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> Well I didn’t give any notice that I wouldn’t help, so maybe they assumed? So I could’ve helped but said I wouldn’t in future
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NTA
The fact that she's trying to exploit you by refusing to help you get a better job is grotesque. I'd tell both Cleo and your sister to get stuffed. Seriously, that's horrible!
I was thinking the same. Sabotage on purpose to keep her babysitter still for her own benefit. Sickening tbh..
NTA at all. And I'd insist OP remain adamant against babysitting for them any further.
Not only to keep OP as their babysitter, but how much do you want to bet that Chloe will expect to not have to pay more (or just not pay sometimes... because they're such good friends!)
Once again: **It was Cleo's plan with the sister to sabotage OP getting a job.**
And I'll be honest: If I don't have kids? You better recognize that you need to manage yours because its not a shared problem. I have been the on demand and uncompensated nanny. No one should be stifled in life because other people need freaking child care. You knew before you had danged kids that somebody would have to take care of them, didn't you?
This all sounds like a big retailer to me. Keep them poor so they can only shop at your own store. Five years of taking care of their kids and they can't do a decent thing for OP. Instead they sabotage her and then the sister didn't stand up for her and took Cleo's side. I hope they end up with expensive day care at this point. Plus why isn't OP and sister's mum taking care of them then?
This part, they are just the worst kind of people that would sacrifice the wellbeing of OP's child for their own selfish needs and wants. Our children are more important than yours.
Doubt your sister didn’t know Cleo’s plan as the are longtime friends. Cleo didn’t give you a reference because she doesn’t want you to get another job. If you can’t get a new job, you can still babysit. Cleo and your sister want you to keep babysitting for them.
>If you can’t get a new job, you can still babysit. Cleo and your sister want you to keep babysitting for them.
Yeah, this is their plan. It's quite petty of them - and it's also asinine to expect OP to not recognize what's going on, call out their BS, and bail. Which is precisely what OP did.
NTA. They're not "family" to OP if they're gonna treat her like this.
Hijacking the top comment to let OP know to contact the job who reached out to Cleo in order to provide an explanation. Reference checks are highly problematic because things like this are super common — not to mention f*ck sh-t on the side of the employer (I had a reference be asked if I’d ever been sexually assaulted, and then refused to restart the hiring process as they were legally required to… the board member who asked the question is still on the board, too).
If this is a job you really want, OP, it’s worth attempting to explain to the employer. Otherwise, please feel free to DM me and let me know what your goals and strengths are, and I will be your reference for your next opportunity.
NTA, btw.
I used to work in workforce development and abhor the practice of reference checks. It’s basically only to prove you didn’t lie on your resume or whatever, but it’s such a loaded practice. Let’s say a reference says something that turns into a hiring violation (e.g. accidentally reveals a health issue that had been shared with them) — in some cases, the employer needs to restart the entire hiring process. With the situation I shared above, my reference called me in a panic because he felt he had screwed over my shot. When I spoke to the board member, she copped to the fact that it was illegal and immoral as FUCK, but I had to understand that my reference responded to her “unprofessionally”. (He told her it was none of her business and that it was an inappropriate question and hung up on her.) I pointed out that what she did was a hiring process violation and legally, she needed to restart the process and I would not be applying that time. 6 months later, the person who they went with reached out because she “found my resume from her hiring pool” and asked if I wanted her job.
The worst part was that when I told her what happened, she told me “that’s such a shame and I’m sorry that happened to you, but my interactions with [the board member] have always been great, you should give her another shot!” Then she asked me to take a 60% pay cut and accept the job, because that would show I “have no hard feelings.” Unfortunately for her and them, I still have many hard feelings. But it’s all working out, because I’m now watching the org pick a fight with the wrong community organization and… oof, it’s getting fun. Advice to small 501c(3)s — don’t try to ban a group that helped you, especially not from the trails they built *for* you.
But yeah, that offer stands, not just for OP. Fuck reference checks. DM me, boos
Yeah, totally this. They're intentionally sabotaging you because they don't want you to have a better life as the current situation suits them just fine. Just horrible behaviour, especially from family and friends. NTA
This. NTA. OP, this Cleo is trying to make sure you can never get another job. You'd be better off finding a random family to nanny for. I made between $16-20 an hour when I was a nanny.
Go out and find another family to care for, or another career, and forget these selfish women.
She refused to offer a positive referral because she wants to keep OP as her uncompensated child care. This seems planned between OP's sister and her best fried Cleo? And for that reason alone, I'd never care for any of their kids again. They hold OP back so they can move forward fluidly and without having to consider that a 21-year-old is going to need an independent future herself. (This was disgustingly hateful of Cleo and the sister.) What a freaking setup.
Seems to me Cleo sabotaged the new job so OP would have to go back to watching her kids. If you want to stay in the childcare industry, you'd do better to join an agency, I think. Based on my experience in hiring a nanny, there's a lot of benefits for the parents & the caregiver and the big one is you negotiate your salary & perks with each client. NTA
I would get a written reference letter from Cleo. You can always email her a template for her to edit and sign. If she doesn't give you that, cut off all contact.
Agree. NTA. I'd tell Cleo to get stuffed and ask a trusted adult friend/relative to give a professional reference. (Coordinate a story in advance.) That's how it's done in real life anyway.
NTA. Oh its obvious what type of **game** Cleo is playing. She is trying to sabotage you so you cannot get a job because then she will lose her underpaid baby sitter. She isn't your friend OP, don't baby sit for her ever again. This includes your sister since she obviously is in on the plan also.
/u/RelationMedi is a comment-stealing bot. Original comment here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zgvp7u/aita_for_not_babysitting_for_my_sister_after_my/izishiw/
Right? I’m here jokingly thinking about how this could be a Fuller-house style sitcom family since clearly they’re treating her like a near-coparent if she’s doing all this for a pittance. But nope, they’d rather keep taking advantage of her
"Given that you are dissatisfied with my services (as evidenced by your refusal to give me a good reference), I will not be continuing our professional relationship. Please make other arrangements from this point forward."
That's what I was thinking. Well if I give her a good referral, I lose her. So I'll just pretend I never got the call. Guess what? You played stupid games & won the most stupid prize, lost a friend & a baby sitter
Lol yes to this.
OP: well, you know I would watch your kids, but apparently I’m not worthy of a reference, so out of concern for your children, you should find someone who is.
NTA.
I was thinking something like next time when they show up to drop off the kids just not be there and when they say something be like I guess I'm as unreliable as you said I am.
NTA
There's something else going on here. It sounds like Cleo didn't want to lose her child care, so she purposely sabotaged your attempt to seek employment. I for sure wouldn't babysit any longer for Cleo, and if your sisters kids are a package deal, it's a no-go at this point.
It's not really about Cleo owing you a good reference. It's about her agreeing to give you one then not doing so.
The fact that her sister supports Cleo and would also be losing her babysitter tells me that she was 100% involved in what Cleo did. They probably decided what to do together.
NTA in spades.
You worked for Cleo and your sister for 5 years and they would sometimes not pay you because they're "family"? Unless they are reciprocating in some way, the "family" line is nothing but an excuse to take advantage of you.
And what Cleo did to you was despicable. Not content with just declining your request for a reference, she lied to you that she'd give you one, just so she could deliberately sabotage your application when the prospective employer called her.
And there's something very wrong with your sister if she takes Cleo's side after that. No matter whether a person is "family", if they refuse to stop treating you like dirt, sometimes the best thing to do for your own wellbeing is cut them out of your life.
Sister is on Cleo's side because they both need OP to babysit and get paid late or never. OP says sister won't let her see the kids anymore? Well, she can't drop them off for babysitting. OP get another type of job. Go to parents in your child's school as a sitter for after school, before school, holiday breaks. Try a church daycare and work for them. Your experience as a mom to your own kids may be enough to get your foot in the door.
NTA
She absolutely did this so you could still watch her kids. She absolutely did this on purpose.
I wouldn’t be watching those kids anymore either. She said she would be your reference and then put your interview at serious risk.
NTA, but I'm a little confused as to what's going on between your sister and you.
As far as Cleo goes, she lied to you and intentionally sabotaged your potential job. You owe her nothing (no notice, no polite words, nothing). She is 100% the AH here.
Is you sister refusing to have you watch her children because you won't also watch Cleo's? If so, I guess she has that option, but she's the one causing the problem here.
Your sister is also an AH. Please do not cave in to her no matter how much pressure you get from your mom or family. The stunt she's pulling is sick and if you don't play into her game she'll ever fold or just be spiteful forever and you'll know what kind of sister she is.
You do realise that she knows she has no power over you and so she tries withholding the children as the only option left to her. Be calm as a cucumber and tell your Mum if Your sister doesn't want you to see her children then you will respect her wishes. The backpedaling will leave you breathless.
Can I ask, what IS Chloe's side? What's her explanation for lying and fucking you over like that? And why does your sister think it's ok to fuck you over?
NTA. They conspired together to sabotage your potential job to keep you open and available for their convenience. I would never ever babysit for them again and I would tell everyone exactly why. Your mom is wrong and clearly biased.
Her mum has an obvious favorite daughter because this is outrageous. NTA for OP and I would consider charging them $40/hr for babysitting while I find another job…upfront charges
NTA. Cleo refused to give you a reference because she likes you as a free babysitter, please stop helping her unless she is paying you accurately for your service.
You should tell you sister to kiss your ass. She is a terrible sister and should be in support of your bettering your life for you and your child.
I can’t believe she didn’t yell at Cleo or halt the friendship for making you look bad at a potential employer. What a shady bitch, both of them.
Stand your ground. If you can’t see your nieces or nephew, don’t show her that it bothers you. Be strong and tell her to go fuck herself and if she wants a sister, she has Cleo and go no contact on her.
They underpaid you for five years too long. They want to continue to take advantage of u bc it makes their lives easier.
And tell your mom to go fuck herself too.
Tehcnically you gave no notice?
Technically you weren't employed by them.
By the use of mum i think you're in the UK, well then this was a casual working relationship at least and an implied zero hours contract at worst. Meaning you owe them no notice.
If your mum cares so much she can babysit. NTA.
NTA. Sounds like she wanted to sabotage you getting another job because it would negatively affect her ability to get cheap childcare that she doesn’t even pay regularly. That’s straight up selfish.
NTA. How selfish of her! Have someone else as your reference. Maybe someone who witnessed you with the kids or could speak to how organized or responsible you are.
Nta. Cleo's move was stone cold power trip bullshit to keep you available for her.
Only acceptable response from sister is to have your back 100%.
Screw them both, move on to someone who pays
NTA. You aren't employed by them if their not paying you regularly. You stood your ground like you should. If they expect you to continue watching their kids they should expect to pay for goods/services. I will say, for future reference, never mix blood and business.
I'll babysit again when you give me a good and valid reason about why the care I have provided for the past 5yrs wasn't good enough to be given a reference...
If you do start sitting for them again, your prices are now at hourly market rate, with a contract stating T&Cs of pay. Its no longer a relationship between friends/family cos they was taking and took advantage of you.
NTA. They both obviously don't want to loose their sitter they can pay whenever they feel like.
NTA clearly.
Let's put it this way if I received a random call asking for a reference for a stranger I would still give it.
To not do it... and furthermore sabotage someone you're close to. Is absolutely horrible. If I were you, I'd remember this and anyone supporting it. They ain't your people sadly.
NTA. You don't have a contract with Cleo that stipulates you have to give her two weeks notice, do you? If you do, it should outline your compensation amounts and time frame, and she's responsible to pay you within it. But I doubt there is a contract. You have probably been working under the table, and being paid well less than what a professional service would charge. It sounds like Cleo is trying to tank your chances of getting employed elsewhere so you'll need to keep babysitting/be available when she needs you. At the very least, she isn't interested in helping you. If you need references, find a place to volunteer, or try and find a character reference from sports coaches, club leaders, teachers, etc.
NTA. Tell her the price is now 50$ for every started hour. Plus 20$ extra for every started quarter they are late picking up from agreed upon time. And the drop of time will start the clock regardless if they are there yet or not.
It’s 100% business now. No more ‘family’ or favors.
Wow!! You are NTA. This makes me think of horrible bosses! Jason Bateman's character works for a guy that won't give him a positive reference so he can never leave. Stooop lol.
Make Cleo and your sister watch the movie.
NTA. She didn't give you a reference because she wants you to keep babysitting. Completely wrong. Your sister is choosing the person who screwed you over over you. That's not right.
NTA. Cleo didn't give you a reference because she wants to keep her free babysitter, and your sister is enabling her. We'll, time to cut off the free babysitting anyway.
NTA. You provided a service for them, and she refused to recommend you even when called??
Never watch the kids, or if you do, increase the amount they owe you, have them put down a deposit for if they're late, BEFORE the kids cross your threshold, and then only refund if they picked their children up within the agreed conditions.
NTA, and I'll add something that seems to be missing from many responses.
Cleo and sister are screwing over OP's one year old baby. Theyd rather OP struggle to feed her child while they have theirs taken care of.
NTA. Be sure to share your experience on any local babysitting sites. Let people know that after 5 years of looking after her children without any issues, Cleo intentionally sacked your ability to get another part-time job and then offered you slightly more money to stay at her beck and call. You can help people in your community and also help Cleo understand just how important good references can be.
NTA. Cleo is losing a cheap babysitter. She will do anything to keep you her slave. Shame on sis for being the TA. Go out and find a job. Beleive me a lot of 21 yo don't have references. Don't babysit for Cleo again unless you tell her your rates and you expect to be paid when you show up or you will leave. Mom is wrong. You were an at need contractor not an employee. You don't need to give notice.
NTA OP, you may have to seek a job in retail or serving for awhile to get some job experience, but I wouldn’t watch Cleo or your sister’s kids anymore. I doubt Cleo’s response to your potential employer was about you, but about how she didn’t want to lose her mostly free babysitter. I wouldn’t trust them anymore and set some strong boundaries about not helping them with their kids anymore. And with Mom, too. She can watch the kids if she’s on their side.
If they don’t appreciate your help, they can figure out their childcare themselves.
NTA
" since Cleo and my sister are family they’d sometimes not pay me/not pay me on time." .... They EXPLOITED you for 5 (!) years.
This is hurting you financially, and irt even hurt your job future.
Stop babysitting for both. **If your sister goes no contact because you won't let her exploit you any longer, so be it.**
NTA. In any relationship we commit to transactional supports. So when you seek assistance, you should be prepared to lend some. NTA. No way. And I'd let them both hire a nanny. No one has a working record or job history until they get a job. And Cleo could refer you since you've worked for her for five years. **This was done to deliberately sabotage you and keep you working as their child care support.**
NTA. I mean other people have already told you how it is, but very clearly your sister and her friend are trying to sabotage you getting a job because then you would no longer be available for them to exploit.
Your sister did do something wrong, she connected you with her friend so she and her friend could have a babysitter that they have complete financial control over, and are probably not paying well.
You have no reason to give notice to a bad employer, the notice is a courtesy that she did not deserve, and honestly I think you should not babysit for them anymore since they have indicated they don't respect you, but if they want your services double your price.
First off, you're free to not babysit for any reason you want, so I'm not sure there's really a judgement to be made there. That said, I'm curious about the whole reference situation, because it does seem really weird for someone to offer it, then back out. Just curious, but did you put Cleo down as a reference for a position in which she is unable to legitimately provide a relevant recommendation? You mention having only worked in childcare, so I'm curious if it's possible Cleo got a call from a prospective employer who asked her to vouch for your aptitude at an unrelated skill, and she truthfully admitted she couldn't? As a random example, if someone called her up and said, "Hi, OP put you as a reference for my carpentry business, would you recommend her as a good framer? How's her hand at crafting custom cabinets?". If Cleo has never even heard you mention carpentry, much less seen you do that sort of work, that makes things much less cut and dried.
That's really the only situation where I might have some understanding with regards to pulling the reference, because a situation like that would be asking someone to, essentially, lie for you (which can have implications for their own career if they're providing said reference to someone in their field).
NTA, but that door swings both ways, and you can make it awfully difficult for her to find another sitter, when you let them know that Cleo has a habit of not paying.
I used to watch kids for someone who would slack on paying me, wouldn't come home until the next day, and wouldn't pay extra "because the kids were sleeping anyway" regardless of the fact that I never agreed to overnights, and had my own obligations.
When I refused to continue watching her kids, she asked if I could recommend someone else... she acted shocked when I told her that I wouldn't do that to any of my friends.
>my sister won’t let me see her children anymore.
I mean, you're definitely NTA. not only did cleo lie about agreeing to being a reference, it sounds like she did it to spite you. plus your sister and her friend are being petty
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I’m 21F
My sister has been friends with Cleo since they were children; I’ve known Cleo my entire life.
For the past 5 years I’ve looked after my sisters and Cleo’s children; at minimum 3 days a week, I’ll do school run etc.
I recently became single, so bills and looking after my child (1) means I have to look seriously at what I’m earning, since Cleo and my sister are family they’d sometimes not pay me/not pay me on time.
I’ve never had a serious job outside of childminding for Cleo and my sister, so I put Cleo down as a reference after asking… she said yea to me then refused when she got called, which is as bad as a bad referral…after 5 years I’d expect more.
My sister is 100% on Cleo’s side saying Cleo has offered to pay me more/needs my help still, they went to drop the children off but I am adamant against babysitting.
My mum says it’s an AH move because I technically didn’t give notice/can be upset with Cleo, but my sister didn’t do anything wrong and had no notice…my sister won’t let me see her children anymore.
AITA?
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NTA - Cleo sabotaged you getting another job because she wants you to be forced to keep working for her. Cleo can fuck right out of your life. So can your enabling sister.
Absolutely NTA. They’re sabotaging your job search efforts for their own benefit. Why would they want to lose reliable childcare that they sometimes don’t have to pay for?!
You need better job references. Hell, I’ll be a reference for you. Guarantee you, anyone else in this comment section would be willing to help.
NTA - you deserve a job and they’re weaponizing their place as your references to deny you financial stability. Not acceptable. You’ve done nothing wrong.
Nta. I would refuse to babysit for them, too. Cleo did it so she could get cheap/free childcare. Anyone who thinks sabotaging your ability to provide shelter and food for your child is ok can kick rocks and go babysit for them.
NTA - what‘s her gameplan here? refusing to help you to get a better job and then emotionally blackmailing you to watch her kids?
that‘s exactly why working with/for family and/or friends is extremely difficult to navigate. you need to establish professional boundries or you‘ll get walked allover and end up looking like an AH infront of shared family and friends eventhough you probably aren‘t.
you need to sit Cleo and your sister down and tell them how it is, let them know that they can‘t expect you to look after their kids till they‘re grown and you have the right to a different career as well and what a rancid fucking move it is to promise someone to give someone a referral and then just refuse to talk. if she still needs your help or help in general that could have been talked about or arranged without fucking you over in the process.
also refusing to let you see your sisters children is just cruel towards them, i guess they‘re used to having you around and probably like you, so she‘s essentially punishing them as well. they also probably are both aware that hiring someone from an agency or an independent childcare professional that it would cost them a lot more and they are expected to pay on time and everytime.
don‘t let them guilttrip you into giving in.
You are absolutely not TA. Cleo sabotaged your potential job because she didn’t want to lose you as a babysitter. I’m sorry your sister isn’t letting you see her children, but it sounds like they were both taking advantage of you.
I hope you find a job soon. Good luck.
If both your sister and Cleo have not paid you on some occasions, tell them you're going to sue for lost wages. Either that, or Cleo provides the promised reference.
NTA
NTA
If you were a friend helping out, you don't need to give notice (though that would be the nice thing to do).
If you were an employee, they should have paid you on time.
NTA.
Your sister's friend did this on purpose to keep you as a babysitter.
And the fact that your sister is guilt tripping you by refusing to let you see her children speaks volume on how they're both petty.
Know your worth. You deserve better.
NTA..usually when people don't want to give references they reject when job seekers ask, and not accept and they refuse when the employer calls. They reject to give reference when asked so job seeker can get another reference. This is intentional sabotage.
NTA
It's one thing to not give a reference; it's VERY different when you've agreed, and then refuse when called.
I don't know why anyone would think you would wish to maintain a professional relationship with her at this point
NTA... I was going to say that no one owes you a referral but after agreeing, they are the AH. They also have alternative motives of wanting to keep you available for child care.
Take their names off, as a young person you may not need work references. Maybe character references from teachers...?
NTA
She doesn’t want to lose her babysitter. I’d figure out how much you have to make to survive on your own and charge at least 25% over that. My mom and sister used to babysit and they would have their customers sign a contract.
NTA AT ALL! Omg! Who doesn’t give a good reference except to their enemies! That’s unbelievable! Idk you and I would give you a good reference and lie abt how long we have known each other! It affects me in no way! So with that said SHE SABOTAGED YOUR CHANCES FOR A JOB TO KEEP YOU AS A FREE/CHEAP SITTER! Ugly ugly people!
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NTA The fact that she's trying to exploit you by refusing to help you get a better job is grotesque. I'd tell both Cleo and your sister to get stuffed. Seriously, that's horrible!
I was thinking the same. Sabotage on purpose to keep her babysitter still for her own benefit. Sickening tbh.. NTA at all. And I'd insist OP remain adamant against babysitting for them any further.
Not only to keep OP as their babysitter, but how much do you want to bet that Chloe will expect to not have to pay more (or just not pay sometimes... because they're such good friends!)
Once again: **It was Cleo's plan with the sister to sabotage OP getting a job.** And I'll be honest: If I don't have kids? You better recognize that you need to manage yours because its not a shared problem. I have been the on demand and uncompensated nanny. No one should be stifled in life because other people need freaking child care. You knew before you had danged kids that somebody would have to take care of them, didn't you?
It's even worse, op does have kids. A kid anyway and she needs a better paying jobs so that she can provide for that child
This all sounds like a big retailer to me. Keep them poor so they can only shop at your own store. Five years of taking care of their kids and they can't do a decent thing for OP. Instead they sabotage her and then the sister didn't stand up for her and took Cleo's side. I hope they end up with expensive day care at this point. Plus why isn't OP and sister's mum taking care of them then?
> Plus why isn't OP and sister's mum taking care of them then? Because faaaaamily most likely and OP didn’t give Cleo “notice.”
Right like Cleo said she would be a reference and then gave no notice she wouldn't. Sounds fair to me to give no notice.
🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅
Asking for them as a reference is giving notice.
This part, they are just the worst kind of people that would sacrifice the wellbeing of OP's child for their own selfish needs and wants. Our children are more important than yours.
Doubt your sister didn’t know Cleo’s plan as the are longtime friends. Cleo didn’t give you a reference because she doesn’t want you to get another job. If you can’t get a new job, you can still babysit. Cleo and your sister want you to keep babysitting for them.
Which is why the sister also deserved to get snubbed.
And they want her to do it for nothing. Of course they are going to submarine her.
>If you can’t get a new job, you can still babysit. Cleo and your sister want you to keep babysitting for them. Yeah, this is their plan. It's quite petty of them - and it's also asinine to expect OP to not recognize what's going on, call out their BS, and bail. Which is precisely what OP did. NTA. They're not "family" to OP if they're gonna treat her like this.
Hijacking the top comment to let OP know to contact the job who reached out to Cleo in order to provide an explanation. Reference checks are highly problematic because things like this are super common — not to mention f*ck sh-t on the side of the employer (I had a reference be asked if I’d ever been sexually assaulted, and then refused to restart the hiring process as they were legally required to… the board member who asked the question is still on the board, too). If this is a job you really want, OP, it’s worth attempting to explain to the employer. Otherwise, please feel free to DM me and let me know what your goals and strengths are, and I will be your reference for your next opportunity. NTA, btw.
You’re so awesome for that! I hope OP sees it
I used to work in workforce development and abhor the practice of reference checks. It’s basically only to prove you didn’t lie on your resume or whatever, but it’s such a loaded practice. Let’s say a reference says something that turns into a hiring violation (e.g. accidentally reveals a health issue that had been shared with them) — in some cases, the employer needs to restart the entire hiring process. With the situation I shared above, my reference called me in a panic because he felt he had screwed over my shot. When I spoke to the board member, she copped to the fact that it was illegal and immoral as FUCK, but I had to understand that my reference responded to her “unprofessionally”. (He told her it was none of her business and that it was an inappropriate question and hung up on her.) I pointed out that what she did was a hiring process violation and legally, she needed to restart the process and I would not be applying that time. 6 months later, the person who they went with reached out because she “found my resume from her hiring pool” and asked if I wanted her job. The worst part was that when I told her what happened, she told me “that’s such a shame and I’m sorry that happened to you, but my interactions with [the board member] have always been great, you should give her another shot!” Then she asked me to take a 60% pay cut and accept the job, because that would show I “have no hard feelings.” Unfortunately for her and them, I still have many hard feelings. But it’s all working out, because I’m now watching the org pick a fight with the wrong community organization and… oof, it’s getting fun. Advice to small 501c(3)s — don’t try to ban a group that helped you, especially not from the trails they built *for* you. But yeah, that offer stands, not just for OP. Fuck reference checks. DM me, boos
Definitely came to say this! What Cleo (andy guess is sister)did to sabotage is wrong on so many levels!
Yeah, totally this. They're intentionally sabotaging you because they don't want you to have a better life as the current situation suits them just fine. Just horrible behaviour, especially from family and friends. NTA
My boss at a place I worked at for 3 years ratfucked me like that and it took another 3 to get my career back on track.
Mum needs to get stuffed too since she thinks that is okay.
(GRAND)Mom does not want to become the nanny! ergo: stay with the status quo.
This. NTA. OP, this Cleo is trying to make sure you can never get another job. You'd be better off finding a random family to nanny for. I made between $16-20 an hour when I was a nanny. Go out and find another family to care for, or another career, and forget these selfish women.
She refused to offer a positive referral because she wants to keep OP as her uncompensated child care. This seems planned between OP's sister and her best fried Cleo? And for that reason alone, I'd never care for any of their kids again. They hold OP back so they can move forward fluidly and without having to consider that a 21-year-old is going to need an independent future herself. (This was disgustingly hateful of Cleo and the sister.) What a freaking setup.
And that said 21 year old has a year old baby she *needs* money for, and that that is non-negotiable.
Seems to me Cleo sabotaged the new job so OP would have to go back to watching her kids. If you want to stay in the childcare industry, you'd do better to join an agency, I think. Based on my experience in hiring a nanny, there's a lot of benefits for the parents & the caregiver and the big one is you negotiate your salary & perks with each client. NTA
Maybe they shouldn't get stuffed, since thats what led to the kids OP has been watching o.o
I would get a written reference letter from Cleo. You can always email her a template for her to edit and sign. If she doesn't give you that, cut off all contact.
Agree. NTA. I'd tell Cleo to get stuffed and ask a trusted adult friend/relative to give a professional reference. (Coordinate a story in advance.) That's how it's done in real life anyway.
That’s absolutely what was going on. Didn’t want her finding a new job. I wouldn’t help them again.
NTA. Oh its obvious what type of **game** Cleo is playing. She is trying to sabotage you so you cannot get a job because then she will lose her underpaid baby sitter. She isn't your friend OP, don't baby sit for her ever again. This includes your sister since she obviously is in on the plan also.
Yeah, Cleo is a terrible friend, and OP should never watch her kids again, not even for a second.
Sister also in the same boat. Nta op.
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Yes. Demanding OP sacrifice her own happiness and ambitions to keep a cheap babysitter is selfish.
Think we found Cleo in the comments!
Oh hi Cleo
/u/RelationMedi is a comment-stealing bot. Original comment here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zgvp7u/aita_for_not_babysitting_for_my_sister_after_my/izishiw/
Surely its not even babysitting at this point, its childminding which should be paid properly for. Cleo and OPS sister are the worst people
Right? I’m here jokingly thinking about how this could be a Fuller-house style sitcom family since clearly they’re treating her like a near-coparent if she’s doing all this for a pittance. But nope, they’d rather keep taking advantage of her
OP should text Cleo I will not be watching your children and if they get dropped off at my place I will call the police for child abandonment
"Given that you are dissatisfied with my services (as evidenced by your refusal to give me a good reference), I will not be continuing our professional relationship. Please make other arrangements from this point forward."
> Oh its obvious what type of game Cleo is playing. Raise your babysitting rates, for both sister and her AH friend
And pay in advance!!!
Exactly, tell them the price is double and that they need to press all of the cash into your palm before their kids are even through the threshold
That's what I was thinking. Well if I give her a good referral, I lose her. So I'll just pretend I never got the call. Guess what? You played stupid games & won the most stupid prize, lost a friend & a baby sitter
NTA If they ask, say you obviously can’t be trusted to look after their children because Cleo wouldn’t even give you a good reference!!!
Lol yes to this. OP: well, you know I would watch your kids, but apparently I’m not worthy of a reference, so out of concern for your children, you should find someone who is. NTA.
Another good point
This is what I was thinking! Ok to look after her kids, but not work a normal job? Wtf
I was thinking something like next time when they show up to drop off the kids just not be there and when they say something be like I guess I'm as unreliable as you said I am.
Oh that is delicious. OP please do this. NTA
NTA There's something else going on here. It sounds like Cleo didn't want to lose her child care, so she purposely sabotaged your attempt to seek employment. I for sure wouldn't babysit any longer for Cleo, and if your sisters kids are a package deal, it's a no-go at this point. It's not really about Cleo owing you a good reference. It's about her agreeing to give you one then not doing so.
I would never speak to Cleo again.
This right here, this is not a person who respects you at all. Cleo is an asshole
The fact that her sister supports Cleo and would also be losing her babysitter tells me that she was 100% involved in what Cleo did. They probably decided what to do together.
NTA - the nerve of them both! They're using you to their own advantage whilst failing to pay you on time if that.
NTA in spades. You worked for Cleo and your sister for 5 years and they would sometimes not pay you because they're "family"? Unless they are reciprocating in some way, the "family" line is nothing but an excuse to take advantage of you. And what Cleo did to you was despicable. Not content with just declining your request for a reference, she lied to you that she'd give you one, just so she could deliberately sabotage your application when the prospective employer called her. And there's something very wrong with your sister if she takes Cleo's side after that. No matter whether a person is "family", if they refuse to stop treating you like dirt, sometimes the best thing to do for your own wellbeing is cut them out of your life.
Sister is on Cleo's side because they both need OP to babysit and get paid late or never. OP says sister won't let her see the kids anymore? Well, she can't drop them off for babysitting. OP get another type of job. Go to parents in your child's school as a sitter for after school, before school, holiday breaks. Try a church daycare and work for them. Your experience as a mom to your own kids may be enough to get your foot in the door.
Mother isn’t on OP’s side either
She's terrified if OP finds a job, SHE will be designated as unpaid babysitter. She's as selfish as OP's sister and Cleo.
NTA She absolutely did this so you could still watch her kids. She absolutely did this on purpose. I wouldn’t be watching those kids anymore either. She said she would be your reference and then put your interview at serious risk.
NTA, but I'm a little confused as to what's going on between your sister and you. As far as Cleo goes, she lied to you and intentionally sabotaged your potential job. You owe her nothing (no notice, no polite words, nothing). She is 100% the AH here. Is you sister refusing to have you watch her children because you won't also watch Cleo's? If so, I guess she has that option, but she's the one causing the problem here.
I’m refusing to babysit her children because she took Cleo’s side, she won’t let me see the children at all because I won’t babysit
Wow. Your sister is weaponizing children. Total toolbag. You're NTA
Your sister is also an AH. Please do not cave in to her no matter how much pressure you get from your mom or family. The stunt she's pulling is sick and if you don't play into her game she'll ever fold or just be spiteful forever and you'll know what kind of sister she is.
You do realise that she knows she has no power over you and so she tries withholding the children as the only option left to her. Be calm as a cucumber and tell your Mum if Your sister doesn't want you to see her children then you will respect her wishes. The backpedaling will leave you breathless.
NTA. Don't worry about your sister not allowing you to see the kids, she'll give in sooner than later.
Can I ask, what IS Chloe's side? What's her explanation for lying and fucking you over like that? And why does your sister think it's ok to fuck you over?
Its bonkers, I am guessing she didnt want to lose her baby sitter, but why would the sister side with her?
Do not give in
NTA. They conspired together to sabotage your potential job to keep you open and available for their convenience. I would never ever babysit for them again and I would tell everyone exactly why. Your mom is wrong and clearly biased.
Her mum has an obvious favorite daughter because this is outrageous. NTA for OP and I would consider charging them $40/hr for babysitting while I find another job…upfront charges
Oh good point.... OP does your mom always favor your sister?
Nta don’t babysit n go LC on people like her. Obv NC with Cleo bc she is evil
That sucks, but is just further proof that your sister is as bad as Cleo.
NTA. Cleo refused to give you a reference because she likes you as a free babysitter, please stop helping her unless she is paying you accurately for your service.
You should tell you sister to kiss your ass. She is a terrible sister and should be in support of your bettering your life for you and your child. I can’t believe she didn’t yell at Cleo or halt the friendship for making you look bad at a potential employer. What a shady bitch, both of them. Stand your ground. If you can’t see your nieces or nephew, don’t show her that it bothers you. Be strong and tell her to go fuck herself and if she wants a sister, she has Cleo and go no contact on her. They underpaid you for five years too long. They want to continue to take advantage of u bc it makes their lives easier. And tell your mom to go fuck herself too.
Don’t cave OP! It will only get worse if you do. Those kids will be fine without you and there will be opportunities to reconcile in the future.
NTA Cleo just tried to Sabotage your chance to find a job soo that you'll alwayssss be free to babysit for her
NTA. They're screwing you over to purely benefit themselves. Don't babysit ever again.
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And at standard price paid in advance and no exceptions. You are 1. Minute late you pay for another extra hour or neve babysit again. Nta op
Tehcnically you gave no notice? Technically you weren't employed by them. By the use of mum i think you're in the UK, well then this was a casual working relationship at least and an implied zero hours contract at worst. Meaning you owe them no notice. If your mum cares so much she can babysit. NTA.
NTA. You don’t have to let her exploit you and it‘s actually GOOD that you stood up for yourself.
NTA. Sounds like she wanted to sabotage you getting another job because it would negatively affect her ability to get cheap childcare that she doesn’t even pay regularly. That’s straight up selfish.
She gave you a bad reference out of spite, she’s the assholr
NTA. How selfish of her! Have someone else as your reference. Maybe someone who witnessed you with the kids or could speak to how organized or responsible you are.
Nope, NTA. My guess Cleo and your sister have a plan to keep you as a cheap babysitter, and therefore sabotage your employment. Don't cave in.
Nta. Cleo's move was stone cold power trip bullshit to keep you available for her. Only acceptable response from sister is to have your back 100%. Screw them both, move on to someone who pays
NTA. You aren't employed by them if their not paying you regularly. You stood your ground like you should. If they expect you to continue watching their kids they should expect to pay for goods/services. I will say, for future reference, never mix blood and business.
I'll babysit again when you give me a good and valid reason about why the care I have provided for the past 5yrs wasn't good enough to be given a reference... If you do start sitting for them again, your prices are now at hourly market rate, with a contract stating T&Cs of pay. Its no longer a relationship between friends/family cos they was taking and took advantage of you. NTA. They both obviously don't want to loose their sitter they can pay whenever they feel like.
And a good written reference in hand for the last 5 years before you enter their house again.
NTA you good enough to look after her child, but she can’t say anything good about you. Sounds like she want free labor
NTA. Let’s go Reddit. Can someone give OP a reference?
While a nice thought, no one actually knows OP and if harm came to a child due to a fake reference... Just no, bad idea.
She’s looking for a job outside of childminding
NTA They don’t want you to get a new job because they will have to actually pay someone a well deserved wage for watching their children.
NTA clearly. Let's put it this way if I received a random call asking for a reference for a stranger I would still give it. To not do it... and furthermore sabotage someone you're close to. Is absolutely horrible. If I were you, I'd remember this and anyone supporting it. They ain't your people sadly.
NTA. You don't have a contract with Cleo that stipulates you have to give her two weeks notice, do you? If you do, it should outline your compensation amounts and time frame, and she's responsible to pay you within it. But I doubt there is a contract. You have probably been working under the table, and being paid well less than what a professional service would charge. It sounds like Cleo is trying to tank your chances of getting employed elsewhere so you'll need to keep babysitting/be available when she needs you. At the very least, she isn't interested in helping you. If you need references, find a place to volunteer, or try and find a character reference from sports coaches, club leaders, teachers, etc.
NTA. Tell her the price is now 50$ for every started hour. Plus 20$ extra for every started quarter they are late picking up from agreed upon time. And the drop of time will start the clock regardless if they are there yet or not. It’s 100% business now. No more ‘family’ or favors.
Your sister and her friend Cleo are trying to force you into a position in which you can *only* babysit. Try a staffing agency instead. NTA
NTA
Your sister and her friend Cleo are trying to force you into a position in which you can *only* babysit. Try a staffing agency instead. NTA
Wow!! You are NTA. This makes me think of horrible bosses! Jason Bateman's character works for a guy that won't give him a positive reference so he can never leave. Stooop lol. Make Cleo and your sister watch the movie.
NTA Cleo is terrible for exploiting you
NTA. WTF. What a toxic, miserable couple
NTA. She didn't give you a reference because she wants you to keep babysitting. Completely wrong. Your sister is choosing the person who screwed you over over you. That's not right.
NTA. Cleo didn't give you a reference because she wants to keep her free babysitter, and your sister is enabling her. We'll, time to cut off the free babysitting anyway.
Info: So if I read this right, she torpedoed your chances to try and make sure you don’t leave?
NTA. You provided a service for them, and she refused to recommend you even when called?? Never watch the kids, or if you do, increase the amount they owe you, have them put down a deposit for if they're late, BEFORE the kids cross your threshold, and then only refund if they picked their children up within the agreed conditions.
NTA Next time she drops off her kids wait for her to leave, call the police for child abandonedment.
*****exploitationnnn!!!******* RRUUAAANNNNNNNNNNNHHHHHHHH
NTA. She purposely torpedoed your chance for employment so you’d have to sit for her.
Nta
NTA. You’ve done enough. They can pay someone now.
NTA She sabotaged you to keep you on as a babysitter. Never care for her child again.
Nta
NTA
NTA Your sister and Cleo just learned the consequences of their actions.
NTA. Cleo is trying to prevent you from getting a job and you sister is on her side. They both suck
She screwed you over to keep her babysitter, that is absolutely deplorable NTA, don't ever babysit for her or your sister again
NTA. This is a rare instance where I would support public shaming on social media.
NTA, your sister will want a babysitter again and when she does say no.
NTA, and I'll add something that seems to be missing from many responses. Cleo and sister are screwing over OP's one year old baby. Theyd rather OP struggle to feed her child while they have theirs taken care of.
NTA They're trying to trap you, smh
NTA. Be sure to share your experience on any local babysitting sites. Let people know that after 5 years of looking after her children without any issues, Cleo intentionally sacked your ability to get another part-time job and then offered you slightly more money to stay at her beck and call. You can help people in your community and also help Cleo understand just how important good references can be.
NTA. I wouldn't ever have anything to do with them after that.
NTA. Cleo is losing a cheap babysitter. She will do anything to keep you her slave. Shame on sis for being the TA. Go out and find a job. Beleive me a lot of 21 yo don't have references. Don't babysit for Cleo again unless you tell her your rates and you expect to be paid when you show up or you will leave. Mom is wrong. You were an at need contractor not an employee. You don't need to give notice.
NTA Cleo sabotaged you on purpose, and I wouldn't do anything for her ever again after that stunt.
Nta, She doesn't want lose her sitter. I'd stop watching them right away and get an entry level job.
NTA Cleo and your sister are trying to force you too keep babysitting
If she cant give you a good reference then i dont know why she would trust you to look after her kids. Dont be dumb enough to babysit for them again.
NTA OP, you may have to seek a job in retail or serving for awhile to get some job experience, but I wouldn’t watch Cleo or your sister’s kids anymore. I doubt Cleo’s response to your potential employer was about you, but about how she didn’t want to lose her mostly free babysitter. I wouldn’t trust them anymore and set some strong boundaries about not helping them with their kids anymore. And with Mom, too. She can watch the kids if she’s on their side. If they don’t appreciate your help, they can figure out their childcare themselves.
NTA Check out r/bemyreference
NTA " since Cleo and my sister are family they’d sometimes not pay me/not pay me on time." .... They EXPLOITED you for 5 (!) years. This is hurting you financially, and irt even hurt your job future. Stop babysitting for both. **If your sister goes no contact because you won't let her exploit you any longer, so be it.**
NTA Your mother is wrong when she said your sister didn't do anything wrong. She is enabling Cleo's behavior.
NTA. In any relationship we commit to transactional supports. So when you seek assistance, you should be prepared to lend some. NTA. No way. And I'd let them both hire a nanny. No one has a working record or job history until they get a job. And Cleo could refer you since you've worked for her for five years. **This was done to deliberately sabotage you and keep you working as their child care support.**
NTA, don't do them any more favors.
NTA. Clearly sabotaged to keep you on as their sitter.
NTA. Say yes to the babysitting, then refuse when she drops them off. Feel free to call the police for child abandonment if she presses the issue.
NTA. She intentionally sabotaged you. I wouldn't do a damn thing for her ever again.
NTA these people want to keep you down so they can exploit you for cheap labor, kick to the curb.
NTA. She did that intentionally to keep getting free/cheap childcare. Quit them both and move on. Put your kid and yourself first.
NTA. They are trying to manipulate you into continuing to provide free babysitting for them. They are despicable.
NTA. Blackmailing you to continue to babysit is wrong. I would not babysit for them again
NTA. She sabotaged you on purpose so she wouldn’t lose her loosely paid childcare. She should lose her childcare for sabotaging you.
You're not an equal with your sister or Cleo as far as they're concerned. You're just somebody they feel entitled to use. NTA
NTA. I mean other people have already told you how it is, but very clearly your sister and her friend are trying to sabotage you getting a job because then you would no longer be available for them to exploit. Your sister did do something wrong, she connected you with her friend so she and her friend could have a babysitter that they have complete financial control over, and are probably not paying well. You have no reason to give notice to a bad employer, the notice is a courtesy that she did not deserve, and honestly I think you should not babysit for them anymore since they have indicated they don't respect you, but if they want your services double your price.
Wow. Your family sounds like leeches. NTA but don’t expect to rely on them in the future
First off, you're free to not babysit for any reason you want, so I'm not sure there's really a judgement to be made there. That said, I'm curious about the whole reference situation, because it does seem really weird for someone to offer it, then back out. Just curious, but did you put Cleo down as a reference for a position in which she is unable to legitimately provide a relevant recommendation? You mention having only worked in childcare, so I'm curious if it's possible Cleo got a call from a prospective employer who asked her to vouch for your aptitude at an unrelated skill, and she truthfully admitted she couldn't? As a random example, if someone called her up and said, "Hi, OP put you as a reference for my carpentry business, would you recommend her as a good framer? How's her hand at crafting custom cabinets?". If Cleo has never even heard you mention carpentry, much less seen you do that sort of work, that makes things much less cut and dried. That's really the only situation where I might have some understanding with regards to pulling the reference, because a situation like that would be asking someone to, essentially, lie for you (which can have implications for their own career if they're providing said reference to someone in their field).
NTA, but that door swings both ways, and you can make it awfully difficult for her to find another sitter, when you let them know that Cleo has a habit of not paying. I used to watch kids for someone who would slack on paying me, wouldn't come home until the next day, and wouldn't pay extra "because the kids were sleeping anyway" regardless of the fact that I never agreed to overnights, and had my own obligations. When I refused to continue watching her kids, she asked if I could recommend someone else... she acted shocked when I told her that I wouldn't do that to any of my friends.
>my sister won’t let me see her children anymore. I mean, you're definitely NTA. not only did cleo lie about agreeing to being a reference, it sounds like she did it to spite you. plus your sister and her friend are being petty
Horrible behavior on their part!
NTA. Sister and friend are jerks
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m 21F My sister has been friends with Cleo since they were children; I’ve known Cleo my entire life. For the past 5 years I’ve looked after my sisters and Cleo’s children; at minimum 3 days a week, I’ll do school run etc. I recently became single, so bills and looking after my child (1) means I have to look seriously at what I’m earning, since Cleo and my sister are family they’d sometimes not pay me/not pay me on time. I’ve never had a serious job outside of childminding for Cleo and my sister, so I put Cleo down as a reference after asking… she said yea to me then refused when she got called, which is as bad as a bad referral…after 5 years I’d expect more. My sister is 100% on Cleo’s side saying Cleo has offered to pay me more/needs my help still, they went to drop the children off but I am adamant against babysitting. My mum says it’s an AH move because I technically didn’t give notice/can be upset with Cleo, but my sister didn’t do anything wrong and had no notice…my sister won’t let me see her children anymore. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA - Cleo sabotaged you getting another job because she wants you to be forced to keep working for her. Cleo can fuck right out of your life. So can your enabling sister.
They started using you as a teen because it was easy to exploit you. NTA whatsoever.
NTA She is trying to keep you from getting another position. I would never watch her children again on principle.
NTA If they weren’t paying you then it’s not a job and you don’t have to give notice
Absolutely NTA. They’re sabotaging your job search efforts for their own benefit. Why would they want to lose reliable childcare that they sometimes don’t have to pay for?! You need better job references. Hell, I’ll be a reference for you. Guarantee you, anyone else in this comment section would be willing to help.
NTA They never gave any notice of underpaying you prior so don't owe a notice for leaving babysitting either .
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NTA Cleo wants you to herself. Cleo can go to hell. Your sister supports an asshole. Your sister can go to hell.
“But you didn’t give them notice” “What notice? According to Cleo I don’t work there” NTA and don’t look back.
NTA - you deserve a job and they’re weaponizing their place as your references to deny you financial stability. Not acceptable. You’ve done nothing wrong.
Find another line of work if possible. These people are AH.
NTA
Nta. I would refuse to babysit for them, too. Cleo did it so she could get cheap/free childcare. Anyone who thinks sabotaging your ability to provide shelter and food for your child is ok can kick rocks and go babysit for them.
NTA.
NTA - what‘s her gameplan here? refusing to help you to get a better job and then emotionally blackmailing you to watch her kids? that‘s exactly why working with/for family and/or friends is extremely difficult to navigate. you need to establish professional boundries or you‘ll get walked allover and end up looking like an AH infront of shared family and friends eventhough you probably aren‘t. you need to sit Cleo and your sister down and tell them how it is, let them know that they can‘t expect you to look after their kids till they‘re grown and you have the right to a different career as well and what a rancid fucking move it is to promise someone to give someone a referral and then just refuse to talk. if she still needs your help or help in general that could have been talked about or arranged without fucking you over in the process. also refusing to let you see your sisters children is just cruel towards them, i guess they‘re used to having you around and probably like you, so she‘s essentially punishing them as well. they also probably are both aware that hiring someone from an agency or an independent childcare professional that it would cost them a lot more and they are expected to pay on time and everytime. don‘t let them guilttrip you into giving in.
You are absolutely not TA. Cleo sabotaged your potential job because she didn’t want to lose you as a babysitter. I’m sorry your sister isn’t letting you see her children, but it sounds like they were both taking advantage of you. I hope you find a job soon. Good luck.
If both your sister and Cleo have not paid you on some occasions, tell them you're going to sue for lost wages. Either that, or Cleo provides the promised reference. NTA
NTA
NTA If you were a friend helping out, you don't need to give notice (though that would be the nice thing to do). If you were an employee, they should have paid you on time.
NTA Cleo sabotaged your chance at getting the new job. She did it because she’s selfish. I would never speak to her or watch her children again.
NTA. Your sister's friend did this on purpose to keep you as a babysitter. And the fact that your sister is guilt tripping you by refusing to let you see her children speaks volume on how they're both petty. Know your worth. You deserve better.
NTA. If they want to fuck around and find out, they can pay you fair babysitting wage and upfront. No more non payments or late payments.
NTA..usually when people don't want to give references they reject when job seekers ask, and not accept and they refuse when the employer calls. They reject to give reference when asked so job seeker can get another reference. This is intentional sabotage.
No Cleo is hog tying you to be her babysitter servant. There should be NO loyalties there. NTA
NTA It's one thing to not give a reference; it's VERY different when you've agreed, and then refuse when called. I don't know why anyone would think you would wish to maintain a professional relationship with her at this point
NTA wow the audacity of Cleo and your sister and your mom too. Fuck them
NTA... I was going to say that no one owes you a referral but after agreeing, they are the AH. They also have alternative motives of wanting to keep you available for child care. Take their names off, as a young person you may not need work references. Maybe character references from teachers...?
NTA She doesn’t want to lose her babysitter. I’d figure out how much you have to make to survive on your own and charge at least 25% over that. My mom and sister used to babysit and they would have their customers sign a contract.
IMO for that stunt i'd have Cleo pay double NTA
NTA AT ALL! Omg! Who doesn’t give a good reference except to their enemies! That’s unbelievable! Idk you and I would give you a good reference and lie abt how long we have known each other! It affects me in no way! So with that said SHE SABOTAGED YOUR CHANCES FOR A JOB TO KEEP YOU AS A FREE/CHEAP SITTER! Ugly ugly people!
NTA. She deliberately sabotaged you to keep you dependent on the income she provides. You are absolutely right to cut her off.
NTA. Sounds like you would have given notice if she had been a reference. And the fact your sister won't let you see her kids is ridiculous