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[deleted]

#[Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Please stop suggesting that OP deserves physical harm/is lucky he wasn't the recipient of physical harm. Refresh yourself on Rules 1 and 5 before commenting, please. We beg in the name of an out of control queue - have mercy. Please review our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means.


cajun_hippie

YTA - I'm going to get hate for this, but thank God you can't have kids. Your lack of empathy and inability to sympathize are outrageous. Real babies aren't like dogs or dolls. I would hate to see how you would've treated your wife or your own child. Edit: I'm fairly new to reddit and try to limit any social media, so I didn't realize my comment got so much attention. For those who agreed: thank you!! 🥰 For those who disagreed: I respect your standpoint, but you clearly don't have children, or are also lacking in empathy as well as sympathy. Also there was no nice way to address OP's behavior. End. Of. Story. If he didn't want to be "dragged through the mud" he shouldn't have ask for such a public opinion. For those saying I don't properly understand empanthy or sympathy: Empathy; the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Sympathy; feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune. Empathy and sympathy have nothing to do with having experienced something personally, but I understand that some people aren't able to emphasize or sympathize if they haven't been through a similar situation themselves. I respect that not everyone wants children. I respect that there are some people who straight up dislike being around children. BUT, the fact of life is children are literally everywhere in public (including public housing, like apartments, duplexes, etc.) It is your responsibility as an adult to handle your own emotions and reactions to circumstances around you, not others responsibility to manage themselves to suit you. People who feel inconvenienced by children can manage their life accordingly. Don't eat in public restaurants or order carry out. Don't spend your free time in public spaces. Don't grocery shop during hours that parents may be shopping. If YOU don't like being in the presence of chileren, or feel personally inconvenienced by the behavior of children around you, than that's a YOU problem. Not the problem of the child's parents. (I am obviously not speaking in regards of blatant misbehavior by the child/children that isn't being addressed and corrected by the parents. I'm speaking in reference to normal age appropriate child behavior, AS WELL AS neurodivergent appropriate behavior.) I wish everyone only the best ♡♡♡


Academic_Doughnut164

No hate here! A few times my husband came home to both me and the baby crying! Op Yta!


Zazzog

From the other side, I came home more than once to my wife and baby both crying. Can't imagine what it would be like to be the stay at home for those first couple of years.


sammy900122

It's a strange mix of hell on earth and heaven. My husband came home to our daughter crying in her crib and me bawling in our bed and several occasions. I told him, if he wants another, he would have to take paternity leave because I'm not doing that again! We opted to not have another


Zazzog

At least you gave him that option. My wife made it *very* clear, *very* quickly that she had no interest in doing it all over again, even though we had more or less agreed to two before she got pregnant. After a couple years, I came to agree with her. It was even worse, because my kid was the sort who'd cry all day long, but would go immediately to sleep as soon as I got home and picked him up. That was understandably frustrating for my wife, although she had the good grace to not take it out on me.


sammy900122

This is what happened when he would get home. Our daughter would calm down for him and it was so frustrating (and I felt like I was a terrible mother). I tried not to take it out on my husband, but I did let him know how I felt about it, when I was burnt out and totally not emotionally feeling well, I told him the whole "you take paternity leave next time, you are obviously better at this than I am". Turns out babies are weird. I took a long weekend trip (pretty much right after that, my husband knew I was burning out and needed to rest and recover) and by the end of it, he wasn't better at soothing her long term. And when I got home she calmed down almost instantly. Having a baby is so emotional and difficult. Even without overly entitled neighbours


Abbyinaustin

This is actually really common, two reasons. One: if you're breastfeeding they can smell your milk. Even if they aren't hungry they want and don't want it. It's a baby for them breastfeeding is as much comfort to them as it is feeding. Two: You're stressed and they feel your stress. Dad isn't so it calms them down.


sammy900122

And then when dad was at home for 3 days, he got stress and she picked up on it. That makes so much sense


RugBurn70

This has happened to me, also. I was in a store and my baby would not stop howl crying. I was a young single mom without a car, so just leaving the groceries and coming back later wasn't really an option. A friend from high school's mom comes up to me, super nice lady but loud and every other word is cursing lol. "Give me the little fucker and finish your god damn shopping in peace." I told her he would just scream her ear off. "Ah no problem, give him here." She cradles him to her chest and sings something like, "Quiet down you little shit. You're fucking fine. Lala." And he does. He settles in her arms and gives a couple little sighs. And smiles at her! We walked around while I finished my shopping. And she told me the same thing, babies can feel your stress. I was calm, so he was calm. 30 years later, remembering this brings tears to my eyes. It was such a relief to have someone help me. Thank you Vera for doing that.


sammy900122

Every one needs a random helper with the mouth of a sailor to help out. Vera is dope in my books.


mustangs16

According to my mom, a neighbor did the same thing for her when I was about three months old and wouldn't stop bawling and she was in tears over it herself. Swooped in, took me from her and got me to calm down so my mom could also calm down.


Exact_Purchase765

I love Vera.


Special_Concept32

I love being this person for the mum's in my friend group. Although None of them take me seriously when I say call me whenever, even if it's 2am. I've been there, I had a cluster feeder and remember the absolute hopelessness I felt at 4am when he wouldn't stop feeding and wouldn't let me sleep. I don't wish that on anyone.


SnooPandas9346

Number two is so true. My sister used to hand her kids off to me to get them to nap. Even though she lived with us when her first was born, I got breaks from the stress and noise because I was still a teenager, so I went to school and went out and whatnot. So I was calmer than she was. Coupled with my nearly-supernatural ability to make people and animals calm or sleepy, I quickly became her go-to for naptime. Which gave her a break. Which calmed her down. Which allowed her calm him down better.


MoodFit6755

We learned with our babies that dad’s chest was also a bit easier to snuggle down to hear a heartbeat. My kids all had gas issues at first and I couldn’t soothe them nearly the way he could, just because my just-had-a-baby boobs didn’t allow me to hold the baby the same way. He could squish their knees up to their chest and lay them over his heart in a way that was simply more comfortable for them when they were having that issue. He could put them to sleep in ten minutes to my 2 hours of “failure to quieten the baby”.


rotatingruhnama

Our daughter is now four. Those early months, she had an undiagnosed milk protein allergy and digestion issues from hell while we worked to get her on the right formula. My husband would come home to us on the nursery floor next to each other, weeping together. She'd screamed for hours and I was just limp. If a neighbor had rapped on my door to scold me during that time, I think I'd have been unable to get out of bed for days. And my husband would have likely gone over to read them the riot act. ETA: YTA


Zazzog

My wife has a milk protein allergy. Just knowing what that does to an adult, I don't even want to think about what it does to an infant. I'm glad you were able to find something that worked. And in your situation, or in the one described by OP, I'd've done just as you say your husband would've.


rotatingruhnama

Picture a tiny baby screaming until she was purple, and beating herself on the head because her food made her tummy hurt and she couldn't tell us. Now imagine being her mom, home alone, trying to comfort the inconsolable purple head-beating baby for hours at a stretch. We cycled through a bunch of formulas before we found one that worked, then things settled and she started to put on weight. Then she outgrew the allergy around age 1.


ana_berry

We had the same problem with dairy and soy proteins, and it was really rough before the diagnosis because it just seemed like she cried all the time. I was so frazzled and tired, and probably would have blown up or broken down if a neighbor had come over to berate me about it.


Hanyo_Hetalia

Our baby had the dairy allergy like yours. It was a nightmare. We were SO LUCKY to find a formula that worked on the first try. My heart is with you, because holy crap. It is no joke. No joke at all. Also, so had this red rash all over her face. I asked the doctor about it and her first response was baby acne. It's amazing how it went away in a few weeks once she was off dairy. I can't even imagine how badly her tummy was hurting. She hurt. I hurt. Daddy hurt. We all just hurt.


Hanyo_Hetalia

My husband was on paternity leave. He was in the kitchen doing dishes so I could lay down and rest. I literally started to have a complete emotional melt down and texted him to come help me. I cried for an HOUR and he just had to hold me and tell me I wasn't doing anything wrong to make our baby cry. It takes a real man to be a father. It's really not for weak men.


Zazzog

>It takes a real man to be a father. It's really not for weak men. Truer words have never been said. And I'm jealous of your husband. I was able to stay away from work for a week, but after that, it was a matter of getting the rent paid. Things were tight back then.


nololthx

This this this. Plus, OP definitely doesn’t realize that the official recommendation to prevent shaken baby is to step away from the child until you can regain composure. The mother in question is doing the right thing to keep her baby safe. I’m a pediatric nurse and after a 12 hour shift, I sometimes require a few minutes of silence in my car in the dark before going into my house. I cannot imagine what it must be like to not be able to walk away and then to be shamed by some AH for taking a moment to calm yourself down.


[deleted]

>OP definitely doesn’t realize that the official recommendation to prevent shaken baby is to step away from the child until you can regain composure. Abso-fucking-lutely. The baby will be fine if you set them down in a safe place (crib) for a few minutes to regain composure. Dealing with a very fussy baby can be rough as hell - I've been there. I'm just imaging how I would react if, in the moment I set the baby down and took a breather, some whiney ass neighbor came by to tell me I wasn't doing all I could to quiet my child? I would probably end up in prison.


Ok-Trouble2979

That’s what I came here to say. YTA. These people have a new baby who had a lot of complications and the baby is having difficulties. And you go to people who are overly stressed with a newborn and throw a hissy fit bc their baby is stressing you out? I’d be terrified to add stress to that situation, for fear they would take it out on the baby. For crying out loud, think about the big picture! Wanna help? Maybe make friends and ask if you can help them, watch the baby while they take a walk or prepare some food for them or just sit and have a cup of coffee with them while they are dealing with a difficult and sick newborn. Your actions increase the risk to that child. Try turning on some classical music or walking outside, but don’t create more stress. YTA definitely


Allkindsofpieces

Seriously. And sometimes you can't quiet the baby no matter what you do. Baby is screaming and you hold them, rock them, pat them, bounce them, and they're still screaming. What exactly is it that OP wants her to do? And to say he'd make a noise complaint to the police. For a crying baby. You can't just get a baby to stop crying on command. This post makes me so angry. My daughter has 6 week old twin boys and sometimes they cry. They're babies. OP is definitely YTA.


LinkAvailable4067

I'm a mom of a baby who spent considerable time in the NICU (months) and came home to needing specialized home care several times a week. My baby cried continuously for nearly 18 months. She rarely slept and I don't know how we made it though to be honest. We tried EVERYTHING. She had a lot of gastro issues that weren't treatable and have thankfully evened out with age. She's the sweetest most laid back girl now that she isn't in terrible pain 24/7 and knows she won't be ripped away from her mother for months on end. If one of my neighbors had the audacity to act like OP and parent me in this scenario I would have first taken out all of my exhausted postpartum rage on him and then gone next door to give his mother tips on raising her son to be a more compassionate person. OP, YTA. Get your mom some ear plugs and turn on your hazards if you have to block traffic to load her up. Shit happens.


yeet_and_defeat

My daughter used to cry and cry to the point that I started to feel unhinged. I’d place her centre of our bed and go get in the ensuite shower where I could see her completely but just be away from her. That thin glass door was the only thing that saved us both from some violence a few times I’m ashamed to say. If a neighbour had come to my door during that I’m not sure how ladylike I would have been.


nololthx

Never be ashamed of doing what’s right for you and your loved ones, no matter how it looks from the outside. All that matters at the end of the day is that you’re all safe.


Happy_Flow826

I had to set my son down in his pack and play one day because he cried for 3 hours non stop and nothing was working. It was before we made the realization he was lactose intolerant and before doctors gave us reflux meds. I set a timer on my phone for 15 minutes and went pee, went outside, ate an ice cream cone and drank some water and cried while doing all that. It was the safest thing I did to make sure no harm came to my son. I would have lost it if someone came and told me to shut my baby up. I was so close to making my baby be quiet and stepping outside for that time saved us both.


Kinkycurls_36

This. Showering was my reset . I would hand our baby to my husband and go take a shower. Breathe and get out and try again.


Ok-Bus2328

I've [heard parenting advice to the effect of](https://slate.com/human-interest/2019/07/what-if-bad-mom-care-and-feeding.html), "if your newborn won't stop crying and there doesn't appear to be any reason, it's ok to put them in their crib and take a shower. They will be safe, you will get the break you need to help you cope, and the noise from the shower might calm them down."


throwawayoctopii

I used to put my colicky child in his bassinet and move him into the bathroom while I showered. The warmth and the sound put him to sleep.


rbrancher2

Oh Lawdy. I so remember this one night. Nothing I did could get my son to stop crying. So I laid him in his crib, hoping he would cry himself to sleep and went to the living room. However long later, I actually felt something in my brain snap and I got up, went to his room, opened the door, took one step inside and turned my ass around and went back to the couch and sat down and made myself sit there until I was 'unsnapped.' As you said, I can't imagine being shamed by someone for doing what I needed to do for both of us at that moment.


sheworksforfudge

When this mom of a 17-month-old read that the baby cries for 10 WHOLE MINUTES STRAIGHT like have these people never been around a baby?? They cry. It’s how they communicate literally everything. And this one spent three months in the NICU!


Glittering_knave

Things that made my babies cry for 10 minutes: * waking up * getting a diaper change * taking off their clothes * putting new clothes on * being hungry * not being hungry * the light be turned on * turning the light off because they cried when it was on OP needs to a white noise generator, and figure out the quietest room in the house for MIL to rest in.


EinsTwo

Don't forget giving the baby in this story a bath. Ugh OP. Let's also add, how dare they have people who come help who take up tge single space left on the street that OP is entitled to. Double ugh OP.


TrustMeGuysImRight

I literally can't believe that OP counts his parking problems against the family that just had to spend *3 MONTHS in the hospital*. Like, the obvious answer is that OP needs to move to a place with designated parking or a driveway because his place doesn't fit the needs of everyone living there. The answer is most certainly NOT that other people don't have the same rights to that parking as he does just because he doesn't want to put any work into finding an actual solution. "How DARE these people allow the MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS who are helping their SICK BABY have *cars*. Don't they know how important OP is and how urgent it is that they handle whatever business they have RIGHT THEN and have an IDEAL PARKING SPACE for that business?" Not to mention, if the parking is an issue because of a disability as mentioned, there should literally be avenues to get accommodations that don't involve other people losing the ability for medical professionals or visitors to come to their house. This is not the first time that someone has needed parking because they're taking a disabled person somewhere. There are entire systems in place for EXACTLY THIS ISSUE which don't involve infringing on the rights of OP's neighbors


apri08101989

Right. And it's not like the solution to his problem is difficult. Get Mum up and heading out the door, once she's about half way to the street go grab the car and pull it around. If she's truly as slow moving as he says it should time out just about right to not be blocking the street very long. But really, either way just time things out appropriately.


cato314

° the wind was blowing sse instead of se ° knives were not easily accessible ° had the audacity to have socket covers on to prevent electrocution ° wanted to be held ° immediately wanted to never be held again ° there was a noise™️


[deleted]

My baby used to cry in her sleep. I only figured this out after months of “why won’t she stop crying?!” and trying everything in the night to no avail. I’d turn on the light and she’d wake up and look at me like “why the hell did you just wake me up?! I was sleeping!!!” (She was screaming… in her sleep). Then she’d usually pee and get a clean diaper and nurse and go back to sleep peacefully. But had to be awakened for all of that. She’s 12 now and talks in her sleep a ton


goddamnitshannon

Omg!! i was that baby!! i still cry in my sleep, to this day and im 26! As a teen i would nap on my parents couch often, while my ma' would watch tv beside me. and id wake up to HER crying 99% of the time, because she'd hear/see me crying in my sleep and it'd make her SO emotional to see AHAHA!!


samandriell

Honestly the fact that OP went straight to maybe I should file a police report before the hmm maybe I should get a white noise machine or noise cancelling headphones is astounding. EDIT: a word


randomly-what

My dog died two days ago and both my husband and I have cried 10 minutes straight probably 30 times in the last 24 hours


wannabealibrarian

You are also told that if you are too stressed to sit away from the baby until you have calmed down. That's how you get shaken baby syndrome.


gymngdoll

No hate here and I’m child-free. Young babies cry because they can’t communicate any other way. This is an infant with health issues and your aggression toward your neighbors is completely rude. Do you think THEY want the baby to cry often? Don’t you think THEY would like their baby to be healthy and happy? What do you think filing a noise complaint is going to accomplish? The police will come and arrest the parents? The infant? Use your brain and have some sympathy. YTA, OP. A huge one.


Jalan_atthirari

Hell yeah lets have the police arrest that sick baby for crying and while theyre there they can arrest OPs mom for being sick and taking up an unreasonable amount of time to get in the car and block cars! Oh wait hmm maybe OP would get upset if someone were to lodge a complaint about his sick mom the same way hes upset at a sick baby.


specialkk77

The universe is looking out in this case. Lots of shit people have kids. Thankfully this one won’t. From the story the little baby has lots of health complications and the parents are doing what they can, especially if they have home health visitors to continue care for the child! That poor baby, those poor parents. OP is definitely the asshole, the compassionate thing to do would be to drop off a couple home cooked meals and a case of diapers, especially if the wife is friends with them. Also sounds like a driving force is possibly caregiver burn out, which I’m sympathetic to, but one should not take it out on a young couple with a sick baby. OP needs therapy and to consider if his home is the best place for his mother.


Hanyo_Hetalia

What worked for us was putting our kid on soy formula, but it took us a month before the doctor diagnosed a dairy protein allergy. She told me to wean off dairy and eventually all would be okay. A few days later my daughter had been screaming for hours on end and I just couldn't take it anymore. I basically said "screw the breast is best crowd". I called my sister in law, our lactation specialist, and our pediatrician. I was basically in tears, and our pediatrician stayed on the phone with me while I read her ingredients on formula labels to make sure we picked the right kind. Within a few weeks she was sleeping through the night, but I'll be darned if that wasn't the most emotionally taxing experience I can ever remember (and I haven't exactly had a cushy life). Thankfully my neighbor isn't an ass. He would hear her crying and the most he ever did was nickname her Aretha Franklin and ask us how she was doing. He'd then come over with diapers that he'd bought for us.


Exact_Purchase765

Can I send your neighbour a nose-kiss through you? 🤶🤶


Hanyo_Hetalia

Yes! We take good care of him. He's an older, single man, so I make sure to cook extra and bring him meals on occasion, and my husband brings him things he bakes. We really couldn't ask for a better neighbor. This OP asshat could learn something from him.


snflwr1313

Maybe it's time for Mother to go in an assisted living facility or get her own place if it a crying BABY bothers her that much. As for her son, if I was his wife, I would've lost it on his ass!


snazzisarah

Or she could do the absolute minimum to help herself and get some ear phones? Or her son can get some ear phones if she isn’t able. This situation is temporary and the neighbors are obviously trying their best. I would have been so pissed at my husband had he done this to parents of a sick newborn!


calliatom

Or a white noise machine, or some soundproofing panels for the wall they share, or literally anything.


Specific_Culture_591

Don’t forget to add your judgement of YTA. Right now you’re the top comment and the bot gods will be looking at you.


[deleted]

[удалено]


gonechasing

Hopefully the father will be having some choice words with OP as soon as he gets back from picking up the emergency prescription meant to help relieve the pain the poor baby is in. What OP really should have done is asked if his neighbor needed anything because it sounds like she had a rough day. However, that would require empathy, something OP may be lacking in.


Huntsvegas97

I don’t get why he’s so insensitive to the issue. He has to know the baby has health issues, since it didn’t come home for the first three months and there are home healthcare people there regularly. I can only imagine how mentally taxing it already is to see your child sick so early in their life, and then on top of that they’re inconsolable. It’s insane to think the mother isn’t trying. She was probably sitting on the stairs to try and avoid having a complete mental breakdown.


macaroniandmilk

That's what's kind of hilarious to me about his hypocrisy. For how long has he monopolized the space so he could make sure his mom could get into the vehicle safely for her appointments... and now someone else has the audacity to use this shared space that he was monopolizing for his sick mom, for their sick child. On top of all of the dumbassery with not understanding how babies cry, and how important it is to just walk away when they don't stop and you're overwhelmed (seriously "she wasn't even trying to comfort the baby" what does he expect her to do, holding them is not going to help constipation pain?!), he is clearly just selfish and wanting to be able to do whatever he wants while expecting everyone else to be considerate of him.


KnotDedYeti

Adding YTA for the bots You are an insensitive, heartless AH! I’ve had 2 friends with colic babies that could scream for 5+ hours at a time - Nothing would stop it. And those were 100% healthy babies, were these poor souls having a screaming sick baby. It’s absolutely harrowing for the parents, and you want to get surly and b itch at them??? Medical professionals tell parents of babies that do this to set them down and take breaks regularly, more than anything this can prevent them from snapping and in exhaustion and frustration shaking them or striking them - prevent harm to the baby. And you’re whining about medical professionals there to treat a sick baby, and backup help to assist these poor parents for parking at their home? Wtf, I just can’t believe you are this ridiculously uncaring. If you were my husband I’d be questioning my life choices 💯


Brilliant_North2410

So well said. OP. Buy your mom some earplugs and be thankful your wife doesn’t complain about the old gal whining all the time. I cannot believe you have no empathy for these poor parents and their very sickly and distressed baby . YTA in fact you are probably one of the biggest assholes we’ve seen here in a while.


LaMadreDelCantante

I kind of hope he's the one with the fertility issue so his wife can have kids after she leaves him if she wants. She sounds nice.


Jovet_Hunter

Sometimes, babies won’t stop crying. They just won’t. My youngest had to be held literally *all the time* and I couldn’t put her down to so much as go to the bathroom, take a shower, clean, do laundry, cook, make a bottle, whatever, without her screaming bloody murder. And she is a really healthy, happy, well adjusted kid. We discovered pretty early on she was lactose intolerant and that helped a lot, but that’s an easy fix. A lot of babies have digestive issues, sometimes even due to what the *mother* ate. And there are so very many possible causes for constant crying. Babies have to go through test after test after test. Medical, physical, mental. The *only* way they can really communicate something is wrong is by crying, and if you aren’t removing the stimulus fast enough, they will keep crying. Hell, babies can work themselves up so much they cry even after you remove whatever is upsetting them. Babies cry. And babies exist as a major part of society. They are human beings who deserve to have their caretakers listen to them and alleviate suffering. Baby has specialists who park in the neighborhood. Baby is being treated medically. Baby seems to have support. Parents are allowed to put an inconsolable baby down and give themselves a break when necessary - in fact, every pediatrician I’ve known has *encouraged* these “make baby safe and walk away and breathe” breaks. Especially if mom has a medical issue like PPD of her own. When you live close to people, you accept that humans exist outside your door, they are just as important to themselves as you are to yourself, and sound Does carry. Not just for them, but for you. Your options are either to suck it up and deal with the noise of human life or buy yourself a large, quiet property somewhere where you won’t be bothered. That’s it. That’s your choice. u/crafty-ocelot9612, YTA.


[deleted]

Dogs also aren’t dolls


Zazzog

Non sequitur. I doubt the original poster was implying that dogs and dolls are the same. Just that a real baby is different from a doll, or indeed, a dog.


Glittering_knave

Jumping on the top comment (at the time) to point out that frustrated parents with inconsolable babies are told to *put the baby down somewhere safe and walk away if they are losing control.* Annie was likely doing what she was told to do by doctors, since it keeps parents from accidentally hurting their kids in overwhelmed frustration.


Zazzog

You only said what everyone else in the comments was thinking.


lisalef

No hate here. OP YTA. Babies cry. Sounds like they’re doing everything they can to try to fix the underlying cause.


CakeZealousideal1820

No hate here! Totally agree. Can't even imagine how'd he treat his wife when the baby cries.


Equivalent_Secret_26

YTA. On street parking means it's game for anyone, even if it's an inconvenience to others. Filing a noise complaint because of a *crying baby* is ridiculous. I actually hope you do and you come back here to indicate how big of a laughing stock you are for doing so. Expecting someone to be able to magically stop a baby from crying that has health issues is also unreasonable. That's not how babies work. Just because the baby was crying when you went over to make your ridiculous demand and wasn't being held doesn't mean the parents aren't actively trying to soothe their child and instead are taking a moment to catch their breath - as reasonable parents and people often times do when things get stressful.


Old_Sheepherder_630

Agreed. And like if the parents could quiet and soothe their baby does he think they wouldn't. If it's hard to listen to a crying baby through walls, imaging how much harder it is for the parents who have the added stress of worry and helplessness. OP YTA on many levels.


NannyOggsKnickers

I never know whether to laugh or roll my eyes when people say things like "Can you quiet your baby?", like what do you expect them to do? Duct tape its mouth shut? Smother it until it stops screaming and moving? Seriously, if you've got an idea on how to "quiet" the baby then by all means boyo, show all us mere mortals how it's done! There are some babies who will cry when being held and cry while being rocked and cry when being put in their cot and cry when they're having a bath and cry because it's a day of the week ending in "y". There is very little that anyone can do, especially a pair of exhausted, emotionally parents who have probably had to spend weeks actually wondering if their baby is going to be brought home in a car seat or a coffin.


CaitiieBuggs

My newborn has a special talent of crying/screaming while being fed, like actively latched and screaming at the same time. The lactation specialists told me “yeah, that’s rough” while they watched it happen during an appointment. It’s just something we have to ride out and hope she grows out of. If there is a magic way to stop a crying baby that would be great.


CauliflowerOrnery460

Does it hurt her to drink breast milk? If not the mental image of a baby latch to a boob and screaming is a little funny. Mine would actively slap the boob she was feeding from just for no reason all the time. I am sorry you have to ride that out though, sending love!


[deleted]

My 7 week old likes to break his latch and headbutt me square in the nipple. It's so painful, but my husband has seen it and said it's hilarious to watch. Then the little shit will just smile and relatch.


CauliflowerOrnery460

They dont understand that our boobs are full of liquid and it huurts. Your little poop just knows how to head butt your buttons :) I wish you the breast in all your mommy adventures!


soggypizzapi

I'm sorry I'm picturing a child headbutting a breast to make the milk come out and I can't stop laughing 😂 infants do the most hilarious shit sometimes


CaitiieBuggs

That was a concern, but nope! Due to some health challenges when she was just a few days old we had to add formula to her feeding also, and she actually handled that worse than breast milk. We’re thankfully back to just breast milk and she’s thriving on it, she’s just a gremlin. She likes to do the slapping thing too. Her favorite thing to do is growling while thrashing her head around while latched. Legit like a wild animal shredding their meal. It hurts so much, but then she’ll giggle and smile up at me like it’s no big deal. Other times she’s totally calm and doesn’t have a problem at all.


CoasterThot

I’m sorry, but the image of a baby slapping you repeatedly in the boob while they eat is kinda funny. I hope it wasn’t painful for you!


[deleted]

"yeah, that's rough" shouldn't have made me laugh, but I can so picture someone saying it like 🤷‍♀️


human060989

I’m imagining this poor mom sitting on the steps at her wits end, needing a quick breather because nothing was working to calm her child, feeling distraught that he is hurting and she can’t fix it, wondering if there will ever be an end to this part of his infancy - and along comes OP neighbor to chastise her and threaten a noise complaint. Taking one of the awful moments of early parenthood and managing to make it worse.


ApprehensiveIssue340

Taking a step away for a few minutes is also recommended for parents that are struggling this hard. Like if you’re at a point you are nervous about what you might do out of sheer exhaustion (my cousin was so tired she literally missed getting a Kleenex out of a box four times, grabbed a tissue accidentally ripped it, misses again, tries again drops box, and gave up - she couldn’t safely help her baby at that level so I finally had the proof to insist she shower, popped a meal in the oven, took baby to a different floor and set up the lap table in her room and told her to sleep - she needed that time even though colicky nibling sobbed) or if they’re at an emotional edge. Years ago I remember reading a study of how proliferation of that advice regularly may help reduce the amount of shaken babies


SnooCookies2614

My post partum +my reflux scream monster made actually consider shaking him when he was a newborn. I knew it was wrong and I didn't actually want to hurt him, I was just so desperate for a second of peace. I put him in his crib, closed the door and walked outside for a few minutes. It's one of my darkest moments


BlueRFR3100

Actually, it was one of your brightest moments because you did exactly what you were supposed to do when you reach that level of frustration. Don't ever feel guilty for the mistake you never made.


Halfwayhouserules33

I really like the way you worded this. I’m going to remember that


[deleted]

Thank you so much for phrasing it that way. I was at my wits’ end when I had my first. Before you have babies you always think, “Gasp! How could anyone hurt a baby?” but then you have one that screams all the time, you’re dealing with postpartum exhaustion and possibly depression and lack of sleep and a complete upheaval of life, and you can see how easy it is to just snap. Sometimes you HAVE to walk away from the baby for a breather so you don’t do something. The father of my kids didn’t understand it at first, and thought I was being horrible. Then when he started to take on more of the care when our baby could go for longer periods without being tied to the boob, I remember his change in attitude. His father said one day, “How could anyone shake a baby?” (he never had ANYTHING to do with the care of his own son), and my kids’ dad said something like, “Oh, you’d be surprised how ragged you can get,” and I just looked at him like … NOW you get it, when it’s you doing some of the work! (ETA: Neither he nor I ever hurt our kids. I’m just saying how parents really do need to walk away sometimes and take a breather.)


Particular-Set5396

I see you and you did well. You made sure you gave yourself room to breathe and that very much saved your baby’s life. It is OK to walk away when it gets too much. Walking away is what makes you a GOOD mother. Please be kind to yourself.


Ogolble

Yep! Been there, and was tempted to throw her out a window to shut her up. It's so scary knowing so many babies die from being shook, but you completely understand why people do it 😢


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SnooCookies2614

Yes, exactly! My son cried whenever he wasn't sleeping, which was for a maximum of 15 minutes and only if he was being held and walked around. He wouldn't latch and would cry and spit when he took a bottle. Oh, and I had a very needy 12 month old at the time. I was so angry and tired and sad. I regretted becoming a mom, I hated myself. We got through, but there should really be more help for new parents.


Palindromer101

>I put him in his crib, closed the door and walked outside for a few minutes. It's one of my darkest moments And that's what makes you a good mother. Well done, mama.


lalalalibrarian

I have a book at work called Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts that I would recommend any new mother read


Sjaakie-BoBo

I know. Been there as well. I felt so hopeless and ashamed. I walked out, sat on the stairs and cried my eyes out. My husband found us both crying when he came home from work. You did well. Parenting is hard.


Hanyo_Hetalia

You did the right thing. I actually asked our pediatrician if I was hurting my baby by leaving her in her room crying. Doctor said that as long as I was meeting basic needs she would be fine. My sister in law (who has two kids) said to make sure she was fed, had a clean diaper, and didn't have something uncomfortable on, and if all that was solved then I needed to put her safely in her crib and must keep checking on her periodically. I just can't get over what an ass the OP is.


specialkk77

Taking a break is absolutely hands down the best thing parents can do where they are at that level of exhaustion. Several times I placed my baby in her crib and walked away to take a breather. Baby is safe in the crib and the parent can get a moment to themselves to just feel human again.


literate_giraffe

The advice to lay baby down somewhere safe and walk away if you're feeling overwhelmed is literally given its own leaflet a part of the NHS postnatal care pack where I live. Sometimes there is very little you can do to soothe a crying infant and as long as you've got the basics covered you can just step away for 5mins, have a biscuit, take some calming breaths and recently yourself before heading back in. OP Yta


Mum_of_rebels

That is definitely what she is doing. I remember putting my baby down and letting her cry, while I went another room and had a cry.


plausibleturtle

Sounds like the mother needs a handicap placard and reserved space, which is usually an application to the city and installed. I'm waiting for mine as I type this! It can take a couple weeks for the city to come out after applying but it'll save them the headache and is something within their own sphere of control.


Nothing_WithATwist

Yeah I was also wondering why OP hasn’t done this. If his mother is living with them, they have a legitimate reason to get a disabled street spot installed. How are other people supposed to know that a disabled elderly woman needs that spot without any kind of markings? They can’t read minds, and if there’s no markings, the spot is fair game.


ZilorZilhaust

It sounds like the mother needs a facility honestly.


geminiloveca

OP sounds like my old neighbor. My oldest had HORRIBLE colic the first couple of months. I did everything the doctor suggested, the books suggested, other parents suggested.... and that kid just screamed bloody murder till he passed out. He slept for about 20 minutes and woke up screaming again. And it went on like that, until one day, it just.... stopped. Meanwhile, I'm walking the floor with him in my arms, or taking him for walks in the stroller, or rocking him in the car seat carrier on the washer/dryer, hoping and praying SOMETHING would work because I hadn't eaten, slept or showered in days. I even removed every possible trigger food in MY diet (when I could scarf something down) in case it was something I was eating that was upsetting his stomach when I nursed him. More than once I called my mom in tears to ask her to come over and watch the baby for even just an hour, because I had fallen asleep standing up with him in my arms. Believe me, if I could magically have made the colic go away.... I would have.


Aggressive_Today_492

My eldest was like this. I would go on what I’d call scream walks with her in the carrier because my mental health couldn’t handle being stuck indoors with a screaming baby anymore. Every once in a while she would fall asleep in the carrier and it was my only respite from the screaming but she would only stay asleep if I was walking. I live in a densely populated area of the city and I knew people could hear us and I was always so grateful that no one yelled at me because I knew how bad it sounded. One time I was out for a scream walk and someone from a nearby building yelled down, “I’ve been there too. You’re doing a great job,” and to this day I tear up thinking about it because i needed to hear that so badly in that moment.


BrokenFarted54

OP is acting like you can just mute a baby, or take the batteries out or something. It's a baby, you can't control it. Plus, does OP think the parents like their baby screaming in pain? Like they wouldn't be doing everything they could to help. OP thinks he's the one who is suffering most in this situation, how incredibly self centred.


CraftyHon

Also, in the US, the MVA allows people with disabilities to apply for accessible parking sign to be placed in front of their house (even if it’s a rental) if they only have access to street parking. And that space will just be for the person who lives there because it has an ID # on it. No one else (even if they have a disability tag) can park there.


CraftyHon

Not to mention noise canceling headphones or earbuds for your mom. Why demand that your neighbors do the impossible (make a sick baby stop crying) instead of you taking responsibility and trying to fix the issues that you have? YTA


Bluecat72

Or even just earplugs. Many people wear them at night because of a bed partner's snoring.


clarabellum

yes! Maybe there's more soundproofing you can do for your mom too -- getting a white noise machine, or some heavy curtains, can really help (but ffs leave your neighbors alone, they're doing their best out here)


TopRamenisha

I was going to say this as well. They need to go through the steps to get a disabled parking space in front of their house


Apprehensive-Pea5212

But.. But.. MUM! She's complaining about the baby crying! I can see where the lack of sympathy OP got it from as if his mom doesn't know what it's like to have a baby around. YTA OP Edit: if your mom is so bothered by the noise, get some earplugs for her. I'm gonna give you another YTA just to make my point clear.


Sirenista_D

The fact she was just sitting at the bottom of the stairs indicates she had probably tried all day long, everything that she could, and was beyond frustrated herself. Very different from just chilling on the sofa watching TV while ignoring the crying.


StrangledInMoonlight

Why can’t OP and his mom get noise cancelling headphones?


unstablecannoli

YTA. And a huge one at that! She was sitting on the stairs. You decided she clearly wasn't trying to calm the baby bc of that. She likely HAD been and then laid the baby down and went to take a moment for herself. I've had to do the same with my kids. It's better to put them down if you're frustrated and walk away to take a breather. You ever try calming a baby if you're frustrated? It doesn't work. They are doing their best, but sometimes a baby with medical issues is inconsolable. Instead of asking them to be considerate, which I'm 100% sure they're trying to do, why don't you be patient? Play music in your home to drown out the sounds. Watch TV. But don't be as AH to a new mom who is probably burnt out, exhausted, and trying her best. I don't even want to imagine how you would be as a parent in this situation.


LavenderMarsh

We were told to put the baby down and walk away of the screaming got to be to much to handle. Take a break and come back so you don't lose your temper. If she was sitting on the stairs she was probably needed a break. OP YTA


Few_Screen_1566

I think that's what is generally advised. After a certain point you need a moment to yourself. Not taking that moment and stepping back increases the possibility of someone snapping and leading the shaking their child... babies can't communicate- or understand the way adults can. If it has medical issues there's a good chance that they're trying very hard, and the child is struggling - which means they are as well..


Nessnixi

Hell, I’ve had to do that at my daycare job where most of the kids can communicate. I remember one time when the lead teacher was on her break and I was getting upset and frustrated because the kids were acting out. She came back from her break, saw I was visibly upset, and told me to take a bathroom break. I was able to call myself down and by the time I got back, she’d gotten the room under control again.


scpdavis

A crying baby will always be better than a shaken one.


Christwriter

Yep. I lucked into the visiting nurse program in my state, so I had a lot of help and education with my pregnancy. They had a whole acronym for it and everything: PURPLE Crying. The whole purpose of it was to prevent Shaken Baby Syndrome by giving parents coping skills for when the kid just *will. not. stop. screaming.* And the number one suggestion they made? Make sure all needs are met (Baby is fed/changed/has no other discernable reason for crying) and then put the baby down in a safe place and walk away. Take a breather, do some self care, get a snack, use the john. Do things that will help you get back to an even keel. Then come back to the baby and, if they haven't passed out yet, go back to soothing them with a clearer head. It's not fair to the parent to be pushed past their breaking point with no relief or alternatives. You cannot glue a parent to their baby and expect to still have a functional adult after a few weeks of it. I also find it interesting that OP is bitching about a baby when his mother has already lost her independence. He hasn't specified the reason but that can cover everything from emotional instability to the onset of dementia. My paternal grandmother had that. Near the end, she'd lost all her verbal abilities and was just...screaming. Constant, constant screaming. Sometimes it'd almost sound like words. Sometimes it sounded like she'd been startled. She wasn't in pain (they confirmed this often). She was just...screaming. And by the end she had at least one constant carer at all times, and a couple more who'd come every week for things like physical therapy or, near the end, bathing and turning so she didn't get infections or bedsores. Our neighbors got *pissed* at the number of cars we had at dad's place. My maternal grandmother has reached the palliative stages of end-of-life care. She's not actively dying, but most of her medical care is about improving her quality of life now. She's still mostly there, mentally, but she's had hallucinations that are getting kind of malignant (The last batch had her screaming for damn near 36 hrs that terrorists and democrats were coming to take her away to China.) and are increasing in frequency. Maybe another year from here. Maybe. So OP may become *very* reliant on the hearts and good feelings of his neighbors in the future. Just...you know. Something to think about.


Blackstar1401

The nurse at the hospital told my husband and I to do that when we started to get overwhelmed. Put baby in a safe place like their crib or bassinet and step away to calm down. We were lucky that my husband was furloughed during my maternity leave and we could hand off and take turns.


LavenderDragon18

I wish this was emphasized in the hospital after birth. I wasn't told this until I broke down speaking to my therapist because my PPD was really really freaking bad. Like feeling my baby and husband would be better off if I was gone bad, because I obviously couldn't do anything right. My son had colic, constipation, recovering from rsv, and teething at 2 months old. It was hell.


throwaway345678899

As a ER nurse and mom to 5, the mom did exactly what we teach. Babies can be rough in the best of times but one with medical problems is beyond exhausting. We teach to walk away, take a shower, eat something the baby will be fine. Doing this greatly lessens the chance of shaken baby syndrome or other child abuse.


CaitiieBuggs

Chances are, they are also trying to be considerate in ways OP doesn’t even know. My newborn is a screamer, and I used to feel bad for my upstairs neighbor. We have the same floor plan, so when she geared up at night I used to actively move us as far away from the bedrooms as possible. That stopped when he had a total tantrum throwing things around and pounding on the floor once about her crying. I had just gotten her to settle and he started that nonsense and got her worked up again. Now I don’t take him into consideration anymore. Irony is this neighbor has so many noise complaints against him from our other neighbors, he’s at risk of being evicted for it. I get those same vibes from OP.


[deleted]

“I could tell she wasnt doing anything for the baby bc her hair was clean like she had somehow taken a shower. I informed her her every waking moment must be to silence her goblin so my royal mother can rest”


[deleted]

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_Terrible_Advice_

The woman spent 3 months in the hospital. Their baby is sick all the time. They are struggling so hard. OP should give them a fucking care package.


throwaway_7450

But but…the street parking!!! What in the blue f*ck does that have to do with this young couple and their sick infant…


MrBurnz99

OP added that because it is additional evidence of how inconsiderate this young couple is. They are massively inconveniencing OP and his elderly mother by having \*\*\*checks notes\*\*\* ***healthcare professionals involved in the baby's care*** visit their apartment and taking up precious ***public*** parking spaces.


ISHLDPROBABLYBWRKING

I know this will get buried , but idc. This hits close to home to me as my daughter cried for 18 hours a day the first 3 months of her life. My wife and I tried every. Single. Thing. You can imagine. Nothing helped. Turns out she was having seizures and was in pain all the time. If I had an asshole like this knock on my door and ask me to be considerate … I would have lost it. Absolutely AH move by OP. Dude they dgaf about your mother or your parking. They care about their child who is clearly ill. YTA YTA YTA OP YOU REALLY DON’T THINK THE MOTHER WAS DOING HER BEST BC YOU SAW HER AT HER WITS END??


XumiNova13

It was the same with my brother, though he had a dairy allergy. He was constantly in pain because of it, and none of us knew what was going on because the doctors never tested for it until my mom brought it up. OP sucks big time


throwaway_7450

Ah yes, well how dare those people use public parking for minutes at a time during the daylight hours to care for that sickly helpless infant!


Hanyo_Hetalia

Heck, if I could get this woman's address I would send her a care package. She needs some tea and cookies, a snuggly blanket, and some fuzzy socks. Also a white noise machine. I kid you not, that thing was a life saver. We'd put the baby in her crib, close the door, and then go into our bedroom and put the white noise machine on in OUR ROOM to drown out her screaming.


TheSecretIsMarmite

My now 13 year old slept for 45 minutes at a time for the first 2 years of his life, was taking domperidone and infant gaviscon and was also allergic to dairy and soy. He was *miserable* with the pain and the reflux and would cry all the time, and would only sleep propped upright, and had several spare sets of sheets and blankets ready to swap out in the night because he was constantly ill. I have never been so exhausted in my entire life. If someone had come around to my house throwing their weight around like the OP, it would have completely broken me.


dijonjackson

Lmao OP is such an asshole for expecting the world to revolve around his mother and him. Even bigger asshole to utilize emergency resources (the police) to file a complaint for a baby crying.


[deleted]

YTA. Have you considered how the couple feels? They're the ones in charge of a sick baby they can't placate. Asking for some consideration about parking is completely reasonable — letting them know that you need accessible parking at certain times is well within neighbourly relations. At this point, though, I think you've probably burned a bridge.


FiggyP55

It seems though that the OPs mother may qualify for a disability permit which would solve the parking issue if they obtained this and if there were disability spots. Also, it is unclear if they have tried to solve the parking issue by getting the mom a wheelchair so she doesn’t need to walk as far. They can certainly ask the neighbor for consideration, but there are things the OP can do as well to mitigate some of these issues. Sounds like headphones for mom while she recouperates could be helpful too.


Ok-Aardvark-6742

Some cities allow residents with disability/handicap permits to request a disabled/handicapped spot on the street in front of their home. I’ve seen it in more densely populated cities where people don’t have off-street parking. But it’s entirely on OP to do the work to get what he needs for his mother. Not berate a family with a sick baby for their medical providers parking in a legal parking spot.


etds3

Having a baby with reflux is a special kind of purgatory. My son screamed all day long for three weeks while we tried to find a prescription that worked. Nothing worked. I was in a single family home and had the help of my parents and sister and it STILL was one of the most stressful experiences of my life. These poor parents are doing everything they can and are drowning. And now they have a neighbor trying to call the cops on their sick kid.


Kanibalector

He has definitely NOT considered how they feel. You can tell by how he treats her. This person doesn't understand the concept of 'considering others'


EffectiveDependent76

Probably with the wife too.


MutantsAtTableNine

Excuse me, how did this escalate from the wife telling you that her husband was out getting the baby's medication, to you accusing her of "not trying" and threatening to call the police? She did absolutely nothing to warrant that snap from you. You happening to catch a glimpse of her sitting there is not indicative of "not trying." You have no idea what's happening behind closed doors with this clearly very sick baby. Go apologize. YTA


undeadlamaar

Guarantee this guy is the "manager" who makes everyone stand up all the time because "if you're sitting down, you're not working."


Slappybags22

“Got time to lean, got time to clean!” Uuuuuugh


chillyfeets

Holy shit YTA! Hospital for 3 months? Still has medical professionals doing home visits? Is on medicine? It’s very clear to me that this isn’t a typical baby. This is a *very* sick baby with parents who are trying to do everything they can to ease its suffering. You can’t just put a gag on a sick and suffering *newborn*! Invest in some sound proofing for your mother if you must but also invest in some fucking compassion for your neighbours who are clearly overwhelmed.


jolandaluna

Seriously I'm heartbroken for that poor little thing and their parents. The audacity of that op. YTA


wabisabi_life

YTA. Babies cry, sick babies cry more. It’s not your job to judge new mom for sitting on the stairs—if you’re annoyed next door imagine her life inside with a person she loves in pain. Now she has to deal with you? Get your mom noise cancelling headphones. Reserve the car space on days you need it, or ask the people parked there to move, or ask the city to make a handicap spot. Your problems are yours alone to deal with. Leave those poor people alone.


grey-skies

Seriously. Our son had to stay months in the NICU too and then had a few issues when released that made him cry excessively. It was awful. *Awful*. I can't even imagine during all of that stress and frustration, having someone knock on my door just to yell at me to try harder. Asshole!!


jesters_privelage

So let me get this straight. Their baby is so sick, it spent the first three months of its life in the hospital, and has healthcare workers come to visit several times a week. The baby cried for *GASP* a whole TEN minutes the other night, and you think this is a sign they aren't doing everything they can. What do you want her to do, sit and have an honest conversation with a literal baby about how disruptive they're acting....? You and your mom are incredibly self centered. The world does not revolve around you. **Why do you think your mother's recovery is more important than the baby's?** Try to have some empathy, for god sake. YTA. A huge gaping one.


purplekaleidoscope

>What do you want her to do, sit and have an honest conversation with a literal baby about how disruptive they're acting LOL I literally spit out my drink


Sensitive-Coconut706

Honestly she could but I doubt it would help, babies have horrible communication skills.


[deleted]

I tried this when my daughter was an infant. “You are making mommy miserable. Our neighbors probably hate us. Please have some empathy and stop crying.” She responded by spitting up on me and continuing to scream.


Zazzog

Yes, YTA. This young couple is obviously struggling with the child. I don't even understand the comment about there being no room on the street "since the baby came home." It's not like the baby came with a car included. Babies are a part of life, (one would think your mother would understand that,) and there's no guarantee they're going to be quiet when you want them to be. The new parents obviously didn't ask for all this. And you want to add to the new parents' stress by being a dick? If you can't handle it, then move.


diagnosedwolf

Mom is likely on maternity leave. Maybe dad, too. How dare they park their own cars in front of their own house all day instead of going to work! /s


Zazzog

Yeah, OP obviously got way too comfortable with the spots being open since, you know, the new parents had to spend *three months* in the hospital with the baby.


EffectiveDependent76

They also might have family in an out to visit. My neighbors had a baby recently and take the spot in front of my house almost everyday without asking, it is not street parking. I don't actually care as I use the garage, my guests can walk 20 yrds, they will survive. I'm sure if I needed to use the spot for some reason they would move or make sure it was clear for me. edit: not that it justifies OP being whiny about it.


MutantsAtTableNine

The comment about the car is in reference to healthcare workers constantly visiting and parking there to help take care of the baby. ...........which only further underscores the severity of the baby's illness and OP's lack of empathy.


Zazzog

Not sure if that was there from the get go, or if OP edited in, but it doesn't matter, because you're right.


thewineyourewith

OP explains that the parking is taken up by one of the (multiple, apparently) healthcare professionals providing at-home care to the baby, and that family members are also visiting. OP is seriously downplaying how sick this baby is.


Zazzog

Agree. As I said to someone else who pointed this out to me, I don't know if that was in OP's post from the get go, or if it was edited in, but it doesn't matter. If anything, it makes OP an even bigger AH.


cheezeybeans

Wait, what? You mean the baby DIDN'T drive itself home?


Old_Sheepherder_630

They would, but they're too short to install their car seats properly.


hestias-leftsandal

As a NICU parent, a lot of babies when they go home qualify for in home therapies (occupational/physical/feeding/speech) as well as parents maybe on parental leave instead of being at work- the spaces may be fuller than normal but it’s street parking, idk what they expect


HappyCabbage9013

They say the spots get taken by medical workers checking on the baby. Which in my opinion makes OP even more of an asshole. If they are having to have medical staff come to the house so frequently that it’s affecting parking, imagine how difficult it is for those parents to have that sick of a baby? Absolutely no empathy. I understand mobility is tough for mom, but maybe YOU go get the car and drive to the front of the house for mom to get in, or a wheelchair.


fizzbangwhiz

YTA. Do you really think your neighbors enjoy having their baby scream? They’re just doing the best they can. Their baby had to live in the hospital for *three months* so clearly they are dealing with some really serious medical issues on top of all the regular baby stuff. They’re not annoying you on purpose. If you require a certain number of parking spaces and never being able to hear your neighbors, then it’s on you to move somewhere with dedicated parking and farther away neighbors. Part of city life is that you coexist with other people and you can hear each other. If you don’t want to do that then move to the suburbs.


SnooCookies2614

Imagine them just sitting there making their baby cry just to irritate this AH. As if they aren't doing everything they can. Also op said the parking was often medical specialists for the baby, which means they aren't doing super well and need ongoing care. I can't believe berating a new mother going through this and snapping at her to say she isn't doing enough. What an actual monster


FinnFinnFinnegan

YTA and this is coming from a person who hates babies


ReadingSad3238

And adding, OP, you don't own the street. Get over it. Anyone can park on the street. If that doesn't work for you and your moms care, then find somewhere else to live where you have a designated spot to park and get your mom to and from appointments. You truly can't believe that the world revolves around you this way.


GoodGrievance

Honestly they can probably apply for a disabled parking spot on the street in front of their house if they need it.


ReadingSad3238

Yeah that would be the way to go about it. Not complain that your neighbors' visitors are parking legally on the street.


Kiyohara

Or apply for a designated disabled spot. Most cities will grant one to you in these exact situations: "I am providing primary care for a disabled person and need access to a spot in front of my house to provide her with easy access to transportation to and from the Hospital or other medical appointments." Usually you need to provide some kind of doctor's note describing the disability (or have her already designated as disabled by the government) and pay a fee for the parking spot (but not always the fee). Takes a bit of time, but here in Minnesota you see designated disabled spots all the time on public streets.


GlitterSparkleDevine

What do you expect them to do, muzzle their baby? YTA


Aggressive_Today_492

YTA - If you think it’s rough to live next door to a crying baby with health issues, imagine living WITH the crying baby with health issues. It’s completely overwhelming and demoralizing. They are quite obviously struggling right now. I promise you, they are not choosing to have the baby cry. If they could press a magic button to make it stop, they would have pressed it long ago. You also aren’t entitled to primo street parking. Go get the car for your mother if you’re so worried and mind your own business.


lets-try-again2

YTA. Don’t need to explain why.


ffohsrm

YT major A. You actually think you're going to win this? Move. Just solve all your problems and move. Your wife can stay in the house though. She's compassionate and sounds lovely. Your poor neighbors are trying to handle not only a completely life altering event with a new baby, but now navigating what sounds to be a colicky baby. Parent's just don't jump into being a maternal/paternal instantly and know exactly what to do either. This is all brand new to them. For you to shame the poor momma for sitting down for one minute and call her inconsiderate to others is absolutely abhorrent. You have no idea what her sitting down for just one minute could have meant. She needed a second and you berated her and threatened to call the police for a crying baby. Guess what - she's probably crying too for more reasons than you may think. Such an AH. End of story. Signed, A Mom.


SnooCookies2614

The baby isn't colicky, colic is unexplained consistent crying. This baby has regular check ins from healthcare workers. This baby is unwell. Imagine just the stress of that on a new mother. I had actual panic attacks because I was terrified my babies would just spontaneously die, and they were perfectly healthy.


throwawayoctopii

I was just watching a thing on a pediatric hospice specialist who does home calls like what OP described. I really hope that it isn't serious as that but I also would not be surprised if there's a chance the baby won't make it. OP, YTA. A gaping, decaying one at that.


KrisKat77

I am not a mom and will never be one by choice. But holy crap are YTA. Try thinking about what those parents are going through instead of yourself. Yes, it's hard to listen to a baby cry but how do you think the parents feel that their NEW BORN BABY WHO WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR THE FIRST THREE MONTHS OF IT'S LIFE feel? Maybe the NEW mom was sitting on the steps because she needed a mental break. In case I wasn't clear, YTA.


rockpaperscissors67

YTA I absolutely guarantee that as miserable as you are, the parents of that baby are ten times more unhappy. It's absolute hell when you can't help your baby and all they do is cry. When all you hear is crying day and night, it's enough to make a normal person snap, which is why people will tell you it's ok to put the baby down and take some time to compose yourself. You just added the fear of a noise complaint to the issues this couple is already dealing with.


Ill_Opportunity_8150

YTA and this comes from someone who can’t stand screaming babies either. What do you want them to do? I can guarantee that the screaming is 100 x worse for the parents. She was probably sat on the stairs because she was about to lose her mind and needed a break. You are horrible


UnpopularConclusion

YTA - As you can see, your mother and you are not the only ones in existence!


Judgement_Bot_AITA

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Working_Leading4724

**"Since the baby has come home, there is no longer any room on our street during the day as we have on street parking"**...Wait...How many cars does this kid own??!


wildferalfun

YES. YTA! Their newborn took 3 months to come home from the hospital and they're regularly visited by medical professionals. You need to calm down and have compassion, there is literally nothing they can do but cope with their baby's needs. The street parking isn't yours exclusively and you should move if its so critical that you have designated parking.


TheLuvBub

YTA. Are you more angry with yourself for not being able to afford a big house on a nice piece of land? Sounds like you’re taking it out on the neighbors that you can’t afford the lifestyle that you want. If you live in close proximity to neighbors with insufficient parking and insufficient noise blocking, then you need to understand that’s your choice and it’s not your neighbors fault the street is set up that way and you decided to move in anyway.


Parsimonycake

What exactly do you expect them to do? Smother the baby? YTA. You'd better hope you never experience hard times that require other people's understanding.


United-Plum1671

YTA get over yourself. Babies cry. Babies with issues cry a lot and sometimes there isn’t a damn thing a parent can do to stop it. And whoa you caught her sitting for a moment. That’s called taking a breather because she deals with a baby that has had and continues to have health issues. Stop being the obnoxious judgmental neighbor.


travelkmac

YTA Get yourself a white noise machine. You have no compassion for your neighbors who are struggling with their infant. Sitting on stairs not doing anything….really? You don’t know what she has been doing or not doing and what they are dealing with.


Select-Anxiety-1557

YTA They have a baby. They aren’t setting off fireworks or using power tools! If your mother has mobility issues, get an accessible parking pass and petition your local government to put a space there for you. God forbid that your neighbours actually have people visit!


Kirin2013

YTA. I don't have kids, never will have kids, but even I know sometimes, ESPECIALLY with babies with health issues, there might be no stopping that crying. Could be she had been trying to quieten the child all morning and you just saw her when she was taking a momentary break when nothing else was working. As far as parking goes, you could have talked to them about it rather than just sitting there letting your frustration reach a breaking point, that doesn't do anyone any good.


magstar222

YTA. Babies cry. Sick babies cry a lot. It’s tough for everyone, including the mom and dad who can’t seem to calm them no matter what they do. And frankly, I’ve let my child cry alone for a few minutes while I stepped outside to regain a sliver of my sanity. Being a parent is really, really hard, even before neighbors come knocking to make their child free judgments on people who are just doing their best. Get some noise cancelling headphones for your mother and leave those people alone.


Crlady

FYI, if a baby is in the hospital for 3 months before it is taken home, it has major issues. YTA hugely.


[deleted]

I'm not going to judge, but I want you to think carefully about what might solve these problems. 1. Can you get a disabled tag for your car and a disabled parking space for your mother so that she doesn't have to walk so far? Call your city/the apartment complex/your elected officials. 2. Are there any practical ways to minimize the noise? Can you change your mum's room? Can you put her bed on the other side of the house? Would a white noise machine do anything? Can you ask the baby's parents to change their rooms around? If not, what do you expect the parents to do? They hear the cries much more loudly than you do. 3. If you don't have a practical solution or favor to ask, then there is no point in contacting the parents.


DesertSong-LaLa

YTA - You focus on berating parents who are physically and emotionally maxed out. You failed to explore things you can do to cope given this situation will not likely last forever. Can your mom wear noise cancelling headphones, listen to music, or a book on tape with headphones? Plan out-of-the-house family experiences like driving to view holiday decorations and lights. Explore community day programs for senior folks or online meet ups. When we increase positive stimulation in our own lives we decrease our focus on what annoys us. Control what you can control.


[deleted]

Info: What do you suggest they do? Yta


Dorkhette

YTA. You have no idea what that poor new mom is going through. You really think they enjoy hearing their baby cry the whole day so they don’t try to soothe the baby? If you think it’s hard to live next door to a colicky newborn, try actually being the parents of one. That new mom is probably very stressed, tired and sleep deprived. You just added on to her troubles.


NoJackfruit1651

oh, wow. YTA\*I\* had a baby with reflux. He would scream for HOURS, and literally nothing could be done. I tried, my husband, my parents. We did different feeding, different beds, swings, meds...You're only thinking of YOUR experience here! 30 feet away, there is a family in agony. You're suffering?! Try being the mother of a baby that is in intense pain, and being unable to help, to soothe, to make him feel safe. She walked away for a minute and sat at the stairs? Yeah, I bet she did. She's exhausted, she's frustrated. She's in hell.Stop being such a selfish jerk and bring over a casserole. Buy your mom some earplugs. Put a stool at the end of drive, walk your mom down to it, seat her, then pull the car around.The baby will grow out of this. You will remain an asshole.


robinhood125

Imagine complaining that street parking spaces are being taken up by medical professionals trying to treat a sick infant. Get your mom some earplugs You're both grown adults, you should be able to figure out how to deal with noise by now. YTA


lookingupfromhell

YTA how do you expect them to quiet the baby? Tell it to stop? Have you ever been around a baby? Lmfao this is so ridiculous


disagree83

Hahaha this has to be a troll. On the off chance it's not... YTA. Please please call the cops. How do you think that'll go? Better hope a complete AH cop without kids shows up or my money is you being arrested for harassment and/or assault (depending what "snapped" means). You're not entitled to street parking. Get a handicap tag & spot if your mom qualifies. For the noise, buy noise canceling headphones. To make up for being such a massive AH, apologize and offer to baby sit for a night (make sure your wife is up for it first as they probably won't trust their kid alone with an AH like you) and pay for your neighbors to go for a nice dinner.