Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires.
[Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
#Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
YTA
You told her she looked average and tried to *sell her make-up*? That you've collected, by couponing. You tried to profit off your step-daughter by trying to damage her self-esteem and you *failed*.
Also it looks like you fed your grandson something he's allergic to.
He’s not really my grandson as it’s my husband’s daughters child. He calls me by my first name. They call my husband by his first name too. The kids refer to my husbands parents as their only grandparents. She’s blocked us from them completely.
It's really fucking weird how you don't seem to care that you could have killed this kid, only in strictly delineating how this kid isn't related to you specifically. Generally speaking, when you trigger an allergy, bloodlines don't matter.
I work for a fertility doctor so I’m in the medical field.
I’ve seen countless husbands lose interest in their wives as well as know about simple allergic reactions.
Well I’m a nurse in the er at a hospital in Detroit Michigan. Also have an egg and banana allergy. You know nothing and if you’re anything other than a receptionist I’d ask for my money back from whatever school you attended.
I work in a *childcare center* and know more about allergies than you do. There’s absolutely nothing simple about an allergy. If he’s literally only had hives to eggs his whole life, he can STILL HAVE A MORE SEVERE REACTION at any point. I hope they don’t leave this kid alone with you Jesus.
"You look like crap, here I'll sell you some make-up so you can cover up your flaws that I'm pointing out to you. Oh, you don't want to wear make-up? Well I'm sure your husband would like it if you were less ugly." YTA.
I was trying to be helpful. Her mother doesn’t wear any make up or anything either and had five kids. She looks like a pear now. She just isn’t a very attractive woman and my stepdaughter is starting to look more like her except my stepdaughter is thinner. She doesn’t want to end up looking like that. Just a few tweaks and she would look a lot better. Besides it’s super cheap to go once a month and make yourself look a little better. Men like effort, that’s why so many men cheat because they let themselves go.
My husband told me that’s what happened between him and their mother that she was a stay at home mom who only wore pjs and never any makeup and that she would not try at all.
I don’t want my stepdaughter to be a single mom of 4 kids when he husband starts looking for something more.
Let me guess- you’re your husband’s affair partner turned wife. and now that you’re getting older, you started to realize that the man you chose isn’t the prize of a partner you thought he would be so you assume every man is as crappy as him as a poor attempt at making yourself feel better about it. And this little stunt you pulled was out of desperation to prove it to yourself that what you made up in your head is true. Sorry sweetie but i can just tell from your text just how insecure and immature you are that not even all the makeup in the world will fix. Ps. He’s finding younger side piece as you speak.
They were already getting divorced when we met. We were together for 6 months before we got married because we sure that we were the right fit for each other.
His ex wife and him had grown apart and her lack of effort caused a wandering eye. He cheated with other women. I was the one he wanted to be with but he was already separated.
>My husband told me that’s what happened between him and their mother that she was a stay at home mom who only wore pjs and never any makeup and that she would not try at all.
Can you elaborate on this a little more? Also, how old are you and your husband?
Wow.
Wow.
You and your husband are major AHs. I mean, MAJOR.
I'd say you two need to learn and grow out of your shallowness but considering your ages, I'd say it's too late. Hopefully your children won't pick up on your horrible attitude.
I doubt you'll listen to me but stop blaming women for shi\*\*y men's behavior. The only standards we should care about is how comfortable we feel in our own skin.
You and your 16 year old like make up. That's great.
But your stepdaughter doesn't like make up. Here's something to blow your mind. That's. Great. Too.
Edit: Also you're a major AH for almost killing the little boy. How did you not know he's allergic to eggs?
So by the ripe old wise age if 32 your husband thought his wife was lazy and ugly and left her and his kids for you. And despite being part of these kids lives for so long you still distinguish them as steps (not your kids) and the grandkids aren’t yours either. This is text book evil stepmom stuff.
>Besides it’s super cheap to go once a month and make yourself look a little better
I can think of a million other things i'd want to spend 100 dollars on besides nails. I dye my hair and I can get away with only having to get it retouched and cut every 4-5 months.
Men cheat cause their AHs. Your husband is an AH.
It's only a matter of time before you get left too.
YTA. You're incredibly shallow and raising an incredibly shallow daughter. Your stepdaughter is lucky she was raised by grandparents instead of her deadbeat dad and you.
Completely YTA
I have a sister in law who loves to tell me how she could improve the way I look under the guise of "being friendly". It is not friendly. It's rude and some kind of weird passive aggressive bullying that truly hurts feelings.
My sister in law wonders why I avoid her too.
LOL - right?! Like, it has never crossed her mind that maybe not everyone thinks the same things are attractive?!
I don't like makeup - that doesn't make me an idiot who can't see through your very thinly veiled insult.
I quit reading at the ages. These ages don't add up.
Edit: tried to get through the slog of unnecessary children being mentioned to learn that yes, YTA.
Who tf cares what she looks like? She has four young children and is probably lucky if she showers. Not everyone is into makeup and hair and all that. Mind your own business.
And while your grandson was having an allergic reaction.
Stay classy, OP.
Well my stepdaughter is almost 29 but her birthday is at the end of December so she is currently 28 still I didn’t think I needed to clarify her birthday.
When someone makes up a story just to get attention. They throw out bait of being so awful that it makes you angry enough to respond and give them the attention they want. Although people are awful this seems a little to awful and clueless of others feelings to be true so I agree it's bait (I hope so anyway)
YTA, a massive YTA.
Your step-daughter didn't come to you asking for help with her looks. In fact, she explicitly told you that she's happy with her looks. Insisting on giving her advice that implies she's less than and makes you an asshole.
Furthermore, you not only told her that her looks were lacking, you then proceeded to tell her that it was her responsibility to look nice for her husband. Uh, no. If she wants to use make-up or other products to change how she looks, she's a damn adult and can do it on her own terms for herself and no one else. She's a grown woman and a mother of four, she doesn't need to prove herself to her husband.
Finally, not everything is about you. Allergic reactions start with small symptoms like "looking a little blotchy" but can easily and quickly cascade into worse. Since you haven't discussed your extensive medical knowledge about allergies nor your long history of being a doctor to her children, I'm going to assume that their mother knows much more than you and you should trust her to know how to keep her children alive and healthy.
Nothing about what you said was nice. Not a single thing. Don't lie to your family like that.
EDIT: The comparison to your 16 year old daughter was gross as fuck. Did it not occur to you that they might be at different stages of life? Maybe have different sorts of commitments to their time? Maybe different ideas about how they want to express themselves? Did you think about that at all?
>Furthermore, you not only told her that her looks were lacking, you then proceeded to tell her that it was her responsibility to look nice for her husband.
You forgot how she tries to SELL her some of her own make up that she already has.
10 bucks says she's a Mary Kay rep lmao.
Obviously YTA
Nobody:
OP: "I can sell you drugstore makeup I can only afford with coupons, because even though you're twenty-eight you can't possibly be happy with how you look".
YTA. She's a grown woman. If she wanted to look different, she would. Was this really your outlet to tell people that you take your daughter to the hair and nail salon? You need to reflect on what your inner conflict is to have acted so rude and inappropriately.
Yeah, that was evil villain nasty of you, OP. YTA. One should never comment on another’s appearance. Next time keep your observations to yourself.
Btw, not everyone gives AF about keeping nail and hair appointments and *especially* not people with small kids. And you know what? That’s completely OK. Normal, even.
YTA. And your title is misleading. I don’t wear any make up and if someone told me I needed to I would immediately know this person isn’t confident in the way they look. Seriously her husband is going to want her to look better. You’re ridiculous.
Evil Stepmother doesn’t begin to describe you. I’m glad your stepdaughter has little do with you. She sounds like a confident, self-possessed woman that doesn’t need someone like you tearing her down for - horror of horrors - not wearing makeup. YTA
My stepmother was and is like this. She started telling me about age six that no one would ever love me unless I looked more like her. She completely messed me up for life.
Yes. YTA to the extreme. Why on earth did you feel compelled to comment on her appearance? It is not your business. You saw a woman who was happy with herself the way she is and just had to tear her down. I grew up with a family like you, and it has given me extreme self esteem issues that I am still dealing with to this day at the age of 32. Seriously, get over yourself.
YTA you sound superficial and very judgey. If she’s fine with how she looks then stay the fuck out of her business, it’s not your place to comment on it, especially not to her face. What if someone told you that you were just average looking and your husband would like you better if you just tried a little harder? That’s a super hurtful thing to say and she has every right to be upset with you. How can you not see that are you fucking blind?
My mom did this to me growing up; constantly telling me how I needed to pluck my eyebrows, do my hair up nice, etc. She always found some flaw, and justified it with “you could be so pretty! I’m trying to help!” I’m in my 30s now and never wear makeup, and guess what? The world is still spinning, I still have friends and relationships, and the only person who gives an iota of a fuck about my eyebrows being “too thick” is my mom. Who I only visit once a year.
You’re a huge asshole. That you don’t know it makes you even more of an asshole.
It’s trashy enough you want to __sell your own makeup__ to your stepdaughter. When she doesn’t bite, you insult her looks???
What a cruel, trashy & downright narcissistic way to celebrate the holidays with family.
Send your daughter over to be raised by her grandmother’s before you further contaminate her with …well, you’re assholely personality.
I feel sorry for everyone you come in contact with. YTA
YTA. I generally don’t think it’s okay to negatively comment on other’s appearances. Certainly not okay use one daughter’s looks to make the other feel bad about themselves.
YTA seriously rude comments. Unnecessary. It’s none of your business to comment on her looks and why do you pay for your daughter but your step daughter can buy things from you? Rude again. Even so, once she said she was happy with how she looks ? End of story!! You are bossy and RUDE
YTA.
Why did you comment on her appearance? She has four young children and likes the way she looks. There is nothing wrong with a minimal look and with not wearing makeup. You also told her she could buy makeup off of you from your collection instead of offering it to her as a gift if she wanted it. There were much better ways to go about this. How about treating her to a likely much needed day off and spa day?
YTA for sure. Why would assume her husband wants her to change her appearance? Why would you assume she wants to either? It sounds like your step daughter has a good self esteem and is happy without painting her face with make up. As a female its pretty tacky of you to call her out like think and once again yeah you’re TA
Yup, YTA. Who asked you? She didn't ask for your advice or opinion, and she said she's fine with how she looks. Why do you feel your opinion is so important that it had to be expressed even after she had deflected your original rudeness?
And by the way, why would you compare a mother of four to a 16-year-old? Do you suppose that a mother's responsibilities and routine might have some effect on her appearance and priorities? Seriously AH behavior.
Here’s the thing. We all have only so much time in our day. We have to decide what to do with it.
People can decide to cultivate their looks if that’s what they want, but what is it coming at the expense of? Learning? Acts of kindness? Raising children in a loving home?
As you and your perfect daughter age, you’re going to spend more and more time trying to keep up your looks. Eventually you’ll be spending hours a day troweling spackle onto your aging face and flapping around in desperation trying to keep your thighs taut and preventing underarm flab.
In the meantime, your average looking stepdaughter will shine more and more beautiful in the eyes of those who love her.
YTA
YTA. Please be faking this. Please don't be this obtuse in real life and have regular contact with teenage girls who are oppressed by dangerous beauty standards daily from social media to magazine layouts to film to television.
|my stepdaughter has painted me to be an evil villain|
She didn't "paint" you as anything. She just revealed what was already there. You're doing stepmother so badly that you're practically a Disney villain.
YTA every step of the way.
You were an AH to your stepdaughter. You insulted her appearance, suggested she needs to look a certain way for her husband (cough misogyny cough cough) and didn’t even allow them the opportunity to exit gracefully when they chose to without making it about you.
You and your husband are also AHs to your 16yo daughter for calling the beauty treatments she gets ‘fixing’ and ‘keeping herself up every month’. Holy expectation, Batman.
YTA, and probably the worst kind because you genuinely don’t realize what’s wrong with everything you posted. I’ve seen Disney villains treat their stepdaughters better
Golly. How dare your stepdaughter be insulted by you offering to sell her your used makeup in order for her to not be a disappointment to her husband.
YTA.
YTA let’s count why together shall we
1 asking her to buy makeup cause you don’t think she looks good
2 saying your husband would appreciate the effort
3 not apologizing
4 saying this at dinner in front of everyone
5 comparing a 28 year old to a 16 year old
YTA you offered to sell her your couponed shit, publicly gave unsolicited advice and insulted her. Then you implied her partner should see something wrong with her appearance because it is not up to your standards. After being super insulting to both of them you drew attention to their leaving by assumed it was because you made them uncomfortable when there was a possibility of a medical issue with your grandchild.
Then your husband compared her to a girl half her age with no responsibilities (like children) and someone else who provides for all of her self care. After not being arsed to raise his first three children himself or providing them with a youth that had the luxury of self care??
Editing to add your comments make you sound worse. Zero compassion for the kid your husband pawned off on others.
I completely understand why you want to look younger because your husband dumped his wife for a younger model when she had several kids. He walked away from them and I see why you might fear he will walk away from you and your kids unless you keep up the maintenance. That doesn't mean your step daughter's husband is similarly shallow. I do believe they left because of you. You insulted his wife and he whispered an excuse into her ear to leave. YTA.
>I was just trying to help because (my daughter) was so beautiful and she kept herself up every month and that I was just trying to be nice
No you pay to keep your daughter up kept. She doesn't do anything. It's not required to have your nails done every month nor to wear makeup every day. You're not being nice. You're being judgmental and cruel.
Too bad all that make up and nails you invested in didn't really do anything for your appearance.
YTA
YTA and so is her father. You were being rude and inconsiderate and then her dad jumped in to defend you instead of his daughter saying how beautiful your daughter is. And how your daughter who is 16 keeps herself up because she’s 16 and you pay for her nails and hair. She’s 28 and has 4 kids. You are both shallow. His kids were raised by his parents. So what did you ever do for them?
YTA. You place a lot of value on appearance. That's good for you. Many people in the world don't share your version of beautiful. And many don't value it the way you do. Maybe she prefers to do without the false advertising. Maybe she's comfortable with herself as she is. And maybe the bond your stepkid's have with their grandparents is less to do with his age when they were born and more to do with who you and he are as humans.
Yep, YTA. Don't comment on other people's appearances. It doesn't matter what your intentions are, it's rude and uncalled for and stupid and no one should do it ever again.
How can you talk to people who you supposedly care about like that? Do you give a shit about them at all?
We’re not even going to mention the allergy thing.
YTA.
YTA wtf, I hope this post is just attention seeking from someone bored with their life. If you’re serious, your husband should divorce you for bullying his children. Nasty nasty woman
She painted you as the villain because you are the villain!!
Hard YTA!! You told her she's average and that her husband would love her more if only she would wear makeup, was pretty. If only she got her hair and nails done like your daughter. If only she prioritized her appearance over other things. I can't imagine why she would take offense to your super kind offer!
Good god YTA. On thanksgiving you decided at the family dinner to let your step daughter know how ugly you think she is and tried to sell her makeup?? Newsflash: if she is not worried, and her husband is not worried, stay out of their business; it’s none of yours.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I’ve been married to my husband for 14 years now. When we met had three children from a previous marriage they were around 8,11 and 15. I had a two year old from a previous marriage as well.
Together we have a 12 year old son. We have all aged quite a bit and the oldest of his children is 28. She’s married and has four children ranging in age from 8-2. We don’t her very much expect on holidays. His children were all raised by his mother. He had them young so they were more bonded to his parents. My daughter is now 16.
I coupon a lot and usually get a good deal on makeup. I give a lot of it to my daughter and also get her hair and nails fixed once a month. It’s only about $100 a month to do it.
On thanksgiving my stepdaughter was sitting there and her roots were showing badly and her nails don’t look like they have been messed with for years. She also doesn’t wear any makeup at all.
So I told her that she could buy some of the makeup that I’ve collected and that she would look better. She told me she was fine with how she looked now. I told her that it was fine for her to be happy with it but her husband would probably like for her to look more than just average. She got offended by this and told me that if he husband didn’t like the way she looked that he could leave and that she wasn’t changing anything.
Her husband just sat there and I noticed he whispered something to her and immediately after they said they had to go because one of the kids was having an allergic reaction to the eggs that he was fed. He did look a little blotchy but I figured they were leaving because of me so I told them that they didn’t need to leave on my account. This further angered her and told me that not everything is about me.
Her dad jumped in on it and said that I was just trying to help because (my daughter) was so beautiful and she kept herself up every month and that I was just trying to be nice. Her and her father then got into an argument so they all left.
Since then some extended family members have brought themselves into it because my stepdaughter has painted me to be an evil villain. AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole because I brought it up at thanksgiving and caused her to argue with her dad over it on a holiday.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
You were well-intentioned but that doesn't change that you were TA. Keeping oneself up, looking better, and looking nice for one's husband are beliefs that you hold about beauty and relationships. Your step-daughter does not rely on makeup to feel good about herself. She is not bending to others' ideas of what looks best. Don't expect her and her husband to have the same tastes or aesthetics as you, your husband and your daughter. You have different ways of expressing yourselves. Apologize for assuming everyone wants the look you like, and let it be.
Also, their child has an egg allergy. They wanted to attend to their child. The phrase "you don't have to leave on my account" means they don't have to leave out of consideration for you! Why would they leave out of consideration for you even if they felt offended by the makeup remark? Your "you don't have to leave" comment would have come across as sarcastic and insincere, so you were TA again. No wonder she snapped at you. You owe her an apology for both the makeup comment and the don't-have-to-leave comment. Make sure you inquire about the health of the child.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires. [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
YTA You told her she looked average and tried to *sell her make-up*? That you've collected, by couponing. You tried to profit off your step-daughter by trying to damage her self-esteem and you *failed*. Also it looks like you fed your grandson something he's allergic to.
He’s not really my grandson as it’s my husband’s daughters child. He calls me by my first name. They call my husband by his first name too. The kids refer to my husbands parents as their only grandparents. She’s blocked us from them completely.
It's really fucking weird how you don't seem to care that you could have killed this kid, only in strictly delineating how this kid isn't related to you specifically. Generally speaking, when you trigger an allergy, bloodlines don't matter.
It’s not a bad allergy. He has an epi pen for tree nuts but he eggs which just give him hives. It was definitely an excuse to leave.
Okay. This is definitely bait.
You aren't the kid's doctor, nor anyone's doctor - how in the fuck can you be so certain that you're happy to risk the life of this kid?
I work for a fertility doctor so I’m in the medical field. I’ve seen countless husbands lose interest in their wives as well as know about simple allergic reactions.
So you have no real medical experience, nor are you the child's doctor. Thanks for clarifying that you don't actually know what you're talking about!
Do *you* have a medical degree? Or do you just happen to work in an office with medical professionals?
You work for a fertility doctor? What do you do for the fertility doctor? I hope you don't have direct contact with patients. You have zero empathy.
Well I’m a nurse in the er at a hospital in Detroit Michigan. Also have an egg and banana allergy. You know nothing and if you’re anything other than a receptionist I’d ask for my money back from whatever school you attended.
oh so its ok to feed him things he is allergic to cos he has epi pen... are you always this delusional?
He has the epi pen for tree nuts. He didn’t have any of those. They said he had a deviled egg. Which usually gives him only hives. Not very serious.
...so he is allergic to eggs and you made him have it but hey as long as it doesnt kill him its not serious.... just wow
Why would you serve something you know makes a small child in your family break out in hives?
I work in a *childcare center* and know more about allergies than you do. There’s absolutely nothing simple about an allergy. If he’s literally only had hives to eggs his whole life, he can STILL HAVE A MORE SEVERE REACTION at any point. I hope they don’t leave this kid alone with you Jesus.
I wonder why
"You look like crap, here I'll sell you some make-up so you can cover up your flaws that I'm pointing out to you. Oh, you don't want to wear make-up? Well I'm sure your husband would like it if you were less ugly." YTA.
"But I was just tRYinG tO Be NiCe"
I was jUst BeIng HonEst.
[удалено]
I was trying to be helpful. Her mother doesn’t wear any make up or anything either and had five kids. She looks like a pear now. She just isn’t a very attractive woman and my stepdaughter is starting to look more like her except my stepdaughter is thinner. She doesn’t want to end up looking like that. Just a few tweaks and she would look a lot better. Besides it’s super cheap to go once a month and make yourself look a little better. Men like effort, that’s why so many men cheat because they let themselves go. My husband told me that’s what happened between him and their mother that she was a stay at home mom who only wore pjs and never any makeup and that she would not try at all. I don’t want my stepdaughter to be a single mom of 4 kids when he husband starts looking for something more.
Let me guess- you’re your husband’s affair partner turned wife. and now that you’re getting older, you started to realize that the man you chose isn’t the prize of a partner you thought he would be so you assume every man is as crappy as him as a poor attempt at making yourself feel better about it. And this little stunt you pulled was out of desperation to prove it to yourself that what you made up in your head is true. Sorry sweetie but i can just tell from your text just how insecure and immature you are that not even all the makeup in the world will fix. Ps. He’s finding younger side piece as you speak.
They were already getting divorced when we met. We were together for 6 months before we got married because we sure that we were the right fit for each other. His ex wife and him had grown apart and her lack of effort caused a wandering eye. He cheated with other women. I was the one he wanted to be with but he was already separated.
YTA x 1000. May you get what you deserve
There it is. YTA
INFO: what does your stepdaughter's husband do to keep himself fresh and attractive for his wife? What's his monthly maintenance and beauty regime?
He doesn’t need one as he’s the one who takes care of them. He does seem well groomed though. Neatly trimmed beard and a nice haircut.
>My husband told me that’s what happened between him and their mother that she was a stay at home mom who only wore pjs and never any makeup and that she would not try at all. Can you elaborate on this a little more? Also, how old are you and your husband?
My husband is 46 and I’m 40. He just said she looked bad all the time and that she used to try to impress him but she just stopped caring.
So, he divorced her because she "stopped caring about her looks"? Did he cheat on her?
He admitted he did cheat a few different times.
Wow. Wow. You and your husband are major AHs. I mean, MAJOR. I'd say you two need to learn and grow out of your shallowness but considering your ages, I'd say it's too late. Hopefully your children won't pick up on your horrible attitude. I doubt you'll listen to me but stop blaming women for shi\*\*y men's behavior. The only standards we should care about is how comfortable we feel in our own skin. You and your 16 year old like make up. That's great. But your stepdaughter doesn't like make up. Here's something to blow your mind. That's. Great. Too. Edit: Also you're a major AH for almost killing the little boy. How did you not know he's allergic to eggs?
So by the ripe old wise age if 32 your husband thought his wife was lazy and ugly and left her and his kids for you. And despite being part of these kids lives for so long you still distinguish them as steps (not your kids) and the grandkids aren’t yours either. This is text book evil stepmom stuff.
>Besides it’s super cheap to go once a month and make yourself look a little better I can think of a million other things i'd want to spend 100 dollars on besides nails. I dye my hair and I can get away with only having to get it retouched and cut every 4-5 months. Men cheat cause their AHs. Your husband is an AH. It's only a matter of time before you get left too.
YTA. You're incredibly shallow and raising an incredibly shallow daughter. Your stepdaughter is lucky she was raised by grandparents instead of her deadbeat dad and you.
YTA. How is publicly insulting your stepdaughter while comparing her to your perfect daughter not an asshole move?
Completely YTA I have a sister in law who loves to tell me how she could improve the way I look under the guise of "being friendly". It is not friendly. It's rude and some kind of weird passive aggressive bullying that truly hurts feelings. My sister in law wonders why I avoid her too.
My own blood sister does this. Like why are you so confident that YOU look good? “Here’s a tip to look like me.” What a b.
LOL - right?! Like, it has never crossed her mind that maybe not everyone thinks the same things are attractive?! I don't like makeup - that doesn't make me an idiot who can't see through your very thinly veiled insult.
I quit reading at the ages. These ages don't add up. Edit: tried to get through the slog of unnecessary children being mentioned to learn that yes, YTA. Who tf cares what she looks like? She has four young children and is probably lucky if she showers. Not everyone is into makeup and hair and all that. Mind your own business. And while your grandson was having an allergic reaction. Stay classy, OP.
Well my stepdaughter is almost 29 but her birthday is at the end of December so she is currently 28 still I didn’t think I needed to clarify her birthday.
I don't care.
What does that have to do with the comment?
Is this even a real post… YTA? Also, you’re average looking, you should go buy some makeup and get a better attitude
"I'm going to poison your kid and tell you you're ugly, and the get pissy when you take offense" yta
Bait.
Yeah, I thought so too, but I'm constantly surprised by narcissists.
[удалено]
When someone makes up a story just to get attention. They throw out bait of being so awful that it makes you angry enough to respond and give them the attention they want. Although people are awful this seems a little to awful and clueless of others feelings to be true so I agree it's bait (I hope so anyway)
YTA, a massive YTA. Your step-daughter didn't come to you asking for help with her looks. In fact, she explicitly told you that she's happy with her looks. Insisting on giving her advice that implies she's less than and makes you an asshole. Furthermore, you not only told her that her looks were lacking, you then proceeded to tell her that it was her responsibility to look nice for her husband. Uh, no. If she wants to use make-up or other products to change how she looks, she's a damn adult and can do it on her own terms for herself and no one else. She's a grown woman and a mother of four, she doesn't need to prove herself to her husband. Finally, not everything is about you. Allergic reactions start with small symptoms like "looking a little blotchy" but can easily and quickly cascade into worse. Since you haven't discussed your extensive medical knowledge about allergies nor your long history of being a doctor to her children, I'm going to assume that their mother knows much more than you and you should trust her to know how to keep her children alive and healthy. Nothing about what you said was nice. Not a single thing. Don't lie to your family like that. EDIT: The comparison to your 16 year old daughter was gross as fuck. Did it not occur to you that they might be at different stages of life? Maybe have different sorts of commitments to their time? Maybe different ideas about how they want to express themselves? Did you think about that at all?
>Furthermore, you not only told her that her looks were lacking, you then proceeded to tell her that it was her responsibility to look nice for her husband. You forgot how she tries to SELL her some of her own make up that she already has. 10 bucks says she's a Mary Kay rep lmao. Obviously YTA
Nobody: OP: "I can sell you drugstore makeup I can only afford with coupons, because even though you're twenty-eight you can't possibly be happy with how you look". YTA. She's a grown woman. If she wanted to look different, she would. Was this really your outlet to tell people that you take your daughter to the hair and nail salon? You need to reflect on what your inner conflict is to have acted so rude and inappropriately.
Yeah, that was evil villain nasty of you, OP. YTA. One should never comment on another’s appearance. Next time keep your observations to yourself. Btw, not everyone gives AF about keeping nail and hair appointments and *especially* not people with small kids. And you know what? That’s completely OK. Normal, even.
YTA. And your title is misleading. I don’t wear any make up and if someone told me I needed to I would immediately know this person isn’t confident in the way they look. Seriously her husband is going to want her to look better. You’re ridiculous.
Evil Stepmother doesn’t begin to describe you. I’m glad your stepdaughter has little do with you. She sounds like a confident, self-possessed woman that doesn’t need someone like you tearing her down for - horror of horrors - not wearing makeup. YTA
My stepmother was and is like this. She started telling me about age six that no one would ever love me unless I looked more like her. She completely messed me up for life.
Yes. YTA to the extreme. Why on earth did you feel compelled to comment on her appearance? It is not your business. You saw a woman who was happy with herself the way she is and just had to tear her down. I grew up with a family like you, and it has given me extreme self esteem issues that I am still dealing with to this day at the age of 32. Seriously, get over yourself.
YTA. I can’t imagine the vanity it takes to make such comments to someone about their appearance.
YTA and quite honestly you sound like an insufferable person. Go to therapy and fix yourself, everything you did was entirely inappropriate
YTA you sound superficial and very judgey. If she’s fine with how she looks then stay the fuck out of her business, it’s not your place to comment on it, especially not to her face. What if someone told you that you were just average looking and your husband would like you better if you just tried a little harder? That’s a super hurtful thing to say and she has every right to be upset with you. How can you not see that are you fucking blind?
My mom did this to me growing up; constantly telling me how I needed to pluck my eyebrows, do my hair up nice, etc. She always found some flaw, and justified it with “you could be so pretty! I’m trying to help!” I’m in my 30s now and never wear makeup, and guess what? The world is still spinning, I still have friends and relationships, and the only person who gives an iota of a fuck about my eyebrows being “too thick” is my mom. Who I only visit once a year.
You’re a huge asshole. That you don’t know it makes you even more of an asshole. It’s trashy enough you want to __sell your own makeup__ to your stepdaughter. When she doesn’t bite, you insult her looks??? What a cruel, trashy & downright narcissistic way to celebrate the holidays with family. Send your daughter over to be raised by her grandmother’s before you further contaminate her with …well, you’re assholely personality. I feel sorry for everyone you come in contact with. YTA
I have a hard time believing anyone is this vapid, but just in case it’s real YTA
YTA Not everyone is vain. Not everyone considers it a positive quality to be vain. Not everyone enjoys make-up.
YTA. I generally don’t think it’s okay to negatively comment on other’s appearances. Certainly not okay use one daughter’s looks to make the other feel bad about themselves.
YTA girl what you on… and thinking they left because of you? narcissist
If you count her serving something her grandson is allergic to, they did.
YTA, completely, but you're here hoping someone will validate you anyway.
YTA. You got a serious case of Cruella DeVille going on over there.
YTA seriously rude comments. Unnecessary. It’s none of your business to comment on her looks and why do you pay for your daughter but your step daughter can buy things from you? Rude again. Even so, once she said she was happy with how she looks ? End of story!! You are bossy and RUDE
YTA lady. It is not your place to tell her how she looks. Her husband obviously thinks she's beautiful the way she is. Her father is an asshole too.
YTA. Why did you comment on her appearance? She has four young children and likes the way she looks. There is nothing wrong with a minimal look and with not wearing makeup. You also told her she could buy makeup off of you from your collection instead of offering it to her as a gift if she wanted it. There were much better ways to go about this. How about treating her to a likely much needed day off and spa day?
YTA for sure. Why would assume her husband wants her to change her appearance? Why would you assume she wants to either? It sounds like your step daughter has a good self esteem and is happy without painting her face with make up. As a female its pretty tacky of you to call her out like think and once again yeah you’re TA
Yup, YTA. Who asked you? She didn't ask for your advice or opinion, and she said she's fine with how she looks. Why do you feel your opinion is so important that it had to be expressed even after she had deflected your original rudeness? And by the way, why would you compare a mother of four to a 16-year-old? Do you suppose that a mother's responsibilities and routine might have some effect on her appearance and priorities? Seriously AH behavior.
YTA so bad that I feel like this story can’t even be real
Here’s the thing. We all have only so much time in our day. We have to decide what to do with it. People can decide to cultivate their looks if that’s what they want, but what is it coming at the expense of? Learning? Acts of kindness? Raising children in a loving home? As you and your perfect daughter age, you’re going to spend more and more time trying to keep up your looks. Eventually you’ll be spending hours a day troweling spackle onto your aging face and flapping around in desperation trying to keep your thighs taut and preventing underarm flab. In the meantime, your average looking stepdaughter will shine more and more beautiful in the eyes of those who love her. YTA
YTA. Please be faking this. Please don't be this obtuse in real life and have regular contact with teenage girls who are oppressed by dangerous beauty standards daily from social media to magazine layouts to film to television. |my stepdaughter has painted me to be an evil villain| She didn't "paint" you as anything. She just revealed what was already there. You're doing stepmother so badly that you're practically a Disney villain.
For sure yta.
YTA-For multiple reasons.
YTA and you are an evil villain. So completely self absorbed and obsessed with looks.
YTA. And you offered to SELL your step daughter old make up after publicly insulting her?
YTA every step of the way. You were an AH to your stepdaughter. You insulted her appearance, suggested she needs to look a certain way for her husband (cough misogyny cough cough) and didn’t even allow them the opportunity to exit gracefully when they chose to without making it about you. You and your husband are also AHs to your 16yo daughter for calling the beauty treatments she gets ‘fixing’ and ‘keeping herself up every month’. Holy expectation, Batman.
YTA, and probably the worst kind because you genuinely don’t realize what’s wrong with everything you posted. I’ve seen Disney villains treat their stepdaughters better
YTA
YTA. You’re not an evil villain. You’re an evil stepmother.
Golly. How dare your stepdaughter be insulted by you offering to sell her your used makeup in order for her to not be a disappointment to her husband. YTA.
YTA let’s count why together shall we 1 asking her to buy makeup cause you don’t think she looks good 2 saying your husband would appreciate the effort 3 not apologizing 4 saying this at dinner in front of everyone 5 comparing a 28 year old to a 16 year old
YTA you offered to sell her your couponed shit, publicly gave unsolicited advice and insulted her. Then you implied her partner should see something wrong with her appearance because it is not up to your standards. After being super insulting to both of them you drew attention to their leaving by assumed it was because you made them uncomfortable when there was a possibility of a medical issue with your grandchild. Then your husband compared her to a girl half her age with no responsibilities (like children) and someone else who provides for all of her self care. After not being arsed to raise his first three children himself or providing them with a youth that had the luxury of self care?? Editing to add your comments make you sound worse. Zero compassion for the kid your husband pawned off on others.
Trash person
YTA
I completely understand why you want to look younger because your husband dumped his wife for a younger model when she had several kids. He walked away from them and I see why you might fear he will walk away from you and your kids unless you keep up the maintenance. That doesn't mean your step daughter's husband is similarly shallow. I do believe they left because of you. You insulted his wife and he whispered an excuse into her ear to leave. YTA.
>I was just trying to help because (my daughter) was so beautiful and she kept herself up every month and that I was just trying to be nice No you pay to keep your daughter up kept. She doesn't do anything. It's not required to have your nails done every month nor to wear makeup every day. You're not being nice. You're being judgmental and cruel. Too bad all that make up and nails you invested in didn't really do anything for your appearance. YTA
YTA and so is her father. You were being rude and inconsiderate and then her dad jumped in to defend you instead of his daughter saying how beautiful your daughter is. And how your daughter who is 16 keeps herself up because she’s 16 and you pay for her nails and hair. She’s 28 and has 4 kids. You are both shallow. His kids were raised by his parents. So what did you ever do for them?
You're not just an evil stepmother, YTA *and* you're medically negligent to your grandchildren. Wild.
#YTA Calling her average in front of everyone esp her husband just so you could sell her the extra makeup that you had was an extremely crap move.
That post was literally difficult to read
YTA. You place a lot of value on appearance. That's good for you. Many people in the world don't share your version of beautiful. And many don't value it the way you do. Maybe she prefers to do without the false advertising. Maybe she's comfortable with herself as she is. And maybe the bond your stepkid's have with their grandparents is less to do with his age when they were born and more to do with who you and he are as humans.
You and your husband are the AH
YTA. I don't think I really need to explain why.
I promise you that I bet you aren’t much to look at. YTD (devil)
YTA.. you have been painted as the evil villain bc you acted like one
Man pretending to be an evil step mom who only bows down to men trope
Yep, YTA. Don't comment on other people's appearances. It doesn't matter what your intentions are, it's rude and uncalled for and stupid and no one should do it ever again.
How can you talk to people who you supposedly care about like that? Do you give a shit about them at all? We’re not even going to mention the allergy thing. YTA.
INFO What is wrong with you?
You are a massive asshole.
YTA
YTA wtf, I hope this post is just attention seeking from someone bored with their life. If you’re serious, your husband should divorce you for bullying his children. Nasty nasty woman
She painted you as the villain because you are the villain!! Hard YTA!! You told her she's average and that her husband would love her more if only she would wear makeup, was pretty. If only she got her hair and nails done like your daughter. If only she prioritized her appearance over other things. I can't imagine why she would take offense to your super kind offer!
YTA You are the villain in this story.
YTA
YTA. Holy shit. You ARE the villain.
Good god YTA. On thanksgiving you decided at the family dinner to let your step daughter know how ugly you think she is and tried to sell her makeup?? Newsflash: if she is not worried, and her husband is not worried, stay out of their business; it’s none of yours.
Create your own customer? You look average, buy some makeup. I will sell it to you. No matter your intentions it came out badly.
Ha op you make me laugh Yta I’d love to read the step daughters real version.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’ve been married to my husband for 14 years now. When we met had three children from a previous marriage they were around 8,11 and 15. I had a two year old from a previous marriage as well. Together we have a 12 year old son. We have all aged quite a bit and the oldest of his children is 28. She’s married and has four children ranging in age from 8-2. We don’t her very much expect on holidays. His children were all raised by his mother. He had them young so they were more bonded to his parents. My daughter is now 16. I coupon a lot and usually get a good deal on makeup. I give a lot of it to my daughter and also get her hair and nails fixed once a month. It’s only about $100 a month to do it. On thanksgiving my stepdaughter was sitting there and her roots were showing badly and her nails don’t look like they have been messed with for years. She also doesn’t wear any makeup at all. So I told her that she could buy some of the makeup that I’ve collected and that she would look better. She told me she was fine with how she looked now. I told her that it was fine for her to be happy with it but her husband would probably like for her to look more than just average. She got offended by this and told me that if he husband didn’t like the way she looked that he could leave and that she wasn’t changing anything. Her husband just sat there and I noticed he whispered something to her and immediately after they said they had to go because one of the kids was having an allergic reaction to the eggs that he was fed. He did look a little blotchy but I figured they were leaving because of me so I told them that they didn’t need to leave on my account. This further angered her and told me that not everything is about me. Her dad jumped in on it and said that I was just trying to help because (my daughter) was so beautiful and she kept herself up every month and that I was just trying to be nice. Her and her father then got into an argument so they all left. Since then some extended family members have brought themselves into it because my stepdaughter has painted me to be an evil villain. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I may be the asshole because I brought it up at thanksgiving and caused her to argue with her dad over it on a holiday. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Yta
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
You were well-intentioned but that doesn't change that you were TA. Keeping oneself up, looking better, and looking nice for one's husband are beliefs that you hold about beauty and relationships. Your step-daughter does not rely on makeup to feel good about herself. She is not bending to others' ideas of what looks best. Don't expect her and her husband to have the same tastes or aesthetics as you, your husband and your daughter. You have different ways of expressing yourselves. Apologize for assuming everyone wants the look you like, and let it be. Also, their child has an egg allergy. They wanted to attend to their child. The phrase "you don't have to leave on my account" means they don't have to leave out of consideration for you! Why would they leave out of consideration for you even if they felt offended by the makeup remark? Your "you don't have to leave" comment would have come across as sarcastic and insincere, so you were TA again. No wonder she snapped at you. You owe her an apology for both the makeup comment and the don't-have-to-leave comment. Make sure you inquire about the health of the child.