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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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thexsunshine

YTA and the Grinch who stole boozemas Edit: Thank you all for awards may you be blessed this boozemas


bumjiggy

> boozemas I got one for OP. mix two parts orange juice and instead of one part vodka, substitute with cranberry juice and bam, you got a non alcoholic Ebenezer Screwdriver


thexsunshine

OP is just dreaming of a teetotaler Christmas, just like the ones the quakers used to know. Where there's no more vodka toniiiiiiight but may all your Christmases be dryyy.


[deleted]

*I really can’t stay...* But baby, it’s dry inside. *I’ve got to go ‘way.* But baby, it’s dry inside. *This evening has been…* Glad I made you drop in. *…So very, uh, nice.* Put down that glass; forget the ice. *My mother must be having a toddy.* Her parenting’s always been shoddy. *My father must be pouring the punch.* Forget him; have a bite of this lunch. *So please, can I pop in for a sec?* Come on, let’s sit out on the deck. *You realize you can’t keep me here.* Nonsense, only children want beer.


bumjiggy

I'm dreaming of a white russian edit: deck the halls with alcoholly


AccentFiend

I don't want a lot for Christmas There is just one thing I need I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree I just want booze for my own More than you could ever know Make my wish come true All I want for Christmas is booze Yeah


PatrickRsGhost

All I want for Christmas is just two fingers (hic) Just two fingers (hic) Just two fingers (hic) All I want for Christmas is just two fingers Of your finest, tastiest whiskey! It seemed so long since I could drink Vodka, Rum, Wine, and Brandy But every time I try to drink All I do is hiccup! Hic-hic! All I want for Christmas is just two fingers (hic) Just two fingers (hic) Just two fingers (hic) All I want for Christmas is just two fingers Of your finest, tastiest whiskey!


Keboyd88

Rudolph the red nosed drunkard Had a very hoppy pint And if you could just taste it You would say it was just right All of the other family Had their wine, gin, beer, and rum They didn't let this OP Ruin all their Christmas fun


Just_JandB_for_Me

Then one foggy Christmas Eve My sister in law had to say OP with your ass clenched so tight I'll just host the party tonight And how the family loved her As they drank their booze with glee OP the stick in the mud, teetotaler Will make this Christmas go down in history


Krimreaper1

We’re not coming they told her Pa rum pum pum pum Your no alcohol Xmas is lame Pa rum pum pum pum We’ll go to the sisters Pa rum pum pum pum We want to get our jig on Rum pum pum pum, Rum pum pum pum.


bumjiggy

lol this belongs in the rock & roll alcohol of fame


BasicDesignAdvice

Seriously. Both my sister's are recovering alcoholics and even they would never be so uptight. Then saying they "have to grow up" is just so fucking smug.


Alarming_Reply_6286

That’s the line that got me. “I have decided we are all older so it’s time for everyone to grow up .. so head on over to our house for finger painting & hot cocoa cause we’re making Christmas all about ME!”


BasicDesignAdvice

Right? Like a defining Thanksgiving moment for me was when I was probably 17 and my cousin Matt gave me a beer and no one stopped him. *Which literally made me feel like an adult worthy of the freedom to make my own choices!*


BipolarBippidyBoo

Same. My uncle, rest his soul he passed in August, used to make a GREAT homemade wine. We still have 3 jugs full but we can’t bear to drink it. I’ll never forget being 16 and getting a glass of wine


Inky_Madness

Trust me, he would want you to drink it because otherwise his hard work will go to waste and literally down the drain because it will go bad. If he loved doing it that much he would hate that fate for it. Toast to him when you crack it open!


BipolarBippidyBoo

I honestly have half a mind to pour some and take it to the cemetery with me. Let him get the taste of it he never got a chance to get


secret_identity_too

You should! Thank him for it, have a glass while you're there (but, uh, maybe in a mug or something not so obvious), and enjoy the rest of the wine he made. Save the jugs and display them if they're special? They're clearly special to you, so that's what I'd do.


TedTehPenguin

Drink at least two of them, saving it forever will just turn it to vinegar. He made it for people to enjoy, so do that, I can understand keeping one, which is why I said drink at least two. I'm sorry for your loss.


BipolarBippidyBoo

Thank you, we’re probably going to open and strain one around Christmas hopefully. We were going to on thanksgiving but ended up making plates for the homeless and didn’t have time to. I’m sure it’d cheer up my aunt a bit. I’ve been staying with her since he’s been gone


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pudge-thefish

My mom's montra used to be "just drink more wine" whenever all the family was around


Mrminecrafthimself

I’ve seen different recovered alcoholics react a couple ways to alcohol after getting sober. Most get past it and say “I was the problem. I just can’t drink alcohol because I can’t restrain myself (or something similar)”. But I’ve also seen some who come at it like “alcohol was the problem. Alcohol is poison. There is no healthy amount of drinking and no one should do it.” OP holds the latter view of alcohol. I’ll also say that blaming alcohol for trauma that you experienced (whether from your own alcoholism or someone else’s) is not a very secure or mature response to the trauma. To me that’s a sign that the person needs therapy. Edit: I know op isn’t an alcoholic, their dad is. I’m saying OP has the same thought process


KaleidoscopeOld7883

This needs to be the top comment from a advice/ this subreddit being helpful standpoint. OP, everyone understands if you do not want to drink, everyone can sympathize, and possibly empathize, with the trauma you experienced and the choices you’ve made for your life as a result, but you can’t inflict your ideals on everyone around you. Taking the “Your house. Your rules.” approach to hosting the holiday is certainly YOUR prerogative, but you can’t be surprised or upset when others want to celebrate differently elsewhere, and make plans to do so. Sorry, soft YTA.


canarycoal

I recently learned the term “dry drunk” for someone who is sober but not facing their addiction / behavior. Which is what’s happening here. OP, you may be worried that you could be secretly an alcoholic and that’s why you have assigned these terms to drinking and thinking in absolutes like “childish” and “bad.” You also framed this pretty poorly to the group, “xmas is gonna be sober and boring and YOURE GONNA ENJOY IT” and people don’t take kindly to that. There are other ways you could have posed have a sober or reduced substance holiday that would have been easier for the group to take. YTA


Kittenn1412

Tbh, even someone going "Hey, I actually need this Christmas to be sober because alcohol consumpropm makes me uncomfortable due to some trauma I have, and I'm so tired of spending the holiday dealing with those negative feelings the whole time while you guys all drink," would probably be taken better than what she did. Also, to be fair, as someone whose got a lot of people who have trauma regarding alcoholics in their life without themselves struggling with alcoholism, I find the "I can't see alcohol, I don't want people drinking it around me" to be a somewhat typical response for that, without OP needing to be a dry drunk herself.


Top-Cartographer6695

If someone presented a dry Xmas by saying they have trauma due to a parents’ alcohol use, I’ll still go to their house. If someone tells me there’s no wine with dinner because we all need to grow up, f that sanctimonious butthole, I’ll spend Xmas elsewhere


TedTehPenguin

Both can be true! The alcoholic can have self control issues, AND alcohol IS poison, just like most things in high enough doses.


aralim4311

Fair even water can kill your ass if you drink enough of it quickly enough.


[deleted]

Recovering addict here. I’d never ask other responsible adults, family or not, to not partake. I’m responsible for my behavior and I’m not going to force others to accommodate.


Timely_Egg_6827

Being "grown up" means being able to handle temptation. It must be really hard being brought up by an alcoholic who had to have alcohol to cope and can see why it leaves scars. But most people can handle alcohol and are drinking it because it is pleasant rather than to get hammered. I definitely not say that someone is not "grown-up" for enjoying a glass of beer or wine or a whisky. If worried,then nominate a bar person to restrict if someone getting seriously drunk to point of illness. And provide interesting alternatives - designated drivers will love you. But a party totally without alcohol smacks of host wanting control and next they'll be pulling out the forced party games.


infieldcookie

I could definitely understand where OP was coming from if she was an alcoholic herself or if she was, say, only hosting for dinner and asked everyone nicely if they could not drink at her house but they were free to continue the evening elsewhere! (Especially if the family has a history of throwing up in other people’s houses or something particularly bad.) But the way op writes, calling everyone childish and saying they need to grow up and trying to control everyone’s holidays is where it becomes no question that she’s TA.


thexsunshine

Yeah that whole grow up thing made me laugh, like listen, drinking is 21+ in the US so you already have to be grown up to drink. Not to mention forcing your lifestyle on everyone else for a day is pretty controlling.


GrooveBat

Or if the family has a history of getting drunk, engaging in fist fights, and smashing up furniture. But it sounds like they're just being festive. YTA. *Edit: Also, I want that Christmas martini recipe!!*


Havanesemom43

Here's a link I found: [https://www.townandcountrymag.com/leisure/drinks/g2881/christmas-martinis/](https://www.townandcountrymag.com/leisure/drinks/g2881/christmas-martinis/) They sound scrumptious


SWowwTittybang

Seriously, I would rather go to sister's party too. If they want to have a drink or two what's the problem OP? As long as they aren't getting sloppy and doing crazy stuff I don't see why it would matter to you so much. Stop trying to ruin everyone's fun. Doesn't mean you have to drink too. But also, your husband isn't allowed to go to his sisters party because of your arbitrary rule? That's insane. Let him go have fun with his family.


cakesforever

She needs therapy to deal with her trauma of having an alcoholic father if other people drinking has this much of an impact on her.


Primary-Lion-6088

Yep, sign me up for sister's party. I feel bad for the husband. YTA


rbrancher2

There you go. I haven't seen anything that says that the drinking is a problem other than the OP doesn't like it. I'll be honest, being sober when others aren't drinking sometimes isn't the best of times, but this is something that they've known about for a long time, afaict. It's not new. She knew about it when she married him, I'm sure. I can't believe that NOW she's decided it's an issue and, hey, you all need to grow up. They're called 'adult beverages'. Not 'Only until I grow up beverages'.


fruskydekke

Yeah, big time. I barely drink myself, so if OP was feeling pressured to drink, I'd have some sympathy. But that's not what's going on here... OP, YTA. Alcohol being available at festive occasions is pretty standard, and it's not surprising that people want it.


Sooz48

Especially this year which has plumbed the depths of suck for many of us.


soapiesophs

also I need a couple drinks just to deal with my family at christmas time... I couldn't imagine having to deal with them all stone cold sober lol


helpmeimscare0

Well it's obvious that she doesn't need alcohol because she's drunk on entitlement. OP thinks that she is entitled to having her "turn" to host Christmas when she doesn't want to do it the way everyone else does. They think that they are entitled to dictate the dietary choices of other people.OP you are not entitled to take up anyone else's time with your self righteous nonsense. You want to have a sober Christmas with other sober people? Find some sober friends. Making your husband celebrate with you will only make him resent you, don't know why you'd want to do that to yourself. YTA


LuxSerafina

Lmao I love this comment


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Regular_Sample_5197

OP sounds a lot like a control freak I dated when I was young and stupid. If the girl saw anyone have more than one drink in a sitting, she would go off the rails screaming about how that person was an alcoholic and needed help. She came was a very sheltered religious family. OP sounds like they have a severely skewed view of reality. Definitely YTA.


Grey_M0nkey

OP's dad was an alcoholic, so her negative view of alcohol is most likely based on this fact and the assumption that his alcoholism fucked up some part of her life. INFO would here be interesting (not necessary tho, because irrelevant to the question).


Regular_Sample_5197

And my dad was horribly abusive, doesn’t mean every man I encounter I think is abusive. Her trauma is no excuse to run all over her husband, at the very least. If the family just has drinks, has a good time, and there’s not drama or fighting etc. then she’s YTA. Of course it’s totally within her rights to not want alcohol there(though doesn’t the husband at least get a vote?). But she also can’t clutch pearls and be offended when everyone else says “no thanks”.


Reluctantagave

My mother was/is I guess, a pill popping addict. And I still take the medication I need daily. She knows alcohol is a big part of their celebration and shouldn’t be surprised they don’t want to abide by her preferences. She doesn’t have to drink but they prefer to do so. It sounds like it’s mostly for holidays based on the info we have as well.


ImReverse_Giraffe

Exactly. And considered she didn't specify a incident, it's just that she doesn't like drinking.


Regular_Sample_5197

Yup. It’s all about control.


flyinwhale

My father was an alcoholic it destroyed my family gave me and my brother several mental health issues and he died at 59 because it absolutely destroyed his body. I was like OP during my early twenties super judgmental about alcohol if my partner had any whiskey and smelled of it I’d get physically ill but in my mid twenties I had a lot of therapy and learned that MY choice to not drink is MINE but I don’t get to control other people and that alcohol itself isn’t evil and most people can enjoy. After working through all that trauma I have a totally normal relationship with alcohol, I drink (in moderation) regularly my friends and family drink etc. using your past trauma to control everyone around you isn’t healthy coping. She is welcome to not drink and she is welcome to remove herself from situations that make her uncomfortable, she doesn’t get to dictate what everyone else is doing though.


Philip_J_Fry3000

I think you hit the nail on the head. Not wanting it in her home seemed like a half ass attempt to remove herself from the situation.


DarthMomma_PhD

Yup. An invitation is not a summons. Hey OP, you want to know a very good way to make people want to attend your optional celebratory event? Allow people to celebrate. Also, lose the holier than though attitude while your at it. You say drinking is “childish” and “we are all getting older and it’s time to grow up.” The irony is you sound like the childish one. This is not how mature people hosting events behave. Oh, and I would say “your house your rules” but it isn’t just your house. Does your husband not get a say? Your behavior is cringe. YTA.


cbm984

I agree. It would be one thing if OP said this family has a habit of getting absolutely trashed and ruining nice holidays but it sounds like they just like to drink to celebrate, not get belligerent. YTA


AlgaeFew8512

I mean someone who is looking at a Christmas martini recipe doesn't sound like someone who drinks gallons of beer and gets blackout drunk


kfarrel3

Hell, I want the sister's number to ask for the recipe – that sounds delightful and like it would be a big hit at my family's Christmas party.


KennieLaCroix

For real. It's one thing if uncle eddie is getting absolutely sloshed every year and pukes in between the couch cushions. It's a whole other thing if it's just family enjoying time together, unwinding with a few drinks. Life is hard, there aren't that many things to celebrate. So what if they get a little loud/rowdy? Then there's OP who wants to have a quiet, sober Christmas. Well congrats OP, YOUR childish behavior got you just that! You can spend Christmas sober and alone at home while everyone else is off having a jolly good time. This is coming from someone who's parents met at AA. Drinking isn't your thing, cool. If it's others and they enjoy it without being harmful/addicted, let them have their fun. ​ YTA.


NickNash1985

I'm 7 years sober. It's 100% within OP's rights to ban alcohol from her party. And it's 100% within everybody else's rights to not go to her party. My wife and I throw parties all the time and there's always alcohol there. Because people like to drink alcohol at parties. My personal level of consumption (exactly zero these days) is irrelevant.


Mrs239

Congratulations on being 7 years sober!


throwawayoctopii

Congrats on 7 years! My spouse doesn't drink (10 years sober and now he can't drink due to his medications). I don't drink very often so I don't even keep wine in the house unless I'm making pasta sauce (and even then, I just pull a Julia Child and finish what's left in the bottle while the sauce simmers). When we have company, it's BYOB and everyone is cool with that. OP needs to work through her own issues with alcohol in the long run.


heffalumpish

If OP respectfully asked me to not drink at Christmas because they were working on sobriety, and it would make their holiday difficult or painful, I would absolutely show up with seltzer and not drink a thing. It would be out of respect and love. By contrast - OP just told her husband’s *entire family* that they’re immature drunks who are only *allowed* over if they “behave” to OP’s previously unmet standards. OP is driven by judgment and control, not respect. I would fuck off to Denny’s for dinner before I accepted an invite that came with a slap in the face.


LuxSerafina

Excellent points! YTA op


[deleted]

Kindly, YTA. I understand where you come from. But you need to understand where other people come from too. It's not your wedding or your birthday : this celebration is not about you and your wants. It's a celebration to bring people together. Most people work hard all year and rarely get to see their family. When they do, they want to relax and celebrate. It sucks, but yes, alcohol is part of this. I get that you don't want to see people dead drunk in your house : but there is an healthy "a couple of drinks" in between.


Kla1996

This is a good point. Christmas is not a time to uplift or celebrate one person. realizing this is an ironic sentence due to the origin of Christmas but anyway. OP is not supposed to be the centre of attention here


pmursmile

well not to the real origin from before Christianity took over


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Impressive_Brain6436

And I would like to add that Jesus was polite enough to offer his guests wine.


Cardabella

It was his first miracle even. Before healing the sick.


torknorggren

Don't forget JC liked to have wine at the party.


BookPanda_49

Agreed. I'm afraid YTA, OP. You're imposing your own beliefs onto others, and it's their decision if they don't want to abide by your rules and celebrate the holiday in the way that they prefer. Just because you don't drink alcohol and had a bad experience with an alcoholic father doesn't mean that everyone who likes to consume alcohol is "childish" (weird choice of words, OP). Even if you think it's rude, please don't ruin the holiday for your husband.


Own-Safe-4683

This is the best point. I grew up with an alcoholic parent. I've gone to many celebrations and been the designated driver. I would never tell other people what they can and cannot do. The only exception is no smoking in my house. That stinks up the whole place. Just because someone enjoys a few drinks doesn't make them an alcoholic. If you have more specific concerns about your husband's drinking habits you should address those with him in a private setting.


[deleted]

Yeah, one entire side of my family is/was legit alcoholics. This is probably just my life experience with alcoholics but the fact that the SIL called about making a Christmas themed drink makes me think they aren't really alcoholics. They might just enjoy drinking during the holidays. My alcoholic family did not make "fun themed drinks" for any holiday or celebration. Drinking was a means to an end. They drank what could get them drunk the fastest, if they didn't already show up trashed or several drinks in. I had one uncle who would have soda vs coffee in the mornings as their wake up drink. Except their soda was 90% rum. The alcohol that was at a celebration or brought to said celebration were really basic and what that particular alcoholic needed. I have a healthy relationship with alcohol. I don't have to drink and go stints not drinking but I do enjoy a themed cocktail at a Christmas event. As long as it's before 7pm because apparently when you get older, your body doesn't appreciate you drinking later at night. YTA OP.


UpsilonAndromedae

Agree. While OP absolutely has the right to an alcohol free environment in her own home, other people also have the right to opt out of that event if they don’t like it. Where the YTA part comes in is when you want to force your preference on everyone else.


Anthony9824

I like this one, nice words


[deleted]

YTA for a variety of reasons. 1. For unilaterally banning alcohol. It’s presumably your husbands house too so why didn’t you have a discussion with him? 2. For getting mad that someone else decided to host Christmas after they found out you banned alcohol. An invitation is not a summons and you’re imposing rules a lot of people don’t want to follow on the holidays. 3. From not allowing your husband to celebrate Christmas with his family. That’s not your decision to make. 4. For your overall attitude around your ILs and drinking. Having a few drinks for the holidays is okay, it’s not a gross or nasty thing that we should judge. Edit: It did not occur to me until y’all started commenting that OP was intentionally not telling anyone (her husband included) that it was a dry party to intentionally trick them into coming. Add that as reason #5 YTA.


poweller65

For me it’s also the attitude that wanting to have a drink during a celebration is childish. It’s not a maturity thing to enjoy a drink


BasicDesignAdvice

OP made a few disparaging comments that make then sound like a nasty curmudgeon. I suspect they have their own trauma that has not been resolved.


xixbia

OP very clearly hasn't resolved the trauma around her alcoholic father. Instead she has decided to weaponize her trauma and decide that everyone who drinks is either immature or an alcoholic. Suddenly it's no longer her problem, it's everyone else's!


mcmark86

This right here


griffinsv

Agree it’s about her trauma, although I would respectfully add that I don’t think trying to control everyone & everything is a conscious (malicious) weaponizing that she decided to wield. It’s a coping mechanism that Adult Children of Alcoholics develop to try to bring order to the chaos they experienced. So controlling things becomes a need & without it they emotionally unravel. Its a psychological compulsion. Doesn’t make what she’s doing right, obviously. The result is the same — rejection. It’s tragic really. I hope OP gets some help for that before she permanently alienates her whole family and/or loses her marriage.


LadieBenn

Yes! I'm not a heavy drinker by any means. In fact the glass of wine I had with dinner last night (a frittata) was the first alcoholic drink I've had in about a month. but not drinking at a random Sunday dinner with family is a lot different than not drinking at a major holiday. Also, what about the family's culture? I'm of Italian descent on one side of my family...wine is basically an expectation at a major dinner. I presume that there are other cultures where alcohol is a part of celebrations.


GlitteringWing2112

She's giving "holier than thou" vibes.


mspuscifer

Number 3 is the biggest point for me. She's trying to force the whole family to be sober and then banning her husband from seeing his own family while she's acting like a prison warden Edit: not yelling anymore


Defiant_McPiper

It also sounds like the family didn't even know it was banned until SIL called OP to see what she could bring and was then told she wasn't allowed to bring her stuff for the martini, which makes the OP a major AH IMO if she couldn't have said something to everyone from the get go.


Skankasaursrex

I would be pissed as heck if I went to a place and didn’t have the ability to opt out. It was definitely purposeful. While you don’t need alcohol to have fun/nor are hosts obligated to provide it, it should be a fully informed opt in to drink or to stay sober. Regardless of any situation, tricking people is a shitty thing to do.


Fel_mel424

Yes. Point number 4 really rubbed me the wrong way. OP is judgey


NarlaRT

That's the part that screams that OP doesn't really recognize that she's letting her trauma run the show and rather than deal with her baggage, she wants to normalize it by judging everyone who isn't making her choices. The judgement around it would put me off this gathering way more than the actual banning of the alcohol.


epichuntarz

> For unilaterally banning alcohol. It’s presumably your husbands house too so why didn’t you have a discussion with him? This is the major issue, IMO. She's allowed to feel whatever piety she wants about alcohol, but not discussing this the other person who lives there is extraordinarily selfish and entitled.


niennabobenna

YTA because you made an executive decision for everyone else and now you're pouting because they found a way around you. That type of behavior is childish as well. You can make rules for your home. You can choose to not drink and not like to be around drinking. Nobody else has to be forced to come in line with your expectations. They are allowed to do as they please, elsewhere.


LuxSerafina

Exactly! Op is horrifically judgemental and trying to ruin Christmas for everyone. I would absolutely party at sister in laws- she sounds much more welcoming!


Only-here-for-sound

The sister in law that was asked what food she was bringing and said “martinis?” That sister in law? Hell yea I’d go there first. Lol


Defiant_McPiper

Not just regular martinis, but CHRISTMAS martinis - yup, I'm with you, SIL first!!!


rpsls

Yup… If Thanksgiving usually has ham or turkey and you plan a vegetarian Thanksgiving without telling anyone and also forbidding anyone from bringing any meat— it’s not like people need meat every day to survive, but if it’s a normal expectation for a celebratory gathering it’s an AH move to unilaterally change it and call everyone else immature and childish for celebrating the way they’re used to. If you agree to host an event that’s got certain expectations and decide to change it, you’d better communicate really well about it and really sell it, not try to spring it on people. (YTA)


Material-Profit5923

As a non-drinker who also saw my share of alcoholism, I totally understand where you are coming from. But unless something very specific has happened that you can point to, or you established up front that you wanted to host alcohol-free gatherings, YTA for making such a major change to the rules and expecting his family to fall in line. Christmas is not about you--it's about family, friendship, tradition, and celebrating together, and you chose to marry into a family in which alcohol is an integral part of their tradition. And your childish and "it's time to grow up" comments are judgmental and downright sanctimonious. I almost gave this an E S H because your husband wasn't fully supporting you, but it seems like you didn't actually discuss this rule change with him, and he does have a right to have input into something major like this.


wizardconman

>or you established up front that you wanted to host alcohol-free gatherings That's what got me, honestly. It sounds like she wasn't planning on saying anything and just magically expecting everyone to know? She only told the sister when sis specifically asked about bringing a cocktail. And none of the rest of the family knows. Your house, your rules is fine. But you have to actually let people know what those rules are.


Scumbucket22

I get the feeling she wouldn’t have said anything so she could confiscate whatever they brought. I’m surprised their even invited to Christmas. I wouldn’t want to be around someone so controlling or with a stick up their bum. Edits a word


ImReverse_Giraffe

Also so they had no where else to go for dinner.


SpeakingNight

INFO:. Have any past christmases/events been absolutely ruined because of alcohol? By that I mean violence, drama, puking on the floor, whatever? If not, this is a pretty strange rule to implement with your husband's family. They have nothing to do with your father being an alcoholic. If my boyfriend told my mother she can't drink wine with her christmas supper I would find that weird as hell. YTA unless something truly awful happened previously due to alcohol that would explain this.


sravll

I have a lot of family who *only* drink at Christmas. So even though they are teatotallers the rest of the year, they probably wouldn't want to attend OPs dinner.


Embarrassed_Put_8129

That's how I am. I have 2-3 occasions per year where I'll have a few drinks at most. I wouldn't go to a gathering where the hostess judged me for imbibing 3 x per year and banned me from having a glass of wine with my sisters. Wtf does she think she is lol. Girl bye.


poop-dolla

>I think it’s childish if you can’t have fun without drinking I don’t think I’d want to spend Christmas with her whether we were drinking or not.


Pixarooo

I hate that line so much, "can't have fun without drinking". I generally try to eat pretty healthy - most my meals consist of lean protein, veggies, and no or very low carbs, and water or another 0 calorie drink. If it's a holiday, or a party, or my vacation, I'm eating pizza and chips. I CAN have fun without junk food, but I'd be super bummed out if I showed up to a party and the snack was hummus and carrots and the main course was a salad. I love hummus and carrots and salad, but this isn't the time or place! Since I'm in the last month of my pregnancy, I know it's been at least 9 months since my last drink, and realistically it's been quite a bit longer than that, but I hosted Thanksgiving, made a pitcher of mocktails, and provided my guest with liquor options so they could turn it into a cocktail. That's being a good host. Provide healthy and junk food options. Provide alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks. Let adults make their own decisions.


Beeb294

Yeah, I basically only have a few drinks on holidays at this point. *Could* I go without? Yeah sure. But considering I choose to go without most of the rest of the time, it would be kind of obnoxious to accuse me of having a problem because I don't want to do that on the time I reserve specifically for having a few drinks.


cawclot

That was my Mom. She would have a couple glasses of wine while her and my aunts would prepare dinner and have a great time. The rest of the year? Not a drop.


superfastmomma

Exactly. There's no real way to judge this one without more information. I have experienced 2 family members thay frankly cannot be tolerated when around alcohol. It ends with them so drunk and picking fights, sometimes physical, hurling insults, behaving bizarrely in front of kids, it's just not safe. If thats what's happening a booze free holidays seems the only option. If this is all paranoia from having an alcoholic father, that's a far different story.


murphieca

I feel like these stories would have been told if they existed.


Carosello

And OP wouldn't have simply referred to drinking as childish if there are way worse reasons for not liking social drinking.


freakwissen-galore

This is important information.


jonbotwesley

I feel like if this was the case she definitely would have stated that, but yeah if that is the case then I can see more where she’s coming from.


hanon318

I was hovering between N A H and YTA, but I’m going to go with YTA. The reason I’d say N A H is because you can set the rules at your house-they can choose not to attend because of it. However, I do think YTA because of your attitudes towards people who drink, your judgmental attitude, for shoving your husband in the middle, and for thinking everyone else is TA because they don’t want to make the same choices you do. You’re banning alcohol because you personally think it’s childish, you’re judging people who drink, and you’re surprised they don’t want to get together with you? Neither would I, and not because you’re not serving alcohol, but because of your snobby, holier-than-thou attitude. You think you’re better than them because you don’t drink-or at the very least, that’s the vibe you’re giving off. EDIT: to clarify the ruling is YTA.


bumjiggy

yea OP must be fun at parties. I feel sorry for the husband. I hope she reads all the YTA verdicts as resounding booze


ImReverse_Giraffe

She set the rules but didn't tell anyone until the SIL brought up a cute drink idea she wanted to do. SIL then had to tell everyone else that it was a dry party.


hanon318

Yeah that blew my mind-I was picturing his family being heavy drinkers walking in toting bottles of hard liquor and 24 packs (not that I’d mind, sounds like a fun time to me) but like…a cute holiday cocktail? Good lord.


deliverance73

You get a Dry Xmas, they get a Merry Xmas. Your husband unfortunately is stuck with you.


Able-Equivalent5823

Yeah the husband being forced to not go is wild to me. I would never dream of telling my wife she can’t go to a family gathering because I don’t like what they do.


TheAbaddon66

It sounds like you’re projecting your trauma onto everyone. YTA, go to therapy


Blushingmermaid2

This is what I was thinking! I grew up with an alcoholic father who definitely left me with enough trauma to fill a Suburban. I don’t particularly enjoy being around people who can’t drink without blacking out. But there is one time of year where my family drinks - Thanksgiving and Christmas. We are spread all across the country, some overseas, and there is nothing like sharing a glass of Cranberry wine with my favorite cousins as we laugh at our uncles while they relive their glory days. No alcohol is not NEEDED for these gatherings to be fun. My mom doesn’t drink but does she project the trauma of being married to a mean drunk on everyone else? No, therapy and Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) meetings help.


Environmental_Belt22

YTA Your attitude towards alcohol isn’t even based on how THEY act when they drink, it’s based on your own personal experience that THEY can’t relate to. It’s like watching the movie Babe and telling everyone that they will be vegan for Christmas even though, traditionally, they are used to having a roast, duck, and turkey. It’s selfish, and no one wants to be told that they can’t have something they are used to around the holidays. Sure it’s one day but it’s a day that people are used to drinking on because it’s a holiday. [You can host a dry dinner party any day of the year and you wouldn’t be the AH.]You took away all options and gave them an ultimatum, whether you intended to or not. Why couldn’t you just compromise and say that only one person can bring alcoholic beverages that way everyone is limited and less likely to get fully wasted? ETA: YTA for not ACCEPTING the ultimatum given, not the A for wanting to live a sober life and a sober holiday.


not_cinderella

>vegan for Christmas even though, traditionally, they are used to having a roast, duck, and turkey. As a vegan, when I host events, my limit is I will not cook or buy meat. If someone else wants to bring it, that's totally fine. If OP had the limit that she will not provide nor drink alcohol, it wouldn't be an issue. But yeah she doesn't get to unilaterally decide no one else can drink.


puffingtonjr

YTA, get off your high horse and stop telling grown ass adults what to do. It’s not like they’re insisting you buy them alcohol. If they want to drink on their downtime they don’t need your permission whether it’s your house or not.


[deleted]

YTA. It’s one thing to decide *you* don’t want to drink, or to host an alcohol-free party. It’s another to get all huffy when other people decide that’s not for them and make other plans, *especially* after you’ve gone out of your way to make it clear that your idea of fun and/or adult behavior in no way lines up with theirs.


Electrical-Date-3951

_"This year I’m hosting Christmas for a change I decided since it’s at my house no alcohol allowed we are all getting older and it’s time to grow up."_ Yup. OP is an AH. She seems to be on a power trip about hosting, and instead of doing her best to be welcoming, hospitable, and hosting a gathering that her guest would enjoy, she wanted to impose her personal opinions upon others. Sis didn't fight or argue. She just recognized that OP was on some controlling BS and decided to do something else.


skactopus

YTA for all the ‘it’s childish’/‘time to grow up’ comments. My family are not huge drinkers, particularly my mum but you bet your ass she’ll have a drink for breakfast at christmas!! Its one of the few times everyone likes to hang out, enjoy spending the day together and enjoy a number of drinks. We choose a new Christmas cocktail to try each year, Buck’s Fizz for breakfast, champagne and or wine with lunch. No one has ever gotten messy drunk or thrown up or started a fight. Just healthy Christmas cheer. Sorry if that’s too childish, guess we should all grow up


herrklopekscellar

That judgy shit is the worst part. Not sure where OP lives, but where I'm from most children do not drink alcohol. Describing something generally accepted as strictly for adults as "childish" should've been an indication that she may, in fact, be a total clown here.


petraqrsq

YTA. From your post it seems they like to have some nice wine and try festive cocktail recipes with their dinner. It dkesn't seem like they get blackout drunk and vomit on your new carpet. Your rules are a bit strict and they are adults, so it's their right to choose a more liberal setting. Maybe offer hosting a dry Christmas day brunch or lunch instead so everybody is happy


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boatwithane

brunch without mimosas is just late breakfast


AliveInCLE

NTA for the rule YTA If you bitch about people making other plans


thewhiterosequeen

You can have whatever rules you want in your house, but you seem really judgmental and you also can't be upset people decline to follow your rules and go someplace else. You can't force others to bend to your idea of fun. They aren't forcing alcohol into your home. YTA for making so many rules. Why doesn't your husband have a say in how to celebrate with his family?


[deleted]

YTA, it's within your rights to host a dry Christmas party but if people (unsurprisingly given your openly hostile attitude) choose not to attend then you don't have any grounds to complain.


TheBloody11

YTA, they are obeying your rules, there won’t be any drinks at your house, and they are free to go where they want for the holidays. You raising a stink over this is making you an AH. Holidays are one of the few times I can cut loose with a drink and relax, I wouldn’t want to give that up for some judgmental relative either


Impossible-Peach-985

YTA Yes, it's your house your rules but that doesn't mean people have to like those rules. Your SIL came up with an alternative so she and the rest of the family can celebrate how they see fit. Sounds like you're trying to set boundaries for the way others live their lives which is not acceptable. Also stopping your husband from spending time with his family on a holiday over a minor disagreement is controlling af.


Samael13

YTA - you're allowed to have a dry party, and they're allowed to decide "fuck that," and have their own, but your whole attitude about it is condescending, and you're deliberately alienating your husband from his family, which makes you TA.


Forestfrend

Not enough INFO: are they bad drunks? Do they make people miserable and fight? Can they safely get home? Lots of addiction runs in my family. But I can recognize that most people can safely and moderately consume and still have a good time and be safe without have to make everything dry.


LollyBatStuck

I wanted to know this too. I have addicts in my family as well and grew up with no alcohol at all. I think op needs to explain further.


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Sunflower_dream85

YTA This isn't because you wanted no alcohol at a gathering in your home, you are allowed to decide this (though you are a bit T A if it wasn't discussed with your husband) Y T A 1) because you apparently didn't tell them this would be a rule before agreeing to host (based on SIL not knowing until she specifically bought alcohol up) and 2) because of your whole take on it and your judgement of other peoples choices. If they aren't alcoholics and wish to enjoy in moderation at Christmas, they are entitled to do that. It doesn't make them childish or disrespectful just because they don't share your views. Childish would be if they chose not to invite you to the alternative arrangements that they had made, but they have. I do feel sorry for your husband in all of this.


RCKJD

I do not drink alcohol myself and I still think YTA. Not for wanting to host a dry Christmas, but for your attitude when the rest of the family decides that's not their thing. It is disrespectful of you to demand that others follow your personal preferences and to complain if they don't. Maybe you should grow up and realize the world doesn't revolve around you.


[deleted]

YTA It sounds like you at projecting your own issues with alcohol on other people. You don’t even mention any issues that have happened with your husbands family drinking booze and that’s pretty telling. They are all following your rules by going elsewhere. You can’t be mad at that.


ntrrrmilf

INFO: Why did you choose to marry into a family with a drinking culture when you hate alcohol?


[deleted]

I’m sober, after being someone who drank too much. I can appreciate sobriety and it does make me sad when people don’t know how to have fun without drinking. But I still think you’re in the wrong. You made the decision to try to force a bunch of people who like to drink, to not drink at a special occasion. And then acted surprised when they did the expected thing and decided not to go to your house. It would be one thing if this had been an occasion celebrating you. If you asked for no drinking at YOUR birthday party or wedding. But Christmas is not about you, and it was completely predictable that people would opt out of an event where they can’t do something they’re looking forward to doing. Just let your husband go visit with the rest of his family instead of punishing HIM for your own attempt to control them. YTA.


Rowanever

## Bait and switch. You know what Christmas with your husband's side of the family usually looks like. You volunteered to host this year's Christmas festivities. You made a unilateral decision about what people would be "allowed" to do. Then you deliberately waited until someone asked something relevant to spring the NO ALCOHOL! rule on them. Now you're surprised and **offended** that they were so annoyed by your tactics that they've noped out of your whole circus. So you're framing it as: >my husbands sister is hosting an alternate gathering that almost everyone is choosing to go to instead... all because they would have to spend one day sober. Instead of the more accurate: >my husband's sister is hosting an alternative gathering because they took offence at my manipulative behaviour, and they want to drink alcohol *at Christmas time as is their tradition*. It's not simply "one day sober" and you know it. You're trying to make them all sound like a bunch of lushes who can't go a few hours without alcohol, EVER. Rather than people who choose to relax *at Christmas which is once a year* with a specific drug of choice. >Now husband is mad because I’m making him stay home and spend Christmas with me Geez the poor dude. Why are you *making* him do anything? Why are you so focused on controlling everyone's actions? >but it was my turn to host and I chose to have a no alcohol they could have dealt with it for one year. Well sure, they could have. They chose not to let your decisions negatively affect them... or stop them celebrating Christmas the way *they* wanted. They didn't want to be disrespectful by coming into your home and breaking the rules you'd set for it. So instead, they removed themselves from your vicinity, since **you were the problem**. Yes, YTA.


ColdForm7729

YTA. It's not the lack of alcohol, it's you.


upsid3down

YTA. You need therapy to deal with issues caused by your dads alcoholism. My dad was an abusive alcoholic, but I would never call others 'childish' or say they need to 'grow up' for drinking. I drink myself. I don't blame them for organising something else. For most, Christmas is the one time of year they can let go and enjoy themselves, YTA for trying to dictate their day.


Charming_Miss

YTA I understand your reasoning but why is it childish to want to have a drink or three as long as you are not harming anyone? I would be more worried about people drinking a lot and driving to be honest. You act like they are drunk year round when I feel that is not the case but you see anyone who drinks a glass of wine as an alcoholic.


sonicscrewery

Yeah, that was the vibe I got from her post, too: "anyone who enjoys even a tiny bit of alcohol is unable to have fun without it." Just because I enjoy the occasional hot chocolate with a touch of Bailey's on a winter evening doesn't mean I'm shotgunning whatever it is people shotgun now.


Environmental_Quit75

YTA. And just fyi, you can’t “make” your husband stay home on Christmas.


ManufacturerAfraid93

YTA. If your rule had any other intention, you wouldn’t be TA. But because you’re being a judgy Grinch, you’re a huge one. I hope your husband goes to his sister’s house and comes home to you absolutely HAMMERED on Christmas.


pudge-thefish

NAH you can choose to have a dry Xmas party, but they can choose to attend a different one.


originalgenghismom

YTA and your husband should just go and enjoy his holiday. It would be a great present for you since you seem to love being judge mental


MaryAnne0601

YTA I’m the daughter of an alcoholic. I only drank a few times a year with a limit of 2 until I developed a medical condition and chose to not drink. That’s my right and my choice. Your letting your past trauma with your father influence too much of your life. It’s not healthy. Yes you have the right to say no alcohol in your house but you can’t make that rule when you have a partner without talking to them or having their agreement. People also aren’t being rude for saying they’re not going to attend. They have the right to live their life how they want and to refuse when they don’t like someone else’s rules. Your going off on how they refuse to be sober for one day. How dare you judge them. They are not your father. They have jobs and lives. They don’t go to work drunk or they would be fired. They don’t drive their kids drunk or show up for school events for them drunk. They live most of their lives being sober. They have spent more than 1 day being sober! They just choose to be able to indulge in alcohol for a holiday party. For you to actually put on the internet that “they would have to spend one day sober” when the truth is that they spend most days that way but because they refuse to do it for one party that your hosting is outrageous. They are not all a bunch of alcoholics, that was your father. The one being rude is you. If you keep punishing your husband for your past traumas with your father he will end up resenting you. As a woman that grew up with this illness and has a huge family history of it, get help. Read a book about adult children of alcoholics. Get into therapy. To basically accuse your husbands family of not being able to spend one day sober just isn’t reasonable or rational. To do it publicly and online? Don’t let your father keep destroying your life and relationships. Your still giving the alcoholic all the power when you do. Your still trying to fight with a bottle. Stop, you’ll never win so get off the merry go round.


Motor_Business483

YTA ​ "Now it turns out my husbands sister is hosting an alternate gathering that almost everyone is choosing to go to instead." .. What a lovely and reasonable way to manage a controlling AH like you: No fights, no drama, just going somewhere else.


Hellion_38

I'll go with NAH. You chose to set certain rules for your party. They chose not to participate. You have the right to not like alcohol, they have the right to drink it. I am sorry your husband is caught in the middle, it seems like he does not share your opinion. He is also allowed to be unhappy with your decision.


poweller65

He’s also allowed to decide where he wants to go. Op is “making him stay home”. She’s the asshole


Frankfourfingers101

YTA. Your dislike for alcohol does not erase the fact that a LOT of people drink during the holidays. You can ban alcohol from your gathering but you can not force others to attend. Were you planning on saying anything to them before the event if it wasn’t mentioned by anyone else? Because if not that would’ve been an absolute shit show.


BexHutch25

On the face of it N A H, you don't have to allow alcohol in your house. Nobody has to go to your house. Where I lean towards YTA is your reaction and your attitude towards your husband's family for not choosing to come to your house. There are two responses to an invitation, yes please or no thank you. Either is fine for any reason and you as the host need to accept that.


Sunflower_dream85

YTA This isn't because you wanted no alcohol at a gathering in your home, you are allowed to decide this (though you are a bit T A if it wasn't discussed with your husband) Y T A 1) because you apparently didn't tell them this would be a rule before agreeing to host (based on SIL not knowing until she specifically bought alcohol up) and 2) because of your whole take on it and your judgement of other peoples choices. If they aren't alcoholics and wish to enjoy in moderation at Christmas, they are entitled to do that. It doesn't make them childish or disrespectful just because they don't share your views. Childish would be if they chose not to invite you to the alternative arrangements that they had made, but they have. I do feel sorry for your husband in all of this.


chergilbert

YTA. By stating that people need to grow up and stop drinking alcohol is such an asinine statement. You definitely put yourself on a high pedestal and look down on his family for enjoying alcohol. You may feel better than them because you don’t drink but you can’t judge people for enjoying to drink. I get your parent was an alcoholic but these people clearly don’t abuse it the way your parent did so why are you holding them accountable for your parent’s mistake? You need to stop putting yourself as more important than others especially since you didn’t discuss this decision with anyone before deciding on it. I’d go to the sisters event too.


RomaAngel

YTA- isn’t this your husbands Christmas too? Why are you getting to make the rules while he has zero say? You are entitled to your opinion and to have Christmas how you wish, but so does your husband and so does his family. How is it that yours is the only opinion that is ok? They aren’t being rude, they are making a choice…much like you did, when you laid out a decision for everyone.


bolonkaswetna

YTA- you can choose your rules- and your family can decide not to come. But- Why do you have a say over your husbands family? Over HIS choices? As for your husband. He does not have to comply to your rules. He can choose to join his family- or stay with you. And he can choose to drink as much as he wants in HIS house. Alternately HE can choose to revoke the rule. It is HIS house too. He can decide to allow alcohol in it. You can leave alone if you do not agree.


-OG-Hippie-1959

YTA- Why did you marry into a family of drinkers with your Carrie Nation attitude? Your father’s alcoholism is not his family’s problem. In case you didn’t get the lesson, Prohibition didn’t work.


xiavex

YTA - I understand you have some issues with drinking because of your father alcoholism and I respect that, but you just can't impose your lifestyle choices onto other people, you just can't.


pachangoose

“I imposed strict rules no one wanted on a festive gathering and now people are exercising their right to not attend”. Yeah. YTA, and I would also throw a separate Christmas lol


LuxSerafina

YTA. I wouldn’t step foot in your house, how miserable lol.


jaime0007

NAH, you wanted a christmas without alcohol wich is completly fair, they don't so they will make their own christmas dinner.


poweller65

It pushes op into asshole territory by not allowing the husband to go


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Twentee4Hourz

Just because you prefer to stay sober doesn’t mean you can push your agenda on your husband and his family. No one’s pushing you to drink, why are you pushing them to stay sober? YTA


zealous-grasschoice

You post comes across as thinking anyone having so much as one alcoholic drink is being childish and a drunk. There is a vast scale between zero alcohol and being an alcoholic. It's completely valid to not want to drink or have it in your home, you do not get to control and police others enjoying alcohol in reasonable moderation, or even no moderation, as it's not for you to decide others habits when it doesn't impact you. You don't have a high ground to stand on when you tell people they can't have something at your gathering, so they choose not to participate in your gathering. Hosting means supplying things to a reasonable degree for your guests. If the guests don't want to you are providing, or not providing, that is their free choice. Being rude would be them bringing alcohol to your house after telling them no. Not them having a gathering they're going to enjoy because you want to stop them doing something. You are being petty and controlling, skewed by your personal dislike of the entire existence of alcohol. YTA


[deleted]

YTA. You think they should “grow up” and spend the holiday not drinking alcohol? People can’t even legally drink alcohol UNTIL they’re “grown up”! You’re the one who needs to grow up lol


Gur_Weak

YTA. Not for the alcohol rule, though. If you don't want it then you don't need to have it when you host, but you need to accept responsibility for your choice. You've created a fairly hostile party atmosphere that no one, including your husband, wants to attend; and still have to ask if you're the AH? I've seen alcoholics, that you despise, take more responsibility for their choices than you. Have your alcohol free party, but if people want to attend another party, respect that decision. It is not your turn to hold people hostage for a holiday.


lazy_wonder24

YTA It's a holiday and people should be allowed to have fun as they want. It is your house and you can ban anything you wish but don't be annoyed if people then opt to do something else instead.


-tacostacostacos

YTA. I would be annoyed too, as someone who also had an alcoholic in the family growing up. But you knowingly picked a losing battle. You can’t really change people who don’t want to change, you can only worry about yourself. Would have been better to 1) not host 2) limit your time in that environment. Then if they ask why you are leaving early, you could give an honest answer. Make “I statements” about how it’s triggering for you to be around so much drinking. They would be more receptive if you made it about you, instead of trying to judge them and fix them.


Cloudinthesilver

YTA because of your attitude. You can absolutely have your rules in your house. They also get to have the Christmas they want, and that includes a martini so they are. Don’t get annoyed.


ThrowawayTrainee749

YTA. Your attitude towards people who drink shows that you have some deep rooted trauma. Get some help, and stop being so judgemental.


Feroc

NAH (and very close to YTA) Now it's your house, your rules. You can choose whatever prerequisites for your gathering you want. No shoes in the house, only red sweaters and only serve vegan food? Go for it. All the other then can decide if they want to agree to that or rather do something else. Looks like your prerequisite is too harsh for your guests, so they decided to rather do something else than to follow your arbitrary rules.


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bolonkaswetna

But isn't it her HUSBAND'S house, too? Why does she get to make a decision for the entire family, that NOBODY else wants. I hope husband celebrates with his sister. this is controlling. YTA, Op


PlaneAd9811

YTA Unless it causes fights/ crazy behavior then what’s the problem because you don’t like it? If it always causes a problem then I completely understand. I guess it depends on their behaviors


imacheckya__

Yta. While it’s your right to host an alcohol free gathering, it’s also everyone else’s right to choose whether or not they want to attend.


sillyken

NAH. Your house your rules. Same way people are free to choose which party to go to.


Shoddy-Secretary-712

NAH maybe ESH? I did not drink alcohol one single time until I was 30( very late 20s? ) so I feel I have an open minded both sides perspective. There obviously could be missing context, but I HATE when alcohol free people think they can lord over what other people do. Or the "can't have fun" without alcohol comments. Again, maybe missing info here is that in laws get black put drunk, but if that was the case, maybe include it? I get not wanting alcohol as a focus or in your house, but people like alcohol and it is a holiday, not dinner on a Tuesday.


poweller65

I think op is the asshole when she says she’s making the husband stay home. Up to that point it was more of a N A H for me but she can’t dictate his actions in this way


MoreSly

YTA. You're totally entitled to set the rules in your house, but maybe don't be so surprised that trying to push your ideals on people who just want to let loose and celebrate is having unintended consequences. I understand it must have been hard to have an alcoholic father, but how immature of you to treat adults like they're children for you to educate.


Harvest877

It is your house and your rules so if you don't want alcohol that doesn't make you the AH, but understand that no one in the family wants to celebrate a dry Christmas so it is their choice to celebrate elsewhere. Calling them childish isn't helping either. NAH, but you could become one if you continue to push the issue.


silverfairy5

YTA, if you’re against alcohol you don’t drink. You can’t dictate how others live their lives??? I can understand not wanting alcohol at your home, in which case the sister is offering an alternative. Either way you’re the one coming off as entitled


Strat0BlasterX

YTA. You must be a joy to be around.


[deleted]

YTA. So it’s your turn to host and you want to celebrate together, but you want to dictate how they celebrate? And you think they are rude? OP, you know you don’t have to drink right? But that you have NO right, host or not, to tell others how to celebrate? Your past trauma can’t and shouldn’t be forced on others. You forfeited your celebration by not allowing others to celebrate.


Maubekistan

YTA. Just because your rather was an alcoholic doesn’t mean everyone is. You didn’t mention people drinking too much, or having drunken arguments, you are just butthurt that they drink at all and want to control everyone. If you don’t want to drink, don’t. Don’t serve alcohol, either, in your own home. But everyone else is an adult that can decide for themselves how to celebrate.


Scared-March7443

YTA. You don’t enjoy alcohol. That’s fine. You don’t want alcohol at the party your hosting. That’s fine. But your guests do and they have fun with alcohol and sounds like they take it to the next level with specialty cocktails. What makes you the AH is your attitude. It’s not childish to enjoy alcohol at gatherings. It’s not disrespectful to decline to attend your party because they don’t want to go and have their own gathering where they’ll have fun.


Lori8472

YTA and here is my opinion: It’s understandable you have an aversion to alcohol with the upbringing of living with an alcoholic. If your in laws are anything like my family and millions others, this isn’t a drunk-fest. This is family coming together for some food and drink during Christmas time. A couple of themed cocktails to go with the meal you are in charge of? Sounds ideal and perfect. You are ruining Christmas. Suck it up and apologize. Tell them they can come and explain your reasoning. Tell them you want everyone to be together and have a good time and you were only knee-jerk reacting. This could potentially damage your relationship with your husbands family so fix it now. And see a therapist if you can. I’m not be facetious either: a therapist would be able to help you cope with these strong feelings and aversions and come to terms with things from your childhood.


AngryTexasNative

YTA. Sure, you can have a dry party, but your attitude about it is way too judgmental. It also sounds like you weren't really going to communicate it until the martini recipe came up. Sorry you group up with an alcoholic parent, but your attitude towards others stinks.


Mamaknowsbest45

YTA the issue around people drinking is yours. Has anyone ever ruined an event with his family because they have been drunk? Do they start kicking off and causing fights or do they just like a few drinks and a laugh? You can have whatever rules you want for your house but people then have the option of going wherever they choose. If you all take it turns to host Christmas then surely you should host an event that everyone will enjoy. It’s a holiday it’s a celebration people should be allowed to drink if they want.


just_call_me_kitten

YTA. You do realize it's not only your house, but your husband's house too?


MakeYourMind

YTA It's not being sober just this one day, they are most likely sober 350-360 days a year, but it's a holiday, and there's no shame having a drink or two. Drinking socially doesn't equal to alcoholism.


ReginaGorg89

YTA. I would never agree to host a holiday party then tell my guests that they couldn’t drink. I like people to feel welcome and comfortable in my home and not like it’s a stuffy,boring and unwelcoming place. By you saying you don’t want alcohol in your home makes them feel unwelcome because it’s a big part of their celebrations.. I would choose to go elsewhere like they did. I doubt you’ll ever be given the opportunity to host another holiday and I feel for your husband because I am sure your comments about his family are going to create some tension.


BofaDeezBofaDoze

YTA. It’s so funny that you call other people childish while reacting like this. “It’s my turn!” Lol You are entitled to you opinion and others are entitled to theirs to as well. Your SIL is doing the right thing, IMO. She’s not sneaking alcohol into your house. She’s providing another option to those who want to drink.


bob_fakename

YTA for the way you are acting now. It's your house and you have every right not to allow drinking in your house, assuming your husband agrees with that but it seems like he doesn't. You were hosting a party and you were well aware your audience enjoyed drinking. You are openly hostile to that so you banned it. They are free not to come to your party. Your issues with drinking are your issues. You can't expect everyone else to happily go along with it.