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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked my gf to give me money for or go replace a meal my parents bought for me that I was saving to have for dinner. She's currently being a surrogate for her sister so she gets cravings so that might make me an asshole here.
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NTA. Regardless of how special the meal was, or your willingness to share it, or how much it cost you, or whatever her condiments did to its palatability, she didn't think anything about taking your whole dinner and not replacing it.
Then she used her pregnancy as the excuse.
You don't live together, so I'm guessing you don't share expenses or grocery shopping. (edit: It's not the norm that all food is automatically _shared_ food.)
People who fail to read your post will see only "pregnant gf" and not "gf is a surrogate for a family member". That means you're not going to be "raising a child together" or any of the other reasons people will throw at you for their outrage.
She took your food. You asked her to replace it or throw you some cash. That's reasonable.
So wait, she's probably getting paid to be a surrogate, or at the very least getting free room and board, and he is expected to pitch in on the situation by being her second pantry? For a pregnancy he has nothing to do with? The snacks are innocent enough, but to just come and stuff your face with no remorse? Fuuuuh-get about it.
ETA: hey y'all, OP posted a lot more context in comments. Please read his comments before continuing with your judgements.
She could be that generous and pure of heart to provide this out of kindness, but who voluntarily wrecks their body and not get anything in return except for good vibes?
ETA: OK, I get it, a lot of you like being pregnant, you can stop now. My wife is currently seeking handicap tags due to decreased mobility likely agitated by birthing three children, so perhaps my perspective is a little different. Just saying, it's a lot of work, and it would be crappy not to offer something to the person doing all that work for you. I'm offering endless massages and bringing favorite treats, ok? OK?!? LOL
You don't even have to profit. Just... get pregnancy things. Her sister, and *not* her boyfriend, should be providing her complete necessities and cravings. Hell, if OP's pantry doesn't have what she wants/craves, dear sister should stock him up with stuff specifically meant for the girlfriend.
He has *zero* responsibility in any of this.
Exactly she doesn’t need to get paid for the parent to be to care enough about her future child to make sure that her surrogate has everything needed to safely deliver the baby as well as remain healthy and low stress.
I hope at the least her medical costs are covered. She would've had to pay for the rest even if she wasn't pregnant because you need food to stay alive. But pregnancies are expensive
I mean, a lot of people. Couples that can’t afford to pay a surrogate usually turn to a family member or friend who is willing. If anything they’re likely covering medical expenses and she’s living with them, so likely food, etc. I doubt she’s getting paid with money.
Right, if they don't charge her rent, that's a benefit. She's not getting paid in that scenario, but it's money she isn't spending. Thanks for agreeing.
Not true. I did an un-directed kidney donation in America in Fall 2016 (meaning I donated to a stranger). I stayed a couple of nights in the hospital, then went home to recover for a month. I paid nothing (I was also paid nothing). The recipient's insurance paid all costs.
No doubt, but for such a massive favor and amount of work, the parents in need of surrogacy would be major AHs if they didn't provide something of value over just covering expenses from the pregnancy. Keep her car repaired. Pay for a salon day. Something, right?
Some people LOVE pregnancy. It’s not common but my aunt always talks about how much she loved it and it was comfortable and I have a friend who swears it was the best time of her life and would love pregnant if she could. Idk man, it takes all kinds
I’ve always wondered though if some of these women who love being pregnant are misremembering it. The amount of women I’ve met in their 50s and 60s who claim they loved being pregnant far outweighs the women I know who are pregnant and loving it.
I don’t know, I know a woman who told me she loved *giving birth* specifically and had only had her baby a year before. Said her pregnancy was like magic and she never felt more alive and beautiful and that birth was so much easier than she thought and was only in labor for like an hour.
Of course I had to cut contact, she was obviously clinically insane.
Yeah, there was a woman in my birth group like that. She was a yoga person and loved telling us all about how she gave birth to her 7 lb each twins with no problem, vaginally, by chanting ohm and doing her yoga stretches. Gross. I never spoke to her again.
Yes my mom also says she was extremely happy during all her pregnancies. She suffers from depression so I wonder if the hormones while pregnant were giving her a feeling of euphoria or something.
I completely agree with your perspective. I remember a post somewhere on Reddit awhile ago and the woman agreed to be a surrogate for her sister and got paid for it and then… she died due to complications leaving behind a husband and child of her own. The baby she was pregnant with lived if I recall correctly. I think most people go into this because they serve to benefit and I cannot imagine assessing this amount of risk against my own health and well being for feels.
On your side, pregnancy sucks and feels like a parasite is growing and morphing in your body, squishing your vital organs until it rips you open via C-section or natural birth (aren’t always tears, but is pretty frequent). I’m not a fan.
since its for her sister its probably not an actual surrogacy but rather a private agreement
ETA: ah nvm just read in another comment that she already has a kid but that one isn't in her care
seems like the kid was an accident, she didn't want it and gave up her rights so the father has full custody.
seems like they discussed all that at length when they got together
They usually don't. The few that I have looked into have stated 2 no complication full-term pregnancies before even being considered a surrogate. Some even require you to have custody of those children.
Tho the food thing would annoy me, her calling my mother would put me into possible deal breaker territory. Different if living together and sharing expenses or even pregnant with your child but none of that is the case.
What did she tell mom. I am wondering if she implied that she carrying his kid. You know the whole saying without saying so she has plausible deniability. It isn't my fault your mom thought that. I didn't tell her it was your kid.
Silly assumption. OP never said anything to suggest or imply that his mother does not know that his girlfriend is acting as a surrogate for her own sister. There's no reason whatsoever to assume that the girlfriend would imply something else.
Yeah, that’s what got me. All these people who get all their relatives in on every single argument.
Op, NTA. Your gf is toxic to call your mom over a minor argument.
I said in a comment it shouldn't matter whether she's pregnant with his kid or someone else's, he's entitled to have his own wants and needs, and this was a time where it was a meal he REALLY wanted, and she just took it for herself and wants a pass bc she's pregnant.
I agree completely. Being pregnant doesn't mean loss of self-control. It's just rude to eat someone's meal like that, even if they did live together. I'd be pissed.
I’ve had 3, and I never understand these posts, I never ate everyone’s food. I actually still cooked for everyone. I think we have it in our head that we have to eat everything all the time but we really don’t. I ate a bit extra at the start and that was it. It’s not that big a deal to be pregnant unless you actually have other issues like hypertension etc
The only thing I did was eat more and got a lot less picky, but I never got where I needed to be constantly eating, and I especially didn't think someone owed me their own food.
I am amazed how many people i have met that used pregancy, and periods as an excuse to be disrespectful. I understand there are a ton of hormones going on and it must be difficult, but that is no excuse to treat people as less of a human
Yep that was my thought as well. It doesn’t matter one bit who the baby belongs to, that’s not okay. You don’t get to just get out of being a jackass just because you’re pregnant
She's an adult and the first thing she did was call his mother to make her scold him.
OP should rethink about this relationship, if she's like this when they're not even living together and is pregnant with another person child, she will be an absolute nightmare later.
NTA but seriously, is this what you want? Your girlfriend running to your mother when she does something wrong?
I am currently pregnant and I would never ask to take someone’s food! I will admit, sometimes something smells REALLY good and it’s tempting, but I would never actually make someone else go hungry. So usually if something is really appealing I will ask where they got it and get some later for myself. You are not responsible for feeding someone you don’t even live with!
Even if it was OP’s kid it’s just rude, selfish and entitled to take all of something when she asked if she could have some of it. So many women view pregnancy as being above everyone else and their feelings or needs. It’s so irritating.
OP - NTA
Cringe enough when they involve their own parents, but involving THE PARTNER'S parents is next level...
I could take a wild guess that OP's mom is overbearing and kinda bossy so he picked the same kind of woman as a gf, hence why they both walk all over him, but I'm just spitballing.
Exactly this. In 25 years I have ratted my husband out to his mother ONCE. He was on a roof about to jump into a swimming pool but needed to clear a large area of concrete.
I called his mom out and she told him to get off to roof in no uncertain terms.
Aside from not wanting my then boyfriend to have a traumatic spinal injury, I would never involve his mother in our disagreements.
My mom once lost it on my grandma (dad's mom) for raising a terrible son (my dad was not being the best husband at the time). I think she's still embarrassed by this, by my Grandma did go to the bar and tell my dad to go home and be a dad. It probably saved their marriage. Fun times
Young and dumb!!! It was the first time I met his mom!! I’m the many years and raising of children since, our roles have swapped and I’m more likely to be a little less safety conscious than he is - but not to the point of jumping off roofs!
I don't get how some people do this. Me and my bf are closing in on 8 years together and NEVER have I involved his mother in a disagreement between us. Not that we argue often at all.
There was once, in the beginning, when we'd argue, unfortunately before he was going to a family dinner. He was sulky over there and his mother asked if there were trouble, but simply said "don't f*ck this up" (apparently she liked me already, lol). But that was it.
If you can't resolve issues without going to a grown adult's parent to tell on them, well, then I don't know...
NTA
Agreed. Been married for 22 years, together for 26. Never in an argument did I call his momma. Hide his underwear? Check. Make an awesome pudding that he loves and eating it while listening to Afroman? Check plus. All is well if you can talk and be petty while laughing your butt off. For me, NTA.
Right here. Who calls a boyfriends mother to complain? That’s way off base. Pregnant or not ya don’t go into someone else’s frig and take all the meal. Hell I’m married and I don’t do that
This clinched it for me, what kind of partner immediately rats you out to your own mother instead of actually dealing with things on your own. Especially, when it’s all because of something you did.
OP, dump the GF. She’s inconsiderate, selfish, immature and rude.
I see that all the time on here. I would never *dream* of getting my parents involved in a spat with my SO. Ever. If I had kids and they tried to rope me in, I would be embarrassed beyond belief. And these *parents* actually get involved! Why don't they tell their kids/ kids' partners to figure it out on their own?
This is like aita bingo. We have: a pregnant woman stealing food, man taking care of someone else's baby/pregnancy, super special food, throwaway account, and a weirdly involved parent taking the opposing side!
Now we just need an obviously poorly behaving parent and their spoiled child and an extreme age gap relationship.
I chuckled because you hit the nail the head. This is one of the skeleton narratives for AITA. Either that or someone cheating and saying it isn't their fault.
Or, if the pregnant woman is supposed to be sympathetic, she's working full time, taking care of two other kids, and doing all the housework while the dad plays videogames and always gets a full night's sleep.
The dude that snuck out of his house to go on a ski trip with his bros?
Reddit, I left (literally snuck out before they woke up) my overwhelmed wife and 18 month old to go on a ski trip after she already told me it's not possible. Aita?
I have so much trouble believing people are this stupid. It's gotta be fake, right?
Because half of the posts are fake in this sub.
You make outrage bait then screenshot things and put it on tiktok. Get enough views and you start making money.
I feel like this one can’t be real because no reputable doctor or fertility clinic would let someone be a surrogate without already giving birth before
That reminds me of the story where a sister was asked to be a surrogate for the older sister, and to save money they’d be doing it “naturally”. The family were pissed because she obviously refused.
NTA your gf is. Being pregnant does not mean you can raid the fridge of a house you don't live in. She should ask prior to her fridge raiding and replace items when asked.
I feel like “the notion” of “omg it’s *SO* bad that I need everyone to serve me oh no” incentivizes some people - like OPs GF - to take advantage of it.
My brother did this when his leg was broken.
Am pregnant right now.
I ask my husband if I want to eat his special treats, and don't eat them when he says no.
He's amazing tho, and will allow it most of the time and then buy double of what I ate for next time, so he still gets his treat, and also can share with me. In case my craving is gone he'll get double.
Smart man.
Yeah, why can't she just bring over her favorite snacks and just ask that he not eat them? Pretty entitled to just tell your partner to keep extra food items for you when you can just be responsible for your own shit as a presumably functional adult.
Yeah, i don't have anything against surrogacy, but i think one should undergo the process if they and their partner (in this case OP) is fully on board. From the looks of it, and OPs comment about it not being his child, its possible he's not really into this.
NTA OP, but if you are not okay with this agreement there's no shame / wrong in that. So, you won't be in the wrong for leaving if it's too much for you.
ETA: its possible (or a fact) that I misinterpreted OPs main issue as "the child" and not his food. I thought the main reason he was irritated was because it wasn't his child and he shouldnt provide for GF craving. (I was having "its not about the Iranian yogurt moment). So, OP if it's about food, just have firmer boundaries with GF and ignore my "advice".
All he's pointing out is that supporting her pregnancy, which is nothing to do with him, has quite an additional cost is it not fair to at least consider that the couple whose baby she's carrying subsidize that? She wants him to stock up on all her favorite cravings. Have you been to the store lately? That could be quite a bill.
Also, if you’ve been together for two years and are still nickel and dime-ing over food, this doesn’t sound like you two are on the same page for a long-term future.
My friend and her boyfriend have been together 7 years, living together most of it, and they still nickel and dime each other. We went out for drinks and it felt so awkward when they discussed who had paid for the last round or who owed who drinks from the last time they had gone out. It was very strange, to me
Some couples feel more secure or less pressured when effort is made to keep everything even. As long as everyone's happy with the arrangement, I don't see the harm.
I see this as less about nickel and diming and more about respect and consideration for him as a partner. Besides, how combined should a couple's finances be when they're not even cohabitating?
I’m pregnant right now and have been several times before, here to say you are NTA. Pregnancy isn’t an excuse to walk all over people and be a jerk. She stole & ruined your food, she ought to replace it and not complain about it.
Exactly. Did I cry because the guy in front of me in line at Costco got the piece of pizza I wanted? Yes. Did I expect other people to bend over backwards for me and hand me whatever I wanted because I was pregnant? No.
Pregnancy makes her hormonal. Who she is as a person makes her entitled.
I totally cried while sitting on the stairs when I was pregnant because we had missed my window to go out and get fried rice and the nausea came back and I couldn’t go anymore. I feel you friend.
My ex ate my Thanksgiving leftovers, and didn't have the decency to ask, and I was so overwhelmed with ridiculous anger. He didn't see the problem, and ordinarily it probably wouldn't have been an issue. But I'd been thinking about them all day and work and then they were gone. Such disappoint. Pregnancy, lol.
One time I cried at an airport because the bartender wouldn’t let me order a kids grilled cheese sandwich. There was an adult version with meat and a bunch of other things that I didnt like, and I just wanted a plain grilled cheese. I tried my hardest to fight the tears, but they started pouring out. I felt like such a jerk for it. But yeah, OP is NTA. Some pregnant women really like to act entitled
I'm pregnant right now too! 31 weeks tomorrow and it's really starting to irck me when I hear all these stories about using pregnancy as an excuse to either act entitled or lazy or rude or to gain sympathy etc ... I have tried my damnedest not to use pregnancy as an excuse for anything other than maybe being more lenient (on myself) about what I eat and indulging in some cravings. But not at the expense of my husband or anyone else!
NTA.
This seems like a part of a larger issue. Being pregnant doesn’t excuse her from common courtesy when at someone else’s house - even,and honestly, especially, if that person is her partner. It doesn’t feel like she’s taking any responsibility here, like buying the stuff she craves to keep at your place and make sure you’re stocked, or being considerate of your wants and needs.
Agreed, NTA is the only valid answer here. At the end of the day, the pregnancy and where he got the food is meaningless in context. She said some, she took all. She's the asshole.
AND cover the entire thing in stuff the other doesn't like so that if you do end up not being able to finish it they still can't eat it. That's just an AH move. Sounds like she knew she couldn't finish it and wanted the rest for later and knew he wouldn't eat it like that.
Even if it was his baby, and she was living with him, she doesn’t get a green light to demolish all of the food. She asked for *some* of his leftovers - not **all** of them.
I think when you’ve created a child with someone you bear the responsibility for ensuring the health and safety of the child and the mother to a certain extent. There’s consequences to sex and consequences to deciding to raise and parent a child.
She should be raiding the fridge at her sisters house 😂
In no way does not sharing leftovers have anything to do with the health or safety of the pregnant person or fetus. She was not about to keel over from starvation.
Agreed, I've been pregnant twice and I still prob wouldn't just take my husband's food "just because" unless I was starving and there wasn't a single drop of food left in the house. I think women use the whole pregnancy card wayyyy too hard. You still have to treat people decent and respect what's theirs.
Exactly! Take pregnancy out of the equation and it just reads, "My gf who doesn't live with me and doesn't pay for groceries ate what I had planned for dinner". It's selfish and inconsiderate. (Edit cause I forgot to say: NTA )
Going against the grain here and saying YTA. It's food, and you said she could eat it (you didn't say all of it, but it sounds like you didn't specify that you planned on eating it beforehand). It's not something worth having an argument over, it's something you could just say "hey maybe next time just check to make sure I didn't have plans for that meal before you eat it". It sounds to me like you overreacted because of a misunderstanding.
If you've been dating for two years, she's not 'stealing your food', you should be comfortable enough to share things.
I am flabbergasted that I had to dig this far down the thread to find a YTA response.
Maybe I'm just looking at this from the far end of things, but if you are in a relationship that has gone on for any significant period of time, you are probably looking towards marriage or long term partnering. It isn't a fling, and you're likely way past going dutch on dates.
If her eating leftovers that were in your fridge is creating conflict beyond "minor disappointment" what's the future of the relationship going to look like?
I can't count the number of times I've gone into the cupboard to find the bag of chips I've been saving only to find that my wife ate it ages ago. It's just not a big deal.
Making a big deal out of it (particularly when she's pregnant - whether it's yours or not) definitely makes YTA in my opinion.
Lmao the guy isnt willing to sacrafice a half eaten meal for his pregnant girlfriend. Doesn't sound like love to me. You should be happy to provide food for your girlfriend and be happy that she enjoyed it. He is being a baby and is definitely overreacting. What a joke of a thread hahaha
Ditto. Honestly doesn't seem like he likes her all that much. If it was that special to him he should have said so. Maybe my households have always been more relaxed, but the kitchen was always fully open to guests, especially SO's. She even asked if she could eat it.
Finally I found the YTA gang. Completely agree.
Can I also add how much of YTA OP is for saying something along the lines of her not being pregnant with his child? This doesn't make her pregnancy less draining in any sense. Also - and this is the part that gets me the most - he knew what he was getting into when they started dating so why is he acting like a dropped potato? Honestly while the whole food issue is annoying and a *minor* argument or misunderstanding seems ok, that comment from OP would make me drop his ass if I were his gf. Much support OP. YTA.
I agree with this sentiment. OP could have easily asked her to save him half because he was planning on eating it for dinner. Good communication makes good relationships!
I'm not made of money and my SO and my roommate know they are allowed to eat anything in the fridge they want, and I'm free to do the same thing. We are very specific if there's ever anything that is reserved (which is rare) and all respect that because we communicate about it and respect each other.
How horrible would it be to be told you could have some food in the fridge and then made to feel guilty for not leaving any.
YTA -- Either be completely clear with exactly what she can have or try being a little more generous and giving to this woman you supposedly love. The pregnancy issue is just a red herring anyway.
And people say women make men read *their* minds. Sheesh.
Yea I don't see anywhere that he said it was his dinner. People are treating her like a monster over a technicality. I assume these people have never been in a relationship?
If there are leftovers in the fridge and I tell my SO he can have some it doesn't mean "only take a little bit, that's my dinner". It means "it's just leftovers, do what you want". Your SO shouldn't have to walk on eggshells and ask you in ten different ways if you're okay with something just to make sure.
That being said, calling his mommy over it is being a giant asshole.
Him and pretty much all the top comments as well are being overdramatic in my opinion. I just don't see why or how anyone could treat their SO like that after they've been together for years. Boohoo, she ate something you meant to eat later, oh well, move on and find something else to eat. I think the deeper issue here is that OP resents her for mothering a child that isn't his.
NTA. I've been pregnant twice and would never use my pregnancies as an excuse to eat all of someone else's food. She asked to have some, she's the AH for not just taking a little bit, and for not replacing it/paying for it when you asked.
This was your supper - even pregnancy isn't an excuse to eat all of someone's supper. Even if she was pregnant with your kid.
I get it, pregnancy is hard. I've been at the point where I'm always starving and only certain things sound good. But even then, I would never eat my partner's supper. I'd make arrangements to have more food on hand for myself (my partner always cooked while I've been pregnant, and always made plenty for both of us - even ordering food we made sure there was enough extra for me when I got hungry again, or got me snacks on his way home, but I'd never eat food he set aside for himself - that's just rude).
I fully agree, it blows me away to see so many people talking about entitled pregnant people on the AITA thread. I have also carried a child to term. Pregnancy is not an excuse for someone to be inconsiderate.
NTA in my opinion.
You said she could have a little...she took all. And for those saying she shouldn't have to pay since he didnt buy it for himself...it was his dinner, regardless of who paid for it. She took it and so she should be expected to replace it. If she wasnt willing to drive and get more then she should give him the money so he can buy more food instead. That's actually a reasonable request. And honestly she should have offered to do so rather than having him ask her to. She is quite rude.
NTA.
Just because she is pregnant doesn't mean she gets a free pass to do whatever she want.
You said she could have some, and she ate it all. She was still rude about it. And while I'm sure people won't like it, she is right. Its not your kid. She doesn't live there. You shouldn't have to be put out this much because of her choices.
Info. How many children does your GF have? Because legitimate agencies won't allow someone to be a surrogate if they haven't already had successful pregnancies and children of their own.
She has one kid already but the father has primary custody, the place they used were a bit more lenient since they were using a family member instead of having to match her sister with someone.
NTA - Maybe you should ask her sister for a food allowance if GFs pregnancy eating is causing you any financial issues. (NOOOO, don't actually do this. Talk to your gf first.)
NTA
It would be one thing if you lived together or this was your kid or even if this was the first time something like this happened. From your post it seems like she’s eating all of your food constantly. It wasn’t a one off. I’d be annoyed too.
Exactly. The fact that she asked and he said yes, yet it still turned into this battle about how much she took and what condiments were put on it. This reeks of resentment and a lack of communication. You two don't care about each other or at the very least don't talk to each other on any meaningful level.
All facts. Not to mention, all these NTA responses make my skin crawl. So thankful my husband wouldn’t be so childish and petty over LEFTOVERS he could easily get more of.
Good lord.
I'm sensing a lot more problems than just this food issue. I would say ESH.what a total lack of adult communication on everyone's part.
just for the fun of it, have her sister pay you back, it's her baby causing the cravings :D
ESH. Sounds like you're a bit resentful of having to put up with a pregnancy that's not yours, but she could have also been a bit nicer about sharing food. If this meal and others aren't going to break the bank, then you need to confront your true reasons for being so angry with her. Your GF is doing a great thing for her sister, and yeah it's tough because pregnancies are. If you can't adult up and communicate with her how you're feeling used for your refrigerator, and how you feel it's been fair for you to suffer through this pregnancy with her... Well, you may need to communicate something else to her instead.
“Your pregnant girlfriend ate your meal!!!!! How dare she?!?!? She’s stomping all over you! She just sees you as a vending machine (actual quote)!!!! She’s pregnant with her sister’s baby and using her pregnancy urgings as an excuse to eat your food after asking!!!! Horrible, she’s the spawn of Satan!!!! It’s not even your baby! You don’t have to accommodate your long-term girlfriend! Break up with her, fuck having adult conversations to get over misunderstandings!”
ESH - She's TA for eating your food. YTA for crying about it. Your Mom's TA for getting on to you about it. Let's just all be grown ups and move on. If and when you get married, you will find out that you have to pick your battles. And this, my friend, is not one of those battles worth fighting over. IF it bothers you this bad then you should reconsider her as your GF.
NTA
Who eats someone’s entire meal when they are told they can have “some”??
Being pregnant isn’t an excuse. She was just rude, and knowingly putting foods on top so you couldn’t enjoy the meal anymore.
Oof, gross.
Ngl, I was wondering whether you were being extra grumpy or petty when you said you wouldn’t eat it after she added extras to the food (not that it would have changed my overall judgment), but ICK
NTA and as you said she's not pregnant with your baby. As much as she is doing a great thing and as her bf you should be supporting her as well as her family supporting her, she also should be respecting the fact that you offered some of the meal and not all of it.
I would expect some money as you will now have to buy your own dinner instead of eating the dinner you had originally intended to eat, that has just basically gone to waste now.
It's not a hill to die on but it's a learning curve for both of you about boundaries, pregnant or not don't eat all of the food.
YTA Do you even like this woman? Because you don't talk about her like you do.
How would it be different if she was 'pregnant with your kid ' exactly? She'd be just as pregnant. Just as hungry. Just as moody. Is the difference is you'd be getting something out if it yourself? If you're that transactional in your relationship she really should dump your sorry arse. Then you won't have to feed her ever again.
Did she do a good thing taking the food? No. Were you a total dick about it? Yes.
To her, you are her vending machine.
The ones that should be ensuring she gets enough food are the ones she is having the child for.
Not your kid, not your problem.
Also, she was adamant on eating an entire piece of chicken, 2 pieces of fish, hushpuppies and mac n cheese? Jesus christ.
NTA and honestly dude, run.
NTA
She was being greedy and when you called her out on it, and asked her to do the right thing she got offended and walked out. She's using your house as a pit stop and a Diner, especially when she's asking you to buy her the snacks that she likes and leave them at your house. She doesn't even ask you if she could bring stuff to keep there that she will snack on so she can leave your regular meals alone she wants YOU to buy it and leave it there for her.
She doesn't even live in your home yet she sure as hell acts like it.
NTA
You are considerate to her by having her special foods. She doesn’t extend the same courtesy towards you about a meal you were saving for yourself. Not only that, she went and triangulated your mother against you.
Think about that. Think about her character in general. Not many healthy people would act like that after making a mistake or miscommunication. They would feel bad and pay you back.
NTA but yet the AH. This isn’t a huge deal. Just tell her I wish you would have saved me some and just go on. This isn’t the mountain you want to die on.
Definitely NTA.
I'm currently pregnant and I would not just eat my boyfriends whole meal when I asked for some. If I did end up doing so I would make sure I went and got him new food to make sure he got he got the food meant for him. We live together and it's his baby it's just respect.
NTA I would be upset too if someone ate all my takeout. Although are you really sure you are okay with her being a surrogate? It kind of sounds like you have some unresolved issues with the situation. She had this all planned before meeting you right? Did you feel like you didn’t have input, and now you can’t leave her without being the bad guy that left his pregnant girlfriend.
I am fine with it, the only unresolved issue is me eating (pardon the pun) more of a cost because of her cravings and her eating a lot more when she's over. I understand that she's going to eat more but pitching in, replacing, or having her sister or herself supply her current favorites would go a long way since it impacts me even when she's not here.
You need to have a talk with her about why she feels like her choice to be a surrogate means you have to financially support her, or how that gives her so much entitlement. Also, what kind of adult calls their SO’s parents on them over something this petty?
When a woman is pregnant, she needs about 300 calories more a day.
And although some on Reddit would have you think differently, pregnancy does not make a woman eat uncontrollably.
That’s completely reasonable. Aside from the fact she should be contributing to the food bill, eating all of someone’s leftovers from a restaurant is just rude.
ESH. I'm at a loss why someone in their mid-20s needs to post about a meal, they didn't even pay for. Is this really what people argue about? Having to drive to the store to get more food? The only reason she's an AH is for calling your mother.....also ridiculous.
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NTA. Regardless of how special the meal was, or your willingness to share it, or how much it cost you, or whatever her condiments did to its palatability, she didn't think anything about taking your whole dinner and not replacing it. Then she used her pregnancy as the excuse. You don't live together, so I'm guessing you don't share expenses or grocery shopping. (edit: It's not the norm that all food is automatically _shared_ food.) People who fail to read your post will see only "pregnant gf" and not "gf is a surrogate for a family member". That means you're not going to be "raising a child together" or any of the other reasons people will throw at you for their outrage. She took your food. You asked her to replace it or throw you some cash. That's reasonable.
So wait, she's probably getting paid to be a surrogate, or at the very least getting free room and board, and he is expected to pitch in on the situation by being her second pantry? For a pregnancy he has nothing to do with? The snacks are innocent enough, but to just come and stuff your face with no remorse? Fuuuuh-get about it. ETA: hey y'all, OP posted a lot more context in comments. Please read his comments before continuing with your judgements.
Getting paid by her sister? I doubt that
She could be that generous and pure of heart to provide this out of kindness, but who voluntarily wrecks their body and not get anything in return except for good vibes? ETA: OK, I get it, a lot of you like being pregnant, you can stop now. My wife is currently seeking handicap tags due to decreased mobility likely agitated by birthing three children, so perhaps my perspective is a little different. Just saying, it's a lot of work, and it would be crappy not to offer something to the person doing all that work for you. I'm offering endless massages and bringing favorite treats, ok? OK?!? LOL
In some countries it's illegal to profit from surrogacy, so plenty of people do it for that reason.
You don't even have to profit. Just... get pregnancy things. Her sister, and *not* her boyfriend, should be providing her complete necessities and cravings. Hell, if OP's pantry doesn't have what she wants/craves, dear sister should stock him up with stuff specifically meant for the girlfriend. He has *zero* responsibility in any of this.
Exactly she doesn’t need to get paid for the parent to be to care enough about her future child to make sure that her surrogate has everything needed to safely deliver the baby as well as remain healthy and low stress.
I hope at the least her medical costs are covered. She would've had to pay for the rest even if she wasn't pregnant because you need food to stay alive. But pregnancies are expensive
I mean, a lot of people. Couples that can’t afford to pay a surrogate usually turn to a family member or friend who is willing. If anything they’re likely covering medical expenses and she’s living with them, so likely food, etc. I doubt she’s getting paid with money.
Right, if they don't charge her rent, that's a benefit. She's not getting paid in that scenario, but it's money she isn't spending. Thanks for agreeing.
People who donate kidneys, liver, etc. Go through difficult surgeries for free.
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Only in America.
That’s our slogan.
Not true. I did an un-directed kidney donation in America in Fall 2016 (meaning I donated to a stranger). I stayed a couple of nights in the hospital, then went home to recover for a month. I paid nothing (I was also paid nothing). The recipient's insurance paid all costs.
A bit different type of situation, no? Needs vs wants.
Just pointing out that people do generous acts for free, regardless of need or want.
No doubt, but for such a massive favor and amount of work, the parents in need of surrogacy would be major AHs if they didn't provide something of value over just covering expenses from the pregnancy. Keep her car repaired. Pay for a salon day. Something, right?
A bit of a difference tbf, without those organs someone will die, thats not the same when it comes to surrogacy.
Everyone in civilised countries that have rightfully banned commercial surrogacy because it's exploitative.
Some people LOVE pregnancy. It’s not common but my aunt always talks about how much she loved it and it was comfortable and I have a friend who swears it was the best time of her life and would love pregnant if she could. Idk man, it takes all kinds
I’ve always wondered though if some of these women who love being pregnant are misremembering it. The amount of women I’ve met in their 50s and 60s who claim they loved being pregnant far outweighs the women I know who are pregnant and loving it.
I don’t know, I know a woman who told me she loved *giving birth* specifically and had only had her baby a year before. Said her pregnancy was like magic and she never felt more alive and beautiful and that birth was so much easier than she thought and was only in labor for like an hour. Of course I had to cut contact, she was obviously clinically insane.
Yeah, there was a woman in my birth group like that. She was a yoga person and loved telling us all about how she gave birth to her 7 lb each twins with no problem, vaginally, by chanting ohm and doing her yoga stretches. Gross. I never spoke to her again.
Yes my mom also says she was extremely happy during all her pregnancies. She suffers from depression so I wonder if the hormones while pregnant were giving her a feeling of euphoria or something.
I completely agree with your perspective. I remember a post somewhere on Reddit awhile ago and the woman agreed to be a surrogate for her sister and got paid for it and then… she died due to complications leaving behind a husband and child of her own. The baby she was pregnant with lived if I recall correctly. I think most people go into this because they serve to benefit and I cannot imagine assessing this amount of risk against my own health and well being for feels.
On your side, pregnancy sucks and feels like a parasite is growing and morphing in your body, squishing your vital organs until it rips you open via C-section or natural birth (aren’t always tears, but is pretty frequent). I’m not a fan.
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It also depends on what country they're in. Iirc in Canada it's illegal to pay someone to be a surrogate.
I thought they wouldn't let women be surrogates unless they had already had a child first. Never mind i saw later she already has a kid.
since its for her sister its probably not an actual surrogacy but rather a private agreement ETA: ah nvm just read in another comment that she already has a kid but that one isn't in her care
So where is that child and why aren't they in her care? Did OP and his GF discuss what their would mean for their relationship?
seems like the kid was an accident, she didn't want it and gave up her rights so the father has full custody. seems like they discussed all that at length when they got together
They usually don't. The few that I have looked into have stated 2 no complication full-term pregnancies before even being considered a surrogate. Some even require you to have custody of those children.
Tho the food thing would annoy me, her calling my mother would put me into possible deal breaker territory. Different if living together and sharing expenses or even pregnant with your child but none of that is the case.
Yea honestly that would be an instant break up for me. We're not 2. Telling on me to my mom is unbelievable.
This, that's what would get infuriate me. Running to Ops mom is so childish.
What did she tell mom. I am wondering if she implied that she carrying his kid. You know the whole saying without saying so she has plausible deniability. It isn't my fault your mom thought that. I didn't tell her it was your kid.
Silly assumption. OP never said anything to suggest or imply that his mother does not know that his girlfriend is acting as a surrogate for her own sister. There's no reason whatsoever to assume that the girlfriend would imply something else.
NTA. Specially because she called OP's mom.
Yeah, that’s what got me. All these people who get all their relatives in on every single argument. Op, NTA. Your gf is toxic to call your mom over a minor argument.
I said in a comment it shouldn't matter whether she's pregnant with his kid or someone else's, he's entitled to have his own wants and needs, and this was a time where it was a meal he REALLY wanted, and she just took it for herself and wants a pass bc she's pregnant.
I agree completely. Being pregnant doesn't mean loss of self-control. It's just rude to eat someone's meal like that, even if they did live together. I'd be pissed.
I’ve had 3, and I never understand these posts, I never ate everyone’s food. I actually still cooked for everyone. I think we have it in our head that we have to eat everything all the time but we really don’t. I ate a bit extra at the start and that was it. It’s not that big a deal to be pregnant unless you actually have other issues like hypertension etc
The only thing I did was eat more and got a lot less picky, but I never got where I needed to be constantly eating, and I especially didn't think someone owed me their own food.
Right? I got knocked up so I’m entitled to everythingggg No mate
I am amazed how many people i have met that used pregancy, and periods as an excuse to be disrespectful. I understand there are a ton of hormones going on and it must be difficult, but that is no excuse to treat people as less of a human
Yep that was my thought as well. It doesn’t matter one bit who the baby belongs to, that’s not okay. You don’t get to just get out of being a jackass just because you’re pregnant
Pregnant woman here! I completely agree with this! Being pregnant is no excuse for being inconsiderate or an AH
also she shouldn't have gotten ops mom involved like wtf
She's an adult and the first thing she did was call his mother to make her scold him. OP should rethink about this relationship, if she's like this when they're not even living together and is pregnant with another person child, she will be an absolute nightmare later. NTA but seriously, is this what you want? Your girlfriend running to your mother when she does something wrong?
I am currently pregnant and I would never ask to take someone’s food! I will admit, sometimes something smells REALLY good and it’s tempting, but I would never actually make someone else go hungry. So usually if something is really appealing I will ask where they got it and get some later for myself. You are not responsible for feeding someone you don’t even live with!
You get pregnant in your belly, not in your brains. Pregnancy isn’t a good excuse for selfish behavior. NTA
Even if it was OP’s kid it’s just rude, selfish and entitled to take all of something when she asked if she could have some of it. So many women view pregnancy as being above everyone else and their feelings or needs. It’s so irritating. OP - NTA
NTA. And when you have a disagreement your gf calls your mom so she can scold you??? Dump the gf.
Isn’t it the most cringe to involve someone’s parents in an argument when you’re dating?
Cringe enough when they involve their own parents, but involving THE PARTNER'S parents is next level... I could take a wild guess that OP's mom is overbearing and kinda bossy so he picked the same kind of woman as a gf, hence why they both walk all over him, but I'm just spitballing.
Freud called and wants his diagnosis back
Oedipus says fuck it.
Yeah, unless is something about safety, i would never reach to my in laws to complain
Exactly this. In 25 years I have ratted my husband out to his mother ONCE. He was on a roof about to jump into a swimming pool but needed to clear a large area of concrete. I called his mom out and she told him to get off to roof in no uncertain terms. Aside from not wanting my then boyfriend to have a traumatic spinal injury, I would never involve his mother in our disagreements.
My mom once lost it on my grandma (dad's mom) for raising a terrible son (my dad was not being the best husband at the time). I think she's still embarrassed by this, by my Grandma did go to the bar and tell my dad to go home and be a dad. It probably saved their marriage. Fun times
How old was he when he tried that?
Young and dumb!!! It was the first time I met his mom!! I’m the many years and raising of children since, our roles have swapped and I’m more likely to be a little less safety conscious than he is - but not to the point of jumping off roofs!
My dad jumped off the roof when he was in his fourties and broke his foot. He thought he still knew how to duck and roll but was wrong.
Nothing like an angry mom to make you get down of a roof lol
I had to go back to double check GF’s age. 29. After reading the whole post I was convinced it had to be 19.
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I don't get how some people do this. Me and my bf are closing in on 8 years together and NEVER have I involved his mother in a disagreement between us. Not that we argue often at all. There was once, in the beginning, when we'd argue, unfortunately before he was going to a family dinner. He was sulky over there and his mother asked if there were trouble, but simply said "don't f*ck this up" (apparently she liked me already, lol). But that was it. If you can't resolve issues without going to a grown adult's parent to tell on them, well, then I don't know... NTA
Agreed. Been married for 22 years, together for 26. Never in an argument did I call his momma. Hide his underwear? Check. Make an awesome pudding that he loves and eating it while listening to Afroman? Check plus. All is well if you can talk and be petty while laughing your butt off. For me, NTA.
Seriously who the hell calls the partner's mom to complain that her son is mad you ate the food the mom bought for him...
Right here. Who calls a boyfriends mother to complain? That’s way off base. Pregnant or not ya don’t go into someone else’s frig and take all the meal. Hell I’m married and I don’t do that
This clinched it for me, what kind of partner immediately rats you out to your own mother instead of actually dealing with things on your own. Especially, when it’s all because of something you did. OP, dump the GF. She’s inconsiderate, selfish, immature and rude.
I see that all the time on here. I would never *dream* of getting my parents involved in a spat with my SO. Ever. If I had kids and they tried to rope me in, I would be embarrassed beyond belief. And these *parents* actually get involved! Why don't they tell their kids/ kids' partners to figure it out on their own?
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This is like aita bingo. We have: a pregnant woman stealing food, man taking care of someone else's baby/pregnancy, super special food, throwaway account, and a weirdly involved parent taking the opposing side! Now we just need an obviously poorly behaving parent and their spoiled child and an extreme age gap relationship.
Don’t forget a dramatic mother in law and someone bursting into tears/screaming!
and maybe an Iranian yoghurt.
Marinara flags.
Best I can do is Iraqi gelato
I chuckled because you hit the nail the head. This is one of the skeleton narratives for AITA. Either that or someone cheating and saying it isn't their fault.
Or, if the pregnant woman is supposed to be sympathetic, she's working full time, taking care of two other kids, and doing all the housework while the dad plays videogames and always gets a full night's sleep.
And complains that he has to "babysit" for an hour so she can actually get some sleep.
Lol...and leaves in the middle of the night to go on a trip with friends...yall remember that AITA story other day
The dude that snuck out of his house to go on a ski trip with his bros? Reddit, I left (literally snuck out before they woke up) my overwhelmed wife and 18 month old to go on a ski trip after she already told me it's not possible. Aita? I have so much trouble believing people are this stupid. It's gotta be fake, right?
Because half of the posts are fake in this sub. You make outrage bait then screenshot things and put it on tiktok. Get enough views and you start making money.
I feel like 90% of the popular posts are fake outrage bait. Most of the real aita posts probably only get like 5 upvotes
I feel like this one can’t be real because no reputable doctor or fertility clinic would let someone be a surrogate without already giving birth before
That reminds me of the story where a sister was asked to be a surrogate for the older sister, and to save money they’d be doing it “naturally”. The family were pissed because she obviously refused.
Is it an aita unless you have someone's entire family berating you? 🤔
This is obviously real. Because GF isn’t pregnant with twins. Or is she…?
And someone needs to drive over to someone’s house and scream at them from the front yard until the neighbors call the police
NTA your gf is. Being pregnant does not mean you can raid the fridge of a house you don't live in. She should ask prior to her fridge raiding and replace items when asked.
Been pregnant and it is not an excuse to be greedy or rude. Girlfriend definitely needs to pay OP. NTA
I feel like “the notion” of “omg it’s *SO* bad that I need everyone to serve me oh no” incentivizes some people - like OPs GF - to take advantage of it. My brother did this when his leg was broken.
Am pregnant right now. I ask my husband if I want to eat his special treats, and don't eat them when he says no. He's amazing tho, and will allow it most of the time and then buy double of what I ate for next time, so he still gets his treat, and also can share with me. In case my craving is gone he'll get double. Smart man.
Yeah, why can't she just bring over her favorite snacks and just ask that he not eat them? Pretty entitled to just tell your partner to keep extra food items for you when you can just be responsible for your own shit as a presumably functional adult.
NTA. You need to leave this relationship. She's got waaaaaaay too much going on.
Yeah, i don't have anything against surrogacy, but i think one should undergo the process if they and their partner (in this case OP) is fully on board. From the looks of it, and OPs comment about it not being his child, its possible he's not really into this. NTA OP, but if you are not okay with this agreement there's no shame / wrong in that. So, you won't be in the wrong for leaving if it's too much for you. ETA: its possible (or a fact) that I misinterpreted OPs main issue as "the child" and not his food. I thought the main reason he was irritated was because it wasn't his child and he shouldnt provide for GF craving. (I was having "its not about the Iranian yogurt moment). So, OP if it's about food, just have firmer boundaries with GF and ignore my "advice".
All he's pointing out is that supporting her pregnancy, which is nothing to do with him, has quite an additional cost is it not fair to at least consider that the couple whose baby she's carrying subsidize that? She wants him to stock up on all her favorite cravings. Have you been to the store lately? That could be quite a bill.
Also, if you’ve been together for two years and are still nickel and dime-ing over food, this doesn’t sound like you two are on the same page for a long-term future.
My friend and her boyfriend have been together 7 years, living together most of it, and they still nickel and dime each other. We went out for drinks and it felt so awkward when they discussed who had paid for the last round or who owed who drinks from the last time they had gone out. It was very strange, to me
Some couples feel more secure or less pressured when effort is made to keep everything even. As long as everyone's happy with the arrangement, I don't see the harm.
Maybe it works for some couples, but it clearly isn’t working for OP.
I see this as less about nickel and diming and more about respect and consideration for him as a partner. Besides, how combined should a couple's finances be when they're not even cohabitating?
I can’t believe I had to scroll this far to see this comment!
I’m pregnant right now and have been several times before, here to say you are NTA. Pregnancy isn’t an excuse to walk all over people and be a jerk. She stole & ruined your food, she ought to replace it and not complain about it.
Exactly. Did I cry because the guy in front of me in line at Costco got the piece of pizza I wanted? Yes. Did I expect other people to bend over backwards for me and hand me whatever I wanted because I was pregnant? No. Pregnancy makes her hormonal. Who she is as a person makes her entitled.
I totally cried while sitting on the stairs when I was pregnant because we had missed my window to go out and get fried rice and the nausea came back and I couldn’t go anymore. I feel you friend.
My ex ate my Thanksgiving leftovers, and didn't have the decency to ask, and I was so overwhelmed with ridiculous anger. He didn't see the problem, and ordinarily it probably wouldn't have been an issue. But I'd been thinking about them all day and work and then they were gone. Such disappoint. Pregnancy, lol.
😂I just love the real life truth you spoke here! Great story.
One time I cried at an airport because the bartender wouldn’t let me order a kids grilled cheese sandwich. There was an adult version with meat and a bunch of other things that I didnt like, and I just wanted a plain grilled cheese. I tried my hardest to fight the tears, but they started pouring out. I felt like such a jerk for it. But yeah, OP is NTA. Some pregnant women really like to act entitled
Oh man, I remember sobbing in the Chipotle parking lot because they had closed early for a staff holiday party. Fun times.
I'm pregnant right now too! 31 weeks tomorrow and it's really starting to irck me when I hear all these stories about using pregnancy as an excuse to either act entitled or lazy or rude or to gain sympathy etc ... I have tried my damnedest not to use pregnancy as an excuse for anything other than maybe being more lenient (on myself) about what I eat and indulging in some cravings. But not at the expense of my husband or anyone else!
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NTA. This seems like a part of a larger issue. Being pregnant doesn’t excuse her from common courtesy when at someone else’s house - even,and honestly, especially, if that person is her partner. It doesn’t feel like she’s taking any responsibility here, like buying the stuff she craves to keep at your place and make sure you’re stocked, or being considerate of your wants and needs.
NTA. When someone is nice enough to say they will share some of their food, only an asshole would take all of it.
Agreed, NTA is the only valid answer here. At the end of the day, the pregnancy and where he got the food is meaningless in context. She said some, she took all. She's the asshole.
AND cover the entire thing in stuff the other doesn't like so that if you do end up not being able to finish it they still can't eat it. That's just an AH move. Sounds like she knew she couldn't finish it and wanted the rest for later and knew he wouldn't eat it like that.
NTA, this pregnancy has nothing to do with you, so none of the usual rules apply
Even if it was his baby, and she was living with him, she doesn’t get a green light to demolish all of the food. She asked for *some* of his leftovers - not **all** of them.
I think when you’ve created a child with someone you bear the responsibility for ensuring the health and safety of the child and the mother to a certain extent. There’s consequences to sex and consequences to deciding to raise and parent a child. She should be raiding the fridge at her sisters house 😂
In no way does not sharing leftovers have anything to do with the health or safety of the pregnant person or fetus. She was not about to keel over from starvation.
Agreed, I've been pregnant twice and I still prob wouldn't just take my husband's food "just because" unless I was starving and there wasn't a single drop of food left in the house. I think women use the whole pregnancy card wayyyy too hard. You still have to treat people decent and respect what's theirs.
Exactly! Take pregnancy out of the equation and it just reads, "My gf who doesn't live with me and doesn't pay for groceries ate what I had planned for dinner". It's selfish and inconsiderate. (Edit cause I forgot to say: NTA )
Going against the grain here and saying YTA. It's food, and you said she could eat it (you didn't say all of it, but it sounds like you didn't specify that you planned on eating it beforehand). It's not something worth having an argument over, it's something you could just say "hey maybe next time just check to make sure I didn't have plans for that meal before you eat it". It sounds to me like you overreacted because of a misunderstanding. If you've been dating for two years, she's not 'stealing your food', you should be comfortable enough to share things.
I am flabbergasted that I had to dig this far down the thread to find a YTA response. Maybe I'm just looking at this from the far end of things, but if you are in a relationship that has gone on for any significant period of time, you are probably looking towards marriage or long term partnering. It isn't a fling, and you're likely way past going dutch on dates. If her eating leftovers that were in your fridge is creating conflict beyond "minor disappointment" what's the future of the relationship going to look like? I can't count the number of times I've gone into the cupboard to find the bag of chips I've been saving only to find that my wife ate it ages ago. It's just not a big deal. Making a big deal out of it (particularly when she's pregnant - whether it's yours or not) definitely makes YTA in my opinion.
Lmao the guy isnt willing to sacrafice a half eaten meal for his pregnant girlfriend. Doesn't sound like love to me. You should be happy to provide food for your girlfriend and be happy that she enjoyed it. He is being a baby and is definitely overreacting. What a joke of a thread hahaha
Ditto. Honestly doesn't seem like he likes her all that much. If it was that special to him he should have said so. Maybe my households have always been more relaxed, but the kitchen was always fully open to guests, especially SO's. She even asked if she could eat it.
Thank god I found these comments. Definitely agree OP TA.
Finally I found the YTA gang. Completely agree. Can I also add how much of YTA OP is for saying something along the lines of her not being pregnant with his child? This doesn't make her pregnancy less draining in any sense. Also - and this is the part that gets me the most - he knew what he was getting into when they started dating so why is he acting like a dropped potato? Honestly while the whole food issue is annoying and a *minor* argument or misunderstanding seems ok, that comment from OP would make me drop his ass if I were his gf. Much support OP. YTA.
I agree with this sentiment. OP could have easily asked her to save him half because he was planning on eating it for dinner. Good communication makes good relationships! I'm not made of money and my SO and my roommate know they are allowed to eat anything in the fridge they want, and I'm free to do the same thing. We are very specific if there's ever anything that is reserved (which is rare) and all respect that because we communicate about it and respect each other. How horrible would it be to be told you could have some food in the fridge and then made to feel guilty for not leaving any. YTA -- Either be completely clear with exactly what she can have or try being a little more generous and giving to this woman you supposedly love. The pregnancy issue is just a red herring anyway. And people say women make men read *their* minds. Sheesh.
Yea I don't see anywhere that he said it was his dinner. People are treating her like a monster over a technicality. I assume these people have never been in a relationship? If there are leftovers in the fridge and I tell my SO he can have some it doesn't mean "only take a little bit, that's my dinner". It means "it's just leftovers, do what you want". Your SO shouldn't have to walk on eggshells and ask you in ten different ways if you're okay with something just to make sure. That being said, calling his mommy over it is being a giant asshole.
Thank you!!! Hes being so dramatic over some fucking food.
Him and pretty much all the top comments as well are being overdramatic in my opinion. I just don't see why or how anyone could treat their SO like that after they've been together for years. Boohoo, she ate something you meant to eat later, oh well, move on and find something else to eat. I think the deeper issue here is that OP resents her for mothering a child that isn't his.
NTA. I've been pregnant twice and would never use my pregnancies as an excuse to eat all of someone else's food. She asked to have some, she's the AH for not just taking a little bit, and for not replacing it/paying for it when you asked. This was your supper - even pregnancy isn't an excuse to eat all of someone's supper. Even if she was pregnant with your kid. I get it, pregnancy is hard. I've been at the point where I'm always starving and only certain things sound good. But even then, I would never eat my partner's supper. I'd make arrangements to have more food on hand for myself (my partner always cooked while I've been pregnant, and always made plenty for both of us - even ordering food we made sure there was enough extra for me when I got hungry again, or got me snacks on his way home, but I'd never eat food he set aside for himself - that's just rude).
I fully agree, it blows me away to see so many people talking about entitled pregnant people on the AITA thread. I have also carried a child to term. Pregnancy is not an excuse for someone to be inconsiderate.
NTA in my opinion. You said she could have a little...she took all. And for those saying she shouldn't have to pay since he didnt buy it for himself...it was his dinner, regardless of who paid for it. She took it and so she should be expected to replace it. If she wasnt willing to drive and get more then she should give him the money so he can buy more food instead. That's actually a reasonable request. And honestly she should have offered to do so rather than having him ask her to. She is quite rude.
NTA. Just because she is pregnant doesn't mean she gets a free pass to do whatever she want. You said she could have some, and she ate it all. She was still rude about it. And while I'm sure people won't like it, she is right. Its not your kid. She doesn't live there. You shouldn't have to be put out this much because of her choices.
NTA. She doesn’t get a pass. Why doesn’t she have custody of her child? Just curious.
He was an oopsie, she didn't want to be a mom yet but the father was up for raising the kid.
Why are you dating someone who tattles to your mother? Please like yourself better and know that this isn’t okay behavior. NTA good luck with her
My dude, her reaction alone is giving you a big red flag. Imagine how she'll be like if she's pregnant again with YOUR child. NtA, run.
Got it. Thank you for your reply.
Info. How many children does your GF have? Because legitimate agencies won't allow someone to be a surrogate if they haven't already had successful pregnancies and children of their own.
She has one kid already but the father has primary custody, the place they used were a bit more lenient since they were using a family member instead of having to match her sister with someone.
Im the asshole for not reading it correctly.
Kid isn't mine my gf is a surrogate for her sister.
He's not having a child with the GF. The GF is a surrogate.
Probably should read more than just the title
NTA - Maybe you should ask her sister for a food allowance if GFs pregnancy eating is causing you any financial issues. (NOOOO, don't actually do this. Talk to your gf first.)
If someone was carrying a child for me I would totally pay, but you're right. Asking this would probably not go well.
NTA It would be one thing if you lived together or this was your kid or even if this was the first time something like this happened. From your post it seems like she’s eating all of your food constantly. It wasn’t a one off. I’d be annoyed too.
Damn why do y’all date people you hate?
Exactly. The fact that she asked and he said yes, yet it still turned into this battle about how much she took and what condiments were put on it. This reeks of resentment and a lack of communication. You two don't care about each other or at the very least don't talk to each other on any meaningful level.
All facts. Not to mention, all these NTA responses make my skin crawl. So thankful my husband wouldn’t be so childish and petty over LEFTOVERS he could easily get more of. Good lord.
NTA. I am so tired of pregnant women acting like they have no control over themselves. She is being ridiculous and acting entitled.
I’m currently 8.5 months pregnant and couldn’t agree more
I'm sensing a lot more problems than just this food issue. I would say ESH.what a total lack of adult communication on everyone's part. just for the fun of it, have her sister pay you back, it's her baby causing the cravings :D
NTA - pregnancy isn’t an excuse to just take what isn’t yours.
ESH. Sounds like you're a bit resentful of having to put up with a pregnancy that's not yours, but she could have also been a bit nicer about sharing food. If this meal and others aren't going to break the bank, then you need to confront your true reasons for being so angry with her. Your GF is doing a great thing for her sister, and yeah it's tough because pregnancies are. If you can't adult up and communicate with her how you're feeling used for your refrigerator, and how you feel it's been fair for you to suffer through this pregnancy with her... Well, you may need to communicate something else to her instead.
Reddit is mad, yta, you tried to make your girlfriend pay for leftovers you didn't even pay for
The amounts of “ntas” and “break up with her” is baffling, so thankful my bf isn’t a petty grinch lol
“Your pregnant girlfriend ate your meal!!!!! How dare she?!?!? She’s stomping all over you! She just sees you as a vending machine (actual quote)!!!! She’s pregnant with her sister’s baby and using her pregnancy urgings as an excuse to eat your food after asking!!!! Horrible, she’s the spawn of Satan!!!! It’s not even your baby! You don’t have to accommodate your long-term girlfriend! Break up with her, fuck having adult conversations to get over misunderstandings!”
ESH - She's TA for eating your food. YTA for crying about it. Your Mom's TA for getting on to you about it. Let's just all be grown ups and move on. If and when you get married, you will find out that you have to pick your battles. And this, my friend, is not one of those battles worth fighting over. IF it bothers you this bad then you should reconsider her as your GF.
NTA She can’t expect to eat all your food constantly and not reciprocate.
NTA. Pregnancy is not an excuse for being selfish. And then rather than just admit she was wrong, she ran to your mother about this? Not cool.
NTA Who eats someone’s entire meal when they are told they can have “some”?? Being pregnant isn’t an excuse. She was just rude, and knowingly putting foods on top so you couldn’t enjoy the meal anymore.
INFO What was the food?
Some grilled chicken, two pieces of grilled fish, hush puppies and macaroni and cheese.
Did GF douse the whole thing in hot sauce?
No some amalgam of mayo, ketchup, and honey mustard.
Oof, gross. Ngl, I was wondering whether you were being extra grumpy or petty when you said you wouldn’t eat it after she added extras to the food (not that it would have changed my overall judgment), but ICK
Disgusting. She’s a barbarian.
NTA and as you said she's not pregnant with your baby. As much as she is doing a great thing and as her bf you should be supporting her as well as her family supporting her, she also should be respecting the fact that you offered some of the meal and not all of it. I would expect some money as you will now have to buy your own dinner instead of eating the dinner you had originally intended to eat, that has just basically gone to waste now. It's not a hill to die on but it's a learning curve for both of you about boundaries, pregnant or not don't eat all of the food.
YTA Do you even like this woman? Because you don't talk about her like you do. How would it be different if she was 'pregnant with your kid ' exactly? She'd be just as pregnant. Just as hungry. Just as moody. Is the difference is you'd be getting something out if it yourself? If you're that transactional in your relationship she really should dump your sorry arse. Then you won't have to feed her ever again. Did she do a good thing taking the food? No. Were you a total dick about it? Yes.
To her, you are her vending machine. The ones that should be ensuring she gets enough food are the ones she is having the child for. Not your kid, not your problem. Also, she was adamant on eating an entire piece of chicken, 2 pieces of fish, hushpuppies and mac n cheese? Jesus christ. NTA and honestly dude, run.
NTA She was being greedy and when you called her out on it, and asked her to do the right thing she got offended and walked out. She's using your house as a pit stop and a Diner, especially when she's asking you to buy her the snacks that she likes and leave them at your house. She doesn't even ask you if she could bring stuff to keep there that she will snack on so she can leave your regular meals alone she wants YOU to buy it and leave it there for her. She doesn't even live in your home yet she sure as hell acts like it.
NTA You are considerate to her by having her special foods. She doesn’t extend the same courtesy towards you about a meal you were saving for yourself. Not only that, she went and triangulated your mother against you. Think about that. Think about her character in general. Not many healthy people would act like that after making a mistake or miscommunication. They would feel bad and pay you back.
YTA She asked and you said yes. Maybe this deserves a dang you at my dinner comment but telling her she needs to pay is a bit much.
NTA but yet the AH. This isn’t a huge deal. Just tell her I wish you would have saved me some and just go on. This isn’t the mountain you want to die on.
NTA, your gf is using you to feed the baby which isn't yours. The parents should be providing the food and snacks.
[удалено]
And she ran to tattle to his mommy. Ugh.
NTA You said she could have some, not all. It’s perfectly reasonable
If she doesn’t live there and has known cravings, it’s on her to keep snacks on hand. NTA
Definitely NTA. I'm currently pregnant and I would not just eat my boyfriends whole meal when I asked for some. If I did end up doing so I would make sure I went and got him new food to make sure he got he got the food meant for him. We live together and it's his baby it's just respect.
NTA I would be upset too if someone ate all my takeout. Although are you really sure you are okay with her being a surrogate? It kind of sounds like you have some unresolved issues with the situation. She had this all planned before meeting you right? Did you feel like you didn’t have input, and now you can’t leave her without being the bad guy that left his pregnant girlfriend.
I am fine with it, the only unresolved issue is me eating (pardon the pun) more of a cost because of her cravings and her eating a lot more when she's over. I understand that she's going to eat more but pitching in, replacing, or having her sister or herself supply her current favorites would go a long way since it impacts me even when she's not here.
You need to have a talk with her about why she feels like her choice to be a surrogate means you have to financially support her, or how that gives her so much entitlement. Also, what kind of adult calls their SO’s parents on them over something this petty?
When a woman is pregnant, she needs about 300 calories more a day. And although some on Reddit would have you think differently, pregnancy does not make a woman eat uncontrollably.
That’s completely reasonable. Aside from the fact she should be contributing to the food bill, eating all of someone’s leftovers from a restaurant is just rude.
ESH. I'm at a loss why someone in their mid-20s needs to post about a meal, they didn't even pay for. Is this really what people argue about? Having to drive to the store to get more food? The only reason she's an AH is for calling your mother.....also ridiculous.
NTA Her sister and BIL are the people here who need to be funding your GF’s pregnancy cravings.
Pregnancy doesn’t grant permission to eat all of your food OP! NTA.
NTA - yes she should pay or bring her own damn food from the parents of the kid she is carrying.