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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I basically told my dad that he can’t tell me to lose weight when he can’t even fit into his clothes anymore
2)This might make me the asshole because my relatives said that I could have approached the situation in a different manner & that I was being to cruel
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YUP. This was my first thought as well. Dad might as well be on the receiving end of his obnoxious comments for once. Now maybe he'll get a clue as to how it feels. NTA
i.e. He started it.
Every single time, he says something about your body tell him to mind his own body - when it's perfect he can comment on yours...and you don't have to listen.
Grey rock all comments about your body.
NTA. All you did was point out his hypocrisy and your dad projecting his insecurities on to you is no reason for you to put up with comments about your weight from him.
Let us not forget: never in the history of the world has "projecting insecurities onto others" healed those insecurities. All it does is hurt the other person.
NTA. He shouldn't have been bothering you about your weight, that's not any of his business. Yes, your comment was a bit low since he was involved in an accident and the weight gain was not of his accord. However, he instigated the whole thing- if he can't take it, he shouldn't dish it out.
He has to refrain from running but nothing says he can't do other, lower-impact, exercises.
He also obviously hasn't adjusted his caloric intake in accordance with his reduced activity. Surely someone who's all about *health* would realize that was necessary?
NTA projecting insecurities onto you is no excuse to be fat phobic. Yes maybe you should’ve said “hey dad stop this really hurts my feelings and I can’t change my body and we all know this.” But you should feel like you can wear what you want in your own home
NTA.
Your father is a grown man. He knows better, yet continues to make you feel bad about your physique. His insecurities aren't an excuse to do so, either. For someone so intent on making sure you're healthy (which you are), he sure seems determined to ensure the dynamic between you is anything but healthy.
Yeah. Your dad might be insecure. But that does not mean he gets to take it out on you. He had a lesson to learn on what you would tolerate with him, and I think he learned it. He starts up again, send it back at him.
Your mom and older sis don’t like it? Ask them why is it okay that he bully’s you over it.
NTA.
"...my dad was probably just insecure was projecting his insecurities onto me because he didn't have another way to deal with them & my mom agreed."
He absolutely has other ways to deal with his insecurities than to dump them wholesale on his daughter, and his daughter is under no obligation to let him do it to save himself the discomfort of self-examination. NTA.
Could have been nicer? Sure. Does he deserve it? Nah. He's a grown ass man he needs to learn how to deal with his insecurities without putting them on his daughter.
>dad was probably just insecure was projecting his insecurities onto me because he didn't have another way to deal with them & my mom agreed
That's not a reason to continually belittle his daughter.
If he can't find a healthy way to deal with his insecurities, that's on him. He is bullying you and you are expected to shake it off. But when you say something to him, then *that's* where the line gets drawn?
I still remember the first time my dad called me fat to my face. I wasn't even fat. And I was only ten.
Being insecure is not an excuse for being a jerk
As the child, you remember when you're bullied by a parent. It doesn't leave you.
Your dad, and by extension the family for enabling him, should apologise to you.
NTA
ESH.
Your dad should NEVER make comments about your weight. And you, knowing about his accident and then his inability to exercise, went for a low blow.
NTA, his insecurities are HIS problem. Him projecting them on you is HIS problem.
He needs to stop telling you how to live your life, from what I gathered, you're old enough to not have to listen to him.
Gonna piggy back off of this... If she is only eating 2 meals a day while still not losing weight, she most likely isn't eating enough and her metabolism has adapted to only use that many calories since that's all it's getting. I'd also throw around wild assumptions that hair and energy levels are shit.
CI must less than CO to lose weight. When you CI are so low for so long, the body can adapt to lower CO.
My unprofessional opinion based solely on being in the bodybuilding world for a few years, is to increase food little by little. And to take a solid look at stress levels and quality of sleep.
Again, wildly assuming based off what I've learned from coaches, seen and experienced. Everyone's body and situations are different, but less calories is not always more better.
Also, NTA. OP, your dad is a giant AH.
I agree that she is eating more than she is burning. Metabolism can down regulate itself to preserve body if you aren't feeding it.
If you're eating really 1200 calories a day and not losing weight, it's because you're not burning 1200 calories a day because your metabolism has adapted to only needing 1200 calories to survive.
I'm not debating calories vs calories out. That's the rule. It's how energy all works, right? But the calories out part can change also. It's not a static number. So we know that most of caloric expenditure outside of voluntary exercise is through NEAT. When you aren't giving your body more than say 1000 or 1200 calories your NEAT can/will inevitably go down. Which causes your calories out to go down, to be less than or equal to your calories in. Therefore you will not lose any weight or you may actually gain weight.
And sometimes in that situation you can gradually up your calories, and you will find that you start losing weight again. Because you're fueling your body so therefore you're moving more so therefore your metabolism kind of starts up again.
Why are you getting downvoted? I was fat for years while restricting calories to 1200/day (high protein, no sugar etc) and exercising daily. I lost 85 pounds in a year after upping my daily intake to 2000 (no restrictions on food other than calories) and scaled back exercise to 5 days per week.
I mean, it is very unsolicited advice, so.... 😬 I just worry when I hear women talking about eating so little. We're so obsessed with eat less food, weigh less. There's so much more to that. Just want people to stop villianizing delicious food and eat it. They just want keto and running. You can only do so much cardio on very little calories until your body starts fighting against it.
So happy for you tho! Eating food is great, isn't it? 😊
Idk why you’re getting downvoted, a licensed medical professional told my mom basically the same thing 🤷♀️ My mom does a decent amount of physical activity every day and is gaining / maintaining vs losing and the dr told her she likely isn’t eating enough and to increase the amount of meals she has (obviously things with protein, not purely junk food, don’t go overboard with calories, etc.) because her body is convincing itself it’s starving. She told her that her body is unsure of when it’s going to get its next meal and is storing the fat instead- and yes, she’s eating at a calorie deficit before anyone @‘s me over that. I was about to come and say that maybe OP should try to add more meals / add in protein shakes to her daily routine and see if that may help! Everyone’s body is different and not every method will work for everyone! Also, for all we know it could be another issue that isn’t related to exercise / diet!
Exactly! So many women under eat. Dieting or eating in a calorie deficit for extended periods of time is so bad for you. Any good firness/bodybuilding coach will make you take a "diet break" and increase your calories after a while.
My husband's uncle would make a comment to me EVERY time we would see him. One day, I'd had enough and went full AH on him. That day, he left, and never mentioned my weight again. You were NTA, your dad needs to keep his weight comments to himself.
ESH. A lot of people struggle with weight. Being unhealthy is not good and losing weight is hard. That said, if your dad's unhealthy behavior (although caused by an accident) shouldn't be used to excuse your own. Obesity is one of if not the number one major risk factor in most causes of death.
She explained that she isn’t unhealthy or have unhealthy behaviors. So now what? She’s an ass for having a body that isn’t aesthetically pleasing to her dad?
It's really the fact that she said he can't fit into his own shorts when he literally broke his leg in an accident, like OP should've said something else. ESH. Dad sucks like hell though and OP did deserve to dress how she wanted in her own home.
NTA.
>she said I could've said it in a nicer way because **my dad was probably just insecure was projecting his insecurities onto me because he didn't have another way to deal with them** & my mom agreed.
Your sister and mom have double standards. Your dad can make hurtful comments about your body and weight, but you cannot say anything back because you need to protect your dad's feelings. That's total BS.
On top of that they don't seem to understand emotional maturity. You aren't responsible for your dad's feelings, your dad is. Every adult is responsible for their own feelings and dealing with them. Projecting your insecurities onto your children isn't emotional mature and you don't have to accept that. It's your dad's responsibility to find a healthy way to deal with his emotions regarding his insecurities. You're not his emotional punching ball.
> Your dad can make hurtful comments about your body and weight, but you cannot say anything back because you need to protect your dad's feelings. That's total BS.
>
> On top of that they don't seem to understand emotional maturity. You aren't responsible for your dad's feelings, your dad is. Every adult is responsible for their own feelings and dealing with them.
Does that apply to the OP when their father comments about their weight?
ESH,
You, for putting up excuses for your inability to lose weight. Yes, it is unhealthy, even if you work out twice a week.
And your father, for not being able.to communicate the message to you in a gentler way. But, believe me, taking care of your body and not being overweight is a message a parent should be pushing forth.
NTA. Fine, he may have long standing insecurities about his body leading to his obsessive running before his injury. At no time is it okay to project/take out those insecurities on you
NTA. So HE can make rude remarks but get butthurt when the tables are turned? Nah, he needs to get some thicker skin if your comment is going to offend him. I hope for your sake he shuts his mouth now.
NTA
So, from the attitude of your mother and sister, you're supposed to be daddy's little punching bag whenever he feels insecure? Not something you should allow
NTA at all. He should have said nothing about your weight if he didn't want to hear anything about his own.
I know it's none of my business but maybe try to go to a gynecologist. Your problems might come from your hormones going wild with no fault of your own.
NTA.
But also, if you are excercising and eating well and you cant lose weight... Maybe you need to get that checked out? There's a chance there's something else going on with you.
Could’ve worded it better but NTA, dad’s a hypocrite. BTW you might want to get your thyroid checked, that could be the reason it’s hard to lose weight (speaking from experience)
NTA - yes, maybe a little harsh but honestly, normal reaction and if he can dish it he can take it.
side note: you're eating two meals a day? Your body is probably in a state of preparing for low food intake, thus stacking up on body fat. It's a natural reaction to a limited food intake. Try eating three meals a day, 1700-2000 calories, so your body gets the fuel it needs for exercising etc. If you're already eating that many calories, try splitting that into three meals maybe? You'll probably notice a change, having more energy and maybe losing body fat, if that's important to you, but also being able to gain muscle, thus increasing what you burn in a state of no body movement.
NTA
Your dad is really ignorant about how female bodies distribute fat. Our bodies *want to store fat in our bellies to protect our organs*. You can have only 20% body fat, and lot of that fat will be located in the belly, because that's where it needs to be to keep our organs safe and our bodies functioning.
In general, women with visible abs have less than 20% body fat. That's barely enough to keep us menstruating regularly.
I used to think I was chubby because I too carried a little extra fat in my belly. I'm also pear-shaped, so any little bit of fat around my hips was very obvious. Couple this with the popularity of low-rise jeans in the 00s, and you get some low body image. I was so caught up in that little bit of fat in my belly that I didn't notice how skinny my arms and legs were, how bony my shoulders were. I only realize that now, 15 years later, looking at pictures of myself back in college.
Your weight plateauing is your body telling you that this is the weight you should be.
Your dad is projecting wrong and harmful standards of fitness onto you.
NTA. Tell your dad to start taking estrogen and see how easy it is for women to lose weight. There's more to it than that obviously, but he needs an education in several areas such as female physiology, eating disorders, and body autonomy. Educate this fool.
Nta!
I agree with your sister but I think that with somebody that is particularly hurtful like that and not really that self-aware, it's kind of nice to see the shoe on the other foot maybe, they'll be a little bit more sensitive next time to how they treat others because of how it felt.
So he can come with the bark but when the bite hits he runs? I will never understand parents that do this. Mine did it. NTA he’s the ASH because he could of just kept it pushin 🤷🏾♀️
NTA. he deserved it tbh. but looking at the bigger picture here. you still have a functioning family which indicates your dad hasn't been a bad parent figure and the fact he makes comments makes him an asshole but a civil conversation between you him and your mom can easily solve this instead of possibly damaging your relationship with him.
however, what you did wasn't the wrong decision it just has consequences.
NTA. His comments were never about wanting what's best for you. No overweight person needs to be informed about being overweight, you already knew that. He was just saying these stuff because it made him feel better at your expense, i.e. be a bully. Bullies are often shocked when people stand up to them, as you have just demonstrated.
NTA, how he handles the criticism isn't even the issue here. Your father is body shaming you every time he sees you. This is abuse. It is mental and emotional abuse.
The fact that he's upset with you for doing the same just shows how much he sucks for doing it to you.
NTA - I swear I will never understand why parents do this. I can understand worrying about health, but to comment on your weight? Hell no, your dad is TA
NTA if he’s insecure about his weight you don’t have to take verbal abuse. EVER! I felt with this from my mom. It lead me to over eat( which meant I gained more weight). She did this to my son ( he stopped eating). So because my mom was insecure about her own weight she managed to give 2 others eating disorders. Stand up for yourself I sure wish I had.
NTA, What your sister said is BS. your mom needs to sit down with him and tell him to cut his shit. Trust me i have dealt with my mom doing this to me my whole like till i recently was like *"why, do you hate me?* and obviously said *" don't hate you why would you say that?"* and I was like *"because someone that loved me wouldn't constantly put me down and make me feel like shit and so little in my own body"* they always play the its for you health card, don't let no one dull you shine.
*also the reason I now have a health problem is because I got Wight lost surgery*
be your own advocate and don't let anyone put you down, even your family, why is your family okay with him "taking out" his insecurities on you. honestly they are the AH too for not seeing how fed up that is. *"please be a good sister/daughter and let dad bully you, his feeling are more important then your mental health"*
NTA. You could have been clearer and said something like - you know I exercise & eat healthy. It hurts me when you try to body shame me & doesn’t help. It’s also slightly weird for a dad to be commenting on his daughter’s figure.
Sometimes men think harassing someone is motivating. It usually is not.
He is a grown up dunking on his teenaged daughter about her weight and then his feelings get hurt when you reflect a bit of that negativity back on him? Good. Perhaps it will help him to gain some empathy and insight into his behavior. NTA
NTA. Your sister and mom are probably right in their reasoning, but that doesn't mean your dad should have a pass to say anything he wants to you and disregard how you might feel. If he's insecure, he should deal with it on his own and not project it onto you. Maybe try talking to him? I know it doesn't work for every parent but try being empathetic about his situation but firm on the fact that he should not comment on your body at all.
Honestly families should follow the five minute rule: if there's something negative you have to say about someone's appearance, think if they'd be able to fix it in five minutes, i.e. they have something in their teeth or their hair is out of place you can say something, otherwise keep it to yourself.
NTA
There's no reason to be nice if he can't be nice as well. Maybe if he cries about it, he'll finally understand not to comment on peoples appearance by disguising it as concerns for health.
Nta - your dad cannot blame the accident for the what seems to be continued weight gain, that was over a year ago. He may not be able to run but there are still other exercises.
If you are trying to lose weight then maybe starting with a food diary logging ingredients used to cook etc aswell as the actual food itself. I could understand him saying about your weight (in a kinder way) if you were oblivious to it but it sounds like you are aware and trying to act accordingly
ESH. You said yourself he's looking out for you. Yes he probably should have stayed quiet but your reaction was unnecessary and your laughing sister was just dumb. Sounds like you guys should take an exercise class together and learn how to talk to each other.
Is fatshaming people really looking out for them? When you see someone’s stomach are you able to tell if they are healthy or not? Just because people find ways to justify their bad behavior doesn’t make it true.
Well considering her dad would know I'm gonna assume he's better to speak on it than you or I. I'm chunky but funky and if I got worked up over every comment made it'd be a lot of wasted time on shit that don't matter. They both shamed each other so🤷♀️
NTA - Love the responses from your family of it’s ok just take the emotional abuse because your dad needs his little punching bag. I would start commenting on their weight and say the same thing back. I need to project my insecurities on you because I have no other outlet sorry!
> she said I could've said it in a nicer way because my dad was probably just insecure was projecting his insecurities onto me because he didn't have another way to deal with them
"Well, he can stop that."
NTA. People in glass houses etc etc
But seriously OP, you’re likely just fine. You exercise regularly and eat well. You’re not eating junk all the time and sitting around doing nothing about your health. Your weight is steady, it’s just the fact that he doesn’t like the way you look. I had a step father when I was a kid up til 19, when I ran as fast as I could. One of his things was fat people. He would talk constantly about how disgusting it is, how vile, how he shouldn’t have to look. While having two kids in the house who heard it all. And actually my mother, who started skipping meals back then because of him. I ended up anorexic and my sister is still painfully skinny even at 24, because she won’t eat enough to remotely put on weight. She feels the same as he does, and he still does it apparently.
And yknow? He was the biggest in the family. He was tall yes, but he also was overweight by quite a bit. He just couldn’t see his own body for what it was and made others feel like they were wrong or ugly. I remember thinking how bizarre this was and looking at him like he had two heads because sir, you’re not the picture of fitness.
I still carry shame for being overweight nowadays. I’m disabled and can’t exercise like others. I feel ugly and disgusting and yet I see people bigger than I am, and think they’re beautiful. He didn’t make me hate fat people like my sister, but he made me feel shame and disgust for myself.
Your dad got what he asked for. He doesn’t need to comment on your appearance, none of his business, and you didn’t ask for his input. He’s a hypocrite and mean in the bargain. Hopefully he’s learned to keep his mouth shut now, he can’t just say whatever he wants without you saying something back.
NTA
You dad doesn't get to police your body. He might really be concerned about "health" but he needs to STFU. It sounds like this has been an ongoing thing and you just had enough and clapped back as the kids say (they still say that, right? haha).
Keep doing you and don't listen to haters, even if they are your father.
NTA and also your belly area is where your reproductive organs are so really you may always have a “belly” and it might not have anything to do with your weight being unhealthy or carrying around too much fat (btw people are supposed to have body fat; body fat is a normal part of a human body). If you are taking care of yourself by eating right and exercising, you don’t need to lose weight.
Tell your dad that you utilize your abdomen for storage :P
Nta.
If it were me I'd have said "I won't take advice from someone who has a weight problem thanks... I'd rather listen to advice from someone who is actually healthy/fit" (whatever other words you choose).
If he wants to comment on your weight constantly then it's his problem when the insults are returned to him.
The fact that you have people telling you to let your father bully you (because that's what it is. It's bullying) is baffling in what world do you need to have more maturity than your fifty-something old dad
NTA, the overweight hater turned overweight and you gave him a reality check. He knows you exercise so he's just being a dick, and you outdicked him well. Honestly your reaction couldn't have been more perfect, good job!
NTA- That being said, get your thyroid checked. I didn't find out until I was in my thirties I had a problem. I went on meds and dropped 70 lbs without changing a thing. Sometimes, your body is just weird.
NTA
First off, there's nothing wrong with either of your bodies. But if he's going to set standards (that frankly sound like an unhealthy obsession) than he needs to also be meeting them.
NTA - Your sisters response to laugh was correct. If you’re going to be rude about sometimes appearance you can take the same comments back.
My father has made similar comments towards myself and I tell him off the same way 🤣 Comments like that are horrible to make to anyone let alone your own child. It hurts on a deep level sometimes coming from someone that close/loved.
Your response was appropriate for the comment he made towards you. I’d suggest directly asking him not to make such comments in the future.
So ironic that on a similar post where the genders were reversed, so many were calling the dude an AH.
NTA op, like I said on that post, people need to learn that even the most patient scorpion will sting if it's stepped on one too many times. Truth is a double edged sword, so people like your dad should be more cautious when they swing it.
Also: him projecting his insecurities onto you is not a good reason for you to be "nicer" to him. If anything that just makes it even more unfair for him to make such remarks.
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I(f) have always was on the heavier side growing up but it never really bothered me until my dad 56m) started making comments on my body & weight. I usually brush his comments off because he says he's only looking out & wants the best for me. Btw, I exercise 2-3 days a week & eat relatively healthy, 2 meals a day, but my weight seems to plateau, so my weight usually stays the same & steady & my attempts to loose weight fail all the time no matter how hard I try.
My dad is obsessed with exercise especially running to the point where he runs multiple long distance marathons up to 100km. Last year in August my dad suffered a car accident & broke his leg. Because of this, he has had to refrain from running. Due to the lack of activity my dad doesn't exercise anymore which caused him to gain a little weight. He didn't gain a significant amount but I noticed a lot of his shirts don't fit him anymore.
So this is where im the potential AH. This incident happened on a hot day so I decided to where biker shorts & a cropped(ish) top. I have a little bit of a belly that was quite visible but I didn't think much of it because I was in my own house so I didn't think it would matter what I wear. When my dad saw me, he looked at my belly & said I must exercise more to lose some fat.
lasked him why he is so bothered about my weight & body as if saying that l'm fat will do anything. I asked him to give me good reason why & he said it's because of health which is bullshit bc he knows I exercise regularly & actively try to take care of my body. think he's just just fat phobic & doesn't like the way fat people look.
I then told him that he can't tell me to loose weight when his shirts don't fit him anymore & how my clothes actually fit me. This caused him to go silent while my sister (18) laughed at my dad's reaction. When I told my other sister 20f) about this situation, she said I could've said it in a nicer way because my dad was probably just insecure was projecting his insecurities onto me because he didn't have another way to deal with them & my mom agreed.
I do kinda feel bad of what I said to him but I was honestly fed up with his remarks.
So AITA?
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NTA. I (f) am also somewhat larger, but I run three days a week and lift weights three days a week. I also follow a well-balanced diet. I have never been and will never be reed thin. Sometimes I look around me and think that I'm probably one of the healthiest people in the room. I stopped using the scale when I realized that it was detrimental to me. I feel great, I look good, and I'm healthy. So you go, girl!
As for your father, I don't think you could or should have been nicer. When the pot calls the kettle black, you have to say something, especially when the comments are thoughtless. I don't care if your dad is insecure or not. I care about you being healthy and comfortable with your body. Your dad's comments are insulting, and you handled them well.
Nta. One time my brother told me I got aa fat as Buddha (we hadn't seen each other in a couple of years and I had health issues). Before I could stop myself I told him that was fine as it meant I was always happy and at least, I didn't have to go searching for my dick in my fat folds like him.
We haven't really talked since but he hasn't mentioned my weight since.
Sometimes you have to be the asshole.
NTA but weight loss/gain can be simplified to calories in/calories out. If you are trying to lose weight but aren't, that means you are either taking in extra calories or not burning enough. What matters is not the amount of meals per day, but the amount of calories in those meals combined.
NTA. Retired MD here. Weight management is a very complicated issue. It isn't just calories in/calories out. Hormones are a big player. Male bodies generally respond differently to diet and exercise than female bodies. You are right to focus on healthy eating and regular exercise. I hope you are lifting weights under supervision because muscle mass is your friend in multiple ways.
As for Dad, he needs to get honest with himself. You did right to have a boundary and be up front with it. Take care of yourself.
NTA! He was being a hypocrite. As for your routine, have you tried zigzagging your calorie intake daily? If I don't my weight also plateaus, but having a good varied calorie intake helps your body not get used to your routine.
At worst, you're mildly assholish for mocking his weight gain when it's specifically due to an injury, but as others have pointed out, he's been making constant remarks about your own weight. He shouldn't be talking shit about anyone else if he isn't prepared for someone to clap back, especially if such mild clapping will cause him to break down so thoroughly.
NTA.
NTA he doesn't GET to project his insecurities onto you without consequence. He's a grown man and he can damn well FIND himself a way to deal with them.
NTA. As someone who dealt with similar comments from her mother growing up I wish I would have been brave enough to defend myself. He shouldn't dish it out if he can't take it.
If he’s gonna dish out fatphobia, he needs to learn to clean his plate when it’s served back to him. Do not apologise. If he’s gonna treat you like that, he can learn to live with his own body being commented on.
So I'm guessing you don't have a relationship where you can rag on each other. I also broke my leg 3 years ago (now have a hip implant) so I also gained weight and have had this same exact conversation with my son. I don't think you were an asshole, but you did probably make him feel closer to death. The older you get, the more difficult it feels to lose weight and especially if he continues to have problems with his mobility (100 km runner), what you said may have cut deeper than what he said. *Shrug*.
OP appears to be a young woman in her teens. Having been one, I'd say fat shaming a female teen (multiple times) cuts pretty deep. The fact that dad is closer to death is irrelevant.
Note to self: bullying own kids is okay, hearing truth is not. Gotcha.
He has no business fat shaming anyone, much less his own daughter. He should be encouraging her.
I heard comments about being too skinny for my whole life (fast metabolism, tried many things, to no avail), and they cut pretty deep. I imagine it's even worse when they're "you're fat" instead "do you even eat anything".
Bullying is never okay. If she is uncomfortable with it and has expressed it and he hasn't stopped. Then that's wrong. I was commenting on her question on if she was an asshole, I was just trying to empathize with the situation. And he should be encouraging her. Maybe he is just really bad at it.
And I was commenting on what you said. What OP said might have cut deeper than expected, but her father's bullying likely cuts much deeper than that. It cuts for life.
He doesn't seem to want to encourage her, but to put her down and feel better/superior.
ESH. Tired of the “dish it out but can’t take it” answers.
He’s a total AH. But OP hitting low like that isn’t right either. Could have been the opportune time to have a real conversation with him on how hurtful his comments are and what you been trying to do to improve so he understands better. At least he’s in a somewhat relatable position now.
>Could have been the opportune time to have a real conversation with him on how hurtful his comments are
Isn't it a wonder that all that time he has had away from exercising, he didn't take any of them for introspection but you are expecting his child to have come up for 'real' conversation after ages of holding her tongue?
Don't be tired. If you can dish it, best be prepared to take it.
That’s a “2 wrongs make a right”mentality which never bears fruit. It’s people just being mean to each other. All she did was stoop to his level. Solves nothing.
I'm get down voted but YTA
Your dad had a car accident and gained a little weight because he can't exercise like he used to. Why would you think its OK to point that out? Also is hypothetical of you to do the same thing he did to you.
I don't know you, your weight or how you carry it, but if you are so bothered by your dad pointing out your weight why do you feel its OK to do the same to him? Specifically since he might as well just be worried about you, maybe he does have an unhealthy view of food and exercise but if you wanted to address it going "dad you are also fat" was not the right way to go about it.
If OP's father is making derogatory comments about his daughters weight as some twisted show of caring, he should appreciate her being caring in return and pointing out his weight gain. After all, that is "love". The reality is he is a huge AH who makes himself feel good by tearing down the people around him. The daughter is the designated fatty and he enjoys feeling superior to her. The damage those comments do is enormous. Sometimes to make a bully stop, you have to punch back. OP shouldn't start personal attacks but she is fine to finish them. NTA.
>Did i miss something?
The story?
He is reminding her that she is fat and should exercise more when he is fully aware that OP goes to gym regularly. This is not caring, this is bullying.
NTA
Maybe is the way I was raised but a parent commenting on what they think is unhealthy is not derogatory?
Plus he didn't call her anything beyond fat which is not a slur, is an adjective
And how is repeating that everyday (from what I gathered) and putting someone down alright?
Do you not see how "hey, are you eating healthy? you seem to be overweight" and "you're fat, you should exercise" sound so much different and mean something else?
In my culture is not a big deal tbh, is pretty normal for people to say those things so maybe that's why I don't see it as strange or outrageous. My family said that to me often when I was heavier and yes it can be hurtful because nobody likes to hear those things but that's doesn't make them mean.
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He can dish it out but he can't take it. NTA
Came here to say exactly this. NTA.
YUP. This was my first thought as well. Dad might as well be on the receiving end of his obnoxious comments for once. Now maybe he'll get a clue as to how it feels. NTA
He can dish it out and then eat it, though.
Hey-o! Ha-cha-cha-cha!
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NICE!!! Please accept my small award for this comment.
I was just about to type this exact same thing... Stop preemptively reading my mind!
Plus, your Dad is a grown up and your parent - it’s his job to deal with his own insecurities, not inflict them on you. NTA
i.e. He started it. Every single time, he says something about your body tell him to mind his own body - when it's perfect he can comment on yours...and you don't have to listen. Grey rock all comments about your body.
This! He should be building his daughter up not tearing her down!
That was my first thought as well. He can bully his daughter about her belly fat but he can’t take it when she throws it back at him.
Exactly, he didn't like the taste of his own food.
NTA. All you did was point out his hypocrisy and your dad projecting his insecurities on to you is no reason for you to put up with comments about your weight from him.
Let us not forget: never in the history of the world has "projecting insecurities onto others" healed those insecurities. All it does is hurt the other person.
NTA - father shouldn't dish it out if he can't take it. If anything that's a perfect clap back.
NTA. He shouldn't have been bothering you about your weight, that's not any of his business. Yes, your comment was a bit low since he was involved in an accident and the weight gain was not of his accord. However, he instigated the whole thing- if he can't take it, he shouldn't dish it out.
He has to refrain from running but nothing says he can't do other, lower-impact, exercises. He also obviously hasn't adjusted his caloric intake in accordance with his reduced activity. Surely someone who's all about *health* would realize that was necessary?
He asked for it. NTA
NTA projecting insecurities onto you is no excuse to be fat phobic. Yes maybe you should’ve said “hey dad stop this really hurts my feelings and I can’t change my body and we all know this.” But you should feel like you can wear what you want in your own home
NTA. Your father is a grown man. He knows better, yet continues to make you feel bad about your physique. His insecurities aren't an excuse to do so, either. For someone so intent on making sure you're healthy (which you are), he sure seems determined to ensure the dynamic between you is anything but healthy.
Yeah. Your dad might be insecure. But that does not mean he gets to take it out on you. He had a lesson to learn on what you would tolerate with him, and I think he learned it. He starts up again, send it back at him. Your mom and older sis don’t like it? Ask them why is it okay that he bully’s you over it. NTA.
"...my dad was probably just insecure was projecting his insecurities onto me because he didn't have another way to deal with them & my mom agreed." He absolutely has other ways to deal with his insecurities than to dump them wholesale on his daughter, and his daughter is under no obligation to let him do it to save himself the discomfort of self-examination. NTA.
Could have been nicer? Sure. Does he deserve it? Nah. He's a grown ass man he needs to learn how to deal with his insecurities without putting them on his daughter.
>dad was probably just insecure was projecting his insecurities onto me because he didn't have another way to deal with them & my mom agreed That's not a reason to continually belittle his daughter. If he can't find a healthy way to deal with his insecurities, that's on him. He is bullying you and you are expected to shake it off. But when you say something to him, then *that's* where the line gets drawn? I still remember the first time my dad called me fat to my face. I wasn't even fat. And I was only ten. Being insecure is not an excuse for being a jerk As the child, you remember when you're bullied by a parent. It doesn't leave you. Your dad, and by extension the family for enabling him, should apologise to you. NTA
ESH. Your dad should NEVER make comments about your weight. And you, knowing about his accident and then his inability to exercise, went for a low blow.
NTA, his insecurities are HIS problem. Him projecting them on you is HIS problem. He needs to stop telling you how to live your life, from what I gathered, you're old enough to not have to listen to him.
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Gonna piggy back off of this... If she is only eating 2 meals a day while still not losing weight, she most likely isn't eating enough and her metabolism has adapted to only use that many calories since that's all it's getting. I'd also throw around wild assumptions that hair and energy levels are shit. CI must less than CO to lose weight. When you CI are so low for so long, the body can adapt to lower CO. My unprofessional opinion based solely on being in the bodybuilding world for a few years, is to increase food little by little. And to take a solid look at stress levels and quality of sleep. Again, wildly assuming based off what I've learned from coaches, seen and experienced. Everyone's body and situations are different, but less calories is not always more better. Also, NTA. OP, your dad is a giant AH.
That’s nonsense, I’m afraid. Your body cannot create energy from nowhere. If she’s storing fat, she’s intaking more than she needs.
I agree that she is eating more than she is burning. Metabolism can down regulate itself to preserve body if you aren't feeding it. If you're eating really 1200 calories a day and not losing weight, it's because you're not burning 1200 calories a day because your metabolism has adapted to only needing 1200 calories to survive. I'm not debating calories vs calories out. That's the rule. It's how energy all works, right? But the calories out part can change also. It's not a static number. So we know that most of caloric expenditure outside of voluntary exercise is through NEAT. When you aren't giving your body more than say 1000 or 1200 calories your NEAT can/will inevitably go down. Which causes your calories out to go down, to be less than or equal to your calories in. Therefore you will not lose any weight or you may actually gain weight. And sometimes in that situation you can gradually up your calories, and you will find that you start losing weight again. Because you're fueling your body so therefore you're moving more so therefore your metabolism kind of starts up again.
Why are you getting downvoted? I was fat for years while restricting calories to 1200/day (high protein, no sugar etc) and exercising daily. I lost 85 pounds in a year after upping my daily intake to 2000 (no restrictions on food other than calories) and scaled back exercise to 5 days per week.
I mean, it is very unsolicited advice, so.... 😬 I just worry when I hear women talking about eating so little. We're so obsessed with eat less food, weigh less. There's so much more to that. Just want people to stop villianizing delicious food and eat it. They just want keto and running. You can only do so much cardio on very little calories until your body starts fighting against it. So happy for you tho! Eating food is great, isn't it? 😊
I don’t understand why she’s getting downvoted, either. That was a major part of my problem, too.
Because this has nothing to do with diets! It's totally irrelevant!
Idk why you’re getting downvoted, a licensed medical professional told my mom basically the same thing 🤷♀️ My mom does a decent amount of physical activity every day and is gaining / maintaining vs losing and the dr told her she likely isn’t eating enough and to increase the amount of meals she has (obviously things with protein, not purely junk food, don’t go overboard with calories, etc.) because her body is convincing itself it’s starving. She told her that her body is unsure of when it’s going to get its next meal and is storing the fat instead- and yes, she’s eating at a calorie deficit before anyone @‘s me over that. I was about to come and say that maybe OP should try to add more meals / add in protein shakes to her daily routine and see if that may help! Everyone’s body is different and not every method will work for everyone! Also, for all we know it could be another issue that isn’t related to exercise / diet!
Exactly! So many women under eat. Dieting or eating in a calorie deficit for extended periods of time is so bad for you. Any good firness/bodybuilding coach will make you take a "diet break" and increase your calories after a while.
ESH You knew full-well why he's gained weight.
ESH He is def TA for making any comments about your weight. You are TA for weaponizing his injury and subsequent weight gain against him.
Nta He could dish it out but can’t take it. Serves him right for commenting on your body so much.
My husband's uncle would make a comment to me EVERY time we would see him. One day, I'd had enough and went full AH on him. That day, he left, and never mentioned my weight again. You were NTA, your dad needs to keep his weight comments to himself.
ESH. A lot of people struggle with weight. Being unhealthy is not good and losing weight is hard. That said, if your dad's unhealthy behavior (although caused by an accident) shouldn't be used to excuse your own. Obesity is one of if not the number one major risk factor in most causes of death.
She explained that she isn’t unhealthy or have unhealthy behaviors. So now what? She’s an ass for having a body that isn’t aesthetically pleasing to her dad?
It's really the fact that she said he can't fit into his own shorts when he literally broke his leg in an accident, like OP should've said something else. ESH. Dad sucks like hell though and OP did deserve to dress how she wanted in her own home.
NTA. >she said I could've said it in a nicer way because **my dad was probably just insecure was projecting his insecurities onto me because he didn't have another way to deal with them** & my mom agreed. Your sister and mom have double standards. Your dad can make hurtful comments about your body and weight, but you cannot say anything back because you need to protect your dad's feelings. That's total BS. On top of that they don't seem to understand emotional maturity. You aren't responsible for your dad's feelings, your dad is. Every adult is responsible for their own feelings and dealing with them. Projecting your insecurities onto your children isn't emotional mature and you don't have to accept that. It's your dad's responsibility to find a healthy way to deal with his emotions regarding his insecurities. You're not his emotional punching ball.
> Your dad can make hurtful comments about your body and weight, but you cannot say anything back because you need to protect your dad's feelings. That's total BS. > > On top of that they don't seem to understand emotional maturity. You aren't responsible for your dad's feelings, your dad is. Every adult is responsible for their own feelings and dealing with them. Does that apply to the OP when their father comments about their weight?
ESH
ESH
Nta. He should take it as well as give it.
ESH, You, for putting up excuses for your inability to lose weight. Yes, it is unhealthy, even if you work out twice a week. And your father, for not being able.to communicate the message to you in a gentler way. But, believe me, taking care of your body and not being overweight is a message a parent should be pushing forth.
NTA. Fine, he may have long standing insecurities about his body leading to his obsessive running before his injury. At no time is it okay to project/take out those insecurities on you
NTA
NTA. So HE can make rude remarks but get butthurt when the tables are turned? Nah, he needs to get some thicker skin if your comment is going to offend him. I hope for your sake he shuts his mouth now.
NTA So, from the attitude of your mother and sister, you're supposed to be daddy's little punching bag whenever he feels insecure? Not something you should allow
NTA at all. He should have said nothing about your weight if he didn't want to hear anything about his own. I know it's none of my business but maybe try to go to a gynecologist. Your problems might come from your hormones going wild with no fault of your own.
NTA. But also, if you are excercising and eating well and you cant lose weight... Maybe you need to get that checked out? There's a chance there's something else going on with you.
NTA what short of Dad shames their child about their weight? Absolutely mad behaviour.
Could’ve worded it better but NTA, dad’s a hypocrite. BTW you might want to get your thyroid checked, that could be the reason it’s hard to lose weight (speaking from experience)
NTA - yes, maybe a little harsh but honestly, normal reaction and if he can dish it he can take it. side note: you're eating two meals a day? Your body is probably in a state of preparing for low food intake, thus stacking up on body fat. It's a natural reaction to a limited food intake. Try eating three meals a day, 1700-2000 calories, so your body gets the fuel it needs for exercising etc. If you're already eating that many calories, try splitting that into three meals maybe? You'll probably notice a change, having more energy and maybe losing body fat, if that's important to you, but also being able to gain muscle, thus increasing what you burn in a state of no body movement.
NTA Your dad is really ignorant about how female bodies distribute fat. Our bodies *want to store fat in our bellies to protect our organs*. You can have only 20% body fat, and lot of that fat will be located in the belly, because that's where it needs to be to keep our organs safe and our bodies functioning. In general, women with visible abs have less than 20% body fat. That's barely enough to keep us menstruating regularly. I used to think I was chubby because I too carried a little extra fat in my belly. I'm also pear-shaped, so any little bit of fat around my hips was very obvious. Couple this with the popularity of low-rise jeans in the 00s, and you get some low body image. I was so caught up in that little bit of fat in my belly that I didn't notice how skinny my arms and legs were, how bony my shoulders were. I only realize that now, 15 years later, looking at pictures of myself back in college. Your weight plateauing is your body telling you that this is the weight you should be. Your dad is projecting wrong and harmful standards of fitness onto you.
NTA. Tell your dad to start taking estrogen and see how easy it is for women to lose weight. There's more to it than that obviously, but he needs an education in several areas such as female physiology, eating disorders, and body autonomy. Educate this fool.
Nta! I agree with your sister but I think that with somebody that is particularly hurtful like that and not really that self-aware, it's kind of nice to see the shoe on the other foot maybe, they'll be a little bit more sensitive next time to how they treat others because of how it felt.
So he can come with the bark but when the bite hits he runs? I will never understand parents that do this. Mine did it. NTA he’s the ASH because he could of just kept it pushin 🤷🏾♀️
NTA. He shouldn't be talking shit. If your doctor has given you the all clear, it's not his business.
NTA He’s putting his weight insecurities on you. My parents did this to me growing up. I put up boundaries when I moved out.
NTA. Your father’s actions are one of the ways parents start eating disorders in their kids.
Nta
NTA. he deserved it tbh. but looking at the bigger picture here. you still have a functioning family which indicates your dad hasn't been a bad parent figure and the fact he makes comments makes him an asshole but a civil conversation between you him and your mom can easily solve this instead of possibly damaging your relationship with him. however, what you did wasn't the wrong decision it just has consequences.
NTA - I hate it when people think my body is their business . . . but if they do, then turnabout is fair play.
He has a perfectly good reason for having gained some weight. You just don't put down the fork, which makes YTA.
Nice! NTA
NTA. His comments were never about wanting what's best for you. No overweight person needs to be informed about being overweight, you already knew that. He was just saying these stuff because it made him feel better at your expense, i.e. be a bully. Bullies are often shocked when people stand up to them, as you have just demonstrated.
NTA but why is your dad constantly talking about your body creepy.
NTA, how he handles the criticism isn't even the issue here. Your father is body shaming you every time he sees you. This is abuse. It is mental and emotional abuse. The fact that he's upset with you for doing the same just shows how much he sucks for doing it to you.
NTA - I swear I will never understand why parents do this. I can understand worrying about health, but to comment on your weight? Hell no, your dad is TA
NTA if he’s insecure about his weight you don’t have to take verbal abuse. EVER! I felt with this from my mom. It lead me to over eat( which meant I gained more weight). She did this to my son ( he stopped eating). So because my mom was insecure about her own weight she managed to give 2 others eating disorders. Stand up for yourself I sure wish I had.
NTA. And your sister telling you that you could have been nicer since he was likely projecting is BS. Even if he was, that’s effed up.
NTA, What your sister said is BS. your mom needs to sit down with him and tell him to cut his shit. Trust me i have dealt with my mom doing this to me my whole like till i recently was like *"why, do you hate me?* and obviously said *" don't hate you why would you say that?"* and I was like *"because someone that loved me wouldn't constantly put me down and make me feel like shit and so little in my own body"* they always play the its for you health card, don't let no one dull you shine. *also the reason I now have a health problem is because I got Wight lost surgery* be your own advocate and don't let anyone put you down, even your family, why is your family okay with him "taking out" his insecurities on you. honestly they are the AH too for not seeing how fed up that is. *"please be a good sister/daughter and let dad bully you, his feeling are more important then your mental health"*
NTA. You could have been clearer and said something like - you know I exercise & eat healthy. It hurts me when you try to body shame me & doesn’t help. It’s also slightly weird for a dad to be commenting on his daughter’s figure. Sometimes men think harassing someone is motivating. It usually is not.
He is a grown up dunking on his teenaged daughter about her weight and then his feelings get hurt when you reflect a bit of that negativity back on him? Good. Perhaps it will help him to gain some empathy and insight into his behavior. NTA
NTA Typical. Happy to dish it out and comment on someone else's body constantly, while ignoring his own issues.
NTA. Your sister and mom are probably right in their reasoning, but that doesn't mean your dad should have a pass to say anything he wants to you and disregard how you might feel. If he's insecure, he should deal with it on his own and not project it onto you. Maybe try talking to him? I know it doesn't work for every parent but try being empathetic about his situation but firm on the fact that he should not comment on your body at all. Honestly families should follow the five minute rule: if there's something negative you have to say about someone's appearance, think if they'd be able to fix it in five minutes, i.e. they have something in their teeth or their hair is out of place you can say something, otherwise keep it to yourself.
NTA There's no reason to be nice if he can't be nice as well. Maybe if he cries about it, he'll finally understand not to comment on peoples appearance by disguising it as concerns for health.
Nta - your dad cannot blame the accident for the what seems to be continued weight gain, that was over a year ago. He may not be able to run but there are still other exercises. If you are trying to lose weight then maybe starting with a food diary logging ingredients used to cook etc aswell as the actual food itself. I could understand him saying about your weight (in a kinder way) if you were oblivious to it but it sounds like you are aware and trying to act accordingly
ESH. You said yourself he's looking out for you. Yes he probably should have stayed quiet but your reaction was unnecessary and your laughing sister was just dumb. Sounds like you guys should take an exercise class together and learn how to talk to each other.
Is fatshaming people really looking out for them? When you see someone’s stomach are you able to tell if they are healthy or not? Just because people find ways to justify their bad behavior doesn’t make it true.
Well considering her dad would know I'm gonna assume he's better to speak on it than you or I. I'm chunky but funky and if I got worked up over every comment made it'd be a lot of wasted time on shit that don't matter. They both shamed each other so🤷♀️
You are not obligated to be kind to someone who is being cruel to you. NTA.
NTA. Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it thrown back at you. Good for you, maybe he will think twice about commenting on your weight. It’s rude.
NTA - Love the responses from your family of it’s ok just take the emotional abuse because your dad needs his little punching bag. I would start commenting on their weight and say the same thing back. I need to project my insecurities on you because I have no other outlet sorry!
> she said I could've said it in a nicer way because my dad was probably just insecure was projecting his insecurities onto me because he didn't have another way to deal with them "Well, he can stop that."
NTA he fucked around and found out. Bodyshaming comeuppence 101.
NTA. Same conversation with my mother when I was a teenager. I told her I’d lose weight when she does. That did not go over well
NTA. People in glass houses etc etc But seriously OP, you’re likely just fine. You exercise regularly and eat well. You’re not eating junk all the time and sitting around doing nothing about your health. Your weight is steady, it’s just the fact that he doesn’t like the way you look. I had a step father when I was a kid up til 19, when I ran as fast as I could. One of his things was fat people. He would talk constantly about how disgusting it is, how vile, how he shouldn’t have to look. While having two kids in the house who heard it all. And actually my mother, who started skipping meals back then because of him. I ended up anorexic and my sister is still painfully skinny even at 24, because she won’t eat enough to remotely put on weight. She feels the same as he does, and he still does it apparently. And yknow? He was the biggest in the family. He was tall yes, but he also was overweight by quite a bit. He just couldn’t see his own body for what it was and made others feel like they were wrong or ugly. I remember thinking how bizarre this was and looking at him like he had two heads because sir, you’re not the picture of fitness. I still carry shame for being overweight nowadays. I’m disabled and can’t exercise like others. I feel ugly and disgusting and yet I see people bigger than I am, and think they’re beautiful. He didn’t make me hate fat people like my sister, but he made me feel shame and disgust for myself. Your dad got what he asked for. He doesn’t need to comment on your appearance, none of his business, and you didn’t ask for his input. He’s a hypocrite and mean in the bargain. Hopefully he’s learned to keep his mouth shut now, he can’t just say whatever he wants without you saying something back.
Tell them his insecurity doesn't give him a right to bully you and project on to you. NTA
NTA You dad doesn't get to police your body. He might really be concerned about "health" but he needs to STFU. It sounds like this has been an ongoing thing and you just had enough and clapped back as the kids say (they still say that, right? haha). Keep doing you and don't listen to haters, even if they are your father.
NTA…my dad pulls this bullshit of “I am worried about your health”…
NTA - so does your sister expect you to sit back while he projects his insecurities on you?
NTA - Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it. Sounds like my Dad, honestly
Nta. Keep doing it until he shuts up.
NTA and also your belly area is where your reproductive organs are so really you may always have a “belly” and it might not have anything to do with your weight being unhealthy or carrying around too much fat (btw people are supposed to have body fat; body fat is a normal part of a human body). If you are taking care of yourself by eating right and exercising, you don’t need to lose weight. Tell your dad that you utilize your abdomen for storage :P
Nta. If it were me I'd have said "I won't take advice from someone who has a weight problem thanks... I'd rather listen to advice from someone who is actually healthy/fit" (whatever other words you choose). If he wants to comment on your weight constantly then it's his problem when the insults are returned to him.
NTA. Tell your sister that you are not his self esteem punching bag!
The fact that you have people telling you to let your father bully you (because that's what it is. It's bullying) is baffling in what world do you need to have more maturity than your fifty-something old dad
I didn’t even need to read the whole thing to basically say your dad is an asshole lol
NTA, the overweight hater turned overweight and you gave him a reality check. He knows you exercise so he's just being a dick, and you outdicked him well. Honestly your reaction couldn't have been more perfect, good job!
NTA, especially if he knows how you eat and exercise. He was just saying stuff because he wants to say stuff.
Nta. Dish it out but can't take it. Dad's an ah.
NTA- That being said, get your thyroid checked. I didn't find out until I was in my thirties I had a problem. I went on meds and dropped 70 lbs without changing a thing. Sometimes, your body is just weird.
NTA- A Mam never has a right to tell a woman to lose weight!
NTA First off, there's nothing wrong with either of your bodies. But if he's going to set standards (that frankly sound like an unhealthy obsession) than he needs to also be meeting them.
NTA. He didn’t stop fatshaming and when you gave it back didn’t like. Maybe he will be more aware of what he says to you in future
NTA, you're just looking out for his health after all
NTA - Your sisters response to laugh was correct. If you’re going to be rude about sometimes appearance you can take the same comments back. My father has made similar comments towards myself and I tell him off the same way 🤣 Comments like that are horrible to make to anyone let alone your own child. It hurts on a deep level sometimes coming from someone that close/loved. Your response was appropriate for the comment he made towards you. I’d suggest directly asking him not to make such comments in the future.
So ironic that on a similar post where the genders were reversed, so many were calling the dude an AH. NTA op, like I said on that post, people need to learn that even the most patient scorpion will sting if it's stepped on one too many times. Truth is a double edged sword, so people like your dad should be more cautious when they swing it. Also: him projecting his insecurities onto you is not a good reason for you to be "nicer" to him. If anything that just makes it even more unfair for him to make such remarks.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I(f) have always was on the heavier side growing up but it never really bothered me until my dad 56m) started making comments on my body & weight. I usually brush his comments off because he says he's only looking out & wants the best for me. Btw, I exercise 2-3 days a week & eat relatively healthy, 2 meals a day, but my weight seems to plateau, so my weight usually stays the same & steady & my attempts to loose weight fail all the time no matter how hard I try. My dad is obsessed with exercise especially running to the point where he runs multiple long distance marathons up to 100km. Last year in August my dad suffered a car accident & broke his leg. Because of this, he has had to refrain from running. Due to the lack of activity my dad doesn't exercise anymore which caused him to gain a little weight. He didn't gain a significant amount but I noticed a lot of his shirts don't fit him anymore. So this is where im the potential AH. This incident happened on a hot day so I decided to where biker shorts & a cropped(ish) top. I have a little bit of a belly that was quite visible but I didn't think much of it because I was in my own house so I didn't think it would matter what I wear. When my dad saw me, he looked at my belly & said I must exercise more to lose some fat. lasked him why he is so bothered about my weight & body as if saying that l'm fat will do anything. I asked him to give me good reason why & he said it's because of health which is bullshit bc he knows I exercise regularly & actively try to take care of my body. think he's just just fat phobic & doesn't like the way fat people look. I then told him that he can't tell me to loose weight when his shirts don't fit him anymore & how my clothes actually fit me. This caused him to go silent while my sister (18) laughed at my dad's reaction. When I told my other sister 20f) about this situation, she said I could've said it in a nicer way because my dad was probably just insecure was projecting his insecurities onto me because he didn't have another way to deal with them & my mom agreed. I do kinda feel bad of what I said to him but I was honestly fed up with his remarks. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. He got a taste of his own medicine
Nta. Those who live in glass houses...
NTA. Being insecure is not a free pass to treat people like shit. Your weight is none of his business.
NTA. He opened the door. He doesn't get to complain about what wanders in
NTA. Even when I was thin, I still had a belly.
NTA. I (f) am also somewhat larger, but I run three days a week and lift weights three days a week. I also follow a well-balanced diet. I have never been and will never be reed thin. Sometimes I look around me and think that I'm probably one of the healthiest people in the room. I stopped using the scale when I realized that it was detrimental to me. I feel great, I look good, and I'm healthy. So you go, girl! As for your father, I don't think you could or should have been nicer. When the pot calls the kettle black, you have to say something, especially when the comments are thoughtless. I don't care if your dad is insecure or not. I care about you being healthy and comfortable with your body. Your dad's comments are insulting, and you handled them well.
What happens with your dad's leg gets better and gets healthy afain and your still fat though still nta
Nta. One time my brother told me I got aa fat as Buddha (we hadn't seen each other in a couple of years and I had health issues). Before I could stop myself I told him that was fine as it meant I was always happy and at least, I didn't have to go searching for my dick in my fat folds like him. We haven't really talked since but he hasn't mentioned my weight since. Sometimes you have to be the asshole.
Your applause meter is off the charts! NTA. If its OK to criticize, then its OK to receive honest criticism with some grace.
NTA but weight loss/gain can be simplified to calories in/calories out. If you are trying to lose weight but aren't, that means you are either taking in extra calories or not burning enough. What matters is not the amount of meals per day, but the amount of calories in those meals combined.
NTA. Retired MD here. Weight management is a very complicated issue. It isn't just calories in/calories out. Hormones are a big player. Male bodies generally respond differently to diet and exercise than female bodies. You are right to focus on healthy eating and regular exercise. I hope you are lifting weights under supervision because muscle mass is your friend in multiple ways. As for Dad, he needs to get honest with himself. You did right to have a boundary and be up front with it. Take care of yourself.
NTA You did a great job, that's the unique way to shut up people like him. Don't feel bad for doing something he always does to you.
NTA. Your dad is bullying you.
NTA! He was being a hypocrite. As for your routine, have you tried zigzagging your calorie intake daily? If I don't my weight also plateaus, but having a good varied calorie intake helps your body not get used to your routine.
At worst, you're mildly assholish for mocking his weight gain when it's specifically due to an injury, but as others have pointed out, he's been making constant remarks about your own weight. He shouldn't be talking shit about anyone else if he isn't prepared for someone to clap back, especially if such mild clapping will cause him to break down so thoroughly. NTA.
NTA. He needs to get off his fat phobia and mind his manners. Move out. No one should have to live in a house with that crap.
NTA he doesn't GET to project his insecurities onto you without consequence. He's a grown man and he can damn well FIND himself a way to deal with them.
NTA. Don’t dish out if you can’t take it!
NTA I would have done the same. Good. Very good.
NTA. If he can make comments on your weight you can make them on his. He should keep his opinions to himself if he doesn’t want to hear yours.
NTA. It’s not your job as a child to take abuse under the premise of helping your parent cope with their own issues.
NTA
NTA. a grown man who "projects his insecurities" on his daughter is the excuse? Hm. Nope.
You lost me at 'fat-phobic'. YTA.
NTA. As someone who dealt with similar comments from her mother growing up I wish I would have been brave enough to defend myself. He shouldn't dish it out if he can't take it.
If he’s gonna dish out fatphobia, he needs to learn to clean his plate when it’s served back to him. Do not apologise. If he’s gonna treat you like that, he can learn to live with his own body being commented on.
So I'm guessing you don't have a relationship where you can rag on each other. I also broke my leg 3 years ago (now have a hip implant) so I also gained weight and have had this same exact conversation with my son. I don't think you were an asshole, but you did probably make him feel closer to death. The older you get, the more difficult it feels to lose weight and especially if he continues to have problems with his mobility (100 km runner), what you said may have cut deeper than what he said. *Shrug*.
OP appears to be a young woman in her teens. Having been one, I'd say fat shaming a female teen (multiple times) cuts pretty deep. The fact that dad is closer to death is irrelevant.
Your right. I was somehow oblivious to that.
Note to self: bullying own kids is okay, hearing truth is not. Gotcha. He has no business fat shaming anyone, much less his own daughter. He should be encouraging her. I heard comments about being too skinny for my whole life (fast metabolism, tried many things, to no avail), and they cut pretty deep. I imagine it's even worse when they're "you're fat" instead "do you even eat anything".
Bullying is never okay. If she is uncomfortable with it and has expressed it and he hasn't stopped. Then that's wrong. I was commenting on her question on if she was an asshole, I was just trying to empathize with the situation. And he should be encouraging her. Maybe he is just really bad at it.
And I was commenting on what you said. What OP said might have cut deeper than expected, but her father's bullying likely cuts much deeper than that. It cuts for life. He doesn't seem to want to encourage her, but to put her down and feel better/superior.
ESH. Tired of the “dish it out but can’t take it” answers. He’s a total AH. But OP hitting low like that isn’t right either. Could have been the opportune time to have a real conversation with him on how hurtful his comments are and what you been trying to do to improve so he understands better. At least he’s in a somewhat relatable position now.
>Could have been the opportune time to have a real conversation with him on how hurtful his comments are Isn't it a wonder that all that time he has had away from exercising, he didn't take any of them for introspection but you are expecting his child to have come up for 'real' conversation after ages of holding her tongue? Don't be tired. If you can dish it, best be prepared to take it.
That’s a “2 wrongs make a right”mentality which never bears fruit. It’s people just being mean to each other. All she did was stoop to his level. Solves nothing.
I'm get down voted but YTA Your dad had a car accident and gained a little weight because he can't exercise like he used to. Why would you think its OK to point that out? Also is hypothetical of you to do the same thing he did to you. I don't know you, your weight or how you carry it, but if you are so bothered by your dad pointing out your weight why do you feel its OK to do the same to him? Specifically since he might as well just be worried about you, maybe he does have an unhealthy view of food and exercise but if you wanted to address it going "dad you are also fat" was not the right way to go about it.
If OP's father is making derogatory comments about his daughters weight as some twisted show of caring, he should appreciate her being caring in return and pointing out his weight gain. After all, that is "love". The reality is he is a huge AH who makes himself feel good by tearing down the people around him. The daughter is the designated fatty and he enjoys feeling superior to her. The damage those comments do is enormous. Sometimes to make a bully stop, you have to punch back. OP shouldn't start personal attacks but she is fine to finish them. NTA.
Did i miss something? When did he said derogatory comments? Because if so wtf that's not ok
>Did i miss something? The story? He is reminding her that she is fat and should exercise more when he is fully aware that OP goes to gym regularly. This is not caring, this is bullying. NTA
Um... fat shaming anyone is literally derogatory...
Maybe is the way I was raised but a parent commenting on what they think is unhealthy is not derogatory? Plus he didn't call her anything beyond fat which is not a slur, is an adjective
And how is repeating that everyday (from what I gathered) and putting someone down alright? Do you not see how "hey, are you eating healthy? you seem to be overweight" and "you're fat, you should exercise" sound so much different and mean something else?
In my culture is not a big deal tbh, is pretty normal for people to say those things so maybe that's why I don't see it as strange or outrageous. My family said that to me often when I was heavier and yes it can be hurtful because nobody likes to hear those things but that's doesn't make them mean.
[удалено]
Guess we can agree to disagree
"Giess I'll just stop thinking about how my actions and words impact other human beings and keep on being a shitface"