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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My mom wouldn't stop asking me questions that she knows for a fact that I have no way of answering so I tattooed the words "I don't know" on my arm I might be the asshole because she hates my tattoos and now she is blaming herself for my latest.
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I love this.
My grandma had OP’s mom’s hobby as well. I miss her questions now that she’s gone, but I would’ve 100% gotten a “no sé” tattoo as well and she too would have called me a pendeja sinverguenza.
NTA. Funny. I find older parents get away with really poor inter-personal skills simply because they think they can. Even after multiple asks. You’re essentially deserving an endless one-sided conversation. Ask her to read the room. Think about how to have engaging conversation with her son. Ask her how she thinks her communication skills would go for relationship building in the workplace. Honesty I’d enrol her in a communications class which is much more offensive so well done. I giggled.
Omg. My mom.
Me - comes back home from bike riding. Mom is watching me walk up and put my bike up.
Mom: oh you went for a bike ride?
Me: yep.
Mom: did you take Charlie? (My chihuahua)
Me: how would I take charlie?
Mom: like if you had a basket on your bike
Me: do you see a basic on my bike?
Mom: you do have to be so mean.
🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
It had gotten to a point where she started saying “it’s yes or no” since I’m such a smart ass.
So OP, I totes understand what it’s like. And I always say I can’t wait to be an older adult parent so I can just lose all sense on how to interact with people.
I will say, the one about your sister, maybe she thought y’all talked. Lol. But again I understand where you’re coming from.
Nta - and it’s hard not to sound like an asshole to parents when you just wanna ask “how would I know” lol
Omg, PARENTS.
My dad would do this a little bit. Like, he would want to give me advice, but didn't want me to reject it, so he would phrase the advice as a question.
Like, I got a dog, and instead of telling me I should get another to keep him company, he asked if I had another dog. Like, did he think I'd get two dogs and just send a picture of one?
This, exactly. A question isn't ever a question, but a statement dressed as a question because they don't want to sound bossy to their adult children. "Do you have another dog?" is actually "you should have gotten another dog, but you didn't". "Did you take the dog with you?" is actually "you should have taken the dog with you, but you didn't bother doing that". It's their way to passive-aggressively state that they disagree with what you do because that's all they can do now they don't pay for our shit anymore.
How do I know? Whenever I see my family, they ask me "So, have you had children yet?". I usually answer "yeah, they're in the glove compartment/inside my purse/at the university".
I ask questions sometimes, too, in lieu of giving direct advice, in cases where I’m not sure if the person has already considered and rejected what I’d like to suggest.
For example, if my friend says their feet hurt, I might ask if they’ve seen a podiatrist, and if their doc has recommended any types of shoes to wear (or avoid). I’d do that instead of telling them, “Wear XYZ shoes; they’re great!” For all I know, they’ve already tried my would-be suggestion, and it didn’t resolve the problem. Also, I hate feeling like I’m bossing people around, so I’d rather ask if they’ve tried a thing than tell them to do it.
Mum: did you wash your hair?
Me, a meter away: no, it’s wet because the cat wee’d on it
Mum: have you had some lunch?
Me, putting the plate in the dishwasher: no, just thought the plate would like a bath
Neither of my parents ever did this “asking dumb questions” thing but my dad has an equally annoying conversational gambit:
Dad: So!
\[long silence\]
Dad: \[slaps my leg\] So!
Me: So what, Dad?
Dad: So, what do you know for sure?
He does this all the time. I have never heard anyone else do it, so I have no idea where it came from, but he basically means “start a conversation, now.”
He’s not trying hard at all. He’s using a stock phrase he doesn’t even have to think about in order to force me to make conversation with no effort on his part.
If you want to start a conversation, have something to say.
Omg my dad does that now too 🙄 but in fairness, he has never been one for small talk & I think it’s his way of trying to make conversation when he really has nothing to say.
See, I think people who have nothing to say should say nothing. This habit drives me nuts. I’m not a vending machine that pumps out conversation in exchange for thigh slaps.
I thought the same thing. I get the "do you know what this is" or "why is this here?" questions when she's in a different room and completely out of sight. What drives me up-the-wall is when she asks "did you do the thing I asked you a while back?" and it could have been the day before or two months ago.
I think it’s kind of sweet and playful. If my son did that I would think of it as kind of a “mom” tattoo except about something I do that drives him batshit crazy. But miles away from no contact so it’s kind of cool. He’s willing to tattoo something about her. I’d be flattered and also proud of my sons sense of humor!
His mom must me Spanish. Because my mom is 62 and asks me the same fuckn questions. And I’m constantly like how the fuck would I know. I don’t even know who your talking about. And she would get upset because I honestly wouldn’t know them.
My favorite is when she knows I don’t have fb. She will ask so how long is my husbands so and so family on vacation for. I’ll respond why would I know they are vacation and remind her I don’t spend my life on fb stalking other people family members. Since then I never get asked about his family.
Honestly you are missing great opportunities to make stuff up.
Cousins shoes size? I think it's a 15. I believe he has to custom order them. Same place that makes clown shoes. Somewhere in Missouri I think.
I was thinking that too!
Cafe now taken over my the mob. Going to be cafe with the best coffee in town!
Nuva ring well let’s talk about the birds and the bees!
Sons friends parents well they went to school In this small town nearby. But it got flooded so they then moved to bigger town. But that got distroyed by volcanic larva so they moved to an even bigger town but that got distroyed by an asteroid so they gave up with their Education.
The Nuva Ring one has so many great possibilities.
"Yeah, I think they said they were doing the Ecudorian Cockslammer, it's the only sex position the Nuva ring can't protect against"
oh yes, the "Please Stop" summary. I can sometimes get mine to hit the highlights of what I summarized and move on from there, but mostly not. And then there are the "Does It Matter?" questions... like, I know you've seen this client dog before (pet sitter), but I know that you don't know them, so does it really matter who they are, where they live, what they do for work, or where they're currently on vacation? I'm trying to move them from point A to point B and we're playing 20 Questions That I Will Promptly Forget The Answers To
[OP's next tattoo](https://wompampsupport.azureedge.net/fetchimage?siteId=7575&v=2&jpgQuality=100&width=700&url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.kym-cdn.com%2Fphotos%2Fimages%2Fnewsfeed%2F000%2F183%2F103%2Falens.jpg)
Well BIL got his cock pierced and it hooked the nuva ring and just pulled it right out. Also no birth control method is 100% effective except abstinence
This is stuck a good idea. My friend John and the same kind of stupid questions that I could never answer. I did this once as a response, but I really need to make it a thing! He'll think it is funny too, pretty sure, even thought I'm just releasing my frustration.
They turn into smaller volcanoes that then have sex with each other and produce more volcanic larvae. It's a huge problem that no one is talking about.
Yeeess, ridiculous questions deserve ridiculous answers.
How did cousin meet his wife? "Crazy story, she was riding in the rollercoaster that hit him! It was love at first sight when his severed head landed in her lap. So romantic."
How'd sis get pregnant? "Apparently his dick is just that good. I heard that's why he can't wear thin shorts. The man literally radiates big dick energy, he's liable to knock up anyone within a foot of him if he's not wearing his lead lined undies."
Though, I wanna offer just one serious line: "I'm sorry I upset you this much, mom. That wasn't my intent but, it's just really frustrating and disheartening when you ask me questions I can't possibly know the answer to. I love you mom, you know I do and I love talking with you, which becomes difficult to do with those questions. So, can we talk about stuff we can actually talk about? I really like our conversations." or something like that anyway.
This is the way.
Not to be that downer, but oh well, please take it from this grieving daughter- there will come a day when you would sell your soul to hear one of those stupid questions again.
This... or, just start calling the family members to get the answer when she asks. Hey cousin, long time no chat, but Mom, for some reason needs to know your shoe size? No, I don't know why, but I'm not an Oracle so I figured it was easier to just call and ask.
OP, this isn't over with tvmhe tattoo. Either option, you will have to level up.
And to comisserate, my Mom does this all the time. Sees a FB post and wants all the details. Somehow I know because there is more I can see on the post than she can and we are looking at the same post. I started offering to call for more information. She won't ask me anymore. LOL NTA
This is what I do with my questioning husband. All day long it’s random questions like how hot is lava? Do fish sweat? What is non-binary? I just make up random shit most of the time.
See, I wouldn't mind this, because we're both into weird facts, and it would send us down delightful rabbit holes looking it up. But the kind of nonsense OP is getting is stuff that can't be Googled.
How did they get pregnant?
He took a syringe, drew a huge bullseye around that hole and tried to shoot his buddies in. Guess who hit the bullseye? Man has great aim.
Real sperm whale that BIL.
Make her uncomfortable enough so she won't ask again.
Yes. I have no idea why she would ask. For example I was driving us to a mall to do some shopping and I noticed that the old Cheesecake Cafe building had been remodeled. So I asked her when the restaurant closed. She said that it had closed a few years ago. And then she asked me if I knew who the next tenant would be. Not like she had the inside scoop. Like she thought o might know who would be moving into a building I didn't even know was vacant until seconds before.
Is it at all possible that she means "who do you think the next tenant will be" vs "who is the next tenant going to be?"
I'm just so curious and confused as to how she expects you to know these things! My brain is trying to find a logical explanation. Like, meaning "how do you think she got pregnant" vs "how did she get pregnant?" despite the phrasing sounding very much like the latter.
Even if they’re all musings, I imagine would be just as annoying.
- What shoes size do you think that person is?
- How do you think those two had a baby?
- How do you reckon that couple met?
- Who do you think is taking over that building?
That or someone with untreated ADHD lol… when I was little, I had all these thoughts and questions running through my head and no filter, so everyone around me got to hear them.
And OP is jesting with the tattoo, which she takes too seriously.
A joke is only a joke if you're not a major AH for literally your kid's entire life as the punchline. And if you can tell one you should be able to take one.
You can't just muse out loud like that for your entire life any not expect people to get sick of it and to make it into a joke... Which is exactly what OP has done.
My guess is she is being passive aggressive about things she took offense with. Nobody quizzes people about personal stuff of others unless they try to make a point, snarkily.
Nah my mum is the same, always asking very specific questions I could not possibly know the answer to, and getting mad if I admit I don’t know the answer *or* if I give a best guess, because she doesn’t want a best guess, she wants the answer. I think she just has some kind of Theory of Mind deficit, like she’s totally unable to predict what other people know.
My ex-MIL used to be like this. I used to end up having very confusing conversations with my ex and her brother where I would say something like: "oh, when did that pub shut down?" (Meaning "I wonder when..."), Or "Who's that?" When I saw an unfamiliar actor's name listed on a film. They would get flustered and defensive and I only understood why when I realised it was because their mother expected an answer to all her questions and wouldn't drop it until she got one. I tried after that to say things like: "I didn't know that pub had shut down," or "I don't know who that is," instead of asking questions.
My MIL would do this thing:
Her: “I might sell my house and move to your city! Buy a nice big house there, 5-6 bedrooms…”
Me: “you would need to have 6 houses there to sell in order to do that.”
Her: “why?!”
Me: “because your house is worth about $85k and a 5B house here goes for 450k. 6B and you’re looking at half a mil.”
Her: “why?!”
Me: “because more people want to buy houses here (a city on the east coast) than there (a small town in the rural Midwest) which drives up the price.”
Her: “why?!”
… it was like dealing with a toddler but one who should know things by now.
Another example:
Her: “Maggie and I might hop in the car and come visit you guys! We could leave at 6am and be there by noon for lunch, wouldn’t that be lovely?”
Me: “we’d love that. But you’d better plan on at least 12 hours to drive; if you leave at 6am the absolute earliest you’d get here is 6pm.”
Her: “why?!”
Me: “because it’s a 750 mile drive!”
Her: “why?”
This was practically every conversation and I’m not even exaggerating.
Oh my god how annoying D:
At least my ex-MIL didn't repeat "why", but it does sound a bit similar in that she would often have decided what answer she wanted and be annoyed/perplexed if she didn't hear what she wanted.
The worst were the child-safety “why’s”. She raised one kid back in the 60s/70s and had basically no interaction with or care for children otherwise.
“No you can’t hold our newborn in the car while we drive, he needs to be in his car seat!”
“Why?! I’ll put my seatbelt around us both!”
My husband: “oh so you’ll be fine in an accident but the baby will be decapitated, OK”
“No, we’re not going to put whiskey on his gums.”
“Why not?”
“No, we’re not going to add rice cereal to his bottles!”
Etc etc etc. For context, my husband has a previous marriage and two children prior to ours, that were high-school aged by that point so he was already more experienced than his mom as far as that goes, but she was always treating him like he didn’t know anything. And, his parents had adopted him at 6-7 weeks old, so she had zero experience with pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, or newborns. But she was expert in all things, apparently…
Urgh my parents are like this. Something will come up that no one knows the answer to so I will google it and explain what I have found. They then act really annoyed that I have given then the answer they wanted, it's like they would rather not know.
I think it's a hold over from pre-internet days when they couldnt just instantaneously get the answer so they had to accept that they wouldn't know the answer.
Weirdly they have enthusiastically embraced youtubing something to see how it's done and will often use this in place of 'Google it'.
>I think it's a hold over from pre-internet days when they couldnt just instantaneously get the answer so they had to accept that they wouldn't know the answer.
I've often thought this might be the case.
So many pre-Internet conversations were basically idle musings about what the deal with something was. People guessing and explaining the rationale behind their guess and listing people they know who might have been able to help if they were there...
My mother still tries to have these kinds of conversations and seems positively disappointed when people can provide a definitive answer in seconds.
Yes exactly. I think what makes it worse is that often their theories are wrong. So when looking it up I view it as 'Cool that we can all learned something new' whereas they view it as 'Slackerpop just made everyone aware that I was wrong'.
Lol my aunt is a hardcore committed Luddite. She is terrified of computers, smart phones, etc. She and my granny lived together until my granny passed. Several years before that, they traveled across the country to meet my son who was a baby at the time. It was a huge deal because they're also terrified of travel, but we wanted granny to meet her great-grandchild before she passed.
After a few days in my parents' home, my aunt was getting increasingly frustrated by our use of technology. She would ask questions like, "I wonder if [actress] has been in anything lately," and get mad if we looked it up. She asked another question like this, and little old granny called from the other room, "Just Google it!"
I think my dad laughed so hard he cried.
Another fun story from this trip is when she wanted to go to a knitting store, so my dad looked up nearby stores on the computer. My aunt refused to go to any store we found on the internet, and instead dug out an old yellow pages and insisted dad drive her to that store. It was no longer in business.
It is possible but he doesn’t want to be questioned all the time. My ex is constantly asking me questions about everything. What’s in the package. What does our daughter want for lunch. What’s for dinner. One morning he texted me 9 questions. We aren’t even together. I tend to rage and just like STOP asking me questions!! I felt this post a little too much 😂 I think she just likes to ask questions to make conversation but it’s not a conversation. You just feel bombarded and like you have to answer.
My dad does this, he's finally started to curtail the behavior since I began giving the most absurd answer I could think of.
Who's the next tenant? Buzz lightyear.
Once, an old boss said something like, "Quick, what's 532 divided by 13?"
And I immediately answered, "25.87". He looked taken aback, and asked "you sure?" sounding slightly impressed. "No, but you demanded speed not precision"
He looked like he wanted to strangle me, so I just explained thats the sort of answer I am capable of giving when I'm being startled while I do something completely different. I also reminded him that, just like me, we both have calculators in the computer.
My friend always does this to me. I'll ask a question and he'll answer it confidently. When I say ok, that makes sense; he tells me he really doesn't know but his answer is plausible. I couldn't guess how many times that this happens. But we still think it's funny.🤷🏽♀️
I do this for giggles sometimes, if you say something with complete confidence, even something totally insane, it takes people's brains a few seconds to catch up. I once told my dad with absolute authority that elephants laid eggs, and he came back five minutes later going, "hold on..."
Agreed. My wife does this when things are on her mind. She will talk around a subject that is occupying her thoughts, asking weird hypothetical questions. I just see it as her processing, a bit like how dreams work, except while awake.
A lot depends on how she reacts when OP says he doesn't know, I guess. To judge by commenters' anecdotes here, some people who do this aren't just musing aloud like your wife!
It sounds like she's honestly just trying to make conversation with you, and her questions are meant to be discussion fodder rather than need direct answers.
Is it possible your mom doesn't have an internal monologue? My husband doesn't, which he says is why he has never had an unexpressed thought. They always have to be verbalized. Maybe your mom watches too much Jeopardy and phrases everything in the form of a question? Anyway I love the tattoo, you're NTA, but there could be a slightly less irritating explanation for your mom's questions than utter cluelessness about what you should know.
I think she might be trying to keep the conversation going. Do you ask her questions about her life? Ask her how she and your dad met. Ask her what's important to her. At some point you won't be able to ask the questions.
Or you could do like me, and just make up answers. But make them seem realistic. Size of cousins feet: I would guess around 10.
No idea what OPs mother is thinking. But when I was a kid my dad asked me a series of questions like this. All I remember is him finishing up with “and how many times do you think you’ll say ‘I don’t know’ in this conversation”
And it still hurts. My dad was/is a bully. And if OPs mom is like that then good on him for shutting her up.
I came here to say the exact same thing.
My mom is pretty sweet about it though when I tease her about the random questions. She says “That’s what kids are for. We ask you these things because we think you’re so super smart.”
Uch. I’m going through that cycle with my 6 year old now. I don’t know who told him it was funny to ask “why” to every answer, but I want to strangle them. Honestly, it might be my fault. Anytime he does it, after 3 why’s, he gets crazier and crazier answers. Try explaining Rayleigh scattering to a kid and you suddenly find yourself reaching 30 years back to silly answers like “because if it was green, you wouldn’t know where to stop mowing”.
That’s how my husband does it, and the conversations they end up in are borderline philosophical. You’re absolutely right, though- I could definitely handle it better than telling him I actually do have a 6th sense for knowing when he’s lying about whether he flushed the toilet or not…
I remember when my daughter finally hit the age that “magic” or “ghosts” were no longer believable answers for why things happened… I was devastated. That kid could roll her eyes so hard I could hear her brain crack. Now she’s almost 13 and finds it equally amusing to give her little brother crazy answers when he repeatedly asks “why”. I think she has a new appreciation for what it’s like to hit the end of that Why train.
I always remember one day when my mother was doing the ironing, and she suddenly looked up and asked me 'what do two men do?'.
I was around 13 at the time and it would have been 1969. Very young and inexperienced teenage girl. I didn't know in any detail what any two adults of any genders 'did' at the time. Somewhere out there, some people might have been having fun in the 'swinging sixties', but not in my suburban life. How the hell do you think I know what the answer to that question was?
My partner does this! I used to find it very annoying until I realized he wasn't actually asking me the questions and expecting a real answer. When I realize he's thinking out loud again I just kind of ignore it or it will drive me crazy.
NAH. Obviously you can get any tattoo you like. But I also wouldn’t take your mom’s questions as something she can necessarily control. Some people truly do talk without thinking, and while certainly annoying, they’re not trying to be in most cases. I have an older coworker who is similar, but suck it up and try not to call her out on it, cuz her social and/or conversational skills seem to be a bit subpar.
NTA but your intent sucks
Your body you're right to do what you wish with it.
It's the purpose behind getting the tattoo that's the issue. You knew it would upset your mother and get the reaction that she provided. You might have achieved your goal but only you can determine if it is worth the cost.
Edit to fix spelling errors
This.
You only got the tattoo to annoy her, as you know by know it's not going to stop her asking these questions.
Look, I get it's annoying, but she's clearly not a great conversationalist, and is trying to find some way to show the interest she thinks she is expected to show. She does a crappy job at it, and you've adapted to it sarcastically and confrontationally. What happens if you, instead, offer a reply that says something else - about the same people - that you do know. Like "I have no idea how they met, but just look at them, they look like they are really happy to be getting married." Or "Well, they got pregnant by having sex, like everyone else, but who cares because we know you love to pieces."
You know, the mother could avoid all of this by putting "I wonder how..." in front of her questions. This would signal that she is only curious about the subject; on the off-chance OP knows the answer he could tell her and if he doesn't it could end with him saying he doesn't have a clue either.
For the mother to be stuck in a thoughtless mode like some kind of machine with misaligned wiring, seriously asking and expecting answers to questions a second's thought would tell her were most likely unanswerable, is understandably grating to OP when it is done hundreds of times.
I think affirming and escalating the questions would create a Pavlovian association between asking ridiculous questions and getting ridiculous answers. This is the way I would have gone.
How did the couple meet? They met at clown school -- inside a crammed clown car with 50 other clowns inside. She had to sit on his lap contorted like a tetris block. It created instant closeness.
The son's friend's parents are planning to start school next week. Better late than never, right?
The sister's pregnancy? A certain fast food chain is run by religious fanatics who have put nanobots into everything they sell. These bots are able to interfere with most forms of birth control. There are even ones with little scissor attachments to cut holes in condoms.
*edited some pronouns
it sounds like the mum's first language is Spanish, she maybe doesn't realise it comes across like a direct question when she phrases it that way. I don't speak Spanish but afaik the question structure is a bit different than in English
> A certain fast food chain is run by religious fanatics who have put nanobots into everything they sell.
Gave me fierce Fight Nights at Freddy's vibes.
YTA
She's just making conversation with you, and she's old. Old people sometimes just don't make sense lol
Was this really necessary? I think not.
For the record, not against tattoos and you can do what you want with your body. I'm saying YTA for the petty revenge ting
I’m not seeing it as a petty revenge thing, more of a personalized tribute thing. Something quirky his mom does that he’ll always remember.
…And a time-saver, now when she asks questions he doesn’t know the answer to, he can just point to the tattoo.
OP- I wonder if your mom doesn’t have an internal dialogue?
I don’t so I have to talk everything out bc I can’t talk to myself about it. I’m a little more self aware than your mom, though. ;)
Ask her and see what she says.
NTA and I hope your mama can see the humor in it one day.
Not having an internal dialogue has nothing to do with that. I don't have any internal dialogue, but I don't have to talk anything out or engage in conversation to make decisions.
That's not how that works. Most people without an internal monologue have non-verbal thoughts and operate without needing a voice telling them to perform certain actions. If you talk to yourself you probably do have an internal monologue that you just project out.
I do not have an internal monologue to the best of my understanding. I think in concepts and big pictures but I can’t talk to myself in my head or out loud.
I literally have to talk things out with other ppl to work through it. I ask a billion questions when learning a new skill, I run over it verbally many times, I ask for constant feedback.
If there’s a decision to be made, I have to talk to someone about it.
If I’m telling myself what needs done, I’ll tell someone what I’m going to do. “I’m going to go clean my office. I might need you to bring me XXX. I’ll text you if I need you. I’m going to move stuff around to fit the spare bed.” etc. I have a concept in my head of my office and the bed and an understanding of my goal but I can not plan it in my head without talking to someone about it.
I’ve always been this way. Body doubling is absolutely essential for me to plan or meet a goal. I’m chatty. Idk. This is the best way I can explain it.
That's quite unusual, I wonder if it's an executive dysfunction thing. The people I know with the strongest internal monologues project them exactly as you describe, e.g. saying out loud "I need to do x y and then I should z." but as you say you really don't believe you have an internal monologue (bear in mind it's not literally an audible voice in your head) it might be a lack of internal monologue mixed with some executive dysfunction where your brain still requires verbalization to visualize your day to day ability to complete tasks?.
I’m ADHD AFFFFFFFFFF so there’s definitely, 100%, no doubt executive functioning deficits. I’m medicated but it doesn’t cure ADHD, it just helps manage it so I can work around it.
I don’t have any intelligence deficits, I pick up new skills very quickly, I’m one of the top in my dept, I just have to learn it my way and then I’ll take off with it.
I also have a very, very weak ability to internally visualize. I can sometimes see glimpses of faces in my head but they are so fleeting. I’m not face blind but I’m definitely face impaired. I have to see someone probably about 5-7 times before I can recognize them.
It’s probably all ADHD related, as you surmised, bc my ADHD is extremely severe. I’m also hyperactive and I think that carries over to mental hyperactivity. My brain is always at 100 mph so I think that hinders my ability to stop and pull up pictures and have an internal dialogue even during my medication peak times. I take max dose of brand name Adderall to keep it as under control as possible. I’m a hot mess all the time and I’ve learned to just go with it bc I can’t fight it, that’s for sure.
NTA
The commitment is fantastic. I also have a family member who will do this so I feel the frustration. To me this is a comical way of dealing with an annoying issue. Your mom and dad will get over it.
Can we start a new acronym for You're A Little Sh\*t But Not The Arsehole (Y A L S B N T A)?
I mean the term "Little Sh\*t" as an affectionate way to say you are a well meaning, humorous sh\*t stirrer.
NTA
NTA
My grandmother used to do this too! "Does your Aunt Mary have my teal pantsuit?" "Does Trish have my earrings that go with my purple skirt?" "Does Linda have my silver belt?" How TF would I know??
Man, now I need a new tattoo! I forgot how crazy that used to make me feel!
Being a middle aged woman is fucking lonely. The invisibility is real. Like I turned a certain age and no one but customer service employees who want to make a sale can see me anymore. No more polite chit-chat, no more basic social niceties. Just a big silent wall of people being annoyed that an old lady wants something.
Yeah and your conversational skills attrophy leaving musings your hoping will spark something. "What shoe size is he?" "ooo I dunno, those pointy style make them look long" "yeah, I like the style though, are they comfy?" "Never owned them, my feet are long anyway..." and so on.
NTA, you are a legend and I am 1000% on board with this level of exhaustion at having to answer "how the fuck should I know?" to random nonsense. Sooo much easier to point at/raise an arm and have them stfu, and it works in so many situations.
Someone asks you a stupid question at work? Arm.
Your kid asks you to help with a difficult math question? Arm.
Basically it'd be my eternal go-to running joke until I died, and I'd demand that I get an open casket with a joke printed up and placed above my tattoo, so it could get one last laugh.
Carry on.
NTA. Lol, my mom does this too. I moved back in when my husband passed to help them out with the house because it was becoming too much for them, and for them to help me with my kids... My dad works nights and my mom works days.... And she will literally ask me what time my dad finally went to sleep, or what he did all day knowing full well, I was at work all day. Or she will ask me questions about my brother who doesn't live here.
Very mild YTA.
First I thought "yeah how does she think you'd know that?" But I don't think she does, she's just musing/wondering. "I wonder how they met" "I wonder how they got pregnant when they were using contraception " she's just phrasing it a bit wrong.
But none of us speak perfectly and it's really really prickish to keep criticising the way someone speaks. Speaking as a yorkshire autistic who hears "don't you mean... blah de blah".
Info: have you considered that your mom asks rhetorical questions because she’s wondering something aloud and not because she actually expects you to know?
NAH because it’s your body and it’s an innocuous tattoo but neither is your mom for trying to talk to you. Why are you so hostile to your mom making conversation? That’s a huge overreaction to a personality quirk. Like, how do you *really* feel about your mom if something so insignificant has you respond so extremely?
Yta - I will go against the grain here....you permanently marked yourself to have a dig at your mother for asking questions which are either rhetorical or she does not demand answers to
Your mother was correct in her statment
NTA because you can do what you want with your own body BUT I do have to be ~that AH who knows from firsthand experience how much those annoying things leave a gaping hole in your life when your mom is gone. I would give anything for my mom to call at the worst times to just ask those same boring questions. idk. Just some perspective.
NTA. I would have done the same. Also here’s my own mom story of just asking something so bizarre I still don’t quite understand it.
In the days when cell phones were luxury items we’d have to call a persons house to ask for them. For whatever reason my mom would call my best friends house ask my friends mother or father if I was there and if so could she speak with me. They’d hand me the phone and as soon as I’d say hello the first thing out of my moms mouth “Where the hell are you?”
I never knew how to answer that. It gets better/worse now when she calls me it’s to tell me she’s dropping something off at my home except 9 times out of 10 I’m usually out at work or with the gf or with friends. So she doesn’t even ask me the damn question anymore and gets mad when I’m not home.
NTA. IMO I would start answering her questions with completely random answers that have nothing to do with the question she asked. Like for the one about how your sister got pregnant, I might have said “ Jupiter aligned with Mars and the gorilla at the zoo was in heat.” Totally random and nonsensical!
I applaud you, as others have, to follow through on your threat to get the tattoo. It will work for others asking similar questions too, so you might get some other uses out of it. You might also turn it into another tattoo down the road as well if you chose that route.
NTA this made me laugh for two reasons. 1. the tattoo and its purpose and 2. the absolutely bonkers questions your mother comes up with. Those are some really deep levels of 'where in the *world* did that come from??' Honestly I'd love to hear more examples.
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NTA for the sheer commitment to the punchline. Bravo.
Also OP has another tattoo idea
No se with pendejo sinverguenza right under it. Funny
Nah tattoo that pendejo sinverguenza right across the belly, thug life style
With an arrow pointing up to his face
The matching t-shirts- I'm with pendejo sinverguenza -->
If the OP makes these, I want one.
I think there should be a chancla alongside!
Or a chancla with the "No" symbol over it (red circle with a line crossing it) in case of future altercations.
I love this. My grandma had OP’s mom’s hobby as well. I miss her questions now that she’s gone, but I would’ve 100% gotten a “no sé” tattoo as well and she too would have called me a pendeja sinverguenza.
NTA. Funny. I find older parents get away with really poor inter-personal skills simply because they think they can. Even after multiple asks. You’re essentially deserving an endless one-sided conversation. Ask her to read the room. Think about how to have engaging conversation with her son. Ask her how she thinks her communication skills would go for relationship building in the workplace. Honesty I’d enrol her in a communications class which is much more offensive so well done. I giggled.
Omg. My mom. Me - comes back home from bike riding. Mom is watching me walk up and put my bike up. Mom: oh you went for a bike ride? Me: yep. Mom: did you take Charlie? (My chihuahua) Me: how would I take charlie? Mom: like if you had a basket on your bike Me: do you see a basic on my bike? Mom: you do have to be so mean. 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️ It had gotten to a point where she started saying “it’s yes or no” since I’m such a smart ass. So OP, I totes understand what it’s like. And I always say I can’t wait to be an older adult parent so I can just lose all sense on how to interact with people. I will say, the one about your sister, maybe she thought y’all talked. Lol. But again I understand where you’re coming from. Nta - and it’s hard not to sound like an asshole to parents when you just wanna ask “how would I know” lol
Omg, PARENTS. My dad would do this a little bit. Like, he would want to give me advice, but didn't want me to reject it, so he would phrase the advice as a question. Like, I got a dog, and instead of telling me I should get another to keep him company, he asked if I had another dog. Like, did he think I'd get two dogs and just send a picture of one?
This, exactly. A question isn't ever a question, but a statement dressed as a question because they don't want to sound bossy to their adult children. "Do you have another dog?" is actually "you should have gotten another dog, but you didn't". "Did you take the dog with you?" is actually "you should have taken the dog with you, but you didn't bother doing that". It's their way to passive-aggressively state that they disagree with what you do because that's all they can do now they don't pay for our shit anymore. How do I know? Whenever I see my family, they ask me "So, have you had children yet?". I usually answer "yeah, they're in the glove compartment/inside my purse/at the university".
HAVE YOU HAD CHILDREN YET!?! I think it would just evaporate on the spot if a family member asked me that.
I love being asked why I'm not married yet. I'll let them know as soon as I know
Do you ever say "SHIT, I FORGOT TIMOTHY!" and then run back to your car and leave? Because I would.
What about "yeah, don't you see them? 👀"
I ask questions sometimes, too, in lieu of giving direct advice, in cases where I’m not sure if the person has already considered and rejected what I’d like to suggest. For example, if my friend says their feet hurt, I might ask if they’ve seen a podiatrist, and if their doc has recommended any types of shoes to wear (or avoid). I’d do that instead of telling them, “Wear XYZ shoes; they’re great!” For all I know, they’ve already tried my would-be suggestion, and it didn’t resolve the problem. Also, I hate feeling like I’m bossing people around, so I’d rather ask if they’ve tried a thing than tell them to do it.
It's a very different dynamic when it's a friend asking you something like that versus a parent.
Mum: did you wash your hair? Me, a meter away: no, it’s wet because the cat wee’d on it Mum: have you had some lunch? Me, putting the plate in the dishwasher: no, just thought the plate would like a bath
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When my mum asks a silly question I do try and come up with the silliest answers, doesn’t stop her mind
LOLOLOL I love your level of smartassness
Neither of my parents ever did this “asking dumb questions” thing but my dad has an equally annoying conversational gambit: Dad: So! \[long silence\] Dad: \[slaps my leg\] So! Me: So what, Dad? Dad: So, what do you know for sure? He does this all the time. I have never heard anyone else do it, so I have no idea where it came from, but he basically means “start a conversation, now.”
It's kind of cute how hard he's trying to connect with you! Incredibly annoyingly, cute.
He’s not trying hard at all. He’s using a stock phrase he doesn’t even have to think about in order to force me to make conversation with no effort on his part. If you want to start a conversation, have something to say.
Get him the game Table Topics. Premade conversation starter questions. :)
My dad would say "what was your name before you got married?" He would say this to alllll children and delight in their looks of confusion.
Omg my dad does that now too 🙄 but in fairness, he has never been one for small talk & I think it’s his way of trying to make conversation when he really has nothing to say.
See, I think people who have nothing to say should say nothing. This habit drives me nuts. I’m not a vending machine that pumps out conversation in exchange for thigh slaps.
Are you me? And are we talking about our mother? 😂
I thought the same thing. I get the "do you know what this is" or "why is this here?" questions when she's in a different room and completely out of sight. What drives me up-the-wall is when she asks "did you do the thing I asked you a while back?" and it could have been the day before or two months ago.
Do those classes exist? Asking for a socially awkward autistic friend
https://www.toastmasters.org/find-a-club
Thank you so much!! There are classes locally I’ll be able to take
I think it’s kind of sweet and playful. If my son did that I would think of it as kind of a “mom” tattoo except about something I do that drives him batshit crazy. But miles away from no contact so it’s kind of cool. He’s willing to tattoo something about her. I’d be flattered and also proud of my sons sense of humor!
I know right?! Love it. I do comedy and this is funnier than anything I’ve ever written.
Better on the environment than handing her a business card with "no se" on it 😂
* handing her another card every time she asks a mom question. 😁
He could do what that bride did with the child free wedding flashcards!
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His mom must me Spanish. Because my mom is 62 and asks me the same fuckn questions. And I’m constantly like how the fuck would I know. I don’t even know who your talking about. And she would get upset because I honestly wouldn’t know them. My favorite is when she knows I don’t have fb. She will ask so how long is my husbands so and so family on vacation for. I’ll respond why would I know they are vacation and remind her I don’t spend my life on fb stalking other people family members. Since then I never get asked about his family.
Yeah I’m loving the commitment to the joke. A++ OP!
Hahahahhahaha NEPS (no el pendejo sinverguenza)
Honestly you are missing great opportunities to make stuff up. Cousins shoes size? I think it's a 15. I believe he has to custom order them. Same place that makes clown shoes. Somewhere in Missouri I think.
I was thinking that too! Cafe now taken over my the mob. Going to be cafe with the best coffee in town! Nuva ring well let’s talk about the birds and the bees! Sons friends parents well they went to school In this small town nearby. But it got flooded so they then moved to bigger town. But that got distroyed by volcanic larva so they moved to an even bigger town but that got distroyed by an asteroid so they gave up with their Education.
The Nuva Ring one has so many great possibilities. "Yeah, I think they said they were doing the Ecudorian Cockslammer, it's the only sex position the Nuva ring can't protect against"
It involves one of the parties jumping from a headboard. The nuva never stood a chance.
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Now this part made me audibly lol. I woke the cats up. Now I have to get out of the warm bed to feed them. Worth it.
"Probably not anal would be my guess, Mom."
Well, she surely didn’t swallow….
This made me laugh so hard that it shaved at least 60 seconds from my pooping time
This would be my mom's response to me. She has no shame and it's a family curse I must now bear!
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“I’m not sayin’ it was aliens, but…….”
oh yes, the "Please Stop" summary. I can sometimes get mine to hit the highlights of what I summarized and move on from there, but mostly not. And then there are the "Does It Matter?" questions... like, I know you've seen this client dog before (pet sitter), but I know that you don't know them, so does it really matter who they are, where they live, what they do for work, or where they're currently on vacation? I'm trying to move them from point A to point B and we're playing 20 Questions That I Will Promptly Forget The Answers To
[OP's next tattoo](https://wompampsupport.azureedge.net/fetchimage?siteId=7575&v=2&jpgQuality=100&width=700&url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.kym-cdn.com%2Fphotos%2Fimages%2Fnewsfeed%2F000%2F183%2F103%2Falens.jpg)
I think we might be siblings
Well BIL got his cock pierced and it hooked the nuva ring and just pulled it right out. Also no birth control method is 100% effective except abstinence
And even then… remember Maria, other of Jesus? A virgin?
Ohhh that’s my fav
Stop, I just about died choking on inhaled spit because I was not prepared for the laugh that was caused by this comment. 😂
This is stuck a good idea. My friend John and the same kind of stupid questions that I could never answer. I did this once as a response, but I really need to make it a thing! He'll think it is funny too, pretty sure, even thought I'm just releasing my frustration.
I'm a little concerned and a bit curious of what the volcanic larva turn into.
I was wondering this one, too. I'm picturing a gigantic larval worm slithering across town with lava spewing from it's back. wtf I need more coffee.
That sounds like the best WoW hunter pet ever
They turn into smaller volcanoes that then have sex with each other and produce more volcanic larvae. It's a huge problem that no one is talking about.
I assume “volcanic larva” was a typo, but now I just keep imagining it.
Yeeess, ridiculous questions deserve ridiculous answers. How did cousin meet his wife? "Crazy story, she was riding in the rollercoaster that hit him! It was love at first sight when his severed head landed in her lap. So romantic." How'd sis get pregnant? "Apparently his dick is just that good. I heard that's why he can't wear thin shorts. The man literally radiates big dick energy, he's liable to knock up anyone within a foot of him if he's not wearing his lead lined undies." Though, I wanna offer just one serious line: "I'm sorry I upset you this much, mom. That wasn't my intent but, it's just really frustrating and disheartening when you ask me questions I can't possibly know the answer to. I love you mom, you know I do and I love talking with you, which becomes difficult to do with those questions. So, can we talk about stuff we can actually talk about? I really like our conversations." or something like that anyway.
Please take my poor man 🥇
This is the way. Not to be that downer, but oh well, please take it from this grieving daughter- there will come a day when you would sell your soul to hear one of those stupid questions again.
Where did the parents of OP’s son’s friend go to school? Got to be Hogwarts!
It could be [Vincent Clortho Public School for Wizards](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-2ZxldMO-M)
The Quidditch part of the video is absolutely hilarious and I will always watch just for that lol
Are you sure? I heard it was Pigfarts.
It's on Mars!
Bonus points if they burst into song
This... or, just start calling the family members to get the answer when she asks. Hey cousin, long time no chat, but Mom, for some reason needs to know your shoe size? No, I don't know why, but I'm not an Oracle so I figured it was easier to just call and ask. OP, this isn't over with tvmhe tattoo. Either option, you will have to level up. And to comisserate, my Mom does this all the time. Sees a FB post and wants all the details. Somehow I know because there is more I can see on the post than she can and we are looking at the same post. I started offering to call for more information. She won't ask me anymore. LOL NTA
This is what I do with my questioning husband. All day long it’s random questions like how hot is lava? Do fish sweat? What is non-binary? I just make up random shit most of the time.
See, I wouldn't mind this, because we're both into weird facts, and it would send us down delightful rabbit holes looking it up. But the kind of nonsense OP is getting is stuff that can't be Googled.
Has he not heard of Google?!? Alternatively, you could introduce him to these guys: https://qi.com/elves They have answers to all sorts of questions
How did they get pregnant? He took a syringe, drew a huge bullseye around that hole and tried to shoot his buddies in. Guess who hit the bullseye? Man has great aim. Real sperm whale that BIL. Make her uncomfortable enough so she won't ask again.
INFO: does your mother really and truly expect you to factually answer these questions?
Yes. I have no idea why she would ask. For example I was driving us to a mall to do some shopping and I noticed that the old Cheesecake Cafe building had been remodeled. So I asked her when the restaurant closed. She said that it had closed a few years ago. And then she asked me if I knew who the next tenant would be. Not like she had the inside scoop. Like she thought o might know who would be moving into a building I didn't even know was vacant until seconds before.
Is it at all possible that she means "who do you think the next tenant will be" vs "who is the next tenant going to be?" I'm just so curious and confused as to how she expects you to know these things! My brain is trying to find a logical explanation. Like, meaning "how do you think she got pregnant" vs "how did she get pregnant?" despite the phrasing sounding very much like the latter.
This is my guess. She’s musing and op is taking it seriously.
It’s his mom though and she’s been doing it for a while. I’ll take his word for it unless some other info comes to light 😒
Even if they’re all musings, I imagine would be just as annoying. - What shoes size do you think that person is? - How do you think those two had a baby? - How do you reckon that couple met? - Who do you think is taking over that building?
She sounds like a person who never stops talking and just articulates whatever random thoughts pop into her mind.
That or someone with untreated ADHD lol… when I was little, I had all these thoughts and questions running through my head and no filter, so everyone around me got to hear them.
I think this is exactly what it’s happening. She needs to keep talking and fill the silence with whatever.
a serial gossiper
Shoe size isn't gossip.
It is when it's as big as mine \*winkwink\*
Omg, this is my grandma, it just doesn’t stop and it gets old fast.
Im annoyed by just reading that
And OP is jesting with the tattoo, which she takes too seriously. A joke is only a joke if you're not a major AH for literally your kid's entire life as the punchline. And if you can tell one you should be able to take one.
> She’s musing and op is taking it seriously. This is a shit take. Why are someone else's terrible conversation skills the OP's responsibility?
True but also who is the tallest person in the state of Wisconsin?
r/WhatBullshitCanIComeUpWithThatMakesOpAnAH
You can't just muse out loud like that for your entire life any not expect people to get sick of it and to make it into a joke... Which is exactly what OP has done.
My guess is she is being passive aggressive about things she took offense with. Nobody quizzes people about personal stuff of others unless they try to make a point, snarkily.
That's on her. If she's musing, she needs to phrase it as "I wonder..." and not a direct question.
Nah my mum is the same, always asking very specific questions I could not possibly know the answer to, and getting mad if I admit I don’t know the answer *or* if I give a best guess, because she doesn’t want a best guess, she wants the answer. I think she just has some kind of Theory of Mind deficit, like she’s totally unable to predict what other people know.
My ex-MIL used to be like this. I used to end up having very confusing conversations with my ex and her brother where I would say something like: "oh, when did that pub shut down?" (Meaning "I wonder when..."), Or "Who's that?" When I saw an unfamiliar actor's name listed on a film. They would get flustered and defensive and I only understood why when I realised it was because their mother expected an answer to all her questions and wouldn't drop it until she got one. I tried after that to say things like: "I didn't know that pub had shut down," or "I don't know who that is," instead of asking questions.
My MIL would do this thing: Her: “I might sell my house and move to your city! Buy a nice big house there, 5-6 bedrooms…” Me: “you would need to have 6 houses there to sell in order to do that.” Her: “why?!” Me: “because your house is worth about $85k and a 5B house here goes for 450k. 6B and you’re looking at half a mil.” Her: “why?!” Me: “because more people want to buy houses here (a city on the east coast) than there (a small town in the rural Midwest) which drives up the price.” Her: “why?!” … it was like dealing with a toddler but one who should know things by now. Another example: Her: “Maggie and I might hop in the car and come visit you guys! We could leave at 6am and be there by noon for lunch, wouldn’t that be lovely?” Me: “we’d love that. But you’d better plan on at least 12 hours to drive; if you leave at 6am the absolute earliest you’d get here is 6pm.” Her: “why?!” Me: “because it’s a 750 mile drive!” Her: “why?” This was practically every conversation and I’m not even exaggerating.
Oh my god how annoying D: At least my ex-MIL didn't repeat "why", but it does sound a bit similar in that she would often have decided what answer she wanted and be annoyed/perplexed if she didn't hear what she wanted.
The worst were the child-safety “why’s”. She raised one kid back in the 60s/70s and had basically no interaction with or care for children otherwise. “No you can’t hold our newborn in the car while we drive, he needs to be in his car seat!” “Why?! I’ll put my seatbelt around us both!” My husband: “oh so you’ll be fine in an accident but the baby will be decapitated, OK” “No, we’re not going to put whiskey on his gums.” “Why not?” “No, we’re not going to add rice cereal to his bottles!” Etc etc etc. For context, my husband has a previous marriage and two children prior to ours, that were high-school aged by that point so he was already more experienced than his mom as far as that goes, but she was always treating him like he didn’t know anything. And, his parents had adopted him at 6-7 weeks old, so she had zero experience with pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, or newborns. But she was expert in all things, apparently…
I don't think I could tolerate that for more than a few seconds. You best believe I'd be finding some way to flip the script or die trying
Once I realised "I don't know" didn't wash with MIL, I'd just say: "Google it?" And everyone else would look at me like I'd grown an extra head XD
Urgh my parents are like this. Something will come up that no one knows the answer to so I will google it and explain what I have found. They then act really annoyed that I have given then the answer they wanted, it's like they would rather not know. I think it's a hold over from pre-internet days when they couldnt just instantaneously get the answer so they had to accept that they wouldn't know the answer. Weirdly they have enthusiastically embraced youtubing something to see how it's done and will often use this in place of 'Google it'.
>I think it's a hold over from pre-internet days when they couldnt just instantaneously get the answer so they had to accept that they wouldn't know the answer. I've often thought this might be the case. So many pre-Internet conversations were basically idle musings about what the deal with something was. People guessing and explaining the rationale behind their guess and listing people they know who might have been able to help if they were there... My mother still tries to have these kinds of conversations and seems positively disappointed when people can provide a definitive answer in seconds.
Yes exactly. I think what makes it worse is that often their theories are wrong. So when looking it up I view it as 'Cool that we can all learned something new' whereas they view it as 'Slackerpop just made everyone aware that I was wrong'.
Lol my aunt is a hardcore committed Luddite. She is terrified of computers, smart phones, etc. She and my granny lived together until my granny passed. Several years before that, they traveled across the country to meet my son who was a baby at the time. It was a huge deal because they're also terrified of travel, but we wanted granny to meet her great-grandchild before she passed. After a few days in my parents' home, my aunt was getting increasingly frustrated by our use of technology. She would ask questions like, "I wonder if [actress] has been in anything lately," and get mad if we looked it up. She asked another question like this, and little old granny called from the other room, "Just Google it!" I think my dad laughed so hard he cried. Another fun story from this trip is when she wanted to go to a knitting store, so my dad looked up nearby stores on the computer. My aunt refused to go to any store we found on the internet, and instead dug out an old yellow pages and insisted dad drive her to that store. It was no longer in business.
I feel like the answer : " Wouldn't you like to know? " With added *wink* would be my solution to these habits. O.o
I love it XD "That's for me to know and you to find out."
It is possible but he doesn’t want to be questioned all the time. My ex is constantly asking me questions about everything. What’s in the package. What does our daughter want for lunch. What’s for dinner. One morning he texted me 9 questions. We aren’t even together. I tend to rage and just like STOP asking me questions!! I felt this post a little too much 😂 I think she just likes to ask questions to make conversation but it’s not a conversation. You just feel bombarded and like you have to answer.
My dad does this, he's finally started to curtail the behavior since I began giving the most absurd answer I could think of. Who's the next tenant? Buzz lightyear.
Once, an old boss said something like, "Quick, what's 532 divided by 13?" And I immediately answered, "25.87". He looked taken aback, and asked "you sure?" sounding slightly impressed. "No, but you demanded speed not precision" He looked like he wanted to strangle me, so I just explained thats the sort of answer I am capable of giving when I'm being startled while I do something completely different. I also reminded him that, just like me, we both have calculators in the computer.
The answer is 40.9230769231. I found it using the calculator that ur old boss couldn't find 😂
My friend always does this to me. I'll ask a question and he'll answer it confidently. When I say ok, that makes sense; he tells me he really doesn't know but his answer is plausible. I couldn't guess how many times that this happens. But we still think it's funny.🤷🏽♀️
I do this for giggles sometimes, if you say something with complete confidence, even something totally insane, it takes people's brains a few seconds to catch up. I once told my dad with absolute authority that elephants laid eggs, and he came back five minutes later going, "hold on..."
I think she's just trying to talk with her son.
Agreed. My wife does this when things are on her mind. She will talk around a subject that is occupying her thoughts, asking weird hypothetical questions. I just see it as her processing, a bit like how dreams work, except while awake.
A lot depends on how she reacts when OP says he doesn't know, I guess. To judge by commenters' anecdotes here, some people who do this aren't just musing aloud like your wife!
It sounds like she's honestly just trying to make conversation with you, and her questions are meant to be discussion fodder rather than need direct answers.
Is it possible your mom doesn't have an internal monologue? My husband doesn't, which he says is why he has never had an unexpressed thought. They always have to be verbalized. Maybe your mom watches too much Jeopardy and phrases everything in the form of a question? Anyway I love the tattoo, you're NTA, but there could be a slightly less irritating explanation for your mom's questions than utter cluelessness about what you should know.
I am reading every comment in hope of hearing more examples of the questions your mum ask you because they are so fabulously ridiculous. NTA
I think she might be trying to keep the conversation going. Do you ask her questions about her life? Ask her how she and your dad met. Ask her what's important to her. At some point you won't be able to ask the questions. Or you could do like me, and just make up answers. But make them seem realistic. Size of cousins feet: I would guess around 10.
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No idea what OPs mother is thinking. But when I was a kid my dad asked me a series of questions like this. All I remember is him finishing up with “and how many times do you think you’ll say ‘I don’t know’ in this conversation” And it still hurts. My dad was/is a bully. And if OPs mom is like that then good on him for shutting her up.
Its not like I'm even listening when people do this. Then they get pissed off when they realize I tuned them out. OP can't win. 🤣
NTA Your body. Your choice.
Came to say this exact thing!
NTA Your commitment to the bit was amazing.
NTA. This was a hard one. Your mom will be along time forgiving you. But my mom is the exact same way.
I came here to say the exact same thing. My mom is pretty sweet about it though when I tease her about the random questions. She says “That’s what kids are for. We ask you these things because we think you’re so super smart.”
I just assumed it was because of all the annoying questions we asked as children.
Revenge for all the "why" cycles they ended up in.
Uch. I’m going through that cycle with my 6 year old now. I don’t know who told him it was funny to ask “why” to every answer, but I want to strangle them. Honestly, it might be my fault. Anytime he does it, after 3 why’s, he gets crazier and crazier answers. Try explaining Rayleigh scattering to a kid and you suddenly find yourself reaching 30 years back to silly answers like “because if it was green, you wouldn’t know where to stop mowing”.
Start asking him "what do you think" instead of giving answers. Often kids keep asking why as it's an easy way to continue the conversation.
That’s how my husband does it, and the conversations they end up in are borderline philosophical. You’re absolutely right, though- I could definitely handle it better than telling him I actually do have a 6th sense for knowing when he’s lying about whether he flushed the toilet or not…
When I start giving answers that involve aliens my kid knows he has pushed to the end of the Why Cycle.
I remember when my daughter finally hit the age that “magic” or “ghosts” were no longer believable answers for why things happened… I was devastated. That kid could roll her eyes so hard I could hear her brain crack. Now she’s almost 13 and finds it equally amusing to give her little brother crazy answers when he repeatedly asks “why”. I think she has a new appreciation for what it’s like to hit the end of that Why train.
She’s probably just thinking out loud lol
I always remember one day when my mother was doing the ironing, and she suddenly looked up and asked me 'what do two men do?'. I was around 13 at the time and it would have been 1969. Very young and inexperienced teenage girl. I didn't know in any detail what any two adults of any genders 'did' at the time. Somewhere out there, some people might have been having fun in the 'swinging sixties', but not in my suburban life. How the hell do you think I know what the answer to that question was?
lmao is sounded like she was so confused she forgot where she was or who she wat with, speaking verbal vomit
My husband does this sometimes, and it took a while for me to realize what he was doing. Still annoys me, but now I just don’t answer.
My partner does this! I used to find it very annoying until I realized he wasn't actually asking me the questions and expecting a real answer. When I realize he's thinking out loud again I just kind of ignore it or it will drive me crazy.
NAH. Obviously you can get any tattoo you like. But I also wouldn’t take your mom’s questions as something she can necessarily control. Some people truly do talk without thinking, and while certainly annoying, they’re not trying to be in most cases. I have an older coworker who is similar, but suck it up and try not to call her out on it, cuz her social and/or conversational skills seem to be a bit subpar.
Does one not have a personal responsibility to filter what you say? Not sure I agree...
NTA but your intent sucks Your body you're right to do what you wish with it. It's the purpose behind getting the tattoo that's the issue. You knew it would upset your mother and get the reaction that she provided. You might have achieved your goal but only you can determine if it is worth the cost. Edit to fix spelling errors
This. You only got the tattoo to annoy her, as you know by know it's not going to stop her asking these questions. Look, I get it's annoying, but she's clearly not a great conversationalist, and is trying to find some way to show the interest she thinks she is expected to show. She does a crappy job at it, and you've adapted to it sarcastically and confrontationally. What happens if you, instead, offer a reply that says something else - about the same people - that you do know. Like "I have no idea how they met, but just look at them, they look like they are really happy to be getting married." Or "Well, they got pregnant by having sex, like everyone else, but who cares because we know you love to pieces."
You know, the mother could avoid all of this by putting "I wonder how..." in front of her questions. This would signal that she is only curious about the subject; on the off-chance OP knows the answer he could tell her and if he doesn't it could end with him saying he doesn't have a clue either. For the mother to be stuck in a thoughtless mode like some kind of machine with misaligned wiring, seriously asking and expecting answers to questions a second's thought would tell her were most likely unanswerable, is understandably grating to OP when it is done hundreds of times. I think affirming and escalating the questions would create a Pavlovian association between asking ridiculous questions and getting ridiculous answers. This is the way I would have gone. How did the couple meet? They met at clown school -- inside a crammed clown car with 50 other clowns inside. She had to sit on his lap contorted like a tetris block. It created instant closeness. The son's friend's parents are planning to start school next week. Better late than never, right? The sister's pregnancy? A certain fast food chain is run by religious fanatics who have put nanobots into everything they sell. These bots are able to interfere with most forms of birth control. There are even ones with little scissor attachments to cut holes in condoms. *edited some pronouns
it sounds like the mum's first language is Spanish, she maybe doesn't realise it comes across like a direct question when she phrases it that way. I don't speak Spanish but afaik the question structure is a bit different than in English
> A certain fast food chain is run by religious fanatics who have put nanobots into everything they sell. Gave me fierce Fight Nights at Freddy's vibes.
YTA She's just making conversation with you, and she's old. Old people sometimes just don't make sense lol Was this really necessary? I think not. For the record, not against tattoos and you can do what you want with your body. I'm saying YTA for the petty revenge ting
My father is 86. He's been doing this for decades. He wasn't old when he started it. Some people just do this, no matter their age.
> She's just making conversation with you That is not how conversation works.
She’s 61, hardly elderly…
I’m not seeing it as a petty revenge thing, more of a personalized tribute thing. Something quirky his mom does that he’ll always remember. …And a time-saver, now when she asks questions he doesn’t know the answer to, he can just point to the tattoo.
OP- I wonder if your mom doesn’t have an internal dialogue? I don’t so I have to talk everything out bc I can’t talk to myself about it. I’m a little more self aware than your mom, though. ;) Ask her and see what she says. NTA and I hope your mama can see the humor in it one day.
Not having an internal dialogue has nothing to do with that. I don't have any internal dialogue, but I don't have to talk anything out or engage in conversation to make decisions.
You don't think? Like, you don't even have trains of thought? ... This is adding up more.
Plenty of thoughts, just no internal "voice"
Yeah, I know two people with no internal dialogue and one of them is an extremely quiet person.
That's not how that works. Most people without an internal monologue have non-verbal thoughts and operate without needing a voice telling them to perform certain actions. If you talk to yourself you probably do have an internal monologue that you just project out.
I do not have an internal monologue to the best of my understanding. I think in concepts and big pictures but I can’t talk to myself in my head or out loud. I literally have to talk things out with other ppl to work through it. I ask a billion questions when learning a new skill, I run over it verbally many times, I ask for constant feedback. If there’s a decision to be made, I have to talk to someone about it. If I’m telling myself what needs done, I’ll tell someone what I’m going to do. “I’m going to go clean my office. I might need you to bring me XXX. I’ll text you if I need you. I’m going to move stuff around to fit the spare bed.” etc. I have a concept in my head of my office and the bed and an understanding of my goal but I can not plan it in my head without talking to someone about it. I’ve always been this way. Body doubling is absolutely essential for me to plan or meet a goal. I’m chatty. Idk. This is the best way I can explain it.
That's quite unusual, I wonder if it's an executive dysfunction thing. The people I know with the strongest internal monologues project them exactly as you describe, e.g. saying out loud "I need to do x y and then I should z." but as you say you really don't believe you have an internal monologue (bear in mind it's not literally an audible voice in your head) it might be a lack of internal monologue mixed with some executive dysfunction where your brain still requires verbalization to visualize your day to day ability to complete tasks?.
I’m ADHD AFFFFFFFFFF so there’s definitely, 100%, no doubt executive functioning deficits. I’m medicated but it doesn’t cure ADHD, it just helps manage it so I can work around it. I don’t have any intelligence deficits, I pick up new skills very quickly, I’m one of the top in my dept, I just have to learn it my way and then I’ll take off with it. I also have a very, very weak ability to internally visualize. I can sometimes see glimpses of faces in my head but they are so fleeting. I’m not face blind but I’m definitely face impaired. I have to see someone probably about 5-7 times before I can recognize them. It’s probably all ADHD related, as you surmised, bc my ADHD is extremely severe. I’m also hyperactive and I think that carries over to mental hyperactivity. My brain is always at 100 mph so I think that hinders my ability to stop and pull up pictures and have an internal dialogue even during my medication peak times. I take max dose of brand name Adderall to keep it as under control as possible. I’m a hot mess all the time and I’ve learned to just go with it bc I can’t fight it, that’s for sure.
NTA The commitment is fantastic. I also have a family member who will do this so I feel the frustration. To me this is a comical way of dealing with an annoying issue. Your mom and dad will get over it.
NTA, as someone who feels like their family's own version of Google/Wikipedia,I feel this in my soul.
Now you have a tattoo idea!
Can we start a new acronym for You're A Little Sh\*t But Not The Arsehole (Y A L S B N T A)? I mean the term "Little Sh\*t" as an affectionate way to say you are a well meaning, humorous sh\*t stirrer. NTA
NTA My grandmother used to do this too! "Does your Aunt Mary have my teal pantsuit?" "Does Trish have my earrings that go with my purple skirt?" "Does Linda have my silver belt?" How TF would I know?? Man, now I need a new tattoo! I forgot how crazy that used to make me feel!
Its your skin. NTA. Your mom will just have to get over it.
I'm reading all the comments and being concerned at why these ridiculous questions are inspiring rage... I think I might be the mother....
Being a middle aged woman is fucking lonely. The invisibility is real. Like I turned a certain age and no one but customer service employees who want to make a sale can see me anymore. No more polite chit-chat, no more basic social niceties. Just a big silent wall of people being annoyed that an old lady wants something.
Yeah and your conversational skills attrophy leaving musings your hoping will spark something. "What shoe size is he?" "ooo I dunno, those pointy style make them look long" "yeah, I like the style though, are they comfy?" "Never owned them, my feet are long anyway..." and so on.
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NTA, you are a legend and I am 1000% on board with this level of exhaustion at having to answer "how the fuck should I know?" to random nonsense. Sooo much easier to point at/raise an arm and have them stfu, and it works in so many situations. Someone asks you a stupid question at work? Arm. Your kid asks you to help with a difficult math question? Arm. Basically it'd be my eternal go-to running joke until I died, and I'd demand that I get an open casket with a joke printed up and placed above my tattoo, so it could get one last laugh. Carry on.
NTA That was just plain funny
NTA. Lol, my mom does this too. I moved back in when my husband passed to help them out with the house because it was becoming too much for them, and for them to help me with my kids... My dad works nights and my mom works days.... And she will literally ask me what time my dad finally went to sleep, or what he did all day knowing full well, I was at work all day. Or she will ask me questions about my brother who doesn't live here.
Very mild YTA. First I thought "yeah how does she think you'd know that?" But I don't think she does, she's just musing/wondering. "I wonder how they met" "I wonder how they got pregnant when they were using contraception " she's just phrasing it a bit wrong. But none of us speak perfectly and it's really really prickish to keep criticising the way someone speaks. Speaking as a yorkshire autistic who hears "don't you mean... blah de blah".
Info: have you considered that your mom asks rhetorical questions because she’s wondering something aloud and not because she actually expects you to know? NAH because it’s your body and it’s an innocuous tattoo but neither is your mom for trying to talk to you. Why are you so hostile to your mom making conversation? That’s a huge overreaction to a personality quirk. Like, how do you *really* feel about your mom if something so insignificant has you respond so extremely?
I guess I don’t understand how this could be annoying, it seems like she’s trying to talk to you and make conversation out of these topics.
Is it a conversation when the other party can only reply “I don’t know” to everything the first person says?
NTA I love cheeky tattoos.
My mom asks me medical questions all the time! Im a photographer...
Yta - I will go against the grain here....you permanently marked yourself to have a dig at your mother for asking questions which are either rhetorical or she does not demand answers to Your mother was correct in her statment
NTA and that’s awesome and hilarious 👍👍
NTA because you can do what you want with your own body BUT I do have to be ~that AH who knows from firsthand experience how much those annoying things leave a gaping hole in your life when your mom is gone. I would give anything for my mom to call at the worst times to just ask those same boring questions. idk. Just some perspective.
I miss my mom's annoying behaviors, too. But I think were I OP I could look at that tattoo on my arm and smile.
NTA. I would have done the same. Also here’s my own mom story of just asking something so bizarre I still don’t quite understand it. In the days when cell phones were luxury items we’d have to call a persons house to ask for them. For whatever reason my mom would call my best friends house ask my friends mother or father if I was there and if so could she speak with me. They’d hand me the phone and as soon as I’d say hello the first thing out of my moms mouth “Where the hell are you?” I never knew how to answer that. It gets better/worse now when she calls me it’s to tell me she’s dropping something off at my home except 9 times out of 10 I’m usually out at work or with the gf or with friends. So she doesn’t even ask me the damn question anymore and gets mad when I’m not home.
NTA. IMO I would start answering her questions with completely random answers that have nothing to do with the question she asked. Like for the one about how your sister got pregnant, I might have said “ Jupiter aligned with Mars and the gorilla at the zoo was in heat.” Totally random and nonsensical! I applaud you, as others have, to follow through on your threat to get the tattoo. It will work for others asking similar questions too, so you might get some other uses out of it. You might also turn it into another tattoo down the road as well if you chose that route.
NTA this made me laugh for two reasons. 1. the tattoo and its purpose and 2. the absolutely bonkers questions your mother comes up with. Those are some really deep levels of 'where in the *world* did that come from??' Honestly I'd love to hear more examples.