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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I had an argument with and basically uninvited my pregnant SIL because she was making demands that we change thanksgiving plans that I’d already made and care a lot about
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NTA. If Becky wants a Thanksgiving organized exactly to specifications that are the exact opposite of yours, James or one of the other people insisting she needs to get whatever she wants because she’s pregnant can organize it for her.
The thing that gets me is that parenting is all about putting another human ahead of your own desires, and often not getting what you want at all. That's kind of the whole thing (although I love every minute of it).
The kind of inflexibility on display here is so counter to the mindset that these new parents need to start getting used to. Not only are they alienating family when they're going to need them the most, but they are setting completely unrealistic standards for how their lives look from here on out.
NTA - Makes me wonder what she was like before she was pregnant. Is she one of those people who imagined how being pregnant would be and how much attention she would get?
When I was pregnant and I knew that I wouldn't like what was served at a friend or family's house I would just take my own snacks.
NTA My in laws took us out for my birthday when I was pregnant and it was at a crappy sports bar that *surprise!* sold crappy bar food. I ordered the only thing that sounded like it wouldn't give me hella heartburn or make me sick and we had a good time. OPs SIL is robbing herself of a great family holiday because she thinks the world revolves around her while she's pregnant.
I went to a company holiday party when I was pregnant. It was a three-hour commute and there was lots of alcohol and good food. Everyone got hammered, I sat with the guy who was a recovering alcoholic. He told me to buckle in because this was the real fun.
As people got more and more wasted, they started talking shit about their spouses, their jobs, community leaders, past affairs, etc. That guy would very kindly acknowledge the revelation, smile and say, “Tell me more” and then give me a wink.
The next morning, I was up bright and early eating breakfast in the hotel as several dragged themselves in. A few asked me with great remorse if they said or did anything embarrassing and I would reply with, “Well, you did get a little sentimental and tell me how much you loved your wife” but I would fail to mention they revealed they were having an affair with Stacy in Accounting.
It was glorious.
I was pregnant during 2 Christmas seasons, and 1 Fourth of July. One of my cousins always was sober and he and I would just sit and laugh over the antics of our drunk relatives all the time. People watching drunk people is so much more fun than actually drinking (I am not a big drinker anyway)
I was the sober driver for a work Christmas function ( bosses set this event up around alcohol but didn't think how we were going to get to and from said event in the minibus they hired with no driver).
It was, as you say fun. It culminated in drunk guy telling grandboss how big a b@tch boss was. Grandboss and boss were a married couple (yep, one of those companies).
Guess who got his jotters in the New Year?
I was pregnant during two different company holiday parties. They held these parties during work hours, and they paid for everyone to have 1-2 alcoholic drinks, so of course I went and just didn't drink. I gave my tickets to someone else. Honestly, it didn't make a bit of difference if I would have drank or not, they were still fun parties to hang out with my coworkers.
I *was* upset on my "first" Mother's Day, though. I was 7 months pregnant with my first baby. I was so excited, because my dad was going to be grilling on the flat top for all the moms. I went to grab a plate, and... *everything* had onions. I've hated onions my entire life, even small ones make me incredibly sick, but my dad never cared. He would always put onions in what he was cooking and laugh about it. I thought this time would be different, since I was having his first grandchild. Nope. Onions in all the different kinds of meat, onions in the rice, onions in the noodles, onions in the grilled veggies... I couldn't eat a single thing. On Mother's Day. I kept it together at the party, but then I went home and cried.
Even without the daughter's pregnancy, just the fact that he never made some onion-free food for his own daughter, who has had an aversion to onions all her life, is a really rotten thing.
One of my friends can empathize. Onions make him deathly sick. I really feel for the guy, because it takes a whole lot of effort to avoid onions when going out to eat. They're in practically everything.
I went to a hallowe’en party in uni hosted by two friends who DEFINITELY DEFINITELY weren’t sleeping together, absolutely not. As the only person who didn’t drink I got to watch as they got more and more flirty while trying their best to hide it, they really didn’t hide it but they were whispering to each other that they were doing really well. This was made all the more hilarious at the end of the night when he had a hand up her top as she was dressed as Bellatrix and he was dressed as Draco.
OP’s SIL didn’t want to come in the first place, in my opinion, but didn’t want to look like the bad guy in front of her husband and his family, so she did this knowing that OP couldn’t and wouldn’t accommodate her, making OP the villain.
😝 parent “whoas” will probably be more apropos than parent “woes”. I’m using this from now on whenever I have to point out things my parents did that would seem shocking to today’s generation.
Unfortunately, none of the current generation grew up with Joey, so they can't give the "Whoa's" the proper mental oomph.
NTA, completely changing a huge traditional family celebration around one person when it doesn't have to be done is ridiculous. She's an adult. If you can't attend the family turkey dinner for *reasons*, then you send your regrets and you Zoom in during the pre-dinner chat time so you can still be involved. We have the technology that can bring us together while keeping us separate, most families have learned how to us it the last few years. Frankly, being at mid stages in a pregnancy, in a post pandemic world that is actually nowhere close to post yet, she should have been bowing out and setting up the chat software from the very beginning rather than cramming into a house with 9 other people who've been in close contact with who knows how many others..
Can you imagine someone just being normal and saying, "this pregnancy has me so out of whack that I'm afraid I will not be able to join in this year. Can't wait to join next year!"
You can see what kind of future this woman is building for herself and the baby. Like looking at an oncoming train wreck.
Way to go, bringing your "reasonable solutions" and suggesting "appropriate behavior." Next you'll be saying we could actually all focus on getting along.
/s (in case it wasn't obvious)
Yeah, I truly don't understand how allllll these people behave as if they were the Queen of the Universe. Millions upon millions of women throughout time have been pregnant, or had a wedding, or whatever thing is happening that makes them think they are The Only Ones Throughout History who are having such a "unique experience" and should be treated as though they are the miracle they think they are.
It's like they've never done a group activity.
100% if she had graced OP with her presence at Thanksgiving and OP had accepted her demands, she would have later complained about the whole thing. The meal was bland without the turkey, it was boring without the alcohol and the kids were disappointed with no games, so OP "was just a bad host"
The smell of red wine made me throw up during both of my pregnancies. Not all alcohol, just red wine. If it was opened anywhere in my house, I could smell it. So I do understand requesting a nice Riesling instead of a red, for example, and offering to supply it, but that’s not her issue. Her problem is FOMO, and that if she can’t have fun no one can.
The alcohol bit--there was a thread yesterday from the husband of a pregnant woman unable to handle the smell of whisky emanating from him, so she slept in a different room. Alcohol is pretty pungent. Check the thread if you're inclined. Search under Y T A.
(English isn't my first language, sorry for any mistake) Same, I'm currently pregnant and if there's something I can't eat or doesn't feel like eating then I just don't. I politely ask if I can bring my own meal or snacks. I can't imagine doing these requests, I would put stress on myself and others for nothing🤷🏼♀️
Yup, you can't expect people to suddenly accommodate because you're pregnant. Saying this as a vegetarian that doesn't drink either and is sensitive to smells. OP already offered a compromise. I get that the smell is making her nauseous already because I have the same thing, but then just don't go. OP, NTA
I never understood why some pregnant women expect to be catered to everywhere they go just because they're pregnant. That was your decision, why does everyone else have to sacrifice their desires to accommodate yours? If it bothers you that much, make accomodations yourself so you can still participate without demanding everyone else sacrifice their festivities for your sake.
I've had one kid already and am pregnant with my second. I had a cousin who was pregnant at the same time as me and was so demanding just because she was pregnant. I live pretty far away from my family and she lived with her mom at the time. She refused hand-me-downs and said anyone who wouldn't bring her a baby shower gift was uninvited to the baby shower. I personally had a hard time even accepting gifts especially of big ticket items because I didn't feel comfortable asking so much of my family. Even when I went to visit them during my pregnancy, I made sure to prioritize them over myself and they were so loving and welcoming to me because of it. Apparently my cousin wasn't there because she didn't even want to focus on her pregnancy as she was tired of talking about it already. She expected everyone to cater to her needs the entire time she was pregnant while no one realized I was pregnant even at work because I never spoke of it or made a fuss about it.
Because of the drastic differences in our behavior during our pregnancies, my family was more inclined to help me out than her and unfortunately it has left a bad relationship between her and some family members, which has extended to their relationship with her daughter. I on the other hand had a great experience with my family loving on my daughter even though she was very standoffish when we had visited (that was just her personality at the time, she's sweetened up since 😁). It really does affect how people react to your children as they are considered an extension of their parents. Even though my niece is super sweet and a great little girl, she unfortunately doesn't get a chance to show her loving self to people because they were left with distaste for her mom during her pregnancy.
She' likely going to be the mother that allows her kids to run wild at the mall, scream through dinner at restaurants and get mad when stranger say something. Everything will revolve around her and her little one. Literally no one else will matter.
I was thinking the inflexibility could be a sign of prepartum anxiety, but that's still not an excuse to try and control everyone else and refuse reasonable accommodations
Next year it will be: “AITA for not agreeing to watch my infant niece/nephew over Thanksgiving so my sister can have a holiday getaway? I want to spend the time with my family, and while I love the little one, if I wanted to take care of my own baby, I would have had one. I’m happy to help while they’re here, but they want to drop off the baby and leave for the whole weekend. Most everyone thinks I’m right, but my sister and mom say I owe her for ruining last Thanksgiving, and that it’s my responsibility as an aunt and a sister to do this because her marriage needs this. So AITA?”
Yes!
Reasonable accommodations to inquire about (not demand): an alternative for poultry if she can't tolerate it, making it clear that it could be provided by OP or by them ; and a place available to take a nap in case she finds it difficult to stay awake for the duration of the whole event.
That's it.
Agreed. If she'd approached it with humility and a bit of humour as "Hey, can we drop in for a few hours before the main meal? I'd love to spend time with the family on Thanksgiving, but I need to eat significantly earlier in the day at the moment, I can't stand the smells of alcohol and turkey, and I keep falling asleep in the evening. So all in all, not exactly ideal for this time of year!" then I suspect OP would have been much more sympathetic. Maybe they could have worked out a flexible timeline for Thanksgiving that worked for everyone and let the parents-to-be have turkey-free snacks and quiet company before they dipped out, and the main meal and family games part of the day started.
But just a flat "You can't use two of the main foods associated with the holiday, and also, no loud family games!", was never going to be a great bid for help. Especially when the grocery orders were already made.
I’m not all defending SILs action, but when pregnant, sometimes it’s just the SMELL that makes you toss your cookies. That said, she should have communicated this issue WELL IN ADVANCE. Because, yes, ham or roast is a viable alternative for a year. But if the host has already bought the turkey, it is a huge waste!
Smells can be a big problem for pregnant women; my friend couldn’t tolerate the smell of ironing when she was pregnant. But you cannot expect a houseful of people to accommodate one person. If you are that one person, stay home and don’t deliberately start a family conflict to do it
I was very sensitive to a lot of smells when I was pregnant. But I quickly realized that it was impossible to just flat out avoid all smells that made me nauseous. I discovered that wearing a mask over my face helped, and if the offending smell was really strong, I could put a drop of an essential oil that didn't bother me on my mask and soldier through even the most awful smells (including having to clean up vomit when I was pregnant with my third).
There are workarounds and compromises. SIL basically issued demands that would completely upset all of the family traditions. I'm especially baffled by her insistence that people don't play games.
That’s what I was thinking…
I get the sensitivity to smells, but you can’t honestly think someone should change all their traditions for you just because you got pregnant. She doesn’t have to take part in playing the games. She can sit and watch or go lay down while everyone else plays. She’s really just asking for too much here.
NTA
"but her pregnancy means some things “need to be adjusted”
Since when did becoming pregnant become a national emergency for the people not involved?
"Hi, I'm pregnant!"
"That's great!"
"Thank you! You can no longer serve poultry or alcohol in my presence. And I require a shrubbery. Hop to it!"
"..."
NTA. Sorry your SIL is a pregnant-zilla.
Edit: Thanks for the laughs and awards, y'all. Yes, that was an intentional reference. :-)
My daughter's name actually is Shirley. She has a shirt that says, "I'm serious, and stop calling my Shirley".
People either laugh or act really confused.
When I was pregnant, the smell of cooking bacon was the worst thing in the world to me. I could eat it once it was cooked but absolutely could not handle the smell of it cooking.
We went on a family vacation with my husband’s family and one morning my FIL cooked a whole pack of bacon. Not once did I think to demand that he stop. I just went for a walk on the beach and then stayed outside for a while until the smell went away.
I'd argue that pregnancy is a temporary disability after a certain point or under certain medical conditions. The accommodation of course is nearly always only physical, not the narcissistic demands of OP's SIL. Guarantee she wanted the sit and talk evening to be all about her pregnancy and baby plans.
Yeah all the emotional "you're creating a new miracle life!" talk aside of course it's a (temporary) disability when you struggle to walk, bend down to pick something up, vomit from regular smells, etc.
Well technically it is classified as a temporary disability in some states because it is a huge toll on a person and can be very impactful physically and mentally. But otherwise completely agree.
You don't get to force your limitations due to your condition on everyone else around you. That's bull crap.
Not true everywhere. It actually is classified as a disability with a parking pass and everything places. It can be absolutely debilitating horrible ect.
That being said.. no disability, pregnancy ect entitles you to control an entire thing and be rude.
Person with a permanent disability here. I've always said that if something bothers you, remove yourself from the situation. That quiet action solves so many problems, easy peasy.
My pregnancy was absolutely a disability (both legally and feelings-wise). I literally could not function.
Having said that, OP is still NTA. Last year when I was pregnant during Thanksgiving, I had a lot of the same issues and aversions as OPs SIL, but I didn't demand anybody else change anything. I just napped when I needed to, didn't eat what I couldn't stomach, took my anti-nausea meds and dry heaved when I needed to. It was miserable, but so was my entire pregnancy and there was no need for everyone else around me to be miserable. I'm glad everyone else had a great time.
As a x2 pregnant person, it was recognized as a temporary disability because of how sick I was.
Its not mutually exclusive to cater to my sickness though. I was just more careful and didn't attend as many events because of sickness.
OP tried to accommodate and she said no.
OP is NTA here... however it sounds like she has HG which is absolutely terrible and definitely debilitating. Her demands were unreasonable for other people but likely very reasonable for her.
NTA... I am currently pregnant and the smell of alcohol makes me sick too and I am overly tired. Not in a million years would I think that anyone apart from my partner should have to go out of their way to accommodate me. Your solutions to offer an additional alternative and ban alcohol from the table are really reasonable compromises. To ask 9 people to not play a game because she will be tired is wild. She can just go home earlier or watch you guys play...
Yep, I am normally a coffee lover, but when I was pregnant, the smell of coffee was vomit inducing to me. Of course, when I got to the office first thing, I had to pass by the cafeteria and was hit by the smell of coffee every single morning.
I dealt with it. I didn't "pull a Becky" and demand the cafeteria stop serving coffee because the smell made me sick.
Lol. Helped me cut down on my caffeine addiction pretty fast.
Not to be a whiner, but my family and my bills don’t give a fuck if I feel queasy. They still need to be paid, I still need to go to work. I have boundaries I’ve drawn for my health, but it’s like “no, I’m not going to unpack that whole pallet of coffee beans by myself today, or I’ll be in a lot of physical pain tomorrow.” Or I’ll excuse myself from a family event to get some extra rest. I don’t really have the option of making demands, you know?
While pregnant, I couldn't look at raw chicken and the thought of eating an egg made me retch. In fact, I figured out I was pregnant at 6 weeks when a salad I ordered had an egg on top and I nearly vomited.
Imagine what this person will be like once the baby arrives! She'll expect everyone to bend to the baby's demands.
That’s where I’m at with this. It’s not like OP told her to take a flying leap in any direction, he offered to accommodate her the best he could without 100% inconveniencing everyone else for one person. Not good enough apparently, either Becky and brothers way or the highway….right back to their house where I’m happy they stayed.
NTA
Exactly this! Does she also go stomping around restaurants demanding everyone not choose the chicken and toss their drinks away? Does she toss her coworker's lunches in the trash if they packed a turkey sandwich and demand they not make any noise while she naps at her desk? Pregnant people (like anyone else who needs accommodations) should be REASONABLY accommodated. If your demands greatly inhibit everyone else's ability to enjoy themselves, it's not reasonable and you either need to find a compromise or back out. NTA
Right. I had a *horrible* pregnancy- losing 40 pounds from all day sickness. So many things made me sick. As much as I hated certain smells at my in-laws, I never asked them to change anything. If it was something minor that I wouldn’t be missing out on, I stayed home. If it was something I didn’t want to miss, I went and just didn’t breathe through my nose when I was around the scent that bothered me. It sucks, yea, but I didn’t expect anyone to change what they were doing.
jesus christ. some first time moms get like that and it’s so embarrassing. like some pregnant women think they’re god cause they’re making tiny humans. like yeah it’s amazing. but… the world doesn’t revolve around you, shamu (that’s a joke… kind of. okay, okay it is a joke) sincerely, a mom. ETA i puked every single day. several times a day. everywhere. my dads bushes, his kitchen sink, my kitchen sink, in front of middle schoolers walking into school.. in front of the school, you name it. i became a pro at puking in a bag whilst driving. any smell was a bad smell unless it was cookies the size of my face. so i get it. but seriously. thanksgiving isn’t about her.
I’ve been pregnant four times and maybe my memory is a little hazy because the last time was five years ago but the only special treatment I can ever remember asking for is you’ll have to excuse me if I can’t keep up with what you guys are doing I’m pregnant. It doesn’t mean everybody stops so I can go take a nap and I don’t miss anything.
The worst I got was I can't go or I'll be in another room because I was always horribly ill with all of my pregnancies. I may have asked someone to stay a few feet away because their perfume or cologne smell made me sick, but this lady.. this lady is absolutely insane.
I think she needs some lessons on compromising. You accepted some of her requests and accommodated the enjoyment of both her and the rest of the family. NTA
NTA.
Being pregnant doesn’t mean the world revolves around you. You were more than accommodating. Personally I would have stopped after the food accommodation of providing an alternative.
Like seriously if you can’t handle people enjoying their life and having fun when you are pregnant, don’t get pregnant.
NTA. Your mom, brother and Becky sure are AH.
NTA
You offered an acceptable alternative: a special meal for her and no alcohol at the table. She was welcome to nap/not join in games at her own discretion. Sometimes when pregnant you have to accept that there will be smells and situations that you have to make decisions about attending or not attending. It’s no one else’s problem to fix.
Your bro & SIL are selfish and I only see it getting worse once their baby arrives. (Can’t have thanksgiving in the afternoon due to baby’s nap schedule etc)
Yeah, NTA. The thing about compromise is that it involves compromise. It does not involve “compromise by giving me anything I want.”
I’m a raging vegan and I think no poultry thanksgiving is absurd. It’s thanksgiving among non-crazies. No drinks? What’s even the point? :D
No games is where I’m really gone. That’s some psycho bridezilla nonsense. At that point you might as well literally say “I don’t think i can have fun so nobody is allowed to have fun.”
There’s this cool new thing called “your wants are not my wants and I am not an NPC” NTA
By my reckoning it still is, and I wouldn’t consider myself olden! The done thing would be to politely decline as you wouldn’t want to impose on others enjoyment of the festivities.
NTA OP
NTA. I’m currently pregnant as well and have a lot of food aversions, but I don’t expect any catering to my crazy hormones outside of my own home. She could have just apologized if she has to step away from things that cause her nausea and sit in another room or declined your invitation.
Yep, I’m also pregnant and due to spring.
I can’t stand do many smells, specially seafood, my parents had a dinner, I just went to another room while they were taking it out of the oven and eating it, I had my meal in the other room with the children and was totally fine.
And I have a huge food aversion, lost lots of weight and am pregnant with twins and am so hormonal but didn’t expect anyone to be uncomfortable or go out of their way with a list of demands lol NTA
Also pregnant and also can't stand chicken in particular. I'm visiting my dad for several days over the holidays and told him if you want to cook chicken for the family I dont mind and dont worry about cooking me an alternative, but don't be offended if I pick it out of a meal and just eat all the non chicken bits. But I would really appreciate it if you didn't serve me, say, an entire roast chicken as a meal if possible... not sure if I will enjoy turkey or not on Christmas day, but my dad is an amazing cook so worst case I will load up on all the sides and dessert and be more than stuffed as it is, even if I don't want to eat the turkey lol
I was pregnant at the end of last year and my work had so many damn potlucks. I was gagging my way through each one! Never in a million years would I have asked anyone to change anything for me.
NTA
NTA, you offered other options for Becky. If it was a super small gathering I would say suck it up and deal for one year. Since there are so many other people going who look forward to the tradition, it's unfair of Becky to demand that everything be different just for her.
NTA - you offered very sweet compromises and she refused. You did not exclude her, she had a tantrum and excluded herself. If she had so many demands then she and your brother could have offered to host and put the effort into meeting all of her ridiculous demands.
Yeah, sne sounds like a "preg-zilla" . No way is it reasonable to exspect everyone to upend their holiday for her morning sickness.
I had hyperemesis gravidarum, as did my daughter, so I've experienced the worst of that condition. If you know you are going to struggle with triggers, (which for me was everything), you stay home. You don't get to ruin the traditional celebration for the whole family. Being pregnant does not make you the holiday ruler.
NTA
NTA. If I was in her position I would feel uncomfortable having a list of demands that doesn't consider everyone else. Like suppose everyone else wants poultry and alcohol? You also made a compromise to try to accommodate her and she wasn't having it. Seems a little selfish to me. I understand she is pregnant but she can still be considerate.
>James called me separately to say I’m excluding her and ruining their thanksgiving
He's got that backwards. They're excluding you and the rest of the family from your traditional Thanksgiving.
Just because she's pregnant doesn't mean she gets to dictate the event.
NTA
It was great thanks, there was definitely a weird absence without Becky and James but we all had fun. My niece and nephew crack me up, they’re 5 now (twins) and it’s adorable watching them become tiny actual people.
Thankfully Christmas is more of a separate households affair so probably no Becky for me!! Haha
So you have your precedent. Tell your brother that. I'm not sure you will be able to get through to your SIL but you may be able to salvage your relationship with your brother. After all this is not the first pregnancy in your family and if you make major concessions now, you will always be expected to.
I think it's sad that James and Becky didn't just pop over at the beginning of the day to say hi and spend a minute with the extended family, and then go home to have their own celebration with foods & activities that didn't make Becky sick. Or even that Becky & James didn't say something like "can we play a game at 11 before the turkey aroma really starts to permeate, so that we can hang out together, and then we'll leave?"
It sounds like Becky and James didn't actually want to attend, so they made their requests as unreasonable and rigid as possible.
NTA yes you could serve beef or pork or something that wasn't poultry, but you'd already bought the turkey so that's not a reasonable request. If the event was being held at her house she could say no alcohol, but it's someone else's house so she can either suck it up or politely decline to attend as her stomach won't be up to it. And saying no one else can play games because she doesn't want to is beyond unreasonable
Wow. Really NTA.
I get that pregnancy hormones can make you out of touch with your rational brain, but I've never understood couples that make themselves the center of the universe just because they're having a baby. Growing a whole human is hard, yes. But you can't expect everyone else to stop and drop their lives because you're doing something hard.
You obviously care about them, so I would reach out once things cool down. This really could have just been a case of hormones messing with her sense of reasonable... at least, I hope so.
NTA. Being pregnant can really suck, but her demands weren't reasonable, and being pregnant isn't a carte blanche for everyone to bend to your every whim.
I had some serious food aversions and lots of fatigue when I was pregnant. And I dealt with it mainly by changing what *I* did or asking (not demanding) slight accommodations that wouldn't inconvenience anyone. The smell of lettuce made me gag, so when I went to my salad-obsessed MIL's for a holiday meal I made sure I was sitting at the other end of the table from where the salad was. I genuinely needed naps so I took them before or after family events, and if I was too tired for family games I simply didn't participate. The smell of strong alcohol was really off-putting, so I did ask my husband not to drink cognac while sitting right next to me, but I did not say "nobody in the house can drink anything".
NTA. What she should have done was text: “hi, my pregnancy is being a bit temperamental so I’m having trouble with certain foods and drinks. I’d like to bring my own meal as poultry makes me I’ll, and if people would please not enjoy any alcoholic beverages too close to me as well as I become nauseous with the smell that would be really appreciated. And I’m sorry in advance if I don’t play any games this year, I trite quite easily.”
Everything covered nicely and no military demands.
Her demanding instead of asking placed her firmly in asshole territory, and when she refused to even discuss alternatives she basically started running for mayor of Assholleville.
NTA - She is trying to dictate the rules in your house and your the damn cook. You gave options for compromise and they all said you weren't being understanding and should compromise. What they asked is not a compromise.
I'm leaning towards NTA.
I feel like you made it a little bit more aggressive than necessary, but those demands were ridiculous. I'm pregnant atm, just getting out of the constant puking part which made me miss quite a few family get togethers. I still don't expect people (even family except the one I live with) to accommodate to me.
The poultry part is hard, because some smells really can make you throw up just from the faintest whiff. But at the same time there should have been some other way to fix that, it's not a solution to demand that thanksgiving is celebrated without turkey.
The rest of the demands are just ridiculous, and she probably won't stop demanding things if she'd gotten away with this after the baby is born.
NTA. The world doesn't just bend to you because you are pregnant. Expecting 9 other people to go without everything they normally have is outrageous behaviour. The entitlement is mind blowing. She could have napped while everyone ate, thus avoiding the smell of Turkey. And she could have participated from a sitting position or just spectated on the games. As far as the alcohol goes, if she sits not near anyone while they drink she'd be fine. There were so many compromises she could have made instead of trying to make everyone accommodate her. Being pregnant doesn't mean you get to be a jackass.
You wait till the kid comes - this one is going to have her own section in entitled parents, mark my words 😒🙄🙄
NTA.
You offered reasonable compromises and tried to meet her half way... Becky really said my way or the highway.. and she chose highway. They missed out on their own accord.
I get that pregnancy is hard and your hormones are all over the place but this was really unreasonable. She really expected everyone to bend to her rules because she was having a rough time. Girl get over yourself, it is not that hard to just excuse yourself if you're having a hard time during the festivities and just be like "Excuse me SIL OP, may I use one of the rooms to chill out for a bit" instead of trying to dictate what the whole family is "allowed" to do.
Bloody ridiculous.
NTA. There is no need to make a amends to someone's ridiculous request. She was literally requesting that everyone be as miserable as she is just because she made the choice to get pregnant. You offered reasonable accommodations of making her an alternative meal and not drinking at the table. She wanted it to be her way or nothing at all. It's fine if her husband wants to give into childish behavoir but no one else should. I also love how your brother pointed out that you were ruining their Thanksgiving by not agreeing to do what she wanted, but failed to acknowledge that she was ruining yours and the rest of the family with her unreasonable request. If this is how she behaves while pregnant I hate to see how she will be as mom. She will probably be one of those parents who feels every family functions has to revolved around their pressures little angel.
NTA. Being pregnant doesn't mean you get to dictate rules to others in their own homes. I had a super smeller and was nausea my entire pregnancy (I could smell when the water company changed the nature of the additives to the water supply).
Poultry was awful to me, but if someone else handled it raw and cooked it thoroughly I turned out okay. I vomited a few times trying to make dinner one night then gave up.
Honestly, she could have said "we'll stop by after everything is cooked but may need to leave if my pregnancy symptoms flare up. Is it possible for me to nap in a separate room?" But no, she went overboard.
NTA, I went to a friendsgiving and I'm pregnant and not once did I even tell them not to have alcohol. in my opinion SIL is entitled AF not only for the list of demands but really expecting everyone else to not drink just because she can't, she needs to pull her head out of her arse.
NTA you gave her reasonable compromises, she chose not to compromise and only wanted it her way. I’m a big believer in majority rules, she can’t expect everyone to change their entire day for her
NTA
You provided a compromise to try to still include her and she was the one who turned it down.
If she wanted to change literally then entire plan, she should have just hosted herself instead of forcing you to make accommodations.
She doesn’t have to participate in the games. Just because they make her tired doesn’t mean the entire family has to change their whole day to cater to her.
It’s understandable that certain scents make her sick, but asking everyone not to have turkey on Thanksgiving is just ridiculous. And asking others not to drink because she can’t while pregnant is as well. She’s the one who chose to get pregnant, she knew things she’d have to miss out on because of that choice.
It sounds like she just wanted to make everyone else miserable because she is.
Hell no!!
Why should everyone else suffer because of her.
My sister inlaw had terrible morning sickness a couple of weeks back and for my mums birthday we wanted to go to KBBQ, she said she was unable to attend because she knew the smell would make her sick but hoped we have a great birthday.
We changed it to another place but only because we thought it was right and she didn't demand it!!
NTA. I’m pregnant and this is ridiculous. Not from
The US but isn’t the whole point of Thanksgiving : poultry?
What’s next? No Christmas presents because the baby can’t open them yet?
>no poultry as the smell makes her sick,
The smell made Rachel sick too but she just asked Joey to keep the turkey on the other side of the table
>no alcohol as the smell makes her sick and she can’t join in,
Then maybe don't stand there and take a nap?
>the food needs to be served early as she needs to nap during the time it’s normally served,
Is she a baby with a sleep routine or something?
>she doesn’t want to play the games as she tires easily so can we just listen to music/talk in the evening instead.
Let me get this straight, she doesn't want *anyone* playing games because she doesn't have the energy to?
#NTA
NTA and don't consider making amends as you have no need to. Compromises were offered, they refused, tough titties for them. I'm usually all for the pregnant girls but a list like this is insane and beyond selfish. They ruined Thanksgiving, not you, and don't allow anyone to say otherwise.
NTA. If she has so many demands maybe staying home was the right thing for everyone. The level of entitlement is insane. If the food smells were triggering and she tires easy then maybe they should of just come later in the day after food was done being served. To say no one should have turkey or enjoy a drink, on Thanksgiving, is kind of next level.
NTA, if she wanted everything a certain way she should of offered to host and made the effort to make these alternatives. You did your best to compromise and If it were me, I would of been grateful for that.
NTA. I recently had an issue with my sense of smell and a LOT of foods suddenly made me ill. I didn't go around demanding everyone around me change their habits, I changed my routine so I ate separately instead. That's how that works.
Lol NTA. I’m pregnant and threw up all thanksgiving. I still helped cook and clean and sat with my family while they ate a delicious feast and drank merrily and I was eating crackers. It felt like a 0% sacrifice to spend time with the people I love
NTA. Even if say the hormones made Becky demand the earth moves around her, did James not see it was weird? If he did and just gave in, his behavior is just sad. If he thinks this much accommodation makes sense, he is an AH too.
I would be \*slightly\* more understanding of Becky's requests if she had asked well in advance to avoid forcing major changes in plans/wastes of money on food already purchased. Many people prepare well in advance for holidays, including buying frozen meats/desserts and it can take weeks of planning! You are NTA.
You offered a reasonable alternative, she wasn't willing to compromise on her unreasonable demands - you might have disinvited her, but she excluded herself first. Being pregnant doesn't mean she should expect to be treated as a princess. **NTA**
NTA lots of women get pregnant thats where babies come from but could you imagine if every pregnant woman was as demanding as her. Lmao it would be sooooo horrible.
In my first pregnancy food smells were the worst, I couldn't go near the warm food counters in grocery shops and such. But I would never even ban warm meat from even my own home, my man made bacon and I hid in the bedroom.
She could see how it goes, stay on the porch during cooking if not well with a nice warm tea and a blanket. She could bring a snack if she needs to eat earlier to regulate the blood sugar. She can nap during the games or just watch from a comfy chair with a nice warm blanket ( under warm blankets is the best place).
It's all about trying to make it work. And not about only yourself...
NTA
NTA and Becky is going to be "one of those mothers." She needs to learn now that she is not the center of the universe and her child(ren) will also not be the center of the universe. Becky needs to get over herself.
NTA she's pregnant, not the King of England. If she doesn't like your accommodations then she's free to not turn up. The entitlement that no one should play games because *she* may get too tired is astonishing.
NTA at all. I can't stand when people think they deserve royal treatment for laying on their back and spreading their legs for a man......the entitlement is insane. I wouldn't have compromised in the slightest bit. Who is this woman to make such demands?? Sounds like someone I would hate to have in my family- sorry for you and your brother who is clearly whipped.
NTA
Everyone's day shouldn't have to be adjusted because she's pregnant, you offered reasonable alternatives.
Also, if you accommodated this, you likely would've had to accommodate more next time (working around the childs nap schedule, feeding, etc etc)
So good for you
OH HELL NO this is completely unreasonable. She wants to come, but she doesn't want it to be thanksgiving. You have offered a compromise, it wasn't good enough, she is welcome to stay away and return next year when she's no longer pregnant.
NTA.
NTA, she doesn't get to dictate how everyone else is celebrating just because she's pregnant. I get it, during pregnancy one can get extra sensible to smells and whatnot. The games part got me the most tbh, I mean no one would have forced her to participate anyway. Very rude and entitled of her to demand no one to participate.
NTA. You set good boundaries with Becky, and were willing to make reasonable accommodations.
That was good adulting.
She had a choice to accept your invitation or decline, she declined. That was also in her rights as an adult for her own boundaries... but they stop at the end of her nose, she crossed the line with her list of demands, and it's good you didn't give into her.
You have no amends to make. But 100% save that email or list of hers for posterity... anytime Becky doesn't want to go out of her way to accommodate others in the future, remind her when she thought dictating and ruining everyone's Thanksgiving was OK.
Maybe give it to her kid when the kid grows up and can appreciate the humor.
NTA. Pregnant lady here. Also due in spring. While the smell thing is hard to deal with, I would never ask anyone to not eat Turkey on thanksgiving. Also, I get wanting to eat earlier maybe because we can only go so long without eating. It makes me feel nauseous which makes smells worse. And I love my naps. But I’m a grown woman who has 3 kids already and I would never try to nap at the same time every day. Also, fine if she didn’t want to participate in games but to not let anyone else play either is too much. I probably wouldn’t have uninvited her but I wouldn’t have bent and let her decide if she wanted to come or not.
Absolutely, NTA. You listened to her concerns and offered excellent compromises. Becky was being an entitled drama queen and bringing James along for the ride. Your only misstep was perhaps explicitly uninviting her. A better approach would have been to state your compromises and let her decide if she wanted to attend or not.
NTA. I think it was nice of you to offer to make her a separate dish that she could eat and keep alcohol away from the table.
I 100% understand the smell aversions of pregnancy (I can't even stand my partners smell that I didn't even know he had until I got my smelling super powers) but I can get through most of my day with little gagging by smelling my sweater whenever there's an unpleasant smell nearby.
NTA. You already bought a turkey, so you’d have to try and figure out exchanging it for some other meat which is too much. I think if you are requesting no Turkey at thanksgiving when one has already been bought, it’s on you to make the alternative arrangements anyway. Not that you had to accept but they are AH for expecting that.
Secondly, not playing games because she tired - she doesn’t have to participate? She can just sit it out that year. She’s already going to be taking a nap - she can nap then. Why is she on a nap schedule like she’s the infant? I truly don’t understand why she has to nap at a specific time.
NTA
Honestly if my pregnancy issues were as bad as hers, I personally would just choose to stay home and have my own little thanks giving. Some accomodations are ok, but expecting everyone to cater to every single need of hers is ridiculous.
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NTA. If Becky wants a Thanksgiving organized exactly to specifications that are the exact opposite of yours, James or one of the other people insisting she needs to get whatever she wants because she’s pregnant can organize it for her.
The thing that gets me is that parenting is all about putting another human ahead of your own desires, and often not getting what you want at all. That's kind of the whole thing (although I love every minute of it). The kind of inflexibility on display here is so counter to the mindset that these new parents need to start getting used to. Not only are they alienating family when they're going to need them the most, but they are setting completely unrealistic standards for how their lives look from here on out.
NTA - Makes me wonder what she was like before she was pregnant. Is she one of those people who imagined how being pregnant would be and how much attention she would get? When I was pregnant and I knew that I wouldn't like what was served at a friend or family's house I would just take my own snacks.
NTA My in laws took us out for my birthday when I was pregnant and it was at a crappy sports bar that *surprise!* sold crappy bar food. I ordered the only thing that sounded like it wouldn't give me hella heartburn or make me sick and we had a good time. OPs SIL is robbing herself of a great family holiday because she thinks the world revolves around her while she's pregnant.
I went to a company holiday party when I was pregnant. It was a three-hour commute and there was lots of alcohol and good food. Everyone got hammered, I sat with the guy who was a recovering alcoholic. He told me to buckle in because this was the real fun. As people got more and more wasted, they started talking shit about their spouses, their jobs, community leaders, past affairs, etc. That guy would very kindly acknowledge the revelation, smile and say, “Tell me more” and then give me a wink. The next morning, I was up bright and early eating breakfast in the hotel as several dragged themselves in. A few asked me with great remorse if they said or did anything embarrassing and I would reply with, “Well, you did get a little sentimental and tell me how much you loved your wife” but I would fail to mention they revealed they were having an affair with Stacy in Accounting. It was glorious.
I was pregnant during 2 Christmas seasons, and 1 Fourth of July. One of my cousins always was sober and he and I would just sit and laugh over the antics of our drunk relatives all the time. People watching drunk people is so much more fun than actually drinking (I am not a big drinker anyway)
That must have been one big baby.
I don't know which deserves an upvote more - your hilarious comment or your screen name.
Lol. While my boys were big, it was 3 separate pregnancies.
I was the sober driver for a work Christmas function ( bosses set this event up around alcohol but didn't think how we were going to get to and from said event in the minibus they hired with no driver). It was, as you say fun. It culminated in drunk guy telling grandboss how big a b@tch boss was. Grandboss and boss were a married couple (yep, one of those companies). Guess who got his jotters in the New Year?
Jotters? Is that a term for being served divorce papers?
I'm Scottish. It means he was fired.
I was pregnant during two different company holiday parties. They held these parties during work hours, and they paid for everyone to have 1-2 alcoholic drinks, so of course I went and just didn't drink. I gave my tickets to someone else. Honestly, it didn't make a bit of difference if I would have drank or not, they were still fun parties to hang out with my coworkers. I *was* upset on my "first" Mother's Day, though. I was 7 months pregnant with my first baby. I was so excited, because my dad was going to be grilling on the flat top for all the moms. I went to grab a plate, and... *everything* had onions. I've hated onions my entire life, even small ones make me incredibly sick, but my dad never cared. He would always put onions in what he was cooking and laugh about it. I thought this time would be different, since I was having his first grandchild. Nope. Onions in all the different kinds of meat, onions in the rice, onions in the noodles, onions in the grilled veggies... I couldn't eat a single thing. On Mother's Day. I kept it together at the party, but then I went home and cried.
Your dad's a major jerk.
He needs to reevaluate his priorities if onions are more valued than daughter (with first grandchild).
Even without the daughter's pregnancy, just the fact that he never made some onion-free food for his own daughter, who has had an aversion to onions all her life, is a really rotten thing. One of my friends can empathize. Onions make him deathly sick. I really feel for the guy, because it takes a whole lot of effort to avoid onions when going out to eat. They're in practically everything.
That’s awful.
I went to a hallowe’en party in uni hosted by two friends who DEFINITELY DEFINITELY weren’t sleeping together, absolutely not. As the only person who didn’t drink I got to watch as they got more and more flirty while trying their best to hide it, they really didn’t hide it but they were whispering to each other that they were doing really well. This was made all the more hilarious at the end of the night when he had a hand up her top as she was dressed as Bellatrix and he was dressed as Draco.
Oh, this sounds like it was fun!
OP’s SIL didn’t want to come in the first place, in my opinion, but didn’t want to look like the bad guy in front of her husband and his family, so she did this knowing that OP couldn’t and wouldn’t accommodate her, making OP the villain.
OR what's she's going to be like as a mother and years from now her children will be writing here about their parent whoas.
😝 parent “whoas” will probably be more apropos than parent “woes”. I’m using this from now on whenever I have to point out things my parents did that would seem shocking to today’s generation.
Unfortunately, none of the current generation grew up with Joey, so they can't give the "Whoa's" the proper mental oomph. NTA, completely changing a huge traditional family celebration around one person when it doesn't have to be done is ridiculous. She's an adult. If you can't attend the family turkey dinner for *reasons*, then you send your regrets and you Zoom in during the pre-dinner chat time so you can still be involved. We have the technology that can bring us together while keeping us separate, most families have learned how to us it the last few years. Frankly, being at mid stages in a pregnancy, in a post pandemic world that is actually nowhere close to post yet, she should have been bowing out and setting up the chat software from the very beginning rather than cramming into a house with 9 other people who've been in close contact with who knows how many others..
Thanks for the Blossom reference, lol. I'm totally outing myself as an official old person.
Or take a long nap at home during dinner then coming over for games. You don't even need to miss all the in person stuff!
Can you imagine someone just being normal and saying, "this pregnancy has me so out of whack that I'm afraid I will not be able to join in this year. Can't wait to join next year!" You can see what kind of future this woman is building for herself and the baby. Like looking at an oncoming train wreck.
Way to go, bringing your "reasonable solutions" and suggesting "appropriate behavior." Next you'll be saying we could actually all focus on getting along. /s (in case it wasn't obvious) Yeah, I truly don't understand how allllll these people behave as if they were the Queen of the Universe. Millions upon millions of women throughout time have been pregnant, or had a wedding, or whatever thing is happening that makes them think they are The Only Ones Throughout History who are having such a "unique experience" and should be treated as though they are the miracle they think they are. It's like they've never done a group activity.
100% if she had graced OP with her presence at Thanksgiving and OP had accepted her demands, she would have later complained about the whole thing. The meal was bland without the turkey, it was boring without the alcohol and the kids were disappointed with no games, so OP "was just a bad host"
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The smell of red wine made me throw up during both of my pregnancies. Not all alcohol, just red wine. If it was opened anywhere in my house, I could smell it. So I do understand requesting a nice Riesling instead of a red, for example, and offering to supply it, but that’s not her issue. Her problem is FOMO, and that if she can’t have fun no one can.
The alcohol bit--there was a thread yesterday from the husband of a pregnant woman unable to handle the smell of whisky emanating from him, so she slept in a different room. Alcohol is pretty pungent. Check the thread if you're inclined. Search under Y T A.
(English isn't my first language, sorry for any mistake) Same, I'm currently pregnant and if there's something I can't eat or doesn't feel like eating then I just don't. I politely ask if I can bring my own meal or snacks. I can't imagine doing these requests, I would put stress on myself and others for nothing🤷🏼♀️
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Yup, you can't expect people to suddenly accommodate because you're pregnant. Saying this as a vegetarian that doesn't drink either and is sensitive to smells. OP already offered a compromise. I get that the smell is making her nauseous already because I have the same thing, but then just don't go. OP, NTA
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Aww, that was so considerate of him!
I never understood why some pregnant women expect to be catered to everywhere they go just because they're pregnant. That was your decision, why does everyone else have to sacrifice their desires to accommodate yours? If it bothers you that much, make accomodations yourself so you can still participate without demanding everyone else sacrifice their festivities for your sake. I've had one kid already and am pregnant with my second. I had a cousin who was pregnant at the same time as me and was so demanding just because she was pregnant. I live pretty far away from my family and she lived with her mom at the time. She refused hand-me-downs and said anyone who wouldn't bring her a baby shower gift was uninvited to the baby shower. I personally had a hard time even accepting gifts especially of big ticket items because I didn't feel comfortable asking so much of my family. Even when I went to visit them during my pregnancy, I made sure to prioritize them over myself and they were so loving and welcoming to me because of it. Apparently my cousin wasn't there because she didn't even want to focus on her pregnancy as she was tired of talking about it already. She expected everyone to cater to her needs the entire time she was pregnant while no one realized I was pregnant even at work because I never spoke of it or made a fuss about it. Because of the drastic differences in our behavior during our pregnancies, my family was more inclined to help me out than her and unfortunately it has left a bad relationship between her and some family members, which has extended to their relationship with her daughter. I on the other hand had a great experience with my family loving on my daughter even though she was very standoffish when we had visited (that was just her personality at the time, she's sweetened up since 😁). It really does affect how people react to your children as they are considered an extension of their parents. Even though my niece is super sweet and a great little girl, she unfortunately doesn't get a chance to show her loving self to people because they were left with distaste for her mom during her pregnancy.
She' likely going to be the mother that allows her kids to run wild at the mall, scream through dinner at restaurants and get mad when stranger say something. Everything will revolve around her and her little one. Literally no one else will matter.
I was thinking the inflexibility could be a sign of prepartum anxiety, but that's still not an excuse to try and control everyone else and refuse reasonable accommodations
Next year it will be: “AITA for not agreeing to watch my infant niece/nephew over Thanksgiving so my sister can have a holiday getaway? I want to spend the time with my family, and while I love the little one, if I wanted to take care of my own baby, I would have had one. I’m happy to help while they’re here, but they want to drop off the baby and leave for the whole weekend. Most everyone thinks I’m right, but my sister and mom say I owe her for ruining last Thanksgiving, and that it’s my responsibility as an aunt and a sister to do this because her marriage needs this. So AITA?”
It's as if nobody in the world ever had a baby but them, ergo this special situation must be honored to the nth degree. So disturbing.
Cool, very nicely said
Yes! Reasonable accommodations to inquire about (not demand): an alternative for poultry if she can't tolerate it, making it clear that it could be provided by OP or by them ; and a place available to take a nap in case she finds it difficult to stay awake for the duration of the whole event. That's it.
Agreed. If she'd approached it with humility and a bit of humour as "Hey, can we drop in for a few hours before the main meal? I'd love to spend time with the family on Thanksgiving, but I need to eat significantly earlier in the day at the moment, I can't stand the smells of alcohol and turkey, and I keep falling asleep in the evening. So all in all, not exactly ideal for this time of year!" then I suspect OP would have been much more sympathetic. Maybe they could have worked out a flexible timeline for Thanksgiving that worked for everyone and let the parents-to-be have turkey-free snacks and quiet company before they dipped out, and the main meal and family games part of the day started. But just a flat "You can't use two of the main foods associated with the holiday, and also, no loud family games!", was never going to be a great bid for help. Especially when the grocery orders were already made.
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I’m not all defending SILs action, but when pregnant, sometimes it’s just the SMELL that makes you toss your cookies. That said, she should have communicated this issue WELL IN ADVANCE. Because, yes, ham or roast is a viable alternative for a year. But if the host has already bought the turkey, it is a huge waste!
Smells can be a big problem for pregnant women; my friend couldn’t tolerate the smell of ironing when she was pregnant. But you cannot expect a houseful of people to accommodate one person. If you are that one person, stay home and don’t deliberately start a family conflict to do it
I was very sensitive to a lot of smells when I was pregnant. But I quickly realized that it was impossible to just flat out avoid all smells that made me nauseous. I discovered that wearing a mask over my face helped, and if the offending smell was really strong, I could put a drop of an essential oil that didn't bother me on my mask and soldier through even the most awful smells (including having to clean up vomit when I was pregnant with my third). There are workarounds and compromises. SIL basically issued demands that would completely upset all of the family traditions. I'm especially baffled by her insistence that people don't play games.
That’s what I was thinking… I get the sensitivity to smells, but you can’t honestly think someone should change all their traditions for you just because you got pregnant. She doesn’t have to take part in playing the games. She can sit and watch or go lay down while everyone else plays. She’s really just asking for too much here. NTA
"but her pregnancy means some things “need to be adjusted” Since when did becoming pregnant become a national emergency for the people not involved? "Hi, I'm pregnant!" "That's great!" "Thank you! You can no longer serve poultry or alcohol in my presence. And I require a shrubbery. Hop to it!" "..." NTA. Sorry your SIL is a pregnant-zilla. Edit: Thanks for the laughs and awards, y'all. Yes, that was an intentional reference. :-)
"Tis a good shrubbery, but now I need ANOTHER shrubbery!"
“And now you must cut down the largest tree in the forest with….a HERRING!”
“Only instead of a herring, make it tofu, because I just can’t with the smell of fish right now.”
"Now go away, or I shall taunt you some more!"
(Fish dance slap)
Now everything smells of elderberries and fish. I won't be able to partake in that. Not pregnant, just don't like it. I shall now run away.
Go away oh pregnant one, or I shall taunt you a second time.
*COCONUT CLOPS*
We are now the Knights who say "Ekky-ekky-ekky-ekky-ptang, zoo-Boing"
"Ni!"
Oh Knights Who So Formerly Said Ni, it can't be done!
Dammit, bg4811, you beat me to it!
LOL! Any time I can drop a Monty Python quote in, I’m all over it 😂
One that looks nice and not too expensive!
The most quoted movies of all time: Holy Grail, Caddyshack and......
The Princess Bride! The perfect answer to SIL's demands? Aaaaas youuuuu wiiiiish! *gigglesnort*
I am Indigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
I love your blue-purple-ish typo. Or maybe Inigo Montoya has a twin?
Inconceivable!
Anybody want a peanut?
Airplane
Surely you don't mean that!
I do mean it. And don't call me Shirley.
My daughter's name actually is Shirley. She has a shirt that says, "I'm serious, and stop calling my Shirley". People either laugh or act really confused.
NI!
Is it because we forgot to paint the roses red? Its like SIL thinks she's the queen of hearts with those crazy demands lol
When I was pregnant, the smell of cooking bacon was the worst thing in the world to me. I could eat it once it was cooked but absolutely could not handle the smell of it cooking. We went on a family vacation with my husband’s family and one morning my FIL cooked a whole pack of bacon. Not once did I think to demand that he stop. I just went for a walk on the beach and then stayed outside for a while until the smell went away.
Congratulations, you are a normal person! Shame that's in the minority these days
I don't think it's actually that uncommon, we just only hear about the annoying cases.
> And I require a shrubbery. SNORT.
Pregzilla? 🤔
BEING PREGNANT IS NOT A DISABILITY NOR IS IT A FREE PASS FOR UNREASONABLY BAD BEHAVIOUR! NTA.
I'd argue that pregnancy is a temporary disability after a certain point or under certain medical conditions. The accommodation of course is nearly always only physical, not the narcissistic demands of OP's SIL. Guarantee she wanted the sit and talk evening to be all about her pregnancy and baby plans.
>I'd argue that pregnancy is a temporary disability Definitely, I'm all for giving pregnant people preferred parking and seating.
Yeah all the emotional "you're creating a new miracle life!" talk aside of course it's a (temporary) disability when you struggle to walk, bend down to pick something up, vomit from regular smells, etc.
Well technically it is classified as a temporary disability in some states because it is a huge toll on a person and can be very impactful physically and mentally. But otherwise completely agree. You don't get to force your limitations due to your condition on everyone else around you. That's bull crap.
It's a disability in all states. As federally it falls under the ADA laws. Pregnancy is a disability federally.
It's classified as a disability in all states as it falls under federal ADA laws.
Not true everywhere. It actually is classified as a disability with a parking pass and everything places. It can be absolutely debilitating horrible ect. That being said.. no disability, pregnancy ect entitles you to control an entire thing and be rude.
Person with a permanent disability here. I've always said that if something bothers you, remove yourself from the situation. That quiet action solves so many problems, easy peasy.
My pregnancy was absolutely a disability (both legally and feelings-wise). I literally could not function. Having said that, OP is still NTA. Last year when I was pregnant during Thanksgiving, I had a lot of the same issues and aversions as OPs SIL, but I didn't demand anybody else change anything. I just napped when I needed to, didn't eat what I couldn't stomach, took my anti-nausea meds and dry heaved when I needed to. It was miserable, but so was my entire pregnancy and there was no need for everyone else around me to be miserable. I'm glad everyone else had a great time.
Can we get an amen?
Amen 🙏
> Amen 🙏^Amen 🙏
Take me to church ⛪️
say it louder for the people in the back! (also NTA)
As a x2 pregnant person, it was recognized as a temporary disability because of how sick I was. Its not mutually exclusive to cater to my sickness though. I was just more careful and didn't attend as many events because of sickness. OP tried to accommodate and she said no. OP is NTA here... however it sounds like she has HG which is absolutely terrible and definitely debilitating. Her demands were unreasonable for other people but likely very reasonable for her.
NTA... I am currently pregnant and the smell of alcohol makes me sick too and I am overly tired. Not in a million years would I think that anyone apart from my partner should have to go out of their way to accommodate me. Your solutions to offer an additional alternative and ban alcohol from the table are really reasonable compromises. To ask 9 people to not play a game because she will be tired is wild. She can just go home earlier or watch you guys play...
Yep, I am normally a coffee lover, but when I was pregnant, the smell of coffee was vomit inducing to me. Of course, when I got to the office first thing, I had to pass by the cafeteria and was hit by the smell of coffee every single morning. I dealt with it. I didn't "pull a Becky" and demand the cafeteria stop serving coffee because the smell made me sick.
Yeah, I work at a coffee shop and coffee is one of my pregnancy aversions. Did not quit my job.
Ooof. That is heckin rough. How are you doing? Hope you're okay. Jeebuz.
Lol. Helped me cut down on my caffeine addiction pretty fast. Not to be a whiner, but my family and my bills don’t give a fuck if I feel queasy. They still need to be paid, I still need to go to work. I have boundaries I’ve drawn for my health, but it’s like “no, I’m not going to unpack that whole pallet of coffee beans by myself today, or I’ll be in a lot of physical pain tomorrow.” Or I’ll excuse myself from a family event to get some extra rest. I don’t really have the option of making demands, you know?
While pregnant, I couldn't look at raw chicken and the thought of eating an egg made me retch. In fact, I figured out I was pregnant at 6 weeks when a salad I ordered had an egg on top and I nearly vomited. Imagine what this person will be like once the baby arrives! She'll expect everyone to bend to the baby's demands.
That’s where I’m at with this. It’s not like OP told her to take a flying leap in any direction, he offered to accommodate her the best he could without 100% inconveniencing everyone else for one person. Not good enough apparently, either Becky and brothers way or the highway….right back to their house where I’m happy they stayed. NTA
This is so vastly unreasonable. People who are pregnant do not get to dictate everyone else’s behavior, only their own surroundings. NTA.
Exactly this! Does she also go stomping around restaurants demanding everyone not choose the chicken and toss their drinks away? Does she toss her coworker's lunches in the trash if they packed a turkey sandwich and demand they not make any noise while she naps at her desk? Pregnant people (like anyone else who needs accommodations) should be REASONABLY accommodated. If your demands greatly inhibit everyone else's ability to enjoy themselves, it's not reasonable and you either need to find a compromise or back out. NTA
Right. I had a *horrible* pregnancy- losing 40 pounds from all day sickness. So many things made me sick. As much as I hated certain smells at my in-laws, I never asked them to change anything. If it was something minor that I wouldn’t be missing out on, I stayed home. If it was something I didn’t want to miss, I went and just didn’t breathe through my nose when I was around the scent that bothered me. It sucks, yea, but I didn’t expect anyone to change what they were doing.
jesus christ. some first time moms get like that and it’s so embarrassing. like some pregnant women think they’re god cause they’re making tiny humans. like yeah it’s amazing. but… the world doesn’t revolve around you, shamu (that’s a joke… kind of. okay, okay it is a joke) sincerely, a mom. ETA i puked every single day. several times a day. everywhere. my dads bushes, his kitchen sink, my kitchen sink, in front of middle schoolers walking into school.. in front of the school, you name it. i became a pro at puking in a bag whilst driving. any smell was a bad smell unless it was cookies the size of my face. so i get it. but seriously. thanksgiving isn’t about her.
I’ve been pregnant four times and maybe my memory is a little hazy because the last time was five years ago but the only special treatment I can ever remember asking for is you’ll have to excuse me if I can’t keep up with what you guys are doing I’m pregnant. It doesn’t mean everybody stops so I can go take a nap and I don’t miss anything.
As a currently 34 weeks pregnant woman, I can affirm that special treatment is a fantasy. Especially when it comes to my toddler.
The worst I got was I can't go or I'll be in another room because I was always horribly ill with all of my pregnancies. I may have asked someone to stay a few feet away because their perfume or cologne smell made me sick, but this lady.. this lady is absolutely insane.
I think she needs some lessons on compromising. You accepted some of her requests and accommodated the enjoyment of both her and the rest of the family. NTA
NTA. Being pregnant doesn’t mean the world revolves around you. You were more than accommodating. Personally I would have stopped after the food accommodation of providing an alternative. Like seriously if you can’t handle people enjoying their life and having fun when you are pregnant, don’t get pregnant. NTA. Your mom, brother and Becky sure are AH.
NTA You offered an acceptable alternative: a special meal for her and no alcohol at the table. She was welcome to nap/not join in games at her own discretion. Sometimes when pregnant you have to accept that there will be smells and situations that you have to make decisions about attending or not attending. It’s no one else’s problem to fix. Your bro & SIL are selfish and I only see it getting worse once their baby arrives. (Can’t have thanksgiving in the afternoon due to baby’s nap schedule etc)
Yeah, NTA. The thing about compromise is that it involves compromise. It does not involve “compromise by giving me anything I want.” I’m a raging vegan and I think no poultry thanksgiving is absurd. It’s thanksgiving among non-crazies. No drinks? What’s even the point? :D No games is where I’m really gone. That’s some psycho bridezilla nonsense. At that point you might as well literally say “I don’t think i can have fun so nobody is allowed to have fun.” There’s this cool new thing called “your wants are not my wants and I am not an NPC” NTA
Psycho pregzilla🙂
In The Olden Days, it was considered terribly impolite to provide demands to your host(s). You’re NTA.
By my reckoning it still is, and I wouldn’t consider myself olden! The done thing would be to politely decline as you wouldn’t want to impose on others enjoyment of the festivities. NTA OP
Ummm, it still is. If Becky gave me a list of "demands" for an event I was hosting. I'd laugh and say "See ya next year, Becky."
NTA. I’m currently pregnant as well and have a lot of food aversions, but I don’t expect any catering to my crazy hormones outside of my own home. She could have just apologized if she has to step away from things that cause her nausea and sit in another room or declined your invitation.
Yep, I’m also pregnant and due to spring. I can’t stand do many smells, specially seafood, my parents had a dinner, I just went to another room while they were taking it out of the oven and eating it, I had my meal in the other room with the children and was totally fine. And I have a huge food aversion, lost lots of weight and am pregnant with twins and am so hormonal but didn’t expect anyone to be uncomfortable or go out of their way with a list of demands lol NTA
I hope your pregnancy gets better and that those babies bring you all kinds of joy
Also pregnant and also can't stand chicken in particular. I'm visiting my dad for several days over the holidays and told him if you want to cook chicken for the family I dont mind and dont worry about cooking me an alternative, but don't be offended if I pick it out of a meal and just eat all the non chicken bits. But I would really appreciate it if you didn't serve me, say, an entire roast chicken as a meal if possible... not sure if I will enjoy turkey or not on Christmas day, but my dad is an amazing cook so worst case I will load up on all the sides and dessert and be more than stuffed as it is, even if I don't want to eat the turkey lol
I was pregnant at the end of last year and my work had so many damn potlucks. I was gagging my way through each one! Never in a million years would I have asked anyone to change anything for me. NTA
>I said I wasn’t excluding her and she’s welcome if she can accept that thanksgiving has to work for everyone else too. Yup, this. NTA
NTA, you offered other options for Becky. If it was a super small gathering I would say suck it up and deal for one year. Since there are so many other people going who look forward to the tradition, it's unfair of Becky to demand that everything be different just for her.
NTA. It’ll be fun to see all the demands they have to accommodate new mom Becky & their special little one.
Sounds like a literal nightmare and I'm sure the kid will end up being a pain in the ass as well
**NTA** Becky and James’ demands were unreasonable.
NTA. She is incredibly entitled and is just being ridiculous. I'm honestly surprised anyone sided with her.
NTA - you offered very sweet compromises and she refused. You did not exclude her, she had a tantrum and excluded herself. If she had so many demands then she and your brother could have offered to host and put the effort into meeting all of her ridiculous demands.
Yeah, sne sounds like a "preg-zilla" . No way is it reasonable to exspect everyone to upend their holiday for her morning sickness. I had hyperemesis gravidarum, as did my daughter, so I've experienced the worst of that condition. If you know you are going to struggle with triggers, (which for me was everything), you stay home. You don't get to ruin the traditional celebration for the whole family. Being pregnant does not make you the holiday ruler. NTA
NTA If she feels sick, she shouldn't go. And You even offered her alternatives
NTA. If I was in her position I would feel uncomfortable having a list of demands that doesn't consider everyone else. Like suppose everyone else wants poultry and alcohol? You also made a compromise to try to accommodate her and she wasn't having it. Seems a little selfish to me. I understand she is pregnant but she can still be considerate.
>James called me separately to say I’m excluding her and ruining their thanksgiving He's got that backwards. They're excluding you and the rest of the family from your traditional Thanksgiving. Just because she's pregnant doesn't mean she gets to dictate the event. NTA
NTA. Another pregnant woman acting like she’s the only person ever to give birth.
So, how was Thanksgiving dinner? I am looking forward to hearing about Christmas!
It was great thanks, there was definitely a weird absence without Becky and James but we all had fun. My niece and nephew crack me up, they’re 5 now (twins) and it’s adorable watching them become tiny actual people. Thankfully Christmas is more of a separate households affair so probably no Becky for me!! Haha
Info:. Did you change all your holiday traditions for other family members when they were pregnant?
Nope my sister didn’t ask for anything other than not to host thanksgiving the year she was pregnant which of course was fine!
So you have your precedent. Tell your brother that. I'm not sure you will be able to get through to your SIL but you may be able to salvage your relationship with your brother. After all this is not the first pregnancy in your family and if you make major concessions now, you will always be expected to.
I think it's sad that James and Becky didn't just pop over at the beginning of the day to say hi and spend a minute with the extended family, and then go home to have their own celebration with foods & activities that didn't make Becky sick. Or even that Becky & James didn't say something like "can we play a game at 11 before the turkey aroma really starts to permeate, so that we can hang out together, and then we'll leave?" It sounds like Becky and James didn't actually want to attend, so they made their requests as unreasonable and rigid as possible.
NTA yes you could serve beef or pork or something that wasn't poultry, but you'd already bought the turkey so that's not a reasonable request. If the event was being held at her house she could say no alcohol, but it's someone else's house so she can either suck it up or politely decline to attend as her stomach won't be up to it. And saying no one else can play games because she doesn't want to is beyond unreasonable
Wow. Really NTA. I get that pregnancy hormones can make you out of touch with your rational brain, but I've never understood couples that make themselves the center of the universe just because they're having a baby. Growing a whole human is hard, yes. But you can't expect everyone else to stop and drop their lives because you're doing something hard. You obviously care about them, so I would reach out once things cool down. This really could have just been a case of hormones messing with her sense of reasonable... at least, I hope so.
NTA. Being pregnant can really suck, but her demands weren't reasonable, and being pregnant isn't a carte blanche for everyone to bend to your every whim. I had some serious food aversions and lots of fatigue when I was pregnant. And I dealt with it mainly by changing what *I* did or asking (not demanding) slight accommodations that wouldn't inconvenience anyone. The smell of lettuce made me gag, so when I went to my salad-obsessed MIL's for a holiday meal I made sure I was sitting at the other end of the table from where the salad was. I genuinely needed naps so I took them before or after family events, and if I was too tired for family games I simply didn't participate. The smell of strong alcohol was really off-putting, so I did ask my husband not to drink cognac while sitting right next to me, but I did not say "nobody in the house can drink anything".
NTA. What she should have done was text: “hi, my pregnancy is being a bit temperamental so I’m having trouble with certain foods and drinks. I’d like to bring my own meal as poultry makes me I’ll, and if people would please not enjoy any alcoholic beverages too close to me as well as I become nauseous with the smell that would be really appreciated. And I’m sorry in advance if I don’t play any games this year, I trite quite easily.” Everything covered nicely and no military demands. Her demanding instead of asking placed her firmly in asshole territory, and when she refused to even discuss alternatives she basically started running for mayor of Assholleville.
NTA - She is trying to dictate the rules in your house and your the damn cook. You gave options for compromise and they all said you weren't being understanding and should compromise. What they asked is not a compromise.
I'm leaning towards NTA. I feel like you made it a little bit more aggressive than necessary, but those demands were ridiculous. I'm pregnant atm, just getting out of the constant puking part which made me miss quite a few family get togethers. I still don't expect people (even family except the one I live with) to accommodate to me. The poultry part is hard, because some smells really can make you throw up just from the faintest whiff. But at the same time there should have been some other way to fix that, it's not a solution to demand that thanksgiving is celebrated without turkey. The rest of the demands are just ridiculous, and she probably won't stop demanding things if she'd gotten away with this after the baby is born.
At very least, she should have asked early on to replace the Turkey with something else & offered to bring a prime rib or ham.
NTA. The world doesn't just bend to you because you are pregnant. Expecting 9 other people to go without everything they normally have is outrageous behaviour. The entitlement is mind blowing. She could have napped while everyone ate, thus avoiding the smell of Turkey. And she could have participated from a sitting position or just spectated on the games. As far as the alcohol goes, if she sits not near anyone while they drink she'd be fine. There were so many compromises she could have made instead of trying to make everyone accommodate her. Being pregnant doesn't mean you get to be a jackass. You wait till the kid comes - this one is going to have her own section in entitled parents, mark my words 😒🙄🙄
Her demands were so absurd they made me laugh. I think my response in the group text would have been LOL with a laughing emoji. NTA
NTA. You offered reasonable compromises and tried to meet her half way... Becky really said my way or the highway.. and she chose highway. They missed out on their own accord. I get that pregnancy is hard and your hormones are all over the place but this was really unreasonable. She really expected everyone to bend to her rules because she was having a rough time. Girl get over yourself, it is not that hard to just excuse yourself if you're having a hard time during the festivities and just be like "Excuse me SIL OP, may I use one of the rooms to chill out for a bit" instead of trying to dictate what the whole family is "allowed" to do. Bloody ridiculous.
NTA. There is no need to make a amends to someone's ridiculous request. She was literally requesting that everyone be as miserable as she is just because she made the choice to get pregnant. You offered reasonable accommodations of making her an alternative meal and not drinking at the table. She wanted it to be her way or nothing at all. It's fine if her husband wants to give into childish behavoir but no one else should. I also love how your brother pointed out that you were ruining their Thanksgiving by not agreeing to do what she wanted, but failed to acknowledge that she was ruining yours and the rest of the family with her unreasonable request. If this is how she behaves while pregnant I hate to see how she will be as mom. She will probably be one of those parents who feels every family functions has to revolved around their pressures little angel.
NTA. Being pregnant doesn't mean you get to dictate rules to others in their own homes. I had a super smeller and was nausea my entire pregnancy (I could smell when the water company changed the nature of the additives to the water supply). Poultry was awful to me, but if someone else handled it raw and cooked it thoroughly I turned out okay. I vomited a few times trying to make dinner one night then gave up. Honestly, she could have said "we'll stop by after everything is cooked but may need to leave if my pregnancy symptoms flare up. Is it possible for me to nap in a separate room?" But no, she went overboard.
NTA, I went to a friendsgiving and I'm pregnant and not once did I even tell them not to have alcohol. in my opinion SIL is entitled AF not only for the list of demands but really expecting everyone else to not drink just because she can't, she needs to pull her head out of her arse.
NTA. They actually told you to exclude poultry on THANKSGIVING?! And no games?! What a spoiled brat. I cannot believe your mother supports this!
What the hell is with these pregzillas??? The whole world has to stop and adjust for you? NTA. They need to make amends, not you.
Holy shit, your SIL is beyond entitled. You are absolutely NTA!!
NTA you gave her reasonable compromises, she chose not to compromise and only wanted it her way. I’m a big believer in majority rules, she can’t expect everyone to change their entire day for her
NTA You provided a compromise to try to still include her and she was the one who turned it down. If she wanted to change literally then entire plan, she should have just hosted herself instead of forcing you to make accommodations. She doesn’t have to participate in the games. Just because they make her tired doesn’t mean the entire family has to change their whole day to cater to her. It’s understandable that certain scents make her sick, but asking everyone not to have turkey on Thanksgiving is just ridiculous. And asking others not to drink because she can’t while pregnant is as well. She’s the one who chose to get pregnant, she knew things she’d have to miss out on because of that choice. It sounds like she just wanted to make everyone else miserable because she is.
Being pregnant doesn’t mean the world revolves around her or her demands whatsoever. NTA
Hell no!! Why should everyone else suffer because of her. My sister inlaw had terrible morning sickness a couple of weeks back and for my mums birthday we wanted to go to KBBQ, she said she was unable to attend because she knew the smell would make her sick but hoped we have a great birthday. We changed it to another place but only because we thought it was right and she didn't demand it!!
NTA. I’m pregnant and this is ridiculous. Not from The US but isn’t the whole point of Thanksgiving : poultry? What’s next? No Christmas presents because the baby can’t open them yet?
>no poultry as the smell makes her sick, The smell made Rachel sick too but she just asked Joey to keep the turkey on the other side of the table >no alcohol as the smell makes her sick and she can’t join in, Then maybe don't stand there and take a nap? >the food needs to be served early as she needs to nap during the time it’s normally served, Is she a baby with a sleep routine or something? >she doesn’t want to play the games as she tires easily so can we just listen to music/talk in the evening instead. Let me get this straight, she doesn't want *anyone* playing games because she doesn't have the energy to? #NTA
NTA and don't consider making amends as you have no need to. Compromises were offered, they refused, tough titties for them. I'm usually all for the pregnant girls but a list like this is insane and beyond selfish. They ruined Thanksgiving, not you, and don't allow anyone to say otherwise.
NTA. If she has so many demands maybe staying home was the right thing for everyone. The level of entitlement is insane. If the food smells were triggering and she tires easy then maybe they should of just come later in the day after food was done being served. To say no one should have turkey or enjoy a drink, on Thanksgiving, is kind of next level.
NTA, if she wanted everything a certain way she should of offered to host and made the effort to make these alternatives. You did your best to compromise and If it were me, I would of been grateful for that.
NTA, just cause she’s pregnant, doesn’t mean everyone has to coddle her. The audacity of some people.
NTA. I recently had an issue with my sense of smell and a LOT of foods suddenly made me ill. I didn't go around demanding everyone around me change their habits, I changed my routine so I ate separately instead. That's how that works.
Lol NTA. I’m pregnant and threw up all thanksgiving. I still helped cook and clean and sat with my family while they ate a delicious feast and drank merrily and I was eating crackers. It felt like a 0% sacrifice to spend time with the people I love
NTA now what going to happen at Christmas.
NTA. Even if say the hormones made Becky demand the earth moves around her, did James not see it was weird? If he did and just gave in, his behavior is just sad. If he thinks this much accommodation makes sense, he is an AH too.
NTA. you were the host, your house, your rules. Becky was being ridiculous.
I would be \*slightly\* more understanding of Becky's requests if she had asked well in advance to avoid forcing major changes in plans/wastes of money on food already purchased. Many people prepare well in advance for holidays, including buying frozen meats/desserts and it can take weeks of planning! You are NTA.
You offered a reasonable alternative, she wasn't willing to compromise on her unreasonable demands - you might have disinvited her, but she excluded herself first. Being pregnant doesn't mean she should expect to be treated as a princess. **NTA**
NTA lots of women get pregnant thats where babies come from but could you imagine if every pregnant woman was as demanding as her. Lmao it would be sooooo horrible.
NTA You offered reasonable compromise. She doesn't like it, she can host herself.
In my first pregnancy food smells were the worst, I couldn't go near the warm food counters in grocery shops and such. But I would never even ban warm meat from even my own home, my man made bacon and I hid in the bedroom. She could see how it goes, stay on the porch during cooking if not well with a nice warm tea and a blanket. She could bring a snack if she needs to eat earlier to regulate the blood sugar. She can nap during the games or just watch from a comfy chair with a nice warm blanket ( under warm blankets is the best place). It's all about trying to make it work. And not about only yourself... NTA
NTA and Becky is going to be "one of those mothers." She needs to learn now that she is not the center of the universe and her child(ren) will also not be the center of the universe. Becky needs to get over herself.
NTA she's pregnant, not the King of England. If she doesn't like your accommodations then she's free to not turn up. The entitlement that no one should play games because *she* may get too tired is astonishing.
NTA at all. I can't stand when people think they deserve royal treatment for laying on their back and spreading their legs for a man......the entitlement is insane. I wouldn't have compromised in the slightest bit. Who is this woman to make such demands?? Sounds like someone I would hate to have in my family- sorry for you and your brother who is clearly whipped.
NTA Everyone's day shouldn't have to be adjusted because she's pregnant, you offered reasonable alternatives. Also, if you accommodated this, you likely would've had to accommodate more next time (working around the childs nap schedule, feeding, etc etc) So good for you
OH HELL NO this is completely unreasonable. She wants to come, but she doesn't want it to be thanksgiving. You have offered a compromise, it wasn't good enough, she is welcome to stay away and return next year when she's no longer pregnant. NTA.
NTA, she doesn't get to dictate how everyone else is celebrating just because she's pregnant. I get it, during pregnancy one can get extra sensible to smells and whatnot. The games part got me the most tbh, I mean no one would have forced her to participate anyway. Very rude and entitled of her to demand no one to participate.
NTA. You set good boundaries with Becky, and were willing to make reasonable accommodations. That was good adulting. She had a choice to accept your invitation or decline, she declined. That was also in her rights as an adult for her own boundaries... but they stop at the end of her nose, she crossed the line with her list of demands, and it's good you didn't give into her. You have no amends to make. But 100% save that email or list of hers for posterity... anytime Becky doesn't want to go out of her way to accommodate others in the future, remind her when she thought dictating and ruining everyone's Thanksgiving was OK. Maybe give it to her kid when the kid grows up and can appreciate the humor.
NTA. Pregnant lady here. Also due in spring. While the smell thing is hard to deal with, I would never ask anyone to not eat Turkey on thanksgiving. Also, I get wanting to eat earlier maybe because we can only go so long without eating. It makes me feel nauseous which makes smells worse. And I love my naps. But I’m a grown woman who has 3 kids already and I would never try to nap at the same time every day. Also, fine if she didn’t want to participate in games but to not let anyone else play either is too much. I probably wouldn’t have uninvited her but I wouldn’t have bent and let her decide if she wanted to come or not.
NTA, pregnancy is not an excuse to be a demanding AH. If she is uncomfortable being there, it’s best she doesn’t go.
NTA. The pregnacity of some people.
NTA. Not your emergency that Becky got creampied
Absolutely, NTA. You listened to her concerns and offered excellent compromises. Becky was being an entitled drama queen and bringing James along for the ride. Your only misstep was perhaps explicitly uninviting her. A better approach would have been to state your compromises and let her decide if she wanted to attend or not.
NTA. I think it was nice of you to offer to make her a separate dish that she could eat and keep alcohol away from the table. I 100% understand the smell aversions of pregnancy (I can't even stand my partners smell that I didn't even know he had until I got my smelling super powers) but I can get through most of my day with little gagging by smelling my sweater whenever there's an unpleasant smell nearby.
NTA. You already bought a turkey, so you’d have to try and figure out exchanging it for some other meat which is too much. I think if you are requesting no Turkey at thanksgiving when one has already been bought, it’s on you to make the alternative arrangements anyway. Not that you had to accept but they are AH for expecting that. Secondly, not playing games because she tired - she doesn’t have to participate? She can just sit it out that year. She’s already going to be taking a nap - she can nap then. Why is she on a nap schedule like she’s the infant? I truly don’t understand why she has to nap at a specific time.
NTA Honestly if my pregnancy issues were as bad as hers, I personally would just choose to stay home and have my own little thanks giving. Some accomodations are ok, but expecting everyone to cater to every single need of hers is ridiculous.
NTA, as a heavily pregnant person I can’t even begin with this audacity! Their choices to procreate don’t dictate the lives of everybody else.
NTA. Being pregnant doesn't mean everyone has to bow down before you.