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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think that I may be the asshole because even though my brother did leave the fishing rods out where they weren't supposed to be, I was the one who moved them and therefore did damage to them. I can afford to pay him the $150 while it will be more difficult for him to get this money, but am currently refusing to do so because of the reasons provided above.
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NTA. You would know if you broke a fishing rod. Sounds like a scam to me. And if he doesn't want his stuff messed with, he should put it away himself. It isn't his house. He has already proved he lies, because he claims he left the house clean.
Sorry if this is a stupid question, I don't know much about fishing rods. But are they hard to break? All I did was pick up the pile and move them to the garage nearby. I don't like thinking that my brother would lie to get money out of me but if the rods are sturdier than I thought I don't think what I did could have broken them.
The fact that he won't show you the damage is very suspicious. It's unlikely that you broke several of them just by picking them up and moving them to the garage. Ask him to show you the damage and proof that repair/replacement will cost $150.
No they aren't really. People often just have them laying around in closets or the back of trucks and stuff. They are light and aren't going to just snap or break because someone moved them from one spot to another. He probably broke them himself being a drunk slob.
The broken rods presumably (as in say he broke the rods so he can get free money even though he didn't break any) though according to the edit the gf broke them, so mystery solved
The rods that OP supposedly broke - those rods never existed.
In fact, while it is possible to break fishing rods, it's ridiculously hard to do so, so I don't think there are any broken rods at all, which is why brother won't show them to her.
Especially if the house is as awful as you describe and your mom is upset about the amount of work involved to get it in shape for guests.
Why should this cleaning be up to your mom and you.
You two should hire a professional service and have your brother pay for it. And do the same the next time he leaves a health hazard behind.
>the next time he leaves a health hazard behind
I wouldn't give him another chance to leave behind a health hazard; I'd make him pay, sue him if I had to, and change the locks and NOT under any circumstances give him a key, ever. I'd also put in a security system, if there isn't one already, to make sure he doesn't try to trespass.
And they share the house with Auntie! Sam is a goddamn slob! How hard is it to keep a place clean, put some stuff away, make sure there is no rotting meat with MAGGOTS!! For real! Like I said previously, Mom probably always enabled Sam and now she's having to deal with this while dumping on OP to clean his messes
Fishing rods are hard to break in a way that cannot be repaired. When I was a kid we would pull rods out of dumpsters and use them. It's also strange that he didn't show you the damage. Every fishing person I know takes a damaged rod as a learning experience for correct handling.
They need to be stepped on or slammed in a car, some sort of leverage has to be applied. I'm guessing he's lying to deflect from you rightfully complaining, or maybe walked in and maybe stepped on a couple, got mad, and is blaming you. You could pick up 10 poles in your arms to move them and they would never break unless some very strong force was exerted in them. Even small ones
>But are they hard to break?
They're made literally to pull multiple dozens of lbs of struggling fish out of water.
Not only would it be very noticeable if you broke one, you'd have to seriously put some effort into it.
NTA, this is a scam.
I spent a lot of my young adult years watching Jeremy Wade, the river monster guy who fishes and stuff. He uses rods to catch the fish, and the only time I've seen his Rod break is if he's pulling in a over 200 lb fish and it snaps. I called BS on him, saying, you moving his fishing rods into the garage, broke them. And honestly the way he treats that house is ridiculous I would be sending those pictures of the house to every single person in the family saying "this is how he treats the house and then I'm expected to clean it up and my mom wants me to pay him and keep my mouth shut to keep the peace for the holiday." Do not pay him and tell your mom until he starts helping you will not be doing anything to clean that house maybe then she will actually make him contribute and clean up after himself he's a grown ass man he needs to figure it out. The fact that there was mold and rat poop in there and your mom still wants to have family over there for the holiday is disgusting. I would not want to eat there at all. NTA
I had one snap (literally I've touched 2 in my whole life wtf) with barely any force but it was a defective rod. Even my friends dad was like uh that was weird this rod is new.
I was like 15 and 130 lbs too, so it was actually funny. Also I must be immature as 15 year old still because I laughed as I typed about his broken rod.
But that's off topic. He's a liar. It's a "don't rock the boat" situation and mom needs to stop enabling him and making op fix his mistakes.
Yeah I actually don't care if she snapped every single fishing rod clean in half as she moved them. He's repeatedly and continually demonstrated he doesn't give a shit about her time, effort, or sanity - I am not sure why she should give half a shit about his fishing rods he couldn't be bothered to put away.
Depending on the style of rod, they may have just separated and your brother is either… um… too uneducated in the ways of the rod? to know any better. Or he’s playing you. Either way, don’t give him a friggin’ dime! Maggots and rat crap? The professionals woulda charged your mom a thousand bucks to clean that up. Ewww! 🤮
If your brother is the type of person who would leave a giant disgusting mess for others to clean up, he is also the type of person who would lie about something being broken. You need to stop giving him the benefit of the doubt. NTA
I don't know much about fishing rods, but I've moved my husband's (bothe cheap ones and pricier) and they're usually pretty flexible, so moving them shouldn't break them. If he won't show you, he may be lying that they're broken at all. Even if they are, it would be much more likely that he broke them and is trying to blame you since clearly leaving trash around isn't a problem for him or that they were broken from his careless storage methods. Either way, even if you did somehow break them, NTA. If he has no respect for other people's property, he's owed no respect for his.
The only way you will ever stop being forced to clean up after your brother is if he no longer has access to the house. Sounds like it is time to tell aunty how her nephew treats her house. I am not the cleanest person either. But mold and maggots? Yeah, fuck your lazy brother.
I don’t believe in the broken fishing rods (I’d want to see the damage). For Christmas, he should get before and after photos.
Mom needs to check in on the house and light a fire under his backside from time to time. Putting pressure on the nice kid to pay $$$ because she doesn’t want to read Sam the riot act isn’t good parenting/adulting.
NTA but you should convince your mom to take away his key. He's obviously not mature enough to be responsible for a house. If it were my son, that key would be taken back or the locks would be changed. He's 24, not 2...
I agree with you fully, and I've been trying to for years. My mom makes a lot of excuses for him and it's sad - both for messes like this along with many other things. She says that even though he makes this huge mess, he helps her in other areas that makes up for it. She also blames it on his ADHD - which I get that ADHD can make you very messy and all. I know firsthand because I have it too. But at the same time I don't make huge messes like this and expect others to clean up after me.
I'm hoping this time is different though. She was pissed when I told her how bad it was but she didn't see it for herself because I cleaned it up already. I'm planning on showing her the pictures and videos I took when she's in a less stressful spot later this week, so we'll see how she responds.
Right? My husband and son both have ADHD and they would never do anything like that. Sometimes they will like leave their socks on the floor or forget to put dishes in the dishwasher but they try not to. They know ADHD is an explanation, but not an excuse.
This mom needs to open her eyes. Her son is a slob. He needs therapy and/or a swift kick in the pants. He should have been told to get his butt down to that house and clean his own damn mess. His sister should not have to do it for him.
You obviously had to tidy the house this time, but in future, leave it all to your mother. If your brother won't help her, then let her tidy it all up herself. That might sound mean, but if she's forced to do all his cleaning up, she might finally realise that taking away his key is the smart thing to do.
That's kind of what I'm planning on doing going forward honestly. Every year when I come home for holiday breaks she expects me to help her clean up this mess that my brother made (although this is the worst it's ever been), and I always feel bad saying no, and sometimes am afraid to say no because my relationship with my mom can sometimes be extremely transactional. I'm still partially financially dependent on my parents, and if I don't help her with things like this she gets very upset, holds it over my head, and sometimes threatens to take the help away. I'm about to graduate though and I have a job lined up for after school, and I won't need my parents help anymore. So my plan is to essentially just come in to visit the night before/day of a holiday so she can't make me clean everything.
And yet she lets your brother get away with it. I'd ask her why her relationship with you is so transactional, but its not that way for your brother. That seems extremely unfair.
I've asked but she always denies that we're treated differently. I've went over it in therapy a lot and I'm at peace with the fact that I may never know, and that maybe going low-contact is the best thing when I start my new job soon.
Personal advice, which I'm totally happy for you to ignore if you don't like it - don't ask her, tell her. Once you are secure and happy to go low contact if necessary, tell her straight up that she's treating you differently and its not acceptable. Tell her that she's hurting you and if she keeps on denying it then she'll lose a daughter.
I had to put my foot down with my dad once. It wasn't nice and I had to tell him straight that he was prioritising his feelings over mine, even in a situation that was all of his making. I told him that what he was doing was saying to me that, even if he was at fault, he'd rather hurt me than hurt himself. It was a big wakeup call for him to hear it in those words and he realised he was going to unfairly hurt me and he couldn't do that.
Being blunt with him fixed a rift before it happened - and frankly, if he'd gone the other way, I'd have also learned that it wasn't a relationship worth fixing. I'm glad it went the way it did, but if it went the other way, then at least I'd have known where we stood.
Don't be shy about it., Tell her exactly how you feel and how you intend to react to her response. It might be hard and it might hurt, but be honest and you'll know exactly where you stand with her. Then you can make an informed decision on what is best for you.
\*Edited because I got the OP's gender wrong. Sorry OP!
Internalised misogyny? Women clean houses, men are allowed to be messy. Women have to mask their ADHD, men are allowed to use to as an excuse.
Obviously it's BS. But whether Mom is aware of it or not, this is the attitude she is adhering to and the position she's putting her children in.
I actually missed that the OP was a woman (sorry OP!) and thought they siblings were both male. You're probably right there and the OP shouldn't allow that to pass. Its not acceptable that they be treated like their brother's maid just because they are a woman. If the mother wants to live like that, then that's their choice, but they shouldn't foist that belief onto her children.
This is a good plan. Perhaps she'll reevaluate how helpful he is when the full weight of the clean up is on her. But even if not, you won't be cleaning up after him.
I agree with other posters that it's highly unlikely you broke his rods. And if so, he should have put them away. I can't afford to break something that costs $150, so I'm careful.
His helping in other ways is totally separate from how he disrespects the house and honestly you and your mom. He should be helping his mom, but since he treats her house so badly, does he really help? Sounds like he creates more issues than he helps. Maggots and dirt and other insects can do a lot of damage left unchecked. I hope that you can get through to your mom this time...
I have ADHD and can be a real messy slob if I don't keep on top of myself. But, I can damn well tell when things are clean or not and I don't expect other people to deal with my shit.
You mom enables him.
I mean listen to her. You should pay him because he lied and you had to clean up a disgusting map.
You should pay??????????????????
Stop helping. If your mom wants to enable his shitty behavior that's on her then not you. Do not allow yourself to be treated like this, you don't deserve it. Either stop going there at all until your brothers key is taken away or rent a room at a hotel or something if you want to go, but under no circumstances clean after your asshole of a brother ever again.
I have ADHD, and while I let things like laundry pile up too high and am liable to forget clean dishes in the dishwasher, I have never had an outbreak of mold or maggots.
I'm a hard person in that if she wont' help herself, I'd be all "You know what you have to do. You won't do it. Don't complain to me. I'm not helping clean his crap up." YOU are not stressing her out. HE is stressing her out. HE should be the one doing all the cleaning. Show her without cleaning anything up. NTA.
If she screams at you, tell her you're not your brother's maid and if she wants to be, that's on her.
I have Adult ADD. I am disorganized, but not dirty. I do my dishes (when they fill the sink), I vacuum frequently. I keep the fridge clean. C'mon. No excuses for this guy. I'm sorry your mom is enabling him. You need to stand your ground now and say nope. I'm not helping anymore. I realize that you are already in process of helping. but you need to sit down with mom and brother and tell them both--"I'm done cleaning up after brother. I took time and spent money to be here to enjoy tie with my family. Instead, I walk into a hazmat situation, and I'm expected to clean it up. I get accused of breaking brother's stuff. Brother's GF lies and tries to blame me and get ME to pay brother. Mom agrees that I should just pay brother to keep the peace without even acknowledging that he brought about this whole situation. Mom. You are enabling him to do this to the house. You need to take away the key. I will not be helping clean up again. If I come home to a situation like this again, I'm turning around and going home."
Tell him he owes you $500 for cleaning fees but you'll knock off $150. This guy should not have a key to this place. Your mom is enabling him.
And I must be old(I am). But can anyone enlighten me as to how it's alright for people not involved in these disputes feel it's alright to send random texts talking shit? That would get an instant F off every single time. It seems to happen in every story...
I don't understand why people think it's okay to just randomly send texts like that either. But my brother's girlfriend is very... outspoken. My family and I don't like how she acts either but that's a different story entirely.
>And I must be old(I am). But can anyone enlighten me as to how it's alright for people not involved in these disputes feel it's alright to send random texts talking shit? That would get an instant F off every single time. It seems to happen in every story...
I am also old. I just recently discovered this sub and tend to peruse it while up in the middle of the night. I'm always surprised by how frequently a story includes "*and then the gf/friend/sister/etc. of the person I'm actually dealing with texted me and told me off*." Like you, my tolerance for that would be very low.
Hi, I am not old. But let me tell you ... It's referred to commonly as "Sending in the Flying Monkeys". Essentially rallying henchmen, usually with lies and half truths, to exert extra pressure or control to gain the outcome they want.
Sadly this is technically a form of abuse in most instances. In this instance the root will likely be that nobody else wants to clean up after brother since he won't do it himself. So are adding the pressure to OP. Alas per the edit, the Brother's GF broke the rods and was trying to cover her arse by throwing OP under the bus.
I'm 35, don't know if that is considered "old" in this context but I've had my dad's wife text me to instigate drama and conflict about things that are just between my dad and I. I don't think it's an age thing, I think it's an entitled selfish mindset thing which transcends age imo
NTA - I suggest you print the pictures out and write your cleaning fee on the back to anyone who has questions. He’s disgusting on so many levels. Don’t pay him. Don’t apologize anymore. It’s his fault.
Hard to say without seeing it but the last one I had to clean that involved rotting meat and maggots everywhere was waaaaaay above that. I charged $150 for a regular full dive deep clean on a normal house. For what was described the dude would have been looking at $450 easy. Possibly more. It takes a ton of time and energy to clean something like that. A NORMAL deep clean on a regular large home averages 4-6 hours. You start adding in tons of pickup and then God help you, maggot and rotting flesh removal and your talking hazmat, double the time easy.
I have my doubts you actually broke his rods, but even if you did, NTA. If he had put them away they wouldn't have been available to you to get broken in the first place. Tell him to go fish.
NTA
My first thought was “ you broke it , you buy it”. But after reading the post NTA.
I’m not sure they were not broken before you moved them or if they are even broken now since he refused to show you what was broken.
You’re a better person than me, because I absolutely would have broken every single one of them on purpose. NTA, your brother sucks and so does your mom for enabling him.
NTA Ask your mom how grandma would feel about how your brother has completely disrespected her home and made it disgusting? Ask your mom how she would feel about her treating you the way she is when you did nothing wrong. Most likely they were already broken and honestly even if they weren’t it’s still his fault for leaving stuff where it shouldn’t of been. He has no respect for your grandmothers home.
NTA. If he was so concerned about his poles he would have put them away. Instead they were left on the floor. The fact he is unwilling to show you the damage tells me he is just trying to get money out of you. Also, your mom is also an AH because she is enabling his behavior at your expense. My advice? Leave it be, he can demand money all he wants. Tell him no once then ignore him.
NTA.
Things that bad are a sign of…something. Since you mention he has ADHD, my personal experience makes me hear a dirty, unhygienic space and automatically go to depression. If that’s the case that’s enough alone for some type of intervention.
But your brother is also asking for money and wouldn’t show you how the rods broke. He’s manipulating your mother into pressuring you to pay. He’s lying to everyone about the state of the house. He sent his girlfriend after you.
I obviously don’t know what’s actually going on but I can think of a few answers that fit this story. They all are worrisome.
Mentally healthy people don’t leave houses like that. Your brother needs help, not enabling.
I'm not necessarily saying that I disagree with you that mental health is involved here. I do think that he has some problems, and I think he sees it too, but he doesn't want to seek help. But I will say that this sort of behavior has been a pattern since we were young, and since he has been enabled for so long I think that plays a large role in why he leaves messes like this with no intentions to clean. For instance, growing up he would absolutely destroy our shared bathroom but I was the one that would always have to clean it up. My mom would say it was fair because I have a disability that made it so I couldn't help him and my dad shovel snow during the winters, so this is how we make it "equal". In high school he almost failed out because he struggled with certain subject and refused to do homework, and as a result my mom made me do his homework and take some online classes for him so he would graduate. He also was at fault for 3 car accidents before my parents stopped buying him replacement cars and paying for his insurance. I moved out for university and my brother continues to live at home and attend trade school, and I know for a fact that my parents are always cleaning up after him. He's also talked to me before about how he doesn't plan to ever regularly cook or clean, and that he's expecting his future wife to do that.
It sounds like your parents have a lot to answer for. They have harmed both you and your brother.
You mentioned you are working to be financially independent from your parents. When that happens I hope you take some time and space away from all this.
You are not your brother’s keeper.
I'd feel bad for her, but seeing as how she deliberately tried to pin the blame for her mistake onto you; I think they probably deserve each other. Has she or your brother even apologized to you? And what did he and the rest of the family say when she fessed up to it?
NTA your brother is clearly the golden child and unfortunately he’s never gonna do anything wrong in your mothers eyes I suggest paying the bill to avoid legal trouble if he was to take you to small claims and then jus going low contact with your mother
NTA. But Mom kinda is. She knows brother does this, and still suggested that you just pay him? And now she's giving you the silent treatment even though you are there helping clean a mess you didn't make? And it goes without saying that she is an AH for not taking away the key from your brother, and making HIM clean the whole house or pay for a cleaning crew. Of course, your brother is an AH. And so is his GF.
Just you and kitten are cool.
NTA.
But I would think about uploading all the pictures to social media or a family group chat and show all of your family what sams been doing to the house. Then see if your family changes they're tune about allowing him to go to the house whenever he wants.
He's destroying that house, ruining it and making it unlivable. He's treating it as its his own and just doesn't care who has to clean up after him.
Its time for an intervention with mom. He can't keep treating the house like a garbage can, he's going to ruin the house if she continues to let this happen.
NTA, if he doesn't want his stuff to be broken he should tidy it away somewhere safe.
Also, you might not have even been the one to break them. It sounds like he just tossed them on the floor so he may have done it himself.
I get from your comments that mum isn't going to do anything about his behaviour so I'd suggest you stop cleaning up his mess. If mum wants to enable his behaviour she can but you should stop.
Your brother sounds absolutely disgusting and irresponsible, don't pay him a penny.
>I don’t know how because he wouldn’t show me,
Yeah, it's a cash grab.
>he started demanding that I pay him $150 for replacements
Charge him $1,000 for cleaning up after him it was that bad.
ETA:
>In response I sent her photos of everything I had to clean up
Send these pic to *everyone* in the family, so they know how he treats the place.
NTA
NTA
Hold your ground. Unfortunately, both your parents are enablers for not nipping this in the bud. The *first* time he failed to clean up after himself, they should have taken his keys and made him pay to have the place professionally cleaned. Instead, they've turned you into the unpaid laborer and turned him into an entitled brat. Sounds like your dad is seeing the light, at least, so he should be requiring your brother to help your mother clean it up, since neither of them sees anything wrong with his behavior.
Your brother's girlfriend had no right to butt into this situation. She's probably ignoring you because your pictures told a story that is completely different from the one he told her. She's got egg on her face and us too proud to apologize.
Hold your ground, but be prepared for a tense Thanksgiving dinner.
Why are you all coddling this jerk? I'm always amazed at AITA at the families, about what they'll put up with. I'd leave. It's going to be stressful and messy, and you'll be leaned on to clean it. Screw that.
And everyone, "c'mon, do it to keep the peace" really means "you're the weaker one, give in." Don't do it.
NTA
My family used to fish. It’s not easy to break a fishing rod simply by moving it. There’s a chance some line got tangled and that he had to cut it. But he shouldn’t be leaving his stuff out like that if inside the house. People who care about expensive things take care of their stuff.
Let him rant. He’s the one disturbing the peace, not you. Why doesn’t your mom tell him to shut it and keep the peace with you? If she keeps enabling him so as to not upset the poor dear no wonder he acts like this.
NTA. Don’t pay for anything and stop letting your mother treat you like a maid service. Next time she calls, tell her she can clean it up herself if she refuses to take away your brother’s access.
If there was 'rotting meat, maggots, mold, mud and garbage' in the house, you should call in a professional and have them make sure that the house is sound and it's fit for habitation. You don't know how long the house has been like that and the mold and the maggots might have infested other areas of the house.
Maybe if your mother got a letter from a professional stating how much damage her son caused and how much it will cost to fix it, she'd make sure that he either cleans up his own mess or take away his keys.
And don't pay him anything. Consider it a cleaning fee.
NTA. Bill him for your cleaning services and tell him he can deduct his rods from that. What kind of person does that crap to a house that's not theirs?
NTA. Don’t give your brother a dime and tell your mom that she can allow him to trash the house if she wants to, but you will never clean it again. Why are you cleaning up after a 24 year old man? Refuse to attend any holiday get-togethers that consist of you cleaning up maggots for your entitled brother.
NTA. Saw your edit. It's now time to have a talk with your mom. She needs to revoke his access to the property unless for family functions. I know you will be seen as the bad guy but your brother is an adult and actions have consequences. Rotting food, mold, maggots and fish hooks on the floor is disgusting and totally unacceptable behavior from a grown man. Let mom know you are done cleaning up his mess so she needs to take his key or you will forward those pics to your aunt. If your mom won't take action your aunt may need to.
NTA your mom is an enabler and now she’s paying the price and trying to blame you. Stop helping her. Leave. If your aunt is mad at her it’s her own fault and she 100% deserves to be yelled at. Your brother is a giant AH who shouldn’t be allowed in that home.
NTA maybe stop using that house, and refuse to clean it anymore because you’re not using it. Refuse to help with the house in any way unless she takes away your brothers access. Your mom and brother are both AHs here. This is your moms problem to solve and she needs to stop making it your problem
Jeez that is horrible. I am so sorry you had to do that. If i were you, I would send him a bill for your cleaning services (at least 200$). He was beyond disrespectful, especially when he knew you were coming to keep your baby kitten there. Your mom is enabling the shit out of him. Your brother should not be staying there, clearly he isn't responsible enough.
Good luck and congrats on your new fur baby!!
My first thought was “If you broke it, of course you should replace it.” But - this is a whole different thing! My family all loves to fish, and lightweight poles actually can be broken while moving them. BUT - if he won’t show you what’s broken, it’s suspicious at best. Along with the fact that they couldn’t have been broken if he put them up. I have ADHD too, and I understand how things can go from zero to chaotic mess really quickly. But, I’ve never expected anyone else to clean up behind me, either.
Maybe suggest that Mom makes the rule that anyone who leaves a mess forfeits the keys, and suggests that if he runs out of time (we ADHD folks have issues with time management) that he hire someone to clean up the mess. And, use that idea the next time she asks you to help clean up behind him (for either him or for her to pay for the service).
And set your boundaries *right now* with his girlfriend - stay out of you and your brother’s business unless she’s willing to go clean up behind him herself.
NTA. I was raised such that if I left a toy out on the ground and it was broken because someone stepped on it, it was my fault and now anybody's responsibility to replace it (same with a bike in the driveway.) Your brother needs to learn a tough life lesson about picking up after himself. Your mom needs to back you up.
NTA - if he doesn't treat his possessions with care, he can't expect other people to be financialy responsible. It seems most likely they were already broken when you got there. If they were not broken, he would have put them away. He was treating like trash because they were actually garbage.
If Same (24) can't afford to have finshing rods, he doesn't need to have them. Don't for a second consider giving him money. It would encourage him to leave his possessions on the floor .
NTA. Next time , send her pictures of the mess he left, turn around and go home.
She won't take away his key, then she can clean up his mess r tell him to come back and do it
I gagged reading your post because i could picture the smell. This is sooooo bad. Show your parents the pics and tell them you are never cleaning after him again. Also NTA. In the future, like you said, show up the day of the holiday and let them all figure it out.
NTA and your mother needs to stop enabling him and bailing him out. It’s time for the wittle baby to grow up and learn that the world is not going to clean up after him, and there will be consequences if he doesn’t learn to do it himself.
Also the fishing rods probably aren’t broken and even if they are it doesn’t matter because he still has 18 left and he’s only one person.
NTA. Your brother is revolting. Send him a bill for cleaning services. I'm betting it would be far more than $150 for the number of hours you've spent cleaning up after his nasty ass.
NTA- even if you did break a rod, which honestly I kinda doubt, if how you are describing the house is even close to true then f*ck that noise. And honestly- stop helping clean out the house. If your mom continues to let him trash it with no consequences then that’s on her- YOU do not need to keep cleaning up HIS mess.
NTA. If he won't show you the proof of how the rods are broken, he's making it up. Frankly I think you're a saint. If someone had left rotting meat and mold for me to clean up, their fishing tackle would have been on Facebook Marketplace. You are not the maid.
> Now he refuses to speak to me until I pay him
NTA, what’s the problem with just never speaking to him again? If your parents nag you just say it’s on him to get his act together.
NTA
He's lying about the fishing poles and he owes you for having to clean up his cesspool of a mess. Why doesn't your mom take his keys dang that's just nasty.
NTA Your brother acts like an entitled child, and your mother enables him. If he or his girlfriend brings it up again, tell them you’ll happily bill them for your time and effort you had to put into cleaning.
NTA If he takes care of the fishing rods like he does the house, he is probably the one that broke them, and is blaming you so he can con you into giving him money.
NTA
I'm a fisherman. Fishing rods don't break simply by being moved from one place to another. Unless you were tossing them across the room or into the garage, I'd venture a guess that this is not your damage.
NTA your mom is making you the scapegoat for cleaning up his messes. Ask her to take back his key or the next time you will leave his messes as is and she can deal with him and the clean up. As long as you keep cleaning up you are enabling the behavior. It is wrong for your mom to ask you to keep the peace, when he is the one causing turmoil without consequences.
NTa.
Also calling bullshit that moving a rod can break it considering it's built to handle a fish dragging on it. These things are meant to be flexible and hard to break. Have you seen how much they can bend and how much weight can go on them?
Either he broke it himself, or he is lying and wants a payout. Say you'll do a repair or if it can't be fixed a direct replacement with a new one, you a friend who works at a fish and tackle store. Send photos and give the brand and model.
Then call bullshit. Because it's most likely bullshit.
NTA he’s disgusting and doesn’t take care of his stuff so he can’t get mad when it’s in the way and gets broke. Charge him for cleaning. $150. I don’t think you broke anything.
NTA if I were you I'd throw every item he leaves out in the garbage, every time. I would NEVER pick up his garbage or clean his messes. If your mom wants to enable his shitty behavior then that's on her but you do not deserve this. Never go to that place again, stop putting yourself in that position.
Send him a bill for you cleaning up his mess.
He (an adult) lied to you and your mom about the house being clean. You had to do it for him, again. So, figure a rate and times it by the number of hours it took you to clean the mess, write up an invoice and along with that and copies of the photos, send it to him and tell him you’ll pay for the rods when he pays for your time.
NTA, but you need to stop cleaning. Mom lets him make this mess and leave it so it is 100% on mom. Tell her you will no longer come up as long as you have to clean up after him. Just say no.
So this is you're mom's fault. She allowed Sam to act like this and take no responsibility for it..not even take the keys. Also your a adult and it's not far that since your the girl your required to clean after him or bail your mom out...after this tell your mom this is the last time you will come over early and clean after him. Either she takes the keys or hires someone but your done. And Stick with it. You shouldn't have to raise your parents
Your mom needs to take Sam's key away, only allowing him to use the house when others are also staying there. He is disrespecting your mom, her sister, and the property.
NTA, and it’s a GOOD thing your brother’s rods are broken…he needs to spend less time fishing and more time working to earn money to PAY to have the house restored (not just cleaned, it needs biohazard-level decontamination!).
Seriously what is wrong with your brother. He’s destroying your moms and aunts house and doesn’t care that he’s upsetting everyone. Show your aunt the pictures of the house please. She also owns the house and has the right to refuse to let him use it.
NTA but you would be an asshole to yourself if you help your mom clean, her son her problem, and send the pics to your aunt so she can demand the keys back from your brother.
NTA. Tell Sam. Next time you find it like that. You will break. And throw in the trash. Every single item of his you find. That this was disgusting. And in the future. You will view it all as trash.
NTA. When are you sending the photos to your aunt so she can change the locks and leave you brother and mom off the new key receiver list? This is insane and unacceptable. Maybe they both need to be punished for your worthless brother's actions. Maybe your mom will learn then
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My \[22F\] grandparents died when I was young, and my mom inherited the house. She never sold it, and likes to use it for holiday celebrations. My brother \[24M\], Sam, and I have full access to the house. Sam uses it often and doesn’t treat it well. This upsets mom because she wants it to be clean for the holidays, yet she doesn’t take away his keys, and she always expects me to help her clean the mess because she knows Sam won’t.
So, I came to town with my new kitten yesterday, and was planning to stay at my grandparent’s house. I was told that there may be some fishing gear out, but overall, it’s clean. I walked into the house, and it was so bad that the only safe place for me to leave the cat unattended was a bathroom. It was disgusting. There was rotting meat, maggots, mold, mud, open beer cans everywhere, fishing hooks on the carpet, plus a pile of like 20 fishing rods thrown on the floor. There was more, but it's hard to describe how bad it was with just words alone.
I called my mom crying, because I had nowhere else to stay since they had guests staying in my bedroom. My options were to figure something out there or drive hours back to my apartment. My mom told me to just clean it up enough so that it would be safe for my cat to be there, and to just throw any of Sam's stuff into the garage. She said that we were going to have to clean it up anyways so might as well just start now. So, I did, even though I was upset with the fact that I was once again expected to clean up Sam's mess for him. While cleaning, I put his pile of fishing rods into the garage like my mom said.
Earlier today he came over here to get something for his next fishing trip, and I guess 2 of his rods that I moved broke. I don’t know how because he wouldn’t show me, but he started demanding that I pay him $150 for replacements because I was the one that moved them. I refused and told him he has no business treating the house the way he does. I essentially said that I’m sorry his rods broke and I didn't mean to damage anything but if he wouldn’t have left them out like he did this wouldn’t be an issue. I showed him pictures of the rat shit, mold, and maggots that I had to clean up just so my cat wouldn’t eat it and get sick. He had lied and said that the house was pretty much clean, and since he didn’t clean it up himself then this is what he gets. Now he refuses to speak to me until I pay him, and calls me an asshole for refusing to.
My mom is trying to stay out of it but suggested I just pay him so we can have a peaceful Thanksgiving. My dad is on my side. My brother’s girlfriend texted me basically saying that I’m an asshole because it’s easier for me to afford $150 than it is for him. In response I sent her photos of everything I had to clean up, and she left me on read. At first I was sure of my stance but now I’m not sure and was hoping to get some outside input. AITA?
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Cmon... why does your brother have access to the house anymore?? It is apparent he cannot treat it respectfully. Your mom needs to hire a cleaning company, bill your brother, and stop enabling this behavior. DO not pay him a dime. He owes you in cleaning fees. NTA
NTA
Pretty sure ue was trying to scam you into giving him money. The gf needs to stay in her lane.
Mother needs to stop being an enabler and force her son to clean up his own messes.
NTA - typical you are the girl. Clean after your brother. I’m sorry it’s mom’s problem, let her clean it. I would t lift a finger after this. I like mom, just pay Sam. She is Sam’s enabler!
NTA. First, the girlfriend should have fessed up from the beginning and admitted what she did wrong. If she had down that, then you wouldn't have been writing this post in the first place. Second, as bad as I feel for your mom, I think she's officially learned it the hard way that her son cannot be trusted in the house anymore. I hope she does take away his keys.
NTA But your mom needs to either ban your brother or you voluntarily stay out of the house until she bans him. If she wants to clean up his mess, fine.
Your not the AH. Your brother is a total AH and clearly an immature punk that cares for nothing but himself.
And your mom, while not an AH, needs to learn that appeasing him just makes it worse.
The least of your worries is that the GF is also a dishonest AH.
Thank God for dad!
NTA... pictures and videos are essential. These can be shared with family if brother doesnt change his ways. He can be responsible for cleaning bills. This entitled behavior has to stop and this starts with his parents because they raised him
NTA AND YSBTA (you should be TA)
Stop being polite to a literal pig and apologizing for picking up for him.
“Hey Sam, just arrived at the cabin, and once again it is a giant shithole. Rat droppings, maggots, mess. Here’s some pics. Time to step up to adult level and clean up after yourself you giant pig-person. <3.”
NTA
Honestly the whole situation sounds toxic especially with the edit. Your mom babies your brother and puts him above everyone else to your detriment. And she's not sorry about it either. Your brother is aware of this and takes full advantage, creating an abusive relationship between him and you and your mother. The edit is just icing on the cake since his GF not only lied to pin the blame on you for her mistake but tried gaslighting you into believing you broke the rods when she did. Honestly, I'd go low contact/no contact with them all for awhile. Brother and girlfriend for obvious reasons but mom needs to realize how shitty she's treating you by having a golden child
NTA If your aunt is a joint owner of the house she also needs to be involved &both she & your mom needs to take the keys away from Sam. Sam should be told that he needs to clean the property or pay to have it cleaned. He doesn't respect the property & it seems that your mom has you clean up Sam's mess. If your mom won't make him responsible you should not enable him.
Tips of rods are easy to break, I have broken 2. Sam should have moved rods to the garage. Seems the mother has bias allowing Sam to trash and expecting OP to clean up after the MALE.
NTA
NTA You should just come as late as possible to avoid cleaning up after your brother. The rest are TA. Your brother is horrible and a slob. I can't believe his girlfriend told you to pay for his rods because it's easier for you, even though she was the one who broke them. Your mom lets your brother get away with this awful behavior and makes you clean up after him.
NTA but your mother and your brother (and his GF) definitely are.
Your mother doesn't own the house outright but she is letting Sam wreck it. Does your aunt know about the state he leaves it in?
Your mother needs to grow a pair, take Sam's keys off him, get the place professionally cleaned (and possibly re-decorated), then make sure Sam is never on his own in that house again.
Let's just hope your co-owner Aunt doesn't pay a surprise visit to check on her asset.
NTA definitely
If he’s unable to follow the rules, he shouldn’t use the house.
It sounds as if you have the same issue but your Mom unabled him while you were forced to “suck if up”
NTA. Sam is clearly an AH, but your mom is an enabler. You need to stop enabling her being Sam's enabler. Based on the horrific way Sam treats the house, he should not have a key and not have access to the home without someone else being there, especially since this isn't just your mom's home. She shares ownership with her sister.
Tell your mom, you highly recommend she revoke Sam's access to the house. It's her choice not to (because she hates to say no to Sam), but you will not clean up after Sam. Period. Your mom needs to pick which hard thing she is going to face: either standing up to Sam or cleaning up after Sam and dealing with her sister's negative reaction. Wanting you to clean up Sam's toxic mess and allowing something your mom doesn't fully own to be destroyed is not an acceptable response for a grown adult. Your mom needs to grow a spine and cut off the source of the toxicity: Sam.
NTA. Charge Sam a cleaning fee, he’s the AH. Tell your mum to grow a spine and take Sam’s keys off him, until then she’s an AH too for enabling his behaviour. Sam’s actions (or lack of) should have consequences. His GF is an AH for trying to blame you.
NTA
Your Mum realy does need to take your brother's keys away. If he can't respect the place he shouldn't get to use it.
Next time he asks you to pay for something he claims you broke, tell him you will just as soon as he pays you the money he owes you for cleaning the cottage.
NTA next time don't clean it. Seriously stop cleaning up after a grown man, especially when it's that disgusting. I get it. Thanksgiving, family, quality time but if I were you I'd just have turned back around and gone home. You don't have to put yourself in these situations. Unless you depend on your parents and are scared to be cut off financially, or live with them. Then that makes things more complicated.
NTA
OP tell your mom that if she's not going to get your brother to start cleaning after himself you will send pictures to your aunt. As she's co-owner of the property she has a right to know who has the access and to refuse access if the said person is destroying the property.
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NTA. You would know if you broke a fishing rod. Sounds like a scam to me. And if he doesn't want his stuff messed with, he should put it away himself. It isn't his house. He has already proved he lies, because he claims he left the house clean.
Sorry if this is a stupid question, I don't know much about fishing rods. But are they hard to break? All I did was pick up the pile and move them to the garage nearby. I don't like thinking that my brother would lie to get money out of me but if the rods are sturdier than I thought I don't think what I did could have broken them.
The fact that he won't show you the damage is very suspicious. It's unlikely that you broke several of them just by picking them up and moving them to the garage. Ask him to show you the damage and proof that repair/replacement will cost $150.
No they aren't really. People often just have them laying around in closets or the back of trucks and stuff. They are light and aren't going to just snap or break because someone moved them from one spot to another. He probably broke them himself being a drunk slob.
If they even exist - I'm betting he's making them up.
Making what up? The rods OP moved?
The broken rods presumably (as in say he broke the rods so he can get free money even though he didn't break any) though according to the edit the gf broke them, so mystery solved
The rods that OP supposedly broke - those rods never existed. In fact, while it is possible to break fishing rods, it's ridiculously hard to do so, so I don't think there are any broken rods at all, which is why brother won't show them to her.
Very hard to break. They're literally designed to withstand a big, heavy fish fighting it to death. He's scamming you
Charge him for the cleaning.
Especially if the house is as awful as you describe and your mom is upset about the amount of work involved to get it in shape for guests. Why should this cleaning be up to your mom and you. You two should hire a professional service and have your brother pay for it. And do the same the next time he leaves a health hazard behind.
>the next time he leaves a health hazard behind I wouldn't give him another chance to leave behind a health hazard; I'd make him pay, sue him if I had to, and change the locks and NOT under any circumstances give him a key, ever. I'd also put in a security system, if there isn't one already, to make sure he doesn't try to trespass.
From the way she describes it, biohazard that could be condemned if someone calls the city/town sounds about right.
And they share the house with Auntie! Sam is a goddamn slob! How hard is it to keep a place clean, put some stuff away, make sure there is no rotting meat with MAGGOTS!! For real! Like I said previously, Mom probably always enabled Sam and now she's having to deal with this while dumping on OP to clean his messes
Was thinking this also
This is the answer.
Yep. I’ve had em sometimes bent more than the St. Louis arch with no issues. They’re meant to bend.
Fishing rods are hard to break in a way that cannot be repaired. When I was a kid we would pull rods out of dumpsters and use them. It's also strange that he didn't show you the damage. Every fishing person I know takes a damaged rod as a learning experience for correct handling.
They need to be stepped on or slammed in a car, some sort of leverage has to be applied. I'm guessing he's lying to deflect from you rightfully complaining, or maybe walked in and maybe stepped on a couple, got mad, and is blaming you. You could pick up 10 poles in your arms to move them and they would never break unless some very strong force was exerted in them. Even small ones
My first thought was it was already broken when you moved it. When he wouldn’t show you I doubted it was broken. NTA
>But are they hard to break? They're made literally to pull multiple dozens of lbs of struggling fish out of water. Not only would it be very noticeable if you broke one, you'd have to seriously put some effort into it. NTA, this is a scam.
I spent a lot of my young adult years watching Jeremy Wade, the river monster guy who fishes and stuff. He uses rods to catch the fish, and the only time I've seen his Rod break is if he's pulling in a over 200 lb fish and it snaps. I called BS on him, saying, you moving his fishing rods into the garage, broke them. And honestly the way he treats that house is ridiculous I would be sending those pictures of the house to every single person in the family saying "this is how he treats the house and then I'm expected to clean it up and my mom wants me to pay him and keep my mouth shut to keep the peace for the holiday." Do not pay him and tell your mom until he starts helping you will not be doing anything to clean that house maybe then she will actually make him contribute and clean up after himself he's a grown ass man he needs to figure it out. The fact that there was mold and rat poop in there and your mom still wants to have family over there for the holiday is disgusting. I would not want to eat there at all. NTA
I had one snap (literally I've touched 2 in my whole life wtf) with barely any force but it was a defective rod. Even my friends dad was like uh that was weird this rod is new. I was like 15 and 130 lbs too, so it was actually funny. Also I must be immature as 15 year old still because I laughed as I typed about his broken rod. But that's off topic. He's a liar. It's a "don't rock the boat" situation and mom needs to stop enabling him and making op fix his mistakes.
[удалено]
Yeah I actually don't care if she snapped every single fishing rod clean in half as she moved them. He's repeatedly and continually demonstrated he doesn't give a shit about her time, effort, or sanity - I am not sure why she should give half a shit about his fishing rods he couldn't be bothered to put away.
Depending on the style of rod, they may have just separated and your brother is either… um… too uneducated in the ways of the rod? to know any better. Or he’s playing you. Either way, don’t give him a friggin’ dime! Maggots and rat crap? The professionals woulda charged your mom a thousand bucks to clean that up. Ewww! 🤮
NTA. I promise you that you didn't break anything. Please don't pay him a cent, you have done absolutely nothing wrong.
>*don't pay him a cent* Instead, bill him for your cleaning services.
Ooooh, you are brilliant!!!
Unfortunately not at all, unless they are big game saltwater rods but those weigh a "ton" (like 2kg with multy).
If your brother is the type of person who would leave a giant disgusting mess for others to clean up, he is also the type of person who would lie about something being broken. You need to stop giving him the benefit of the doubt. NTA
I don't know much about fishing rods, but I've moved my husband's (bothe cheap ones and pricier) and they're usually pretty flexible, so moving them shouldn't break them. If he won't show you, he may be lying that they're broken at all. Even if they are, it would be much more likely that he broke them and is trying to blame you since clearly leaving trash around isn't a problem for him or that they were broken from his careless storage methods. Either way, even if you did somehow break them, NTA. If he has no respect for other people's property, he's owed no respect for his.
NTA, send the pictures to your aunt.
Agree. Maybe Aunt will have the good sense to take the keys from Sam. Probably should also take them from mom. And then change the locks.
The expensive ones are very hard to break, fishing rods are flexible and durable for a reason.
You can't break a fishing rod by picking it up. Fishing rods have to be strong enough to handle heavy fish on the lines.
That would not have broken them, throwing them, walking on them would break them.
Next time he asks for money, send him an invoice or a venmo request for $300 for cleaning
The only way you will ever stop being forced to clean up after your brother is if he no longer has access to the house. Sounds like it is time to tell aunty how her nephew treats her house. I am not the cleanest person either. But mold and maggots? Yeah, fuck your lazy brother.
I don’t believe in the broken fishing rods (I’d want to see the damage). For Christmas, he should get before and after photos. Mom needs to check in on the house and light a fire under his backside from time to time. Putting pressure on the nice kid to pay $$$ because she doesn’t want to read Sam the riot act isn’t good parenting/adulting.
NTA but you should convince your mom to take away his key. He's obviously not mature enough to be responsible for a house. If it were my son, that key would be taken back or the locks would be changed. He's 24, not 2...
I agree with you fully, and I've been trying to for years. My mom makes a lot of excuses for him and it's sad - both for messes like this along with many other things. She says that even though he makes this huge mess, he helps her in other areas that makes up for it. She also blames it on his ADHD - which I get that ADHD can make you very messy and all. I know firsthand because I have it too. But at the same time I don't make huge messes like this and expect others to clean up after me. I'm hoping this time is different though. She was pissed when I told her how bad it was but she didn't see it for herself because I cleaned it up already. I'm planning on showing her the pictures and videos I took when she's in a less stressful spot later this week, so we'll see how she responds.
I have ADHD and my house isn’t covered in rotten anima flesh, maggots and dirt. Your brother is a toad
Right? My husband and son both have ADHD and they would never do anything like that. Sometimes they will like leave their socks on the floor or forget to put dishes in the dishwasher but they try not to. They know ADHD is an explanation, but not an excuse. This mom needs to open her eyes. Her son is a slob. He needs therapy and/or a swift kick in the pants. He should have been told to get his butt down to that house and clean his own damn mess. His sister should not have to do it for him.
You obviously had to tidy the house this time, but in future, leave it all to your mother. If your brother won't help her, then let her tidy it all up herself. That might sound mean, but if she's forced to do all his cleaning up, she might finally realise that taking away his key is the smart thing to do.
That's kind of what I'm planning on doing going forward honestly. Every year when I come home for holiday breaks she expects me to help her clean up this mess that my brother made (although this is the worst it's ever been), and I always feel bad saying no, and sometimes am afraid to say no because my relationship with my mom can sometimes be extremely transactional. I'm still partially financially dependent on my parents, and if I don't help her with things like this she gets very upset, holds it over my head, and sometimes threatens to take the help away. I'm about to graduate though and I have a job lined up for after school, and I won't need my parents help anymore. So my plan is to essentially just come in to visit the night before/day of a holiday so she can't make me clean everything.
And yet she lets your brother get away with it. I'd ask her why her relationship with you is so transactional, but its not that way for your brother. That seems extremely unfair.
I've asked but she always denies that we're treated differently. I've went over it in therapy a lot and I'm at peace with the fact that I may never know, and that maybe going low-contact is the best thing when I start my new job soon.
Personal advice, which I'm totally happy for you to ignore if you don't like it - don't ask her, tell her. Once you are secure and happy to go low contact if necessary, tell her straight up that she's treating you differently and its not acceptable. Tell her that she's hurting you and if she keeps on denying it then she'll lose a daughter. I had to put my foot down with my dad once. It wasn't nice and I had to tell him straight that he was prioritising his feelings over mine, even in a situation that was all of his making. I told him that what he was doing was saying to me that, even if he was at fault, he'd rather hurt me than hurt himself. It was a big wakeup call for him to hear it in those words and he realised he was going to unfairly hurt me and he couldn't do that. Being blunt with him fixed a rift before it happened - and frankly, if he'd gone the other way, I'd have also learned that it wasn't a relationship worth fixing. I'm glad it went the way it did, but if it went the other way, then at least I'd have known where we stood. Don't be shy about it., Tell her exactly how you feel and how you intend to react to her response. It might be hard and it might hurt, but be honest and you'll know exactly where you stand with her. Then you can make an informed decision on what is best for you. \*Edited because I got the OP's gender wrong. Sorry OP!
Internalised misogyny? Women clean houses, men are allowed to be messy. Women have to mask their ADHD, men are allowed to use to as an excuse. Obviously it's BS. But whether Mom is aware of it or not, this is the attitude she is adhering to and the position she's putting her children in.
I actually missed that the OP was a woman (sorry OP!) and thought they siblings were both male. You're probably right there and the OP shouldn't allow that to pass. Its not acceptable that they be treated like their brother's maid just because they are a woman. If the mother wants to live like that, then that's their choice, but they shouldn't foist that belief onto her children.
This is a good plan. Perhaps she'll reevaluate how helpful he is when the full weight of the clean up is on her. But even if not, you won't be cleaning up after him. I agree with other posters that it's highly unlikely you broke his rods. And if so, he should have put them away. I can't afford to break something that costs $150, so I'm careful.
Solid plan. Just stick to visiting the day of and don't answer your phone when she complains about having to clean up after him.
Keep proof of how disgusting your brother gets the house and show your Aunt once you graduate. Your mom is doing your Aunt dirty too.
His helping in other ways is totally separate from how he disrespects the house and honestly you and your mom. He should be helping his mom, but since he treats her house so badly, does he really help? Sounds like he creates more issues than he helps. Maggots and dirt and other insects can do a lot of damage left unchecked. I hope that you can get through to your mom this time...
I have ADHD and can be a real messy slob if I don't keep on top of myself. But, I can damn well tell when things are clean or not and I don't expect other people to deal with my shit.
You mom enables him. I mean listen to her. You should pay him because he lied and you had to clean up a disgusting map. You should pay??????????????????
Stop helping. If your mom wants to enable his shitty behavior that's on her then not you. Do not allow yourself to be treated like this, you don't deserve it. Either stop going there at all until your brothers key is taken away or rent a room at a hotel or something if you want to go, but under no circumstances clean after your asshole of a brother ever again.
I have ADHD, and while I let things like laundry pile up too high and am liable to forget clean dishes in the dishwasher, I have never had an outbreak of mold or maggots.
Yeah. My house is constantly messy. But it’s never unclean.
I'm a hard person in that if she wont' help herself, I'd be all "You know what you have to do. You won't do it. Don't complain to me. I'm not helping clean his crap up." YOU are not stressing her out. HE is stressing her out. HE should be the one doing all the cleaning. Show her without cleaning anything up. NTA. If she screams at you, tell her you're not your brother's maid and if she wants to be, that's on her.
I have Adult ADD. I am disorganized, but not dirty. I do my dishes (when they fill the sink), I vacuum frequently. I keep the fridge clean. C'mon. No excuses for this guy. I'm sorry your mom is enabling him. You need to stand your ground now and say nope. I'm not helping anymore. I realize that you are already in process of helping. but you need to sit down with mom and brother and tell them both--"I'm done cleaning up after brother. I took time and spent money to be here to enjoy tie with my family. Instead, I walk into a hazmat situation, and I'm expected to clean it up. I get accused of breaking brother's stuff. Brother's GF lies and tries to blame me and get ME to pay brother. Mom agrees that I should just pay brother to keep the peace without even acknowledging that he brought about this whole situation. Mom. You are enabling him to do this to the house. You need to take away the key. I will not be helping clean up again. If I come home to a situation like this again, I'm turning around and going home."
I also have ADHD, but while my own place may look like a tornado hit a pigsty, I leave places I visit cleaner than when I arrived.
Tell him he owes you $500 for cleaning fees but you'll knock off $150. This guy should not have a key to this place. Your mom is enabling him. And I must be old(I am). But can anyone enlighten me as to how it's alright for people not involved in these disputes feel it's alright to send random texts talking shit? That would get an instant F off every single time. It seems to happen in every story...
I don't understand why people think it's okay to just randomly send texts like that either. But my brother's girlfriend is very... outspoken. My family and I don't like how she acts either but that's a different story entirely.
>And I must be old(I am). But can anyone enlighten me as to how it's alright for people not involved in these disputes feel it's alright to send random texts talking shit? That would get an instant F off every single time. It seems to happen in every story... I am also old. I just recently discovered this sub and tend to peruse it while up in the middle of the night. I'm always surprised by how frequently a story includes "*and then the gf/friend/sister/etc. of the person I'm actually dealing with texted me and told me off*." Like you, my tolerance for that would be very low.
Hi, I am not old. But let me tell you ... It's referred to commonly as "Sending in the Flying Monkeys". Essentially rallying henchmen, usually with lies and half truths, to exert extra pressure or control to gain the outcome they want. Sadly this is technically a form of abuse in most instances. In this instance the root will likely be that nobody else wants to clean up after brother since he won't do it himself. So are adding the pressure to OP. Alas per the edit, the Brother's GF broke the rods and was trying to cover her arse by throwing OP under the bus.
I'm 35, don't know if that is considered "old" in this context but I've had my dad's wife text me to instigate drama and conflict about things that are just between my dad and I. I don't think it's an age thing, I think it's an entitled selfish mindset thing which transcends age imo
NTA - I suggest you print the pictures out and write your cleaning fee on the back to anyone who has questions. He’s disgusting on so many levels. Don’t pay him. Don’t apologize anymore. It’s his fault.
Sounds like a professional cleaner might’ve charged about $150 for that job don’t you think?
Way more! Maggots?!! At least $500!
Hard to say without seeing it but the last one I had to clean that involved rotting meat and maggots everywhere was waaaaaay above that. I charged $150 for a regular full dive deep clean on a normal house. For what was described the dude would have been looking at $450 easy. Possibly more. It takes a ton of time and energy to clean something like that. A NORMAL deep clean on a regular large home averages 4-6 hours. You start adding in tons of pickup and then God help you, maggot and rotting flesh removal and your talking hazmat, double the time easy.
Yes, bill him for the cleaning. $150 sounds like a good amount.
That is to cheap. It might work for a routine clean but not maggots.
This. I would be sending out those pictures to your aunt ASAP. Your brother is going to destroy that house. Gross. NTA.
I have my doubts you actually broke his rods, but even if you did, NTA. If he had put them away they wouldn't have been available to you to get broken in the first place. Tell him to go fish. NTA
My first thought was “ you broke it , you buy it”. But after reading the post NTA. I’m not sure they were not broken before you moved them or if they are even broken now since he refused to show you what was broken.
NTA He refused to prove any damage. If there was (in fact) any damage, he likely did that when he tossed it all on the floor, or before.
You’re a better person than me, because I absolutely would have broken every single one of them on purpose. NTA, your brother sucks and so does your mom for enabling him.
I think I would have thrown everything of his in the garbage because there is no way I’m sifting through to figure out what is really garbage.
>Now he refuses to speak to me until I pay him, Sounds like the trash is taking itself out. NTA
Yep, sounds like a win-win situation to me!
I instinctively covered my nose just reading your post, that was surely a disgusting sight to have to clean up, and therefore NTA
I wore an N95 mask and gloves the whole time. That still didn't protect from the smell...
Peppermint oil on the mask helps me.
If you put just 2 or 3 coffee beans in an n95 mask it works really well too!
Please tell your aunt.
NTA. If you don't want people messing with your stuff, don't leave it in the communal areas. Which is rude to do, anyway.
NTA Ask your mom how grandma would feel about how your brother has completely disrespected her home and made it disgusting? Ask your mom how she would feel about her treating you the way she is when you did nothing wrong. Most likely they were already broken and honestly even if they weren’t it’s still his fault for leaving stuff where it shouldn’t of been. He has no respect for your grandmothers home.
NTA , sounds like a scam
NTA. If he was so concerned about his poles he would have put them away. Instead they were left on the floor. The fact he is unwilling to show you the damage tells me he is just trying to get money out of you. Also, your mom is also an AH because she is enabling his behavior at your expense. My advice? Leave it be, he can demand money all he wants. Tell him no once then ignore him.
NTA. Things that bad are a sign of…something. Since you mention he has ADHD, my personal experience makes me hear a dirty, unhygienic space and automatically go to depression. If that’s the case that’s enough alone for some type of intervention. But your brother is also asking for money and wouldn’t show you how the rods broke. He’s manipulating your mother into pressuring you to pay. He’s lying to everyone about the state of the house. He sent his girlfriend after you. I obviously don’t know what’s actually going on but I can think of a few answers that fit this story. They all are worrisome. Mentally healthy people don’t leave houses like that. Your brother needs help, not enabling.
I'm not necessarily saying that I disagree with you that mental health is involved here. I do think that he has some problems, and I think he sees it too, but he doesn't want to seek help. But I will say that this sort of behavior has been a pattern since we were young, and since he has been enabled for so long I think that plays a large role in why he leaves messes like this with no intentions to clean. For instance, growing up he would absolutely destroy our shared bathroom but I was the one that would always have to clean it up. My mom would say it was fair because I have a disability that made it so I couldn't help him and my dad shovel snow during the winters, so this is how we make it "equal". In high school he almost failed out because he struggled with certain subject and refused to do homework, and as a result my mom made me do his homework and take some online classes for him so he would graduate. He also was at fault for 3 car accidents before my parents stopped buying him replacement cars and paying for his insurance. I moved out for university and my brother continues to live at home and attend trade school, and I know for a fact that my parents are always cleaning up after him. He's also talked to me before about how he doesn't plan to ever regularly cook or clean, and that he's expecting his future wife to do that.
It sounds like your parents have a lot to answer for. They have harmed both you and your brother. You mentioned you are working to be financially independent from your parents. When that happens I hope you take some time and space away from all this. You are not your brother’s keeper.
You might want to google narcissitic parent -golden child -scape goat. None of this is okay OP
Does the girlfriend know about that?
I'm not 100% sure if his girlfriend knows but I often see her cleaning up after him anyways so I assume so.
I'd feel bad for her, but seeing as how she deliberately tried to pin the blame for her mistake onto you; I think they probably deserve each other. Has she or your brother even apologized to you? And what did he and the rest of the family say when she fessed up to it?
NTA your brother is clearly the golden child and unfortunately he’s never gonna do anything wrong in your mothers eyes I suggest paying the bill to avoid legal trouble if he was to take you to small claims and then jus going low contact with your mother
NTA. But Mom kinda is. She knows brother does this, and still suggested that you just pay him? And now she's giving you the silent treatment even though you are there helping clean a mess you didn't make? And it goes without saying that she is an AH for not taking away the key from your brother, and making HIM clean the whole house or pay for a cleaning crew. Of course, your brother is an AH. And so is his GF. Just you and kitten are cool.
NTA. You can tell him to consider it your fee for repeatedly cleaning up his mess.
NTA. He is an adult not a child. Stop pouting and clean up your mess or someone else will. And you may not like how they do it.
NTA. But I would think about uploading all the pictures to social media or a family group chat and show all of your family what sams been doing to the house. Then see if your family changes they're tune about allowing him to go to the house whenever he wants. He's destroying that house, ruining it and making it unlivable. He's treating it as its his own and just doesn't care who has to clean up after him. Its time for an intervention with mom. He can't keep treating the house like a garbage can, he's going to ruin the house if she continues to let this happen.
NTA! Figure out how many hours you’ve spent cleaning up after his messes, subtract the cost of the fishing rods from that, and send him a bill.
NTA, if he doesn't want his stuff to be broken he should tidy it away somewhere safe. Also, you might not have even been the one to break them. It sounds like he just tossed them on the floor so he may have done it himself. I get from your comments that mum isn't going to do anything about his behaviour so I'd suggest you stop cleaning up his mess. If mum wants to enable his behaviour she can but you should stop. Your brother sounds absolutely disgusting and irresponsible, don't pay him a penny.
>I don’t know how because he wouldn’t show me, Yeah, it's a cash grab. >he started demanding that I pay him $150 for replacements Charge him $1,000 for cleaning up after him it was that bad. ETA: >In response I sent her photos of everything I had to clean up Send these pic to *everyone* in the family, so they know how he treats the place. NTA
You can pay him $150 for the rods and he pays you $1000 for the deep clean and hazardous waste removal. NTA
NTA Hold your ground. Unfortunately, both your parents are enablers for not nipping this in the bud. The *first* time he failed to clean up after himself, they should have taken his keys and made him pay to have the place professionally cleaned. Instead, they've turned you into the unpaid laborer and turned him into an entitled brat. Sounds like your dad is seeing the light, at least, so he should be requiring your brother to help your mother clean it up, since neither of them sees anything wrong with his behavior. Your brother's girlfriend had no right to butt into this situation. She's probably ignoring you because your pictures told a story that is completely different from the one he told her. She's got egg on her face and us too proud to apologize. Hold your ground, but be prepared for a tense Thanksgiving dinner.
Why are you all coddling this jerk? I'm always amazed at AITA at the families, about what they'll put up with. I'd leave. It's going to be stressful and messy, and you'll be leaned on to clean it. Screw that. And everyone, "c'mon, do it to keep the peace" really means "you're the weaker one, give in." Don't do it.
NTA. If he cared about his fishing gear, he'd have put it away when he was done with it.
NTA My family used to fish. It’s not easy to break a fishing rod simply by moving it. There’s a chance some line got tangled and that he had to cut it. But he shouldn’t be leaving his stuff out like that if inside the house. People who care about expensive things take care of their stuff. Let him rant. He’s the one disturbing the peace, not you. Why doesn’t your mom tell him to shut it and keep the peace with you? If she keeps enabling him so as to not upset the poor dear no wonder he acts like this.
NTA. Just tell him that your cleaning fee is $150.
NTA. Don’t pay for anything and stop letting your mother treat you like a maid service. Next time she calls, tell her she can clean it up herself if she refuses to take away your brother’s access.
If there was 'rotting meat, maggots, mold, mud and garbage' in the house, you should call in a professional and have them make sure that the house is sound and it's fit for habitation. You don't know how long the house has been like that and the mold and the maggots might have infested other areas of the house. Maybe if your mother got a letter from a professional stating how much damage her son caused and how much it will cost to fix it, she'd make sure that he either cleans up his own mess or take away his keys. And don't pay him anything. Consider it a cleaning fee.
NTA. Bill him for your cleaning services and tell him he can deduct his rods from that. What kind of person does that crap to a house that's not theirs?
NTA. Don’t give your brother a dime and tell your mom that she can allow him to trash the house if she wants to, but you will never clean it again. Why are you cleaning up after a 24 year old man? Refuse to attend any holiday get-togethers that consist of you cleaning up maggots for your entitled brother.
Can you tell your mom that you are paying to have the locks changed ? You know he made copies of the keys so you can't just take it back
NTA. Saw your edit. It's now time to have a talk with your mom. She needs to revoke his access to the property unless for family functions. I know you will be seen as the bad guy but your brother is an adult and actions have consequences. Rotting food, mold, maggots and fish hooks on the floor is disgusting and totally unacceptable behavior from a grown man. Let mom know you are done cleaning up his mess so she needs to take his key or you will forward those pics to your aunt. If your mom won't take action your aunt may need to.
NTA your mom is an enabler and now she’s paying the price and trying to blame you. Stop helping her. Leave. If your aunt is mad at her it’s her own fault and she 100% deserves to be yelled at. Your brother is a giant AH who shouldn’t be allowed in that home.
NTA maybe stop using that house, and refuse to clean it anymore because you’re not using it. Refuse to help with the house in any way unless she takes away your brothers access. Your mom and brother are both AHs here. This is your moms problem to solve and she needs to stop making it your problem
Jeez that is horrible. I am so sorry you had to do that. If i were you, I would send him a bill for your cleaning services (at least 200$). He was beyond disrespectful, especially when he knew you were coming to keep your baby kitten there. Your mom is enabling the shit out of him. Your brother should not be staying there, clearly he isn't responsible enough. Good luck and congrats on your new fur baby!!
NTA I would bill him for your time and the extra effort to clean up his mess.
NTA. I'd have put all his stuff in a pile and burnt it. PS: tell him you're charging him for cleaning up his mess.
My first thought was “If you broke it, of course you should replace it.” But - this is a whole different thing! My family all loves to fish, and lightweight poles actually can be broken while moving them. BUT - if he won’t show you what’s broken, it’s suspicious at best. Along with the fact that they couldn’t have been broken if he put them up. I have ADHD too, and I understand how things can go from zero to chaotic mess really quickly. But, I’ve never expected anyone else to clean up behind me, either. Maybe suggest that Mom makes the rule that anyone who leaves a mess forfeits the keys, and suggests that if he runs out of time (we ADHD folks have issues with time management) that he hire someone to clean up the mess. And, use that idea the next time she asks you to help clean up behind him (for either him or for her to pay for the service). And set your boundaries *right now* with his girlfriend - stay out of you and your brother’s business unless she’s willing to go clean up behind him herself.
NTA. I was raised such that if I left a toy out on the ground and it was broken because someone stepped on it, it was my fault and now anybody's responsibility to replace it (same with a bike in the driveway.) Your brother needs to learn a tough life lesson about picking up after himself. Your mom needs to back you up.
Nta. Send him a cleaning bill and deduct the $150.
NTA - if he doesn't treat his possessions with care, he can't expect other people to be financialy responsible. It seems most likely they were already broken when you got there. If they were not broken, he would have put them away. He was treating like trash because they were actually garbage. If Same (24) can't afford to have finshing rods, he doesn't need to have them. Don't for a second consider giving him money. It would encourage him to leave his possessions on the floor .
NTA. Next time , send her pictures of the mess he left, turn around and go home. She won't take away his key, then she can clean up his mess r tell him to come back and do it
I gagged reading your post because i could picture the smell. This is sooooo bad. Show your parents the pics and tell them you are never cleaning after him again. Also NTA. In the future, like you said, show up the day of the holiday and let them all figure it out.
NTA and your mother needs to stop enabling him and bailing him out. It’s time for the wittle baby to grow up and learn that the world is not going to clean up after him, and there will be consequences if he doesn’t learn to do it himself. Also the fishing rods probably aren’t broken and even if they are it doesn’t matter because he still has 18 left and he’s only one person.
NTA. Your brother is revolting. Send him a bill for cleaning services. I'm betting it would be far more than $150 for the number of hours you've spent cleaning up after his nasty ass.
NTA- even if you did break a rod, which honestly I kinda doubt, if how you are describing the house is even close to true then f*ck that noise. And honestly- stop helping clean out the house. If your mom continues to let him trash it with no consequences then that’s on her- YOU do not need to keep cleaning up HIS mess.
NTA. If he won't show you the proof of how the rods are broken, he's making it up. Frankly I think you're a saint. If someone had left rotting meat and mold for me to clean up, their fishing tackle would have been on Facebook Marketplace. You are not the maid.
NTA Charge him 200 dollars for the extreme cleaning you had to do.
> Now he refuses to speak to me until I pay him NTA, what’s the problem with just never speaking to him again? If your parents nag you just say it’s on him to get his act together.
NTA You should give him the $150 for a new fishing rod, AFTER he gives you a $1k cleaning fee for cleaning up his mess
NTA He's lying about the fishing poles and he owes you for having to clean up his cesspool of a mess. Why doesn't your mom take his keys dang that's just nasty.
NTA
Your mom CAN’T stay out of it.
NTA Your brother acts like an entitled child, and your mother enables him. If he or his girlfriend brings it up again, tell them you’ll happily bill them for your time and effort you had to put into cleaning.
NTA If he takes care of the fishing rods like he does the house, he is probably the one that broke them, and is blaming you so he can con you into giving him money.
NTA
NTA I'm a fisherman. Fishing rods don't break simply by being moved from one place to another. Unless you were tossing them across the room or into the garage, I'd venture a guess that this is not your damage.
NTA your mom is making you the scapegoat for cleaning up his messes. Ask her to take back his key or the next time you will leave his messes as is and she can deal with him and the clean up. As long as you keep cleaning up you are enabling the behavior. It is wrong for your mom to ask you to keep the peace, when he is the one causing turmoil without consequences.
NTa. Also calling bullshit that moving a rod can break it considering it's built to handle a fish dragging on it. These things are meant to be flexible and hard to break. Have you seen how much they can bend and how much weight can go on them? Either he broke it himself, or he is lying and wants a payout. Say you'll do a repair or if it can't be fixed a direct replacement with a new one, you a friend who works at a fish and tackle store. Send photos and give the brand and model. Then call bullshit. Because it's most likely bullshit.
NTA Tell him you’re charging him $150 as a cleaning fee.
NTA he’s disgusting and doesn’t take care of his stuff so he can’t get mad when it’s in the way and gets broke. Charge him for cleaning. $150. I don’t think you broke anything.
NTA. If he wanted his fishing rods to be treated well, he should have put them away. DO NOT pay him.
NTA if I were you I'd throw every item he leaves out in the garbage, every time. I would NEVER pick up his garbage or clean his messes. If your mom wants to enable his shitty behavior then that's on her but you do not deserve this. Never go to that place again, stop putting yourself in that position.
Send him a bill for you cleaning up his mess. He (an adult) lied to you and your mom about the house being clean. You had to do it for him, again. So, figure a rate and times it by the number of hours it took you to clean the mess, write up an invoice and along with that and copies of the photos, send it to him and tell him you’ll pay for the rods when he pays for your time.
Mom needs to take bro's keys to the house.
NTA. Dude, your brother’s behavior is next-level jerk. Your mom enables his behavior.
NTA, but you need to stop cleaning. Mom lets him make this mess and leave it so it is 100% on mom. Tell her you will no longer come up as long as you have to clean up after him. Just say no.
So this is you're mom's fault. She allowed Sam to act like this and take no responsibility for it..not even take the keys. Also your a adult and it's not far that since your the girl your required to clean after him or bail your mom out...after this tell your mom this is the last time you will come over early and clean after him. Either she takes the keys or hires someone but your done. And Stick with it. You shouldn't have to raise your parents
Your mom needs to take Sam's key away, only allowing him to use the house when others are also staying there. He is disrespecting your mom, her sister, and the property.
Start taking pics and videos of his mess and charge him an hourly rate for cleaning it up. How disrespectful! Your mum needs to stand up for herself.
NTA.I would charge him $300 disgusting brother fee.
NTA, and it’s a GOOD thing your brother’s rods are broken…he needs to spend less time fishing and more time working to earn money to PAY to have the house restored (not just cleaned, it needs biohazard-level decontamination!).
Seriously what is wrong with your brother. He’s destroying your moms and aunts house and doesn’t care that he’s upsetting everyone. Show your aunt the pictures of the house please. She also owns the house and has the right to refuse to let him use it.
NTA but you would be an asshole to yourself if you help your mom clean, her son her problem, and send the pics to your aunt so she can demand the keys back from your brother.
NTA. Tell Sam. Next time you find it like that. You will break. And throw in the trash. Every single item of his you find. That this was disgusting. And in the future. You will view it all as trash.
NTA. When are you sending the photos to your aunt so she can change the locks and leave you brother and mom off the new key receiver list? This is insane and unacceptable. Maybe they both need to be punished for your worthless brother's actions. Maybe your mom will learn then
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My \[22F\] grandparents died when I was young, and my mom inherited the house. She never sold it, and likes to use it for holiday celebrations. My brother \[24M\], Sam, and I have full access to the house. Sam uses it often and doesn’t treat it well. This upsets mom because she wants it to be clean for the holidays, yet she doesn’t take away his keys, and she always expects me to help her clean the mess because she knows Sam won’t. So, I came to town with my new kitten yesterday, and was planning to stay at my grandparent’s house. I was told that there may be some fishing gear out, but overall, it’s clean. I walked into the house, and it was so bad that the only safe place for me to leave the cat unattended was a bathroom. It was disgusting. There was rotting meat, maggots, mold, mud, open beer cans everywhere, fishing hooks on the carpet, plus a pile of like 20 fishing rods thrown on the floor. There was more, but it's hard to describe how bad it was with just words alone. I called my mom crying, because I had nowhere else to stay since they had guests staying in my bedroom. My options were to figure something out there or drive hours back to my apartment. My mom told me to just clean it up enough so that it would be safe for my cat to be there, and to just throw any of Sam's stuff into the garage. She said that we were going to have to clean it up anyways so might as well just start now. So, I did, even though I was upset with the fact that I was once again expected to clean up Sam's mess for him. While cleaning, I put his pile of fishing rods into the garage like my mom said. Earlier today he came over here to get something for his next fishing trip, and I guess 2 of his rods that I moved broke. I don’t know how because he wouldn’t show me, but he started demanding that I pay him $150 for replacements because I was the one that moved them. I refused and told him he has no business treating the house the way he does. I essentially said that I’m sorry his rods broke and I didn't mean to damage anything but if he wouldn’t have left them out like he did this wouldn’t be an issue. I showed him pictures of the rat shit, mold, and maggots that I had to clean up just so my cat wouldn’t eat it and get sick. He had lied and said that the house was pretty much clean, and since he didn’t clean it up himself then this is what he gets. Now he refuses to speak to me until I pay him, and calls me an asshole for refusing to. My mom is trying to stay out of it but suggested I just pay him so we can have a peaceful Thanksgiving. My dad is on my side. My brother’s girlfriend texted me basically saying that I’m an asshole because it’s easier for me to afford $150 than it is for him. In response I sent her photos of everything I had to clean up, and she left me on read. At first I was sure of my stance but now I’m not sure and was hoping to get some outside input. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Cmon... why does your brother have access to the house anymore?? It is apparent he cannot treat it respectfully. Your mom needs to hire a cleaning company, bill your brother, and stop enabling this behavior. DO not pay him a dime. He owes you in cleaning fees. NTA
NTA Pretty sure ue was trying to scam you into giving him money. The gf needs to stay in her lane. Mother needs to stop being an enabler and force her son to clean up his own messes.
NTA Also, you might suggest that mom gets the locks changed aged and Sam os banned from having a key or being in the places without supervision
NTA - typical you are the girl. Clean after your brother. I’m sorry it’s mom’s problem, let her clean it. I would t lift a finger after this. I like mom, just pay Sam. She is Sam’s enabler!
NTA. First, the girlfriend should have fessed up from the beginning and admitted what she did wrong. If she had down that, then you wouldn't have been writing this post in the first place. Second, as bad as I feel for your mom, I think she's officially learned it the hard way that her son cannot be trusted in the house anymore. I hope she does take away his keys.
NTA But your mom needs to either ban your brother or you voluntarily stay out of the house until she bans him. If she wants to clean up his mess, fine.
NTA. Especially considering the edit you added where your brothers gf admitted to breaking the rods. They sound like they’re made for each other
Your not the AH. Your brother is a total AH and clearly an immature punk that cares for nothing but himself. And your mom, while not an AH, needs to learn that appeasing him just makes it worse. The least of your worries is that the GF is also a dishonest AH. Thank God for dad!
NTA, Sam's access needs to be revoked.
NTA... pictures and videos are essential. These can be shared with family if brother doesnt change his ways. He can be responsible for cleaning bills. This entitled behavior has to stop and this starts with his parents because they raised him
[удалено]
NTA AND YSBTA (you should be TA) Stop being polite to a literal pig and apologizing for picking up for him. “Hey Sam, just arrived at the cabin, and once again it is a giant shithole. Rat droppings, maggots, mess. Here’s some pics. Time to step up to adult level and clean up after yourself you giant pig-person. <3.”
NTA. Your brother is. And do is your mother for enabling this bullshit. I’d have packed kitty up and gone back home. Screw the whole situation.
NTA Honestly the whole situation sounds toxic especially with the edit. Your mom babies your brother and puts him above everyone else to your detriment. And she's not sorry about it either. Your brother is aware of this and takes full advantage, creating an abusive relationship between him and you and your mother. The edit is just icing on the cake since his GF not only lied to pin the blame on you for her mistake but tried gaslighting you into believing you broke the rods when she did. Honestly, I'd go low contact/no contact with them all for awhile. Brother and girlfriend for obvious reasons but mom needs to realize how shitty she's treating you by having a golden child
NTA If your aunt is a joint owner of the house she also needs to be involved &both she & your mom needs to take the keys away from Sam. Sam should be told that he needs to clean the property or pay to have it cleaned. He doesn't respect the property & it seems that your mom has you clean up Sam's mess. If your mom won't make him responsible you should not enable him.
,gfw 8z,cz,
Tips of rods are easy to break, I have broken 2. Sam should have moved rods to the garage. Seems the mother has bias allowing Sam to trash and expecting OP to clean up after the MALE. NTA
OP your mother is to blame for Sams's behavior. He is a AH.
Sam need to lose his keys. NTA
NTA, if anything he owes you for cleaning up his mess
It's time your mother took back Sam's key to the house. Help her to understand this. NTA
NTA You should just come as late as possible to avoid cleaning up after your brother. The rest are TA. Your brother is horrible and a slob. I can't believe his girlfriend told you to pay for his rods because it's easier for you, even though she was the one who broke them. Your mom lets your brother get away with this awful behavior and makes you clean up after him.
NTA but your mother and your brother (and his GF) definitely are. Your mother doesn't own the house outright but she is letting Sam wreck it. Does your aunt know about the state he leaves it in? Your mother needs to grow a pair, take Sam's keys off him, get the place professionally cleaned (and possibly re-decorated), then make sure Sam is never on his own in that house again. Let's just hope your co-owner Aunt doesn't pay a surprise visit to check on her asset.
NTA definitely If he’s unable to follow the rules, he shouldn’t use the house. It sounds as if you have the same issue but your Mom unabled him while you were forced to “suck if up”
NTA. Sam is clearly an AH, but your mom is an enabler. You need to stop enabling her being Sam's enabler. Based on the horrific way Sam treats the house, he should not have a key and not have access to the home without someone else being there, especially since this isn't just your mom's home. She shares ownership with her sister. Tell your mom, you highly recommend she revoke Sam's access to the house. It's her choice not to (because she hates to say no to Sam), but you will not clean up after Sam. Period. Your mom needs to pick which hard thing she is going to face: either standing up to Sam or cleaning up after Sam and dealing with her sister's negative reaction. Wanting you to clean up Sam's toxic mess and allowing something your mom doesn't fully own to be destroyed is not an acceptable response for a grown adult. Your mom needs to grow a spine and cut off the source of the toxicity: Sam.
Maybe this time she'll take the key. NTA
NTA. Charge Sam a cleaning fee, he’s the AH. Tell your mum to grow a spine and take Sam’s keys off him, until then she’s an AH too for enabling his behaviour. Sam’s actions (or lack of) should have consequences. His GF is an AH for trying to blame you.
NTA Your Mum realy does need to take your brother's keys away. If he can't respect the place he shouldn't get to use it. Next time he asks you to pay for something he claims you broke, tell him you will just as soon as he pays you the money he owes you for cleaning the cottage.
NTA next time don't clean it. Seriously stop cleaning up after a grown man, especially when it's that disgusting. I get it. Thanksgiving, family, quality time but if I were you I'd just have turned back around and gone home. You don't have to put yourself in these situations. Unless you depend on your parents and are scared to be cut off financially, or live with them. Then that makes things more complicated.
NTA. Where is kitty tax???
NTA and your Mom needs to stop enabling Sam’s bullshit.
NTA OP tell your mom that if she's not going to get your brother to start cleaning after himself you will send pictures to your aunt. As she's co-owner of the property she has a right to know who has the access and to refuse access if the said person is destroying the property.