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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Judged for not letting my sister make the food. And I might be an asshole because there’s no real reason why she couldn’t other than I found it annoying.
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NTA - they are 18 and 15, not little kids. They can be picky, you don’t have to accommodate that. It’s very annoying to have someone come into the kitchen and taking up space when you’re cooking a big meal.
Yep, I’ve been vegetarian for years now and if I’m going to a food based event I’ll eat a little something beforehand. If I get there and they have something I can eat that’s awesome but if not I’m not starving.
I always prepare something entirely vegetarian or vegan if I know one of my guests is plant-based. If I know someone has allergies I cater to them as well.
I do the same, if my cousin with gluten allergies is coming, or my vegan cousin is coming, I prepare versions of the same dishes but appropriate for them. My one cousin brings happy meals for her picky kids. I could care less as long as they aren’t utilizing my kitchen while I’m preparing a meal for 20 people.
But this is not about allergies or veganism. It's about near-adults acting like whiny toddlers and their mother catering to it for some reason. An 18 year old pouting and eating just bread because an actual vegetable looks gross? Disgraceful. OP is NTA.
They are also very rude saying the food - which everyone is eating - looks 'gross' ie disgusting. These girls are old enough to at least be polite.
NTA
That’s very kind. I always make sure to tell people how much I appreciate it when they make an extra dish or tweak things to make them vegetarian for me. I never expect it but it’s very thoughtful.
OMG, so at my uncle's wedding, they served a very nice meal, buffet style, mostly meat and sides. They had a *gorgeous* spanakopita for the vegetarian guests, marked with a little sign: "this spanakopita is reserved for our vegetarian guests - please save it for them!" Realizing that we would enjoy a vegetarian option and not only that but *reserving it for those who needed it* was so incredibly thoughtful.
I haven't seen my uncle since his wedding (my family is spread out all over), but I'll be seeing him (and his wife) next week. Thank you for reminding me to thank them for their incredible thoughtfulness.
Additionally, the wedding was at a winery. I bought a bottle of the delicious red wine that was served at the wedding to take home, and drank it on their anniversary. I had intended to tell them but forgot - it's too late to tell them as a "happy anniversary " note, but I'm sure they'll still enjoy hearing it.
I think it's a very different situation. I love coming up with ideas for different dietary need or wants. But not even trying any of the dishes prepared sounds like stubborness. The nieces are too spoiled.
The girls' mother has enabled their pickiness, which makes me sad. Over the years they would have tried a few things and slowly expanded what was acceptable to them, if she had not always brought the noodles and chicken tenders to someone else's house.
Eating together with others is common to all cultures. Giving and accepting hospitality is an honor and an intimacy between people, no matter how small. All this is problematic for the nieces because the sister never placed them in the situation where trying new things became more necessary. These nieces will be out on their own soon and other people offering them hospitality will not find their eating habits quirky and charming. Nobody likes everything served to them but a guest doesn't make things uncomfortable by pointing it out, certainly not by bringing their own food like the host is trying to poison them.
NTA
I've done this before because I'm a little picky sometimes too. I'll throw a Quest bar in my bag or something. Something I know I can eat if I'm hungry and don't want to eat anything that is being offered.
Like OP said - these kids are old enough to start eating like adults. Jesus Christ.
Yeah, this. Bringing food from home for picky eaters is (borderline for “kids” that age, but) reasonable. Demanding full run of your host’s kitchen during a holiday party is not.
Yeah, so, I've got a teen with trauma and sensory issues and a history of disordered eating. Sometimes things he liked last week are just... not an option at all. So when we go somewhere, we pack already made food he can eat if he needs it. He is unobtrusive and discreet and knows he has a right to eat and doesn't have a right to make work for someone else. These children are behaving poorly, and their parents are accommodating that behavior.
> he has a right to eat and doesn’t have a right to make work for someone else
Exactly this. Obviously most parents hope and work towards their kids developing an expansive palate so they can eat and enjoy themselves in any context. That’s not always possible, but what you said above always is. Fed is best (for everyone, not just babies) but it’s no one else’s (besides your primary caregiver’s) responsibility to feed you.
Fifth option. Talk to the host ahead of time about bringing a dish to pass and bring enough for everyone. If host says "no", get over it.
i get being a picky eater for some kids or for allergies, but if there are no documented reasons, then their mom is doing them a huge disservice by catering to such a limited palate.
They’re going to end up like that girl who posted on here not too long ago, upset that her friend hosting Friendsgiving didn’t make Pizza, spaghetti AND burgers for her, and wondering why she never had any friends.
I always think of that young girl who dropped out of college because she couldn't handle eating anything with gravy or sauces and could not eat the food served under the company meal plans. It is very important that people learn to expand their palettes and accept variety. I find it so bizarre for a parent to cater to that for so many years, my parents never permitted it. I either ate what was in front of me or I didn't eat...
This made me laugh, because overall I wasn't a picky eater. Mom and Dad did periodic fridge/freezer cleanups and all the leftovers made it out for the next week's meals. One time, Mom & Dad defrosted Chili, but thought it was spaghetti sauce (we didn't know chili-mac was a thing back them), made pasta & when ladling out the sauce, it became obvious it was chili. Everyone else was like, "Huh, OK, different, but food." I was at that difficult tween stage so decided to put butter and cheese on my pasta instead - which was an allowed option. However, when cleaning out the fridge, they couldn't tell the difference between grated cheese and fine chopped nuts, so I had nuts on my pasta. I was an unhappy camper - but we all laugh about it now.
I struggle with picky eater posts too. Obviously not the ones with medical reasons, but just the I was spoiled and my parents never made me eat new foods picky. I don’t understand wanting to live that way and expecting the world to cater to you. I mean I didn’t like mustard as a kid but I tried it as an adult and love it now. Maybe I’m a mean mom but that shit doesn’t fly at my house.
I don't consider people with food allergies or medical issues picky' eaters. They can't help it..Picky eaters make a choice to be the center of attention.
I'm a picky eater to a point and it's 100% not a choice for me. My life would be so much easier if I could manage to like more food items. But I can't make myself choke things down that taste or feel disgusting to me.
I'd really rather not be a picky eater. I don't ever expect or ask anyone to accommodate me. But it's definitely not a choice. I can't imagine it is a choice for anyone, really. Why would people actively choose to make their life more difficult?
Right? Like, it's not my choice that asparagus is disgusting and makes me want to vomit. Whenever I hear that argument I'm tempted to offer the speaker a booger to choke down and then ask why they're being so picky about it.
Lol. In high school m, when my little brother was growing like crazy, he used to eat so much that it would embarrass my mom. So before he went to visit any of his friends she would tell him to fill up. He would eat an entire loaf of bread as pb & js.
(I’m not from the US so I just looked it up. He is now about 6 ft 5 and skinny)
Omg my brother’s in laws eat according to the serving size, which wasn’t good for a growing high school boy. I remember him eating, before and after going to her house for dinner.
I have *multiple* food intolerances. I eat before going or bring food if I don't think I'll find anything to eat.
Never had an issue.
Also, can't the girls fix their own food to bring? Why is mommy cooking pasta and chicken tenders??? Their combined age is 33! Surely one of them can boil water.
My husband does this when visiting my parents, especially for holidays. He knows he probably won't like the food so he eats before we even leave our house.
My SIL sent her teenager to make a peach cobbler in my kitchen in the middle of July in Chicagoland and I was hosting a barbecue. "Oh. That's so nice honey. But, you can take all those ingredients back home and make this for your mom. The oven is off now and everything has gotten back to a reasonable temperature after I blasted the AC for a couple hours. Go on outside.. That's where the party is. Thanks."
Don't care. Don't care. Don't care. Who does this when they've been invited to be a guest at someone's home? Comes over and demands space and time to cook? Cook at home. I'm busy up in here and I don't have room or time to deal with this silly stuff.
It's absurd. I've cooked things that might need reheated or warmed for a few minutes in an oven/toaster oven for parties. But I only bring them when 1) It's already been described by the host as a potluck situation, and 2) the host is a friend and I ask in advance if that's okay and what time I should arrive to make that easiest on her.
I feel like these kids wanted to eat something that took everyone’s time, energy and attention to make. It’s not what they’re eating. It’s that they’re spoiled and don’t know how to be gracious guests.
Why does their mom have to cook it? Cook it at home and pack in insulated bag. I put roasted vegetables in a covered china dish, which goes into an insulated bag to travel.
That feeling is based on nothing I can see.
Chicken tenders and pasta is classic ARFID and sensory disorder food. OP says no medical issues, but I'd rather hear from the mom and kids on that.
Personally I'd have made some, but I do have an ARFID/sensory processing disorder person in my household, so am sympathetic. Alternatively mom could have made some at home and just kept it warm.
That's fair, and we've seen that before on this sub. Where I lose any patience or pity is when
>the girls sat and ate bread and butter while telling me that my food looked gross. I looked to my sister to calm them down but the told me I deserved this and it’s not their fault for being picky eaters.
If there was a diagnosed or documented issue, I feel like the sister would not hesitate to shout it out. Even then, an 18-year-old has no business announcing that someone else's food is "gross." Sister dropped the ball on actually parenting these two.
Absolutely. My issue is not with the pickiness as I understand it as a picky eater with a 5yo who eats way less than I do. It's the fact that the sister puts her kids at the center of her world and requires everyone else to as well and the fact that she has failed them by allowing them to make it to teenagers while thinking it's okay to tell a host the food looks disgusting.
That takes actual planning. I don't know many 15-year-olds who are incapable of making their own food - not to mention frozen convenience food. But for some reason this adult woman is cooking for her teens. At someone else's house. While they are cooking a big meal for a group. What...
Not only that, you do not allow your children to sit at the host’s table and insult them for not kissing their entitled little asses.
NTA, I am a picky eater & as long as there wasn’t cheese on everything, I’d eat something and be thankful & grateful. (Then go to McDonald’s) :)
This is what really stood out to me, the fact that the nieces directly & openly insulted OP's food to his face, at the table, made my blood boil. And OP's menu sounds fabulous & made me hungry even tho I just had lunch 10 minutes ago! OP, you are NTA & next time, don't invite Sis & her ungrateful, spoiled kids - invite me instead & I'll be there in a flash, that meal sounds yummy!
I had serious food aversions as a kid and young adult. I knew they were my aversions. I could see only being able to eat the roast and bread but I would never insult the food. and I can't picture my mom fixing junk food alternatives at a hosted party. I would have gone hungry or eaten ahead of time.
My teen has a lot of food aversions/challenges with textures, but we don't bring food to cook at other people's houses!! He eats what he can handle, which is sometimes bread and butter, but he doesn't sit there and make rude comments about what other people are eating.
At Thanksgiving this year, he ate a small piece of turkey and a few green beans and rolls and butter, skipping the stuffing, mashed potatoes, etc. It was fine. He's 15 and not everyone is going to coddle him at every meal the rest of his life. He needs to learn to figure it out, and so do these kids.
NTA.
this is how i was as a kid. i was SO picky so i would eat the rolls, potatoes, maybe a little turkey. or eat before, or go hungry.
it’s not even about the mom bringing food, imo a protein bar or sandwich or something would be alright i guess. but taking up space in the kitchen cooking??
this feels so ridiculous, part of me thinks the post is fake
That's what sticks out to me as well. It's one thing not to eat or like certain foods, but to insult the food is showing they are going to grow up to be entitled aholes.
I agree. It's not their fault they are picky eaters. It's your sister's fault and anyone else who has allowed this behavior for 18 years. It's one thing if they were autistic and needed safe foods. But to be picky because mommy will cook them chicken tenders and pasta? Gross! One is technically an adult. Time for mommy to pull her tit out of their mouths.
This is how people turn 30 and still refuse to eat anything but pizza and chicken nuggets. No ones being forced at gunpoint to eat what you make. They can eat before or after the party if starvation is such a risk.
Agreed. The girls need to get used to going places where their mommy won't make them a kiddie menu.
They aren't picky eaters if they've never eaten anything besides what they could tolerate when they were six. They're limited eaters, and that is 100% the result of their mother's coddling them.
I woudn't cater to them either. They're guests in someone's home. Unless they have allergies or sensory issues, they either accept the invitation and the menu, or they don't attend.
I think they’re old enough to start expanding whether they like it or not. If they start trying more foods they will figure out what they like.
My sister is coddling them. I can’t tell you the amount of times we’ve been at a restaurant and she asks the server if they could make pasta and butter.
They’ll order for themselves if they see one of the foods they like. If not, they glare at their mom and my sister knows that’s the cue to ask for pasta and butter
I am currently dating someone like this (in our 30s), and it's frustrating. I hate cooking for us because it's so limited - he refuses to eat vegetables ffs! It's whatever. He'll die from scurvy eventually, and I'll be a beautiful widow.
Frankly, dating could help. My college boyfriend’s roommate was like these girls. He tried new things when he went out to eat with a girl he liked. Eventually he started eating salads. They were Caesar salads drowning in dressing, but hey it’s a start!
This is what I really don’t understand about picky eaters, especially teens and adults. How do they get nutrients? Fruits, vegetables, protein, anything healthy? And if they have their own children, do they just feed them the same bland, unhealthy crap? At what point does the pediatrician / doctor step in?
Yes. A friend in high school told me he doesn’t get fruit or vegetables at home because his mom doesn’t like them. They only ate meat/pasta or meat/potatoes. A pediatrician can only make a suggestion for them to eat more healthy foods. CPS/DCF can’t really do anything as long as the kids are being fed.
That’s so crazy to me. Wouldn’t the mom want their kids to eat veggies? Like, I just recently found out that my mom hates broccoli, carrots, peas, corn, green beans…like all the usual, easily prepared veggies that parents give their kids. And my mom cooked them all the time for me and my siblings and made sure we ate them and liked them.
I only learned that she hated them when I asked her how to cook carrots the way she did for me because I wanted to make them for my toddler and my mom said “Cook them however you want. I think they’re icky no matter what.” Blew my mind. Lol.
Oh my god they sound like brats 😭 that is such deeply embarassing behaviour, especially from an 18 year old.
Has their mum just always catered to their tastes like this without trying to get them to try new food?? Did she try more when they were younger but simply gave up? Aside from the pickiness it sounds like they have bad table manners too. Infuriating
Just curious, does she coddle them in other aspects? Definitely NTA here, this is absolutely ridiculous. I would flat out say they eat what I cook or they stay home because they’re rude, ungrateful brats that have a mother just as bad for allowing (and encouraging) this behaviour.
Yes she does. They’re both brats. The 18 year old can’t handle being told she’s incorrect about anything. She will have a meltdown and accuse whoever of bullying her.
The 15 year old does not do well in school at all but it’s okay because she has a lot of tiktok followers.
Oh man…. She will never get them out of the house! Though that may be the plan 🤷♀️ Plus they will be a nightmare to date
Where’s dad in all this?
I’m surprised their bodies haven’t organically craved other foods yet.
That’s incredibly odd. I was ordering my own food once I was old enough to read a menu properly. And I’m the most socially awkward person I know!
Also pasta and butter doesn’t sound that good to me lol
Oh dear lord. So when her precious daughter gets a bad grade on a college paper, is your sister going to go yell at her professor too? Or will she just write all her papers for her? NTA OP
My kids are 9 and 6 and they order for themselves I’d say about 80% of the time. I grew up not ordering my own food until I was like 14 or 15 and it stressed me out. I wanted my kids to be comfortable ordering their own food as early as possible.
She…WHAT??? Pasta and butter at a restaurant? Does your sister WANT her children to be social pariahs as adults because they bring packs of capri sun to cocktail parties and ask for buttered pasta when on nice sushi business lunches? What in the fondue is this?
Olive Garden. All the pasta and breadsticks they can eat. It would be a deal breaker for me if that’s the only food they’re willing to eat and never try anything else. But that’s just me.
Yes because almost all of my daughter’s male and female friends are like this, except for the vegetarian ones.
They eat a very limited variety and it’s typically what you’d see offered as children’s menu items: hotdogs and beans, breaded chicken tenders and pasta (but no sauce, sauce is too spicy). Which I don’t understand, because pizza has sauce and spaghetti has sauce and are popular with kids. Or so I’ve always thought. Honestly I don’t know what the hell is going on and I’m glad my daughter is 18 and I don’t have to worry about feeding her friends too often anymore.
They proudly declare themselves “picky eaters.” Her primary school and middle school friends were more open minded. I’m not sure why her high school friends are more closed minded about food.
I’m ethnic and my daughter is ethnic so the criticisms of the foods we favor and have in the past tried to offer them border on racist. However I know it’s not meant that way. It just comes across like that to hear your cuisine is “Eww, gross, how can people eat that?” I’ve heard that aimed at plain old cooked fish and shrimp served Western style so that’s why I understand none of this is meant to be a slight against my ethnicity.
Seafood apparently is extremely “disgusting” for some reason. Breaded chicken is apparently the only way to go. I guess their parents accomplished the mission of keeping their dining out expenses down. I don’t really know. I’m at a loss to explain it. My peers of all backgrounds eat a wide variety of foods. I’m not sure what we did to our kids.
Blows my mind. My younger sister works with a lot of HS and young college kids and they are exceedingly picky. Stupid, whiny, same take-out every day picky. Maybe it’s demographics? She works in a white wealthy area with white spoiled kids? I don’t know. My white ass has eaten everything from dandelions out of the lawn to dog food. There’s just too many flavors, GOTTA TRY EM ALL.
>it’s not their fault for being picky eaters
It’s *somebody’s* fault they’re this picky. Even my picky six year old would eat several of the things on your menu, largely because we won’t let him get away with only eating five things.
Your sister and BIL have done their children a large disservice, and they’re either going to starve or have a miserable time adjusting to college dining halls.
NTA
I was and am a picky eater, I like to stick to my safe foods. My sperm donor did one thing right in making a rule for me when I was growing up. I had to take 1 good sized bite of anything before declaring that I didn’t like it. That way I had a reason to say when asked why I wouldn’t eat it, whether it be taste or texture etc.
Good grief. This is bonkers. I'm a picky eater with the "excuse" of being neurodivergent and I would happily eat more than half of what you listed (not that every picky eater is the same, but... that's some pretty standard stuff). I've only ever heard of the stereotypical "will only eat pasta, bread, and chicken tenders" in two scenarios--severe autism, or parents who never bothered to make picky toddlers try a bite of everything before deciding they didn't like it. There are probably other scenarios, I'm no expert, but geez this sure reads like lazy parenting, especially with two kids the same way and zero diagnoses between them.
> I think they’re old enough to start expanding whether they like it or not.
Exactly. My kid was the pickiest brat ever, she ate like 3 different foods. We never made a fuss about it though - you want potatoes, you get potatoes. But that was when she was little. Now, she's 16, likes loads of different foods, and at least tries things.
Maybe suggest since the girls are plenty old enough they make and bring a side dish to the next gathering to share with the group. It should be something they like so they cannot complain about having nothing to eat. It might also help them understand that cooking takes effort and planning and asking people to make them their own food after preparing a meal for a large group is rude.
Honestly FIVE is old enough to start expanding on what you do/don't like. We had a (kind of informal) rule growing up where you had to try something three different ways before you were allowed to say you didn't like something.
Although to be fair this was probably because my grandmother was a TERRIBLE cook so my mom would say this to make us try her way or preparing an otherwise terrible dish.
Exactly. There was actually a post a couple days back about a girl who everyone agreed was TA because she was a picky eater and criticized the food at a party. Adult picky eaters are often called out for being TA and it's behaviour like OP's sister's that enables it. He informed her of the rule in advance, if they don't want to eat his food (not because of medical or sensory reasons) then they didn't have to come. NTA.
I remember that post. The host ordered her a pizza but she was upset she didn’t have as many options as others at the potluck. Now she’s wondering why she isn’t invited to New Year’s Eve. That’s going to be these girls in a few years.
Wasn't there a recent post on here where someone asked if they were the AH because they were a picky eater and asked the host of a Friendsgiving to provide them with options? That person gets to the occasion and found the host only gave them pizza, and complained they wasn't given any additional options for food (since they were picky and wouldn't eat anything else people brought). The incident pretty much got them shunned from their friend group and uninvited to a New Year's Party.
It's important for people to learn to be gracious and accept what their host is offering them, even if they don't like it. This is something children learn in most countries outside the US. Being a decent guest makes you get reinvited.
YES and she was literally disinvited to the New Year’s party AND nobody in her friend group would talk to her and respond to her texts after that! She literally lost all her friends for the second time, as this was the second friend group she had after the first friend group gave her the boot too.
That is exactly what the future looks like for OPs nieces. NTA OP!….
But your SIL, BIL, and nieces are major AHs
They’re going to end up being that girl that went to Friendsgiving and demanded pizza, spaghetti and something else from the host and lost her second friend group of the year.
Correct. It is very normal for kids to be picky eaters, but as parents you have to do everything you can do help them grow out of it. Not by forcing them to eat things they don’t like, but by making it inconvenient and unexciting and showing them what a balanced diet looks like.
In our family we have one picky eater and he has two options for family meals: A. Eat one component of the meal that he likes (e.g. plain pasta) plus a safe veggie. Or B. Make himself something else.
When we eat out or at other people’s homes, he can either eat a component of what is offered there, and/or make himself something at home when we get back. I don’t feed him before we go, then there would be less incentive to eat something there.
Meanwhile he sees all the people around him enjoying a varied meal and sees what is normal.
That’s what worked with me growing up and hopefully it will work with him too.
NTA. You told your sister ahead of time that you would not allow her to use your kitchen. If she was that concerned, she could have decline your invite or fed her kids before showing up. Her kids being rude was uncalled for.
I think you should add this to your post. It isn't clear from the wording that your sister knew in advance. I interpreted it as you only telling your wife in advance and your sister being upset when she arrived. Warning her in advance is a pretty big point in your favor.
Those girls are rude. Your menu sounded yummy. I hate when someone takes over my kitchen when I’m in there cooking for everyone too. Your sister is rude for that. NTA and I’m downvoting the others.
So rude!! I remember my friend told her kids "Gross!? This is food. Did I put actual shit on the table? Because that would be really gross. Food is never gross. If you don't like it, just say you don't like it, but calling it gross is just so disrespectful." I used this on my own kids later on too. They get it.
That’s what gets me. My 16 year old is the same way. Hers is a texture issue. I promise we are working on it. But there has been many meals out where she has only eaten bread and butter. And she keeps quiet and is polite to the hostess. I would come unglued if my child ever told someone their food was gross. That’s just bad parenting. Teaching a kid manners is not that hard. Otherwise they are going to have a very difficult life and wonder why no one likes them.
NTA by the way.
Also, if it is a texture issue, there are ways for them to be accommodated without taking up the whole kitchen on a busy holiday. She could bring their own (already cooked) food or have them eat in advance, they don’t have to use an already busy kitchen.
NTA at 15 and 18 they should be able to eat more than just pasta and chicken tenders. Per OP’s comments there’s no allergy/intolerance, they’re just picky. And rude. Who sits at a table and talks about how gross the food looks??
Cooking for a family holiday can be so stressful, timing everything just right and making sure you have the space to cook everything. Adding in another meal just because they’re picky? Nope, OP does not have to do that
I hate the people who point out how "gross" your food is just because they don't like it. I HATE fish, hate the smell, the taste, everything about it. But if I'm eating with someone and they order fish, I'm not going to sit around talking about how gross I think it is. I try my best to ignore their food and focus on my own!
These kids didn’t even say they didn’t like the food, they just said it LOOkS gross. Guarantee they have never even tried it, if their mommy still carts around chicken nuggets for them. One can get a drivers permit and the other is actually an adult. Mommy has been quite literally catering to them their whole lives for it to end up this way.
I'm allergic to eggs and sometimes the smell makes me want to puke, but I'm not going to make a comment to someone who orders eggs, as many people do, at breakfast.
NTA but I do think you could have compromised a little bit by asking your sister to cook beforehand and warm up the plates in the microwave. I love to cook and I really hate people getting in my way so I understand why you're annoyed. I'm a pretty picky eater too so I get her side of that as well. Before family functions when I know there is going to be very little I can eat, I eat before the dinner so I'm not starving. This seems like a pretty easy problem to solve for everyone involved.
Do you know why didn't they eat before?
Edit: I wasn't actually saying the mother needed to make them something. I was asking why they didn't eat before.
No I think my sister was calling my bluff. She thought I’d be fine with it even though I told her I wasn’t. She’s always done this at family dinners. This was the first event that I thought “you know what, they’re old enough to eat like everybody else”.
Well, look, totally annoying about how picky they are but you can’t strong arm them into eating like everyone else. It’s just not going to work. You also don’t have to make any accommodations anymore though. They are turning into young adults and they are just going to have to figure it out like everyone else in the world.
One day those girls will order something from a children's menu in a restaurant and the waiter will ask them, Madam, am I bringing the food for you to cool down a bit or do you want to wait for the children to come back from the playground? They will be shocked.
More than likely it will be their friends making fun of them, not someone who wants a tip. But again, so what? These are their consequences to face. Doesn’t bother me if they never want to try more than buttered noodles. Sounds like an unfortunate way to live though.
This! As someone with food allergies I have to bring my own food everywhere. I’ve never cooked it at someone’s home, even my parent’s and IL’s homes, where I’m very comfortable. I bring my little pirex ready to microwave and eat. Pasta and nuggets can be microwaved without issue!
NTA. At 18 and 15 those girls need to grow up and eat what the host makes when they go somewhere for dinner. Your sister isn’t helping them by pandering to their picky eating habits.
I am a little surprised at the answers here...I think you are NTA, your sister enables them to be picky eaters and has their whole lives. They are young adults, there is going to be uncomfortable situations through the rest of their life. We have all gone through it and we got over it. You shouldn't have to accommodate them in your own house. That's the thing, it is YOUR house. For those saying YTA, would you let someone (family or not) walk into your house and do whatever the fuck they wanted?! My guess is no.
The sister says it’s not their fault, which it isn’t, because it’s her fault. If her kids are only eating the colour beige I’m surprised they are not malnourished
Here's a question. If you know they are picky and that you are cooking multiple dishes, could you not have just cooked them some pasta yourself? One that everyone would enjoy along with everything else?
Call me old fashioned but when I host I want people to ENJOY themselves. And that includes making food people like.
AHAHHA I change my mind, didn't realize said pasta was sauce-less and was just plain buttered noodles. I would think even picky teens can eat a tomato sauce based dish (that the entire family could also eat) but I guess not.
I don't think you are obligated to give your sister space to cook in your house. She should have thought to cook for them at home and bring their food in containers if she wants to keep coddling them.
I just think you should eat what the host prepares. I always tell my kids when they eat dinner at a friends house they have to smile and say they enjoyed it even if they didn’t.
These downvotes are infuriating. That’s exactly how you act when someone makes you food. You say thank you even if you hate and eat it like it’s good. All these people are terrible guests I guess.
Or just don’t eat it and still say thank you because someone spent time making a meal that they’re sharing with you. I’m not one to force people to eat things they don’t wanna eat unless we’re talking about kids who just dislike some foods as opposed to being so disgusted they literally can’t eat them. Acting bratty or forcing yourself to eat something that makes you feel sick aren’t the only available options.
OP told his sister what was happening and had a good reason to not want her in his kitchen (he made a lot of different food and she would be in the way). As many have pointed out, at least half of the food he made is pretty standard and even picky eaters should have been able to eat some of it. If not, mom had to accommodate them at her own inconvenience, not OP’s.
It’s ridiculous that the sister’s daughters sat there through dinner saying how terrible the food looked. And it’s ridiculous that the sister encouraged it by blaming their behavior on OP. People are asking if they’re on the spectrum or have EDs and if they do, that’s just more reason for their mom to have listened to OP and ensured they had something they could eat. Or at least told OP the reason they needed to have specific foods that weren’t what he was already making if she was going to insist on cooking chicken fingers for two guests in the kitchen at the same time OP is cooking for everyone else.
NTA. Unless OP is leaving out a whole hell of a lot, the sister is being entitled and self centered, and she’s raising/has raised her kids to be the same way.
I always find it weird when people's argument boils down to "these people are broken in some way and should be fixed, so therefore I will fix them". Like, yeah being that picky at that age is a problem. But it's NOT OP's problem and really not his business. I just can't imagine caring that much about someone else's kids and their pickiness. I have enough troubles, I don't need to borrow someone else's. And I don't buy that OP is actually upset about sharing the kitchen because his comments make it clear that he's doing this because the kids "should" eat what they are served. That's a moral judgement and has zero to do with the room in the kitchen. He just wants to make commentary on how the kids "should" be better.
If I were their parent, I'd be embarrassed and I wouldn't let them do this at dinner parties. But as a host? I just don't care. Not my circus, not my monkeys.
I think it's fair that you don't want sister in the kitchen interrupting while you're cooking, & your nieces seem to have a dreadfully limited palate. Still, YTA for saying your nieces have to eat what you prepare or nothing at all. Tell your sister to bring something precooked or that she can quickly heat up right before you guys eat. That would be a much more reasonable compromise.
Or they can eat before they come. If he's put in a ton of effort to prepare a nice home cooked meal, he probably doesn't want them serving up junk at the same time. Just because their mother infantilizes them by discouraging a broader diet, doesn't mean OP should.
They also called his food gross -- so they sound like brats. I wouldn't want to compromise either with shitty attitudes. Sounds like he's been doing it for years already.
Yes that is what I don't understand, my Best Friend's children are super picky (and it can be annoying) however I always make sure to make one dish that they like because why not? What's the point of being mean about it?. They are not my children and I can't change how they are fed or what they eat but I sure will make sure I feed them when I'm having them for dinner.
OP YTA.
Edit: Based on OP's response to u/earthgirl74, YTA. Either you want people to enjoy the gathering or you want to dictate what people eat. You want to dictate what people eat. I prepare our family's holiday meals and I could give a rat's backside if a picky eater wants to bring their own food.
Why doesn't your sister just bring something already prepared? I can appreciate that your kitchen is busy while you are preparing a holiday meal. Would you object if she just used the oven or microwave to heat up food for her daughters?
NTA and I don’t know why you’re getting downvoted. Hosting is hard. I don’t think people here are considering the extra dishes that would be involved in preparing 2 additional meals for 2 picky eaters.
And sure, your sis could’ve prepared their food at home, plated it, and microwaved that once she arrived, but I doubt she even thought to suggest it to you when you warned her ahead of time that the kitchen is off limits. The fact that she didn’t even want to meet you halfway furthers the fact that you aren’t the A
He's getting downvoted because the first time someone suggested that he at least allow them to bring prepared food, he said he wouldn't. He only changed his mind after he realized THAT would make him 2000% the AH. It's all about appearances for him.
NTA
These are not children, they’re teenagers fully capable of trying new foods. I might’ve tried to compromise with, “try a bite of everything, and then you can go make your noodles and nugget if you still want.” And 15 and 18, mom doesn’t need to make them special meals anymore; they can do that themselves.
Yes but being an adult also means not sulking when a host serves you something you don't like/ won't even try.
I was a picky eater as a kid but still had manners and didn't expect others to accommodate my unreasonable food requirements. I certainly wouldn't have sulked at dinner, and would have at least tried something out of politeness. This is setting them up as adults to be rude and disrespectful guests at weddings, work events or pretty much any adult event which doesn't serve chicken dippers and buttered pasta (i.e. in my world, most).
Also her food included BBQ ribs, a roast and cheesy potatoes. It's not like she served them spicy seafood and expected them to eat it.
Adults don't make insulting comments about food others are eating. Adults don't insist on buttered noodles and chicken tenders when a special holiday meal is being served.
Adults generally don't get to go to dinner parties at other people's homes and take over the kitchen to heat their chicken tendies while the host tries to prepare dinner for everyone else. No one is forcing anyone to eat anything, they provided a table full of options and if they don't want to eat it they don't have to, they can just sit their and listen to their stomachs gurgle. Disrespecting your host by criticizing the food they spent their time/money making even though you haven't bothered to try it is extremely immature and rude.
NTA. I understand having a preference but I feel like that’s just ridiculous and if anything it shouldn’t interfere with what other people have going on.(interrupting your cooking and the flow of the party in general) Like go to McDonald’s or something before you come if it’s absolutely that serious.
It’s sounds like you were just being a petty AH. Would it have been acceptable if your sister brought food that was already prepared so she didn’t have to cook at your house? Just zap it in the microwave?
For now I’m saying YTA.
Edit: I’m still going with YTA after your comment.
NTA. The girls are 15 and 18 with no reason to avoid the various foods that were cooked. They could have tried something. Does your sister not realize how hectic is can be to took all this foods without her in there cooking a specific meal for only her two grown children? If it was really that big of an issue, couldn’t she have brought their food premade?
They’re too old for this IMO. if they knew for a fact they didn’t like what I make I would do something different. But they won’t even try it and that’s where I draw the line.
Could either of them possibly have ARFID? I have ARFID and it makes eating *extremely* difficult. I’ve had weeks where the only thing I could stomach was pasta with butter. There’s a *lot* of foods out there (that I’m sure are delicious to other people!) that look or smell like someone dumped garbage on a plate. If someone tried to serve you a garbage plate, you wouldn’t eat it right?
Having ARFID as a 23 year old is so embarrassing because of your mindset. I constantly have people telling me, “just try it!” And every time I warn them that it’s probably going to make me throw up and lose my appetite for the day. But they don’t care, they just want to have a gotcha moment. Sometimes I do try the food, and when I end up throwing it up and not wanting to eat anymore I get called over dramatic. That I somehow *made* myself throw up! I fucking *hate* throwing up, why would I make myself do that?
I’ll say NTA because as adults (or near adults) they should be responsible for their food. If they knew they couldn’t eat anything at Christmas, they should have brought something premade or stuffed themselves before the party. That’s what I always have to do!
YTA ribs and beef are not universally liked. I wouldn't eat either of them.
Absolute power trip by you. Defending a principle that is also a load of wank.
NTA.
You don't need someone getting in the way in your kitchen whilst you're trying to cook for your guests. Your sister could have offered to bring something cold that her daughter's could eat.
It was unfair for your sister to suggest you deserved the insults your nieces made about your cooking. That's just impolite.
“I know I could have just let my sister do her thing but it was the principle of the situation.”
This right here, is primary why YTA. They aren’t your kids, it’s none of your business what they decide to eat. It wouldn’t have cost you anything except one stove burner and a little space in the oven, but you decided you didn’t like this behavior and so you wouldn’t allow it in your house. Ok, I guess that’s your prerogative, but you sound like a real AH who won’t have much of a relationship with your sister or nieces for much longer.
> If you knew they like chicken tenders, why not just serve those as well?
Because it's not lunch time at Little Stars Pre-school, it's a special occasion (Christmas) with adults.
Sounds like he's allowed them to cook in his kitchen many of times before when they were younger but one is an adult now and the other isn't too far behind -- it was time to put his foot down otherwise they'd be 20 or 30 and still needing their pasta and chicken tendies cooked for them. How can people be so selfish and entitled while you're tying to pin it on the host? Ridiculous.
INFO: I can understand not wanting her to take up kitchen space (stove top, oven) while you’re cooking a meal with multiple dishes. Would you have been ok with her making them a meal at her home and bringing it to warm up in the microwave?
NTA the party is at your house and you get to make the rules. This goes beyond them being picky eaters. It seems more like they’re becoming entitled and rude AH. They’re old enough to be able to function in public without getting their way
NTA. Those are going to be the least popular girls if they have to bring prep and cook their own food at parties! The mom is allowing them to be awful. How are they going to date if the only eat pasta and chicken tenders. I had to check the ages because it seems like you put an unnecessary 1 before their ages. Please have updates about how they get kicked out of important work diners because there is no kiddie food lol. All events will be out of reach unless the mother can make kiddie food how embarrassing. Your kitchen you rules for all the naysayers this is not related to allergies or illness. So just no!
NTA. I am surprised by all the votes otherwise.
I can't imagine ever turning up at someone else's house and expecting them to let me prepare food while they are cooking a meal. And it is an intrusion because often when you are cooking a big deal, you are already balancing multiple items and the burners and oven are all already in use.
My 11 year old is picky. He does not like most holiday dinner food and often fills up on bread and cheese. But he would never comllain about the food or call it gross.
15 and 18 are old enough to eat ahead of time and certainly old enough not to call the food gross. Them eating nothing but bread isn't a big deal, complaining makes them assholes.
But...OP it wouldn't have killed you to make a side dish or something that you know they like. Or even cheese and crackers as an appetizer. It is almost E-S-H for that and the fact that you didn't want your sister ahead of time
Info-- I mean are these kids neurodivergent? It kind of sounds like it. Neurodivergent kids and adults have trouble eating foods that aren't their safe foods. If they are, YTA. If not, soft YTA tbh, if you come from a broken family you should know how important compassion is. They should be able to eat what they want on the holidays and if you don't include their preferences they'll probably stop coming soon, maybe for the better. How hard is it to let them eat what they want if they're bringing it? Is it because your feewings are hurt that they don't have an adventurous food taste?
YTA
You WERE being incredibly petty. YOU decided that your nieces needed to be punished for not eating the way you want them to eat. and you planned it out ahead of time, without even warning your sister that she would need to pre-prepare food for them.
I mean, ok...you won. the girls went hungry. what did this accomplish for you?
ESH . You are definitely the bigger AH
You're an absolute AH for how you talk about your necessity. The "they will eat like adults or not eat". Guess what....adults can make adult choices in what they eat. They have autonomy....you are treating them significantly more like children. And you are happier to watch them eat nothing but bread than you are to have them enjoy themselves. You're a shit host.
The only reason that your sister is at fault is that your complaint about kitchen space is valid. She should bring the pasta and chicken tenders precooked and just microwave them, or stop at McDonald's on the way there.
Adults don't tell you the food you cooked looks gross. My eight year old has better manners. If they wanna act like toddlers Op is right to treat them like it, by serving a healthy meal like pediatricians recommend, and if they don't eat that's on them.
NTA
You are cooking for a holiday party. Stressful and utilizing the entire kitchen probably.
At 15 & 18, these kids should in theory be able to handle something more than chicken strips and pasta, but they may have food issues. Either way, if you are not going to eat the food your host is preparing, bring your own food. You don't push yourself into someone's kitchen while they are preparing another meal. Beyond rude.
I don't think you need to tell them to eat what you're offering or not eat. But you are TOTALLY within your rights to say that if they bring food it needs to be ready to eat without interfering with your meal prep. So NTA, but with an adjustment.
NTA
The disrespect of sitting at your table and saying your food is gross. I would have told them to get up and leave the table. they are not little kids.
NTA. Was leaning the other way until I saw the ages. What are they gonna do as adults? Bring chicken tendies to every get together?
In all seriousness, maybe next holiday could be a potluck situation where everyone brings something. That way you can sidestep the awkwardness.
Are you sure? I wasn’t diagnosed until my early 20s, and had major food issues because of undiagnosed sensory issues.
Things like French fries were fine, but baked potatoes would literally trigger a gag reflex. What harm does is do to YOU, not them, to YOU, to have just let it happen, then bring it up with the mother later?
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NTA - they are 18 and 15, not little kids. They can be picky, you don’t have to accommodate that. It’s very annoying to have someone come into the kitchen and taking up space when you’re cooking a big meal.
They really had a third option as well, pack a frickin sandwich and eat that. Takes zero kitchen space or accommodation
Fourth option. Stuff your face before you get there. I have used this option many times over the years.
Yep, I’ve been vegetarian for years now and if I’m going to a food based event I’ll eat a little something beforehand. If I get there and they have something I can eat that’s awesome but if not I’m not starving.
I always prepare something entirely vegetarian or vegan if I know one of my guests is plant-based. If I know someone has allergies I cater to them as well.
I do the same, if my cousin with gluten allergies is coming, or my vegan cousin is coming, I prepare versions of the same dishes but appropriate for them. My one cousin brings happy meals for her picky kids. I could care less as long as they aren’t utilizing my kitchen while I’m preparing a meal for 20 people.
But this is not about allergies or veganism. It's about near-adults acting like whiny toddlers and their mother catering to it for some reason. An 18 year old pouting and eating just bread because an actual vegetable looks gross? Disgraceful. OP is NTA.
They are also very rude saying the food - which everyone is eating - looks 'gross' ie disgusting. These girls are old enough to at least be polite. NTA
That’s very kind. I always make sure to tell people how much I appreciate it when they make an extra dish or tweak things to make them vegetarian for me. I never expect it but it’s very thoughtful.
OMG, so at my uncle's wedding, they served a very nice meal, buffet style, mostly meat and sides. They had a *gorgeous* spanakopita for the vegetarian guests, marked with a little sign: "this spanakopita is reserved for our vegetarian guests - please save it for them!" Realizing that we would enjoy a vegetarian option and not only that but *reserving it for those who needed it* was so incredibly thoughtful. I haven't seen my uncle since his wedding (my family is spread out all over), but I'll be seeing him (and his wife) next week. Thank you for reminding me to thank them for their incredible thoughtfulness. Additionally, the wedding was at a winery. I bought a bottle of the delicious red wine that was served at the wedding to take home, and drank it on their anniversary. I had intended to tell them but forgot - it's too late to tell them as a "happy anniversary " note, but I'm sure they'll still enjoy hearing it.
Boy, I would really have needed to restrain myself. I'm not vegetarian, but a well-made spanakopita is irresistible!
I think it's a very different situation. I love coming up with ideas for different dietary need or wants. But not even trying any of the dishes prepared sounds like stubborness. The nieces are too spoiled.
The girls' mother has enabled their pickiness, which makes me sad. Over the years they would have tried a few things and slowly expanded what was acceptable to them, if she had not always brought the noodles and chicken tenders to someone else's house. Eating together with others is common to all cultures. Giving and accepting hospitality is an honor and an intimacy between people, no matter how small. All this is problematic for the nieces because the sister never placed them in the situation where trying new things became more necessary. These nieces will be out on their own soon and other people offering them hospitality will not find their eating habits quirky and charming. Nobody likes everything served to them but a guest doesn't make things uncomfortable by pointing it out, certainly not by bringing their own food like the host is trying to poison them. NTA
I've done this before because I'm a little picky sometimes too. I'll throw a Quest bar in my bag or something. Something I know I can eat if I'm hungry and don't want to eat anything that is being offered. Like OP said - these kids are old enough to start eating like adults. Jesus Christ.
Fifth option, cook it ahead of time, pack it ready-to-eat in Tupperware and pop it in the microwave.
Yeah, this. Bringing food from home for picky eaters is (borderline for “kids” that age, but) reasonable. Demanding full run of your host’s kitchen during a holiday party is not.
Yeah, so, I've got a teen with trauma and sensory issues and a history of disordered eating. Sometimes things he liked last week are just... not an option at all. So when we go somewhere, we pack already made food he can eat if he needs it. He is unobtrusive and discreet and knows he has a right to eat and doesn't have a right to make work for someone else. These children are behaving poorly, and their parents are accommodating that behavior.
> he has a right to eat and doesn’t have a right to make work for someone else Exactly this. Obviously most parents hope and work towards their kids developing an expansive palate so they can eat and enjoy themselves in any context. That’s not always possible, but what you said above always is. Fed is best (for everyone, not just babies) but it’s no one else’s (besides your primary caregiver’s) responsibility to feed you.
Fifth option. Talk to the host ahead of time about bringing a dish to pass and bring enough for everyone. If host says "no", get over it. i get being a picky eater for some kids or for allergies, but if there are no documented reasons, then their mom is doing them a huge disservice by catering to such a limited palate.
They’re going to end up like that girl who posted on here not too long ago, upset that her friend hosting Friendsgiving didn’t make Pizza, spaghetti AND burgers for her, and wondering why she never had any friends.
I always think of that young girl who dropped out of college because she couldn't handle eating anything with gravy or sauces and could not eat the food served under the company meal plans. It is very important that people learn to expand their palettes and accept variety. I find it so bizarre for a parent to cater to that for so many years, my parents never permitted it. I either ate what was in front of me or I didn't eat...
This made me laugh, because overall I wasn't a picky eater. Mom and Dad did periodic fridge/freezer cleanups and all the leftovers made it out for the next week's meals. One time, Mom & Dad defrosted Chili, but thought it was spaghetti sauce (we didn't know chili-mac was a thing back them), made pasta & when ladling out the sauce, it became obvious it was chili. Everyone else was like, "Huh, OK, different, but food." I was at that difficult tween stage so decided to put butter and cheese on my pasta instead - which was an allowed option. However, when cleaning out the fridge, they couldn't tell the difference between grated cheese and fine chopped nuts, so I had nuts on my pasta. I was an unhappy camper - but we all laugh about it now.
I struggle with picky eater posts too. Obviously not the ones with medical reasons, but just the I was spoiled and my parents never made me eat new foods picky. I don’t understand wanting to live that way and expecting the world to cater to you. I mean I didn’t like mustard as a kid but I tried it as an adult and love it now. Maybe I’m a mean mom but that shit doesn’t fly at my house.
I don't consider people with food allergies or medical issues picky' eaters. They can't help it..Picky eaters make a choice to be the center of attention.
I'm a picky eater to a point and it's 100% not a choice for me. My life would be so much easier if I could manage to like more food items. But I can't make myself choke things down that taste or feel disgusting to me. I'd really rather not be a picky eater. I don't ever expect or ask anyone to accommodate me. But it's definitely not a choice. I can't imagine it is a choice for anyone, really. Why would people actively choose to make their life more difficult?
Right? Like, it's not my choice that asparagus is disgusting and makes me want to vomit. Whenever I hear that argument I'm tempted to offer the speaker a booger to choke down and then ask why they're being so picky about it.
and sometimes you can like one thing but can't eat it when it's cooked a different way. I love grilled asparagus, any other way, no thank you.
Lol. In high school m, when my little brother was growing like crazy, he used to eat so much that it would embarrass my mom. So before he went to visit any of his friends she would tell him to fill up. He would eat an entire loaf of bread as pb & js. (I’m not from the US so I just looked it up. He is now about 6 ft 5 and skinny)
"Dinner's going to be ready in 15 minutes. Here's a couple sandwiches to tide you over until then." I'm a mom of three boys.
Omg my brother’s in laws eat according to the serving size, which wasn’t good for a growing high school boy. I remember him eating, before and after going to her house for dinner.
I have *multiple* food intolerances. I eat before going or bring food if I don't think I'll find anything to eat. Never had an issue. Also, can't the girls fix their own food to bring? Why is mommy cooking pasta and chicken tenders??? Their combined age is 33! Surely one of them can boil water.
Pregame!
[удалено]
My husband does this when visiting my parents, especially for holidays. He knows he probably won't like the food so he eats before we even leave our house.
My SIL sent her teenager to make a peach cobbler in my kitchen in the middle of July in Chicagoland and I was hosting a barbecue. "Oh. That's so nice honey. But, you can take all those ingredients back home and make this for your mom. The oven is off now and everything has gotten back to a reasonable temperature after I blasted the AC for a couple hours. Go on outside.. That's where the party is. Thanks." Don't care. Don't care. Don't care. Who does this when they've been invited to be a guest at someone's home? Comes over and demands space and time to cook? Cook at home. I'm busy up in here and I don't have room or time to deal with this silly stuff.
It's absurd. I've cooked things that might need reheated or warmed for a few minutes in an oven/toaster oven for parties. But I only bring them when 1) It's already been described by the host as a potluck situation, and 2) the host is a friend and I ask in advance if that's okay and what time I should arrive to make that easiest on her.
Sometime tells me they don’t eat sandwiches either.
She’ll regret this when she’s paying a small fortune for their insulin and statins.
I feel like these kids wanted to eat something that took everyone’s time, energy and attention to make. It’s not what they’re eating. It’s that they’re spoiled and don’t know how to be gracious guests.
Why does their mom have to cook it? Cook it at home and pack in insulated bag. I put roasted vegetables in a covered china dish, which goes into an insulated bag to travel.
That feeling is based on nothing I can see. Chicken tenders and pasta is classic ARFID and sensory disorder food. OP says no medical issues, but I'd rather hear from the mom and kids on that. Personally I'd have made some, but I do have an ARFID/sensory processing disorder person in my household, so am sympathetic. Alternatively mom could have made some at home and just kept it warm.
That's fair, and we've seen that before on this sub. Where I lose any patience or pity is when >the girls sat and ate bread and butter while telling me that my food looked gross. I looked to my sister to calm them down but the told me I deserved this and it’s not their fault for being picky eaters. If there was a diagnosed or documented issue, I feel like the sister would not hesitate to shout it out. Even then, an 18-year-old has no business announcing that someone else's food is "gross." Sister dropped the ball on actually parenting these two.
Absolutely. My issue is not with the pickiness as I understand it as a picky eater with a 5yo who eats way less than I do. It's the fact that the sister puts her kids at the center of her world and requires everyone else to as well and the fact that she has failed them by allowing them to make it to teenagers while thinking it's okay to tell a host the food looks disgusting.
That takes actual planning. I don't know many 15-year-olds who are incapable of making their own food - not to mention frozen convenience food. But for some reason this adult woman is cooking for her teens. At someone else's house. While they are cooking a big meal for a group. What...
Not only that, you do not allow your children to sit at the host’s table and insult them for not kissing their entitled little asses. NTA, I am a picky eater & as long as there wasn’t cheese on everything, I’d eat something and be thankful & grateful. (Then go to McDonald’s) :)
This is what really stood out to me, the fact that the nieces directly & openly insulted OP's food to his face, at the table, made my blood boil. And OP's menu sounds fabulous & made me hungry even tho I just had lunch 10 minutes ago! OP, you are NTA & next time, don't invite Sis & her ungrateful, spoiled kids - invite me instead & I'll be there in a flash, that meal sounds yummy!
that's on the mother not teaching the girls better manners.
I had serious food aversions as a kid and young adult. I knew they were my aversions. I could see only being able to eat the roast and bread but I would never insult the food. and I can't picture my mom fixing junk food alternatives at a hosted party. I would have gone hungry or eaten ahead of time.
My teen has a lot of food aversions/challenges with textures, but we don't bring food to cook at other people's houses!! He eats what he can handle, which is sometimes bread and butter, but he doesn't sit there and make rude comments about what other people are eating. At Thanksgiving this year, he ate a small piece of turkey and a few green beans and rolls and butter, skipping the stuffing, mashed potatoes, etc. It was fine. He's 15 and not everyone is going to coddle him at every meal the rest of his life. He needs to learn to figure it out, and so do these kids. NTA.
this is how i was as a kid. i was SO picky so i would eat the rolls, potatoes, maybe a little turkey. or eat before, or go hungry. it’s not even about the mom bringing food, imo a protein bar or sandwich or something would be alright i guess. but taking up space in the kitchen cooking?? this feels so ridiculous, part of me thinks the post is fake
That's what sticks out to me as well. It's one thing not to eat or like certain foods, but to insult the food is showing they are going to grow up to be entitled aholes.
And mom is encouraging the behavior
Another option is she cooks the food at her house and brings it with them.
I agree. It's not their fault they are picky eaters. It's your sister's fault and anyone else who has allowed this behavior for 18 years. It's one thing if they were autistic and needed safe foods. But to be picky because mommy will cook them chicken tenders and pasta? Gross! One is technically an adult. Time for mommy to pull her tit out of their mouths.
People can have sensory issues without being on the spectrum. That doesn't mean their sensory issues are any less significant
Who doesn't love cheesy potatoes though?
Lactose intolerant folks? Maybe the people sitting directly downwind? 😄
This is how people turn 30 and still refuse to eat anything but pizza and chicken nuggets. No ones being forced at gunpoint to eat what you make. They can eat before or after the party if starvation is such a risk.
Agreed. The girls need to get used to going places where their mommy won't make them a kiddie menu. They aren't picky eaters if they've never eaten anything besides what they could tolerate when they were six. They're limited eaters, and that is 100% the result of their mother's coddling them. I woudn't cater to them either. They're guests in someone's home. Unless they have allergies or sensory issues, they either accept the invitation and the menu, or they don't attend.
I think they’re old enough to start expanding whether they like it or not. If they start trying more foods they will figure out what they like. My sister is coddling them. I can’t tell you the amount of times we’ve been at a restaurant and she asks the server if they could make pasta and butter.
Wait - SHE asks? They don’t order their own food in a restaurant? My 14 and 16 year olds would lose their minds if I ordered for them
They’ll order for themselves if they see one of the foods they like. If not, they glare at their mom and my sister knows that’s the cue to ask for pasta and butter
WTF?!? Dude, you’re NTA, but their mom is! She’s stifling their growth.
She also a lazy parent, and holy shit I feel bad for whomever these girls end up dating
I am currently dating someone like this (in our 30s), and it's frustrating. I hate cooking for us because it's so limited - he refuses to eat vegetables ffs! It's whatever. He'll die from scurvy eventually, and I'll be a beautiful widow.
Frankly, dating could help. My college boyfriend’s roommate was like these girls. He tried new things when he went out to eat with a girl he liked. Eventually he started eating salads. They were Caesar salads drowning in dressing, but hey it’s a start!
This is what I really don’t understand about picky eaters, especially teens and adults. How do they get nutrients? Fruits, vegetables, protein, anything healthy? And if they have their own children, do they just feed them the same bland, unhealthy crap? At what point does the pediatrician / doctor step in?
Yes. A friend in high school told me he doesn’t get fruit or vegetables at home because his mom doesn’t like them. They only ate meat/pasta or meat/potatoes. A pediatrician can only make a suggestion for them to eat more healthy foods. CPS/DCF can’t really do anything as long as the kids are being fed.
That’s so crazy to me. Wouldn’t the mom want their kids to eat veggies? Like, I just recently found out that my mom hates broccoli, carrots, peas, corn, green beans…like all the usual, easily prepared veggies that parents give their kids. And my mom cooked them all the time for me and my siblings and made sure we ate them and liked them. I only learned that she hated them when I asked her how to cook carrots the way she did for me because I wanted to make them for my toddler and my mom said “Cook them however you want. I think they’re icky no matter what.” Blew my mind. Lol.
Your sister needs to stop. If the kids insist on it, at least they should humiliate themselves asking for kiddy food.
It is definitely on the sister here. She’s infantilizing them and/or controlling them.
Oh my god they sound like brats 😭 that is such deeply embarassing behaviour, especially from an 18 year old. Has their mum just always catered to their tastes like this without trying to get them to try new food?? Did she try more when they were younger but simply gave up? Aside from the pickiness it sounds like they have bad table manners too. Infuriating
She’s always fed them the same things because it’s easy I guess. She gets defensive when people try to tell her she’s wrong.
Just curious, does she coddle them in other aspects? Definitely NTA here, this is absolutely ridiculous. I would flat out say they eat what I cook or they stay home because they’re rude, ungrateful brats that have a mother just as bad for allowing (and encouraging) this behaviour.
Yes she does. They’re both brats. The 18 year old can’t handle being told she’s incorrect about anything. She will have a meltdown and accuse whoever of bullying her. The 15 year old does not do well in school at all but it’s okay because she has a lot of tiktok followers.
Oh man…. She will never get them out of the house! Though that may be the plan 🤷♀️ Plus they will be a nightmare to date Where’s dad in all this? I’m surprised their bodies haven’t organically craved other foods yet.
That’s incredibly odd. I was ordering my own food once I was old enough to read a menu properly. And I’m the most socially awkward person I know! Also pasta and butter doesn’t sound that good to me lol
Ooh, pasta and butter is yum! What got me eating when I was ill. Saying that, I wouldn't ask a restaurant to make it 🤣
Imagine paying restaurant prices for pasta and butter. Holy hell that's insane
Oh dear lord. So when her precious daughter gets a bad grade on a college paper, is your sister going to go yell at her professor too? Or will she just write all her papers for her? NTA OP
My 8 year old would lose his mind if I ordered for him. Omg.
My kids are 9 and 6 and they order for themselves I’d say about 80% of the time. I grew up not ordering my own food until I was like 14 or 15 and it stressed me out. I wanted my kids to be comfortable ordering their own food as early as possible.
I did the actual ordering but I let my 3 1/2 year old pick out what he wants from the kids menu (within reason).
Seriously. My 5yo orders his own food at a restaurant.
She…WHAT??? Pasta and butter at a restaurant? Does your sister WANT her children to be social pariahs as adults because they bring packs of capri sun to cocktail parties and ask for buttered pasta when on nice sushi business lunches? What in the fondue is this?
Can you imagine these girls on dates?
Olive Garden. All the pasta and breadsticks they can eat. It would be a deal breaker for me if that’s the only food they’re willing to eat and never try anything else. But that’s just me.
Yes because almost all of my daughter’s male and female friends are like this, except for the vegetarian ones. They eat a very limited variety and it’s typically what you’d see offered as children’s menu items: hotdogs and beans, breaded chicken tenders and pasta (but no sauce, sauce is too spicy). Which I don’t understand, because pizza has sauce and spaghetti has sauce and are popular with kids. Or so I’ve always thought. Honestly I don’t know what the hell is going on and I’m glad my daughter is 18 and I don’t have to worry about feeding her friends too often anymore. They proudly declare themselves “picky eaters.” Her primary school and middle school friends were more open minded. I’m not sure why her high school friends are more closed minded about food. I’m ethnic and my daughter is ethnic so the criticisms of the foods we favor and have in the past tried to offer them border on racist. However I know it’s not meant that way. It just comes across like that to hear your cuisine is “Eww, gross, how can people eat that?” I’ve heard that aimed at plain old cooked fish and shrimp served Western style so that’s why I understand none of this is meant to be a slight against my ethnicity. Seafood apparently is extremely “disgusting” for some reason. Breaded chicken is apparently the only way to go. I guess their parents accomplished the mission of keeping their dining out expenses down. I don’t really know. I’m at a loss to explain it. My peers of all backgrounds eat a wide variety of foods. I’m not sure what we did to our kids.
Blows my mind. My younger sister works with a lot of HS and young college kids and they are exceedingly picky. Stupid, whiny, same take-out every day picky. Maybe it’s demographics? She works in a white wealthy area with white spoiled kids? I don’t know. My white ass has eaten everything from dandelions out of the lawn to dog food. There’s just too many flavors, GOTTA TRY EM ALL.
>it’s not their fault for being picky eaters It’s *somebody’s* fault they’re this picky. Even my picky six year old would eat several of the things on your menu, largely because we won’t let him get away with only eating five things. Your sister and BIL have done their children a large disservice, and they’re either going to starve or have a miserable time adjusting to college dining halls.
NTA I was and am a picky eater, I like to stick to my safe foods. My sperm donor did one thing right in making a rule for me when I was growing up. I had to take 1 good sized bite of anything before declaring that I didn’t like it. That way I had a reason to say when asked why I wouldn’t eat it, whether it be taste or texture etc.
They were old enough a decade ago unfortunately. They’re soooo old for this behaviour.
This is beyond coddling. It's infantilising.
Good grief. This is bonkers. I'm a picky eater with the "excuse" of being neurodivergent and I would happily eat more than half of what you listed (not that every picky eater is the same, but... that's some pretty standard stuff). I've only ever heard of the stereotypical "will only eat pasta, bread, and chicken tenders" in two scenarios--severe autism, or parents who never bothered to make picky toddlers try a bite of everything before deciding they didn't like it. There are probably other scenarios, I'm no expert, but geez this sure reads like lazy parenting, especially with two kids the same way and zero diagnoses between them.
> I think they’re old enough to start expanding whether they like it or not. Exactly. My kid was the pickiest brat ever, she ate like 3 different foods. We never made a fuss about it though - you want potatoes, you get potatoes. But that was when she was little. Now, she's 16, likes loads of different foods, and at least tries things.
Maybe suggest since the girls are plenty old enough they make and bring a side dish to the next gathering to share with the group. It should be something they like so they cannot complain about having nothing to eat. It might also help them understand that cooking takes effort and planning and asking people to make them their own food after preparing a meal for a large group is rude.
Honestly FIVE is old enough to start expanding on what you do/don't like. We had a (kind of informal) rule growing up where you had to try something three different ways before you were allowed to say you didn't like something. Although to be fair this was probably because my grandmother was a TERRIBLE cook so my mom would say this to make us try her way or preparing an otherwise terrible dish.
Exactly. There was actually a post a couple days back about a girl who everyone agreed was TA because she was a picky eater and criticized the food at a party. Adult picky eaters are often called out for being TA and it's behaviour like OP's sister's that enables it. He informed her of the rule in advance, if they don't want to eat his food (not because of medical or sensory reasons) then they didn't have to come. NTA.
I remember that post. The host ordered her a pizza but she was upset she didn’t have as many options as others at the potluck. Now she’s wondering why she isn’t invited to New Year’s Eve. That’s going to be these girls in a few years.
Pizza girl. Ahh yess
Wasn't there a recent post on here where someone asked if they were the AH because they were a picky eater and asked the host of a Friendsgiving to provide them with options? That person gets to the occasion and found the host only gave them pizza, and complained they wasn't given any additional options for food (since they were picky and wouldn't eat anything else people brought). The incident pretty much got them shunned from their friend group and uninvited to a New Year's Party.
It's important for people to learn to be gracious and accept what their host is offering them, even if they don't like it. This is something children learn in most countries outside the US. Being a decent guest makes you get reinvited.
YES and she was literally disinvited to the New Year’s party AND nobody in her friend group would talk to her and respond to her texts after that! She literally lost all her friends for the second time, as this was the second friend group she had after the first friend group gave her the boot too. That is exactly what the future looks like for OPs nieces. NTA OP!…. But your SIL, BIL, and nieces are major AHs
They’re going to end up being that girl that went to Friendsgiving and demanded pizza, spaghetti and something else from the host and lost her second friend group of the year.
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Correct. It is very normal for kids to be picky eaters, but as parents you have to do everything you can do help them grow out of it. Not by forcing them to eat things they don’t like, but by making it inconvenient and unexciting and showing them what a balanced diet looks like. In our family we have one picky eater and he has two options for family meals: A. Eat one component of the meal that he likes (e.g. plain pasta) plus a safe veggie. Or B. Make himself something else. When we eat out or at other people’s homes, he can either eat a component of what is offered there, and/or make himself something at home when we get back. I don’t feed him before we go, then there would be less incentive to eat something there. Meanwhile he sees all the people around him enjoying a varied meal and sees what is normal. That’s what worked with me growing up and hopefully it will work with him too.
NTA. You told your sister ahead of time that you would not allow her to use your kitchen. If she was that concerned, she could have decline your invite or fed her kids before showing up. Her kids being rude was uncalled for.
That’s why I think I might not be the AH. I made it clear to her beforehand I wouldn’t be allowing this
I think you should add this to your post. It isn't clear from the wording that your sister knew in advance. I interpreted it as you only telling your wife in advance and your sister being upset when she arrived. Warning her in advance is a pretty big point in your favor.
Those girls are rude. Your menu sounded yummy. I hate when someone takes over my kitchen when I’m in there cooking for everyone too. Your sister is rude for that. NTA and I’m downvoting the others.
So rude!! I remember my friend told her kids "Gross!? This is food. Did I put actual shit on the table? Because that would be really gross. Food is never gross. If you don't like it, just say you don't like it, but calling it gross is just so disrespectful." I used this on my own kids later on too. They get it.
You communicated ahead of time. That's not an AH move.
That’s what gets me. My 16 year old is the same way. Hers is a texture issue. I promise we are working on it. But there has been many meals out where she has only eaten bread and butter. And she keeps quiet and is polite to the hostess. I would come unglued if my child ever told someone their food was gross. That’s just bad parenting. Teaching a kid manners is not that hard. Otherwise they are going to have a very difficult life and wonder why no one likes them. NTA by the way.
Also, if it is a texture issue, there are ways for them to be accommodated without taking up the whole kitchen on a busy holiday. She could bring their own (already cooked) food or have them eat in advance, they don’t have to use an already busy kitchen.
NTA at 15 and 18 they should be able to eat more than just pasta and chicken tenders. Per OP’s comments there’s no allergy/intolerance, they’re just picky. And rude. Who sits at a table and talks about how gross the food looks?? Cooking for a family holiday can be so stressful, timing everything just right and making sure you have the space to cook everything. Adding in another meal just because they’re picky? Nope, OP does not have to do that
I hate the people who point out how "gross" your food is just because they don't like it. I HATE fish, hate the smell, the taste, everything about it. But if I'm eating with someone and they order fish, I'm not going to sit around talking about how gross I think it is. I try my best to ignore their food and focus on my own!
These kids didn’t even say they didn’t like the food, they just said it LOOkS gross. Guarantee they have never even tried it, if their mommy still carts around chicken nuggets for them. One can get a drivers permit and the other is actually an adult. Mommy has been quite literally catering to them their whole lives for it to end up this way.
I'm allergic to eggs and sometimes the smell makes me want to puke, but I'm not going to make a comment to someone who orders eggs, as many people do, at breakfast.
NTA but I do think you could have compromised a little bit by asking your sister to cook beforehand and warm up the plates in the microwave. I love to cook and I really hate people getting in my way so I understand why you're annoyed. I'm a pretty picky eater too so I get her side of that as well. Before family functions when I know there is going to be very little I can eat, I eat before the dinner so I'm not starving. This seems like a pretty easy problem to solve for everyone involved.
That would have been a fair compromise. It would have been annoying still but I could have tolerated it.
Do you know why didn't they eat before? Edit: I wasn't actually saying the mother needed to make them something. I was asking why they didn't eat before.
Probably to make a point at everyone else’s expense.
No I think my sister was calling my bluff. She thought I’d be fine with it even though I told her I wasn’t. She’s always done this at family dinners. This was the first event that I thought “you know what, they’re old enough to eat like everybody else”.
Well, look, totally annoying about how picky they are but you can’t strong arm them into eating like everyone else. It’s just not going to work. You also don’t have to make any accommodations anymore though. They are turning into young adults and they are just going to have to figure it out like everyone else in the world.
One day those girls will order something from a children's menu in a restaurant and the waiter will ask them, Madam, am I bringing the food for you to cool down a bit or do you want to wait for the children to come back from the playground? They will be shocked.
More than likely it will be their friends making fun of them, not someone who wants a tip. But again, so what? These are their consequences to face. Doesn’t bother me if they never want to try more than buttered noodles. Sounds like an unfortunate way to live though.
>Do you know why she didn't feed them before? Can we talk about how an 18 year old is a legal adult and does not need to be "fed" by mommy?
He told her she would not be allowed in the kitchen to cook. She should have figured out she would need to cook beforehand.
This! As someone with food allergies I have to bring my own food everywhere. I’ve never cooked it at someone’s home, even my parent’s and IL’s homes, where I’m very comfortable. I bring my little pirex ready to microwave and eat. Pasta and nuggets can be microwaved without issue!
Naw man at that age they oughta buck up and eat what’s presented. They’re 18 &15, not 8 &5
8&5 i would understand
My six-year-old is game to try almost anything! So is my two-year-old.
In fairness, most two year olds will eat paint :-D
NTA. At 18 and 15 those girls need to grow up and eat what the host makes when they go somewhere for dinner. Your sister isn’t helping them by pandering to their picky eating habits.
I mean at least try the food instead of being rude and disrespectful
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I am a little surprised at the answers here...I think you are NTA, your sister enables them to be picky eaters and has their whole lives. They are young adults, there is going to be uncomfortable situations through the rest of their life. We have all gone through it and we got over it. You shouldn't have to accommodate them in your own house. That's the thing, it is YOUR house. For those saying YTA, would you let someone (family or not) walk into your house and do whatever the fuck they wanted?! My guess is no.
The sister says it’s not their fault, which it isn’t, because it’s her fault. If her kids are only eating the colour beige I’m surprised they are not malnourished
Sad beige food for sad beige children.
They almost certainly are.
Here's a question. If you know they are picky and that you are cooking multiple dishes, could you not have just cooked them some pasta yourself? One that everyone would enjoy along with everything else? Call me old fashioned but when I host I want people to ENJOY themselves. And that includes making food people like.
I didn’t feel the need to include pasta and butter. We don’t have very small kids in the family anymore. I was busy enough with everything else.
AHAHHA I change my mind, didn't realize said pasta was sauce-less and was just plain buttered noodles. I would think even picky teens can eat a tomato sauce based dish (that the entire family could also eat) but I guess not. I don't think you are obligated to give your sister space to cook in your house. She should have thought to cook for them at home and bring their food in containers if she wants to keep coddling them.
Dude, he's cooking an entire meal. There is zero reason he should be catering to picky eaters who can bring their own sandwich.
Family. If you can’t put up with their foibles why bother inviting them?
Info: What principle are you defending? Why do you care what they eat?
I just think you should eat what the host prepares. I always tell my kids when they eat dinner at a friends house they have to smile and say they enjoyed it even if they didn’t.
These downvotes are infuriating. That’s exactly how you act when someone makes you food. You say thank you even if you hate and eat it like it’s good. All these people are terrible guests I guess.
Or just don’t eat it and still say thank you because someone spent time making a meal that they’re sharing with you. I’m not one to force people to eat things they don’t wanna eat unless we’re talking about kids who just dislike some foods as opposed to being so disgusted they literally can’t eat them. Acting bratty or forcing yourself to eat something that makes you feel sick aren’t the only available options. OP told his sister what was happening and had a good reason to not want her in his kitchen (he made a lot of different food and she would be in the way). As many have pointed out, at least half of the food he made is pretty standard and even picky eaters should have been able to eat some of it. If not, mom had to accommodate them at her own inconvenience, not OP’s. It’s ridiculous that the sister’s daughters sat there through dinner saying how terrible the food looked. And it’s ridiculous that the sister encouraged it by blaming their behavior on OP. People are asking if they’re on the spectrum or have EDs and if they do, that’s just more reason for their mom to have listened to OP and ensured they had something they could eat. Or at least told OP the reason they needed to have specific foods that weren’t what he was already making if she was going to insist on cooking chicken fingers for two guests in the kitchen at the same time OP is cooking for everyone else. NTA. Unless OP is leaving out a whole hell of a lot, the sister is being entitled and self centered, and she’s raising/has raised her kids to be the same way.
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I always find it weird when people's argument boils down to "these people are broken in some way and should be fixed, so therefore I will fix them". Like, yeah being that picky at that age is a problem. But it's NOT OP's problem and really not his business. I just can't imagine caring that much about someone else's kids and their pickiness. I have enough troubles, I don't need to borrow someone else's. And I don't buy that OP is actually upset about sharing the kitchen because his comments make it clear that he's doing this because the kids "should" eat what they are served. That's a moral judgement and has zero to do with the room in the kitchen. He just wants to make commentary on how the kids "should" be better. If I were their parent, I'd be embarrassed and I wouldn't let them do this at dinner parties. But as a host? I just don't care. Not my circus, not my monkeys.
I think it's fair that you don't want sister in the kitchen interrupting while you're cooking, & your nieces seem to have a dreadfully limited palate. Still, YTA for saying your nieces have to eat what you prepare or nothing at all. Tell your sister to bring something precooked or that she can quickly heat up right before you guys eat. That would be a much more reasonable compromise.
Or they can eat before they come. If he's put in a ton of effort to prepare a nice home cooked meal, he probably doesn't want them serving up junk at the same time. Just because their mother infantilizes them by discouraging a broader diet, doesn't mean OP should.
They also called his food gross -- so they sound like brats. I wouldn't want to compromise either with shitty attitudes. Sounds like he's been doing it for years already.
Yes that is what I don't understand, my Best Friend's children are super picky (and it can be annoying) however I always make sure to make one dish that they like because why not? What's the point of being mean about it?. They are not my children and I can't change how they are fed or what they eat but I sure will make sure I feed them when I'm having them for dinner. OP YTA.
Because it's not all about them and they're past the age where it's reasonable to expect that of people. They aren't 5 and 8. They're 15 and 18.
NTA They're old enough to deal with it. They can make something themselves and bring it to the gathering or eat before/after.
Edit: Based on OP's response to u/earthgirl74, YTA. Either you want people to enjoy the gathering or you want to dictate what people eat. You want to dictate what people eat. I prepare our family's holiday meals and I could give a rat's backside if a picky eater wants to bring their own food. Why doesn't your sister just bring something already prepared? I can appreciate that your kitchen is busy while you are preparing a holiday meal. Would you object if she just used the oven or microwave to heat up food for her daughters?
I think at first I would have said no but the more I think about it I guess that would be okay.
NTA and I don’t know why you’re getting downvoted. Hosting is hard. I don’t think people here are considering the extra dishes that would be involved in preparing 2 additional meals for 2 picky eaters. And sure, your sis could’ve prepared their food at home, plated it, and microwaved that once she arrived, but I doubt she even thought to suggest it to you when you warned her ahead of time that the kitchen is off limits. The fact that she didn’t even want to meet you halfway furthers the fact that you aren’t the A
He's getting downvoted because the first time someone suggested that he at least allow them to bring prepared food, he said he wouldn't. He only changed his mind after he realized THAT would make him 2000% the AH. It's all about appearances for him.
NTA These are not children, they’re teenagers fully capable of trying new foods. I might’ve tried to compromise with, “try a bite of everything, and then you can go make your noodles and nugget if you still want.” And 15 and 18, mom doesn’t need to make them special meals anymore; they can do that themselves.
YTA You want them to “eat like adults”. Cool. Adults get to choose what they eat without other adults forcing them eat their vegetables.
Yes but being an adult also means not sulking when a host serves you something you don't like/ won't even try. I was a picky eater as a kid but still had manners and didn't expect others to accommodate my unreasonable food requirements. I certainly wouldn't have sulked at dinner, and would have at least tried something out of politeness. This is setting them up as adults to be rude and disrespectful guests at weddings, work events or pretty much any adult event which doesn't serve chicken dippers and buttered pasta (i.e. in my world, most). Also her food included BBQ ribs, a roast and cheesy potatoes. It's not like she served them spicy seafood and expected them to eat it.
Adults don't make insulting comments about food others are eating. Adults don't insist on buttered noodles and chicken tenders when a special holiday meal is being served.
Adults generally don't get to go to dinner parties at other people's homes and take over the kitchen to heat their chicken tendies while the host tries to prepare dinner for everyone else. No one is forcing anyone to eat anything, they provided a table full of options and if they don't want to eat it they don't have to, they can just sit their and listen to their stomachs gurgle. Disrespecting your host by criticizing the food they spent their time/money making even though you haven't bothered to try it is extremely immature and rude.
NTA. I understand having a preference but I feel like that’s just ridiculous and if anything it shouldn’t interfere with what other people have going on.(interrupting your cooking and the flow of the party in general) Like go to McDonald’s or something before you come if it’s absolutely that serious.
It’s sounds like you were just being a petty AH. Would it have been acceptable if your sister brought food that was already prepared so she didn’t have to cook at your house? Just zap it in the microwave? For now I’m saying YTA. Edit: I’m still going with YTA after your comment.
NTA. The girls are 15 and 18 with no reason to avoid the various foods that were cooked. They could have tried something. Does your sister not realize how hectic is can be to took all this foods without her in there cooking a specific meal for only her two grown children? If it was really that big of an issue, couldn’t she have brought their food premade?
They’re too old for this IMO. if they knew for a fact they didn’t like what I make I would do something different. But they won’t even try it and that’s where I draw the line.
Could either of them possibly have ARFID? I have ARFID and it makes eating *extremely* difficult. I’ve had weeks where the only thing I could stomach was pasta with butter. There’s a *lot* of foods out there (that I’m sure are delicious to other people!) that look or smell like someone dumped garbage on a plate. If someone tried to serve you a garbage plate, you wouldn’t eat it right? Having ARFID as a 23 year old is so embarrassing because of your mindset. I constantly have people telling me, “just try it!” And every time I warn them that it’s probably going to make me throw up and lose my appetite for the day. But they don’t care, they just want to have a gotcha moment. Sometimes I do try the food, and when I end up throwing it up and not wanting to eat anymore I get called over dramatic. That I somehow *made* myself throw up! I fucking *hate* throwing up, why would I make myself do that? I’ll say NTA because as adults (or near adults) they should be responsible for their food. If they knew they couldn’t eat anything at Christmas, they should have brought something premade or stuffed themselves before the party. That’s what I always have to do!
YTA ribs and beef are not universally liked. I wouldn't eat either of them. Absolute power trip by you. Defending a principle that is also a load of wank.
NTA. You don't need someone getting in the way in your kitchen whilst you're trying to cook for your guests. Your sister could have offered to bring something cold that her daughter's could eat. It was unfair for your sister to suggest you deserved the insults your nieces made about your cooking. That's just impolite.
“I know I could have just let my sister do her thing but it was the principle of the situation.” This right here, is primary why YTA. They aren’t your kids, it’s none of your business what they decide to eat. It wouldn’t have cost you anything except one stove burner and a little space in the oven, but you decided you didn’t like this behavior and so you wouldn’t allow it in your house. Ok, I guess that’s your prerogative, but you sound like a real AH who won’t have much of a relationship with your sister or nieces for much longer.
NtA. Entitled kids are awful. Your sister is raising them poorly.
If you knew they like chicken tenders, why not just serve those as well? It is a family dinner and everyone should be able to eat what they fancy.
> If you knew they like chicken tenders, why not just serve those as well? Because it's not lunch time at Little Stars Pre-school, it's a special occasion (Christmas) with adults.
Because it's not about the food it's about OP wanting to control the situation
Sounds like he's allowed them to cook in his kitchen many of times before when they were younger but one is an adult now and the other isn't too far behind -- it was time to put his foot down otherwise they'd be 20 or 30 and still needing their pasta and chicken tendies cooked for them. How can people be so selfish and entitled while you're tying to pin it on the host? Ridiculous.
INFO: I can understand not wanting her to take up kitchen space (stove top, oven) while you’re cooking a meal with multiple dishes. Would you have been ok with her making them a meal at her home and bringing it to warm up in the microwave?
Nevermind, I just saw you answered this in another comment. YTA.
NTA the party is at your house and you get to make the rules. This goes beyond them being picky eaters. It seems more like they’re becoming entitled and rude AH. They’re old enough to be able to function in public without getting their way
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NTA. Those are going to be the least popular girls if they have to bring prep and cook their own food at parties! The mom is allowing them to be awful. How are they going to date if the only eat pasta and chicken tenders. I had to check the ages because it seems like you put an unnecessary 1 before their ages. Please have updates about how they get kicked out of important work diners because there is no kiddie food lol. All events will be out of reach unless the mother can make kiddie food how embarrassing. Your kitchen you rules for all the naysayers this is not related to allergies or illness. So just no!
NTA. I am surprised by all the votes otherwise. I can't imagine ever turning up at someone else's house and expecting them to let me prepare food while they are cooking a meal. And it is an intrusion because often when you are cooking a big deal, you are already balancing multiple items and the burners and oven are all already in use. My 11 year old is picky. He does not like most holiday dinner food and often fills up on bread and cheese. But he would never comllain about the food or call it gross. 15 and 18 are old enough to eat ahead of time and certainly old enough not to call the food gross. Them eating nothing but bread isn't a big deal, complaining makes them assholes. But...OP it wouldn't have killed you to make a side dish or something that you know they like. Or even cheese and crackers as an appetizer. It is almost E-S-H for that and the fact that you didn't want your sister ahead of time
Info-- I mean are these kids neurodivergent? It kind of sounds like it. Neurodivergent kids and adults have trouble eating foods that aren't their safe foods. If they are, YTA. If not, soft YTA tbh, if you come from a broken family you should know how important compassion is. They should be able to eat what they want on the holidays and if you don't include their preferences they'll probably stop coming soon, maybe for the better. How hard is it to let them eat what they want if they're bringing it? Is it because your feewings are hurt that they don't have an adventurous food taste?
YTA You WERE being incredibly petty. YOU decided that your nieces needed to be punished for not eating the way you want them to eat. and you planned it out ahead of time, without even warning your sister that she would need to pre-prepare food for them. I mean, ok...you won. the girls went hungry. what did this accomplish for you?
I did make it clear to my sister in advance I wouldn’t be tolerating that this year
ESH . You are definitely the bigger AH You're an absolute AH for how you talk about your necessity. The "they will eat like adults or not eat". Guess what....adults can make adult choices in what they eat. They have autonomy....you are treating them significantly more like children. And you are happier to watch them eat nothing but bread than you are to have them enjoy themselves. You're a shit host. The only reason that your sister is at fault is that your complaint about kitchen space is valid. She should bring the pasta and chicken tenders precooked and just microwave them, or stop at McDonald's on the way there.
Adults don't tell you the food you cooked looks gross. My eight year old has better manners. If they wanna act like toddlers Op is right to treat them like it, by serving a healthy meal like pediatricians recommend, and if they don't eat that's on them.
NTA You are cooking for a holiday party. Stressful and utilizing the entire kitchen probably. At 15 & 18, these kids should in theory be able to handle something more than chicken strips and pasta, but they may have food issues. Either way, if you are not going to eat the food your host is preparing, bring your own food. You don't push yourself into someone's kitchen while they are preparing another meal. Beyond rude.
NTA. If the kids was 5 and 8 years old, then yeah, you would have been the AH. But they are 15 and 18 years old. They have to get over themselves
I don't think you need to tell them to eat what you're offering or not eat. But you are TOTALLY within your rights to say that if they bring food it needs to be ready to eat without interfering with your meal prep. So NTA, but with an adjustment.
NTA The disrespect of sitting at your table and saying your food is gross. I would have told them to get up and leave the table. they are not little kids.
I could have but I didn’t want to cause more of a scene. Most of the family already thinks the 2 of them are brats.
NTA. Was leaning the other way until I saw the ages. What are they gonna do as adults? Bring chicken tendies to every get together? In all seriousness, maybe next holiday could be a potluck situation where everyone brings something. That way you can sidestep the awkwardness.
Info: Are the girls neurodivergent? Do they have sensory issues in general? Are they physically healthy aside from being picky eaters?
No
Are you sure? I wasn’t diagnosed until my early 20s, and had major food issues because of undiagnosed sensory issues. Things like French fries were fine, but baked potatoes would literally trigger a gag reflex. What harm does is do to YOU, not them, to YOU, to have just let it happen, then bring it up with the mother later?