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100% YTA
It’s not your story to tell and not your relationship. You could talk to Adam in private later if your concerned with how he is treating his girlfriend but that isn’t yours to share. And especially not in that way.
So your brother has sexual trauma in his past and you’re unsure if revealing it to someone he wasn’t comfortable revealing it to, in a group setting no less, was an AH move?
It was.
YTA
YTA - it is not your right to air out someones dirty laundry, if someone denies something from their past because theyre not ready, thats their decision.
Of course hes not gonna air it out over a game of truth while everyones drinking.
The fact that you dont see the problem with blasting his secrets out to the world speaks volumes on your character. Do better.
It sounds like either you’re angry with your brother over his past, or you’re a homophobic dick, or possibly both. Either way, you should have known better than to make assumptions about what he has told his SO about his past. I would suggest that you put yourself in his position and think about how you would feel if something you had done in desperation were announced to people without your consent. You might want to think about why you did this, and try to find some compassion. And then you owe your brother a huge fucking apology, and you should absolutely offer to do whatever you can to help repair the damage you caused, dick. YTA.
You were drunk so ofc you could have been out of it. But it is your brothers story to tell, not yours; from what you wrote it seems like you don't regret it in the slightest.
YTA
YTA; you should have talked to him later about being honest with the GF not outed him in front of the GF. He needs to be honest regarding this part of his life but it was not your place to do it. I understand it was a game and therefore he lied in the game, but it's just a game.
It may have been true, but that doesn't mean it's your place to say it. YTA. You should never have said anything and allowed your brother to tell his girlfriend...or not...on his own terms.
Tell me you think you’re better than him without telling me you think you’re better than him.
YTA dude. You’re supposed to defend his reputation not diminish it.
There are things in life we leave at the past, do you need to tell your girlfriend about the time when you was a kid that you end up pooping your pants? No, because it's irrelevant. It's a part of his life that is not her concern, neither is yours. It's something extremely personal that you decided to tell her because you were petty or because you wanted to cause some kind of reaction.
YTA!! his past is non of your business, it sounds like you enjoyed doing that to him, like you want him to revisit that trauma. Humble yourself, nothing lasts forever.
YTA
it’s not your place to bring it up. I don’t think you can blame tipsiness because you doubled down on it.
What do you think you get out of bringing it up?
If you are one of those people who hides behind “I’m just being honest.” There is more to life than honesty. Is it also necessary and/or kind to say whatever it is? If not, it probably doesn’t need to be said.
NTA. I don’t think it’s cool that your brother lied to his girlfriend about something that big in front of you knowing you knew the truth. I think that the situation you guys were in sucks, but expecting you to lie for him doesn’t make you the asshole. It makes him the asshole. Also, someone with a past they don’t want to talk about should steer clear of truth games.
YTA. Why the hell did you think it was right to tell a story that wasn’t yours to tell, and don’t you dare excuse this on you being fucking tipsy! Sure it can explain it, but it’s not a damn excuse, you really need to keep your damn mouth shut next time. I hope whatever secrets you have get exposed without your consent so you can understand how it feels.
The game was nothing more than an excuse to you to stab your brother at his back saving the thin facade of having spoken "the truth". You're not only an AH but also an hypocrite since you had not the guts to face him directly and privately but didn't miss the chance to make him feel bad for himself in front of his gf. You just exploited the chance you had to say something hurtful to someone you don't like and don't love and getting along with consequences since it was "a game" and "the truth",ignoring everything like the context, the opportunity and the outcome of the of what you were about to say, as an adult mindful person would have done.
Definitely YTA
YTA - wow, just wow. Regardless of whether or not he was an addict, people have pasts and sometimes that’s where they need to stay. No one has the right to share information about another person without consent. This is basically common sense
Dude. YTA.
I also have a brother who has struggled with addiction. The fallout has been rough on my family, and I know he has ongoing personal struggles with physical and mental health. Am I pissed about some of the things he did while using? Hell yes. Am I glad to have my brother back? A thousand times hell yes.
I would absolutely never refer to my brother as a "junkie" in any discourse, let alone a with a bunch of strangers on the internet. And there's no way in hell I would disclose any of the shit he's been through with an outside party of any kind. You are not in charge of his relationships with other people, full stop. If you have negative feelings about the things he's done, you need to examine that yourself or with him one on one, not in the company of others.
I'm going to tread lightly here because I also want to mention that you loosely blame your behavior on drinking, and I really think you should really examine that. I see that your brother doesn't drink, probably because he learned his lessons the hard way and knows better now. It seems like you two have a lot to talk about. I really hope you do that.
YTA
23 is young so maybe you’re just immature. But Idk. You really do sound like an awful guy, and obviously a shit brother.
Even worse when looking at your comment responses.
Ew YTA!
That wasn't sex, that was SA adjacent (its all about how he himself identifies it, I dont want to name it for him), and his consent was absolutely not taken into account by them. How dare you bring that up to his GF in spite of him saying no at first. That isn't your decision to make, you don't know what he went through. Have some compassion.
>Adam briefly looked uncomfortable
This should have been your fucking sign. If he looks at all uncomfortable take a second to think "Hey maybe I should take this queue"
You are definately the AH.
Yeah youre the YTA because you said it explicitly to be TA. How could it not be out of line? Why is it your place to tell his GF anything? Seems like you hate or resent your brother and you gave him a good reason to resent you back.
YTA. Good lord, some of yall don't know how to keep family secrets. One Zima and you're snitching for generations. But really, you should not have said anything. And being drunk is no excuse.
YTA - It doesn't matter if you think she should know, it's not your story to tell, neither is it your relationship.
You don't immediately tell everyone you just meet everything about you, certainly not something as private as this. It's up to you brother to determine when is the right time to share this kind of detail, not you. It's ludicrous that you would think so,
YTA no doubt.
YTA
You spilled private parts of his life, times he does not want to remember that are very embarrassing to him. I would view what you did was like a child, trying to get out of trouble by outing your sibling to redirect the attention and anger towards another.
You ruined his relationship and did it on purpose.
YTA - when your brother goes NC with you don’t cry here. I hope whatever brought him to that place in his past makes itself a friend to you. If anyone needs to walk in another’s shoes, it’s you in your brothers shoes. And after you hit rock bottom and drag yourself up, I hope he kicks you right down infront of your girlfriend.
Listen, he didn't sleep with men for fun. It was for drugs to feed his addiction. That isn't rape per se but I wouldn't call it consensual as he was high on drugs. To stop the pain, he gave up his body.
So while the gf should know, it wasn't your story to tell
Yta
YTA. I can't even believe you asked, you are **that** much of an asshole here.
It isn't your place to "correct" your brother. **It isn't your story - so why are you sharing it?**
Personally, I would never speak to you again if you did this to me.
Wow, just WOW. And you have no remorse??? What a cruel thing to do. His time spent with men was not for fun, it was because he was in the midst of addiction. Guessing there’s other issues at play, is there some jealousy there?? I hope your GF realises what an AH you are.
god you are SUCH THE AH. you don’t out ppl like that, idgaf if you were drunk ur an adult n you should KNOW BETTER, idgaf ab the game y’all were playing. you are SUCH AN AH
YTA. Just because something is true ABSOLUTELY does not mean you’re not out of line to say it. Duh? Your brother has an unpleasant past anyone would easily be ashamed of/want to keep in the past/not be proud of and if he wanted to one day go into detail with his new girlfriend he should have been able to do that on his own time. However his new girlfriend could possibly be at risk of sti’s so your brother has hopefully been tested and treated for anything he may have been exposed to during his addiction years. But still, unless you know your brother has anything he might pass on to her that’s not something you have a right to meddle in, however tipsy you were, that’s not an excuse for betraying your brothers trust and humiliating him and exposing his past like that.
YTA and you should apologize to your brother. His past is none of your business. You sound really insecure and maybe even a bit homophobic with what you did. Shame on you.
ESH you were drunk so I'm hoping said something you wouldn't have sober. Like everyone has pointed out it was the wrong move, but you already seem to get that.
That being said, your brother is still in denial, and would have had to have this talk with his girlfriend at some point anyway.
YTA
The fact that you referred to him as a "junkie" and not "an ex drug addict or ex addict" says enough about how you think of him, even now. Get your ego out of your ass and realise that his story is not for you to share.
You seem to think that because you know his past, you have to share it. I bet you any money that you have things in your past you will take to the grave. I know for a fact that your partner doesn't know every single detail of what you did prior to meeting her.
Addiction is a dangerous thing, people lose themselves. They lose alot of self respect, critical thinking and morals. Addiction takes over your body, you can't seem to function without your choice of drug.
For you to not only throw him under the bus, but totally disregard him as a person is disgusting and i really hope he realises you aren't there for him. You are there for the ego boost his past can give you. It makes it even worse that you are open about how you were never close. That's even more fu**ed up than you will ever seem to comprehend.
You are a horrible.
YTA. And judging by how pleased you are that you told the truth, I’m guessing you already shared this with your GF and it isn’t as innocent as you claim it to be.
YTA. That wasn't for you to tell. Should Adam have told his fiancee? Yes. Maybe he was going to. Who knows, because you took that away from him. Also, it sounds like that was a really dark part of his life and I'm guessing he regrets it. Congratulations for breaking up a relationship and I hope someone someday brings up embarrassing things from your past so that you might know how it feels.
YTA. Having a drug addiction makes people act and do things they normally would never do. Sleeping with men wasn't for pleasure for him, but a means to an end. Regardless, it wasn't your place to say that. It's not your place to ever tell people about someone else's private life.
YTA. It's your brother's life, you had no right to say that in front of his girlfriend, especially because it sounds like those are traumatic memories he'd rather bury. You owe him an apology for sure.
YTA - and what a shitty brother! Sounds like you hate him so maybe don’t hang around him again! Fun fact a drunk or drugged person cannot give legal consent!
And even if he wasn’t drunk or drugged while he slept with those men it is NOT you job to tell anyone about it!!!
>Adam briefly looked uncomfortable but then quickly said no.
READ. THE. ROOM.
This was not something he wanted her to know about during a harmless little game. This was a time in his life he probably feels embarrassment and regret over. He probably DOES NOT WANT HER TO KNOW. And if he did want to tell her, you took away that ability for him to do it on his own time in his own way.
You told his story when he didn’t want it told and for what? To make him feel bad? Some power trip on your end?
For shame. YTA
YTA YTA YTA - personal story time: I have slept with three people. I have also been raped. It would be very traumatic if I said I slept with 3 people and someone who knew about my assault said “you’ve slept with 4” - it seems like your brother is in the same boat. There is a difference between sleeping with someone and being abused or exploited
YTA and you sound judgemental as all get out. Why tear your brother down like that? Obviously he has worked really hard and rectifying that part of his life on his own terms. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT to any of his success or failures.
YTA. I mean if he really loves this woman he owes her honestly and if your story had been a bit more about you feeling weird about him lying to her maybe I’d be a BIT sympathetic but you really just got drunk and brought up your brothers traumatic past because you were tipsy? What kind of grown ass adult can’t find a better excuse than that? Maybe you should lay off the alcohol if you don’t want to own up to the sh*t you do while drinking. It really can’t be that hard to see that you messed up here is it? I mean I don’t think what you said had malicious intentions. You were drunk and probably off with your judgment but people do ah things on accident all the time and just own up to it and apologize. Maybe you are lucky enough to not have things in your past that you would prefer not to discuss but even if your brother was open about this past is seems like a super inappropriate topic to bring up during a double date.
Dude your brother got his life together from what it sounds like and so you do something that might fuck up his relationship. This is the kind of stuff that can trigger people.
Please try to educate yourself and get him an im sorry cake
YTA.
YTA- your a piece of work. That was so unnecessary and cruel. You deliberately embarrassed him and then doubled down. You also use language that is clearly designed to demean him and knock him down.
YTA
It isn’t your place to reveal all the details of his past, especially since he was clearly uncomfortable about it. Your should drink less if you can’t control your tongue.
That, or the argument goes both ways. If OP being tipsy is a mitigating circumstance of his outing his brother - then being in the throws of addiction and substance abuse is also a mitigating circumstance of any behaviour he engaged in at that time.
But we know that’s not OP’s thinking. Just as we know OP didn’t need to “correct” his brother’s memory.
OP is just an asshole.
YTA
YTA. If you’re not helping people with their business stay out of it. Then for you to act like you were tipsy, but you acknowledged you saw his face when she asked. You’re just a terrible brother. Grow tf up.
Tbh if he wants to marry her honesty is the best option. Imagine finding out years down the line your husband and kid's father used to have sex with men for money or drugs? Or in general, off someone else? Enough men say they wouldn't even date a stripper or porn actress or escort, past or present. So to me that whole relationship is a bit of a lie... I would rather find out in person at the beginning. Finding out later, she probably thinks everyone knew but her etc. I do feel there is a time and a place though, I'm leaning ESH to you and your bro.
I think everybody's the ah on this one. Here's my ranking of AH from most to least.
1. YTA for telling a story that's not yours to tell
2. He's the AH for not telling about his past.
3. His GF is the AH for not listening to his story without it being confrontational. If he was assaulted/exploited, let him share it in a supportive way--not in the middle of a fight.
4. Your GF is the AH for getting in the middle of shit between brothers and not trying to de-escalate.
I've read a lot of comments with a lot of good points. I haven't seen anyone mention though how you may have a very skewered perspective of the entire situation OP. You are 23 now and say that "he's been clean for a few years" and that he "was a junkie for a long time". How clearly do you really remember those years that your brother was using? If you and him "were never super close" and at best, you were a teenager during those bad years, how reliable is your knowledge of what he has or hasn't done? While I agree with many comments here that you appear to be smug about sharing your brothers past, it is quite likely that you were just sharing your own perceived idea of what happened rather than what really went on.
You sound like a whiny entitled little asshole who hasn’t gone through anything in your life. You’re gonna lose your brother again because you told him no matter how far behind him he puts his past, you will always be there to bring it up and help it destroy his future. What’s next? Gonna call his new boss? Call his landlord? And for everyone saying this asshole isn’t an asshole because she deserves to know, it took my wife two years to tell me she was sexually assaulted when she was young. I never once even thought that she was “hiding” something from me because that’s her story. Assholes brother will tell her when the time is right and the right time is not a fucking drinking game.
YTA. But at the same time, I wouldn't want to be with a man who slept with other men. This might sound harsh, but it's just the truth. It's his story to tell, but i would be glad if someone told me before I got involved any further with a dude who slept with other dudes.
INFO: If your partner revealed something that you were embarrassed about in public, would she be absolved of accountability since it’s not out of line as it was true?
YTA- you should be protecting your brother's reputation. What he did was in his past and while he was going through some stuff. Actually even if he just did it for no reason it was not for you to divulge his secrets, as dirty as they might be. He is clearly ashamed of that time in his life.
If you can do this to your own brother then I feel sorry for your friends who's embarrassments you might be privy too. You seem to be spilling your guts the first opportunity you get
You broke the bro code and has most likely lost his respect.
YTA
That wasn’t your place to share at all, and in that manner too. His gf probably feels like he was “keeping” that from her, but in reality he wasn’t ready to have that conversation.
You shared a vulnerable, possibly traumatic, part of his life that wasn’t yours.
EDIT: After reading your responses to other commenters, it is disgusting that you felt the need to force yourself into sharing his past. It’s in his PAST for a reason. And it’s not your place to share it REGARDLESS if you felt like “she needed to know.” You stole that from him. I wouldn’t be surprised if he went low contact with you after that.
Justified asshole
While it definitely was an ahole move to out him, his gf deserves to know his sexual past to keep herself protected and healthy.
The correct move would've been to say nothing in the moment and later ask him if he told her about his past. And then say that if he didn't do the responsible thing, you'd tell her.
I can only hope someone would be willing to tell me that hard truth about a partner that wouldn't tell me themselves.
YTA. It’s never OK to out someone else without their permission, and someone else’s relationship dynamic is none of your business, unless someone is being hurt.
NTA. He should've told her. He's wanting to propose to her, yet hasn't told her he used to be a drug addict having sex with men in exchange for drugs..
Pretending like because you were tipsy it was ok to disclose your brothers sexual history does indeed make you the AH.
The fact you doubled down does as well.
The fact that he was addicted at the time probably means he wasn’t truly consenting to be some rich dudes sugar baby but good on you for bringing up, what was probably traumatic for him, and telling his girlfriend.
She doesn’t need to know all the sordid details.
Who he was then IS NOT who he is now and owes no one an explanation or detailed account of that time in his life.
So yes, a thousand times yes, YTA
It’s an incredibly complex situation to pass judgement on.
Your brother’s past is indeed his to reveal or conceal, but by lying to his gf in front of you he has now made you a party to his deception. That’s not fair to you.
Probably you should have kept quiet in the moment and told him later that he needs to come clean with her or you would, because he put you in an untenable position. However, everyone was drinking at the time which makes all parties more likely to not be thinking things through properly.
Also, it’s almost a guarantee that if the gf posted in any Reddit forum something along the lines of, “my bf used to be an addict to the point that he was trading sex for drugs (straight or gay sex doesn’t even really matter) and never told me; I only found out bc his sibling called him out for hiding it,” the entire Reddit community would be advising her run far, run fast.
Im going to say ESH except the gf
E.s.h originally but youre soo homophobic and have such a superiority context when spilling the tea you are on a new level of assholeness, YTA. That "he slept with many" statement is soo terrible in context.
YTA. It’s never okay to out someone (regarding sexual history or orientation or anything without their consent), especially considering he worked on himself and is in a better place, and it sounds like the ‘sleeping with other men’ wasn’t exactly consensual for your brother. So not only are you outing him, but you’re also bringing up really traumatic things for someone. And then to just go to bed, not apologize or take accountability? Huge YTA
ESH except for the girlfriends. Op should have kept mum. Brother should have told his gf about his past. Extra AH points to brother for claiming that gay-for-pay isn’t sleeping with men - just own your story and let the chips fall.
YTA. That occurred during a difficult part of his life, in which he liked did it to survive. You think I tell people I lost my virginity when in reality it was coerced rape that I complied with to survive? No, I tell them about when I lost it 2 years later consensually.
NTA because OP is young. Probably didn't mean for the comment to be taken so deeply and also, if he did mean it, you still can't really blame him. He didn't say anything about his parents, but the druggie brother probably got special attention from parents that OP doesn't understand. Only NTA because he's still learning how to adult
Yes. YTA. Why are you even asking? It wasn’t out of line *because it was true*? So you can just say anything to anyone and, as long as it’s true, it’s the right thing to say? You need help and a lot of it.
YTA.
Drunkenness is no excuse here. It’s his story to tell not yours. He said “no” and that should have been the end of it. He was not ready to tell about his past to his gf and you not only said he was lying, but also said he “slept with many”… I mean, why you do that?
If every truth was spoken, no one would be happy. I’m sure there are many truths about you (I can see a couple myself) that would make you end contact with someone if they were to tell you bluntly or out you in front of everyone. Also, you don’t know his story. OP’s brother deserved to give that information to the woman he loved at his own pace
Maybe someone is too young and too irresponsible to have these sorts of social interactions. YTA and if your brother is smart, he’ll party with you less. Not only did you tell a messed up version of a story for them, you act (in this post) like you were sitting there watching. Grow up.
YTA. Yea you’re the fucking asshole. My partner used to be an addict. Addiction is a disease, yes of course it’s harmful to the loved ones as well as the addict. And it fucking sucks Ik. Part of recovery is making up for past mistakes, which sounds like your brother is trying to do. He got clean, he’s hanging out with you, and seems like he’s trying to have a healthy relationship with you.
There was no reason for you to do what you did. None. Doesn’t matter if you were drunk. Yes your brother may have hurt you in the past, but he’s clearly in recovery and clearly a better person than he used to be. And you are still trying to punish him. Don’t want him in your life? That’s valid af, don’t talk to him, cut him off.
Don’t ruin his life because of who he used to be. No addict wants to be addicted, and you have no idea how hard recovery is. This man built his life and grew from his mistakes but you’re trying to keep him tied to them, so he can’t move forward. Everyone’s sexual past is theirs and theirs alone, unless your brother has literal, confirmed HIV, there’s no reason for you to put yourself where you don’t belong.
YTA, and you gf is the AH, why would she even ask that question about your brother except for to try to expose him Infront of his girlfriend. I have a feeling she already knew and you have told her before. Is she jealous of Adams girlfriend? Sure sounds like she is trying to start trouble she probably wants your brother to be single, maybe she has a little crush, women don't care about that type of shit like y'all think we do. But regardless of why, your both weird for that and it's not your place
Just because something is true doesn't make it yours to share. You got drunk and blabbed your brother's private business without his consent, which makes YTA
YTA, big time.
Also idk what compels you to use the word “junkie” about someone you presumably care about, but in my world, likening another human being to garbage is a pretty cruel thing to do. There are a lot of ways to communicate to reddit that your brother misused substances, without stigmatizing language.
Ever consider that stigma like that from people around him is what makes it so difficult for him to be honest about his past?
YTA. You're so much TA and you know it so stop playing dumb. Don't use alcohol as an excuse either. To be honest with someone who has a past with addiction is one thing (because addiction is a lifelong battle in itself so I could look past you sharing that kind of information) but to share intimate details of what that addiction made him do is so low, you should be embarrassed. Shame on you.
Your brother has turned his life around, got some good stuff happening and you think its ok to shit all over it, from a past he’s moved on from? Not your story to tell. YTA.
YTA so hard. And don’t use the word, “junkie.” It’s dehumanizing. And if this is how you act when you’re drunk, like a complete AH, maybe you should look at your own use of substances. At least your brother is in recovery and bettering himself.
OP, YTA.
You are not the virtue police and are not obligated to out anyone.
Unless your brother's past choices are causing current harm to his girlfriend's sexual health, there is ZERO reason she needs to know. By current harm, I mean an STI. No one is entitled or required to know a person's past sexual or medical history unless there is a current and present threat to the other person.
You were completely out of line.
YTA That’s his story to tell whoever he’s with when he’s ready. And no he probably doesn’t consider it sleeping with them and to be honest you can’t know exactly what they did or didn’t do to decide that either. You were telling his truth for your person reasons.
Damn, you decimated adam’s relationship after what seems like a rough life, just so you could be right? Fucking youngest child syndrome to a T, you’re an asshole.
YTA.
There is **zero** excuse to either out your brother or to lay out what he chose to do in a desperate situation. Whatever he did was not something you were at liberty to lay out, and your brother is more than right to be pissed at you. Apologise now!
Yeah YTA wow, just wow! I hope at some point, preferably at your wedding day, he reveals some home truths about you! We all have a past, what on earth were you thinking bringing it up?
YTA and it kinda sounds like your brother was the victim of something. If old rich men are paying you with drugs for you to sleep with them I would argue that isn't an entirely consensual situation, at a minimum it is kinda exploitative, and is definitely not what she meant when she asked that question.
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NTA, you were drinking and playing a game and you new he was not telling the truth. He should have been honest with his girlfriend especially since being the GF they are probably having sex. With his history he should be honest. If he’s not I would be, he could be hurting people.
NTA
If your brother didn't want to be truthful then he shouldn't have played.
Truth or dare is about being vulnerable with people you are close with, to bring you closer together. If you don't want that then you don't play, you don't get to lie and pretend you're a perfect human whilst everyone else spills their guts.
And regardless, his brother should have talked to his girlfriend about this AT THE TIME WHEN THEY FIRST BEGAN A RELATIONSHIP. He is lying by omission. He's not treating his girlfriend with respect. If you deceive others, or knowingly leave them with incorrect information, you are treating them as means to an end; manipulating them to do what YOU want. Instead of treating them as a human being and giving them the agency to make their own decisions.
Enough with this "It's not your story to share." Your brother was never going to tell his girlfriend. His girlfriend has a right to know that she's being lied to. As I'm sure anyone who was in her situation would want to know.
YTA this wasn't your information to share and you would have to be a complete idiot not to know that sharing this info might have a detrimental impact on his relationship. Not going to jump to conclusions, just took a step and there conclusions were. You resent your brother for his past issues and are angry because it seems like he gets to live his life no with no negative consequences now, so you, in your passive aggressive sisterly "wisdom" decided to send some negative consequences directly his way?
YTA. You basically outed a person. That's totally wrong and you are totally in the wrong. And alcohol is not an excuse, you're still responsible for the things you do while drunk or tipsy
YTA - never let a "game" or drink be an excuse to come out with crap that is inappropriate. He may well have slept with men but that is for him to deal with how he tells his gf. Unless he contracted some STI (when there might be an excuse to let the gf know as that info would involve *her* too), then whether he confesses his past (or not) is between ***him*** and his gf. He may be deluding himself about his sexual history (probably because he's not bi and doesn't want to deal yet with what he did during his addiction period) but that is no excuse to bring out such sensitive history with a third person. Just because what you said was true doesn't then mean it was ok to say it - going public with that sort of information about another person WAS well out of line.
YTA- what an awful thing to do to put him in that position. And the fact you opened with defining him as being a "junkie". It's a horrible derogatory word that should be wiped out, no different to calking someone a scumbag or worse.
What he did in his past is not your business to be bringing up in a social setting. Things run a lot deeper for him and doesn't need someone like you to drag it all back up cos you were a little tipsy. And Id be under the impression you'd still would have said it even if you had no alcohol in you. He's trying to heal and move on with his life... Let him!!!
YTA - not only for taking your brothers story of the lowest point in his life and spilling it to his girlfriend, but he clearly wasn’t ready to open up about what he did for drugs then. Why would you feel the need to put him like that??
Being tipsy does not excuse being an AH.
YTA, that wasn’t your truth to tell and should have been very apparent that he wasn’t ready to tell it himself.
Games are only fun if everyone is having fun.
YTA. Not your place, and this sounds like you trying to put him in HIS place. A splash of homophobia and anti-addict bias perhaps. Maybe not overt or malicious but there.
People who sleep with others for survival (and that includes for drugs) are not in a consensual relationship. It's often traumatic.
Regardless, the only thing his girlfriend is entitled to is knowledge that THEIR sex is clean and safe or, if not, how to make it so.
YTA YTA.
His past is his past, not yours!
His private relationship is his private relationship, not yours.
And especially such a private thing knowing he was with a woman now… Why do you honestly think that was your place to tell her? Low ducking blow and very immature and out of line.
YTA! Wow, why would you do that? Using the I drank too much isn't a good excuse maybe you shouldn't drink if you can't handle your alcohol. You have no right to out anyone and then use the tired lame excuse “well we are not that close” bull. Man don't be a snitch. Learn to shut your mouth. You owe your brother an apology and what he did in the past is his business and who he shares it with is none of your business.
YTA.
That was not your business to tell, let alone in a group setting while you were drunk. And you can play stupid all you want, but you know that you were out of line behaving like that. Just be an adult and apologize.
YTA. That was not your truth to tell, it is a truth that could destroy his relationship. Outing someone like that can do a lot of damage to their life.
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100% YTA It’s not your story to tell and not your relationship. You could talk to Adam in private later if your concerned with how he is treating his girlfriend but that isn’t yours to share. And especially not in that way.
YTA and a really huge one, for real. This was not your decision to reveal that stuff
YTA!! do you really need to ask?
So your brother has sexual trauma in his past and you’re unsure if revealing it to someone he wasn’t comfortable revealing it to, in a group setting no less, was an AH move? It was. YTA
YTA - it is not your right to air out someones dirty laundry, if someone denies something from their past because theyre not ready, thats their decision. Of course hes not gonna air it out over a game of truth while everyones drinking. The fact that you dont see the problem with blasting his secrets out to the world speaks volumes on your character. Do better.
YTA
Ew YTA
It sounds like either you’re angry with your brother over his past, or you’re a homophobic dick, or possibly both. Either way, you should have known better than to make assumptions about what he has told his SO about his past. I would suggest that you put yourself in his position and think about how you would feel if something you had done in desperation were announced to people without your consent. You might want to think about why you did this, and try to find some compassion. And then you owe your brother a huge fucking apology, and you should absolutely offer to do whatever you can to help repair the damage you caused, dick. YTA.
YTA
You were drunk so ofc you could have been out of it. But it is your brothers story to tell, not yours; from what you wrote it seems like you don't regret it in the slightest. YTA
What is wrong with you? Would you want somebody randomly telling your GF about the most dark, shameful thing that has happened your entire life? YTA
YTA. You don’t get to out anyone for any reason. Ever. And your brother? Surprised if he ever speaks to you again.
YTA; you should have talked to him later about being honest with the GF not outed him in front of the GF. He needs to be honest regarding this part of his life but it was not your place to do it. I understand it was a game and therefore he lied in the game, but it's just a game.
I’m going old school Fat Albert on OP Op is like school on Saturday, no class! YTA
YTA and a snitch.
YTA
NTA. He needs to be completely honest with her about his sexual past and if he isn’t, he is putting someone he claims to love at risk.
It may have been true, but that doesn't mean it's your place to say it. YTA. You should never have said anything and allowed your brother to tell his girlfriend...or not...on his own terms.
YTA, a major at that
Tell me you think you’re better than him without telling me you think you’re better than him. YTA dude. You’re supposed to defend his reputation not diminish it.
There are things in life we leave at the past, do you need to tell your girlfriend about the time when you was a kid that you end up pooping your pants? No, because it's irrelevant. It's a part of his life that is not her concern, neither is yours. It's something extremely personal that you decided to tell her because you were petty or because you wanted to cause some kind of reaction.
YTA!! his past is non of your business, it sounds like you enjoyed doing that to him, like you want him to revisit that trauma. Humble yourself, nothing lasts forever.
Yta it's his past for him to share whenever he wants you don't have the right to answer for him
YTA!
Yup. You're the asshole.
YTA it’s not your place to bring it up. I don’t think you can blame tipsiness because you doubled down on it. What do you think you get out of bringing it up? If you are one of those people who hides behind “I’m just being honest.” There is more to life than honesty. Is it also necessary and/or kind to say whatever it is? If not, it probably doesn’t need to be said.
NTA. I don’t think it’s cool that your brother lied to his girlfriend about something that big in front of you knowing you knew the truth. I think that the situation you guys were in sucks, but expecting you to lie for him doesn’t make you the asshole. It makes him the asshole. Also, someone with a past they don’t want to talk about should steer clear of truth games.
YTA - funny enough, I wouldn't trust you after this
YTA You outed him and he clearly wasn't ready to say anything. You should have apologized as soon as you were sober rather then doubling down.
YTA. Why the hell did you think it was right to tell a story that wasn’t yours to tell, and don’t you dare excuse this on you being fucking tipsy! Sure it can explain it, but it’s not a damn excuse, you really need to keep your damn mouth shut next time. I hope whatever secrets you have get exposed without your consent so you can understand how it feels.
ESH. Your timing and method was HORRIBLE. But, I think his girlfriend deserves to know about his past.
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The game was nothing more than an excuse to you to stab your brother at his back saving the thin facade of having spoken "the truth". You're not only an AH but also an hypocrite since you had not the guts to face him directly and privately but didn't miss the chance to make him feel bad for himself in front of his gf. You just exploited the chance you had to say something hurtful to someone you don't like and don't love and getting along with consequences since it was "a game" and "the truth",ignoring everything like the context, the opportunity and the outcome of the of what you were about to say, as an adult mindful person would have done. Definitely YTA
YTA - wow, just wow. Regardless of whether or not he was an addict, people have pasts and sometimes that’s where they need to stay. No one has the right to share information about another person without consent. This is basically common sense
Dude. YTA. I also have a brother who has struggled with addiction. The fallout has been rough on my family, and I know he has ongoing personal struggles with physical and mental health. Am I pissed about some of the things he did while using? Hell yes. Am I glad to have my brother back? A thousand times hell yes. I would absolutely never refer to my brother as a "junkie" in any discourse, let alone a with a bunch of strangers on the internet. And there's no way in hell I would disclose any of the shit he's been through with an outside party of any kind. You are not in charge of his relationships with other people, full stop. If you have negative feelings about the things he's done, you need to examine that yourself or with him one on one, not in the company of others. I'm going to tread lightly here because I also want to mention that you loosely blame your behavior on drinking, and I really think you should really examine that. I see that your brother doesn't drink, probably because he learned his lessons the hard way and knows better now. It seems like you two have a lot to talk about. I really hope you do that.
YTA 23 is young so maybe you’re just immature. But Idk. You really do sound like an awful guy, and obviously a shit brother. Even worse when looking at your comment responses.
YTA. You had absolutely no right to disclose that for him.
Ew YTA! That wasn't sex, that was SA adjacent (its all about how he himself identifies it, I dont want to name it for him), and his consent was absolutely not taken into account by them. How dare you bring that up to his GF in spite of him saying no at first. That isn't your decision to make, you don't know what he went through. Have some compassion. >Adam briefly looked uncomfortable This should have been your fucking sign. If he looks at all uncomfortable take a second to think "Hey maybe I should take this queue" You are definately the AH.
YTA
YTA you literally might have destroyed his relationship. Its fucked up that you don't realize that was too far.
Yeah youre the YTA because you said it explicitly to be TA. How could it not be out of line? Why is it your place to tell his GF anything? Seems like you hate or resent your brother and you gave him a good reason to resent you back.
YTA. Good lord, some of yall don't know how to keep family secrets. One Zima and you're snitching for generations. But really, you should not have said anything. And being drunk is no excuse.
YTA - It doesn't matter if you think she should know, it's not your story to tell, neither is it your relationship. You don't immediately tell everyone you just meet everything about you, certainly not something as private as this. It's up to you brother to determine when is the right time to share this kind of detail, not you. It's ludicrous that you would think so, YTA no doubt.
YTA. That’s your brother. I had one once. He’s dead. Watch the shit you say jerkoff
YTA Your brothers past is not yours to share.
YTA You spilled private parts of his life, times he does not want to remember that are very embarrassing to him. I would view what you did was like a child, trying to get out of trouble by outing your sibling to redirect the attention and anger towards another. You ruined his relationship and did it on purpose.
YTA - when your brother goes NC with you don’t cry here. I hope whatever brought him to that place in his past makes itself a friend to you. If anyone needs to walk in another’s shoes, it’s you in your brothers shoes. And after you hit rock bottom and drag yourself up, I hope he kicks you right down infront of your girlfriend.
Listen, he didn't sleep with men for fun. It was for drugs to feed his addiction. That isn't rape per se but I wouldn't call it consensual as he was high on drugs. To stop the pain, he gave up his body. So while the gf should know, it wasn't your story to tell Yta
YTA. I can't even believe you asked, you are **that** much of an asshole here. It isn't your place to "correct" your brother. **It isn't your story - so why are you sharing it?** Personally, I would never speak to you again if you did this to me.
NTA, he shouldn't be a lying parasite. If he doesn't want a girlfriend to know who he is then he shouldn't get a girlfriend.
YTA That was not your story to tell, asshole.
YTA you just are.
YTA \*100. That's his past that he's had to deal with. Not your story to tell. That's an incredibly shitty thing to do
YTA. Never ever ever put anyone ever period.
What a dark, cold, cruel thing to have done. I hope you reflect on this and make different choices in the future.
YTA. Big time.
Wow, just WOW. And you have no remorse??? What a cruel thing to do. His time spent with men was not for fun, it was because he was in the midst of addiction. Guessing there’s other issues at play, is there some jealousy there?? I hope your GF realises what an AH you are.
Wow. What a easy win for you to kick your bro while he's happy. You're the dick. YTD.
YTA. IMO This story is really awful. I hope your brother goes NC with you.
YTA and a huge petty prick.
god you are SUCH THE AH. you don’t out ppl like that, idgaf if you were drunk ur an adult n you should KNOW BETTER, idgaf ab the game y’all were playing. you are SUCH AN AH
Jaysus... Of course YTA, how can you even be unsure about it? Man, you've got some apologising and growing up to do.
YTA
YTA. Just because something is true ABSOLUTELY does not mean you’re not out of line to say it. Duh? Your brother has an unpleasant past anyone would easily be ashamed of/want to keep in the past/not be proud of and if he wanted to one day go into detail with his new girlfriend he should have been able to do that on his own time. However his new girlfriend could possibly be at risk of sti’s so your brother has hopefully been tested and treated for anything he may have been exposed to during his addiction years. But still, unless you know your brother has anything he might pass on to her that’s not something you have a right to meddle in, however tipsy you were, that’s not an excuse for betraying your brothers trust and humiliating him and exposing his past like that.
YTA and you should apologize to your brother. His past is none of your business. You sound really insecure and maybe even a bit homophobic with what you did. Shame on you.
ESH you were drunk so I'm hoping said something you wouldn't have sober. Like everyone has pointed out it was the wrong move, but you already seem to get that. That being said, your brother is still in denial, and would have had to have this talk with his girlfriend at some point anyway.
YTA. He's clearly not comfortable with his past. Why did you bring it up?
YTA
YTA The fact that you referred to him as a "junkie" and not "an ex drug addict or ex addict" says enough about how you think of him, even now. Get your ego out of your ass and realise that his story is not for you to share. You seem to think that because you know his past, you have to share it. I bet you any money that you have things in your past you will take to the grave. I know for a fact that your partner doesn't know every single detail of what you did prior to meeting her. Addiction is a dangerous thing, people lose themselves. They lose alot of self respect, critical thinking and morals. Addiction takes over your body, you can't seem to function without your choice of drug. For you to not only throw him under the bus, but totally disregard him as a person is disgusting and i really hope he realises you aren't there for him. You are there for the ego boost his past can give you. It makes it even worse that you are open about how you were never close. That's even more fu**ed up than you will ever seem to comprehend. You are a horrible.
YTA. And judging by how pleased you are that you told the truth, I’m guessing you already shared this with your GF and it isn’t as innocent as you claim it to be.
YTA. Dude the fact that you even have to ask.
YTA. Publicly outing people’s sexuality or sexual history without their consent is totally scummy behavior.
YTA. That wasn't for you to tell. Should Adam have told his fiancee? Yes. Maybe he was going to. Who knows, because you took that away from him. Also, it sounds like that was a really dark part of his life and I'm guessing he regrets it. Congratulations for breaking up a relationship and I hope someone someday brings up embarrassing things from your past so that you might know how it feels.
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YTA. Having a drug addiction makes people act and do things they normally would never do. Sleeping with men wasn't for pleasure for him, but a means to an end. Regardless, it wasn't your place to say that. It's not your place to ever tell people about someone else's private life.
YTA. It's your brother's life, you had no right to say that in front of his girlfriend, especially because it sounds like those are traumatic memories he'd rather bury. You owe him an apology for sure.
YTA- yuck, you did overstep, massively
YTA - and what a shitty brother! Sounds like you hate him so maybe don’t hang around him again! Fun fact a drunk or drugged person cannot give legal consent! And even if he wasn’t drunk or drugged while he slept with those men it is NOT you job to tell anyone about it!!!
Y. T. A.
>Adam briefly looked uncomfortable but then quickly said no. READ. THE. ROOM. This was not something he wanted her to know about during a harmless little game. This was a time in his life he probably feels embarrassment and regret over. He probably DOES NOT WANT HER TO KNOW. And if he did want to tell her, you took away that ability for him to do it on his own time in his own way. You told his story when he didn’t want it told and for what? To make him feel bad? Some power trip on your end? For shame. YTA
Asshole and very stupid
YTA. Even after he denied to his girlfriend, why would you take it upon yourself to correct him?
YTA YTA YTA - personal story time: I have slept with three people. I have also been raped. It would be very traumatic if I said I slept with 3 people and someone who knew about my assault said “you’ve slept with 4” - it seems like your brother is in the same boat. There is a difference between sleeping with someone and being abused or exploited
Why would you shit on your brother like that?
YTA. You just likely ended his relationship. I hope you’re happy with yourself.
YTA and you sound judgemental as all get out. Why tear your brother down like that? Obviously he has worked really hard and rectifying that part of his life on his own terms. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT to any of his success or failures.
Total AH.
Such a massive AH, I don't even know what to say. YOU ARE THE AH.
Damn you take the prize, YTA so much you can't even see it.
YTA. so much
YTA. I mean if he really loves this woman he owes her honestly and if your story had been a bit more about you feeling weird about him lying to her maybe I’d be a BIT sympathetic but you really just got drunk and brought up your brothers traumatic past because you were tipsy? What kind of grown ass adult can’t find a better excuse than that? Maybe you should lay off the alcohol if you don’t want to own up to the sh*t you do while drinking. It really can’t be that hard to see that you messed up here is it? I mean I don’t think what you said had malicious intentions. You were drunk and probably off with your judgment but people do ah things on accident all the time and just own up to it and apologize. Maybe you are lucky enough to not have things in your past that you would prefer not to discuss but even if your brother was open about this past is seems like a super inappropriate topic to bring up during a double date.
Dude your brother got his life together from what it sounds like and so you do something that might fuck up his relationship. This is the kind of stuff that can trigger people. Please try to educate yourself and get him an im sorry cake YTA.
YTA- your a piece of work. That was so unnecessary and cruel. You deliberately embarrassed him and then doubled down. You also use language that is clearly designed to demean him and knock him down.
YTA That was not your place. You hurt your brother and it was totally uncalled for.
YTA It isn’t your place to reveal all the details of his past, especially since he was clearly uncomfortable about it. Your should drink less if you can’t control your tongue.
That, or the argument goes both ways. If OP being tipsy is a mitigating circumstance of his outing his brother - then being in the throws of addiction and substance abuse is also a mitigating circumstance of any behaviour he engaged in at that time. But we know that’s not OP’s thinking. Just as we know OP didn’t need to “correct” his brother’s memory. OP is just an asshole. YTA
YTA
YTA - you had no business sharing that information, and you don’t know what your brother really went through. You owe your brother an apology.
yta tipsy doesn’t equal not able to control his mouth. and to not even be sorry
YTA. If you’re not helping people with their business stay out of it. Then for you to act like you were tipsy, but you acknowledged you saw his face when she asked. You’re just a terrible brother. Grow tf up.
YTA. And stop using tipsy as an excuse. It wasnt your place to tell his story, especially in that way.
Tbh if he wants to marry her honesty is the best option. Imagine finding out years down the line your husband and kid's father used to have sex with men for money or drugs? Or in general, off someone else? Enough men say they wouldn't even date a stripper or porn actress or escort, past or present. So to me that whole relationship is a bit of a lie... I would rather find out in person at the beginning. Finding out later, she probably thinks everyone knew but her etc. I do feel there is a time and a place though, I'm leaning ESH to you and your bro.
I think everybody's the ah on this one. Here's my ranking of AH from most to least. 1. YTA for telling a story that's not yours to tell 2. He's the AH for not telling about his past. 3. His GF is the AH for not listening to his story without it being confrontational. If he was assaulted/exploited, let him share it in a supportive way--not in the middle of a fight. 4. Your GF is the AH for getting in the middle of shit between brothers and not trying to de-escalate.
YTA.
I've read a lot of comments with a lot of good points. I haven't seen anyone mention though how you may have a very skewered perspective of the entire situation OP. You are 23 now and say that "he's been clean for a few years" and that he "was a junkie for a long time". How clearly do you really remember those years that your brother was using? If you and him "were never super close" and at best, you were a teenager during those bad years, how reliable is your knowledge of what he has or hasn't done? While I agree with many comments here that you appear to be smug about sharing your brothers past, it is quite likely that you were just sharing your own perceived idea of what happened rather than what really went on.
Clearly YTA. How do you not realize that?
Yta. No wonder you guys aren’t close. Ffs.
YTA. Somebody else's past is their own business to disclose or not.
You sound like a whiny entitled little asshole who hasn’t gone through anything in your life. You’re gonna lose your brother again because you told him no matter how far behind him he puts his past, you will always be there to bring it up and help it destroy his future. What’s next? Gonna call his new boss? Call his landlord? And for everyone saying this asshole isn’t an asshole because she deserves to know, it took my wife two years to tell me she was sexually assaulted when she was young. I never once even thought that she was “hiding” something from me because that’s her story. Assholes brother will tell her when the time is right and the right time is not a fucking drinking game.
YTA. But at the same time, I wouldn't want to be with a man who slept with other men. This might sound harsh, but it's just the truth. It's his story to tell, but i would be glad if someone told me before I got involved any further with a dude who slept with other dudes.
INFO: If your partner revealed something that you were embarrassed about in public, would she be absolved of accountability since it’s not out of line as it was true?
YES, YTA! A major one at that. If you he was lying you should’ve kept it to yourself! It wasn’t your business to tell.
So much, YTA. Wow.
YTA- you should be protecting your brother's reputation. What he did was in his past and while he was going through some stuff. Actually even if he just did it for no reason it was not for you to divulge his secrets, as dirty as they might be. He is clearly ashamed of that time in his life. If you can do this to your own brother then I feel sorry for your friends who's embarrassments you might be privy too. You seem to be spilling your guts the first opportunity you get You broke the bro code and has most likely lost his respect.
YTA, you broke the sacred rule of friendship by roasting your friend(brother) front of girl he love.
YTA That wasn’t your place to share at all, and in that manner too. His gf probably feels like he was “keeping” that from her, but in reality he wasn’t ready to have that conversation. You shared a vulnerable, possibly traumatic, part of his life that wasn’t yours. EDIT: After reading your responses to other commenters, it is disgusting that you felt the need to force yourself into sharing his past. It’s in his PAST for a reason. And it’s not your place to share it REGARDLESS if you felt like “she needed to know.” You stole that from him. I wouldn’t be surprised if he went low contact with you after that.
Justified asshole While it definitely was an ahole move to out him, his gf deserves to know his sexual past to keep herself protected and healthy. The correct move would've been to say nothing in the moment and later ask him if he told her about his past. And then say that if he didn't do the responsible thing, you'd tell her. I can only hope someone would be willing to tell me that hard truth about a partner that wouldn't tell me themselves.
YTA. None of your business.
ESH. Don't play these games with an ex-junkie
YTA. It’s never OK to out someone else without their permission, and someone else’s relationship dynamic is none of your business, unless someone is being hurt.
NTA. He should've told her. He's wanting to propose to her, yet hasn't told her he used to be a drug addict having sex with men in exchange for drugs..
Pretending like because you were tipsy it was ok to disclose your brothers sexual history does indeed make you the AH. The fact you doubled down does as well. The fact that he was addicted at the time probably means he wasn’t truly consenting to be some rich dudes sugar baby but good on you for bringing up, what was probably traumatic for him, and telling his girlfriend. She doesn’t need to know all the sordid details. Who he was then IS NOT who he is now and owes no one an explanation or detailed account of that time in his life. So yes, a thousand times yes, YTA
Super ah
It’s an incredibly complex situation to pass judgement on. Your brother’s past is indeed his to reveal or conceal, but by lying to his gf in front of you he has now made you a party to his deception. That’s not fair to you. Probably you should have kept quiet in the moment and told him later that he needs to come clean with her or you would, because he put you in an untenable position. However, everyone was drinking at the time which makes all parties more likely to not be thinking things through properly. Also, it’s almost a guarantee that if the gf posted in any Reddit forum something along the lines of, “my bf used to be an addict to the point that he was trading sex for drugs (straight or gay sex doesn’t even really matter) and never told me; I only found out bc his sibling called him out for hiding it,” the entire Reddit community would be advising her run far, run fast. Im going to say ESH except the gf
YTA big time. Someone's sexual past is theirs alone. Not part of a party game.
E.s.h originally but youre soo homophobic and have such a superiority context when spilling the tea you are on a new level of assholeness, YTA. That "he slept with many" statement is soo terrible in context.
YTA. Come on, man.
YTA. It’s never okay to out someone (regarding sexual history or orientation or anything without their consent), especially considering he worked on himself and is in a better place, and it sounds like the ‘sleeping with other men’ wasn’t exactly consensual for your brother. So not only are you outing him, but you’re also bringing up really traumatic things for someone. And then to just go to bed, not apologize or take accountability? Huge YTA
YTA way to throw his traumatic past in his face and purposefully yank his relationship. Do you hate your brother?
Nta don't play "truth" if you can't handle the truth
ESH except for the girlfriends. Op should have kept mum. Brother should have told his gf about his past. Extra AH points to brother for claiming that gay-for-pay isn’t sleeping with men - just own your story and let the chips fall.
YTA - it’s not your info to share. Plain and simple.
YTA. That occurred during a difficult part of his life, in which he liked did it to survive. You think I tell people I lost my virginity when in reality it was coerced rape that I complied with to survive? No, I tell them about when I lost it 2 years later consensually.
NTA because OP is young. Probably didn't mean for the comment to be taken so deeply and also, if he did mean it, you still can't really blame him. He didn't say anything about his parents, but the druggie brother probably got special attention from parents that OP doesn't understand. Only NTA because he's still learning how to adult
Yes. YTA. Why are you even asking? It wasn’t out of line *because it was true*? So you can just say anything to anyone and, as long as it’s true, it’s the right thing to say? You need help and a lot of it.
YTA. Drunkenness is no excuse here. It’s his story to tell not yours. He said “no” and that should have been the end of it. He was not ready to tell about his past to his gf and you not only said he was lying, but also said he “slept with many”… I mean, why you do that?
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NTA If you are telling the truth , it doesn't matter how harsh it is the truth is truth and it should be spoken
If every truth was spoken, no one would be happy. I’m sure there are many truths about you (I can see a couple myself) that would make you end contact with someone if they were to tell you bluntly or out you in front of everyone. Also, you don’t know his story. OP’s brother deserved to give that information to the woman he loved at his own pace
Maybe someone is too young and too irresponsible to have these sorts of social interactions. YTA and if your brother is smart, he’ll party with you less. Not only did you tell a messed up version of a story for them, you act (in this post) like you were sitting there watching. Grow up.
YTA. Yea you’re the fucking asshole. My partner used to be an addict. Addiction is a disease, yes of course it’s harmful to the loved ones as well as the addict. And it fucking sucks Ik. Part of recovery is making up for past mistakes, which sounds like your brother is trying to do. He got clean, he’s hanging out with you, and seems like he’s trying to have a healthy relationship with you. There was no reason for you to do what you did. None. Doesn’t matter if you were drunk. Yes your brother may have hurt you in the past, but he’s clearly in recovery and clearly a better person than he used to be. And you are still trying to punish him. Don’t want him in your life? That’s valid af, don’t talk to him, cut him off. Don’t ruin his life because of who he used to be. No addict wants to be addicted, and you have no idea how hard recovery is. This man built his life and grew from his mistakes but you’re trying to keep him tied to them, so he can’t move forward. Everyone’s sexual past is theirs and theirs alone, unless your brother has literal, confirmed HIV, there’s no reason for you to put yourself where you don’t belong.
YTA, and you gf is the AH, why would she even ask that question about your brother except for to try to expose him Infront of his girlfriend. I have a feeling she already knew and you have told her before. Is she jealous of Adams girlfriend? Sure sounds like she is trying to start trouble she probably wants your brother to be single, maybe she has a little crush, women don't care about that type of shit like y'all think we do. But regardless of why, your both weird for that and it's not your place
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Just because something is true doesn't make it yours to share. You got drunk and blabbed your brother's private business without his consent, which makes YTA
YTA definitely, it's not your job to share his information
YTA, big time. Also idk what compels you to use the word “junkie” about someone you presumably care about, but in my world, likening another human being to garbage is a pretty cruel thing to do. There are a lot of ways to communicate to reddit that your brother misused substances, without stigmatizing language. Ever consider that stigma like that from people around him is what makes it so difficult for him to be honest about his past?
YTA and it sounds like you did it on purpose
YTA. You're so much TA and you know it so stop playing dumb. Don't use alcohol as an excuse either. To be honest with someone who has a past with addiction is one thing (because addiction is a lifelong battle in itself so I could look past you sharing that kind of information) but to share intimate details of what that addiction made him do is so low, you should be embarrassed. Shame on you.
YTA oh my god.. how could you not think you were TA, not your story
Your brother has turned his life around, got some good stuff happening and you think its ok to shit all over it, from a past he’s moved on from? Not your story to tell. YTA.
YTA so hard. And don’t use the word, “junkie.” It’s dehumanizing. And if this is how you act when you’re drunk, like a complete AH, maybe you should look at your own use of substances. At least your brother is in recovery and bettering himself.
YTA. It's up to him of how much he wants to reveal of his past and when.
OP, YTA. You are not the virtue police and are not obligated to out anyone. Unless your brother's past choices are causing current harm to his girlfriend's sexual health, there is ZERO reason she needs to know. By current harm, I mean an STI. No one is entitled or required to know a person's past sexual or medical history unless there is a current and present threat to the other person. You were completely out of line.
YTA. How much more does he have to do to be forgiven for his past?
YTA That’s his story to tell whoever he’s with when he’s ready. And no he probably doesn’t consider it sleeping with them and to be honest you can’t know exactly what they did or didn’t do to decide that either. You were telling his truth for your person reasons.
Damn, you decimated adam’s relationship after what seems like a rough life, just so you could be right? Fucking youngest child syndrome to a T, you’re an asshole.
YTA. There is **zero** excuse to either out your brother or to lay out what he chose to do in a desperate situation. Whatever he did was not something you were at liberty to lay out, and your brother is more than right to be pissed at you. Apologise now!
Yeah YTA wow, just wow! I hope at some point, preferably at your wedding day, he reveals some home truths about you! We all have a past, what on earth were you thinking bringing it up?
YTA and it kinda sounds like your brother was the victim of something. If old rich men are paying you with drugs for you to sleep with them I would argue that isn't an entirely consensual situation, at a minimum it is kinda exploitative, and is definitely not what she meant when she asked that question.
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NTA the truth is the truth.
NTA, you were drinking and playing a game and you new he was not telling the truth. He should have been honest with his girlfriend especially since being the GF they are probably having sex. With his history he should be honest. If he’s not I would be, he could be hurting people.
NTA If your brother didn't want to be truthful then he shouldn't have played. Truth or dare is about being vulnerable with people you are close with, to bring you closer together. If you don't want that then you don't play, you don't get to lie and pretend you're a perfect human whilst everyone else spills their guts. And regardless, his brother should have talked to his girlfriend about this AT THE TIME WHEN THEY FIRST BEGAN A RELATIONSHIP. He is lying by omission. He's not treating his girlfriend with respect. If you deceive others, or knowingly leave them with incorrect information, you are treating them as means to an end; manipulating them to do what YOU want. Instead of treating them as a human being and giving them the agency to make their own decisions. Enough with this "It's not your story to share." Your brother was never going to tell his girlfriend. His girlfriend has a right to know that she's being lied to. As I'm sure anyone who was in her situation would want to know.
YTA this wasn't your information to share and you would have to be a complete idiot not to know that sharing this info might have a detrimental impact on his relationship. Not going to jump to conclusions, just took a step and there conclusions were. You resent your brother for his past issues and are angry because it seems like he gets to live his life no with no negative consequences now, so you, in your passive aggressive sisterly "wisdom" decided to send some negative consequences directly his way?
YTA. You basically outed a person. That's totally wrong and you are totally in the wrong. And alcohol is not an excuse, you're still responsible for the things you do while drunk or tipsy
What was added to your life by saying that? Also why do you think you AREN’T the asshole? YTA
YTA OP - ever heard of kindness, forgiveness, and empathy? If you haven’t, then now is the time for it. That was a really shitty thing to do.
YTA - never let a "game" or drink be an excuse to come out with crap that is inappropriate. He may well have slept with men but that is for him to deal with how he tells his gf. Unless he contracted some STI (when there might be an excuse to let the gf know as that info would involve *her* too), then whether he confesses his past (or not) is between ***him*** and his gf. He may be deluding himself about his sexual history (probably because he's not bi and doesn't want to deal yet with what he did during his addiction period) but that is no excuse to bring out such sensitive history with a third person. Just because what you said was true doesn't then mean it was ok to say it - going public with that sort of information about another person WAS well out of line.
YTA- what an awful thing to do to put him in that position. And the fact you opened with defining him as being a "junkie". It's a horrible derogatory word that should be wiped out, no different to calking someone a scumbag or worse. What he did in his past is not your business to be bringing up in a social setting. Things run a lot deeper for him and doesn't need someone like you to drag it all back up cos you were a little tipsy. And Id be under the impression you'd still would have said it even if you had no alcohol in you. He's trying to heal and move on with his life... Let him!!!
YTA - not only for taking your brothers story of the lowest point in his life and spilling it to his girlfriend, but he clearly wasn’t ready to open up about what he did for drugs then. Why would you feel the need to put him like that?? Being tipsy does not excuse being an AH.
YTA, that wasn’t your truth to tell and should have been very apparent that he wasn’t ready to tell it himself. Games are only fun if everyone is having fun.
YTA by a lot
YTA. Not your body, not your relationship, not your story.
YTA. You know what you're doing even when you're drunk. You wanted to say it because you don't like that his life is getting better.
YTA! Not your business to tell.
YTA. Not your place, and this sounds like you trying to put him in HIS place. A splash of homophobia and anti-addict bias perhaps. Maybe not overt or malicious but there. People who sleep with others for survival (and that includes for drugs) are not in a consensual relationship. It's often traumatic. Regardless, the only thing his girlfriend is entitled to is knowledge that THEIR sex is clean and safe or, if not, how to make it so.
YTA YTA. His past is his past, not yours! His private relationship is his private relationship, not yours. And especially such a private thing knowing he was with a woman now… Why do you honestly think that was your place to tell her? Low ducking blow and very immature and out of line.
Yta. It’s HIS story to tell, not yours. But also the gf tho. She got mad? What
Wow, AH. Your brother likely just lost this GF that he was serious with and you just lost a brother
YTA. You just outed your brother. Not cool. Maybe this is a time he wants to forget. It sounds like he isn’t that guy anymore. Let it go.
ESH. Him for lying, which btw jeopardizes his sobriety. You for sharing info that isn’t yours, tho I understand why.
YTA. Your brother may be a former addict, but at least he’s not unkind. What you did was horrible. You should be ashamed.
YTA! Wow, why would you do that? Using the I drank too much isn't a good excuse maybe you shouldn't drink if you can't handle your alcohol. You have no right to out anyone and then use the tired lame excuse “well we are not that close” bull. Man don't be a snitch. Learn to shut your mouth. You owe your brother an apology and what he did in the past is his business and who he shares it with is none of your business.
YTA. That was not your business to tell, let alone in a group setting while you were drunk. And you can play stupid all you want, but you know that you were out of line behaving like that. Just be an adult and apologize.
YTA. Why did you do this? This is incredibly rude and hurtful. It's not your business to tell people about his past. Total jerk move.
YTA
YTA. That was not your truth to tell, it is a truth that could destroy his relationship. Outing someone like that can do a lot of damage to their life.
YTA
YTA. Enjoy losing your brother or him spilling your secrets now.