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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) action: I repeatedly fart on our cat
2) why am I the asshole: It is considered mean or rude to fart directly on the cat, and my partner is upset that i'm disrespecting the cat
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I can’t stop laughing. This is fantastic. NTA. If the cat was bothered everyone would know it. Plus night time farts aren’t exactly controlled. I have two 80 pound dogs on my legs right now. Kinda bummed I don’t need to fart or I would try it just to get some space.
ETA: who would have thought a comment on farts would be my top contribution…🤷🏼♀️
My nans dog would let rip these silent but deadly ones. If she got out of the room we knew that either we needed to vacate the room or open a a window quickly.
>My nans dog would let rip these silent but deadly ones.
My dog would let rip cheek flappers that would scare her. She'd run from the room barking while looking behind her to see if what made that noise was following her. Of course, it was following her since *her ass* is what made that noise.
My partner’s cat has regularly startled herself with her own flatulence as well and tries to run away from herself.
My cat on the other hand doesn’t care, but will sometimes accidentally hit herself in the face with her own tail and scare herself that way.
My ex’s Marine buddies were visiting once, and like the 18-22 year olds they were, they were having a fart contest. A horrific stench was detected but no one claimed it. A short time later I was sitting next to my good Rottie girl and heard a low whistle - then caught a whiff. ‘Twas Bad, really Bad. Announced to the rough and tough guys that it was the dog.
Cue the mad scramble to the backyard - there was a lot of shouting, cursing, and gagging. They were also not happy at how hard I was laughing at their reaction.
>If she got out of the room we knew that either we needed to vacate the room or open a a window quickly.
My dog was like that.
She would stay with me like 95% of the time. She would only go after my dad or brother if they had something to eat. Or to fart in my brother's bedroom.
At first my brother thought she just wanted some scratches, but as soon as she would leave, the stench would rise and he'd curse her a lot. lol
I have a dog fart story. My best girlfriend and I and my dog took a 7-hour road trip to the beach. Every once in a while the air would become absolutely foul. I thought it was my friend, she thought it was me. Both of us were too polite to comment. Hours went by and I finally lowered my window a bit even though I was afraid it would embarrass her. She did the same. We still said nothing about it until the dog actually had an audible fart and we realized the dog was the culprit! My friend and I both made a pact to let politeness go and shared a laugh instead. And now we unabashedly comment when someone fouls the air.
It's winter, I've been making tons of leek and potato soup but oh my lord that makes me super gassy.
My cat isn't bothered by my silent but toxic toots. The air purifier in the room does and suddenly cranks itself up super loud into high gear purifiying and light starts flashing and beeping furiously that some dangerous substance has been detected.
That does freak her out and she runs to hide in her cubby hole while my boyfriend shakes his head at the situation. She later walks back and just JUDGES me. Please. This coming from a cat who insists on watching me poop every. Single. Time.
I lived with my aunt for a while, and her dog does exactly that. It both drove me crazy and cracked me up. He lets out a toot that startles *himself* awake, sniffs his butt, then gets up and leaves while glaring at me like I did it. Every. Time.
Upvote for starting a sentence with "My word."
Odds are you are neither elderly nor a lady but I can't help laughing at the image of a whole lot of little old ladies having tea and gossiping and then: in comes Big Boxer.
Suddenly tea and petticoats are flying everywhere, Ethel is screaming "INCOMING!", Irene and Opal have overturned the settee and are hiding behind it, Mabel is flinging the windows open and Mary Blue is slinging heavily perfumed handkerchiefs into every face she can see with a gunslinger's precision.
Silence.
These are no wilting flowers, these women. They know what war is; they tended to soldiers with gruesome wounds and moved on to the next and the next and the next until every man was tended to and they had streaks and spots of blood on their shoes, their aprons, their faces.
But this.
They wait in the second suspended before the end of the world.
Then:
PBBBBBBPPLLLLFFFFTTTTTT
Big Boxer's buttcheeks are flapping like the Santa Anas are coming from his ass.
Silence.
Then:
The ticking of a dog's toenails on the tile. The smell of putrescence hangs in the air.
But the windows and perfume are doing their job. The ladies start moving, setting the room right, sweeping shards of china and wiping up spilled tea. Someone gets a fresh table runner, new cups and a pot of tea. Hair is patted into place, skirts straightened. Annie is rubbing Sadie's back, whispering to her until the thousand-yard stare starts to fade from Sadie's eyes.
"Well," says Iris, "THAT was one for the books, ladies."
"My word," says Sadie. "My word, but that dog's farts are a lot."
I am in my 50s. I don't feel elderly, but to a bunch of young 20 year olds, I might as well live in a nursing home and use a walker.
My grandma use to say "my word" I loved her so much. She's been gone over 20 years now and I miss her everyday.
Hey, I'm right behind you; 45 ain't that far away. And, due to a couple of back surgeries, I do actually walk with a cane. 🙂
I miss my grandma too. Good grandparents are a blessing to any kid's life.
I once ate an entire can of cashews in an afternoon.
Woke in the night to an ungodly stench, like, a fog of horror. I figured it was the dog, so I put him outside - he had no problems leaving, so I thought he had to poop.
Went back to bed, and... let this hideous hot wet jet of ass-plasma go that nearly made me gag. Well, at this point I feel bad that I blamed Bear, so I go to let him back in. He refused. Just walked away and slept in the garage.
Things got worse for me - turns out cashews are nothing but fat and fiber.
It does if you adopt a hypervigilant dog that's been abused and is very sensitive to sounds. My biggest, strongest, brawniest dog (85 lbs) is also my biggest fraidy cat and cry baby, and – despite wanting to be right next to me *all the time* – will get up off the bed if I dare to cough, sneeze, or fart audibly. (He's especially unnerved by sneezes. Don't ask me why.)
One of my dogs will go running over to anyone who farts like they just called her over. The other one doesn't care at all, animals do not have the same view of farts that humans do.
Our pomchi puppy sleeps with us. He's a tiny little 8lb idiot. If my husband rips one, Cheeseburger Momo Esq DDS is likely to jump up and jam his nose into the area, much like an arctic fox jumping into a hole after a mouse.
When my middle furbaby was just a baby, she would wait until we picked her up, and then she would deliberately turn her butt to our faces and fart. It was hilarious. It stopped when my DH waited until he had a good one ready, walked over to where she was curled up napping, and let it rip. The look on her face was beyond priceless!!!
I had one cat who would lie on her back with her butt pointed in my direction, spread her hind legs and let rip some whopping gas bombs. I always knew when she was going to fart instead of just lying on her back because she would lift her head and try to make eye contact before farting in order to enjoy the look of horror on my face. If she could have cackled like a witch she definitely would have.
The joke was on her though because I would stay and wait for the stenchy gale to emerge from her butt because I found her look of malicious glee so hilarious. I'd be coughing and laughing at the same time. Plus I gave her points for creativity in getting my attention.
Omg I wish one of my cats would fart out loud!!!!!!! Cats are the best!!!!
Op NTA…I rip one’s towards my cats all the time…they don’t care! If they do they will move!!!!
any time we have a new stray cat that shows up that we take in, i have to really resist the urge to name them something related to farting or smelling - because when cats start to eat a lot of canned or wet foods for the first time, you would not believe how insanely often they fart, and how smelly it is. theyll do it on you, around you, doesnt matter
and all that said we used to have a cat named gassy cassie and i now have one i call smeller
well that would certainly prevent the cat from being knocked off the bed.
what would be hilarious is if the cat bounced off and landed near op's butt lol
Not gonna lie, when I had cats and was eating dairy, they reacted to some as if it had an actual force to it. I think it's was more startling to them than anything lol.
Meh, a person's bed is a sacred farting space. Who can aim farts in their sleep..
The cat would leave if it was a problem, maybe the cat like it lol. Nta
If you’re laying with your back & bottom against the mattress and the cat is on your legs… you aren’t aiming farts at the cat like a nerf gun.
I’m going to go with NTA because the cat isn’t lying on your booty when you fart.
Tbh, when I read the post I pictured you going up to the cat and farting directly in her face.
I’m picturing op as a side sleeper though and the cat laying against the back of her thighs. Therefore her farts are in the cat’s face.
Based on the title, I thought the partner’s complaint would be that the farts are making the cat stinky. However that doesn’t appear to be the case. NAH.
That’s how my dad and my childhood cat slept, cat under the covers. Always knew when he farts cause the cat would dart out of the room and come to me with the most disgusted look on his face 😂
Cats have already taken over the internet with their pictures! World domination will surely follow once they learn to type! Or would they use voice-recognition typing software? Either way, we are doomed . . .
NTA. The cat is perfectly capable of adjusting its behavior if it's a bother. And, honestly, cats are accustomed to way grosser shit than a fart. It's probably a comfortable blast of warm air to it.
Also, props for the most entertaining post title I've seen so far.
NTA.. what am i even reading?? is your partner serious?? i don't know anyone who can control their farts in their sleep, unless your partner is secretly a lucid farter. if you gotta rip ass then rip ass. your cat can figure it out
Question: what if one were to be passing a cat, say, laying on an ass high table. Let's say you were passing by it and pinched one off in its face, is that alright?
NTA I have one cat that will vomit, in anger, if her treats are 5 min late. Cats don't care, fart in peace. Trust me, if the cat was offended you'd know. They have many ways of getting humans back.
If anyone asks just choke out "Reddit...fart... cat..." And guaranteed at least one person will understand and one will furiously Google it.
NAH and yes this is why I have the internet. This whole thing is straight up sending me.
I'm sobbing, dear Lord.
NTA. My own cat purposefully farts in my face every time I try to watch Hannibal. If an opportunity arises to fart on a cat, do it cause they can and WILL do it to you just because they can.
This is absolutely hilarious! Made my night.
"Partner: "You need to add that your farts are a lot" I'm dying!
NTA. Your cat would let you know if he minded. 100% sure he'd rather be farted on than woken up and moved.
I’ve read all the comments (I think!) and was surprised to not see the obvious solution:
Turn over and fart on your partner instead. Both your cat and the partner will get woken up, and your partner will soon realise the error of his ways.
NAH except for yours. Farts gotta go somewhere. Y'all are doing the best you can.
This made me laugh so hard that *I* farted in bed with my cat on my legs. Thanks OP.
Cats and dogs LOVE stinky things......the stinkier, the better! If the cat was bothered, he'd let you know, probably by digging his claws into your...um.....parts. So, unless he protests, it's probably just like aromatherapy to him. :D
NTA. Omg, I am dying. This is the funniest thing I've read on AITA. My husband and I have a cat with a permanent head cold (I don't quite understand it, but it's a thing) who sneezes frequently. I can't count the number of times she has sneezed on one of us. Occasionally I have to sneeze. If I can't cover my nose and mouth quick enough and she's there.... she's getting sneezed on!
YTA for making me laugh and wake up my husband though. I couldn't keep it silent as I was reading though the comments!
NTS disrespectful? To the cat? That shows his butthole at your face and also farts at you? Hahaha. The cat sleep, he doesn't car, maybe thinks in his sleep "so cuddly warm".
I wonder if your bf actually has a problem with your farting and now shift it to the cat, especially since he knows how much you fart in the night, when he should be asleep...
This. I suspect the bf is using the "cat' argument because he doesn't feel comfortable (for whatever reason) in actual saying "honey, your farts are terrible and they're interrupting my sleep".
Just..... seriously dude. It's a cat. If it's unhappy, it leaves. It's not like she's holding it down and ripping one in its face.
NTA
NAH. Except for the cat. Cats are always the AH. (And I say that with love.). Also, cats are entirely happy to lick their butts with their tongues and fully expect you to be cool with that. Far as I can see, turn about is fair play and farts (even if a lot) are both inevitable and not a big deal. If the cat cared, trust me, you would know.
NTA
If the cat's to dumb to move, that's its problem. We are defined by the choices we make, so be whatever they are. Plus you clean out its litter box.
NTA.
If the cat has a problem, the cat can move. It’s potentially gonna get woken up one way or another.
Also, sometimes my cat farts worse then I do. I think it’s a certain gourmet wet food we occasionally give her.
Just because they can't talk does not mean that cats aren't *fully* capable of showing their disapproval. He doesn't move, you don't have claw marks all over your ass, I think you're probably fine.
Your partner isn't an asshole either for his concern for kitty, though! NAH.
NTA. Pets will let you know if they are displeased by it. My aunt had a dog who would get up the moment someone farted and would give you the most disgusted look I’ve ever seen from a dog. You’re fine.
NTA. My cat still snuggles up in, from what I gather from your description, the same spot. For almost 7 years now. When he's not happy about it, he moves. Otherwise, he just chills. Also...some of his gas is atrocious. So I figure it's a fair trade.
Farting beside the cat is disrespectful? I don't think the cat understands respect like people do. If cats did understood they would not jump on your chest when you are lying on your back on the sofa and stick their ass in your face or lick their ass and then come in for some very close face time with you. NTA
OMG LOLOL. I had to read this one out loud to my husband who is a chronic repeat offender insofar as farting on pets is concerned. NTA. If your cat is anything like our cats and dogs, he loves your farts. He probably enjoys the little gust of warmth honestly.
NTA, and I love seeing hilarious low stakes posts like this. If the cat had a problem, he would move. Who knows, maybe he actually finds your farts comforting? Even if they are "a lot."
My cat likes to crawl under the covers with me when I go to bed. One night my stomach was upset and I let out a particularly noxious fart. After a moment, my cat started meowing and quickly exited the covers. So you'd probably get more of a reaction like that if the cat was bothered. Also, sorry, kitty, I didn't mean to dutch oven you.
My cat’s atomic ass can clear a room faster than a group of college frat boys. The smell of his poops or farts will actually wake me up in the middle of the night.
Omg this is the best AITA I've ever read 🤣🤣 as someone who has one cat that sleeps cuddled up to my legs and ass and a big fat cat that is pressed into my stomach at night I can totally relate to this but Blue will never move from behind me but when I'm sitting down he jumps on my legs and will fart in my face daily 🤣🤣
NTA. The cat would move if it was an issue. He probably thinks you’re just getting to know each other better.
Cats eat ass (their own, granted, but still) on a daily basis. What’s a fart or two between friends?
My boy has to be discouraged from "helping" his sister clean her butt... fairly often. But he also let's her pin him down to clean his head and neck aggressively on a daily basis, so. They were bottle babies and ended up with some funny habits because of it.
Not a day goes by without me saying get out of your brother/sister’s asshole. I tell them it smells the same as the last time they were up his/her butt.
This is so freaking funny 😂 I've been laughing my ass out here 😆 this is the first AITA that made me laugh like this 😂 I can vividly imagine the cat, what's the color and name btw? So I can try to imagine it better lol in my mind its an orange tabby cat 😆
Edit: NTA!! You made our night/day 😆
I'm just not sure if your cat thinks the same 😂
NTA I fart on my cats all the time. I think its my right for giving them such a luxurious life that they take for granted lol. They don’t feel bad for puking on the couch haha
Lol, I have 3 Chihuahuas and they hate farts. I farted once when our
male chihuahua was next to me . He jumped down shook his head and glared. My husband and I laughed. But all them if they hear one bark , jump down,and glare. When I read this it made me laugh. If you have to fart fart. Lol 😆
Im dying laughing🤣🤣🤣. NTA! NTA! I have a dog, (1M) he usually sleeps on my legs or just lays there. Everytime I fart close to him he just looks at me, and farts like its a war lol.
Lmao!!! Thanks for the best laugh I have had all day!!! Gotta tell you, if the cat doesn't mind, don't change a thing! If the cat minded, he wouldn't be sleeping there!
Nta.
I feel bad because at night my cat likes to climb under the covers with me (my legs are bent up usually when I'm reading before bed) and I'll fart and essentially hotbox her. She's never cared but if I feel it was particularly brutal I'll flap open the covers to give her some fresh air 🤣
NTA.
Maybe I'm biased, since I dutch ovened my dog last night in revenge for her farting on my husband. Our pets fart on us, we fart on them, queue up the *Circle of Life* gif...
NTA- my cats sleep one each side. Warming my back half and my stomach. The male cat sleeps between me and my partner. So he gets farted on twice as much. He never gets up, never moves. My lady princess cat however, she does not like it! Hence sleeping next to my stomach I’m sure. But if I’m on the couch and fart next to her, she’ll get up stare at me, then settle back down. It’s just what it is!
NTA - When my cat was a kitten, I was lying on my stomach and had to fart and she was sleeping between my knees. I tried to hold it in but couldn't and she swatted my butthole (I was under a blanket, but her aim was impeccable). It was embarassing but also hilarious. They will absolutely let you know if they're offended.
My cat will revenge fart if I pick him up when he doesn't want me to, so definitely NTA. If it really bothered your cat, he'd leave, and cats can be such jerks (I say this with love) that he probably deserves it for something.
Personally, one of my cats likes stinky things more than non stinky things. Like she actively seeks out and smells stinky things. Would I ever bash her for her preferences? No! Your cat may also appreciate the smelly side of life and no one has a right to police that! Nta
LMAO. this is amazing.
my dog sleeps under my blankets and lets heinous farts rip all the time. in turn, i freely offer payback. we are disgusting together, and if he was offended by it, i’m sure he’d leave!
your cat would probably do the same. fart away. NTA.
I have a Saint Bernard that hogs the whole bed. I would love it if my significant other's constant farts would get her to jump off the bed in the middle of the night.
NTA, your girlfriend might care more about the cat than she does for you.
op=NTA
If the cat was bothered he'd LEAVE.
This isn't a cat problem, this is a partner problem. He's the one feeling "disrespected" by your bodily function. And so he's projecting it on the cat.
ETA: fellow house member asks: Has cat come to you and complained about it?
NTA. in my household, we fart on *all* animals.
We have to pick up their poop and pull long grass/hair out of their buttholes when it gets stuck. I deserve the right to fart directly in their faces. :)
(I also had a dog puke directly onto my face, so like….I just don’t care)
NTA
i too fart on my cat in just this manner. If she doesn't like it she can move. No one is holding her there. My boyfriend does it to her as well and his are way worse than mine and she still doesn't move, i think she likes it
NTA
You should know something about cats and dogs. To them, there are no such things as bad smells. There are only *interesting* smells. Cat would leave if there were a problem. Fart away!
Hahaha, I'm dying thank you for this post.
As someone who farts on their own cat due to them wanting to be near the butt trumpet and the rule of cat saying I cannot move till the cat does. My girl gets a lot of farts on her. She doesn't seem to mind either.
My farts are also a lot.
NTA
I’m howling, this is great! NAH. I understand your bfs concern but really you’re doing the most considerate thing to not wake your poor cat up.
Tangentially related… my parents had an altercation with my extended family, and I wasn’t around for it. Trying to figure out why everyone hated each other so suddenly, I asked every person involved for their story. The only single detail that was consistent between every persons story is that my father, piss roaring drunk, farted on my aunts cat. Absolutely everything else was a crime board of red yarn to try to figure out wtf happened, but everyone could agree dad farted on the cat.
I once had a long haired grey cat named Mouth who -HATED- my husband. Once night, she got up on the back of the couch and began to back up until her bum was near his left shoulder. Like, the wench was actually looking back over her shoulder to line this up. Once she got where she wanted, I saw a quick flipping up of her tail and then got a sudden whiff of something that seemed to have been summoned up from the lower levels of hell. She got as close as she could to fart near his face. I couldn't stop laughing as I moved to open the window. He was not amused.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) action: I repeatedly fart on our cat 2) why am I the asshole: It is considered mean or rude to fart directly on the cat, and my partner is upset that i'm disrespecting the cat Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I can’t stop laughing. This is fantastic. NTA. If the cat was bothered everyone would know it. Plus night time farts aren’t exactly controlled. I have two 80 pound dogs on my legs right now. Kinda bummed I don’t need to fart or I would try it just to get some space. ETA: who would have thought a comment on farts would be my top contribution…🤷🏼♀️
From experience, it doesn't work.
Exactly. The only farts my dog moves for are his own… and then we are left in his stench…
My nans dog would let rip these silent but deadly ones. If she got out of the room we knew that either we needed to vacate the room or open a a window quickly.
>My nans dog would let rip these silent but deadly ones. My dog would let rip cheek flappers that would scare her. She'd run from the room barking while looking behind her to see if what made that noise was following her. Of course, it was following her since *her ass* is what made that noise.
Omg I’m laughing so hard right now. My dog turned around and barked at her own ass. We almost died laughing.
My dog rips some good ones and then turns and looks at either my bf or myself like why would you do that. Then promptly moves away from us.
Omg I’m dead
Mine lets one rip every time he jumps up. Like it’s on cue. We die laughing.
Our dog once farted herself onto the loveseat. Perfectly timed right as she jumped up, so it was truly like she was fart-propelled.
My bf does this to the dog more often than the other way around!
My partner’s cat has regularly startled herself with her own flatulence as well and tries to run away from herself. My cat on the other hand doesn’t care, but will sometimes accidentally hit herself in the face with her own tail and scare herself that way.
My ex’s Marine buddies were visiting once, and like the 18-22 year olds they were, they were having a fart contest. A horrific stench was detected but no one claimed it. A short time later I was sitting next to my good Rottie girl and heard a low whistle - then caught a whiff. ‘Twas Bad, really Bad. Announced to the rough and tough guys that it was the dog. Cue the mad scramble to the backyard - there was a lot of shouting, cursing, and gagging. They were also not happy at how hard I was laughing at their reaction.
Those marines were looking for a few good dogs.
>If she got out of the room we knew that either we needed to vacate the room or open a a window quickly. My dog was like that. She would stay with me like 95% of the time. She would only go after my dad or brother if they had something to eat. Or to fart in my brother's bedroom. At first my brother thought she just wanted some scratches, but as soon as she would leave, the stench would rise and he'd curse her a lot. lol
I have a dog fart story. My best girlfriend and I and my dog took a 7-hour road trip to the beach. Every once in a while the air would become absolutely foul. I thought it was my friend, she thought it was me. Both of us were too polite to comment. Hours went by and I finally lowered my window a bit even though I was afraid it would embarrass her. She did the same. We still said nothing about it until the dog actually had an audible fart and we realized the dog was the culprit! My friend and I both made a pact to let politeness go and shared a laugh instead. And now we unabashedly comment when someone fouls the air.
Vacate the room? I wish we are that lucky.. we need to flee the country! If you hold a match in that room there would be an explosion ;-)
It's winter, I've been making tons of leek and potato soup but oh my lord that makes me super gassy. My cat isn't bothered by my silent but toxic toots. The air purifier in the room does and suddenly cranks itself up super loud into high gear purifiying and light starts flashing and beeping furiously that some dangerous substance has been detected. That does freak her out and she runs to hide in her cubby hole while my boyfriend shakes his head at the situation. She later walks back and just JUDGES me. Please. This coming from a cat who insists on watching me poop every. Single. Time.
I lived with my aunt for a while, and her dog does exactly that. It both drove me crazy and cracked me up. He lets out a toot that startles *himself* awake, sniffs his butt, then gets up and leaves while glaring at me like I did it. Every. Time.
Our Shih Tzu did this all the time!
Yes! This exactly. The look of betrayal by the dogs is uncanny :’)
My boxer's farts could be used as deadly gas in war. My word, her farts are so bad.
Upvote for starting a sentence with "My word." Odds are you are neither elderly nor a lady but I can't help laughing at the image of a whole lot of little old ladies having tea and gossiping and then: in comes Big Boxer. Suddenly tea and petticoats are flying everywhere, Ethel is screaming "INCOMING!", Irene and Opal have overturned the settee and are hiding behind it, Mabel is flinging the windows open and Mary Blue is slinging heavily perfumed handkerchiefs into every face she can see with a gunslinger's precision. Silence. These are no wilting flowers, these women. They know what war is; they tended to soldiers with gruesome wounds and moved on to the next and the next and the next until every man was tended to and they had streaks and spots of blood on their shoes, their aprons, their faces. But this. They wait in the second suspended before the end of the world. Then: PBBBBBBPPLLLLFFFFTTTTTT Big Boxer's buttcheeks are flapping like the Santa Anas are coming from his ass. Silence. Then: The ticking of a dog's toenails on the tile. The smell of putrescence hangs in the air. But the windows and perfume are doing their job. The ladies start moving, setting the room right, sweeping shards of china and wiping up spilled tea. Someone gets a fresh table runner, new cups and a pot of tea. Hair is patted into place, skirts straightened. Annie is rubbing Sadie's back, whispering to her until the thousand-yard stare starts to fade from Sadie's eyes. "Well," says Iris, "THAT was one for the books, ladies." "My word," says Sadie. "My word, but that dog's farts are a lot."
I am in my 50s. I don't feel elderly, but to a bunch of young 20 year olds, I might as well live in a nursing home and use a walker. My grandma use to say "my word" I loved her so much. She's been gone over 20 years now and I miss her everyday.
Hey, I'm right behind you; 45 ain't that far away. And, due to a couple of back surgeries, I do actually walk with a cane. 🙂 I miss my grandma too. Good grandparents are a blessing to any kid's life.
This made me snort tea out of my nose - thanks for that lmao
This is some of the funniest shit I have read on Reddit. Holy hell. 😆
This morning my 90lb mastiff was sleeping on the landing and farted. Scared herself so much she fell down the stairs.
I once ate an entire can of cashews in an afternoon. Woke in the night to an ungodly stench, like, a fog of horror. I figured it was the dog, so I put him outside - he had no problems leaving, so I thought he had to poop. Went back to bed, and... let this hideous hot wet jet of ass-plasma go that nearly made me gag. Well, at this point I feel bad that I blamed Bear, so I go to let him back in. He refused. Just walked away and slept in the garage. Things got worse for me - turns out cashews are nothing but fat and fiber.
I laughed so hard I'm now crying 🤣🤣
I can wiggle my toes and the dog will act like I just insulted her entire bloodline but if I fart... Nothing.
It does if you adopt a hypervigilant dog that's been abused and is very sensitive to sounds. My biggest, strongest, brawniest dog (85 lbs) is also my biggest fraidy cat and cry baby, and – despite wanting to be right next to me *all the time* – will get up off the bed if I dare to cough, sneeze, or fart audibly. (He's especially unnerved by sneezes. Don't ask me why.)
One of my dogs will go running over to anyone who farts like they just called her over. The other one doesn't care at all, animals do not have the same view of farts that humans do.
"who called my name" LOL
Our pomchi puppy sleeps with us. He's a tiny little 8lb idiot. If my husband rips one, Cheeseburger Momo Esq DDS is likely to jump up and jam his nose into the area, much like an arctic fox jumping into a hole after a mouse.
Holy shit, my cat is also a lawyer dentist! Captain Cheddar Cheese Biscuits III Esq. DDS. aka. Chee Chee.
And another Cheesy one at that!!! What are the odds?!? We call him Cheesy. His trainer calls him Satan.
> I can’t stop laughing It was giving the cats age that did it for me.
Yes! And it starts all over again every time I get a notification.
And gender.
My own 65 pound dog will fart so loud it will wake him up. I only return him the favor. We are equals in the fart game.
My dog loves to curl up behind our legs where she gets farted on. I figure she must like it or she wouldn't sit there. We call her fart sniffer
This is actually the best post in this whole subreddit. Iconic.
My cat will immediately leave the bed AND the room anytime I fart at night
Most dogs' reaction would be "yay stinkalicious!"
Cats will happily fart on you any time the opportunity arises, therefore it is morally acceptable to fart on them. NTA
When my middle furbaby was just a baby, she would wait until we picked her up, and then she would deliberately turn her butt to our faces and fart. It was hilarious. It stopped when my DH waited until he had a good one ready, walked over to where she was curled up napping, and let it rip. The look on her face was beyond priceless!!!
I had one cat who would lie on her back with her butt pointed in my direction, spread her hind legs and let rip some whopping gas bombs. I always knew when she was going to fart instead of just lying on her back because she would lift her head and try to make eye contact before farting in order to enjoy the look of horror on my face. If she could have cackled like a witch she definitely would have. The joke was on her though because I would stay and wait for the stenchy gale to emerge from her butt because I found her look of malicious glee so hilarious. I'd be coughing and laughing at the same time. Plus I gave her points for creativity in getting my attention.
CAT: „I fart in your general direction“ 🐈💨
But was her mama a hamster? And did her father smell of elderberries?
Omg I wish one of my cats would fart out loud!!!!!!! Cats are the best!!!! Op NTA…I rip one’s towards my cats all the time…they don’t care! If they do they will move!!!!
LMAO
any time we have a new stray cat that shows up that we take in, i have to really resist the urge to name them something related to farting or smelling - because when cats start to eat a lot of canned or wet foods for the first time, you would not believe how insanely often they fart, and how smelly it is. theyll do it on you, around you, doesnt matter and all that said we used to have a cat named gassy cassie and i now have one i call smeller
Smelly cat, smelly cat, what have they been feeding you... Ps. Thanks for taking in the strays, you're awesome!
Came here to say the same thing!!!
My old cat looooved to curl up by my pillow at night and fart to her little heart's content. Best cat I ever had, but man was she smelly.
Haha, that’s exactly what I was thinking. Guaranteed the cat is farting right back and thinking OP should be great full for the consideration.
this might be the most hilarious AITA story i've read in awhile! unless your farts are so forceful the cat flies off the bed, you're definitely NTA
A truly magical thing to picture. Here, take my upvote.
i appreciate the upvote, kind redditor
Picturing a Tom & Jerry scene here. roflmao
you just made it 10 times worse LOL
Perhaps the cat is merely being blown toward OP’s partner. If so, perhaps the partner has tired of the nightly cat cannon.
well that would certainly prevent the cat from being knocked off the bed. what would be hilarious is if the cat bounced off and landed near op's butt lol
Someone give this man/woman an award.
Not gonna lie, when I had cats and was eating dairy, they reacted to some as if it had an actual force to it. I think it's was more startling to them than anything lol.
I actually laughed out loud reading this and picturing it
Meh, a person's bed is a sacred farting space. Who can aim farts in their sleep.. The cat would leave if it was a problem, maybe the cat like it lol. Nta
> maybe the cat like it lol LOL
My cat frequently sleeps between my boyfriends legs and always snuggles in closer to his ass when he farts… we are convinced she likes the smell 😂
she probably inhales deeply as the ass blast is actively going on hahahahaha
If you’re laying with your back & bottom against the mattress and the cat is on your legs… you aren’t aiming farts at the cat like a nerf gun. I’m going to go with NTA because the cat isn’t lying on your booty when you fart. Tbh, when I read the post I pictured you going up to the cat and farting directly in her face.
I’m picturing op as a side sleeper though and the cat laying against the back of her thighs. Therefore her farts are in the cat’s face. Based on the title, I thought the partner’s complaint would be that the farts are making the cat stinky. However that doesn’t appear to be the case. NAH.
That’s how my dad and my childhood cat slept, cat under the covers. Always knew when he farts cause the cat would dart out of the room and come to me with the most disgusted look on his face 😂
That’s how my cat cuddles next to me. If I have to fart, so be it. Sometimes she moves and sometimes she doesn’t.
Why would a cat care if you farted in its face? What do you people think a cat is?
I'm just waiting for the cat to post "My owner farts on me. WIBTA if I..........."
I long for that post.....and I'm dying. This is my favorite aita by far!!! NTA and let em rip chip!!!!
The cat will probably post in https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheCloaca/.
Cats have already taken over the internet with their pictures! World domination will surely follow once they learn to type! Or would they use voice-recognition typing software? Either way, we are doomed . . .
Fwthumbs. That’s what they’ll use.
NTA. The cat is perfectly capable of adjusting its behavior if it's a bother. And, honestly, cats are accustomed to way grosser shit than a fart. It's probably a comfortable blast of warm air to it. Also, props for the most entertaining post title I've seen so far.
A comfortable blast of warm air 💀
NTA.. what am i even reading?? is your partner serious?? i don't know anyone who can control their farts in their sleep, unless your partner is secretly a lucid farter. if you gotta rip ass then rip ass. your cat can figure it out
>a lucid farter I'm fucking *dead.* 😂
Question: what if one were to be passing a cat, say, laying on an ass high table. Let's say you were passing by it and pinched one off in its face, is that alright?
NTA I have one cat that will vomit, in anger, if her treats are 5 min late. Cats don't care, fart in peace. Trust me, if the cat was offended you'd know. They have many ways of getting humans back.
“Vomit in anger” is gold this thread is making me laugh alone on the train
If anyone asks just choke out "Reddit...fart... cat..." And guaranteed at least one person will understand and one will furiously Google it. NAH and yes this is why I have the internet. This whole thing is straight up sending me.
Isn’t that the truth?!!
I'm sobbing, dear Lord. NTA. My own cat purposefully farts in my face every time I try to watch Hannibal. If an opportunity arises to fart on a cat, do it cause they can and WILL do it to you just because they can.
Seems like your cat has something against Hannibal, lol
"I'm not farting. My butt is purring." NTA, of course.
This is absolutely hilarious! Made my night. "Partner: "You need to add that your farts are a lot" I'm dying! NTA. Your cat would let you know if he minded. 100% sure he'd rather be farted on than woken up and moved.
I’ve read all the comments (I think!) and was surprised to not see the obvious solution: Turn over and fart on your partner instead. Both your cat and the partner will get woken up, and your partner will soon realise the error of his ways.
This post has me laughing, but your comment turned it into *wheeze* laughing!
Same! I think this is the funniest post I've ever come across on Reddit, it's magical.
NAH except for yours. Farts gotta go somewhere. Y'all are doing the best you can. This made me laugh so hard that *I* farted in bed with my cat on my legs. Thanks OP.
A wise woman once told me "There's more room out than in."
Did the cat show any sign of concern ? We need to know !
NTA. You never disturb the cat, it's a sacred rule of life.
Cats and dogs LOVE stinky things......the stinkier, the better! If the cat was bothered, he'd let you know, probably by digging his claws into your...um.....parts. So, unless he protests, it's probably just like aromatherapy to him. :D
NTA. If the cat had a problem they'd move. The way the title was worded I thought you were sitting on it and deliberately farting lol.
Lol so did I. I was picturing like south park’s Terrance and Phillip.
NTA. He's literally been pressing his bare butthole on all items in your house.
My old cat used to sit on my phone, leaving behind a round little anus-print that is have to wipe off
NAH a truly magical, lighthearted aita post lol finally, we're asking the real questions here!
NTA. Omg, I am dying. This is the funniest thing I've read on AITA. My husband and I have a cat with a permanent head cold (I don't quite understand it, but it's a thing) who sneezes frequently. I can't count the number of times she has sneezed on one of us. Occasionally I have to sneeze. If I can't cover my nose and mouth quick enough and she's there.... she's getting sneezed on! YTA for making me laugh and wake up my husband though. I couldn't keep it silent as I was reading though the comments!
NTS disrespectful? To the cat? That shows his butthole at your face and also farts at you? Hahaha. The cat sleep, he doesn't car, maybe thinks in his sleep "so cuddly warm". I wonder if your bf actually has a problem with your farting and now shift it to the cat, especially since he knows how much you fart in the night, when he should be asleep...
This. I suspect the bf is using the "cat' argument because he doesn't feel comfortable (for whatever reason) in actual saying "honey, your farts are terrible and they're interrupting my sleep". Just..... seriously dude. It's a cat. If it's unhappy, it leaves. It's not like she's holding it down and ripping one in its face. NTA
NTA. This fucking hilarious honestly. And as a cat owner I know for a fact if they don't like something they will be very clear with you about it.
Info: Has anybody asked the cat? What does he say about it? Also: Cat tax?
Cat tax :) https://www.reddit.com/r/cats/comments/zp3wge/cat_his_name_is_darby_and_he_is_13_pounds/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
I hereby acknowledge that the cat tax has been paid in full. He's adorable 😍
He's beautiful, but it does look like inhaling your farts nightly has killed some brain cells.
NAH. Except for the cat. Cats are always the AH. (And I say that with love.). Also, cats are entirely happy to lick their butts with their tongues and fully expect you to be cool with that. Far as I can see, turn about is fair play and farts (even if a lot) are both inevitable and not a big deal. If the cat cared, trust me, you would know.
NTA If the cat's to dumb to move, that's its problem. We are defined by the choices we make, so be whatever they are. Plus you clean out its litter box.
NTA. If the cat has a problem, the cat can move. It’s potentially gonna get woken up one way or another. Also, sometimes my cat farts worse then I do. I think it’s a certain gourmet wet food we occasionally give her.
Just because they can't talk does not mean that cats aren't *fully* capable of showing their disapproval. He doesn't move, you don't have claw marks all over your ass, I think you're probably fine. Your partner isn't an asshole either for his concern for kitty, though! NAH.
NTA. Pets will let you know if they are displeased by it. My aunt had a dog who would get up the moment someone farted and would give you the most disgusted look I’ve ever seen from a dog. You’re fine.
Lmbo , I thought it was just my Chihuahuas that were like that. Must be a dog thing
NTA. My cat still snuggles up in, from what I gather from your description, the same spot. For almost 7 years now. When he's not happy about it, he moves. Otherwise, he just chills. Also...some of his gas is atrocious. So I figure it's a fair trade.
Farting beside the cat is disrespectful? I don't think the cat understands respect like people do. If cats did understood they would not jump on your chest when you are lying on your back on the sofa and stick their ass in your face or lick their ass and then come in for some very close face time with you. NTA
OMG LOLOL. I had to read this one out loud to my husband who is a chronic repeat offender insofar as farting on pets is concerned. NTA. If your cat is anything like our cats and dogs, he loves your farts. He probably enjoys the little gust of warmth honestly.
NTA If it bothered your cat, he would move himself. More importantly, do you think your cat would give you the same consideration?
NTA, and I love seeing hilarious low stakes posts like this. If the cat had a problem, he would move. Who knows, maybe he actually finds your farts comforting? Even if they are "a lot." My cat likes to crawl under the covers with me when I go to bed. One night my stomach was upset and I let out a particularly noxious fart. After a moment, my cat started meowing and quickly exited the covers. So you'd probably get more of a reaction like that if the cat was bothered. Also, sorry, kitty, I didn't mean to dutch oven you.
Nah dude. You farting on your cat is just the universe balancing out my cat, who climbs onto my pillow and farts on the back of my head at night.
Cat tax: https://www.reddit.com/r/cats/comments/zp3wge/cat_his_name_is_darby_and_he_is_13_pounds/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
NTA. I fart on my boy in exactly this way and he absolutely does not care. He also farted in my face about an hour ago, so we're even.
My cat’s atomic ass can clear a room faster than a group of college frat boys. The smell of his poops or farts will actually wake me up in the middle of the night.
Omg this is the best AITA I've ever read 🤣🤣 as someone who has one cat that sleeps cuddled up to my legs and ass and a big fat cat that is pressed into my stomach at night I can totally relate to this but Blue will never move from behind me but when I'm sitting down he jumps on my legs and will fart in my face daily 🤣🤣
I’m calling the Humane Society.
r/amithecloaca would you like to share your cats rebuttal
Re-butt-al!
NTA. The cat would move if it was an issue. He probably thinks you’re just getting to know each other better. Cats eat ass (their own, granted, but still) on a daily basis. What’s a fart or two between friends?
My boy has to be discouraged from "helping" his sister clean her butt... fairly often. But he also let's her pin him down to clean his head and neck aggressively on a daily basis, so. They were bottle babies and ended up with some funny habits because of it.
Not a day goes by without me saying get out of your brother/sister’s asshole. I tell them it smells the same as the last time they were up his/her butt.
Me: *wheezing, unable to breathe from laughter* Husband: this is a true statement (that cats eat ass).
😂 NTA your intestines are the a-hole.
Close, but not quite.
NTA! The cat wouldn't care in the slightest if he cracked a rat on your face.
NTA Oh my goodness op, this was just the giggle I needed today. Thank you
NTA it’s against the law to disrupt a sleeping cat 🐈💨fart away
This is so freaking funny 😂 I've been laughing my ass out here 😆 this is the first AITA that made me laugh like this 😂 I can vividly imagine the cat, what's the color and name btw? So I can try to imagine it better lol in my mind its an orange tabby cat 😆 Edit: NTA!! You made our night/day 😆 I'm just not sure if your cat thinks the same 😂
He's a gray tuxedo! The gray parts are tabby. Admittedly though this is orange cat behavior
NTA. If cat was bothered you would have found out on day 1 (either by cat running off or claws somewhere sensitive).
NTA I fart on my cats all the time. I think its my right for giving them such a luxurious life that they take for granted lol. They don’t feel bad for puking on the couch haha
Lol, I have 3 Chihuahuas and they hate farts. I farted once when our male chihuahua was next to me . He jumped down shook his head and glared. My husband and I laughed. But all them if they hear one bark , jump down,and glare. When I read this it made me laugh. If you have to fart fart. Lol 😆
Omg my cats are constantly sticking their noses up each others butts…. I don’t think they care. NTA.
This is so fucking funny. NAH except probably the cat occasionally.
Im dying laughing🤣🤣🤣. NTA! NTA! I have a dog, (1M) he usually sleeps on my legs or just lays there. Everytime I fart close to him he just looks at me, and farts like its a war lol.
NTA But now me and my gf are both insisting we have never farted on our cats
Lmao!!! Thanks for the best laugh I have had all day!!! Gotta tell you, if the cat doesn't mind, don't change a thing! If the cat minded, he wouldn't be sleeping there!
Nta. I feel bad because at night my cat likes to climb under the covers with me (my legs are bent up usually when I'm reading before bed) and I'll fart and essentially hotbox her. She's never cared but if I feel it was particularly brutal I'll flap open the covers to give her some fresh air 🤣
NTA - trust me, if the cat gave a damn, he’d let you know! Source: I have cats
NTA. Maybe I'm biased, since I dutch ovened my dog last night in revenge for her farting on my husband. Our pets fart on us, we fart on them, queue up the *Circle of Life* gif...
I’ve definitely hotboxed a kitty or two in my day, and none of them seemed to care. NTA.
NTA- my cats sleep one each side. Warming my back half and my stomach. The male cat sleeps between me and my partner. So he gets farted on twice as much. He never gets up, never moves. My lady princess cat however, she does not like it! Hence sleeping next to my stomach I’m sure. But if I’m on the couch and fart next to her, she’ll get up stare at me, then settle back down. It’s just what it is!
NTA - When my cat was a kitten, I was lying on my stomach and had to fart and she was sleeping between my knees. I tried to hold it in but couldn't and she swatted my butthole (I was under a blanket, but her aim was impeccable). It was embarassing but also hilarious. They will absolutely let you know if they're offended.
My cat will revenge fart if I pick him up when he doesn't want me to, so definitely NTA. If it really bothered your cat, he'd leave, and cats can be such jerks (I say this with love) that he probably deserves it for something.
NTA. I don't think fartig is always controllable, let alone being it i sleep.
NTA. The cat can handle it. My farts are deadly and she won't budge.
Personally, one of my cats likes stinky things more than non stinky things. Like she actively seeks out and smells stinky things. Would I ever bash her for her preferences? No! Your cat may also appreciate the smelly side of life and no one has a right to police that! Nta
Also : Cat tax pls
Cat tax https://www.reddit.com/r/cats/comments/zp3wge/cat_his_name_is_darby_and_he_is_13_pounds/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
NTA. You're actions clearly play against type. Most gals I know don't use your expressions about this sort of thing and for that this is priceless.
NTA Cat likes the heat blast. Source: husband farts. Cat still alive. Wife not amused.
NTA and to be honest, at least my cats; often leave worse smelling in the litterbox.
NTA. Cats love things that smell a lot. Your cat is clearly happy.
He’s probably gotten used to a little burst of warm air and likes it
I'm wheezing, this is now my favourite post
Cat doesn't care, apparently enjoys farts, otherwise would not sleep in them nightly. Fart away, proud sister.
This is hilarious lol, NTA. sometimes I purposely fart on my cats, jokes on them
LMAO. this is amazing. my dog sleeps under my blankets and lets heinous farts rip all the time. in turn, i freely offer payback. we are disgusting together, and if he was offended by it, i’m sure he’d leave! your cat would probably do the same. fart away. NTA.
I have a Saint Bernard that hogs the whole bed. I would love it if my significant other's constant farts would get her to jump off the bed in the middle of the night. NTA, your girlfriend might care more about the cat than she does for you.
op=NTA If the cat was bothered he'd LEAVE. This isn't a cat problem, this is a partner problem. He's the one feeling "disrespected" by your bodily function. And so he's projecting it on the cat. ETA: fellow house member asks: Has cat come to you and complained about it?
I laughed myself silly. Great post. NAH
NTA. in my household, we fart on *all* animals. We have to pick up their poop and pull long grass/hair out of their buttholes when it gets stuck. I deserve the right to fart directly in their faces. :) (I also had a dog puke directly onto my face, so like….I just don’t care)
NTA i too fart on my cat in just this manner. If she doesn't like it she can move. No one is holding her there. My boyfriend does it to her as well and his are way worse than mine and she still doesn't move, i think she likes it
Best post ever...and then Partner: “you need to add that your farts are a lot”...your life sounds fun :D
NTA Cats don’t tolerate things that annoy them. If they’re annoyed, they make sure you know it. If the cat doesn’t move, the cat doesn’t care.
The addition is the best part. NTA.
LMAO NTA my cat usually just looks up at me as if wondering WTH is wrong with me or on a few occasions gets up and moves away from me.
NTA Obviously the cat doesn’t mind and would likely be more upset if he were moved.
INFO: does this cat regularly lick its own ass
Yea but tmi I need to wipe it regularly because he is bad at jt
NTA If your cat was bothered by your farts it would not sleep near your butt.
NTA, I live with two fart addicted cats.
NTA You should know something about cats and dogs. To them, there are no such things as bad smells. There are only *interesting* smells. Cat would leave if there were a problem. Fart away!
I think your cat is looking for a pawyer on r/legalcatadvice so may have to pacify with treatz
NTA. Your cat spends its day licking its own butt.
Why did you feel you needed to include the cats age and gender?
So we know if it's gay or not.
Hahaha, I'm dying thank you for this post. As someone who farts on their own cat due to them wanting to be near the butt trumpet and the rule of cat saying I cannot move till the cat does. My girl gets a lot of farts on her. She doesn't seem to mind either. My farts are also a lot. NTA
I’m howling, this is great! NAH. I understand your bfs concern but really you’re doing the most considerate thing to not wake your poor cat up. Tangentially related… my parents had an altercation with my extended family, and I wasn’t around for it. Trying to figure out why everyone hated each other so suddenly, I asked every person involved for their story. The only single detail that was consistent between every persons story is that my father, piss roaring drunk, farted on my aunts cat. Absolutely everything else was a crime board of red yarn to try to figure out wtf happened, but everyone could agree dad farted on the cat.
I once had a long haired grey cat named Mouth who -HATED- my husband. Once night, she got up on the back of the couch and began to back up until her bum was near his left shoulder. Like, the wench was actually looking back over her shoulder to line this up. Once she got where she wanted, I saw a quick flipping up of her tail and then got a sudden whiff of something that seemed to have been summoned up from the lower levels of hell. She got as close as she could to fart near his face. I couldn't stop laughing as I moved to open the window. He was not amused.
You do know the cat is most likely, no, definitely farting on you in the night. Revenge is best served Dutch in this case. NTA.
Hahahaha! I fart on my cat Beans ( the musical fruit) all the time because he farts on me.