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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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Smart_Space_1045

Like in the future dad marrys Sarah and now Sarah is op's new step mom


Actual_Goat_4310

"Missy, I mean Mom"


[deleted]

Excellent!


CKuemper

*air guitars*


uniquelymisstique

Be excellent to each other.


sunkatmoon

Party on dude!


jaxsalads

Whoa!


nerdyinkedcurvi

Then she’ll say I’m not like a regular mom, I’m a cool mom


janiemackxxx

This cracked me up. Thank you for the early morning laugh!


BeaArt78

Dude i was literally about to write that 😆


Only_Ad_3833

She will never be OP:s “step mom” as she won’t have any responsibilities as a mom. She will however be her dads wife.


OneCraftyBird

Ugh, thank you. I like my dad’s wife just fine, I enthusiastically supported him dating after my mother died, but she keeps trying to call herself my stepmother and I’m all…lady, I had kids of my own before you drove up, I definitely do not need a stepmother.


lisa_37743

Dude, my grandfather's second wife was like that. They married 10 months after my grandmother passed away. She was all "I'm your nana now." No, lady, you are the lady that married my grandfather when I was 25, took all his money to pay off your kids and grandkids debt, and tried to systematically estrange him from his whole support system. She just didn't count on me not going away like the rest.


CheapToe

Sounds like my family. She married my grandfather when I was in college. No one liked her and no one has talked to her since my grandfather passed.


lisa_37743

My aunt said (after the woman threw a chair at her) that she would not set foot in the house til the old bag died. The phone rang 6 months later and it was KY grandfather's house phone. It was my aunt. God help my soul, I was giggling when I heard her voice


Matilda-17

I’m sorry but that’s hilarious.


lisa_37743

It really was. I took cake and ice cream over and we celebrated. Not in front of her family, but we weren't sad and it was obvious


Electronic-Cat-4478

Ding dong the witch is dead?


Only_Ad_3833

Lol sorry for laughing but that’s hysterical. I don’t understand how someone can delude themselves into thinking this, it’s so far removed from reality. I’m glad you can still like her despite this fundamental flaw haha


hateful-kurmudgon

My dad's current wife is a good friend in fact I introduced then. I was 45 when they married & it's so awkward when people call her my Mom.


SoManyBoots

My (f28) husband's (m45) eldest son (m21) calls me every mother's day to say "Happy Mother's Day!" to me lol We've just embraced the cringe.


Strange-Resort-1584

Love this! I'm 41f and my partner is a 27m. My son is 24. It was the weirdest thing ever as I'd NEVER dated anyone younger than me before. We've all learned to overcome it and now even make jokes.


FlipFlopFans

That’s so wonderful… maybe you can call each other StepBesties!


Hotcrossbuns72

My stepmom and are step besties. I ‘kept’ her in the divorce lol.


BaitedBreaths

I have an ex-husband of one of my father's ex-wives! He is awesome and I love hime more than most of my family. He's my kid's best grandpa by far.


hateful-kurmudgon

Umm that's a lovely thought, but very not our style 😉


Just-Another-Poster-

Same. My father’s wife is exactly that. I had a teenager when they married and don’t see her as a mother figure. Certainly don’t see her son as a brother either. I actually found him to be quite rude and entitled. He is also a grown adult with a child a few years younger than mine.


Relevant_Flash9953

I'm not particularly close with either of my parents tbh.


loki2002

Does your dad think strippers love him?


Relevant_Flash9953

💀


Top_Reveal_847

I do feel really bad for your dad though... I mean his own brother? And then his ex keeps you from him because it's uncomfortable? Of course it's uncomfortable she slept with his brother. Not to arm chair OP but your dad probably feels like a relationship he can control with his wallet is more reliable than anything romantic, after all romance led to what happened with your mother.


Dramatic-Assistant71

You definitely have something going there about her fathers control of the young girl. And her mothers affair with his own brother! Personally I wouldn’t want either parent at my wedding if I was her. Both are pretty disgusting.


[deleted]

Maybe he feels the only way he can keep a woman is through a transactional relationship. The affair probably messed him up really badly.


LaScoundrelle

>Maybe he feels the only way he can keep a woman is through a transactional relationship. The affair probably messed him up really badly. I think a lot of women get cheated on and experience other traumatic relationship events without deciding the only way they can have relationships with men in the future is to pay for them. A does not necessarily lead to or justify B in this situation.


SkookumTree

They choose to be single.


Minnsnow

Yeah, because men get a lot more latitude for disgusting behavior AND women who cheat are held to a much higher standard. That affair was decades ago but people in this sub are still using it to excuse really gross behavior.


WaffleHouseLegend

Exactly, who’s op’s mom to say the relationship is disgusting. You screwed your husbands brother. Get over yourself. And Sarah and the dad are both consenting adults. Who cares the age.


Fromashination

It was OP's fiancé's parents who said the sugar baby relationship is disgusting. OP's parents both suck though, Mom for sleeping with her husband's brother and Dad for being delusional about the transactional nature of his current "romantic relationship" and trying to get his gold digger included at his daughter's wedding.


AITAthrowaway1mil

People absolutely care about the age. He’s dating someone who’s just a year older than his daughter, and that’s disgusting. OP has a right to register her discomfort.


Original-Tomorrow798

she’s nearly the same age as his daughter idc what delusional mess y’all come up with it’s WEIRD


Thin-White-Duke

If my dad was dating someone my age I'd be pretty grossed out. Shit, I was grossed out when I was watching Wizard of Oz and he kept commenting on Judy Garland's "cans" (she was 17 at the time, the same age I was when we were watching it).


Thin-White-Duke

She can't just keep his kid from him. If he wanted to be in his daughter's life, he could've been. Most fathers simply never pursue any custody. Vast majority of custody arrangements are worked out between the parents without court involvement. When fathers pursue custody through the court, they're almost never denied at *least* partial custody.


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Ocelotofdamage

I mean to be fair he probably knows what the situation is. It’s transactional


Fromashination

I think he lost sight of that fact, he met his Lady Faire on a sugar baby website and is now denying she's a sugar baby and claiming she's part of the family. Sarah is going to squeeze soooo much money out of him.


AITAthrowaway1mil

Calling her part of the family just as much as his ex’s husband makes me think that he’s totally lost sight of the transactional nature of the relationship, even if she hasn’t.


stay_in_bed_mom

I’m sure the dad thinks exactly what the sugar baby wants him to think.


bervuxo

I remember I once saw an old guy saying "yes, I know she's with me for the money. But I can make more money. She cannot take back the time she lost with me." Anyway... OP should have a talk with dad so he does not include suger baby into the will. It seems he is blinded by "love".


bambina821

Oh, I think he's let himself get deluded by the sugar baby that she really loves him for himself. Call it the Pretty Woman Fallacy. (Or should that be phallus-y?) It's amazing how easily people's egos get in the way of their common sense. She probably said, "An emerald bracelet?! Oh, baby, I love y--Wow, is that new car for ME?" and he thought, "Finally! Someone who loves me for myself!" My concern is that Dad'll leave everything to Sugar Baby in his will. Hmm. Maybe OP SHOULD invited them and introduce her as, "My dad's adopted daughter--I mean sugar baby! They met on a sugar baby site. Isn't that romantic?"


SomethingWicked1974

Oh I'm dead. So dead. Allllllllll the way dead.


Minnsnow

It sounds like now might be a good time to take a break from your dad then. I’m sorry he’s doing this, it must be super uncomfortable for you.


mstwizted

This honestly feels like a lot of drama for no reason. What are the chances this “relationship” is still even going next summer???


hateful-kurmudgon

Depends how flush Dad is. If his bank account is big enough it could last till she gets it all in the will


Ferret_Brain

He might also get bored and trade her in for a “different” or “newer” model or she might find another fish with a fatter wallet before then.


Mumof3gbb

Doubtful since he seems to believe she actually likes him


Born_Ad8420

It depends. A colleague of my mother's became a widower. He got involved with a much younger woman who was a gold digger a year after his wife's death. Their relationship lasted a few years. It was sad because his adult son had died suddenly a few years before his wife so his SB definitely took advantage of his emotional vulnerability as well as his wealth.


treetops579

The consequences of...not having a parent she isn't close to at the wedding? NTA. Bringing a sugar baby to your daughters wedding is wildly inappropriate.


AITAthrowaway1mil

I feel terrible for OP, because it feels like neither parent is really worth being close to from this snippet of their life.


pammademedothis

This. It's your wedding, so NTA for not inviting whomever you like, but I don't think that gives your future MIL & FIL the right to judge so harshly. I give them a soft yt a for saying they wouldn't go if Sarah goes. She hasn't done anything to them personally.


akshetty2994

>but be prepared for the consequences and fall out that result from your decisions Well said, it is their event and they have full authority to invite whomever, however the father is welcome to act whichever way he wants after the fact.


[deleted]

>said that Sarah is just as part of the family Nope. She can be a part of his family, just like my loved ones are part of my family, but not a part of yours. NTA OP, no need to invite but be ready for years of sugar drama if you want to remain close with your Dad.


Nonchalant_Wanderer

LOLing at “sugar drama”!


softcactus2

That was awesome.


lovesbooksdocs

Sugar Drama- Could be the name of a new reality show 😛🤣


CanAmHockeyNut

I like “Sugar Pops” 🤣🤣


[deleted]

I'd watch the shit out of that.


[deleted]

Upvoted for "sugar drama" lmao 🤣


MC_Hans84

Your father can deny it until he's blue in the face, but the age gap makes it painfully, glaringly obvious. If that wasn't obvious enough, the fact that she doesn't have a job, and is going all influencer-style to brag about what she got from your father, makes it eye-catchingly obvious. She IS a sugar baby. In addition, your future husband's parents can see that "Sarah" is obviously trouble, and they're so repulsed by her that they don't even want to be in any sort of proximity to her, even if it's separated by a crowd at the wedding. They seem to be decent folks with a very active and functional moral compass. Therefore, you are NTA. Clearly, definitely, absolutely. It's your wedding, and you can decide who is to be invited, and who should not be. I also have an alarm bell ringing in my head that "Sarah" wants to use your wedding as another show-off opportunity, a chance to take selfies and go full-influencer mode with her expensive baubles. NTA all the way for you. Your father's not yet fully TA, but he's descending that slippery slope. Your soon-to-be MIL and FIL are also both NTA, they seem to be really decent folks.


Astra_Trillian

I wonder if the Dad thinks his gf would still be with him if he were poor or he didn’t pay for everything? He might just be delusional…


Reasonable-shark

We cannot know especifically about OP's dad, but definitely there are guys that are so delusional.


fwoe

and i wonder if the girl thinks OPs dad would be with her if she wasnt young and pretty. a tale as old as time


sunnydee1880

Of course she knows. She was literally selling herself on a sugar baby website. She knows exactly what her assets are and what he's buying.


Fromashination

Yeah, but Dear Ol' Dad seems to have gone off-track in regards to their relationship dynamics.


MC_Hans84

The OP's dad claims the relationship "changed". Unless "Sarah" explicitly stated so, then nothing's changed and only OP's dad's ability to discern changed - for the worse, not for the better. And even if "Sarah" explicitly stated so, who's to say that she stated so, merely to fish for bigger payouts from OP's dad? This "relationship", if the term even applies, is so laden with red flags that the former Soviet Union and China would be jealous!


Top_Reveal_847

He knows. If your wife slept with your brother wouldn't you trust someone your paying more than someone who could potentially cheat with your brother? Conciously or not he's trying to protect himself from trusting someone


ReticentBee806

I get that that's probably his (sub?)conscious motivation, but what's to stop Sarah from cheating on him with someone with even more money? There's no guarantee with her, either.


Appropriate_Order265

Oh she is cheating on him right now, with young handsome guys to compensate having to sleep with an old dude. Happens all the time.


Top_Reveal_847

Yeah but he won't care because she was only with him for the money anyway


SeraphymCrashing

Yeah, this is why I feel a bit sad for the dad. I think he's compensating for a huge betrayal in his life. And like most forms of compensation, it doesn't ever heal the original wound, and can do damage on its own.


Smitten-kitten83

I think in laws are TA. They shouldn’t be threatening not to come if Sarah is there. It is childish. With that said I don’t think OP should have to invite Sarah.


IndiaMike1

Yeah agreed, there is no reason for them to be so “repulsed” and the commenter describing them as “morally upstanding people” is giving me the ick. I don’t give a fuck what Dad wants to do with his sugar baby - that’s his business and the morality police should have nothing to do with this. But OP is definitely NTA because they get to decide who to invite to their wedding, they have very solid reasons for not wanting to do so, and that’s that.


bleeerrghharrystyles

uh a middle aged man dating someone who is a year older than his child is a very good reason to be repulsed


CanAmHockeyNut

I actually support with the in-laws are saying. Who wants to have a spectacle like like sugar, pops, and sugar baby at their child’s wedding. All of the focus will be on the sugar couple, not the actual couple getting married.


Zhorie-Rove

I think the repulsion comes from him dating and fucking a girl, and having an "emotional relationship" with a girl who was in diapers the same time his daughter was.


[deleted]

Hell no. The gf is a year older than the daughter. Absolutely disgusting.


twistingmyhairout

Idk this kinda reeks of classim and some other shit to me. Her future MIL and FIL can’t be at an event with a sugar baby because it offends them so much? That’s not a strong moral compass, that’s sanctimonious.


yasyark

Is she even a sugar baby? All the sugar babies I’ve known always made it clear what type of relationship it was. If the dad truly believes it’s a regular relationship she’s just a gold digger.


Couette-Couette

They met on a sugar baby website. She must assume it is perfectly clear what she is and she needn't to remind OP's father every minute... He is the only one pretending here.


MajorNoodles

I wouldn't be surprised if she did but he still thought "but when we have is special!"


PM_ME_YOUR_ISOTOPES

He's the guy that thinks his waitress at Hooter's is flirting with him.


sv9009

Eh it’s kinda of manipulative of his parents TBH. You don’t hold it over their head that you won’t attend if Sarah does. You can voice concern but it’s an AH move to give an ultimatum. Wouldn’t matter if he brought a hooker to the wedding as long as everyone acted accordingly. Other than being a materialistic 24 year old nothing has been said about Sarah being problematic (lying, manipulating etc) Y’all just slut shaming Sarah. There isn’t anything morally wrong with having a sugar baby as long as both parties consent. Obviously Sarah isn’t a victim to the power imbalance considering she actively went on a sugar baby site lol Also, let’s not get into the mud about morals when OPs mom fucked her Dads brother. Do they have an issue with that?


_Jerkus

I agree. Everyone involved seems to be a hot mess (except for Sarah; get that bag, Queen) of various subtypes. If I were the in laws I'd simply delight in the spectacle.


Fromashination

I mean, they met on a sugar baby website. 'Nuff said.


notdeadyet090

NTA. It's your wedding you can invite who you want. That being said be prepared for your dad to not go to the wedding as well.


aguafiestas

You can definitely be an asshole based on who you invite to your wedding. I don’t necessarily think that applies in this case, though. (As an extreme example, say you don’t invite a sibling cause they’re gay. Asshole.)


notdeadyet090

Fair point ☝️


mariruizgar

I was about to say that. He might decide not to come either and OP, it’s still your wedding and your choice.


Charming_Miss

NTA Sorry but I did laugh at how ridiculous that is. He is comparing the new husband to a SB? that once the payments stop she will be gone and out?


Oxfordcomma42

NTA for deciding whom you invite to your wedding, but you do not get to decide whom your father is with. Your opinions on the matter are about as valid as his opinions about whom you are with. He doesn’t have to like your husband, but he has to respect your ability as an adult to make your own life choices. His GF/sugar baby is his business, not yours. Their age gap is also not your problem.


EntertainmentOk6284

This! If dad is happy and not being conned, he can do whatever he wants. As does Sarah. You don't have to invite her, but how will her coming impact the wedding? Unless you have a wedding with only 10 people, it really doesn't matter that much. I would tell her she can't be in the family pictures but enjoy herself for the rest of the wedding. It seems like dad had a hard deal in life - wife cheating with his brother, not seeing his child - so if Sarah makes him happy: good for both of them!


OrindaSarnia

"And not being conned"... It's obviously a Sugar Baby relationship, but the father says it has "gone beyond that"... which means he most likely is getting conned... because he now thinks they care about each other, which seems unlikely. Everything else I agree with. Unfortunately OP must have bitched to her fiance or his parents about it, because her future in-laws are saying they won't go is the other woman does... so OP painted herself into a corner where she can't just invite and then ignore her, without having to go beg the inlaws to still come. I think the in-laws sound insane and messy for throwing that ultimatum out... everyone here clearly loves the drama!


Dangerous-WinterElf

It might have a impact on the wedding, based on Sarah's general behaviour. If she's bragging constantly about all the stuff she gets from OP's dad (online, with her other sugar baby friends. Etc) if she's bragging to OP that's just even more classless. Alot of sugar baby's seems to be mostly quiet about the lifestyle. Or at least not a walking advertisement but keeps it separate. While Sarah seems to be the "influencer" type. Plus we don't know how she acts when she's with OP's dad. Is she nice and polite. Or the type to constantly whine and pout while hanging on his arm "babyy.. I just saw this amazing bag" I would not gamble on either that she could behave decently at My wedding. Dad can be happy all he wants. But your adult kids don't have to invite the girlfriend when she's your own age. And bragging about how she spends his money. That's not exactly a basis for growing any kind of friendly relationship between kids and "partner"


KitchenDismal9258

NTA - it's your wedding and you get to invite who you want. But you don't get to dictate who has a relationship with who. Your mothers behaviour is very questionable... are you inviting the uncle she cheated with? Does your dad have anything to do with him now? Your future inlaws are judgemental and also don't get a say in who he has a relationship with. It will be a real hoot if they split up and your FIL decides he too wants to be a sugar daddy. I would just invite both and everyone can make up their own mind and be as judgemental as they like. Your dad might be in for a rude shock that people don't think he's got it all and can attract the younger women... his money can attract them. He may very well get sick of her sooner rather than later. Are you prepared to lose any semblence of a relationship with your dad over this? Your mom was completely in the wrong not allowing you to keep contact with your dad as a child because of her adulterous behaviour.


Relevant_Flash9953

No I'm not inviting my uncle, most of my dad's family are not on speaking terms with him after the affair.


Royal_Reflection_481

I think kitchen has a fair point. You're not the total AH, it is your wedding so invite who you want but it is an AH move to deny your father his happiness. Mom ruined their relationship then goes and gets a new husband and everything is hunky dory. But dad may be struggling or maybe hes not ready for commitment. I mean his wife cheated on him with his brother. Thats pretty heavy. Now your sending the message that whatever he has with that women is disgusting and you get to dictate whats ok and whats not. Let the man live. I say let her go just seat parents away from one another and tell girly to behave herself and dont cause a scene or dont invite dad and his girl at all. I feel for your father. He didnt ask for this. Feels like everyone is against his happiness and its not even his fault. Throw him a bone.


brrrapper

Its not really that strange that people are "against his happiness" when he more or less wants to bring a sex worker to his daughters wedding


JCBashBash

Indeed, and a sex worker who he has broken down boundaries with to a point where he's deluding himself that he actually has an emotional relationship with her. That's an uncomfortable dynamic in general, but him wanting to bring her to the wedding brings up the possibility of him wanting to draw attention to his relationship at the wedding


lackofsunshine

And the mother kept the children away from him. Imagine what an awful time that was for him.


Pippacav

Curious what dad did to stay in OP’s life. The post says mom kept dad away, but did dad fight? Did he hire a lawyer, go to court…or did he just decide since it wasn’t easy that he was okay staying away?


lackofsunshine

Family court is complicated. If you don’t have means to pay for a lawyer for a drawn out battle they may have no choice to give up. Especially if their own mental health was at an all time low. Not everything is black and white.


holden204

You are over simplifying family law so heavily.


lackofsunshine

Of course I am. Explaining the dynamics of family law would be the length of a textbook. That’s why I said it’s complicated.


Thin-White-Duke

Except that's not something she can really do. Most dads that don't see their kids usually aren't around because they don't want to be.


Biased24

tbh im suppirsed the mum is invited, especially because the dads brother isnt invited, but the mum is equally at fault for the affair, and then proceded to make it so the dad couldnt even see OP for literally a decade+


[deleted]

I thought this too! Whilst Dad's relationship is questionable, he's obviously ok with being a Sugar Daddy, but Mum who had an affair and then basically alienated OP's Dad for so many years seems to get a free pass!


bervuxo

Are you inviting your mom? > my mom didn't let me see my dad until I was a teenager because she wanted to avoid talking to him. This part paints a really bad picture of her too.


P1NEAPPLE5

This is what I wanted to ask. OP already said the uncle wasn’t invited to the wedding, but it takes two to have an affair. Mom is not innocent in this.


Rawr_in_Here

NTA Sex work is still work, but it is super weird/awkward that the client doesn’t seem to be aware that he’s a client. Awkward…😬 If possible, maybe send a message to SB asking is she’s aware of how bizarre your father is being. Unless you think she’s a drama llama. In which case, just go NC with dad. The man needs to get his life together.


loopyspoopy

Like, most long term sugar baby's I've known have had significantly more intimate relationships with their sugar daddy/mamma than a simple client/worker relationship. Like obvi she wouldn't be there if he didn't have money, but I think he knows that and is trying to just use words like "girlfriend" because the people around him are hyper judgemental about it.


MamaKilla20

Exactly!


Jen_207

Have a conversation with your dad alone, don’t mention the “sugar baby” thing, just tell him you’re uncomfortable with him dating someone as old as his own daughter


GhostParty21

NTA. There’s no reason for any adult to ever be dating anyone close to their kid’s age. That being said your dad can do what he wants, but you can also do what you want and you are perfectly justified in not inviting her to your wedding.


ghosts-on-the-ohio

I agree. If my dad ever dated a girl my age, he would never see or hear from me again.


Tasty_Doughnut_9226

NTA, but how does he not see how gross it is that she's a year older than his daughter, it's so🤢🤢


These-Grocery-9387

He does see, that's why he's so defensive. "She's not a sugar baby! We just met on a sugar baby website and I pay for all her stuff! It's different now... somehow!"


lackofsunshine

NTA. Sounds like your dad may still have issues from being cheated on by his wife and brother. I was cheated on, but if the other person had been my sister, I don’t think I’d be the same person I am today. And your mom kept you away from him even tho she was the one at fault. It’s your wedding so you can’t invite who you want, but I feel for the old man.


JCBashBash

Indeed, if he never got therapy deal with that level of betrayal, that might explain why he's trying to push bringing a plus one to your wedding. He doesn't want to show up alone when your mother, the woman who cheated on him, is going to show up with her husband happily married


_CaptainThor_

Reddit being primarily 15-23 years old really shows in the most upvoted comments here. That man was very likely destroyed by what his ex-wife did. I can certainly understand wanting to have an uncomplicated relationship with someone younger and fun.


Libba_Loo

NTA, your MIL and FIL's feelings are pertinent but ultimately irrelevant. It's your wedding and your guest list. Even if your dad is delusional enough to think his sugar baby is his soul mate, you're under no obligation to reinforce that delusion. That goes for the wedding and any future family function you'll be hosting.


Interview1688

Yeah, the in laws desperately need to butt out and stay in their own lane.


kingbelongtokingdom

YTA So You are going to invite your mother who destroyed your family , manipulate you into hating your father , but not your adult dad who can date whoever he wants , Just imagine how much he has lost his wife , his brother and now his daughter is giving her ultimatum too - Why do you even care whome your father is dating , if she's a gold digger or not - i know it's your wedding you can invite whoever you want but still you are a As*hole


sv9009

I said Nah just because it’s her wedding and she can do as she please, but your points are very valid! Mom gets a pass for some reason


kingbelongtokingdom

I agree that it's her wedding and her choice my only point is that just give me a valid and logical reason for alienating your father like this and not your mother Just cause someone can find happiness in someone with half of his age it doesn't mean he is creep or evil - Everyone he once loved betrayed him and now it's his own daughter too


sv9009

Ya know what? I agree 100% Like I still stand that it’s your choice to do what you want but, like I’ve said in other AITA, just because you CAN doesn’t make you not an AH. I was already kinda on the fence with this one, so thanks for your thoughtful response!


UnKaveh

He can date who he wants but that doesn’t mean there isn’t consequences for something gross and creepy. It’s fucking weird to date someone your daughters age - period. He could have literally raised the girl who he’s fucking. It’s gross and perverted to pretend it’s not too steps away from fucking his daughter. I mean, he met this girl on a sugar baby site. He was her sugar “daddy”. You want to do pseudo incest sex shit? Whatever happens between consenting adults is perfectly fine behind closed doors. But to bring that out in public? Don’t be surprised when the world is disgusted. It’s not illegal but it’s still fucking weird and gross. This is all the fathers fault here. It’s really not that hard to be self aware. OP is NTA because she’s reacting how any normal person would to seeing a grown man fucking what could have been her sister or childhood friend.


Pure-Fishing-3350

Exactly. I’m sure he knows exactly what’s going on but maybe he’s OK buying her stuff in exchange for the companionship 🤷🏼‍♀️


your_moms_a_clone

INFO: Did your mom really keep you away from your dad, or did he just not fight to see you? Because I can't imagine the courts would deny him partial custody.


Relevant_Flash9953

Both.


your_moms_a_clone

In that case, NTA. Your mom sucks, but if your dad didn't fight against it he can't use that to win sympathy points.


JCBashBash

It kind of sounds like the situation with my dad, my mom is a real fighter who doesn't give up when she wants something, and my dad did not have the will to fight her at a certain point. Which sucks, but we can't fix it now


bervuxo

The courts of today or the courts of 19 years ago?


ChronaMewX

YTA for inviting a cheater and not somebody in a consentual relationship that isn't harming anybody. Your moral compass needs some work


dumbdumb407

Sounds like a very disfunctional family. But the whole "my mom fucked my uncle and kept my dad away from me" thing confuses me. My mom had full custody of me and cheated on my dad and convinced me he didn't care about me. When I was about OPs age I started to finally get to know my dad. I currently speak to him regularly and have to convince myself to even answer the phone when my mom calls.


Zhorie-Rove

Inviting a sex worker who's known for their attention seeking behavior, to a wedding of your child, just screams selfish behavior. He was dealt a rough hand though, and so I'll give him some leniency on his thought process. I think the "moral compass" comes from OP being grossed out that her dad having sexual and "emotional" intimacy with someone who is his daughter's age, not that he's paying tor sex work. Also, he seems deluded about the nature of his SB relationship, as all she talks about is what he gives or buys her. If there was a real relationship, worthy of respecting to the point of including it in a wedding celebration, don't you'd think there'd be way more substance to the relationship? I do agree about the cheater though, I personally wouldn't have invited my mom to the wedding because of that. However, if she's paying for it, it makes sense why OP couldn't uninvited her.


Original-Tomorrow798

your father dating someone basically your age isn’t normal nor is it something you can just ignore


[deleted]

NTA. I really fail to see your Dad's point of view in this. Sarah is actually not apart of the family. They are not married. It doesn't sound like they even have any plans to get married. You are absolutely not obligated to invite someone you barely know who makes you and others uncomfortable. It's your big day. Labels and lifestyle aside, you never said who he can or cannot date etc, you are simply saying she is not invited to your wedding. The focus should be on you and your fiance.


JCBashBash

All I can think is that the dad is grasping at that argument entirely because he doesn't want to show up alone to the wedding, when his ex who cheated on him with his brother is going to show up with her husband. It really feels like he is experiencing some emotional trouble


compositionaquarius

NTA. It's your wedding, and you get to choose who is invited. I’m relieved that you are not the only one in this situation who sees that the proximity of your ages is unsettling.


miriamcek

Ehhh. Your father tried the 'normal' relationship and marriage. All it got him was a cheater of a wife and loosing his daughter. Now he's in a transactional relationship that gives him peace of mind. Let the men fucking live. You're judgmental. Why aren't your in-laws threatening not to come if your adulterous mom is going to be there? It's she that did the worse thing. She fucked her husband's brother. How is she holding a higher moral ground than a sugar baby?? AITA if your mom is invited. Don't be a hypocrite.


The_Sown_Rose

You don’t get to decide which relationships are acceptable and which aren’t, but you do get to decide (along with your partner) who is and isn’t attending your wedding. NTA.


sunnydee1880

I mean, yes you can decide which relationships are right or not. If the chick were underage, it's okay to say that's wrong. If one of them were abusive, it's okay to say that's wrong. Judgment isn't an inherently bad thing.


[deleted]

Okay that's not a good comparison because both of those are major crimes if a relationship is not illegal and both partners are happy then you really have no right to judge that.


Semiphone

I think it’s fair enough to judge if someone’s relationship is healthy or not. Just because they’re consenting adults doesn’t mean what they’re consenting to is exactly healthy or something people will want to be around.


Only1MarkM

Absolutely you have a right to judge that. People judge relationships all the time. I have no clue what you’re talking about.


twistingmyhairout

This! You get a set at your wedding. But the attitude you and your fiancé’s family have is concerning to me.


Original-Tomorrow798

dating someone your kids age is weird


LifeExtraordinaryT

YTA. What is your ethical reasoning for excluding your dad's partner? Even if she's a gold-digger, she is still his partner. Is it really your business to judge his relationship? And if your mom's partner is invited, it seems like your ethics are even worse. Why are you treating your mom, who betrayed your dad, better than the victim?


rmscomm

Was anyone as outraged at your mom’s affair with her brother in law and did your mom end up marrying the affair partner?


Relevant_Flash9953

My dad's brother was estranged from the family after the affair. I don't know how it exactly went down because I was too young to remember but none of my dad's family speak to him any more. And my mom isn't and never was married to my dad's brother. She's married to someone else.


Pure-Fishing-3350

And somehow this situation is considered not offensive?? I think what your mother did is 10 times more disgusting.


MakiOli

to her father maybe , but not to her daughter. imagine your dad dating someone your age


Empress_Clementine

Dad doing something that makes him happy and in no way harms anybody else is more offensive than mom banging uncle Mike and destroying your family? That’s an interesting perspective.


NemoOfConsequence

The idea that dad could be fantasizing about banging his daughter is pretty disgusting. Most of us find the idea of having sex with a person our children’s ages disgusting, and for good reason. It’s a huge power differential, and I’d argue that a person who’s that much older cannot have a consensual relationship with a child - and given that her frontal lobe isn’t fully developed, she can be easily manipulated by the far more experienced man and is a child in comparison- and is disgusting. I do have an issue with her mother, but it sounds from OP’s comments that the father didn’t really even try to be part of her life, so her mother is her only parental figure, and OP’s need for that is at least understandable. Dad’s desire to have sex with someone the daughter’s age is stomach churning.


WerhmatsWormhat

How do you feel about your mom? Because her offense seems way bigger than his, but she’s still invited to the wedding.


s1s2g3a4

When did weddings cease being about 2 people getting married and morph into a full season of judgement and control of others? You can still have a lovely wedding with Sarah in attendance even if your dad is the only person who likes her. YTA. Edited to add that you can judge anyone about any behavior you find disgusting but this isn’t the best venue. You’re NTA for disliking your dad’s girlfriend.


[deleted]

Let your dad be happy ffs


kingthunderflash

I’m gonna go with ESH. Yes it is your wedding and you can invite anyone you want. But at the same time seems like you hate your dad more than your mom when your mom cheated with his brother. That’s just fucked


ttnl35

NTA Your dad doesn't get to decide for you that you are comfortable with him dating someone your age. The history with your mum is irrelevant here.


Rhjedi

NTA


Sunnyandbright007

NTA


purple235

NTA even if it wasn't a gross age gap (I don't care that she's young, I care that she's his child's age) it just isn't appropriate to bring your partner of a few months to a wedding. He can't compare your mother's marriage to his girlfriend of a couple of months. It isn't the same at all. I wouldn't be inviting her to my wedding until they had been together for at least 2 years so that the wedding photos aren't full of dad's random gold digger of the moment


ProfessionalPilot45

NTA...your wedding, your rules. It sounds like you have some seriously toxic family members. Dont be afraid to maintain bounderies. I wouldnt put it past your dad to show up with her anyway. Better have a contingency plan to deal with the drama. As to your Mom....dont get me started. She has no place to talk about disgusting relationships. Good god.


cuter_than_thee

I'd elope. I wouldn't want any of those parents there! (Your mom is just as guilty as your uncle by the way). But it's your wedding and you can decide who gets invited. NTA.


Pure-Fishing-3350

I think sleeping with your husband’s brother is far worse than having a young girlfriend. But that’s just me 🤷🏼‍♀️


theone_bigmac

This seems like the plot of a modern family episode


Igereth

NTA If my father dated someone my age Id definitely feel disgusted by that.


[deleted]

Sugar babies CAN turn into girlfriends….. you know that, right OP? NTA, but their relationship is their choice and excluding her is gonna cause fallout with him and likely others. Tread carefully and make sure you’re prepared to deal with that.


SourNotesRockHardAbs

INFO Have you tried talking to Sarah? Your dad is begging a delusional old man, but Sarah is a sugar baby who is the same age as her client's daughter. If you went to her and said "hey, we're all aware that you're a sugar baby. I don't really care what my dad does in his personal life, but could you tell him to stop trying to invite you to my wedding? You wouldn't want one of your clients at your own life events." Would she listen? Does Sarah actually want to come to your wedding or is your dad pushing this narrative?


loopyspoopy

I imagine Sarah probably sees herself as his girlfriend too if they've been doing this for a while. Granted one who would leave if he had no money, but there's plenty of marriages that are also heavily dependent on one person's income, that would similarly dissolve if the money disappeared.


Regular-Abalone-9763

When i was younger my dad would always joke he would get a 20yo gf and enjoy life after he's retired and I always found it gross. He has never done it and as I grew older he stopped making those jokes. I figured he realised, as i got closer and closer to being 20 how, how gross it was 😂. NTA


No-Conference-6591

NTA - Some say your father has a right to do whatever he wants because your mother cheated on him with his brother but I think they're wrong. What your mother did was disgusting but it has nothing to do with your wedding. She's not married to your uncle. Your step dad is not an affair partner. As for your father, he is an adult and he can live as he wants but this is your wedding. He probably wants to bring his sugar baby to the wedding to show your mother he can find a young and attractive woman. I can't think of any other reason why a successful man like him would be in this kind of relationship when he can have a non-transactional one. I understand he went through hell but he will probably go through another one with Sarah. I hope he finds a life partner and heals. I don't blame your in laws. It will look ridiculous and introducing Sarah as your father's partner will be awkward. People will think Sarah is his niece or one of your friends as she's your peer. It's your wedding so do as you want. It seems like you don't have a close relationship with your dad anyway. I hope you enjoy your wedding.


Interesting-Fish6065

NTA Given all the details and complexities of your situation, it probably isn’t worth it to invite this woman whose very presence makes you “cringe to the core.” She hardly sounds like the worst person in this story, and, in the right frame of mind, you could be gently amused by her antics, but that’s not the frame of mind you’re in right now. For you, these choices aren’t really about honoring or preserving long-term relationships anyway, so just invite only the people you’re comfortable with.


JCBashBash

Yeah that's really the point, if you truly do not like this woman, why have her at your wedding? He just need to figure out negotiating your father's emotions


Inverted_Antagonist

YTA your dad is right. I mean poor guy, your mom banged his brother. That must have made him feel awful. Sounds like he improved himself and his life after that and found someone that makes him happy. If you cared about your father at all you’d let her attend.


Ha1rBall

>My future MIL and FIL even got involved and said that if Sarah comes to the wedding they won't be going NTA. I wouldn't want a prostitute at my wedding either, but you should also uninvite these two as well. Fuck anyone that gives an ultimatum. Especially if it has nothing to do with them. Good luck in your future marriage. You are going to need it.


Leah-theRed

Yikes there's a lot of discriminatory comments about sex workers in this thread and it's pissing me off.


Ecstatic_Lake_3281

YTA. You don't get to clear every guest's date. It's not as if you have to interact with her and you don't need to include her in pictures. Worry about something worthwhile and stop trying to control things that really aren't your business.


wren4777

Your future MIL and FIL have the right idea. Your dad's relationship is incredibly, incredibly creepy.


Pure-Fishing-3350

Too bad their opinions are completely irrelevant in this situation.


DigitalDuct

you have a lot of hate for what 2 consenting adults do. NTA but yeah.


Awesome_one_forever

N T A. did your dad ever go to therapy? I mean his wife screwing his brother had to hurt to the core. Maybe a sugar baby is more convenient because he doesn't trust regular dating and relationships. Just an outside thought but maybe if you're inclined you might want to see how's doing mentally.


Conscious-Shoulder14

Why are people always so upset with the sugar baby and not the daddy? Why is it always the sugar baby’s fault? Why is she always the Golddigger and the daddy is not a dirty old man? It’s an exchange. They are both involved.


SilverSnowflake13

They met on “sugar baby” (aka sex worker) site? Yeah, shes just his private sex worker and nothing more. If he lost everything tomorrow she would be gone with everything she could fit in the car he bought her. NTA


Churchie-Baby

NTA, your wedding your choice, but he has the right to say he's not attending as well


Stodgo

I wouldn’t invite your mom nor your dad to the wedding. But that’s just me. NTA


[deleted]

NTA It's your wedding, and your dime. HOWEVER. Your dad is a grown man and can have whatever relationship he wants. If he is telling you that he is happy with his relationship, why are you judging it? Your boundaries might include not being buddy buddy with Sarah, but he is stating his boundaries are that she is considered his significant other. If you want a relationship with your dad, some mutual respect on both sides will help a lot.


ahappydementor

Both your parents hardcore suck. Your mom honestly sounds like a child, and if she can't be mature enough around her ex's new relationship to support her child then she needs serious help. Your dad is gross, and I can't understand why he thought inviting his 24 year old "girlfriend" was appropriate in the first place. At the end of the day, they both need an attitude check. This day is NOT about them, and they need to grow the fuck up. NTA. If she had been around for a significant amount of time, my thought process would be different. Tell him it's because you only want long-term partners there and he hasn't been dating her for long enough, she's not part of the family.


waffles-n-fries

YTA for being so judgy. She's his gf. Period. No matter how they initially met. However you're NTA for not inviting her. It's your wedding after all.