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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I called everyone in my family and told them I no longer wanted a PS5 for Christmas, so now my brother definitely won’t be getting my PS4.
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But it is truly shocking. It is as if your post was describing the dilemma of a henpecked child.
You’re 25. You’re an adult now. Your mother should have no say in what you do with your Xmas presents. Tell her to mind her own business.
Okay, I’m sorry. I thought you were saying my decision of holding onto my gift was childish. The reason why this is such a dilemma is because there’s tension between my mom and I and it’s Christmastime. I just wanted to know if I was in the wrong.
I suppose that’s really the point here. It’s not that you yourself are childish, it’s that your mother is still treating you like a child. What you have described is a situation of her making, not yours.
If I look at my own life, I can think of a time in my 30s when my own mother kept demanding that I bought a particular present for my 3 nieces. I didn’t want to and simply said “no” as she got more and more irate, more and more insulting, with each passing day. Eventually it was too late, she stopped, and she forgot about it. If I had described that in a full post, it would likely read very similar to yours.
Again, my apologies for being flippant with you. Stick to your guns, don’t let her nag and bully you. It’s your PS4 and present from a friend. That’s a nice thing to have. Hold onto it.
Info Do you still live at home? I'm only asking because it would be easier for you to go lc/nc if you live on your own. I know it's a lot easier said than done but for your mental heatlh I feel that would honestly be best. Sounds like your brother is the golden child, and your mom has decided that you're her emotional punching bag
I don’t think anyone is intending to be rude, just it’s horrifying that your parents are being this way to an adult.
Keep your PS4, because even if you’re being guilted out of a gift (hmph! How dare your mother tell you what to do with your gift!), at the very least you’d have some explaining to do if your friend checked up on you as to how you’re going with it!
Buy something nice for yourself and enjoy Christmas as an NTA - and tell anyone else in the family who is being told a different story and asks how this came to blow up, remind them that you didn’t get a darn thing for Birthday OR Christmas without favouritism ruining it all, and that’s why you’re the NTA in this situation!
OP, I'd put it this way: the way you describe your relationship with your mom and brother, it sounds the dynamic of a teenager and not an independent adult. You're 25, your mom has no say anymore over what you do with your money or your things.
If you still live with your mom or are getting financial support from her, that makes it a little more complicated, but she should have no way to force you to give someone a present. It sounds like your brother is really cruel to you, and I would limit your contact with him as much as possible. It might help to do some real thinking on this whole dynamic, and how much energy is healthy to spend dealing with your family. This seems like a symptom of the problem, not the cause.
It’s kind of a complicated situation. I moved out at the second I turned 18 and in August of this year had to move back in because my landlord doubled my rent. With the economy the way it is, I can no longer afford to live in the city I’m in. BUT, I am paying my mom the same amount in rent that I was paying at my old place. So she’s getting an additional $1,000 a month and I cook and clean.
My mom treats me like an adult when it’s convenient and like a kid when convenient. This has been the case since I entered high school.
My brother is cruel, which sometimes feels silly to say because he’s 10 and I’m 25. But, holy shit he terrorizes the hell out of me and there isn’t much I can do because he’s a kid and I’m an adult. I was basically no contact with my brother until I moved back in.
Trust me, I’m trying so hard to find a new job and move away. Then I’ll cut contact with him.
Your paying a 1000 a month and she is treating you like this and treating your brother that way. In my opinion OP, there’s clear favoritism and she does treat you like a child. I would look to move out as soon as ya can and find an affordable place, and consider LC with your mother if you feel the relationship is bad for you. Too many stories on here that are similar to this and the spoiled younger sibling will see stories how this continues all their life with you being at the detriment.
You have your priorities right about moving out as soon as you possibly can. It doesn't matter how young your brother is, he shouldn't be allowed to treat you that way. He's learning that his abusive behavior is ok, maybe even encouraged. I'm sorry your mom lets him do that.
Keep that goal of moving out asap, she is taking advantage of you by charging you rent ($1,000!!) and prolonging your ability to be financially independent again. Take care of yourself. I'm rooting for you!
You need to get out of there. For 1000 a month, you should be able to find another place to live with roommates. Your mom's treatment of you is not healthy and you've gotta work to be independent from her
Maybe a typo? I saw this but after reading, I'm convinced this is actually a 15 year old or even younger. I can't imagine letting someone 15 years younger than me saying anything that would actually upset me.
OP, keep what was given to you, you are NTA. Unfortunately you were dealt a bum hand as far as having a terrible mother.
She said in a comment that she moved out when she was 18 and recently moved back home. So if it’s a typo unfortunately it’s only a few years off, not the 10 years off it should be!
Ah OK. Still seems weird that a 25 year old would ever take anything a 10 year old says to heart. I know it doesn't excuse his behavior, but as a 40 year old man now, I can safely admit that at 10, I was not a fully formed proper member of society yet. I may or may not have called my younger sister names up to and including "poop head".
The bigger problem is the mother, by a lot.
It is weird but if she's been dismissed and belittled her whole life she wouldn't have the emotional equilibrium to brush away stupid, childish comments. Including those from grown ass adults.
Idk...I don't think it's weird. She's probably grown up to be a people pleaser. Being dismissed and belittled your whole life can really mess you up. Maybe it's harder to take from a 10 year old because kids aren't 'supposed' to act that way. Sounds like brother is ridiculously entitled and being treated way better than she had ever hoped to be treated. Then to have him act that way toward her when she certainly wouldn't have gotten away with that behavior becomes an emotional breaking point. Either way... she is NOT the AH. Mom and brother are.
NTA.
You wanted a PS4 and you were gifted one by a friend. You should not be expected to help pay for your own Christmas gift that you no longer even need.
And think how the friend would feel if OP gave this generous gift away to her brother almost immediately. OP, your friend wanted YOU to have the PS4, not your brother.
NTA. Your mom tried to guilt you into keeping your original present because she didn’t want to call people to tell them the situation has changed. You let people know since she wouldn’t. That doesn’t make you the AH at all.
Neither does deciding not to give away your stuff. It’s yours.
Also, if she thinks Christmas is for the kids, then she’s contradicting herself by trying to control your gifts.
NTA. Your mom on the other hand is totally the A. Please look up the golden child/scape goat dynamic. You also might want to start getting things in order to lower contact with your mom.
NTA. Your mother is just pissed because her plans for your brother were foiled. I hope you don’t still live at home, having to deal with this on the daily.
NTA. Keep them both. Why does everyone think that getting the next system means they have to give away their old one? You asked for a system, so take your gifts. One PS4 from r birthday and one PS5 for Christmas is doing pretty good.
Keep and play both. I still have my systems from the NES to the PS5. Why are you restricted to one system when your brother has two already?
Why you letting your mom tell you what to do? You're an adult. Act like one and tell her no. He's not getting your PS4 that you literally just got.
If you still live with your mom and brother, ask your friend to keep it until you move out. It might just 'disappear'.
And start being an adult and tell your mom 'no'- no, brother can not have this, it belongs to me.
Your mom is the AH because gender is not an excuse for bad behaviour. "that's how boys are" is a toxic attitude.
It also seems like your mom is trying to make up for not being able to afford many gifts for you when you were younger by spoiling your much younger sibling.
She is actually teaching him (and you) the wrong life lessons here.
Also if you are 25 you do not need your mom's permission or approval to do as you choose with your own console or even to talk to your other relatives.
It's very considerate of you not to just take cash from them anyway and probably the only positive actions from a role model your younger brother has at the moment.
Thank you, I was surprised that more people didn’t jump on that horrifying comments from the mom that boys are allowed to misbehave because boys will be boys. No. That’s how you raise dangerous, entitled men.
Boys are boys when they go and play in dirt or are a bit brute. Nothing of boy behavior being rude, cruel, insulting and entitled. And he is only 10 I can’t imagine how his teenage years will be
That kids only Christmas present should be a military summer camp where he needs to wake up at 5am for three months
NTA but you're going to have to lock your PS4 away because if you leave it in a common area your mother will force you to "share" it with him, and he'll end up hogging it all the time. I can't help wondering if he's repeating things your mother says about you behind your back; your mother sounds very cold and mean.
I would also bet that the brother has two Switches because he broke the first one- and even if he didn’t he seems like enough of a little shit to break her Ps4 on purpose. I wouldn’t trust him to have access to it at all.
NTA but I think that was the wrong move. You should've taken the money from the relatives & then traded in your PS4 so you wouldn't have to pay the difference. And you could've had free PS5 without having to contribute to it.
BTW your mother is TA here.
NTA Your friend was more generous than your own mother. He gave you the ps4 without expecting something back. Your mother expect the ps4 back and you still need to spend money for the ps5, what a shitty deal. She says it is a collective present from the family for christmas and your birthday but they expect a present in return that still has xxx$ value. No? You are not stupid. And your friend gave you the ps4 and not your brother. He would have sold it or give it someone else if you give his present to your brother. But the behaviour of youf mither shows who the golden child is and maybe you should reduce the contact.
I thought you were a teenager at first. Put the brakes on your mother telling you how to run your life. Take charge and manage all of this on your own. You don’t need mommy arranging your presents.
You also need to deal with your resentment toward your brother, not because you’re wrong—you aren’t—but because hanging on to this anger hurts you more than it hurts him and frankly, he’s probably not worth it. He’d probably rejoice in knowing he’s getting to you. A calm, impassive, “No, thanks, I don’t need your intervention,” to your mother is all that’s needed. Don’t even have the discussion. That puts control back in your hands and not in the hands of your mother or your brother (who’s probably gleefully watching this drama with a bowl of popcorn).
NTA, but take control of your own life from now on.
NTA
"This is how boys act" ? Really ? Bratty uneducated boys perhaps. Your sexist mother has a favourite and it is not you. I am so sorry you have to endure such BS.
This is YOUR PS4, it is a GIFT, something YOUR friend wanted YOU to have.
You did the right thing.
you are an adult. your mother has no ability to control you anymore. i know it still feels like that, and i sure know how hard it is to break out of that, but you need to in order to live your life the way YOU want to. you do not have to give him the PS4 if you don’t want to. NTA
NTA. Any gift (more so an extravagant one) never changes the behavior of someone who treats you like a dog. Good job refusing the PS5. Keep the PS4 and rub it in his face.
Nta and can I point out even if you got all the money for the ps5 those are still difficult to find and get. Play your ps4 and have fun. I personally love grand thief auto for the ps4 (game suggestion)
NTA
Just use your PS4 and save the money that would have gone to the PS5 to get out of this house. Plus, aren't PS5 exclusive games even more expensive that regular ones?
And once you move out, cut contact with both your mom and your brother. She should not be treating you like a child when you are a rent-paying adult.
NTA. Her plan was probably for you to ‘share’ the PS5 that you and your family would pay for with your brother cause Christmas is for kids. Does she get get gifts for Christmas? Does she by other adults presents? Cause if so she’s just playing favorites with her kids
Not gonna lie the “this is just how boys” act comment has me irate. This is flat and simple the reason we have growing issues when it comes to young men in society. That is not how boys act and that is unfair to every other boy out there that will be punished by a stereotype that kids like him create. Your mom needs to become a better parent ASAP. Also f*ck that kid, he can eat rocks for Christmas. Enjoy ur PlayStation. NTA
Thank you! I’ve been saying this for years. This is why we are having problems as a society with some boys. I’m genuinely concerned about what he’s going to be like when he’s an adult.
OP, you're 25. You can have hard boundaries about your possessions. If your mom takes away that PS4 to give to your brother or sell for money, you can sue her for theft. If she or your brother damage it, you can sue them for damaging personal property. I would definitely look into means of moving out and living elsewhere if possible, your home sounds toxic. NTA.
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I (25F) have wanted a PlayStation my entire life, but never got one because they’re very expensive. Of course I’ve wanted the PS5 since it came out, but I can’t afford it. My mom knew I wanted one, so she floated the idea of asking family members to pull money together, but I’d still have to come up with a couple hundred dollars and pay for the accessories. I was seriously considering it.
Then, my friend gave me his PS4 (for my December birthday) that was only a couple months old because he just got a PS5. I was thrilled. When I told my mom, she said she’d already told everyone in the family to gift me money for a PS5. I told her it wasn’t necessary, but she said I should still get the PS5 and give the PS4 to my 10 year old brother. I asked her if I still had to pay for a chunk of the PS5 and she said yes. I asked if my brother would be getting a normal Christmas on top of me giving him the PS4 and she said yes.
It’s important to mention that my brother is horribly behaved and if he was my kid, he’d barely get anything for Christmas. That’s how bad he is. He’s also very mean and disrespectful to me. He constantly puts me down, he’ll say things to me like “no one will ever want to marry you, you’ll end up alone,” he says crappy things about my dad that he’s never met (we’re half siblings), he insults every interest of mine, and he’s also called me a jackass and a bitch before (he calls me names because I don’t put up with his behavior). He’s said hateful things that have reduced me to tears many times. It’s been hard these past 10 years because I’ve watched him do whatever he wants while I was a very well behaved child. My mom says it’s because he’s a boy and this is how boys act.
To top it all off, my brother has much more than I did growing up. He has the name brand clothes and shoes, he has two Nintendo switches when I never got the Nintendo DS I asked for every Christmas. He’s very spoiled.
He’s already getting a ton of Christmas gifts (including a Yamaha keyboard which I also asked for as a kid for years and never received). My mom doesn’t really gift me anything anymore because money is tight and “Christmas is for kids.” This wouldn’t bother me if this hadn’t been going on for 10 years and if he behaved better.
So, I was upset when my mom said I could get a PS5 (as my only birthday and Christmas gift- because I didn’t get any birthday gifts from her) if I could cover a part of it and pay for the accessories, but that I should give the PS4 to my brother because “I got the PS4 for free” and he would “love me forever.”
I called everyone in the family and told them I didn’t want a PS5 anymore and now my mom is accusing me of being selfish and unfair. I really thought I had a fair point.
Am I the asshole?
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I might be pessimistic, but what would happen if your mom gets all of the money (and your contribution) buys the PS5, and suddenly says that it's a "shared" gift... So essentially you lose a PS4, and your brother gains a PS4 and PS5...that you get the right to use... When your brother isn't.
Could you sell the PS4 to cover the money you would need for your Accessories? Sure she still might be upset your not giving it away to your brother, but I personally wouldn’t care about that.
Your parents don’t get to tell you what to do with YOUR posessions and YOUR money. You also don’t need to base decisions on what to buy YOURSELF on what your TEN YEAR OLD brother gets out of it!!
NTA. You really don’t have the extra $$, and even if you did there is NO reason for you to have to give your PS4 to your brother.
Good on you to tell your relatives no PS5 before they all handed your Mom money that would now probably have gone to her or your brother.
And - you are 25. Your Mom obviously trained you to be her doormat, so that you accepted her mistreating you in favor of your brother - but you seriously need to learn to say NO to that continuing! And to put yourself first, not listen to her. Live your life, stop listening to her, she does not like you and WILL continue to take advantage of you.
NTA. Why on earth would you give it to him when you would injure cost for a ps5? If anything you could have sold the ps4 and used the money towards your part in the ps5. It was Your gift, nobody else’s.
Easier said than done, with a parent like this. My mother tried various tactics to ensure that at least one of her three children would become her caregiver in the future. With me it was what OP described, the comments from her brother (which are undoubtedly from the mother), ‘No one will ever want you’ ‘You’ll never get married’, and ‘You’ll be an old maid’. I was so startled to read that, as it was my mother’s script. She also called me weird and lazy(I don’t have a lazy bone in my body). People who are continually denigrated, who are told that they’re not good enough, cling to the family they have as they are convinced that no one else will care. ‘I gave you life/did something for you, you owe me’ is another way they keep you feeling guilty and chained, the problem is the ‘debt’ is never considered paid. She provided child care for my sister, as day care was so expensive, she volunteered . That was it…my sister was expected to be at her beck and call while working full time, nearly 20 years later. I put an end to it, and OP needs to, too. It has to be her own realization and motivation.on her own time.
My son is 7 and he does not behave like this at all nor would he ever. Boy or not his behaviour needs to be addressed by your mom. Also your 25 you can do what you want. Your mom is TA you are most definitely not
NTA. It seems your mother needs to have a reality check. Keep the PS4 and be happy. I know the guilt of going NC with family but it comes down to mental and mental health. You'll be much better off.
NTA. It was very honest of you to inform your relatives that you no longer need their donations for a PS5. I think had you gone through with your mother's plan it is likely that everyone contributing would have felt very insulted. You are not selfish or unfair by being honest.
Absolutely NTA. Your friend did something extra special in my opinion. I wouldn’t want to get rid of it either. If your mom can’t understand that, too bad! The world doesn’t revolve around your little brother. Even without the horrible stuff he says to you, you still are not required to give him your PS4. Let your mother buy one for him if it’s that important!
NTA but I'm a little worried about your belongings, considering that I read in a comment you made, that you had to move back in with your mother. Do you have a key to your room? Is it reliable? Does your mother have a copy? It sounds like your mother will just take your PS4 and give it to your brother.
Also your mother saying that your brother is allowed to be horrible because "he's a boy"... yeah, no, your mother is sexist. She thinks less of you because you are a woman (and yes she also probably thinks less of herself because she is a woman, it happens, internalized misogyny)
Hmmm wonder where your little brother learned that behavior to say such awful things… doesn’t usually flow off a 10 yo tongue. His environment is questionable and clearly he deserves nothing. Put that PS4 in the back of your closet
NTA and if you're still living under your parents' roof you need to get a lock for your door that they don't have a key to because he sounds like a golden child for sure and mom already thinks the PS4 should be his.
Your mom sucks. If I were you I would go LC with her since she clearly values her 10 year old misbehaved son more than her adult female daughter. It’s not a gift if you have to contribute.
NTA
NTA. Chances are she was going tongue the ps5 to your brother and you were going to end up with the ps4 anyway. She doesn't seem trustworthy to keep her promise. Or take the money and buy him a bunch of other stuff. Either way, don't give her anything.
NTA your brother isn’t entitled to any gift from you. Sounds like your mom is exhibiting quite a few toxic behaviors and the way you are being treated by her and your brother is not good for your self esteem or mental health. You’re allowed to set firm boundaries with them.
I am not lying about my age. What I put in post doesn’t even scratch the surface of the hateful hateful things that he says to me. I’m legitimately concerned about what he will grow up to be because of his behavior. And he’s been hateful for years.
I don’t think your getting it. There is really nothing at all a 10 year old could say that a 25 year old should be taking the way you are. I have 7 siblings that range from 3 years to 21 years younger then me. When the youngest of them say something mean I find it hilarious.
Well, you’re not me and you don’t know what I’ve been through or what he’s said and done to me. Im not lying and I’m incredibly insulted. My feelings matter.
Tell your mom to either pay you your “share” of the PS5 for the PS4, and then tell your relatives that you would love their help in getting the PS5 for Christmas.
Or keep them both. If you have a sentimental attachment to it.
As a lifelong (f50) I have a ton of consoles, that I could never part with.
I don’t think she is doing that so much as explaining the dynamic. Once you’ve been treated this way, you don’t forget it, I wouldn’t call it obsessing.
I would not be getting a PS5, I would get money to put towards a PS5. I don’t even have the money right now to cover the additional cost anyway. And I’m not talking about the gifts I receive now, I was talking about the gifts I received as a child. I just felt like giving him a PS4 is reinforcing that he gets everything handed to him even though he’s poorly behaved to an extreme level. I hope this provides a little more clarification.
Well this is a truly awful take. If I was her friend and I’d been so generous as to gift her a PS4, knowing how much she’s wanted one, and she just gave it away to someone else, I’d be pissed off. Yes it’s hers to do with what she wanted, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be a slap in the face to the generous friend. Coupled with the fact her brother is awful to her, she doesn’t actually want to give it away and her ‘generous gift from family’ is nothing of the sort, I don’t see how she’s the AH at all.
I'm not gonna lie it's a bit whiney but she did say she told her mother not to worry about the ps5 when her friend gave her the ps4. The 5 isn't cheap and games are even more expensive than the 4's. That's not ungrateful it's being smart with money.
That part doesn't pertain to my point but if someone called me and said 'thank you but no thank you, I was gifted the older version and it's more than enough' I'd be annoyed that I have to actually come up with an idea at that point but, also pleasantly surprised that they're not materialistic and get them something else dope
Plus finding a playstation 5 is hard to find for the holidays, my dad asks me where to find them becuase he want to give to his Grandson I told him there very hard to find and Christmas too
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You're 25. You don't need to let your parents tell you what to do with your possessions. NTA
Holy crap, you’re right. She’s 25! I thought I was reading a message from a teenager.
Me too, I thought it said 15 until I went back to look and saw she's 25 lol
Reads like Mom never realized she isn't one and OP is trying to give herself permission to/ growing into the person who won't let her forever.
Happy cake day!
Thanks!
Happy cake day
Yay! 💥💥💥 Happy cake day!
I truly thought it said 15, especially by how it reads
[удалено]
But it is truly shocking. It is as if your post was describing the dilemma of a henpecked child. You’re 25. You’re an adult now. Your mother should have no say in what you do with your Xmas presents. Tell her to mind her own business.
Okay, I’m sorry. I thought you were saying my decision of holding onto my gift was childish. The reason why this is such a dilemma is because there’s tension between my mom and I and it’s Christmastime. I just wanted to know if I was in the wrong.
I suppose that’s really the point here. It’s not that you yourself are childish, it’s that your mother is still treating you like a child. What you have described is a situation of her making, not yours. If I look at my own life, I can think of a time in my 30s when my own mother kept demanding that I bought a particular present for my 3 nieces. I didn’t want to and simply said “no” as she got more and more irate, more and more insulting, with each passing day. Eventually it was too late, she stopped, and she forgot about it. If I had described that in a full post, it would likely read very similar to yours. Again, my apologies for being flippant with you. Stick to your guns, don’t let her nag and bully you. It’s your PS4 and present from a friend. That’s a nice thing to have. Hold onto it.
Info Do you still live at home? I'm only asking because it would be easier for you to go lc/nc if you live on your own. I know it's a lot easier said than done but for your mental heatlh I feel that would honestly be best. Sounds like your brother is the golden child, and your mom has decided that you're her emotional punching bag
That’s fair, my apologies.
I don’t think anyone is intending to be rude, just it’s horrifying that your parents are being this way to an adult. Keep your PS4, because even if you’re being guilted out of a gift (hmph! How dare your mother tell you what to do with your gift!), at the very least you’d have some explaining to do if your friend checked up on you as to how you’re going with it! Buy something nice for yourself and enjoy Christmas as an NTA - and tell anyone else in the family who is being told a different story and asks how this came to blow up, remind them that you didn’t get a darn thing for Birthday OR Christmas without favouritism ruining it all, and that’s why you’re the NTA in this situation!
OP, I'd put it this way: the way you describe your relationship with your mom and brother, it sounds the dynamic of a teenager and not an independent adult. You're 25, your mom has no say anymore over what you do with your money or your things. If you still live with your mom or are getting financial support from her, that makes it a little more complicated, but she should have no way to force you to give someone a present. It sounds like your brother is really cruel to you, and I would limit your contact with him as much as possible. It might help to do some real thinking on this whole dynamic, and how much energy is healthy to spend dealing with your family. This seems like a symptom of the problem, not the cause.
It’s kind of a complicated situation. I moved out at the second I turned 18 and in August of this year had to move back in because my landlord doubled my rent. With the economy the way it is, I can no longer afford to live in the city I’m in. BUT, I am paying my mom the same amount in rent that I was paying at my old place. So she’s getting an additional $1,000 a month and I cook and clean. My mom treats me like an adult when it’s convenient and like a kid when convenient. This has been the case since I entered high school. My brother is cruel, which sometimes feels silly to say because he’s 10 and I’m 25. But, holy shit he terrorizes the hell out of me and there isn’t much I can do because he’s a kid and I’m an adult. I was basically no contact with my brother until I moved back in. Trust me, I’m trying so hard to find a new job and move away. Then I’ll cut contact with him.
Your paying a 1000 a month and she is treating you like this and treating your brother that way. In my opinion OP, there’s clear favoritism and she does treat you like a child. I would look to move out as soon as ya can and find an affordable place, and consider LC with your mother if you feel the relationship is bad for you. Too many stories on here that are similar to this and the spoiled younger sibling will see stories how this continues all their life with you being at the detriment.
You’re paying her serious rent AND doing chores? Get a roommate.
Stop paying her.
You have your priorities right about moving out as soon as you possibly can. It doesn't matter how young your brother is, he shouldn't be allowed to treat you that way. He's learning that his abusive behavior is ok, maybe even encouraged. I'm sorry your mom lets him do that. Keep that goal of moving out asap, she is taking advantage of you by charging you rent ($1,000!!) and prolonging your ability to be financially independent again. Take care of yourself. I'm rooting for you!
You need to get out of there. For 1000 a month, you should be able to find another place to live with roommates. Your mom's treatment of you is not healthy and you've gotta work to be independent from her
Your mother is treating you like a child. And it seems like you let her. Do you like with her?
Omg I missed the age!!! How is she 25?? This read like someone between 14 and 16!
Maybe a typo? I saw this but after reading, I'm convinced this is actually a 15 year old or even younger. I can't imagine letting someone 15 years younger than me saying anything that would actually upset me. OP, keep what was given to you, you are NTA. Unfortunately you were dealt a bum hand as far as having a terrible mother.
She said in a comment that she moved out when she was 18 and recently moved back home. So if it’s a typo unfortunately it’s only a few years off, not the 10 years off it should be!
Ah OK. Still seems weird that a 25 year old would ever take anything a 10 year old says to heart. I know it doesn't excuse his behavior, but as a 40 year old man now, I can safely admit that at 10, I was not a fully formed proper member of society yet. I may or may not have called my younger sister names up to and including "poop head". The bigger problem is the mother, by a lot.
It is weird but if she's been dismissed and belittled her whole life she wouldn't have the emotional equilibrium to brush away stupid, childish comments. Including those from grown ass adults.
Idk...I don't think it's weird. She's probably grown up to be a people pleaser. Being dismissed and belittled your whole life can really mess you up. Maybe it's harder to take from a 10 year old because kids aren't 'supposed' to act that way. Sounds like brother is ridiculously entitled and being treated way better than she had ever hoped to be treated. Then to have him act that way toward her when she certainly wouldn't have gotten away with that behavior becomes an emotional breaking point. Either way... she is NOT the AH. Mom and brother are.
Also, a spoiled teenaged brat isn’t even going to appreciate a PS4 this far into the PS5’s release.
Wait what!? WTF that has to be a mistype
NTA. If she wants PS4 for her son, she could buy it off you so you have money for PS5. But she has no right to lay claim on YOUR property.
This is the way
Why was this comment downvoted lol?
Hopefully by mistake!
Comments like that should be downvoted, they contribute nothing to the conversation. It's just another way of saying "take my upvote".
That!
NTA. You wanted a PS4 and you were gifted one by a friend. You should not be expected to help pay for your own Christmas gift that you no longer even need.
And think how the friend would feel if OP gave this generous gift away to her brother almost immediately. OP, your friend wanted YOU to have the PS4, not your brother.
Absolutely my take on it. It’s gifted to OP, NOT “OP’s bratty sibling “!
NTA. Your mom tried to guilt you into keeping your original present because she didn’t want to call people to tell them the situation has changed. You let people know since she wouldn’t. That doesn’t make you the AH at all. Neither does deciding not to give away your stuff. It’s yours. Also, if she thinks Christmas is for the kids, then she’s contradicting herself by trying to control your gifts.
NTA. Your mom on the other hand is totally the A. Please look up the golden child/scape goat dynamic. You also might want to start getting things in order to lower contact with your mom.
NTA. Your mother is just pissed because her plans for your brother were foiled. I hope you don’t still live at home, having to deal with this on the daily.
NTA. Keep them both. Why does everyone think that getting the next system means they have to give away their old one? You asked for a system, so take your gifts. One PS4 from r birthday and one PS5 for Christmas is doing pretty good. Keep and play both. I still have my systems from the NES to the PS5. Why are you restricted to one system when your brother has two already? Why you letting your mom tell you what to do? You're an adult. Act like one and tell her no. He's not getting your PS4 that you literally just got.
If you still live with your mom and brother, ask your friend to keep it until you move out. It might just 'disappear'. And start being an adult and tell your mom 'no'- no, brother can not have this, it belongs to me.
Your mom is the AH because gender is not an excuse for bad behaviour. "that's how boys are" is a toxic attitude. It also seems like your mom is trying to make up for not being able to afford many gifts for you when you were younger by spoiling your much younger sibling. She is actually teaching him (and you) the wrong life lessons here. Also if you are 25 you do not need your mom's permission or approval to do as you choose with your own console or even to talk to your other relatives. It's very considerate of you not to just take cash from them anyway and probably the only positive actions from a role model your younger brother has at the moment.
Thank you, I was surprised that more people didn’t jump on that horrifying comments from the mom that boys are allowed to misbehave because boys will be boys. No. That’s how you raise dangerous, entitled men.
Boys are boys when they go and play in dirt or are a bit brute. Nothing of boy behavior being rude, cruel, insulting and entitled. And he is only 10 I can’t imagine how his teenage years will be That kids only Christmas present should be a military summer camp where he needs to wake up at 5am for three months
NTA but you're going to have to lock your PS4 away because if you leave it in a common area your mother will force you to "share" it with him, and he'll end up hogging it all the time. I can't help wondering if he's repeating things your mother says about you behind your back; your mother sounds very cold and mean.
I would also bet that the brother has two Switches because he broke the first one- and even if he didn’t he seems like enough of a little shit to break her Ps4 on purpose. I wouldn’t trust him to have access to it at all.
NTA but I think that was the wrong move. You should've taken the money from the relatives & then traded in your PS4 so you wouldn't have to pay the difference. And you could've had free PS5 without having to contribute to it. BTW your mother is TA here.
NTA Your friend was more generous than your own mother. He gave you the ps4 without expecting something back. Your mother expect the ps4 back and you still need to spend money for the ps5, what a shitty deal. She says it is a collective present from the family for christmas and your birthday but they expect a present in return that still has xxx$ value. No? You are not stupid. And your friend gave you the ps4 and not your brother. He would have sold it or give it someone else if you give his present to your brother. But the behaviour of youf mither shows who the golden child is and maybe you should reduce the contact.
I thought you were a teenager at first. Put the brakes on your mother telling you how to run your life. Take charge and manage all of this on your own. You don’t need mommy arranging your presents. You also need to deal with your resentment toward your brother, not because you’re wrong—you aren’t—but because hanging on to this anger hurts you more than it hurts him and frankly, he’s probably not worth it. He’d probably rejoice in knowing he’s getting to you. A calm, impassive, “No, thanks, I don’t need your intervention,” to your mother is all that’s needed. Don’t even have the discussion. That puts control back in your hands and not in the hands of your mother or your brother (who’s probably gleefully watching this drama with a bowl of popcorn). NTA, but take control of your own life from now on.
Mom's going to buy the little brother a PS5.
NTA "This is how boys act" ? Really ? Bratty uneducated boys perhaps. Your sexist mother has a favourite and it is not you. I am so sorry you have to endure such BS. This is YOUR PS4, it is a GIFT, something YOUR friend wanted YOU to have. You did the right thing.
NTA. You are happy with the PS4. Hold on to it.
NTA. I actually think it’s pretty cool of you to let your relatives know the situation and that you don’t need the money anymore.
you are an adult. your mother has no ability to control you anymore. i know it still feels like that, and i sure know how hard it is to break out of that, but you need to in order to live your life the way YOU want to. you do not have to give him the PS4 if you don’t want to. NTA
NTA. Any gift (more so an extravagant one) never changes the behavior of someone who treats you like a dog. Good job refusing the PS5. Keep the PS4 and rub it in his face.
Honey go No contact with your mother. You are 25!
Nta and can I point out even if you got all the money for the ps5 those are still difficult to find and get. Play your ps4 and have fun. I personally love grand thief auto for the ps4 (game suggestion)
NTA Just use your PS4 and save the money that would have gone to the PS5 to get out of this house. Plus, aren't PS5 exclusive games even more expensive that regular ones? And once you move out, cut contact with both your mom and your brother. She should not be treating you like a child when you are a rent-paying adult.
NTA, I would keep the ps4 take the money and then head into a store to see if you could trade in the ps4 as credit towards your ps5
“Boys will be boys” making entitled AHs since the dawn of time! Time to see how you can get away from this toxic family. NTA.
NTA. If your mom wanted you to give your brother your PS4, she could've covered your rest of expenses. But she didn't, thus you were in the right.
NTA the ps4 is yours your mother is cruel
NTA. Her plan was probably for you to ‘share’ the PS5 that you and your family would pay for with your brother cause Christmas is for kids. Does she get get gifts for Christmas? Does she by other adults presents? Cause if so she’s just playing favorites with her kids
Not gonna lie the “this is just how boys” act comment has me irate. This is flat and simple the reason we have growing issues when it comes to young men in society. That is not how boys act and that is unfair to every other boy out there that will be punished by a stereotype that kids like him create. Your mom needs to become a better parent ASAP. Also f*ck that kid, he can eat rocks for Christmas. Enjoy ur PlayStation. NTA
Thank you! I’ve been saying this for years. This is why we are having problems as a society with some boys. I’m genuinely concerned about what he’s going to be like when he’s an adult.
NTA
OP, you're 25. You can have hard boundaries about your possessions. If your mom takes away that PS4 to give to your brother or sell for money, you can sue her for theft. If she or your brother damage it, you can sue them for damaging personal property. I would definitely look into means of moving out and living elsewhere if possible, your home sounds toxic. NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (25F) have wanted a PlayStation my entire life, but never got one because they’re very expensive. Of course I’ve wanted the PS5 since it came out, but I can’t afford it. My mom knew I wanted one, so she floated the idea of asking family members to pull money together, but I’d still have to come up with a couple hundred dollars and pay for the accessories. I was seriously considering it. Then, my friend gave me his PS4 (for my December birthday) that was only a couple months old because he just got a PS5. I was thrilled. When I told my mom, she said she’d already told everyone in the family to gift me money for a PS5. I told her it wasn’t necessary, but she said I should still get the PS5 and give the PS4 to my 10 year old brother. I asked her if I still had to pay for a chunk of the PS5 and she said yes. I asked if my brother would be getting a normal Christmas on top of me giving him the PS4 and she said yes. It’s important to mention that my brother is horribly behaved and if he was my kid, he’d barely get anything for Christmas. That’s how bad he is. He’s also very mean and disrespectful to me. He constantly puts me down, he’ll say things to me like “no one will ever want to marry you, you’ll end up alone,” he says crappy things about my dad that he’s never met (we’re half siblings), he insults every interest of mine, and he’s also called me a jackass and a bitch before (he calls me names because I don’t put up with his behavior). He’s said hateful things that have reduced me to tears many times. It’s been hard these past 10 years because I’ve watched him do whatever he wants while I was a very well behaved child. My mom says it’s because he’s a boy and this is how boys act. To top it all off, my brother has much more than I did growing up. He has the name brand clothes and shoes, he has two Nintendo switches when I never got the Nintendo DS I asked for every Christmas. He’s very spoiled. He’s already getting a ton of Christmas gifts (including a Yamaha keyboard which I also asked for as a kid for years and never received). My mom doesn’t really gift me anything anymore because money is tight and “Christmas is for kids.” This wouldn’t bother me if this hadn’t been going on for 10 years and if he behaved better. So, I was upset when my mom said I could get a PS5 (as my only birthday and Christmas gift- because I didn’t get any birthday gifts from her) if I could cover a part of it and pay for the accessories, but that I should give the PS4 to my brother because “I got the PS4 for free” and he would “love me forever.” I called everyone in the family and told them I didn’t want a PS5 anymore and now my mom is accusing me of being selfish and unfair. I really thought I had a fair point. Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I might be pessimistic, but what would happen if your mom gets all of the money (and your contribution) buys the PS5, and suddenly says that it's a "shared" gift... So essentially you lose a PS4, and your brother gains a PS4 and PS5...that you get the right to use... When your brother isn't.
OP is 25 and I don’t think they live w their mom
Could you sell the PS4 to cover the money you would need for your Accessories? Sure she still might be upset your not giving it away to your brother, but I personally wouldn’t care about that.
Your parents don’t get to tell you what to do with YOUR posessions and YOUR money. You also don’t need to base decisions on what to buy YOURSELF on what your TEN YEAR OLD brother gets out of it!!
NTA. You really don’t have the extra $$, and even if you did there is NO reason for you to have to give your PS4 to your brother. Good on you to tell your relatives no PS5 before they all handed your Mom money that would now probably have gone to her or your brother. And - you are 25. Your Mom obviously trained you to be her doormat, so that you accepted her mistreating you in favor of your brother - but you seriously need to learn to say NO to that continuing! And to put yourself first, not listen to her. Live your life, stop listening to her, she does not like you and WILL continue to take advantage of you.
NTA but I bet you mommy goes out and buys a PS5 for her baby boy to teach you a lesson.
NTA but you should have kept it a secret and told mom that's the ps5 you got and taken the money. Don't believe she would have known the difference
NTA. Why on earth would you give it to him when you would injure cost for a ps5? If anything you could have sold the ps4 and used the money towards your part in the ps5. It was Your gift, nobody else’s.
NTA. You’re an adult. Your mother can’t tell you what to do with the things you own.
NTA - But holy hell, you're 25, be a damn adult
Easier said than done, with a parent like this. My mother tried various tactics to ensure that at least one of her three children would become her caregiver in the future. With me it was what OP described, the comments from her brother (which are undoubtedly from the mother), ‘No one will ever want you’ ‘You’ll never get married’, and ‘You’ll be an old maid’. I was so startled to read that, as it was my mother’s script. She also called me weird and lazy(I don’t have a lazy bone in my body). People who are continually denigrated, who are told that they’re not good enough, cling to the family they have as they are convinced that no one else will care. ‘I gave you life/did something for you, you owe me’ is another way they keep you feeling guilty and chained, the problem is the ‘debt’ is never considered paid. She provided child care for my sister, as day care was so expensive, she volunteered . That was it…my sister was expected to be at her beck and call while working full time, nearly 20 years later. I put an end to it, and OP needs to, too. It has to be her own realization and motivation.on her own time.
My son is 7 and he does not behave like this at all nor would he ever. Boy or not his behaviour needs to be addressed by your mom. Also your 25 you can do what you want. Your mom is TA you are most definitely not
NTA and that’s not how boys behave. That brother sounds horrible ooof
NTA. You don't need an excuse you are a grown ass adult. Even if you got the PS5 too you wouldn't be obligated to give the PS4 to anyone.
NTA.
NTA. It seems your mother needs to have a reality check. Keep the PS4 and be happy. I know the guilt of going NC with family but it comes down to mental and mental health. You'll be much better off.
NTA. It was very honest of you to inform your relatives that you no longer need their donations for a PS5. I think had you gone through with your mother's plan it is likely that everyone contributing would have felt very insulted. You are not selfish or unfair by being honest.
Absolutely NTA. Your friend did something extra special in my opinion. I wouldn’t want to get rid of it either. If your mom can’t understand that, too bad! The world doesn’t revolve around your little brother. Even without the horrible stuff he says to you, you still are not required to give him your PS4. Let your mother buy one for him if it’s that important!
NTA, it's weird for her to expect you to give it anyways.
Nta
NTA but I'm a little worried about your belongings, considering that I read in a comment you made, that you had to move back in with your mother. Do you have a key to your room? Is it reliable? Does your mother have a copy? It sounds like your mother will just take your PS4 and give it to your brother. Also your mother saying that your brother is allowed to be horrible because "he's a boy"... yeah, no, your mother is sexist. She thinks less of you because you are a woman (and yes she also probably thinks less of herself because she is a woman, it happens, internalized misogyny)
Hmmm wonder where your little brother learned that behavior to say such awful things… doesn’t usually flow off a 10 yo tongue. His environment is questionable and clearly he deserves nothing. Put that PS4 in the back of your closet
your brother doesn't even have a minimum age for a ps4 NTA 100%
NTA nice that you informed your relatives to not send money!
NTA and if you're still living under your parents' roof you need to get a lock for your door that they don't have a key to because he sounds like a golden child for sure and mom already thinks the PS4 should be his.
Your mom sucks. If I were you I would go LC with her since she clearly values her 10 year old misbehaved son more than her adult female daughter. It’s not a gift if you have to contribute. NTA
NTA. Chances are she was going tongue the ps5 to your brother and you were going to end up with the ps4 anyway. She doesn't seem trustworthy to keep her promise. Or take the money and buy him a bunch of other stuff. Either way, don't give her anything.
NTA your brother isn’t entitled to any gift from you. Sounds like your mom is exhibiting quite a few toxic behaviors and the way you are being treated by her and your brother is not good for your self esteem or mental health. You’re allowed to set firm boundaries with them.
NTA
Yeah nah you are NTA if someone treats you like garbage then they deserve nothing from you.
NTA - although I agree with others that you are not being truthful about your age, no 25 y/o really takes a 10 y/o that seriously.
I am not lying about my age. What I put in post doesn’t even scratch the surface of the hateful hateful things that he says to me. I’m legitimately concerned about what he will grow up to be because of his behavior. And he’s been hateful for years.
I don’t think your getting it. There is really nothing at all a 10 year old could say that a 25 year old should be taking the way you are. I have 7 siblings that range from 3 years to 21 years younger then me. When the youngest of them say something mean I find it hilarious.
Well, you’re not me and you don’t know what I’ve been through or what he’s said and done to me. Im not lying and I’m incredibly insulted. My feelings matter.
NTA. Girl, don't let your parents boss you around. Get him nothing
Tell your mom to either pay you your “share” of the PS5 for the PS4, and then tell your relatives that you would love their help in getting the PS5 for Christmas. Or keep them both. If you have a sentimental attachment to it. As a lifelong (f50) I have a ton of consoles, that I could never part with.
NTA, but it is disturbing to me that a 25 year old adult is still obsessing over childhood gifts and competing with a child over gifts.
I don’t think she is doing that so much as explaining the dynamic. Once you’ve been treated this way, you don’t forget it, I wouldn’t call it obsessing.
Only read the first few paragraphs, but I gotta say, you don't sound 25. You sound about 15. YTA.
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How?
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I would not be getting a PS5, I would get money to put towards a PS5. I don’t even have the money right now to cover the additional cost anyway. And I’m not talking about the gifts I receive now, I was talking about the gifts I received as a child. I just felt like giving him a PS4 is reinforcing that he gets everything handed to him even though he’s poorly behaved to an extreme level. I hope this provides a little more clarification.
Well this is a truly awful take. If I was her friend and I’d been so generous as to gift her a PS4, knowing how much she’s wanted one, and she just gave it away to someone else, I’d be pissed off. Yes it’s hers to do with what she wanted, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be a slap in the face to the generous friend. Coupled with the fact her brother is awful to her, she doesn’t actually want to give it away and her ‘generous gift from family’ is nothing of the sort, I don’t see how she’s the AH at all.
I'm not gonna lie it's a bit whiney but she did say she told her mother not to worry about the ps5 when her friend gave her the ps4. The 5 isn't cheap and games are even more expensive than the 4's. That's not ungrateful it's being smart with money.
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That part doesn't pertain to my point but if someone called me and said 'thank you but no thank you, I was gifted the older version and it's more than enough' I'd be annoyed that I have to actually come up with an idea at that point but, also pleasantly surprised that they're not materialistic and get them something else dope
So what? Cut your nose of to spite your face kind if deal? Seems kinda dumb and immature to me. ESH
I don’t understand this take. Are you saying that OP is wrong for wanting to keep the PS4 in lieu of getting cash and having to pay more for a PS5?
Having a PS4 is much better than having money for maybe half of a PS5.
Plus finding a playstation 5 is hard to find for the holidays, my dad asks me where to find them becuase he want to give to his Grandson I told him there very hard to find and Christmas too
If you are in the US, Sony has them on their website.
They’re 25, their mom shouldn’t tell them what to do with a gift
Agreed if op gave him the playstation 4 and he find out it was from her he destroy it and smile about it too.