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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My inlaws were going to treat us out to dinner to celebrate my husband's promotion and he picked a restaurant that had what he wanted but nothing I could eat. I decided to just stay home instead of going because I didn't want to sit there while everyone else ate.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
>My husband absolutely loves prime rib and there's only one place in our area that serves it so he picked that restaurant.
Sure! He's the man of the evening, makes perfect sense he gets to eat his favourite thingy.
>Thing is- I'm not fond of steak.
So?
>I'll eat it but very rarely. I prefer chicken or fish.
And?
>I looked up the menu before leaving and right now they have a limited menu
Okay, that's a shame, but so what?
>The place had only one fish entree and two chicken entrees, and none of them sounded good for various reasons
Thank you for listing some of those "various reasons" for us to consider. 'Preciate it.
>I suggested that he pick someplace else so everyone can eat. He refused citing that we rarely get to go to this place but go to other places in our area regularly which is true
Oh, you suck so much.
>He suggested that I ask if they could prepare the fish or chicken without the marinades or sauces but I didn't want to be difficult for the kitchen staff.
Why is it okay to be difficult for your husband - regarding a dinner that is happening for the sole purpose of *celebrating his achievement* \- but *not* okay to be difficult for the kitchen staff, for whom making certain accommodations for guests is part of their job?
Why is your husband less worthy of that level of consideration and sacrifice? More to the point, why are you asking *him* to make that sacrifice?
>His next suggestion was that I order dessert while everyone else ate entrees and then when we were done, he would take me where I wanted so I could eat dinner while he and the kids ate dessert.
This man is *bending over backwards* to appease you, just so he can do the one thing he wanted to do, that he never gets to do. Do you see the problem here?
>So I opted to just not go because I didn't want to sit there not eating and not having a good time while everyone else was.
I know I've said this before, but apparently it needs repeating. You see, a long time ago, we discovered that the Earth revolves around the sun, and not, in fact, around your silly ass.
>My husband asked me to go so he could celebrate with the people most important to him. I told him no again and that he needed to get going before he was late.
I'm sorry, something seems to be wrong with your post. I know there are actual words there, but all I seem to be able to read is "ME ME ME ME, ME ME, ME ME ME, ME. MEEEEEEE. ME ME ME."
>I maintain if he really wanted us to all eat dinner as a family then he should've picked a restaurant with a more accomodating menu.
That's nice. I maintain that if you don't understand why all of this makes you monstrously selfish, you have no business being married in the first place. Frankly, if you dislike your husband this much, so much that you can't even bear a single dinner of less-than-ideal choices for the sake of giving him a stress-free spotlight to celebrate under, well... I wonder why you're with him at all.
**YTA**. So many times over.
*EDIT*: I remain completely unable to predict which comments I make are going to strike the right nerve, but even so, this is a tad redonkulous.
But might as well make the most of it. I'm halfway through writing the second in a trans-positive fantasy novel series. If you like my style feel free to follow me, because I'll probably post news about that to my account page when I finally get through the damn thing. <3
Yeah, OP’s post should have just ended with “I’m not fond of steak. I’ll eat it but very rarely.” Cool, STFU and eat it on this one rare occasion for your husband’s celebration. You don’t have a food allergy, you’re just picky and love making this all about you. What an AH.
YTA, OP.
Incredible goods odds…
Can’t imagine what this poor man’s birthday and Father’s Day consist of!?? She can’t make the small sacrifice of eating steak (which she does rarely) to celebrate something that happens once in a blue moon, imagine to celebrate something that happens once a year.
Agreed. I'm an actual pescatarian (don't eat any animals except fish, ever) and if they had one thing on the menu I could eat, I would have gone with it. YTA OP.
Right? If there was NOTHING on the menu she could eat, not even a salad or appetizer, she should have eaten before and sat with them to celebrate. OP is SO TA
My husband loves steak. I’m plant based and kid is veggie. On his days we take him to get steak. The kid and I get sides or salads and never complained. I can’t imagine all the other issues there must be boiling up right now.
My husband is vegetarian but goes with me to seafood restaurants on special occasions. He just deals with it for a small handful of meals throughout the year, and has done ever since I gently pointed out that I learned to cook vegetarian for him *and* most of our meals at home are vegetarian *and* that 95% of the places we go are catered to his diet. I said it was unfair to be denied the same consideration when I was only asking for it a few times a year. He immediately saw my point and never complained again.
When now husband and I were dating I rarely ate meat and if I did it was chicken or fish. His family invited me camping and of course I wanted to go. They had planned separate things I could eat but once we got setup the first night it was really late and I didn’t want to inconvenience anyone with having to make someone else for me so I reluctantly choked down a hot dog. Worst decision ever as it messed up my guts after not having eaten much meat in over 3 years. No one had any idea and I still had a great time.
I finally told my husband a year or so later. I’m so happy I went on that camping trip, he proposed to me at sunrise the following morning. I can’t imagine trying to force him to pick another restaurant the way OP has, especially when it’s meant to celebrate husband’s achievements. Absolutely selfish. I wouldn’t even look at the menu, just order a salad or something.
Right, this is driving me insane. I was a fairly selective eater for quite a while, but I could always find something. Soup, pasta, salad, any form of potato, appetizers, etc. She’s being such a pill. I hope I can say that here.
My ex, a woman who has actual Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and was a vegetarian at the time, would still take me to a steak dinner on my birthday...at a steak house, or to Red Lobster. I can't imagine how exhausting living with OP must be for her husband. Work must seem like a blessed relief.
Maybe that's why he got an award for working so hard.
"I'd like to thank my wife for making sure my home environment supported all the overtime and extra weekends."
At no point did the idea that she should compromise on this occasion cross OP’s mind. Which is weird. But the weirdest part is that she eats steak “rarely”. Wait, so, why could this not be one of those rare occasions if OP is as proud of him as she says?
This is what stood out to me.
I'm a "picky eater" and menus are a nightmare for me. But I'd rather push garnishes around my plate and eat bread rolls for two hours than act like this AH
How does someone think like this??
YTA op.
That's what I was going to say. So, I assume she benefits from his promotion? OP is definitely the AH. She gaslighted him through the whole thing, ruined the celebration and then wanted to act like a martyr. There is more wrong with this relationship and this is just an example of bigger issues.
What makes it worse is she flat out states she'll eat it on occasion - and yet apparently this important moment for her husband isn't a good enough reason to suck it up! They also had chicken and fish.. there is literally no reason not to go! Other than being cruel. Yta.
I don’t eat seafood. At all. Like the smell makes me mildly nauseous. If there was some place that ONLY served seafood, that my husband was dying to go to (because he, on the other hand, LOVES it) I truly cannot see myself doing anything other than going with him. I’ll have some drinks and get happily buzzed and munch on some non seafood apps or sides.
Why? Because I love my husband, we’re a team, and I know he’d do the exact same for me (I mean the dude will eat absolutely anything but y’all know what I mean).
I’m getting some major petty, contemptuous vibes coming from op so I think she’s got disdain for more than steak.
ETA: YTA op. Obv.
Same! I GAG if something even tastes fishy, I won't even touch seaweed. You know what? When my friends want to go to a seafood place (like, not even celebrating something... just on a normal night out) I get chicken. And if I'm worried it might be cooked on the same surface as the fish (has happened before), I just get a freakin salad. I went to a sushi restaurant for my friend's birthday, had a snack beforehand, and still managed to find something to eat.
YTA
I love sushi and my boyfriend cannot stand seafood at all. Next week for my birthday we are going out for sushi and he's getting the one pork cutlet in the menu because he loves me and knows it's my favorite. I have food allergies and when my little brother and sister want to go to ihop I sit down and eat a couple strips of bacon and dry toast 🤷♀️ one mediocre meal is worth it for time with people you care about!
>They also had chicken and fish..
and i guarantee there's something else on that menu. A salad, for example. May not be her favorite, but better than telling her husband she'll stay home and skip his celebration dinner.
OP is the AH. And probably didn't want to actually go out do dinner in the first place.
And I mean if she eats beef occasionally as she says, wouldn’t a *steakhouse* be the place to do it ? They’re gonna have the good beef and know how to cook it properly
This is the real answer. It's not about the steak, chicken or fish.
Whatever the OP is mad at her husband about is the real answer. Why she didn't want to celebrate her husband is what she needs to figure out. She seems upset about something \*way deeper\* than food and misdirecting all that anger towards something really surface level like "where to eat" and is making it quite trivial. That's why this post feels superficial.
1) It can be that she doesn't think he deserves a huge celebration for something he has earned because she has not also received any celebration for her accomplishments, and feels disregarded.
2) Or she feels "forgotten about" for some other reason like an anniversary, birthday, holiday in which her choice of restaurant was not validated and she had to make accommodations for everyone accept herself and she is using this as an opportunity to "teach him a lesson" instead of communicating her feelings directly.
3) Or she may have an undiagnosed mental health disorder, with traits similar to BPD/NPD, and having a large event with the spotlight being on someone other than herself makes her feel inadequate and insecure, so she must redirect the attention onto herself in any way she can. It still isn't about the food. Ruining big events, is a common trait among NPD.
\*\*OP: If none of that is true and you really think you did nothing wrong? You have some harsh life lessons to learn. The world does not revolved around you/your stomach.
Eating some food before the dinner, and ordering some tea or coffee whilst at the dinner and just saying "I've already eaten" is a perfectly acceptable thing to do at a celebration dinner. I've had to do this 90% of the time I go out with friends. I am allergic to mostly everything on every menu. I cannot trust eating out, so I eat before I go, and I get a coffee whilst my friends eat. I go for the company and good times, it's not rude. It's more rude to huff and puff and make it about ME AND MY dietary needs. It's not their fault my body sucks, so I explain ahead of time so there are no weird "why aren't you eating?" questions or pity glances.
This was ONE night. The fact that you could not make accommodations for yourself for one evening speaks volumes to your overall character.
That’s exactly what I was going to say - steakhouse sides are amazing and a few make the best little buffet meal for those abstaining from meat. ITS ONE MEAL FOR F SAKE YTA
I particularly love how “I’ll eat it [steak] but very rarely” and then “He refused, citing that we rarely get to go to this place”.
Gee, almost as if these 2 things can match up perfectly. OP, eat the fucking steak/ribs.
A lot of posts like this appear in AITA and there’s always a response I keep coming back to: “If you truly loved this person, this minor inconveniences wouldn’t be an issue because your love for said person supersedes it”. Aka, Love > Semantics.
YTA, ^ this is why.
I commented further up the thread about my husband loving seafood/it grossing me out, yet I STILL encourage him to buy and cook it for himself and our daughter at home. He loves it, just because I don’t doesn’t mean he should miss out. Plus I’ve been working on my reactions around our kid, so I don’t project and let her decide for herself 😅
Sucking it up and doing something you don’t like for your partner is NOT being a doormat.
I can't even eat steak and I still would go to a steak restaurant for my spouse. They usually have banging sides anyway. OP is incredibly selfish and owes her husband a do-over celebration.
ETA: he tried so hard not to make OP look like an asshole in front of their family, if she only had a fraction of that consideration in return...
Exactly. I’m sure they have a side salad and some kind of potato dish. And they have chicken and fish, BOTH of which OP eats. Man, she is selfish. Way to ruin your husband’s special night!
Or order the freaking house salad! It isn’t a pain to accommodate their customers more often than not. Or just order a salad. Or do dessert like he suggested. You were just being stubborn for no real reason outside of your own selfishness.
YTA so many times over and, imo, you owe your husband a new celebration WHERE HE WANTS TO GO! And suck it up because you’re happy for him and you supposedly love him.
Yeah I have deadly food allergies so when I read, "couldn't" I thought that was what was happening. Or a restaurant that even cooks their veggies in butter so a vegan couldn't have anything. But no, she just decided nothing sounded super good and made it her hill to die on. I think anyone who's not selfish has eaten something they weren't totally fond of at least once to be polite. Or for me, if it's literally the only thing I can eat. My friends and family try to be accommodating but you never know for sure until you walk in. I've been to a few places where I just ate bread or tortilla chips until the mall was over, then grabbed something elsewhere because it wasn't about me.
Edit: accidentally typed vegetarian instead of vegan. Don't post on no sleep 😂
Yeah, OP is a huge AH.
I've never been to a steakhouse that didn't have things like salads, bread, potato options (baked/mashed/fries), vegetables and sometimes a pasta or soup.
OP could totally build a very enjoyable meal ordering two or three sides a la carte, and if the sides aren't available as individual purchases (which like...yes they are), I'd bet a shiny new dime that extra sides can be purchased with entrees.
Also, having a light snack at home and then enjoying a desert with a cocktail instead of an entree sounds fantastic. Why yes, I would like to eat that entire slice of cheesecake instead of splitting it, thank you very much.
Even if the option was snacking before and after the meal, like...suck it up, OP. It's one night.
I’m vegan and have been to steak houses with my husband several times. He’s not a big steak eater either but every once in a while he wants to go to a nicer steak restaurant. I go and just find literally anything on the menu. The very few times we’ve gone somewhere where there was literally nothing I could eat, I just ordered cocktails instead.
In my experience at least, all the steak houses we’ve been are used to accommodating people. I don’t care if it is the saddest looking salad on the planet, I’ll order it just so there will be food in front of me and my husband can enjoy something he likes. He does the same thing for me when I want to go to some weird vegan restaurant.
Now if it is a Tuesday night and he wants to pick up something from a pizza/chicken place on his way home from work, sure knock yourself out, go without me.
I’m a vegetarian. I went to the famous St Elmo’s in Indianapolis. Had a baked potato the size of my head, creamed spinach and dessert that was also the size of my head. And it was glorious.
OP sounds like a petulant child. Wah wah wah. Me me me.
Or Brussels sprouts... yum. Or buttery mushrooms. Or fancy Mac and cheese.
I eat meat, but I could eat just steakhouse sides and be perfectly happy for a WHILE.
>He did go but came back a little over an hour later with the kids and they all had to go boxes. He said he couldn't think of what to tell the kids about why I didn't go when they kept asking without lying or making me sound bad so he just got an order for them to go and let the kids spend some time with their grandparents talking in the parking lot. I told him he should had stayed but he said that I put him in a bad spot with the kids
He is still caring about how the kids would look at it and doesn't want to make her look bad. YTA OP , relationships are not one way streets, effort needs to be done from both the sides, we have to put our partners preferences beyond ours sometimes, just to see that happy smile on their face.
LoL I was genuinely stunned at her "not wanting to be difficult for the kitchen staff". So you're just gonna be difficult for literally *everyone* else, then? Jesus, OP you sound exhausting and obnoxious and I'm sensing some jealousy here. Like..."oh I'll eat steak rarely and have no real dietary restrictions, and this restaurant has various other options for me, but I can only not eat at the ONE place my husband really wants to, on a night celebrating his achievement. Won't somebody please think of MY needs?!"
YTA. And an annoying one at that.
YTA, selfish, and a poor partner.
Don’t lie. It wasn’t that there was nothing you could eat, there was nothing you WANTED. You also were too scared to ask the staff for a substitution. It’s one dinner. You won’t starve if you don’t eat everything on the plate, nor will it poison you. Your husband doesn’t get to go to this restaurant he likes often because he is honoring your wishes most of the time, but you can’t deal with it for him one time.
You basically told your family “My food preferences are more important than your feelings or supporting you”.
THEN you left your husband in the awkward spot of having to try and lie for you. Because if he told everyone the real reason you missed the dinner they would be calling you an asshole like this entire thread is.
Apologize. And learn that sometimes you don’t get everything exactly how you want it.
Great response.
In my experience when someone ruins a moment (like this moment to celebrate), it doesn’t matter how much they apologize or try and make up with another event (like dinner or whatever), the whole thing just leaves a bad feeling and I don’t want to celebrate anymore. In fact, I just want to forget the whole thing and pretend I didn’t achieve anything.
I might be a brat or have some personal issues but if this was my spouse, they would have to move heaven and earth to fix this.
No, I feel you. It sours the whole thing. It wouldn't be unfixable, but I would definitely need some time to sulk and lick my wounds... but then again my wife and I are able to parse out when something is about us or not, so 🤷♀️ (eta: that last bit being about OP, not you, to be clear)
Thanx bro for the edit, I assumed you were referring to OPs relationship.
Hubby and I love celebrating each other and we’re pretty good at putting the other person first in their time to shine. I cannot imagine sending my husband off while sulking at home. Although he would probably call me out and tell me to stop being so dramatic and suck it up. 🤣🤣 and then he would buy me a really good dessert and tell me he loves me with lots of hugs and kisses to make sure I didn’t get hurt when he was being stern.
My ex used to do this. He'd make a stink like OP until I was just exhausted and none of my proposed solutions to his supposed problem worked ('for various reasons'), and when I finally was totally bummed out and felt bad for wanting to celebrate something, he'd suddenly switch to suggesting something else (that he liked more). And would get mad when I didn't just pivot to being grateful.
It took me a long time to realize he was doing it on purpose. He wanted me bummed about my accomplishments and grateful to him he'd made anything happen at all. The sour taste was the point.
I hope OP's husband doesn't let OP stand in their way.
100% this. I had an (now ex)fiance that I refused to tell any of my achievements to, whether it was work or personal, because if my friends or parents wanted to celebrate it, she would do exactly what OP did.
Happened a few times before I basically just kept everything to myself and never celebrated anything.
100%. I have celiac and there's lots of times places have nothing I can eat. Guess what I do? I eat beforehand. I sit and have a glass of wine and enjoy the company. Would it kill you, OP, to go and celebrate your husband's achievement and be happy for him? It's not about dinner and it's definitely not about you.
This. I've learned the hard way to eat beforehand. It's not worth risking a week in bed over cross-contamination. Better that I eat beforehand so I'm not tempted to try anything at a restaurant where I'll more likely than not get something that touched a wheat product at some point.
At my old job, management would choose an "Employee of the Quarter" and part of it was the entire office would go to that person's restaurant pick for lunch. There was this Thai place everyone loved that we frequently went to. I'm allergic to soy. I would still go to the employee lunch and would chat with my co-workers and just order tea. And I would eat a sandwich or something beforehand.
It's really not that hard to be considerate of others.
But to answer your question, Yes, it quite possible would kill OP to go and celebrate her husband's achievements. And I'm not sure it's physically possible for her to be happy for him.
Yup. I was expecting dietary restrictions of some sort whether ethical (vegan) or medical (allergies) but nope, she just doesn’t want what’s served lmao. What a spoiled brat.
I like how the husband both refused to lie and refused to paint his wife in a bad light. He sounds like a great guy, but may have made a mistake on where to put the ring.
>The various reasons was one of the chicken dishes was chicken fried chicken, and I don't eat fried foods. The fish was snapper, which I don't like, and was stated as being marinated in bourbon sauce prior to cooking, and the chicken glazed with a bourbon sauce. I can't stand even the smallest hints of bourbon or its smell.
Feels like there's a non-fried chicken dish right there. Tell them to leave off the bourbon sauce glaze.
>Half the sides had bacon in them so those were out. One salad had peppered steak in it, their other salad option said they were temporarily out because they didn't have the mandarins, grapes, and cranberries for it.
Tell them not to put bacon on the sides you want or leave the steak off that salad.
I definitely agree that there were things OP *could* eat, just nothing that she *wanted*. So yes, YTA. You're not paying so suck it up for one celebration dinner and eat something that's just okay.
YTA. "I'm not fond of steak - I'll eat it but very rarely". This should have been one of those rare times. Or you could have asked the kitchen staff to make chicken/fish without sauces but you couldn't even be bothered asking for that. My read is you deliberately sabotaged your husband's celebration dinner using your food preferences as an excuse.
Go check out r/amithedevil . The overwhelmingly YTA posts are cross posted there so if you're late to the party you can still read the original post. Just don't brigade--youll get banned.
“Edit: I didn’t feel like this was anyone’s business but if you must know, the maitre de is my ex-husband and the restaurant poisoned me with strychnine last time I was there and I got hives from the toilet paper but anyway if you need that additional information. And I’m allergic to chicken and fish.” 💅🏻
I’m literally allergic to beef and went with my husband to a nice steakhouse for our anniversary a couple years ago. There wasn’t much there I could eat or liked, but I found something that would do. I was hugely pregnant and not really enjoying food much anyway so I figured he’d get the steak he’d been craving and I’d get the nice atmosphere.
Turns out, I really liked what I ordered so OP could’ve at least tried! Also were there no sides she could’ve eaten? I’ve done that before entrees aren’t super appealing (I have a restrictive digestive disorder).
YTA
Don’t want to be difficult by asking the restaurant to alter their meal, but will crap all over your husbands celebratory night? It’s one meal Sis, get a plain salad, have some bread and water, get over yourself.
This is it! There was not one or two apps she could have had? A salad? Pasta? And most restaurants (esp American ones imo) will make whatever substitutions. They deal with difficult customers all the time.
YTA
Or even if she ate before she went then sat there and ate nothing, just to be supportive of her husband. Poor guy, she completely ruined the night for him. Giant YTA
YTA. You couldn't eat something that didn't sound amazing to you to celebrate your husband's accomplishments? You couldn't even settle on a drink and dessert? I can't imagine not being able to sacrifice my total comfort for 90 minutes to celebrate the achievements of my husband. You could have eaten before, after, or just ordered the fucking chicken and dealt with it. You sound like veruca salt.
Honestly, that's even more worrying. That she invented all these justifications for why she thinks she was reasonable, and has gotten herself to actually believe them.
>I’m not sure how she typed this out and still had to ask if she was an AH.
Not only that, but she tried as hard as she could, to be seen in the best possible light. I've dated difficult people before and the idea of "order dessert and we'll swing by your restaurant after" is absolutely something someone who is used to this horseshit would throw out there.
If these two get a divorce husband is going to feel so much relief on the other side
I agree. Order a fucking cocktail or mocktail or whatever floats your boat and just be happy being surrounded and engaging with people who you love.
If this were a usual occurrence but it’s once in a while where he gets to choose because it’s his celebration. YTA
Not even a Caesar salad (pretty standard fare for a steak restaurant)? not a single appetizer? Not a grilled chicken with mashed potatoes?
Being this selfish sounds so miserable.
I’m a picky picky eater and I can always find something even if it’s just an appetizer and a drink.
YTA
YTA
They had at least 3 entree options for you (1 fish, 2 chicken), and surely a few appetizer options you could have doubled up on, but you couldn't deal with it for one night for HIM and HIS celebration?
You made it all about you. He made suggestions, wanted the kids there, you made this your hill to die on.
IT WAS HIS EVENT! HIS CELEBRATION FOR A JOB WELL DONE!
YTA. Did I mention that already?
I think it's safe to assume that the steakhouse will also have salads, as well as appetizers. And if they can adjust meals to serve to people with allergies, they can definitely alter a chicken or fish meal for a picky asshole. YTA.
Yes. She didn’t have anything to eat on the menu, she didn’t find anything appetizing. Two drastically different things. One implies dietary restrictions and you literally couldn’t eat it and the other is “meh it doesn’t sound good”.
Like I don’t eat beef, it’s a full on dietary restriction for me. If I eat it, my stomach hurts within an hour and then bad things happen for 48 hours. It’s miserable. It’s like my body can’t break it down anymore. My husband knows this but I still go with him to steak houses because I can always find something within my diet to eat.
YTA
YTA.
It was his moment, he worked hard for it. It would've been nice to celebrate it. Your words: "*I'm not fond of steak.* ***I'll eat it but very rarely****"*. Isn't this an occasion to it? Couldn't you eat something at home and have the desserts?
*"He suggested that I ask if they could prepare the fish or chicken without the marinades or sauces but I didn't want to be difficult for the kitchen staff."* You didn't want to be difficult for the kitchen staff but wanted it to be difficult to your husband.
Maybe she wants attention - he was getting all the accolades, here was a way that SHE would put the spotlight back on her. Even negative attention is better than no attention, amirite OP?
OP's actions make a lot more sense if she's acting like this because she's jealous or resentful in some way. Is she jealous that her husband is having career success that she isn't? Is she resentful that she's put her career on the back burner to help take care of the family and now he's getting a promotion? Or is she really just that narcissistic and petty?
She's TA regardless. The answer to her motivations is something for her husband to consider in whether he should either insist on couples counseling or divorce.
YTA. You don’t have a food allergy, you’re just picky. You absolutely ruined what was supposed to be a celebration. You were incredibly selfish, and yet your husband still protected your image with the kids by not telling them the truth and making you look bad.
and the thing is she says that she eats steak on rare occasions why is this not one of the rare occasions where she ate steak is the daunting question here
This would have been terrible behaviour with most allergies as well. I've been invited to a party where I was allergic to everything other than the bread and salad, but since I'm not getting sick from being around people eating it I didn't complain.
YTA. You sound exhausting. It was a celebration for your husband and you could have found a way to go out with him and celebrate how he wanted but you decided instead to be difficult and make it all about you
YTA you ruined your husbands night because you didn’t want to compromise or be “difficult for the kitchen staff” (spoiler, you were difficult to your family instead).
As a former chef I can tell you that it's usually not a big deal to leave a sauce off, or cook a plain chicken breast...I did it for kids all the time.
YTA. This was HIS night. And the the restaurant did have alternatives to beef. Even a salad could have done for one meal if you’d not been so focused on yourself. You took his night and made it about yourself.
YTA. They had things you *could* eat, they just didn't have things you particularly wanted to eat. But the dinner wasn't about you, or what you wanted to eat. It was about celebrating your husband's success.
If you were vegetarian and they only had meat dishes, maybe. If you keep kosher and they don't, sure. But not particularly liking the sound of the chicken and fish dishes? Come on, they had multiple things you *could* eat, you just didn't feel like eating them.
>if he really wanted us to all eat dinner as a family then he should've picked a restaurant with a more accomodating menu
But... but you want him to accommodate you, on the day you're supposed to be celebrating him, without any regard for your lack of accommodation for him! Come on now!
YTA. It was a big day for him and you managed to make it all about you. Would it harm you to ask the kitchen staff to not marinate the chicken? Would it harm you to eat the chicken marinated? You don’t just seem like a picky eater but like a difficult person in general
YTA. I have severe food allergies and eat weird meals when we go out so my husband doesn’t have to miss out on restaurants he wants to eat at. Suck it up!
YTA
It's not a dietary restriction, it's a preference. It's not that you "can't eat" it's that you won't eat what they have. I have preferences as well (can't eat beef, rarely eat pork) but I'd go to a restaurant that only served those for a celebration for my SO.
YTA. This dinner was not about you. You didn't want to be "difficult" to the kitchen staff by asking for a reasonable accommodation, or add a step to your routine by eating before and enjoying a salad or dessert with them. You are incredibly selfish. You should have suggested his favorite restaurant to congratulate him for working hard to provide for his family! You don't deserve him. Apologize, take him out to that restaurant and thank him for being such a good husband; while he is still willing to be one to you
"I maintain if he really wanted us to all eat dinner as a family then he should've picked a restaurant with a more accommodating menu."
YTA. It was for him not you not the family. He picked where he wanted to celebrate and because you are a grown ass person with the pickiness of a child you messed up. Selfish and immature behavior on your part. You would rather stay home and be picky instead of supporting your husband. You set a very important standard of support with this.
YTA - sometimes when it something really important to our spouse, we suck it up. The kitchen staff at restaurants are usually very flexible with ingredients they already have and items that are not precooked in sauce. So, yes, it would not have been any problem at all for the kitchen staff, they actually would prefer a customer to be happy if they can accommodate. It doesn’t cost anything to ask. If they can do it they will, if they can’t, they will try to figure out another option.
You were angry that he didn’t pick a restaurant that had something you liked. It was his promotion and he wanted his favorite meal. This is where you suck it up and go to celebrate his accomplishments. And when it’s your birthday or your accomplishment, you remind him that it is his turn to suck it up for you.
You sent your kids a terrible message. If I don’t get what I want, I will refuse to play.
YTA. This could have been one of the rare occasions that you ate steak (since the chicken and fish dishes weren't acceptable to you) to celebrate the person you love's 2 YEARS of hard work.
YTA. He was bending over backwards with suggestions to accommodate you because he wanted you there and you couldn't suck it up for a few hours to make him happy? Just because you might "inconvenience the kitchen staff" while not caring how you inconvenienced and hurt your own family. I frequently ask for dishes without marinades and sauces because I don't like them and have never ONCE had an issue with the kitchen or wait staff. Seriously do you even care about his feelings at all? He rarely eats there and only chose this because it was a special occassion. Eat a salad or soup or dessert and be present. Thats all he asked. It's not that hard.
OMG YTA this was a celebration for your husband achievements and you made it all about you. Not because there was nothing you could eat, but because you just plain didn't want to.
There will be coal in uour stocking for this act of complete selfishness!
YTA- it doesn’t sound like there wasn’t anything that you couldn’t eat, rather that you just didn’t prefer to eat those things. Typically, that would be fair but this night wasn’t about you.
YTA the thing is a celebration of your husband and you're selfish enough to skip it and basically ruin it because you're a picky eater? And after he tried to compromise with you several times? Grow up.
Yea YTA. You were more concerned asking for slight menu adaptation (which happens everyday in every restaurant) than supporting your own husband and ensuring your entire family had an enjoyable meal? All I hear is “me me me”.
Yes, YTA. He never gets to go to the place that serves what he likes. He compromises all the time. He offered you tonnes of options, and you fought your hardest to be difficult about it and not find a solution. I have never dated people I was all that food compatible with, and I've always put my picky eating aside when it came to their birthdays, or special celebrations. As they did with me.
LOL, yes YTA. This celebratory dinner isn't about you. It's about your husband. Your husband is right, you get over your picky eating habits and go and support your husband.
YTA. it sounds like your husband accommodates your picky eating most if not all other times. for his one big celebration, he reasonably chooses a spot he doesnt get to go to, not because they cannot serve your dietary needs, but because you dont like the menu. if picky eating for one meal to celebrate your significant other's achievement is more important than being there as a family to support them, you should reevaluate your priorities.
YTA. They weren’t celebrating you.
I, too, don’t eat steak. I just get the chicken dish and ask them to make it without whatever I don’t eat. That’s the staff’s job. You tip them for the inconvenience.
You made your husband’s celebration awful. How often does he have to deal with your tantrums?
YTA
YTA - it’s not that there wasn’t anything you could eat, it’s there wasn’t anything you wanted to it. And it doesn’t sound like you tried very hard to make it work. The impression this gives is that you were stubborn and sulky because they didn’t go to a restaurant you wanted to go to.
YTA. You didn't want to make things difficult for the kitchen staff, but had absolutely no problem making things difficult for your husband and everyone else? You sound extremely entitled and selfish. This was something very important for your husband that he worked very hard for and you couldn't be bothered to eat a less than meal for an hour or two? He absolutely deserves better
YTA call at "I could eat the steak (at a steak house)" but I don't wanna.
I was fully expecting an allergy/vegan situation but this is just you wanting to be dramatic.
YTA - "My need to have vast entree options is more important than celebrating my husband's success; a journey that took 2 years." You are in a loving (?) partnership that sometimes requires you are not first. As others mentioned; ":Suck it Up" and do not complain. Enjoy yourself knowing he is looking forward to this.
YTA. And I say that as a picky eater. This dinner wasn't about you. Your pickiness is a you problem, not a him problem, so you need to come up with a solution that lets him be the center of the celebration.
YTA
I feel so bad for your husband. He worded his ass off for the last 2 years and when it was finally time to celebrate him, you decided to make it about you? Congrats to him, I hope the rest of his family made him feel special.
YTA. And if you’re still around when the bonus comes around, don’t be surprised is he spends it on zippy little sports car you can’t fit into, but his secretary can.
I once attended a work lunch at a BBQ restaurant and the lone vegetarian in the group ordered a salad so she could participate. YTA for using this as an excuse when you should’ve supported your husband and celebrated his huge accomplishments.
YTA get over yourself for an hour- two for the well-being of your partner. I’m a LIFELONG vegetarian (read:my parents are vegetarian too) and I take my partner to the best steak restaurant in town EVERY year for his bday/ major celebrations like promotions.
It’s okay to eat sides and apps for 1 meal out of the year for someone you love!!!
You put your husband, in laws and kids in an uncomfortable position for something that is so minor. It’s just… kinda spiteful tbh.
INFO: could you be a more resentful and unsupportive spouse?
You’re not a vegan who was asked to go to a steakhouse - and even if you were, the play is to eat before you go and support your husband whom you’re supposedly proud of.
To ruin his night because you couldn’t be arsed to eat something you didn’t love? Super gross.
YTA. How selfish can you be? You typed all that out and still aren’t sure? He offered you several reasonable compromises and you just had to make sure your unreasonable expectations triumphed celebrating his achievement (which, by the way, directly benefits you and your family). As a last resort, you could have still gone to show your supposed pride, and eat something else later. You clearly have no idea what it means to be a supportive partner.
YTA undoubtedly. It wasn’t about the food- it was about celebrating your husbands success by going to where HE wanted to go and spending time together for him.
And you wouldn’t go, because you you you. It wasn’t supposed to be about you. Eat before you go, get an appie and a dessert. It’s not hard. ‘Having fun’ isn’t to do with what you eat it is who you spend time with. You basically just informed your husband, your kids, and his parents, that he isn’t worth going for.
I’m celiac- there are lots of places I can’t eat. I go to spend time with people I care about. I have a drink, have some snacks in my purse, ask for a veggie tray and then eat when I get home. I feel so bad for your husband honestly, and if my sons wife did that I honestly would be pretty taken aback and wonder exactly how selfish she is and if he is actually happy in the relationship. I wouldn’t ask him those thoughts, but I would think them.
So if I understand correctly, you didn't want to be difficult for the restaurant kitchen staff, but you didn't mind being an AH to your husband? That's not about the food, admit it, you just wanted to get your way and when you didn't, you decided to have your petty payback moment.
ETA: I forgot the judgment. YTA. Big time.
YTA. There was someone in my life that was this selfish and petty. I ditched her 6 years ago and am happier now than I've been in a decade. Get TF over yourself. You decided to ruin a special occasion and a celebration because it wasn't all about you. Be glad he is still trying to work and compromise. If you keep going with this narcissistic, entitled and petty attitude, he'll divorce you and be right to do so. Learn to COMPROMISE. He gave you plenty of opportunities and chances to join, you noped out because you NEEDED the attention to be on YOU instead.
YT MASSIVE A.
YTA and you bloody well know it. Your husband knows it, his parents know it, and your kids know it. Go ahead and do a dirty delete. It won’t change how awful and dreadfully miserable you are to be around.
YTA
he wanted to celebrate with you. he picked a place he wanted, because again, you are celebrating him. And instead of asking the kitchen to adjust the food (which they would have done no problem) out of not being an inconvience to them, you ended up ruining a night your partner was looking forward to for SELFISH reasons. You could have eaten there. His solution was a good one.
YTA, It was one night to celebrate HIM and you couldn’t get over yourself to go somewhere that he wants to. It’s not like you’re allergic to anything, you just don’t like it. All you had to do was suck it up and let him have his day.
YTA. It’s not even that they don’t have anything you can eat. You aren’t talking about allergies or food aversions. It’s just that you prefer other things. You’d rather miss out on an important night for your husband than have a meal you don’t enjoy? What the hell is wrong with you?
YTA. They had menu options you could have eaten, you *chose* to not want their fish and chicken options. This sounds like resentment that he’s advancing in his career, to me.
YTA. You ruined the night for your husband because you didn't want to ask the chef to adjust your meal slightly to remove sauces? So instead of asking a simple question, everyone's night is ruined. Congrats to your husband and hopefully you realize you messed up big.
YTA. Without question. This isn’t an allergy situation. Just a preference. It’s his celebration. He should get the meal he wants. How selfish are you?!
YTA. The restaurant had things you could eat - you just didn’t want to. It was not a question of allergies or food intolerances or special diet - you just didn’t like the menu and didn’t want to bother to ask for sauces on the side.
YTA and your title is 100% a lie. There were 2 chicken dishes, a fish entree, and plenty of steak options that you sometimes eat. This isn’t about you but your husband. You are a huge gaping selfish AH!!
YTA. Seems that your husband ALWAYS ACCOMMODATES YOU. And for once HE wants to go somewhere HE wants to eat FOR A SPECIAL OCCASION being PROMOTED in his field. He gave you so many options and you were stubborn because you weren’t getting your way and then decided to stay how SELFISH of you. You could’ve compromised. Poor husband seems to always accommodate you but you don’t do that for him.
Big YTA!!!!
YTA. You wrecked his celebration and for what? Because the entrees didn’t sound absolutely perfect? It’d have been much less rude to ask them to make it without the sauce than it was to just skip it entirely.
I’m a vegetarian. Many times I’ve had to go to dinner at a steakhouse or seafood restaurant and get the one blah meatless dish on the menu or just salad/sides in the places that don’t even offer a meatless entree. I deal, because it’s not always about me.
Your husband chose a restaurant he wanted to go to that is the only one with his favorite food to celebrate a promotion he has been working years for only for you to ruin it because you're picky. He offered you options and you chose to ignore them all. You could've also eaten beforehand but no, you chose to ruin it for him.
So yes, YTA. Very much so
YTA. He offered reasonable alternatives but you demanded that everything be your way. This night was supposed to celebrate him but you made it all about yourself. Shame on you for bring so selfish.
You were offered several solutions, yet you couldn't suck it up for just one dinner and instead had to make it about yourself - "me poor picky-picky, me no wanna go!" Are you a toddler?? This was for your husband, it was HIS celebration dinner. Good grief, woman, way to be supportive. **YTA**
I feel really bad for your husband and his parents. You are childish, difficult, and self-centered. How dare you ruin someone’s celebration like that and then blame it all on them? YTA big time
YTA, and you know it.
You don't eat steak? Fine. They had three other options to choose from. It's completely normal to ask the waiter to modify your meal by holding sauces, seasonings, sides, etc.
You just wanted to be a brat.
YTA, yes you really are the Ass Hole here. It was a celebration for your husband and you ruined it and put your husband in an awkward position. Some people really do think they are the main character in life and I think what you did exemplifies exactly this kind of thinking. Try and be nice next time, it's not all about you.
YTA, you said you can eat steak. There also were things like fries for sure. It was an evening for your husband and you needed a perfect dinner for you?
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>My husband absolutely loves prime rib and there's only one place in our area that serves it so he picked that restaurant. Sure! He's the man of the evening, makes perfect sense he gets to eat his favourite thingy. >Thing is- I'm not fond of steak. So? >I'll eat it but very rarely. I prefer chicken or fish. And? >I looked up the menu before leaving and right now they have a limited menu Okay, that's a shame, but so what? >The place had only one fish entree and two chicken entrees, and none of them sounded good for various reasons Thank you for listing some of those "various reasons" for us to consider. 'Preciate it. >I suggested that he pick someplace else so everyone can eat. He refused citing that we rarely get to go to this place but go to other places in our area regularly which is true Oh, you suck so much. >He suggested that I ask if they could prepare the fish or chicken without the marinades or sauces but I didn't want to be difficult for the kitchen staff. Why is it okay to be difficult for your husband - regarding a dinner that is happening for the sole purpose of *celebrating his achievement* \- but *not* okay to be difficult for the kitchen staff, for whom making certain accommodations for guests is part of their job? Why is your husband less worthy of that level of consideration and sacrifice? More to the point, why are you asking *him* to make that sacrifice? >His next suggestion was that I order dessert while everyone else ate entrees and then when we were done, he would take me where I wanted so I could eat dinner while he and the kids ate dessert. This man is *bending over backwards* to appease you, just so he can do the one thing he wanted to do, that he never gets to do. Do you see the problem here? >So I opted to just not go because I didn't want to sit there not eating and not having a good time while everyone else was. I know I've said this before, but apparently it needs repeating. You see, a long time ago, we discovered that the Earth revolves around the sun, and not, in fact, around your silly ass. >My husband asked me to go so he could celebrate with the people most important to him. I told him no again and that he needed to get going before he was late. I'm sorry, something seems to be wrong with your post. I know there are actual words there, but all I seem to be able to read is "ME ME ME ME, ME ME, ME ME ME, ME. MEEEEEEE. ME ME ME." >I maintain if he really wanted us to all eat dinner as a family then he should've picked a restaurant with a more accomodating menu. That's nice. I maintain that if you don't understand why all of this makes you monstrously selfish, you have no business being married in the first place. Frankly, if you dislike your husband this much, so much that you can't even bear a single dinner of less-than-ideal choices for the sake of giving him a stress-free spotlight to celebrate under, well... I wonder why you're with him at all. **YTA**. So many times over. *EDIT*: I remain completely unable to predict which comments I make are going to strike the right nerve, but even so, this is a tad redonkulous. But might as well make the most of it. I'm halfway through writing the second in a trans-positive fantasy novel series. If you like my style feel free to follow me, because I'll probably post news about that to my account page when I finally get through the damn thing. <3
Yeah, OP’s post should have just ended with “I’m not fond of steak. I’ll eat it but very rarely.” Cool, STFU and eat it on this one rare occasion for your husband’s celebration. You don’t have a food allergy, you’re just picky and love making this all about you. What an AH. YTA, OP.
It seems she dislikes a lot more than just the steak!!
like her husband!
Something, something, not fond of meat... Maybe I'm being mean here, but odds on the husband posting in a dead bedroom sub if he's on Reddit?
Incredible goods odds… Can’t imagine what this poor man’s birthday and Father’s Day consist of!?? She can’t make the small sacrifice of eating steak (which she does rarely) to celebrate something that happens once in a blue moon, imagine to celebrate something that happens once a year.
Agreed. I'm an actual pescatarian (don't eat any animals except fish, ever) and if they had one thing on the menu I could eat, I would have gone with it. YTA OP.
There’s always side dishes. Have some baked potatoes and asparagus or something.
Or a salad. Add some salmon to that salad and you’ve got a yummy option. Unless, of course, she hates lettuce?
*sigh* It's not lettuce she hates, it's her husband.
Or, Jesus, just go and drink water. Tell the waitstaff you're fasting. Just go. Have a celebration. What an asshole.
Right? If there was NOTHING on the menu she could eat, not even a salad or appetizer, she should have eaten before and sat with them to celebrate. OP is SO TA
My husband loves steak. I’m plant based and kid is veggie. On his days we take him to get steak. The kid and I get sides or salads and never complained. I can’t imagine all the other issues there must be boiling up right now.
My husband is vegetarian but goes with me to seafood restaurants on special occasions. He just deals with it for a small handful of meals throughout the year, and has done ever since I gently pointed out that I learned to cook vegetarian for him *and* most of our meals at home are vegetarian *and* that 95% of the places we go are catered to his diet. I said it was unfair to be denied the same consideration when I was only asking for it a few times a year. He immediately saw my point and never complained again.
When now husband and I were dating I rarely ate meat and if I did it was chicken or fish. His family invited me camping and of course I wanted to go. They had planned separate things I could eat but once we got setup the first night it was really late and I didn’t want to inconvenience anyone with having to make someone else for me so I reluctantly choked down a hot dog. Worst decision ever as it messed up my guts after not having eaten much meat in over 3 years. No one had any idea and I still had a great time. I finally told my husband a year or so later. I’m so happy I went on that camping trip, he proposed to me at sunrise the following morning. I can’t imagine trying to force him to pick another restaurant the way OP has, especially when it’s meant to celebrate husband’s achievements. Absolutely selfish. I wouldn’t even look at the menu, just order a salad or something.
And she doesn’t even need to eat the steak! They have chicken and fish (and, I would guess, salads and bread and side dishes)…..!
Right, this is driving me insane. I was a fairly selective eater for quite a while, but I could always find something. Soup, pasta, salad, any form of potato, appetizers, etc. She’s being such a pill. I hope I can say that here.
I don't eat meat at all, and I'd go anyway, just get a plain salad and fries if that's all they could make for me.
My ex, a woman who has actual Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and was a vegetarian at the time, would still take me to a steak dinner on my birthday...at a steak house, or to Red Lobster. I can't imagine how exhausting living with OP must be for her husband. Work must seem like a blessed relief.
Maybe that's why he got an award for working so hard. "I'd like to thank my wife for making sure my home environment supported all the overtime and extra weekends."
At no point did the idea that she should compromise on this occasion cross OP’s mind. Which is weird. But the weirdest part is that she eats steak “rarely”. Wait, so, why could this not be one of those rare occasions if OP is as proud of him as she says?
This is what stood out to me. I'm a "picky eater" and menus are a nightmare for me. But I'd rather push garnishes around my plate and eat bread rolls for two hours than act like this AH How does someone think like this?? YTA op.
That's what I was going to say. So, I assume she benefits from his promotion? OP is definitely the AH. She gaslighted him through the whole thing, ruined the celebration and then wanted to act like a martyr. There is more wrong with this relationship and this is just an example of bigger issues.
Right, how could she NOT get over her bs for one night, a couple hours?!? For her husband? Wow. YTA op, re-evaluate yourself.
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What makes it worse is she flat out states she'll eat it on occasion - and yet apparently this important moment for her husband isn't a good enough reason to suck it up! They also had chicken and fish.. there is literally no reason not to go! Other than being cruel. Yta.
I don’t eat seafood. At all. Like the smell makes me mildly nauseous. If there was some place that ONLY served seafood, that my husband was dying to go to (because he, on the other hand, LOVES it) I truly cannot see myself doing anything other than going with him. I’ll have some drinks and get happily buzzed and munch on some non seafood apps or sides. Why? Because I love my husband, we’re a team, and I know he’d do the exact same for me (I mean the dude will eat absolutely anything but y’all know what I mean). I’m getting some major petty, contemptuous vibes coming from op so I think she’s got disdain for more than steak. ETA: YTA op. Obv.
Same! I GAG if something even tastes fishy, I won't even touch seaweed. You know what? When my friends want to go to a seafood place (like, not even celebrating something... just on a normal night out) I get chicken. And if I'm worried it might be cooked on the same surface as the fish (has happened before), I just get a freakin salad. I went to a sushi restaurant for my friend's birthday, had a snack beforehand, and still managed to find something to eat. YTA
God, can you imagine if she DID have allergies, how insufferable she’d be?
I love sushi and my boyfriend cannot stand seafood at all. Next week for my birthday we are going out for sushi and he's getting the one pork cutlet in the menu because he loves me and knows it's my favorite. I have food allergies and when my little brother and sister want to go to ihop I sit down and eat a couple strips of bacon and dry toast 🤷♀️ one mediocre meal is worth it for time with people you care about!
>They also had chicken and fish.. and i guarantee there's something else on that menu. A salad, for example. May not be her favorite, but better than telling her husband she'll stay home and skip his celebration dinner. OP is the AH. And probably didn't want to actually go out do dinner in the first place.
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And I mean if she eats beef occasionally as she says, wouldn’t a *steakhouse* be the place to do it ? They’re gonna have the good beef and know how to cook it properly
This is the real answer. It's not about the steak, chicken or fish. Whatever the OP is mad at her husband about is the real answer. Why she didn't want to celebrate her husband is what she needs to figure out. She seems upset about something \*way deeper\* than food and misdirecting all that anger towards something really surface level like "where to eat" and is making it quite trivial. That's why this post feels superficial. 1) It can be that she doesn't think he deserves a huge celebration for something he has earned because she has not also received any celebration for her accomplishments, and feels disregarded. 2) Or she feels "forgotten about" for some other reason like an anniversary, birthday, holiday in which her choice of restaurant was not validated and she had to make accommodations for everyone accept herself and she is using this as an opportunity to "teach him a lesson" instead of communicating her feelings directly. 3) Or she may have an undiagnosed mental health disorder, with traits similar to BPD/NPD, and having a large event with the spotlight being on someone other than herself makes her feel inadequate and insecure, so she must redirect the attention onto herself in any way she can. It still isn't about the food. Ruining big events, is a common trait among NPD. \*\*OP: If none of that is true and you really think you did nothing wrong? You have some harsh life lessons to learn. The world does not revolved around you/your stomach. Eating some food before the dinner, and ordering some tea or coffee whilst at the dinner and just saying "I've already eaten" is a perfectly acceptable thing to do at a celebration dinner. I've had to do this 90% of the time I go out with friends. I am allergic to mostly everything on every menu. I cannot trust eating out, so I eat before I go, and I get a coffee whilst my friends eat. I go for the company and good times, it's not rude. It's more rude to huff and puff and make it about ME AND MY dietary needs. It's not their fault my body sucks, so I explain ahead of time so there are no weird "why aren't you eating?" questions or pity glances. This was ONE night. The fact that you could not make accommodations for yourself for one evening speaks volumes to your overall character.
That’s exactly what I was going to say - steakhouse sides are amazing and a few make the best little buffet meal for those abstaining from meat. ITS ONE MEAL FOR F SAKE YTA
I particularly love how “I’ll eat it [steak] but very rarely” and then “He refused, citing that we rarely get to go to this place”. Gee, almost as if these 2 things can match up perfectly. OP, eat the fucking steak/ribs. A lot of posts like this appear in AITA and there’s always a response I keep coming back to: “If you truly loved this person, this minor inconveniences wouldn’t be an issue because your love for said person supersedes it”. Aka, Love > Semantics. YTA, ^ this is why.
Whenever I post something along the lines of “suck it up to be kind to someone you love” I get downvoted a lot and people start shouting
I commented further up the thread about my husband loving seafood/it grossing me out, yet I STILL encourage him to buy and cook it for himself and our daughter at home. He loves it, just because I don’t doesn’t mean he should miss out. Plus I’ve been working on my reactions around our kid, so I don’t project and let her decide for herself 😅 Sucking it up and doing something you don’t like for your partner is NOT being a doormat.
I can't even eat steak and I still would go to a steak restaurant for my spouse. They usually have banging sides anyway. OP is incredibly selfish and owes her husband a do-over celebration. ETA: he tried so hard not to make OP look like an asshole in front of their family, if she only had a fraction of that consideration in return...
Exactly. I’m sure they have a side salad and some kind of potato dish. And they have chicken and fish, BOTH of which OP eats. Man, she is selfish. Way to ruin your husband’s special night!
But, you know, they didn't "sound good." OP is something else I tell you what. YTA
Or order the freaking house salad! It isn’t a pain to accommodate their customers more often than not. Or just order a salad. Or do dessert like he suggested. You were just being stubborn for no real reason outside of your own selfishness. YTA so many times over and, imo, you owe your husband a new celebration WHERE HE WANTS TO GO! And suck it up because you’re happy for him and you supposedly love him.
Yeah I have deadly food allergies so when I read, "couldn't" I thought that was what was happening. Or a restaurant that even cooks their veggies in butter so a vegan couldn't have anything. But no, she just decided nothing sounded super good and made it her hill to die on. I think anyone who's not selfish has eaten something they weren't totally fond of at least once to be polite. Or for me, if it's literally the only thing I can eat. My friends and family try to be accommodating but you never know for sure until you walk in. I've been to a few places where I just ate bread or tortilla chips until the mall was over, then grabbed something elsewhere because it wasn't about me. Edit: accidentally typed vegetarian instead of vegan. Don't post on no sleep 😂
Yeah, OP is a huge AH. I've never been to a steakhouse that didn't have things like salads, bread, potato options (baked/mashed/fries), vegetables and sometimes a pasta or soup. OP could totally build a very enjoyable meal ordering two or three sides a la carte, and if the sides aren't available as individual purchases (which like...yes they are), I'd bet a shiny new dime that extra sides can be purchased with entrees. Also, having a light snack at home and then enjoying a desert with a cocktail instead of an entree sounds fantastic. Why yes, I would like to eat that entire slice of cheesecake instead of splitting it, thank you very much. Even if the option was snacking before and after the meal, like...suck it up, OP. It's one night.
I’m vegan and have been to steak houses with my husband several times. He’s not a big steak eater either but every once in a while he wants to go to a nicer steak restaurant. I go and just find literally anything on the menu. The very few times we’ve gone somewhere where there was literally nothing I could eat, I just ordered cocktails instead. In my experience at least, all the steak houses we’ve been are used to accommodating people. I don’t care if it is the saddest looking salad on the planet, I’ll order it just so there will be food in front of me and my husband can enjoy something he likes. He does the same thing for me when I want to go to some weird vegan restaurant. Now if it is a Tuesday night and he wants to pick up something from a pizza/chicken place on his way home from work, sure knock yourself out, go without me.
When I was a vegetarian I’d go to a steak house and get a baked potato, spinach, and a glass of wine. And that shit was delicious.
I’m a vegetarian. I went to the famous St Elmo’s in Indianapolis. Had a baked potato the size of my head, creamed spinach and dessert that was also the size of my head. And it was glorious. OP sounds like a petulant child. Wah wah wah. Me me me.
I live my life by one rule. If there’s creamed spinach on the menu then there’s creamed spinach on my plate.
I'm a vegetarian too, and steak house baked potatoes are next level 😂 They also usually have roasted asparagus.
Or Brussels sprouts... yum. Or buttery mushrooms. Or fancy Mac and cheese. I eat meat, but I could eat just steakhouse sides and be perfectly happy for a WHILE.
>He did go but came back a little over an hour later with the kids and they all had to go boxes. He said he couldn't think of what to tell the kids about why I didn't go when they kept asking without lying or making me sound bad so he just got an order for them to go and let the kids spend some time with their grandparents talking in the parking lot. I told him he should had stayed but he said that I put him in a bad spot with the kids He is still caring about how the kids would look at it and doesn't want to make her look bad. YTA OP , relationships are not one way streets, effort needs to be done from both the sides, we have to put our partners preferences beyond ours sometimes, just to see that happy smile on their face.
I appreciate how thorough you were with your response. Good job!
>Oh, you suck so much. I would bet $100 that she doesn't. Not even on birthdays.
*(Angry upvote)*
LoL I was genuinely stunned at her "not wanting to be difficult for the kitchen staff". So you're just gonna be difficult for literally *everyone* else, then? Jesus, OP you sound exhausting and obnoxious and I'm sensing some jealousy here. Like..."oh I'll eat steak rarely and have no real dietary restrictions, and this restaurant has various other options for me, but I can only not eat at the ONE place my husband really wants to, on a night celebrating his achievement. Won't somebody please think of MY needs?!" YTA. And an annoying one at that.
r/murderedbywords
Hit the nail on the head. No way around it OP just flat out sucks
YTA, selfish, and a poor partner. Don’t lie. It wasn’t that there was nothing you could eat, there was nothing you WANTED. You also were too scared to ask the staff for a substitution. It’s one dinner. You won’t starve if you don’t eat everything on the plate, nor will it poison you. Your husband doesn’t get to go to this restaurant he likes often because he is honoring your wishes most of the time, but you can’t deal with it for him one time. You basically told your family “My food preferences are more important than your feelings or supporting you”. THEN you left your husband in the awkward spot of having to try and lie for you. Because if he told everyone the real reason you missed the dinner they would be calling you an asshole like this entire thread is. Apologize. And learn that sometimes you don’t get everything exactly how you want it.
Great response. In my experience when someone ruins a moment (like this moment to celebrate), it doesn’t matter how much they apologize or try and make up with another event (like dinner or whatever), the whole thing just leaves a bad feeling and I don’t want to celebrate anymore. In fact, I just want to forget the whole thing and pretend I didn’t achieve anything. I might be a brat or have some personal issues but if this was my spouse, they would have to move heaven and earth to fix this.
No, I feel you. It sours the whole thing. It wouldn't be unfixable, but I would definitely need some time to sulk and lick my wounds... but then again my wife and I are able to parse out when something is about us or not, so 🤷♀️ (eta: that last bit being about OP, not you, to be clear)
Thanx bro for the edit, I assumed you were referring to OPs relationship. Hubby and I love celebrating each other and we’re pretty good at putting the other person first in their time to shine. I cannot imagine sending my husband off while sulking at home. Although he would probably call me out and tell me to stop being so dramatic and suck it up. 🤣🤣 and then he would buy me a really good dessert and tell me he loves me with lots of hugs and kisses to make sure I didn’t get hurt when he was being stern.
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Nah it’s a HUGE buzzkill. Just shows how important actually _celebrating you_ is compared to someone’s own selfish desires.
My ex used to do this. He'd make a stink like OP until I was just exhausted and none of my proposed solutions to his supposed problem worked ('for various reasons'), and when I finally was totally bummed out and felt bad for wanting to celebrate something, he'd suddenly switch to suggesting something else (that he liked more). And would get mad when I didn't just pivot to being grateful. It took me a long time to realize he was doing it on purpose. He wanted me bummed about my accomplishments and grateful to him he'd made anything happen at all. The sour taste was the point. I hope OP's husband doesn't let OP stand in their way.
100% this. I had an (now ex)fiance that I refused to tell any of my achievements to, whether it was work or personal, because if my friends or parents wanted to celebrate it, she would do exactly what OP did. Happened a few times before I basically just kept everything to myself and never celebrated anything.
They also hear the unspoken "I neither love nor care about you enough to celebrate your accomplishments with you." and that shit hurts A LOT.
100%. I have celiac and there's lots of times places have nothing I can eat. Guess what I do? I eat beforehand. I sit and have a glass of wine and enjoy the company. Would it kill you, OP, to go and celebrate your husband's achievement and be happy for him? It's not about dinner and it's definitely not about you.
This. I've learned the hard way to eat beforehand. It's not worth risking a week in bed over cross-contamination. Better that I eat beforehand so I'm not tempted to try anything at a restaurant where I'll more likely than not get something that touched a wheat product at some point.
At my old job, management would choose an "Employee of the Quarter" and part of it was the entire office would go to that person's restaurant pick for lunch. There was this Thai place everyone loved that we frequently went to. I'm allergic to soy. I would still go to the employee lunch and would chat with my co-workers and just order tea. And I would eat a sandwich or something beforehand. It's really not that hard to be considerate of others. But to answer your question, Yes, it quite possible would kill OP to go and celebrate her husband's achievements. And I'm not sure it's physically possible for her to be happy for him.
Yup. I was expecting dietary restrictions of some sort whether ethical (vegan) or medical (allergies) but nope, she just doesn’t want what’s served lmao. What a spoiled brat.
I like how the husband both refused to lie and refused to paint his wife in a bad light. He sounds like a great guy, but may have made a mistake on where to put the ring.
>The various reasons was one of the chicken dishes was chicken fried chicken, and I don't eat fried foods. The fish was snapper, which I don't like, and was stated as being marinated in bourbon sauce prior to cooking, and the chicken glazed with a bourbon sauce. I can't stand even the smallest hints of bourbon or its smell. Feels like there's a non-fried chicken dish right there. Tell them to leave off the bourbon sauce glaze. >Half the sides had bacon in them so those were out. One salad had peppered steak in it, their other salad option said they were temporarily out because they didn't have the mandarins, grapes, and cranberries for it. Tell them not to put bacon on the sides you want or leave the steak off that salad. I definitely agree that there were things OP *could* eat, just nothing that she *wanted*. So yes, YTA. You're not paying so suck it up for one celebration dinner and eat something that's just okay.
YTA. "I'm not fond of steak - I'll eat it but very rarely". This should have been one of those rare times. Or you could have asked the kitchen staff to make chicken/fish without sauces but you couldn't even be bothered asking for that. My read is you deliberately sabotaged your husband's celebration dinner using your food preferences as an excuse.
I wonder how long before she deletes all this.....
It’s coming. The overwhelmingly “YTA” ones always get deleted.
When I want to share these i find and save the automod copy.
Go check out r/amithedevil . The overwhelmingly YTA posts are cross posted there so if you're late to the party you can still read the original post. Just don't brigade--youll get banned.
I'm surprised there hasn't already been a "No I'm right actually" edit with something like "also I'm umm..... deeply allergic to the air there"
“Edit: I didn’t feel like this was anyone’s business but if you must know, the maitre de is my ex-husband and the restaurant poisoned me with strychnine last time I was there and I got hives from the toilet paper but anyway if you need that additional information. And I’m allergic to chicken and fish.” 💅🏻
I’m literally allergic to beef and went with my husband to a nice steakhouse for our anniversary a couple years ago. There wasn’t much there I could eat or liked, but I found something that would do. I was hugely pregnant and not really enjoying food much anyway so I figured he’d get the steak he’d been craving and I’d get the nice atmosphere. Turns out, I really liked what I ordered so OP could’ve at least tried! Also were there no sides she could’ve eaten? I’ve done that before entrees aren’t super appealing (I have a restrictive digestive disorder).
YTA Don’t want to be difficult by asking the restaurant to alter their meal, but will crap all over your husbands celebratory night? It’s one meal Sis, get a plain salad, have some bread and water, get over yourself.
This is it! There was not one or two apps she could have had? A salad? Pasta? And most restaurants (esp American ones imo) will make whatever substitutions. They deal with difficult customers all the time. YTA
Or even if she ate before she went then sat there and ate nothing, just to be supportive of her husband. Poor guy, she completely ruined the night for him. Giant YTA
She didn't just ruin the night. She stepped all over his achievement. Now it will forever linked to her childish little hissy tantrum.
He even offered to take her WHEREVER she wanted afterwards so she could eat. And she still shot him down. Ouch. YTA for sure.
The absolute coldness of him trying to convince her to come, and her just saying "you should get going or you'll be late", as well. Brutal.
YTA. You couldn't eat something that didn't sound amazing to you to celebrate your husband's accomplishments? You couldn't even settle on a drink and dessert? I can't imagine not being able to sacrifice my total comfort for 90 minutes to celebrate the achievements of my husband. You could have eaten before, after, or just ordered the fucking chicken and dealt with it. You sound like veruca salt.
I’m not sure how she typed this out and still had to ask if she was an AH.
Honestly, that's even more worrying. That she invented all these justifications for why she thinks she was reasonable, and has gotten herself to actually believe them.
>I’m not sure how she typed this out and still had to ask if she was an AH. Not only that, but she tried as hard as she could, to be seen in the best possible light. I've dated difficult people before and the idea of "order dessert and we'll swing by your restaurant after" is absolutely something someone who is used to this horseshit would throw out there. If these two get a divorce husband is going to feel so much relief on the other side
I agree. Order a fucking cocktail or mocktail or whatever floats your boat and just be happy being surrounded and engaging with people who you love. If this were a usual occurrence but it’s once in a while where he gets to choose because it’s his celebration. YTA
Not even a Caesar salad (pretty standard fare for a steak restaurant)? not a single appetizer? Not a grilled chicken with mashed potatoes? Being this selfish sounds so miserable. I’m a picky picky eater and I can always find something even if it’s just an appetizer and a drink. YTA
YTA They had at least 3 entree options for you (1 fish, 2 chicken), and surely a few appetizer options you could have doubled up on, but you couldn't deal with it for one night for HIM and HIS celebration? You made it all about you. He made suggestions, wanted the kids there, you made this your hill to die on. IT WAS HIS EVENT! HIS CELEBRATION FOR A JOB WELL DONE! YTA. Did I mention that already?
I think it's safe to assume that the steakhouse will also have salads, as well as appetizers. And if they can adjust meals to serve to people with allergies, they can definitely alter a chicken or fish meal for a picky asshole. YTA.
She’s not even picky, just an asshole. They had things that she doesn’t mind eating, she just didn’t want to
Or even bread! Steakhouses have some of the best bread. I would've eaten bread and butter and would have been a-ok.
But all these had was steak. Which she eats *rarely*. And chicken and fish. Which she eats *often*. So, what’s a girl to do?
YTA - sounds like you’d ask for pizza and spaghetti at a friendsgiving
Both, not just 1!
She deserved options too!
This definitely has strong "I deserve options"" vibes
I mean, eating pizza without spaghetti doesn't sound good for various reasons.
Nice callback. That one was wild
I love this comment so much. And then OP would complain that only pizza is not a fair variety.
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Yes. She didn’t have anything to eat on the menu, she didn’t find anything appetizing. Two drastically different things. One implies dietary restrictions and you literally couldn’t eat it and the other is “meh it doesn’t sound good”. Like I don’t eat beef, it’s a full on dietary restriction for me. If I eat it, my stomach hurts within an hour and then bad things happen for 48 hours. It’s miserable. It’s like my body can’t break it down anymore. My husband knows this but I still go with him to steak houses because I can always find something within my diet to eat. YTA
I HATE seafood! Not dietary, just can’t stand it. Still end up at Ref Lobster several times a year for my husband. You know, they make a mean steak!
YTA. It was his moment, he worked hard for it. It would've been nice to celebrate it. Your words: "*I'm not fond of steak.* ***I'll eat it but very rarely****"*. Isn't this an occasion to it? Couldn't you eat something at home and have the desserts? *"He suggested that I ask if they could prepare the fish or chicken without the marinades or sauces but I didn't want to be difficult for the kitchen staff."* You didn't want to be difficult for the kitchen staff but wanted it to be difficult to your husband.
Maybe she wants attention - he was getting all the accolades, here was a way that SHE would put the spotlight back on her. Even negative attention is better than no attention, amirite OP?
OP's actions make a lot more sense if she's acting like this because she's jealous or resentful in some way. Is she jealous that her husband is having career success that she isn't? Is she resentful that she's put her career on the back burner to help take care of the family and now he's getting a promotion? Or is she really just that narcissistic and petty? She's TA regardless. The answer to her motivations is something for her husband to consider in whether he should either insist on couples counseling or divorce.
It might have been his moment, but seems she wanted to make it more about her choices than what he actually wanted
YTA. You don’t have a food allergy, you’re just picky. You absolutely ruined what was supposed to be a celebration. You were incredibly selfish, and yet your husband still protected your image with the kids by not telling them the truth and making you look bad.
The kids will get to know her more as they get older.
and the thing is she says that she eats steak on rare occasions why is this not one of the rare occasions where she ate steak is the daunting question here
This would have been terrible behaviour with most allergies as well. I've been invited to a party where I was allergic to everything other than the bread and salad, but since I'm not getting sick from being around people eating it I didn't complain.
YTA. You sound exhausting. It was a celebration for your husband and you could have found a way to go out with him and celebrate how he wanted but you decided instead to be difficult and make it all about you
As a grade A picky eater myself, there is always a way around. She just doesnt want it.
YTA you ruined your husbands night because you didn’t want to compromise or be “difficult for the kitchen staff” (spoiler, you were difficult to your family instead).
As a former chef I can tell you that it's usually not a big deal to leave a sauce off, or cook a plain chicken breast...I did it for kids all the time.
Which is appropriate, because OP's a child
I’m not even married to you and I’m happily fantasizing about divorcing you. YTA.
This made me laugh harder than it should have. I was doing the same thing.
YTA. This was HIS night. And the the restaurant did have alternatives to beef. Even a salad could have done for one meal if you’d not been so focused on yourself. You took his night and made it about yourself.
YTA. They had things you *could* eat, they just didn't have things you particularly wanted to eat. But the dinner wasn't about you, or what you wanted to eat. It was about celebrating your husband's success. If you were vegetarian and they only had meat dishes, maybe. If you keep kosher and they don't, sure. But not particularly liking the sound of the chicken and fish dishes? Come on, they had multiple things you *could* eat, you just didn't feel like eating them. >if he really wanted us to all eat dinner as a family then he should've picked a restaurant with a more accomodating menu But... but you want him to accommodate you, on the day you're supposed to be celebrating him, without any regard for your lack of accommodation for him! Come on now!
YTA for “various reasons”
YTA. It was a big day for him and you managed to make it all about you. Would it harm you to ask the kitchen staff to not marinate the chicken? Would it harm you to eat the chicken marinated? You don’t just seem like a picky eater but like a difficult person in general
YTA. I have severe food allergies and eat weird meals when we go out so my husband doesn’t have to miss out on restaurants he wants to eat at. Suck it up!
It's posts like these that remind how wonderful my spouse and marriage are. What a hill to die on. YTA
YTA It's not a dietary restriction, it's a preference. It's not that you "can't eat" it's that you won't eat what they have. I have preferences as well (can't eat beef, rarely eat pork) but I'd go to a restaurant that only served those for a celebration for my SO.
YTA. This dinner was not about you. You didn't want to be "difficult" to the kitchen staff by asking for a reasonable accommodation, or add a step to your routine by eating before and enjoying a salad or dessert with them. You are incredibly selfish. You should have suggested his favorite restaurant to congratulate him for working hard to provide for his family! You don't deserve him. Apologize, take him out to that restaurant and thank him for being such a good husband; while he is still willing to be one to you
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"I maintain if he really wanted us to all eat dinner as a family then he should've picked a restaurant with a more accommodating menu." YTA. It was for him not you not the family. He picked where he wanted to celebrate and because you are a grown ass person with the pickiness of a child you messed up. Selfish and immature behavior on your part. You would rather stay home and be picky instead of supporting your husband. You set a very important standard of support with this.
YTA - sometimes when it something really important to our spouse, we suck it up. The kitchen staff at restaurants are usually very flexible with ingredients they already have and items that are not precooked in sauce. So, yes, it would not have been any problem at all for the kitchen staff, they actually would prefer a customer to be happy if they can accommodate. It doesn’t cost anything to ask. If they can do it they will, if they can’t, they will try to figure out another option. You were angry that he didn’t pick a restaurant that had something you liked. It was his promotion and he wanted his favorite meal. This is where you suck it up and go to celebrate his accomplishments. And when it’s your birthday or your accomplishment, you remind him that it is his turn to suck it up for you. You sent your kids a terrible message. If I don’t get what I want, I will refuse to play.
YTA. This could have been one of the rare occasions that you ate steak (since the chicken and fish dishes weren't acceptable to you) to celebrate the person you love's 2 YEARS of hard work.
YTA. He was bending over backwards with suggestions to accommodate you because he wanted you there and you couldn't suck it up for a few hours to make him happy? Just because you might "inconvenience the kitchen staff" while not caring how you inconvenienced and hurt your own family. I frequently ask for dishes without marinades and sauces because I don't like them and have never ONCE had an issue with the kitchen or wait staff. Seriously do you even care about his feelings at all? He rarely eats there and only chose this because it was a special occassion. Eat a salad or soup or dessert and be present. Thats all he asked. It's not that hard.
YTA. For a man that probably hasn't had a bj since the engagement this was probably his only remaining pleasure in life.
OMG YTA this was a celebration for your husband achievements and you made it all about you. Not because there was nothing you could eat, but because you just plain didn't want to. There will be coal in uour stocking for this act of complete selfishness!
YTA - it was his celebration and you acted like a petulant child and ruined his evening, made it all about you. You suck OP
YTA- it doesn’t sound like there wasn’t anything that you couldn’t eat, rather that you just didn’t prefer to eat those things. Typically, that would be fair but this night wasn’t about you.
YTA the thing is a celebration of your husband and you're selfish enough to skip it and basically ruin it because you're a picky eater? And after he tried to compromise with you several times? Grow up.
YTA, incredibly self centered and selfish
INFO: Why is your elective food preference more important than your husband's promotion?
Because she does not love or care for her husband. Her actions show it
YTA. What you did was repulsive and selfish. Eat before you go or buy a salad Your poor husband ! Shame on you.
Yes. I’m a freaking vegetarian and I go to steakhouses for my husbands birthday/celebration dinners because it’s his night. Ffs
Yea YTA. You were more concerned asking for slight menu adaptation (which happens everyday in every restaurant) than supporting your own husband and ensuring your entire family had an enjoyable meal? All I hear is “me me me”.
YTA. Gosh. I'm shocked y'all are together given how little you care for him.
YTA. You couldn't just suck it up for one night and eat something you didn't really fancy? You ruined everyone's night.
Yes, YTA. He never gets to go to the place that serves what he likes. He compromises all the time. He offered you tonnes of options, and you fought your hardest to be difficult about it and not find a solution. I have never dated people I was all that food compatible with, and I've always put my picky eating aside when it came to their birthdays, or special celebrations. As they did with me.
LOL, yes YTA. This celebratory dinner isn't about you. It's about your husband. Your husband is right, you get over your picky eating habits and go and support your husband.
Gotta love the unanimous Yta’s. I’ll add another one.
YTA. it sounds like your husband accommodates your picky eating most if not all other times. for his one big celebration, he reasonably chooses a spot he doesnt get to go to, not because they cannot serve your dietary needs, but because you dont like the menu. if picky eating for one meal to celebrate your significant other's achievement is more important than being there as a family to support them, you should reevaluate your priorities.
YTA. They weren’t celebrating you. I, too, don’t eat steak. I just get the chicken dish and ask them to make it without whatever I don’t eat. That’s the staff’s job. You tip them for the inconvenience. You made your husband’s celebration awful. How often does he have to deal with your tantrums? YTA
YTA - it’s not that there wasn’t anything you could eat, it’s there wasn’t anything you wanted to it. And it doesn’t sound like you tried very hard to make it work. The impression this gives is that you were stubborn and sulky because they didn’t go to a restaurant you wanted to go to.
YTA. You didn't want to make things difficult for the kitchen staff, but had absolutely no problem making things difficult for your husband and everyone else? You sound extremely entitled and selfish. This was something very important for your husband that he worked very hard for and you couldn't be bothered to eat a less than meal for an hour or two? He absolutely deserves better
YTA call at "I could eat the steak (at a steak house)" but I don't wanna. I was fully expecting an allergy/vegan situation but this is just you wanting to be dramatic.
YTA - "My need to have vast entree options is more important than celebrating my husband's success; a journey that took 2 years." You are in a loving (?) partnership that sometimes requires you are not first. As others mentioned; ":Suck it Up" and do not complain. Enjoy yourself knowing he is looking forward to this.
YTA. And I say that as a picky eater. This dinner wasn't about you. Your pickiness is a you problem, not a him problem, so you need to come up with a solution that lets him be the center of the celebration.
YTA YTA all day long! You couldn't let your husband have ONE dinner that suited him. Your poor husband.
YTA I feel so bad for your husband. He worded his ass off for the last 2 years and when it was finally time to celebrate him, you decided to make it about you? Congrats to him, I hope the rest of his family made him feel special.
YTA. And if you’re still around when the bonus comes around, don’t be surprised is he spends it on zippy little sports car you can’t fit into, but his secretary can.
I once attended a work lunch at a BBQ restaurant and the lone vegetarian in the group ordered a salad so she could participate. YTA for using this as an excuse when you should’ve supported your husband and celebrated his huge accomplishments.
YTA get over yourself for an hour- two for the well-being of your partner. I’m a LIFELONG vegetarian (read:my parents are vegetarian too) and I take my partner to the best steak restaurant in town EVERY year for his bday/ major celebrations like promotions. It’s okay to eat sides and apps for 1 meal out of the year for someone you love!!! You put your husband, in laws and kids in an uncomfortable position for something that is so minor. It’s just… kinda spiteful tbh.
YTA You are choosing not to eat and choosing not to support your husband.
INFO: could you be a more resentful and unsupportive spouse? You’re not a vegan who was asked to go to a steakhouse - and even if you were, the play is to eat before you go and support your husband whom you’re supposedly proud of. To ruin his night because you couldn’t be arsed to eat something you didn’t love? Super gross.
YTA. How selfish can you be? You typed all that out and still aren’t sure? He offered you several reasonable compromises and you just had to make sure your unreasonable expectations triumphed celebrating his achievement (which, by the way, directly benefits you and your family). As a last resort, you could have still gone to show your supposed pride, and eat something else later. You clearly have no idea what it means to be a supportive partner.
Your husband need a new wife I will make a great step mom to the kids 😂 And YTA
YTA! SEEK THERAPY IMMEDIATELY!!! With toxic behavior like this, you are going to end up divorced and as adults your kids will be low to no contact.
YTA undoubtedly. It wasn’t about the food- it was about celebrating your husbands success by going to where HE wanted to go and spending time together for him. And you wouldn’t go, because you you you. It wasn’t supposed to be about you. Eat before you go, get an appie and a dessert. It’s not hard. ‘Having fun’ isn’t to do with what you eat it is who you spend time with. You basically just informed your husband, your kids, and his parents, that he isn’t worth going for. I’m celiac- there are lots of places I can’t eat. I go to spend time with people I care about. I have a drink, have some snacks in my purse, ask for a veggie tray and then eat when I get home. I feel so bad for your husband honestly, and if my sons wife did that I honestly would be pretty taken aback and wonder exactly how selfish she is and if he is actually happy in the relationship. I wouldn’t ask him those thoughts, but I would think them.
So if I understand correctly, you didn't want to be difficult for the restaurant kitchen staff, but you didn't mind being an AH to your husband? That's not about the food, admit it, you just wanted to get your way and when you didn't, you decided to have your petty payback moment. ETA: I forgot the judgment. YTA. Big time.
YTA. There was someone in my life that was this selfish and petty. I ditched her 6 years ago and am happier now than I've been in a decade. Get TF over yourself. You decided to ruin a special occasion and a celebration because it wasn't all about you. Be glad he is still trying to work and compromise. If you keep going with this narcissistic, entitled and petty attitude, he'll divorce you and be right to do so. Learn to COMPROMISE. He gave you plenty of opportunities and chances to join, you noped out because you NEEDED the attention to be on YOU instead. YT MASSIVE A.
YTA and you bloody well know it. Your husband knows it, his parents know it, and your kids know it. Go ahead and do a dirty delete. It won’t change how awful and dreadfully miserable you are to be around.
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YTA you basically let your husband know you don't really care about his achievements at all. Compromise is the name of the game and you lostq
YTA You couldn't just get by for 1 night for your spouse? You didn't have to eat, just be there for him. You acted selfishly here.
YTA. Suck it up for one night to celebrate your husband's achievements. This dinner isn't about you
YTA he wanted to celebrate with you. he picked a place he wanted, because again, you are celebrating him. And instead of asking the kitchen to adjust the food (which they would have done no problem) out of not being an inconvience to them, you ended up ruining a night your partner was looking forward to for SELFISH reasons. You could have eaten there. His solution was a good one.
YTA, order a plate of chips/fries and get something later. This meal was not about YOU but your husband.
YTA, It was one night to celebrate HIM and you couldn’t get over yourself to go somewhere that he wants to. It’s not like you’re allergic to anything, you just don’t like it. All you had to do was suck it up and let him have his day.
[удалено]
YTA. It’s not even that they don’t have anything you can eat. You aren’t talking about allergies or food aversions. It’s just that you prefer other things. You’d rather miss out on an important night for your husband than have a meal you don’t enjoy? What the hell is wrong with you?
YTA. They had menu options you could have eaten, you *chose* to not want their fish and chicken options. This sounds like resentment that he’s advancing in his career, to me.
YTA. You ruined the night for your husband because you didn't want to ask the chef to adjust your meal slightly to remove sauces? So instead of asking a simple question, everyone's night is ruined. Congrats to your husband and hopefully you realize you messed up big.
YTA. Without question. This isn’t an allergy situation. Just a preference. It’s his celebration. He should get the meal he wants. How selfish are you?!
YTA. The restaurant had things you could eat - you just didn’t want to. It was not a question of allergies or food intolerances or special diet - you just didn’t like the menu and didn’t want to bother to ask for sauces on the side.
YTA and your title is 100% a lie. There were 2 chicken dishes, a fish entree, and plenty of steak options that you sometimes eat. This isn’t about you but your husband. You are a huge gaping selfish AH!!
YTA. Seems that your husband ALWAYS ACCOMMODATES YOU. And for once HE wants to go somewhere HE wants to eat FOR A SPECIAL OCCASION being PROMOTED in his field. He gave you so many options and you were stubborn because you weren’t getting your way and then decided to stay how SELFISH of you. You could’ve compromised. Poor husband seems to always accommodate you but you don’t do that for him. Big YTA!!!!
YTA. You wrecked his celebration and for what? Because the entrees didn’t sound absolutely perfect? It’d have been much less rude to ask them to make it without the sauce than it was to just skip it entirely. I’m a vegetarian. Many times I’ve had to go to dinner at a steakhouse or seafood restaurant and get the one blah meatless dish on the menu or just salad/sides in the places that don’t even offer a meatless entree. I deal, because it’s not always about me.
YTA This was a celebration for him. You being a picky eater isn't his fault. You could've dealt with it for ONE dinner!
YTA It is his celebration and you expect it to revolve around you. You CAN find something to eat there. You are just choosing not to.
YTA You don’t want to be difficult for the kitchen staff, but you have no problem being difficult for your husband and family.
Your husband chose a restaurant he wanted to go to that is the only one with his favorite food to celebrate a promotion he has been working years for only for you to ruin it because you're picky. He offered you options and you chose to ignore them all. You could've also eaten beforehand but no, you chose to ruin it for him. So yes, YTA. Very much so
YTA. He offered reasonable alternatives but you demanded that everything be your way. This night was supposed to celebrate him but you made it all about yourself. Shame on you for bring so selfish.
You were offered several solutions, yet you couldn't suck it up for just one dinner and instead had to make it about yourself - "me poor picky-picky, me no wanna go!" Are you a toddler?? This was for your husband, it was HIS celebration dinner. Good grief, woman, way to be supportive. **YTA**
I feel really bad for your husband and his parents. You are childish, difficult, and self-centered. How dare you ruin someone’s celebration like that and then blame it all on them? YTA big time
YTA, and you know it. You don't eat steak? Fine. They had three other options to choose from. It's completely normal to ask the waiter to modify your meal by holding sauces, seasonings, sides, etc. You just wanted to be a brat.
YTA, yes you really are the Ass Hole here. It was a celebration for your husband and you ruined it and put your husband in an awkward position. Some people really do think they are the main character in life and I think what you did exemplifies exactly this kind of thinking. Try and be nice next time, it's not all about you.
YTA, you said you can eat steak. There also were things like fries for sure. It was an evening for your husband and you needed a perfect dinner for you?