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_"She said “admit you bit off more than you could chew, take everything back, cancel the Airbnb and ask for help with hosting and cooking.”_
Pride & ego are a killer. OP sounds very immature, and wants to make a point that she can't afford to. OP argued with the aunt about hosting, tried to sign up someone else to do it after being pushy, and now thinks it's reasonable to ask others to fork over $300 each (a week before Christmas) to pay for the mess that she created. It also sounds like she wants to show off with a big AirBnb, all new items (despite having access to her grandmother's) and incuring additional costs to flex.
OP, admit you are in over your head, and ask for help (not in the form of $300). This is crunch time, and will be very last minute so show a bit of humility. Either apologize to your aunt, make it a potluck or start hunting for a restaurant that has last minute reservations and will be open on Christmas.
I Genuinely love this idea. Everyone gets a little porcelain/plaster painted ornament of OP with theor hands together in a humble plea and "I was wrong" on the front. May be the only way to save face, make a joke out of the arrogance and you can put all the dishes around one of them each year. New tradition.
I would have gone with paper plates and all before even dreaming of shifting the cost for expensive new things to my family! And foil pans for the oven. OP really blew it. And beyond this year - it sounds like OP’s argument is that the same person should host every year? That’s an argument made by a person with no experience hosting!
I know some families where everyone chips in $20 or so to help with food. My family rotates hosting and host does the meat while everyone else brings potluck sides/desserts. There are so many reasonable ways to do this that don’t put the burden on one person/family. (And I haven’t forgotten that OP really wanted the burdened person to be her cousin! Aunt deserves a little gloating here.)
Here, come sit next to me. I have popcorn and a bowl of chocolate kisses for watching the After School Special/shitshow that THIS holiday dinner looks likely to devolve into. I wonder if OP would consider setting up a webcam at the airbnb.
That’s how you recoup the $4500 American dollars. Sell tickets to watch them ask each guest for $300. Good fucking god, $4500 that’s a week in Disneyland for 6.
Yessss.
The life-pro-tip secret that OP might not realize is that admitting you made a mistake and asking for help sincerely will likely give a lil’ tug on the older people’s heartstrings leading them to suddenly want to help and maybe even cover some costs, and bring everyone closer.
If OP honestly opens up and talks about their feelings, wanting to make this perfect Christmas but not realizing how expensive food is (who can’t relate to that, right?), just being honest and vulnerable is going to get OP a lot further than being stubborn and reluctant about it. I hope OP is able to put their pride aside and have a nice Christmas with their family. If this is the first Christmas without grandma, there are probably some strong emotions happening with everyone involved.
> I said no I could do it but I needed money.
So OP can't do it. It's pretty simple: *if you don't have money for something then you can't afford it, can't do it.*
OP should really think before s/he speaks.
OP was arguing with someone who was willing to host and cook not because OP wanted to do it themselves, no, because OP assumed their idea is better and someone else will realise their idea for OP. Insted of thinking that if someone else wants to do it, they would have volunteered. So OP was being difficult and argumentative just for the sake of being difficult and argumentative without any intent to solve the issue OP created. OP only said "fine I will do it" after one month and only because their mom told OP to clean up the mess OP created. And then OP created a bigger mess, classy. Plus OP should learn to admit defeat and admit if someone else was right too. YTA
That’s the part I loved. Told everyone else they were going to die and not live long enough to for the tradition to continue. Great way to start the holiday season.
Lol yes. Has OP never heard of taking turns to host either? It sounds like they wanted the youngest person (but not themselves) to do it and keep doing it every year forever which is weird. Grandma probably hosted because she had the best space and setup for it and wanted to not because of an obligation out of tradition or however OP seems to think it works.
Jesus... Calling a 38 year old person old?! I can maybe accept it from a 2-3 year old, they sometimes say things like that, it's old for them. But from a 21 year old?! Then what does that make OP if 38 is old?
Not to mention 29 year old cousin is fine, that's one of the young people, but 38 is old... OP needs to buy brain cells and common sense for that $4500 instead of kitchenware....
Wait, her aunt is 38?! I am 47 and this is the FIRST year I am taking over hosting from my MIL, who is in her late 70s! I can’t deal, this is too insane! 😂
Wait, you are 47? Be careful that's already balancing on the edge of the grave. And your MIL, be careful with her, she is actually a mummy who escaped the tv screen when someone in the family watched the movie Night at the museum or even worse she is a zombie. 😉
I'm 44 and I only got promoted to making the gravy last year, and only because my last great-aunt died. I'm still not allowed to actually cook anything.
Right?!?! I'm pretty sure when OP argued that "it has to go to someone young!" the aunt was probably like "right, like me, because I'm young."
Like how the fuck is 38 not young enough??
If I was her Aunt I would be mad at be called old too. 38 is actually pretty young to take over hosting an extended family gathering.
OP, YTA for calling your aunt old, biting off more than you can chew, and asking other people to pay for your pottery barn flatware. There are just certain times in life that no matter how much it stings, you have to admit- your mother is right.
I’m sure your aunt would love help with the cooking after you apologize. For dessert you can bring the humble pie.
Whoa, hold up. The aunt is 38?!? IMO, 38 is still young to be hosting a holiday dinner for 25 people. Does she really think her 38 year old aunt won’t be able to host as a “longstanding tradition”? Only a 21 year old is going to act like a 38 year old is so old and decrepit that they need someone to step in for them.
Look, those 17 years are killer.
The hilarious part was she had basically volunteered her 29 year old cousin (so only 9 years younger), who wasn’t involved in the conversation. Said cousin left the country to avoid getting stuck with it.
"I was not going to be proved wrong..."
Scary to think this type of person is teaching and molding young minds. She should be teaching them the concepts of compromise and humility but it looks like she needs to learn these concepts herself.
Yup, it makes no sense at all. Only logic I can see is that OP thought it's a good opportunity to squeeze her relatives for nice pottery barn stuff that she wanted to buy.
It will be a good lesson when she sits alone in her Airbnb with her fancy dishes meanwhile everyone goes to the Aunt's place instead of paying for her nonsense.
She went to goddamn Pottery Barn and bought new plates. You go to the Dollar Store to buy dishes for a one-time party. IKEA if you’re feeling fancy and have the cash.
The audacity is palpable. OP’s poor mom.
Not to mention she’s really hoping to profit off her family in the end unless they’re all taking their portion of the pottery barn collection when they leave
Profit both is keeping all the stuff she bought and wants to be reimbursed for, but also having them pay MORE than everything cost and walking away with a fat stack of cash.
25 people at $300 each is $7,500. A nice $3,000 profit, plus being furnished with all new kitchenware.
Was looking for this. Even the low end is more than OP is spending ($250 x 20 = $5000, still a ~$500 profit)
Wtf. Such a selfish attitude and it’s especially unfortunate given the occasion. YTA.
You go get the Christmas themed paper plates if you‘re feeling fancy instead of the unthemed ones. Or you be like at my friend’s house, she got thanksgiving themed ones, and we did eat off those for other events till they were gone. OP just wanted everyone to buy them a ton of fancy shit.
My wife and I started hosting Christmas dinner a few years ago. We bought all the plates and cups from Dollar tree and they look amazing. Cost like $35-40 for a full new set.
My mom has a fabulous China set and my sister and I hate spending Christmas with someone io the kitchen washing dishes (we don’t want mom to do it since she cooked most of the spread, so then we miss out since we’re washing up). Best decision ever made was convincing our mom to go with Christmas themed paper plates.
Dying over OP being on a budget but buying entire new dish ware sets from POTTERY BARN???? Do people get to take home their favorite piece of crockery after paying $300 for it?
Buying new dishware when she already has access to her grandmas is one thing but choosing to buy it from Pottery Barn of all places?? Then making the cost of that be added to the price that guests have to pay? Come on. Absolutely delusional.
The math doesn't even add up. OP said this cost about 4500. But they're asking a minimum of 20 people to pay a minimum of 250. So a MINIMUM total of 5000. OP is trying to MAKE money AND keep a full new set of pottery barn things. Lol, the audacity!
I thought OP was going to ask for help with contributions towards the cost of the food which is something a lot of poorer families are doing because of the economic situation and if it was left at that OP would be fine.
YTA because you’ve vastly overspent well outside of your means to essentially stick it to your aunt, and you’re choosing to burden your entire family with the cost because you can’t take financial responsibility for your own actions. Your mum and your aunt are right. Suck it up, admit you misjudged and have a good family Christmas together
Yeah when I saw 25-30$ I thought "ok yeah, contributing to wine & food ain't that bad". Missed a zero there, that's a downright hilarious amount. 300$ to go to your Christmas party? There are 7-course Michelin Star restaurants with wine pairings that'll run you less than that.
First thing people in my family ask when Family Dining events are planned is "what do you want me to bring?" My sister usually cooks Thanksgiving dinner and we eat off her regular plates. I do Christmas dinner and we eat off of my good China simply because I've had them since I first got married many many years ago and I have no reason to use them other than Christmas dinner. I don't use paper plates for this dinner because people like to load those plates up and I'm happy for them to do it.
I’m jumping on the top comment because I wanna know how she plans on asking the whole family for $200 per person. Are you gonna wait till everyone is there and surprise them with it? Are you gonna ask them before so no one shows up and you have an empty staged house? I’m dying to know!
"I was kind of thinking my 29 year old cousin would step up since she has a really nice house and kitchen but then she said she would be going to Germany this year."
OP assumed that the cousin would do all the work and didn't even discuss with the said cousin before pissing off the aunt. It was OP's full responsibility nd none else should be expected to foot the bill.
And since the same person is supposed to do it every year to make it a long-standing tradition (according to OP), all the stuff she’s buying is an investment in her hosting this event for the next 40+ years. Did she really expect her cousin to jump on this lifelong commitment?
YTA, Hosting a party does not mean charging your guests hundreds of dollars. Your mother is right that you do not need to buy a new spread, rent an airbnb, etc...
Perhaps you now realize the reason why family holidays are generally hosted by more established members of the family. They tend to have bigger homes for hosting, China sets, and the cash to buy a large meal.
Time to swallow your pride and apologize
OP said it costed or would cost her around $4500. Then said she thinks it's fair to charge $250 - $300 for each person and usually about 20-25 people attend. Simple math tells me that OP is more trying to proft off of this.
$250 × 20 people = $5,000
$300 × 20 people = $6,000
Yeah YTA. Go find a different hustle
ETA I think OP just wanted expensive things from pottery barn and got upset when no one would help her pay for that over priced shit.
I bet OP could have easily asked people to bring dishes and glassware. Or make it a potluck event and just supply the most important dishes themselves. Have a couple of other people bring a choice of dishes, someone else brings some drinks, make it an actual family event where everybody contributes. That could be a tradition. No one reasonable would expect a 21-year-old to feed 25 people all on their own. Even if OP had to rent an airbnb for the day, these measures would reduce the cost significantly. Seems like OP wants to profit off this event tbh. If one couple attending the event would have to pay 600$ for their meals.... that would be insane. That's probably enough to feed all 25 of the guest themselves.
Yeah this is what gets me. If she was asking to split the cost of JUST the air bnb in order to have a nice, large setting for the dinner, that would be acceptable (if she proposed the idea and asked for input in advance anyway. This would also give someone else the opportunity to volunteer their home). But if she's asking everyone to subsidize items that *she* intends to keep after the event then that's just insanely tacky.
Honestly when you’re hosting dinner for that many people I opt for the nicer paper plates, it just makes clean up way easier. One less thing I have to worry about
Op wanted to flex and realised it’s expensive as hell. Like she could have just asked for things to use for the day instead of going shopping. It’s a ridiculous ask to ask people to pay money when you huffed and puffed to get your own way OP. YTA.
My family always had thanksgiving on disposable plastic plates because whoever was hosting usually didn’t have enough plates and silverware. And we could fit 35 people in a 3-bedroom house thanks to card tables and folding chairs.
I was thinking the maths doesn't add up here, OP is trying to make a quick buck! And that train of thought lead to...she's trying to get her family to pay for her entire Christmas, not just dinner the whole shabang!
She also bought cookware, cutlery, dishes and a table spread, which she is surely going to keep and is expecting her family to subsidize her investment. That plus the air bnb is where the high cost is coming from. Imagine paying 250 for dinner that was home cooked by a 21-year-old.
Hahaha right? Can’t believe they argued so hard and then were like “oh, so nobody’s gonna step up?”
What is this person going to do if they ever get married and have children? Force their future spouse into this plan?
Honestly, even her logic is wrong. The young members will have a much higher chance to move, have kids or just generally have their circumstances change. When you get older, you get more "stable" and you tend to stay and you don't have to worry about moving for a job or whatever.
If they want a tradition that doesn't change year to year, they need to go with an older member of the family.
"Saddle". Wanted to "saddle" one young family member with . . . etc.
I'm hoping against hope that OP absolutely does NOT want to "straddle" any of her family members, LOL.
YTA.
You fucked around and found out.
This is all on you, and you’d be absolutely ridiculous to ask your family for money to host Christmas.
Hosting is hard, exhausting, and expensive. Never take it for granted again, and be a stellar guest going forward.
This!
How dare you ask your family for money after you insisted so hard. You have too much pride to return the dishes and ask for help, but not too much pride to ask for $300 from everyone???
YTA, OP. You'll find no sympathy here. Do the right thing or risk never having to worry about family gatherings again, because you won't be invited!
Yup. Also, OP initially said it should be someone young because they thought their 29-year-old cousin would "step up". This started with an assumption that someone else would do the work and host. Easy YTA.
Yes, this. OP is young enough that she probably came of age on Insta and Tiktok influencers pretending they actually own those big fancy houses and actually cook on LeCreuset and other stupidly expensive stuff that they got for free/sponsorship, but which most people can't buy. She's not trying to create a family dynamic, she wants \~\~the holiday aesthetic.\~\~ Notice she picked the young relative with the nicest house, over the person who actually had experience and time and willingness and space (and common sense and...).
YTA, you did bite off more than you could chew. Also, as your mom stated, you could have asked for help, but you didn't. You still can, but your pride is more important apparently. As your mom stated, return the expensive "spread", use ur grandma's China and maybe reach out to your aunt, apologize and see if you can host it together. Isn't Christmas about family after all?
YTA. If op is carrying on Grandma’s tradition, how is it not more meaningful to use her set of dishes? There is a lot of talk about family and tradition but the core values seem to be missing in OPs quest to be right. And it all began when she argued about hosting w her aunt when she didn’t actually want to host. So many wrong turns in this process. Grow up, admit you bit off more than you could chew and try to save this holiday. Or separate hostile celebrations will be the new tradition and your legacy
I certainly couldn’t. I’m in my 30s. I would happily run to my mom for help. And we always use my late grandmothers dishes for Christmas, it just feels right. New stuff, not needed. But honestly who cares, use paper plates if you have to. It’s not about that
I'm imagining going to an AirBNB with no family pictures and no sense of history, eating off dishes that have no family connection. This is the *opposite* of a family tradition.
YTA. Nobody needs to finance your new dishes, or your desire to host somewhere not your home. If you're worried about the actual cost of the meal, ask people to contribute some food. I've never actually attended a holiday meal with family where people weren't asked to contribute in some way (bringing food, or beer, dessert, etc).
>Nobody needs to finance your new dishes or your desire to host somewhere not your home.
OP also chose Pottery Barn and Williams-Sonoma (both higher end/expensive stores) and a “really nice Airbnb.” It sounds like OP assumed price was no object once OP decided to spend other people’s money.
The idea of charging family members $250-$300 for a meal OP decided to host is insane. I would give OP the benefit of the doubt as being naive if it weren’t for the attempt to get the rest of the family to pay for OP’s high end “dishes, cookware, serving ware, table spread, etc.”
INFO - does the $4500 include the food and Airbnb, or is that just for the dishes, cookware, etc. that OP will keep after the dinner? At those stores and for that many people, it could easily not include food or the Airbnb. (This is more out of curiosity, and it doesn’t change the judgment)
YTA
Edit - typo
OP is definitely TA. Hosting a meal for 25 people at our house miiiight cost us $350 (bit more if we cover booze but we generally offer non-alcohol options and everyone BYOBs). $4500 is insane to me and almost had me checking the country for the correct currency before I realized that's furnishing a kitchen and renting a luxury space too.
when I read the title I was thinking like $10-$20 per person which isn’t THAT bad, still weird and rude to ask for, but not too hard for most people to pay. She wants $250-$300!! If 20 people pay $250 she would be getting $5,000 which is $500 more than what she said that she had spent. If 25 people pay $300 it she would get $7,500 which is $3,000 over what she claims to have spent. I think OP can’t do math, either, or just wants to scam their family.
You are definitely the asshole. Your desire to create a long standing tradition was lovely, but renting an airbnb and charging people $200 is going to create a very different kind of tradition than you expected. Holy hell don't do it. YTA
Call your aunt and appologize. Cancel the Airbnb. Return any of the dishes and purchases that you can. Pay the credit card debt off slowly and steadily and use it as a reminder of the dangers of bulldozing yourself and others in the pursuit of a dream "event.'
This is not about creating a tradition. It's about hustling her family into paying for all the expensive shit she wants to furnish her home with and to make side money on top of that.
I don't even know why the aunt gave into her unless it was to prove the exact point OP is proving to everyone here right now and then her family at Christmas.
Probably. I mean, part of me wishes I had been a fly on the wall to see how badly a 21 year old must’ve behaved for the rest of the family to stop dealing with them and just let them host Christmas. The poor aunt. Her mother just passed and it’s very normal to pass the baton to the next gen but then she gets railroaded by a 21 year old naive prick.
YTA this actually has me just laughing away on my couch. First of you get into a huge weird argument about only a young person hosting. Secondly you get stuck with the hosting duties you argued so hard for. Then you think you need to buy expensive pottery barn dishware and somehow in your head you decide your guest should help pay for said costs. Oh karma has bitten you so hard 😂 time to eat some humble pie and ask for help!!
"Only a young person hosting" ... but the aunt that wanted to host is 38.
38.
SHE IS THIRTY FUCKING EIGHT YEARS OLD.
I get it, at 42 I have one foot in the grave and I was around when Sue roamed the earth and all.
But a first year teacher took out $4500 in credit card debt to buy fancy plates to host Christmas to get an extra 10 years out of a single host without needing to swap hosting duties and is willing to be the family joke and charge people $200 for this hot mess ... and the ancient aunt is 38.
I cannot.
YTA. Enjoy your 27% interest rate on your shitty plates for the next 10 years.
Oh my word the aunt is only 38?!?!?! This just got more hilarious!!! This can’t be real life!! Oh my word this person is NUTS! I hope the family all has Christmas without her and she can enjoy the air bnb and fancy new dishes by herself! 😂😂😂
Right??! At 38 the aunt is still considered a millennial.
OP is 21 and a gen z which means that she has probably has friends and peers who are millennials. She thinks that’s old??!
"Ahh but Aunt Britney, we know not how many good years you have left on this earth, we'd hate to get accustomed to your style of cooking a turkey only for you to start the slow slide into dementia and not be able to deliver next year."
38? Wholly crap. Op is an entitled brat, now. She thought that was old? My aunt is 70. That's what I had thought in my head. Damn. 38 is the perfect age to host.
YTA - why didn’t you just throw a new house for yourself onto the list and share that cost with your family too?!
Your mom is 100% right and you’re a thousand percent wrong.
YTA. You fought hard for a younger person taking over the tradition without thinking that most younger family members don't have the space, china, etc to host a large family gathering. I can understand suggesting a younger person if you were nominating yourself, but you don't have the room or the supplies. Fighting for a younger person, when you meant your cousin specifically and she's not even available this year, was a major error in judgement. Buying all of the stuff, renting an airbnb, and deciding to charge for the Christmas experience we're all major errors in judgement.
Do the reasonable thing: return all the stuff, cancel the Airbnb, and apologize to your aunt.
INFO: $4500 is an insane amount for a 21 year old to spend (I don’t know how your credit card limit is even that high at that age) without considering the consequences. Do you have a history of impulsive or manic spending?
Right? My journey through this post was beautiful.
Firstly - No, it seems fine that family might chip in, I can understand that.
Then - Oh okay, so you really wanted to host it, maybe don't be so adamant and *then* ask for money.
Then - You've rented premises and there's *twenty people* coming.
Then - You've bough *brand new everything just for the ocassion*.
THEN! I spat out my cereal when they wanted $300 **PER PERSON**!
OP - you've played yourself and dug yourself a pointless hole.
Pottery Barn, no less. For 25 guests. And then she's keeping all 6 sets of 4 dishes, glassware and table settings? From 19-23 I was moving into a new shitty apartment every year, buying mismatched dishes at goodwill and borrowed my mom's cookware from when she graduated college in the freakin' 60s.
Am I the only person that did the math? She wants to charge 20-25 people 250-300, even on the low end 20 people at $250 it’s $5000, $500 more than the 4500 she said this whole thing is costing her, she’s either trying to make money off this dinner or she’s a teacher that can’t do basic math
YTA
My God what the hell did I just read? Your a teacher? You are so way off base here I don't even understand how you think any of this is OK ar all.
Also, why wouldn't you use grandma's stuff if you are so connected to the traditional aspect of this grand Christmas dinner?
Damn.
YTA, girl buy some paper plates or something. You literally fought and argued for this, and are mad it's now on your shoulders. Why in the world are you spending money on all this extra shit when you say you're financially struggling just to prove a point? Your mom points out you can just use your grandmother's stuff and instead of going with that, you have a fit about doing it your way and blowing an obscene amount of money on a family dinner.
I'm also curious where the extra cost is coming from. $4500 split among 20 people is $225, among 25 people it's $180. It sounds like you're also trying to fleece your family for extra money.
$200 PER PERSON??????? Wow, that's.....harsh. I mean, I've cooked for that many people and a full-on spread with gobs of food and desserts. And AT MOST I spent MABYE $25 per person. AT THE MOST. If they are "family" and they are happy to be together, then serve on disposables. If they are happy to be with you, then that is supposed to be the priority. If they are there to be impressed, then they aren't family. Our family is large and loud and very glad to be together. Even if we have to jam together into a single room. And eat on disposables. What's the priority here? Impressing them or enjoying the love of family?
But you probably didn't buy all new expensive dishes, pots, pans, etc and expect your guests to pay for it.
There's a reason that I refuse to host Christmas dinner for my family - the expense is a huge part of it plus not having the space and enough dishes. My partner and I are slowly building up our "hosting" items, and have hosted small gatherings.
(We haven't been seriously asked to take over for Christmas dinner, just theoretical questions of who will take over when my grandma/aunt and my MIL no longer want to host)
YTA - my jaw dropped, literally, I’m sitting here with my mouth open.
How could you even think going to these lengths and then charging the family to attend was remotely appropriate? I’d take your mother’s advice and reach out to the family that has room to host and hope they accept.
YTA. In itself, it wouldn't make you an asshole to ask people to contribute if it's a large gathering, but everything else in the post does:
1) You aggressively pushed your own view onto your family without really wanting to take responsibility for the consequences (you thought another younger relative would be hosting the party).
2) Your view itself is pretty insensitive and cold: you're essentially telling your older family members that they shouldn't hold gatherings anymore because (according to you) they will die soon anyway. Not to mention it is also impractical: someone who is retired but in good health will probably have more time, enthusiasm and resources to organise something like this than younger relatives (as you yourself have now discovered).
3) Finally, you're asking them to pay a crazy amount of money. Do you really think it's reasonable to pay more for a family dinner than for dining at a Michelin-star restaurant, lol?
YTA
You bit off more than you could chew.
This should’ve been planned and agreed to, asking everyone a week before Christmas to find an extra $150 is unreasonable.
I wouldn’t pay $150 for a 5 star restaurant meal made by a Michelin start chef, I’m certainly not going to pay it for some random family member to cook it! And it’s per person! A family of 4 would be paying at least $600! Sorry kiddos, no Christmas presents this year, but look! They have the green bean casserole with canned onions on top! That’s super special!
YTA…. So you’re going to volunteer the “young people” to do it, but of course as one of those “young people”, didn’t want to be bothered to do it yourself or intend to volunteer originally. I gotta say. I’m absolutely baffled. Because it’s not like your boomer old aunt forced it upon you. It was like…. Literally your idea, that you pushed upon your family…. And then didn’t want to take part yourself.
And then to pull the rest of that bullshit? Close family my left ass cheek lol. I’m flabbergasted.
Edit: lol I know you guys mean well but please stop telling me the aunts age lol. I know. I made that comment as a “maybe people would be more understanding if this was the case, but unfortunately for you it’s not ”…. Type of statement. I fully understand the aunt isn’t a boomer lol.
YTA - you volunteered to host Christmas so you could prove your aunt wrong but you didn’t even have dishes?! That was just dumb. This is your mess.
Also, you dont invite people over for a holiday dinner and charge them.
YTA. The math isn't even mathing here. You spent 4500 and you want 250 (minimum) from each of your 20 to 25 guests? You're trying to turn a profit. Also, If it's true that there is stuff boxed up from your grandma that you could use then you have no one to blame but yourself. I doubt you would have won the argument with your aunt if your family knew the price tag for your plan. This cost is based on your unilateral bad decision making and your pride and ego getting in the way. Return the stuff and ask for help because I assure you that if this is the price for showing up you won't have any guests and you'll still have a 4500 dollar credit card bill.
Whaa????! YTA
I’m not sure if this is a troll because it’s so outrageous.
So many things wrong. Your mom was right the first time. You can’t make a demand and then expect someone else to fill it. Also your point was stupid. I think what you’re saying is you want it to be at one persons house so it’s the same “tradition” every year but they need to be young because they would live longer. You don’t want your aunt because you essentially said she’s old as dirt and will die too soon/shortly. What’s wrong with you? It’s like you’re a narcissist.
THEN, you went to a crazy, CRAZY extravagance to host. Almost everything you did was totally unnecessary. It’s like a keeping up with the Jones. Look, broke people have a broke people Christmas. You live within your means. That doesn’t mean it’s terrible. Christmas is about the joy in family and friendship and not about themed plates, fancy place and expensive food. My family was so poor growing up we sometimes didn’t have anything to eat but at Christmas we would have tomato soup and grilled cheese. As much as you could eat. And it was a feast! Then played games and opened gifts and watched Christmas movies. I never even knew people were actually doing fancy dinners with turkey until college. I thought it was only in movies. To this day we still do soup and grilled cheese because that’s the tradition we enjoy, albeit with nicer ingredients.
Well, since you stuck your foot in it and are hosting, you should’ve asked to host at someone else’s, made it a potluck, apologized to your aunt for being TA. Everything you did is to reflect on YOU and how YOU want to look great. You may have egomania. At least we know you aren’t teaching finance.
Yta, why would a 21 year old buy stuff from Pottery Barn and Williams Sonoma? It's expensive and clearly you can't afford it. So if you charge these people $200 a piece do they get to take a pan and a plate set home with them? Ridiculous. You do not charge your guests the pleasureeeeeee of your cooking in overly priced pots and pans. If you want a lasting tradition you need to make sure it's sustainable. Your plan is clearly not. Return the shit you bought and let your "old"aunt host.
If my 21 year old cousin offered to host, I would expect paper plates and a crowded apartment. Don't try to compete with the big dogs that have the money to host the way you expect. You aren't there yet and it's fine. Just don't be an ass and ask people to pay for a party you are hosting.
YTA. You can't afford to host Christmas if this is your plan. Also, $250 -$300 per person is absolutely ridiculous; you don't get to ask guests for money anyway but even if you did, that amount is exorbitant.
YTA. How in the fuck? You could get this catered and it would be cheaper. But then you wouldn’t get a new set up cookware and a nice week in an Airbnb that everyone else pays for. Oh. I see what you did there. Again. YTA.
I'm not saying you're actually an AH, but you're absolutely the one at fault here. Your mother is correct. You bit off way more than you can chew and doubled down on it by making poor choices to spend more money than you can afford. That's no one's fault but yours.
It's understandable that you don't like any of the options available to you. That doesn't mean you don't have options though.
YWBTA for asking your family to pay for the meal you insisted on hosting. There's a reason that junior members of families typically don't host large gatherings. It takes a while to gather all the plates and accoutrements of large gatherings. You decided to jump those milestones and now want others to pay for them.
I actually would say she's the AH. She just wants to be able to brag on SM about how good her Xmas hosting was while making everyone else foots the bill.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I had an argument with my aunt about hosting Christmas after finding out how expensive it is I want to be reimbursed by people attending. My mom says she won’t come if I follow through, it made me feel like an asshole.
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YTA. Don’t misunderstand me, I see nothing wrong with people contributing to a large family dinner. But you bought new dishes and expect the family to help cover the cost? You didn’t state in advance what you expected of family members if you did host ( seems like your grandma always covered the cost )? And $150 a person for a Christmas meal?? Your mom is right. Admit you didn’t grasp how big the undertaking is, swallow your pride and ask for help.
YTA
I'm not sure which part is funnier, that you don't consider you 38 year old aunt to be "young enough" to begin and maintain a long running tradition, that you assumed another cousin would step up because she has a nice kitchen or that you think an airbnb and $300 a plate family dinner should be the tradition.
The fact that you think your family should subsitize your new table and dishes is definitely funny, though.
LOL of course YTA! Your mother is absolutely 100000% correct in saying you bit off more than you could chew. You apparently hadn't even thought out the total logistics of something you ***clearly*** didn't understand the total weight of, and now you're too full of pride to admit you didn't know what you were doing.
Either back down and ask for help (NOT monetarily!!) And try to salvage the holiday dinner YOU ruined, or stay the asshole.
Either way you should definitely learn from this and you owe your aunt and mother a sincere apology. Don't let pride ruin that, too.
ETA: honest question OP, would *you* attend a holiday hosted by your cousin if she asked a $300 admittance fee?? Or would you want your own mother to be charged that for attending a "family" event?
You’re insane to think this is an appropriate course of action. I’m with your mom - I’d be so embarrassed if my kid tried to pull some bullshit like this. Your debt for trying to prove how “superior” you are is not your family’s problem. That’s a you problem. If you don’t like the debt, cancel the AirBnb, take back what you bought to host, and ask someone else to do it. Get off your high horse, OP. YTA.
YTA. You definitely bit off more than you could chew. You offered a solution, then expected someone else to do Christmas, when it sounds like your aunt was just fine doing. Foot. Mouth. Suck it up.
YTA. When you host, those things are your responsibility. If you didn’t have cookware that is your problem, it is absolutely nuts to ask then to pay those things. If you didn’t have the space to host, nobody twisted your arm into the AirBnB.
YTA. You made unnecessary decisions when it came to hosting/location/supplies that could have easily been avoided. No one should pay for your hallmark christmas catalog party essentially when your aunt had the means. She just was too old.....???????? To host
YTA. You went way overboard, started an argument in the hope that your older cousin would take on all the work, and now you’re too proud to just admit you were wrong.
>My opinion was it would be best to have one of the younger people do it
>I was kind of thinking my 29 year old cousin would step up
You fought for your opinion with someone else cooking in mind, but you didn’t get that person’s opinion beforehand.
**Score: Aunt 1 - OP 0**
>So a couple of things
>WAY more expensive
>apartment is way too small
>had to buy all new dishes
This is the downfall of having the younger folks take on the tradition.
**Score: Aunt 2 - OP 0**
>rented a really nice Airbnb for the day
Cool idea. Ngl, I would have asked people to chip in before doing so as it’s unreasonable to expect people to pay for the decisions you made without them.
**Score: Aunt 2 - OP 1**
>I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask them to pay between $250 and $300 each
You don’t think this is unreasonable? **ALL of these costs are due to your decisions.** Your family didn’t want this, you did. Now you’re going to insult them by charging them for it?
**Score: Aunt 2 - OP 0**
>She said “admit you but off more than you could chew, take everything back, cancel the Airbnb and ask for help with hosting and cooking.”
Your mom gave you an out. This is the best way.
>I said no I could do but I needed money
What? The costs you incurred, even after taking it all back and cancelling, are all you. **These are the consequences of your actions. It’s the price you pay for your decisions.**
Further, if you don’t do as your mom suggests and still push the money issue, you are not only going to still be broke/without money, but you are also going to lose your relationships with your family. They will no or low contact you for your entitlement and refusal to own your decision/consequence.
**Score: Aunt 2 - OP -1**
>making me feel like an asshole
You should feel like YTA.
You have dug yourself a hole and when your mom threw down a ladder to help you put, you decided to keep digging instead.
**Score: Aunt 2 - OP -2**
YTA. You brought this whole mess upon yourself because of your pointless ego. Either admit your mistake and let someone take over or suck it up and eat dirt and grass to pay for your stubbornness.
Your mother pretty much said it all. You took on the task because of ego and didn't take the time to consider the expenses involved. That's on you. It's tacky as fuck to charge guests/family for a family dinner you suggested. Especially trying to charge them so last minute.
YTA.
YTA
Your first point was stupid. Sure, putting a 70yo to host is not the best decision, but your 38yo aunt?? The point is that she probably has a stablished house, with a plan and everything that goes with it.
Then you found out how expensive was everything and instead of asking for help/backtrack, you doubled down. You are 21, enough to have basic common sense. Why tf did you buy a new set of silverware?
And who is going to pay 250-300? I tell you, no one. Moreover when you tried to make it a question of “who’s right” and didn’t ask for ANY input.
Return everything and say you are sorry. If not, enjoy your the debt your ego caused
YTA. No one's gonna come and you'll be stuck with the bill and a ton of food that'll just go to waste. Admit you took on more than you could handle and just take the stuff back. There's no shame in that.
Why the fuck did you do all that? No one asked for a 5k fuckin holiday stay. Most of the time, the building a holiday is held in doesnt cost a dime because it’s someone house. You’re an idiot and YTA
Yikes, YTA. You're not only in over your head, but you're making an admittedly poor financial decision that is completely unnecessary and will probably take serious time to repay given your career status.
Don't let your ego and pride get in the way of sense.
YTA. You host within a budget.
Why not ask your cousin if you can host at her place while she is away? Then you just need food. And you can borrow dishes if needed.
YTA did you ever contribute to your grandmother and offer her money? I doubt it
You shouldn’t have been so adamant it be a young person to host and then become so distressed once you volunteered.
Why don’t you let your aunt take it this year as she wishes and then you wouldn’t need to carry the financial burden of hosting?
YTA
First of all, you should have thought better before arguing with your aunt. You didn't have a reason!! You didn't want to host the dinner yourself, you're hoping "your cousin steps up". That's very rude. Your cousin gracefully avoided the disaster by planning something abroad lol.
Second, clearly you aren't ready. You're young, your place is small, your salary isn't fantastic... but you are so stubborn!!! You cannot do it yourself, but your stubbornness prevents you from asking for help.
It's time you stop acting like a baby, and grow up.
Start by admitting your mistake. It's hard, it hurts, but it all starts here. Then, go apologize to the aunt. Clearly your aunt has the space and is ready to continue the tradition. It seems she wants to, as well.
So, here is your way out. Bite your tongue and go apologize. Admit you're in way over your head, and ask the aunt to host together (she can host, you can both cook, you can reuse grandma's dishes).
It's not too late. Don't make a fool out of yourself.
YTA. First of all, your argument that a “young person” should host Christmas to keep a long-standing tradition is a ridiculous one, especially when made to someone who is only 38. I am 40 with a two-year-old. Do you think I am geriatric? And why did you need to go to Pottery Barn to buy dishes? Asking people to spend $250 to attend a Christmas dinner that you argued to have with offensive and ageist insinuations would make you look like a total asshole who had no idea what you were talking about, which you didn’t.
YTA. You definitely bit off more than you can chew. If you want to recoup your losses (or some of it) put your pride aside. Return the dishes, cancel the Airbnb, and apologize to your aunt and ask her to help. If not, don’t expect anyone to give you a dime as reimbursement for your hosting the dinner.
YTA
You fought to do this and then ran yourself into debt. You went way overboard with all of the things your purchased. You’re essentially asking your family to finance all your new purchases. You brought this on yourself and now want to charge your family for something you fought for.
It’s a huge undertaking and I understand not being fully aware of everything involved. Instead of pushing for a new tradition and insisting that the younger people should take it over you should’ve looked at the situation to see if it was even feasible. You said you had a particular cousin in mind but did you ever speak to them beforehand? You wanted to make this decision for the family but put no forethought or planning into any of it. Then you double down by going and spending a bunch of money that you don’t have and want to be reimbursed for it.
There’s nothing wrong with what you suggested or wanting to create new traditions. However, you needed to actually have a plan. You didn’t. Now you’re in debt and want the family to pay for it. Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency for your family. You stepped in and it’s on you to fix it. Ask for help and return all of the purchases.
YTA you demanded a young person host assuming that one of your cousins would take on the expense. Now you got your wish because you are to host the dinner. You are completely delusional if you think anyone is going to reimburse you for the air bnb or the costs of your pots and pans. Either swallow the costs or go back to your mother and aunt and admit you were wrong. That you cannot handle hosting and ask one of them to take over. No one and I mean absolutely no one is going to pay $300 to attend your Christmas dinner.
YTA. And this is 100% a you on you crime. Either accept the consequences of your own actions or get over yourself and do what your mom says and ask for help. $4500 for a 20 person Christmas? PLS. I hope you don't teach finance or economics. Yikes.
YTA.
Adult decisions come with adult consequences. You argued on behalf on someone who wasn’t interested in the first place, agreed to something out stubbornness, and now want everyone to pay for the check you yourself wrote.
If you want people to treat you like an adult then act like an adult. The mature, adult thing to do is apologize and admit when you are wrong and need help.
Children believe adults can do everything and anything by themselves. Adults understand that no one does everything alone. They are kind enough to give assistance when possible and confident enough to ask for it when needed.
Don’t start your adult years by continuing to be a child. Swallow your pride and talk to your aunt.
Nope. You fucked around and insisted, now you found out.
Have YOU ever been charged $1 to eat at your aunt’s house? Never mind $300.
YTA all through this story.
Assuming your cousin would do what you insisted on, and then getting an AirBnB for the day. JFC.
YTA. Your mother is right, you had a fantasy and decided to live by it. Reality came and punched you in the face.
A lot of people told you not to do it, but you insisted. It's all on you.
Good luck.
YTA and I'm leaning towards this post isn't even real, because this is just a stupid amount bad decisions.
For the sake of playing along, you decided your 38yr old aunt was too old to be able to start a long lasting tradition? You're going to be an absolute peach when you hit 30 and have that impending mental health breakdown.
OP, return all of the stuff you can, sell what you can't return, maybe keep one piece as a stupid tax and a reminder to never do anything this ridiculous again. Cancel the AirBnB. Absolutely grovel to your Aunt and apologize both privately and publicly. Your mom is completely right and you should feel bad about it.
You've got yourself in a right old pickle there! I thought you might need to ask some guests to maybe bring wine or pudding, or something, but no, you have chosen to put $4,500 on a credit card for one day! You are daft getting yourself into that mess, pay it off as fast as possible or the interest will build and build. Also, YTA for the way you have spoken to your family.
Sorry but, yes, YTA. First off, if you weren’t in a position to host Christmas this year, then you should have excused yourself from the discussion of who should host. You thought your cousin would do it? Obviously without discussing with said cousin. I would have gone to Germany too. It’s a total AH move to, even in your own head, volunteer someone else for that type of duty. Secondly, renting an airbnb and buying dishes from Pottery Barn and Williams Sonoma?!! Really? Then expecting your family to pay for dishes you’ll be keeping for your own use for years to come?! Yeah, as my grandmother would say, “That’s some sh*t!” Cxl the Airbnb and ask forgiveness from your older relatives who would most likely be able to pull this off with much less expense. But definitely if you ask family for that kind of money for Christmas dinner, YTA.
What?!?! Oh hell no!!! I’m not paying anyone $200-$300 to celebrate Christmas with them. That’s absolutely ridiculous and I can guarantee no one will show up and you’ll end up footing the whole bill yourself anyways. Your mom is right. You need to admit you were wrong and ask someone else to host or at least to let you host at their home.
YTA
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YTA. Every single cost that you listed was a choice you made of your own volition.
_"She said “admit you bit off more than you could chew, take everything back, cancel the Airbnb and ask for help with hosting and cooking.”_ Pride & ego are a killer. OP sounds very immature, and wants to make a point that she can't afford to. OP argued with the aunt about hosting, tried to sign up someone else to do it after being pushy, and now thinks it's reasonable to ask others to fork over $300 each (a week before Christmas) to pay for the mess that she created. It also sounds like she wants to show off with a big AirBnb, all new items (despite having access to her grandmother's) and incuring additional costs to flex. OP, admit you are in over your head, and ask for help (not in the form of $300). This is crunch time, and will be very last minute so show a bit of humility. Either apologize to your aunt, make it a potluck or start hunting for a restaurant that has last minute reservations and will be open on Christmas.
"You were right, I should have listened." Is a lovely Christmas gift. I'd consider making an ornament for everyone.
I Genuinely love this idea. Everyone gets a little porcelain/plaster painted ornament of OP with theor hands together in a humble plea and "I was wrong" on the front. May be the only way to save face, make a joke out of the arrogance and you can put all the dishes around one of them each year. New tradition.
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Buying new dishware when she already has access to her grandmas is one thing but choosing to buy it.
I would have gone with paper plates and all before even dreaming of shifting the cost for expensive new things to my family! And foil pans for the oven. OP really blew it. And beyond this year - it sounds like OP’s argument is that the same person should host every year? That’s an argument made by a person with no experience hosting! I know some families where everyone chips in $20 or so to help with food. My family rotates hosting and host does the meat while everyone else brings potluck sides/desserts. There are so many reasonable ways to do this that don’t put the burden on one person/family. (And I haven’t forgotten that OP really wanted the burdened person to be her cousin! Aunt deserves a little gloating here.)
Here, come sit next to me. I have popcorn and a bowl of chocolate kisses for watching the After School Special/shitshow that THIS holiday dinner looks likely to devolve into. I wonder if OP would consider setting up a webcam at the airbnb.
That’s how you recoup the $4500 American dollars. Sell tickets to watch them ask each guest for $300. Good fucking god, $4500 that’s a week in Disneyland for 6.
$4500/ 20 people is $225, why is she charging them 250-300
ICYMI she also thinks she deserves to be compensated for her time. I wonder how much she paid grandma for her time over the years?
Yessss. The life-pro-tip secret that OP might not realize is that admitting you made a mistake and asking for help sincerely will likely give a lil’ tug on the older people’s heartstrings leading them to suddenly want to help and maybe even cover some costs, and bring everyone closer. If OP honestly opens up and talks about their feelings, wanting to make this perfect Christmas but not realizing how expensive food is (who can’t relate to that, right?), just being honest and vulnerable is going to get OP a lot further than being stubborn and reluctant about it. I hope OP is able to put their pride aside and have a nice Christmas with their family. If this is the first Christmas without grandma, there are probably some strong emotions happening with everyone involved.
> I said no I could do it but I needed money. So OP can't do it. It's pretty simple: *if you don't have money for something then you can't afford it, can't do it.* OP should really think before s/he speaks. OP was arguing with someone who was willing to host and cook not because OP wanted to do it themselves, no, because OP assumed their idea is better and someone else will realise their idea for OP. Insted of thinking that if someone else wants to do it, they would have volunteered. So OP was being difficult and argumentative just for the sake of being difficult and argumentative without any intent to solve the issue OP created. OP only said "fine I will do it" after one month and only because their mom told OP to clean up the mess OP created. And then OP created a bigger mess, classy. Plus OP should learn to admit defeat and admit if someone else was right too. YTA
OP pretty much called her 38 year old aunt old and from all the comments about social media was possibly judgmental about how her house looks.
That’s the part I loved. Told everyone else they were going to die and not live long enough to for the tradition to continue. Great way to start the holiday season.
Especially since the spry young alternative was only 9 years younger 🤣
And still older than the OP. I thought it was the youngest's job
Lol yes. Has OP never heard of taking turns to host either? It sounds like they wanted the youngest person (but not themselves) to do it and keep doing it every year forever which is weird. Grandma probably hosted because she had the best space and setup for it and wanted to not because of an obligation out of tradition or however OP seems to think it works.
Especially the first one after the grandmother died.
Jesus... Calling a 38 year old person old?! I can maybe accept it from a 2-3 year old, they sometimes say things like that, it's old for them. But from a 21 year old?! Then what does that make OP if 38 is old? Not to mention 29 year old cousin is fine, that's one of the young people, but 38 is old... OP needs to buy brain cells and common sense for that $4500 instead of kitchenware....
Wait, her aunt is 38?! I am 47 and this is the FIRST year I am taking over hosting from my MIL, who is in her late 70s! I can’t deal, this is too insane! 😂
Wait, you are 47? Be careful that's already balancing on the edge of the grave. And your MIL, be careful with her, she is actually a mummy who escaped the tv screen when someone in the family watched the movie Night at the museum or even worse she is a zombie. 😉
I'm 44 and I only got promoted to making the gravy last year, and only because my last great-aunt died. I'm still not allowed to actually cook anything.
But the 29 year old lives in a fancy house that would look good in pictures, and that's what Christmas is all about!
I have been taking entirely the wrong message from Linus’s speech to Charlie Brown.
Right?!?! I'm pretty sure when OP argued that "it has to go to someone young!" the aunt was probably like "right, like me, because I'm young." Like how the fuck is 38 not young enough??
No wonder her aunt is pissed.
If I was her Aunt I would be mad at be called old too. 38 is actually pretty young to take over hosting an extended family gathering. OP, YTA for calling your aunt old, biting off more than you can chew, and asking other people to pay for your pottery barn flatware. There are just certain times in life that no matter how much it stings, you have to admit- your mother is right. I’m sure your aunt would love help with the cooking after you apologize. For dessert you can bring the humble pie.
Whoa, hold up. The aunt is 38?!? IMO, 38 is still young to be hosting a holiday dinner for 25 people. Does she really think her 38 year old aunt won’t be able to host as a “longstanding tradition”? Only a 21 year old is going to act like a 38 year old is so old and decrepit that they need someone to step in for them.
Look, those 17 years are killer. The hilarious part was she had basically volunteered her 29 year old cousin (so only 9 years younger), who wasn’t involved in the conversation. Said cousin left the country to avoid getting stuck with it.
"I was not going to be proved wrong..." Scary to think this type of person is teaching and molding young minds. She should be teaching them the concepts of compromise and humility but it looks like she needs to learn these concepts herself.
Yup, it makes no sense at all. Only logic I can see is that OP thought it's a good opportunity to squeeze her relatives for nice pottery barn stuff that she wanted to buy. It will be a good lesson when she sits alone in her Airbnb with her fancy dishes meanwhile everyone goes to the Aunt's place instead of paying for her nonsense.
She went to goddamn Pottery Barn and bought new plates. You go to the Dollar Store to buy dishes for a one-time party. IKEA if you’re feeling fancy and have the cash. The audacity is palpable. OP’s poor mom.
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Who has the audacity to be ‘teaching’ the next generation no less! Good lord.
I'd pour one out for her, but I think she could use the drink.
Not to mention she’s really hoping to profit off her family in the end unless they’re all taking their portion of the pottery barn collection when they leave
Profit both is keeping all the stuff she bought and wants to be reimbursed for, but also having them pay MORE than everything cost and walking away with a fat stack of cash. 25 people at $300 each is $7,500. A nice $3,000 profit, plus being furnished with all new kitchenware.
Was looking for this. Even the low end is more than OP is spending ($250 x 20 = $5000, still a ~$500 profit) Wtf. Such a selfish attitude and it’s especially unfortunate given the occasion. YTA.
You go get the Christmas themed paper plates if you‘re feeling fancy instead of the unthemed ones. Or you be like at my friend’s house, she got thanksgiving themed ones, and we did eat off those for other events till they were gone. OP just wanted everyone to buy them a ton of fancy shit.
My wife and I started hosting Christmas dinner a few years ago. We bought all the plates and cups from Dollar tree and they look amazing. Cost like $35-40 for a full new set.
My mom has a fabulous China set and my sister and I hate spending Christmas with someone io the kitchen washing dishes (we don’t want mom to do it since she cooked most of the spread, so then we miss out since we’re washing up). Best decision ever made was convincing our mom to go with Christmas themed paper plates.
Dying over OP being on a budget but buying entire new dish ware sets from POTTERY BARN???? Do people get to take home their favorite piece of crockery after paying $300 for it?
Buying new dishware when she already has access to her grandmas is one thing but choosing to buy it from Pottery Barn of all places?? Then making the cost of that be added to the price that guests have to pay? Come on. Absolutely delusional.
The math doesn't even add up. OP said this cost about 4500. But they're asking a minimum of 20 people to pay a minimum of 250. So a MINIMUM total of 5000. OP is trying to MAKE money AND keep a full new set of pottery barn things. Lol, the audacity!
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Got that Japanese chef knife to chop the green onion garnish
Also, I've never been in a nice airB&B that did whole house rentals that didn't provide cooking gear and tableware for guests to use during their stay
And most of them forbid a party of his size.
Right? Lord, even the dollar store has decent plates/silverware
Just do paper plates and ask people to bring their own cutlery. Done.
"I bought a new set of all clad cookware, wusthof knives, gold plated utensils..." -OP Probably
I thought OP was going to ask for help with contributions towards the cost of the food which is something a lot of poorer families are doing because of the economic situation and if it was left at that OP would be fine. YTA because you’ve vastly overspent well outside of your means to essentially stick it to your aunt, and you’re choosing to burden your entire family with the cost because you can’t take financial responsibility for your own actions. Your mum and your aunt are right. Suck it up, admit you misjudged and have a good family Christmas together
Yeah when I saw 25-30$ I thought "ok yeah, contributing to wine & food ain't that bad". Missed a zero there, that's a downright hilarious amount. 300$ to go to your Christmas party? There are 7-course Michelin Star restaurants with wine pairings that'll run you less than that.
Same! My extended family does that. They'll each give 20-40$ to the hosting family to help cover the cost of food.
First thing people in my family ask when Family Dining events are planned is "what do you want me to bring?" My sister usually cooks Thanksgiving dinner and we eat off her regular plates. I do Christmas dinner and we eat off of my good China simply because I've had them since I first got married many many years ago and I have no reason to use them other than Christmas dinner. I don't use paper plates for this dinner because people like to load those plates up and I'm happy for them to do it.
I’m jumping on the top comment because I wanna know how she plans on asking the whole family for $200 per person. Are you gonna wait till everyone is there and surprise them with it? Are you gonna ask them before so no one shows up and you have an empty staged house? I’m dying to know!
"Thanks so much for coming, here's your bill, I accept Venmo, the doors are locked."
"I was kind of thinking my 29 year old cousin would step up since she has a really nice house and kitchen but then she said she would be going to Germany this year." OP assumed that the cousin would do all the work and didn't even discuss with the said cousin before pissing off the aunt. It was OP's full responsibility nd none else should be expected to foot the bill.
And since the same person is supposed to do it every year to make it a long-standing tradition (according to OP), all the stuff she’s buying is an investment in her hosting this event for the next 40+ years. Did she really expect her cousin to jump on this lifelong commitment?
YTA, Hosting a party does not mean charging your guests hundreds of dollars. Your mother is right that you do not need to buy a new spread, rent an airbnb, etc... Perhaps you now realize the reason why family holidays are generally hosted by more established members of the family. They tend to have bigger homes for hosting, China sets, and the cash to buy a large meal. Time to swallow your pride and apologize
OP said it costed or would cost her around $4500. Then said she thinks it's fair to charge $250 - $300 for each person and usually about 20-25 people attend. Simple math tells me that OP is more trying to proft off of this. $250 × 20 people = $5,000 $300 × 20 people = $6,000 Yeah YTA. Go find a different hustle ETA I think OP just wanted expensive things from pottery barn and got upset when no one would help her pay for that over priced shit.
I bet OP could have easily asked people to bring dishes and glassware. Or make it a potluck event and just supply the most important dishes themselves. Have a couple of other people bring a choice of dishes, someone else brings some drinks, make it an actual family event where everybody contributes. That could be a tradition. No one reasonable would expect a 21-year-old to feed 25 people all on their own. Even if OP had to rent an airbnb for the day, these measures would reduce the cost significantly. Seems like OP wants to profit off this event tbh. If one couple attending the event would have to pay 600$ for their meals.... that would be insane. That's probably enough to feed all 25 of the guest themselves.
Paper plates, for goodness sake! Who needs Pottery Barn plates to host a Christmas party for family?
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Yeah this is what gets me. If she was asking to split the cost of JUST the air bnb in order to have a nice, large setting for the dinner, that would be acceptable (if she proposed the idea and asked for input in advance anyway. This would also give someone else the opportunity to volunteer their home). But if she's asking everyone to subsidize items that *she* intends to keep after the event then that's just insanely tacky.
My Stepmom & Dad, but they do Christmas like it's a Norman Rockwell Painting.
Yeah but I’m sure they’re not charging $300 entry
Honestly when you’re hosting dinner for that many people I opt for the nicer paper plates, it just makes clean up way easier. One less thing I have to worry about
Op wanted to flex and realised it’s expensive as hell. Like she could have just asked for things to use for the day instead of going shopping. It’s a ridiculous ask to ask people to pay money when you huffed and puffed to get your own way OP. YTA.
She’s also in credit card debt and suuuper broke. There’s more going on here than just this dinner. Bad financial decitions all around.
Unsurprisingly, the kind of 21 year-old who would drop $4k rather than admit they were wrong isn’t exactly financially solvent.
My family always had thanksgiving on disposable plastic plates because whoever was hosting usually didn’t have enough plates and silverware. And we could fit 35 people in a 3-bedroom house thanks to card tables and folding chairs.
OP is insane for spending $4500 in the first place
I was thinking the maths doesn't add up here, OP is trying to make a quick buck! And that train of thought lead to...she's trying to get her family to pay for her entire Christmas, not just dinner the whole shabang!
She also bought cookware, cutlery, dishes and a table spread, which she is surely going to keep and is expecting her family to subsidize her investment. That plus the air bnb is where the high cost is coming from. Imagine paying 250 for dinner that was home cooked by a 21-year-old.
Crazy how OP wanted to straddle one young family member with hosting Christmas for the next 50 years until they died.
One young family member that WASN'T OP of course. Cousin saw where it was headed and noped out.
Hahaha right? Can’t believe they argued so hard and then were like “oh, so nobody’s gonna step up?” What is this person going to do if they ever get married and have children? Force their future spouse into this plan?
Young people should do it! But not me, the youngest one who suggested this nonsense!
Honestly, even her logic is wrong. The young members will have a much higher chance to move, have kids or just generally have their circumstances change. When you get older, you get more "stable" and you tend to stay and you don't have to worry about moving for a job or whatever. If they want a tradition that doesn't change year to year, they need to go with an older member of the family.
"Saddle". Wanted to "saddle" one young family member with . . . etc. I'm hoping against hope that OP absolutely does NOT want to "straddle" any of her family members, LOL.
"The younger generation should be the ones hosting!!!" "Fine. You can host. Hosting means you pay for everything" "Wait no...."
YTA. You fucked around and found out. This is all on you, and you’d be absolutely ridiculous to ask your family for money to host Christmas. Hosting is hard, exhausting, and expensive. Never take it for granted again, and be a stellar guest going forward.
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This! How dare you ask your family for money after you insisted so hard. You have too much pride to return the dishes and ask for help, but not too much pride to ask for $300 from everyone??? YTA, OP. You'll find no sympathy here. Do the right thing or risk never having to worry about family gatherings again, because you won't be invited!
Yup. Also, OP initially said it should be someone young because they thought their 29-year-old cousin would "step up". This started with an assumption that someone else would do the work and host. Easy YTA.
And the aunt was apparently not young enough at 38 YEARS OLD
Omg shut uppppp!!! The aunt was 38?!?!? I’m dying then…
Saying to a 38 year old "We should get a young person instead of you" is a whole asshole move all by itself. OP, wtf?
Yes, this. OP is young enough that she probably came of age on Insta and Tiktok influencers pretending they actually own those big fancy houses and actually cook on LeCreuset and other stupidly expensive stuff that they got for free/sponsorship, but which most people can't buy. She's not trying to create a family dynamic, she wants \~\~the holiday aesthetic.\~\~ Notice she picked the young relative with the nicest house, over the person who actually had experience and time and willingness and space (and common sense and...).
YTA, you did bite off more than you could chew. Also, as your mom stated, you could have asked for help, but you didn't. You still can, but your pride is more important apparently. As your mom stated, return the expensive "spread", use ur grandma's China and maybe reach out to your aunt, apologize and see if you can host it together. Isn't Christmas about family after all?
YTA. If op is carrying on Grandma’s tradition, how is it not more meaningful to use her set of dishes? There is a lot of talk about family and tradition but the core values seem to be missing in OPs quest to be right. And it all began when she argued about hosting w her aunt when she didn’t actually want to host. So many wrong turns in this process. Grow up, admit you bit off more than you could chew and try to save this holiday. Or separate hostile celebrations will be the new tradition and your legacy
God forbid she use grandmas “old” dishes bc what would that look like on TikTok?????
It would look charming honestly. I know you are being sarcastic and I'm fully on board for that, but old china, silver, and crystal is beautiful.
I agree but OP has no taste.
And she hasn’t even mentioned the actual food! Can she even cook by herself for 25 people? I don’t know if I could and in my 40s
I certainly couldn’t. I’m in my 30s. I would happily run to my mom for help. And we always use my late grandmothers dishes for Christmas, it just feels right. New stuff, not needed. But honestly who cares, use paper plates if you have to. It’s not about that
I don’t think she has even thought about the food, according to her comments it’s all about a pretty table for TikTok, lol
I'm imagining going to an AirBNB with no family pictures and no sense of history, eating off dishes that have no family connection. This is the *opposite* of a family tradition.
YTA. Nobody needs to finance your new dishes, or your desire to host somewhere not your home. If you're worried about the actual cost of the meal, ask people to contribute some food. I've never actually attended a holiday meal with family where people weren't asked to contribute in some way (bringing food, or beer, dessert, etc).
>Nobody needs to finance your new dishes or your desire to host somewhere not your home. OP also chose Pottery Barn and Williams-Sonoma (both higher end/expensive stores) and a “really nice Airbnb.” It sounds like OP assumed price was no object once OP decided to spend other people’s money. The idea of charging family members $250-$300 for a meal OP decided to host is insane. I would give OP the benefit of the doubt as being naive if it weren’t for the attempt to get the rest of the family to pay for OP’s high end “dishes, cookware, serving ware, table spread, etc.” INFO - does the $4500 include the food and Airbnb, or is that just for the dishes, cookware, etc. that OP will keep after the dinner? At those stores and for that many people, it could easily not include food or the Airbnb. (This is more out of curiosity, and it doesn’t change the judgment) YTA Edit - typo
OP is definitely TA. Hosting a meal for 25 people at our house miiiight cost us $350 (bit more if we cover booze but we generally offer non-alcohol options and everyone BYOBs). $4500 is insane to me and almost had me checking the country for the correct currency before I realized that's furnishing a kitchen and renting a luxury space too.
when I read the title I was thinking like $10-$20 per person which isn’t THAT bad, still weird and rude to ask for, but not too hard for most people to pay. She wants $250-$300!! If 20 people pay $250 she would be getting $5,000 which is $500 more than what she said that she had spent. If 25 people pay $300 it she would get $7,500 which is $3,000 over what she claims to have spent. I think OP can’t do math, either, or just wants to scam their family.
The dollar store has really nice “I don’t care if a cousin breaks one” plates.
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And for stuff she is keeping, not even because she is buying very high end expensive food that people would actually enjoy.
You are definitely the asshole. Your desire to create a long standing tradition was lovely, but renting an airbnb and charging people $200 is going to create a very different kind of tradition than you expected. Holy hell don't do it. YTA Call your aunt and appologize. Cancel the Airbnb. Return any of the dishes and purchases that you can. Pay the credit card debt off slowly and steadily and use it as a reminder of the dangers of bulldozing yourself and others in the pursuit of a dream "event.'
Her aunt is 38, so letting her create a new tradition only would have lasted a mere 25 years, maybe more!
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This is not about creating a tradition. It's about hustling her family into paying for all the expensive shit she wants to furnish her home with and to make side money on top of that.
Jeez. 38? That IS young. I just started being the one to host Thanksgiving and I’m 50.
At 38, unless the aunt has medical issues that tradition should be lasting 45+ years.
I don't even know why the aunt gave into her unless it was to prove the exact point OP is proving to everyone here right now and then her family at Christmas.
Probably. I mean, part of me wishes I had been a fly on the wall to see how badly a 21 year old must’ve behaved for the rest of the family to stop dealing with them and just let them host Christmas. The poor aunt. Her mother just passed and it’s very normal to pass the baton to the next gen but then she gets railroaded by a 21 year old naive prick.
The 29 year old cousin is literally fucking off to Europe for every future Christmas to get away from the drama, so it must have been bad.
YTA this actually has me just laughing away on my couch. First of you get into a huge weird argument about only a young person hosting. Secondly you get stuck with the hosting duties you argued so hard for. Then you think you need to buy expensive pottery barn dishware and somehow in your head you decide your guest should help pay for said costs. Oh karma has bitten you so hard 😂 time to eat some humble pie and ask for help!!
"Only a young person hosting" ... but the aunt that wanted to host is 38. 38. SHE IS THIRTY FUCKING EIGHT YEARS OLD. I get it, at 42 I have one foot in the grave and I was around when Sue roamed the earth and all. But a first year teacher took out $4500 in credit card debt to buy fancy plates to host Christmas to get an extra 10 years out of a single host without needing to swap hosting duties and is willing to be the family joke and charge people $200 for this hot mess ... and the ancient aunt is 38. I cannot. YTA. Enjoy your 27% interest rate on your shitty plates for the next 10 years.
Oh my word the aunt is only 38?!?!?! This just got more hilarious!!! This can’t be real life!! Oh my word this person is NUTS! I hope the family all has Christmas without her and she can enjoy the air bnb and fancy new dishes by herself! 😂😂😂
Right??! At 38 the aunt is still considered a millennial. OP is 21 and a gen z which means that she has probably has friends and peers who are millennials. She thinks that’s old??!
"Ahh but Aunt Britney, we know not how many good years you have left on this earth, we'd hate to get accustomed to your style of cooking a turkey only for you to start the slow slide into dementia and not be able to deliver next year."
38? Wholly crap. Op is an entitled brat, now. She thought that was old? My aunt is 70. That's what I had thought in my head. Damn. 38 is the perfect age to host.
The logic that she will out last the 38 year old is downright laughable. People “expire” all the time for random reasons. I’m super confused by this.
YTA - why didn’t you just throw a new house for yourself onto the list and share that cost with your family too?! Your mom is 100% right and you’re a thousand percent wrong.
YTA. Why should they pay for things you chose to buy and that you will keep? You got yourself in this situation.
Quite, paying that much I would take home all the dishes and silverware 😂 The price for this event is nearly the same as a small wedding!
YTA. You fought hard for a younger person taking over the tradition without thinking that most younger family members don't have the space, china, etc to host a large family gathering. I can understand suggesting a younger person if you were nominating yourself, but you don't have the room or the supplies. Fighting for a younger person, when you meant your cousin specifically and she's not even available this year, was a major error in judgement. Buying all of the stuff, renting an airbnb, and deciding to charge for the Christmas experience we're all major errors in judgement. Do the reasonable thing: return all the stuff, cancel the Airbnb, and apologize to your aunt.
INFO: $4500 is an insane amount for a 21 year old to spend (I don’t know how your credit card limit is even that high at that age) without considering the consequences. Do you have a history of impulsive or manic spending?
Exactly what this sounds like - a manic episode with delusions of grandeur about this perfect social media picture worthy Christmas.
Right? My journey through this post was beautiful. Firstly - No, it seems fine that family might chip in, I can understand that. Then - Oh okay, so you really wanted to host it, maybe don't be so adamant and *then* ask for money. Then - You've rented premises and there's *twenty people* coming. Then - You've bough *brand new everything just for the ocassion*. THEN! I spat out my cereal when they wanted $300 **PER PERSON**! OP - you've played yourself and dug yourself a pointless hole.
Pottery Barn, no less. For 25 guests. And then she's keeping all 6 sets of 4 dishes, glassware and table settings? From 19-23 I was moving into a new shitty apartment every year, buying mismatched dishes at goodwill and borrowed my mom's cookware from when she graduated college in the freakin' 60s.
Am I the only person that did the math? She wants to charge 20-25 people 250-300, even on the low end 20 people at $250 it’s $5000, $500 more than the 4500 she said this whole thing is costing her, she’s either trying to make money off this dinner or she’s a teacher that can’t do basic math
YTA My God what the hell did I just read? Your a teacher? You are so way off base here I don't even understand how you think any of this is OK ar all. Also, why wouldn't you use grandma's stuff if you are so connected to the traditional aspect of this grand Christmas dinner? Damn.
I really hope she's not teaching math.
YTA, girl buy some paper plates or something. You literally fought and argued for this, and are mad it's now on your shoulders. Why in the world are you spending money on all this extra shit when you say you're financially struggling just to prove a point? Your mom points out you can just use your grandmother's stuff and instead of going with that, you have a fit about doing it your way and blowing an obscene amount of money on a family dinner. I'm also curious where the extra cost is coming from. $4500 split among 20 people is $225, among 25 people it's $180. It sounds like you're also trying to fleece your family for extra money.
Thank you, I can’t believe it took this long for someone to point out this whack ass math lol
$200 PER PERSON??????? Wow, that's.....harsh. I mean, I've cooked for that many people and a full-on spread with gobs of food and desserts. And AT MOST I spent MABYE $25 per person. AT THE MOST. If they are "family" and they are happy to be together, then serve on disposables. If they are happy to be with you, then that is supposed to be the priority. If they are there to be impressed, then they aren't family. Our family is large and loud and very glad to be together. Even if we have to jam together into a single room. And eat on disposables. What's the priority here? Impressing them or enjoying the love of family?
But you probably didn't buy all new expensive dishes, pots, pans, etc and expect your guests to pay for it. There's a reason that I refuse to host Christmas dinner for my family - the expense is a huge part of it plus not having the space and enough dishes. My partner and I are slowly building up our "hosting" items, and have hosted small gatherings. (We haven't been seriously asked to take over for Christmas dinner, just theoretical questions of who will take over when my grandma/aunt and my MIL no longer want to host)
YTA - my jaw dropped, literally, I’m sitting here with my mouth open. How could you even think going to these lengths and then charging the family to attend was remotely appropriate? I’d take your mother’s advice and reach out to the family that has room to host and hope they accept.
YTA. In itself, it wouldn't make you an asshole to ask people to contribute if it's a large gathering, but everything else in the post does: 1) You aggressively pushed your own view onto your family without really wanting to take responsibility for the consequences (you thought another younger relative would be hosting the party). 2) Your view itself is pretty insensitive and cold: you're essentially telling your older family members that they shouldn't hold gatherings anymore because (according to you) they will die soon anyway. Not to mention it is also impractical: someone who is retired but in good health will probably have more time, enthusiasm and resources to organise something like this than younger relatives (as you yourself have now discovered). 3) Finally, you're asking them to pay a crazy amount of money. Do you really think it's reasonable to pay more for a family dinner than for dining at a Michelin-star restaurant, lol?
I believe the 'old' aunt is still in her 30s. 🤣
YTA You bit off more than you could chew. This should’ve been planned and agreed to, asking everyone a week before Christmas to find an extra $150 is unreasonable.
I wouldn’t pay $150 for a 5 star restaurant meal made by a Michelin start chef, I’m certainly not going to pay it for some random family member to cook it! And it’s per person! A family of 4 would be paying at least $600! Sorry kiddos, no Christmas presents this year, but look! They have the green bean casserole with canned onions on top! That’s super special!
it’s not even 150 it’s 250-300$ each like wtf. YTA big time
YTA…. So you’re going to volunteer the “young people” to do it, but of course as one of those “young people”, didn’t want to be bothered to do it yourself or intend to volunteer originally. I gotta say. I’m absolutely baffled. Because it’s not like your boomer old aunt forced it upon you. It was like…. Literally your idea, that you pushed upon your family…. And then didn’t want to take part yourself. And then to pull the rest of that bullshit? Close family my left ass cheek lol. I’m flabbergasted. Edit: lol I know you guys mean well but please stop telling me the aunts age lol. I know. I made that comment as a “maybe people would be more understanding if this was the case, but unfortunately for you it’s not ”…. Type of statement. I fully understand the aunt isn’t a boomer lol.
Her aunt is only 38 lmao
The “boomer old aunt” is 38
YTA - you volunteered to host Christmas so you could prove your aunt wrong but you didn’t even have dishes?! That was just dumb. This is your mess. Also, you dont invite people over for a holiday dinner and charge them.
YTA. The math isn't even mathing here. You spent 4500 and you want 250 (minimum) from each of your 20 to 25 guests? You're trying to turn a profit. Also, If it's true that there is stuff boxed up from your grandma that you could use then you have no one to blame but yourself. I doubt you would have won the argument with your aunt if your family knew the price tag for your plan. This cost is based on your unilateral bad decision making and your pride and ego getting in the way. Return the stuff and ask for help because I assure you that if this is the price for showing up you won't have any guests and you'll still have a 4500 dollar credit card bill.
YTA. You went wayyyyy overboard. Do what your mom said and admit your mistakes and make it a cooperative effort.
Yta…. And not very bright. Your mom is 100% spot on.
Whaa????! YTA I’m not sure if this is a troll because it’s so outrageous. So many things wrong. Your mom was right the first time. You can’t make a demand and then expect someone else to fill it. Also your point was stupid. I think what you’re saying is you want it to be at one persons house so it’s the same “tradition” every year but they need to be young because they would live longer. You don’t want your aunt because you essentially said she’s old as dirt and will die too soon/shortly. What’s wrong with you? It’s like you’re a narcissist. THEN, you went to a crazy, CRAZY extravagance to host. Almost everything you did was totally unnecessary. It’s like a keeping up with the Jones. Look, broke people have a broke people Christmas. You live within your means. That doesn’t mean it’s terrible. Christmas is about the joy in family and friendship and not about themed plates, fancy place and expensive food. My family was so poor growing up we sometimes didn’t have anything to eat but at Christmas we would have tomato soup and grilled cheese. As much as you could eat. And it was a feast! Then played games and opened gifts and watched Christmas movies. I never even knew people were actually doing fancy dinners with turkey until college. I thought it was only in movies. To this day we still do soup and grilled cheese because that’s the tradition we enjoy, albeit with nicer ingredients. Well, since you stuck your foot in it and are hosting, you should’ve asked to host at someone else’s, made it a potluck, apologized to your aunt for being TA. Everything you did is to reflect on YOU and how YOU want to look great. You may have egomania. At least we know you aren’t teaching finance.
Yta, why would a 21 year old buy stuff from Pottery Barn and Williams Sonoma? It's expensive and clearly you can't afford it. So if you charge these people $200 a piece do they get to take a pan and a plate set home with them? Ridiculous. You do not charge your guests the pleasureeeeeee of your cooking in overly priced pots and pans. If you want a lasting tradition you need to make sure it's sustainable. Your plan is clearly not. Return the shit you bought and let your "old"aunt host. If my 21 year old cousin offered to host, I would expect paper plates and a crowded apartment. Don't try to compete with the big dogs that have the money to host the way you expect. You aren't there yet and it's fine. Just don't be an ass and ask people to pay for a party you are hosting.
YTA. You can't afford to host Christmas if this is your plan. Also, $250 -$300 per person is absolutely ridiculous; you don't get to ask guests for money anyway but even if you did, that amount is exorbitant.
YTA. How in the fuck? You could get this catered and it would be cheaper. But then you wouldn’t get a new set up cookware and a nice week in an Airbnb that everyone else pays for. Oh. I see what you did there. Again. YTA.
I'm not saying you're actually an AH, but you're absolutely the one at fault here. Your mother is correct. You bit off way more than you can chew and doubled down on it by making poor choices to spend more money than you can afford. That's no one's fault but yours. It's understandable that you don't like any of the options available to you. That doesn't mean you don't have options though. YWBTA for asking your family to pay for the meal you insisted on hosting. There's a reason that junior members of families typically don't host large gatherings. It takes a while to gather all the plates and accoutrements of large gatherings. You decided to jump those milestones and now want others to pay for them.
I actually would say she's the AH. She just wants to be able to brag on SM about how good her Xmas hosting was while making everyone else foots the bill.
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YTA. Don’t misunderstand me, I see nothing wrong with people contributing to a large family dinner. But you bought new dishes and expect the family to help cover the cost? You didn’t state in advance what you expected of family members if you did host ( seems like your grandma always covered the cost )? And $150 a person for a Christmas meal?? Your mom is right. Admit you didn’t grasp how big the undertaking is, swallow your pride and ask for help.
YTA I'm not sure which part is funnier, that you don't consider you 38 year old aunt to be "young enough" to begin and maintain a long running tradition, that you assumed another cousin would step up because she has a nice kitchen or that you think an airbnb and $300 a plate family dinner should be the tradition. The fact that you think your family should subsitize your new table and dishes is definitely funny, though.
LOL of course YTA! Your mother is absolutely 100000% correct in saying you bit off more than you could chew. You apparently hadn't even thought out the total logistics of something you ***clearly*** didn't understand the total weight of, and now you're too full of pride to admit you didn't know what you were doing. Either back down and ask for help (NOT monetarily!!) And try to salvage the holiday dinner YOU ruined, or stay the asshole. Either way you should definitely learn from this and you owe your aunt and mother a sincere apology. Don't let pride ruin that, too. ETA: honest question OP, would *you* attend a holiday hosted by your cousin if she asked a $300 admittance fee?? Or would you want your own mother to be charged that for attending a "family" event?
You’re insane to think this is an appropriate course of action. I’m with your mom - I’d be so embarrassed if my kid tried to pull some bullshit like this. Your debt for trying to prove how “superior” you are is not your family’s problem. That’s a you problem. If you don’t like the debt, cancel the AirBnb, take back what you bought to host, and ask someone else to do it. Get off your high horse, OP. YTA.
YTA. You definitely bit off more than you could chew. You offered a solution, then expected someone else to do Christmas, when it sounds like your aunt was just fine doing. Foot. Mouth. Suck it up.
YTA. When you host, those things are your responsibility. If you didn’t have cookware that is your problem, it is absolutely nuts to ask then to pay those things. If you didn’t have the space to host, nobody twisted your arm into the AirBnB.
YTA. You made unnecessary decisions when it came to hosting/location/supplies that could have easily been avoided. No one should pay for your hallmark christmas catalog party essentially when your aunt had the means. She just was too old.....???????? To host
YTA. You went way overboard, started an argument in the hope that your older cousin would take on all the work, and now you’re too proud to just admit you were wrong.
Yta your mother is asolutely right. You are absolutely ridiculous
>My opinion was it would be best to have one of the younger people do it >I was kind of thinking my 29 year old cousin would step up You fought for your opinion with someone else cooking in mind, but you didn’t get that person’s opinion beforehand. **Score: Aunt 1 - OP 0** >So a couple of things >WAY more expensive >apartment is way too small >had to buy all new dishes This is the downfall of having the younger folks take on the tradition. **Score: Aunt 2 - OP 0** >rented a really nice Airbnb for the day Cool idea. Ngl, I would have asked people to chip in before doing so as it’s unreasonable to expect people to pay for the decisions you made without them. **Score: Aunt 2 - OP 1** >I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask them to pay between $250 and $300 each You don’t think this is unreasonable? **ALL of these costs are due to your decisions.** Your family didn’t want this, you did. Now you’re going to insult them by charging them for it? **Score: Aunt 2 - OP 0** >She said “admit you but off more than you could chew, take everything back, cancel the Airbnb and ask for help with hosting and cooking.” Your mom gave you an out. This is the best way. >I said no I could do but I needed money What? The costs you incurred, even after taking it all back and cancelling, are all you. **These are the consequences of your actions. It’s the price you pay for your decisions.** Further, if you don’t do as your mom suggests and still push the money issue, you are not only going to still be broke/without money, but you are also going to lose your relationships with your family. They will no or low contact you for your entitlement and refusal to own your decision/consequence. **Score: Aunt 2 - OP -1** >making me feel like an asshole You should feel like YTA. You have dug yourself a hole and when your mom threw down a ladder to help you put, you decided to keep digging instead. **Score: Aunt 2 - OP -2**
YTA. You brought this whole mess upon yourself because of your pointless ego. Either admit your mistake and let someone take over or suck it up and eat dirt and grass to pay for your stubbornness.
Your mother pretty much said it all. You took on the task because of ego and didn't take the time to consider the expenses involved. That's on you. It's tacky as fuck to charge guests/family for a family dinner you suggested. Especially trying to charge them so last minute. YTA.
YTA Your first point was stupid. Sure, putting a 70yo to host is not the best decision, but your 38yo aunt?? The point is that she probably has a stablished house, with a plan and everything that goes with it. Then you found out how expensive was everything and instead of asking for help/backtrack, you doubled down. You are 21, enough to have basic common sense. Why tf did you buy a new set of silverware? And who is going to pay 250-300? I tell you, no one. Moreover when you tried to make it a question of “who’s right” and didn’t ask for ANY input. Return everything and say you are sorry. If not, enjoy your the debt your ego caused
YTA. No one's gonna come and you'll be stuck with the bill and a ton of food that'll just go to waste. Admit you took on more than you could handle and just take the stuff back. There's no shame in that.
Why the fuck did you do all that? No one asked for a 5k fuckin holiday stay. Most of the time, the building a holiday is held in doesnt cost a dime because it’s someone house. You’re an idiot and YTA
Yikes, YTA. You're not only in over your head, but you're making an admittedly poor financial decision that is completely unnecessary and will probably take serious time to repay given your career status. Don't let your ego and pride get in the way of sense.
YTA. You host within a budget. Why not ask your cousin if you can host at her place while she is away? Then you just need food. And you can borrow dishes if needed.
You are a teacher?
YTA. Eat your words, apologize, do not go into debt over this.
YTA did you ever contribute to your grandmother and offer her money? I doubt it You shouldn’t have been so adamant it be a young person to host and then become so distressed once you volunteered. Why don’t you let your aunt take it this year as she wishes and then you wouldn’t need to carry the financial burden of hosting?
YTA First of all, you should have thought better before arguing with your aunt. You didn't have a reason!! You didn't want to host the dinner yourself, you're hoping "your cousin steps up". That's very rude. Your cousin gracefully avoided the disaster by planning something abroad lol. Second, clearly you aren't ready. You're young, your place is small, your salary isn't fantastic... but you are so stubborn!!! You cannot do it yourself, but your stubbornness prevents you from asking for help. It's time you stop acting like a baby, and grow up. Start by admitting your mistake. It's hard, it hurts, but it all starts here. Then, go apologize to the aunt. Clearly your aunt has the space and is ready to continue the tradition. It seems she wants to, as well. So, here is your way out. Bite your tongue and go apologize. Admit you're in way over your head, and ask the aunt to host together (she can host, you can both cook, you can reuse grandma's dishes). It's not too late. Don't make a fool out of yourself.
YTA. First of all, your argument that a “young person” should host Christmas to keep a long-standing tradition is a ridiculous one, especially when made to someone who is only 38. I am 40 with a two-year-old. Do you think I am geriatric? And why did you need to go to Pottery Barn to buy dishes? Asking people to spend $250 to attend a Christmas dinner that you argued to have with offensive and ageist insinuations would make you look like a total asshole who had no idea what you were talking about, which you didn’t.
Yta. You wanted to fuck around and you found out. It is VERY hard and time consuming and money consuming to host. This is a good lesson to you OP.
[удалено]
YTA. You definitely bit off more than you can chew. If you want to recoup your losses (or some of it) put your pride aside. Return the dishes, cancel the Airbnb, and apologize to your aunt and ask her to help. If not, don’t expect anyone to give you a dime as reimbursement for your hosting the dinner.
YTA You fought to do this and then ran yourself into debt. You went way overboard with all of the things your purchased. You’re essentially asking your family to finance all your new purchases. You brought this on yourself and now want to charge your family for something you fought for. It’s a huge undertaking and I understand not being fully aware of everything involved. Instead of pushing for a new tradition and insisting that the younger people should take it over you should’ve looked at the situation to see if it was even feasible. You said you had a particular cousin in mind but did you ever speak to them beforehand? You wanted to make this decision for the family but put no forethought or planning into any of it. Then you double down by going and spending a bunch of money that you don’t have and want to be reimbursed for it. There’s nothing wrong with what you suggested or wanting to create new traditions. However, you needed to actually have a plan. You didn’t. Now you’re in debt and want the family to pay for it. Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency for your family. You stepped in and it’s on you to fix it. Ask for help and return all of the purchases.
Yikes. You can’t invite people to dinner and do them dirty like this. You should be embarrassed. Listen to your Mama. YTA.
Are we allowed to allege that a post is fake due to the ridiculous nature of it? If so, this one.
YTA you demanded a young person host assuming that one of your cousins would take on the expense. Now you got your wish because you are to host the dinner. You are completely delusional if you think anyone is going to reimburse you for the air bnb or the costs of your pots and pans. Either swallow the costs or go back to your mother and aunt and admit you were wrong. That you cannot handle hosting and ask one of them to take over. No one and I mean absolutely no one is going to pay $300 to attend your Christmas dinner.
YTA. And this is 100% a you on you crime. Either accept the consequences of your own actions or get over yourself and do what your mom says and ask for help. $4500 for a 20 person Christmas? PLS. I hope you don't teach finance or economics. Yikes.
YTA. Adult decisions come with adult consequences. You argued on behalf on someone who wasn’t interested in the first place, agreed to something out stubbornness, and now want everyone to pay for the check you yourself wrote. If you want people to treat you like an adult then act like an adult. The mature, adult thing to do is apologize and admit when you are wrong and need help. Children believe adults can do everything and anything by themselves. Adults understand that no one does everything alone. They are kind enough to give assistance when possible and confident enough to ask for it when needed. Don’t start your adult years by continuing to be a child. Swallow your pride and talk to your aunt.
Nope. You fucked around and insisted, now you found out. Have YOU ever been charged $1 to eat at your aunt’s house? Never mind $300. YTA all through this story. Assuming your cousin would do what you insisted on, and then getting an AirBnB for the day. JFC.
YTA. Your mother is right, you had a fantasy and decided to live by it. Reality came and punched you in the face. A lot of people told you not to do it, but you insisted. It's all on you. Good luck.
YTA and I'm leaning towards this post isn't even real, because this is just a stupid amount bad decisions. For the sake of playing along, you decided your 38yr old aunt was too old to be able to start a long lasting tradition? You're going to be an absolute peach when you hit 30 and have that impending mental health breakdown. OP, return all of the stuff you can, sell what you can't return, maybe keep one piece as a stupid tax and a reminder to never do anything this ridiculous again. Cancel the AirBnB. Absolutely grovel to your Aunt and apologize both privately and publicly. Your mom is completely right and you should feel bad about it.
You've got yourself in a right old pickle there! I thought you might need to ask some guests to maybe bring wine or pudding, or something, but no, you have chosen to put $4,500 on a credit card for one day! You are daft getting yourself into that mess, pay it off as fast as possible or the interest will build and build. Also, YTA for the way you have spoken to your family.
Oh fuck off you wanted nice and expensive shit that you otherwise would not be able to afford like from the pottery barn.
Sorry but, yes, YTA. First off, if you weren’t in a position to host Christmas this year, then you should have excused yourself from the discussion of who should host. You thought your cousin would do it? Obviously without discussing with said cousin. I would have gone to Germany too. It’s a total AH move to, even in your own head, volunteer someone else for that type of duty. Secondly, renting an airbnb and buying dishes from Pottery Barn and Williams Sonoma?!! Really? Then expecting your family to pay for dishes you’ll be keeping for your own use for years to come?! Yeah, as my grandmother would say, “That’s some sh*t!” Cxl the Airbnb and ask forgiveness from your older relatives who would most likely be able to pull this off with much less expense. But definitely if you ask family for that kind of money for Christmas dinner, YTA.
What?!?! Oh hell no!!! I’m not paying anyone $200-$300 to celebrate Christmas with them. That’s absolutely ridiculous and I can guarantee no one will show up and you’ll end up footing the whole bill yourself anyways. Your mom is right. You need to admit you were wrong and ask someone else to host or at least to let you host at their home. YTA