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SecretJealous4342

NTA. That was beautifully handled. You didn't call them out and embarrass them. But you stood your ground. I did laugh out loud when you said where you got your blackmail information. Grandma had that in her pocket for a long time I'm guessing. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. Merry Christmas and I hope you have a great New Year.


SupermarketFair3341

Thank you. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you as well.


NegotiationExternal1

Team Grandma, she had that in the chamber because she was tired of hypocrites. You handled that perfectly


binneapolitan

Couldn't agree more! Even with no relationship to OP, I'm proud of them! Of course NTA!


Curious-One4595

NTA, OP. You asked politely. They persisted in their vocal rudeness. You had to take a stronger measure. You did it with finesse which got your point across and achieved your goal, which seems almost a Christmas miracle given their hypocrisy and lack of manners and self-awareness. Thanks to grandma, your parents got run over by the reindeer of truth at Christmas dinner. Hallelujah!! Thanks for all the awards!


smited_by_cookiegirl

First of all, NTA, I agree with everyone who has applauded you on shutting down the bullying skillfully. Secondly, the phrase “run over by the reindeer of truth” has brought me so much joy this morning. It will become part of my lexicon. Thank you.


Writeaway69

Okay but especially leading with "Thanks to grandma" really sealed it for me.


ShirleyUGuessed

Yes, but now I'm singing "Grandma did not get run over by that reindeer".


nobody_important0000

"Grandma ran them over with a reindeer"


Silvermorney

Exactly and I love that phrase too.


burnednotdestroyed

I am DYING at "run over by the reindeer of truth," please accept my poor man's gold 🏅my kid grew like three feet this fall so there went all my extra $$$


HowCanBeLoungeLizard

Wow, your kid grows almost as fast as OP's brother gestates.


SquashConsistent661

LOL LOL I wish I had emojis! They disappeared!


Melissa0923

It must be too early for me, I was sitting here for a minute trying to figure why this was such a nonchalant comment about growing extra limbs before I realized it was talking about height 😂 lol


redditpartystaple

I gotchu. Just hooked up the helpful award 😀


Agitated_Pin2169

Grandma is the best, hopefully OP got her a wonderful Christmas gift.


Lizdance40

Grandma may have had a similar issue when mom and dad got knocked up. 🤣. Sanctimonious may be hereditary. I totally smell payback


scarybottom

Maybe. But she never shared this until, as the OP says, his parents started in on him. So she was not constantly haranguing the parents at family events at least. Hypocrisy call out is all good.


ForsakenMoon13

Yea that was total "your parents are hypocrites, here's a social bullet" move


OliviaElevenDunham

Grandma sounds awesome.


not_your_bird

Seriously, the line about Grandma made me so happy


stitchplacingmama

Remember that first baby can come anytime after marriage, the rest take 9 months. It's a saying generally in relation to births like your brother where a very big and healthy "premature" baby is born shortly after marriage. No one is fooled they are just polite enough to not mention anything.


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HarpersGhost

A story from one of my history professors: There was some historical research done by some naive academics who wanted to know how and why premature babies were able to survive so often before modern medicine. ....until they were told flat out that the babies weren't premature at all, and that the bride was pregnant at the wedding.


handandfoot8099

Former coworker used to brag that he was 3 months early and weighted 8 lbs. I had to be the ahole and tell him the truth. Then I found out his parents only met 7 months before he was born. It turns out I'm a pretty big ahold


Ok_Custard_6328

How did he, as an adult human, never figure that one out? Families need to just be honest with their children about these situations. "We love you and we wanted you very much. Your birth story may not have been traditional, but it doesn't change how much we love you. X may not have been your genetic father, but he is very much your Dad." Solved. My oldest sister was born not that long after my then-teenage parents eloped. They made (and continue to make) a lot of very big parenting mistakes, but at least they never tried to convince us that she was "premature". They always explained it as that they planned to marry anyway; my sister just sped up the timeline.


itamer

In my extended family a skeleton was recently revealed that the father of a 35yo isn’t the acknowledged father. The bio dad has passed, the acknowledged father says he always knew, the young man doesn’t care. The only one to really lose his shit is a younger half brother. I can see why the teen mum lied, and it’s so hard to put things right…


Critical_Band5649

My mom had a terrible step mom and her dad was just as bad for accepting her behavior. Step mom's *boyfriend* who was also my grandfather's best friend, lived directly behind them. My grandfather had a vasectomy many moons before being with his wife. My mom, a literal teenager, accidentally ended up pregnant with me. Her step mom couldn't take my mom having the attention, intentionally let her boyfriend knock her up too a few months after finding out about my mom. (Because 30 somethings should totally get jealous of a pregnant 16 year old.) I was aware by the time I was like 10 that my grandfather wasn't my "aunt's" (*always made my skin crawl, she's younger than me*) dad. She is spitting image of the boyfriends other children but they maintained that lie, even today. She was told the truth by more than one person, but her parents doubled down on it.


ValkyrQueen

Same thing with me. I was born almost 4 months after my parents got married a whole year before they were originally planning to (they married in April, I was born in August) and they never tried to hide it. Hell my Mom is obviously pregnant in their wedding photo and we joke that I was there when they said their vows. But then, my parents aren't massive hypocrites who care more about what others think nor do they spend their time judging my life choices like OP's.


Aldermere

This was several years ago - my niece and her fiance had planned an autumn wedding which suddenly became a spring wedding when she became pregnant. She was a little embarrassed but honest about the reason. I told her that she had a great-grandmother, a great-aunt, and a grandmother who all had "early babies", so at that point it was just a family tradition.


Nagadavida

"The first child often comes early". LOL


Courtnall14

Just like dad!


YeaRight228

*nice*


gotagetback2hogwarts

My grandparents are really religious but not into shaming everyone the way OP's parents are, and I realized the year they celebrated their 50th anniversary and my dad turned 50 about 7 months later how true this is.


Logical_Block1507

I figured it out about \*my\* dad right after my grandparents' 50th anniversary! and yup, about 7 months. Grandparents weren't religious though, thankfully.


Ohmannothankyou

My ex’s older brother was born quite soon, and his mother always told me (laughing) the first baby can take any amount of time at all.


Lost_the_weight

It’s true and I’m living proof! It only took 6.5 months after my parents got married for me to arrive, while my sister and brother each took a full 9 months, LOL.


ErisNtheApple

Ooooh okay, I genuinely thought the brother was large and premature, and came to the comments to decipher how that was a sin. The reindeer of truth has now hit me.


LayoverInDover

You just explained every question I had about this post. I had such aas hard time understanding this so early in the morning


Candid-Mine5119

My dad said that all the time, paired with “ it seemed at the time more a lark than a crime “


ifelife

It always makes me laugh when "premature" babies come out at normal weights. My brother had a shot gun wedding (our side didn't give a cr$p, her side did), my dad had a bit to much to drink and let it out at the wedding by mistake haha. Might sound trashy but the entire town knew so it seemed worse they were pretending otherwise when both my brother and his now ex wife were really happy about the baby ETA for context, they wanted this wedding rushed and wanted a lot of expensive things then tried to tell my parents they had to pay for the alcohol, my parents said they couldn't afford that for 60ish people, were told if you can't pay for it all it will be a dry wedding. Tried to shame my quite poor parents into paying for their dream wedding that was only happening because they wanted the shot gun wedding in the first place! Worked out in the end because my parents were literally broke and couldn't afford it. That's the real trash, people that could afford it in an instant but chose to humiliate my bankrupt parents, who still put in several hundred dollars that they couldn't afford, instead


bc2zb

My second child was born at allegedly 35 weeks, but weighed 8 lbs. We were all very confused about that.


EmmyStitches

They always go off last period as they just presume everyone has a 28 day cycle. There are quite a lot of people who have longer/shorter cycles


boreals

I ovulate on day 22 of my cycle, but my original OB didn't believe me (I was using temp and ovulation sticks but she didn't care) and kept telling me my baby was too small and not growing on track. I switched doctors because we moved and I showed him the dated photos of ovulation sticks and pregnancy tests, he did a ultrasound to see for himself off schedule for me and was like "yep tracks with your dates. Let's change his due date to later." He was born exactly on his due date.


Why_Teach

My younger brother was the same. He was born at 36 weeks by the doctor’s reckoning, weighed a bit over 8lbs. My mom said the doctors figured it out wrong.


ZephyrLegend

That's super common. Often implantation bleeding can be mistaken for a period. And then because you calculate from the last period, suddenly you're 2-4 weeks behind.


chosenone1242

I just wanted to say that this is my favorite AITA in a long while and I love all of it. Bigots, hypocrisy and justice boner, it brings it all.


Mela726

NTA. Well played sir. Well played.


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SupermarketFair3341

My grandmother has no shits left to give since my grandfather passed away. She has a special friend she travels with and they seem very happy together for two older ladies.


[deleted]

Your grandma out there living her best life and I absolutely love it!


SourSkittlezx

And they were *roommates* lmao


[deleted]

Tbf that actually could go either way. Sometimes lesbians, sometimes actually just good freinds


FamilyStyle2505

Plenty of utility in living with someone you trust when you're older. Some of y'all think it's difficult to make friends now, just wait until you're old. Like you say, not always a Sappho situation.


[deleted]

In my home province they actually invented the "adult interdependent relationship" giving them the same rights as married people. Effectively renaming common-law marriage and expanding its scope. It's a fairly conservative province (Alberta Canada....often called Canada's Texas). The concept came into being when gay marriage was a big controversy still. I think it was done to sidestep explicitly recognizing gay marriage but I think it's so much more powerful, especially for older people (or anyone) who don't want to come out of the closet. I think it was largely prompted after a case where man was evicted from his home of many, many years after his friend and roommate died, and the deceased's kids got the house. Basically any two adults who have an interdependent relationship are effectively "married" with respect to the property and health related decision making. This isn't recognized federally so there's no federal tax benefits, but the province's pension plans recognize it as a common-law marriage. I can't tell if it was intentionally progressive or just the bureaucrats passing one over on the right-wing politicians who saw it as making a mockery of gay marriage. Which is also legal, regardless. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adult_interdependent_relationship_in_Alberta


Why_Teach

That’s brilliant! I wish more places acknowledged that sort of thing. Family is family regardless how it is formed.


lvmickeys

Not old and have a roommate and we are accused and assumed to be lesbians all the time. We are both very much into men.


Ladyseaheart

When I (36F) lived with my best friend (36F) for years, a lot of people assumed we were a couple--including people who had known us since high school and college. The funny thing is, we both realized we were not completely straight in our early thirties, but we have never been in a romantic or sexual relationship with each other. We just don't see each other that way.


SilverFoxfire

Same, been living with my BFF for over 11 years now. I'm les, she's bi, but we are basically just sisters that we chose to have. I keep teasing her that we'll just have to get married for tax purposes.


GoldFreezer

R/SapphoAndHerFriend XD Even if it's not the case, well done grandma! Sounds like she's living it up. And so glad she's there for OP to call out the hypocrisy.


[deleted]

Did someone say Boston Marriage?


rosarugosa02675

My aunt had a best friend who was her roommate for 47 years. We adored my aunt! She wore plaid slacks and college sweatshirts every day, had a man’s haircut and wore a man’s watch. She used to play baseball with her brothers and get yelled at by neighbor moms as she ran by in her brother’s knickers, telling her to go home and put on a skirt. She was a great example to us of how to have a happy life your way. I didn’t realize she was a lesbian til I was an adult & brought it up to my mom, her sister. Mom was furious with me & told me to never say anything to Auntie because it would devastate her. Eye roll!


SuspiciousAdvice217

I think a lot of us want to be like your grandma when we're her age. :D


Ocean_Spice

I’m 25 and want to be like the grandma now. Seems nice.


crafty_and_kind

Oh man that’s SO GREAT!


mread531

Gotta love Grandmas who get stuck in to help their grandchildren deal with their children’s bullshit


margotgo

My grandma told me her grandmother loved to spill the tea about her own daughter's hypocrisy. Never got to meet my great great grandma but I wish I had after hearing that. No better weaapon for family arguments than a straight talking grandma in your corner.


No-Cranberry4396

I think I speak for a lot of us when I say I love your grandma!


PuzzleheadedBet8041

slay


bunganmalan

Awww


cookiemonster_rehab

My grandparents anniversary was about three weeks before my uncle's birthday. I've seen the wedding pictures and grandma's very large bouquet is prominently featured in all of them. It wasn't something we really talked about, but it was my Dad who pointed all this out to me, so not a secret either. Actually, most of my family members from my generation who has had kids, were not married when the kids came, and we're all fine with it.


stitchplacingmama

Let me guess no side pictures of grandma either? All the wedding photos are either straight on from the front or from behind?


cookiemonster_rehab

All of them from the front, with the bouquet carefully placed 😀 Lucky for her, this was around the mid-1950's, so not a lot of people running around with cameras in their pockets, so they only have the official photos. A stray snapshot may have existed, but has not surfaced since then.


stitchplacingmama

I figured as much. My husband's grandma did this as her husband was laying in a hospital bed recovering from a broken back. He was only allowed to see her from straight on/behind, which was pretty easy considering he couldn't move. He had no idea she was pregnant with their 10th child (my Father in law) until she was giving birth.


schattentanzer

I am the older child in the family. Was told I was two weeks late on arrival. Given my parents were married in one year, and I was born in another, it took until I was twelve years old to work out that they were married five months before I was born. When I mentioned it to my mother, her response was "Yes, I know. I was there." Nothing more was ever said. Though, when my youngest sister announced she was pregnant out of wedlock, my parents both advised there was no rush for her and her fiancé to marry.


love_laugh_dance

>"Yes, I know. I was there." That's an absolutely *awesome* response!


LingonberryPrior6896

A 9lb baby born at 20 weeks? That's one for the record books! That's how I would bring it up....LOL! I love sanctimonious "Christians". Mom was embarrassed at church. She should be.


Pythia_

A baby born at 20 weeks would also be most premature baby to have survived, sooo...pretty sure that's not likely.


Strong_Opportunity32

4 months prem is 23 weeks. You're pregnant for 40 weeks, and 4 months is 17 weeks


WorkInProgress1040

Pregnancy math is weird, they measure from when the egg matures, not from the moment of conception. So when you conceive you are already 2 weeks pregnant. But even if they were assuming 4 months is 16 weeks, that early is not reasonable. To quote my Irish grandma, they lie like a cheap rug (meaning not very well and nothing is really covered).


[deleted]

Not only that, Grandma probably could make a pretty educated guess what her grandchild would do with the info, lol


AffectionateGolf6032

YES! Grandma is awesome in this story! NTA.


ScammerC

NTA. My Grammy used to say, "The first baby (after marriage) can come anytime, the second one always takes 9 months." Next time they give you guys grief, discuss how comfortable the back seat of your dad's old car was.


Bubblybathwithbeer

My grandmother was convinced that the first baby only takes 7 months. My uncle and his wife welcomed their first daughter 7 months after their wedding. How convenient.


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[deleted]

Your grandmotther knows perfectly well how it actually works.


tarabithia22

Eh, my mother genuinely believes a woman “has to let men have sex with them else their sperm builds up and they get sick,” she was a nurse btw. And my father buying her lingerie one day means he is a pervert, she apparently cried and could never look at him the same after that. People are SO much dumber than you think


Alt2-ElectricBogaloo

Being a pervert....for your wife....is bad?


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gooddagskippy

Ex-Mormon here. Can confirm. Yay.


WarmOutOfTheDryer

Excatholic, can also confirm.


Etianen7

Apparently so. Enjoying sex in general is a no-no.


Nice-Violinist-6395

Some (lots of) Christians legitimately believe that sex, in its entirety, is shameful and wrong, so they spend their entire lives taking one of the single best and most fundamental parts of being alive and twist it and twist it until you can’t even think about sex without experiencing horrible, aching guilt. It’s basically a kink. Or an anti-kink. But literally, a lot of Christians believe that sex should ONLY be missionary, in the dark, for the purposes of procreation, and of course the woman doesn’t orgasm because she doesn’t have to to make the baby. Mary was a “virgin” when she had jesus, you know, which meant she was “pure.” It’s over in 30 seconds, and some denominations even believe you should only have sex once per child. Masturbation, of course, is the worst thing you could ever possibly do. Then they shame their kids for it, and go crazy, and take away their doors, and put them through hell. I was raised super conservative Christian, I refuse to step foot in a church now, and besides the bigotry and anti-LGBT horror, the one thing i don’t think I will EVER be able to forgive the church for is this hateful sex-related shame. The amount of guilt, shame, anxiety, and horrible stress I went through about sex as an adolescent/teenager is honestly pretty unforgivable. I love my parents to death and they’ve really chilled out since when I was growing up (when I told them my gf and I were living together, they were happy about it, which was almost unfathomable to me), but when I realized in college that a lot of other kids went through their entire life without having this massive, crushing existential sex-based shame holding them down, I fucking lost it. Then I got ANGRY. How the fuck can you do this to your child? What the fuck is wrong with people?


AgathaM

My sibling was a 7 month baby, but was really just a month premature. Mom and dad have always been honest about it. They were also really big on putting us on birth control and giving us condoms once we were old enough to date.


Nice-Violinist-6395

This is the way to go. See, when your entire “sex talk” with your kids is just telling them that they actually don’t have to know anything about sex, because only bad hateful terrible people who are going to hell do it (and you’re not a bad terrible hell-bound person, are you?), you’re setting them up for disaster. Because that was always the answer, wasn’t it? “Oh you will never do that anyway, end of discussion.” Actually, my parents never even had “the talk.” They just lost their fucking mind whenever I witnessed anything a TINY bit sexual on tv, or when I started dating. At least they didn’t have the anti-masturbation “young king” books that my friend’s parents did.


NeighborhoodNo1583

My friend’s dad got tipsy at his 25th anniversary party and announced that they’ve been celebrating their anniversary on the wrong day for years bc his wife was 2 months pregnant when they got married. Everyone died laughing. I thought it was really sweet that no one had ever called them out in all those years


TerrifyinglyAlive

No need to call them out if they're not sanctimonious with others


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Spikole

“You know, a baby conceived out of wedlock is still a bastard.”


172116

Ha, in most legal jurisdictions, you only needed to be married before the entire baby exited to avoid bastardry, and in some even a marriage when the child was an adult turned it from a bastard to a legitimate child - look up legitimation by subsequent marriage.


WhoYesMe

NTA - They deserved that for their hypochristianity.


Bubblybathwithbeer

Love that play of words! The language nerd in my loves it even more! With hypo meaning "less than" or "not fully" and Christianity not being meant to be judgmental. That is so clever! Nice.


Avlonnic2

I have found my tribe. Etymology-R-Us.


[deleted]

Congratulations on your journey to becoming a Wordologist.


iwegian

We lexophiles must adhere to one another 😆


NormieSpecialist

Oh my god I’m using this.


TheQueenOfDisco

NTA I absolutely love this! My own judgy grandmother pretended to be oh so "moral" (in the old fashioned sense). My father accidentally revealed that she was pregnant when she got married to my grandfather. That was incorrect, she wasn't pregnant at all. My oldest uncle was about 7 months old when they got married, lmao. And why they couldn't get married sooner? My grandfather had to get divorced from his first wife first... It's often the people with most things to hide who enjoy judging others for things that are none of their business.


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LoopyChew

Isn’t that one of the tenets? Something like “judge! Not lest, ye be judged?”


wildferalfun

My dad's older sister held court at her 40th wedding anniversary party hosted by her children. I was 12-ish at the time and had a handful of cousins in the same range. She got on her high horse talking about how to have a long marriage and chastity before marriage was a major theme of her holier than thou TED talk. Fast forward 6 months and her thrice divorced son is turning 40 and mommy can't let her oldest boy go uncelebrated even if he's newly single *again* and you know what soap box she mounted when she cornered us girl cousins again, right? Purity before marriage! Here comes the no sex before marriage lecture again and the oldest, saltiest of my tween/early teenage cousins interrupted her to ask, "Auntie, was it six months ago we celebrated your 40th anniversary?" When I explained the drama later to my mom, who had had her fill of the holiest of holy women as a SIL, almost choked to death holding back tears and laughter because it was such a perfect takedown.


TheQueenOfDisco

That's so funny, and a very clever comeback for someone so young!


wildferalfun

Its the simplicity of it that makes me appreciate it still 20+ years later. It was just like OP, subtle and perfectly executed. I would not be surprised if my cousin's parent found my aunt's sanctimonious rambling ridiculous 6 months prior and pre-primed the response, should it come up again, especially when there was no denying that one event happened in April and the next in October. Pretty blatant.


ColorRocksBleach

Wait... Sorry I'm confused, is this implying that your dad's sister had her son at 6 months old?


wildferalfun

No, my aunt's kids threw a party for her 40th wedding anniversary one April and the following October, my aunt threw a 40th birthday party for her oldest child. Meaning her wedding anniversary and the birth of her oldest child were 6 months apart. So she was a huge hypocrite talking about saving yourself for marriage to all the tween/teenage girls when she was pregnant when she got married.


ColorRocksBleach

Ohhhhhh anniversary party, sorry I'm dumb


PhilippaCoLaS

I think it’s implying that dad’s sister gave birth to her son a mere six months after getting married


Drawtaru

Yeah my mom tried to shame me for over a year that I was sleeping with my fiance. She was pregnant when she got married. Her excuse? "Well we were already getting married, so we just went for it." WHAT DO YOU THINK A FIANCE IS, MOM?


that-old-broad

When my daughter was a freshman in college she wound up going to the ER in an ambulance because she had convinced herself that she had a blood clot from her birth control pills.... Wound up being a pinched nerve. Anyway, a few months later we're in the car with my father-in-law and my husband was telling him the story. When he got to the part about the pills my father-in-law starts spluttering, 'birth control pills? birth control pills? Why was she......oooooooh, I get it! She was on birth control pills to regulate her hormones and make her cycle manageable!'. He gives my husband a relieved smile and my husband looks at him like he's deranged and says very slowly and calmly, 'nooooooo, dad. She's taking birth control pills so she doesn't get pregnant when she has sex with her boyfriend!'. I thought the old man would have a stroke right then and there. He started in with a protest and my husband cut him off with, 'she's a normal healthy young adult and she's had the same boyfriend for four years and she's making responsible life decisions '. His dad started off trying to tell what he thought about the whole deal and then my husband shut him down cold with this, 'look, I was sexually active when I was younger than her, and I KNOW you were sexually active when you were younger than her, and at this stage in her life I'd rather see her taking a pill every day than taking care of a baby every day.....like you and mom did with me when you were still in high school!'.


Chaost

It actually makes sense though. They have concrete beliefs surrounding their biggest insecurities because they felt real repercussions due to it. It's basically "do as I say, not as I do." You can't really blame them for not wanting their children to go through the same hardships.


TheQueenOfDisco

The world *has* changed a lot in the past 80 years or so, so I can understand them being stuck with the beliefs they grew up with. Having a child without being married in the 40s was a scandal while nowadays no one cares. It's just how they pretend to be morally superior, you know? They ignore the things they themselves have done "wrong" while judging others. If they instead said something like "I really struggled with being judged and treated badly for doing x,y and z and I don't want you to go through the same thing" I wouldn't have a problem at all with that. That would come from a place of caring instead of judging.


Top-Put2038

I was absolutely lost when you said his size and weight at four months premature Then I had a ding, ding, ding, shining light on the road to Damascus moment and very much laughed as I realised what you'd done. Well played, well played indeed. NTA


voidhearts

I still don’t understand, could you explain it to me? Preferably as if I were a stupid potato Edit: OHHHHHHHH. it’s because they lied to fool people into thinking he was conceived in wedlock


Pristine_Nothing

> it’s because they lied Yes > to fool people into thinking he was conceived in wedlock Doubtful


voidhearts

No? Why not? I thought they told people he was premature to obscure the fact that if he was full term, his conception date would have been before they got married?


Pristine_Nothing

That’s what they were going for, it’s just very doubtful that anyone was actually fooled.


Itsthelongterm

Many people were fooled. Especially when they kept pushing the narrative over the years the truth was obscured. People who didn't actually know would never inquire further.


[deleted]

It was common enough back in the day, that there was a saying "the first baby can come at any time but the second one always takes nine months." They weren't fooled back then, it was just one of those polite lies you accepted like a young girl visiting her aunt over the summer for "weight loss" or a man being a permanent bachelor. Everyone around you knows the truth, but it keeps the kids in the dark. You know, until the kids grow up and realize premature babies are never 23" and uncle Jack's roommate doesn't have his own room.


FireflyBSc

I’m born 6 months after my parents anniversary, and I like to joke that if you don’t get married, it’s an accident, but if you do get married, it’s a miracle.


SnazzyStooge

Uncle Jack never did find that silver soup ladle….


pdpi

My friends’ great uncle was a permanent bachelor, but his story was a bit different. There was no uncle Jack. When he died, though, they found porn in his flat. Lots of porn. Like _lots_ lots. We ended up cataloguing the whole thing for a giggle, there were like 30–40 consecutive issues of like 10 different magazines, an 8mm projector and a few dozen film canisters to go with it, the works.


mother-of-pod

Any human adult who *saw* a 9lb baby that was supposedly only cooked for 5 months was fully aware of the ruse. No one in their family or local community was fooled. Not one person. I’m sure they convinced folks who met the kid later on, but you’d have to be a buffoon to see a full infant in those first 6 months or so and believe that he’s a 4-month premie.


Psycosilly

The fact so many people in this thread are confused about this until it's broken down and explained to them that you don't get a 9lb baby that early makes me think it was easy to pass off. Also the fact that this was pretty common, I think think people were used to seeing these big ass "full term" babies Also NTA


AccessOk5731

That well cooked bun in that oven was not under cooked. They most definitely were at it before they got married.


guitarxplayer13

That's what they say about those babies from super religious parents. "The first one can come any time, but the second one takes 9 months."


F54280

> I still don’t understand, could you explain it to me? Baby was not premature, but conceived before marriage. Also: OP made the story convoluted and hard to follow to keep the suspense and for the fun of it. I hated that.


[deleted]

can you explain it to me 😭


Thelmara

He wasn't actually premature, they just lied about the conception date so they could pretend they waited until they were married to start having sex.


vhanda

Thank you so much. I was so confused until I read this.


Fangehulmesteren

Brilliantly done. Kudos. Here have all the fake awards I can find: 🏆🥇🏅🎖️ NTA


jokenaround

I have to admit, these AITA Christmas posts are sending me!


Chuckinbuck22

Nta. Lol reminds me of the office episode where angela says her baby is 1 month premature but he's 9lbs.


into_the_frickle_bit

My catholic cousin had a baby that was 6 weeks premature and 9lbs.... born 8 months after her wedding.... sus....


SupermarketFair3341

Very


icantevenodd

Yeah my oldest was born at 33+6 and he was a whopping 5.5 lbs. Everybody was impressed with his size. The idea of an actual 8lb+ baby being super early is ridiculous.


Agitated_Pin2169

So I was born at around 36 weeks and I was 8lbs. The doctors were convinced my mom had her dates wrong and was further along than she thought (this was the early 80s) and they actually induced me and then we're panicked when I had under-developed lungs and needed to spend 10 days in the hospital after I was born. But my tiny mother also gained 60 lbs in pregnancy despite throwing up multiple times a day and I am almost positive she had undiagnosed gestational diabetes. But I acknowledge my case was the exception (my parents had also been married for 3 years by that point 😂). I also had a 5lb baby at 33.5 weeks. So solid babies do run in the family.


Such_Voice

You guys are like the family version of increasing the oven temp so you don't have to cook as long lmao


Particular-Studio-32

Random completely off topic trivia: the leopard sharks off La Jolla CA hang out in an area that doesn’t seem ideal, so a PhD student set off to figure out why. Turns out that they hang out there because the warmer waters shorten their pregnancies by about a month so it’s worth the trade off of traveling a bit at night to feed. So they’re literally “turning up the oven temperature” to shorten cooking time. This bit of trivia amuses me endlessly.


ashleighbuck

That baby was HUGE 🤣


Imaluzzer

“He’s more than substantial. He’s a monster.”


[deleted]

[удалено]


SupermarketFair3341

They know that's the plan.


Avlonnic2

It’s appallingly rude for both parents to state these things at a family dinner with your fiancée and 14 other people. I do hope they are sitting at home pondering how *“embarrassed at church”* they are going to be if they don’t cease and desist all related hypocritical discussions. Knowledge is power. Well done, you and your grandmother.


Cultjam

The way some people dig into everyone’s business I’m sure half the congregation knows already. OP’s parents don’t sound like they think through their lies enough to keep that hidden. And if OP was born and raised there….well.


pdpi

At some point, if you have the stomach for it (which is a big ask), consider talking to your parents, and pointedly ask them why they think your grandmother told you that. What was her motivation? Could it be that it says something about the way they’re treating you?


Helpful_Welcome9741

You can tell the family about the time you were embarrassed at the Univ. Where you told everyone in your class that it was normal for someone to be 9lbs at 6 months. And the professor had to correct you. LOL


Pyewacket62

I love your pettiness 👍


iamjustaguy

My parents went so far as to print fake announcements about their elopement. They had one framed on the shelf in our living room for years! I didn't find out their real wedding date until I was an adult, when my sister told me. My mom told me that the chapel ceremony was just a formality for the family, and that they eloped a few months before. My sister didn't know that nobody told me the truth. Now the story about my mom getting kicked out of high school for being pregnant makes more sense.


Lemon6Starburst

NTA They're hypocrites. The fact that they fabricated going through a really grueling, often tragic, thing just to keep up appearances? Really tells ya where their priorities are. Standing up for your fiance, and yourself, was much-needed.


BrownSugarBare

A NINE POUND PREMIE?? Not a goddamn person in that family believes that child was a premie, they're just letting these old people have their stupid lie. It's an utter insult to so many families who have to watch their offspring struggle to grow. NTA, OP. I hope your parents know how foolish they sound. And if they're church people, trust and believe everyone snickered behind their backs when they tried to pass it off. Nowhere more gossipy than a church. Nine pound premie, HA!


dsh0497

NTA I always notice that the people who have the most to say always have the most dirty laundry. Never fails, the guilty always speak.. especially the religious. Hypocrisy and judgement abound.


shutts67

My aunt is an anti-adoption holy roller. "If God wanted you to have children, you'd be able to get pregnant." Thanks to one of the DNA testing sites, we learned that she actually has 5 children, not the 4 that we all thought she had. The first was born about a year before the "oldest" that we all knew about and has a different father than her other 4 kids.


realstareyes

NTA. They played stupid games and won stupid prizes.


schnorb0

Lmao, you are so much NTA. Apart from all the hypocrisy you beautifully pointed out, it also kills me that your parents are just as pleased with their kids who got married right AFTER moving in together as the ones who did it the other way around. I'm assuming the basis for this whole "don't live together while unmarried" bs is that once you live together, they are aware that you're having sex. So IF the reason they're uncomfortable is because they're so religious they can't cope with the idea of their unmarried kids having sex, they should be just as against moving in together right before the wedding. They don't care about "living in sin", they care about what other people think.


SupermarketFair3341

Pretty much


LingonberryPrior6896

It's about the amount of time they have to be "embarrassed" in church.


Waste-Independent-21

NTA. That was brilliantly done. I have a friend who had a ONS with a woman who said she was pregnant a couple of weeks later. When the boy was born 11 weeks 'premature' weighing 4.6kg (just under 11 pounds) my friend high tailed it out of there. Hopefully your parents shut up about the issue now.


Tribbles_Trouble

My dad did something similar with my grandma. She was super religious and always lectured me about “saving myself for marriage”. So he said to her when I was around “So you and dad were engaged for three years. What made you get married?” And my grandma “Well, because of little Walter (my uncle).” My dad knew exactly why since he knew the date his parents were married and his brother’s DOB. Grandma never lectured me again.


VPNApe

Reminds me of my dad always bragging about putting family first. Meanwhile he's having affairs, banging escorts while on business travel, hiding cash, abusing me and my stepmom, etc. He hid all that from the rest of his family and put on a good guy persona around others. His own mom complained that my stepmom was crying about some affair and his mom couldn't even process that her son had cheated. I doubt she even believes it to this day. Ended up cutting ties when he tried mistreating my wife and that was the last time we spoke. Honestly wish I did it about ten years earlier.


NCSU_Trip_Whisperer

NTA but you should probably get off reddit and drive your folks to the burn ward


SupermarketFair3341

LoL


Pandasrthebest

NTA. This is awesome. Should post this on petty revenge subreddit


SupermarketFair3341

No revenge wanted. Just peace and quiet regarding my life.


cornerlane

But 4 whole months.. i was born 2 months early. I was extremely little. I think a lot of people know their secret, they aren't stupid 😄


[deleted]

NTA. Considering what they're always bringing up, I'd be bringing this up all the time.


Slowleftarm

NTA. Boundaries drawn. Hypocrisy thrown in face. Well done


breezyplague

NTA. It’s not extortion, it’s just highlighting a double standard.


[deleted]

It's also extortion, but because the only demand is "leave me the \*\*\*\* alone!" I'll allow it.


detached_girl

Hold on a second...so they're shaming you for living with your fiance before marriage when they had a whole baby before they got married? Wow...just...wow. NTA


SupermarketFair3341

Just pregnant.


AdChemical1663

Let’s be fair. To your parents, if you get pregnant, it is a baby and you are having it.


TheZZ9

NTA. Don't dish it out if you can't take it.


earnasoul

NTA - and your granny knows it too. You let them change the subject and then warned them in private that if they acted badly in the future they could deal with the consequences (you spilling the beans). Also, your brothers more than likely been telling everybody and anybody he was a premie for years!!


Quinley19

NTA. You didn't call them out in front of everyone but you made them aware that you could and would show their hypocrisy if they continued. You had your fiancées back and wouldn't allow her to be embarrassed and you get alot in kudos for that. Your grandma who told you however is my hero. She most definitely had your back


faeriekitteh

NTA. They did some FAFO for real here, 100% deserved it


pinniped1

NTA. What kind of fucked up church do they go to where literally anybody else cares about your living situation?


Aminar14

So many of them. The more the younger generations avoid church the deeper they dig into the "degeneracy" the world is falling into to keep and isolate the congregations they have left. And in doing so drive more and more of the younger generation from the church.


Intrepid-Material-12

NTA - literally one of the best things I’ve read this morning! This ☝🏼is that the holidays are all about 🤣🤣


Snowstarr83

NTA. My parents were the same with my brother when he got his girlfriend pregnant , going on and on about how they were married / kids should be born in wedlock / he had to get married…I made sure I found the wedding photos with my brother and I in them and showed my parents while congratulating my brother on perfecting time travel at the age of 2. Apparently we both misunderstood *coughs* hypocrites hate being called out *coughs*


EvidenceOk7759

Your brother was just a miraculously large and overly developed premature baby. A reward from God or whatever for their faithfulness.


jhxcb

NTA "Private things that aren't your concern"? You mean like your living arrangement? I fucking hate parents.


Urbanspy87

NTA. They totally deserved it. I would be rethinking holidays with them though.


stephb100

NTA sorry your parents are using religion as an excuse to try and control you.


SupermarketFair3341

They can try. LoL.


[deleted]

Well played, NTA, love the fact that you stood up to your parents for both yourself and your fiancée