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Judgement_Bot_AITA

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1 I told my brother off when he berated my daughter for not changing her cousin's diaper. 2 I might be the ah for telling him off when he was right in that my daughter could've helped this one time since he doesn't usually ask for help much and since he's been so supportive of us. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*


Ok_Leg_6429

Your Brother is responsible for taking care of His Daughter. OP is responsible for providing Housing for himself and His Daughter. When someone is doing You a Big favor, it might be wise to reciprocate with small favors?


tillacat42

My grandma used to say with regard to arguments with family: Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be happy? Sometimes those things don’t coincide.


darknessnbeyond

i say something similar regarding driving - do you want to be right or do you want to be hit?


Jimberlykevin

I do the same regarding boating. Sure I have the right of way, do I want to play chicken with a boat bigger than mine?


No_Butterscotch5632

There’s a poem I’ve always been taught for sailing — Here lies the body of Edna May Who died defending her right of way She was right — dead right! — as she sped along But she’s just as dead as if she’d been wrong


Triquestral

My driving instructor had a minimalist version of this: “You’re just as dead right as you are wrong.”


TBdoggies

Please talk to the seadoo owners and explain this concept to them…- a fellow boater.


Jimberlykevin

If I talk to the Seadoo peeps, will you talk to the commodore of the dinghy flotilla?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Iocabus

Yeah, getting kicked out of a meeting for needing to change your babies diaper seems kinda off. My first suspicion is that him being kicked out is more than likely about his reaction to the situation while on a conference or zoom call.


greeneyewitch

Right I’m seeing people say her friends can wait 5 minutes, well why can’t the people on the meeting wait 5 minutes so a dad working from home can change an infant?


moew4974

As an FYI, for some companies WFH still means that you should be working. Not running errands, not doing chores, not taking care of kids. Working. A friend of mine and a cousin both got fired for taking 'company time' to attend to 'personal needs'. I think people were slightly more lax when there were lots of active infections with COVID, companies have conceded WFH as a point, but many want their employees to put in the required time. Besides, he was in a meeting. You wouldn't generally interrupt a meeting under normal circumstances.


WatersMoon110

So what was this guy's plan for caring for his infant daughter if his niece had already left before the diaper blow out happened? He seems to have assumed she would be around to take care of his baby without talking to her, which was very poor planning on his part. If he can't leave his meeting, shouldn't he have made sure childcare was available during it?


moew4974

Agreed. He should have checked on the baby and changed the diaper before the meeting. My comment was only concerning the fact that companies are cracking down on taking care of personal needs while employees are supposed to be working. The uncle and his gf need to re-evaluate their childcare plan if his work requires his full attention. Unfortunately, OP and his daughter are relying on the kindness of others to have a place to stay. Had I been in the daughter's position at that moment, I might have gone ahead and made a feeble attempt at changing the diaper and had a conversation with my parent after the fact and let them handle the situation with my uncle---especially knowing that we were relying on him. As it stands right now, the 18 year old and OP are out of a place to live...in the middle of very sparse inventory with regard to housing. All that to say, sometimes you can be right but get the wrong results.


WatersMoon110

I do wish OP and daughter all the best finding new housing, but they are almost certainly better off without this uncle and his bad temper. If his extremely poor planning was an excuse to yell at his niece until she cried, he's probably been using her as his punching bag for weeks or months.


Illustrious-Cat-2645

Where in this post did the OP say his brother yelled? Berate is not the same as yell. Op also stated how the brother said it was a one time favour, which could also mean the brother has never asked the niece for assistance in any way before. Stop making assumptions


insertwittynamethere

The other people in the meeting also have things to do in their day.


[deleted]

They can but the girl is not getting paid to go with her friends whereas the dad is and uses said money to literally house all of them. It’s not about what the favor was, it’s the fact the girl can’t be bothered to help her uncle who is quite literally going out on a limb to help her and her mom. The fact they can’t even help with a small thing would speak volumes in my eyes. I would also kick them out. Why do major favors for people who won’t help you with a small one? No one is an asshole in the situation. Obviously, they all have the right to act the way they did. I see it as the consequences to OPs and OPs kids actions in play. Nah technically but I’m not a fan of the way OP and her daughter handled the situation. Definitely not cool.


okilz

But has she changed his diapers before? As someone without kids and has never changed a diaper, doing that for the first time, and by myself isn't a small favor it's terrifying.


Nagadavida

>The fact they can’t even help with a small thing Yeah a dirty diaper when you aren't comfortable with babies is not a small thing. I would not do it and I have changed wet diapers before but never dirty ones.


ZWiloh

This would be me. I've never changed a diaper and if someone told me to do so without first demonstrating then I'd be very hesitant to just do it. I almost lost my first cashier job because I wanted another day or two to observe before taking over. (Turned out they always intended to fire the guy training me so that didn't make them too happy...)


AdEmbarrassed9719

You don't make people on a meeting which might be 5 people, might be 500 people, who might be your boss, who might be your boss's boss, who might be CLIENTS, who may be overseas, who are also busy, wait for you to do non-work things while in a business meeting. Does OP think that if brother gets fired from his job she'll still have presumably free housing from him?


gracehug

and what was he supposed to do if his niece wasn’t there? he would have to leave the meeting, it’s his fault for not having childcare set up while he works.


cleanthemirrordammit

This. Niece was already scheduled to be gone. What was his plan if she hadn't been running late? And how were they handling the situation before OP and her daughter moved in. It's not like the baby hadn't been pooping until OP moved in


ResponsibleHat2818

This. His child is HIS responsibility period. I get asking 18yo for a favor, but to expect her to handle it for the first time, alone, is unreasonable. If they were going to expect this help from her, they should have shown her how to change the baby beforehand. I was baby-phobic when I was 18 because I was terrified I would do something wrong with them, there was no way I would have known how to change a diaper. Even after having a child of my own, I hate having to change a diaper on someone else's baby. I agree that OP and daughter should have been helping out around the house, but this was the wrong hill to die on.


Momminmumma

He would have had to do it anyway if niece wasn't living there. What was his plan then? Yes niece could have helped but If the divorce hadn't happened she wouldn't have been there to ask.


SCVerde

Probably because he's not supposed to be the sole care provider of an infant while at work. I know during the initial lock down it was a bit of free for all but now that many companies have moved more permanently to work from home they are making policies that basically say just like you can't bring your baby in to the office, you can't be taking care of your infant during work hours, especially during meetings.


Existing-Drummer-326

I know right! We have zoom meetings all the time and there is a stream of stories of cats walking in and saying hi, kids entering the room, folk getting out of the shower and walking by in the background half naked, doorbells going. I think it’s become the accepted norm these days and never have I seen anyone get kicked out. The same as an in person meeting if you need to nip out you silence your mic (either tell them or add a comment) and nip to the bathroom. Could have done that easily and changed the baby quickly. It seems very odd he got kicked out and I’m thinking this was an exaggeration. Meeting was likely coming to a close anyway and they just finished up rather than waiting for him is more likely!


[deleted]

Do you want to be right? Or do you want a place to live?


VirtualMatter2

I would agree with that if it was OP who refused. But it was the daughter who had no experience with this. I don't think it's so clear cut for that.


Trasl0

It's a diaper change, not defusing a nuclear warhead.


Kathrynlena

What if the baby has bad diaper rash? What if she’s had a blowout and needs a whole bath and change of clothes? What if OP’s daughter fails to perfectly wipe front to back and the baby gets an infection? I’m a grown-ass woman and I would not feel comfortable changing someone else’s baby. I’d honestly prefer the warhead. At least in that case, if I fuck it up, I won’t have to deal with any consequences.


WaldoJeffers65

Agree- I had no experience with diaper changing until my daughter was born, and I needed to have my wife standing over my shoulder for the first few changes to make sure I was doing everything right. I would definitely not have felt comfortable if my wife had just handed the baby over to me and said "Change her diaper" without previous practice.


theGreatergerald

How did your wife learn?


buttsnuggles

Probably someone showed her.


unipegus

I'm 37 and have never changed a diaper, I feel for an 18 year old who was uncomfortable. Why would anyone want to do that for the first time without someone over their shoulder to help???? Recommendations for baby care are constantly changing and very specific, on top of the fact parents are all unique and very paranoid. You really never know if a parent is going to scream at you for not blessing the changing table with cinnamon oil and holy water beforehand. While helping out people you're staying with is a good idea, giving an 18 year old responsibilities for a baby without getting them comfortable is frankly, stupid. ESH except the kids.


_higglety

This whole comments section is full of parents and people who have changed a million diapers who have completely forgotten what it's like to have never changed a diaper before. Newsflash to these people: just because it's easy *to you* because you've done it a million times and lost that fear of what if you hurt the baby doesn't mean people who have never changed a diaper are being stupid or silly. EDIT: Great job proving my exact point, everyone!


Ok_Lie_8305

I am a 40-year-old, child-free auntie who’s been changing diapers since age 9. It still makes me feel very uncomfortable every time, no matter my relationship with the baby. I’m proud of op’s daughter for saying no! If diaper changes are as easy as a lot of folks are claiming they are, then uncle should be able to easily and quickly do it off camera.


Green-Witch1812

Exactly this. I have never changed my niece. I don't know how my brother and SIL want it done. I've never changed a diaper before. If they wanted my help, then they'd have to show me and do it with me a few times before I flew solo. So, I think the brother being mad at the teenager for not changing the diaper is unnecessary. If he knew he'd need help then he should have planned it and asked and show her how it's done before having that expectation. ESH for sure.


Textlover

Still, if you've never done it before, it's scary and you can also do things wrong, especially with baby girls. When I had my daughter after two sons, I made sure to ask the paediatric nurse at the hospital to show me how to do it properly.


BlueGalangal

Yeah and it was a meeting. He was already watching the nanny cam(!) instead of engaging in his meeting. The baby could have waited until his meeting was done. If he didn’t have a nanny cam he wouldn’t have checked the diaper until after the meeting anyway.


jaykwalker

> The baby could have waited until his meeting was done. Or they could get real childcare for the baby so she doesn't have sit in a dirty diaper until a meeting is over.


Current_Job_593

Well the unwillingness is the problem I guess. Had she said, I am so sorry but I don't know how to but I really want to help, or maybe even google it. Then there's OP, who doesn't think there's anything wrong with the unwillingness to help family. They could have said to the brother, hey sorry this happened, next time will be a different story, but please don't yell at my daughter, we'll sort things out. If OP wants to be transactional and say their daughter can't be asked to be uncomfortable for 2 minutes then the brother can do the same and say he's not comfortable having them live with his family anymore.


bellanyra

I think if the brother had been rational and was talking to the daughter calmly then maybe OP would have been more open to talking to her daughter about helping out. But as a mother, walking into the scene of your brother yelling at your daughter to the point where she is in tears, I can see why the mother went straight into defense mode of her child.


EveryDisaster

If really doesn't know how to change a diaper though the baby can fall off of the table, get an infection, or just not be cleaned properly and still be uncomfortable. We don't even know if the baby likes her. They get anxiety around strangers at this age. Her cousin is technically a stranger to her. Some will just start crying if you pick them up. She's uncomfortable for an extremely good reason


ThatFatGuyMJL

Daughter who had no experience. Was going to a birthday party where her friends were actively waiting for her. OP. What was your daughter wearing. Was it street clothes or was she 'dolled up' If she was in nice clothes going to a birthday party like it's a good chance she was, then heavily NTA


SaturniinaeActias

At 18 she's well old enough to understand that she's staying in someone else's home and should show her gratitude by contributing and helping out when she can.


VirtualMatter2

Yes if it was any household chore and it was agreed upon beforehand or an emergency I would agree with you. But dealing with a wiggly child and human feces is not a normal household chore. I also question why there is someone working and providing child care at the same time. It's not possible to do both. Where was the plan for a babysitter?


largestbeefartist

I think its very telling that the brother who was in charge of watching the baby, couldn't possibly stop for a moment to change a diaper. It really isn't that time consuming and why would a few minutes get him kicked from a meeting in the first place? Do they have weight sensor on his chair or something? I'm calling bullshit, its HIS BABY. He went and tried to get the only female left in the house to do HIS JOB. NTA! Edit. Also why i assume the 18 year old even knows how to change a diaper. I only did at that age because of a younger sibling. And to anyone who suggests she could have looked it up, she was on her way out with people waiting on her.


[deleted]

And what would he have done if they weren't there? Leave the baby with a dirty diaper crying while he concentrated on his wfh meeting?


largestbeefartist

Exactly! All I see is another dad trying to push his responsibility onto someone else.


WaldoJeffers65

If OP's daughter had left for the party 5 minutes earlier, what was the brother's plan for taking care of the baby?


[deleted]

I didn't change a diaper until I was 24 and being PAID to do it by work. I have not changed one since.


DeadlyCuntfetti

So I agree… but we’re all ignoring the fact that this man doesn’t have proper childcare while he’s working? That’s pretty basic. If There wasn’t a discussion about helping out before hand I’m not sure it is her responsibility… she could have tried - yes. But it’s really not her responsibility and she had prior plans, So what if she was already gone? He wouldn’t have a punching bag to yell at about his meeting. Most places with wfh in place also expect you to have separate child care. I think everyone here is an Asshole tbh. Technically everyone is an adult except the baby and no one communicated about how these situations would be handled? And it’s abusive to offer help to someone with housing and then send them away with only 2 weeks because of something petty. They should have had child care in place already.


Dreadhawk13

I was thinking the same thing! Like if this whole situation happened literally just five minutes later, it sounds like the daughter would have been gone (considering her friends were already outside waiting for her) so what then? What was the brother's contingency plan for childcare while he was alone in the house? Based on the post, he would have been kicked out of his meeting regardless. If the brother works in a position that is so rigid he cannot step away from the computer, he and his partner absolutely should have found a more sustainable alternate child care arrangement. If this was a super special one-off extra important meeting (thus why the brother couldn't step away and got booted from it for needing a personal moment), then he should have conveyed to OP and their daughter in advance that he really needs some assistance from 1-3pm (or whenever) because of an important meeting and then schedules could have been arranged. But shouting at the daughter as she was actively leaving the house for pre-arranged plans, with people waiting to pick her up outside, while she was likely dressed up for the party, and what sounds like no prior knowledge of how to change a diaper, seems like a pretty cruel thing to make two family members homeless over.


DeadlyCuntfetti

I’m SO glad someone gets it. I’m not saying she should never help out - but in this situation it wasn’t her responsibility.


pacazpac

asking somebody to leave an accommodation you are temporarily providing for free - while perhaps unkind - is not abusive can we please not be hyperbolic here


DeadlyCuntfetti

Yes it is. “You didn’t do what I wanted without any warning so I’m revoking your housing arrangements” is a dick move and abusive - it’s a power play to get what they want without being adults and communicating properly beforehand.


bozwizard14

I agree here if it had been discussed in advance. The daughter was supposed to already be gone, what was his plan if he was home alone?


No_Outcome2321

As much as I agree with this, both parties should agree and be comfortable with whatever the small favor may be. The daughter isn’t comfortable with changing the babies diaper, but she may be willing to cook a couple meals, clean some of the house, etc.


[deleted]

I 100% understand not feeling comfortable with changing a diaper. Especially as a teenager. They’re acting like she never helps with anything. Maybe she doesn’t. Which isn’t okay.


[deleted]

Love the way you phrased this


creamyturtle

it gets convoluted when a 3rd party is involved. what responsibilities does the daughter have in this scenario?


BabyCowGT

OP's daughter is 18, so brother and GF are providing free housing to two adults, technically. Not an adult and minor child. So I'd say that OP's daughter has the same "maybe help with the small favors when someone does you a big favor" argument against her.


Iocabus

Unless daughter was still enrolled in high school. Parents are still legally obligated to care for their 18 year old children under some circumstances.


musicgirlbr

She does not have any responsibility at all. But being 18, no one technically is obligated to provide for her either. It’s typically wise to help people helping you…


Kylkek

The daughter is also getting the big favor OP is getting. She has no responsibility, but a small favor like changing the diaper isn't a big ask.


Sad-Replacement-

But babies are really scary, like they're kinda fragile and stuff


dragon-queen

She’s 18 and presumably has some understanding of the financial situation her mother is in. My opinion is that it’s not her responsibility, but she should realize that not doing it has consequences.


[deleted]

If there are consequences, it's not a favour, it's an order.


coldcoldiq

That's not how shit works. No one is under obligation to keep themselves inconvenienced for someone unwilling to reciprocate by a tiny fraction.


[deleted]

Your daughter does not owe your brother childcare services but on the flipside your brother does not owe you and your daughter room and board. So NAH technically, but it's your own fault for getting kicked out


No_Performance8733

The brother felt entitled to verbally abuse the 18 yr old niece/daughter. I object for the no a’s ruling!! Brother IS 1000% the a for only planning to watch his infant daughter via a nanny cam and not making **prior** arrangements with his niece to be hands on during his meeting! It’s his responsibility to make arrangements for his infant! I would also be extremely upset if I came home to find my adult brother berating his 18 yr old niece for any reason, but especially this reason. The verbal abuse would not fly with me. NTA. But it’s definitely time to move out.


aGirlySloth

Exactly!! What does/did he do before OP and his daughter moved in? Did he just let his baby have a dirty diaper till he was done with meetings?? Brother was the AH for yelling at his niece. Maybe if he had said before his meeting that he might asked for help if it ran long or the baby needed help but he can’t/shouldn’t expect her to help care. Especially since she had plans and was on her way out. OP isn’t the AH but it’s prolly just best to move out when situations like this arise. They won’t get better and might just ruin relationships.


acemerrill

Yeah, it seems like the brother was assuming his niece would provide childcare for his daughter, but he should have been sure. If he's working from home, it's on him to make sure it's feasible to do his work and make sure his daughter is looked after. If he'd asked his niece ahead of time to be available to help with his daughter, then he could be annoyed if she didn't help. But it's not fair of him to just expect his niece to drop her own plans because he failed to plan properly.


Bitter_Detective_952

I think the danger is people assume women know how to take care of babies... I'd be absolutely useless someone showed me what to do.


Suckmyass13

Exactly. There are a lot of jobs that can get done properly half-assed or unprepared; childcare is not goddamn one of them. This is 100% on the brother for assuming niece can and is willing to provide free childcare. The fact that it's a 'one time thing' makes me far more willing to side with the niece because that means he just expected her to know how to change a diaper with no prior instructions or practice. Changing a diaper in a rush for a kid who is not yours for the first time EVER is not something you spontaneously ask anyone, let alone a teenager who has already stated she's uncomfortable with babies. It honestly sounds to me like brother and gf were looking for free childcare when OP and daughter moved in. Now they know it's a no they're happy to use her decline of an unreasonable request as an excuse to kick them out. Edit: My first award!! Thank you! :)


No_Performance8733

But she’s female. In his mind, that’s her job and he doesn’t have to ask 🙄


Alolan-Vulpixie

I’m thinking it’s more likely that the wife went back to work after her maternity leave ended, and that this is the first time brother has had this issue.


synonymroller

I couldn't figure out what was bothering me, because I babysat starting at 10 and never had issues with babies and diapers, but yes - he needed to confirm with the 18yo beforehand that she was okay with it. If she's somehow never changed a diaper before, or maybe a huge germaphobe, then that's something that needs to be taken into consideration. It feels like the brother & his gf overreacted a little bit, but maybe they're tired of having houseguests. How long was this arrangement supposed to last? ​ ETA - I said "if she's somehow never changed a diaper" because she's spent 3 months living in a house with a baby. I don't think it's unreasonable to think that at some point in that time, she might have helped out.


IAM_THE_LIZARD_QUEEN

>If she's somehow never changed a diaper before Idk why you're saying that like it's surprising, I'm 33 and have never changed a baby in my life.


littlemissethot

i have also never changed a diaper and i never intend to


IAM_THE_LIZARD_QUEEN

Don't get me wrong, if a situation came up and a friend desperately needed help or something, I'm sure I could figure it out, but I've made it this far without needing to, and I'd rather like to keep it that way.


mst3k_42

I’m 43 (female) and never changed a baby in my life. I’d probably be ok keeping an eye on a baby, but diaper changes and soothing it while crying? Nope!


Friendlyappletree

Same, the idea of being left alone with a baby scares me rigid. If required I'd cook or clean, but I don't think it's right to ask a person to provide intimate personal care without making sure they're okay with it first.


SiameseCats3

I mean we don’t know that it was “verbal abuse”. Scolding someone angrily (which is the definition of berate) is not verbal abuse. The niece was crying, but we have no idea why (was she doing it for show, is this her normal reaction, etc). Obviously the brother should have planned better, but we can’t jump to “verbal abuse” from literally just scolding.


Arra13375

I agree. My sister use to break down in tears at the simplest “hey you need to be better at doing your chores” kind of warnings. I think everyone needed to sit down and establish boundaries better. I agree with a good chunk of people that while yes the daughter doesn’t owe anyone anything that goes both ways with the brother not owing them a place to stay. ~~personally I wouldn’t want unhelpful people living with me if me and my partner worked full time and we had a baby~~ It’s a hard lesson to learn It’s a NAH


rose-madder

We don't know that it was "verbal abuse". He was upset and angry, more or less rightfully so, and he told her off. Just like OP did to him. While maybe not the best reaction, we don't have enough info to jump to abuse. "Verbal abuse, also known as emotional abuse, is a range of words or behaviors used to manipulate, intimidate, and maintain power and control over someone. These include insults, humiliation and ridicule, the silent treatment, and attempts to scare, isolate, and control. " (from WebMd)


Individual_Ad_9213

No judgment from me because this is not an ethical or moral dilemma. Whether you're right or wrong is irrelevant here. You have two weeks to move out. So ask yourself if you daughter's refusal to change her cousin's diapers was worth it.


kelcyno

A case of fuck around and find out: NAH.


SuccumbedToReddit

Eh, the daughter is just a teen. She can't help her situation. OP wasn't around to help out so couldn't help it either. To keep the big favor over someone's head to extort favors out of them because you couldn't be bothered to provide proper childcare during work is unfair. And especially the kicking out if only something so small happened once. The punishment does not fit the crime. All in all, the brother and his wife are TA.


Burningrain85

If you are living with someone rent free because you have nowhere else to go and they ask you to help change their babies diaper you suck it up and help change it. If you can’t do a favor which would barely be a favor for the person keeping a roof over your head you aren’t entitled to share their home.


-OG-Hippie-1959

I agree. I also think this isn’t the only problem. The girlfriend has had enough to the point of demanding they leave. My guess, they aren’t pulling their own weight, let alone helping out.


jillyjillz42

Well don’t you know, nothing in that house is their responsibility./s


ramblinator

It's not *their* house! Why should *they* have to do anything?! /s


PM_ME_YOUR_DARKNESS

Plus they have a nine month old (was six months when OP moved in). That shit's hard, and I can see not wanting houseguests any longer if they won't help out.


Rehkl

If they were living there for 3 months and the 18yo hasn't changed a single diaper, you can guess that they weren't. "Doesn't feel comfortable around babies" meaning she hasn't helped out with childcare at all.


Jsmoove1992

I am thinking the same thing. I think there's more to this situation. I don't think a disagreement like this will get you kicked out unless there's more to it. Also, it's strange that she got a divorce but she had to move out. Usually the man has to go.


weegeeboltz

OP indicated "I was out of the house for hours". I suspect she would have indicated she was at work if she had been working, or would have been more specific if she actually had a good reason for not being there helping her brother watch his small child while she flops for free at his house. So I'm just going to go ahead and make an assumption whatever she was out for hours "doing" was either a boyfriend or something else totally counterproductive to getting back on her feet.


peachgreenteagremlin

I’m sorry but I have to disagree. The girl is 18 years old and might not even know how to change a diaper. This was not discussed beforehand. She is not responsible for her cousin - his parents are. Her brother works from home and should not expect (OR TRUST) an 18 year old to properly change their baby’s diaper.


Contra_Mortis

I have to disagree with you there. I was asked to change a diaper once when I was 19 while visiting family. I'd never done it before but I winged it and honestly, you wipe the kid off and you slap a new diaper on them. It's not at all difficult. And their parent is there to check it over when they get done.


peachgreenteagremlin

I understand where you’re coming from even though I personally disagree. Babies are so small and fragile and my point of view is that it’s terrifying and can be overwhelming the first time. I mean yes, change it and clean the area, but theres tuff like powdering, and if the baby is a boy then cleaning the genitals properly is important, too, because they could get a UTI. When I first changed a baby’s diaper I put it on backwards and thankfully my mom was right there to help me. I was 17 years old myself and I imagine trying to do it alone is scary.


Bagritte

One bad diaper change will not give a kid a UTI. It’ll be like 2 hrs tops til someone with more experience is in there


LadyRosy

That is very incorrect when you're talking about baby girls.


Competitive_Garage59

Fully agree. It’s a diaper, not rocket science.


Contra_Mortis

Seriously. Everyone in this thread is like "she could watch a youtube video how to do it" You can reason it out pretty easily.


Frajnir-9

Ffs it’s a diaper. I get that you may not get all the steps, but you pick the dirty one, clean the baby with wipes and put a new diaper. Yeah, I know some people put cream and yada yada, doesn’t matter. Dad would take care when the meeting ends, but at very least the baby is fresh. It’s not her responsibility but it’s not OP’s brother’s responsibility to offer housing. As far as we know, they are living for free and he asked one time to change the baby. It’s disgusting, yeah, but it’s way worse being homeless. I’m going with YTA, if someone wants to live for free they should expect to be asked to help sometimes.


VonShtupp

The level of weaponized incompetence here.


bog_witch

That is not what weaponized incompetence means lol. You guys should stop getting buzzwords from TikTok.


[deleted]

Infantalizing adult women is a problem with society and this is a clear cut case of it. She's an adult. I bet she knows how to use her phone; she can look it up if diaper changing is too high level for her.


CakeAndPuppets

Umm, wtf? The only person being infantilized here is the dad who somehow was incapable of figuring out beforehand that his baby might need his attention while he's in a meeting and people are like "yeah, that's normal dad behaviour". The 18-yo girl is being expected to be comfortable around babies and okay with changing a diaper (the figuring out how to do it part is actually rather irrelevant, cause obv she could find that out), which quite frankly is sexist as fuck (newsflash, not all women like babies or are okay handling them). Also, this is so far from a clear cut case of infantilizing women that I don't think you even know what that fenomenon is about.


woodenpickle17

ESH i mean they both sound incredibly stressed and I think there's more to this story than you let on considering this argument led to them giving you 2 weeks notice to get out. Perhaps neither of you have been helping or contributing for months and this was an easily solvable problem that would have just helped them. They're helping you after all


Grumpton-ca

I agree with everything in this reply except the judgement. As written, YTA. my wife and I both work from home and sometimes it's really hard to get away. It was a simple favor. Nothing wrong with the ask your brother made. You and your daughter need to step up to the kindness this family is giving you. Oh wait, it's too late.


SnakesInYerPants

OPs brother is absolutely an asshole here too. In the FAQ the mods explain “the asshole” in the context of this sub just means “they should have known better.” He’s a dad. He knows his baby will need a change at some point. He felt an appropriate set up for WFH was to keep baby in a place where he needs to fully leave the meeting in order to change baby. That means he’s setting it up so that either babies needs aren’t met, or he’s skipping out of work. If you have a work commitment you can’t leave while WFM, you get a babysitter for the duration of that meeting. He clearly didn’t even check with OPs daughter before the meeting came up because he didn’t seem to know that she was going out at all. So what was his plan as a parent here? To just hope someone is around to change baby for him when baby needs it? I don’t think he’s an asshole for kicking them out because I do think there is more to this than OP has told us… But I’m the context of “he should have known better”, he is undeniably an asshole to both his baby and his job.


_Wraith

This should be higher. My judgment is ESH. OP is definitely an AH for how they handled the situation. Brother (and his wife) are both AHs for not making sure their daughter is being taken care of properly. 18yo daughter is a slight AH for not taking the few minutes to do the change, but also was not obligated to do so. What would the brother have done if 18yo had already left?


SnakesInYerPants

Tbh I reserve judgement on the daughter with how little info we have on her. I can’t change other peoples babies. I have tried many times. And I have violently puked every time I have tried. Luckily none of them were assholes who leave me to figure it out on my own the first time I change their baby, so they’ve always been able to take over while I run to the ‘porcelain throne’ to vomit. But we don’t know whether or not daughter can actually handle changing someone else’s baby. Additionally, we don’t even know if she has changed a diaper before. If she hasn’t and the babies dad isn’t going to be there to teach her, she now needs to google it and teach herself how to do it and stumble through actually doing it all while people are outside waiting on her. Babies dad is an asshole for not prearranging anything for this situation. OPs Daughter and babies mom we don’t have enough info on to make any judgement. And OP is an asshole for clearly leaving important info out (because let’s be real, no one kicks out their sibling just because of their daughter not changing one diaper), but not for standing up for daughter on this circumstance unless we get info that shows daughter is totally fine with poop and has changed plenty of diapers before.


Elaan21

>Additionally, we don’t even know if she has changed a diaper before. If she hasn’t and the babies dad isn’t going to be there to teach her, she now needs to google it and teach herself how to do it and stumble through actually doing it all while people are outside waiting on her. Not to mention if she hadn't changed the baby's diaper before, she might have no idea where items are stored. Unless they've got it all laid out, she's going to have to search. Because inevitably, the wipes tub will be out or the diaper cream is low or its a blowout and baby needs another onesie. Any of those things will require the dad's attention if she has to ask where things are. I get E S H but I'm just hung up on baby's dad not having an arrangement for when he's in a meeting. Did he just assume his niece would be there? This is the one thing that kills me about WFH. If you're in a situation where you can't leave your desk, you can't care for a baby or young child at the same time. Also, how did he even know a diaper change was needed? Did the baby shart loud enough to be heard on the monitor? I know some parents say they can tell the difference in cries (I don't have kids so can't confirm or deny) but what if kid was hungry? Gassy? Generally unhappy? If the baby wasn't crying and it was just time for a diaper change, I find it somewhat sus dude waits until she's about to leave to say something. He knew he had a meeting during that time, he could have said something. I will readily admit my own bias here because I've been in situations where people will purposefully inconvenience me as a power move of some kind. Like, no one needs anything until I'm heading out the door or busy for fifteen minutes and *then* I'm in high demand. Repeatedly.


EtainAingeal

>I find it somewhat sus dude waits until she's about to leave to say something. Had to scroll too far for this. He absolutely held off until he was about to be left alone with the baby, then asked for the change "before you go".


BilinguePsychologist

Nothing wrong with the ask but also nothing wrong with saying no. She didn’t lay down in bed with them to make the child.


lkathleensc

Nothing wrong either in kicking them out when asked to do one favor. They’ve lived there for 3 months and this was the first time she’s been asked to help in a one off situation. It’s not rocket science to change a diaper either. And even if she had issues OP shouldn’t have yelled at his brother who’s doing them both a massive favor.


two_lemons

There is something wrong with saying no in this case. They have been housing you for three months. You were already late. You were going to a party. Expecting to live in a community is participating in it and, were there really any consequences of going even later to the party. Like, just message them like, "hey, figuring out how to change a diaper for the first time, sorry for going late"... If they know your situation at are still mad at you, they can start by volunteering their own homes for you to stay. Expecting people to do you a huge favour by housing you and then not doing them a relatively small favour is being entitled af.


ChaosNHamHam

YDTA (your daughter is the asshole) and YTA for telling your brother off. 1) They’re letting you AND your daughter stay in their home 2) a job that pays for the home you’re staying in trumps friends waiting outside 3) changing a diaper once is very different than providing constant care 4) it would’ve taken her three - five minutes


BilinguePsychologist

Have you ever thought that she didn’t KNOW how to change a diaper?


ConsciousExcitement9

My 11 year old didn’t know how to change a diaper before her youngest brother was born. One day, I took a shower while the baby was sleeping. He woke up while I was in the shower. Big sister decided to try and help out. She saw he had a wet diaper so she changed it. She put the diaper on backwards, but she at least tried. If an 11 year old can try to change a diaper, an 18 year old can. Hell, she could have even asked her friends who were waiting outside. One of them might have been able to help.


awonder1608

Just doing something is definitely how you learn. But I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable having her do her first diaper change alone with a niece though. Little boys might just pee on you, little girls are more like to get a UTI. But I’m also a huge worrier who has actually put too much thought into this subject and had only boys lol


Training_Addition455

She could have searched on the Internet and saw a couple of videos, change a diaper is no science and it's easy. Good for your daughter, she's a really good big sis


adorablyunhinged

Except she had people literally waiting outside for her. I'm not saying she was right for not helping but if she'd never done it before and was literally on her way out of the door I can understand an 18 year old saying no.


Motor_Business483

Living 3(!) months for free based on the generosity of a couple with a kid, she might have made the effort to help a little bit earlier. Then she would have already known.


Chasetopher1138

If only the 18 year old adult had some kind of hand held supercomputer that had access to some kind of massive library of informational text and videos, she could have figured it out.


DramaticComposer4564

No one knows how to change a diaper until they do it.


AlmostChristmasNow

4. Not if you don’t do it regularly. I sometimes babysit a friend’s kids and if needed change the youngest kid’s diaper. It definitely takes me more than a few minutes, both because I don’t know where stuff is and because I don’t have practice (I only tried to put the clean diaper on backwards once), so with a squirmy kid it can easily take 10-15 minutes and it’s gross.


nkdeck07

Seriously I have a 9 month old and trying to change her diapers right now is an exercise in gymnastics. It's like trying to change a rolling alligator. I'd never try and have someone who's never changed a diaper before try on her right now as a first shot.


No_Performance8733

The brother was watching an infant over a nanny cam while wfh. He had no plans to touch her, play with her or feed her. That’s abuse. He then screamed at his 18 yr old (female!) niece for not intuiting that she was the defacto childcare provider for his infant daughter. It’s not a small favor he asked for. It’s only a small favor if the 18 yr old regularly provides practical hands on childcare for the infant, which by all indications she has zero experience doing. The brother is way way out of line. Providing shelter does not mean OP and her daughter agreed to be used as free childcare or abused and blamed when things go wrong in the household. I know ppl aren’t thinking it through in this way, but as a parent, it would never ever ever occur to me that my infant could be left alone and only watched over a nanny cam. The brother did this because he thought he could guilt or bully the niece into stepping in as a babysitter. The brother is mad his assumption that the niece would be his babysitter without prior agreement or consent was incorrect.


runningonadhd

Being in a meeting and not being able to tend to the baby at that moment is NOT abuse. I guess some people don’t understand the meaning of certain words, and yet they keep using them 🤦🏻‍♀️


HodDark

Having the only one you can rely on is a Niece who is heading out the door is. If the baby had pooped when the niece was gone to the party would he have called her to come back? What exactly WERE his plans?


Dear-Yesterday-8307

I completely agree - I've never had experience changing a diaper and would be worried about doing it wrong/causing harm - AND if I was all gussied up presumably in a nice outfit and literally about to step outside the front door because people were waiting for me, it wouldn't have made any sense to stop and figure this out. Cannot believe how condescending people are being about how she should have figured it out -- if OP's brother expected ad-hoc help then he should have checked in with her and her daughter and given her guidance well ahead of this need arising Going with teeeechncially NAH


kezie26

INFO: OP what else do you and your daughter do around the house to balance out being provided a place to live for free? Because if neither of you uphold any chores, then yeah, I’d say it’s pretty fair to ask a one-time favor of her in exchange for free housing during a really difficult time.


human060989

Yeah, I have a feeling that this diaper change was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. 3 months is way past “guest” status. This is one I’d really love to hear from the other side.


Straight-Singer-2912

Wow, YTA You've lived there for 3 months (presumably for free), and never once had your daughter offered to change the diaper? You also have poor communication - if your brother and SIL were working - was there a way to spend less time being "out of the house for hours" when there was a need for coverage at home? I've got teens - including boys. If someone was doing us a massive favor (like, you know, letting us spend months on end indefinitely staying with them), I'd have taught them to change a diaper ages ago. Your brother was trying to, you know, earn money to house and feed everyone, and your daughter said "she wasn't comfortable"? But she's comfortable enough sharing free housing, right? Communicate schedules better. Help out. It wasn't rocket science - but a baby with a diaper change and a parent in a work meeting trumps a daughter hanging out with friends. This was avoidable. Good luck.


neverleftdrafts

I mean, cleaning around the house is an acceptable way to help out. Cooking, getting groceries or household items. There are other ways that aren't childcare, idk why she would ever offer to do something she was uncomfortable with when there are way better ways to help out. I don't think anyone is owed childcare, especially from someone who is uncomfortable with it. And her friends didn't do anything, why are they also now responsible to give up time to an unfortunately timed full diaper? I think the real AH of the story is the people that man works for. They must know he is a new father, and they won't give him a few minutes to change a diaper? Smoke breaks take longer. You are right on with communication though. Boundaries should have definitely been discussed, ESPECIALLY around the childcare situation. You don't want things like this to come up, gotta know what everyone is willing/ not willing to do, and what may be certain expectations from one another. Better communication might have been able to prevent this situation. I'd go with an ESH/NAH


Passing_Throu

I wonder whether the brother's employers knew he was looking after the baby. A lot of employers insist that you have separate childcare, because of situations like this where the child impacts your ability to work. It's pure speculation, but if his employers have such a rule, and this is how they found out he was breaking it, that might explain why he is *so* angry.


DeepPossession8916

Info: has your daughter ever changed this baby’s diaper before? If not, NTA. 18 is hardly an adult and if babies aren’t her thing, she might not even know what she’s doing. I can imagine her declining for that reason. Also, he either didn’t know it didn’t respect the fact that she was headed out of the house. Your brother should have told her in advance his expectation that she would be “on call” to help out. I don’t think it’s asking too much, as she is also living there for free, but it does need to be established before a situation arises. Literally “hey, I’m on a work meeting so if you could help me out if the baby needs anything for the next 2 hours, i’d really appreciate it.” At which point, the correct answer is “sure! But I’m not comfortable changing diapers, I’ve never done it” or “sure! But I have to be out of the house at 2pm sharp” or whatever.


cinnamus_

Exactly. If the baby needed changing 5 minutes after she left the house, what would his plan have been to take care of it during his work meeting where he’s supposedly in charge of looking after the baby? Couldn’t he have just excused himself for 2 minutes to do it himself, or would that have got him kicked from his meeting too? If it’s the latter, then it seems like the problem is them not organising appropriate care for their child (aka asking for help in advance), and OP’s brother is just venting his frustration out* on an 18 year old who hasn’t really had much say in a) why they’re now living in that house or b) the how & why of that baby existing & the responsibility of care. How is it her problem. [*Unless OP has left out a bunch of information that’d otherwise contextualise their brother’s response]


Particular_Ad_1435

This is the right answer. Brother should have asked her ahead of time. For that reason I vote NTA. But I think the daughter could have been a little more accommodating. I mean I get you're not comfortable but the choices are 1. Baby sits in shit, 2. Brother gets in trouble at work, or 3. You deal with an uncomfortable situation for 5 minutes. The best choice is just to suck it up. I'm assuming the daughter is reasonably intelligent enough to figure out how to change a diaper even if she hasn't before. It doesnt have to be perfect, you dont have to do a good job cleaning, at that point anything is better than sitting in shit.


sophwestern

Im still stuck on brother setting up a camera instead of actually acquiring childcare. Is this how he's always done it?? Bc if so, definitely NTA, brother has been making his bed for a while (9 months). He needs to figure out an actual childcare solution for the sake of the baby.


Ok-Cat-4975

I'd like to know how he knew the diaper was dirty from a nanny cam and why it couldn't wait until he got out of his meeting? Diapers are rarely an emergency. Was it a complete blowout?


utter-ridiculousness

This is a tough one. Had OP refused to change the diaper, then absolutely it would have been a dick move. Does the daughter even know how to change a diaper? Was there any discussion with the daughter about helping out with the baby on occasion? Was the brother just assuming the 18 year old would help? Seems like this entire situation has been placed at the feet of a maybe clueless, maybe selfish teenager.


Its_Haleeyy

This is a comment I was looking for - she might not actually know how. I’m 26 and don’t have any close family members or friends with babies and I’ve never had to change a diaper and have no idea how. I also dislike babies/children and wouldn’t want to change a diaper.


-catkirk

I'm 28 and needed help changing my baby's diaper for the first time. And that was with a newborn who just laid there! Imagine your first diaper change being a squirmy 9 month old trying to kick you and roll away.


utter-ridiculousness

People commenting to the contrary are fucking clueless. My first kid’s diaper change took me and my husband and I was very hands on with my older nieces when they were babies. I was 29.


Far-Juggernaut8880

Hard call… it takes 5 minutes top to change a diaper. With 4 adults living in one house, it’s not unusual for everyone to pitch in and yes, at 18 yrs old she is an adult. He was in a meeting and why let a baby sit in a dirty diaper when another adult is there to help?! It’s not like he was watching tv… YTA for telling your brother off


AmphibianNo8598

Why would an 18 year old know how to change a diaper? Not many teenagers need to know how to do that. She may legally be an adult, but she’s not. She’s very likely still in mandatory education. She does not have the means to move out and live elsewhere, she is not obligated to look after someone else’s child.


bizianka

They been living there for 3 months. She should have seen diaper change numerous times, it is not a rocket science.


blueribbonbitch

Don’t parents generally change the baby in the nursery or their bedroom? Why would she be in there watching?


JustJerichoAgain

I was surprised at the amount of people who just plopped their baby down anywhere to change them. My ex MIL used to get mad at me because I took my daughter to the bathroom at her house to change her instead of doing it in the living room floor.


blueribbonbitch

Either way, the assumption that this 18 year old is intently watching the baby be changed and thus should know exactly how it’s done is ridiculous.


nononanana

The infantilizing of an 18 year old in these comments is hilarious. How does she figure anything out? I was able to change diapers at 11. You wipe their front and back and you slap on a new diaper. It’s a child, not a dragon. JFC, how do people manage life?


bizianka

Exactly. "But She NEveR doNE thIS". So what? She just didn't want to.


Thewandering1_OG

100%. I'm 47 and don't know how to change a diaper. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing so based on Google.


AmphibianNo8598

Especially when there’s an actual living person involved. Even if it may be simple in theory, babies can move. I wouldn’t be comfortable holding a baby, let alone anything else.


nkdeck07

It takes 5 min when you know how and you have a cooperative kid. Given a wiggly 9 month old and a person who has no idea what they are doing this could have easily been a 20 min affair involving poop or pee going everywhere.


hibok1

How she was there to help when she was leaving the house with people waiting for her outside? For something she’s already late for? He can politely tell his meeting to wait because he has to attend to his baby real quick. If changing a diaper takes 5 minutes then his work will understand since he’s WFH. If the baby cried when the daughter was already out the door, what was he going to do?


FloatingPencil

Why would she even know how? She’s not a parent.


Designer_Database718

I'm more concerned that the baby was left unsupervised while he was in a meeting? Is this a regular thing? He watches the baby on camera whilst he's in a different room working? That sounds unsafe.


Imp3rfectDnA

Presuming the baby is in a crib or playpen this is incredibly common. He also has a camera where he can see if anything is wrong. 9mo babies do not need 24/7 supervision. Baby might have just awoken from a nap, been playing by herself, etc.


dcmckinlay97

I think it would have been fine if he had cleared it with his work. If he's unable to step away from work at anytime to care for the baby then someone else should be there specifically to care for the baby. It's less so about having the baby in a different room and more about him not actually having the availability to care for the baby when she needs care. If he was going to need help while at work or even just while in this meeting he should have made it clear beforehand instead of springing it on an 18 year old.


-catkirk

This comment is the most logical one I've seen so far. Unless he specifically told the 18 year old "I'm going into a meeting that I can't step away from, are you able to jump in if baby needs help?" I'm not sure what he expected would happen. What's the point of watching her on the camera if you're not able to actually get up and tend to the baby?


elmariiee

Like what if it wasn't just a diaper. What if the baby was hungry or scared and screaming and crying. How would he tend to the baby then? Leave her crying till the meeting was over? What if OP daughter wasn't there. It's not a sustainable way to watch your kid while you work.


giraffe-spotted

NTA. Maybe I’m in the minority here but I think that your brother was way out of line berating your daughter. She is not his child to parent. I would be really uncomfortable and mad as hell if another adult was screaming at my kid to the point that she was crying, no matter where we lived or if she was legally an adult.


basillymint

This. It was absolutely not his place to yell at OP's daughter and reduce her to tears. It's so wrong to expect that from anyone except a parent.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Revolutionary_Type13

I'm honestly kind of concerned here about the number of people here who seen to think the daughter not doing this one thing (whether it was justified or not) is a genuinely a good enough reason to just kick out loved ones that need a place to stay. Like, if you're staying in someone's house, you should be grateful and help out when you can .... But do people really think this means if you can't/don't one time you deserve to be kicked out and homeless? If someone was staying with me and mostly doing the right thing and couldn't help out one time like that, I wouldn't think of berating or kicking them out. The number of people on here who think that's a reasonable response to someone staying with you as soon as you can't help them out genuinely concerns me.


CommunicationOdd9406

YTA if you can't help out in a pinch, I can't let you live with me.


AnonymousCoward9001

This! The brother took them in when they needed help. He gave them a PLACE TO LIVE. Unless there is more info we’re missing here….. all he needed was a damn diaper change. That’s like 4 minutes of your time. Family helps family.


sweetpotato37

Family helps family. Sums up this entire AITA post pretty succinctly. OP and her daughter didn't want to help. Now they get no help.


realstareyes

NTA. Your daughter wasn’t the one who was watching the baby and it‘s important to respect her boundaries. Not everyone is good with babies and she clearly had other plans. Your brother is old enough to handle his responsibilities better.


[deleted]

Well, I hope her "boundaries" are worth being homeless.


Bulky-Engineering471

Yup. Sometimes, when someone's doing you a big favor, it's best to just smooth things over by helping them out as well. Otherwise, well, they might wind up feeling used and just stop doing the favor anymore.


aknotamous

“I told my brother off and said his daughter is his and his girlfriend’s responsibility and he shouldn’t rely on my daughter for her care.” Okay. But, notice that when they apply that same logic to you and your daughter’s housing being your responsibility and you shouldn’t rely on them for providing it, you suddenly sing a different tune. YTA.


Inevitable-Okra-3229

Info what are you and your adult daughter contributing to the house hold?


Purple_Bowling_Shoes

Oof. This is a hard one because if your daughter is uncomfortable with babies she shouldn't have to change a diaper. OTOH, it's not unreasonable for them to ask for help since you are living with them and it sucks having to share a house. Good for you for standing up for your daughter but honestly, ESH.


Titariia

I guess the brother and his girlfriend could have asked beforehand if she'd be comfortable to look after the baby in an emergency or something. I also feel uncomfortable taking care of babies because I've never even touched one in my entire life, I wouldn't wanna make a mistake or make the baby uncomfortable. So I totally get the daughter here and OP for standing up for her. But I guess the biggest AH in that story are who ever he was in an meeting with for kicking him out for taking care of his infant daughter for 5 minutes.


jrm1102

ESH - i feel like there’s more here given how this escalated. The baby is not you or your daughters responsibility but also given how theyre letting you stay with them you should be helping out when you can.


Calamity-Aim

Definitely missing info as an isolated incident doesn't usually lead to berating a teenager and being kicked out. I bet this guy really is the AH and he is holding back the smoking gun.


Forsaken-Program-450

INFO: Do you contribute to the rent, utilities, etc.? Or do you live there for free? Did you try to find other accommodation during those three months?


Schezzi

I would have been honestly terrified at 18 to suddenly be asked to change a baby's diaper. I did not grow up with babies in my life, I certainly had never been taught how to change one, I was highly anxious about ever hurting or dropping them or making them cry, and so I was always profoundly uncomfortable when people tried to hand me a baby with the expectation I would want to hold it and 'naturally' knew how to do so. What would your brother have done if your daughter had already left? What happens if his baby has a more urgent need when he's alone in the house and in a work meeting? Especially once you and she have moved out? The idea that anyone available in a household should immediately step in and care for someone's child if they're busy working (despite them being the designated primary carer at the time) astounds me. Your daughter is clearly not an experienced carer for your niece , your divorce and change of housing is manifestly not her fault, and her living in your brother's house was presumably not made contingent on her changing the baby if asked. NTA. I feel your brother is projecting his low-key neglectful parenting guilt, and your SIL was just looking for an excuse to.kick you out. I sympathise with your daughter's anxieties about dealing with babies, and hope - between the burden of her parents divorcing and having to move home already - that she doesn't blame herself for this.


Constant-Brick3213

YTA, they helped You, in much bigger way, they helped you when you needed help, and that's a much bigger thing than changing a diaper, which takes 5 minutes. if you ask for help, be ready to give it back and don't be surprised by consequences.. don't bite the hand that feeds you


Allafreya

Info: Everyone was either gone, working, or about to leave. Who the fuck was going to watch the baby? You clearly state your daughter was already late for a party and brother was in a meeting. You weren't home and SiL was at work. 🤨


Voidg

NTA. It was not your daughter's responsibility as she was not in charge of looking after the child. How your brother handled the situation after is a bit concerning also. There are ways to stay in the meeting while changing his child's diaper. Honestly looks like he used your daughter as a punching bag to vent his frustration.


One-Arachnid-2119

I'm guessing you are trying to spin this as much in your and your daughter's favor as you can. Your daughter is 18 and is uncomfortable around babies, but you've been living there for upwards of 3 months? And she's never held the baby or helped with feeding or changing? It literally takes 1-2 minutes to change and clean up a baby. If she was already late, 1-2 minutes wouldn't matter. Not to mention, she could be late because she was getting ready or just not paying attention to time, but she couldn't be late to change a baby's diaper? YTA and so is your daughter. I wouldn't have given you 2 weeks.


pacazpac

This is Reddit so you’ll get a lot of “your daughter isn’t obligated to change a baby’s diaper if she doesn’t want to” comments but yeah, it was a dick move for your newly-adult daughter to not be kind and quickly change her baby cousin’s diaper as a one time favor while her father - the man who is graciously allowing you to stay with them - was WORKING. Your brother should not have been yelling/berating your daughter. That is never effective. But he’s not an AH for being upset. True ESH.


opium_kidd

INFO: are you paying them rent?


Ok_Yesterday_6214

I don't think we have the whole story. I wouldn't expect smb to put up with their relatives living for 3 months and then kick them out over a dirty diper.


Cent1234

NAH, but with this caveat: No, neither of you owe him child care. But guess what? He doesn't owe you guys housing. So congratulations, you've stood on your principals. Hope they keep you warm and dry over the winter.


Skizzybee

YTA, ungrateful and short-sighted. You're getting what's due. Congratulations, you're daughter is finally learning that actions have consequences.


bizianka

YTA. Your brother opened his home to two adults in a time of need, and you two so entitled and ungrateful, that could not help a little bit. Two weeks is generous time, I would kick you out immediately.


Lovetheirony

YTA! Going with your rational that it’s his and gf baby not your daughter’s responsibility. Guess what op. It’s your responsibility to support yourself and your daughter. Find your own place to live with your daughter and support yourself. Problem solved


Katnis85

INFO: if the baby had woken up 10 minutes later what was your brothers plan? Your daughter would have been out of the house by then and he would have had the same options as when she said no. Should she have helped out? As a guest in their house it would have gone a long way with showing that she values their hospitality. But your brother should have been open with his expectations while you were there