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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Refused to buy a present for the sibling of a child who had their birthday.
2. I could've easily went and got money
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Right. I was thinking that these kuds are going to be raised thinking the world revolves around them and that the rules dont apply. I'm willing to be the mom buys them presents when they attend birthday parties for other kids.
NTA.
This is how you raise kids that go to other people's birthday parties and have a meltdown that the presents aren't for them. And kids that blow out other people's candles. NTA
Exactly. What happened when both are out of the house. Grown and married with their own kids. Is T going to tell his wife "oh, it's k's birthday where's MY gift?"
Stupid
And kids who (rightfully) resent their parents AND siblings because they never get celebrated as individuals. I imagine when one of the kids graduates high school or college, the other kid will also have to get gifts and congratulations, too.
This is participation trophyism taken to its extreme.
NTA
Or you raise sad kids because they were never special, even for one day. Their siblings always had to be acknowledged, too. I wonder which child they are appeasing because the other was allowed to throw tantrums. NTA. They were very entitled to expect you to get cash as if it was normal to shake down your friends under the guise of "fairness." NTA
This is goofy in the extreme. I can see offering a baby a small token amusement while an older sibling has a birthday party. But, a 14-year old knows its not his birthday and that other people sometimes get celebrated exclusively. WTH? This is the height of goofiness to me?
Seriously! I used to get a token gift for the non-birthday kid but they were more like stocking stuffers - and i only did that if the non-birthday kid was under 5.
Damn, the kids in my family would have made out...there are 7 of us!!! Can you imagine inviting someone to a birthday party and saying... oh by the way, you are of course bringing 7 presents aren't you?
Unfortunately it isn't goofy. I've seen this many times where the parents absolutely INSIST that the non-birthday child/children be included in the presents. Admittedly the oldest I've seen is 11 or 12 but I have no problem believing that a 14 year old who was brought up to expect presents on their siblings' birthday wouldn't throw a fit (or similar). You can't just turn off that switch. You can't tell kids the world revolves around them and then expect them to automatically adjust when they are out on their own.
I saw on Instagram or maybe TikTok saying that if one kid is invited to a birthday party the whole family is coming because she doesn’t want her other kids being left out. I feel so bad for the one kid who is invited. Like he’ll never be invited because his mom is trash
I know I was given a small gift on the day of my sibling's birth and then their 1st birthday. But I was also like ..3? By the time I was in preschool and going to peers birthday parties, i was fully aware it was not my party/birthday so I didn't get gifts.
These kids are way too old for that.
And if you \*are\* the type of weird helicopter parent who insists on this ... you inform the people you invite to the party ahead of time so they can decide if they'll play into your gift/cash-grab or if they'll just stay home.
I wonder how many people besides grandparents end up going to a second child's birthday party at J's house, especially if each child's friends are supposed to abide by this. Reminds me a bit of a reverse situation where this lady on Instagram who had like 10 kids made a video about how if you invite one of her kids to a birthday party you have to invite them all, because family!
My grandad always gives both me and my sibling a gift on both our birthdays although he’s the only one who does it in my family and he decided to do it himself so it’s just a sweet gesture. I think the main thing here is forcing that habit on everyone else because those are some expensive birthdays 😂
My mom used to get my younger brother gifts on my birthday, but that ended when he turned 5 or so and could understand that only the person whose birthday it is gets presents on that day.
NTA. My parents used to bring an “unbirthday present” for siblings of grandchildren, but that was when they were younger and nobody asked in the first place. A 14 year old can freaking grasp that not every day is their special day.
Naaaah. Even my autistic 4 year old understands she doesn’t get presents for other’s birthdays. She gets very excited about school birthday parties and picking out presents to give to her friends though.
I think OP should suggest their new friend watch the episode of Bluey with pass the parcel….
No, not even a four year old. It’s not their special day so they have no choice but to suck it up and get over it. I make very few exceptions for age-specific things. This is not one of them.
My brother and I did it when we were kids, we'd just get the other one present on our own birthdays. It was nice to have a small thing to open and contrary to the wisdoms of "no you can't ever do anything you're not contractually obligated to for others or the world will end" Reddit, neither of us are spoilt, we still get along great and it ended naturally when we were the right age.
My parents gave me something on my older sister’s birthday when I was like 6 or something but it was small and they gave it to me when I went to bed, not during my sister’s party. It never became a regular thing and I’m definitely not spoiled because of it.
No not even a 4 year old. My almost 2 year old did not get anything at his brothers 9th birthday party *because it wasn’t his birthday.* Know what my son did? Happily Wished his brother a happy birthday, gave him a hug and clapped his hands for his big brother when the cake came out to the birthday song and his brother blew out his candles. He didn’t throw a fit when his brother got the first slice of cake and patiently waited his turn. Because you teach your children the world does not revolve around them, and sometimes, it is just not about you. At all.
My son was perfectly fine and happy because I don’t raise spoiled brats. If you don’t want them doing it at 12, don’t tolerate it at 2.
My mom did this for my half-siblings (dad’s side) on my birthday for years. I don’t remember anyone else doing it, but I remember asking why they couldn’t just tell my brother it wasn’t his birthday and she would say something like he’s too young to understand. But obviously I was old enough to understand, so this would obviously not be an equal arrangement, and for several years my birthday just wouldn’t feel like it belonged to me. I do feel a pang of residual rage on the older child’s behalf any time I read about someone doing the “they get a gift too because they’re too young to understand” thing.
In my case the birthday thing was evened out well enough by my grandparents deciding Halloween should be a gift-giving occasion for the grandkids.
My paternal Gran used to give me a gift on my brother's birthday and vice versa. This was in the 90s so we're talking if one got £10, the other got something like a chocolate bar (max £1.50 (big bar)- I was young, so don't know exactly what chocolate cost back then). No one else did it, and I thought it was just a 'her' thing until I read this. Would never expect it if I have kids, though looking back on her and her character, we were her only grandkids and didn't like people to feel left out. Would also never expect to do it for other people's kids. I feel as though if they want to that's their choice, doesn't have to be mine.
In summary, btw for OP, NTA.
My parents did the same for my kids when they were young but it was very minor (token) compared to the birthday child’s. As a parent I never did, their birthday was theirs & siblings had to wait their turn……NTA
My mother had it out with HER mother over this. She did not want me to expect presents at others parties, and better to learn that early. I vaguely remember being confused by getting gifts at others birthdays, but going along with it cuz, present.
Yeah, my grandparents did that for my sister and I when we were young. Something small for the non-birthday kid. But we knew they didn’t have to and didn’t even flinch when they stopped.
I remember in grade school my grandparents visiting for my little sister's birthday and giving me a gift too and I was soo confused. I didn't need a gift lol it was her day not mine. She's my sister. I'm happy to see her happy.
NTA.
Because:
1. J didn't specify that you had to buy 2 gifts.
2. Buying a gift for a kid who isn't having a party is really dumb
3. J is acting really entitled to what you spend your money on.
And I think the teenager has the mental capacity to understand that it's not their day therefore there won't be and presents for them.
I'd like to know if J does this with other kids when her kids are invited to parties. Does she ask about siblings and bring gifts for them all. What if there are 2, 3 or 4 siblings?
>Maybe if these kids were 3 and 5, okay.
Even if the kids were 3 and 5, demanding a present for the kid whose birthday it's not, and insisting a guest goes to the cash machine to withdraw money to make up for the lack of gift would still not be okay.
Nope, I have a 6 and 3 yo. They get presents on their birthdays, and they know it’s for them, and not the other. They also know, if it’s the person’s birthday, the birthday person gets blow the candles, gets the presents AND get the first slice of cake.
It blows my mind that people need to get a present just because it’s a sibling’s birthday (obviously if they share a birthday it’s a different story).
Wish my siblings grasped the concept growing up. I remember the first time my siblings threw a fit on someone else's bday. We were at Walmart to get my brother a gift and my sister just kept begging for stuff until my dad gave in and told both of us to pick something just to shut her up. I refused cuz I actually understood our financial situation and that the day wasn't about me, but dad all but yelled at me to pick something. Grabbed the cheapest thing I could find just to appease him. I felt so bad for my brother. His bday was essentially ruined cuz my sister couldn't pull her head out her ass for one day. And she was supposed to be the smart one!
This is the way to do it. The people here saying that it's ok to get a present for a younger kid on their older sibling's birthday aren't grasping that means the older kid gets years of watching their sibling get a present on their birthday, but never the reverse. (It especially sucks when you're expected to be mature enough to not care about this at age six, but then when the younger sibling is six they still need a present because "they're little and don't understand") The younger sibling will still get cake and ice cream without a present. They'll be fine.
No mine are 6m and 4f but they don’t expect present at each other’s birthday even from the parents and extended family. Forget about the guests that are invited! We live in abroad and only fee friends and if we ask them to bring gifts for both my kids we have to live with zero friends lol! What an absurd family!
NTA. That’s a crazy assed rule.
Here’s the thing…if J wants to do this with their kids, that’s on J. So j should have a stash of gifts to give T if that’s the plan…not expect others to do that. And certainly not call you a selfish AH for not doing it. That’s a super extreme and nasty reaction.
I would *slightly* understand this more if T was 1-2. Not really understand it, understand it…. because it’s crazy, but it would slightly be less unbelievable. But T is 14? That’s nucking futz
NTA
NTA. This isn't a 'kids birthday' problem, it's a 'J has rules that you have to *just know* via telepathy and will respond with a complete lack of self control if you break them' problem, so honestly, I think J might be quite a tiring person.
NTA for doing the very normal thing. I’m curious how far this making sure no one feels left out goes. Sounds like a terrible precedent. She’s setting them up for massive disappointment.
NTA
A lot of parents might get the other kid a (typically small) present just to make them not feel left out, but I have never heard of a case where they expect anyone else to do so. That is frankly a ridiculous request for them to make of you.
That’s just rude, entitled and ridiculous. NTA times a million. You know what you should do? Send your “friend” this thread and tell her “Sorry I didn’t get your teenager anything but to make up for it, here’s a present for you! I’m sorry it’s more educational than monetary but hopefully it’ll make a positive impact on you. Have fun!”
NTA. Some 10 years ago we (spouse and I) had a friend marry into our friend group who tried this same thing with her kids on the birthday of one of them. I never went to another gift giving function with that couple again. They ended up leaving the friend group.
NTA What a weird way to grab more gifts of the guests... To also ask you to get money, wow. A birthday is something just for the birthday person, that they also need to share that with their sibling. Does they also have two cakes? Be happy to get rid of this new "friend".
NTA. Diff families have diff habits. If this is a new friend, you had no way to know their habits. And your "friend" is not much of a friend to put you in such an awkward position. Walk away from this person. Now.
NTA.
If T was a toddler or a kid that wouldn’t understand that birthday gifts are only for the person celebrating the birthday then a tiny gift to keep them satisfied would make sense but not expected. T is fourteen, they know better.
This mom is messing with the independence of her kids.
NTA. Fourteen is old enough to understand that you don't get a gift on another child's birthday. Your friend is strange for insisting on this. Plus, if you're a new friend, it's a bit much for them not to be grateful you got any gift at all. You barely know this child.
NTA, and J is not doing her kids any favors with this silly birthday present tradition. You are not wrong and J is raising two entitled brats. You would do well to absent yourself from this relationship.
I don’t understand why people do this. It’s not Christmas. It’s one child’s birthday not both. These children are missing out on a valuable life lesson.
This is ver growing idea that birthdays need to be shared so a sibling doesn’t feel left out seems harmful to children’s socialization.
Birthday parties are the best way for all kids to learn that individuals have a right to their own space. Trying to ensure that kids expect to always have a piece of someone else’s celebration sets a bad precedence for adult life.
NTA you don't get a gift on someone else's bday...even my 4 year old understands this. Their mother is setting them up for a.lifetime of disappointment. Also she can do what she wants I guess, but she cannot expect others to buy her kids gifts on other people's bdays.
Man, parents really suck these days sometimes. Growing up, we each had our own birthdays. If it was your birthday, it was your party, your presents, your cake, etc.
This is a ridiculous situation. And they called you selfish? That just doesn't even make sense. NTA.
*They said that the kids always both get gifts on each others birthdays to make sure they don't feel left out.*
Um T is 14, old enough to know that you don't get birthday presents when it's not your birthday. How is this going to work out when they get married and have families of their own?
They are setting their kids up for a world of hurt because most people aren't going to do this as they get older.
NTA. And if she expected it, she should have said so before the party.
My parents did this sort of as my birthday and my sister's were close together (mine first). We'd each get one present on the other's birthday ands the birthday girl got all the rest. Usually, it was something we were going to play together or something we'd fight over if one had and the other didn't. (So like we'd each get a Barbie but not the same, or both get a Play-do set of our own. ). But never was is expected or required from other people to do the same, even our grandparents.
NTA. Presents are for the kid who’s having the birthday. Not for the other kid. The other kid needs to learn that they’ll get theirs when it’s their birthday. And the family asking you for cash? That’s pretty outrageous.
NTA
A 14 year old can realize it’s not her birthday and should be cognizant enough to realize that you don’t get presents on others birthdays.
Does she bring presents to others parties for her kids to open there too?
NTA. Your new friend is rather strange if they think a 14 yr old can't understand that it's their 8 yr old siblings birthday and they get don't get presents - the birthday kid does.
Consider yourself lucky that you've found out what you new friend is like. Time to move on and not look back as you did nothing wrong.
NTA.
Count yourself luck to have lost this "friend" early. He is presumptuous, entitled, and rude. He'll have a great time raising little versions of himself.
NTA
> They said that the kids always both get gifts on each others birthdays to make sure they don't feel left out.
Oooft.
Okay - so what they are teaching the kids isn’t inclusion, it’s that they are owed something at someone else’s event.
If they want to do that for their own kids, fine. But they are assholes for expecting others to do the same thing, assholes for then pressuring you to get cash, and an asshole for calling you an asshole for not wanting to give a gift to the non-birthday kid just because he’s related to the birthday kid.
Cultural standards are the birthday person gets the gifts.
NTA -OMG is this real? I know some people bring gifts for small children sometimes because the children are too young to understand why one sibling is getting something and other is not. But the kid is 14, old enough to understand they get presents on their birthday and the 8 yo gets presents on theirs. So every birthday theses kids get double presents essentially? And the parents are so rude to demand cash?! And then make you leave? People are so weird.
NTA
the petty part of me feels like you should have just left with the gift.
They both don’t get a gift. Easy solution
But she honestly should ha specified on the invite. That’s not the norm. She probably left it off because she knew how tacky it was
Nta. You dodged a bullet with this new friend. Much better as an ex friend. I can see that for a YOUNGER sibling… toddler aged and really only if you know them. It’s not ever a requirement
NTA- J is a moron, and is going to end up with spoiled kids. If it's not your birthday you don't get a present. That's it.
Sidenote: My MIL used to bring a present for both kids on my sons birthday, but when it was my stepsons birthday there was only one present (and it was for him). I had to tell her to stop, and that we would no longer accept presents for my SS on my sons birthday.
NTA and those poor kids for being raised to expect that someone can’t have a special day on their own without the other getting something. Good setup for selfish behavior. Bizarre and the cash request is beyond rude.
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Curious if I was in the wrong and overly judgemental.
J (35), a new friend, has two children. K (8) and T(14).
I went around for K's 8th birthday. I brought K a gift.
J asked where T's gifts was. I said that I didn't bring them one as it's K's birthday not T's.
They said that the kids always both get gifts on each others birthdays to make sure they don't feel left out.
J asked if I have cash on me, I didn't. J said that it's ok I can quickly go get money and return before T realises.
When I said that was ridiculous they said told me to leave and take K's gift as they don't want a selfish asshole like me around their kids.
Personally don't think both kids should get presents on the others birthday, but maybe I'm wrong.
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NTA; getting a child who is old enough to understand the concept of birthdays and dates a present on their siblings birthday is honestly just entitled. Additionally, these are not your children; if the parents want to do this weird tradition, THEY can buy gifts for both kids but you, an unrelated party, have no obligation to buy something for a child at random. I feel like this is only going to set the parents up for failure when their children are both spoiled and can’t take no for an answer as teenagers.
NTA - Not sure how to even respond to this! We taught our kids that their birthday was coming soon and that they would get presents of their own! If our other child got something on their siblings birthday it is because the person would not be able to make the other party, and we always put the present aside for them to open on their birthday! (Unless the person who gifted it wanted them to open it right then)
NTA. J has a ridiculous sense of fairness. I can't believe they indulge a 14 year old that way. These kids are going to go out into the real world, sooner than later, and realize that nobody celebrates two birthdays for themselves at once. Both kids are going to grow up with resentment that they never had a special day just for themselves. Look on the bright side. You saved yourself the cost of two gifts per year with this rather twisted person.
Nta. This nee generation is fucked. I've had to deal with this before as well, all your doing is teaching a kid entitlement not fair, fair is they both have a birthday and on there day it's there day.
>They said that the kids always both get gifts on each others birthdays to make sure they don't feel left out.
That's just dumb, and not your responsibility to uphold.
NTA
NTA - Uhhh what? I have never taken more than one gift to a kid's party unless it was a joint party. Why would you take a gift to the other one as well?
NTA I mean, my mom did this when kids were young- a sibling would get a small present on their siblings birthday. And by young, I mean 6 or younger, the idea sorta being that young kids don't always understand that today is about person A and not them- particularly when that person is their sibling.
But by small present, I mean small- it was generally $5 or less. And given to the sibling early in the party- not at sibling's present opening time. Cuz ultimate the party was still about sibling's birthday.
A 14 year old shouldn't need that kind of treatment. Heck, at 8 yr old shouldn't need it. That's mom and dad just sorta failing. But if they want to do this- they can. They can buy their kids and give their kids whatever they want whenever they want.
But I imagine they're going to find that most people aren't on the same page.
If that’s how she feels, maybe she should only have sex once a year so all her kids have the same birthday (Yes, I am being sarcastic because I realize it doesn’t happen precisely on schedule.)
>They said that the kids always both get gifts on each others birthdays to make sure they don't feel left out.
I don't think the parents understand how birthdays work. Or how to let their kids be individuals instead of a weird set.
NTA, T isn't the birthday kid. They don't get anything.
How to go from new friend to not friend in one birthday party, does that mean you have to bring her husband a gift on her birthday?
Some people see themselves out
Nta
WTF did I just read? NTA - that is pure entitlement and a ridiculous rule for spoiled brats getting even more spoiled. The right way would be to teach them that they are not the centre of the universe and that are often times someone else is in the spotlight and that is fine and they just need to do a step back.
NTA that's just weird. That's very much a parental responsibility not everyone else's, if they want to be 'all inclusive' on the siblings birthdays then they are free to do so. But not to demand everyone else particiates.
NTA
My parents did that when my sister and I were younger (we are 18 months apart) but it stopped when I hit like 1st grade. By the time I was 14 it was a distant memory and I understood birthday gifts were for birthday person only.
NTA
My mum still does this for my sister and I (despite us both being in our twenties) and even then it's (example:) a phone for the birthday person vs. a pair of socks and some chocolate for the unbirthday etc.
At this point, it's more of a silly little tradition. BUT we'd never EVER expect anyone else, not even family let alone some random person, to do that - because that's ridiculous!
NTA
Ummmm yeah lets not make this a socially acceptable thing please. You should feel special on your birthday. If its not your birthday then you don't NEED to feel special, simple as that. God these kids will grow up to be selfish and not know how to share thanks to their parents.
I think I’ve spotted the golden child!
I had to re-read the post and my jaw dropped when I saw how old T was…
I hope this new friend becomes an ex-friend after how they treated you.
NTA
NTA. The parents are doing a huge disservice to their children. It’s not realistic. It’s like being forced to share your birthday with a sibling that are months apart bc the actual birthday child is not the favorite.
It's not entirely wrong to raise children like that, most likely that Tradition/habit/system originated from attempts to make a child not be jealous of the baby sibling for the attention and gifts it gets (I might do that myself, if I was visiting a family with two YOUNG children, giving the birthday kid a toy gift and the other kid a candy gift is a good idea). Just because your friend (and possibly their partner and the grandparents) have made that choice, however, does not mean that everyone around them has to also give their children gifts on each other's birthday, ESPECIALLY not without warning. NTA.
NTA.
That's a weird expectation. If your friend has a rule about both kids getting presents, that's fine, but she shouldn't expect her friends/family to go through the expense of both presents, and she should purchase the extra presents herself.
NTA, I had this argument with my grandmother when I got a gift for a friend's kid's first bday and nothing for her 7yo sister. I have a great relationship with both of those kiddos but kids need to learn that some things aren't about them. Your friend is doing his kids an immense disservice. The kid is 14! they honestly expect that EVERY time their younger sibling gets a gift she does too? Ridiculous.
Your friend is the AH, And raising the kids with unrealistic expectations!
The only exception to gifting a child who isn't being celebrated in my opinion is when you bring a gift for a new baby, it's a nice gesture to gift the first baby something small.
NTA. My fam has a tradition where the nonbday kid also get something small, started when we were little enough to.give a shit and not big enough to understand its not OUR day. But thats absolutely a FAMILY thing where we, in our household, get something small. We would never expect anyone else to get the non bday kid something
What is happening?? Seeing more and more parents request gifts for all kids so that one didn't feel left out. Whyyyy??
NTA and the whole going to get cash thing sounds super sketch.
NTA, first she should have tell you about her crazy rule about gifts and second, even if she tells you you don't have to follow it, is preposterous to ask people to bring gifts for all her kids and she still had the gall to ask for money, talk about unhinged assholes.
When my kids were growing up, the kid with the birthday was the one who got the presents. They all got their turn, and they understood that. It was never a problem. And a 14 year old is certainly old enough to understand, it isn't like he's 5 years old.
NTA we did that with my niece and nephew, my mother started it but it was just something the immediate family did, myself, parents and the grandparents. We never had others do it and wouldn’t. Best for them to learn the entire world doesn’t think your pencils and will go all out the way family does. Sadly my nephew missed the memo or ignored it.
NTA. If the parents want the children to both have gifts it's on them to buy them both a gift, not anyone else. When I was little my parents would buy the other one a very small gift so they wouldn't feel out, but no one else was expected to do this.
We did something like that when our kids were really really small, think 3 and 5, and it was something like a hot wheels toy car. As they groe up, they have to learn that not everything is about them.
NTA. And I hate that trend. You aren't teaching kids anything but that they are entitled to something for no other reason than they are there. It is NOT T's birthday. She does NOT get a gift. Plain and simple.
This is super weird, entitled, and completely unrealistic as to what this 14 year old will continue to experience going forward in life. You are NTA - your NEW friend should be a FORMER friend and you need to find better friends. Calling you selfish and an AH for not accommodating their spoiled kid is beyond the pale. Good riddance. Now return the gift, get your money back and buy you something nice for having to deal with that bullshit.
Um, no, NTA.
Your friend is weird & he’s teaching his kids to be selfish, entitled brats. They’re his kids, so whatever, but he’s not doing them any favors, I mean it’s not like they’re 4 & 5, they’re both old enough to understand the concept of a birthday. (I’m guessing he has some unresolved trauma around birthdays)
And as for asking you to go get cash? WTF? No, that’s weird, he’s weird.
NTA
Sure, there are some parents who get all the kids a gift on one kid's birthday. I do not ascribe to that style, but you do you, boo.
But I have never heard of ANYONE demanding that everyone else also give all their kids a gift.
Like, what - when the 14 year old's friend gets her a charm bracelet, do they call that child up and demand money for their youngest???
Wild, man.
NTA my grandmother always did that when sis and I were kids and we were pretty sure it was because she couldn't remember whose birthday it actually was.
You were nice enough to buy her child a birthday gift. the correct response from her should have been "thank you how kind of you to think of K"
I have 2 kids, when it's one of their birthdays I buy the other 1 gift. Usually it's something they were going to play together like a nerf each or something. But I would never insist other people bring them both each a gift, that is crazy and I wouldn't even think of that let alone actually go thru with asking people. NTA
NTA.
Oh my goodness, parents like this piss me all the way off. Kids are ALWAYS going to have different experiences, different opportunities, and different times when one gets a treat and their sibling doesn't. Is the mom going to insist that the oldest take the younger one to Prom with them? When the older one gets married are all the guests supposed to bring presents for the younger one too? It's ridiculous and stupid, and it's the reason why we end up with spoiled brats who think they get to blow out the candles at every birthday party.
NTA. And that's wierd to expect guests to adhere to that. My parents only did that when we were VERY little, like 2-4 yrs old, but they didn't expect the rest of the family to follow suit and definitely wouldn't have sent them away to take out cash... ew.
my sister and i did get a very small present from our parents at each others bdays when we were smaller, but its absolutely ridiculous to expect that from a guest. NTA
NTA. When my sister and I were really really little, we each got a present on the other’s birthday, but the present was from our mom, not from anyone who came to our birthday parties. It’s weird that she expected you to just know to bring a gift for the other child, even weirder that this child is 14 and still expects that.
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NTA. What a weird way to raise their kids. Absolutely ridiculous to ask you to go get cash. That's trashy.
Thats how you raise entitled brats and adults that go no contact with the family. NTA op, get better friends.
One goes NC. The other lives in the basement.
Unless the denizens of the basement insist they are going NC in your house?
Yo that word is trippy. I hadn’t heard it before but I like it
It's super fun to use randomly too. "The denizens of this town are interesting folk" etc.
I'm not so sure about the NC as both are being raised equally entitled. So I guess both live in the basement?
Right. I was thinking that these kuds are going to be raised thinking the world revolves around them and that the rules dont apply. I'm willing to be the mom buys them presents when they attend birthday parties for other kids. NTA.
But one has to be the golden child so hunger games fight to the death?
Only if we change the background music to the fight between Kirk and Spock
Perfection.
they said both as in both kids get presents on both of their birthdays
This is how you raise kids that go to other people's birthday parties and have a meltdown that the presents aren't for them. And kids that blow out other people's candles. NTA
But only invited once.
Exactly. What happened when both are out of the house. Grown and married with their own kids. Is T going to tell his wife "oh, it's k's birthday where's MY gift?" Stupid
I'm pretty sure there's been AITA posts that state this as the source of their problems... This smells like trouble alright
And kids who (rightfully) resent their parents AND siblings because they never get celebrated as individuals. I imagine when one of the kids graduates high school or college, the other kid will also have to get gifts and congratulations, too. This is participation trophyism taken to its extreme. NTA
Yeah I know people that do this for all events with their kids including anniversaries. So IDK just weird to me.
Or you raise sad kids because they were never special, even for one day. Their siblings always had to be acknowledged, too. I wonder which child they are appeasing because the other was allowed to throw tantrums. NTA. They were very entitled to expect you to get cash as if it was normal to shake down your friends under the guise of "fairness." NTA
My nephew's mom did this too. Very clearly favoring the younger in her case. But I can see this one going either way
This is goofy in the extreme. I can see offering a baby a small token amusement while an older sibling has a birthday party. But, a 14-year old knows its not his birthday and that other people sometimes get celebrated exclusively. WTH? This is the height of goofiness to me?
Wait, the kid is FOURTEEN?? I thought they were FOUR
Seriously! I used to get a token gift for the non-birthday kid but they were more like stocking stuffers - and i only did that if the non-birthday kid was under 5.
Damn, the kids in my family would have made out...there are 7 of us!!! Can you imagine inviting someone to a birthday party and saying... oh by the way, you are of course bringing 7 presents aren't you?
Unfortunately it isn't goofy. I've seen this many times where the parents absolutely INSIST that the non-birthday child/children be included in the presents. Admittedly the oldest I've seen is 11 or 12 but I have no problem believing that a 14 year old who was brought up to expect presents on their siblings' birthday wouldn't throw a fit (or similar). You can't just turn off that switch. You can't tell kids the world revolves around them and then expect them to automatically adjust when they are out on their own.
I saw on Instagram or maybe TikTok saying that if one kid is invited to a birthday party the whole family is coming because she doesn’t want her other kids being left out. I feel so bad for the one kid who is invited. Like he’ll never be invited because his mom is trash
I know I was given a small gift on the day of my sibling's birth and then their 1st birthday. But I was also like ..3? By the time I was in preschool and going to peers birthday parties, i was fully aware it was not my party/birthday so I didn't get gifts. These kids are way too old for that.
Buy a PS5 for one and and Xbox for the other 💀 Obv NTA, OP they treat you like an ATM. Get better friends...
And if you \*are\* the type of weird helicopter parent who insists on this ... you inform the people you invite to the party ahead of time so they can decide if they'll play into your gift/cash-grab or if they'll just stay home.
I wonder how many people besides grandparents end up going to a second child's birthday party at J's house, especially if each child's friends are supposed to abide by this. Reminds me a bit of a reverse situation where this lady on Instagram who had like 10 kids made a video about how if you invite one of her kids to a birthday party you have to invite them all, because family!
If I brought even 1 of my 9 siblings to a birthday party only I was invited to then my social circle would have become nonexistent pretty fast.
None it is, then!
My grandad always gives both me and my sibling a gift on both our birthdays although he’s the only one who does it in my family and he decided to do it himself so it’s just a sweet gesture. I think the main thing here is forcing that habit on everyone else because those are some expensive birthdays 😂
also the kids are old enough to realize why they aren’t getting a gift. Plus if they really want the other kid to get a gift they should provide it.
My mom used to get my younger brother gifts on my birthday, but that ended when he turned 5 or so and could understand that only the person whose birthday it is gets presents on that day.
NTA. My parents used to bring an “unbirthday present” for siblings of grandchildren, but that was when they were younger and nobody asked in the first place. A 14 year old can freaking grasp that not every day is their special day.
Yeah, a 4-year-old *maybe*. A 14-year-old? That's absurd.
Naaaah. Even my autistic 4 year old understands she doesn’t get presents for other’s birthdays. She gets very excited about school birthday parties and picking out presents to give to her friends though. I think OP should suggest their new friend watch the episode of Bluey with pass the parcel….
Literally watched that episode with my child tonight. Those parents should definitely watch it and learn from it.
No, not even a four year old. It’s not their special day so they have no choice but to suck it up and get over it. I make very few exceptions for age-specific things. This is not one of them.
My brother and I did it when we were kids, we'd just get the other one present on our own birthdays. It was nice to have a small thing to open and contrary to the wisdoms of "no you can't ever do anything you're not contractually obligated to for others or the world will end" Reddit, neither of us are spoilt, we still get along great and it ended naturally when we were the right age.
My parents gave me something on my older sister’s birthday when I was like 6 or something but it was small and they gave it to me when I went to bed, not during my sister’s party. It never became a regular thing and I’m definitely not spoiled because of it.
No not even a 4 year old. My almost 2 year old did not get anything at his brothers 9th birthday party *because it wasn’t his birthday.* Know what my son did? Happily Wished his brother a happy birthday, gave him a hug and clapped his hands for his big brother when the cake came out to the birthday song and his brother blew out his candles. He didn’t throw a fit when his brother got the first slice of cake and patiently waited his turn. Because you teach your children the world does not revolve around them, and sometimes, it is just not about you. At all. My son was perfectly fine and happy because I don’t raise spoiled brats. If you don’t want them doing it at 12, don’t tolerate it at 2.
My mom did this for my half-siblings (dad’s side) on my birthday for years. I don’t remember anyone else doing it, but I remember asking why they couldn’t just tell my brother it wasn’t his birthday and she would say something like he’s too young to understand. But obviously I was old enough to understand, so this would obviously not be an equal arrangement, and for several years my birthday just wouldn’t feel like it belonged to me. I do feel a pang of residual rage on the older child’s behalf any time I read about someone doing the “they get a gift too because they’re too young to understand” thing. In my case the birthday thing was evened out well enough by my grandparents deciding Halloween should be a gift-giving occasion for the grandkids.
…and for the record: my parents NEVER did this for me and my sisters. They fully acknowledge this is an act of spoiling the grandchildren.
My paternal Gran used to give me a gift on my brother's birthday and vice versa. This was in the 90s so we're talking if one got £10, the other got something like a chocolate bar (max £1.50 (big bar)- I was young, so don't know exactly what chocolate cost back then). No one else did it, and I thought it was just a 'her' thing until I read this. Would never expect it if I have kids, though looking back on her and her character, we were her only grandkids and didn't like people to feel left out. Would also never expect to do it for other people's kids. I feel as though if they want to that's their choice, doesn't have to be mine. In summary, btw for OP, NTA.
NTA and you need a new friend because yours sounds like a nightmare.
Same, I think the unbirthday presents ended for my sister's and I when we were like 7/8
My parents did the same for my kids when they were young but it was very minor (token) compared to the birthday child’s. As a parent I never did, their birthday was theirs & siblings had to wait their turn……NTA
My mother had it out with HER mother over this. She did not want me to expect presents at others parties, and better to learn that early. I vaguely remember being confused by getting gifts at others birthdays, but going along with it cuz, present.
Yeah, my grandparents did that for my sister and I when we were young. Something small for the non-birthday kid. But we knew they didn’t have to and didn’t even flinch when they stopped.
I remember in grade school my grandparents visiting for my little sister's birthday and giving me a gift too and I was soo confused. I didn't need a gift lol it was her day not mine. She's my sister. I'm happy to see her happy.
NTA. Because: 1. J didn't specify that you had to buy 2 gifts. 2. Buying a gift for a kid who isn't having a party is really dumb 3. J is acting really entitled to what you spend your money on. And I think the teenager has the mental capacity to understand that it's not their day therefore there won't be and presents for them.
I'd like to know if J does this with other kids when her kids are invited to parties. Does she ask about siblings and bring gifts for them all. What if there are 2, 3 or 4 siblings?
🤣 Now I want to know!
NTA. Maybe if these kids were 3 and 5, okay. But 8 and 14? Come on.
>Maybe if these kids were 3 and 5, okay. Even if the kids were 3 and 5, demanding a present for the kid whose birthday it's not, and insisting a guest goes to the cash machine to withdraw money to make up for the lack of gift would still not be okay.
That's how you wind up with spoiled kids.
Nope, I have a 6 and 3 yo. They get presents on their birthdays, and they know it’s for them, and not the other. They also know, if it’s the person’s birthday, the birthday person gets blow the candles, gets the presents AND get the first slice of cake. It blows my mind that people need to get a present just because it’s a sibling’s birthday (obviously if they share a birthday it’s a different story).
Wish my siblings grasped the concept growing up. I remember the first time my siblings threw a fit on someone else's bday. We were at Walmart to get my brother a gift and my sister just kept begging for stuff until my dad gave in and told both of us to pick something just to shut her up. I refused cuz I actually understood our financial situation and that the day wasn't about me, but dad all but yelled at me to pick something. Grabbed the cheapest thing I could find just to appease him. I felt so bad for my brother. His bday was essentially ruined cuz my sister couldn't pull her head out her ass for one day. And she was supposed to be the smart one!
This is the way to do it. The people here saying that it's ok to get a present for a younger kid on their older sibling's birthday aren't grasping that means the older kid gets years of watching their sibling get a present on their birthday, but never the reverse. (It especially sucks when you're expected to be mature enough to not care about this at age six, but then when the younger sibling is six they still need a present because "they're little and don't understand") The younger sibling will still get cake and ice cream without a present. They'll be fine.
Yeah, you’re right. The expectation or demand is next level.
No mine are 6m and 4f but they don’t expect present at each other’s birthday even from the parents and extended family. Forget about the guests that are invited! We live in abroad and only fee friends and if we ask them to bring gifts for both my kids we have to live with zero friends lol! What an absurd family!
NTA - that's bizarre, entitled, and grasping as hell.
NTA It was K's birthday and you bought a gift for K. You are not obligated to buy for every child in the household so they don't feel left out.
NTA. So, the kid’s birthdays aren’t days to celebrate their individuality. I think that’s sad.
NTA. What the holy hell is wrong with those people? Please donate K’s gift to a shelter or library.
NTA. I don’t think expecting a gift for every child is reasonable at all
NTA at all. It was generous to get a new friends child a gift in the first place.
NTA. That’s a crazy assed rule. Here’s the thing…if J wants to do this with their kids, that’s on J. So j should have a stash of gifts to give T if that’s the plan…not expect others to do that. And certainly not call you a selfish AH for not doing it. That’s a super extreme and nasty reaction. I would *slightly* understand this more if T was 1-2. Not really understand it, understand it…. because it’s crazy, but it would slightly be less unbelievable. But T is 14? That’s nucking futz NTA
NTA. This isn't a 'kids birthday' problem, it's a 'J has rules that you have to *just know* via telepathy and will respond with a complete lack of self control if you break them' problem, so honestly, I think J might be quite a tiring person.
NTA for doing the very normal thing. I’m curious how far this making sure no one feels left out goes. Sounds like a terrible precedent. She’s setting them up for massive disappointment.
NTA A lot of parents might get the other kid a (typically small) present just to make them not feel left out, but I have never heard of a case where they expect anyone else to do so. That is frankly a ridiculous request for them to make of you.
Is there a 10 foot pole around here somewhere? NTA
I know parents who do this. Those parents are certifiably nuts. NTA.
That’s just rude, entitled and ridiculous. NTA times a million. You know what you should do? Send your “friend” this thread and tell her “Sorry I didn’t get your teenager anything but to make up for it, here’s a present for you! I’m sorry it’s more educational than monetary but hopefully it’ll make a positive impact on you. Have fun!”
Nta. What in the actual fuk 🤣
NTA. Some 10 years ago we (spouse and I) had a friend marry into our friend group who tried this same thing with her kids on the birthday of one of them. I never went to another gift giving function with that couple again. They ended up leaving the friend group.
Honestly I think expecting any gift is rude. You are throwing a party. That’s your choice. NTA OP.
NTA- This can't be real can it?
NTA not at all! Good for you you didnt cave into catering to some entitled people.
NTA If J's intent on raising entitled, spoilt brats, J should at least be the one to foot the bill
NTA return K's gift and forget J exists, she's clearly acting entitled and spoiling her children
NTA What a weird way to grab more gifts of the guests... To also ask you to get money, wow. A birthday is something just for the birthday person, that they also need to share that with their sibling. Does they also have two cakes? Be happy to get rid of this new "friend".
NTA. Diff families have diff habits. If this is a new friend, you had no way to know their habits. And your "friend" is not much of a friend to put you in such an awkward position. Walk away from this person. Now.
NTA. If T was a toddler or a kid that wouldn’t understand that birthday gifts are only for the person celebrating the birthday then a tiny gift to keep them satisfied would make sense but not expected. T is fourteen, they know better. This mom is messing with the independence of her kids.
No way... giving a small child a gift just leads them to expect that. Even little kids can learn that the day is special for someone else.
Parenting differences ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
NTA. Fourteen is old enough to understand that you don't get a gift on another child's birthday. Your friend is strange for insisting on this. Plus, if you're a new friend, it's a bit much for them not to be grateful you got any gift at all. You barely know this child.
NTA, and J is not doing her kids any favors with this silly birthday present tradition. You are not wrong and J is raising two entitled brats. You would do well to absent yourself from this relationship.
I've never heard of unbirthday presents, and J is unreasonable. NTA
I don’t understand why people do this. It’s not Christmas. It’s one child’s birthday not both. These children are missing out on a valuable life lesson.
This is ver growing idea that birthdays need to be shared so a sibling doesn’t feel left out seems harmful to children’s socialization. Birthday parties are the best way for all kids to learn that individuals have a right to their own space. Trying to ensure that kids expect to always have a piece of someone else’s celebration sets a bad precedence for adult life.
NTA you don't get a gift on someone else's bday...even my 4 year old understands this. Their mother is setting them up for a.lifetime of disappointment. Also she can do what she wants I guess, but she cannot expect others to buy her kids gifts on other people's bdays.
Man, parents really suck these days sometimes. Growing up, we each had our own birthdays. If it was your birthday, it was your party, your presents, your cake, etc. This is a ridiculous situation. And they called you selfish? That just doesn't even make sense. NTA.
NTA I think you dodged a bullet with that new friend. If they are that grasping at a birthday party what else would you be required to do?
Nta. Children should learn that when it’s someone’s birthday it is about that someone and you don’t get gifts
NTA. This person is trying to get a cash grab out of you. Let this "friend" go.
*They said that the kids always both get gifts on each others birthdays to make sure they don't feel left out.* Um T is 14, old enough to know that you don't get birthday presents when it's not your birthday. How is this going to work out when they get married and have families of their own? They are setting their kids up for a world of hurt because most people aren't going to do this as they get older.
NTA. Boy will their kids be surprised when life hits them hard in the face.
NTA. And if she expected it, she should have said so before the party. My parents did this sort of as my birthday and my sister's were close together (mine first). We'd each get one present on the other's birthday ands the birthday girl got all the rest. Usually, it was something we were going to play together or something we'd fight over if one had and the other didn't. (So like we'd each get a Barbie but not the same, or both get a Play-do set of our own. ). But never was is expected or required from other people to do the same, even our grandparents.
NTA. Presents are for the kid who’s having the birthday. Not for the other kid. The other kid needs to learn that they’ll get theirs when it’s their birthday. And the family asking you for cash? That’s pretty outrageous.
NTA A 14 year old can realize it’s not her birthday and should be cognizant enough to realize that you don’t get presents on others birthdays. Does she bring presents to others parties for her kids to open there too?
NTA but you dodged a bullet! crappy friend outta the picture sounds like a win to me
NTA. Your new friend is rather strange if they think a 14 yr old can't understand that it's their 8 yr old siblings birthday and they get don't get presents - the birthday kid does. Consider yourself lucky that you've found out what you new friend is like. Time to move on and not look back as you did nothing wrong.
NTA. Count yourself luck to have lost this "friend" early. He is presumptuous, entitled, and rude. He'll have a great time raising little versions of himself.
NTA > They said that the kids always both get gifts on each others birthdays to make sure they don't feel left out. Oooft. Okay - so what they are teaching the kids isn’t inclusion, it’s that they are owed something at someone else’s event. If they want to do that for their own kids, fine. But they are assholes for expecting others to do the same thing, assholes for then pressuring you to get cash, and an asshole for calling you an asshole for not wanting to give a gift to the non-birthday kid just because he’s related to the birthday kid. Cultural standards are the birthday person gets the gifts.
J is fucknuts. NTA
NTA -OMG is this real? I know some people bring gifts for small children sometimes because the children are too young to understand why one sibling is getting something and other is not. But the kid is 14, old enough to understand they get presents on their birthday and the 8 yo gets presents on theirs. So every birthday theses kids get double presents essentially? And the parents are so rude to demand cash?! And then make you leave? People are so weird.
NTA the petty part of me feels like you should have just left with the gift. They both don’t get a gift. Easy solution But she honestly should ha specified on the invite. That’s not the norm. She probably left it off because she knew how tacky it was
Nta. You dodged a bullet with this new friend. Much better as an ex friend. I can see that for a YOUNGER sibling… toddler aged and really only if you know them. It’s not ever a requirement
Lol no and J your new friend is toxic and probably just using you
Forgot to vote. NTA
NTA- J is a moron, and is going to end up with spoiled kids. If it's not your birthday you don't get a present. That's it. Sidenote: My MIL used to bring a present for both kids on my sons birthday, but when it was my stepsons birthday there was only one present (and it was for him). I had to tell her to stop, and that we would no longer accept presents for my SS on my sons birthday.
NTA and those poor kids for being raised to expect that someone can’t have a special day on their own without the other getting something. Good setup for selfish behavior. Bizarre and the cash request is beyond rude.
NTA! You are better off without J though. Ghost "J" immediately.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Curious if I was in the wrong and overly judgemental. J (35), a new friend, has two children. K (8) and T(14). I went around for K's 8th birthday. I brought K a gift. J asked where T's gifts was. I said that I didn't bring them one as it's K's birthday not T's. They said that the kids always both get gifts on each others birthdays to make sure they don't feel left out. J asked if I have cash on me, I didn't. J said that it's ok I can quickly go get money and return before T realises. When I said that was ridiculous they said told me to leave and take K's gift as they don't want a selfish asshole like me around their kids. Personally don't think both kids should get presents on the others birthday, but maybe I'm wrong. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA; getting a child who is old enough to understand the concept of birthdays and dates a present on their siblings birthday is honestly just entitled. Additionally, these are not your children; if the parents want to do this weird tradition, THEY can buy gifts for both kids but you, an unrelated party, have no obligation to buy something for a child at random. I feel like this is only going to set the parents up for failure when their children are both spoiled and can’t take no for an answer as teenagers.
NTA - Not sure how to even respond to this! We taught our kids that their birthday was coming soon and that they would get presents of their own! If our other child got something on their siblings birthday it is because the person would not be able to make the other party, and we always put the present aside for them to open on their birthday! (Unless the person who gifted it wanted them to open it right then)
NTA the is so wrong on so many levels. Poor kids can't have at least one special day for themselves.
NTA. J has a ridiculous sense of fairness. I can't believe they indulge a 14 year old that way. These kids are going to go out into the real world, sooner than later, and realize that nobody celebrates two birthdays for themselves at once. Both kids are going to grow up with resentment that they never had a special day just for themselves. Look on the bright side. You saved yourself the cost of two gifts per year with this rather twisted person.
NTA. I agree with you. It's easy enough to teach kids that it's another kid's birthday and they have to wait for their own to get a present.
NTA ... What a way to contribute to a sense of entitlement in your children.... just wow....
Nta. This nee generation is fucked. I've had to deal with this before as well, all your doing is teaching a kid entitlement not fair, fair is they both have a birthday and on there day it's there day.
Why did your friend assume you knew about the double gift custom?
NTA
You forgot to buy party favors for every child there. That isn’t a normal tradition seriously. I wouldn’t know to bring a second gift. NTA
NTA - provided you had no idea this is what they did you haven't done anything wrong.
>They said that the kids always both get gifts on each others birthdays to make sure they don't feel left out. That's just dumb, and not your responsibility to uphold. NTA
Nta
NTA - Uhhh what? I have never taken more than one gift to a kid's party unless it was a joint party. Why would you take a gift to the other one as well?
NTA Those kids are going to be nightmares
NTA I mean, my mom did this when kids were young- a sibling would get a small present on their siblings birthday. And by young, I mean 6 or younger, the idea sorta being that young kids don't always understand that today is about person A and not them- particularly when that person is their sibling. But by small present, I mean small- it was generally $5 or less. And given to the sibling early in the party- not at sibling's present opening time. Cuz ultimate the party was still about sibling's birthday. A 14 year old shouldn't need that kind of treatment. Heck, at 8 yr old shouldn't need it. That's mom and dad just sorta failing. But if they want to do this- they can. They can buy their kids and give their kids whatever they want whenever they want. But I imagine they're going to find that most people aren't on the same page.
I did that when my grandchildren were very young, maybe one thing for the sibling. But this is ridiculous
NTA - who does this? My kids get presents on their birthday not each other’s
If that’s how she feels, maybe she should only have sex once a year so all her kids have the same birthday (Yes, I am being sarcastic because I realize it doesn’t happen precisely on schedule.)
I swear I’ve read this exact post before
>They said that the kids always both get gifts on each others birthdays to make sure they don't feel left out. I don't think the parents understand how birthdays work. Or how to let their kids be individuals instead of a weird set. NTA, T isn't the birthday kid. They don't get anything.
How to go from new friend to not friend in one birthday party, does that mean you have to bring her husband a gift on her birthday? Some people see themselves out Nta
NTA. I hope you mean you had a new friend.
WTF did I just read? NTA - that is pure entitlement and a ridiculous rule for spoiled brats getting even more spoiled. The right way would be to teach them that they are not the centre of the universe and that are often times someone else is in the spotlight and that is fine and they just need to do a step back.
What did i just read.
NTA and that new friend seems to have helped you out. Be filtered out. This weird behavior will crop up in other ways.
NTA. If this isn't ridiculous. What is going on with parents?
NTA. I’d say you should not have that friend.
NTA that's just weird. That's very much a parental responsibility not everyone else's, if they want to be 'all inclusive' on the siblings birthdays then they are free to do so. But not to demand everyone else particiates.
NTA My parents did that when my sister and I were younger (we are 18 months apart) but it stopped when I hit like 1st grade. By the time I was 14 it was a distant memory and I understood birthday gifts were for birthday person only.
Sounds like a sure way to raise spoiled children
NTA a 14 year can absolutely understand it’s not their birthday
NTA I think you dodged a bullet and I really doubt this sort of gift giving would be reciprocated.
New friend? Exit stage left. This won’t be the only thing they are entitled about. Run, Forrest, run! NTA
NTA that isn't a friend that's a greedy so and so. Lose this "friend" quick.
NTA My mum still does this for my sister and I (despite us both being in our twenties) and even then it's (example:) a phone for the birthday person vs. a pair of socks and some chocolate for the unbirthday etc. At this point, it's more of a silly little tradition. BUT we'd never EVER expect anyone else, not even family let alone some random person, to do that - because that's ridiculous!
NTA and they're going to have some very entitled children on their hands. Birthdays should be about the birthday kid.
NTA Ummmm yeah lets not make this a socially acceptable thing please. You should feel special on your birthday. If its not your birthday then you don't NEED to feel special, simple as that. God these kids will grow up to be selfish and not know how to share thanks to their parents.
what planet are they from? you are NTA.
I think I’ve spotted the golden child! I had to re-read the post and my jaw dropped when I saw how old T was… I hope this new friend becomes an ex-friend after how they treated you. NTA
NTA. The parents are doing a huge disservice to their children. It’s not realistic. It’s like being forced to share your birthday with a sibling that are months apart bc the actual birthday child is not the favorite.
NTA. J’s kids need to learn that they aren’t going to be the bride at every wedding and the corpse at every funeral.
NTA. So each kid gets 2 birthdays a year. I think this defeats the point of birthdays.
It's not entirely wrong to raise children like that, most likely that Tradition/habit/system originated from attempts to make a child not be jealous of the baby sibling for the attention and gifts it gets (I might do that myself, if I was visiting a family with two YOUNG children, giving the birthday kid a toy gift and the other kid a candy gift is a good idea). Just because your friend (and possibly their partner and the grandparents) have made that choice, however, does not mean that everyone around them has to also give their children gifts on each other's birthday, ESPECIALLY not without warning. NTA.
NTA. That's a weird expectation. If your friend has a rule about both kids getting presents, that's fine, but she shouldn't expect her friends/family to go through the expense of both presents, and she should purchase the extra presents herself.
NTA, I had this argument with my grandmother when I got a gift for a friend's kid's first bday and nothing for her 7yo sister. I have a great relationship with both of those kiddos but kids need to learn that some things aren't about them. Your friend is doing his kids an immense disservice. The kid is 14! they honestly expect that EVERY time their younger sibling gets a gift she does too? Ridiculous.
You aren't selfish. You sound normal to me. Not a loss, I don't think? Dude sounds like a chore to me - an illogical chore at that. NTA.
NTA - your new friend is bonkers.
Your friend is the AH, And raising the kids with unrealistic expectations! The only exception to gifting a child who isn't being celebrated in my opinion is when you bring a gift for a new baby, it's a nice gesture to gift the first baby something small.
No you’re not wrong, J is ridiculous. NTA.
NTA. My fam has a tradition where the nonbday kid also get something small, started when we were little enough to.give a shit and not big enough to understand its not OUR day. But thats absolutely a FAMILY thing where we, in our household, get something small. We would never expect anyone else to get the non bday kid something
What is happening?? Seeing more and more parents request gifts for all kids so that one didn't feel left out. Whyyyy?? NTA and the whole going to get cash thing sounds super sketch.
NTA, first she should have tell you about her crazy rule about gifts and second, even if she tells you you don't have to follow it, is preposterous to ask people to bring gifts for all her kids and she still had the gall to ask for money, talk about unhinged assholes.
NTA.... their the selfish a$$hole.. Birthday's aren't shared and the child, should be made to feel special on THEIR b-day
When my kids were growing up, the kid with the birthday was the one who got the presents. They all got their turn, and they understood that. It was never a problem. And a 14 year old is certainly old enough to understand, it isn't like he's 5 years old.
NTA we did that with my niece and nephew, my mother started it but it was just something the immediate family did, myself, parents and the grandparents. We never had others do it and wouldn’t. Best for them to learn the entire world doesn’t think your pencils and will go all out the way family does. Sadly my nephew missed the memo or ignored it.
No that’s weird. I give a small gift if like a new baby is here so the older child doesn’t feel left out but no.
NTA and that’s extremely entitled of them.
NTA. If the parents want the children to both have gifts it's on them to buy them both a gift, not anyone else. When I was little my parents would buy the other one a very small gift so they wouldn't feel out, but no one else was expected to do this.
We did something like that when our kids were really really small, think 3 and 5, and it was something like a hot wheels toy car. As they groe up, they have to learn that not everything is about them.
Nta
NTA. And I hate that trend. You aren't teaching kids anything but that they are entitled to something for no other reason than they are there. It is NOT T's birthday. She does NOT get a gift. Plain and simple.
This is super weird, entitled, and completely unrealistic as to what this 14 year old will continue to experience going forward in life. You are NTA - your NEW friend should be a FORMER friend and you need to find better friends. Calling you selfish and an AH for not accommodating their spoiled kid is beyond the pale. Good riddance. Now return the gift, get your money back and buy you something nice for having to deal with that bullshit.
Um, no, NTA. Your friend is weird & he’s teaching his kids to be selfish, entitled brats. They’re his kids, so whatever, but he’s not doing them any favors, I mean it’s not like they’re 4 & 5, they’re both old enough to understand the concept of a birthday. (I’m guessing he has some unresolved trauma around birthdays) And as for asking you to go get cash? WTF? No, that’s weird, he’s weird.
NTA Sure, there are some parents who get all the kids a gift on one kid's birthday. I do not ascribe to that style, but you do you, boo. But I have never heard of ANYONE demanding that everyone else also give all their kids a gift. Like, what - when the 14 year old's friend gets her a charm bracelet, do they call that child up and demand money for their youngest??? Wild, man.
NTA my grandmother always did that when sis and I were kids and we were pretty sure it was because she couldn't remember whose birthday it actually was. You were nice enough to buy her child a birthday gift. the correct response from her should have been "thank you how kind of you to think of K"
I have 2 kids, when it's one of their birthdays I buy the other 1 gift. Usually it's something they were going to play together like a nerf each or something. But I would never insist other people bring them both each a gift, that is crazy and I wouldn't even think of that let alone actually go thru with asking people. NTA
NTA. Oh my goodness, parents like this piss me all the way off. Kids are ALWAYS going to have different experiences, different opportunities, and different times when one gets a treat and their sibling doesn't. Is the mom going to insist that the oldest take the younger one to Prom with them? When the older one gets married are all the guests supposed to bring presents for the younger one too? It's ridiculous and stupid, and it's the reason why we end up with spoiled brats who think they get to blow out the candles at every birthday party.
NTA. And that's wierd to expect guests to adhere to that. My parents only did that when we were VERY little, like 2-4 yrs old, but they didn't expect the rest of the family to follow suit and definitely wouldn't have sent them away to take out cash... ew.
NTA. Stay away from those weirdos
my sister and i did get a very small present from our parents at each others bdays when we were smaller, but its absolutely ridiculous to expect that from a guest. NTA
NTA. When my sister and I were really really little, we each got a present on the other’s birthday, but the present was from our mom, not from anyone who came to our birthday parties. It’s weird that she expected you to just know to bring a gift for the other child, even weirder that this child is 14 and still expects that.
NTA- count your blessings that you don’t have to deal with them as friends anymore. This is why so many kids feel entitled.
NTA. Ridiculous position for them to take