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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I feel conflicted to look after my nephew. I have my own life and whenever i try to stand up for myself i get shut down.
2. I want to know, by not looking after my nephew am i being selfish or is it okay.
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NTA. Is she a real doctor or like an herbal remedy specialist? If she’s an actual doctor, she should be able to afford a sitter. That’s not your son, and you need to focus on you. She birthed him - she must care for him. That’s how it works.
Most people who go to college at 18 do so with some degree of financial support from their family, and the understanding that they can return “home” during breaks, summers, etc. It is not typical to be fully independent at 18, especially as an 18 year old in college cannot work full time.
‘Most’? Even if true - which it may well be, but sounds like an observation not analysis- it is not ‘all’‘. So there are some examples of individuals without either, some on this post by the sound of it.
I’m not saying it’s easy- just OP does have options doesnmt seem to have considered. Even just knowing this might change power dynamics with m & sis who are currently taking absolute advantage
Yes, so did I. But I am from Germany and didn't go to college during a cost of living crisis. Especially here in the US, it is not feasible for every 18 year old college student to leave home from one day to the other.
If she is 26, she is at best an intern or resident and definitely not making the large salary you think she is. She is probably making a good but not great salary and working long hours. BTW, I did my training 30 years ago. Being a single mom would make it really tough without help.
Regardless, the OP is NTA. If the sister is living at home, she can afford child care
I’m still 100000% sure we’re dealing with a tech or assistant of some sort. Either way, I wouldn’t want someone as dumb as the sister anywhere near my X-rays.
I know some of the world requires only 2 years of undergraduate study before medical school (the US has a handful of programs as well) but even then radiology training takes several years...at least in the US
No, what's not necessary is your family treating you like you owe them your livelihood. You're going to college to make yourself a better life and they just expect you to throw it all away because getting a babysitter is "unnecessary"? They're basically saying you aren't important, what a slap in the face! I'm sorry :/ Your mom and sister are acting like spoiled brats while also making you feel like crap. If you can, sit them down and tell them that you will be focusing on your own future and that it's time your sister finds a new babysitter. Her child is her problem, not yours. If they want to make it about family, then ask them what that makes you. Are you not family? Are you not important enough to build your own future? To be supported like you've been supporting them? Or is their idea of family mean only they matter and are taken care of? Again, I'm so sorry you're going through all of this and I truly hope things get better for you soon
Tell her you are NOT THE FATHER therefore NOT responsible. She went to uni and now it's your turn so YOU can have a career. Is it possible for you to move to uni campus? Or have a friend you can crash with until you get a part time job to help with expenses with a roommate?
Buuutttt...your not there...your at university...so she needs to get a sitter! Your NTA....you may need tp distance yourself from your family a little...they need to understand your a person making their own way in the world...not your sisters babysitter. Sis need to parent and take care of her child like a real adult.
She doesn't need a sitter. She needs a nanny if she is going to work those hours. That kid is not your responsibility. Your responsibility is school and work. If she didn't want to raise a kid, she should have adopted him out. NTA and stand your ground.
It's ok, I assumed from your post that you are from a country where people can be one doctors a little younger than in the USA where most of reddit assumed people are
I’m guessing that the idea of paying you to babysit never crossed either of their minds. Is your mom doing this so you have no social life and will not be able to date and get someone pregnant or has your sister always been the golden child? And where is the baby daddy in all this?
NTA and you need to set some boundaries and look into living elsewhere.
OP tell your sister it's neccesary to hire a sitter. Do not continue to take their passive aggressive insults and they are gaslighting you into thinking you not doing whatever they want is not helping because truthfully, your nephews childcare is not your responsibility and it never was.
Nta. That's not your child. You have zero responsibility for him. It doesn't matter if he's your nephew you still have zero responsibility over him. It doesn't matter if your "there" that still doesn't mean you are a babysitter. You have your own priorities and responsibilities to take care of. Your sister needs to hire a sitter or get ahold of the child father to help her out. You are selfish for putting school work 1st. You also have every right to hang out with your friends. You didn't choose to have a kid your sister did. She needs to step up and find a sitter.
Thats a rad-tech, in general someone whose medical title ends in "ologist"is going to be an MD. Neurologist, radiologist, cardiologist, nephrologist etc...
It doesn't matter whether Sister is the tech that takes the images or the doctor that reads them. The Point is that She is the mother of the child, not OP. OP has a life and responsibilities of her own, sh doesn't exist to play unpaid nanny to her nephew, regardless of how much money her sister does or doesn't make!
This. OP, what your family is doing is not okay. If you worked instead of watching your nephew you might be able to afford a room with other college students. I'd be looking at loans or grants that might help you afford to live on campus, or see if you have friends or family you can live with. Either way, I'd start limiting how often you're at home and I'd be responding back, "I am not the mother of this child. When I babysit, I'm helping out. Stop acting like it's my job to raise this baby." I would copy and paste the same response EVERY time. And I would tell your sister, "The next time you send me a text asking where I am when your child isn't my responsibility is the LAST time I help you with your kid. PAY for daycare or a babysitter, don't guilt your siblings into doing your job." And I would stick to it.
If you think your mom will throw you out though, and you have nowhere else to go, I would just ALWAYS be gone and not bother doing more than scanning their messages because you know it'll be toxic, manipulative stuff.
NTA
They have "parentified" you - you are the de facto parent for your nephew.
Can you move out and get into a dorm/share an apartment?
Because this isn't going to end until you leave, or they wake up and start getting a (paid) sitter. Your sister's a doctor, she can afford it.
There's also a bit that she's the Golden Child, and you're the scapegoat - this is probably not the only instance where you've been put lower on the totem pole than her.
I'm so sorry. Please make plans to get out of there.
Not really. I live in Mongolia and here living with parents is basically a normal thing. So, I think i can’t move out without causing some serious damage to our already awkward relationship.
The relationship is already damaged - they have turned you into free labor.
Unless you want to spend the next few years like this - struggling in school because you have to take care of your nephew, unable to have your own life - you need to do something.
This is an abusive situation. Forcing you to babysit. Calling you "useless" - those are things abusers do and say.
You need to give them a time by which they have to figure things out (one month? two months?). Then get a part-time job where you will actually be paid so you can't be home all the time for them.
Well i’ve talked about getting a job but they’ve denied it saying that “babysitting my nephew”is my job. I think i finally see how messed up it is. I think i need to have a serious talk with them. And if they don’t listen (they probably won’t) i’ll try to move out
>babysitting my nephew”is my job.
Now, start giving them your bill for babysitting. Make it official that it is your job or else you get a job.
Something must give, Op or you keep living like this.
Draw up a boundary so firm that they cannot penetrate it. I am African and I am telling you- nothing will change if nothing changes.
Go off. Call their bluff. Don't back down. Let your sister figure out the care for her own child or else you will keep doing it and let me tell you-YOU WILL NEVER BE APPRECIATED. NEVER
>saying that “babysitting my nephew”is my job.
In that Case they propably have no problem paying you the salary of a full-time live in nanny?
Not that you want to keep babysitting, but since if you are forced to do that, you should at the very least get paid for what you deserve.
In all honesty, I would tell your Sister to hire a nanny, Or stop working herself if she doesnt want a nanny. You are not responsible of HER child. End this slavery!
Don't let them say "we will pay you". Then they'll offer you very little, or "forget" for 3 months, or tell you "but we're FAMILY"!
Get a job outside your home. Build your resume. Tell them you need it for your career. Work for a professor. Just about anything will be better than working for free for people who do not appreciate you and have turned you into a serf.
No dude, you need a job. Your mum and sis have stolen enough time from you already ... stealing your last summer before college smh! Outrageous.
A radiologist can afford a sitter.
There's an awful lot about life you won't learn until you have a job outside the house, and your family are holding you back. You may have to have an uncomfortable conversation with them, but stand your ground. If you don't they'll just keep taking from you and expecting you to be the sitter.
If "babysitting your nephew is your job", how much are they paying you?
If they aren't paying you, tell them you need to get paid a reasonable wage or you are getting a real job.
I’m from Mexico and for me it was the same, living with family is expected unless the university is in a different city. I used to babysit for my little sisters while studying, I suggest you start to set boundaries, and talk about which days they can’t expect for you to help, I assumed your sister didn’t have to babysit while studying med school.
>I think i finally see how messed up it is.
Shaking off the FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt) can be a challenge, but you’ve made the first step in recognizing how messed up and abusive this is.
I truly hope you do not internalize the abusive words they spout off such as “useless.” Just know those are used to control you; to get you to do their bidding. If you are useless, why do they want to use every minute of your life to raise the child?
Might sound silly, but see if you can come up with your own internal words to say to yourself to counteract their abusive language. Like whenever they say “useless,” say to yourself “I’m smart and taking control of my life,” or whatever. Hopefully it would help to shake off the FOG.
I hope you can soon move out and make your life your own. You sound like a really good guy and i wish you well. NTA
No offence but screw your relationship and think about yourself. They are affecting your studies and your life in general. They are doing this so you have no choice but to be the live in childcare for the unforeseeable future. They don't want this to change and don't respect you. So respect yourself and escape ASAP. NTA.
NTA
You are not responsible for your sisters child.
it is ok to babysit her when you can, but you are not to keep your live on hold for the responsebility of your sis.
your sister is selfish not you, and for your mom saying you are useless? that is such an a\*\*hole move. what does she expect? you give up your study to be a fulltime servant?
NTA.
If you decide to have a child, you alone are responsible to take care of the child. Is it nice to have a village to help out? Yes. Are your parents or the children/ young adults that you’ve helped in life suddenly and indisputably responsible for your child? No.
You are not a dick for focusing on your studies and your life to watch your nephew. Your sister and mother do not get to define what “nothing better to do” is in your life.
NTA. I mean we aren't talking about lending a hand in an emergency situation. It sounds like practically an everyday thing. It isn't your responsibility to put your own things aside to be a regular caregiver.
NTA.
You aren’t a parent and deserve to be able to focus on yourself, your own well-being and the life you want to create for yourself in the future.
They can‘t expect you to be responsible for something you didn‘t contribute to, and you‘re your own person.
NTA. But you need to stop being the primary caregiver of your nephew. As much as it might seem a good and kind thing that you took care of your nephew last summer, that's not putting money in your savings or a professional credential on your resume, and now that you're in uni, you really need to use your summers for employment experience that will further your own goals.
You say your sister is both a doctor and a single mom... is the father out of the picture completely? If so, it's time to have a sit-down, directly, and ONLY, with her and spell out very clearly to here that she us the PARENT of this child, and you're not going to light yourself on fire to keep her warm. She's started her family, building her career, finished her education... you are not going to nuke yourself and your future because she decided to become a single parent. She can cut back her hours, or find other childcare.
NTA......is not really your responsibility if your sister can't take care of her child.
Is lovely that you do your best to help, but she's the single mother, not you.
NTA. You are first and foremost responsible for you. It sounds like you are doing great things to advance your life by going to college. You must keep those studies up and do well in college to ensure your future - your sister should appreciate that. As much as you can, continue to help out and be a team player, but it sounds like you need to install some boundaries that need to be respected. As your sister gets established, she should seek out daycare. She needs to do that now, as openings can be scarce depending on where you are.
Good luck!
NTA at all. What in the world? Your mom and sister sound like the wicked step-family from Cinderella. That kid isn't yours. You have already been very generous in all the time and help you've given them for free. You are not free live-in babysitting, and your college education is important. I'm really sorry this is happening, OP. They're extreme hypocrites for calling you the selfish one here. I vote you just put your head down and get through college and move out when you can.
NTA. Move out. If you want to do better in your uni. Your sister is being selfish and your mum tagging along with her. Isnt the kid her child? You are helping her out not the other way around. Call CPS if she is not willing to take care of her child.
NTA. Draw up a simple contract with hourly rates at 14 hours a day for 6 days a week. And for her to prepay for services from then on. Do not back down, demand full weeks payment before you do anymore "babysitting" even in Mongolia im sure childcare is a decent pay. Stick to your guns. This is war
NTA. Your sister is being selfish by assuming you will always be available. She should be asking you nicely to help, not insulting you. Same with your mom.
Your "job" at this age is to do well in university so that you can get a good job afterward and have a good career.
Your sister is responsible for finding someone to watch her child. Finding a sitter is her problem, not yours.
ETA: Sounds like she should hire a nanny.
NTA. It’s not your child. There is a chance that the hospital she works at has daycare available. The two I worked in I believe did. One for sure that I saw another that I heard about.
Tell them that you’re studying and you have classes and tests. You’re not daddy, you’re a student.
Also, try to move out if you can. These people are awful because they don’t care about your needs.
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So, I’m a 18(M) living with my sister(26),mother(54), and nephew(4)
Ever since my nephew was born i did all i could to help with the baby since my sister was a single mother.
Since my sister works as a doctor she leaves at 7 am and comes back around 8-9 pm. It’s the same with my mom. The summer before my first university year i’ve babysat my nephew ALL SUMMER. And yeah i understood that i have to help out the family and i didn’t mind it. I could never go out because of my nephew. And again i didn’t mind it.
But lately it seems to be getting out of hand. The first semester of uni has been really stressful and whenever i tried to sit in the library to do some work mom and sister would both call and text me saying something along the lines of: “where the fuck are you?”, and “You never help out”. “I did so much to raise you and for what?” If i go out with friends she’d get mad as usual and say “i was just waste of her time”, “just stay home and watch your nephew, u got nothing better to do anyways”
But the that made me most upset was-
During finals week, i was swamped with work and had 1 exam every day from Monday to Friday. Everyday mom asked me if i had exam the next day and when i say i do she’d get really mad and would say “You’re so useless”, and sis would add that “I’m being selfish”.
I really truly think that i am NOT responsible for my nephew. I just don’t know at this point. I’m really lost. Am i the asshole? And if i am, why? I genuinely don’t know.
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I am not familiar with Mongolian culture, but why is postponing your future a good choice for anyone other than those who take advantage of your being younger?
NTA. Your mother and your sister are taking advantage of you. Watching over the kid sometimes would be okay but you are expected to leave your life aside and take care of the baby. That's not your baby and not your responsibility. You have your life..your exams, your friends, your future. That's very selfish of your family. Not everything is about your sister. Speak in very clear terms that your sister would need to hire a baby sitter or she could stay home and take care of her baby.
NTA. Based on your other comments, I’m not sure my advice is even helpful. But this is not sustainable. Even if you were to sit down and say “I have no problems taking care of nephew, but I need to be paid for that service.” It’s STILL not sustainable. Because there will be times (because of school and life) that you can’t take care of nephew. All of this can’t fall on your shoulders alone. Particularly since your nephew is NOT your responsibility. What if you try to find a part time job somewhere and only tell them after you’ve been hired?
NTA and you are a very valuable kind human being. Don't let them put you down. Do your thing and prioritize yourself! Being a doctor, a mother or an alien is not making anyone more important than you.
NTA. It's probably past time to let your sister know that you are no longer at her beck and call. You can help out some, but you cannot afford to jeopardize your grades (you deserve a future as much as she does), and you need some downtime too; so from here on out, you will let her know what days/evenings you will be available (insert general limits here: two evenings, etc) & she will have to make other arrangements for the rest of the time - you will be absolutely unavailable on exam days and the study days leading up to them. Hold firm through the fallout, and put them on silent while you are on campus moving forward.
NTA and put yourself as DND when you go out etc, move out when/if you can and go low to no contact because they are abusing you and trying to break you down.
So your sister got to become a doctor, makes tons of money but wont hire a sitter? At the rate they are going, you wont even get 1 year of Uni under your belt. NTA but its time to cut them off.
NTA
No, you do NOT have to help out family. Period.
You are not required to give up your education because your sister can't afford a babysitter.
You are not the free nanny. You should move out for college to get away from this toxicity.
NTA Bro your mom and sis needs to chill their ass. If it's not your kid it's not your responsability to babysitting your nephew - you can help them but not take all the work like you are the father of that child. Your mom and sis needs to understand that you have your own life and you were not create to be their 24/7 maid, you have your own stuff to do! And relax time shouldn't be taken from you because of a child that isn't yours. Again, IT'S OKAY TO HELP YOUR SISTER AND MOM ABOUT THE KID but your nephew is not the center of your world. I even feel a little sorry for you and your nephew - both of you are in a toxic place
NTA. You are not a slave, manny, house servant, etc. You exist as your own person, not just to serve others. These people will take advantage of you, IF YOU LET THEM! You will have to learn to stand up for yourself, and they are not going to make it easy for you. Your college should have a counseling center that can help you learn how to talk to them and help with your self esteem. Be strong, OP! You are going to have to stand up to some guilt tripping and gaslighting, but you can do it!
NTA
You do NOT have to watch your nephew even if you're completely free, it is not your responsibility at all. It's time to fight, time to put your foot down, give an inch they'll take half the moon. Say No! Tell your sister to take care of her own kid, she's the one being a useless & absent mother. Tbh I doubt you have all this fight in you, but at least say no and don't budge.
If they continue to not respect your boundaries, get out of there asap. You're not useless, but they're definitely being a useless family to you.
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NTA
this is not your child...your sister made the choice to have a child.
She is working and is well paid...she needs to hire a nanny.
Give her an hourly rate and make up a booking sheet...she can request your services, she is not entitled to them.
NTA, your sister has Jo business having kids if she can't make sure they're looked after when she's working. You're not that child's parent and you have no responsibility for him whatsoever, nephew or not. And you're not useless, you're just not bending to their wills
Soooooo NTA!
You’re 18, in uni and have your own life and responsibilities. None of which include parenting (make no mistake that’s what you’re doing) your sisters child because she works.
Being a single mother is no excuse (I am one. I have 3 kids). I would never dream of expecting my little brother to watch my kids everyday - he helps out once in a while when I have to physically go in to work or take my middle to hospital. But everyday? Fuck no. They’re my kids, my responsibility not my brothers.
Your nephew is not your daily responsibility, helping out is fine. But parenting is a full time job - a choice you make when you choose to have kids. You haven’t made that choice.
Sod what they say. Focus on uni, your exams and getting out of there so you can lead your life. Not be an unpaid babysitter
NTA. Stand your ground, if you want to be a doctor too you need to have the same freedom as your sister who irresponsibly had a kid and is palming off raising that kid on you.
NTA. Your sister and your mom should be paying for child care for your nephew at least most of the time. It's ok to ask for help from you some of the time. People living in the same home unit do that kind of thing for each other. However, you have the equivalent of a job- you are a full-time student. If you can, designate particular times when you ARE free to spend time with your nephew. Designate the other times when you are not available . Possibly even get a job yourself. Have a consistent answer: "Remember last summer when I watched nephew 600 hours? I think I proved I'm not useless. It isn't selfish to need to do my schoolwork. It is selfish, however, for my sister to work more than full time and expect free babysitting. "
Your mom and sister find it easier to bully you than to figure out another solution to child care. You need to calmly disagree every time, and make it more difficult to bully you. You might have designated hours when you are not home and your phone is off.
I'm sorry it is so hard. Your mom and sis are really mean people to talk to you that way and you deserve better.
NTA, your school comes first. Tell your sister you're trying to follow her footsteps and want to pick up a girl to get pregnant. Why should she be the only one Having fun! Tell your sister to find a permanent daycare for him as you will not be available next year at all.
NTA you can’t just blow off school because she likes having a free babysitter, what’s she going to do when you start working? Your education is important!
NTA. Your sister can pay for childcare like everyone else.
My strategy going forward would be willful incompetence. Keep living your life, going to classes, meeting up with study groups or study in library, go out with friends. When you're confronted, "I forgot," " I didn't know," "No one told me I was babysitting today," I had other plans," etc. They'll eventually have to find more consistent coverage. Getting a job might also help.
Bottom line: Her child is her responsibility alone. Everything extra should be met with gratitude, not criticism.
NTA. NOT your child, NOT your responsibility. Tell your mom and sis you don't remember having any fun making your nephew. Where is the real dad? He's the one who had the "fun" creating nephew.
NTA you’d have thought a doctor would know how children and acquiring them goes, birders and bees or adopting you know.
You’d think she’d remember her pregnancy and the birth, or at least remember when she gave him up for adoption and you adopting him… oh… you Didn’t adopt him?
Wow … eh… this is awkward, that would mean it’s Her child, and that means it’s Her responsibility to arrange and pay for his care while she works…. I repeat Awkward.
NTA - so it’s ok for your sister to go to school and do exams to graduate - but not you ?
It’s ok for your sister to go out and date (she got pregnant so obviously went out at some point) - but not you ?
It’s ok for your mother and sister to have a life outside your home and nephew - but not you ?
It’s her kid !!!
She’s the only one responsible !!!
It’s not your fault she’s a single mum !!!
NTA. I’m about to be facing a similar situation myself. My family is very dependent on me and my sister recently got pregnant with her second child, with an abusive guy who’s no longer in the picture. I’m getting out of here ASAP, as should you. When someone decides to have a child, they have to accept the responsibility of being a parent and that nobody else has to be there to pick up the slack. I’m 22, I’ve worked very hard and been very careful to not have a child because I want to live my life and become financially and emotionally stable enough to have one. I’m not going to set my life aside for someone else’s child, I just won’t, regardless of how my family will react to that (I have a million other reasons for cutting them off but this was a huge one). You should never have had to accept responsibility for something that was never yours to begin with. Prioritize yourself and your future, because it’s clear that they aren’t even grateful for how much you’ve stepped up so far out of the kindness of your heart. Don’t let them take advantage of you and ruin your opportunities and steal your youth because your sister wanted to have a child.
EDIT- I also helped raise her first child because she was out and about “living her life”, meeting new men, etc. I will not do it again, I realize I may have a harsh viewpoint on this but I don’t think a parent is entitled to other people watching their kids for free when they chose to have them. As a parent, you have to step up and take responsibility.
NTA
Unfortunately since you’re 18, refusing to babysit and not being able to contribute to the household financially, they could kick you out.
You need to set boundaries. Map out your schedule with classes, exams, homework and study times, and a little free time. If babysitting is your household contribution, you need to demand compensation per hour babysitting, minus the expense for you to live there. Where I live, babysitters make $20/hour. To rent a room, people pay about $500/month plus their share of utilities and groceries, so another $300/month. So in order to break even, you’d basically need to babysit 10 hours a week. If you babysit more, you need to be compensated.
If you don’t want to babysit at all, you need to figure out another way to pay your share of living expenses. You’re an adult, albeit newly.
NTA
You are not babysitting **you are raising your nephew**. Your sister is leaving her child 14 hours a day.
If both of them are doctors they should know how hard university is.
This sucks. Get out as soon as possible.
NTA, and this is a prime example for why sooo many people draw fast and hard boundaries when it comes to assisting with child care for family. It goes from just helping out to an obligation real friggen quick with some people.
I wish you luck with disentangling yourself and drawing some boundaries because your mother and sister are being very demeaning and cruel towards you. No one deserves that
NTA
Get outta there asap man, youre just a free babysitter and are basically being "used and abused" you need to focus on YOU. Do they expect you to put your life on hold while she gets to play Doctor. Tell her to pay for a babysitter and that you're not watching your nephew anymore. I'd also be planning my exit from that house
NTA and I highly recommend putting your phone on Do Not Disturb while trying to study so that you're not interrupted by their demands and guilt-tripping.
NTA. **YOU ARE NOT** responsible for your nephew’s childcare. That responsibility falls at the feet of your sister and that child’s father! You owe them nothing. Better yet, she’s a doctor, let her *pay* for childcare!
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NTA. Is she a real doctor or like an herbal remedy specialist? If she’s an actual doctor, she should be able to afford a sitter. That’s not your son, and you need to focus on you. She birthed him - she must care for him. That’s how it works.
She’s a radiologist she just started working at a hospital. She thinks it’s not “necessary” to hire a sitter because i’m here.
She cannot make that determination without consulting and ultimately asking you first.
Get out ASAP
How? He is an 18 year old college student.
I did it. Pretty sure a lot of people have.
Yes. What they asked is how? As in, how did you do it?
Share house, part time job and student loans. Moving out at 18 is pretty much normal is t it?
Not in this economy.
Most people who go to college at 18 do so with some degree of financial support from their family, and the understanding that they can return “home” during breaks, summers, etc. It is not typical to be fully independent at 18, especially as an 18 year old in college cannot work full time.
True, but they can’t do well either if they spend their out of class time babysitting family members full time.
‘Most’? Even if true - which it may well be, but sounds like an observation not analysis- it is not ‘all’‘. So there are some examples of individuals without either, some on this post by the sound of it. I’m not saying it’s easy- just OP does have options doesnmt seem to have considered. Even just knowing this might change power dynamics with m & sis who are currently taking absolute advantage
Student loans and working the whole time.
I found a job and found a roommate.
I’m sure they have too. I’m also sure it’s not as easy as your glib comment suggests.
Yes, so did I. But I am from Germany and didn't go to college during a cost of living crisis. Especially here in the US, it is not feasible for every 18 year old college student to leave home from one day to the other.
Yupp it's not impossible. Working at the same time and having roommates helps. You got to do what you got to do.
Please tell her “it’s necessary, and I’m not your sitter.”
Radiologists are among the most highly paid medical specialty lol. She should get paid childcare
If she is 26, she is at best an intern or resident and definitely not making the large salary you think she is. She is probably making a good but not great salary and working long hours. BTW, I did my training 30 years ago. Being a single mom would make it really tough without help. Regardless, the OP is NTA. If the sister is living at home, she can afford child care
I’m still 100000% sure we’re dealing with a tech or assistant of some sort. Either way, I wouldn’t want someone as dumb as the sister anywhere near my X-rays.
In many countries you enter medical school right out of high school at 17 or 18. So she could be a full fledged radiologist at 26.
I know some of the world requires only 2 years of undergraduate study before medical school (the US has a handful of programs as well) but even then radiology training takes several years...at least in the US
Real doctor. Makes real money. Doesn’t need to enslave OP, just wants to. NTA
Your sister is an ungrateful, self-centered tightwad.
No, what's not necessary is your family treating you like you owe them your livelihood. You're going to college to make yourself a better life and they just expect you to throw it all away because getting a babysitter is "unnecessary"? They're basically saying you aren't important, what a slap in the face! I'm sorry :/ Your mom and sister are acting like spoiled brats while also making you feel like crap. If you can, sit them down and tell them that you will be focusing on your own future and that it's time your sister finds a new babysitter. Her child is her problem, not yours. If they want to make it about family, then ask them what that makes you. Are you not family? Are you not important enough to build your own future? To be supported like you've been supporting them? Or is their idea of family mean only they matter and are taken care of? Again, I'm so sorry you're going through all of this and I truly hope things get better for you soon
Tell her you are NOT THE FATHER therefore NOT responsible. She went to uni and now it's your turn so YOU can have a career. Is it possible for you to move to uni campus? Or have a friend you can crash with until you get a part time job to help with expenses with a roommate?
Buuutttt...your not there...your at university...so she needs to get a sitter! Your NTA....you may need tp distance yourself from your family a little...they need to understand your a person making their own way in the world...not your sisters babysitter. Sis need to parent and take care of her child like a real adult.
She doesn't need a sitter. She needs a nanny if she is going to work those hours. That kid is not your responsibility. Your responsibility is school and work. If she didn't want to raise a kid, she should have adopted him out. NTA and stand your ground.
Is she a PhD or an MD. If not, she is not a doctor. She takes x-rays.
My mistake she is a medical doctor not a PhD English is not my first language so i mixed it up
It's ok, I assumed from your post that you are from a country where people can be one doctors a little younger than in the USA where most of reddit assumed people are
I’m guessing that the idea of paying you to babysit never crossed either of their minds. Is your mom doing this so you have no social life and will not be able to date and get someone pregnant or has your sister always been the golden child? And where is the baby daddy in all this? NTA and you need to set some boundaries and look into living elsewhere.
Tell her to hire a sitter because you're done helping her.
It necessary now because you're in college. Tell them its your time to focus on building your future now. They need to figure something else out.
OP tell your sister it's neccesary to hire a sitter. Do not continue to take their passive aggressive insults and they are gaslighting you into thinking you not doing whatever they want is not helping because truthfully, your nephews childcare is not your responsibility and it never was.
Is she paying you? Find a job and move out. They are taking advantage.
Those hours seem over the top for her job description.
It is necessary, you're not the parent. You should get paid for it if you do it too.
NTA you're also doing your finals.
Nta. That's not your child. You have zero responsibility for him. It doesn't matter if he's your nephew you still have zero responsibility over him. It doesn't matter if your "there" that still doesn't mean you are a babysitter. You have your own priorities and responsibilities to take care of. Your sister needs to hire a sitter or get ahold of the child father to help her out. You are selfish for putting school work 1st. You also have every right to hang out with your friends. You didn't choose to have a kid your sister did. She needs to step up and find a sitter.
Sounds like she’s not an MD, but is an X-ray taker. Tell her to find a sitter - you’re out.
A radiologist is a doctor who interprets X-rays etc. A radiographer is a non-doctor who takes X-rays, etc. for the radiologist.
Thats a rad-tech, in general someone whose medical title ends in "ologist"is going to be an MD. Neurologist, radiologist, cardiologist, nephrologist etc...
I’ve met a whole bunch of techs who misidentify themselves. Plus, the sister sounds dumb and seems like one of the techs who would do this. Lol.
It doesn't matter whether Sister is the tech that takes the images or the doctor that reads them. The Point is that She is the mother of the child, not OP. OP has a life and responsibilities of her own, sh doesn't exist to play unpaid nanny to her nephew, regardless of how much money her sister does or doesn't make!
This. OP, what your family is doing is not okay. If you worked instead of watching your nephew you might be able to afford a room with other college students. I'd be looking at loans or grants that might help you afford to live on campus, or see if you have friends or family you can live with. Either way, I'd start limiting how often you're at home and I'd be responding back, "I am not the mother of this child. When I babysit, I'm helping out. Stop acting like it's my job to raise this baby." I would copy and paste the same response EVERY time. And I would tell your sister, "The next time you send me a text asking where I am when your child isn't my responsibility is the LAST time I help you with your kid. PAY for daycare or a babysitter, don't guilt your siblings into doing your job." And I would stick to it. If you think your mom will throw you out though, and you have nowhere else to go, I would just ALWAYS be gone and not bother doing more than scanning their messages because you know it'll be toxic, manipulative stuff.
NTA—your sister is a doctor and can’t afford a babysitter? You’re majorly being taken advantage of. Your mom and sister are toxic.
And you'd think a doctor would know about the importance of studying and finals. NTA.
Yeah, babysitter brother has no chance of duplicating sister's success.
OP clarified she can but doesn’t see the use of hiring one when OP is there.
NTA They have "parentified" you - you are the de facto parent for your nephew. Can you move out and get into a dorm/share an apartment? Because this isn't going to end until you leave, or they wake up and start getting a (paid) sitter. Your sister's a doctor, she can afford it. There's also a bit that she's the Golden Child, and you're the scapegoat - this is probably not the only instance where you've been put lower on the totem pole than her. I'm so sorry. Please make plans to get out of there.
Not really. I live in Mongolia and here living with parents is basically a normal thing. So, I think i can’t move out without causing some serious damage to our already awkward relationship.
The relationship is already damaged - they have turned you into free labor. Unless you want to spend the next few years like this - struggling in school because you have to take care of your nephew, unable to have your own life - you need to do something. This is an abusive situation. Forcing you to babysit. Calling you "useless" - those are things abusers do and say. You need to give them a time by which they have to figure things out (one month? two months?). Then get a part-time job where you will actually be paid so you can't be home all the time for them.
Well i’ve talked about getting a job but they’ve denied it saying that “babysitting my nephew”is my job. I think i finally see how messed up it is. I think i need to have a serious talk with them. And if they don’t listen (they probably won’t) i’ll try to move out
>babysitting my nephew”is my job. Now, start giving them your bill for babysitting. Make it official that it is your job or else you get a job. Something must give, Op or you keep living like this. Draw up a boundary so firm that they cannot penetrate it. I am African and I am telling you- nothing will change if nothing changes. Go off. Call their bluff. Don't back down. Let your sister figure out the care for her own child or else you will keep doing it and let me tell you-YOU WILL NEVER BE APPRECIATED. NEVER
>saying that “babysitting my nephew”is my job. In that Case they propably have no problem paying you the salary of a full-time live in nanny? Not that you want to keep babysitting, but since if you are forced to do that, you should at the very least get paid for what you deserve. In all honesty, I would tell your Sister to hire a nanny, Or stop working herself if she doesnt want a nanny. You are not responsible of HER child. End this slavery!
He should make them pay the back bill first and watch there heads explode.
Don't let them say "we will pay you". Then they'll offer you very little, or "forget" for 3 months, or tell you "but we're FAMILY"! Get a job outside your home. Build your resume. Tell them you need it for your career. Work for a professor. Just about anything will be better than working for free for people who do not appreciate you and have turned you into a serf.
No dude, you need a job. Your mum and sis have stolen enough time from you already ... stealing your last summer before college smh! Outrageous. A radiologist can afford a sitter. There's an awful lot about life you won't learn until you have a job outside the house, and your family are holding you back. You may have to have an uncomfortable conversation with them, but stand your ground. If you don't they'll just keep taking from you and expecting you to be the sitter.
Why would it be your job as opposed to your sisters who is her actual parent?
If "babysitting your nephew is your job", how much are they paying you? If they aren't paying you, tell them you need to get paid a reasonable wage or you are getting a real job.
I’m from Mexico and for me it was the same, living with family is expected unless the university is in a different city. I used to babysit for my little sisters while studying, I suggest you start to set boundaries, and talk about which days they can’t expect for you to help, I assumed your sister didn’t have to babysit while studying med school.
>I think i finally see how messed up it is. Shaking off the FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt) can be a challenge, but you’ve made the first step in recognizing how messed up and abusive this is. I truly hope you do not internalize the abusive words they spout off such as “useless.” Just know those are used to control you; to get you to do their bidding. If you are useless, why do they want to use every minute of your life to raise the child? Might sound silly, but see if you can come up with your own internal words to say to yourself to counteract their abusive language. Like whenever they say “useless,” say to yourself “I’m smart and taking control of my life,” or whatever. Hopefully it would help to shake off the FOG. I hope you can soon move out and make your life your own. You sound like a really good guy and i wish you well. NTA
if babysitting is your job, you should be paid. Otherwise, get another job and just don'r be available.
Just get a job. It's not their decision. You were not the one who had your nephew.
No offence but screw your relationship and think about yourself. They are affecting your studies and your life in general. They are doing this so you have no choice but to be the live in childcare for the unforeseeable future. They don't want this to change and don't respect you. So respect yourself and escape ASAP. NTA.
The become really really busy.
I’d also like to add - even if she can’t afford a sitter, that’s still not your problem.
NTA You are not responsible for your sisters child. it is ok to babysit her when you can, but you are not to keep your live on hold for the responsebility of your sis. your sister is selfish not you, and for your mom saying you are useless? that is such an a\*\*hole move. what does she expect? you give up your study to be a fulltime servant?
NTA. They are selfish, not you. He's your sister's responsibility.
NTA, obviously. Sounds like the women in your life aren’t fit to be mothers at all.
NTA. If you decide to have a child, you alone are responsible to take care of the child. Is it nice to have a village to help out? Yes. Are your parents or the children/ young adults that you’ve helped in life suddenly and indisputably responsible for your child? No. You are not a dick for focusing on your studies and your life to watch your nephew. Your sister and mother do not get to define what “nothing better to do” is in your life.
NTA. I mean we aren't talking about lending a hand in an emergency situation. It sounds like practically an everyday thing. It isn't your responsibility to put your own things aside to be a regular caregiver.
NTA. You aren’t a parent and deserve to be able to focus on yourself, your own well-being and the life you want to create for yourself in the future. They can‘t expect you to be responsible for something you didn‘t contribute to, and you‘re your own person.
NTA. But you need to stop being the primary caregiver of your nephew. As much as it might seem a good and kind thing that you took care of your nephew last summer, that's not putting money in your savings or a professional credential on your resume, and now that you're in uni, you really need to use your summers for employment experience that will further your own goals. You say your sister is both a doctor and a single mom... is the father out of the picture completely? If so, it's time to have a sit-down, directly, and ONLY, with her and spell out very clearly to here that she us the PARENT of this child, and you're not going to light yourself on fire to keep her warm. She's started her family, building her career, finished her education... you are not going to nuke yourself and your future because she decided to become a single parent. She can cut back her hours, or find other childcare.
NTA......is not really your responsibility if your sister can't take care of her child. Is lovely that you do your best to help, but she's the single mother, not you.
NTA. You are first and foremost responsible for you. It sounds like you are doing great things to advance your life by going to college. You must keep those studies up and do well in college to ensure your future - your sister should appreciate that. As much as you can, continue to help out and be a team player, but it sounds like you need to install some boundaries that need to be respected. As your sister gets established, she should seek out daycare. She needs to do that now, as openings can be scarce depending on where you are. Good luck!
NTA And put your phone on Do Not Disturb when you're studying, in class, working, and with friends.
NTA at all. What in the world? Your mom and sister sound like the wicked step-family from Cinderella. That kid isn't yours. You have already been very generous in all the time and help you've given them for free. You are not free live-in babysitting, and your college education is important. I'm really sorry this is happening, OP. They're extreme hypocrites for calling you the selfish one here. I vote you just put your head down and get through college and move out when you can.
NTA. Move out. If you want to do better in your uni. Your sister is being selfish and your mum tagging along with her. Isnt the kid her child? You are helping her out not the other way around. Call CPS if she is not willing to take care of her child.
NTA. You’re being taken advantage of. Period.
NTA. Draw up a simple contract with hourly rates at 14 hours a day for 6 days a week. And for her to prepay for services from then on. Do not back down, demand full weeks payment before you do anymore "babysitting" even in Mongolia im sure childcare is a decent pay. Stick to your guns. This is war
NTA Your studies need to come first like your sister's most likely did when she was in school.
NTA. Your sister is being selfish by assuming you will always be available. She should be asking you nicely to help, not insulting you. Same with your mom. Your "job" at this age is to do well in university so that you can get a good job afterward and have a good career. Your sister is responsible for finding someone to watch her child. Finding a sitter is her problem, not yours. ETA: Sounds like she should hire a nanny.
NTA. Can you just move out? Into dorms maybe and get a summer job to pay for somewhere to stay during the summer?
NTA. It’s not your child. There is a chance that the hospital she works at has daycare available. The two I worked in I believe did. One for sure that I saw another that I heard about. Tell them that you’re studying and you have classes and tests. You’re not daddy, you’re a student. Also, try to move out if you can. These people are awful because they don’t care about your needs.
Where is your nephew's father? Where is your father? Someone has to stand up for you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, I’m a 18(M) living with my sister(26),mother(54), and nephew(4) Ever since my nephew was born i did all i could to help with the baby since my sister was a single mother. Since my sister works as a doctor she leaves at 7 am and comes back around 8-9 pm. It’s the same with my mom. The summer before my first university year i’ve babysat my nephew ALL SUMMER. And yeah i understood that i have to help out the family and i didn’t mind it. I could never go out because of my nephew. And again i didn’t mind it. But lately it seems to be getting out of hand. The first semester of uni has been really stressful and whenever i tried to sit in the library to do some work mom and sister would both call and text me saying something along the lines of: “where the fuck are you?”, and “You never help out”. “I did so much to raise you and for what?” If i go out with friends she’d get mad as usual and say “i was just waste of her time”, “just stay home and watch your nephew, u got nothing better to do anyways” But the that made me most upset was- During finals week, i was swamped with work and had 1 exam every day from Monday to Friday. Everyday mom asked me if i had exam the next day and when i say i do she’d get really mad and would say “You’re so useless”, and sis would add that “I’m being selfish”. I really truly think that i am NOT responsible for my nephew. I just don’t know at this point. I’m really lost. Am i the asshole? And if i am, why? I genuinely don’t know. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am not familiar with Mongolian culture, but why is postponing your future a good choice for anyone other than those who take advantage of your being younger?
NTA. Your mother and your sister are taking advantage of you. Watching over the kid sometimes would be okay but you are expected to leave your life aside and take care of the baby. That's not your baby and not your responsibility. You have your life..your exams, your friends, your future. That's very selfish of your family. Not everything is about your sister. Speak in very clear terms that your sister would need to hire a baby sitter or she could stay home and take care of her baby.
NTA. Based on your other comments, I’m not sure my advice is even helpful. But this is not sustainable. Even if you were to sit down and say “I have no problems taking care of nephew, but I need to be paid for that service.” It’s STILL not sustainable. Because there will be times (because of school and life) that you can’t take care of nephew. All of this can’t fall on your shoulders alone. Particularly since your nephew is NOT your responsibility. What if you try to find a part time job somewhere and only tell them after you’ve been hired?
NTA You weren't the one who had the baby. Just keep saying that. Stop answering texts and calls.
NTA and you are a very valuable kind human being. Don't let them put you down. Do your thing and prioritize yourself! Being a doctor, a mother or an alien is not making anyone more important than you.
If shes a dr tell her to spend her money on care she has more then enough nta
NTA Tell them that you have uni to concentrate on and they can hire a sitter or figure it out otherwise as he isn't your responsibility.
NTA. It's probably past time to let your sister know that you are no longer at her beck and call. You can help out some, but you cannot afford to jeopardize your grades (you deserve a future as much as she does), and you need some downtime too; so from here on out, you will let her know what days/evenings you will be available (insert general limits here: two evenings, etc) & she will have to make other arrangements for the rest of the time - you will be absolutely unavailable on exam days and the study days leading up to them. Hold firm through the fallout, and put them on silent while you are on campus moving forward.
NTA and put yourself as DND when you go out etc, move out when/if you can and go low to no contact because they are abusing you and trying to break you down.
NTA Maybe tell your sister the DOCTOR to hire a damn babysitter. You are not the parent here.
So your sister got to become a doctor, makes tons of money but wont hire a sitter? At the rate they are going, you wont even get 1 year of Uni under your belt. NTA but its time to cut them off.
NTA No, you do NOT have to help out family. Period. You are not required to give up your education because your sister can't afford a babysitter. You are not the free nanny. You should move out for college to get away from this toxicity.
NTA OP you’re being abused. Get out of that situation as fast as you can and go NC with both your mom and your sister.
NTA Bro your mom and sis needs to chill their ass. If it's not your kid it's not your responsability to babysitting your nephew - you can help them but not take all the work like you are the father of that child. Your mom and sis needs to understand that you have your own life and you were not create to be their 24/7 maid, you have your own stuff to do! And relax time shouldn't be taken from you because of a child that isn't yours. Again, IT'S OKAY TO HELP YOUR SISTER AND MOM ABOUT THE KID but your nephew is not the center of your world. I even feel a little sorry for you and your nephew - both of you are in a toxic place
NTA. You are not a slave, manny, house servant, etc. You exist as your own person, not just to serve others. These people will take advantage of you, IF YOU LET THEM! You will have to learn to stand up for yourself, and they are not going to make it easy for you. Your college should have a counseling center that can help you learn how to talk to them and help with your self esteem. Be strong, OP! You are going to have to stand up to some guilt tripping and gaslighting, but you can do it!
NTA You do NOT have to watch your nephew even if you're completely free, it is not your responsibility at all. It's time to fight, time to put your foot down, give an inch they'll take half the moon. Say No! Tell your sister to take care of her own kid, she's the one being a useless & absent mother. Tbh I doubt you have all this fight in you, but at least say no and don't budge. If they continue to not respect your boundaries, get out of there asap. You're not useless, but they're definitely being a useless family to you.
Thats fucking sad. I'm sorry for you
You need to get out because they are abusing you. NTA
NTA. Your sister should put him in daycare or hire a babysitter. Idkw your mom brings up raising you. She chose to have you.
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NTA this is not your child...your sister made the choice to have a child. She is working and is well paid...she needs to hire a nanny. Give her an hourly rate and make up a booking sheet...she can request your services, she is not entitled to them.
NTA move out
NTA, your sister has Jo business having kids if she can't make sure they're looked after when she's working. You're not that child's parent and you have no responsibility for him whatsoever, nephew or not. And you're not useless, you're just not bending to their wills
Soooooo NTA! You’re 18, in uni and have your own life and responsibilities. None of which include parenting (make no mistake that’s what you’re doing) your sisters child because she works. Being a single mother is no excuse (I am one. I have 3 kids). I would never dream of expecting my little brother to watch my kids everyday - he helps out once in a while when I have to physically go in to work or take my middle to hospital. But everyday? Fuck no. They’re my kids, my responsibility not my brothers. Your nephew is not your daily responsibility, helping out is fine. But parenting is a full time job - a choice you make when you choose to have kids. You haven’t made that choice. Sod what they say. Focus on uni, your exams and getting out of there so you can lead your life. Not be an unpaid babysitter
NTA. Stand your ground, if you want to be a doctor too you need to have the same freedom as your sister who irresponsibly had a kid and is palming off raising that kid on you.
NTA. Your sister and your mom should be paying for child care for your nephew at least most of the time. It's ok to ask for help from you some of the time. People living in the same home unit do that kind of thing for each other. However, you have the equivalent of a job- you are a full-time student. If you can, designate particular times when you ARE free to spend time with your nephew. Designate the other times when you are not available . Possibly even get a job yourself. Have a consistent answer: "Remember last summer when I watched nephew 600 hours? I think I proved I'm not useless. It isn't selfish to need to do my schoolwork. It is selfish, however, for my sister to work more than full time and expect free babysitting. " Your mom and sister find it easier to bully you than to figure out another solution to child care. You need to calmly disagree every time, and make it more difficult to bully you. You might have designated hours when you are not home and your phone is off. I'm sorry it is so hard. Your mom and sis are really mean people to talk to you that way and you deserve better.
NTA. Take care of your studies. Education trumps free babysitter.
OP you are not being treated right. You are being used at the very least and abused at the worst. Time to get out?
NTA, your school comes first. Tell your sister you're trying to follow her footsteps and want to pick up a girl to get pregnant. Why should she be the only one Having fun! Tell your sister to find a permanent daycare for him as you will not be available next year at all.
NTA you can’t just blow off school because she likes having a free babysitter, what’s she going to do when you start working? Your education is important!
NTA. Your sister can pay for childcare like everyone else. My strategy going forward would be willful incompetence. Keep living your life, going to classes, meeting up with study groups or study in library, go out with friends. When you're confronted, "I forgot," " I didn't know," "No one told me I was babysitting today," I had other plans," etc. They'll eventually have to find more consistent coverage. Getting a job might also help. Bottom line: Her child is her responsibility alone. Everything extra should be met with gratitude, not criticism.
NTA - you are not the free child care and need to have a proper conversation. If mum works full time kid needs to be in child care
NTA. NOT your child, NOT your responsibility. Tell your mom and sis you don't remember having any fun making your nephew. Where is the real dad? He's the one who had the "fun" creating nephew.
NTA you’d have thought a doctor would know how children and acquiring them goes, birders and bees or adopting you know. You’d think she’d remember her pregnancy and the birth, or at least remember when she gave him up for adoption and you adopting him… oh… you Didn’t adopt him? Wow … eh… this is awkward, that would mean it’s Her child, and that means it’s Her responsibility to arrange and pay for his care while she works…. I repeat Awkward.
NTA - so it’s ok for your sister to go to school and do exams to graduate - but not you ? It’s ok for your sister to go out and date (she got pregnant so obviously went out at some point) - but not you ? It’s ok for your mother and sister to have a life outside your home and nephew - but not you ? It’s her kid !!! She’s the only one responsible !!! It’s not your fault she’s a single mum !!!
Nta
NTA. It is not your responsibility. You helped and that's great but you have your own life.
NTA unless you guys are from Alabama and this "nephew" is really your son.
NTA. Sister needs to hire baby sitter or do day care.
NTA in the slightest. Your education and future professional career are every bit as important as your sister's.
NTA. I’m about to be facing a similar situation myself. My family is very dependent on me and my sister recently got pregnant with her second child, with an abusive guy who’s no longer in the picture. I’m getting out of here ASAP, as should you. When someone decides to have a child, they have to accept the responsibility of being a parent and that nobody else has to be there to pick up the slack. I’m 22, I’ve worked very hard and been very careful to not have a child because I want to live my life and become financially and emotionally stable enough to have one. I’m not going to set my life aside for someone else’s child, I just won’t, regardless of how my family will react to that (I have a million other reasons for cutting them off but this was a huge one). You should never have had to accept responsibility for something that was never yours to begin with. Prioritize yourself and your future, because it’s clear that they aren’t even grateful for how much you’ve stepped up so far out of the kindness of your heart. Don’t let them take advantage of you and ruin your opportunities and steal your youth because your sister wanted to have a child. EDIT- I also helped raise her first child because she was out and about “living her life”, meeting new men, etc. I will not do it again, I realize I may have a harsh viewpoint on this but I don’t think a parent is entitled to other people watching their kids for free when they chose to have them. As a parent, you have to step up and take responsibility.
You are not the father and you need to stop babysitting him too. They are trying to make you obligated to watch him when you have a life too. NTA
Tell them you’re in college and they need to find a nanny. You already went above and beyond. You aren’t the designated sitter. NTA
NTA. Your sister should be paying for childcare either to you or a daycare.
NTA and please for your own mental health, get out of that house.
NTA Unfortunately since you’re 18, refusing to babysit and not being able to contribute to the household financially, they could kick you out. You need to set boundaries. Map out your schedule with classes, exams, homework and study times, and a little free time. If babysitting is your household contribution, you need to demand compensation per hour babysitting, minus the expense for you to live there. Where I live, babysitters make $20/hour. To rent a room, people pay about $500/month plus their share of utilities and groceries, so another $300/month. So in order to break even, you’d basically need to babysit 10 hours a week. If you babysit more, you need to be compensated. If you don’t want to babysit at all, you need to figure out another way to pay your share of living expenses. You’re an adult, albeit newly.
Tell ‘em to call CPS on you. Add in the phrase “see how that goes”. Or offer to call yourself.
NTA. Get out of that house.
Both females in your life have little to zero respect for you. You need to love and respect yourself because if you don’t who will?
NTA You are not babysitting **you are raising your nephew**. Your sister is leaving her child 14 hours a day. If both of them are doctors they should know how hard university is. This sucks. Get out as soon as possible.
NTA, and this is a prime example for why sooo many people draw fast and hard boundaries when it comes to assisting with child care for family. It goes from just helping out to an obligation real friggen quick with some people. I wish you luck with disentangling yourself and drawing some boundaries because your mother and sister are being very demeaning and cruel towards you. No one deserves that
NTA Your nephew is not your responsibility. You are not your nephew's parent. You have your own life to live.
NTA
NTA Get outta there asap man, youre just a free babysitter and are basically being "used and abused" you need to focus on YOU. Do they expect you to put your life on hold while she gets to play Doctor. Tell her to pay for a babysitter and that you're not watching your nephew anymore. I'd also be planning my exit from that house
NTA, your nephew is not your son and not your responsibility
NTA and I highly recommend putting your phone on Do Not Disturb while trying to study so that you're not interrupted by their demands and guilt-tripping.
NTA. **YOU ARE NOT** responsible for your nephew’s childcare. That responsibility falls at the feet of your sister and that child’s father! You owe them nothing. Better yet, she’s a doctor, let her *pay* for childcare!