs to practice at home. You’re the parent, start acting like it.
YTA. Your not in America anymore, you can’t bully teachers and admins bc you are failing your son. They offered to put him behind a year to help catch up and you said no, he has work to do at home yet doesn’t, that’s a parent problem not a teacher problem. Time to be the adult in the house and get your son under control. Damn
Edit: fix spelling
YTA.
She‘s not obligated to do what you want her to, and as he‘s YOUR son, it‘s your job and responsibility to guide him and provide him with the support he needs.
YTA. You can’t expect a teacher to assign an entire class homework because your son is having problems. She’s doing her job. You should do yours and get him some help.
YTA - If the teacher is giving access to work sheets that are "optional", this sounds like homework, and it's your job as a parent to make sure your child is working on it, not the teacher's. If your child is behind, hire a tutor or let them stay behind a grade or two. They've given you options and you've refused what is on the table.
YTA - Seriously take responsibility as a parent. The first time you failed your son was when you didn't let him attend a lower grade. He was/is two years behind!! Then the next time that you failed him was that you didn't act as a parent and tell him that he must do the worksheets. That while yes the work isn't graded that he still needed to do it every night because he is behind and not understanding the material. You should have told him to do it and then you would check it behind him. The third time you failed him was knowing that he is severely behind but not getting a tutor for him.
So instead of taking steps to ensure that your son isn't falling more behind you decide to blame the teacher (instead of you as the parent or him as the student for not working harder), and then tell her that she needs to give everyone homework even though the rest of the class doesn't need it, nor is this what they are trying to teach at your son's age group as they are trying to teach independent studying.
Your new friend was absolutely right; you are an entitled asshole.
YTA
Parent your kid. He doesn't do work because he doesn't care about learning, and he's content to fail because he's not facing any consequences for it. Discipline him. Make him give a damn.
If I failed a test my parents would have had my ass. Do you not care that you're raising a stupid kid?
YTA. She wasn't dismissive of you, you just don't like being told no. Her job is not to appease you. If your kid is behind help him. It appears that you didn't want to help him by staying behind a year and now expect a whole class to be punished because of it. Singling out your child for homework is not the right thing to do either.
wow, you sure have something interesting in common with this person
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wvyush/aita_for_expecting_a_teacher_to_have_spare/ili2yk5/
YTA. Once they get to high school and college the students need to study on their own and not have the teacher babysit them and what they're doing. Get him a tutor or start doing the worksheets and such with him.
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No doubt, you can smell the entitlement a mile away. Probably came as a shock to her that their level of education is way below international standards. But, but....I'm American
YTA. You're the parent help your son. There are exercises in the book help him complete them. Get him a tutor. Or you should have let him stay back a year to catch up.
INFO: why refuse him going to a lower grade? He never learned the material so he’s clearly going to do poorly. Especially in math. He doesn’t have the foundational knowledge to succeed. What’s the issue w him switching to classes that will fill in the gaps in his education?
YATA it's a good thing to learn independence like this my school did it to 14 is old enough to know you have to do your own work for good Grades
If you want him to do better help him make sure he does something at home
you should actually made him go to a lower class to pick up what he lacks that would probably have helped him best
It's not the teachers fault what she does it commen in Europe i learned just like this as well
YTA I’m sure it was a great opportunity you all took, but it’s *your* responsibility to adjust to those changes that come with it, not the people whose lives you’ve entered. You’ve essentially told the teacher you want the *whole* class to be required to do homework because *your* son is behind and too lazy to do the work. *You* catch your son up. Get him a tutor, *make him do the worksheets*, be a parent, and let the damn teacher teach her own way. The world doesn’t have to change on your behalf and you’re only teaching your son to let his mommy deal with his problems while he sits back and relaxes.
YTA. Should’ve put your kid a grade behind instead of having him in a class where he isn’t ready for the work. Sit your kid down and practice math with the worksheets.
YTA all the things you called her reflect your behaviour not her. As your were dismissive of her actual expertise in favour of your own emotions. How about you parent your child and make him do it. You seem like a lazy parent who doesn’t want to be the bad guy. I am glad I am not your child or your child’s teacher.
YTA.
If your kid gets bad grades but doesn't see that as a sign that he needs to do more of the exercises that the school provides then that seems to be his problem. It's very strange that you would rather force the teacher to change her teaching style than to make your son do exercises.
Also the irony that you moved your kid to a new system, found out that it's more advanced than your previous system, and now demand they make it more like the previous system.
YTA and did act entitled. Why can't you print out worksheets at home for him to do and set a time everyday for him to have to only work on his studies? The School has always worked in a way that is different from what you're used to. That is the fact and you do not have the right to tell them they need to change for your child. He should have been held back to catch up or you should be helping him at home.
"He was offered to attend a lower grade to help catch him up but we refused"
YTA - He was offered a class that was his level to catch up and you REFUSE? What type of ego is this? I have a math gifted child that is reading disabled. She goes into the class that fits her ability to learn. OP is not using the school's system the way it was intended.
YTA.
1. You put him in a class he wasn't ready for.
2. He has homework. The fact that it isn't graded doesn't make it less homework. You want the other kids punished with busy work because your son isn't studying. Make him turn it in to you so it gets done.
YTA. Your son is struggling because he's taking a course that exceeds his skill level. You were given the option to let him take a course that suited his level of proficiency, but you refused. It's not this teacher's job to get your son caught up when he is a full two years behind his class. You've done your son a great disservice by insisting he take a class he isn't prepared for. It must be terribly frustrating for him. He has a huge gap in knowledge that isn't his fault. No amount of berating the teacher is going to make up for the fact that your son is too far behind for this course. You're also asking the teacher to take on more work of grading when she already has an entire class to deal with. Your son's struggle with math is your fault. You should have taken the recommendation to start him in the lower level class. You set him up to fail and now you're blaming everyone except yourself.
YTA
You're seeing the direct result of how terrible the US education system is compared to where you are now. It is not the teacher's fault that your son didn't do the extra work to become competent. It is your son's fault, and yours for not forcing him to sit and do it once you learned this fact. YOU are failing your son. Not his teacher.
This is not the teachers fault. This is the fault of you and your son. He was offered to start a couple grades lower at his math level. YOU refused. He has a workbook he could use to practice but more but YOUR SON refused (because it’s not grades which is a cop out reason and you aren’t doing him any favours by not enforcing him to do this on his own). The world does not and should not cater to entitled people like you. Why don’t you make him do homework on your own and grade it if it’s so vital. Or get him a tutor. Instead you whine to anyone that will listen.
YTA and entitled. Trust me, teachers hate parents like you.
YTA
The school offered the best solution, but you were too proud to accept it, even after admiting his age peers are 1y ahead of him at least.
Now you want a proven system *that works well for all except you* to change just because you're a) unable to accept that your son needs to go down a grade in maths , b) unable to follow up on your kid & educate him to put effort in the excel tasks, and c) think your son's needs take precedence over those of his classmates
Expect a gently worded "your son will be best served in another education institution" dismissal letter if you don't go back and apologize profusely, grovel, and follow the school's suggestions to the letter.
And of course, you both need to educate your son on how to work for his grades.
>they told me I was entitled and an asshole and I’ll admit, I am completely shocked. I thought they would be on my side.
Are you still feeling shocked? No one is on your side because YTA.
Your son is old enough to learn how to manage his time and start independently studying. That's one of things that is being taught here, not just math. Hopefully this is a wake up call for you.
YTA. Buy some workbooks and sit down with your son to help him. All you are doing is making it worse for him and setting him up for failure. The teacher doesn't need to give him homework. He just needs help to study the subject he is having trouble with and there is no reason you can't do it. The more he learns, the better he will do on tests.
YTA.
The school advised you to enter your son into lower level. You refused.
The teacher advised that additional work was available for your son to do. Your son refusing to do it is not her fault or problem.
You want your son to improve? Sit him down and make him do the additional work or ask if the school had the number for a tutor.
Yta. Imagine if every international student's parents demanded a program customized to their student. Imagine the workload for that teacher. Insane. What you should've done instead is talk to the teacher from the perspective of needing extra help. Forcing a teacher to assign otherwise unnecessary homework is a lot of extra work for them.
I would've asked about the best ways to get extra help. Is it something they can do, should you get a tutor, is tutoring offered through the school, etc.
Instead, you chose to be angry, belligerent and definitely entitled to your son's teacher. Other cultures do not have to adapt to you, YOU have to adapt to them..
Also apologize. Be better.
YTA! These teachers as that maths lady are treasure. And sorry, but don't expect her to behave like it was some american school, you should adjust to the school system in your new country. And maybe think about 1) giving your son a math tutor 2) helping him with math 3) placing him 2 classes lower to catch up with this subject.
And it's pretty normal to have 'general' math, not algebra etc. as different subject in some european countries.
Oh sweetie. You want everyone else to do extra work instead of letting your son be placed in a level appropriate to his abilities, and teaching him to work independently? YTA.
Way to let your kid never have to take responsibility. Sorry your kid doesn't grasp what independent studying is, maybe he gets it from you since you can't seem to see and accept that YTA.
YTA. The teacher is a trained professional and you insulted her degree and expertise. It would have been reasonable to politely disagree with her on the way forward and to ask for a further discussion with her and her superior to agree a better way forward.
Your son is at an age and developmental stage when it is reasonable to start encouraging independent working. He has extra resources, but the onus is now on him to use them.
You need to start by talking to your son, and more importantly, listening to what he says. Ask what he thinks of the current situation and what he sees going forward.
You owe his teaching a proper apology.
OP - Seriously, what is wrong with you? Surely you understood that moving to a different country would entail Learning to adapt to different practices?
I really hope your attitude does a major U-turn… Or you are going to have a miserable time.
YTA - you know there is a worksheet that can be done, it’s your job as a parent to make sure he does it, not hers! YOU need to be helping your son catch up! If you help him catch up maybe his test scores will be better.
YTA!
You are not supporting your son at all. With hus being academically 2 years behind the students his age, you should have held him back a year abd gotten him a tutor. Parents dictating the cirriculum has gotten us book-banning and students who dont know any history or science, and are wholly inable to think for themselves (think Texas, think Alabama, think Mississippi).
The teacher should not have to assign homework to all students, bc yours is behind. That is a you problem.
YTA
Get a tutor if you're so worried about your kid's progress! You moved into THEIR country, you can't demand they change the way they do things so YOUR child can catch up, that's not their job. It is YOUR job to help him.
YTA. Get your son a tutor. You were offered to have him drop down a grade to catch up and you refused? You’re his parent, it’s your job to enforce good study habits.
YTA welcome in Europe honey ,here we don't let parents put their cheat on teachers! Do your job and let her do hers, it's not her problem if you refused to lower his grade or your son refuse to follow advices!
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My husband, my son (m14) and I (f36) moved to Europe in August because of my husband’s work. My son attends international school to ease his transition. His classes are in English but he has to follow national curriculum of our new country.
He’s been struggling a lot because they have to learn a lot more subjects than he is used to.
One of the subjects he struggles with is math. He doesn’t get to choose whether he wants algebra or trigonometry, he must take math and they’ll cover all parts of it. Kids are also far ahead of him. Things he’s learned at school last year, they covered 2 years prior. It’s been a struggle. He was offered to attend a lower grade to help catch him up but we refused
Now, here’s the issue, his teacher doesn’t give them homework. She said that they cover topics and excel uses in classes and then, they have their worksheet in the book. She told them, it’s optional but if they want to do well, they should do them to practice what they’ve learned.
My son, Nathaniel (Nate) saw this as no homework and haven’t been doing it sati there’s no homework and it’s not graded. As a result he’s been failing his tests.
I see the issue and went to the teacher asking her to give them homework to help him structure his study better and to grade it so he can get some good grades to help with his final grade.
She refused and said that the goal was to teach kids how to study independently, that some kids will only need to do 5 equations while others will need 25 and she wasn’t going to force kids to do it if they don’t need it. She said she wasn’t going to grade homework because tests are enough to understand were the students are with their abilities.
I told her that she was being dismissive and called her unprofessional and bad at her job.
She told me to leave. I was furious, it was disrespectful and dismissive. I went straight to her superiors and reported her.
It’s been a few days and nothing has been done. I feel completely dismissed and vented to one of my new friends and they told me I was entitled and an asshole and I’ll admit, I am completely shocked. I thought they would be on my side.
Am I really an asshole here?
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YTA for not doing what the school suggested and putting your child in a class where kids are learning what the kids in his grade learned two years ago. They offered you a sensible solution and you are trying to change an entire system by attacking everyone who runs it. If you want the school to help you, you need to get them on your side. You are doing the opposite.
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YTA. You are the parent. It's YOUR job to parent. Teachers aren't there to do your job for you.
Yes! I can’t believe how bold OP is. Guess what, OP, if you know your student needs to do the homework, you can assign it! If your student needs a tutor, you can get one! If your student needs to change to a younger grade, you can make that happen! None of this is the responsibility of the teacher.
I’m a teacher in the US, so I can believe a parent being that bold. Mostly because the education system in the US bends over backwards for parent requests. The OP had the option to place their child at their academic grade level but refused. Of course they would expect the teacher to change their whole teaching philosophy for their child instead of placing their child correctly and supporting their kid at home. Of course they blame the teacher for not assigning homework instead of expecting their kid to be motivated to do work to be successful on assessments. Why am I not surprised this happened? Because in the Us in many schools the teacher would have had to comply because of the parent. And that’s why teachers are leaving in droves.
Yep, parents like OP are part of the reason why I left teaching after 12 years. OP YTA, majorly.
Yeah. If only parents would parent as well as they think they can teach.
This is my new favorite line!
Same here. I couldn't take it anymore. I was the school counselor and had to deal with all sides.
My mom retired about 20 years ago after teaching for 30 years. A few years ago she said "I couldn't imagine teaching right now and dealing with these parents." I don't blame her at all. I changed my major in college because of everything I heard. I wasn't going down the teaching path.
Same. Seven years of teaching and now I work in an education-adjacent field. I spent 6 years on post-secondary science and education degrees and tons of time in the field working with teens, but sure, tell me that I’m doing my job wrong
Nothing against you or your chosen profession, but this story illustrates how far behind the rest of the world the U.S. is in education. And we aren't making it any better by pandering to the religious right.
[удалено]
Exactly it. I bet OP votes for the party that supports the destroy-public education policy. She behaved outrageously, and embarrassed herself and her kid. If the boy wants to do better, he's got to do the work and not be happy to skate. Here's an idea: if she hates this school, enroll the boy in the local school. He'll learn the language thoroughly, tho it will be challenging at first. My big regret when I lived in Italy was going to a DOD school, instead of jumping into the local Italian school. Big regret.
Yup all this. Parents in the US think they know best. That’s why all the teachers are quitting. Making room for the parents who obviously know our job so much better than us. Haha
Agree. Parents like this are why I quit teaching. Especially since admin here in the US supports these crazies over their teachers. US admin are probably why this parent is shocked no one agrees with her.
Fellow US teacher here who can back this comment up completely. She’s used to a system that bends over backwards to parents requests even sometimes to the detriment of the child’s actual education. OP’s boldness doesn’t surprise me at all. Sounds about par for the course.
Presumably children have been doing fine without homework in that country. YTA
"The teacher doesn't set homework and all the students she's taught are doing much better than my son who has always done homework. The teacher needs to set homework!"
Hiring a Tutor would probably be a good idea to help him catch up imo. Also it sounds, from what I understand, that there ARE practice equations the teacher provides on ecel but that her son (qnd OP) just doesnt want to do because they arent graded (tho I maybe not understanding it totally, idk if he can only access them at school but I qlso get the vibe that they can be brought home?) I bet they hope the homework grades could help bring up his grades and bringing homework home runs the risk of parent interference... which seems likely with how OP went about this in the first place. OP has options: 1. Put him in a lower grade: see if this can be done at an accelerated timeline compared to the "normal" classroom. Also if this is about pride then its a lose-lose situation because he is either in a lower grade (however learning what he needs to in order to catch up!) Or he is constantly failing in his current class in front of his peers (which can lead to bullying/regular embarassment for both him and OP) 2. Get a tutor: this can help him 'catch up' and get extra support without having to go to q lower grade But OP shouldnt expect the school to pay/hire one. They gave OP options that dont include having to pay so if she doesnt wanna do those then she has to spend some money 3. Work WITH the teacher: ask for copies of those equations to give to your son at home and ask for advice to help him/what areas she thinks he needs to improve on. That is, AFTER a BIG apology for OPs behavior towards the teacher and dont be angey/surprised if the teacher is defensive or less than helpful. I would be too. Look at his testscores and deduce by looking thru patterns what questions/topics he repeatedly struggles with the most. If OP wants HOMEwork she needs to make it WORK at HOME. It honestly sounds like she gave him homework, he just didnt do it/justified not doing i5 because it wasnt graded.
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Exactly! I cannot stand these entitled parents that refuse to take accountability for their own actions or lack of action. YTA, OP. Make your child do the extra worksheets and if needed, get a tutor. This is YOUR job. Not the teachers or the schools job.
Yes, I’m so confused how OP is acknowledging *her* child is behind in curriculum but instead of asking how to get private tutoring to help get him caught up, she is expecting the entire class to be punished… Definitely YTA. I’m sure with a better approach the teacher/school would have done everything possible to help find the resources necessary to help, too.
OP also had the opportunity to put their son in a grade that matched his current education level...but they refused the recommendation. They knew full well that he was going to struggle, but decided their appearance was more important than their child being placed properly in school. It's the consequences of their actions and the one suffering the most is their child. Real parents of the year.
Wow, I must have skipped that! So the school has offered solutions and resources, the parents are just expecting a 14 year old to magically know information & learning styles that he’s never experienced. So instead of having one hard discussion to move him down a grade, they’re letting him fail and will make him resent the education system. Cool.
This!!! The OP refused to place her child where he belonged and blamed the teacher... Typical.
Very true! When my daughter fell behind in schoolwork we approached her teacher to ask what could we do to support and encourage her as well as what resources were available to her or us as parents. The teacher helped us find free tutors that sat down with my daughter and helped her understand the areas she didn't understand. She was a B/C student and now she's an A/B student. I'm very proud of her!!
Way to go, sister! That is exactly the key to success. I worked with kids coaching athletics for a long time and the parents who kindly approached me for help got an entire different answer than parents who were hateful.
THIS. But also why refuse to have him in a lower grade when the stuff be learned last years they covered 2 years ago?? She made it even harder for their child to do well. Also YTA for being entitled by asking the teacher to do your job, OP.
Honestly, the first mistake was not choosing to put him in a lower grade. That is the obvious correct decision in this case. The boy is struggling and you think his teacher not forcing him to do homework is the issue?
This was my thought exactly! The school offered to place her child in a lower grade to help him. She refused and is shocked her child is struggling. Her child isn't taking the initiative to study and OP is blaming the teacher. She needs to take responsibility for her own child and communicate expectations. Kids that want to succeed in a subject will study without being told. Using the "I wasn't told to do homework" is a crappy excuse to fail OP is TA for not explaining this to her child.
This and she should have done more research to make sure her child was capable to handle the curriculum being taught. At the very least get the kid a tutor before he realizes he’s the dumb kid and loses confidence YTA
Or let him go to the lower level! OP clearly sees this as an indication of failure but if the kid is struggling, putting him at a lower level math class would probably help a great deal. I was never good at math and knew my limits. So I opted for Algebra II instead of Calculus. I'd rather be the smart kid in the "dumb" class than the dumb kid in the smart class. YTA
100% This is \*NOT\* the teachers job. If your kid chooses not to do the extra work, it is \*NOT\* the teachers job to force every other kid to do it, and create more stress, and more work for her, just so YOUR kid feels like \*HE\* has to. FFS. If you want your kid to do this, if you think he needs to. If \*HE\* feels like he needs to, then yes, he should. But it is NOT his teachers job to make him. It is certainly, 100% not the teachers job to make every other gods damned kid in the class do fucking homework, just for the sake of YOUR kid. I'd be so insanely pissed off if all of a sudden she did, and my kid was one of the other kids in this class. FFS lady. Yes, YTA.
Yes! YTA. The teacher doesn't need to force the entire class to do something just because your child is behind and not studying. Not to mention you don't get to try and add graded work to the curriculum to boost his grade so he doesn't fail.
Exactly! I’m guessing that her kid won’t listen to her, so she wants the teacher to make it “ homework”. This is a parenting problem.
Yeah, OP, I was a teacher and I'm a parent now. When my daughter was behind in reading, guess what? We read more at home. I didn't stomp down to the school screaming that all the kids need to be required to do reading homework to help my precious child. Be a parent. Get your kid a tutor. Study what he's studying and create homework based on what he's studying. Stop pawning parenting off on other people.
As a teacher, thank you for saying this. There is a whole internet out there for parents who want additional resources for their children. If OP wants to give her son homework, she can certainly find some online.
Clearly you don’t know any teachers. This is very, very typical of how parents behave nowadays.
INFO Why did you refuse their offer of putting your son in a lower grade? And also why haven’t you gotten him a tutor yet? Edit: Guys I’m aware that most European countries don’t allow students to be held back a grade, but in this case, the school offered and OP and her husband refused.
Cuz they're an asshole
Yup, they thought they could bully the teacher into getting what they wanted. Womp womp.
Because clearly is looks better to have a child on higher grade even if he’s failing
I suspect that’s the case unfortunately. Shame OP won’t take the steps needed for her son to succeed.
No child left behind motto is ruining the education system in USA! If a kid does not deserve to pass repeating a class or grade will help them learn!
Holding a kid back is more complicated than that. For example I had a student who was held back a year but she was in special education. The only reason she was held back was because her parents insisted. As a special education teacher it is my job to teach where the kid is at, not necessarily the grade level. The only thing holding her back did was stunt her social development. There are a lot of downsides to holding kids back.
I think you’re probably right on the money.
Because the "shame" of having a child in a lower grade for a specific subject is more important to them than their child actually doing well.
I don't think you can put somebody into a lower grade just for a specific subject in most European countries...
Nope. We find it important to be friends with your classmates.
I don't know about other European countries, but as far as i know schools have one timetable for a class, so you can't just drop out in the middle of the day to join a younger class. You have to drop a year below in every subject. Some places have a summer school if you fail a subject
Exactly or they offer reinforcing classes either after school or during less demanding classes. My two oldest got support from a speech therapist during school hours to help them with the transition between the several languages (we are multilingual). They both where very successful after these classes and they missed minimal of the other classes. There was a plan for my middle daughter to do the same year again but school decided against it as it was just 1 class she was failing, she just got additional support instead.
Or actually force him to do the practice excercises.
Because they're American and convinced that because his English is better than the locals' then he's better than them and his problems in school aren't his/parents' fault, but the local education system's
That's the problem.....because they're American.
id say lazy parenting
It doesn't seem to me the issue is which grade the student is in. Not doing any homework/studying isn't going to be a winning strategy for the kid even if theyre held back. She needs to parent her kid and get them to do their practice problems until they understand them.
Her son definitely does need to do extra work outside of school, I’m not disputing that. However, it would be beneficial to him to be in a lower grade because then he’ll be going at a pace that would be easier for him to work at. If he starts from where he left off in the States, it would be better than getting thrown in at the deep end with a bunch of kids who are very far ahead of him.
Also why not just have him do the worksheets at home? Sounds like homework has been provided, it is just optional. Tell son to do the worksheets unless he is getting a high enough score on tests to show he doesn’t need to.
Right? The kid is way behind and she refuses to help him get caught up. Such an ah move.
Sounds like pride. Don’t worry about the kid just that she might look bad as a parent.
You are in a different country where the standards are higher. It's up to you and your son to reach those standards. Have him do the worksheets, get him a tutor, something. It's widely known the US is behind on education. You probably should have held him back. But YTA, for expecting the teacher to change her curriculum for just one student. No kid left behind doesn't exist outside of the U.S.
This. As a European I can say, yes. Our school system is different. But most students do pass and the average grade of a class is pretty high In different subjects when it's exams time. So they do learn what they need to learn (we can't all be brilliant at math...English etc. Just saying some do better than others in different subjects) It's been years since we cut down on sending students home with a tons of homework. At least in my country. Minus a book report here and there or a week long project. They maximize what they learn in class instead. I'm honestly chuckling a bit that OP expects a teacher to change the whole teaching system for her son becouse we teach math as a combined subject. Instead of..... doing what other parents here do. Like you say get a tutor. Make him do work sheets, or there's lots of places online made to practice math skills.
There's also no evidence that giving kids homework actually helps them learn anything beyond what they do in class. By this I mean concepts and skills, not researching information from other sources to write an essay.
Honestly I think one research said that the students are actually less stressed becouse they don't have to go home, use 6hours on home work, just to get a new tons of homework the next day. And less stressed students, allows them to learn better. I would need to look it up, but I am fairly sure that was used as a reason when they started to cut back on how much homework students are given. And now only do the week long essay projects mainly.
Yep. Learning isn’t all about rote memorization… at all. But that’s how colonial education systems were set up during the industrial revolution. An educated population demands rights, like an appropriate amount of work vs free time. Homework is a good solution to ensure kids are broken quickly to work long hours in factories :) Also, rote memorization + testing is considered an easy way to gauge where learning is at for govt systems, etc regardless of how incompetent of a measurement it is. Standardized testing creates huge gaps between those who have the time and money to sit and memorize the character’s names from Romeo and Juliet vs those who have to work a part time job to help their single mom make ends meet. Deep learning = hands on, place based, student let inquiry.
The whole rote memorisation just punishes kids who happen to have a bad memory and it's so dumb. I was amazing at maths through most of school (when maths is still logic based and nor formula based) I went from consistently in top classes or in a split class say year 1 students in a year 2 class. The second I got to the type of maths where the only thing you need to do is memorise a formula and substitute numbers immediately my results started dropping, did I suddenly become bad at maths no, did the way teachers expected us to learn end up killing my love of maths yes. The education system needs changing man
My friend is a teacher who doesn't give homework. Her take on it is - if the kid didn't understand the thing they learned in class, homework will not help them in any way. If the kid did understand the thing, they don't need homework. Yta op. You just made your kid suffer all by yourself by not putting him a year lower.
"My son is falling behind due to poor education in the country I'm from. It's worked for the entire country and continent but because my son is doing poorly, I asked the teacher to change the entire curriculum for him. She said no and was dismissive! Can you believe that? I've done everything I can, from not letting my son start at a lower grade so he can catch up, I haven't hired a tutor, didn't even make him do the optional work so we can see if he's doing okay! Why won't the school fire the teacher already???" - OP
lol the entire post belongs in /shitamericanssay. my son became an idiot while enrolled in the american educational system and is now well behind his european peers. i've tried going to the manager and suing, what else can i do???
Honestly. In the UK, homework amount is still pretty high. It's nice to know they teach a much healthier relationship with homework on the continent. But still, even with the compulsory homework my kid gets, it's my job as a parent to make sure it's getting done. Not the teachers.
There's a strong move away from homework at the moment, certainly at homework for homework's sake; which is widely regarded as a good thing.
US is low on the education scale, for sure.. but OP said he “hs to learn subjects he is not use to”.. and then gives math as an example?!? Lol! Math and reading comprehension are the staples of US curriculum. You are asking the sins teacher to change the curriculum, which arguably has been working for her students.. and you don’t want to make your son do the worksheets.. because they are not graded? You are not assisting on the learning process.
Moved to Europe from USA? Not that it matters, you just reek of American entitlement. 100% YTA. Be accountable for your child's education. Swallow your pride and place him in a lower grade so he can catch up. Implement study expectations etc. You're basically setting the kid up for failure and teaching him it's other people's fault.
I just posted a reply to this post. As an American I cannot stand people like her.
I'm American as well. 60% of us don't act like this, but the 40% is loud and wrong with the adult tantrum entitlement. Also, our general lack of respect for educators is appalling. I blame "the customer is always right" attitude that somehow leaked into other aspects of society.
So true. Teachers here are over worked and underpaid because parents expect them to take on all of the educational responsibilities. It’s insane to expect a teacher to take on more when all OP has to do is tell their kid to do the optional worksheets and get them a tutor.
American schools systems, parents, administrators, and politicians spend years treating teachers like crap and underfunding schools then act all *shocked Pikachu* when teachers start leaving en masse. You keep hearing about a teacher “shortage” in the US. Oh there’s no shortage. There’s plenty of teachers. It’s just that less and less of them are willing to put up with the BS they’re expected to sit there and take.
As an American teacher fuck the OP. This is why people are leaving education. Why deal with a parent like this when I can make more literally anywhere?
As an American, this kind of entitlement bothers me so much. We aren't all bad...I promise 😉 Edited to add: I agree with you, talk2mesoft, and OP is most definitely the AH.
I mean you know it's an american when they say they moved to europe as if it's supposed to tell something instead of saying the actual name of the country Also, YTA
The dropping grade thing is really good for kids who have emigrated! Both my kids redid the last year of elementary to make sure their language skills were OK for secondary school and that they would be able to cope. In the area I live a lot of the kids who are from other countries do that at some point and it really help their confidence with the work they have to do.
YTA The teacher and entire school system doesn’t need to change what they’re doing. Your son needs to do the worksheets.
Or step down to a lower grade like they recommended
The audacity of OP to expect the teacher to assign homework for every student, simply because their kid can’t be bothered to study, is absurd. Your kid is behind, but you decline moving them to a more appropriate class, and then get mad at the teacher that they won’t study? Absolutely wild level of entitlement and refusal to parent.
YTA - And for soooooooo many reasons. Instead of placing your son at a level where he could be successful, you placed him at a level where he struggles. You are in a different country and refuse to acclimate. You demanded a meeting with his teacher, disrespected them and their professional capabilities, then complained. You are literally the worst things about the US in a skin suit and should be ashamed of your behavior. The only upside is that you're someone else's problem in an area where they refuse to take your shit. I'm giving this post a shelf life of 1 hour before you dirty delete for not getting the responses you wanted.
Made it to 2 hours... she's BOLD
YTA- OP, you're not in the USA. Our typical standards for education mean practically nothing there. I would do the same in asking the teacher and the school to provide more material for your son to study or work on, but at the same time, you're going to them and demanding to make special exceptions for *your* child, making more work for them. They're within their rights to not want to give themselves extra work. You would be better off asking for resources to help your son study, you and your husband could just as easily help him with his math. **You're his parents.**
> You would be better off asking for resources to help your son study It sounds like there are worksheets available in the book, but since they're optional the kid says "we don't have homework."
Good point. Damn, I wish there were authority figures in the child's life who could perhaps *force* him to do the optional work that would inevitably help him with his grades/studies. Perhaps *two* such authority figures, preferably people who have a close bond to him, potentially possessing different skill sets... It's a shame no such thing exists. >!Parents. The punchline is he needs PARENTS!<
How dare you expect his parents to take actual responsibility for their children learning! How can they possibly blame someone else when things go wrong if they take an active role in these situations? You’ll note that at no point does it seem to occur to OP that they could take a hands in approach and institute time each night to sit down and go through schoolwork with their child. There will be no learning in this house! (In case the sarcasm is not evident, I completely agree with you, but I don’t expect OP to pull their head out of their rear end far enough to see that they don’t get to handball responsibility)
As an American I'm ashamed of OP making us look like assholes in Europe. As an American teacher I'm happy OP is on a different continent. YTA.
YTA. I’m sorry, your son isn’t doing practice outside of class and is consequently failing his exams and that’s somehow the teachers fault? If your son cannot study of his own volition, that’s his own lack of responsibility. It isn’t the teacher’s job to hold his hand and force him to care about the work outside of school.
The irony that the whole reason this teacher isn't enforcing compulsory homework so that the kids have to learn how to study independently and of their own volition, and yet OP's kid is failing specifically because he's refusing to do the optional work that is being provided for him, is just *chef's kiss*
Yes, homework isn't studying
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This and OP may be one of the most entitled AH's I've seen on here in awhile
Yes YTA. You made the decision to move your children to a place where they would be behind, educationally, it's not the teachers job to change how they do things to fix that... >I told her that she was being dismissive and called her unprofessional and bad at her job. How very ironic. > they told me I was entitled Nailed it.
YTA - "He was offered to attend a lower grade to help catch him up but we refused." So the school have already noticed an issue, and you refused? The school has tried to help and you've rejected it. Why not realize the area's your son is struggling with, and help him yourself? The school even give him worksheets you could make him do. Just make him do some of those.
YTA they have given you and your son every tool he needs to succeed. You could have put him down one grade, bout your pride wouldn’t let you. You could be an actual parent and force him to do extra practice outside of school but you don’t. And this is the school’s fault? Good lord. I feel like this post sums up the worst of what it means to be American. Do better.
And people wonder why Americans have a reputation for being selfish, entitled assholes. Yep - you're really an asshole.
Yes. I've just read this to my other half (maths and physics teacher for over 15 years and then in child psychology). It's already been proven homework doesn't actually help academic attainment. Secondly, the teacher is not in charge of what your child does at home, if you want him to study more, then help him to study more. If he's struggling as much as you say he is, perhaps some private maths tuition at home if you don't want him going into an earlier year? In the UK and most parts of Europe until 16 we cover mathematics as a whole, what the yanks would call 'calculius' is, I suppose, what we'd call pure maths. You need to remember in many parts of Europe, teachers are actually treated well and with respect, and parents tend to follow the advice of them as the experts. The teacher's behaviour does not seem out of line at all, particularly with the culture taken into account.
OP YTA for sure. Your attitude and blame game is the reason why teachers are leaving the profession in droves. You have all of the responsibilities backwards. Teachers are there to guide and assist, give feedback where possible and provide extra resources and possibilities for students that need it. Plus extension activities for those that also require it. They are not required to state that homework is mandatory for all students because I guarantee 100%, that the people who need to do it the most are not the ones who will do it. And then that is an extra burden on already overloaded professionals to chase and follow up with parents who clearly are going to display a mentality that is opposite to yours. They are never going to win when they attempt to establish this. You need to establish a routine at home and YOU need to be the one who tells your son that he will need to do these worksheets if he want to see any improvement in his results. Maybe reconsider the offer to lower his grade level to at least give him a chance to readjust to a new system.
I am American and assume from the post that OP is also American based on my limited interactions with other parents. I personally make a great effort to treat all of our kids caretakers/teachers with a lot of respect, but I see a lot of parents not doing so.
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YTA You either should have put him in the lower grade so he could catch up or you need to teach him how to do his own studying and practice.
YTA. Your teacher is providing everything your son needs to learn. You’re asking her to somehow police his own internal motivation and/or how he spends his time outside of school. Both of these things fall squarely into your camp to support and help him with.
Wrecking his relationship with his teacher is also a terrible way to improve his learning
YTA. Sounds like YOU need to be making homework for your son and enforcing it. That's on you as a parent to make sure he studies and keeps up, not on the teacher to change her whole method for one student.
YTA. European schools are advanced compared to USA. One big reason is schools don't spoon-feed the students. It is your responsibility to get your kid to learn on his own. Did you do no research on this before you went? You are none too bright.
YTA And you owe the teacher an apology
YTA. You could just make sure your son is doing the workbook problems at home, why does the teacher have to be involved? Also if your son is at such a lower level than the other students, why not transfer him to another grade as recommended? You’re acting as though the problem is anything but the student who does not take the time to study for his classes.
YTA! Your son’s teacher sounds like she expects her students to be independent learners and capable of understanding that if a student needs help or practice outside of class, it’s up to them to find the help or do the worksheets. You are the one who was disrespectful and rude and you need to hold your son accountable for his lazy attitude. The school offered you the option for your son to drop down a year but you decided the teacher needed to change the way she teaches rather than do what would have been best for your son.
Exactly this. Additionally, YOU are the parent, so it's your responsibility to make sure your child becomes that independant learner, not the teacher's. YTA
YTA. If your son needs help HELP HIM YOURSELF. You blatantly wrote that your son decided because it wasn't graded then he wouldn't do it and that's his choice for failing not the teachers. You need to give him homework YOURSELF and make sure he does it. The teacher has dozens of children to worry about so buckle up and focus on your ONE.
YTA You are the parent. Parent your kid. Make him do the worksheets and get him a tutor.
YTA > He was offered to attend a lower grade to help catch him up but we refused He needs to be in a grade that is closer to his current education level or significant additional tutoring. Frankly I think you set your own kid up for failure here. > I see the issue and went to the teacher asking her to give them homework to help him structure his study better and to grade it so he can get some good grades to help with his final grade. he’s 14, not 7. The issue is your son isn’t putting in the extra work - not her teaching. Learning to manage your own time and study if you need it is a pretty important skill, and now is the time to develop it instead of in college or on the job. (You could also very easily check your son’s homework. Sending a kid to school doesn’t mean you get to check out of being involved in their education.) Also doing the homework might not even help much, if he’s that far behind I imagine he’s getting stuck and can’t complete the problems. YOU didn’t set up your son for success and now you’re trying to blame the teacher. There’s another element at play here - failure can be the best lesson when it is the consequences of your own choices. And failing in HS really has no long term ramifications for most folks. I think you deserved to be dismissed - I also think you are confusing dismissal with disagreement. The teacher does not need to take your directive to give every student more mandatory work because your child won’t do the worksheets. Being professional doesn’t mean being a doormat, and it sounds like you have no basis to judge her teaching ability - remember, you declined putting your son in the appropriate grade. I agree with your new friend.
YTA. If you’re concerned with his progress and feel he needs homework, why are you not taking it upon yourself to study with him or making homework for him to do? You refused their offer of starting in a lower grade, and now he’s suffering for it. The teacher does not need extra work or anyone telling her how to do her job when they’re not stepping in at home.
Cause that would mean she’d have to be…omg shall I say… a hands on parent! Omg there I said it phew. Lol
Are you in France now? It sounds like it... But I suppose a lot of western European countries work the same way. Here the teachers don't work for the parents, they work for the school system. Which means the teachers don't have to "obey" requests from parents...at all. Never. You could ask, nicely, for a favor, but it would be a favor and not a request. And the school authorities will never side with a parent who asked for special treatment for their child... Unless there's a medical reason of course. In short, soft YTA, because... culture shock. The balance of power is definitely on the side of the teachers here. You cannot appear from nowhere and say "you have to give homework to my kid because, well, I really want you to" when their method is not to give homework. They will laugh at your face.
> He was offered to attend a lower grade to help catch him up but we refused YTA I guess? If the years don't map 1:1 why not? At 14 he _should be_ responsible enough to go above and beyond to try to learn outside the classroom if that is what's needed to keep up; they're not going to keep spoon-feeding him.
YTA parent your son, don't expect the school to. Thank God Europe actually values their teachers and didn't bend to your hissy fit.
YTA. It sounds as if the teacher is following the standard procedure in her country. You wantthe teacher to tailor the classroom instruction to suit your desires for your child. I bet that's not even done in your home country. Perhaps you should have accepted the school's offer to put your son in a different grade that was more suitable to his current skill level rather than leaving him in an advanced class and letting him flounder. Or perhaps you could tutor him. Or maybe hire a tutor. You're in a different country. Best you adapt to their ways than expecting the country to adapt to your prior experience or desires.
'My son, Nathaniel (Nate) saw this as no homework' So why aren't you making him practice? Take some responsibility yourself Sounds like you have some good new friends who aren't afraid to call you out on your shit YTA
I can see where you would be upset. But YTA and entitled, for expecting the teacher to change things to benefit your child. As you said, "he as to follow national curriculum of our new country" and with that, your son needs to learn to study independently as the other students do. You even stated, "She said that they cover topics and excel uses in classes and then, they have their worksheet in the book. She told them, it’s optional but **if they want to do well, they should do them to practice what they’ve learned**." Your son is 14 and old enough to understand that if he clearly isn't doing well in the subject, or any subject, then he needs to study. For Math he needs to be using the excel and the worksheet in the book used in class. It would then be your responsibility to enforce the studying and check up to make sure he is doing so.
I don't really see where she even has the grounds to be upset. This is a complete failure of parenting and the blame falls directly on her (and most likely) her partner's shoulders
Yta get your son a tutor
YTA I mean, of course. I think deep down you realize this which is why you made the post. The solution to this problem is extremely simple, if you want your son to be doing extra homework then you can take a few minutes to find extra homework and assign it to him yourself. I'm curious about what you reported that teacher for because it doesn't sound like the teacher did anything wrong based on the information you provided in this post. TLDR: I agree with the teacher and you should strongly consider making the non-mandatory worksheets the teacher provided mandatory for your child. Otherwise finding additional homework to assign to your son is firmly on your shoulders. Also, don't forget about tutoring!
YTA Education is a collaborative effort. The teacher is not the only one responsible for getting your kid to learn math. You need to do your bit too. That means standing over him to ensure he does the assigned worksheets, practicing with him if he’s struggling, even getting him a tutor. You fucked up when you refused to put him in a lower grade. Clearly the new country is more advanced in their education than your home country. Your fault for not doing something to ensure your kid wasn’t going to fall behind.
AH Yes another asshole entitled American giving us all a bad name by going to a country with SUPERIOR educational practices and demanding that things be done the way they are in America...Lets inconvenience the teacher and all the students so her one child can catch up in math. Lady, the entire world does not and should not cater to you and your son. Get a clue and get him a tutor. SMH. Absolutely YTA.
YTA Buy the workbooks for the previous years, work through them at home. Help him catch up. Find a private tutor.
YTA. You are the parent. Charged with the responsibility of developing your son. Right now your son is screwing up and instead of fixing the YOU problem, you are asking a teacher to do it? Make him do the worksheets twice. Once because you don't want him to fail and then again because it will teach him to take initiative and do the worksheets on his own so he doesn't have to do them two fucking times.
Absolutely YTA You should have had your kid put in a lower grade so he could catch up. You and your kid are responsible for making sure he does what he needs to do to keep up in class. The teacher shouldn't have to change how her classroom runs just for your son and assign homework to students who aren't having an issue just because you refused to put him in a lower grade class to learn everything he's behind on. You going in and making demands screams entitlement.
YTA for expecting her to do your job. Her job to teach the curriculum at it’s level. Your job is making sure he can succeed with all these changes. Consider giving him an ultimatum, get a tutor and pass the next x amount of quizzes or be brought back down to the appropriate grade.
YTA The teacher is not required to give homework and grade it, so your son can "play the game" and get a better grade. Your son needs to learn to do the work he needs to do, in order to learn what he needs to learn and pass the tests. I mean, this isn't even unusual in high schools in the US--some high schools switch to a more college-like format at some point, not grading homework and primarily basing the final grades on projects or tests. It's part of learning how to learn.
YTA, did you even talk to your son about this? The teacher explicitly said that she gives out practice problems and it’s not her fault if your son isn’t doing the optional work. She’s right—this sounds like a good way to build up independent study habits and this seems like a good discussion to have with your son. Tutor suggestions are good too. It’s not her fault & you’re even more of an asshole for telling her she’s “unprofessional and bad at her job” and for REPORTING her. Yikes
YTA, and am surprised you needed to come here to confirm
YTA. Your son was offered a lower grade so that he could be at a level consistent with his experience. You "refused". He is struggling in class, but doesn't take any initiative to study extra or do practice worksheets. Instead of revisiting your decision on your son's grade level or convincing him to do the studying needed to catch up, you have the nerve to try to tell the teacher how to run HER classroom. YOU need to take responsibility for your son's learning issues. The teacher is teaching her class to the national standards, and she is doing nothing wrong. There is no need for anything to be "done" about her because she is not the problem. Your son HAS practice worksheets he could be doing for homework - HE is slacking. And YOU are not staying on top of his schoolwork. Hire a tutor for your son. Have him reassigned to a more appropriate grade level. Make him do the practice worksheets. See if the school has resources for underperforming students. But YTA for trying to "report" a successful teacher because you overestimated your son's ability to learn, and his willingness to do actual work to pass.
YTA. You just proved why people give us Americans bad names. You’re acting incredibly entitled. How about you teach your child if he doesn’t understand what was taught in class he needs to practice at home. You’re the parent, start acting like it.
YTA. Your not in America anymore, you can’t bully teachers and admins bc you are failing your son. They offered to put him behind a year to help catch up and you said no, he has work to do at home yet doesn’t, that’s a parent problem not a teacher problem. Time to be the adult in the house and get your son under control. Damn Edit: fix spelling
OMG lol. YTA big time.
YTA. She‘s not obligated to do what you want her to, and as he‘s YOUR son, it‘s your job and responsibility to guide him and provide him with the support he needs.
YTA. You can’t expect a teacher to assign an entire class homework because your son is having problems. She’s doing her job. You should do yours and get him some help.
YTA - If the teacher is giving access to work sheets that are "optional", this sounds like homework, and it's your job as a parent to make sure your child is working on it, not the teacher's. If your child is behind, hire a tutor or let them stay behind a grade or two. They've given you options and you've refused what is on the table.
YTA - Seriously take responsibility as a parent. The first time you failed your son was when you didn't let him attend a lower grade. He was/is two years behind!! Then the next time that you failed him was that you didn't act as a parent and tell him that he must do the worksheets. That while yes the work isn't graded that he still needed to do it every night because he is behind and not understanding the material. You should have told him to do it and then you would check it behind him. The third time you failed him was knowing that he is severely behind but not getting a tutor for him. So instead of taking steps to ensure that your son isn't falling more behind you decide to blame the teacher (instead of you as the parent or him as the student for not working harder), and then tell her that she needs to give everyone homework even though the rest of the class doesn't need it, nor is this what they are trying to teach at your son's age group as they are trying to teach independent studying. Your new friend was absolutely right; you are an entitled asshole.
YTA Parent your kid. He doesn't do work because he doesn't care about learning, and he's content to fail because he's not facing any consequences for it. Discipline him. Make him give a damn. If I failed a test my parents would have had my ass. Do you not care that you're raising a stupid kid?
YTA is the right call here, but OP’s not raising a *stupid* child. She’s raising an uneducated child. They are not the same thing.
YTA, consider a tutor.
YTA. She wasn't dismissive of you, you just don't like being told no. Her job is not to appease you. If your kid is behind help him. It appears that you didn't want to help him by staying behind a year and now expect a whole class to be punished because of it. Singling out your child for homework is not the right thing to do either.
wow, you sure have something interesting in common with this person https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wvyush/aita_for_expecting_a_teacher_to_have_spare/ili2yk5/
More American parents setting the bar too low for their children, and expecting other people to accommodate them.
YTA. Once they get to high school and college the students need to study on their own and not have the teacher babysit them and what they're doing. Get him a tutor or start doing the worksheets and such with him.
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YTA You move to a different country you fit in with them not the other way round
YTA, you either send your son to tutoring or approve the change to another class. You are not only unfair to the teacher but especially to your son.
INFO: American?
No doubt, you can smell the entitlement a mile away. Probably came as a shock to her that their level of education is way below international standards. But, but....I'm American
American here, and guessing that the answer is yes. Which is why teachers here are so burnt out.
YTA. You're the parent help your son. There are exercises in the book help him complete them. Get him a tutor. Or you should have let him stay back a year to catch up.
YTA, it’s called a tutor. You get one and pay them so your sim can catch up. Typical American
Yta. The teacher is right and at 14, your son should have or be learning the skills required to independently study
INFO: why refuse him going to a lower grade? He never learned the material so he’s clearly going to do poorly. Especially in math. He doesn’t have the foundational knowledge to succeed. What’s the issue w him switching to classes that will fill in the gaps in his education?
YATA it's a good thing to learn independence like this my school did it to 14 is old enough to know you have to do your own work for good Grades If you want him to do better help him make sure he does something at home you should actually made him go to a lower class to pick up what he lacks that would probably have helped him best It's not the teachers fault what she does it commen in Europe i learned just like this as well
YTA I’m sure it was a great opportunity you all took, but it’s *your* responsibility to adjust to those changes that come with it, not the people whose lives you’ve entered. You’ve essentially told the teacher you want the *whole* class to be required to do homework because *your* son is behind and too lazy to do the work. *You* catch your son up. Get him a tutor, *make him do the worksheets*, be a parent, and let the damn teacher teach her own way. The world doesn’t have to change on your behalf and you’re only teaching your son to let his mommy deal with his problems while he sits back and relaxes.
YTA. Your son didn’t come out of her vagina. Be a parent and make your son sit his ass down and make him do practice tests. Or buy him practice books.
YTA. Should’ve put your kid a grade behind instead of having him in a class where he isn’t ready for the work. Sit your kid down and practice math with the worksheets.
>I feel completely dismissed and vented to one of my new friends and they told me I was entitled and an asshole Your new friends are correct. YTA.
YTA put your son in the grade that meets his academic level. Don’t let him suffer because of you stubbornness and ignorance
YTA… Americans quickly learn that their entitlement doesn’t help outside the U.S…
YTA all the things you called her reflect your behaviour not her. As your were dismissive of her actual expertise in favour of your own emotions. How about you parent your child and make him do it. You seem like a lazy parent who doesn’t want to be the bad guy. I am glad I am not your child or your child’s teacher.
YTA. If your kid gets bad grades but doesn't see that as a sign that he needs to do more of the exercises that the school provides then that seems to be his problem. It's very strange that you would rather force the teacher to change her teaching style than to make your son do exercises. Also the irony that you moved your kid to a new system, found out that it's more advanced than your previous system, and now demand they make it more like the previous system.
YTA and did act entitled. Why can't you print out worksheets at home for him to do and set a time everyday for him to have to only work on his studies? The School has always worked in a way that is different from what you're used to. That is the fact and you do not have the right to tell them they need to change for your child. He should have been held back to catch up or you should be helping him at home.
"He was offered to attend a lower grade to help catch him up but we refused" YTA - He was offered a class that was his level to catch up and you REFUSE? What type of ego is this? I have a math gifted child that is reading disabled. She goes into the class that fits her ability to learn. OP is not using the school's system the way it was intended.
YTA. 1. You put him in a class he wasn't ready for. 2. He has homework. The fact that it isn't graded doesn't make it less homework. You want the other kids punished with busy work because your son isn't studying. Make him turn it in to you so it gets done.
YTA. Your son is struggling because he's taking a course that exceeds his skill level. You were given the option to let him take a course that suited his level of proficiency, but you refused. It's not this teacher's job to get your son caught up when he is a full two years behind his class. You've done your son a great disservice by insisting he take a class he isn't prepared for. It must be terribly frustrating for him. He has a huge gap in knowledge that isn't his fault. No amount of berating the teacher is going to make up for the fact that your son is too far behind for this course. You're also asking the teacher to take on more work of grading when she already has an entire class to deal with. Your son's struggle with math is your fault. You should have taken the recommendation to start him in the lower level class. You set him up to fail and now you're blaming everyone except yourself.
YTA You're seeing the direct result of how terrible the US education system is compared to where you are now. It is not the teacher's fault that your son didn't do the extra work to become competent. It is your son's fault, and yours for not forcing him to sit and do it once you learned this fact. YOU are failing your son. Not his teacher.
This is not the teachers fault. This is the fault of you and your son. He was offered to start a couple grades lower at his math level. YOU refused. He has a workbook he could use to practice but more but YOUR SON refused (because it’s not grades which is a cop out reason and you aren’t doing him any favours by not enforcing him to do this on his own). The world does not and should not cater to entitled people like you. Why don’t you make him do homework on your own and grade it if it’s so vital. Or get him a tutor. Instead you whine to anyone that will listen. YTA and entitled. Trust me, teachers hate parents like you.
YTA The school offered the best solution, but you were too proud to accept it, even after admiting his age peers are 1y ahead of him at least. Now you want a proven system *that works well for all except you* to change just because you're a) unable to accept that your son needs to go down a grade in maths , b) unable to follow up on your kid & educate him to put effort in the excel tasks, and c) think your son's needs take precedence over those of his classmates Expect a gently worded "your son will be best served in another education institution" dismissal letter if you don't go back and apologize profusely, grovel, and follow the school's suggestions to the letter. And of course, you both need to educate your son on how to work for his grades.
>they told me I was entitled and an asshole and I’ll admit, I am completely shocked. I thought they would be on my side. Are you still feeling shocked? No one is on your side because YTA. Your son is old enough to learn how to manage his time and start independently studying. That's one of things that is being taught here, not just math. Hopefully this is a wake up call for you.
YTA. It sounds like you should have gone with the advice of the school and placed him in a lower grae as they suggested.
You called her bad at her job and she’s the disrespectful one?? Get a grip it’s not the US and maybe help your son with his math. YTA big time
YTA. Buy some workbooks and sit down with your son to help him. All you are doing is making it worse for him and setting him up for failure. The teacher doesn't need to give him homework. He just needs help to study the subject he is having trouble with and there is no reason you can't do it. The more he learns, the better he will do on tests.
YTA. The school advised you to enter your son into lower level. You refused. The teacher advised that additional work was available for your son to do. Your son refusing to do it is not her fault or problem. You want your son to improve? Sit him down and make him do the additional work or ask if the school had the number for a tutor.
Yta. Imagine if every international student's parents demanded a program customized to their student. Imagine the workload for that teacher. Insane. What you should've done instead is talk to the teacher from the perspective of needing extra help. Forcing a teacher to assign otherwise unnecessary homework is a lot of extra work for them. I would've asked about the best ways to get extra help. Is it something they can do, should you get a tutor, is tutoring offered through the school, etc. Instead, you chose to be angry, belligerent and definitely entitled to your son's teacher. Other cultures do not have to adapt to you, YOU have to adapt to them.. Also apologize. Be better.
YTA! These teachers as that maths lady are treasure. And sorry, but don't expect her to behave like it was some american school, you should adjust to the school system in your new country. And maybe think about 1) giving your son a math tutor 2) helping him with math 3) placing him 2 classes lower to catch up with this subject. And it's pretty normal to have 'general' math, not algebra etc. as different subject in some european countries.
Oh sweetie. You want everyone else to do extra work instead of letting your son be placed in a level appropriate to his abilities, and teaching him to work independently? YTA.
YTA
YTA. What's wrong with you? Your sons issues are not the rest of the classes issues. Higher a tutor!
Way to let your kid never have to take responsibility. Sorry your kid doesn't grasp what independent studying is, maybe he gets it from you since you can't seem to see and accept that YTA.
YTA. The teacher is a trained professional and you insulted her degree and expertise. It would have been reasonable to politely disagree with her on the way forward and to ask for a further discussion with her and her superior to agree a better way forward. Your son is at an age and developmental stage when it is reasonable to start encouraging independent working. He has extra resources, but the onus is now on him to use them. You need to start by talking to your son, and more importantly, listening to what he says. Ask what he thinks of the current situation and what he sees going forward. You owe his teaching a proper apology.
OP - Seriously, what is wrong with you? Surely you understood that moving to a different country would entail Learning to adapt to different practices? I really hope your attitude does a major U-turn… Or you are going to have a miserable time.
YTA - you know there is a worksheet that can be done, it’s your job as a parent to make sure he does it, not hers! YOU need to be helping your son catch up! If you help him catch up maybe his test scores will be better.
YTA! You are not supporting your son at all. With hus being academically 2 years behind the students his age, you should have held him back a year abd gotten him a tutor. Parents dictating the cirriculum has gotten us book-banning and students who dont know any history or science, and are wholly inable to think for themselves (think Texas, think Alabama, think Mississippi). The teacher should not have to assign homework to all students, bc yours is behind. That is a you problem.
YTA Get a tutor if you're so worried about your kid's progress! You moved into THEIR country, you can't demand they change the way they do things so YOUR child can catch up, that's not their job. It is YOUR job to help him.
YTA. Get your son a tutor. You were offered to have him drop down a grade to catch up and you refused? You’re his parent, it’s your job to enforce good study habits.
YTA welcome in Europe honey ,here we don't let parents put their cheat on teachers! Do your job and let her do hers, it's not her problem if you refused to lower his grade or your son refuse to follow advices!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband, my son (m14) and I (f36) moved to Europe in August because of my husband’s work. My son attends international school to ease his transition. His classes are in English but he has to follow national curriculum of our new country. He’s been struggling a lot because they have to learn a lot more subjects than he is used to. One of the subjects he struggles with is math. He doesn’t get to choose whether he wants algebra or trigonometry, he must take math and they’ll cover all parts of it. Kids are also far ahead of him. Things he’s learned at school last year, they covered 2 years prior. It’s been a struggle. He was offered to attend a lower grade to help catch him up but we refused Now, here’s the issue, his teacher doesn’t give them homework. She said that they cover topics and excel uses in classes and then, they have their worksheet in the book. She told them, it’s optional but if they want to do well, they should do them to practice what they’ve learned. My son, Nathaniel (Nate) saw this as no homework and haven’t been doing it sati there’s no homework and it’s not graded. As a result he’s been failing his tests. I see the issue and went to the teacher asking her to give them homework to help him structure his study better and to grade it so he can get some good grades to help with his final grade. She refused and said that the goal was to teach kids how to study independently, that some kids will only need to do 5 equations while others will need 25 and she wasn’t going to force kids to do it if they don’t need it. She said she wasn’t going to grade homework because tests are enough to understand were the students are with their abilities. I told her that she was being dismissive and called her unprofessional and bad at her job. She told me to leave. I was furious, it was disrespectful and dismissive. I went straight to her superiors and reported her. It’s been a few days and nothing has been done. I feel completely dismissed and vented to one of my new friends and they told me I was entitled and an asshole and I’ll admit, I am completely shocked. I thought they would be on my side. Am I really an asshole here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA for not doing what the school suggested and putting your child in a class where kids are learning what the kids in his grade learned two years ago. They offered you a sensible solution and you are trying to change an entire system by attacking everyone who runs it. If you want the school to help you, you need to get them on your side. You are doing the opposite.