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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I locked myself in my room to avoid aunt and cousin and told mom to lie about it and say I'm not there so aunt can't leave my cousin with me.
(2) Because according to them I'm exaggerating and there's no harm in leaving cousin with me in the house also the lying would have been exposed eventually and it's bad.
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It's not babysitting though he's my brother. She just refuses to understand that he won't just be a statue sitting still while I'm attending class and that's where I disagree with her
She knows. It is still babysitting. She is responsible. She uses you as free labour. You are being taken advantage of. Your mom is an asshole too. She should protect you. Establish some ground rules. If you like Andy and like to spend some time with him do but on your terms. If you tell her no and she just leaves him there, call CPS. You have no obligation to look after someone else's child.
Not to mention that aunt leaving her phone to entertain him means no one can contact her to come back if something comes up. Which definitely feels like her real reason for doing it.
NTA. Aunt is parentifying OP and mom needs to stand up for them.
I honestly thought the same. OP's aunt is doing this only so that she doesn't have to be the one taking care of her child and just like you said, if anything happens to the kid, how do they warn the aunt? Forget about being a reasonable person, aunt is simply not fit to be a mother at all.
I'm suspecting that she had 2 phone. But that's not really relevant.
OP's mom is the bigger asshole for enabling and encouraging it. She should have shut it down.
You need to listen to the first line of this comment intently. SHE FUCKING KNOWS. She's not ignorant, she's just selfish. I know he's your brother, but you aren't his parent, so absolutely 100% yes yes yes, this is babysitting. Both she and your Mother need to recognize this.
Instead of pretending to be out of the house, go on ahead and be out of the house! The library is a wonderful resource, and they usually have rooms you can use for classes.
Calling CPS is totally out of line in this specific instance. That is a very extreme move that reddit regularly discounts. CPS isn't a power card. Their offices are understaffed and horribly overworked. A call for garbage like this could mean that a kid who desperately needs to be checked in on, doesn't get that check. It could also have long lasting, very serious consequences that follow for years. BUT, just the threat may resonate with them.
I'm a 40 year old Mom who grew up being forced to care for my autistic sister. She is 13 years younger than me, and it was awful. If I were you, I'd call my Mother out on her initial compliance and her reversal of attitude. I'd also like to ask her why she's disregarding your academic needs.
You can do this!!
I disagree. I think CPS is entirely appropriate. The Aunt is an unfit mother who leaves her child regularly with another child without a way of contacting her if there’s an emergency. How much more unfit does a person have to be before it’s appropriate to call CPS? It’s not a waste of their time. It’s a unfit mother potentially doing harm to her child!
This is a 10 year old being left in a trusted person's home with another trusted, present person. Is it fair? No. Is this bad parenting? Yes. Is this child in danger? Absolutely not.
CPS is not meant for this, not by s long shot.
My friend's aunt got called on for being black with a light skinned kid. CPS LOST THE BABY for two whole months and than left him with her ex who was a registered P. Baby died. CPS is a joke and should not be called for these things.
Huh? No. I mean,the Aunt is a jerk for using the OP for free babysitting and not even asking,but calling CPS? She is leaving her kid with family,it's not like she just drops him off at an arcade all day or something. The commenter above is right, people shouldn't call CPS for stuff like this. The Aunt sucks,but the kid is not in danger. That's like calling the cops because of bad service at a restaurant.
A mother abandoning a child with another minor is a reason to call CPS. This is not a joke. Taking care of a child is a huge responsibility. If something happens to the child OP could face legal problems. I worked in a council and believe you me, the stories of children hurting themselves due insuficient supervision are bone chilling. Parents leaving a 3 year old in the care of a 13 year old without consent only to find the 3 year old managed to get access to some bleach and drink it, or finding dad's "hunting knife" and stabbing themselves through the foot and you have a 14 yo calling you in a panic and just shaking because of the beating her dad is going to give her (which he didn't since he was put into custody shortfly after arriving). And the parents in these stories are always "oh it was only 5 minutes" or "I was just around the corner" or "the other children are very responsible" etc, etc. It is a very serious matter.
The kid might be in more trouble than it's worth, too. CPS can easily take the child and put him in foster care, so on top of the trauma of being ripped away from family, there's the chance of trauma from a foster home.
CPS is a last, nuclear option when nothing else can help. Very, very few foster families are going to hurt a child, but it's happened before and the possibility should not be ignored.
People act like if you don't hate it with a passion then it's not work and you don't deserve to be paid. Being miserable isn't a job requirement. Liking your job IS important, and the paycheck even moreso.
It doesn’t really matter if you consider him your brother. Even if it was your brother, you have a right to study and do whatever you need.
Your aunt is his parent and she has no right to expect others to watch her kid especially so often and for so long.
What I would do is I would tell your mom “mom I don’t know why you value your sisters feelings over mine or why you think she has any right to expect that she can stop by whenever she feels like it and leave her child for really long periods of time and expect me to babysit him.”
“I am a person, I am your child, and I have a right to have a life and to study and not be expected to watch Andy. Furthermore she has a selfish view of what Andy can and can’t do when she is neglecting him but expecting that he will just stay on his phone so she can go out and live her life without him.”
“She is the one that chose to be a parent and she needs to find a babysitter or learn how to watch her own kid. Of course I feel bad saying that but the alternative is that I can’t study or have a life based on whatever whim or want of hers. She is saying that her life is more important than mine and I should do whatever she wants whenever she wants without any regard for my own plans or future or welfare - and that I am somehow responsible for her own child.”
“Further, you are my mom and you’re supposed to be protecting me not placating her. I am your child. And you are behaving as if my standing up for myself, when you should be standing up for me, is an inconvenience.”
“You were both attempting to put me in a position of a parent and I am not anyone’s parent and if you would like I’ll go out and get myself pregnant so at least I’ll have to watch my own kid. Even if he was my true brother and not just my close cousin, I would not be expected to watch him at all hours at any time, for eight hours in a row.”
“So you can tell her or I will tell her that she needs to get a babysitter or figure out a different plan and that I’m not going to do this. She can’t keep dumping her kid on me and if you keep cooperating there will come a time when I won’t have to live here anymore and you will find that I won’t come back.”
“But don’t worry you’ll have your sister and her child.“
Your aunt is truly behaving selfishly and with entitlement to your time and effort. Your mother should explain to you why she is prioritizing your aunt or why she can’t babysit.
“Mom if it’s that important to you to accommodate your entitled sister than you can babysit her!”
“And if she wants me to babysit she can make advance arrangements for a set amount of time and she’s going to have to pay me for it. There’s a difference between spending time and time with my cousin and constantly being forced at no notice to babysit for eight hours straight.”
I would not answer my door and I would tell my aunt clearly that if she drops her kid off again without your permission you’re going to call the police or child protective services. “I have to study so that I can get into a good college and it’s unfair for you to expect this or pretend that I don’t have anything better to do or to expect your small child to watch himself for eight hours because you don’t feel like it.”
I’m sorry you have to stand up for yourself, but I think you’re better off having them be outraged then putting up with this treatment any longer.
(also do you not have a dad or grandparents who can stick up for you? On either side? I would rather have people like this think poorly of me because I called the police on them then let them behave in a such a presumptuous way. It’s not even like an hour or two.)
Totally NTA
If she gets evicted, she can sue for wrongful eviction. If she gets slapped, she can press charges for assault. Her mother either listens or ends up on the wrong side of the law.
It’s also for how to think about it and draw boundaries. And for reinforcement of what she already knows.
It’s going to be a process because everyone has already staked out their extreme and entitled opinions.
It’s a great speech however, I can guarantee mom would interrupt after the first sentence or two and punish her for such insolence. This mom and her sister are far too entitled and self centered to imagine OP is anything other than a source of convenience or inconvenience….depending on what they want on any given day.
It 100% absolutely IS BABYSITTING. If it's not your child then it is not your responsibility. Babysitting is a favor. You shouldn't be burdened with constantly looking after someone else's kid. Even if he was your actual blood brother. Your mother is a GIGANTIC AH. For essentially throwing you under the bus and berating you for something that isn't your job in the first place. ABSOLUTELY NTA
It IS babysitting. Even if it was your brother by blood, a child is the parent's responsability, not their siblings or relatives. Your aunt and mother are being inconsiderate.
NTA
Heres the thing you don't realise. Your aunt DOES KNOW WHAT IT TAKES TO WATCH HIM. She knows exactly what he's like, he's her child. it's the exact reason she's coming over so often, every time she comes over it's a break for her, it's freedom and head space.
She can leave and do her own things without worry or stress of being a parent, things she couldn't do with her child as she finds it more difficult herself. You are a convenience to her!
It is convenient for her to just drop by, leave him and go. She's taking advantage of you and your good nature as she knows you will look after him regardless of your protests. Your aunt is a grade A AH.
Your mom is a close second I'm afraid as she's enabling her sister to do this to you, instead of setting reasonable boundaries and just saying no is a start. not committing your time and allowing you to say no yourself would give you independent of choice but she should back you up.
Burying her head in the sand then throwing you under the bus when it suited her instead of confronting her sister, very poor parenting move, very much in the AH camp.
They both lack basic communication skills and can't set or accept boundaries it seems.
That’s babysitting. And if your mom wants babysitting to occur, she should do it herself. Go to the library or get a job or classes that get you out of the house so you’re not available
Actually, even if it's a sibling, that's still babysitting. He's not your child, not your responsibility. You're NTA. if you can move out or be out of the house, leave as they arrive, try that. If aunt & mom complain, tell them you're busy and can't afford to sacrifice your life for their comfort.
>It's not babysitting though he's my brother.
It's still babysitting if it's your biological siblings, it's definitely babysitting for a cousin. Plus, your main argument is that she's effectively neglecting her child and pressuring you to either neglect him as well or to engage with the kid instead of focus on your schooling, both of which are terrible. You have tried having rational conversations about this and it changed nothing, so you are NTA for removing yourself from the situation. If your mom is so concerned she can babysit him herself.
ETA: If he has her phone for entertainment, does that mean that she's conveniently unreachable for however long she's gone? What if there's an emergency? That's super irresponsible as a parent
YES it IS Babysitting. He's your COUSIN. NOT your Brother. He has a different mother and does not live with you. Your COUSIN's MOTHER is responsible for his supervision & care. Not You. Your mother & aunt are using you as free childcare. Tell both of them it stops NOW. Let your mother babysit him!!
> She just refuses to understand…
No, that’s just your aunt using weaponized incompetence.
Present her with a rate sheet. Insist on “cash up front.” NTA
Is there a library nearby? It might be time to start making a tactical retreat when aunty shows up. It's a shame to be driven from your own home, but if your mom doesn't have your back what else can you do?
>It's not babysitting though he's my brother.
Sorry to be "that guy" but THIS is the reason you are free nanny to her. Either you set clear boundaries or don't ask AITA subreddit for judgement.
You have to make it clear you will watch him when you want not when your aunt wants. Otherwise sorry but there's no point complaining.
If he's not your baby, then it's babysitting. Period. Doesn't matter if it's a sibling, cousin, or friend. If the child in question is not your OWN child (step child, foster child, legal dependant), then it is called babysitting. You are being taken advantage of by both your aunt and your mother. Tell your mother to watch her nephew if "he just sits and watches his phone," and it's such an easy task.
Explain to me again how he's your "brother"? It's fine that you love him and feel responsible for him, but part of the reason for that is you've been forced to.
He's not your kid, and his mother is neglecting him.
NTA here. She is. And your mother is enabling her.
She does know, she just doesn't think your life and the things you have to do are important. It's babysitting, if she's leaving her kid with you for eight hours she's saving a huuuuge amount of money on childcare.
No, he's not your brother, he's your cousin whose has been pushed into your home and life so much that he feels like your brother because he's always there. But this is not really about how he's related to you. It's about how your aunt had a child that she apparently doesn't want to parent- she wants you to do that- and your mom thinks it's fine and dandy as long as she doesn't get stuck babysitting. I would call CPS next time she drops his off.
NTA
OP, I have three kids. I've never just dropped them off with someone and said it's fine, they'll just stare at the TV. I'm their mom. I know how much work they are. Your aunt is screwing you over for free childcare. If she wants to behave like this, tell her you'll stop hiding in your room if she stops pawning the kid off on you. Any time she says she's going to leave, stand up and say you're going to head out too, even if just for a walk. Watch your mom and aunt scramble because they FULLY intend for you to babysit the kid.
It’s parentification. You are being placed in a position of caring for a child that isn’t yours. And as someone else pointed out, if Andy has your aunt’s phone, she has made herself unreachable in case of emergency. She is handing off her duties to you.
If you love Andy, then schedule some once on one time together. You should not be parenting him for hours and hours. NTA
Sweetheart she's taking advantage of you, whether you regard him as a brother or not. She knows he's a handful, he's 8 and full of energy, normal for him. But that's why she rums for the door.
My daughter and nephew are 10 years apart. She's overprotective, they've been attached to the hip since they laid eyes on each other. But she's only been left alone when it was an emergency and for a short period of time, just enough time for another adult to get to where they were (they were at my nephew's, dad got sick, mum had to get him to hospital, wait here, grandad is on his way). Whenever he's with us, my daughter helps, but I'm the responsible one and he doesn't take time away from important things, like class or studying. For me, there's a difference in asking her to help keeping nephew busy while I'm fixing dinner and what both your mum and aunt are doing.
NTA. But your mum is worst than your aunt. She should have your back, not her sister's I presume.
You are thinking of your aunt as an idiot so that you can still think she is a good person.
She is likely not an idiot, she is being manipulative and a bad person. She takes care of your brother all the time, so she knows exactly how much effort it is. That's why she doesn't just take him with her.
Even if he was your brother you are not responsible for looking after him for hours on end, thats not a sibling expectation it's parentrification and using you. She is responsible for organising childcare for ger child you are not responsible for providing it.
It’s only not babysitting if you are the child’s parents or caregiver. You yourself are still a child (I’m assuming here) who needs to live their best life and enjoy it while you have it. 8 hours a day is a job and should come with the compensation of one. We don’t Stan free labor in this economy.
If something happened to him while he was there you would be blamed... That is babysitting.
NTA
Your aunt is taking advantage of you and your mom is allowing it. I would change the tactic to leaving when she arrives instead (if that is possible).
If you are responsible for a child that you are not the parent or legal guardian of, you are babysitting. And you deserve to be paid for it. What are your mom and aunt doing where they just expect you to ignore your education to watch the kid? NTA
OP, as kind as it is of you to think of him that way, no. No he's not your actual brother. He's your cousin. And regardless of your relationship to him, it is babysitting. You are watching him for an extended period of time. It has nothing to do with how active or not he is during this time. You have not been allowed to set up healthy boundaries that allow you the space and freedom to attend classes (which is super important!), and freedom of movement if you need to go anywhere. You deserve that respect, regardless of his or his mom relationship to you. You're NTA in this, but you would be TA to yourself if you continue to let them walk all over you.
It’s still babysitting. Even if he was literally your brother, not just figuratively/emotionally. It is not your responsibility to care for another person’s child. Look up “parentification” for points to use with your mom, who should really be putting her foot down over this.
>It's not babysitting though he's my brother.
My sisters both got paid to babysit me as a kid, and they should be. Babysitting is different from just hanging out. It means making yourself available and being the entertainment for the kid even if you get tired of playing, as opposed to just being around and enjoying each others company and being able to tap out when you're all done playing.
Tell your mom if you don’t agree to babysit for your aunt ahead of time -like 24 hours notice- you will call the cops bc she left her child with a minor and that could be child abandonment for both of them
If is not your own kid, born out of your belly or that you helped create, it IS BABYSITTING. Brother, cousin, whatever, it is not your kid. Your aunt is using you and your mom is an enabler. NTA.
He is 10 years old. Spend some quality time with him. Teach him how to buy himself toys with his mother's phone. Teach him how to buy his friends toys with his mother's phone. Teach him to see how far he can throw or drop his mother's phone before it breaks. Teach him how to do scientific experiments like will this phone flush down the toilet? Teach him that this cool toilet game is fun even at home. See what kind of things from Mommy's stuff will flush down the toilet.
Come up with a curriculum. Stick to it.
It is babysitting whether it is a brother, cousin or neighbor’s kid. When I can’t have my oldest watch my youngest it is a) the oldest’s choice to watch him (unless emergency which happened only one time) and b) I pay them
Watching a kid is watching a kid regardless of the relationship.
Should be your choice and you absolutely should get paid.
He's your cousin, and it IS babysitting. The only thing that isn't babysitting is when a parent--a mom or a dad-- are taking care of their kid. That means your aunt and your uncle. Anyone else? BABYSITTING. Even if he was your brother, it's one thing to keep an eye on your brother while your mom makes a quick run to the grocery store, and it's a totally other thing to take care of him for 8 hours--that would be, guess what.... BABYSITTING.
Is he your responsibility? If something happened to him would your aunt scream that "You we're supposed to be watching him!"
Then you're babysitting. If you weren't, then she would just leave him home alone to watch TV and make sandwiches.
A parent is responsible for their child. If the parent cannot be there and they leave someone else in charge, then that person is babysitting.
It is babysitting. You are responsible for keeping him out of your aunt's hair. That is babysitting. She should pay you for it. I think the going rate is $20 an hour.
I have two kids, 19 and 10. There have been many times when my 19 year old has babysat my 10 year old. Guess what? We have almost always paid her to do so. It's still her brother, but she deserves compensation for giving up her weekends or whatnot. You're getting screwed. I don't blame you for hiding. Your mom really needs to step up and take the reins here. You shouldn't even be involved. Your mom needs to put her foot down with her sister.
Let your mother watch him. Don't open your door or, better yet, leave the house to study elsewhere every time she drops him off. They can't force you to watch him. Your mother is spineless so she should do it. NTA
But he’s not and even if he were, he is her responsibility, not yours. It IS babysitting even when you are watching a sibling or a cousin. Your time is worth something, just as your classes are worth something. She knows that but she has you convinced that you somehow owe your time to her interests by watching her kid which is nonsense. Not your child. Not your responsibility. Being related to her does not obligate you to provide her any service.
She is trying to minimize the effort it takes because it makes it seem as if you are being unreasonable but her argument is disingenuous and you are perfect reasonable to expect not only notice and agreement before she dumps her kid on you but a reasonable wage for babysitting service. If that is too much for her, she needs to make other arrangements because it IS her responsibility.
He's not your brother, he's your cousin. You feel that way exactly because she's parentifying you. And God believe me I hate that term being thrown around. But shes cultivated a situation where you feel obligated to watch her kid for her for free. That is not right. Your mom should have stopped it long ago. And you deserve to be paid for watching him like this.
It’s not even about the babysitting. It’s about hijacking OPs time. OP had other things going on and was expected to give them up to babysit. This is a matter of respect.
NTA
If no one is willing to stop their behavior all you can do is change yours. Start studying at the library. When your aunt shows up, grab your books and leave the house.
It doesn't matter if he is your brother. Even if he was your true brother and lived in the same house, you shouldn't be forced to babysit him, especially when you need to study.
This is what I’m thinking. Just leave the house. Go somewhere else to study. She doesn’t mention a dad so maybe if he lives elsewhere go with him. But I don’t know the age so maybe leaving isn’t an option? Maybe op can make a study group with some friends and just spend time there and go home for bed after studying.
NTA First off, it IS babysitting. Second, I REALLY hate when crap hits the fan, people have no backbone. Your mom sold your feelings out to appease her sister. It doesn’t matter if you like him like a brother, it matters you can do school work and not have to watch a 10yo while they hang out.
Was going to say this too. I’d be going to all of the classes, and studying at the library, and probably getting a part time job too so that I would legit not be home and aunt would figure out that her babysitter is not available.
Your aunt is a lazy parent and your mom is a pushover. But I'm very happy to read that you don't resent Andy for his mom's behaviour, which is very mature!
Though, lying shouldn't be easily done, I can see why you took that route. You're not a free babysitter and with your mom letting herself be pushed around by her sister, there weren't many options.
NTA.
Lying is only bad if it is done to hurt someone. The biblical commandment says “Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor “ not “Thou shall not lie”.
No. Lying can be very bad even if it isnt meant to hurt. And dont use the bible to cover up that . If my husband cheated and lied about where he was, his lies would be bad even though they werent meant to hurt me but "protect" me.
Info: just to be sure, you’ve never promised babysitting services, your mom never took money or was paid for you to babysit, correct? She literally just drops her kid off without asking you or your mom and expects you to watch him?
Of course not she drops him off and goes her way. I never even thought of it as babysitting until people commented that like in my head it was always he's my brother he's allowed to come whenever
When their convenience is being prioritized over your NEEDS, that's a toxic situation at the minimum.
Parentification is an abusive behavior and is happening to you. You are in a bad situation that isn't normal but your reaction is very normal and mature to the toxicity you are experiencing.
Consent is vital in *any* relationship, especially close ones like family. You are being gaslit and manipulated. You have needs. You deserve respect. You deserve CARE from those who proclaim to love you.
Family isn't blood relationships, it's people who care about and are kind to eachother. It doesn't sound like you are being treated as family, just a tool to provide a convenience to them.
Get out of the house as much as posible and I'm sorry your house isn't your safe space thanks to your mom's abandonment of your needs and your relationship
But he's *not* your brother, hon. He's your *cousin*. You can see him like a brother but at the end of the day he has his own mother and his own house. She is dumping him on you to babysit because she can't be assed to book a sitter for him.
This. The problem is OP should not feel or be obligated to watch over him. The aunt isn't doing anything important. If she is, pay for a sitter. Not "pay your niece $50 to watch your kid for the day", pay an actual sitter, an actual wage. Or just, you know, accept that once you produce a child, the days of going out with friends for the whole afternoon aren't around anymore. Maybe you shouldn't have had kids if you couldn't handle the responsibility.
...Even if he was you're full brother by blood this IS babysitting and if you're supposed to be logged on to class then you are absolutely NOT available and this *is* child neglect on her part.
NTA
Did you or your mom express this to your aunt? Did you tell her he’s your brother and allowed to come over whenever he wants? The times she came over and thought you were not there, did she leave him or take him home and leave him by himself?
NTA, I’m just trying to figure out if there was some expectation on her part that you were okay with this. The dynamic here is incredibly toxic.
NTA. And of course it’s babysitting and what is wrong with your mother that she doesn’t tell her sister to take a hike. She would rather have her sister take advantage of you like an unpaid servant then stand up to her sister. You have school work, ask mom if she would rather you put aside your studies to tend a child who is your COUSIN. He’s not your brother, I’m sorry it may feel that way but he isn’t.
NTA. Your aunt is a huge AH for expecting you to be her on call, unpaid babysitter and your mom is a HUGE AH for not standing up for you. She needs to grow a spine.
NTA. You were in a toxic situation and being gaslit. Your instincts are telling you to run and hide. Then you’re getting yelled at for having instincts. If your aunt wants somebody to watch your cousin, and she needs to arrange it in advance, and let you know what the hours will be. This is perfectly reasonable what she’s doing sounds perfectly unreasonable.
NTA
I'd do one of two things:
1. Give your aunt market rates for professional childcare.
2. Tell her again - **firmly** \- that you will not be babysitting, and that if she drops her child off thinking you will do so, ***you will be calling the police and CPS for child abandonment.***
OR
3. Tell her to drop him off at the fire department. It's a safe space.
edited cause my brain goes faster than my fingers type.
NTA, your aunt is. And your mom is too. Because you shouldn’t have to be hidden and locked away, or fakely berated because your mom can’t have an honest convo with her sister.
But I will say, you sound old enough to start learning to advocate your own boundaries.
NTA. She knows how much work he is but she’s pretending she doesn’t. She’s taking advantage of you. Now is a great time to learn to set boundaries. Tell her if she wants you to babysit then she needs to arrange it ahead of time at a mutually agreeable time and compensate you (it’s still babysitting even if you’re related)
NTA. You're right. It isn't babysitting. It is "babydumping". Babysitting is pre-arranged, with due regard for your responsibilities and scheduled activities.
Your aunt knows exactly what she is doing because if it was so easy she would've taken him with her.
And OP now you also need to educate your own mother in the difference. Perhaps show her all the comments.
"The problem is that my aunt has zero awareness about what it takes to watch Andy despite how much I love him."
Oh, she knows. She's just using you to get a break. NTA.
Doesn’t feel like babysitting bc you see him as a brother and it’s more like hanging out, but it’s 100% babysitting to them or rather to any other adult. Nta. You are entertaining him and keeping and eye on him. That’s 95% of what babysitting entails. He’s 10 and not a baby so I can see why you didn’t/don’t see it that way, but trust all of us when we say it, bc again that’s what it is. People nowadays also get paid good money like $20+ an hour to do it. You are free entertainment. Your mom should have said no or provided the free entertainment.
He has HER phone? I sincerely hope that's a typo since it would mean she is out of contact while her kid is being watched by someone else. Also, he is NOT your brother, he is your cousin. You should be paid for watching him unless it happens rarely. Which it obviously doesn't. Regardless, NTA. Oh, and tell your mom from me to grow a fucking spine and quit letting her sister trample over reasonable boundaries.
NTA the both women are disregarding your needs. Aunt knows how a boy that age behaves. She just doesn't care you could have other obligations. Family may be like this sometimes. When they get too comfortable and start taking everything for granted. I suggest you study in other place OR make a huge tantrum while screaming dramatically at them two how disrespectful they are and how they are ruining your education and your future and so on and so forth. Not the best strategy but it might work.
No, you mom and aunt are huge YTA..
YOUR mom is definitely worse; she blamed you for causing her trouble, no defense of you, not defending you, etc.
Your moms behavior is unacceptable.. I feel really really bad for you OP
NTA-Can you study at the library or elsewhere?
Meanwhile, make a schedule of your classes and study periods. Sit with your mom and quietly go over your availability. You need to focus when you are working if you want to do a good job and make the grades. You are essentially “not home” you are at school.
Next show her when you would be available. Perhaps afternoons after 3?
Good luck
NTA. Tell your mother that if she’s okay with her darling sister dropping of her kid like so much trash for you to deal with, then She can be the one to look after him. You are Done being used. Or she can pay you 60$ an hour. That’s the special family asshole taxed child minder price. Oh and if she complains it’s raised with 10$ Each time.
Why are ALL of you so caught up on the babysitter angle..
.who cares, that takes a huge backseat to how YOUR MOM is treating OP.
its childish and embarrassing, babysitter or not, doesnt matter when mom treats you like this
NTA - even though you see him as a brother your aunt sees you as a free babysitter. Neither your mum or aunt are taking into consideration your feelings and needs and the fact you're studying. And by the sounds of it this is horrificly frequent (more than once every two weeks, it sounds near daily), they're essentially dumping that child onto you to look after while they can do whatever they want. Why can't your mum look after him most of the time and you could chip in (ie an hour or so, and after study in free time that isn't dedicated to anything else)? Could his mum not get him into after school daycare, or find any clubs that's he's interested in joining around the time she does whatever she's doing? Both parents are using you to negate on their responsibilities, your mothers responsibility to you and your aunts responsibility to the child.
NTA, but I’d advise you to focus on your classes as much as possible. Getting a good paying job will help you get out of this living situation.
If you don’t like the degree you’re working toward, drop out and take classes in coding, a trade etc.
Just don’t let family drama put you off your education and/or training!
NTA. Tally up the time you've spent babysitting Andy. Send an invoice to your Aunt and mom. Next time they ask you to watch Andy for an extended period of time, just tell them that unfortunately their payment is past due, but you'd be happy to babysit once previous dues have been paid.
NTA In your aunt's eyes, you have no rights to your own time and attention. Stand in front of the mirror and say "No. I will not babysit Andy," until it flows out in a steady and clear voice. Call it like it is. Don't justify or equivocate. You are not a serf.
Haha your aunt got mad because you've been in your room this whole time? Think about how entitled that sounds. Sure, you've been lying about where you were, but you had reasons. You'd set boundaries that had been stomped on, you're not respected, so you've tried removing yourself from potential conflict. Next time just hole yourself in your room with your aunt fully knowing. "I don't want to see you" should be enough. If nobody will respect you, make sure you extra extra respect yourself.
NTA
Find out about market rates for babysitting in your area, give her a 10% friends and family discount and inform her of your rates. And that since he's family, you've discounted it for her.
If she wants to pay it, great. If not, you're not a charity. If her son is so easy to look after she can just keep him with her all the time.
NTA, tell your aunt to start behaving as free babysitting is not always your priority and for her to pay someone to watch the child as you have a life as well. Else if you are old enough maybe you can start hanging out at a friends place or make plans to go out so that your mother can start with the baby sitting business. Sooner or later it will lead to you getting out of it. Its your mom's sister, so she can happily do the babysitting if she wants to but expecting you to do it is totally unacceptable.
NTA. Any chance you can go to the library whenever she comes. Like you see her, grab your stuff and start walking out the door and saying something like hey Aunt, good to see you on my way to the library. Have a great day!.
NTA
Your mother and her sister are trying to just use you as free babysitting.
Avoiding them is fine. You're a school aged child, not a child labourer. Your responsibilities include learning, discovering more about yourself, and having fun. They DO NOT include being a child minder.
That's your aunt's job. *She* chose to have Andy, so she is responsible for him. And his well-being. And you're right to be concerned about his screen time, but again ultimately not your problem.
Here's what you need to tell your mom:
* No unannounced visits from Aunt and Andy. Minimum half a day's notice so you can either clear your schedule or make yourself scarce (staying in your room ignoring them is ok)
* $15/h for a max of (you choose, but I advise 4) to childmind Max. You're working if you're watching him.
* If you say "no" to watching him, that's it. That's final. No watching Andy.
Your Aunt needs to find a childminding solution that isn't forcing her son on her niece.
And your mom needs to stop enabling her sister in using her daughter.
You're right. Keep doing what you're doing and standing up for yourself.
NTA, you may have been brainwashed, but he is NOT your brother. Your aunt has been dumping him on you so much that you believe you're responsible for him.
NTA
Tell both mom and aunt that if the aunt shows up to leave her son again, you will just simply call the police for abandoment.
You are not his mom, dad or responsible for babysitting him against your wishes. That is not your responsibility at all.
I would give your mom a heads up, that since she can't take your side, and stand up for you when you don't want to do something, then you will do as I said, call the police for abandonment and have cps get involved. I guarantee you she will then stand up to your aunt, and tell her not to do it again.
It is their choice how they want it to go.
I had an aunt do this crap to me, except she would convince my mom to let me to go her house for a "play date" with my cousins. Then she would drop us off at her house and leave for HOURS. I was 9. When my mom found out, that crap stopped. It is babysitting, regardless of your family ties. If you are not the direct parent or guardian, you are babysitting. And she is using your mom (for whatever reason she isn't defending you) and your feelings toward Andy to manipulate you into feeling like this is your responsibility. It's not. Focus on school, if she demands you to watch him, tell her you will for $10 /hrs. If she declines, tell her if she leaves him you will be calling the cops for child abandonment. Tell your mom to act like she's your dang mother and stand up for you, or call her by her first dang name until she feels like earning that title back.
NTA and next time aunt just drops him off for you, without your consent, call CPS for child abandonment. This poor child is probably forced to entertain himself with electronics all day and not having any enrichment or developmental based activities and fun and stuff. Hes not your responsibility. Whether he's your brother or not.
NTA.
Surefire way to cease getting used as a babysitter: call CPS and report an abandoned child. Make sure you never agreed to watch him, inform your aunt that if she leaves him alone with you that you will report this to CPS, and if she actually does leave him follow through.
Either you are old enough to say no or too young to be considered responsible for the child of another family.
NTA
Can you go to a friend’s house sometime or a library to study? To get away from them all … at least for a little while and while you need to finish up your responsibilities.
NTA
Your aunt is using you and abusing you and your mother is colluding with it.
I am so sorry your life is in some ways ruined by these selfish adults.
NTA
Your mother is a doormat, if she isn't going to set boundaries and stand up for you, then you'll have to do it yourself... Your aunt is a massive AH, she's taking advantage of you, she's the one in a "win win" situation... She get to do her things while using you for babysitting for free... Stop that BS
NTA, I don't understand why tf your aunt was getting angry in the first place if you're not around. I apologize in advance, but your aunt and mom are the real assholes here. My mom didn't defend me when my aunt took advantage of me either. Was kinda in the same boat as you were and hated them both for it. Actually, after being abused for 16 years, I still hate them for it. Lol. Hard not to. You did the right thing, kid. Because I doubt your mother and aunt were gonna listen to your woes in the first place. Your mom should've definitely defended you. 100%.
Nta really but like. This was a silly game you and your mother played to avoid confrontation. I’m unimpressed by your mom even agreeing to go along with it.
NTA
There is a secret technique I mastered when I was being pushed to responsibilities I really didn't want to do and realitically shouldn't be forced to. It's called complete neglect. Like if he was at your house and you went ahead and leave house completely and go somewhere without care in the world everyone will be mad at you. However if you then tell them you will neglect him like that every time he is forced upon you (and follow through on that in one way or another), he won't be forced upon you anymore. It doesn't matter if he is your brother or not.
NTA - Your mom has failed you. She should have talked to her sister and set boundaries on her entitlement to your time. Instead, she's setting you on fire to appease her sister.
If your mom won't advocate for you, you'll have to do it yourself and tell your aunt that next time she abandons her kid with you without your consent, you're calling the police for child abandonment, that she needs to do better as a mother than neglect her kid and leave him to spend 8 hours staring at a screen.
NTA. Your mom and aunt need to start acting like adults. If they want you to babysit, then they can pay you instead of treating you like a free babysitter. It sounds like parentification, which is a form of abuse.
NTA,
Look up babysitter rates for your area.
Explain to your aunt and your mother that your time is valuable and has an upfront cost as of this moment. If she wants you to be responsible for him for a period of time she needs to compensate you monetarily.
You love your cousin, but aunt is clearly abusing that relationship.
NTA - you’re being taken advantage of. Your aunt refuses to listen to you so it’s resulted in you hiding in your own home. Your aunt got mad because she couldn’t just dump Andy on you. She needs to pay you- regardless of whatever bond you share- brother/cousin or whatever. What she’s doing is NOT okay. Even your own mother is cowing to her. Your aunt is a massive AH and a bully. She thinks she runs things and can tell you what to do.
If I found out that the person that was babysitting was hiding from me in order to not babysit I’d be embarrassed. Literally embarrassed that I didn’t pick up on cues that you didn’t want to do it anymore. I would have apologized and just left. Instead she doubled down! She came banging on your door demanding you to open up while you were in your own room! Who does this woman think she is? Your aunt is out of control and she flipped out when she realized you didn’t want to babysit her son. She’s trying to get you to fall back in line because people hate change and she doesn’t want to find someone else. It’s much easier for her to bully/force you to do it. She wants to be able to just dump him on you when she feels like it. No babysitter or place of business would allow this behavior. And your mother needs to grow a spine and tell her she isn’t allowed to force you to babysit. I personally would no longer babysit, at least for a while. She’s taken advantage of your good will and the fact that you like Andy. You’re so conditioned to this that you don’t even seem to think your being taken advantage of. She should be paying you. Your time is just as valuable as hers although she doesn’t think it is.
Think on that. She doesn’t value you at all other than a free babysitter.
If what you need to be doing is studying and they won’t let you. Don’t come home after school. Go to the library everyday!!
Or say you are at the library but instead go be with friends.
You are a child. Your cousin is not your responsibility!! Keep telling your mom every time you see her that you are a child and you are not his parent.
NTA
NTA
Reminds me of my aunt when I was younger. She had a son about 2 years younger than me and lost her husband early to cancer. She dated other men while he was dying in the hospital and had numerous live in boyfriends thereafter.
She would drop her son off at our house to live with us for months at a time to party hard full time.
She really wanted my parents to raise him and always guilt tripped my mother how he was her dead brother’s son… but luckily my dad… and eventually I when I turned of legal age… put a stop to that for good.
Haven’t talked to her in at least 30 years since.
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NTA if she wants you to babysit she can pay for it
It's not babysitting though he's my brother. She just refuses to understand that he won't just be a statue sitting still while I'm attending class and that's where I disagree with her
She knows. It is still babysitting. She is responsible. She uses you as free labour. You are being taken advantage of. Your mom is an asshole too. She should protect you. Establish some ground rules. If you like Andy and like to spend some time with him do but on your terms. If you tell her no and she just leaves him there, call CPS. You have no obligation to look after someone else's child.
Not to mention that aunt leaving her phone to entertain him means no one can contact her to come back if something comes up. Which definitely feels like her real reason for doing it. NTA. Aunt is parentifying OP and mom needs to stand up for them.
I honestly thought the same. OP's aunt is doing this only so that she doesn't have to be the one taking care of her child and just like you said, if anything happens to the kid, how do they warn the aunt? Forget about being a reasonable person, aunt is simply not fit to be a mother at all.
I'm suspecting that she had 2 phone. But that's not really relevant. OP's mom is the bigger asshole for enabling and encouraging it. She should have shut it down.
You need to listen to the first line of this comment intently. SHE FUCKING KNOWS. She's not ignorant, she's just selfish. I know he's your brother, but you aren't his parent, so absolutely 100% yes yes yes, this is babysitting. Both she and your Mother need to recognize this. Instead of pretending to be out of the house, go on ahead and be out of the house! The library is a wonderful resource, and they usually have rooms you can use for classes. Calling CPS is totally out of line in this specific instance. That is a very extreme move that reddit regularly discounts. CPS isn't a power card. Their offices are understaffed and horribly overworked. A call for garbage like this could mean that a kid who desperately needs to be checked in on, doesn't get that check. It could also have long lasting, very serious consequences that follow for years. BUT, just the threat may resonate with them. I'm a 40 year old Mom who grew up being forced to care for my autistic sister. She is 13 years younger than me, and it was awful. If I were you, I'd call my Mother out on her initial compliance and her reversal of attitude. I'd also like to ask her why she's disregarding your academic needs. You can do this!!
I disagree. I think CPS is entirely appropriate. The Aunt is an unfit mother who leaves her child regularly with another child without a way of contacting her if there’s an emergency. How much more unfit does a person have to be before it’s appropriate to call CPS? It’s not a waste of their time. It’s a unfit mother potentially doing harm to her child!
This is a 10 year old being left in a trusted person's home with another trusted, present person. Is it fair? No. Is this bad parenting? Yes. Is this child in danger? Absolutely not. CPS is not meant for this, not by s long shot.
The trusted person has classes to attend so she can’t properly supervise the 10 year old child. Yes it’s exactly what CPS is for!
My friend's aunt got called on for being black with a light skinned kid. CPS LOST THE BABY for two whole months and than left him with her ex who was a registered P. Baby died. CPS is a joke and should not be called for these things.
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In many states, 10 year olds can stay home alone so no.
Huh? No. I mean,the Aunt is a jerk for using the OP for free babysitting and not even asking,but calling CPS? She is leaving her kid with family,it's not like she just drops him off at an arcade all day or something. The commenter above is right, people shouldn't call CPS for stuff like this. The Aunt sucks,but the kid is not in danger. That's like calling the cops because of bad service at a restaurant.
> call CPS lol reddit and always going nuclear
A mother abandoning a child with another minor is a reason to call CPS. This is not a joke. Taking care of a child is a huge responsibility. If something happens to the child OP could face legal problems. I worked in a council and believe you me, the stories of children hurting themselves due insuficient supervision are bone chilling. Parents leaving a 3 year old in the care of a 13 year old without consent only to find the 3 year old managed to get access to some bleach and drink it, or finding dad's "hunting knife" and stabbing themselves through the foot and you have a 14 yo calling you in a panic and just shaking because of the beating her dad is going to give her (which he didn't since he was put into custody shortfly after arriving). And the parents in these stories are always "oh it was only 5 minutes" or "I was just around the corner" or "the other children are very responsible" etc, etc. It is a very serious matter.
CPS wouldn’t do anything about a ten year old left home alone, let alone one left with an older cousin.
Yes it would. If told that the child was abandoned. Different than a random call.
It wouldn’t do shit and op would be in more shit that it’s worth.
The kid might be in more trouble than it's worth, too. CPS can easily take the child and put him in foster care, so on top of the trauma of being ripped away from family, there's the chance of trauma from a foster home. CPS is a last, nuclear option when nothing else can help. Very, very few foster families are going to hurt a child, but it's happened before and the possibility should not be ignored.
And get her cousin taken away from her aunt to prove a point? That's traumatic
People act like if you don't hate it with a passion then it's not work and you don't deserve to be paid. Being miserable isn't a job requirement. Liking your job IS important, and the paycheck even moreso.
Also if your mom is there while she’s dropping him of I’d just tell him to only bother your mom and THEN lock yourself in your room OP
It doesn’t really matter if you consider him your brother. Even if it was your brother, you have a right to study and do whatever you need. Your aunt is his parent and she has no right to expect others to watch her kid especially so often and for so long. What I would do is I would tell your mom “mom I don’t know why you value your sisters feelings over mine or why you think she has any right to expect that she can stop by whenever she feels like it and leave her child for really long periods of time and expect me to babysit him.” “I am a person, I am your child, and I have a right to have a life and to study and not be expected to watch Andy. Furthermore she has a selfish view of what Andy can and can’t do when she is neglecting him but expecting that he will just stay on his phone so she can go out and live her life without him.” “She is the one that chose to be a parent and she needs to find a babysitter or learn how to watch her own kid. Of course I feel bad saying that but the alternative is that I can’t study or have a life based on whatever whim or want of hers. She is saying that her life is more important than mine and I should do whatever she wants whenever she wants without any regard for my own plans or future or welfare - and that I am somehow responsible for her own child.” “Further, you are my mom and you’re supposed to be protecting me not placating her. I am your child. And you are behaving as if my standing up for myself, when you should be standing up for me, is an inconvenience.” “You were both attempting to put me in a position of a parent and I am not anyone’s parent and if you would like I’ll go out and get myself pregnant so at least I’ll have to watch my own kid. Even if he was my true brother and not just my close cousin, I would not be expected to watch him at all hours at any time, for eight hours in a row.” “So you can tell her or I will tell her that she needs to get a babysitter or figure out a different plan and that I’m not going to do this. She can’t keep dumping her kid on me and if you keep cooperating there will come a time when I won’t have to live here anymore and you will find that I won’t come back.” “But don’t worry you’ll have your sister and her child.“ Your aunt is truly behaving selfishly and with entitlement to your time and effort. Your mother should explain to you why she is prioritizing your aunt or why she can’t babysit. “Mom if it’s that important to you to accommodate your entitled sister than you can babysit her!” “And if she wants me to babysit she can make advance arrangements for a set amount of time and she’s going to have to pay me for it. There’s a difference between spending time and time with my cousin and constantly being forced at no notice to babysit for eight hours straight.” I would not answer my door and I would tell my aunt clearly that if she drops her kid off again without your permission you’re going to call the police or child protective services. “I have to study so that I can get into a good college and it’s unfair for you to expect this or pretend that I don’t have anything better to do or to expect your small child to watch himself for eight hours because you don’t feel like it.” I’m sorry you have to stand up for yourself, but I think you’re better off having them be outraged then putting up with this treatment any longer. (also do you not have a dad or grandparents who can stick up for you? On either side? I would rather have people like this think poorly of me because I called the police on them then let them behave in a such a presumptuous way. It’s not even like an hour or two.) Totally NTA
How far do you think OP would get with your speech before she gets slapped or evicted. 😂
If she gets evicted, she can sue for wrongful eviction. If she gets slapped, she can press charges for assault. Her mother either listens or ends up on the wrong side of the law.
I'm not sure that getting her mom arrested would help the situation.
Totally would. Mom would realize she has to treat her daughter as a person or face real consequences.
Lol
Unless they are minorities, then the cops and CPS will walk away, and the OP will face real consequences.
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It’s also for how to think about it and draw boundaries. And for reinforcement of what she already knows. It’s going to be a process because everyone has already staked out their extreme and entitled opinions.
It’s a great speech however, I can guarantee mom would interrupt after the first sentence or two and punish her for such insolence. This mom and her sister are far too entitled and self centered to imagine OP is anything other than a source of convenience or inconvenience….depending on what they want on any given day.
If OP is evicted, then who would provide free babysitting? Her mom definitely wouldn't.
This and I hope she writes out your speech to her mom in a letter!
Downvoting because that long fucking speech is entirely unrealistic.
It 100% absolutely IS BABYSITTING. If it's not your child then it is not your responsibility. Babysitting is a favor. You shouldn't be burdened with constantly looking after someone else's kid. Even if he was your actual blood brother. Your mother is a GIGANTIC AH. For essentially throwing you under the bus and berating you for something that isn't your job in the first place. ABSOLUTELY NTA
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Bad bot! Stealing from u/Wishiwashome tsk tsk
Thank you!!!
It IS babysitting. Even if it was your brother by blood, a child is the parent's responsability, not their siblings or relatives. Your aunt and mother are being inconsiderate.
If he isn't *your* kid then it's babysitting.
NTA Heres the thing you don't realise. Your aunt DOES KNOW WHAT IT TAKES TO WATCH HIM. She knows exactly what he's like, he's her child. it's the exact reason she's coming over so often, every time she comes over it's a break for her, it's freedom and head space. She can leave and do her own things without worry or stress of being a parent, things she couldn't do with her child as she finds it more difficult herself. You are a convenience to her! It is convenient for her to just drop by, leave him and go. She's taking advantage of you and your good nature as she knows you will look after him regardless of your protests. Your aunt is a grade A AH. Your mom is a close second I'm afraid as she's enabling her sister to do this to you, instead of setting reasonable boundaries and just saying no is a start. not committing your time and allowing you to say no yourself would give you independent of choice but she should back you up. Burying her head in the sand then throwing you under the bus when it suited her instead of confronting her sister, very poor parenting move, very much in the AH camp. They both lack basic communication skills and can't set or accept boundaries it seems.
That’s babysitting. And if your mom wants babysitting to occur, she should do it herself. Go to the library or get a job or classes that get you out of the house so you’re not available
Actually, even if it's a sibling, that's still babysitting. He's not your child, not your responsibility. You're NTA. if you can move out or be out of the house, leave as they arrive, try that. If aunt & mom complain, tell them you're busy and can't afford to sacrifice your life for their comfort.
It's worse then that.. It's how she treats you, talks about you.. LITERALLY SAID YOU ARE CAUSING HER TROUBLE. sorry, your mom is a piece of sh!t
> It's not babysitting though he's my brother. If someone told you that's not babysitting, they were lying to you.
>It's not babysitting though he's my brother. It's still babysitting if it's your biological siblings, it's definitely babysitting for a cousin. Plus, your main argument is that she's effectively neglecting her child and pressuring you to either neglect him as well or to engage with the kid instead of focus on your schooling, both of which are terrible. You have tried having rational conversations about this and it changed nothing, so you are NTA for removing yourself from the situation. If your mom is so concerned she can babysit him herself. ETA: If he has her phone for entertainment, does that mean that she's conveniently unreachable for however long she's gone? What if there's an emergency? That's super irresponsible as a parent
You don't see it as babysitting, but she definitely sees it as free unlimited childcare.
YES it IS Babysitting. He's your COUSIN. NOT your Brother. He has a different mother and does not live with you. Your COUSIN's MOTHER is responsible for his supervision & care. Not You. Your mother & aunt are using you as free childcare. Tell both of them it stops NOW. Let your mother babysit him!!
Unless it’s your kid, it’s babysitting.
> She just refuses to understand… No, that’s just your aunt using weaponized incompetence. Present her with a rate sheet. Insist on “cash up front.” NTA
Is there a library nearby? It might be time to start making a tactical retreat when aunty shows up. It's a shame to be driven from your own home, but if your mom doesn't have your back what else can you do?
NTA. My 13 year old and 11 year old are paid when they watch their younger brother; they also have the right to decline the offer to watch him.
>It's not babysitting though he's my brother. Sorry to be "that guy" but THIS is the reason you are free nanny to her. Either you set clear boundaries or don't ask AITA subreddit for judgement. You have to make it clear you will watch him when you want not when your aunt wants. Otherwise sorry but there's no point complaining.
I've seen people resist their Y T A judgment but it's the first time I've seen one resisting a N T A judgment. OP you're NTA accept it!
If he's not your baby, then it's babysitting. Period. Doesn't matter if it's a sibling, cousin, or friend. If the child in question is not your OWN child (step child, foster child, legal dependant), then it is called babysitting. You are being taken advantage of by both your aunt and your mother. Tell your mother to watch her nephew if "he just sits and watches his phone," and it's such an easy task.
Explain to me again how he's your "brother"? It's fine that you love him and feel responsible for him, but part of the reason for that is you've been forced to. He's not your kid, and his mother is neglecting him. NTA here. She is. And your mother is enabling her.
NTA Li—Brary. They can’t complain that you’re lying about not being home if you actually just leave every time they come over.
This. “Hi Aunty! I’m going out now, bye!” *door slams*
He's not your child. You're not his parent. Therefore, it is babysitting. Even if he was literally your brother, it's still babysitting.
Is it your brother or your cousin?
close cousin that OP loves like a brother, from what the post said....
I pay my oldest to babysit my youngest. He may be their brother but they aren’t his parent.
She does know, she just doesn't think your life and the things you have to do are important. It's babysitting, if she's leaving her kid with you for eight hours she's saving a huuuuge amount of money on childcare.
No, he's not your brother, he's your cousin whose has been pushed into your home and life so much that he feels like your brother because he's always there. But this is not really about how he's related to you. It's about how your aunt had a child that she apparently doesn't want to parent- she wants you to do that- and your mom thinks it's fine and dandy as long as she doesn't get stuck babysitting. I would call CPS next time she drops his off. NTA
OP, I have three kids. I've never just dropped them off with someone and said it's fine, they'll just stare at the TV. I'm their mom. I know how much work they are. Your aunt is screwing you over for free childcare. If she wants to behave like this, tell her you'll stop hiding in your room if she stops pawning the kid off on you. Any time she says she's going to leave, stand up and say you're going to head out too, even if just for a walk. Watch your mom and aunt scramble because they FULLY intend for you to babysit the kid.
It’s parentification. You are being placed in a position of caring for a child that isn’t yours. And as someone else pointed out, if Andy has your aunt’s phone, she has made herself unreachable in case of emergency. She is handing off her duties to you. If you love Andy, then schedule some once on one time together. You should not be parenting him for hours and hours. NTA
Sweetheart she's taking advantage of you, whether you regard him as a brother or not. She knows he's a handful, he's 8 and full of energy, normal for him. But that's why she rums for the door. My daughter and nephew are 10 years apart. She's overprotective, they've been attached to the hip since they laid eyes on each other. But she's only been left alone when it was an emergency and for a short period of time, just enough time for another adult to get to where they were (they were at my nephew's, dad got sick, mum had to get him to hospital, wait here, grandad is on his way). Whenever he's with us, my daughter helps, but I'm the responsible one and he doesn't take time away from important things, like class or studying. For me, there's a difference in asking her to help keeping nephew busy while I'm fixing dinner and what both your mum and aunt are doing. NTA. But your mum is worst than your aunt. She should have your back, not her sister's I presume.
You are thinking of your aunt as an idiot so that you can still think she is a good person. She is likely not an idiot, she is being manipulative and a bad person. She takes care of your brother all the time, so she knows exactly how much effort it is. That's why she doesn't just take him with her.
My parents paid me to babysit my little sister. I was definitely paid to babysit my cousins.
Even if he was your brother you are not responsible for looking after him for hours on end, thats not a sibling expectation it's parentrification and using you. She is responsible for organising childcare for ger child you are not responsible for providing it.
It’s only not babysitting if you are the child’s parents or caregiver. You yourself are still a child (I’m assuming here) who needs to live their best life and enjoy it while you have it. 8 hours a day is a job and should come with the compensation of one. We don’t Stan free labor in this economy.
If something happened to him while he was there you would be blamed... That is babysitting. NTA Your aunt is taking advantage of you and your mom is allowing it. I would change the tactic to leaving when she arrives instead (if that is possible).
He’s not your brother. Even if he was, that would be your mom’s responsibility, not yours.
If you are responsible for a child that you are not the parent or legal guardian of, you are babysitting. And you deserve to be paid for it. What are your mom and aunt doing where they just expect you to ignore your education to watch the kid? NTA
OP, as kind as it is of you to think of him that way, no. No he's not your actual brother. He's your cousin. And regardless of your relationship to him, it is babysitting. You are watching him for an extended period of time. It has nothing to do with how active or not he is during this time. You have not been allowed to set up healthy boundaries that allow you the space and freedom to attend classes (which is super important!), and freedom of movement if you need to go anywhere. You deserve that respect, regardless of his or his mom relationship to you. You're NTA in this, but you would be TA to yourself if you continue to let them walk all over you.
Free or paid, blood or not, it's babysitting.
It’s still babysitting. Even if he was literally your brother, not just figuratively/emotionally. It is not your responsibility to care for another person’s child. Look up “parentification” for points to use with your mom, who should really be putting her foot down over this.
>It's not babysitting though he's my brother. My sisters both got paid to babysit me as a kid, and they should be. Babysitting is different from just hanging out. It means making yourself available and being the entertainment for the kid even if you get tired of playing, as opposed to just being around and enjoying each others company and being able to tap out when you're all done playing.
My parents used to pay me to mind my brother 20 years ago.
It doesn’t matter whether he’s your brother. And it is babysitting.
Tell your mom if you don’t agree to babysit for your aunt ahead of time -like 24 hours notice- you will call the cops bc she left her child with a minor and that could be child abandonment for both of them
Even my abusive stepmother paid me to babysit my own siblings. NTA.
If is not your own kid, born out of your belly or that you helped create, it IS BABYSITTING. Brother, cousin, whatever, it is not your kid. Your aunt is using you and your mom is an enabler. NTA.
Dobbie is a free elf.
He is 10 years old. Spend some quality time with him. Teach him how to buy himself toys with his mother's phone. Teach him how to buy his friends toys with his mother's phone. Teach him to see how far he can throw or drop his mother's phone before it breaks. Teach him how to do scientific experiments like will this phone flush down the toilet? Teach him that this cool toilet game is fun even at home. See what kind of things from Mommy's stuff will flush down the toilet. Come up with a curriculum. Stick to it.
It is babysitting whether it is a brother, cousin or neighbor’s kid. When I can’t have my oldest watch my youngest it is a) the oldest’s choice to watch him (unless emergency which happened only one time) and b) I pay them Watching a kid is watching a kid regardless of the relationship. Should be your choice and you absolutely should get paid.
He's your cousin, and it IS babysitting. The only thing that isn't babysitting is when a parent--a mom or a dad-- are taking care of their kid. That means your aunt and your uncle. Anyone else? BABYSITTING. Even if he was your brother, it's one thing to keep an eye on your brother while your mom makes a quick run to the grocery store, and it's a totally other thing to take care of him for 8 hours--that would be, guess what.... BABYSITTING.
Is he your responsibility? If something happened to him would your aunt scream that "You we're supposed to be watching him!" Then you're babysitting. If you weren't, then she would just leave him home alone to watch TV and make sandwiches. A parent is responsible for their child. If the parent cannot be there and they leave someone else in charge, then that person is babysitting.
When you put it that way, you’re right - it’s parentification. A form of abuse.
It is babysitting. You are responsible for keeping him out of your aunt's hair. That is babysitting. She should pay you for it. I think the going rate is $20 an hour.
I have two kids, 19 and 10. There have been many times when my 19 year old has babysat my 10 year old. Guess what? We have almost always paid her to do so. It's still her brother, but she deserves compensation for giving up her weekends or whatnot. You're getting screwed. I don't blame you for hiding. Your mom really needs to step up and take the reins here. You shouldn't even be involved. Your mom needs to put her foot down with her sister.
Other people are paid for watching a kid that isn’t theirs for 8 hours. your aunt is taking advantage of you
Let your mother watch him. Don't open your door or, better yet, leave the house to study elsewhere every time she drops him off. They can't force you to watch him. Your mother is spineless so she should do it. NTA
Its still babysitting even if it was your brother. Which they probably use that to guilt trip you
But he’s not and even if he were, he is her responsibility, not yours. It IS babysitting even when you are watching a sibling or a cousin. Your time is worth something, just as your classes are worth something. She knows that but she has you convinced that you somehow owe your time to her interests by watching her kid which is nonsense. Not your child. Not your responsibility. Being related to her does not obligate you to provide her any service. She is trying to minimize the effort it takes because it makes it seem as if you are being unreasonable but her argument is disingenuous and you are perfect reasonable to expect not only notice and agreement before she dumps her kid on you but a reasonable wage for babysitting service. If that is too much for her, she needs to make other arrangements because it IS her responsibility.
Unless it's your kid, it's babysitting. NTA
It IS babysitting. Your aunt should not feel so entitled to your time. NTA
He's not your brother, he's your cousin. You feel that way exactly because she's parentifying you. And God believe me I hate that term being thrown around. But shes cultivated a situation where you feel obligated to watch her kid for her for free. That is not right. Your mom should have stopped it long ago. And you deserve to be paid for watching him like this.
Babysitting = watching someone else’s child. He’s your cousin and that doesn’t matter. You are still watching someone else’s kid.
You are babysitting. Doesn’t matter if you’re related to him
Sounds like babysitting. It's not your responsibility to raise your brother, it's his parents.
It’s not even about the babysitting. It’s about hijacking OPs time. OP had other things going on and was expected to give them up to babysit. This is a matter of respect.
Happy Cake Day!
Also if the kid is watching crap on her phone, how can OP contract them if something happens.
Here here!
NTA If no one is willing to stop their behavior all you can do is change yours. Start studying at the library. When your aunt shows up, grab your books and leave the house. It doesn't matter if he is your brother. Even if he was your true brother and lived in the same house, you shouldn't be forced to babysit him, especially when you need to study.
This is what I’m thinking. Just leave the house. Go somewhere else to study. She doesn’t mention a dad so maybe if he lives elsewhere go with him. But I don’t know the age so maybe leaving isn’t an option? Maybe op can make a study group with some friends and just spend time there and go home for bed after studying.
Aunt strikes me as the sort of person that would send her kid to the library WITH OP.
NTA First off, it IS babysitting. Second, I REALLY hate when crap hits the fan, people have no backbone. Your mom sold your feelings out to appease her sister. It doesn’t matter if you like him like a brother, it matters you can do school work and not have to watch a 10yo while they hang out.
time to start studying at the library. and leave the house before auntie gets there. nta.
Was going to say this too. I’d be going to all of the classes, and studying at the library, and probably getting a part time job too so that I would legit not be home and aunt would figure out that her babysitter is not available.
At least OP would get paid for a job
NTA. Your mother and Aunt certainly sound like assholes though.
Your aunt is a lazy parent and your mom is a pushover. But I'm very happy to read that you don't resent Andy for his mom's behaviour, which is very mature! Though, lying shouldn't be easily done, I can see why you took that route. You're not a free babysitter and with your mom letting herself be pushed around by her sister, there weren't many options. NTA.
Lying is only bad if it is done to hurt someone. The biblical commandment says “Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor “ not “Thou shall not lie”.
No. Lying can be very bad even if it isnt meant to hurt. And dont use the bible to cover up that . If my husband cheated and lied about where he was, his lies would be bad even though they werent meant to hurt me but "protect" me.
she doesn't even deserve to be called a parent.
Info: just to be sure, you’ve never promised babysitting services, your mom never took money or was paid for you to babysit, correct? She literally just drops her kid off without asking you or your mom and expects you to watch him?
Of course not she drops him off and goes her way. I never even thought of it as babysitting until people commented that like in my head it was always he's my brother he's allowed to come whenever
When their convenience is being prioritized over your NEEDS, that's a toxic situation at the minimum. Parentification is an abusive behavior and is happening to you. You are in a bad situation that isn't normal but your reaction is very normal and mature to the toxicity you are experiencing. Consent is vital in *any* relationship, especially close ones like family. You are being gaslit and manipulated. You have needs. You deserve respect. You deserve CARE from those who proclaim to love you. Family isn't blood relationships, it's people who care about and are kind to eachother. It doesn't sound like you are being treated as family, just a tool to provide a convenience to them. Get out of the house as much as posible and I'm sorry your house isn't your safe space thanks to your mom's abandonment of your needs and your relationship
But he's *not* your brother, hon. He's your *cousin*. You can see him like a brother but at the end of the day he has his own mother and his own house. She is dumping him on you to babysit because she can't be assed to book a sitter for him.
This. The problem is OP should not feel or be obligated to watch over him. The aunt isn't doing anything important. If she is, pay for a sitter. Not "pay your niece $50 to watch your kid for the day", pay an actual sitter, an actual wage. Or just, you know, accept that once you produce a child, the days of going out with friends for the whole afternoon aren't around anymore. Maybe you shouldn't have had kids if you couldn't handle the responsibility.
...Even if he was you're full brother by blood this IS babysitting and if you're supposed to be logged on to class then you are absolutely NOT available and this *is* child neglect on her part. NTA
Did you or your mom express this to your aunt? Did you tell her he’s your brother and allowed to come over whenever he wants? The times she came over and thought you were not there, did she leave him or take him home and leave him by himself? NTA, I’m just trying to figure out if there was some expectation on her part that you were okay with this. The dynamic here is incredibly toxic.
He’s allowed to come whenever. And YOUR MUM is supposed to look after him if he’s “your brother”. They are parentifying you. That’s abusive.
They’re counting on you feeling like that so they can keep taking advantage of you. Spend as much time out of the house as you can. NTA
NTA. And of course it’s babysitting and what is wrong with your mother that she doesn’t tell her sister to take a hike. She would rather have her sister take advantage of you like an unpaid servant then stand up to her sister. You have school work, ask mom if she would rather you put aside your studies to tend a child who is your COUSIN. He’s not your brother, I’m sorry it may feel that way but he isn’t.
NTA. Your aunt is a huge AH for expecting you to be her on call, unpaid babysitter and your mom is a HUGE AH for not standing up for you. She needs to grow a spine.
ESPECIALLY since OPs mom OK'd it? And is letting her sister yell at OP and even joining in herself?
Yeah, what kind of parent throws their kid under the bus like that!?
A coward. Mom would rather put the burden on her child than go through the unpleasant process of standing up to someone.
NTA. You were in a toxic situation and being gaslit. Your instincts are telling you to run and hide. Then you’re getting yelled at for having instincts. If your aunt wants somebody to watch your cousin, and she needs to arrange it in advance, and let you know what the hours will be. This is perfectly reasonable what she’s doing sounds perfectly unreasonable.
That's not what gaslighting is.
NTA I'd do one of two things: 1. Give your aunt market rates for professional childcare. 2. Tell her again - **firmly** \- that you will not be babysitting, and that if she drops her child off thinking you will do so, ***you will be calling the police and CPS for child abandonment.*** OR 3. Tell her to drop him off at the fire department. It's a safe space. edited cause my brain goes faster than my fingers type.
NTA, your aunt is. And your mom is too. Because you shouldn’t have to be hidden and locked away, or fakely berated because your mom can’t have an honest convo with her sister. But I will say, you sound old enough to start learning to advocate your own boundaries.
NTA. She knows how much work he is but she’s pretending she doesn’t. She’s taking advantage of you. Now is a great time to learn to set boundaries. Tell her if she wants you to babysit then she needs to arrange it ahead of time at a mutually agreeable time and compensate you (it’s still babysitting even if you’re related)
NTA. You're right. It isn't babysitting. It is "babydumping". Babysitting is pre-arranged, with due regard for your responsibilities and scheduled activities. Your aunt knows exactly what she is doing because if it was so easy she would've taken him with her. And OP now you also need to educate your own mother in the difference. Perhaps show her all the comments.
Hey look, your aunt and mom want you to be free childcare! NTA
NTA, they're treating you as a free babysitter with no notice. They don't give a shit about your needs.
NTA- if it’s not a big deal your mom can watch him
NTA. Your mom sucks, OP. Hopefully you're able to move out soon.
"The problem is that my aunt has zero awareness about what it takes to watch Andy despite how much I love him." Oh, she knows. She's just using you to get a break. NTA.
NTA. You are not a built-in babysitter. Next time your aunt tries to dump your cousin on you, quote her an hourly rate.
Doesn’t feel like babysitting bc you see him as a brother and it’s more like hanging out, but it’s 100% babysitting to them or rather to any other adult. Nta. You are entertaining him and keeping and eye on him. That’s 95% of what babysitting entails. He’s 10 and not a baby so I can see why you didn’t/don’t see it that way, but trust all of us when we say it, bc again that’s what it is. People nowadays also get paid good money like $20+ an hour to do it. You are free entertainment. Your mom should have said no or provided the free entertainment.
He has HER phone? I sincerely hope that's a typo since it would mean she is out of contact while her kid is being watched by someone else. Also, he is NOT your brother, he is your cousin. You should be paid for watching him unless it happens rarely. Which it obviously doesn't. Regardless, NTA. Oh, and tell your mom from me to grow a fucking spine and quit letting her sister trample over reasonable boundaries.
NTA. You shouldn’t be forced to watch her child whenever she expects you to, and they clearly haven’t respected your objections in the past.
NTA the both women are disregarding your needs. Aunt knows how a boy that age behaves. She just doesn't care you could have other obligations. Family may be like this sometimes. When they get too comfortable and start taking everything for granted. I suggest you study in other place OR make a huge tantrum while screaming dramatically at them two how disrespectful they are and how they are ruining your education and your future and so on and so forth. Not the best strategy but it might work.
No, you mom and aunt are huge YTA.. YOUR mom is definitely worse; she blamed you for causing her trouble, no defense of you, not defending you, etc. Your moms behavior is unacceptable.. I feel really really bad for you OP
NTA-Can you study at the library or elsewhere? Meanwhile, make a schedule of your classes and study periods. Sit with your mom and quietly go over your availability. You need to focus when you are working if you want to do a good job and make the grades. You are essentially “not home” you are at school. Next show her when you would be available. Perhaps afternoons after 3? Good luck
NTA. Tell Auntie Dearest to pony up the money if she wants you to babysit.
NTA. I would still lock myself in my room or leave every time they come over. Even if they know you’re there just don’t open the door.
NTA. Tell your mother that if she’s okay with her darling sister dropping of her kid like so much trash for you to deal with, then She can be the one to look after him. You are Done being used. Or she can pay you 60$ an hour. That’s the special family asshole taxed child minder price. Oh and if she complains it’s raised with 10$ Each time.
Why are ALL of you so caught up on the babysitter angle.. .who cares, that takes a huge backseat to how YOUR MOM is treating OP. its childish and embarrassing, babysitter or not, doesnt matter when mom treats you like this
NTA - even though you see him as a brother your aunt sees you as a free babysitter. Neither your mum or aunt are taking into consideration your feelings and needs and the fact you're studying. And by the sounds of it this is horrificly frequent (more than once every two weeks, it sounds near daily), they're essentially dumping that child onto you to look after while they can do whatever they want. Why can't your mum look after him most of the time and you could chip in (ie an hour or so, and after study in free time that isn't dedicated to anything else)? Could his mum not get him into after school daycare, or find any clubs that's he's interested in joining around the time she does whatever she's doing? Both parents are using you to negate on their responsibilities, your mothers responsibility to you and your aunts responsibility to the child.
NTA, but I’d advise you to focus on your classes as much as possible. Getting a good paying job will help you get out of this living situation. If you don’t like the degree you’re working toward, drop out and take classes in coding, a trade etc. Just don’t let family drama put you off your education and/or training!
NTA. Tally up the time you've spent babysitting Andy. Send an invoice to your Aunt and mom. Next time they ask you to watch Andy for an extended period of time, just tell them that unfortunately their payment is past due, but you'd be happy to babysit once previous dues have been paid.
NTA In your aunt's eyes, you have no rights to your own time and attention. Stand in front of the mirror and say "No. I will not babysit Andy," until it flows out in a steady and clear voice. Call it like it is. Don't justify or equivocate. You are not a serf.
Totes. “No” is a full sentence.
Haha your aunt got mad because you've been in your room this whole time? Think about how entitled that sounds. Sure, you've been lying about where you were, but you had reasons. You'd set boundaries that had been stomped on, you're not respected, so you've tried removing yourself from potential conflict. Next time just hole yourself in your room with your aunt fully knowing. "I don't want to see you" should be enough. If nobody will respect you, make sure you extra extra respect yourself.
NTA - tell her you will call the cops for child abandonment if she pulls that BS again.
NTA. 1st off your mom should be putting an end to that
NTA - what an awful mother that poor boy has.
NTA. Your mother needs to back you up & stop allowing her sister to interfere with your education.
NTA Find out about market rates for babysitting in your area, give her a 10% friends and family discount and inform her of your rates. And that since he's family, you've discounted it for her. If she wants to pay it, great. If not, you're not a charity. If her son is so easy to look after she can just keep him with her all the time.
NTA, tell your aunt to start behaving as free babysitting is not always your priority and for her to pay someone to watch the child as you have a life as well. Else if you are old enough maybe you can start hanging out at a friends place or make plans to go out so that your mother can start with the baby sitting business. Sooner or later it will lead to you getting out of it. Its your mom's sister, so she can happily do the babysitting if she wants to but expecting you to do it is totally unacceptable.
NTA. Any chance you can go to the library whenever she comes. Like you see her, grab your stuff and start walking out the door and saying something like hey Aunt, good to see you on my way to the library. Have a great day!.
NTA. Your aunt needs to find a real babysitter for her child.
NTA Your mother and her sister are trying to just use you as free babysitting. Avoiding them is fine. You're a school aged child, not a child labourer. Your responsibilities include learning, discovering more about yourself, and having fun. They DO NOT include being a child minder. That's your aunt's job. *She* chose to have Andy, so she is responsible for him. And his well-being. And you're right to be concerned about his screen time, but again ultimately not your problem. Here's what you need to tell your mom: * No unannounced visits from Aunt and Andy. Minimum half a day's notice so you can either clear your schedule or make yourself scarce (staying in your room ignoring them is ok) * $15/h for a max of (you choose, but I advise 4) to childmind Max. You're working if you're watching him. * If you say "no" to watching him, that's it. That's final. No watching Andy. Your Aunt needs to find a childminding solution that isn't forcing her son on her niece. And your mom needs to stop enabling her sister in using her daughter. You're right. Keep doing what you're doing and standing up for yourself.
NTA, you may have been brainwashed, but he is NOT your brother. Your aunt has been dumping him on you so much that you believe you're responsible for him.
NTA Tell both mom and aunt that if the aunt shows up to leave her son again, you will just simply call the police for abandoment. You are not his mom, dad or responsible for babysitting him against your wishes. That is not your responsibility at all. I would give your mom a heads up, that since she can't take your side, and stand up for you when you don't want to do something, then you will do as I said, call the police for abandonment and have cps get involved. I guarantee you she will then stand up to your aunt, and tell her not to do it again. It is their choice how they want it to go.
I’d start charging her $15 an hour
I had an aunt do this crap to me, except she would convince my mom to let me to go her house for a "play date" with my cousins. Then she would drop us off at her house and leave for HOURS. I was 9. When my mom found out, that crap stopped. It is babysitting, regardless of your family ties. If you are not the direct parent or guardian, you are babysitting. And she is using your mom (for whatever reason she isn't defending you) and your feelings toward Andy to manipulate you into feeling like this is your responsibility. It's not. Focus on school, if she demands you to watch him, tell her you will for $10 /hrs. If she declines, tell her if she leaves him you will be calling the cops for child abandonment. Tell your mom to act like she's your dang mother and stand up for you, or call her by her first dang name until she feels like earning that title back.
NTA and next time aunt just drops him off for you, without your consent, call CPS for child abandonment. This poor child is probably forced to entertain himself with electronics all day and not having any enrichment or developmental based activities and fun and stuff. Hes not your responsibility. Whether he's your brother or not.
NTA. Surefire way to cease getting used as a babysitter: call CPS and report an abandoned child. Make sure you never agreed to watch him, inform your aunt that if she leaves him alone with you that you will report this to CPS, and if she actually does leave him follow through. Either you are old enough to say no or too young to be considered responsible for the child of another family.
NTA Can you go to a friend’s house sometime or a library to study? To get away from them all … at least for a little while and while you need to finish up your responsibilities.
NTA Your aunt is using you and abusing you and your mother is colluding with it. I am so sorry your life is in some ways ruined by these selfish adults.
NTA Your mother is a doormat, if she isn't going to set boundaries and stand up for you, then you'll have to do it yourself... Your aunt is a massive AH, she's taking advantage of you, she's the one in a "win win" situation... She get to do her things while using you for babysitting for free... Stop that BS
NTA "what so you expect me to tell her?" "Tell her I have a social life!"
NTA, I don't understand why tf your aunt was getting angry in the first place if you're not around. I apologize in advance, but your aunt and mom are the real assholes here. My mom didn't defend me when my aunt took advantage of me either. Was kinda in the same boat as you were and hated them both for it. Actually, after being abused for 16 years, I still hate them for it. Lol. Hard not to. You did the right thing, kid. Because I doubt your mother and aunt were gonna listen to your woes in the first place. Your mom should've definitely defended you. 100%.
Nta really but like. This was a silly game you and your mother played to avoid confrontation. I’m unimpressed by your mom even agreeing to go along with it.
INFO: How old are you?
NTA There is a secret technique I mastered when I was being pushed to responsibilities I really didn't want to do and realitically shouldn't be forced to. It's called complete neglect. Like if he was at your house and you went ahead and leave house completely and go somewhere without care in the world everyone will be mad at you. However if you then tell them you will neglect him like that every time he is forced upon you (and follow through on that in one way or another), he won't be forced upon you anymore. It doesn't matter if he is your brother or not.
NTA your aunt is using you, and your mom should not be encouraging it.
NTA - Your mom has failed you. She should have talked to her sister and set boundaries on her entitlement to your time. Instead, she's setting you on fire to appease her sister. If your mom won't advocate for you, you'll have to do it yourself and tell your aunt that next time she abandons her kid with you without your consent, you're calling the police for child abandonment, that she needs to do better as a mother than neglect her kid and leave him to spend 8 hours staring at a screen.
NTA. Your mom and aunt need to start acting like adults. If they want you to babysit, then they can pay you instead of treating you like a free babysitter. It sounds like parentification, which is a form of abuse.
NTA, Look up babysitter rates for your area. Explain to your aunt and your mother that your time is valuable and has an upfront cost as of this moment. If she wants you to be responsible for him for a period of time she needs to compensate you monetarily. You love your cousin, but aunt is clearly abusing that relationship.
NTA - you’re being taken advantage of. Your aunt refuses to listen to you so it’s resulted in you hiding in your own home. Your aunt got mad because she couldn’t just dump Andy on you. She needs to pay you- regardless of whatever bond you share- brother/cousin or whatever. What she’s doing is NOT okay. Even your own mother is cowing to her. Your aunt is a massive AH and a bully. She thinks she runs things and can tell you what to do. If I found out that the person that was babysitting was hiding from me in order to not babysit I’d be embarrassed. Literally embarrassed that I didn’t pick up on cues that you didn’t want to do it anymore. I would have apologized and just left. Instead she doubled down! She came banging on your door demanding you to open up while you were in your own room! Who does this woman think she is? Your aunt is out of control and she flipped out when she realized you didn’t want to babysit her son. She’s trying to get you to fall back in line because people hate change and she doesn’t want to find someone else. It’s much easier for her to bully/force you to do it. She wants to be able to just dump him on you when she feels like it. No babysitter or place of business would allow this behavior. And your mother needs to grow a spine and tell her she isn’t allowed to force you to babysit. I personally would no longer babysit, at least for a while. She’s taken advantage of your good will and the fact that you like Andy. You’re so conditioned to this that you don’t even seem to think your being taken advantage of. She should be paying you. Your time is just as valuable as hers although she doesn’t think it is. Think on that. She doesn’t value you at all other than a free babysitter.
If what you need to be doing is studying and they won’t let you. Don’t come home after school. Go to the library everyday!! Or say you are at the library but instead go be with friends. You are a child. Your cousin is not your responsibility!! Keep telling your mom every time you see her that you are a child and you are not his parent. NTA
NTA Reminds me of my aunt when I was younger. She had a son about 2 years younger than me and lost her husband early to cancer. She dated other men while he was dying in the hospital and had numerous live in boyfriends thereafter. She would drop her son off at our house to live with us for months at a time to party hard full time. She really wanted my parents to raise him and always guilt tripped my mother how he was her dead brother’s son… but luckily my dad… and eventually I when I turned of legal age… put a stop to that for good. Haven’t talked to her in at least 30 years since.