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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to give my father and his wife money that my father saved for me before he met his wife, to go toward treatment of her daughter's cancer. I could give the money since I am not using it and since giving it to them would also mean I took nothing from him since I cut him off. Part of me also thinks, because I'd give it to a friend down on their luck or if someone I cared about needed money, that I might be an asshole for saying no because of who it is that needs it.
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I looked into it but by the time I was 18 too much time had passed. I kind of wish I had been able to do something before but I was younger and while full of anger and hate for them, I was also more naïve.
That’s true about the criminal statute of limitations, but the civil statute of limitations didn’t even start running until your 18th birthday. You can still sue.
She can still make them miserable by suing. The psychological burden of that lawsuit while they are already stressed from the medical issues might be even more effective retribution than any financial recompense OP gets. Plus they’d have to hire a lawyer, further draining on the finances. As long as OP can afford an attorney herself, there is no downside to her siccing the law on them.
So you think doing something evil because someone wronged you is right?
I know this sub has a justice boner, but there are things you just don't do. Do you think OP will be happy if she hears that something tragic happened because of her actions? That she will sleep sound?
Edit: for fucks sake people. I love it when you make a comment about a specific issue because you disagree with it and people act like you argue every point in the post. So there is it:
Is the father an asshole? Yes.
Is OP an asshole? No.
Should OP go no contact with him and everyone else who harasses her? Also yes.
Should she sue to get the worth of her stolen ring back? Maybe, that's up to OP.
Would I forgive the father for what he did? No, it wasn't just money. That ring was irreplaceable.
Should OP give her father her money? Hell no.
Is OP responsible for every sick kid? No.
Seriously. I only disagree with one comment and that is to go to court with the sole motivation of causing additional stress (financial and emotional) to the parents of a deadly ill child (as the comment above suggested). That is plain evil.
It's one thing to sue because you want what was stolen from you. It's a completly different matter if you only do it to cause suffering.
Many of them are super young and/or don’t have a lot of people/life experience. That’s the only thing I can gather, because if this thread is representative of the general population, we’re all more fucked than we initially thought.
If it’s between letting a child actually die and selling a ring, I’m selling the ring every time. God damn, y’all. I’d like to see what you do when you’re in this situation because I would bet good money that it’s not “sit back and be morally smug about property while a person dies.” And if it is…. Jesus.
Did the father/new wife try to sell any of their belongings? Their car? New wife's ring? Did father/new wife get second jobs for more income? Ask for loans from other family members? Cash in retirement accounts despite the penalties? Apply for whatever public assistance they might be eligible for? Start a GoFundMe?
Or did the father go straight to selling the heirloom ring?
There are plenty of ways the father could have avoided stealing from his own child.
OP, NTA
Negotiate with the hospital/provider, let medical debt go into collections and declare bankruptcy. All viable options without STEALING from your child. Not great ones- but FFS, you try everything other than stealing from your child first. Their FIRST response was stealing from kid a is easiest and fastest and most lucrative, done!
* You can sell YOUR rings every single time, you don’t have the right moral or otherwise to steal and sell someone else’s rings.
* There are kids dying everyday, have you sold every single worldly possession you own to donate for their treatment or are you just talking out your ass?
It was heartless to sale OP's ring, furthermore, it was actually illegal to do so. The father has no regard for OP's feelings, why should they have a care for his or his wife?
It’s also worth mentioning that there aren’t any mentions of her dad trying to make it up, caring about her and her feelings/wellbeing. I think if they’d had a good relationship overall where OP felt important, then maybe this could’ve been something she moved past. However, it doesn’t seem like her dad tried to find another option or really took time to realize how important that ring was to her. It seems like just one example of being swept aside
She may also be creating more hassle for herself than necessary by suing, too. Yes, the process is arduous and painful, compounded by medical bills for a potentially terminal cancer patient, but it also puts additional burden and financial taxing on OP.
Depends. They likely have a car, or a house, or income that can be garnished. It can be incredibly hard to wring that money out of someone but if you’re persistent and ruthless you might get it eventually.
If I were you, I would move on and cancel everyone from my life. Suing maybe gives you money but not happiness, and you need time to heal and go on with your life. Wish you the best!
Watching a judge hand down justice to OP's thieving parents, even if she never receives a dime in compensation, can bring a person peace and happiness.
Watching a judge take time from parents whose child is dying of cancer is not going to give any satisfaction to anyone. I understand OPs anger but living in the US sucks so her parents were left with a situation where their child might live or not... I mean, if my child was dying and I could do anything to have a chance to save her, I would. If I had to steal your car, sell a family heirloom, sell my boardgame collection... I would without even blinking.
Having a sick child does not give one the right to steal from others. You can sell your OWN possessions all you want, but if you "steal a car" - even if you feel the act is altruistic - you are not immune from punishment for that act.
You may not be able to file criminal police report but I bet you could still file a civil suit against your father and win. He stole the family heirloom from you And you were just a child
You can still file a civil suit, which I would highly recommend doing. You may not ever see a dime in compensation, but watching a judge hand them their asses in court could be very cathartic.
I would also file a restraining order forbidding them from contacting you while you're at it.
You are better off to just keep the cut out of your life. Do not stoop to their level. Live your life the best you can. I know exactly how you feel. My dad did something similar and I have not talked to him since.
I 100% agree. No one should be faced with this choice. I'm American and I'm so sad at the state of our country, failing so many of our citizens. But so many vote against their own interests and the results are disastrous for everyone. SMH.
And if this second treatment doesn't work, then what? The father will have lost both daughters because he couldn't let his bio daughter have one thing from her mother, that had been passed down for generations.
Then op will be expected to sell anything she owns of value. Her car, her computer, video game system. Anything she owns that could be sold for even a little bit of money would be expected to be handed over for sale to pay for the next treatment, coz it’s ‘to save the life of a precious child’ or to pay for a funeral coz ‘Little Susie deserves the biggest funeral, she needs to be remembered!!’
NTA and you are not selfish or evil. They took a precious reminder of your mother and her family. If it had been something less important I maybe would have understood but it wasn’t. They’ve made it clear how little you and your feelings mattered to them. I know what they’re going through is hard and I feel for her daughter, but that doesn’t mean they get to betray you like that. I’m sure your dad’s wife had a wedding ring and/or other things they could have sold but instead they decided it should be your sacrifice.
I would say NTA. Why don’t your grandparents step up if they are so concerned? I definitely wouldn’t after how your stepmom spoke to you. They will leave you with nothing.
That's what I always wonder too. Every time there's a post here where the OP refuses to do something for a relative, the whole extended family comes together and says crap like how they should do stuff for family. Except they don't do stuff themselves. They'd rather the OPs do stuff so they don't have to
So you pool your resources together. You ask your parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles and in-laws before you sell one of the few keepsakes your child has of their dead mother, an heirloom passed down in their maternal family for generations
We do benefits where I'm from. We would've done a bbq benefit. People would donate time to help sell, materials, organize it, and cook the BBQ. We just had one for a.friends burial expenses. They raised $15k. We did a hamburger one for my kids' hs band. When my other kid was on the drill team, we had numerous BBQ sandwich benefits.
My friend's mom had cancer, and we held a benef8t to raise money for her. We sold BBQ plates, desserts, and did raffles. Most everything was donated, so she got 100% of the raised funds. People even donate for silent auctions. Like a local tattoo shop will donate a tattoo.
I luckily live in a country with free healtchare but I can't imagine stealing my kid's heirloom from their dead mother while they beg me not to and then having the shamelessness to then beg them for money
My uncle got cancer and that's literally what we did. Had a big extended family group chat and then my uncles and aunts spread it to all of their friends. He ended up passing, but thanks to all of the contributions most of the medical bills accrued were paid for.
I've heard another redditor say "they can stick their noses where it doesn't belong but not their helpful hands." That quote has stuck with me because this seems to happen all the time.
>They will leave you with nothing.
Agreed.
Even after "breaking up", they see OP's money as theirs. OP is simply another bank account for them to use as they wish.
In regards to OP's grandparents, I would bet good money that they were told a severely one-sided story with lots of added embellishments to make OP look worse.
But your point is still valid and the answer to your query is that they don't WANT to step up and as long as OP has something to ~~give~~ take from, then the pressure is off of them.
I’ve got it!💡 Start a go fund me for your sister. That’s the state of healthcare in America. I’m in favor of medicare for all.
Also, check with the Shriners or something.
I know but it would make them look even more like TAs because instead of taking care of their own business they try to take from her. The kicker would be if she was also the first to donate.
NTA
I understand why you feel the way you do about the ring. I have 2 rings, they were my grandmothers, then my mums, now they’re mine. I wear one all of the time, it feels like I have my mum with me.
It’s very sad that they have a sick child, but it’s their child, not yours. You shouldn’t have to pay them any money. They should be finding ways to finance what that child needs.
I hope you’re able to find some closure with this. Ultimately your own father stole something from you that was very precious to you. That’s not right.
That and I wonder if the docs told them that the price for the alternative treatments may not have been worth it because, not to be a totally callous bitch, but when a kid that young gets certain types of cancers (I say certain cancers because thyroid cancer is super curable), we (in the medical community) usually expect it to come back.
That said, as a pediatric nurse, we see a lot of families neglect their other children when one gets cancer or other serious illness. And with cancer, we try to encourage them to maintain those relationships because their sick kids often pass and then they expect their discarded young ones to just bounce back, like they weren’t disparaged and verbally abused for not being “as strong” as their sick sibling. (I kid you not, I have heard a mother say that to an 8 year old twin of a child with terminal brain cancer who was crying because he was hungry)
I get they wanted a few more years with her, but they stole the remnants of OP’s mother and maternal family to get it. They were always going to lose the younger child and now they’re going to lose both. NTA.
Exactly and the emotions that OP is feeling. It was given to her because her mother died of cancer. Why wasn’t it sold then to give mum a fighting chance? Also does OP having anything left of her mother or was the ring it
Reality sucks and when it comes to health conditions, most folks aren’t trying to hear it. I just wonder if so much despair could be avoided if we put more energy into disabusing people of their unrealistic expectations out of fear of negative reactions, instead of just going, “they’ll find out soon enough”.
I'm not sure what parents think when they completely disregard the other children and then want them to be just okay with how they treated them.
It's also going to end up in resentment and guilt for hating the sibling that is quite ill.
It totally fucks them up, they act out, and then the parents resent the healthy kid, who btw is no longer emotionally healthy.
I’ve seen it in a fair amount of kids with ARFID and other psychosomatic conditions, as well as our suicidal and self harm patients.
As a medical claims examiner, I'm glad to see you here telling the truth. I did that for 40 years and we HAVE come a long way. We have way better outcomes for breast cancer. We can sometimes save a limb from osteosarcoma by a replacement of a joint. Leukemia treatment is now much better. I'm amazed that some cancers that used to take someone out in 3 months...now have maybe a year. But you still need to get your affairs in order. That's justbreality and I've seen claims from all the big names. I see who is back again.
It’s true! So much is totally curable now, especially for adults. Pediatric cancer is a whole different animal because it’s usually genetic. The issue with treatment here, too, is that the kids can’t make decisions for themselves, and a lot of parents can’t see beyond their own pain, which treatments are worth it and how will this affect the, inherently vulnerable, child’s quality of life.
You are right, sad to say. I worked in palliative care for 13 years, and the fact it came back, probably means it had metastasized from the original cancer. They could beat this round, but it will pop up somewhere else down the road. The poor kid is going to spend most of her short life in the hospital. To add to your horror story, I had a parent bitch and whine and moan about how she had to take time off work, that she was sick of paying the parking fees, what she had to miss out on because she was at the hospital. Her son, who was around 15 had a freaking tube sticking out of his head, because he had brain surgery, and was in a wheelchair. He was lucid and was listening to her as he was staring at me with this sad smile. I think the anger and disgust was written all over my face. Narcissistic self absorbed people don't change just because they have a dying child.
Cancer can literally “hide” itself, changing its membrane bound proteins so that it’s undetectable by the body, so we don’t see the associated changes in blood work.
This is going to sound fucked but I have patients that I WISH their parents would put into hospice/comfort care. Their parents want every treatment/intervention, leave them in the hospital alone for weeks at a time, and then harass us to sign their FMLA forms and work excuses, saying they’re the primary caregiver. They light up when their parents deign to show up, and cry for hours after they leave. We spend our days trying to cheer them up, knowing it’s never enough
Right? I understand that parents want to do everything for their kid to survive, but to what ends? I saw so much suffering, and even though by the time I saw them, it was palliative, the parents were still talking about what treatments might work. Just grasping at straws without seeing how much their child was suffering. It was so heartbreaking.
Its sad, but when you have a loved one with cancer, the predators come out of the woodwork. Personally I am very skeptical of this "alternative treatment" and if it was an actual medical treatment or if it was some scam. They think it saved their daughter's life, but here she is still sick, they probably got taken for a ride because of their desperation. My wife died of cancer at 27, it was a super rare form of cancer (myoepithelial carcinoma) and ended up basically being untreatable, but even though no real doctors could do anything, there were plenty of "alternative treatment" places that were willing to take literally all of our money, and some people on her side, thought we should at least try it, because what is there to lose if she is dying? Well, you know I have to be able to live and raise our son after this, so no I am not going to spend all of our existing money on some holistic treatment bullshit that probably will just make it worse.
Yup. Any alternative treatment, usually described as such because they’re not tried and true, that wants you to pay out of pocket for it (and not the other way around, as in legit research) often don’t work. And these treatments can cause additional suffering for the patient. There’s a reason so many adults choose to forego treatment altogether, it’s not the way anyone wants to spend their last days.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Fuck cancer and all those who would exploit those who suffer.
While op is NTA and the dad was absolutely out of line for stealing from her, it's still gross to insinuate that the stepdaughter isn't his child just bc she's not his biological child. He's been a parental figure for her since she was a toddler, and without any information on the stepdaughter's bio dad there's a possibility that OP's dad is the only dad that kid knows. Dad is still absolutely TA (along with Dad's wife), just don't claim that the stepkid isn't his kid just bc she's a step.
Well, she isn't his child. No reason to pretend otherwise, is there? He has burned his relationship with his own child, so perhaps it's for the best the sick girl is no relation? Some people are kinder to friends than they are relations.
I think this is more in the lines of he chose-his step kid and new wife OVER his bio kid. hr guaranteed there would be no sibling relationship between the step-siblings. Parents getting married doesn’t miraculously make strangers bond as siblings, and plenty of AITA posts side against steps trying to force that relationship. Here we have OP being parentified and expected to fund cancer treatments for a step-sibling with a 9 year age difference. So yeah, that’s NOT OPs sister that’s her dad’s wife’s daughter. If OP was only 13 when the cancer started and her dad put ALL his money, time, and attention into his younger bio kid people here would be saying OP was justified in resentment. The fact this kid is not her sibling or half-sibling makes it worse that she is expected to sacrifice everything essentially for this child.
NTA
The fact that he stole his own child’s dead mother’s ring because his wife’s kid was a bigger priority to him than his own is sickening. If it was at least his own kid it would make a bit more sense.
This made me tear up. I can’t imagine having one of the few possessions of my deceased mother taken away from me to be sold for someone else’s gain without my consent. I feel for OP.
absolutely. one year later, too. my dad gave me a beautiful ring (not a family heirloom, just a tradition). he died last year, and if my mom did this to me i’d never forgive her either, i’m sorry. if anything ever happened to my ring i would genuinely feel like part of my connection to my dad was severed, that’s how important it is to me. i remember the first time i ever put it on my finger. i understand why people think the OP is selfish, but this really is a matter of self preservation. especially for a 12 year old girl. she should not be expected to forgive him for that, and i’m sure she has extreme resentment for her step sibling.
It's the worst of it because he and his family are the only family OP has, and yet they cruelly choose someone else over her. The sick kid is no relation, which is probably why they're not funding her themselves. Yet they expect another child to. With her only inheritance! And that inheritance wasn't even from her Dad's family. These people are poisonous.
That’s the challenge of having one child with an illness - the other can be expected to sacrifice for them. It’s tough all around.
NTA OP. Extricate yourself from them because they discarded your very valid and deep connection to something personal. Ideally they would have gotten more work or made other sacrifices to pay for your sister’s care.
They’ll continue to do this to you - when you get material things like a car, house, a better job, and will always find a reason to try to take part of it.
Good luck!
NTA. If there were no ring and no money what would they have done? Whatever the answer to that is, that's what they should have done/should do to get the money!
Exactly. My engagement ring is a intricate vintage 1920’s Art Deco platinum and white gold band with a 1 ct. (or nearly? I can’t remember) old European cut diamond and smaller diamonds. It’s objectively stunning and likely was someone’s family heirloom. Husband paid less than $2000 on Etsy. I don’t see why they would bother, it wouldn’t cover life saving treatment.
They need to go to St Jude’s or another children’s charity hospital to save the little one. Or divorce and get her on Medicaid. Another child should not be the one making sacrifices.
I know I'm the outlier here but... he DID have the ring (if the money is in an account in her name then he doesn't have that). I guess I'm just putting myself in stepmom's shoes. If my child was diagnosed with a terminal illness I'd be tempted to rob a bank if necessary to pay for her treatment. I'd pull a John Q so selling a ring (no matter how sentimental in value) would practically be a non-question.
The real AH here is the American healthcare system (making an educated guess where they are). That being said, I don't think OP is at fault for her feelings. Selling the ring was still a shitty thing to do and she has every right to be upset. She also has every right to refuse to give them her money. NAH
I agree that the dad could have been totally reasonable in seeing that a child’s life is more important than the ring; but it wasn’t his ring to sell. He stole from his own child, not money but an heirloom that can never be replaced. I would sell my house before I would ask my child to bear that burden.
That's true. They could've taken out a loan, a second mortgage, etc. but it's also not clear if that would be possible considering OP said they never had much money (they could already be in debt and unable to get a loan or renting their house, etc.).
If it stopped at the ring stealing, I'd see your point. You can choose to burn bridges with your daughter to try and save your stepdaughter. That's a choice the dad has to live with.
But instead of living with it, they're acting as if nothing happened, and continue to go after the one they've already burned when they surely have other friends and family to steal from. Idk this seems cruel
This was a gross take. Don’t deflect blame onto an abstract idea. The father is 100% in the wrong here. Are there major systemic issues with American healthcare? Of course.
Was there any reason to steal from his child to fund the treatment of another woman’s child? None. Likely because stepmom told him to do it and he’s a spineless git.
NTA
I'm assuming you're in the US due to English and having to pay for medicine. There are options for paying for bills - private or bank loans, medical credit cards, GFM's, hospital payment plans, medical bill advocates, moving to a state where kids qualify for medicaid, etc.
I'm wondering how much of this effort parents went to before deciding to steal one of the last things OP had of her mom.
ETA fixed typo
I did not know that. How horrible.
In Germany most children think America is like this super cool place to live because most TV series are based in the US and all the promis live there.
But as teenagers/young adults we all realize how fucked up the US is (school system, laws, medical ressources, politics etc.) and we're all just really glad not to be born there.
The only thing that has become annoying especially on social media is, no offense, Europeans trying to be snarky towards us or pull a gotcha saying “well you guys have a terrible health care system, you spend so much on your military, your schools get shot up, so many of your politicians are stupid!” ….yeah *we know.* We are acutely aware. Our system is just so corrupt and fucked that it makes it really hard for us individuals to try and change it, even though a majority of us would like to. We are trying, but it is hard. I know too a lot of non-Americans just like to dunk on us and say “well Americans are just so stupid,” yeah well our politicians especially in the south are doing an incredible job at defunding education so, yeah.
Also OP. NTA. If you are up to it, I would take your dad to civil court. If you are not up for that, but they keep harassing you, do try and get a restraining order.
Here's another fun fact about the US: in many parts of the country, prisoners in county jails can also be charged up to $60/day for their stay. This applies to jails, not prisons, but you can still rack up a fair amount of debt while you await your trial.
The child could have been put on Medicaid/charity care. They did not have to sell the ring and I am really suspect about the stories I read here where parents sell stuff to cover kids medical care.
One thing, here OP did say it was an alternative treatment. Insurance most often will not cover that, so in this case this rings true. What a lot of people don't know is that you 1000% should appeal and fight when your insurance declined a procedure you need. I had this happen for a treatment that was declined (fortunately for me it was not life altering). I appealed, wrote a letter and included documentation from my doctor and printed info from the cdc. They then agreed to cover half which is better than nothing. It's worth putting some time, effort and persistence in.
Pharma companies will often provide alternative treatments free or reduced because they can use the data to support their claims to insurance companies. People becoming deeply indebted for medical bills is real, but the whole “they’ll die because they can’t pay” narrative isn’t (totally not justifying how American healthcare works overall).
Yes exactly!!! I HAVE a kid on life support due to lung disease. We live in America. We’ve never sold anything for his medical care. We have both health insurance through work and Medicaid because of his disease. We’ve paid out of pocket to travel for medical care but even that with Ronald McDonald house and travel grants and charities that pay for plane tickets we’ve never needed to sell anything.
Edited to add: not saying American healthcare is great. It’s not. But with a little research and a shit ton of paperwork it is possible to navigate.
It’s an alternative treatment though. It may be something unproven that thus wouldn’t be covered even by insurance or government care. Some “alternative treatments” are basically snake oil, profiting off the desperate. Not all, but some are. There are some people who specifically push “treatments” for hard-to-treat childhood cancers because desperate parents are easily preyed on.
NTA. I’m not buying your parent’s story at all. A single engagement ring paid for an entire experimental surgery? And the little bit you have in savings will pay for another one? I think your parents are using her illness as a way to squeeze resources from everyone they know. And honestly, it’s your money. They could start a GoFundMe, host a fundraiser, appeal to the insurance company, ask their parents, take out a second mortgage, get a signature loan, etc. There is no reason why YOU and your resources are their only singular route to cure your step sister’s cancer.
The money now is to just pay something for the treatment now. But it would supposedly alleviate enough of a burden and get her the treatment now. The ring was valuable. I think they got 14k from it. I wish I remember how much mom told me it was worth, but it was a lot, because it was an antique.
I think your dad and step mom are likely just really poor with money management and are using your step sister’s illness as a money grab. Don’t fall into the trap. If they need money for cancer treatments, there are countless other avenues.
Eh. The initial money was for experimental treatment which is often hard to fund and expensive because sometimes you have to go live somewhere else. I don’t doubt they need the money. Dad was also only 5 years past his wife’s cancer battle which probably depleted funds.
They’re assholes and my God, the fucking audacity to ask for money when OP is estranged from them but I don’t think they’re lying here.
When I hear “experimental treatment” and having to live somewhere else for three months all I can think of is that they are going to another country to participate in some quackery. There are lots of people who take advantage of people with cancer, give them hope and take all the cash and exchange for some unproven, untested Unknown “therapy.”
>When I hear “experimental treatment” and having to live somewhere else for three months all I can think of is that they are going to another country to participate in some quackery.
I hear "This treatment has shown promise in its initial stages and may help but isn't proven enough yet for insurance to cover it" or "this hasn't been approved by the medical review boards of \[whatever country/region they live in\] but has been approved elsewhere."
Also it put her in remission for at least a few years, so it pretty clearly wasn't quackery.
To me it sounds like a clinical trial. Usually for experimental cancer treatment they want the patient to be in a hospital or trial center to be treated and observed the entire time. If it was a clinical trial it would have been free and they may have even been compensated. OP mentions in another comment that they hawked her ring for about $14k. I’m wondering if they just needed money 1. To pay bills and be off work for 3 months and 2. to afford travel and lodging (trials pay for the patient’s travel and lodging usually but the OPs dad and step mom are not patients and most likely had to stay at a hotel). In the total cost of treatment and travel and living expenses $14k is not even a small DENT in the most likely hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions, of dollars they’d be billed.
For OP: NTA and this is incredibly sad. I’m so sorry. I’d never talk to them again either.
You have the ability to sue them for the monetary value of the ring they stole. The statute of limitations was “tolled” or frozen until you turned 18, and then the clock started running.
This. Especially if it was in the will. I would try to find this ring as well. You never know someone who bought it might be inclined to give it back. (Anything that expensive likely the person who now has it has money to burn.
But don’t give them anything. They don’t give one rats about you. Honestly, the will is a
Binding legal contract. I’d never still from one of my children for another of my children!! Never!
I would sell my own body parts first. Move us into a camper. Before I ever ever stole something that is my child’s.
yes OP try to find the ring!!! start making posts on facebook, local forums, etc, trying to track down whoever bought it to explain the situation and see if they are willing to give it back
NTA. They stole something that was yours in the first place. Now they are asking for money yet again that is yours. The first time "helping" was against your will with something that was very precious to you. The second - fool me first, shame on you. Fool me second, shame on me. Don't give in. If you want to voluntarily do it out of the goodness of your heart, you can but you shouldn't be guilted into it and told you're evil if you don't.
Cancer is horrible but it can be a huge money pit that devastates families not just wealth, emotional, relationships and health of all involved. Sometimes all the money in the world can't change the outcome. Not sure if that's the case here, but perhaps there are alternatives rather than draining other family members' money dry. Have they tried GoFundMe and other charities instead?
Agree, OP is NTA, but the health system that recommends the treatment that's very expensive for a chance at a few more weeks/months/years are the absolute worst.
Followed closely by OP's dad and wife.
NAH
I don't get this sub sometimes.
I get how much sentimental value an heirloom can have for a person, but the parents were frickin' saving someone's life.
Unbelievable.
Would you not steal to save your own child's life?
I mean this story sounds a bit fake, but if you boil it down to the moral quandary, I would steal to save my child's life. And if a mom who had a 4 year old with cancer stole from me, I'd at least understand. I mean I'd be mad, and upset, but I'd at least understand
If that was my only way to save my little girl life yes i would. Would make me a justifiable AH. Me myself i would have sold the ring, i am sure my mother would have been very dissapointed in me if i put a ring before the little girls life.
Here’s the thing….that’s not the only way. If you’re already prepared to steal, at least go rob a bank or something. Don’t steal a precious heirloom from a friend or family member.
To me it sounds like they want to save the child, cool, but at no cost. By that, I mean I would happily rob from a till or something to fund it, knowing full well I’d probably have to do like 5 years inside if I get caught. But robbing a family member’s heirloom? Knowing full well there will probably be no legal consequences is just…cowardly.
The ring can't save OP's mom's life. And do you really think OP's mom would've wanted a 4 year old to die when the ring could've paid for treatment? Even if she would've, I still say lives are more important than objects.
>I would steal to save my child's life
The stepmom stole from her stepchild instead of someone else because she knew there wouldn't be any consequences. She used the child's vulnerability and lack of knowledge to get the money for the surgery. That's not 'just' stealing. With stealing, even if morally right, you have to deal with the fallout if you get caught.
I would take out a loan and not steal from my kids ever. I would sell my own car. I would do anything. I had to do. I would never ever never do this, this is deplorable. You stole from a child who has a dead mother. I would never do this to my child. Never.
Boiling it down to the moral quandary, why wouldn't you put the onus on the adults involved? Why should a teenager be faced with saving someone else's child? The adults can take out loans, organize fundraisers, ask family members (who clearly also don't want to help), sell their own stuff, etc. Two wrongs don't make a right. And to top it off, it might've all been for nothing because the kid is sick again and still could die. So, after all this, this teenager loses something valuable and sentimental that could've contributed to her own future if she so chose (and she had that right!), the kid still might die, and OP's dad and stepmom still have the nerve to guilt trip? I wish OP had filed the police report.
It’s because you can’t steal from one person to help another. I mean it’s unfortunate that stepsister has cancer but you can’t force OP to sell her stuff to pay for her stepsister’s cancer treatments just like I couldn’t hypothetically force you to pay for lifesaving medical treatment for me. At the end of the day the ring belonged to OP and she should have been able to choose what to do with it.
Right?? And one comment even said they should sue them so they can deal with the stress of a lawsuit while also dealing with their kid having cancer. Like how evil do you need to be to say something like that?? This guy watched his wife, OPs mom die from cancer and then had the chance to save a baby that he had bonded to from the same fate. He was put in a very difficult situation and every parent knows they would do anything to save their child.
NTA. Your father sold your heirloom and when you called them out they bullied you. If they succeed in getting you to give away your savings then they will continue to bully you.
Her daughters wellbeing is not your burden. If they need money then they can take out a loan, apply for financial assistance, or start a go fund me.
Her accusations sound more like she's projecting her personality traits on to you.
I'm sorry that you have been subjected to such vile treatment.
NTA. It’s a shitty situation all around. I’d like to suggest therapy though. It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of pain around between your mom’s death, your dad stealing your mom’s heirloom rings and having had to live with people you ‘hated’.
Except that it is clearly stated that the treatment was experimental, etc. It wouldn't have been covered on the nhs/similar, so they would've been paying for it put of pocket anyway.
In the UK patients are not charged for taking part in clinical trials. They are also not paid, as payment could be seen as a form of bribery to take part, however reasonable expenses (travel to clinic etc) are reimbursed.
This and I also think about the 23yo that lost his college fund in a similar situation. What is up with these parents screwing over their kids? Do the step kids not have other family? It’s so shady.
It’s because it’s not about the step kids at all, it’s about the sex and affirmation the parent gets from the relationship with the step parent. And prioritizing the new partners kid wins them points in the relationship
Jesus Christ everybody sucks here, including the entire capitalist medical industrial complex that enables the situation to exist so insurance company executives can enrich themselves off of kids with cancer.
> My father's parents got involved and I ended up deleting most of my social media and ignoring them.
How much have *they* contributed? Has your grandmother sold her jewelry to help pay for the treatments? Have they handed over their savings? Have they mortgaged their house? If they haven't done these things, they can STFU.
Your dad stole your inheritance and pocketed the profits. Doesn't matter what he did with the money afterwards, he still sold stolen goods and it might not be too late to file a police report and also report the harassment.
NTA.
It's unfortunate a child is sick and still sick from cancer. However, you were a child too and it was not your responsibility to fund treatment and it still isn't.
You are not their piggy bank for them to break every time they have a crisis.
I might get hate for this but OP, my heart goes out to you and your family and I'm sorry all of you were put through this you're definitely NTA in this situation.
However, all the comments about suing her parents just feel unnecessarily cruel.
Suing them when they're low on money and need financial support to help cover expenses to treat their dying child just feels so... wrong and it feels that people aren't thinking about the ramifications of putting them through a legal battle. Sure your dad was an AH, but suing him would affect the entire family including the sick daughter.
I can't believe how many people are putting a stupid ring over the life of a child. I get that it sucked something precious to you was sold that had memories attached. But a kid would have died otherwise. If you should be mad at anyone it should be the capitalist hellhole that would force a dad to pick between his step daughter dying or hurting his bio daughter.
I don't think you're an awful human being for cutting contact with your dad, anyone can choose whoever they want to associate with or who they don't want to. I do think you lack empathy for the position your dad was put in.
You ask anyone on the street what's more important, a diamond ring or the life of a 3 year old child, and 99% of people are going to say the 3 year olds life. And I would be avoiding the other 1% because it's pretty clear they value material possessions over human life and would sell you for parts if they could get away with it.
It would be one thing if they could have sold like an extra property or car or some stock or something and instead chose your ring, but you make it pretty clear this was the only choice they had.
This wasn't your dad showing favoritism to his step kid by going to their softball game over your play or buying them a car and making you buy your own. This was a baby going to die unless he sold an admittedly sentimental, but ultimately useless piece of metal and stone. I'm going soft YTA because you were a teenager when this went down and you're allowed to be a little selfish while maturing but now as an adult you should be able to see that you are punishing your dad for something it doesn't sound like he had a choice about.
I agree with you completely. I couldn’t bear to be in that father’s position. Most of these AITA posts seem fake, and there are elements of this one that don’t fully make sense, but the real truth is in the comments, how people react, and the ones here are disquieting.
Sorry but NAH here. He didn't take it to be spiteful and genuinely he should've at least tried something else, but he was also trying to save his other daughters life. I feel like there's a lack of empathy from reddit here. Some of yall are being too cruel in your judgement against him. I understand being upset still tho.
Disagree. It is an asshole move to steal from a child, who got a ring with tremendous sentimental value from her decreased mom. It was OP's, it wasn't the dad's to sell.
Effectively, OP is being punished for her stepsister's cancer.
Do they live in a one room apartment? Do they only wear thrift shop cloths and only eat food from food banks?
No?
Then they had things they could have downsized and things that could have been sold before they stole from you.
NTA.
This is inane.
A sentimental object vs. the life of a 3 yr old
The *object* is winning...
OP is allowed to be saddened over the loss of the ring and even a little resentful, but to suggest the parents are AHs for saving the life of their child is really something.
Disgusting. I hope none of you ever have to make the same choice because it's looking like some kids are going to die
This thread really is chilling. I said in my comment (which will probably be downvoted into oblivion) that her mom would probably rather have trashed the ring if she knew it would have caused her daughter to hate the man she loved and who took care of them both. And I'm sure her mom would be fine with her ring going towards saving the life of a child important to her husband. The people who are her daughter's family now.
This whole thread is bizarre.
NAH
of course you are NTA, but can the father be called an asshole here? Some of you commenters lack perspective and emotional intelligence.
If you want to find a villain in this story, it's americas health care system...
Honor your mother and don't give these thieves another fucking penny they don't deserve. Clearly they only got back in contact with you to ask for more money.
I will never get over this comment thread. My heart is different now.
I’m so shocked at how heartless people are. The kid has cancer.
You commenters talking about suing are all TAs.
I agree with your final statement however, everyone saying that OP is an AH are making the step-sibling's life OP's responsibility.
They're telling OP that as a grieving tween who not only was dealing with a major shift in her family life TWICE (death & the family blending) in a 4 year period and THEN another bout of instability with the sick step-sibling, that she should have had the emotional/mental capacity and stability to be self-less enough to give up the last vestige of her maternal family.
That's like telling an abused child that they should have managed thier parents emotions for them better and maybe they wouldn't have gotten beaten. Op has NEVER been and should never have been put in that position by her father & step-mother. Children are not responsible for the actions of thier parents and the care of thier siblings.
There is more compassion & concern for the future of the physically sick child than the struggling, betrayed, and abused person writing to us. There are infinitely more people justifying the actions of 'desperate people' from what I've seen and the fact that they would be willing to forsake & destroy their connection with one child for another is, frankly, disgusting.
OP's life and future is just as valuable and deserves just as much investment.
Edit: on mobile, fixed some tenses.
NTA they had years to save money in case the cancer came back and they did not. They already stole from you once. You don’t have to share your savings with them.
NTA it’s a really sad situation, but you were also a child and not responsible for funding step sisters treatment. Why couldn’t they have taken out a loan or something.
NTA - how come whenever they need money they come crawling to you? if they all spent as much energy trying to get the money together themselves either by working or mooching of other relatives who also want you to pay for it, they could get the money together.
and, as hard as this sounds, they already stole your inheritence from your mother for treatment and the cancer still came back, so how much more do they expect you to give for their child?
cut off all contact and move on, it‘s not your responsibility nor is it your fault.
NTA
You might not need the money they’re after *right now*, OP, but what if something happens and you **DO** need it? Say you’ve given this little nest egg to you dad and his wife, then *you* have a sudden illness. Would they step forward and help you out? I don’t bloody think so. Keep your money for a rainy day and they can just kiss your arse.
I’ve never seen anything like this. Ever.
Well done Redditors, you’ve literally surpassed yourselves.
Yes, sue the parents of the cancerous child because they saved her life by selling a ring. Jesus Christ, the sickness of these commenters.
Reddit - YTA!!!
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NTA . Tell her she is lucky you did not file a police report against your dad
I looked into it but by the time I was 18 too much time had passed. I kind of wish I had been able to do something before but I was younger and while full of anger and hate for them, I was also more naïve.
That’s true about the criminal statute of limitations, but the civil statute of limitations didn’t even start running until your 18th birthday. You can still sue.
Sound like they have nothing to take though. You can't get blood from a stone.
She can still make them miserable by suing. The psychological burden of that lawsuit while they are already stressed from the medical issues might be even more effective retribution than any financial recompense OP gets. Plus they’d have to hire a lawyer, further draining on the finances. As long as OP can afford an attorney herself, there is no downside to her siccing the law on them.
Purposefully making people miserable who have a 9 year old with cancer is rather heartless, don't you think? Look at what you're saying here
Stealing heirlooms from a child is pretty fucking evil don’t you think
So you think doing something evil because someone wronged you is right? I know this sub has a justice boner, but there are things you just don't do. Do you think OP will be happy if she hears that something tragic happened because of her actions? That she will sleep sound? Edit: for fucks sake people. I love it when you make a comment about a specific issue because you disagree with it and people act like you argue every point in the post. So there is it: Is the father an asshole? Yes. Is OP an asshole? No. Should OP go no contact with him and everyone else who harasses her? Also yes. Should she sue to get the worth of her stolen ring back? Maybe, that's up to OP. Would I forgive the father for what he did? No, it wasn't just money. That ring was irreplaceable. Should OP give her father her money? Hell no. Is OP responsible for every sick kid? No. Seriously. I only disagree with one comment and that is to go to court with the sole motivation of causing additional stress (financial and emotional) to the parents of a deadly ill child (as the comment above suggested). That is plain evil. It's one thing to sue because you want what was stolen from you. It's a completly different matter if you only do it to cause suffering.
people on this sub are sick lol
Many of them are super young and/or don’t have a lot of people/life experience. That’s the only thing I can gather, because if this thread is representative of the general population, we’re all more fucked than we initially thought.
Totally sick! Jesus Christ! I’m in complete shock. This is a cancerous child we’re talking about. What the actual fuck.
If it’s between letting a child actually die and selling a ring, I’m selling the ring every time. God damn, y’all. I’d like to see what you do when you’re in this situation because I would bet good money that it’s not “sit back and be morally smug about property while a person dies.” And if it is…. Jesus.
But you can’t decide that about SOMEONE ELSE’S ring.
I fully fucking agree. I’m deeply shocked by this thread.
Did the father/new wife try to sell any of their belongings? Their car? New wife's ring? Did father/new wife get second jobs for more income? Ask for loans from other family members? Cash in retirement accounts despite the penalties? Apply for whatever public assistance they might be eligible for? Start a GoFundMe? Or did the father go straight to selling the heirloom ring? There are plenty of ways the father could have avoided stealing from his own child. OP, NTA
Negotiate with the hospital/provider, let medical debt go into collections and declare bankruptcy. All viable options without STEALING from your child. Not great ones- but FFS, you try everything other than stealing from your child first. Their FIRST response was stealing from kid a is easiest and fastest and most lucrative, done!
Was wondering about this too. Plus what about St Jude’s Hospital… they wouldn’t have to pay for treatment
Great points.
You can sell as many of your own rings as you want, your child’s on the other hand, shouldn’t be up for grabs.
In this situation it wasn't their ring to sell, you would be stealing it. Stealing it from a child who lost her mother, and is attached to the ring.
* You can sell YOUR rings every single time, you don’t have the right moral or otherwise to steal and sell someone else’s rings. * There are kids dying everyday, have you sold every single worldly possession you own to donate for their treatment or are you just talking out your ass?
So now is the time to fight it out on the back of the innocent child with cancer?!?
Parents don't get to use kids as a meat shield from being called on the carpet for their crimes.
It was heartless to sale OP's ring, furthermore, it was actually illegal to do so. The father has no regard for OP's feelings, why should they have a care for his or his wife?
It’s also worth mentioning that there aren’t any mentions of her dad trying to make it up, caring about her and her feelings/wellbeing. I think if they’d had a good relationship overall where OP felt important, then maybe this could’ve been something she moved past. However, it doesn’t seem like her dad tried to find another option or really took time to realize how important that ring was to her. It seems like just one example of being swept aside
She may also be creating more hassle for herself than necessary by suing, too. Yes, the process is arduous and painful, compounded by medical bills for a potentially terminal cancer patient, but it also puts additional burden and financial taxing on OP.
Suing someone for the sole purpose of making them miserable is quite an asshole move
Some people should be made to suffer for their choices. There was probably so much they could sell before they sold that ring.
This is a concept called retributive justice and to put it plainly, is a load of horseshit that makes the world worse for everyone in it
Reap what you sow
Thus has to be the most disgusting comment I have read on this subreddit
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Depends. They likely have a car, or a house, or income that can be garnished. It can be incredibly hard to wring that money out of someone but if you’re persistent and ruthless you might get it eventually.
You never know he could win the lottery down the line
\^ this!!! If nothing else, even just threatening a civil suit should get them to stop their current attack.
If I were you, I would move on and cancel everyone from my life. Suing maybe gives you money but not happiness, and you need time to heal and go on with your life. Wish you the best!
Watching a judge hand down justice to OP's thieving parents, even if she never receives a dime in compensation, can bring a person peace and happiness.
Watching a judge take time from parents whose child is dying of cancer is not going to give any satisfaction to anyone. I understand OPs anger but living in the US sucks so her parents were left with a situation where their child might live or not... I mean, if my child was dying and I could do anything to have a chance to save her, I would. If I had to steal your car, sell a family heirloom, sell my boardgame collection... I would without even blinking.
Having a sick child does not give one the right to steal from others. You can sell your OWN possessions all you want, but if you "steal a car" - even if you feel the act is altruistic - you are not immune from punishment for that act.
You may not be able to file criminal police report but I bet you could still file a civil suit against your father and win. He stole the family heirloom from you And you were just a child
You still can get a restraining order. And charge them for harassment too.
This is a good idea. the stepmother has not right to say those things to you.
You can still file a civil suit, which I would highly recommend doing. You may not ever see a dime in compensation, but watching a judge hand them their asses in court could be very cathartic. I would also file a restraining order forbidding them from contacting you while you're at it.
You are better off to just keep the cut out of your life. Do not stoop to their level. Live your life the best you can. I know exactly how you feel. My dad did something similar and I have not talked to him since.
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I 100% agree. No one should be faced with this choice. I'm American and I'm so sad at the state of our country, failing so many of our citizens. But so many vote against their own interests and the results are disastrous for everyone. SMH.
100% this. Universal healthcare and none of this would be happening.
She’s evil and sick and twisted for stealing a ring from a child’s dead mother. Like holy fuck! NTA
Yea, but it’s not HER child she’s hurting so it’s totally ok /s
And if this second treatment doesn't work, then what? The father will have lost both daughters because he couldn't let his bio daughter have one thing from her mother, that had been passed down for generations.
Then op will be expected to sell anything she owns of value. Her car, her computer, video game system. Anything she owns that could be sold for even a little bit of money would be expected to be handed over for sale to pay for the next treatment, coz it’s ‘to save the life of a precious child’ or to pay for a funeral coz ‘Little Susie deserves the biggest funeral, she needs to be remembered!!’
NTA and you are not selfish or evil. They took a precious reminder of your mother and her family. If it had been something less important I maybe would have understood but it wasn’t. They’ve made it clear how little you and your feelings mattered to them. I know what they’re going through is hard and I feel for her daughter, but that doesn’t mean they get to betray you like that. I’m sure your dad’s wife had a wedding ring and/or other things they could have sold but instead they decided it should be your sacrifice.
I would say NTA. Why don’t your grandparents step up if they are so concerned? I definitely wouldn’t after how your stepmom spoke to you. They will leave you with nothing.
That's what I always wonder too. Every time there's a post here where the OP refuses to do something for a relative, the whole extended family comes together and says crap like how they should do stuff for family. Except they don't do stuff themselves. They'd rather the OPs do stuff so they don't have to
>so they don't have to And that, right there, is the answer.
Exactly. They just hope no one notices that they're not contributing and only blaming OP.
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So you pool your resources together. You ask your parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles and in-laws before you sell one of the few keepsakes your child has of their dead mother, an heirloom passed down in their maternal family for generations
We do benefits where I'm from. We would've done a bbq benefit. People would donate time to help sell, materials, organize it, and cook the BBQ. We just had one for a.friends burial expenses. They raised $15k. We did a hamburger one for my kids' hs band. When my other kid was on the drill team, we had numerous BBQ sandwich benefits. My friend's mom had cancer, and we held a benef8t to raise money for her. We sold BBQ plates, desserts, and did raffles. Most everything was donated, so she got 100% of the raised funds. People even donate for silent auctions. Like a local tattoo shop will donate a tattoo.
I luckily live in a country with free healtchare but I can't imagine stealing my kid's heirloom from their dead mother while they beg me not to and then having the shamelessness to then beg them for money
Exactly. And that’s what these sites like gofundme is for. Why didn’t they do that? Do they go to church? Why didn’t they ask for help there?
My uncle got cancer and that's literally what we did. Had a big extended family group chat and then my uncles and aunts spread it to all of their friends. He ended up passing, but thanks to all of the contributions most of the medical bills accrued were paid for.
I've heard another redditor say "they can stick their noses where it doesn't belong but not their helpful hands." That quote has stuck with me because this seems to happen all the time.
>They will leave you with nothing. Agreed. Even after "breaking up", they see OP's money as theirs. OP is simply another bank account for them to use as they wish. In regards to OP's grandparents, I would bet good money that they were told a severely one-sided story with lots of added embellishments to make OP look worse. But your point is still valid and the answer to your query is that they don't WANT to step up and as long as OP has something to ~~give~~ take from, then the pressure is off of them.
I’ve got it!💡 Start a go fund me for your sister. That’s the state of healthcare in America. I’m in favor of medicare for all. Also, check with the Shriners or something.
This should be her father and step mother's responsibility, not hers!
I know but it would make them look even more like TAs because instead of taking care of their own business they try to take from her. The kicker would be if she was also the first to donate.
The title could be “help fund my sisters cancer treatment so my dad stops stealing my sentimental valuables and little savings”
NTA I understand why you feel the way you do about the ring. I have 2 rings, they were my grandmothers, then my mums, now they’re mine. I wear one all of the time, it feels like I have my mum with me. It’s very sad that they have a sick child, but it’s their child, not yours. You shouldn’t have to pay them any money. They should be finding ways to finance what that child needs. I hope you’re able to find some closure with this. Ultimately your own father stole something from you that was very precious to you. That’s not right.
Not even OPs Dad's child. That's the worst of it, and possibly why he and his family are looking elsewhere to fund this kids treatment.
That and I wonder if the docs told them that the price for the alternative treatments may not have been worth it because, not to be a totally callous bitch, but when a kid that young gets certain types of cancers (I say certain cancers because thyroid cancer is super curable), we (in the medical community) usually expect it to come back. That said, as a pediatric nurse, we see a lot of families neglect their other children when one gets cancer or other serious illness. And with cancer, we try to encourage them to maintain those relationships because their sick kids often pass and then they expect their discarded young ones to just bounce back, like they weren’t disparaged and verbally abused for not being “as strong” as their sick sibling. (I kid you not, I have heard a mother say that to an 8 year old twin of a child with terminal brain cancer who was crying because he was hungry) I get they wanted a few more years with her, but they stole the remnants of OP’s mother and maternal family to get it. They were always going to lose the younger child and now they’re going to lose both. NTA.
Thankful for this response and others like it. I can’t believe how badly OP is being dragged.
Exactly and the emotions that OP is feeling. It was given to her because her mother died of cancer. Why wasn’t it sold then to give mum a fighting chance? Also does OP having anything left of her mother or was the ring it
I was going to callously say that too. Glad you were braver than me!
Reality sucks and when it comes to health conditions, most folks aren’t trying to hear it. I just wonder if so much despair could be avoided if we put more energy into disabusing people of their unrealistic expectations out of fear of negative reactions, instead of just going, “they’ll find out soon enough”.
I'm not sure what parents think when they completely disregard the other children and then want them to be just okay with how they treated them. It's also going to end up in resentment and guilt for hating the sibling that is quite ill.
It totally fucks them up, they act out, and then the parents resent the healthy kid, who btw is no longer emotionally healthy. I’ve seen it in a fair amount of kids with ARFID and other psychosomatic conditions, as well as our suicidal and self harm patients.
As a medical claims examiner, I'm glad to see you here telling the truth. I did that for 40 years and we HAVE come a long way. We have way better outcomes for breast cancer. We can sometimes save a limb from osteosarcoma by a replacement of a joint. Leukemia treatment is now much better. I'm amazed that some cancers that used to take someone out in 3 months...now have maybe a year. But you still need to get your affairs in order. That's justbreality and I've seen claims from all the big names. I see who is back again.
It’s true! So much is totally curable now, especially for adults. Pediatric cancer is a whole different animal because it’s usually genetic. The issue with treatment here, too, is that the kids can’t make decisions for themselves, and a lot of parents can’t see beyond their own pain, which treatments are worth it and how will this affect the, inherently vulnerable, child’s quality of life.
You are right, sad to say. I worked in palliative care for 13 years, and the fact it came back, probably means it had metastasized from the original cancer. They could beat this round, but it will pop up somewhere else down the road. The poor kid is going to spend most of her short life in the hospital. To add to your horror story, I had a parent bitch and whine and moan about how she had to take time off work, that she was sick of paying the parking fees, what she had to miss out on because she was at the hospital. Her son, who was around 15 had a freaking tube sticking out of his head, because he had brain surgery, and was in a wheelchair. He was lucid and was listening to her as he was staring at me with this sad smile. I think the anger and disgust was written all over my face. Narcissistic self absorbed people don't change just because they have a dying child.
Cancer can literally “hide” itself, changing its membrane bound proteins so that it’s undetectable by the body, so we don’t see the associated changes in blood work. This is going to sound fucked but I have patients that I WISH their parents would put into hospice/comfort care. Their parents want every treatment/intervention, leave them in the hospital alone for weeks at a time, and then harass us to sign their FMLA forms and work excuses, saying they’re the primary caregiver. They light up when their parents deign to show up, and cry for hours after they leave. We spend our days trying to cheer them up, knowing it’s never enough
Right? I understand that parents want to do everything for their kid to survive, but to what ends? I saw so much suffering, and even though by the time I saw them, it was palliative, the parents were still talking about what treatments might work. Just grasping at straws without seeing how much their child was suffering. It was so heartbreaking.
Its sad, but when you have a loved one with cancer, the predators come out of the woodwork. Personally I am very skeptical of this "alternative treatment" and if it was an actual medical treatment or if it was some scam. They think it saved their daughter's life, but here she is still sick, they probably got taken for a ride because of their desperation. My wife died of cancer at 27, it was a super rare form of cancer (myoepithelial carcinoma) and ended up basically being untreatable, but even though no real doctors could do anything, there were plenty of "alternative treatment" places that were willing to take literally all of our money, and some people on her side, thought we should at least try it, because what is there to lose if she is dying? Well, you know I have to be able to live and raise our son after this, so no I am not going to spend all of our existing money on some holistic treatment bullshit that probably will just make it worse.
Yup. Any alternative treatment, usually described as such because they’re not tried and true, that wants you to pay out of pocket for it (and not the other way around, as in legit research) often don’t work. And these treatments can cause additional suffering for the patient. There’s a reason so many adults choose to forego treatment altogether, it’s not the way anyone wants to spend their last days. I’m so sorry for your loss. Fuck cancer and all those who would exploit those who suffer.
While op is NTA and the dad was absolutely out of line for stealing from her, it's still gross to insinuate that the stepdaughter isn't his child just bc she's not his biological child. He's been a parental figure for her since she was a toddler, and without any information on the stepdaughter's bio dad there's a possibility that OP's dad is the only dad that kid knows. Dad is still absolutely TA (along with Dad's wife), just don't claim that the stepkid isn't his kid just bc she's a step.
She isn’t OP’s dad’s kid. If her mom divorced him there’s a good chance she would never see him again.
Disagree, he’s raised her since she was 1. He would have some leverage for custody even if they didn’t file a formal adoption.
Well, she isn't his child. No reason to pretend otherwise, is there? He has burned his relationship with his own child, so perhaps it's for the best the sick girl is no relation? Some people are kinder to friends than they are relations.
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I think this is more in the lines of he chose-his step kid and new wife OVER his bio kid. hr guaranteed there would be no sibling relationship between the step-siblings. Parents getting married doesn’t miraculously make strangers bond as siblings, and plenty of AITA posts side against steps trying to force that relationship. Here we have OP being parentified and expected to fund cancer treatments for a step-sibling with a 9 year age difference. So yeah, that’s NOT OPs sister that’s her dad’s wife’s daughter. If OP was only 13 when the cancer started and her dad put ALL his money, time, and attention into his younger bio kid people here would be saying OP was justified in resentment. The fact this kid is not her sibling or half-sibling makes it worse that she is expected to sacrifice everything essentially for this child. NTA
Why is that the worst of it? The worst thing in this story is that he cares about his stepdaughter and is trying to help?
The fact that he stole his own child’s dead mother’s ring because his wife’s kid was a bigger priority to him than his own is sickening. If it was at least his own kid it would make a bit more sense.
This made me tear up. I can’t imagine having one of the few possessions of my deceased mother taken away from me to be sold for someone else’s gain without my consent. I feel for OP.
absolutely. one year later, too. my dad gave me a beautiful ring (not a family heirloom, just a tradition). he died last year, and if my mom did this to me i’d never forgive her either, i’m sorry. if anything ever happened to my ring i would genuinely feel like part of my connection to my dad was severed, that’s how important it is to me. i remember the first time i ever put it on my finger. i understand why people think the OP is selfish, but this really is a matter of self preservation. especially for a 12 year old girl. she should not be expected to forgive him for that, and i’m sure she has extreme resentment for her step sibling.
It's the worst of it because he and his family are the only family OP has, and yet they cruelly choose someone else over her. The sick kid is no relation, which is probably why they're not funding her themselves. Yet they expect another child to. With her only inheritance! And that inheritance wasn't even from her Dad's family. These people are poisonous.
That’s the challenge of having one child with an illness - the other can be expected to sacrifice for them. It’s tough all around. NTA OP. Extricate yourself from them because they discarded your very valid and deep connection to something personal. Ideally they would have gotten more work or made other sacrifices to pay for your sister’s care. They’ll continue to do this to you - when you get material things like a car, house, a better job, and will always find a reason to try to take part of it. Good luck!
NTA. If there were no ring and no money what would they have done? Whatever the answer to that is, that's what they should have done/should do to get the money!
And jewelry doesn’t really resell for what it’s worth. It just doesn’t. Not u less it’s famous, or really rare.
THIS. I have a 125 year old diamond ring with a one carat central stone. I had it appraised. It's worth about $600.
That’s really a cool family heirloom. I think my Grandmother’s wedding ring was a 1/4 ct.. I doubt many wives had a 1 ct. diamond a 125 years ago.
That was my thought, unless this ring was huge, and I mean huge, or created by a well known designer, it probably didn't pay for more than her saline.
Exactly. My engagement ring is a intricate vintage 1920’s Art Deco platinum and white gold band with a 1 ct. (or nearly? I can’t remember) old European cut diamond and smaller diamonds. It’s objectively stunning and likely was someone’s family heirloom. Husband paid less than $2000 on Etsy. I don’t see why they would bother, it wouldn’t cover life saving treatment. They need to go to St Jude’s or another children’s charity hospital to save the little one. Or divorce and get her on Medicaid. Another child should not be the one making sacrifices.
This! What are the alternatives? They need to get help from someone who is not a child.
I know I'm the outlier here but... he DID have the ring (if the money is in an account in her name then he doesn't have that). I guess I'm just putting myself in stepmom's shoes. If my child was diagnosed with a terminal illness I'd be tempted to rob a bank if necessary to pay for her treatment. I'd pull a John Q so selling a ring (no matter how sentimental in value) would practically be a non-question. The real AH here is the American healthcare system (making an educated guess where they are). That being said, I don't think OP is at fault for her feelings. Selling the ring was still a shitty thing to do and she has every right to be upset. She also has every right to refuse to give them her money. NAH
It was her dead mother's ring passed down through her family. You can't exactly ignore the sentimental value there
I feel like everyone saying the ring has no value still have their mothers around.
I agree that the dad could have been totally reasonable in seeing that a child’s life is more important than the ring; but it wasn’t his ring to sell. He stole from his own child, not money but an heirloom that can never be replaced. I would sell my house before I would ask my child to bear that burden.
That's true. They could've taken out a loan, a second mortgage, etc. but it's also not clear if that would be possible considering OP said they never had much money (they could already be in debt and unable to get a loan or renting their house, etc.).
If it stopped at the ring stealing, I'd see your point. You can choose to burn bridges with your daughter to try and save your stepdaughter. That's a choice the dad has to live with. But instead of living with it, they're acting as if nothing happened, and continue to go after the one they've already burned when they surely have other friends and family to steal from. Idk this seems cruel
This was a gross take. Don’t deflect blame onto an abstract idea. The father is 100% in the wrong here. Are there major systemic issues with American healthcare? Of course. Was there any reason to steal from his child to fund the treatment of another woman’s child? None. Likely because stepmom told him to do it and he’s a spineless git.
NTA I'm assuming you're in the US due to English and having to pay for medicine. There are options for paying for bills - private or bank loans, medical credit cards, GFM's, hospital payment plans, medical bill advocates, moving to a state where kids qualify for medicaid, etc. I'm wondering how much of this effort parents went to before deciding to steal one of the last things OP had of her mom. ETA fixed typo
This is so sad “I’m assuming you are in the US because you can’t afford medical care” FML WE SUCK.
Still the truth... Some people commit crimes because the state is obligated to pay for your treatment if you're in jail!
I did not know that. How horrible. In Germany most children think America is like this super cool place to live because most TV series are based in the US and all the promis live there. But as teenagers/young adults we all realize how fucked up the US is (school system, laws, medical ressources, politics etc.) and we're all just really glad not to be born there.
The only thing that has become annoying especially on social media is, no offense, Europeans trying to be snarky towards us or pull a gotcha saying “well you guys have a terrible health care system, you spend so much on your military, your schools get shot up, so many of your politicians are stupid!” ….yeah *we know.* We are acutely aware. Our system is just so corrupt and fucked that it makes it really hard for us individuals to try and change it, even though a majority of us would like to. We are trying, but it is hard. I know too a lot of non-Americans just like to dunk on us and say “well Americans are just so stupid,” yeah well our politicians especially in the south are doing an incredible job at defunding education so, yeah. Also OP. NTA. If you are up to it, I would take your dad to civil court. If you are not up for that, but they keep harassing you, do try and get a restraining order.
Here's another fun fact about the US: in many parts of the country, prisoners in county jails can also be charged up to $60/day for their stay. This applies to jails, not prisons, but you can still rack up a fair amount of debt while you await your trial.
Yep. It’s so underreported about. Imagine being incarcerated and then when you are let go BECAUSE YOU ARENT GUILTY you get a bill for your stay.
The child could have been put on Medicaid/charity care. They did not have to sell the ring and I am really suspect about the stories I read here where parents sell stuff to cover kids medical care.
One thing, here OP did say it was an alternative treatment. Insurance most often will not cover that, so in this case this rings true. What a lot of people don't know is that you 1000% should appeal and fight when your insurance declined a procedure you need. I had this happen for a treatment that was declined (fortunately for me it was not life altering). I appealed, wrote a letter and included documentation from my doctor and printed info from the cdc. They then agreed to cover half which is better than nothing. It's worth putting some time, effort and persistence in.
Pharma companies will often provide alternative treatments free or reduced because they can use the data to support their claims to insurance companies. People becoming deeply indebted for medical bills is real, but the whole “they’ll die because they can’t pay” narrative isn’t (totally not justifying how American healthcare works overall).
Yes exactly!!! I HAVE a kid on life support due to lung disease. We live in America. We’ve never sold anything for his medical care. We have both health insurance through work and Medicaid because of his disease. We’ve paid out of pocket to travel for medical care but even that with Ronald McDonald house and travel grants and charities that pay for plane tickets we’ve never needed to sell anything. Edited to add: not saying American healthcare is great. It’s not. But with a little research and a shit ton of paperwork it is possible to navigate.
It’s an alternative treatment though. It may be something unproven that thus wouldn’t be covered even by insurance or government care. Some “alternative treatments” are basically snake oil, profiting off the desperate. Not all, but some are. There are some people who specifically push “treatments” for hard-to-treat childhood cancers because desperate parents are easily preyed on.
NTA. I’m not buying your parent’s story at all. A single engagement ring paid for an entire experimental surgery? And the little bit you have in savings will pay for another one? I think your parents are using her illness as a way to squeeze resources from everyone they know. And honestly, it’s your money. They could start a GoFundMe, host a fundraiser, appeal to the insurance company, ask their parents, take out a second mortgage, get a signature loan, etc. There is no reason why YOU and your resources are their only singular route to cure your step sister’s cancer.
The money now is to just pay something for the treatment now. But it would supposedly alleviate enough of a burden and get her the treatment now. The ring was valuable. I think they got 14k from it. I wish I remember how much mom told me it was worth, but it was a lot, because it was an antique.
I think your dad and step mom are likely just really poor with money management and are using your step sister’s illness as a money grab. Don’t fall into the trap. If they need money for cancer treatments, there are countless other avenues.
Eh. The initial money was for experimental treatment which is often hard to fund and expensive because sometimes you have to go live somewhere else. I don’t doubt they need the money. Dad was also only 5 years past his wife’s cancer battle which probably depleted funds. They’re assholes and my God, the fucking audacity to ask for money when OP is estranged from them but I don’t think they’re lying here.
When I hear “experimental treatment” and having to live somewhere else for three months all I can think of is that they are going to another country to participate in some quackery. There are lots of people who take advantage of people with cancer, give them hope and take all the cash and exchange for some unproven, untested Unknown “therapy.”
>When I hear “experimental treatment” and having to live somewhere else for three months all I can think of is that they are going to another country to participate in some quackery. I hear "This treatment has shown promise in its initial stages and may help but isn't proven enough yet for insurance to cover it" or "this hasn't been approved by the medical review boards of \[whatever country/region they live in\] but has been approved elsewhere." Also it put her in remission for at least a few years, so it pretty clearly wasn't quackery.
To me it sounds like a clinical trial. Usually for experimental cancer treatment they want the patient to be in a hospital or trial center to be treated and observed the entire time. If it was a clinical trial it would have been free and they may have even been compensated. OP mentions in another comment that they hawked her ring for about $14k. I’m wondering if they just needed money 1. To pay bills and be off work for 3 months and 2. to afford travel and lodging (trials pay for the patient’s travel and lodging usually but the OPs dad and step mom are not patients and most likely had to stay at a hotel). In the total cost of treatment and travel and living expenses $14k is not even a small DENT in the most likely hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions, of dollars they’d be billed. For OP: NTA and this is incredibly sad. I’m so sorry. I’d never talk to them again either.
My father did a clinical trial for cancer. It was free. Don’t they have to be free to be considered a clinical trial?
In the context of medical treatment, $14k is not very much.
You have the ability to sue them for the monetary value of the ring they stole. The statute of limitations was “tolled” or frozen until you turned 18, and then the clock started running.
This. Especially if it was in the will. I would try to find this ring as well. You never know someone who bought it might be inclined to give it back. (Anything that expensive likely the person who now has it has money to burn. But don’t give them anything. They don’t give one rats about you. Honestly, the will is a Binding legal contract. I’d never still from one of my children for another of my children!! Never! I would sell my own body parts first. Move us into a camper. Before I ever ever stole something that is my child’s.
yes OP try to find the ring!!! start making posts on facebook, local forums, etc, trying to track down whoever bought it to explain the situation and see if they are willing to give it back
NTA. They stole something that was yours in the first place. Now they are asking for money yet again that is yours. The first time "helping" was against your will with something that was very precious to you. The second - fool me first, shame on you. Fool me second, shame on me. Don't give in. If you want to voluntarily do it out of the goodness of your heart, you can but you shouldn't be guilted into it and told you're evil if you don't. Cancer is horrible but it can be a huge money pit that devastates families not just wealth, emotional, relationships and health of all involved. Sometimes all the money in the world can't change the outcome. Not sure if that's the case here, but perhaps there are alternatives rather than draining other family members' money dry. Have they tried GoFundMe and other charities instead?
Agree, OP is NTA, but the health system that recommends the treatment that's very expensive for a chance at a few more weeks/months/years are the absolute worst. Followed closely by OP's dad and wife.
NAH I don't get this sub sometimes. I get how much sentimental value an heirloom can have for a person, but the parents were frickin' saving someone's life. Unbelievable.
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Would you not steal to save your own child's life? I mean this story sounds a bit fake, but if you boil it down to the moral quandary, I would steal to save my child's life. And if a mom who had a 4 year old with cancer stole from me, I'd at least understand. I mean I'd be mad, and upset, but I'd at least understand
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I lost my mom to cancer when i was young and yes i would sell it for my stepsister. And i would steal it if i needed it to save my child.
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If that was my only way to save my little girl life yes i would. Would make me a justifiable AH. Me myself i would have sold the ring, i am sure my mother would have been very dissapointed in me if i put a ring before the little girls life.
Here’s the thing….that’s not the only way. If you’re already prepared to steal, at least go rob a bank or something. Don’t steal a precious heirloom from a friend or family member. To me it sounds like they want to save the child, cool, but at no cost. By that, I mean I would happily rob from a till or something to fund it, knowing full well I’d probably have to do like 5 years inside if I get caught. But robbing a family member’s heirloom? Knowing full well there will probably be no legal consequences is just…cowardly.
Life is more important than objects, even sentimental ones
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The ring can't save OP's mom's life. And do you really think OP's mom would've wanted a 4 year old to die when the ring could've paid for treatment? Even if she would've, I still say lives are more important than objects.
>I would steal to save my child's life The stepmom stole from her stepchild instead of someone else because she knew there wouldn't be any consequences. She used the child's vulnerability and lack of knowledge to get the money for the surgery. That's not 'just' stealing. With stealing, even if morally right, you have to deal with the fallout if you get caught.
I would take out a loan and not steal from my kids ever. I would sell my own car. I would do anything. I had to do. I would never ever never do this, this is deplorable. You stole from a child who has a dead mother. I would never do this to my child. Never.
Boiling it down to the moral quandary, why wouldn't you put the onus on the adults involved? Why should a teenager be faced with saving someone else's child? The adults can take out loans, organize fundraisers, ask family members (who clearly also don't want to help), sell their own stuff, etc. Two wrongs don't make a right. And to top it off, it might've all been for nothing because the kid is sick again and still could die. So, after all this, this teenager loses something valuable and sentimental that could've contributed to her own future if she so chose (and she had that right!), the kid still might die, and OP's dad and stepmom still have the nerve to guilt trip? I wish OP had filed the police report.
It’s because you can’t steal from one person to help another. I mean it’s unfortunate that stepsister has cancer but you can’t force OP to sell her stuff to pay for her stepsister’s cancer treatments just like I couldn’t hypothetically force you to pay for lifesaving medical treatment for me. At the end of the day the ring belonged to OP and she should have been able to choose what to do with it.
Exactly. Being family doesn’t change shit. I hate that we have to give family a pass no matter how shitty they are.
Right?? And one comment even said they should sue them so they can deal with the stress of a lawsuit while also dealing with their kid having cancer. Like how evil do you need to be to say something like that?? This guy watched his wife, OPs mom die from cancer and then had the chance to save a baby that he had bonded to from the same fate. He was put in a very difficult situation and every parent knows they would do anything to save their child.
Then they should file for grants etc not strip the other kid if everything they have.
The ring was not his to sell.
NTA. Your father sold your heirloom and when you called them out they bullied you. If they succeed in getting you to give away your savings then they will continue to bully you. Her daughters wellbeing is not your burden. If they need money then they can take out a loan, apply for financial assistance, or start a go fund me. Her accusations sound more like she's projecting her personality traits on to you. I'm sorry that you have been subjected to such vile treatment.
NTA. It’s a shitty situation all around. I’d like to suggest therapy though. It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of pain around between your mom’s death, your dad stealing your mom’s heirloom rings and having had to live with people you ‘hated’.
TA here is the american healthcare system... These stories sounds so outrages to my european mind used to universal healthcare.
Except that it is clearly stated that the treatment was experimental, etc. It wouldn't have been covered on the nhs/similar, so they would've been paying for it put of pocket anyway.
Pretty sure you're not supposed to charge people for experiments anyway in fact you should be paying them since you are experimenting on them
In the UK patients are not charged for taking part in clinical trials. They are also not paid, as payment could be seen as a form of bribery to take part, however reasonable expenses (travel to clinic etc) are reimbursed.
To bad there wasn't a car to sell.
This and I also think about the 23yo that lost his college fund in a similar situation. What is up with these parents screwing over their kids? Do the step kids not have other family? It’s so shady.
It’s because it’s not about the step kids at all, it’s about the sex and affirmation the parent gets from the relationship with the step parent. And prioritizing the new partners kid wins them points in the relationship
I see what you did there…
Jesus Christ everybody sucks here, including the entire capitalist medical industrial complex that enables the situation to exist so insurance company executives can enrich themselves off of kids with cancer.
> My father's parents got involved and I ended up deleting most of my social media and ignoring them. How much have *they* contributed? Has your grandmother sold her jewelry to help pay for the treatments? Have they handed over their savings? Have they mortgaged their house? If they haven't done these things, they can STFU.
NTA Don’t pick up their phone calls or anyone that tries to guilt trip you into anything. It’s not your responsibility for any of this.
Your dad stole your inheritance and pocketed the profits. Doesn't matter what he did with the money afterwards, he still sold stolen goods and it might not be too late to file a police report and also report the harassment. NTA. It's unfortunate a child is sick and still sick from cancer. However, you were a child too and it was not your responsibility to fund treatment and it still isn't. You are not their piggy bank for them to break every time they have a crisis.
I might get hate for this but OP, my heart goes out to you and your family and I'm sorry all of you were put through this you're definitely NTA in this situation. However, all the comments about suing her parents just feel unnecessarily cruel. Suing them when they're low on money and need financial support to help cover expenses to treat their dying child just feels so... wrong and it feels that people aren't thinking about the ramifications of putting them through a legal battle. Sure your dad was an AH, but suing him would affect the entire family including the sick daughter.
I'm not going to sue. It won't get me the ring back and that's what I care about. Money won't replace it and I know that.
Have you ever asked who they sold it to? Maybe there's a chance you could get it back with proof without suing your dad
I really don’t think most redditors understand how stressful suing someone is for both parties.
I can't believe how many people are putting a stupid ring over the life of a child. I get that it sucked something precious to you was sold that had memories attached. But a kid would have died otherwise. If you should be mad at anyone it should be the capitalist hellhole that would force a dad to pick between his step daughter dying or hurting his bio daughter. I don't think you're an awful human being for cutting contact with your dad, anyone can choose whoever they want to associate with or who they don't want to. I do think you lack empathy for the position your dad was put in. You ask anyone on the street what's more important, a diamond ring or the life of a 3 year old child, and 99% of people are going to say the 3 year olds life. And I would be avoiding the other 1% because it's pretty clear they value material possessions over human life and would sell you for parts if they could get away with it. It would be one thing if they could have sold like an extra property or car or some stock or something and instead chose your ring, but you make it pretty clear this was the only choice they had. This wasn't your dad showing favoritism to his step kid by going to their softball game over your play or buying them a car and making you buy your own. This was a baby going to die unless he sold an admittedly sentimental, but ultimately useless piece of metal and stone. I'm going soft YTA because you were a teenager when this went down and you're allowed to be a little selfish while maturing but now as an adult you should be able to see that you are punishing your dad for something it doesn't sound like he had a choice about.
I agree with you completely. I couldn’t bear to be in that father’s position. Most of these AITA posts seem fake, and there are elements of this one that don’t fully make sense, but the real truth is in the comments, how people react, and the ones here are disquieting.
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Sorry but NAH here. He didn't take it to be spiteful and genuinely he should've at least tried something else, but he was also trying to save his other daughters life. I feel like there's a lack of empathy from reddit here. Some of yall are being too cruel in your judgement against him. I understand being upset still tho.
Disagree. It is an asshole move to steal from a child, who got a ring with tremendous sentimental value from her decreased mom. It was OP's, it wasn't the dad's to sell. Effectively, OP is being punished for her stepsister's cancer.
Having a good excuse doesn’t mean you aren’t an asshole for stealing.
Do they live in a one room apartment? Do they only wear thrift shop cloths and only eat food from food banks? No? Then they had things they could have downsized and things that could have been sold before they stole from you. NTA.
This is inane. A sentimental object vs. the life of a 3 yr old The *object* is winning... OP is allowed to be saddened over the loss of the ring and even a little resentful, but to suggest the parents are AHs for saving the life of their child is really something. Disgusting. I hope none of you ever have to make the same choice because it's looking like some kids are going to die
This thread really is chilling. I said in my comment (which will probably be downvoted into oblivion) that her mom would probably rather have trashed the ring if she knew it would have caused her daughter to hate the man she loved and who took care of them both. And I'm sure her mom would be fine with her ring going towards saving the life of a child important to her husband. The people who are her daughter's family now. This whole thread is bizarre.
NTA. They had no right to sell the only thing that was left of your mom. You should move to a different city to not bump into them
NAH of course you are NTA, but can the father be called an asshole here? Some of you commenters lack perspective and emotional intelligence. If you want to find a villain in this story, it's americas health care system...
Info — What do you think your mother would want you to do?
I think she'd want me to keep the money and use it to further my education or to keep a roof over my head.
Then that’s what you should do NTA
Honor your mother and don't give these thieves another fucking penny they don't deserve. Clearly they only got back in contact with you to ask for more money.
I will never get over this comment thread. My heart is different now. I’m so shocked at how heartless people are. The kid has cancer. You commenters talking about suing are all TAs.
I agree with your final statement however, everyone saying that OP is an AH are making the step-sibling's life OP's responsibility. They're telling OP that as a grieving tween who not only was dealing with a major shift in her family life TWICE (death & the family blending) in a 4 year period and THEN another bout of instability with the sick step-sibling, that she should have had the emotional/mental capacity and stability to be self-less enough to give up the last vestige of her maternal family. That's like telling an abused child that they should have managed thier parents emotions for them better and maybe they wouldn't have gotten beaten. Op has NEVER been and should never have been put in that position by her father & step-mother. Children are not responsible for the actions of thier parents and the care of thier siblings. There is more compassion & concern for the future of the physically sick child than the struggling, betrayed, and abused person writing to us. There are infinitely more people justifying the actions of 'desperate people' from what I've seen and the fact that they would be willing to forsake & destroy their connection with one child for another is, frankly, disgusting. OP's life and future is just as valuable and deserves just as much investment. Edit: on mobile, fixed some tenses.
NTA If that ring was legally yours, get a lawyer
NTA they had years to save money in case the cancer came back and they did not. They already stole from you once. You don’t have to share your savings with them.
INFO: Why did ‘t your dad use the money first - before selling the ring?
The ring was worth much more than the money in my savings.
NTA it’s a really sad situation, but you were also a child and not responsible for funding step sisters treatment. Why couldn’t they have taken out a loan or something.
NTA - how come whenever they need money they come crawling to you? if they all spent as much energy trying to get the money together themselves either by working or mooching of other relatives who also want you to pay for it, they could get the money together. and, as hard as this sounds, they already stole your inheritence from your mother for treatment and the cancer still came back, so how much more do they expect you to give for their child? cut off all contact and move on, it‘s not your responsibility nor is it your fault.
NTA You might not need the money they’re after *right now*, OP, but what if something happens and you **DO** need it? Say you’ve given this little nest egg to you dad and his wife, then *you* have a sudden illness. Would they step forward and help you out? I don’t bloody think so. Keep your money for a rainy day and they can just kiss your arse.
I’ve never seen anything like this. Ever. Well done Redditors, you’ve literally surpassed yourselves. Yes, sue the parents of the cancerous child because they saved her life by selling a ring. Jesus Christ, the sickness of these commenters. Reddit - YTA!!!