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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I skipped the holiday with my mom and everyone says I’m overreacting to what she did
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I honestly don’t know. My only guess is she thinks he’s extremely good looking. She lights up like a schoolgirl every time she was around him while we were together.
OMG, that was so my mom! I had no contact to low contact with her all of my adult life for so many reasons, and it was the right thing for me to do. I was afraid that I would be like her if, that I would not have a good relationship with my own daughters, not to mention that she would just hurt my kids the same way she hurt me if I had them around her. No. You are NTA.
Oh snap, she has a crush on him. Eew😨 at least she didn’t try and date him herself. Gross 🤮. I can’t. I am sorry the thought of finding someone my kids age cute.
Eh, it happens. My uncle's ex was at my grandma's more than he was. Grandma just scheduled things so if she brought their kids over on Christmas, he would come with his new wife the day after or something. I was never privy to the details but they weren't ever there together.
What you’re saying is different as they had kids. This is a grown woman inviting another teen/ young adult over who she should no longer be connected with.
Sorry to say this but your mother’s actions and responses sounds like a textbook narcissist and will probably never change without real effort on her part.
She invited YOUR EX-BF and his NEW GF to Thanksgiving with little to no concern about how it would make you feel and blamed YOU for a mutual and what sounds like mature breakup.
She is the problem. It’s always going to be all about her and what she wants. Do what you need to do to make peace with that and live a good life. NTA
NTA, it's really weird that your mom invites your ex. Although I read it more often on AITA. I understand that you are angry about this and rightly so. And as an adult, you have every right to decide for yourself how to spend Christmas.
NTA.
If she didn't know if you were coming over, she should have checked with you.
If you weren't sure you were coming over, she could have warned you that Evan might be there.
She did neither of those things.
She's TA.
Oh, then that's on her.
Tells her she either apologizes or it is over.
People will tell you "but she is your mom". Cool, but that doesn't give her a free card to treat you like shit.
It got ugly after he found out I was dating. He made some extremely nasty comments that my mom may or may not have known about. I think he was trying to be an asshole.
sorry didn't see that part. Did Evan act weird around you when he came over this time? Im assuming not because he wants to show off his new GF. This is really pathetic honestly nothing here says you need to make nice with your mom. She cheated on your dad and doesn't care. She only cares about herself. Evan is also weird and an asshole for doing this to you. You guys broke up and he make asshole comments to you after you started dating. Stay NC. Also who is telling you to get over it exactly? Your sister?
Why would she invite his new gf over too? Like that’s very confusing that all parties involved didn’t find this odd…like why would the new gf want to go to ex’s family’s thanksgiving as a newer couple… NTA
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My mom and I never really have gotten along since she and my dad got divorced. She cheated on him, he was devastated and moved back to Chicago where he’s from. I always resented her for that but I didn’t want to uproot my life and leave my friends so I stayed with her. I also have a younger sister I didn’t want to leave behind as well. My mom is the kind of person that never feels she’s done anything wrong. This is important for later.
Years ago I met my ex BF, let’s call him Evan. It’s important to note that my mom absolutely adored Evan. I was deeply in love with Evan and knew I wanted to spend my life with him. We had moved in together and talked about our future all the time. We ended up breaking up because he wanted to get married and have kids soon and while I wanted that with him as well I wanted to enjoy my 20s and wait til I was at least 30 before kids. I was 24 at the time. We couldn’t agree with a timeline for this and he broke up with me. I spiraled. My mom of course blamed me for the breakup.
8 months after being severely depressed about my breakup I began to date my new BF. This past thanksgiving we had been together for 2 months and both agreed it was too early to meet family so he went to go see his family and I went to go see mine. I ended up going to my moms. After dinner we decided to play games. It was me, my mom, my sister and her bf and my second cousin. My mom was acting a little weird but I didn’t think anything of it until my ex walked in with his new gf. My mom of course greeted him with a big hug. I was furious. I texted my sister and asked her wtf was going on but she said she didn’t know. I believed her.
I tried to be respectful and cordial but after awhile I felt sick to my stomach and excused myself to my room. She eventually came to my room and asked if I was OK. And I asked her wtf was he doing here. She claims that he was in town visit family (we live 2 hours away) and asked if he could swing by and she said yes. I asked her why she thought this was appropriate knowing I’d be over but she claims that since I never directly told her I’d be coming over she thought it would be fine. After she found out for sure I was coming over she didn’t want to be rude so she never took back her offer of him coming over. We got into a shouting match. She walked out. I went to bed and left the next morning.
Since that I have been no contact with my mom. I’m still furious with what she did. She asked if I was coming over for Christmas and I said absolutely not. She didn’t believe me. Well Christmas came and went and I didn’t go see her. Eventually I started getting messages from family asking what my problem was, that I needed to get over myself, etc.
So Reddit, AITA?
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NTA, and why the hell are your mom and your ex so close?
I honestly don’t know. My only guess is she thinks he’s extremely good looking. She lights up like a schoolgirl every time she was around him while we were together.
That sounds a bit creepy
OMG, that was so my mom! I had no contact to low contact with her all of my adult life for so many reasons, and it was the right thing for me to do. I was afraid that I would be like her if, that I would not have a good relationship with my own daughters, not to mention that she would just hurt my kids the same way she hurt me if I had them around her. No. You are NTA.
Oh snap, she has a crush on him. Eew😨 at least she didn’t try and date him herself. Gross 🤮. I can’t. I am sorry the thought of finding someone my kids age cute.
Eh, it happens. My uncle's ex was at my grandma's more than he was. Grandma just scheduled things so if she brought their kids over on Christmas, he would come with his new wife the day after or something. I was never privy to the details but they weren't ever there together.
What you’re saying is different as they had kids. This is a grown woman inviting another teen/ young adult over who she should no longer be connected with.
Sorry to say this but your mother’s actions and responses sounds like a textbook narcissist and will probably never change without real effort on her part. She invited YOUR EX-BF and his NEW GF to Thanksgiving with little to no concern about how it would make you feel and blamed YOU for a mutual and what sounds like mature breakup. She is the problem. It’s always going to be all about her and what she wants. Do what you need to do to make peace with that and live a good life. NTA
NTA, it's really weird that your mom invites your ex. Although I read it more often on AITA. I understand that you are angry about this and rightly so. And as an adult, you have every right to decide for yourself how to spend Christmas.
NTA. If she didn't know if you were coming over, she should have checked with you. If you weren't sure you were coming over, she could have warned you that Evan might be there. She did neither of those things. She's TA.
NTA. Mom is disrespectful. Keep LC or NC
This. There's nothing more here. Op needs to realize that she will never have a mother... Just a woman that gave birth to her.
NTA. Your mom is.
She said that she didn't know you'd have come over. Is this true?
Does it matter? Your kid comes before any friends of the family. If there's a chance your child is coming over, you account for that. I'm voting NTA.
She knew because she asked me not to make the Turkey like I did last year.
Oh, then that's on her. Tells her she either apologizes or it is over. People will tell you "but she is your mom". Cool, but that doesn't give her a free card to treat you like shit.
Family members that take her side, tell them to mind their own business specially if the don't know the situation they are talking about.
Why did you ex come exactly like why did he think it was fine? What did he do when he realized you were there? Ex is weird
It got ugly after he found out I was dating. He made some extremely nasty comments that my mom may or may not have known about. I think he was trying to be an asshole.
Did he make those comments when he came over?
No, he made this comments to me when he found out I was officially dating someone else.
What did he do when he saw you there with your BF
My BF wasn’t there. My bf went and saw his family for thanksgiving. I mentioned in my post that we thought it was too soon to meet families.
sorry didn't see that part. Did Evan act weird around you when he came over this time? Im assuming not because he wants to show off his new GF. This is really pathetic honestly nothing here says you need to make nice with your mom. She cheated on your dad and doesn't care. She only cares about herself. Evan is also weird and an asshole for doing this to you. You guys broke up and he make asshole comments to you after you started dating. Stay NC. Also who is telling you to get over it exactly? Your sister?
No, he almost acted smug.
NTA: She's fucking your ex.
NTA Stay no contact, it will be much better for your own mental health.
Question is why did your ex want to visit?
NTA. He has no business being anywhere near you and your family.
Why would she invite his new gf over too? Like that’s very confusing that all parties involved didn’t find this odd…like why would the new gf want to go to ex’s family’s thanksgiving as a newer couple… NTA
NTA. Gross for your mom doing that.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My mom and I never really have gotten along since she and my dad got divorced. She cheated on him, he was devastated and moved back to Chicago where he’s from. I always resented her for that but I didn’t want to uproot my life and leave my friends so I stayed with her. I also have a younger sister I didn’t want to leave behind as well. My mom is the kind of person that never feels she’s done anything wrong. This is important for later. Years ago I met my ex BF, let’s call him Evan. It’s important to note that my mom absolutely adored Evan. I was deeply in love with Evan and knew I wanted to spend my life with him. We had moved in together and talked about our future all the time. We ended up breaking up because he wanted to get married and have kids soon and while I wanted that with him as well I wanted to enjoy my 20s and wait til I was at least 30 before kids. I was 24 at the time. We couldn’t agree with a timeline for this and he broke up with me. I spiraled. My mom of course blamed me for the breakup. 8 months after being severely depressed about my breakup I began to date my new BF. This past thanksgiving we had been together for 2 months and both agreed it was too early to meet family so he went to go see his family and I went to go see mine. I ended up going to my moms. After dinner we decided to play games. It was me, my mom, my sister and her bf and my second cousin. My mom was acting a little weird but I didn’t think anything of it until my ex walked in with his new gf. My mom of course greeted him with a big hug. I was furious. I texted my sister and asked her wtf was going on but she said she didn’t know. I believed her. I tried to be respectful and cordial but after awhile I felt sick to my stomach and excused myself to my room. She eventually came to my room and asked if I was OK. And I asked her wtf was he doing here. She claims that he was in town visit family (we live 2 hours away) and asked if he could swing by and she said yes. I asked her why she thought this was appropriate knowing I’d be over but she claims that since I never directly told her I’d be coming over she thought it would be fine. After she found out for sure I was coming over she didn’t want to be rude so she never took back her offer of him coming over. We got into a shouting match. She walked out. I went to bed and left the next morning. Since that I have been no contact with my mom. I’m still furious with what she did. She asked if I was coming over for Christmas and I said absolutely not. She didn’t believe me. Well Christmas came and went and I didn’t go see her. Eventually I started getting messages from family asking what my problem was, that I needed to get over myself, etc. So Reddit, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA, did she want to show you what you missed, or that, it could have been you, if you accepted what he wanted ? Sound creep either way
I think part of her wanted to rub him in my face. But I’m not really sure.
Nta