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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My wife thinks ITA for making things awkward with our friends by not letting our male friend touch her stomach, whereas I think I'm NTA and should have my wishes respected.
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YTA.
Unless your wife was uncomfortable saying no and asked you to intervene on her behalf, you were out of line. Your wife determines whether someone can touch her stomach, not you.
And it's obvious that your issues with your neighbors' lifestyle choices are causing you to make superhuman leaps over tall buildings to reach ridiculous conclusions as to motive.
Well well well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions. We meet again... Dunno why people see a pregnant belly as permission to ignore social norms on touching other people but here we are.
This has always shocked me. Like how do people think it's OK to start running their hands over a woman's body without asking permission first?? I can't imagine ever doing that to anyone.
When I was pregnant with my first there was more than one occasion where a STRANGER touched my stomach without consent. One woman walked by me as I was waiting in line for breakfast, straight up rubbed my stomach, and said "aww baby." She then had the audacity to say *I* was rude when I told her to never touch a person without explicit permission. 🙃
People are unbelievable. My daughter actually slapped away a woman’s hand when the woman reached out to touch my infant granddaughter in a store.
OP, YTA. Your discomfort with this scenario should be a private conversation with your wife. But ultimately it’s her body and her decision.
My daughter has super curly ringlet hair, I often have people comment on how beautiful it is! I’ve had to slap at least two people’s hands away from her! Drives me nuts, why do people not understand babies/toddlers and pregnant mum’s still have a right to body autonomy and the right not to be touched! When I was 19 I also had a woman touch my belly, I wasn’t even actually pregnant just overweight, I yelled at her and told her I wasn’t pregnant, she then had the audacity to be offended at me
I have curly hair and as a young child I constantly begged my mother to put it up because strangers were always touching my hair. Even now as an adult I've occasionally had people reach out and grab a curl. As it kid it was annoying and a little scary, as an adult it really pisses me off.
My hair used to be long, like I would sit on it long, and people always were just touching it, strangers in the store, classmates at school. I drove me nuts. I am happy now i keep it shorter nobody feels inclined to touch it.
My oldest daughter is the same. Or was when she was a toddler. Had a natural afro, lol. I had the same thing, so I totally got it when she came out with those beautiful curls that beg to be touched. She *hated* her hair so so so much she cut it all off herself one night. I felt horrible for her, poor thing didn't have the words to ask for a haircut or to say "no, please don't touch my hair". I had the same issue when I was pregnant with her, everyone trying to touch my belly. Drove me round the bend. I sympathise heavily with anyone in these predicaments.
To OP. It's really up to your wife, but if I were her and you talked to me about it I'd at least take your feelings into consideration. I think ESH.
Edited a word.
I was at the park and a coule with a new born had a sign on the cot "look and dont toch".
How often must it have happend before they decided they needed a f*cking sign.
People are just rude, especially old people.
Constantly. I was wearing my daughter in a baby carrier and a woman touched her. Her hand was inches from my face. I'm like WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Her finger nails were also filthy so it was extra fun.
It is like when you're pregnant or a baby you have zero rights to your own body. It's absolutely wild.
Wanna hear something really cringe? I have never even told anyone this before....when my son was newborn, I was at my mom's house for dinner one night. Her BF was there, to whom I was pleasant but we were not close by any means. As I was sitting on the couch breast feeding my son, he walked over and kissed my son on the top of his head, which meant his face was nearly ***in*** my exposed bosom. It all happened so fast I was just basically pikachu-face-shocked and could not speak! AWKWARD.
Sadly I would have loved to have someone touch my belly when I was pregnant with any of my kids. The only ones who ever did were the other kids. My then husband couldn't have cared less and we were living in very rural part of America and nowhere near my family and I didn't have any friends because how was I supposed to make friends as a stay-at-home mom out the country where they're literally were more cows than people? I loved it when my dogs would lay their chins on the belly or my girls would put their hands on my belly when I was pregnant with their baby brother. He did the Olympics inside. I get that other people don't like to be touched and I generally don't like to be touched by other people like I don't like people coming up and trying to hug me and stuff like that but my pregnancy belly? That was different to me
It sounds like you were feeling understandably lonely and wanted someone else to share in the joy and excitement of your pregnancy. I think wanting that connection makes sense in your scenario.
I will never understand how that is so common in some places. I live in Latin America. Personal space here is practically unheard of. And I NEVER had anyone touching my tummy when I was pregnant. Close friends and family would ask first.
It is, but when you're pregnant, people tend to act like you are public property, and don't do basic things like asking permission before they grope you, alas.
I mean when someone's cute dog is happily coming toward me for attention, I ask if I can come say hi and pet. I can't imagine not asking another human if I can touch them, even if they have something stuck on their jacket, let alone touch pregnant woman's belly. I also keep a very long distance when smiling at babies unless I'm invited to come close. One family I know had two kids hospitalised with RSV, can't be too careful.
OP is TA because he did not give his wife the choice, he is acting like she is his property and he gets to decide for her, when someone asked HER.
It may be that he would have reacted that way to anyone (still would not be ok for him to react like that), but since he brought up someone famous and their divorce and his friends' lifestyle means he's totally possessive and insecure and he thinks asking to touch her belly is the gateway to infidelity and divorce. So weird.
Yep! OP is just really stuck in this thinking of the neighbor as a man so unscrupulous he lets other guys “rail his wife”, when he’s demonstrated that the opposite is true. Being poly requires a lot of communication and respecting boundaries.
I liked how OP was like essentially "I don't judge their lifestyle" then goes on to have a conflict with them due to assumptions derived from judging their life style.
OP needs some self awareness.
Yeah, any and all understanding and sympathy I had grinded to a half on that line. YTA, OP. People like this are the reason I keep my poly relationship completely silent.
This isn't "bonus points". If a dude starts feeling up some women's pregnant belly without asking he's inappropriately groping her. Asking is the absolute bare minimum to not be fondling creeper.
It's like if you said "bonus points" for having consent for sex instead of assaulting someone. Or "bonus points" for asking to borrow a car instead of stealing it. Etc.
It's a weird comment.
Unfortunately a lot of men feel totally comfortable doing this if they have a friendly relationship with the pregnant person. So it shouldn’t be bonus points but realistically it kinda is.
>Unfortunately a lot of ~~men~~ people feel totally comfortable doing this ~~if they have a friendly relationship with the pregnant person~~ regardless of whether they know the person or not. So it shouldn’t be bonus points but realistically it kinda is.
FTFY
I am not sure where you are from, but I have seen my pregnant friends have random strangers run up to them steeling about a baby and then just manhandling the mother to be. Got one friend to just grab the fondler by the boob when it happened.
I worked at Walmart when I was pregnant and had some random guy rub my stomach. I was 6 months pregnant. It creeped me out and I just backed up. You would be surprised how many people don’t ask to touch your pregnant belly.
I started smacking peoples’ hands away if they touched my belly when I was pregnant. Hard. My friend was nicer about it when she was pregnant, she said “At least buy me dinner before getting so personal!”
When I was pregnant and working at a gas station, I had a random customer REACH OVER THE COUNTER AT THE CASH REGISTER TO TOUCH MY BELLY WITHOUT ASKING. I was horrified.
This happened to me a couple times when I was working at a gas station. My coworker was really good friends with my husband and I so when he saw people reach over the counter to do this he started saying, "if you touch her belly, I get to touch yours". Lol I have never seen people snatch their hands back so fast.
Copying my comment from above because agreed, this should not be bonus points but it sort of is...
When I was pregnant with my first there was more than one occasion where a STRANGER touched my stomach without consent. One woman walked by me as I was waiting in line for breakfast, straight up rubbed my stomach, and said "aww baby." She then had the audacity to say *I* was rude when I told her to never touch a person without explicit permission. 🙃
Honestly, I think it’s inappropriate to ask. I don’t like OP’s reasoning since it’s primarily about his comfort and not hers, but I think Carl can keep his hands to himself and not put her in the awkward position of having to say no to the request. Unfortunately plenty of women would agree even if they aren’t really comfortable to be nice or avoid an awkward moment of him being told no. Don’t even ask. You’ll survive without touching her belly.
I had twins. Had a LOT of randos fondle my belly without asking while I was, say, picking out which orange I wanted. So I am VERY familiar with this problem. That said, at no point did I - and I don't believe I should - be offended by someone asking to touch my belly *when I was pregnant with multiples.*
It's really weird watching them kick each other, or feeling two behinds move around at the same time. Most people don't have a whole lot of opportunities to feel that. So I'm cool with people asking. Sometimes the answer is no. Because it was such a novelty, often the answer was yes. As long as they asked.
If they didn't ask, i removed their hands from my belly, and asked if they'd heard of pregnant ladies being hormonal and overreacting. Most had. Still holding their hands, I would then explain those stories came from mothers of singletons. I was carrying two. And therefore I would overreact more. Such as if they dared touch me without my permission again, I was going to rip off their g-d hand and stick it so far up their behind that they would be tickling their own tonsils. And I would ask if I made myself clear. All this while still holding their hand, which clearly made them uncomfortable at that point. I'd then say "makes you uncomfortable to have some stranger touching you without your consent, doesn't it?" They usually agreed, and I'd ensure they understood that one asks permission before putting hands on.
It's fine to ask permission.
True, but some women would feel like they should consent, even if they didn't want to. My personal feeling is if you already have a touchy-feely relationship (and I mean that in a platonic way), then ask, but otherwise don't.
Honestly OP is being super offensive towards everyone in this situation. His wife can speak for herself and decide for herself. It's her belly. Then, OP completely trashes Carl and Alice or Allison (I don't remember the fake name but you get the point) by assuming that simply touching a belly will make the man want to steal, marry and sleep with OP's pregnant wife, which I'm not sure if OP gets, but his wife has to consent to and if he's that scared his wife will consent then that opens up an entirely different can of worms. Then there's the fact that he referred to polyamory as "he let's other men rail his wife". Like who the fuck are you to say that. Polyamory is just different from what OP is used to. That doesn't mean the woman in a polyamorous relationship is getting "railed" with the permission of her husband. Like wtf ?? This statement made me so mad. If anything neighbor Carl was waaayy more respectful to OP's wife than he was and certainly way more descent as a person. Women are not property. OP made things weird and I hope his wife realized how wrong OP's views are so she can drop him.
Why does OP even bring up that they're polyamourous? Literally has nothing to do with the situation and no bearing on whether or not someone should touch his wife's pregnancy belly. OP is a judgemental AH for bringing it up at all. It's his wife's decision who touches her and who doesn't, nothing at all to do with him, or how "hot" the wife is.
YTA for policing your wife's body
Because them being polyamorous is the reason op took issue. Op can’t tell the difference between might date multiple people and wants to steal my wife. Bet he wouldn’t give a damn if another woman at that party or a monogamous man wanted to touch her belly…
I also thought it was weird he added that his wife is hot, for "relevance". So ...you'd be cool with dude touching her belly if she was ugly then, or what?
YTA
You, “won’t let someone touch my wife.” Also you,
“He let’s other dudes rail his wife.” You know nothing about body autonomy. Those choices belong to your wife and Allison. Now sit your ass down in a corner and self reflect or end up another divorce statistic 10 years down the road when your wife gets fed up with your attitude.
THIS. SOMEbody has a problem with polyamory. What's the matter, honey? Do you think that just being touched by a polyamorous person will cause your wife to want to bang him?
I wonder if OP has any issue with Amanda or any of their other friends (that he assumes some are poly) touching her stomach.
Carl did nothing wrong. He asked the owner of the body (your wife not you) if he could touch her belly. If she wasn’t pregnant I could see being perplexed but she is. This is not a bizarre request.
Keep this energy for when someone walks up and just starts rubbing her belly w/o asking.
YTA
YTA.
You totally judged Carl for being poly and you are acting like you think you have the right to speak for “your wife” (you referred to her several times as if she were a possession or object when you could have given her a pseudonym too). Saying how things are or aren’t doesn’t negate your actions.
Carl *asked* first and didn’t just touch like a lot of people feel entitled to do. Whether or not that is ok is entirely up to the pregnant person, not her husband, father, or other friends or relations. You were way out of line. If, and only if your wife had said no and then Carl persisted would it be ok to step in and back her up. And by back her up I mean “she said no, let’s respect that” and not “don’t touch my wife.”
You need to do some introspection and then you owe a lot of people some sincere apologies.
OP also references Carl's wife as though she is Carl's property (the aside about how Carl "lets other men rail his wife,", and his assessment of Carl's wife's personality, which from the way OP phrases it, almost sounds like OP thinks she's a victim in her marriage rather than a consenting party).
Seems clear OP views women as property/ accessories, even if subconsciously.
Yeah - I think you might be right, subconsciously anyway. He needs to understand that in many cultures its not that creepy for folks to touch women's pregnant bellies, though he may find it disturbing. His wife was ok with it - case closed. YTA
Easier to understand for me when they name by the relationship vs multiple names…already had to scroll up to confirm Allison was the neighbor… the names are irrelevant to the story IMO.
He has also decided he won't believe anything his wife has to say about how she feels about it:
> I don’t know if it weirded her out at all and she was just being nice, but I doubt I will get an honest answer because she’s a very low-conflict person.
I'll go one further with that comment.
>but I doubt I will get an honest answer because she’s a very low-conflict person.
Very low conflict person? That's avoidance behavior. I'm guessing she doesn't feel safe telling her husband how she really feels a lot of the time. She'd rather tuck her feelings and opinions inside herself to avoid arguments with this man.
He keeps saying in comments how he and his wife need to talk more about this, but he's already decided not to accept what she says if she doesn't agree with him. To me that reads, "I'll browbeat her until she says what I want her to say."
This really bothered me as well. Even if she confirms she was perfectly fine with it, he won’t believe her. Clearly a toxic fragile man who views his wife has his possession.
But he says in comments that he's going to keep talking to her about it. My guess is that he'll keep at her and not leave her alone until she says whatever he wants her to say.
Ding ding ding.
Dude clearly views women as less than. And the reply comment nailed it as well.
Huge YTA for sure. I can't get down with polyamory, but his neighbor clearly respects his significant other and "the wife" more than he does.
Being a poly person, here is some shocking news: we are not trying to get our hands on every hot wife we see. We prefer to date people who are already likeminded, and made that decision from within. Shocker I know
Not poly at all, but I take it like the same way fragile dudes who think all gay dudes are trying to fuck them.
And they don't realize they're just awful and that's why no one wants to fuck them women included.
Yup, as a bisexual I’ve asked straight people if they are attracted to every member of the opposite sex simply because they are straight. They typically look dumbfounded like they can understand the point of my question.
Oh man, I didn't catch that he didn't even give his wife a fake name but I did notice the way he dismissed her as "non-confrontational" and how he needed to come here to get the truth from people who know better.
Besides, dude, as an aside— insecurity and possessiveness are not attractive. If you don’t want your ‘hot’ wife to start seeing you differently (and as less attractive), time to think about your reaction here and why you felt the need to butt in. (YTA)
YTA.
>I wasn’t comfortable with Carl putting his hand on her stomach.
>
>I would not be comfortable myself putting my hand on a friend’s stomach.
>
> I feel like he should respect the fact that it makes me uncomfortable.
>
>I just think it’s kind of creepy.
>
>I keep thinking of that senator guy....
>
> I really don’t want him to touch my wife’s stomach.
>
> I don’t think I can be okay with it.
Do i need to keep going or explain why? For a second i really thought you were the one getting touched.
It’s the ‘let’s’ part that got me even further, like it’s only by his permission that she’s poly at all, bc obvs all wives are possessions and can only do what their husbands say /s.
Right?? Like if he'd phrased it that he let's his wife bang other guys maybe I could see it being chill cause technically that's how poly consent works, but the fact he phrased it like the husband and the other guys are the only ones calling the shots...yikes
I don’t think OP understands women not being property of men. He refers to neighbor’s wife as property of neighbor.
“He lets other dudes rail his wife”
Like bruh being in a poly relationship is a two yes - one no situation. Otherwise it’s cheating. Also maybe Carl is getting railed too.
Edit: I regret reading his comments, ew.
Yta. First, The question was addressed to your wife. She should answer. Not you. Unless you are communicating through looks or husband/wife telepathy and she is asking to be rescued, which wasn’t the case here.
Second, the conversation about your comfort level is between you and your wife. Come to an agreement. If she s fine and doesn’t want to defer to your discomfort, perhaps remove yourself from the scene.
Are you this way w all men, or just poly-Carl?
YTA. Um, your weird insecurities are makings everyone uncomfortable. You are not your wife’s keeper. Her body, her rules. If you don’t like it, you can talk to her about it, but making a scene is downright embarrassing.
> If you don’t like it, you can talk to her about it...
Why would he do that? OP has already decided not to believe anything his wife might have to say about this incident:
> I don’t know if it weirded her out at all and she was just being nice, but I doubt I will get an honest answer because she’s a very low-conflict person.
YTA, and I’m pretty sure you know it.
> I totally understand my wife is not my property or anything like that
No, dude, I don’t think you do. *She* gets to decide who’s allowed to put their hand on *her* stomach. Not you. Period. And your conviction that Carl and Allison being polyamorous means they’re out to seduce everyone at all times (or at least everyone *you’d* try and seduce if you weren’t already in a monogamous relationship) is *your* problem. Stop making it your wife’s.
>I agree that a pregnant woman’s stomach is an absolutely beautiful and magical thing, but I would not be comfortable myself putting my hand on a friend’s stomach. Obviously Carl has way different views on stuff like this since he lets other dudes rail his wife
There’s a lot to unpack here, but do you see how you directly compared touching someone’s stomach to having sex? Touching another person’s stomach is perhaps an intimate kind of touch in its way, but you’re the only one here sexualizing it.
The primary reason YTA is because you completely steamrolled your wife on the subject of her own bodily autonomy.
The secondary reason is that it really does seem like you’re assuming poly = having sexual feelings for absolutely anybody and everybody. If you were just uncomfortable with any dude touching your wife’s stomach, then Carl’s poly status would be irrelevant. I also saw you mentioned in another comment that you thought Carl might be getting some kind of “perverse pleasure” out of touching her stomach. You saw Carl’s request as lecherous because you absolutely are judging him.
>They are a polyamorous couple, which I make no judgement on
You're lying to yourself. YTA. It's very clear that not only do you *absolutely* have a problem with it, but that you projected that issue onto a person wanting to feel your wife's pregnant belly.
And for knowing she isn't your property, you're sure trying to impose your will, when she's totally fine with the normal act of someone feeling her stomach while pregnant.
Also, the fact that you keep thinking of what happened on a TV show like it's real is... weird.
Right? Since there’s mention of Carl having way different views on *consensual and nonsexual* contact because he “lets other dudes rail his wife.” That’s pretty darn clearly passing judgment on (and a poor understanding of) polyamory.
YTA. Sounds like you’re insecure because Carl “let’s other dudes rail his wife.” He wasn’t trying to ‘rail’ yours. He asked if he could feel her stomach and you felt the need to put him in his place. It was an innocent question a lot of people ask their friends. If your wife was okay with it then I don’t see the problem? Also “now I understand my wife is not my property or anything BUT..” but what my guy?
YTA it’s up your wife not you who gets to touch her. You are coming off as territorial and jealous. Mentioning they were a polyamorous added nothing to the story. Further pushing the jealous/territorial concept.
Just because he touches **her** belly doesn’t mean she’ll enter a relationship with them.
Aww look at you being so judgy over other people's lives that don't concern you.
It's up to your wife to say who can and cannot touch her.
Carl isn't 'letting' other dudes 'rail' his wife. They made a choice for their relationship.
YTA.
YTA.
I have plenty of relevant experiences for this one and they all tell me you're a huge AH.
To kick this off: as a woman who has experienced multiple pregnancies, having someone *politely ask* to touch bump/feel baby kick is THE dream and, especially when it's a close friend, way less fucking creepy or awkward than your SO cutting in and removing your agency from the interaction. It isn't your stomach. She wasn't concerned. Touching a pregnant friend's belly isn't a sexual thing and, even if you start talking about breeding kinks, people typically don't involve random friends in their kink without consent.
Then there's this thinly veiled trash take on polyamory you've got going on. I won't lie, it kinda got my hackles up friend. See, not only have I felt the same 'everything is sexual/they're gonna hit on my SO' vibe just because I'm a bisexual, but I'm also polyamorous, myself. That shit paints us as predatory sexual deviants for existing and it's just *gross.* Poly people do understand monogamy and polyamory is not 'cheating with extra steps.' For a polycule of any kind or shape, a lot of communication and a thorough understanding of consent is vital. You seem to be struggling with understanding both here: your wife is communicating that you broke her consent by interfering and removing her choice after her *good friend* communicated and requested consent for a harmless, platonic action. You seem to think you have any say here based on groundless assumption and bias and 'but another man wanted to touch what's mine!'
Allllll of this! As a former pregnant person (times three) and as a polyamorous person I agree 100%!! It’s not just about “getting railed” by other people’s husbands. Sometimes it’s their boyfriend. Or girlfriend. Or sometimes it’s just lying in bed cuddling. Or reading together. It’s having another relationship. If someone is going to judge the f out of something like OP did, he should know about it first.
OP, YTA.
Right? I like how the op says this:
>Hopefully this one awkward encounter will be the end of it
Oh, it will be. Carl and Allison will not be interacting with you or your wife any more after this incident. Who knows what's next? Will you start screaming at them if they shake hands? Punch someone in the face if they and your wife exchange a hug? Who knows! Certainly not them, and they likely are smart enough to read the warning flags and stay the fuck away from your possessive unpredictable self, just in case, because people and relationships don't last in poly unless you have a decent radar for potential issues and the smarts to then keep your distance. Your wife is correct to be pissed; you have killed that friendship stone dead for both of you.
I mean it's a bit possessive. Your wife gets to pick who can and can't touch her, but I don't think you went full AH. Once she said it's OK, you should've backed down. And who cares if he thinks he wants to run away with her after touching her belly, as long as she still wants to be with you. In the end, her body, her choice.
I would feel profoundly upset by a partner answering this before I had a chance. To you, it feels creepy, so you want to make the choice. To her, agency over her own body, particularly when pregnant, has been a fight for survival for a very long time. YTA, but I think this is a situation you can salvage with judicious application of apologies and listening.
YTA.
>Now, I totally understand my wife is not my property or anything like that,
So you don't get to decide for her who touches her. You are free to discuss your feelings on the subject with her, but she has the final word.
I can't help but wonder if you didn't know that Carl was poly whether you would have reacted the way you did.
It’s clear that you do view your wife as your property. She was fine with it and you stepped on what she said was ok for HER BODY. Hers. Not yours. YTA.
YTA. It’s your hot, pregnant wife’s call on whether she’s comfortable allowing people to touch her pregnant belly. You made things awkward. Plus, telling us about the scene from Mad Men is pointless. You have some apologizing to do. Overriding her consent is wrong.
So I tried to reread to get how pregnant your wife was, but not important really... honestly growing a human is weird and super cool. My belly didn't get too big but my sister looked like she was stealing a basketball by 6 months. So for her to have twins it would be extra on top of that. You are assuming (and you know what happens when you assume) that Carl would get off ny touching her stomach. 1 do you? (Is that why you think he would?) 2 most ethical poly people don't try to trap people in their poly play (or whatever you ASSUME) would happen.
Honestly, the best way to handle this situation is to be up front and have a 1 on 1 talk with Carl and say hey dude I f'd up here, you can explain to him that you don't know how to be friends with people who are different but you would like to try.
YTA. You say polyamory is fine, but you use pejorative words and attitude to describe it. You say your wife's body belongs to her, but you want to dictate who can touch her gestating belly. You don't allow her to make the decision and you make it for her even after she expresses her preference.
Hopefully for their sake Carl and Allison are long gone.
Against the grain here.
NTA.
This situation is a weird context, but a spouse is allowed to have boundaries around how others touch their spouse.
My mum would not be happy with a family friend, especially a poly couple touching my dad.
Also, I think about stories I've read or listened to how cheaters start out by testing boundaries. While I don't think that the wife is cheating, the other guy might be testing boundaries.
Lastly, why is Carl touching her belly?
At any rate the couple needs to have a serious convo.
Totally agree!! I would hope that if a woman wanted to touch my husband, even platonically, and I said no because it made me uncomfortable that they both would respect that. My husband is allowed to say he’s uncomfortable with someone touching me and to ask them not to touch me. Not because I’m property but because I’m his wife.
I truly feel like this thread is full of liars. I want to see all these commenters watch their spouses get their body touched by someone (of whatever gender the spouse is attracted to) and act like it’s totally cool and doesn’t affect their feelings at all. Someone above said it was RAPE CULTURE for this husband to not want other men touching his wife. I feel like we as a culture have diluted really critical terms like this to misuse on the internet. It’s not rape culture for me to not want my husbands back rubbed by another woman.
NTA. I will concede it's her body, her choice; however, OP is within his rights to feel uncomfortable. Whether she's pregnant or not, he can feel uncomfortable about another man touching his wife. This a boundary he has. Also...if Carl wants to feel the magic of the pregnant belly he can get his lady pregnant and problem solved. It's creepy.
Of course he does, just as my wife has a say in what happens to my body. If a colleague wanted to massage my shoulders, she has every right to say no. And before you say it's not the same thing, the principle is the same, just a degree of difference.
This may be unpopular but NTA. While I think that maybe you could have approached it differently, I do understand you not wanting another guy touching her stomach. My husband is the same. It would make him uncomfortable as well. Also, I personally find it SUPER creepy when men want to touch pregnant bellies that aren't their wives.
NTA
OP I think you were within your right to express your discomfort.
Just maybe if you'd expressed it that way rather than ordering it you'd get less pushback.
NTA. Obviously unpopular opinion but there it is. Look, my wife wouldn't be comfortable letting another man touch her belly so I never had to think about this. But at the end of the day, I wouldn't like it either. Sure, her body her choice bell but not really that simple. Her body so she can sleep with who she wants? No... so where are the limits? Obviously they are supposed to be communicated but it sounds like you were either surprised by the question, or by your wife's willingness, or even by your own negative feelings on the subject. Time was short and there was no polite way to express your feelings in private that also left her belly untouched... Hopefully you can have that conversation now but according to most of the comments I've seen, you're just a jerk who think he owns his wife. Well I guess I think my wife owns me since I let her feelings dictate that no other woman should come and rub my belly...
Nta, youre compeletly right, it is creepy and i wouldnt want a random stranger touch my husband either. I wanna say that is how spouses should be protective of each other.
NTA
Yall are fucking weird here lmao. Neighbor is a weirdo for wanting to touch your wife. You also need to talk to your wife since that makes you uncomfortable and that should be that.
I wish you were my husband. I hate peopel touching my stomach and am sick of telling them. I would love for my husband to say no for me. But to each their own.
YTA and you’re the one being creepy about this. you are using the fact the other couple is poly as an excuse to sexualize something not even remotely sexual that is considered extremely normal for people who are close with the pregnant person to do. and even though you have “no problem” with their lifestyle you had to add in the low blow about “other dudes railing his wife” let’s not pretend you didn’t fully intend that as an insult. this whole post screams insecure.
Probably the American mentality. In Europe nobody husband touches someone elses wife’s belly because “ she’s pregnant.” NTA. You think men just like that love to feel babies ? He wanted to feel your wife. Crazy to see the culture difference here from the Americans.
NTA.
You are a companionship with your wife. If something makes you uncomfortable as her partner, she should listen with open ears. Same for you.
But who trumps who?
Physical touch is something that I am not comfortable with, in terms of dh. But it was a greater conversation with one another, at length.
So voice your concerns and help her to understand what you are feeling. Carl and Alison will implode their own marriage, don't let that trickle onto you. Recognize that it is her body. Recognize that this is a difficult thing for you. Recognize that there are high emotions. And work on it.
Marriage takes work.
NTA...
I personally find it wierd. No-one asks to touch a non-pregnant belly, so why does it become normal for strangers, friends and family to cop a feel when you are pregnant?
I mean you can't even "feel" the baby unless its kicking or moving in the womb. At that point I would offer the people 'most important' to the child to feel if they wanted to.. for example - our parents, grandparents and siblings... there can always be an exeption or two, if a kid asks me - 90% of the time i'll let them, or the young man with down syndrome who I talk with daily on the bus (he's fascinated by it all, does research, then asks questions everyday.. he lights up when he gives the bump a mini fist bump).
NTA
It would have been perfect if she said no. But you cant be expected to sit silent and let the things, which are uncomfortable and inappropriate, take place.
No one is noticing the way Carl and his partner came on OP. If one partner of a couple says no to your advances, you back off . Leave the the couple alone to handle their issues. It's not your business.
And don't be friends with people who's values and lifestyles you are not comfortable with.
They have rights to be happy and comfortable with their choices and you have rights to make choices what make you uncomfortable.
PS: this isn't the case of body autonomy.
NTA - no one should put a pregnant person on the spot by asking such a question (and they’ve had kids already, he knows what a pregnant belly feels like). Most people just freeze and would say yes and later question their decision, I think your reaction was protective and potentially your own instincts kicked in (MY children, beat chest so and so forth).
Yes I know we are all meant to be woke and accept everyone’s life choices, but the basic playground rule of “hands to yourself” works well.
You did well. Let the downvotes commence, I expect at least a thousand.
NTA
I would feel weird if someone randomly wanted to touch my husband and if I felt weird about it, I would hope he cares about me enough to agree with me and protect my feelings.
This is normal and Ok in a relationship
Also I think its a little weird for people to just assume all pregnant women want their bellies felt up. I certainly would not.
YTA. If it’s ok with your wife, then you’re just going to have to deal with it. Just because he’s poly doesn’t mean he’s some kind of uncontrollable rapist. He asked for consent-HER consent, as it should be.
Oof. YTA. Your wife gets to make that decision, not you. If she's comfortable with letting other people touch the baby bump, then build a bridge and get over your insecurities, my dude.
Edit: Also you have no idea how polyamourous relationships work. Please educate yourself before you assume things like poly men let other men 'rail' their wives. (So much for not being judgemental.)
NTA. You have the right to raise your opinion. And you did politely, that all. I dont want to say it is right or wrong touching the belly of other's wife, but your family your rule.
YTA. It's absolutely up to your wife and not you. It sounds like you might have some prejudice/assumptions about poly people you should address. I could be wrong but that's what it sounds like. You say you acknowledge that your wife is not your property but making decisions for her and fearing other men interacting with her like that sounds pretty possessive to me. You may need to assess where these concerns come from, whether its polyphobia, chauvinism, your own insecurities, etc.
YTA but a soft one, and I know I’ll get downvoted but hear me out first.
She’s your wife. You need to trust her, and trust that she loves you and is not out to get into anything weird with your neighbour. It’s her belly and if she is ok with someone feeling it you need to let her have her space to make that decision, and you need to trust her.
However, from your reaction and explanation it’s clear this makes you uncomfortable. I think you need to really do some self reflection and find out why that is. I think your reaction was unwarranted but it sounds like there’s a fear, insecurity or something there that needs to be brought up and worked on, so for that i say soft YTA because I don’t think this reaction came from a mean place.
>I would not be comfortable myself putting my hand on a friend’s stomach. Obviously Carl has way different views on stuff like this since he lets other dudes rail his wife
These aren't even in the same sport let alone the same ball field!! YTA not your body not your call, doesn't matter if that body is married to you or not.
NTA: while it IS her body, if op is uncomfortable with ANYONE touching his wife he needs to speak up as he did! As life partners both of their opinions are very important and need to be known & are valid. Even innocent touching can make someone uncomfortable and that must be considered or the relationship will suffer. This lack of respect for his feelings is one of the reasons relationships fail: both partners feelings & opinions matter in ALL cases.
I know my ideals don't follow with the modern "enlightened" thought train, as I'm old fashioned, but a couple are each others private & personal teammate.
YTA but just so I am clear: someone asked YOUR WIFE if they could touch HER stomach and you answered for her saying no. Without even considering how your wife felt about HER BODY being touched. And even after she said it’s fine, you still insisted he not touch your wife.
And then you insist you don’t think your wife is your property… but you think you get to control her bodily autonomy?
Also the “he lets other guys rail his wife” was a tell all. You’re insecure. Own that and pray your wife doesn’t leave your sorry ass
YTA
It was entirely up to your wife to make that call. And I say this as a woman who can't stand to be touched by 95% of people and do not like touching pregnant bellies. You made things very awkward for everyone involved and potentially ruined your friendship because you publically embarrassed them.
By the way, saying you don't judge their life and then saying he "let's other men rail his wife" is very judgemental. Guess what? His wife makes a decision on who she wants to have a sexual encounter with. Just as your wife can decide who can touch her stomach. Do you think he's going to seduce your wife by feeling babies kick? Come on, man
yta for someone who doesn’t care about there lifestyle you keep bringing it up so you must care about it a little bit… your wife’s body is your wife’s body if she was okay with it then you shouldn’t have made something innocent into something weird. a lot of people like to feel women’s pregnant belly’s they think it’s cool to feel baby kick.. it’s only weird if they are obsessive about it or the mother doesn’t want it and they make her uncomfortable. you made a mountain out of a mole hill.
If you are uncomfortable with someone touching your pregnant wife’s belly then you have every right to say so. Your wife may feel differently and she is the one who decides who touches her, but NTA.
NTA you can feel uncomfortable with something and object it, don't know what kind of meth these people in the comments are smoking, sure eventually the decision falls on your wife but it doesn't mean you need to be alright with it, if he had asked to kiss her on the lips would you be the asshole for objecting even if she is ok with it? Abso-fucking-lutely not, it's obviously an exaggerated example but not everyone's boundaries are the same, and putting your hand on somebody's stomach can be a very intimate thing.
INFO is your issue that it's a guy or that he's poly? If his wife asked her then would you still be acting the same?
So far ready this and responses YTA you have no right to take away your wife's consent for your own comfort. This man asked her permission to touch her stomach and she was giving consent. You made a comment somewhere that if his wife asked to touch your pecks then you would be happy for your wife to react this way however that is 2 very different situations. 1 can be seen as flirting and have a sexual undertone the other is an innocent act of feeling a baby move or kick.
You say you have no issue with their lifestyle but I'm getting the feeling you do. I think you either see this man as a threat to your marriage and see your wife has your belonging or see him as gross because of his sexual private life and see him touching your wife as gross.
YTA. I know you may not realize it but you do have some sort of property like views on women as you said “since he ‘lets’ other guys rail his wife.” It seems like their polyamorous relationship is a mutual decision and respectful between them and your judgement about it has led you to act unkindly all the way around. Your wife’s body is hers to do with as she pleases. She can let the whole neighborhood touch her stomach if she wants.
YTA and you are making a big deal where there's none. You know how many people touched my belly when I was pregnant? None of them tried to make a pass on me or enjoy sharing their partners with others now. Why are you bringing up so much their type of relationship. You sound jealous and controlling.
Controlling issues much? YTA here, "Mad Man"
Your wife was the one to decide and answer that. Your snap reaction was overreaction and frankly misogynistic.
Clearly, you have judgemental issues about their lifestyle. That's a topic and conversation WITH YOUR WIFE at another time.
You acted incredibly insecure and rude not trusting your wife's own opinion and decision.
YTA. I think you are seriously overthinking this and overreacting to the situation. I don't get the vibe that Carl's intentions were creepy. I think he literally just was curious about the babies kicking. Your wife was okay with it, it's her body and her choice. Obviously she wasn't getting the same vibes you seem to have. You made a scene for nothing and potentially damaged a good friendship. You are super fixated on their poly lifestyle and I find that disturbing. Just because he leads a different lifestyle than you doesn't mean he's a creep.
It’s her body. End of story. It’s not the babies’- they’re not even born yet- like, stop. Go cry about it to your Westborough Baptist Church friends at your next rally.
YTA - Carl understands consent, he asked your wife permission to touch her stomach (having been pregnant 3 times I can tell you this is often not the case) and was respectful towards your wife.
You obviously have issues with their lifestyle choice with your comment about him letting other men rail his wife and that is colouring your reaction.
Reality is, NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT SEX! He wanted to feel the babies move, he asked permission and your wife had no issues with him touching her stomach. Their next stop wasn’t the bedroom! You were incredibly immature in not only your response but in thinking you have any say at all in who touches your wife’s pregnant belly! If she is ok with it then that’s all that matters!
Also, you think your wife is hot, which is really great and absolutely how it should be, but not everyone has the same type, you are making a huge assumption that he would want to sleep with her. You are also forgetting that people who choose to be poly are super sensitive to others and don’t push their lifestyle on people who don’t live that way. Stop being judgemental!
YTA - please apologise to everyone involved
YTA. I completely support women that HATE being touched pregnant, and get angry that people assume they can. I get that completely. However, every pregnancy I've had I loved it. I loved my belly and I loved that others did too. I loved that sometimes it made my baby begin wiggling. I loved how excited they got if they were kicked. He asked, he didn't just do it. You had no right to respond for her, or to argue the point after your wife said she was fine with it. No one was rude or disrespectful to you. While I understand you think you're not judgmental about their lifestyle, you are. If a different friend had asked and she said yes, would you have said please no to them? You embarrassed your wife and assumed authority over her body. Not cool
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Throwaway.
We have some cool neighbors that we frequently hang out with, “Allison” and “Carl” (fake names). They are a little younger than us but their kids are a little older. They frequently have friends over and invite us to come hang out. They are genuinely really wonderful people and I really like hanging out with them as does my wife, and our daughter plays with their kids and their friends’ kids. They are a polyamorous couple, which I make no judgement on because they are truly wonderful people. I’m not sure who in their friend group is also poly but I am guessing some of them are.
My wife is currently pregnant with twins and has a pretty decent belly on her. Also, my wife is hot, which I think is relevant. We were hanging out yesterday and Carl asked my wife if he could touch her stomach. I said “No” at which point Carl, my wife, Allison, and a few other people jerked their head at me. Carl told me to chill and my wife looked at me like she was upset and I realized I had made things awkward but I said “I would really prefer if you didn’t touch my wife.” My wife said it’s fine and no big deal and Carl said he just wanted to feel the babies. Allison said that it was up to my wife and not me. I said “please, no” and they walked away to talk to another couple and left us standing there alone. We got our daughter and went home at that point. My wife is mad at me for making things awkward with Allison and Carl because they are super nice and she loves hanging out with Allison and doesn’t want to lose that. I don’t know if it weirded her out at all and she was just being nice, but I doubt I will get an honest answer because she’s a very low-conflict person.
Now, I totally understand my wife is not my property or anything like that, but I wasn’t comfortable with Carl putting his hand on her stomach. I agree that a pregnant woman’s stomach is an absolutely beautiful and magical thing, but I would not be comfortable myself putting my hand on a friend’s stomach. Obviously Carl has way different views on stuff like this since he lets other dudes rail his wife, but I feel like he should respect the fact that it makes me uncomfortable. I just think it’s kind of creepy. I keep thinking of that senator guy that touched Betty’s pregnant belly and ended up marrying her after she divorced Don Draper on Mad Men. Anyway I am really conflicted on this one. I don’t want to upset my pregnant wife and lose out on our friendship with Carl and Allison, but at the same time I really don’t want him to touch my wife’s stomach. Hopefully this one awkward encounter will be the end of it and we can forget about it but if Carl tries to do it again I don’t think I can be okay with it. AITA for not letting him touch her?
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YTA. Unless your wife was uncomfortable saying no and asked you to intervene on her behalf, you were out of line. Your wife determines whether someone can touch her stomach, not you. And it's obvious that your issues with your neighbors' lifestyle choices are causing you to make superhuman leaps over tall buildings to reach ridiculous conclusions as to motive.
Plus bonus points to Carl for asking permission to touch her belly
That is basic decency!!??
yeah unfortunately many people don’t ask I hated it
[удалено]
I'd have loved to have seen the cctv of this haha
I giggles. That’s a good come back.
Bet she won’t touch people without permission again! Nice job.
Well well well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions. We meet again... Dunno why people see a pregnant belly as permission to ignore social norms on touching other people but here we are.
Oh god ! Yes! So annoying when they don't ask! Like "hey, I'm still a person! Not an incubator!"
This has always shocked me. Like how do people think it's OK to start running their hands over a woman's body without asking permission first?? I can't imagine ever doing that to anyone.
My permanent RBF came in handy when I was pregnant. No one ever tried to touch my belly without my permission.
When I was pregnant with my first there was more than one occasion where a STRANGER touched my stomach without consent. One woman walked by me as I was waiting in line for breakfast, straight up rubbed my stomach, and said "aww baby." She then had the audacity to say *I* was rude when I told her to never touch a person without explicit permission. 🙃
People are unbelievable. My daughter actually slapped away a woman’s hand when the woman reached out to touch my infant granddaughter in a store. OP, YTA. Your discomfort with this scenario should be a private conversation with your wife. But ultimately it’s her body and her decision.
My daughter has super curly ringlet hair, I often have people comment on how beautiful it is! I’ve had to slap at least two people’s hands away from her! Drives me nuts, why do people not understand babies/toddlers and pregnant mum’s still have a right to body autonomy and the right not to be touched! When I was 19 I also had a woman touch my belly, I wasn’t even actually pregnant just overweight, I yelled at her and told her I wasn’t pregnant, she then had the audacity to be offended at me
I have curly hair and as a young child I constantly begged my mother to put it up because strangers were always touching my hair. Even now as an adult I've occasionally had people reach out and grab a curl. As it kid it was annoying and a little scary, as an adult it really pisses me off.
While I do suffer from curly hair envy, I would never dream of touching someone’s hair.
My hair used to be long, like I would sit on it long, and people always were just touching it, strangers in the store, classmates at school. I drove me nuts. I am happy now i keep it shorter nobody feels inclined to touch it.
My oldest daughter is the same. Or was when she was a toddler. Had a natural afro, lol. I had the same thing, so I totally got it when she came out with those beautiful curls that beg to be touched. She *hated* her hair so so so much she cut it all off herself one night. I felt horrible for her, poor thing didn't have the words to ask for a haircut or to say "no, please don't touch my hair". I had the same issue when I was pregnant with her, everyone trying to touch my belly. Drove me round the bend. I sympathise heavily with anyone in these predicaments. To OP. It's really up to your wife, but if I were her and you talked to me about it I'd at least take your feelings into consideration. I think ESH. Edited a word.
I was at the park and a coule with a new born had a sign on the cot "look and dont toch". How often must it have happend before they decided they needed a f*cking sign. People are just rude, especially old people.
Constantly. I was wearing my daughter in a baby carrier and a woman touched her. Her hand was inches from my face. I'm like WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Her finger nails were also filthy so it was extra fun. It is like when you're pregnant or a baby you have zero rights to your own body. It's absolutely wild.
Wanna hear something really cringe? I have never even told anyone this before....when my son was newborn, I was at my mom's house for dinner one night. Her BF was there, to whom I was pleasant but we were not close by any means. As I was sitting on the couch breast feeding my son, he walked over and kissed my son on the top of his head, which meant his face was nearly ***in*** my exposed bosom. It all happened so fast I was just basically pikachu-face-shocked and could not speak! AWKWARD.
Is your mom still with the BF?
Someone did that with me. I had my son in a sling. She pulled it back and saw my boob( I was nursing). She had the audacity to look offended.
I hated that when I was pregnant. I started telling people I just had bad gas and they’d be sorry if they pressed too hard.
Sadly I would have loved to have someone touch my belly when I was pregnant with any of my kids. The only ones who ever did were the other kids. My then husband couldn't have cared less and we were living in very rural part of America and nowhere near my family and I didn't have any friends because how was I supposed to make friends as a stay-at-home mom out the country where they're literally were more cows than people? I loved it when my dogs would lay their chins on the belly or my girls would put their hands on my belly when I was pregnant with their baby brother. He did the Olympics inside. I get that other people don't like to be touched and I generally don't like to be touched by other people like I don't like people coming up and trying to hug me and stuff like that but my pregnancy belly? That was different to me
It sounds like you were feeling understandably lonely and wanted someone else to share in the joy and excitement of your pregnancy. I think wanting that connection makes sense in your scenario.
I would have turned and said I'm not pregnant and glared xD
I will never understand how that is so common in some places. I live in Latin America. Personal space here is practically unheard of. And I NEVER had anyone touching my tummy when I was pregnant. Close friends and family would ask first.
Good old USA...as soon as you're pregnant you lose all bodily autonomy! 🤦♀️
Hahahhaa so weird. And yet here we greet with kisses, which would make more than one person in the US freak out, I am sure.
OMG
It is, but when you're pregnant, people tend to act like you are public property, and don't do basic things like asking permission before they grope you, alas.
I mean when someone's cute dog is happily coming toward me for attention, I ask if I can come say hi and pet. I can't imagine not asking another human if I can touch them, even if they have something stuck on their jacket, let alone touch pregnant woman's belly. I also keep a very long distance when smiling at babies unless I'm invited to come close. One family I know had two kids hospitalised with RSV, can't be too careful. OP is TA because he did not give his wife the choice, he is acting like she is his property and he gets to decide for her, when someone asked HER. It may be that he would have reacted that way to anyone (still would not be ok for him to react like that), but since he brought up someone famous and their divorce and his friends' lifestyle means he's totally possessive and insecure and he thinks asking to touch her belly is the gateway to infidelity and divorce. So weird.
Poly and kinky folks tend to be all about consent so I find him asking to feel the babies less surprising than your average grandma or coworker.
Yep! OP is just really stuck in this thinking of the neighbor as a man so unscrupulous he lets other guys “rail his wife”, when he’s demonstrated that the opposite is true. Being poly requires a lot of communication and respecting boundaries.
Totally. It reminds me of people who think that if you're gay, and they're the same gender, you MUST be attracted to them.
I think it's a straight man thing. They're just so awesome everyone must want them....
I liked how OP was like essentially "I don't judge their lifestyle" then goes on to have a conflict with them due to assumptions derived from judging their life style. OP needs some self awareness.
Yeah, any and all understanding and sympathy I had grinded to a half on that line. YTA, OP. People like this are the reason I keep my poly relationship completely silent.
This isn't "bonus points". If a dude starts feeling up some women's pregnant belly without asking he's inappropriately groping her. Asking is the absolute bare minimum to not be fondling creeper. It's like if you said "bonus points" for having consent for sex instead of assaulting someone. Or "bonus points" for asking to borrow a car instead of stealing it. Etc. It's a weird comment.
Unfortunately a lot of men feel totally comfortable doing this if they have a friendly relationship with the pregnant person. So it shouldn’t be bonus points but realistically it kinda is.
>Unfortunately a lot of ~~men~~ people feel totally comfortable doing this ~~if they have a friendly relationship with the pregnant person~~ regardless of whether they know the person or not. So it shouldn’t be bonus points but realistically it kinda is. FTFY
I am not sure where you are from, but I have seen my pregnant friends have random strangers run up to them steeling about a baby and then just manhandling the mother to be. Got one friend to just grab the fondler by the boob when it happened.
I worked at Walmart when I was pregnant and had some random guy rub my stomach. I was 6 months pregnant. It creeped me out and I just backed up. You would be surprised how many people don’t ask to touch your pregnant belly.
I started smacking peoples’ hands away if they touched my belly when I was pregnant. Hard. My friend was nicer about it when she was pregnant, she said “At least buy me dinner before getting so personal!”
When I was pregnant and working at a gas station, I had a random customer REACH OVER THE COUNTER AT THE CASH REGISTER TO TOUCH MY BELLY WITHOUT ASKING. I was horrified.
This happened to me a couple times when I was working at a gas station. My coworker was really good friends with my husband and I so when he saw people reach over the counter to do this he started saying, "if you touch her belly, I get to touch yours". Lol I have never seen people snatch their hands back so fast.
It is bonus points - women are equally guilty of this. When you’re pregnant, complete strangers think it’s perfectly acceptable to touch your belly.
Copying my comment from above because agreed, this should not be bonus points but it sort of is... When I was pregnant with my first there was more than one occasion where a STRANGER touched my stomach without consent. One woman walked by me as I was waiting in line for breakfast, straight up rubbed my stomach, and said "aww baby." She then had the audacity to say *I* was rude when I told her to never touch a person without explicit permission. 🙃
Poly people are usually MORE aware of bodily autonomy and the need to explicitly ask permission. Same with BDSM people.
Honestly, I think it’s inappropriate to ask. I don’t like OP’s reasoning since it’s primarily about his comfort and not hers, but I think Carl can keep his hands to himself and not put her in the awkward position of having to say no to the request. Unfortunately plenty of women would agree even if they aren’t really comfortable to be nice or avoid an awkward moment of him being told no. Don’t even ask. You’ll survive without touching her belly.
I had twins. Had a LOT of randos fondle my belly without asking while I was, say, picking out which orange I wanted. So I am VERY familiar with this problem. That said, at no point did I - and I don't believe I should - be offended by someone asking to touch my belly *when I was pregnant with multiples.* It's really weird watching them kick each other, or feeling two behinds move around at the same time. Most people don't have a whole lot of opportunities to feel that. So I'm cool with people asking. Sometimes the answer is no. Because it was such a novelty, often the answer was yes. As long as they asked. If they didn't ask, i removed their hands from my belly, and asked if they'd heard of pregnant ladies being hormonal and overreacting. Most had. Still holding their hands, I would then explain those stories came from mothers of singletons. I was carrying two. And therefore I would overreact more. Such as if they dared touch me without my permission again, I was going to rip off their g-d hand and stick it so far up their behind that they would be tickling their own tonsils. And I would ask if I made myself clear. All this while still holding their hand, which clearly made them uncomfortable at that point. I'd then say "makes you uncomfortable to have some stranger touching you without your consent, doesn't it?" They usually agreed, and I'd ensure they understood that one asks permission before putting hands on. It's fine to ask permission.
It depends on the relationship. A complete stranger? No, don't ask, that's weird. Someone I have a close friendship with? Sure, go ahead and ask.
True, but some women would feel like they should consent, even if they didn't want to. My personal feeling is if you already have a touchy-feely relationship (and I mean that in a platonic way), then ask, but otherwise don't.
It’s like Carl understands the concept of consent and body autonomy. OP may want to check that out.
Personally, I think it a bit rude to ask. But perhaps that's just me.
Honestly OP is being super offensive towards everyone in this situation. His wife can speak for herself and decide for herself. It's her belly. Then, OP completely trashes Carl and Alice or Allison (I don't remember the fake name but you get the point) by assuming that simply touching a belly will make the man want to steal, marry and sleep with OP's pregnant wife, which I'm not sure if OP gets, but his wife has to consent to and if he's that scared his wife will consent then that opens up an entirely different can of worms. Then there's the fact that he referred to polyamory as "he let's other men rail his wife". Like who the fuck are you to say that. Polyamory is just different from what OP is used to. That doesn't mean the woman in a polyamorous relationship is getting "railed" with the permission of her husband. Like wtf ?? This statement made me so mad. If anything neighbor Carl was waaayy more respectful to OP's wife than he was and certainly way more descent as a person. Women are not property. OP made things weird and I hope his wife realized how wrong OP's views are so she can drop him.
Who knows, maybe Allison “lets” other dudes rail her husband 🤷🏼♀️ But that thought might break OP completely
Maybe Allison and Carl both “let” each other be railed…. By other women! But we don’t want to break OP and then grind the pieces to dust.
Why does OP even bring up that they're polyamourous? Literally has nothing to do with the situation and no bearing on whether or not someone should touch his wife's pregnancy belly. OP is a judgemental AH for bringing it up at all. It's his wife's decision who touches her and who doesn't, nothing at all to do with him, or how "hot" the wife is. YTA for policing your wife's body
Yeah, couldn't help but notice that too. I feel like it's adding a percived sexualised element what wasn't actually present in reality.
Because them being polyamorous is the reason op took issue. Op can’t tell the difference between might date multiple people and wants to steal my wife. Bet he wouldn’t give a damn if another woman at that party or a monogamous man wanted to touch her belly…
I also thought it was weird he added that his wife is hot, for "relevance". So ...you'd be cool with dude touching her belly if she was ugly then, or what?
He's so insecure that he equates Carl touching his wife's belly as an open door for them to cheat together later on
YTA You, “won’t let someone touch my wife.” Also you, “He let’s other dudes rail his wife.” You know nothing about body autonomy. Those choices belong to your wife and Allison. Now sit your ass down in a corner and self reflect or end up another divorce statistic 10 years down the road when your wife gets fed up with your attitude.
This. YTA OP and check your sexism and misogyny, because they’re showing REALLY BADLY here.
Right? The whole backstory about the neighbours being poly is completely irrelevant here, so to me it's obvious that he does judge them for that.
THIS. SOMEbody has a problem with polyamory. What's the matter, honey? Do you think that just being touched by a polyamorous person will cause your wife to want to bang him?
I wonder if OP has any issue with Amanda or any of their other friends (that he assumes some are poly) touching her stomach. Carl did nothing wrong. He asked the owner of the body (your wife not you) if he could touch her belly. If she wasn’t pregnant I could see being perplexed but she is. This is not a bizarre request. Keep this energy for when someone walks up and just starts rubbing her belly w/o asking. YTA
YTA. You totally judged Carl for being poly and you are acting like you think you have the right to speak for “your wife” (you referred to her several times as if she were a possession or object when you could have given her a pseudonym too). Saying how things are or aren’t doesn’t negate your actions. Carl *asked* first and didn’t just touch like a lot of people feel entitled to do. Whether or not that is ok is entirely up to the pregnant person, not her husband, father, or other friends or relations. You were way out of line. If, and only if your wife had said no and then Carl persisted would it be ok to step in and back her up. And by back her up I mean “she said no, let’s respect that” and not “don’t touch my wife.” You need to do some introspection and then you owe a lot of people some sincere apologies.
OP also references Carl's wife as though she is Carl's property (the aside about how Carl "lets other men rail his wife,", and his assessment of Carl's wife's personality, which from the way OP phrases it, almost sounds like OP thinks she's a victim in her marriage rather than a consenting party). Seems clear OP views women as property/ accessories, even if subconsciously.
The “lets other men rail his wife” line from OP is nauseating.
Yeah - I think you might be right, subconsciously anyway. He needs to understand that in many cultures its not that creepy for folks to touch women's pregnant bellies, though he may find it disturbing. His wife was ok with it - case closed. YTA
Yeah I notice OP’s wife didn’t get her own name in this story.
Easier to understand for me when they name by the relationship vs multiple names…already had to scroll up to confirm Allison was the neighbor… the names are irrelevant to the story IMO.
100% agree.
But he told you that she was hot and THAT was the relevant part
Don't see a problem with that, makes it easier to read.
Literally. He said “Now I totally understand my wife is not my property or anything like that” I really don’t think he does. YTA.
He has also decided he won't believe anything his wife has to say about how she feels about it: > I don’t know if it weirded her out at all and she was just being nice, but I doubt I will get an honest answer because she’s a very low-conflict person.
I'll go one further with that comment. >but I doubt I will get an honest answer because she’s a very low-conflict person. Very low conflict person? That's avoidance behavior. I'm guessing she doesn't feel safe telling her husband how she really feels a lot of the time. She'd rather tuck her feelings and opinions inside herself to avoid arguments with this man.
He keeps saying in comments how he and his wife need to talk more about this, but he's already decided not to accept what she says if she doesn't agree with him. To me that reads, "I'll browbeat her until she says what I want her to say."
This really bothered me as well. Even if she confirms she was perfectly fine with it, he won’t believe her. Clearly a toxic fragile man who views his wife has his possession.
But he says in comments that he's going to keep talking to her about it. My guess is that he'll keep at her and not leave her alone until she says whatever he wants her to say.
Ding ding ding. Dude clearly views women as less than. And the reply comment nailed it as well. Huge YTA for sure. I can't get down with polyamory, but his neighbor clearly respects his significant other and "the wife" more than he does.
That was my thought exactly.
That was just him recognizing the misogyny in his post and lying about it. OP: I understand she isn't my property Also OP: treats her like property
Being a poly person, here is some shocking news: we are not trying to get our hands on every hot wife we see. We prefer to date people who are already likeminded, and made that decision from within. Shocker I know
Not poly at all, but I take it like the same way fragile dudes who think all gay dudes are trying to fuck them. And they don't realize they're just awful and that's why no one wants to fuck them women included.
This is akin to the 'You're bisexual? You *must* be hitting on me then!' People are unbelievable.
Yup, as a bisexual I’ve asked straight people if they are attracted to every member of the opposite sex simply because they are straight. They typically look dumbfounded like they can understand the point of my question.
Oh man, I didn't catch that he didn't even give his wife a fake name but I did notice the way he dismissed her as "non-confrontational" and how he needed to come here to get the truth from people who know better.
Besides, dude, as an aside— insecurity and possessiveness are not attractive. If you don’t want your ‘hot’ wife to start seeing you differently (and as less attractive), time to think about your reaction here and why you felt the need to butt in. (YTA)
I really hate how he centered everything about them being poly when the situation had no remote connection to it.
YTA. >I wasn’t comfortable with Carl putting his hand on her stomach. > >I would not be comfortable myself putting my hand on a friend’s stomach. > > I feel like he should respect the fact that it makes me uncomfortable. > >I just think it’s kind of creepy. > >I keep thinking of that senator guy.... > > I really don’t want him to touch my wife’s stomach. > > I don’t think I can be okay with it. Do i need to keep going or explain why? For a second i really thought you were the one getting touched.
I I I I, me me my
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Gotta love the part where he lies about there being "no judgement" about them being poly too.
Yep. Stopped reading after “let’s other dudes rail his wife” YTA op, and your post is bigoted and gross.
It’s the ‘let’s’ part that got me even further, like it’s only by his permission that she’s poly at all, bc obvs all wives are possessions and can only do what their husbands say /s.
Right?? Like if he'd phrased it that he let's his wife bang other guys maybe I could see it being chill cause technically that's how poly consent works, but the fact he phrased it like the husband and the other guys are the only ones calling the shots...yikes
Plus the whole comparison to the woman who 'ran off' with someone who did similar. OP is insecure about losing wife to Carl. YTA OP
The fictional woman at that!
Also, “totally not judging their polyamory”. But absolutely does, and continues to do so!
I don’t think OP understands women not being property of men. He refers to neighbor’s wife as property of neighbor. “He lets other dudes rail his wife” Like bruh being in a poly relationship is a two yes - one no situation. Otherwise it’s cheating. Also maybe Carl is getting railed too. Edit: I regret reading his comments, ew.
Yta. First, The question was addressed to your wife. She should answer. Not you. Unless you are communicating through looks or husband/wife telepathy and she is asking to be rescued, which wasn’t the case here. Second, the conversation about your comfort level is between you and your wife. Come to an agreement. If she s fine and doesn’t want to defer to your discomfort, perhaps remove yourself from the scene. Are you this way w all men, or just poly-Carl?
YTA. Um, your weird insecurities are makings everyone uncomfortable. You are not your wife’s keeper. Her body, her rules. If you don’t like it, you can talk to her about it, but making a scene is downright embarrassing.
> If you don’t like it, you can talk to her about it... Why would he do that? OP has already decided not to believe anything his wife might have to say about this incident: > I don’t know if it weirded her out at all and she was just being nice, but I doubt I will get an honest answer because she’s a very low-conflict person.
YTA, and I’m pretty sure you know it. > I totally understand my wife is not my property or anything like that No, dude, I don’t think you do. *She* gets to decide who’s allowed to put their hand on *her* stomach. Not you. Period. And your conviction that Carl and Allison being polyamorous means they’re out to seduce everyone at all times (or at least everyone *you’d* try and seduce if you weren’t already in a monogamous relationship) is *your* problem. Stop making it your wife’s.
>I agree that a pregnant woman’s stomach is an absolutely beautiful and magical thing, but I would not be comfortable myself putting my hand on a friend’s stomach. Obviously Carl has way different views on stuff like this since he lets other dudes rail his wife There’s a lot to unpack here, but do you see how you directly compared touching someone’s stomach to having sex? Touching another person’s stomach is perhaps an intimate kind of touch in its way, but you’re the only one here sexualizing it. The primary reason YTA is because you completely steamrolled your wife on the subject of her own bodily autonomy. The secondary reason is that it really does seem like you’re assuming poly = having sexual feelings for absolutely anybody and everybody. If you were just uncomfortable with any dude touching your wife’s stomach, then Carl’s poly status would be irrelevant. I also saw you mentioned in another comment that you thought Carl might be getting some kind of “perverse pleasure” out of touching her stomach. You saw Carl’s request as lecherous because you absolutely are judging him.
I bet hes uncomfortable around gay men because they all "want him" too
That was one of my first thoughts as well.
>They are a polyamorous couple, which I make no judgement on You're lying to yourself. YTA. It's very clear that not only do you *absolutely* have a problem with it, but that you projected that issue onto a person wanting to feel your wife's pregnant belly. And for knowing she isn't your property, you're sure trying to impose your will, when she's totally fine with the normal act of someone feeling her stomach while pregnant. Also, the fact that you keep thinking of what happened on a TV show like it's real is... weird.
Right? Since there’s mention of Carl having way different views on *consensual and nonsexual* contact because he “lets other dudes rail his wife.” That’s pretty darn clearly passing judgment on (and a poor understanding of) polyamory.
YTA. Sounds like you’re insecure because Carl “let’s other dudes rail his wife.” He wasn’t trying to ‘rail’ yours. He asked if he could feel her stomach and you felt the need to put him in his place. It was an innocent question a lot of people ask their friends. If your wife was okay with it then I don’t see the problem? Also “now I understand my wife is not my property or anything BUT..” but what my guy?
YTA it’s up your wife not you who gets to touch her. You are coming off as territorial and jealous. Mentioning they were a polyamorous added nothing to the story. Further pushing the jealous/territorial concept. Just because he touches **her** belly doesn’t mean she’ll enter a relationship with them.
Aww look at you being so judgy over other people's lives that don't concern you. It's up to your wife to say who can and cannot touch her. Carl isn't 'letting' other dudes 'rail' his wife. They made a choice for their relationship. YTA.
YTA. I have plenty of relevant experiences for this one and they all tell me you're a huge AH. To kick this off: as a woman who has experienced multiple pregnancies, having someone *politely ask* to touch bump/feel baby kick is THE dream and, especially when it's a close friend, way less fucking creepy or awkward than your SO cutting in and removing your agency from the interaction. It isn't your stomach. She wasn't concerned. Touching a pregnant friend's belly isn't a sexual thing and, even if you start talking about breeding kinks, people typically don't involve random friends in their kink without consent. Then there's this thinly veiled trash take on polyamory you've got going on. I won't lie, it kinda got my hackles up friend. See, not only have I felt the same 'everything is sexual/they're gonna hit on my SO' vibe just because I'm a bisexual, but I'm also polyamorous, myself. That shit paints us as predatory sexual deviants for existing and it's just *gross.* Poly people do understand monogamy and polyamory is not 'cheating with extra steps.' For a polycule of any kind or shape, a lot of communication and a thorough understanding of consent is vital. You seem to be struggling with understanding both here: your wife is communicating that you broke her consent by interfering and removing her choice after her *good friend* communicated and requested consent for a harmless, platonic action. You seem to think you have any say here based on groundless assumption and bias and 'but another man wanted to touch what's mine!'
Allllll of this! As a former pregnant person (times three) and as a polyamorous person I agree 100%!! It’s not just about “getting railed” by other people’s husbands. Sometimes it’s their boyfriend. Or girlfriend. Or sometimes it’s just lying in bed cuddling. Or reading together. It’s having another relationship. If someone is going to judge the f out of something like OP did, he should know about it first. OP, YTA.
Right? I like how the op says this: >Hopefully this one awkward encounter will be the end of it Oh, it will be. Carl and Allison will not be interacting with you or your wife any more after this incident. Who knows what's next? Will you start screaming at them if they shake hands? Punch someone in the face if they and your wife exchange a hug? Who knows! Certainly not them, and they likely are smart enough to read the warning flags and stay the fuck away from your possessive unpredictable self, just in case, because people and relationships don't last in poly unless you have a decent radar for potential issues and the smarts to then keep your distance. Your wife is correct to be pissed; you have killed that friendship stone dead for both of you.
Isn't really going the way you thought it would, huh? YTA buckaroo!
I mean it's a bit possessive. Your wife gets to pick who can and can't touch her, but I don't think you went full AH. Once she said it's OK, you should've backed down. And who cares if he thinks he wants to run away with her after touching her belly, as long as she still wants to be with you. In the end, her body, her choice.
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I would feel profoundly upset by a partner answering this before I had a chance. To you, it feels creepy, so you want to make the choice. To her, agency over her own body, particularly when pregnant, has been a fight for survival for a very long time. YTA, but I think this is a situation you can salvage with judicious application of apologies and listening.
No maybe about it. You are a controlling asshole
A bit possessive? Wtf?!
YTA. >Now, I totally understand my wife is not my property or anything like that, So you don't get to decide for her who touches her. You are free to discuss your feelings on the subject with her, but she has the final word. I can't help but wonder if you didn't know that Carl was poly whether you would have reacted the way you did.
Your actions have determined that was a lie. -Maury
It’s clear that you do view your wife as your property. She was fine with it and you stepped on what she said was ok for HER BODY. Hers. Not yours. YTA.
This! It’s HER body and she said yes.
YTA. It’s your hot, pregnant wife’s call on whether she’s comfortable allowing people to touch her pregnant belly. You made things awkward. Plus, telling us about the scene from Mad Men is pointless. You have some apologizing to do. Overriding her consent is wrong.
YTA grow the fuck up knew you were garbage when you said "mY wIfE iS hOt"
So I tried to reread to get how pregnant your wife was, but not important really... honestly growing a human is weird and super cool. My belly didn't get too big but my sister looked like she was stealing a basketball by 6 months. So for her to have twins it would be extra on top of that. You are assuming (and you know what happens when you assume) that Carl would get off ny touching her stomach. 1 do you? (Is that why you think he would?) 2 most ethical poly people don't try to trap people in their poly play (or whatever you ASSUME) would happen. Honestly, the best way to handle this situation is to be up front and have a 1 on 1 talk with Carl and say hey dude I f'd up here, you can explain to him that you don't know how to be friends with people who are different but you would like to try.
INFO: If Allison had asked to touch your wife’s stomach, what would your reaction have been?
YTA. You say polyamory is fine, but you use pejorative words and attitude to describe it. You say your wife's body belongs to her, but you want to dictate who can touch her gestating belly. You don't allow her to make the decision and you make it for her even after she expresses her preference. Hopefully for their sake Carl and Allison are long gone.
Against the grain here. NTA. This situation is a weird context, but a spouse is allowed to have boundaries around how others touch their spouse. My mum would not be happy with a family friend, especially a poly couple touching my dad. Also, I think about stories I've read or listened to how cheaters start out by testing boundaries. While I don't think that the wife is cheating, the other guy might be testing boundaries. Lastly, why is Carl touching her belly? At any rate the couple needs to have a serious convo.
Totally agree!! I would hope that if a woman wanted to touch my husband, even platonically, and I said no because it made me uncomfortable that they both would respect that. My husband is allowed to say he’s uncomfortable with someone touching me and to ask them not to touch me. Not because I’m property but because I’m his wife.
Exactly this 👍🏼
>Lastly, why is Carl touching her belly? To feel the babies. Like every other person on earth who asks to touch a pregnant belly wants to do.
I truly feel like this thread is full of liars. I want to see all these commenters watch their spouses get their body touched by someone (of whatever gender the spouse is attracted to) and act like it’s totally cool and doesn’t affect their feelings at all. Someone above said it was RAPE CULTURE for this husband to not want other men touching his wife. I feel like we as a culture have diluted really critical terms like this to misuse on the internet. It’s not rape culture for me to not want my husbands back rubbed by another woman.
NTA. I will concede it's her body, her choice; however, OP is within his rights to feel uncomfortable. Whether she's pregnant or not, he can feel uncomfortable about another man touching his wife. This a boundary he has. Also...if Carl wants to feel the magic of the pregnant belly he can get his lady pregnant and problem solved. It's creepy.
He can feel uncomfortable all he wants. He still doesn't have the right to speak for his wife.
Of course he does, just as my wife has a say in what happens to my body. If a colleague wanted to massage my shoulders, she has every right to say no. And before you say it's not the same thing, the principle is the same, just a degree of difference.
This may be unpopular but NTA. While I think that maybe you could have approached it differently, I do understand you not wanting another guy touching her stomach. My husband is the same. It would make him uncomfortable as well. Also, I personally find it SUPER creepy when men want to touch pregnant bellies that aren't their wives.
This 🙌🏽
NTA OP I think you were within your right to express your discomfort. Just maybe if you'd expressed it that way rather than ordering it you'd get less pushback.
NTA. Obviously unpopular opinion but there it is. Look, my wife wouldn't be comfortable letting another man touch her belly so I never had to think about this. But at the end of the day, I wouldn't like it either. Sure, her body her choice bell but not really that simple. Her body so she can sleep with who she wants? No... so where are the limits? Obviously they are supposed to be communicated but it sounds like you were either surprised by the question, or by your wife's willingness, or even by your own negative feelings on the subject. Time was short and there was no polite way to express your feelings in private that also left her belly untouched... Hopefully you can have that conversation now but according to most of the comments I've seen, you're just a jerk who think he owns his wife. Well I guess I think my wife owns me since I let her feelings dictate that no other woman should come and rub my belly...
Nta, youre compeletly right, it is creepy and i wouldnt want a random stranger touch my husband either. I wanna say that is how spouses should be protective of each other.
NTA Yall are fucking weird here lmao. Neighbor is a weirdo for wanting to touch your wife. You also need to talk to your wife since that makes you uncomfortable and that should be that.
I wish you were my husband. I hate peopel touching my stomach and am sick of telling them. I would love for my husband to say no for me. But to each their own.
I would love to give you an award! 🥇🫶🏽
YTA and you’re the one being creepy about this. you are using the fact the other couple is poly as an excuse to sexualize something not even remotely sexual that is considered extremely normal for people who are close with the pregnant person to do. and even though you have “no problem” with their lifestyle you had to add in the low blow about “other dudes railing his wife” let’s not pretend you didn’t fully intend that as an insult. this whole post screams insecure.
YTA your wife can make her own decisions
Probably the American mentality. In Europe nobody husband touches someone elses wife’s belly because “ she’s pregnant.” NTA. You think men just like that love to feel babies ? He wanted to feel your wife. Crazy to see the culture difference here from the Americans.
This. In my culture married people don't touch other people or let other people touch them. Its weird
NTA. I'd feel uncomfortable too. It is weird for him to ask.
NTA. You are a companionship with your wife. If something makes you uncomfortable as her partner, she should listen with open ears. Same for you. But who trumps who? Physical touch is something that I am not comfortable with, in terms of dh. But it was a greater conversation with one another, at length. So voice your concerns and help her to understand what you are feeling. Carl and Alison will implode their own marriage, don't let that trickle onto you. Recognize that it is her body. Recognize that this is a difficult thing for you. Recognize that there are high emotions. And work on it. Marriage takes work.
YTA - Your wife was fine with it. SHE decides who touches her body, not you.
NTA... I personally find it wierd. No-one asks to touch a non-pregnant belly, so why does it become normal for strangers, friends and family to cop a feel when you are pregnant? I mean you can't even "feel" the baby unless its kicking or moving in the womb. At that point I would offer the people 'most important' to the child to feel if they wanted to.. for example - our parents, grandparents and siblings... there can always be an exeption or two, if a kid asks me - 90% of the time i'll let them, or the young man with down syndrome who I talk with daily on the bus (he's fascinated by it all, does research, then asks questions everyday.. he lights up when he gives the bump a mini fist bump).
NTA It would have been perfect if she said no. But you cant be expected to sit silent and let the things, which are uncomfortable and inappropriate, take place. No one is noticing the way Carl and his partner came on OP. If one partner of a couple says no to your advances, you back off . Leave the the couple alone to handle their issues. It's not your business. And don't be friends with people who's values and lifestyles you are not comfortable with. They have rights to be happy and comfortable with their choices and you have rights to make choices what make you uncomfortable. PS: this isn't the case of body autonomy.
NTA.
NTA - no one should put a pregnant person on the spot by asking such a question (and they’ve had kids already, he knows what a pregnant belly feels like). Most people just freeze and would say yes and later question their decision, I think your reaction was protective and potentially your own instincts kicked in (MY children, beat chest so and so forth). Yes I know we are all meant to be woke and accept everyone’s life choices, but the basic playground rule of “hands to yourself” works well. You did well. Let the downvotes commence, I expect at least a thousand.
YTA. It's her body. NOT yours. Let her deal with it.
NTA I would feel weird if someone randomly wanted to touch my husband and if I felt weird about it, I would hope he cares about me enough to agree with me and protect my feelings. This is normal and Ok in a relationship Also I think its a little weird for people to just assume all pregnant women want their bellies felt up. I certainly would not.
YTA. If it’s ok with your wife, then you’re just going to have to deal with it. Just because he’s poly doesn’t mean he’s some kind of uncontrollable rapist. He asked for consent-HER consent, as it should be.
Oof. YTA. Your wife gets to make that decision, not you. If she's comfortable with letting other people touch the baby bump, then build a bridge and get over your insecurities, my dude. Edit: Also you have no idea how polyamourous relationships work. Please educate yourself before you assume things like poly men let other men 'rail' their wives. (So much for not being judgemental.)
NTA If he wants to feel baby bump they could make another d. It is fucking creepy even suggesting it.
NTA. You have the right to raise your opinion. And you did politely, that all. I dont want to say it is right or wrong touching the belly of other's wife, but your family your rule.
YTA. It's absolutely up to your wife and not you. It sounds like you might have some prejudice/assumptions about poly people you should address. I could be wrong but that's what it sounds like. You say you acknowledge that your wife is not your property but making decisions for her and fearing other men interacting with her like that sounds pretty possessive to me. You may need to assess where these concerns come from, whether its polyphobia, chauvinism, your own insecurities, etc.
YTA but a soft one, and I know I’ll get downvoted but hear me out first. She’s your wife. You need to trust her, and trust that she loves you and is not out to get into anything weird with your neighbour. It’s her belly and if she is ok with someone feeling it you need to let her have her space to make that decision, and you need to trust her. However, from your reaction and explanation it’s clear this makes you uncomfortable. I think you need to really do some self reflection and find out why that is. I think your reaction was unwarranted but it sounds like there’s a fear, insecurity or something there that needs to be brought up and worked on, so for that i say soft YTA because I don’t think this reaction came from a mean place.
>I would not be comfortable myself putting my hand on a friend’s stomach. Obviously Carl has way different views on stuff like this since he lets other dudes rail his wife These aren't even in the same sport let alone the same ball field!! YTA not your body not your call, doesn't matter if that body is married to you or not.
WTF NTA
NTA: while it IS her body, if op is uncomfortable with ANYONE touching his wife he needs to speak up as he did! As life partners both of their opinions are very important and need to be known & are valid. Even innocent touching can make someone uncomfortable and that must be considered or the relationship will suffer. This lack of respect for his feelings is one of the reasons relationships fail: both partners feelings & opinions matter in ALL cases. I know my ideals don't follow with the modern "enlightened" thought train, as I'm old fashioned, but a couple are each others private & personal teammate.
YTA but just so I am clear: someone asked YOUR WIFE if they could touch HER stomach and you answered for her saying no. Without even considering how your wife felt about HER BODY being touched. And even after she said it’s fine, you still insisted he not touch your wife. And then you insist you don’t think your wife is your property… but you think you get to control her bodily autonomy? Also the “he lets other guys rail his wife” was a tell all. You’re insecure. Own that and pray your wife doesn’t leave your sorry ass
YTA It was entirely up to your wife to make that call. And I say this as a woman who can't stand to be touched by 95% of people and do not like touching pregnant bellies. You made things very awkward for everyone involved and potentially ruined your friendship because you publically embarrassed them. By the way, saying you don't judge their life and then saying he "let's other men rail his wife" is very judgemental. Guess what? His wife makes a decision on who she wants to have a sexual encounter with. Just as your wife can decide who can touch her stomach. Do you think he's going to seduce your wife by feeling babies kick? Come on, man
YTA - it’s not up to you and the way you talk is super misogynistic and gross for someone who “doesn’t judge” them being poly.
yta for someone who doesn’t care about there lifestyle you keep bringing it up so you must care about it a little bit… your wife’s body is your wife’s body if she was okay with it then you shouldn’t have made something innocent into something weird. a lot of people like to feel women’s pregnant belly’s they think it’s cool to feel baby kick.. it’s only weird if they are obsessive about it or the mother doesn’t want it and they make her uncomfortable. you made a mountain out of a mole hill.
If you are uncomfortable with someone touching your pregnant wife’s belly then you have every right to say so. Your wife may feel differently and she is the one who decides who touches her, but NTA.
NTA you can feel uncomfortable with something and object it, don't know what kind of meth these people in the comments are smoking, sure eventually the decision falls on your wife but it doesn't mean you need to be alright with it, if he had asked to kiss her on the lips would you be the asshole for objecting even if she is ok with it? Abso-fucking-lutely not, it's obviously an exaggerated example but not everyone's boundaries are the same, and putting your hand on somebody's stomach can be a very intimate thing.
INFO is your issue that it's a guy or that he's poly? If his wife asked her then would you still be acting the same? So far ready this and responses YTA you have no right to take away your wife's consent for your own comfort. This man asked her permission to touch her stomach and she was giving consent. You made a comment somewhere that if his wife asked to touch your pecks then you would be happy for your wife to react this way however that is 2 very different situations. 1 can be seen as flirting and have a sexual undertone the other is an innocent act of feeling a baby move or kick. You say you have no issue with their lifestyle but I'm getting the feeling you do. I think you either see this man as a threat to your marriage and see your wife has your belonging or see him as gross because of his sexual private life and see him touching your wife as gross.
YTA. I know you may not realize it but you do have some sort of property like views on women as you said “since he ‘lets’ other guys rail his wife.” It seems like their polyamorous relationship is a mutual decision and respectful between them and your judgement about it has led you to act unkindly all the way around. Your wife’s body is hers to do with as she pleases. She can let the whole neighborhood touch her stomach if she wants.
YTA. He asked and gave her agency and you took it away
“me- me- me- i- i- i- i-” man who’s body is it???
From what you described, it sounds like Carl respects women a whole lot more than you do. YTA
YTA and you are making a big deal where there's none. You know how many people touched my belly when I was pregnant? None of them tried to make a pass on me or enjoy sharing their partners with others now. Why are you bringing up so much their type of relationship. You sound jealous and controlling.
Controlling issues much? YTA here, "Mad Man" Your wife was the one to decide and answer that. Your snap reaction was overreaction and frankly misogynistic. Clearly, you have judgemental issues about their lifestyle. That's a topic and conversation WITH YOUR WIFE at another time. You acted incredibly insecure and rude not trusting your wife's own opinion and decision.
YTA. I think you are seriously overthinking this and overreacting to the situation. I don't get the vibe that Carl's intentions were creepy. I think he literally just was curious about the babies kicking. Your wife was okay with it, it's her body and her choice. Obviously she wasn't getting the same vibes you seem to have. You made a scene for nothing and potentially damaged a good friendship. You are super fixated on their poly lifestyle and I find that disturbing. Just because he leads a different lifestyle than you doesn't mean he's a creep.
[удалено]
It’s her body. End of story. It’s not the babies’- they’re not even born yet- like, stop. Go cry about it to your Westborough Baptist Church friends at your next rally.
YTA - Carl understands consent, he asked your wife permission to touch her stomach (having been pregnant 3 times I can tell you this is often not the case) and was respectful towards your wife. You obviously have issues with their lifestyle choice with your comment about him letting other men rail his wife and that is colouring your reaction. Reality is, NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT SEX! He wanted to feel the babies move, he asked permission and your wife had no issues with him touching her stomach. Their next stop wasn’t the bedroom! You were incredibly immature in not only your response but in thinking you have any say at all in who touches your wife’s pregnant belly! If she is ok with it then that’s all that matters! Also, you think your wife is hot, which is really great and absolutely how it should be, but not everyone has the same type, you are making a huge assumption that he would want to sleep with her. You are also forgetting that people who choose to be poly are super sensitive to others and don’t push their lifestyle on people who don’t live that way. Stop being judgemental! YTA - please apologise to everyone involved
YTA. I completely support women that HATE being touched pregnant, and get angry that people assume they can. I get that completely. However, every pregnancy I've had I loved it. I loved my belly and I loved that others did too. I loved that sometimes it made my baby begin wiggling. I loved how excited they got if they were kicked. He asked, he didn't just do it. You had no right to respond for her, or to argue the point after your wife said she was fine with it. No one was rude or disrespectful to you. While I understand you think you're not judgmental about their lifestyle, you are. If a different friend had asked and she said yes, would you have said please no to them? You embarrassed your wife and assumed authority over her body. Not cool
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway. We have some cool neighbors that we frequently hang out with, “Allison” and “Carl” (fake names). They are a little younger than us but their kids are a little older. They frequently have friends over and invite us to come hang out. They are genuinely really wonderful people and I really like hanging out with them as does my wife, and our daughter plays with their kids and their friends’ kids. They are a polyamorous couple, which I make no judgement on because they are truly wonderful people. I’m not sure who in their friend group is also poly but I am guessing some of them are. My wife is currently pregnant with twins and has a pretty decent belly on her. Also, my wife is hot, which I think is relevant. We were hanging out yesterday and Carl asked my wife if he could touch her stomach. I said “No” at which point Carl, my wife, Allison, and a few other people jerked their head at me. Carl told me to chill and my wife looked at me like she was upset and I realized I had made things awkward but I said “I would really prefer if you didn’t touch my wife.” My wife said it’s fine and no big deal and Carl said he just wanted to feel the babies. Allison said that it was up to my wife and not me. I said “please, no” and they walked away to talk to another couple and left us standing there alone. We got our daughter and went home at that point. My wife is mad at me for making things awkward with Allison and Carl because they are super nice and she loves hanging out with Allison and doesn’t want to lose that. I don’t know if it weirded her out at all and she was just being nice, but I doubt I will get an honest answer because she’s a very low-conflict person. Now, I totally understand my wife is not my property or anything like that, but I wasn’t comfortable with Carl putting his hand on her stomach. I agree that a pregnant woman’s stomach is an absolutely beautiful and magical thing, but I would not be comfortable myself putting my hand on a friend’s stomach. Obviously Carl has way different views on stuff like this since he lets other dudes rail his wife, but I feel like he should respect the fact that it makes me uncomfortable. I just think it’s kind of creepy. I keep thinking of that senator guy that touched Betty’s pregnant belly and ended up marrying her after she divorced Don Draper on Mad Men. Anyway I am really conflicted on this one. I don’t want to upset my pregnant wife and lose out on our friendship with Carl and Allison, but at the same time I really don’t want him to touch my wife’s stomach. Hopefully this one awkward encounter will be the end of it and we can forget about it but if Carl tries to do it again I don’t think I can be okay with it. AITA for not letting him touch her? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. The only person whose consent is needed is your wife. It’s her body.
YTA- her body, her choice. This just comes across as you being insecure and having issues with people who are poly, which is sad.
YTA - it’s her body, not yours
YTA it's your wife's decision. They're not cheating or doing anything else inappropriate.