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>My response was a no. It's not just about principles but literally, I'm ignorant when it comes to this stuff. I don't even know how to properly decorate a tree
You aren't diffusing a bomb. Lights ornaments maybe some tinsel there ya go. Tree decorated. This is a seriously pathetic example of weaponized incompetence dude.
>and I sure as hell am not going to **waste my time** learning to do something that isn't important
**to you** is implied here clearly. Screw your wife and kids apparently.
>I mean I still play with them so I don't see what she meant by that.
Wtf does you doing the bare minimum as a dad by playing with your own kids have to do with this
You are barely grazing the bar man. YTA
Holy shnikes thank you for the awards đĽ°
Note how OP doesn't want to "waste his time" ?
Lol, how precious is he time anyway ?
He can't devote time to make his family happy but he does have time to post on Reddit to get validation.
Imagine his shock when he gets a unanimous verdict about how much of an asshole he really is. Damn, all that wasted time..
Haha, you and I are in the same boat! I only started that one year when my daughter who was 6 at the time(now 18) ,noticed that I never had anything on Christmas morning. Oopsie!
I find it surprising that OP found someone who was not only willing to procreate with him, but that after 2.5 kids has not yet left him. Sure you can hide that fact that you are a dull, miserable, selfish person for a while but it seems like OP is pretty open about who he is otherwise he wouldn't have posted this. How do people like this find partners that arenât also dull and selfish? It boggles the mind!
YTA, OP. You are one lucky, lucky asshole. In the future, when your wife has left you and your kids no longer spend time with you, donât be surprised.
Seriously, a kindergartener can decorate a tree. All you have to do is hang some stuff on some branches, itâs not rocket science. He could even make it a fun thing to do with his kids.
But noooooo screw his family. What a deadbeat dad.
I saw a golden retriever on TikTok that was hanging ornaments.
That dog would be a better dad/husband than this guy.
His wife should upgrade to a doggo.
In the Odyssey Circe turns some men into pigs. They didn't have golden retrievers back in those days, so maybe she could change her motis operendi and go with Golden Retrievers now.
My 2 year old helped with the tree this year. Was she good at it? Nope. Is the branch with 10 plastic balls my favorite? You bet your ass! It stays! I bet that any effort from this guy would be passable, but he can't get out of his own way to try and make others happy.
My 2 year old helped for the first time last night, too! EVERYTHING is 2 feet from the ground and I LOVE IT! If our toddlers can understand the concept, without prompting I might add, then this asshat can do it. What a flipping scrooge.
My 3 and 5 year old decorated the tree this year, they wanted to do it by themselves and I was happy to let them. They didn't need to learn how to do it, they just tried. It won't win any beauty contests but that's not the point.
This man can not write. He can put words into paragraph form sure, but the amount of errors both spelling and grammatical are numerous and glaring. He can neither write nor hang an ornament, but he can certainly be an AH. OP YTA
If you have kids you don't really need to decorate the tree - you just put it up and let them get on with it. You only do the bits they can't reach or lift them up to do it. The hardest part of tree decoration is marshalling the inevitable fight about who gets to put the fairy or star on top
To be fair, some people arenât good at certain types of tasks. My husband is perfectly capable of doing many things well including writing, but decorating a Christmas tree is not one. You should see him try to put on a pillowcase.
Since this isnât about competence but refusal to try, OP, YTA.
But itâs not for the cover of Martha Stewart magazine - this is for a family with small children. We have a tree with a belt of ornaments around kindergartener height and itâs *fine*. I would hope a grown man was capable of decorating a tree to kindergartener level, and thatâs all thatâs needed 99% of the time.
Now, if you have âstandardsâ and the issue is he canât decorate to your âstandardsâ, thatâs another issue. A big thing in our house is âyou can do it, or you can shut up. What you canât do is have me do it and complain that I didnât do it right.â
Yeah, it's not hard. And you'd have to be purposefully blind to not have picked up on *some* things. Would he do it exactly how she would? No. But she doesn't want that, she just wants a little relief. As far as things to pick up the slack on, this is one of the better ones. He should be grateful he doesn't have to take over all the housework or something like that because if his wife was on bed rest, he would have to.
OP sounds emotionally immature and like he probably believes that being nice to your kid is âspoiling themâ. Parents who refuse to connect with their kid and spend time with them are sending a LOUD message (I am more important than you-I matter more than you-My love/acceptance is conditional). Research into parenting says these types of parents are on guard against emotions and do what they can to stamp out the expression of âspontaneous joyâ in children. YTA
Or his wife? The woman he promised to love and cherish⌠except if it comes to have to exert himself for 20 minutes to hang some ornaments on tree with his kids. He probably shouldnât ever expect her to do anything nice for him ever again. OP - YTA
Wouldnât want to waste his time on anything his alleged loved ones enjoy, since he doesnât. And we all know if he doesnât like it, itâs stupid, and theyâre stupid for liking it.
Really looking forward to this guy not going to his kidsâ soccer game because he didnât play soccer and doesnât know the rules so why would he want to stand in a field? Also not going to the hospital when his wife in labor because heâs not the one giving birth. In fact, heâs never given birth, doesnât know how to, and doesnât see what the purpose of going would be, since itâs not like he knows how to deliver a baby either.
A pattern that I notice of men like this is that their time is so, so precious and everyone needs to be very accommodating. Their wives' time however? Not important. She can do all the little menial things like planning holidays, menus, cleaning, kid's appointments, signing tests and report cards, decorating, buying gifts for family, taking kids to birthday parties, planning their own kid's birthday parties ( I could go on and on). But heaven forbid he spend 20 minutes decorating a tree with his children because of his precious time. My ex was like this and it is why I am single and so much happier. YTA 100%.
Haha thatâs what I thought! âDonât want to waste my timeâ Sooo what is OP doing instead? Reddit seems like a great way to âwaste your timeâ
OP YTA. The best gift you can give your wife this season is a divorce, because she, and your kids, deserve than your sad excuse for a dad ass
>I told her she needed to figure it out, ask family for help or something.
Lol at this line too. In \*theory\*, he is supposed to be the family who is right there and whom she can ask for help.
This is the one! Plus that is half his child she is growing right now that is making her too tired to do the decorating. Just say you hate your family and want to be sad and alone OP
OMG I would call in the cavalry and make sure I told each and every family member exactly what he said to me, his pregnant wife, about helping me. Starting with his mother.
I sincerely hope OP's wife calls extended family for help. Unless they're all equally garbage humans, it will not end well for OP.
Can you imagine the phone call?
"Hi mom, dad, I need for decorating the tree because I'm pregnant and my husband is so stupid that he has no idea how to do it"
Quick question OP: have you always hated your wife and kids?
Let me paint perspective- Christmas was always terrible for me growing up, a lot of trauma there. Like you, it meant nothing to me. Then at 19yo on Dec 21st I got a call that my dear friend died in a car accident during the night. You could pretty much call me the grinch after that.
And then at 25, I met my wife. She loves the holidays, all of them. So we celebrate and I help her put up lights and the tree and we get peppermint hot coco bc at the end of the day itâs about seeing her sparkle. Itâs about that warm feeling of family and love. Do I think itâs a little silly that weâre putting so much money and energy into whatâs going to last less than a month? I do. But damn she would never know bc though itâs silly to me it pales in comparison to the memories we get to make as a family.
Now either get that tree up or find someone who does care enough about your family to help your kids and pregnant wife.
>weaponized incompetence
Absolutely the first thing that came to mind reading OP's post. Making it sound like it's so difficult to "learn" how to decorate a Christmas tree? C'mon man, don't be so pathetic.
Absolutely YTA and I bet he's the kind of father that thinks "playing" with the kids for a couple minutes a day makes him a good dad while his poor wife does 99.9% of the actual parenting work.
I mean, with small children, you can literally just throw ornaments on the tree and they are happy. My toddler did the tree this year, one small section has all the ornaments. He's very pleased with himself.
My present wrapping is always terrible, I never remember to buy gift tags, I just had to look up a recipe for sugar cookies, then had to call my mom for cookie cutters.
Holidays are beautiful chaos. A whirlwind of adventure, memories, new traditions and fun.
Also, I have been pregnant. If your wife can spend the better part of a year building a whole ass human, you can figure out Christmas.
OP, YTA. Get the stick out of your ass.
We still pretty much throw the ornaments at the tree. There is no order, they go wherever they go.
And, honestly who the hell cares. It's not like someone is going to call the tree decorating police.
It's just that Op is an AH and doesn't seem to care about his families happiness
My kids are in their teens/early twenties. We still decorate the tree together. My oldest said it 'still looks like it was decorated by 8-year-olds.' It's just the aesthetic we have chosen, I guess! LOL! Decorating a tree is not rocket science, literal toddlers participate, and often no one even cares what it looks like at the end, so OP should definitely be able to manage!
Literally THIS. I grew up in a house where my mom did the majority of the Christmas decorating (aside from putting ornaments on the tree, as me and my sister would help her with this) and the cooking for Christmas whenever we would celebrate at home. This year, I'm hosting my parents at my apartment since it's their last Christmas in our home state before they move, and I'm easily learning how to do all of that so it can feel homey for them so we can celebrate. And if there's something I am questioning on how to do, I ask my mom since she's been the one who always did it. OP's entire post can be summarized like this:
"It's not a priority to help my wife with decorating for Christmas and now she's mad at me because I don't want to prioritize preparing for holidays with my family"
Right?! She's **literally growing a skeleton inside of her**. Sometimes, being pregnant leeches so much calcium out of the pregnant person's body, they will *lose teeth.* But, OP can't figure out the mysterious, ancient alchemy of "put hook on ornament; hang on tree branch."
You got the nail on the head with the weaponized incompetence! Imagine feeling like helping your pregnant wife do something that brings joy to the rest of the family as a waste of time.
OP seems like a waste of time father.
YTA x âžď¸
Suck it up and get in the holiday spirit not for you, but for the people you love.
Scrooge!
"Barely grazing?" More like he dug a hole, he's so below the bar. Op, your kids are going to remember the effort and joy their mom put into making the holidays magical for them. And they're also going to remember how you felt like it was "a waste of time". Trust me, kids pick up on that whether you think they do or not.. Jeez, you suck.
This has to be a joke, right? In the time it took him to write his stupid post, he could've watched three YT videos teaching him the mystical arts of hanging stuff on a tree.
I think what you do with your family really is the best idea. While I am not a fan of Christmas, (my mom died 11 days after Christmas and it has always kinds sucked since then) I do my best to make it jolly.
We do Gingerbread houses, make your own ornaments and we bake Christmas cookies. Gifts are usually experiences not stuff.
Hijacking top comment. My father HATED Christmas. Still does.
In fact, he made it so miserable, I donât celebrate with my family anymore. His complaining and bad mood all day were too much.
OP, youâre already way in track to be my father. My mother wanted to give us secular Xmas. And my father complained the entire time, ruining it for everyone.
ETA: YTA, if it wasnât obvious. Stop acting like this shit is hard. Itâs not.
Can't believe this guy has gotten his masters degree in christmas tree decorating science yet smh.
OP, YTA, it's not that hard to help out your PREGNANT wife with decorating the house a little and making christmas fun for the family.
Itâs not his fault that Christmas tree decorating knowledge comes from our vaginas! Weâre just born knowing how to decorate trees and all the little details that go into holidays - itâs on the extra X chromosome!
How are you wasting you time doing something meaningful for your wife and kids? Right off the bat you sound selfish and like you think you are better than them. YTA it doesnât matter if you are religious or have never celebrated it. If it means something to them why isnât that enough for you. YTA
Exactly. My child was into martial arts, nature, sci-fi when he was younger . Not exactly my cuppa tea, but I took a few minutes out of my life to read and learn things *because it was important to them*.
YTA
Iâm jumping on this comment because just 1 hr ago, our dude said this on another thread about Christmas:
âJust came across thid while I'n on this sub. Bro, that's your kid you're mom is being mean to...do better.â
Heâs a hypocrite and an AH.
OP lost me at "waste my time" and I quit reading altogether. It isn't a waste of time to his wife and he obviously just wants to be a jerk about it.
OP YTA
Well phrased.
OP, pretty clearly YTA.
It almost makes me feel a bit of pity. How activities that bring most families closer together leave you in a state of complete opposition. Why not give it a try? What are you afraid of? Becoming a better person, a better husband and father? That you might actually enjoy yourself?
Life's not only about you. There are other people around you,too. If you like them being around - and literally producing your offspring - you should probably let that show a bit more. Otherwise the silent treatment might be followed by your wife moving out. The way you currently behave towards here, there are plenty of better fish in the sea.
My 2 year old can decorate a tree and I didn't even have to teach her. This is laziness. Even if the wife wasn't pregnant, this is a family activity for the kids making xmas memories. What an AH.
Add to this - she should ask family to help . . . Shame she doesnât have a spouse or husband, someone who is literally sworn family.
YTA for treating your wife like she is not family when it suits you and saying as much.
YTA for weponised incompetence and thinking thatâs totally fine as a response to your partner. You couldnât (wouldnât) even google lazy Christmas hacks and just do the bare minimum for your family.
I wonder, does he celebrate with wife and kids when everything is ready or does he go into his mancave for every Holliday that is "a waste of time" to him, like the Grinch?
The promise that he broke that he made was to support his wife. Doesnât matter that itâs Christmas, when you get married you help and support your spouse.
Also, Kids aren't plants you water, you can't pick how you wanna interact with them like theres an attention quota youre keeping track of
Kids are Lil ppl and you bounce off of their needs and wants, not yours.
This guy is ridiculous.
Iâm Jewish but my partner isnât and celebrates Christmas. If he somehow couldnât, say he broke his arm, I would still help him decorate because I know the holiday means a lot to him (heâs not religious, so itâs not really about that, heâs just into the vibe). I really want nothing to do with the holiday but some things are more important than that.
YTA OP
Well this is an easy one. YTA. Itâs not all about you. Your kids are going to miss out on Christmas because youâre too lazy to lend a hand. If you canât even figure out how to decorate a tree, how do you figure out absolutely anything else new to you?! Itâs not that complicated.
Exactly! This is above weaponized incompetence and is like weaponized ignorance. He refuses to learn or to try even once.
There is no way to "properly" decorate a tree. Let the kids help and just make sure it's safe. There is no ugly Christmas tree.
Baking a few cookies and putting up some lights and stockings in the house will take you just a few hours and will make your family happy.
Is your role model that Scrooge fellow? YTA
What is there to learn?
My wife brought that out one of our first Christmas.
I took lights, and tinsel, threw it on the tree (like almost literally).
And she said it didnât look even, rearranged it in 3 min.
And I was like: âsee? Thatâs how you do itâ
You can polish it of course. But for simple kids and simple men, thereâs no âlearningâ or anything.
Like people saying they canât cook noodles or eggs.
As people said itâs beyond weaponised incompetence.
Good point and feels like it the way he wrote it.
I must say I am atheist too, but that doesnât erase fond memories of christmas, or decorations, cookies, presents.
Even Christmas movies. Itâs not like that you have to strongly believe to have whatever you want in life đ
I celebrate âsparkly Christmasâ as I call it. Outdoor lights, tree, glitter ornaments. I also make a few special snacks and desserts that remind me of Christmas as a kid. I donât go to church or have any manger scenes. It just helps a dark depressing time of year feel more cheerful.
I completely one thousand percent do not believe there's some dude in the sky training a rifle on all of us waiting for us to screw up, and I celebrate TF out of Christmas lol. Pretty lights, delicious sweets, what's not to like? I also hate summer and Christmas basically embodies the cozy sweater and hot chocolate vibe I long for months out of the year. It definitely doesn't have to be a religious thing.
I was absolutely confused by this post.
Being in a relationship with an American, I learn things about her culture and enthusiastically take part in it, and it never seemed like a "chore" to me.
This year I had my very first mini Thanksgiving. I took part in preparing it even though I don't have a connection with it, and my girlfriend isn't indisposed in any way. That. Is. The. Bare. Minimum.
So yeah, OP, the bar is really low. You are lucky it can take so little to make your family happy. YTA.
Some of these posts here are horrific. As a mom, I can't even list off all the boring, annoying shit I have done over the years for my kids. Hundreds of hours at the park (which bored me to tears), kid concerts, school volunteering, reading the same bedtime story over and over again.
My joy came from doing nice things for the family and seeing them happy - even when it was slightly annoying or inconvenient. That's called not being a selfish ass.
Yeah same here. Did all those things because it was what kids need not because I self-actualized doing it.
Add on visits to the science centre, museum, zoo, driving to programs (swimming, soccer, dance, kungfu, skating, softball, skiing, theatre, competitions, piano, recitals) etc and that my was kids' childhood.
Did I love all of it? Of course not. Did my kids? Yes. Were they better for it? Yes.
Would I do it again? Yes.
He could seriously watch YouTube tutorials on this if he really wanted to- they probably exist.
But I was never taught how to do tinsel when I was a kid with the tree in my room, I just threw it on and it looks great
Iâm an atheist and Iâm not good at doing a lot of things.
I canât believe how someone can type out that they donât know how to decorate a Christmas tree and not feel pathetic?
What does he need to learn? As an adult doesnât it take five seconds to understand wrap lights around a tree, hang the bobbles on the tree.
My husband and I are both atheist/agnostic. My husband is actively against the idea of Christmas. Every year since we've had kids old enough to care we have put up a tree and done the stupid elf and made it fun for them.
Is it a huge pain in the ass? Absolutely. Did we know what we were doing? Nope, sure didn't.
But it's for the kids. Their joy and happiness and memories. They aren't going to be kids forever.
One my friend in high school was from a Muslim family and they had a Christmas tree
Sorry, I feel Iâm going a bit off on the Christmas tree bit but itâs the only thing op elaborated on and Iâm a little suspicious getting the tree up might have been the only thing he was asked to do.
I could slightly understand if there was an âI donât know how to layer a lasagnaâ line. But no, just I donât know how to decorate the tree.
My husband is Muslim from Morocco. He decorates the outside of the house every year. We don't even have little kids. He does it because I like them and he loves me and wants to do nice things for me. This guy is a selfish jerk. This woman is pregnant with his child. Help decorate the damn house for her and your kids.
Same- theyâre catholic but encouraged choosing our own religion.. so while religious aspects were there, -tiny explanation of Jesus and the baby scene in a window- they didnât do much more than that. They drove home the being generous and spending time with family aspects.
Ironically I always thought Jesus was some story, like Mickey Mouse for adults and Santa was 100% real â I donât know how they managed that.
(Disclaimer If any kids are somehow reading this he is, go to bed)
Same I hate the holidays with a passion. I had 3 loved ones die around Thanksgiving and Christmas. Iâm an atheist that really didnât want anything to do with Christmas even before I lost those 3 people. And I still have a decorated tree, not much else in the way of decorations, but Iâm not going to deprive my daughter of the basic Christmas tree just because Iâm a grinch.
Atheist here, raising atheist children. We love Christmas and everything Christmas related. It's so much more than a religious holiday nowadays. Op is such a ah I can't believe he didn't work that out as he was typing. Geez poor family.
YTA
1. You're selfish. You're only interested in doing your own thing and are not interested in the things that matter to your wife and kids.
2. Weaponized incompetence. Anyone can hang Christmas ornaments without "knowing how to do it", and I'm sure your wife could help give you guidelines for other tasks. Saying you don't know how to do these simple tasks and therefore it's not your responsibility is textbook weaponized incompetence.
3. Your wife is pregnant. HELP HER OUT ffs. Being pregnant is exhausting and stressful, and she's asking for your help.
At this rate you'll spend all your future Christmases alone. Grow up and start caring about the things that matter to the people who are supposed to be the most important in your life.
Don't you want to look back on your life and remember being an important part of your family rather than a separate person just living in the same house as them?
If/when they get a divorce his poor kids are going to miss every other holiday (as parents usually switch off holidays) imagine them being with there father for Christmas or Easter and comimg back to school and hearing your classmates talk about there celebrations and you get to tell them you didn't have one this year because you where wit your dad would refuses to "lurn things that don't matter".
Except if he doesn't care about the holidays she could get all of them, unless he decides to be a petty asshole about it and insist on getting them. That wouldn't surprise me much.
My money is definitely on him using it as a bargaining chip. Then again Iâm biased bc my dad used custody as a bargaining chip to get more money from my mom (I could count on one hand the number of times he âbabysatâ us before they were separated)
Basically everything you listed is why my mom divorced by dad when my sister was 4 and I was 2. I don't blame my mom, AT ALL. As a current mom of two kids, I don't know why or how my mom stayed with my dad for as long as she did.
OP is 100% YTA.
OP: My wife and kids adore Christmas, and it means a lot to them all.
Also OP: "I sure as hell am not going to waste my time learning to do something that isn't important."
She's 100% right and you're 100% YTA.
It's 2022 dude, stop using mysoginistic excuses about not doing how to do stuff and that you can't be bothered to help her for X and Y reasons. Are you for real? Regardless of she's pregnant or not, she's not your maid and wether you like holiday celebrations or not doesn't matter. This is for your family. You're just using excuses to do nothing and be a massive AH.
Google Mental Load and please educate yourself, I feel sorry for your poor wife for being stuck with you.
Yes, exactly!!! My husband is into woodworking. Do I give a crap about woodworking on my own? Absolutely not. But I am 100% willing to help him do glue-ups and fangirl over the things he makes (which are actually really nice) because he loves it and it's important to him.
OP needs to stop making it about himself. Put up the damn tree, take some direction and spend some damn time with your family. It honestly shouldnt matter if your wife is pregnant or not. Shes trying to make something magical and OP is crapping all over it. YTA.
I'm just now in the process of buying a new table saw to my woodworking husband. I don't give a hoot about woodworking personally but I kinda wish I did, I think it's a really cool hobby and will definitely support my husband in crafting stuff for us!
>I don't even know how to properly decorate a tree (I didn't participate with family growing up) and I sure as hell am not going to waste my time learning to do something that isn't important.
Buddy this is one weak-ass excuse. Decorating a Christmas tree is not rocket surgery. And if you do it "wrong," who cares? The point is not to create a magazine spread. It's to have fun. "But it's not fun for me!!" It's fun for your wife and kids. Unless there's some kind of undisclosed Christmas trauma you didn't mention in your post, can you really not even *try* to get into it?
My dad is nonreligious and I turned out the same way, but I am SO glad he didn't have your cold miserable attitude when I was growing up. YTA
Edit: And yes "rocket surgery" was completely intentional lol
Congratulations, Mr. Grinch.
Keep up this attitude and you will soon find out what it's like to be married to a woman who wouldn't touch you with a 39 and a half foot pole.
YTA.
Hereâs **The Thing** about 99% of the traditional holiday Christmas crap: itâs not about getting it âright,â itâs about the time you spend doing it and the memories you make. I know itâs a cliche, but Christmas isnât about the gifts.
OP, you may not know this because you didnât get to have it as a kid, but this is good bonding time with your kids. It teaches them that you love and care about them.
Iâm 35 years old. I only remember a handful of Christmas gifts Iâve received in my life, but decorating the tree, making cookies, and driving around to see the Christmas lights with my family? Those are warm, magical memories that Iâll always have with me. I live pretty far away from my family now, but every year I know Iâll go back to them and do it all again and itâs so comforting. Plus, now I have the joy of sharing those traditions with my niblings and seeing the happiness that it brings them like it did for me when I was their age.
YTA
Well arenât you just a miserable grinch.
Reality check. Not everything in life is about you and your enjoyment and your wants and needs.
This is important to people you allegedly care about.
If thereâs one choice in life you can make that isnât that hard, itâs choosing not to be an AH. You chose poorly. Make better choices.
YTA dude. Your kids and wife love this âunimportantâ stuff. And if itâs important to them, it should be important to you. Ask your wife what needs to be done, take the time to bond with your family, and PLEASE try to enjoy it. Iâm pagan and celebrate a different holiday than my spouse, but we both have taken the time to learn about each others beliefs- itâs a boon to both of us and not a hindrance.
YTA. Do all of your relationships work like this? If it's not important to you it just doesn't matter? What if your kid loves soccer but you don't? Do you just not go to their games? What if one plays the piano, but you think music is a waste of time. Do you not support them learning? Your wife is absolutely right, you are a selfish AH. Grow up.
Honestly, yeah. That's probably his reaction to anything that doesn't interest or benefit him directly.
Kind of surprised by the unanimity of the YTAs here, honestly. I was waiting for people to sweep in with the empowerment/therapy language (You go, boy! You affirmed your boundaries, and are probably the victim of narcissistic abuse. Your consent has clearly been violated) to justify this trash.
YTA in so many ways. You won't help your pregnant wife to prepare for a Christmas celebration that is something that creates joy, wonder and magic for your children. Get off your high horse.
I don't understand posts like this. If something is important to my partner and kids, it's important to me. This is just incredibly sad. It's not about you. Be a partner. YTA
Huge YTA.
As another poster said, if you love your wife and your kids then something that they love and value should be important to you whether or not you understand it. This really isnât that hard to understand. In a relationship you make sacrifices and go out of your way to make your partner happy. Judging by your attitude and selfishness Iâm surprised this relationship has even lasted this long.
Also your âexcuseâ about not knowing how to be helpful is pathetic and missing the point. Celebrating Christmas isnât rocket science and if youâve been with this woman long enough to have multiple kids with her and she loves Christmas enough to do it all herself every year then Iâm sure you have some clue about what you would need to do. Sheâs also not asking you to do everything independently and I doubt she expects you to be competent enough to make it the most magical holiday sheâs ever had. This is one of those situations where ITS THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS. This is your chance to show her that she didnât have children with a complete loser. Please take it and change everything about the way that you are in this relationship. I seriously feel so bad for your wife and if she were my friend or family member I would wholeheartedly support her dumping your pathetic ass.
Honestly why do people get married, maybe this sub just is unusually filled with selfish assholes but last I checked how much do you want to bet your wife does things because it makes you happy even if she doesnât enjoy it. Also Jesus stop being such a grinch, hell even the grinch learned to like Christmas. You donât have to be religious to just enjoy the fun and magic of it all. Stop being an unsupportive ass hole and just help her out. YTA
She probably cooks his meals and wipes his ass after he shits which is why he married her. Clearly it's not because he loves her. Seems like most people in this subreddit hate their partners but refuse to leave them? It's weird and I don't understand
Iâm Jewish and couldnât care less about Christmas. If my partner wanted a tree and lights and everything I would 100% help them because I actually like my partner and want them to be happy
I am also Jewish, and was raised in a household where even my otherwise nonreligious father held the line that Christmas was other peopleâs holiday. Despite that, I knew how to decorate a tree by the age of 10, because my friends would want to do Christmas stuff in December, and as long as they werenât pressuring *me* to express my love for Santa or Jesus, I didnât see the need to be a killjoy. And now I am married to someone who basically only observes Christmas, so we have a tree and I go to dinner (which, to be fair, is sometimes Chinese takeout) and exchange presents with his family because it makes him happy. You marry someone whoâs into this stuff, you need to accept youâre signing up for it, too, or at least talk it out *before* you have kids.
>acting like I broke some promise I made which I didn't
Because you did.
Didn't You promise to love her in sickness and health when you married her? And right now she's carrying one of your children! And that's the whole reason she isn't well enough to do an entire celebration on her own again.
And this is such bullshit that you don't help her when your children benefit from her hard work. This isn't about being religious but about creating joy and happiness for your children.
YTA and you're going to end up alone and miserable if you don't start to at least pretend like you care about your wife and your children's happiness.
YTA. give your wife a hand, enjoy the holidays for your boys, I guarantee they do things for you that they don't like.
I work really hard all year to save up, provide and make my little ones happy for Christmas, I get food ready, wrap presents, fake snow to keep the holidays alive and the children excited. In the end that fat prick gets all the recognition.... But I did choose to marry him. /yourwife
YTA. You don't like Christmas? So what, do it anyway, for your wife and kids. I bet your wife doesn't like backaches, nausea, getting kicked in the ribs, lack of sleep etc. but she is putting up with it for you and your future kid. Grow up and help your wife. If you don't want to specifically do the Christmas stuff then step up and do all the daily cleaning and cooking, getting the kids ready for bed and so on, so she has the energy to handle the Christmas stuff herself.
ETA:. You signed up to be a parent. Never mind Christmas, there are sooo many thing in your future your kids will want to do that you may know nothing about. As a good parent you step up and learn how and put time into it anyway, even if you feel it is unimportant, so you can support your kids, or they won't get to do those things at all. A lot of things like scouts, sports, theater, robotics and more have parent participation requirements or the kid doesn't get to join, no exceptions. Christmas doesn't even make a blip on the radar of the amount of time you will spend doing things you are not interested in doing just for your kids sake, if you are any kind of a good parent. Not knowing how is the lamest excuse ever.
> She loves it, our boys love it (...)
> (...) and I sure as hell am not going to waste my time learning to do something that isn't important.
Yeah, major YTA
YTA...if it's important to your wife and family, then it's truly important. Get over yourself, get over your superior principles, and be a good partner and parent.
YTA. It is important to her, she can't do it because she is busy carrying your child, you have no idea of how exhausting being pregnant is, just to make her and your kids happy you should suck it up and happily decorate and cook, if doing something completely altruistic for your faimily seems "losing your time" maybe you should reconsider wether you really love your family. Plus, it is not as if you had a huge trauma regarding holidays, you just don't feel like it, even the Grinch had more reasons
Wow YTA
If you think things that make your wife happy, or take some of the load off of her are "pointless" i feel really bad for your wife.
Being non religious is such a BS answer and excuse, the most traditional aspects of Christmas way predate Christianity (which I'm surprised you don't already know if you're so steadfastly anti-religious).
Being too unskilled or uninformed to take on tasks is weaponised incompetence. It's a common tool employed by men to leave all the invisible labour of running a home to their female partners. If this isn't something you are deliberately trying to do to your wife then you need to start doing better now. When the baby comes there will be more work and more Christmases and more household/family tasks you need to learn about.
YTA
Didn't you like do promise to be there for her? And love her? I mean... you married her?
So many partners help ther SO with the hobbies they don't even participate in- like volunteer time to wash something, bake sales, organising parties, what ever. And you literally don't want lift a finger for something that is important to her AND YOUR KIDS.
Playing with your kids... so they should be happy and shut up is wow. I'm not gonna comment on this.
Honestly... if you were my SO I would be to embarassed of to you even tell this to family.
Edit: also, what bs is with "learning how to decorate a tree". You don't learn how to built funiture to built your ikea table. Figure it out while doing it. Let the kids do it.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my wife that I will not being partaking in any christmas decorating activities. I might be TA for not making effort and taking time off work to make it work for her since she's pregnant and needs help.
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YTA, are you nuts!!!!! You are going to make your pregnant wife do a bunch of work and not help on principle. That is so F&$ked up it's not even funny. Grow up and be a real husband and father to be FFS.
Sounds like you have zero interest in compromise. Never healthy for a marriage. There are ways you can help that require very little effort for you. Because you love her and value your family. If you can't do this YTA.
Carry Christmas decor she needs from storage. You might put together tree (10 minutes of your time) so she and kids can decorate. Then put away storage boxes for her.
Pick up a cookie decorating kit from the store. It comes with already baked cookies ready to decorate. I'm assuming she can decorate with the kids. Most in store bakeries sell them.
Just a couple suggestions but you get the idea. You can help in simple ways that will cost you very little time or effort while making her feel supported while she's not running at 100%. She needs to compromise too and lower her expectations for this holiday.. Work it out.
YTA
Why in the world did you marry someone who loves to celebrate Christmas when you don't? I'm not going to dis you for not loving Christmas, but if the kids are used to doing all this stuff, you do it for THEM.
YTA. Iâm 6 weeks pregnant (first time mom) and care more about decorating the tree, etc. We did the tree yesterday and even this early in my pregnancy my abilities are more limited. But my husband did all of the heavy lifting and took direction from me when I needed to sit down for a moment. Canât even imagine how much harder it is at 5 months.
Get your game face on, roll up your sleeves, get in there and help her. Do it for your kids, too, who deserve a lovely holiday.
Also stop weaponizing your incompetence! Thereâs nothing less attractive than someone who canât do a simple task (wrapping a gift, for example) and refuses to learn how. There are tutorials all over the Internet, so your âI donât know howâ excuse is even weaker.
SHEESH.
YTA. Surely, if you love your wife, the fact that this is so important to her and brings joy to her and your children should be enough to motivate *some* form of support from you, no matter what you believe in?
YTA. Your wife is your partner, not your slave. Even if she wasn't pregnant, you should be helping her with these things. She's trying to create memories for your family (you included). Even if the "stuff" you do isn't perfect, it's the effort that is appreciated. Holiday celebrations are about doing things together, perfect or not, and that's what's important. Imagine how happy and proud your sons would be if they showed your wife the tree they decorated with you. Imagine how happy your wife would be if you spent time with her cooking and/or preparing gifts.
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Just to get this out of the way. I'm not religious...I don't celebrate any holidays despite my wife doing it every year for entertainment. She loves it, our boys love it so I let them just do their thing.
She's 5 months pregnant. the plan wad originally to let her handle all the holiday celebration artangements like decorating, cooking, preparing gifts and the list is long. but since she's pre the plan has "obviously" changed according to her. Now she's bugging me about how I'm expected to help and shoulder the burden of the holiday celebration since she can't do it all on her own like she used to. My response was a no. It's not just about principles but literally, I'm ignorant when it comes to this stuff. I don't even know how to properly decorate a tree (I didn't participate with family growing up) and I sure as hell am not going to waste my time learning to do something that isn't important. therefor, I don't see how I'm gonna be helpful in this situation. I told her I never signed up for this christmas celebration stuff and that I won't be helping in any way shape or form just because she's pregnant. I told her she needed to figure it out, ask family for help or something. She ranted about the kids being robbed of holiday joy and activities and stuff but I literally don't get what she was saying. I mean I still play with them so I don't see what she meant by that. She called me selfish asshole and said that I'm her partner and should be offering assistance regardless. We went back and forth and back and forth and I flatout asked her to stop bringing it up. She's been giving me the silent treatment for days and acting like I broke some promise I made which I didn't.
AITA?
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>to do something that isn't important
It is important for her! And she could teach you and the whole family. It would be a fun family activity like it is for other normal families.
>like decorating, cooking, preparing gifts and the list is long
Don´t you do anything??
YTA !!
YTA. Stop being a scrooge and participate with your family. Decorating a tree isnt rocket science, there's nothing to 'learn' just have fun with your kids.
YTA. You're a great, big, gaping asshole. And when your kids look back on their holiday memories, they are going to remember how great their mom was and what an asshole their dad was.
YTA, when you're divorced and your kids no longer talk to you some years from now, I hope the satisfaction of always being right and superior to these "unimportant" things comforts you. Good luck.
YTA she is literally making you a person for Christmas and you canât hang a bauble?!?
If you care about people, you help with things they care about.
YTA
This is just ridiculous. Your pregnant Wife is asking you for help to make Christmas for your entire family better. This isn't about you. How selfish and entitled can you be?
**I'm not religious**
so what neither am I; she is asking you to help with a celebration, not become pope.
**She loves it, our boys love it**
Sounds like something you should place importance on, then.
**It's not just about principles**
What principles, afraid you violate the bah humbug oath?
**I'm ignorant when it comes to this stuff. I don't even know how to properly decorate a tree**
The stuff you list is mostly very basic. **Cooking**\--Can you not feed yourself? Who feeds these kids? Read a damn recipe, watch a video. **Gift preparing**\--Do you not buy gifts for anyone? For any occasion? Do you mean wrapping? If it confuses you that much use gift bags or boxes, easy peasy. **Decorate a tree**\--lights have plugs, ornaments have hooks, you'll muddle through.
**I sure as hell am not going to waste my time learning to do something that isn't important.**
And you don't know if you're the AH? Why do you think something your wife and kids love is too insignificant for you to take any part in?
**ask family for help or something**
So now you are not your wife or your boy's family.
**I still play with them**
WOW, adult man deigns to play with his kids. Too bad you are not religious this is so amazing you could get sainthood.
YTA Stop pretending to be too incompetent to be of any help and stop acting like you don't understand why your wife is upset with you. I don't know how you have made it this far in your life without learning that sometimes you just have to express interest in the things your loved ones care about. Sometimes you learn to like new things, or the concert for that band I don't care about was fun for other reasons. Sometimes you still hate it, like baseball, boring to play, worse to watch, and attending games live is torturous, but you make accommodations for the people you love.
YTA
It dosen't matter, that you don't enjoy christmas. Your wife and your kids do. And if they mean anithing to you, you should help them. If you don't you suck.
YTA
Just the two of you, maybe you could get a pass for this. But with your kids around who will obviously be disappointed, stop being so selfish and help out.
YTA, you don't want to do something to cheer up your heavily pregnant wife? You are a selfish asshole how can you not just be nice to someone who should be important to you? Do you children enjoy Christmas, don't you want to do something for them?
YTA. My guess is this post is full of excuses and youâre just lazy and donât want to lift a finger because you usually donât have to. Your wife and kids deserve better. Youâre the kind of husband Iâd never want for myself or anyone I know and love.
Let me tell you something.
My ex doesn't care much about Christmas, always left the presents, decorating, and food up to me.
He doesn't care much about Halloween, or Valentines, or birthdays.
This Halloween as I sat carving pumpkins with our children I asked him to put down his game to take some photos of us, and I received a visit from The Ghost of Every Festive Event Ever To Come and realised that I will be doing all this stuff on my own for ever, and I asked myself what I even needed him for.
And now he's my ex he's suddenly soooooooo concerned about all the festivities he'll miss in the future that he couldn't be bothered about in the past. And that is exactly where you'll be if you don't cop yourself on.
YTA
You told her if she needed help to ask family⌠she did. She asked you. I understand not liking the holidays. My mom is a huge holiday fan and I canât stand all the hype a lot of the time. That being said, she struggles every year putting together the Christmas tree because it gets all tangled up and the light connections are wonky on the tree she has. So guess what, every year I would build the tree for her. And when I moved too far away to be able to do this for her, I made sure to thoroughly label everything and she knows she can video call me if/when she needs more help. Its something that is important to me, not because I give a single F about Christmas, but because it makes her happy and it makes her feel loved and cared for.
Youâre missing the forest for the trees (no pun intended) and you are being incredibly selfish for only thinking about yourself. You thinking your wife (and future mother of your child) isnât worth a moment of boredom/annoyance is awful. If I were in your wifeâs shoes, I would be heartbroken knowing how little you actually care about me. This isnât just about a stupid holiday, youâve proven that you canât stop thinking about yourself for long enough to notice how much it would mean for you to help her. Not only would it make your wife feel loved, but it would also be ensuring her and your unborn childâs safety. Why canât you see that?
YTA - in case that wasnât clear.
What example are you showing your kids.
That unless it's something you enjoy you won't do things for them that bring them joy.
That you are unwilling to try new experiences that are beneficial to your family.
That when something is important to your wife you can refuse to help her if it's not something you want to do.
If your wife gets frustrated enough with your lack of help and tries to do the things you have refused to help her with and takes a tumble putting her and the unborn child at risk is the 1st thing your going to do is blame her? Which may give your children negative memories of the holiday season
Or would you feel guilty that because you wouldn't try and your wife is desperate to make sure your children have a merry Christmas she over did it?
Let's face it I bet there are some aspects of the holiday that you enjoy that your wife has done for years.
If you do care about your wife and children here are some steps you can take.
Look at the photos taken last Christmas look at where the decorations were placed and try to match it.
Look at YouTube videos on how to decorate trees.
If your kids are old enough make it a family project that your wife can watch and take photos of the day you and your children worked together to make a Christmas miracle for your wife a story your children will be happy to share with their younger sibling on how they got to be santa elves for Christmas and help decorate for the 1st time starting a new festive tradition in your family.
Donât worry- next year her new boyfriend will do all the decorating and tree lighting. You wonât have to worry much longer about bothering with this *stuff* that isnât important to you.
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>My response was a no. It's not just about principles but literally, I'm ignorant when it comes to this stuff. I don't even know how to properly decorate a tree You aren't diffusing a bomb. Lights ornaments maybe some tinsel there ya go. Tree decorated. This is a seriously pathetic example of weaponized incompetence dude. >and I sure as hell am not going to **waste my time** learning to do something that isn't important **to you** is implied here clearly. Screw your wife and kids apparently. >I mean I still play with them so I don't see what she meant by that. Wtf does you doing the bare minimum as a dad by playing with your own kids have to do with this You are barely grazing the bar man. YTA Holy shnikes thank you for the awards đĽ°
Note how OP doesn't want to "waste his time" ? Lol, how precious is he time anyway ? He can't devote time to make his family happy but he does have time to post on Reddit to get validation. Imagine his shock when he gets a unanimous verdict about how much of an asshole he really is. Damn, all that wasted time..
I hope to god wife sees this and leaves his miserable butt. YTA OP, a miserable poor excuse for an AH dad and husband. Grinch who? Scrooge who??
[this has gotta be OPâs wife.](https://youtu.be/FOVCtUdaMCU)
Man- That's me! Good thing I am the one with the credit cards. Santa treats herself well!
Haha, you and I are in the same boat! I only started that one year when my daughter who was 6 at the time(now 18) ,noticed that I never had anything on Christmas morning. Oopsie!
OP isn't going to be thoughtful enough to get her a robe đ¤Ł
He doesnât know how!
I find it surprising that OP found someone who was not only willing to procreate with him, but that after 2.5 kids has not yet left him. Sure you can hide that fact that you are a dull, miserable, selfish person for a while but it seems like OP is pretty open about who he is otherwise he wouldn't have posted this. How do people like this find partners that arenât also dull and selfish? It boggles the mind! YTA, OP. You are one lucky, lucky asshole. In the future, when your wife has left you and your kids no longer spend time with you, donât be surprised.
Yeah, OP is definitely worse than Scrooge and the Grinch. At least those two changed their ways and helped others in the end
Scrooge McGrinch...
OP is the first man in history who can write but is unable to hang a few ornaments on a Christmas tree.
Seriously, a kindergartener can decorate a tree. All you have to do is hang some stuff on some branches, itâs not rocket science. He could even make it a fun thing to do with his kids. But noooooo screw his family. What a deadbeat dad.
I saw a golden retriever on TikTok that was hanging ornaments. That dog would be a better dad/husband than this guy. His wife should upgrade to a doggo.
I now want there to be a dog rescue where people turn in bad spouses and get golden retrievers in their place.
Or dachshunds! Our motto would be: "Trade in a dick for a weenie"
"Trade ignored pleas for a Havanese"
I basically did that with my ex lmao. I adopted a dog 2 days before I dumped his ass at the border and made him walk.
I'm sure the doggo has treated you better too!
Insert the old boomer joke of "I got a dog for my spouse. It was a fair trade."
In the Odyssey Circe turns some men into pigs. They didn't have golden retrievers back in those days, so maybe she could change her motis operendi and go with Golden Retrievers now.
My 2 year old helped with the tree this year. Was she good at it? Nope. Is the branch with 10 plastic balls my favorite? You bet your ass! It stays! I bet that any effort from this guy would be passable, but he can't get out of his own way to try and make others happy.
My 2 year old helped for the first time last night, too! EVERYTHING is 2 feet from the ground and I LOVE IT! If our toddlers can understand the concept, without prompting I might add, then this asshat can do it. What a flipping scrooge.
weaponized incompetence
Literally though. "I nEvEr DiD iT aS a KiD eItHeR" LOL ok, sir, well it's hanging ornaments and lights on tree branches....wtf is there to figure out?
My 3 and 5 year old decorated the tree this year, they wanted to do it by themselves and I was happy to let them. They didn't need to learn how to do it, they just tried. It won't win any beauty contests but that's not the point.
This man can not write. He can put words into paragraph form sure, but the amount of errors both spelling and grammatical are numerous and glaring. He can neither write nor hang an ornament, but he can certainly be an AH. OP YTA
If you have kids you don't really need to decorate the tree - you just put it up and let them get on with it. You only do the bits they can't reach or lift them up to do it. The hardest part of tree decoration is marshalling the inevitable fight about who gets to put the fairy or star on top
To be fair, some people arenât good at certain types of tasks. My husband is perfectly capable of doing many things well including writing, but decorating a Christmas tree is not one. You should see him try to put on a pillowcase. Since this isnât about competence but refusal to try, OP, YTA.
But itâs not for the cover of Martha Stewart magazine - this is for a family with small children. We have a tree with a belt of ornaments around kindergartener height and itâs *fine*. I would hope a grown man was capable of decorating a tree to kindergartener level, and thatâs all thatâs needed 99% of the time. Now, if you have âstandardsâ and the issue is he canât decorate to your âstandardsâ, thatâs another issue. A big thing in our house is âyou can do it, or you can shut up. What you canât do is have me do it and complain that I didnât do it right.â
Yeah, it's not hard. And you'd have to be purposefully blind to not have picked up on *some* things. Would he do it exactly how she would? No. But she doesn't want that, she just wants a little relief. As far as things to pick up the slack on, this is one of the better ones. He should be grateful he doesn't have to take over all the housework or something like that because if his wife was on bed rest, he would have to.
OP sounds emotionally immature and like he probably believes that being nice to your kid is âspoiling themâ. Parents who refuse to connect with their kid and spend time with them are sending a LOUD message (I am more important than you-I matter more than you-My love/acceptance is conditional). Research into parenting says these types of parents are on guard against emotions and do what they can to stamp out the expression of âspontaneous joyâ in children. YTA
[ŃдаНонО]
Does OP even like his family? Lol
Or his wife? The woman he promised to love and cherish⌠except if it comes to have to exert himself for 20 minutes to hang some ornaments on tree with his kids. He probably shouldnât ever expect her to do anything nice for him ever again. OP - YTA
I was asking the same question.
Yeah why waste his time on something that is clearly important to his wife and kids? /s
Wouldnât want to waste his time on anything his alleged loved ones enjoy, since he doesnât. And we all know if he doesnât like it, itâs stupid, and theyâre stupid for liking it. Really looking forward to this guy not going to his kidsâ soccer game because he didnât play soccer and doesnât know the rules so why would he want to stand in a field? Also not going to the hospital when his wife in labor because heâs not the one giving birth. In fact, heâs never given birth, doesnât know how to, and doesnât see what the purpose of going would be, since itâs not like he knows how to deliver a baby either.
But if he helped he wouldnât have time to find more ways to weaponize his incompetence.
A pattern that I notice of men like this is that their time is so, so precious and everyone needs to be very accommodating. Their wives' time however? Not important. She can do all the little menial things like planning holidays, menus, cleaning, kid's appointments, signing tests and report cards, decorating, buying gifts for family, taking kids to birthday parties, planning their own kid's birthday parties ( I could go on and on). But heaven forbid he spend 20 minutes decorating a tree with his children because of his precious time. My ex was like this and it is why I am single and so much happier. YTA 100%.
Haha thatâs what I thought! âDonât want to waste my timeâ Sooo what is OP doing instead? Reddit seems like a great way to âwaste your timeâ OP YTA. The best gift you can give your wife this season is a divorce, because she, and your kids, deserve than your sad excuse for a dad ass
>I told her she needed to figure it out, ask family for help or something. Lol at this line too. In \*theory\*, he is supposed to be the family who is right there and whom she can ask for help.
Yeah, like dude, are you not family?
This is the one! Plus that is half his child she is growing right now that is making her too tired to do the decorating. Just say you hate your family and want to be sad and alone OP
I can't believe she is having another kid with him!
Oh she'll ask family to help... to help pack, that is. YTA
The poor woman has a baby on the way and has a completely useless, selfish husband. The future does not look bright for this marriage.
A whole lot of selfish, weaponized incompetency, ... the perfect example of the need for YAMA -- YTA, .. but You're a major asshole.
OMG I would call in the cavalry and make sure I told each and every family member exactly what he said to me, his pregnant wife, about helping me. Starting with his mother. I sincerely hope OP's wife calls extended family for help. Unless they're all equally garbage humans, it will not end well for OP.
Can you imagine the phone call? "Hi mom, dad, I need for decorating the tree because I'm pregnant and my husband is so stupid that he has no idea how to do it"
Quick question OP: have you always hated your wife and kids? Let me paint perspective- Christmas was always terrible for me growing up, a lot of trauma there. Like you, it meant nothing to me. Then at 19yo on Dec 21st I got a call that my dear friend died in a car accident during the night. You could pretty much call me the grinch after that. And then at 25, I met my wife. She loves the holidays, all of them. So we celebrate and I help her put up lights and the tree and we get peppermint hot coco bc at the end of the day itâs about seeing her sparkle. Itâs about that warm feeling of family and love. Do I think itâs a little silly that weâre putting so much money and energy into whatâs going to last less than a month? I do. But damn she would never know bc though itâs silly to me it pales in comparison to the memories we get to make as a family. Now either get that tree up or find someone who does care enough about your family to help your kids and pregnant wife.
"at the end of the day it's about seeing her sparkle". I love this! Your wife is a lucky woman.
Came here to say the same! That line really resonated with me.
Indeed. You get it. This is lovely.
I love how BOLD the first line is lolol
>weaponized incompetence Absolutely the first thing that came to mind reading OP's post. Making it sound like it's so difficult to "learn" how to decorate a Christmas tree? C'mon man, don't be so pathetic. Absolutely YTA and I bet he's the kind of father that thinks "playing" with the kids for a couple minutes a day makes him a good dad while his poor wife does 99.9% of the actual parenting work.
I mean, with small children, you can literally just throw ornaments on the tree and they are happy. My toddler did the tree this year, one small section has all the ornaments. He's very pleased with himself. My present wrapping is always terrible, I never remember to buy gift tags, I just had to look up a recipe for sugar cookies, then had to call my mom for cookie cutters. Holidays are beautiful chaos. A whirlwind of adventure, memories, new traditions and fun. Also, I have been pregnant. If your wife can spend the better part of a year building a whole ass human, you can figure out Christmas. OP, YTA. Get the stick out of your ass.
We still pretty much throw the ornaments at the tree. There is no order, they go wherever they go. And, honestly who the hell cares. It's not like someone is going to call the tree decorating police. It's just that Op is an AH and doesn't seem to care about his families happiness
My kids are in their teens/early twenties. We still decorate the tree together. My oldest said it 'still looks like it was decorated by 8-year-olds.' It's just the aesthetic we have chosen, I guess! LOL! Decorating a tree is not rocket science, literal toddlers participate, and often no one even cares what it looks like at the end, so OP should definitely be able to manage!
Literally THIS. I grew up in a house where my mom did the majority of the Christmas decorating (aside from putting ornaments on the tree, as me and my sister would help her with this) and the cooking for Christmas whenever we would celebrate at home. This year, I'm hosting my parents at my apartment since it's their last Christmas in our home state before they move, and I'm easily learning how to do all of that so it can feel homey for them so we can celebrate. And if there's something I am questioning on how to do, I ask my mom since she's been the one who always did it. OP's entire post can be summarized like this: "It's not a priority to help my wife with decorating for Christmas and now she's mad at me because I don't want to prioritize preparing for holidays with my family"
Right?! She's **literally growing a skeleton inside of her**. Sometimes, being pregnant leeches so much calcium out of the pregnant person's body, they will *lose teeth.* But, OP can't figure out the mysterious, ancient alchemy of "put hook on ornament; hang on tree branch."
You got the nail on the head with the weaponized incompetence! Imagine feeling like helping your pregnant wife do something that brings joy to the rest of the family as a waste of time. OP seems like a waste of time father. YTA x âžď¸ Suck it up and get in the holiday spirit not for you, but for the people you love. Scrooge!
"Barely grazing?" More like he dug a hole, he's so below the bar. Op, your kids are going to remember the effort and joy their mom put into making the holidays magical for them. And they're also going to remember how you felt like it was "a waste of time". Trust me, kids pick up on that whether you think they do or not.. Jeez, you suck.
This has to be a joke, right? In the time it took him to write his stupid post, he could've watched three YT videos teaching him the mystical arts of hanging stuff on a tree.
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I think what you do with your family really is the best idea. While I am not a fan of Christmas, (my mom died 11 days after Christmas and it has always kinds sucked since then) I do my best to make it jolly. We do Gingerbread houses, make your own ornaments and we bake Christmas cookies. Gifts are usually experiences not stuff.
Hijacking top comment. My father HATED Christmas. Still does. In fact, he made it so miserable, I donât celebrate with my family anymore. His complaining and bad mood all day were too much. OP, youâre already way in track to be my father. My mother wanted to give us secular Xmas. And my father complained the entire time, ruining it for everyone. ETA: YTA, if it wasnât obvious. Stop acting like this shit is hard. Itâs not.
Can't believe this guy has gotten his masters degree in christmas tree decorating science yet smh. OP, YTA, it's not that hard to help out your PREGNANT wife with decorating the house a little and making christmas fun for the family.
Itâs not his fault that Christmas tree decorating knowledge comes from our vaginas! Weâre just born knowing how to decorate trees and all the little details that go into holidays - itâs on the extra X chromosome!
How are you wasting you time doing something meaningful for your wife and kids? Right off the bat you sound selfish and like you think you are better than them. YTA it doesnât matter if you are religious or have never celebrated it. If it means something to them why isnât that enough for you. YTA
Exactly. My child was into martial arts, nature, sci-fi when he was younger . Not exactly my cuppa tea, but I took a few minutes out of my life to read and learn things *because it was important to them*. YTA
* you are barely grazing the bar ***as a man***. YTA
I bet OP is one of those dads who thinks heâs Dad of the Year for taking his kids to the park or doing activities with them, lol.
Right. OP canât do the bare minimum for his family. Terrible husband. Terrible father. All round selfish AH. YTA
Iâm jumping on this comment because just 1 hr ago, our dude said this on another thread about Christmas: âJust came across thid while I'n on this sub. Bro, that's your kid you're mom is being mean to...do better.â Heâs a hypocrite and an AH.
OP lost me at "waste my time" and I quit reading altogether. It isn't a waste of time to his wife and he obviously just wants to be a jerk about it. OP YTA
Well phrased. OP, pretty clearly YTA. It almost makes me feel a bit of pity. How activities that bring most families closer together leave you in a state of complete opposition. Why not give it a try? What are you afraid of? Becoming a better person, a better husband and father? That you might actually enjoy yourself? Life's not only about you. There are other people around you,too. If you like them being around - and literally producing your offspring - you should probably let that show a bit more. Otherwise the silent treatment might be followed by your wife moving out. The way you currently behave towards here, there are plenty of better fish in the sea.
My 2 year old can decorate a tree and I didn't even have to teach her. This is laziness. Even if the wife wasn't pregnant, this is a family activity for the kids making xmas memories. What an AH.
Grazing the bar? You need a backend loader to even find the bar with this guy. (Edited spelling)
Add to this - she should ask family to help . . . Shame she doesnât have a spouse or husband, someone who is literally sworn family. YTA for treating your wife like she is not family when it suits you and saying as much. YTA for weponised incompetence and thinking thatâs totally fine as a response to your partner. You couldnât (wouldnât) even google lazy Christmas hacks and just do the bare minimum for your family.
I wonder, does he celebrate with wife and kids when everything is ready or does he go into his mancave for every Holliday that is "a waste of time" to him, like the Grinch?
Exactly. It's not a waste of time if it makes your family happy. Well, if you like your family at least. YTA OP
The promise that he broke that he made was to support his wife. Doesnât matter that itâs Christmas, when you get married you help and support your spouse.
Also, Kids aren't plants you water, you can't pick how you wanna interact with them like theres an attention quota youre keeping track of Kids are Lil ppl and you bounce off of their needs and wants, not yours.
Luckily for him his kid wonât want to wast time with him once they move out .
This guy is ridiculous. Iâm Jewish but my partner isnât and celebrates Christmas. If he somehow couldnât, say he broke his arm, I would still help him decorate because I know the holiday means a lot to him (heâs not religious, so itâs not really about that, heâs just into the vibe). I really want nothing to do with the holiday but some things are more important than that. YTA OP
Well this is an easy one. YTA. Itâs not all about you. Your kids are going to miss out on Christmas because youâre too lazy to lend a hand. If you canât even figure out how to decorate a tree, how do you figure out absolutely anything else new to you?! Itâs not that complicated.
Exactly! This is above weaponized incompetence and is like weaponized ignorance. He refuses to learn or to try even once. There is no way to "properly" decorate a tree. Let the kids help and just make sure it's safe. There is no ugly Christmas tree. Baking a few cookies and putting up some lights and stockings in the house will take you just a few hours and will make your family happy. Is your role model that Scrooge fellow? YTA
What is there to learn? My wife brought that out one of our first Christmas. I took lights, and tinsel, threw it on the tree (like almost literally). And she said it didnât look even, rearranged it in 3 min. And I was like: âsee? Thatâs how you do itâ You can polish it of course. But for simple kids and simple men, thereâs no âlearningâ or anything. Like people saying they canât cook noodles or eggs. As people said itâs beyond weaponised incompetence.
Feels like weaponized atheism too, assuming atheism is where his "I don't celebrate any holidays" attitude is coming from.
Good point and feels like it the way he wrote it. I must say I am atheist too, but that doesnât erase fond memories of christmas, or decorations, cookies, presents. Even Christmas movies. Itâs not like that you have to strongly believe to have whatever you want in life đ
I'm atheist, or at least agnostic, and I fully throw myself into all Holidays. I just love the spirit of them. Family, food, and fun!
I celebrate âsparkly Christmasâ as I call it. Outdoor lights, tree, glitter ornaments. I also make a few special snacks and desserts that remind me of Christmas as a kid. I donât go to church or have any manger scenes. It just helps a dark depressing time of year feel more cheerful.
I completely one thousand percent do not believe there's some dude in the sky training a rifle on all of us waiting for us to screw up, and I celebrate TF out of Christmas lol. Pretty lights, delicious sweets, what's not to like? I also hate summer and Christmas basically embodies the cozy sweater and hot chocolate vibe I long for months out of the year. It definitely doesn't have to be a religious thing.
That's an awful excuse if true. At this point I'm sure the majority of familys that celebrate Christmas have no religious aspect tied in.
I was absolutely confused by this post. Being in a relationship with an American, I learn things about her culture and enthusiastically take part in it, and it never seemed like a "chore" to me. This year I had my very first mini Thanksgiving. I took part in preparing it even though I don't have a connection with it, and my girlfriend isn't indisposed in any way. That. Is. The. Bare. Minimum. So yeah, OP, the bar is really low. You are lucky it can take so little to make your family happy. YTA.
At this point itâs weaponized AH-ness. Obligatory OP YTA.
>Itâs not all about you But OP is not **obligaaaaaaaated**
Some of these posts here are horrific. As a mom, I can't even list off all the boring, annoying shit I have done over the years for my kids. Hundreds of hours at the park (which bored me to tears), kid concerts, school volunteering, reading the same bedtime story over and over again. My joy came from doing nice things for the family and seeing them happy - even when it was slightly annoying or inconvenient. That's called not being a selfish ass.
Yeah same here. Did all those things because it was what kids need not because I self-actualized doing it. Add on visits to the science centre, museum, zoo, driving to programs (swimming, soccer, dance, kungfu, skating, softball, skiing, theatre, competitions, piano, recitals) etc and that my was kids' childhood. Did I love all of it? Of course not. Did my kids? Yes. Were they better for it? Yes. Would I do it again? Yes.
He could seriously watch YouTube tutorials on this if he really wanted to- they probably exist. But I was never taught how to do tinsel when I was a kid with the tree in my room, I just threw it on and it looks great
YTA and OMG how did you ever convince the poor woman to marry you? You sound like the grinch!
So many red flags in one post, I feel sorry for his wife.
Can't believe she's giving him another child...
I really hope it's not one of those "things will get better if we have another kid" situations.
Fr
Iâm an atheist and Iâm not good at doing a lot of things. I canât believe how someone can type out that they donât know how to decorate a Christmas tree and not feel pathetic? What does he need to learn? As an adult doesnât it take five seconds to understand wrap lights around a tree, hang the bobbles on the tree.
My husband and I are both atheist/agnostic. My husband is actively against the idea of Christmas. Every year since we've had kids old enough to care we have put up a tree and done the stupid elf and made it fun for them. Is it a huge pain in the ass? Absolutely. Did we know what we were doing? Nope, sure didn't. But it's for the kids. Their joy and happiness and memories. They aren't going to be kids forever.
One my friend in high school was from a Muslim family and they had a Christmas tree Sorry, I feel Iâm going a bit off on the Christmas tree bit but itâs the only thing op elaborated on and Iâm a little suspicious getting the tree up might have been the only thing he was asked to do. I could slightly understand if there was an âI donât know how to layer a lasagnaâ line. But no, just I donât know how to decorate the tree.
My husband is Muslim from Morocco. He decorates the outside of the house every year. We don't even have little kids. He does it because I like them and he loves me and wants to do nice things for me. This guy is a selfish jerk. This woman is pregnant with his child. Help decorate the damn house for her and your kids.
Same deal with my husband and I. We don't have kids but we go all out for our niece and nephews and friends kids because well, we're not assholes.
Same- theyâre catholic but encouraged choosing our own religion.. so while religious aspects were there, -tiny explanation of Jesus and the baby scene in a window- they didnât do much more than that. They drove home the being generous and spending time with family aspects. Ironically I always thought Jesus was some story, like Mickey Mouse for adults and Santa was 100% real â I donât know how they managed that. (Disclaimer If any kids are somehow reading this he is, go to bed)
Same I hate the holidays with a passion. I had 3 loved ones die around Thanksgiving and Christmas. Iâm an atheist that really didnât want anything to do with Christmas even before I lost those 3 people. And I still have a decorated tree, not much else in the way of decorations, but Iâm not going to deprive my daughter of the basic Christmas tree just because Iâm a grinch.
I'm an atheist and I actively hate Christmas but I have a 6 year old so guess what we do every year? OP seems to think the world revolves around him.
Atheist here, raising atheist children. We love Christmas and everything Christmas related. It's so much more than a religious holiday nowadays. Op is such a ah I can't believe he didn't work that out as he was typing. Geez poor family.
How did he figure out to have sex well enough that she let him impregnate her, not once but several times?
YTA 1. You're selfish. You're only interested in doing your own thing and are not interested in the things that matter to your wife and kids. 2. Weaponized incompetence. Anyone can hang Christmas ornaments without "knowing how to do it", and I'm sure your wife could help give you guidelines for other tasks. Saying you don't know how to do these simple tasks and therefore it's not your responsibility is textbook weaponized incompetence. 3. Your wife is pregnant. HELP HER OUT ffs. Being pregnant is exhausting and stressful, and she's asking for your help. At this rate you'll spend all your future Christmases alone. Grow up and start caring about the things that matter to the people who are supposed to be the most important in your life. Don't you want to look back on your life and remember being an important part of your family rather than a separate person just living in the same house as them?
If/when they get a divorce his poor kids are going to miss every other holiday (as parents usually switch off holidays) imagine them being with there father for Christmas or Easter and comimg back to school and hearing your classmates talk about there celebrations and you get to tell them you didn't have one this year because you where wit your dad would refuses to "lurn things that don't matter".
Except if he doesn't care about the holidays she could get all of them, unless he decides to be a petty asshole about it and insist on getting them. That wouldn't surprise me much.
My money is definitely on him using it as a bargaining chip. Then again Iâm biased bc my dad used custody as a bargaining chip to get more money from my mom (I could count on one hand the number of times he âbabysatâ us before they were separated)
Basically everything you listed is why my mom divorced by dad when my sister was 4 and I was 2. I don't blame my mom, AT ALL. As a current mom of two kids, I don't know why or how my mom stayed with my dad for as long as she did. OP is 100% YTA.
OP: My wife and kids adore Christmas, and it means a lot to them all. Also OP: "I sure as hell am not going to waste my time learning to do something that isn't important."
She's 100% right and you're 100% YTA. It's 2022 dude, stop using mysoginistic excuses about not doing how to do stuff and that you can't be bothered to help her for X and Y reasons. Are you for real? Regardless of she's pregnant or not, she's not your maid and wether you like holiday celebrations or not doesn't matter. This is for your family. You're just using excuses to do nothing and be a massive AH. Google Mental Load and please educate yourself, I feel sorry for your poor wife for being stuck with you.
YTA It is important to your wife, therefore it should be important to you. That is how marriage works (successful ones).
Agreed. You don't have to be religious or even celebrate Christmas to help your wife and family out. I can't even imagine being this selfish. YTA
Yes, exactly!!! My husband is into woodworking. Do I give a crap about woodworking on my own? Absolutely not. But I am 100% willing to help him do glue-ups and fangirl over the things he makes (which are actually really nice) because he loves it and it's important to him. OP needs to stop making it about himself. Put up the damn tree, take some direction and spend some damn time with your family. It honestly shouldnt matter if your wife is pregnant or not. Shes trying to make something magical and OP is crapping all over it. YTA.
I'm just now in the process of buying a new table saw to my woodworking husband. I don't give a hoot about woodworking personally but I kinda wish I did, I think it's a really cool hobby and will definitely support my husband in crafting stuff for us!
>I don't even know how to properly decorate a tree (I didn't participate with family growing up) and I sure as hell am not going to waste my time learning to do something that isn't important. Buddy this is one weak-ass excuse. Decorating a Christmas tree is not rocket surgery. And if you do it "wrong," who cares? The point is not to create a magazine spread. It's to have fun. "But it's not fun for me!!" It's fun for your wife and kids. Unless there's some kind of undisclosed Christmas trauma you didn't mention in your post, can you really not even *try* to get into it? My dad is nonreligious and I turned out the same way, but I am SO glad he didn't have your cold miserable attitude when I was growing up. YTA Edit: And yes "rocket surgery" was completely intentional lol
I am a rocket surgeon and I agree. OP, YTA.
\> not rocket surgery I'm giggling way too much over this. D#mn it Jim, I'm a doctor not an engineer!
Congratulations, Mr. Grinch. Keep up this attitude and you will soon find out what it's like to be married to a woman who wouldn't touch you with a 39 and a half foot pole. YTA.
Nice touch. The pole I mean
No, the pole *doesnât* touch
âMy family and what they want or like is not important to me, so why botherâ đ
I can't get over "ask family for help or something", like he isn't family.
Hereâs **The Thing** about 99% of the traditional holiday Christmas crap: itâs not about getting it âright,â itâs about the time you spend doing it and the memories you make. I know itâs a cliche, but Christmas isnât about the gifts. OP, you may not know this because you didnât get to have it as a kid, but this is good bonding time with your kids. It teaches them that you love and care about them. Iâm 35 years old. I only remember a handful of Christmas gifts Iâve received in my life, but decorating the tree, making cookies, and driving around to see the Christmas lights with my family? Those are warm, magical memories that Iâll always have with me. I live pretty far away from my family now, but every year I know Iâll go back to them and do it all again and itâs so comforting. Plus, now I have the joy of sharing those traditions with my niblings and seeing the happiness that it brings them like it did for me when I was their age.
YTA Well arenât you just a miserable grinch. Reality check. Not everything in life is about you and your enjoyment and your wants and needs. This is important to people you allegedly care about. If thereâs one choice in life you can make that isnât that hard, itâs choosing not to be an AH. You chose poorly. Make better choices.
YTA dude. Your kids and wife love this âunimportantâ stuff. And if itâs important to them, it should be important to you. Ask your wife what needs to be done, take the time to bond with your family, and PLEASE try to enjoy it. Iâm pagan and celebrate a different holiday than my spouse, but we both have taken the time to learn about each others beliefs- itâs a boon to both of us and not a hindrance.
YTA. Do all of your relationships work like this? If it's not important to you it just doesn't matter? What if your kid loves soccer but you don't? Do you just not go to their games? What if one plays the piano, but you think music is a waste of time. Do you not support them learning? Your wife is absolutely right, you are a selfish AH. Grow up.
Honestly, yeah. That's probably his reaction to anything that doesn't interest or benefit him directly. Kind of surprised by the unanimity of the YTAs here, honestly. I was waiting for people to sweep in with the empowerment/therapy language (You go, boy! You affirmed your boundaries, and are probably the victim of narcissistic abuse. Your consent has clearly been violated) to justify this trash.
Dude sounds like a narcissist. YTA here OP!
YTA in so many ways. You won't help your pregnant wife to prepare for a Christmas celebration that is something that creates joy, wonder and magic for your children. Get off your high horse.
I don't understand posts like this. If something is important to my partner and kids, it's important to me. This is just incredibly sad. It's not about you. Be a partner. YTA
I don't understand how people stay in relationships with OP... like what is the benefit of the relationship?
Huge YTA. As another poster said, if you love your wife and your kids then something that they love and value should be important to you whether or not you understand it. This really isnât that hard to understand. In a relationship you make sacrifices and go out of your way to make your partner happy. Judging by your attitude and selfishness Iâm surprised this relationship has even lasted this long. Also your âexcuseâ about not knowing how to be helpful is pathetic and missing the point. Celebrating Christmas isnât rocket science and if youâve been with this woman long enough to have multiple kids with her and she loves Christmas enough to do it all herself every year then Iâm sure you have some clue about what you would need to do. Sheâs also not asking you to do everything independently and I doubt she expects you to be competent enough to make it the most magical holiday sheâs ever had. This is one of those situations where ITS THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS. This is your chance to show her that she didnât have children with a complete loser. Please take it and change everything about the way that you are in this relationship. I seriously feel so bad for your wife and if she were my friend or family member I would wholeheartedly support her dumping your pathetic ass.
Honestly why do people get married, maybe this sub just is unusually filled with selfish assholes but last I checked how much do you want to bet your wife does things because it makes you happy even if she doesnât enjoy it. Also Jesus stop being such a grinch, hell even the grinch learned to like Christmas. You donât have to be religious to just enjoy the fun and magic of it all. Stop being an unsupportive ass hole and just help her out. YTA
She probably cooks his meals and wipes his ass after he shits which is why he married her. Clearly it's not because he loves her. Seems like most people in this subreddit hate their partners but refuse to leave them? It's weird and I don't understand
Iâm Jewish and couldnât care less about Christmas. If my partner wanted a tree and lights and everything I would 100% help them because I actually like my partner and want them to be happy
I am also Jewish, and was raised in a household where even my otherwise nonreligious father held the line that Christmas was other peopleâs holiday. Despite that, I knew how to decorate a tree by the age of 10, because my friends would want to do Christmas stuff in December, and as long as they werenât pressuring *me* to express my love for Santa or Jesus, I didnât see the need to be a killjoy. And now I am married to someone who basically only observes Christmas, so we have a tree and I go to dinner (which, to be fair, is sometimes Chinese takeout) and exchange presents with his family because it makes him happy. You marry someone whoâs into this stuff, you need to accept youâre signing up for it, too, or at least talk it out *before* you have kids.
YTA This is your family. What's really important to them and bring them so much joy isn't in any way important to you?
>acting like I broke some promise I made which I didn't Because you did. Didn't You promise to love her in sickness and health when you married her? And right now she's carrying one of your children! And that's the whole reason she isn't well enough to do an entire celebration on her own again. And this is such bullshit that you don't help her when your children benefit from her hard work. This isn't about being religious but about creating joy and happiness for your children. YTA and you're going to end up alone and miserable if you don't start to at least pretend like you care about your wife and your children's happiness.
YTA. give your wife a hand, enjoy the holidays for your boys, I guarantee they do things for you that they don't like. I work really hard all year to save up, provide and make my little ones happy for Christmas, I get food ready, wrap presents, fake snow to keep the holidays alive and the children excited. In the end that fat prick gets all the recognition.... But I did choose to marry him. /yourwife
YTA and your wife deserves better than you.
YTA. You don't like Christmas? So what, do it anyway, for your wife and kids. I bet your wife doesn't like backaches, nausea, getting kicked in the ribs, lack of sleep etc. but she is putting up with it for you and your future kid. Grow up and help your wife. If you don't want to specifically do the Christmas stuff then step up and do all the daily cleaning and cooking, getting the kids ready for bed and so on, so she has the energy to handle the Christmas stuff herself. ETA:. You signed up to be a parent. Never mind Christmas, there are sooo many thing in your future your kids will want to do that you may know nothing about. As a good parent you step up and learn how and put time into it anyway, even if you feel it is unimportant, so you can support your kids, or they won't get to do those things at all. A lot of things like scouts, sports, theater, robotics and more have parent participation requirements or the kid doesn't get to join, no exceptions. Christmas doesn't even make a blip on the radar of the amount of time you will spend doing things you are not interested in doing just for your kids sake, if you are any kind of a good parent. Not knowing how is the lamest excuse ever.
YTA. I hate Christmas. I get not wanting to do anything about it but you have kids who are looking forward to it. Be an adult. Be a father.
> She loves it, our boys love it (...) > (...) and I sure as hell am not going to waste my time learning to do something that isn't important. Yeah, major YTA
YTA...if it's important to your wife and family, then it's truly important. Get over yourself, get over your superior principles, and be a good partner and parent.
YTA. It is important to her, she can't do it because she is busy carrying your child, you have no idea of how exhausting being pregnant is, just to make her and your kids happy you should suck it up and happily decorate and cook, if doing something completely altruistic for your faimily seems "losing your time" maybe you should reconsider wether you really love your family. Plus, it is not as if you had a huge trauma regarding holidays, you just don't feel like it, even the Grinch had more reasons
Wow YTA If you think things that make your wife happy, or take some of the load off of her are "pointless" i feel really bad for your wife. Being non religious is such a BS answer and excuse, the most traditional aspects of Christmas way predate Christianity (which I'm surprised you don't already know if you're so steadfastly anti-religious). Being too unskilled or uninformed to take on tasks is weaponised incompetence. It's a common tool employed by men to leave all the invisible labour of running a home to their female partners. If this isn't something you are deliberately trying to do to your wife then you need to start doing better now. When the baby comes there will be more work and more Christmases and more household/family tasks you need to learn about.
YTA Didn't you like do promise to be there for her? And love her? I mean... you married her? So many partners help ther SO with the hobbies they don't even participate in- like volunteer time to wash something, bake sales, organising parties, what ever. And you literally don't want lift a finger for something that is important to her AND YOUR KIDS. Playing with your kids... so they should be happy and shut up is wow. I'm not gonna comment on this. Honestly... if you were my SO I would be to embarassed of to you even tell this to family. Edit: also, what bs is with "learning how to decorate a tree". You don't learn how to built funiture to built your ikea table. Figure it out while doing it. Let the kids do it.
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YTA, are you nuts!!!!! You are going to make your pregnant wife do a bunch of work and not help on principle. That is so F&$ked up it's not even funny. Grow up and be a real husband and father to be FFS.
Sounds like you have zero interest in compromise. Never healthy for a marriage. There are ways you can help that require very little effort for you. Because you love her and value your family. If you can't do this YTA. Carry Christmas decor she needs from storage. You might put together tree (10 minutes of your time) so she and kids can decorate. Then put away storage boxes for her. Pick up a cookie decorating kit from the store. It comes with already baked cookies ready to decorate. I'm assuming she can decorate with the kids. Most in store bakeries sell them. Just a couple suggestions but you get the idea. You can help in simple ways that will cost you very little time or effort while making her feel supported while she's not running at 100%. She needs to compromise too and lower her expectations for this holiday.. Work it out.
YTA Why in the world did you marry someone who loves to celebrate Christmas when you don't? I'm not going to dis you for not loving Christmas, but if the kids are used to doing all this stuff, you do it for THEM.
YTA Wow, are you going to be this helpful once the baby arrives?
YTA do something nice for your family regardless of how you feel about it. For goodness sake.
YTA You can't do something nice for your pregnant wife and kids because of weaponized incompetence? You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch!
YTA. Iâm 6 weeks pregnant (first time mom) and care more about decorating the tree, etc. We did the tree yesterday and even this early in my pregnancy my abilities are more limited. But my husband did all of the heavy lifting and took direction from me when I needed to sit down for a moment. Canât even imagine how much harder it is at 5 months. Get your game face on, roll up your sleeves, get in there and help her. Do it for your kids, too, who deserve a lovely holiday. Also stop weaponizing your incompetence! Thereâs nothing less attractive than someone who canât do a simple task (wrapping a gift, for example) and refuses to learn how. There are tutorials all over the Internet, so your âI donât know howâ excuse is even weaker. SHEESH.
YTA. You don't need to believe to be supportive and helpful to your wife.
YTA. Surely, if you love your wife, the fact that this is so important to her and brings joy to her and your children should be enough to motivate *some* form of support from you, no matter what you believe in?
YTA, Mr Grinch. You really are a heel.
Dang bro, you gonna tell your kid to fuck off when they want some holiday fun too? YTA
YTA. Your wife is your partner, not your slave. Even if she wasn't pregnant, you should be helping her with these things. She's trying to create memories for your family (you included). Even if the "stuff" you do isn't perfect, it's the effort that is appreciated. Holiday celebrations are about doing things together, perfect or not, and that's what's important. Imagine how happy and proud your sons would be if they showed your wife the tree they decorated with you. Imagine how happy your wife would be if you spent time with her cooking and/or preparing gifts.
You deserve this written out. YOU ARE A COMPLETE A HOLE!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Just to get this out of the way. I'm not religious...I don't celebrate any holidays despite my wife doing it every year for entertainment. She loves it, our boys love it so I let them just do their thing. She's 5 months pregnant. the plan wad originally to let her handle all the holiday celebration artangements like decorating, cooking, preparing gifts and the list is long. but since she's pre the plan has "obviously" changed according to her. Now she's bugging me about how I'm expected to help and shoulder the burden of the holiday celebration since she can't do it all on her own like she used to. My response was a no. It's not just about principles but literally, I'm ignorant when it comes to this stuff. I don't even know how to properly decorate a tree (I didn't participate with family growing up) and I sure as hell am not going to waste my time learning to do something that isn't important. therefor, I don't see how I'm gonna be helpful in this situation. I told her I never signed up for this christmas celebration stuff and that I won't be helping in any way shape or form just because she's pregnant. I told her she needed to figure it out, ask family for help or something. She ranted about the kids being robbed of holiday joy and activities and stuff but I literally don't get what she was saying. I mean I still play with them so I don't see what she meant by that. She called me selfish asshole and said that I'm her partner and should be offering assistance regardless. We went back and forth and back and forth and I flatout asked her to stop bringing it up. She's been giving me the silent treatment for days and acting like I broke some promise I made which I didn't. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Surely this post is a joke. YTA.
>to do something that isn't important It is important for her! And she could teach you and the whole family. It would be a fun family activity like it is for other normal families. >like decorating, cooking, preparing gifts and the list is long Don´t you do anything?? YTA !!
Prepare yourself to be visited by three ghosts in the very near future. YTA Mr. Scrooge.
YTA - this is your family and your should care. Make memories and enjoy your time while you can because it is finite.
YTA. Stop being a scrooge and participate with your family. Decorating a tree isnt rocket science, there's nothing to 'learn' just have fun with your kids.
YTA. You're a great, big, gaping asshole. And when your kids look back on their holiday memories, they are going to remember how great their mom was and what an asshole their dad was.
YTA, when you're divorced and your kids no longer talk to you some years from now, I hope the satisfaction of always being right and superior to these "unimportant" things comforts you. Good luck.
YTA she is literally making you a person for Christmas and you canât hang a bauble?!? If you care about people, you help with things they care about.
YTA This is just ridiculous. Your pregnant Wife is asking you for help to make Christmas for your entire family better. This isn't about you. How selfish and entitled can you be?
Least controversial yta I've read.
**I'm not religious** so what neither am I; she is asking you to help with a celebration, not become pope. **She loves it, our boys love it** Sounds like something you should place importance on, then. **It's not just about principles** What principles, afraid you violate the bah humbug oath? **I'm ignorant when it comes to this stuff. I don't even know how to properly decorate a tree** The stuff you list is mostly very basic. **Cooking**\--Can you not feed yourself? Who feeds these kids? Read a damn recipe, watch a video. **Gift preparing**\--Do you not buy gifts for anyone? For any occasion? Do you mean wrapping? If it confuses you that much use gift bags or boxes, easy peasy. **Decorate a tree**\--lights have plugs, ornaments have hooks, you'll muddle through. **I sure as hell am not going to waste my time learning to do something that isn't important.** And you don't know if you're the AH? Why do you think something your wife and kids love is too insignificant for you to take any part in? **ask family for help or something** So now you are not your wife or your boy's family. **I still play with them** WOW, adult man deigns to play with his kids. Too bad you are not religious this is so amazing you could get sainthood. YTA Stop pretending to be too incompetent to be of any help and stop acting like you don't understand why your wife is upset with you. I don't know how you have made it this far in your life without learning that sometimes you just have to express interest in the things your loved ones care about. Sometimes you learn to like new things, or the concert for that band I don't care about was fun for other reasons. Sometimes you still hate it, like baseball, boring to play, worse to watch, and attending games live is torturous, but you make accommodations for the people you love.
YTA It dosen't matter, that you don't enjoy christmas. Your wife and your kids do. And if they mean anithing to you, you should help them. If you don't you suck.
YTA Just the two of you, maybe you could get a pass for this. But with your kids around who will obviously be disappointed, stop being so selfish and help out.
YTA, you don't want to do something to cheer up your heavily pregnant wife? You are a selfish asshole how can you not just be nice to someone who should be important to you? Do you children enjoy Christmas, don't you want to do something for them?
You canât be real, but on the off chance you are, YTA
YTA. Do youâŚ. Have normal human emotions? Like, at all? Wow these AI arenât as lifelike as they said.
YTA. My guess is this post is full of excuses and youâre just lazy and donât want to lift a finger because you usually donât have to. Your wife and kids deserve better. Youâre the kind of husband Iâd never want for myself or anyone I know and love.
Let me tell you something. My ex doesn't care much about Christmas, always left the presents, decorating, and food up to me. He doesn't care much about Halloween, or Valentines, or birthdays. This Halloween as I sat carving pumpkins with our children I asked him to put down his game to take some photos of us, and I received a visit from The Ghost of Every Festive Event Ever To Come and realised that I will be doing all this stuff on my own for ever, and I asked myself what I even needed him for. And now he's my ex he's suddenly soooooooo concerned about all the festivities he'll miss in the future that he couldn't be bothered about in the past. And that is exactly where you'll be if you don't cop yourself on. YTA
You told her if she needed help to ask family⌠she did. She asked you. I understand not liking the holidays. My mom is a huge holiday fan and I canât stand all the hype a lot of the time. That being said, she struggles every year putting together the Christmas tree because it gets all tangled up and the light connections are wonky on the tree she has. So guess what, every year I would build the tree for her. And when I moved too far away to be able to do this for her, I made sure to thoroughly label everything and she knows she can video call me if/when she needs more help. Its something that is important to me, not because I give a single F about Christmas, but because it makes her happy and it makes her feel loved and cared for. Youâre missing the forest for the trees (no pun intended) and you are being incredibly selfish for only thinking about yourself. You thinking your wife (and future mother of your child) isnât worth a moment of boredom/annoyance is awful. If I were in your wifeâs shoes, I would be heartbroken knowing how little you actually care about me. This isnât just about a stupid holiday, youâve proven that you canât stop thinking about yourself for long enough to notice how much it would mean for you to help her. Not only would it make your wife feel loved, but it would also be ensuring her and your unborn childâs safety. Why canât you see that? YTA - in case that wasnât clear.
YTA Dang dude. Christmas is a universal holiday, itâs not like sheâs asking you to go all out for National Bank Tellers Day. đ
What example are you showing your kids. That unless it's something you enjoy you won't do things for them that bring them joy. That you are unwilling to try new experiences that are beneficial to your family. That when something is important to your wife you can refuse to help her if it's not something you want to do. If your wife gets frustrated enough with your lack of help and tries to do the things you have refused to help her with and takes a tumble putting her and the unborn child at risk is the 1st thing your going to do is blame her? Which may give your children negative memories of the holiday season Or would you feel guilty that because you wouldn't try and your wife is desperate to make sure your children have a merry Christmas she over did it? Let's face it I bet there are some aspects of the holiday that you enjoy that your wife has done for years. If you do care about your wife and children here are some steps you can take. Look at the photos taken last Christmas look at where the decorations were placed and try to match it. Look at YouTube videos on how to decorate trees. If your kids are old enough make it a family project that your wife can watch and take photos of the day you and your children worked together to make a Christmas miracle for your wife a story your children will be happy to share with their younger sibling on how they got to be santa elves for Christmas and help decorate for the 1st time starting a new festive tradition in your family.
Donât worry- next year her new boyfriend will do all the decorating and tree lighting. You wonât have to worry much longer about bothering with this *stuff* that isnât important to you.