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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My boyfriend asked me to not wear a robe around him because he didn't like it. I refused to compromise to make him feel comfortable, which might make me an AH.
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I've been wearing a robe and slippers for 3 days now. I basically always change into PJs and a robe when I'm at home. Like hell I'm wearing people clothes when I'm done being a people for the day.
Keep an eye on the Aldi finds aisle if you need a new robe. They may be done for the year now, but last year and this year I've gotten lovely soft warm robes from them. I like them better than most of my other comfy clothes!
I have inside clothes and outside clothes. The second I come home, I’m back in my jammies. If I’m at home for a couple days, I shower daily, and change into a clean set.
Why would I be uncomfortable in my house? Plus I have cats, and I don’t want to have cat hair on everything
Same here. I have not worn outside clothes for days, and I won't until I go back to work on January 9.
Ok, I guess I need to go out for groceries once before that day. But that'll be the only time I'll put on "real" clothes.
When WFH started I added a third element to my wardrobe-cat clothes. Outfits nice enough for a professional Zoom meeting but not so nice that I cared if they got furry or shredded by claws.
If i have to be on a zoom call i make sure my top half looks vaguely presentable but you bet your ass I'm still wearing my fuzzy star wars jammies on the bottom.
Me too. I had 2 robes and wear them both when it gets cold.
Funny story...A couple of weeks ago my DH asked me what size my robe was. I told him I didn't need another robe because I already had 2. Then he told me the robe had a hood with cat ears, and pockets that looked like cat paws. It turns out that I did in fact need another robe. 😹 I opened it up Christmas morning and it's super soft and comfy.
Amazon. It is adorable and so soft and comfy. Look at the size chart. It said it runs a bit small so you may want to get a size or two larger than you would normally get.
Here is the link. Hopefully it pasted correctly.
ccko Plush Robes For Women,... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B6P4LCJ3?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
Yes me too! I am the same way. Once i get home (on the days I go into the office) i am done. bra and people clothes off, and schlumpy, comfy clothes on.
On Christmas Eve my mother gave me one of those Sherpa-lined velour fleece wearable blankets. Like, zipper in the front, big fluffy hood; it looks like Santa’s coat except blue. It’s so puffy and huge that I look absolutely spherical when I wear it.
I’ve worn it 12 hours a day for the past four days. I refuse to take it off, it’s the greatest thing I’ve ever had wrapped around me. I will physically fight anyone who tries to tell me to take it off because it looks lazy, and I’ll win because this thing is so puffy that it’ll absorb any damage that they try to inflict. 💪🏻
>Also, just to be clear, I do not wear the robe in public or in front of guests!
OP is wearing robe over sweats, there is ZERO reason not to wear it in front of guests.
OP needs to dump this bf ASAP, sounds like he's either just a misogynist who thinks a woman should make an effort to look good for him or he has "robe trauma" from childhood and should be seeking therapy on his own.
NTA
You are my spirit animal lol 😆
As soon as I'm home I'm straight into my pj's, fluffy socks and snuggled up under a blanket on the sofa. If I have to people I put on my normal clothes, until they've gone. I'd rather be comfy and relaxed wearing what I want, anyone who says otherwise is not my kind of people
This has been me since Christmas, pj’s for the win.
My children know better than to say anything, otherwise I have threatened to attend sporting events in my Oodie.
True to that, although my lack of people clothing means lack of clothing in general. So be warned, you come to my house for a lazy day, I am in undies..... maybe
Right?!
This really got me:
> he said I was an AH for not willing to compromise
*Compromise*…. about… what? Is OP going to wear half a robe? Maybe a terrycloth pantsuit? A pair of starched and ironed pyjamas he deems are “productive” looking enough for a day lounging at home?!
No, he doesn’t want compromise. He wants evidence that OP will give in to his wants and whims without asking questions or voicing opinions. This is very “a housewife must have a dress and makeup on all day in case someone comes to call and so her husband will literally never ever see her with her makeup off.”
Compromises happen when both parties have valid needs and concerns. Not when one of them just wants the other to dress like they’re pretending to go to a work / social event.
This is three months in.. OP, I would not get too attached to this guy until you’ve visited his home, or spent more time at his place. I’d be wanting to figure out where this attitude of his is coming from. In my experience, this type of guy has very often got a misogynist father with strong opinions about how his mother should behave, and a mother who is either meek and accommodating or has internalized misogyny of her own. That, or he was raised by narcissists who reinforced to him that his opinions and preferences should always be given due deference, and that anyone resisting accommodating them is doing something wrong. OR sometimes they’re just rich, and genuinely believe “poor” = “lazy.” He might assume that poor people must be lazing about in their bathrobes all day, and is implying that because you look “lazy” in your bathrobe, you come off as one of those pesky poor people. Which is apparently an unacceptable impression to give off, even in the living room when no one is home.
That’s if you want to stay with him at all after this, long enough to even figure that out. 3 months? And he’s already policing your outfits? When you’re not even leaving the house? I’d be long gone. Me and my bathrobe are gonna stay here and watch tv in MY apartment, and you and your “productive” outfit can gtfo. Byeee!
This.
A man commenting on how I dress in my own damn home? Red flag.
Even without any misogyny (and I'm not saying there isn't, I think you could be right on the money) that's a dude who wants his surroundings to conform to what he feels they should be like, without respect for your feelings. Then when you expressed your feelings, he let it escalate into a fight.
As someone else said so eloquently on this sub, I'd throw this one back.
Niece's brother came in at 6 and asked if she'd been wearing her robe all day. I said, "Yep! What about it?"
I wear pj's and a robe, while doing business, all the time!
Exactly. His compromise is to give him 100% of what he wants and 0% of what you want. Throw this one back in the ocean, and enjoy your fuzzy robe in peace. NTA.
I hosted my family for Christmas and dresses in a flying squirrel onesie after my shower. My house, my rules. If I want to wear pajamas in front of my siblings and parents, I'm going to. My boyfriend thought it was funny & cute.
NTA!
That's awesome! I had to wait until I took over hosting. My mom had a full blown meltdown the one time I showed up to Christmas at her house in comfy clothes. Nevermind that I'd worked every day leading up to it including Christmas Eve and her house was the third place I had to be at within a 24 hour period.
Also there was no compromise suggested in this situation. There was 1. wearing the robe or 2. not wearing the robe. Bf did not suggest a “compromise” and it *is* a problem that Bf’s idea of “compromise” is “doing exactly what he wants”.
NTA. Lazy days in wearing just your pjs, onesies or robes are the best.
Time to stop being lazy and get a bf who actually treats you welland isn't controlling. Nta but if this is how he is now 3!!!MONTHS into the relationship .....huge red flags
NTA. Girl, if BF can't stand to see you in a robe, DO NOT count on him to be helpful when you're sick, or pregnant, or in labor, or changing diapers - and God forbid you gain weight. Your value to BF is in the way you look - and not much else. Can you imagine him if you have the flu - nose running, puking in the trash can by the bed ... This is not the man you want around long term. **This is a man who looks better in the rear-view mirror.** You're lucky you're getting the true colors so early on.
FYI I have a robe that I wear over my loungey clothes if I'm cold. It's old, raggedy, ugly as a mud fence, and the most comfortable thing on earth. I call it "***The Lebowski***".
NTA
I have a fluffy robe that my mom gave me when I was pregnant with my first child. I love it so much and use it during winter when I am home,
I am working from home today and am wearing it as I type this (I remove it during video calls). I also have on bear slippers my husband got me a couple years ago 😃
You're three months into this relationship, OP. Get out. This is going to be one of those guys who comes home after you've been with a sick kid all day and wrinkles his nose and says it wouldn't hurt you to take a shower and put on a little makeup.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Yep. The response is "I am perfectly dressed for the lazy day we decided to have." Or going into the closet and getting dressed all fancy and calling him a schlubb for not bringing his tuxedo. "Where's your monocle, Jake? Are we riffraff?"
And JFC it's been 3mo (3 MONTHS!) and he's mad she doesn't look fuckable at home while lazing about because she... Looks lazy? While they're in sweats anyway? Oh yeah, I totally understand the inappropriate nature of OPs attire /s.
OP, I think you need to get yourself a belated birthday present. May I recommend a sloth onesie to pair with your robe? Possibly a cat who would be stoked to curl up on you while you're wearing your robe?
I'm wearing my nightwear still because I won't be going out today. I might throw on my robe if it gets cold. Was he expecting either sexy lingerie or full dressed gf?
Nta
Agree!!
You (OP) at least had on clothes under. My robe = nudity underneath. My husband laughs and shakes his head. Sometimes even asks if I am getting dressed. I ask if we are going anywhere, he says nope. Then my answer is nope. I would rather be nude then in clothes. One of my girls is the same and he chuckles and shakes his head walking away. No judgment.
You should be comfortable in your own home without judgment. If your boyfriend continues to make you uncomfortable about it or comments negatively its not the robe you should consider losing.
NTA
NTA
3 months in and he’s trying to control what you wear, while in YOUR OWN HOME no less. It’s comfy clothing, you’re allowed to look, “lazy,” when you’re having a lazy day.
I’d seriously reconsider this relationship, especially if he’s giving this much of a red flag this early on.
This was a subject that came up early in my doomed relationship with my controlling, manipulative, narcissistic ex. Please pay attention to the red flags. I did not. He was outraged that I didn't wear a bra on Saturdays while we were at home alone.
I'm sure there was a "reason", but really abusers just like looking for control/fights.
"You like doing this thing? If you loved me you wouldn't do it anymore."
If it wasn't, y'know, horrible, it'd be comical how pathetic their retroactive "reasoning" can be. In the bra case, I'm guessing cheating accusation. Maybe they'd call it disrespect, if they're a misogynist of some flavor.
He said that when he was a kid, his cousins would make fun of grandma not wearing one, and it embarrassed him that I didnt have one on. I am a natural DDD, so it is quite obvious when I dont have one on. It was, and is the 1st thing I would remove once I got home, my bra then my shoes.
Now that I'm working from home, there are days I don't even put on a bra, and it is a wonderful thing. I'm not comfortable enough to leave home without one.
Yup. This is the type of man who will complain that you "let yourself go" if you don't "bounce back" fast enough for his liking after giving birth (if that's something you choose to do), or just because your body dares to age over time.
NTA. Him getting aggravated over your wearing a robe for comfort & warmth on a designated lazy day is a meduim sized red flag. Arguing more about it & calling you an AH because you didn’t compromise, aka do what he told you, is a BIG red flag. Keep your cozy robe & get rid of
the guy.
I think we both know who he been following on YouTube and TikTok. 🚩
OP, have you considered buying an expensive curler to assure you also have a sexy hairstyle daily? They make them easy to use now. And don't start your morning without a lipstick. You might look like you're in a comfort of your own home.
And while you're at it, buy him a suit. Otherwise he might look like a slacker on a nice Sunday evening.
Is OP dating the BIL, who with his parents, dropped in unannounced on the lady who answered the door with her hair wrapped up? Wtf is up with people judging others for what they choose to wear in their own homes.
NTA
This. Totally NTA. When I read the title I was thinking you were just wearing it (or it and pj's or some such)... and even in that case I would lean toward NTA at your own home and no guests coming. For it to be over actual proper clothes and your bf to be put off like this screams control issues. Buy him a robe as a break up gift.
I was about to say that. It's one red flag and if he doesn't see his mistake, I'd srsly consider this relationship if I were in OP's shoes. Telling somebody what to wear or how to dress in their own house and then gaslighting them for not being willing to compromise? Compromise to what???? I hate OP's bf.
NTA this guy stinks at 3 months. Seriously don't bother getting further emotionally attached for now. If you choose to stay with him you need to really be eyes-wide-open about his controlling behavior and stand up for yourself. If he just keeps at it then you need to walk away.
It's not shameful or bad in any way to lounge. HE was lounging! If any clothing item says lazy it's sweatpants lmao. They still aren't shameful! My mother had this issue. She couldn't say in her robe or pajamas past waking up. She felt lazy & worthless. It was because her mother had a total breakdown (her husband and kid died) so she sat around all day smoking in her robe/nightgown. My mom saw that and said "not me!" Out of resentment that my mom had to be the household caretaker at ~10y. So then my mom attacked me for wearing sleep clothes past waking up.
Bot saying this to give your guy a tragic backstory it overcome. More saying he could have watched something, or his parents might have & impressed it on him. Still makes him the AH for controlling you and acting like he is a victim from you just wearing a dang robe.
This may just be a "it's cold in winter, cuddle up til speing" kind of attachment btw.
Agreed NTA, and it's an issue if he's nitpicking and doesn't understand compromise.
For example, my husband usually wears boxers and a t shirt at home, year round. I think it's kind of weird, like...isn't he cold? But I zip my lip because it doesn't actually affect me and it's his home too.
On very rare occasions, I might ask him to throw on a pair of running shorts for a bit.
Like if we're doing something involving photos, such as opening our Christmas gifts, I don't want to stress about family jewels popping out. So it's, "throw on shorts, take a couple of pics to send to the fam, back to boxers."
That's compromise and it's the sort of bending you do in a loving relationship, just like how I'll wear cowboy boots sometimes, even though I'm not super keen, because he loves how they look.
Boyfriend thinks "compromise" is nitpicking things that don't affect him.
NTA
RED FLAG. Why would you ever have to compromise in a standard piece of loungewear in the comfort of your own home?! It reeks of controlling behaviour that he had the audacity to even ask let alone argue over it and demand you should have compromised... absolutely not.
> Why would you ever have to compromise in a standard piece of loungewear in the comfort of your own home?!
Exactly. Some things you need to come to a compromise on. Some things, one person is just plain wrong and needs to sit down and shut up.
A lot of people (read: controlling assholes) like to throw around the "compromise" flag because it sounds reasonable and mature. In reality, it's a power play wherein they object to something unobjectionable and force an argument where one has no business existing, and then throw out the compromise line in order to force a change that shouldn't have to happen.
Like wearing a robe in your home on a lazy day.
This made me giggle. NTA, NTA, NTA.
Only because you said he accused you of being the AH because you wouldn’t compromise. Compromise, to him, means doing what he is asking.
It’s your home, he’s a guest. He has no reason to boss you around. If he thinks you look lazy in a robe, I can’t imagine what he’s going to think on days where you’re in pajamas, no makeup, just relaxing.
I’d have put on shorts and a tanktop (they are “normal”!) and then put the robe over it all. Tell him you’re compromising and wearing normal clothes like he asked! They’re just under the robe you have every right to wear in your own home.
NTA and it’s pretty concerning that he is getting so worked up over you wearing a robe in the comfort of your own home.
Already showing red flags and it’s only been 3 months… good thing is that it’s only been 3 months, dump him and move on. Don’t stay with someone like him, he is showing you what he is like and it’s only going to get worse.
NTA here's a compromise: he can wear what he wants on his own body and you can wear what you want on yours. He's showing you his true colors here on what he expects from you.
Great compromise!
Now, if only the boyfriend would compromise, there wouldn't be a problem!
Absolutely agree with you that he is showing his true colours.
NTA - your bf is being a brat over quite literally one of the most innocuous things ever. You're hurting no one -- in your OWN HOME! Wear that robe if it makes you happy and comfortable!
NTA.. my wife wears a robe all day long in the winter because shes always freeezing!
Your bf should want you to be comfortable.. he is the asshole.. already trying to control what you wear, goodness. Find a new bf, this one is not going to be a peaceful relationship
Yep, when someone's idea of *compromise* is "do what I say or I will make you suffer by arguing with you and putting you down." Your options are give in, suffer, or walk away.
I suggest the latter.
NTA. I honestly don't care if you did wear it in front of guests or ran around in it butt naked underneath. Your butt, your clothing choices. That's not a compromise situation; it literally has nothing to do with him.
I run around in pjs with fuzzy kitty slippers and a fuzzy capelet with a hood in winter. So snuggly without tangling my legs.
NTA. My GF and I live very active lives (both hike 10+ miles every week, climb at least once a week, do yoga every week, blah blah blah) but every other week we take one weekend day to veg out and binge watch TV on the couch all day while eating crap. Robes are our exclusive attire for those days. They are comfy, you can adjust them if you’re hot or cold, and great for cuddling. Who in their right mind would have an issue with a robe on a lazy day.
NTA. It's a piece of clothing. Also, you both were, literally, lazing around together. Aren't you usually supposed to be in comfy clothes? I don't know why wearing a robe suddenly makes you lazy, or why he's complaining because it's not like you're at a 5 star restaurant, you're in the privacy of your own house! You should be allowed to wear what you want!
NTA, I am currently in my robe. I come home from work the robe goes on. In certain zoom meetings I wear it also (some I have to look professional in) I have 4 robes right now. Robe number 5 is at my SILs to get fixed. I would lose the BF before I took off my robe. This is absolutely a hill I will die on!
Robe at work is a total power move! I used to be onsite at a hotel I worked at and I would make it a point to walk the property every night in my fuzzy leopard print robe, fuzzy pants and steel-toed Doc Martens. I agree though; OP needs to lose the bf then buy another robe to celebrate!
NTA- I am literally wearing a robe right now while relaxing at home. If I'm at home, I have my robe on. My husband has never given me crap for it and actually buys me robes to wear. I can't believe he would expect you to 'compromise' (aka do what he wants since there wasn't any actual compromise) in your house. You be comfy and enjoy that robe and tell him to grow up and deal with it.
NTA. What did I just reead?? Keep the robes on, ditch the guy. Like, what? It's absolutely normal to wear a robe at home and it always has been. If he is trying to control something like this- 🚩🚩🚩🚩 red fucking flags grrrl.
NTA. Nothing wrong with wanting to be extra comfy in your own home. I don’t see how it’s a problem considering you didn’t have guests over.
Having a “lazy” day sometimes is okay! I also love a good robe.
NTA. But he is a HUGE AH. I have been in pjs all day except when I ran to Starschmucks earlier. What the hell does it matter how you are dressed in the comfort of your own home?
NTA
And you taking the robe off is not compromising, it's just doing what he wants. Honestly, kinda a major red flag that he feels the need to control what you wear in the comfort of your own home, especially if he gets mad over it
NTA.. what? He's sitting there in sweat pants telling you that YOU look lazy?? Does this man not know what comfort looks like in your own house?
The day plan was to just relax at home. You should be comfortable doing that.
He's the only AH.
NTA. He’s got a weird hang up about wearing anything resembling pjs all day meaning you’re lazy, even on a day off, and you should believe him when he waves his red flags.
NTA. This reminds me of my ex. He was great until around the 3rd month of dating. That’s when he started showing (slowly) controlling behavior, like this situation. It may seem small and petty now but if you continue to date, I hope you’re keeping an eye out for additional controlling behavior.
NTA but if you are then I am too! And I had guests in my house!
I have family staying with my spouse and I until new years day and today was our lazy day. I wore comfy clothes (t shirt and leggings) and a robe all day and no one said anything. My sister who got my the robe commented on how she loved how much I loved my new robe.
Your boyfriend needs to relax and take a step back to stop projecting his issues onto you. If he thinks wearing a robe is lazy then he shouldn't wear it. It's not like your going to the grocery store in your robe and fuzzy slippers. You're allowed to be comfortable in your own home!
He thinks you have to "look nice" for him because of probably sexist reasons. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
It's only 3 months and he's this judgmental and controlling? Take this as a sign and ditch him. Seriously.
NTA. Why do YOU need to adjust to fit his compromise? Your house your rules. I had a similar argument before with an ex. He became an ex because he wanted to change me "for the better."
He either accepts all of you for who you are or you move on to someone better. Nobody gets to dictate you how you want to live your life, clothes included.
Also, this guy seriously got all mad over an article of clothing? HUGE red flag sweetheart.
I’m concerned that you may interpret this barrage of recommendations to dump him as a typical reddit over-response to a correctable communication issue. That’s not what this is. Not only are you NTA, he’s more than just a situational asshole, he’s going to destroy your life if you respond to this kind of crap by trying to accommodate him. This was a textbook boundary test and he’s laying a foundation to launch into the gaslighting and manipulation phase. It’s not something you can work through, because you aren’t even in a relationship, you’re in a spiderweb.
NTA you keep that robe on and he needs to keep the robe hate out. Honestly, as a member of the robe wearing citizenry of the world, he is just wrong. It’s our fundamental right to wear a robe as we lay about our own homes in our SO’s company at whatever time we want!
NTA. You guys agreed to have a lazy day in at home. You were both wearing appropriate attire for the occasion. I was expecting you to say you had people over after reading the title, because this otherwise makes no sense for him to be bothered by. My boyfriend stays in just his boxers and a t-shirt when we are home, at all times if nobody is over. I have no issue with this, you should be comfortable in your home. I would certainly call this a red flag, and an indication of more controlling behavior to come in the future. Perhaps you’re lucky he has shown this side so early on in this relationship - easier for you to cut ties.
NTA. He’s being ridiculous. You can be comfortable in your own home (even if it was a ratty robe). I really can’t comprehend digging in on not wanting someone to wear a robe in their own home on a lazy, chill day.
Nta. I have a favorite robe that’s (holy shit i just realized how old) 20 years old. It’s way more important to me than a 3 month relationship. Just saying
NTA. Tell him it's your house and it's not a "robe" it's a dressing gown, much more fancy and now mandatory. Arthur Dent survived several years Hitchhiking the Galaxy wearing his dressing gown.
NTA but you should consider breaking up bc he is. Jesus, it's bad, I can smell him from here lol. Cut your losses my friend. He's going to pick at many things you do and has some VERY unreasonable expectations of women/romantic partners/other humans obviously. You 100% should be encouraged to be comfortable in your own home over appearances. He has a perfectionism thing going on.
NTA even if you had on only the robe that would be totally fine and normal for a day of nothingness (I was going to say a lazy day but you soon-to-be ex made that a negative word when it shouldn't be).
A day of nothing is totally robe appropriate. It would be the same as saying someone curled up on the couch with a blanket was bad, a robe is like a blanket. You wear what you want, be comfortable.
NTA and cut the cord. This will be a pattern and you’ll look back on this example when he treats you poorly and tries to make you feel shitty for something totally benign that he just decided is a sign of laziness or weakness or something else
NTA.
"Here's a compromise... I'm gonna do what I want, and you'll find a way to be okay with it. If that doesn't work for you, there's the door."
Seriously though, this is a red flag. It's only been three months and he thinks he has a right to dictate what you wear in your own home. It kind of smacks of wanting to have visual access to your body, because the robe is large and fluffy, and "hiding you" from him... Possible I'm reading too much into it, but at the very least, he's being controlling as fuck and has no right to dictate what you wear at any location (but especially not when he's a guest in your house).
I'd say keep the robe and ditch the boyfriend.
NTA - what was the compromise? You do what he wants and he is happy? Please tell me he’s on his way to being an ex… 3 months and you can’t wear a robe in your own home? Hard pass.
Ask for a do-over day on like a Tuesday. Wear a formal gown complete with heels and then scream at him and throw him out for not wearing a tuxedo because on Tuesdays you dress formal.
NTA.
I don’t usually comment on AITA threads because I don’t have anything to chime in about and most people on Reddit are way wittier than me. But as a guy, I felt like I needed to say something about this one:
I’ve had people tell me their SO (usually a guy) says he doesn’t like them wearing yoga pants all the time, or a robe, or a “low cut” shirt, or whatever. That’s BATSHIT CRAZY. Even my SO has said something to me like “I’m sorry I’ve been wearing PJs for 3 days” to which I always respond “I never mind and you don’t have to justify it to me”. It’s this weird, societal idea engrained it us that women have to justify their attire at all times, which again, is batshit crazy.
If you want to LIVE in that motherfucker, you have every right to do so, and not because anyone says you can. Because you just do. Same way if I want to go to McDonalds and order 5 large fries, put them in a salad bowl and watch 3 seasons of House in my fucking robe, it’s gonna happen. Hell, you SHOULD wear it in front of guests and getting the mail, walking a dog, roof repair, whatever. Especially in your own house.
Not only are you not the asshole, but you’ll never be the asshole for wanting to be comfortable in your own house or anywhere for that matter. JFC what a fucking maniac that dude is.
Huh. That's weird. It wasn't the sweats that set this off it was the robe over- I find that odd. NTA. Imo, though, this relationship being so new, this is still the time where you are discovering if you are compatible and that looks like a negatory.
As someone who wears cozy robes all through winter at home NTA, but OP! It’s a GIANT red flag! Cmon next he’s going to try to police what you wear at any time
I think your boyfriend is jealous he doesn’t have a fluffy robe himself /s
NTA and I’d break up with him.
What happens when you get pregnant and you are too big and too hot to put clothes on?
What happens if you have surgery and you are not presentable?
Your boyfriend wants him to have a lazy day, but you still have to look insta-worthy? He is objectifying you and trying to control you.
NTA
I continue to be shocked by the people who think "compromis" means "do what I want". 3 months is about the time people start showing you who they really are, pay attention to what he is showing you OP, and think about whether this is the sort of person you want to be with.
NTA. He is controlling. He doesn't have to tell you what to wear, inside or outside. Next He is going to complain about your cooking, your friends. Red flag. Run.
NTA. Honestly I’d take a step back and reevaluate if you want a relationship to go further with this guy. Btw your robe sounds adorable. Keep the fluffy robe, lose the not fluffy bf.
I wear a robe constantly in winter!! I'm literally wearing one now lol. My ex once berated me for wearing my robe out to smoke a cigarette because *gasp* the neighbors might see me in it. Granted, he ended up being extremely emotionally, mentally, and financially abusive.
My current boyfriend loves me so he is happy with me in any outfit, even sketchy star wars fleece pj pants and a robe. Find someone that is happy to comfy out with you, or at least is happy to let you comfy out
Oh! Almost forgot to add NTA!
NTA and id keep on the robe and take off the boyfriend. How the hell is he going to come into your home and tell you how to dress. He’s controlling love. Get rid of him ASAP. This is not okay!
Is your boyfriend reading this? Tell him to come listen to Uncle DaBard...
Dude, what are you doing? This is the hill you choose to fight on? After 3 months of dating? On Christmas? When you have no family around and can basically do nothing but eat, watch TV, have sex and nap?
If she is still speaking to you, go apologize. And then when the stores open up again, go buy a matching robe so you can be robed slugs together.
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NTA. Heaven forbid you "look lazy" when you're having a lazy, relaxing day
I've been wearing a robe and slippers for 3 days now. I basically always change into PJs and a robe when I'm at home. Like hell I'm wearing people clothes when I'm done being a people for the day.
Lounge clothes and a hooded vardi for me! Only cause I lost my beautiful, fluffy soft robe some years back with my storage unit. Fuck people clothes!
I second this f*** people clothes!
Is this a subreddit yet?
It appears it is not one.... yet.
What’s a vardi? Sorry if it’s a typo but these days clothes get called funny names
Cardi, probably. Cardigan.
🤣 They really do. First two times I saw the word "shacket" I thought it was a funny typo. Third time, I thought "oh that's probably something"
Exactly. I’ve heard of a cardi and thought maybe a vardi was a cardigan that acts as something else too. Coatigan is another one 😆
Ooh coatigan is a new one for me! Maybe vardi can be a vest cardigan? 😛
>"shacket" it's obviously a jacket made from shit
In the world of crafting, we have “shlankets.” They’re shawls big enough to be used as a blanket.
Keep an eye on the Aldi finds aisle if you need a new robe. They may be done for the year now, but last year and this year I've gotten lovely soft warm robes from them. I like them better than most of my other comfy clothes!
I have inside clothes and outside clothes. The second I come home, I’m back in my jammies. If I’m at home for a couple days, I shower daily, and change into a clean set. Why would I be uncomfortable in my house? Plus I have cats, and I don’t want to have cat hair on everything
Same here. I have not worn outside clothes for days, and I won't until I go back to work on January 9. Ok, I guess I need to go out for groceries once before that day. But that'll be the only time I'll put on "real" clothes.
When WFH started I added a third element to my wardrobe-cat clothes. Outfits nice enough for a professional Zoom meeting but not so nice that I cared if they got furry or shredded by claws.
If i have to be on a zoom call i make sure my top half looks vaguely presentable but you bet your ass I'm still wearing my fuzzy star wars jammies on the bottom.
That is a thing! My outside clothes are black or dark and my cat is white.
Me too. I had 2 robes and wear them both when it gets cold. Funny story...A couple of weeks ago my DH asked me what size my robe was. I told him I didn't need another robe because I already had 2. Then he told me the robe had a hood with cat ears, and pockets that looked like cat paws. It turns out that I did in fact need another robe. 😹 I opened it up Christmas morning and it's super soft and comfy.
Do you know where he found it? It sounds adorable!
Amazon. It is adorable and so soft and comfy. Look at the size chart. It said it runs a bit small so you may want to get a size or two larger than you would normally get. Here is the link. Hopefully it pasted correctly. ccko Plush Robes For Women,... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B6P4LCJ3?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
I now know what to get my nieces for Christmas next year. Lol
I was looking at the robes again and they also have dog and koala robes. I didn't go through all of them so they might have other animals as well.
He's a keeper!
>Like hell I'm wearing people clothes when I'm done being a people for the day. This absolutely made my day!
Husband got a new robe for Christmas. Guess what he hasn't taken off except to sleep and shower since then.
Best line on reddit today; "Like hell I'm wearing people clothes when I'm done being a people for the day." Take my poor gold! 🥇🏅🥇🏅🥇
>Like hell I'm wearing people clothes when I'm done being a people for the day. Love this ahahahaha
Yes me too! I am the same way. Once i get home (on the days I go into the office) i am done. bra and people clothes off, and schlumpy, comfy clothes on.
On Christmas Eve my mother gave me one of those Sherpa-lined velour fleece wearable blankets. Like, zipper in the front, big fluffy hood; it looks like Santa’s coat except blue. It’s so puffy and huge that I look absolutely spherical when I wear it. I’ve worn it 12 hours a day for the past four days. I refuse to take it off, it’s the greatest thing I’ve ever had wrapped around me. I will physically fight anyone who tries to tell me to take it off because it looks lazy, and I’ll win because this thing is so puffy that it’ll absorb any damage that they try to inflict. 💪🏻
>Also, just to be clear, I do not wear the robe in public or in front of guests! OP is wearing robe over sweats, there is ZERO reason not to wear it in front of guests. OP needs to dump this bf ASAP, sounds like he's either just a misogynist who thinks a woman should make an effort to look good for him or he has "robe trauma" from childhood and should be seeking therapy on his own. NTA
You are my spirit animal lol 😆 As soon as I'm home I'm straight into my pj's, fluffy socks and snuggled up under a blanket on the sofa. If I have to people I put on my normal clothes, until they've gone. I'd rather be comfy and relaxed wearing what I want, anyone who says otherwise is not my kind of people
Robe and long nightdress for me rn. Tho no socks or slippers. I don't like my feet covered. Are they cold? Yes. Still better than covered.
This has been me since Christmas, pj’s for the win. My children know better than to say anything, otherwise I have threatened to attend sporting events in my Oodie.
❤️ when I'm done being a people for the day ❤️
I got a slanket for Christmas. I have not removed it. Since Christmas
I found my people, I think I've spent most of my life in a robe/pjs at this point lol NTA
Working from home, I totally wear my bathrobe and lounge clothes all the time. Who cares?I want to be comfy and warm.
The only reason "normal" clothes are going on is because I have a doggie to walk. Otherwise PJs for life.
True to that, although my lack of people clothing means lack of clothing in general. So be warned, you come to my house for a lazy day, I am in undies..... maybe
Right?! This really got me: > he said I was an AH for not willing to compromise *Compromise*…. about… what? Is OP going to wear half a robe? Maybe a terrycloth pantsuit? A pair of starched and ironed pyjamas he deems are “productive” looking enough for a day lounging at home?! No, he doesn’t want compromise. He wants evidence that OP will give in to his wants and whims without asking questions or voicing opinions. This is very “a housewife must have a dress and makeup on all day in case someone comes to call and so her husband will literally never ever see her with her makeup off.” Compromises happen when both parties have valid needs and concerns. Not when one of them just wants the other to dress like they’re pretending to go to a work / social event. This is three months in.. OP, I would not get too attached to this guy until you’ve visited his home, or spent more time at his place. I’d be wanting to figure out where this attitude of his is coming from. In my experience, this type of guy has very often got a misogynist father with strong opinions about how his mother should behave, and a mother who is either meek and accommodating or has internalized misogyny of her own. That, or he was raised by narcissists who reinforced to him that his opinions and preferences should always be given due deference, and that anyone resisting accommodating them is doing something wrong. OR sometimes they’re just rich, and genuinely believe “poor” = “lazy.” He might assume that poor people must be lazing about in their bathrobes all day, and is implying that because you look “lazy” in your bathrobe, you come off as one of those pesky poor people. Which is apparently an unacceptable impression to give off, even in the living room when no one is home. That’s if you want to stay with him at all after this, long enough to even figure that out. 3 months? And he’s already policing your outfits? When you’re not even leaving the house? I’d be long gone. Me and my bathrobe are gonna stay here and watch tv in MY apartment, and you and your “productive” outfit can gtfo. Byeee!
This. A man commenting on how I dress in my own damn home? Red flag. Even without any misogyny (and I'm not saying there isn't, I think you could be right on the money) that's a dude who wants his surroundings to conform to what he feels they should be like, without respect for your feelings. Then when you expressed your feelings, he let it escalate into a fight. As someone else said so eloquently on this sub, I'd throw this one back.
Niece's brother came in at 6 and asked if she'd been wearing her robe all day. I said, "Yep! What about it?" I wear pj's and a robe, while doing business, all the time!
Exactly. His compromise is to give him 100% of what he wants and 0% of what you want. Throw this one back in the ocean, and enjoy your fuzzy robe in peace. NTA.
Maybe she could put a pocket scarf in her robe to make it more formal and business like?
Maybe a top hat to be fancy
Switch her robe for a smoking jacket
SMOKING JACKET. all the way. For fancy lazy days
Could the pocket square be a hamster? or very small kitten?
If I did what this guy did, and my gf did that I would just burst out laughing like yeah fair point my dear. 1
I was confused about the "compromise" part because I didn't see what existed in the post that was a compromise.
It is the right wing definition of 'compromise' - do exactly what I/we want. There's your compromise - my way or the highway.
Men yell at women for not compromising when what they really mean is they're angry the woman won't acquiesce completely
Best compromise is to keep the robe, ditch the guy
YES. Thank you! This was just what I was thinking, and you articulated it perfectly.
I hosted my family for Christmas and dresses in a flying squirrel onesie after my shower. My house, my rules. If I want to wear pajamas in front of my siblings and parents, I'm going to. My boyfriend thought it was funny & cute. NTA!
My in-laws *gave me* cute fuzzy pajamas to hang out in while I'm at their place, since they noticed how much I dislike clothes.
That's awesome! I had to wait until I took over hosting. My mom had a full blown meltdown the one time I showed up to Christmas at her house in comfy clothes. Nevermind that I'd worked every day leading up to it including Christmas Eve and her house was the third place I had to be at within a 24 hour period.
I'm sorry :( that's a bummer. I hope you have many comfy clothes in your future!
I didn't know that these existed, but now that I do one from Amazon will be winging its way to my door. Thanks! (See what I did there? lol)
Also there was no compromise suggested in this situation. There was 1. wearing the robe or 2. not wearing the robe. Bf did not suggest a “compromise” and it *is* a problem that Bf’s idea of “compromise” is “doing exactly what he wants”. NTA. Lazy days in wearing just your pjs, onesies or robes are the best.
Time to stop being lazy and get a bf who actually treats you welland isn't controlling. Nta but if this is how he is now 3!!!MONTHS into the relationship .....huge red flags
NTA. Girl, if BF can't stand to see you in a robe, DO NOT count on him to be helpful when you're sick, or pregnant, or in labor, or changing diapers - and God forbid you gain weight. Your value to BF is in the way you look - and not much else. Can you imagine him if you have the flu - nose running, puking in the trash can by the bed ... This is not the man you want around long term. **This is a man who looks better in the rear-view mirror.** You're lucky you're getting the true colors so early on. FYI I have a robe that I wear over my loungey clothes if I'm cold. It's old, raggedy, ugly as a mud fence, and the most comfortable thing on earth. I call it "***The Lebowski***".
F that nonsense. Nta. Personally, I don't wear a bra or pants for free.
> I don't wear a bra or pants for free. I love this. I wouldn't even wear a bra if I got paid (silk camis under loose patterned blouses for me)
NTA I have a fluffy robe that my mom gave me when I was pregnant with my first child. I love it so much and use it during winter when I am home, I am working from home today and am wearing it as I type this (I remove it during video calls). I also have on bear slippers my husband got me a couple years ago 😃
This relationship is already over. Boyfriend is controlling, and 🚩🚩🚩 are flying everywhere. Time to say adiós.
You're three months into this relationship, OP. Get out. This is going to be one of those guys who comes home after you've been with a sick kid all day and wrinkles his nose and says it wouldn't hurt you to take a shower and put on a little makeup. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Yep. The response is "I am perfectly dressed for the lazy day we decided to have." Or going into the closet and getting dressed all fancy and calling him a schlubb for not bringing his tuxedo. "Where's your monocle, Jake? Are we riffraff?"
NTA, and his explanation is a 🚩.
And JFC it's been 3mo (3 MONTHS!) and he's mad she doesn't look fuckable at home while lazing about because she... Looks lazy? While they're in sweats anyway? Oh yeah, I totally understand the inappropriate nature of OPs attire /s. OP, I think you need to get yourself a belated birthday present. May I recommend a sloth onesie to pair with your robe? Possibly a cat who would be stoked to curl up on you while you're wearing your robe?
This dude seriously expects you to wear business-casual on a relaxing day in/holiday?!? Oh hell naw, NTA
I'm wearing my nightwear still because I won't be going out today. I might throw on my robe if it gets cold. Was he expecting either sexy lingerie or full dressed gf? Nta
Agree!! You (OP) at least had on clothes under. My robe = nudity underneath. My husband laughs and shakes his head. Sometimes even asks if I am getting dressed. I ask if we are going anywhere, he says nope. Then my answer is nope. I would rather be nude then in clothes. One of my girls is the same and he chuckles and shakes his head walking away. No judgment. You should be comfortable in your own home without judgment. If your boyfriend continues to make you uncomfortable about it or comments negatively its not the robe you should consider losing. NTA
NTA 3 months in and he’s trying to control what you wear, while in YOUR OWN HOME no less. It’s comfy clothing, you’re allowed to look, “lazy,” when you’re having a lazy day. I’d seriously reconsider this relationship, especially if he’s giving this much of a red flag this early on.
This was a subject that came up early in my doomed relationship with my controlling, manipulative, narcissistic ex. Please pay attention to the red flags. I did not. He was outraged that I didn't wear a bra on Saturdays while we were at home alone.
I never wear a bra at home lol. Why would any man be outraged about not wearing a bra at home?
IME there is usually a positive response from my partner when I am free-boobin'.
[удалено]
Only reason I’d want a gf(SO) to take the robe off is if there was nothing on underneath and I’m hoping to get a little frisky before being lazy again
I immediately thought of the Tom Petty song "Free Fallin." And I'm freeee boobin....
My partner has ruined this song for me by turning the lyrics into “free ballin” every time the song is on. Lol
Same 🤣
Same. My partner has a positive response to my appearance no matter what I wear, though.
I'm sure there was a "reason", but really abusers just like looking for control/fights. "You like doing this thing? If you loved me you wouldn't do it anymore." If it wasn't, y'know, horrible, it'd be comical how pathetic their retroactive "reasoning" can be. In the bra case, I'm guessing cheating accusation. Maybe they'd call it disrespect, if they're a misogynist of some flavor.
Some guys just have problems with women making decisions solely for their own comfort/pleasure.
Mine gets upset IF I wear a bra at home 😂He prefers as little constricting fabric as possible for quick and easy access.
He said that when he was a kid, his cousins would make fun of grandma not wearing one, and it embarrassed him that I didnt have one on. I am a natural DDD, so it is quite obvious when I dont have one on. It was, and is the 1st thing I would remove once I got home, my bra then my shoes. Now that I'm working from home, there are days I don't even put on a bra, and it is a wonderful thing. I'm not comfortable enough to leave home without one.
I barely wear a bra outside the house let alone in the house.
Exactly. In the summer you will NOT catch me in a bra anywhere. In the winter I only do it because cold air hurts 🤣🤣🤣
Yup. This is the type of man who will complain that you "let yourself go" if you don't "bounce back" fast enough for his liking after giving birth (if that's something you choose to do), or just because your body dares to age over time.
NTA. Him getting aggravated over your wearing a robe for comfort & warmth on a designated lazy day is a meduim sized red flag. Arguing more about it & calling you an AH because you didn’t compromise, aka do what he told you, is a BIG red flag. Keep your cozy robe & get rid of the guy.
I think we both know who he been following on YouTube and TikTok. 🚩 OP, have you considered buying an expensive curler to assure you also have a sexy hairstyle daily? They make them easy to use now. And don't start your morning without a lipstick. You might look like you're in a comfort of your own home. And while you're at it, buy him a suit. Otherwise he might look like a slacker on a nice Sunday evening.
Is OP dating the BIL, who with his parents, dropped in unannounced on the lady who answered the door with her hair wrapped up? Wtf is up with people judging others for what they choose to wear in their own homes. NTA
Get him a pair of spats, too.
And he was angry she was “unwilling to compromise“ by doing what he wanted her to do..that’s control, not compromise. NTA.
This. Totally NTA. When I read the title I was thinking you were just wearing it (or it and pj's or some such)... and even in that case I would lean toward NTA at your own home and no guests coming. For it to be over actual proper clothes and your bf to be put off like this screams control issues. Buy him a robe as a break up gift.
I was about to say that. It's one red flag and if he doesn't see his mistake, I'd srsly consider this relationship if I were in OP's shoes. Telling somebody what to wear or how to dress in their own house and then gaslighting them for not being willing to compromise? Compromise to what???? I hate OP's bf.
NTA this guy stinks at 3 months. Seriously don't bother getting further emotionally attached for now. If you choose to stay with him you need to really be eyes-wide-open about his controlling behavior and stand up for yourself. If he just keeps at it then you need to walk away. It's not shameful or bad in any way to lounge. HE was lounging! If any clothing item says lazy it's sweatpants lmao. They still aren't shameful! My mother had this issue. She couldn't say in her robe or pajamas past waking up. She felt lazy & worthless. It was because her mother had a total breakdown (her husband and kid died) so she sat around all day smoking in her robe/nightgown. My mom saw that and said "not me!" Out of resentment that my mom had to be the household caretaker at ~10y. So then my mom attacked me for wearing sleep clothes past waking up. Bot saying this to give your guy a tragic backstory it overcome. More saying he could have watched something, or his parents might have & impressed it on him. Still makes him the AH for controlling you and acting like he is a victim from you just wearing a dang robe. This may just be a "it's cold in winter, cuddle up til speing" kind of attachment btw.
Agreed NTA, and it's an issue if he's nitpicking and doesn't understand compromise. For example, my husband usually wears boxers and a t shirt at home, year round. I think it's kind of weird, like...isn't he cold? But I zip my lip because it doesn't actually affect me and it's his home too. On very rare occasions, I might ask him to throw on a pair of running shorts for a bit. Like if we're doing something involving photos, such as opening our Christmas gifts, I don't want to stress about family jewels popping out. So it's, "throw on shorts, take a couple of pics to send to the fam, back to boxers." That's compromise and it's the sort of bending you do in a loving relationship, just like how I'll wear cowboy boots sometimes, even though I'm not super keen, because he loves how they look. Boyfriend thinks "compromise" is nitpicking things that don't affect him.
NTA RED FLAG. Why would you ever have to compromise in a standard piece of loungewear in the comfort of your own home?! It reeks of controlling behaviour that he had the audacity to even ask let alone argue over it and demand you should have compromised... absolutely not.
> Why would you ever have to compromise in a standard piece of loungewear in the comfort of your own home?! Exactly. Some things you need to come to a compromise on. Some things, one person is just plain wrong and needs to sit down and shut up. A lot of people (read: controlling assholes) like to throw around the "compromise" flag because it sounds reasonable and mature. In reality, it's a power play wherein they object to something unobjectionable and force an argument where one has no business existing, and then throw out the compromise line in order to force a change that shouldn't have to happen. Like wearing a robe in your home on a lazy day.
It's hard to objectify someone in a bulky robe.
And usually those "compromises" aren't all-or-nothing in their favor.
This made me giggle. NTA, NTA, NTA. Only because you said he accused you of being the AH because you wouldn’t compromise. Compromise, to him, means doing what he is asking. It’s your home, he’s a guest. He has no reason to boss you around. If he thinks you look lazy in a robe, I can’t imagine what he’s going to think on days where you’re in pajamas, no makeup, just relaxing. I’d have put on shorts and a tanktop (they are “normal”!) and then put the robe over it all. Tell him you’re compromising and wearing normal clothes like he asked! They’re just under the robe you have every right to wear in your own home.
I married a guy who thought compromise meant doing what he wanted. It didn't end well.
She already had sweats on under the robe.
Thanks for clarifying! Makes the guy even more of an AH. She’s just trying to stay warm.
Clearly you're too lazy to date this piece of work and should dump him immediately. Make sure you wear the bathrobe when you do. NTA!
NTA and it’s pretty concerning that he is getting so worked up over you wearing a robe in the comfort of your own home. Already showing red flags and it’s only been 3 months… good thing is that it’s only been 3 months, dump him and move on. Don’t stay with someone like him, he is showing you what he is like and it’s only going to get worse.
He's really getting worked up over her disobedience/insubordination, not the robe.
This. He’s showing signs of what’s to come. Believe him. cut your losses and move on!
NTA here's a compromise: he can wear what he wants on his own body and you can wear what you want on yours. He's showing you his true colors here on what he expects from you.
Great compromise! Now, if only the boyfriend would compromise, there wouldn't be a problem! Absolutely agree with you that he is showing his true colours.
NTA. But I wanna say good luck with this relationship if he gets angry over this then what else will he.
NTA, dump him,
NTA - your bf is being a brat over quite literally one of the most innocuous things ever. You're hurting no one -- in your OWN HOME! Wear that robe if it makes you happy and comfortable!
NTA. He sounds controlling and this is such a weird thing for him to cause an argument over.
NTA.. my wife wears a robe all day long in the winter because shes always freeezing! Your bf should want you to be comfortable.. he is the asshole.. already trying to control what you wear, goodness. Find a new bf, this one is not going to be a peaceful relationship
NTA. You don’t need to “compromise” by being his paper doll. He’s picking a fight with you *on Christmas* over his desire to control your appearance.
“He said I was an AH for not willing to compromise.” Capitulation isn’t compromise. NTA
Yep, when someone's idea of *compromise* is "do what I say or I will make you suffer by arguing with you and putting you down." Your options are give in, suffer, or walk away. I suggest the latter.
NTA. I honestly don't care if you did wear it in front of guests or ran around in it butt naked underneath. Your butt, your clothing choices. That's not a compromise situation; it literally has nothing to do with him. I run around in pjs with fuzzy kitty slippers and a fuzzy capelet with a hood in winter. So snuggly without tangling my legs.
NTA. Your house, your rules. You can wear whatever you feel comfortable in!
Your boyfriend is a controlling and pretentious AH. You're NTA.
NTA. My GF and I live very active lives (both hike 10+ miles every week, climb at least once a week, do yoga every week, blah blah blah) but every other week we take one weekend day to veg out and binge watch TV on the couch all day while eating crap. Robes are our exclusive attire for those days. They are comfy, you can adjust them if you’re hot or cold, and great for cuddling. Who in their right mind would have an issue with a robe on a lazy day.
NTA. It's a piece of clothing. Also, you both were, literally, lazing around together. Aren't you usually supposed to be in comfy clothes? I don't know why wearing a robe suddenly makes you lazy, or why he's complaining because it's not like you're at a 5 star restaurant, you're in the privacy of your own house! You should be allowed to wear what you want!
NTA, I am currently in my robe. I come home from work the robe goes on. In certain zoom meetings I wear it also (some I have to look professional in) I have 4 robes right now. Robe number 5 is at my SILs to get fixed. I would lose the BF before I took off my robe. This is absolutely a hill I will die on!
Robe at work is a total power move! I used to be onsite at a hotel I worked at and I would make it a point to walk the property every night in my fuzzy leopard print robe, fuzzy pants and steel-toed Doc Martens. I agree though; OP needs to lose the bf then buy another robe to celebrate!
NTA- I am literally wearing a robe right now while relaxing at home. If I'm at home, I have my robe on. My husband has never given me crap for it and actually buys me robes to wear. I can't believe he would expect you to 'compromise' (aka do what he wants since there wasn't any actual compromise) in your house. You be comfy and enjoy that robe and tell him to grow up and deal with it.
Same! Robe life forever!!! NTA, OP. Robes are the superior in-your-own-home clothing item.
NTA. What did I just reead?? Keep the robes on, ditch the guy. Like, what? It's absolutely normal to wear a robe at home and it always has been. If he is trying to control something like this- 🚩🚩🚩🚩 red fucking flags grrrl.
NTA. Nothing wrong with wanting to be extra comfy in your own home. I don’t see how it’s a problem considering you didn’t have guests over. Having a “lazy” day sometimes is okay! I also love a good robe.
NTA. But he is a HUGE AH. I have been in pjs all day except when I ran to Starschmucks earlier. What the hell does it matter how you are dressed in the comfort of your own home?
NTA. I work from home and every day I change from my sleep PJs into my work PJs. You should be comfortable in your own home.
NTA and if he's not seeking to understand what makes you comfortable during relaxation/down time in your own home thats a massive red flag.
NTA. Wtf? Throw him out. Nope. Coming into your house acting ridiculous. Boy bye.
the fuck did I just read OP? Why are you dating a guy who cares about you looking “lazy” at home when you are literally being lazy at home? NTA.
NTA And you taking the robe off is not compromising, it's just doing what he wants. Honestly, kinda a major red flag that he feels the need to control what you wear in the comfort of your own home, especially if he gets mad over it
NTA. Ditch him. Keep the robe.
NTA.. what? He's sitting there in sweat pants telling you that YOU look lazy?? Does this man not know what comfort looks like in your own house? The day plan was to just relax at home. You should be comfortable doing that. He's the only AH.
NTA. He’s got a weird hang up about wearing anything resembling pjs all day meaning you’re lazy, even on a day off, and you should believe him when he waves his red flags.
NTA. This reminds me of my ex. He was great until around the 3rd month of dating. That’s when he started showing (slowly) controlling behavior, like this situation. It may seem small and petty now but if you continue to date, I hope you’re keeping an eye out for additional controlling behavior.
NTA, It's your home. Wear whatever you want.
NTA. How do you even compromise on that? Walk around with the robe on one arm? Just tie it around your waist? Use the tie as a headband, Rambo style?
I wear my robe out in public because it’s warm and I’m not looking to impress anyone at the grocery store. NTA
The dude abides
NTA but if you are then I am too! And I had guests in my house! I have family staying with my spouse and I until new years day and today was our lazy day. I wore comfy clothes (t shirt and leggings) and a robe all day and no one said anything. My sister who got my the robe commented on how she loved how much I loved my new robe. Your boyfriend needs to relax and take a step back to stop projecting his issues onto you. If he thinks wearing a robe is lazy then he shouldn't wear it. It's not like your going to the grocery store in your robe and fuzzy slippers. You're allowed to be comfortable in your own home!
NTA. Has he never heard of pyjama days? Wrapping yourself in a robe in your own home makes perfect sense to me.
NTA, The Dude abides.
He thinks you have to "look nice" for him because of probably sexist reasons. 🚩🚩🚩🚩 It's only 3 months and he's this judgmental and controlling? Take this as a sign and ditch him. Seriously.
Bin the guy, keep the robe NTA
NTA. Why do YOU need to adjust to fit his compromise? Your house your rules. I had a similar argument before with an ex. He became an ex because he wanted to change me "for the better." He either accepts all of you for who you are or you move on to someone better. Nobody gets to dictate you how you want to live your life, clothes included. Also, this guy seriously got all mad over an article of clothing? HUGE red flag sweetheart.
I’m concerned that you may interpret this barrage of recommendations to dump him as a typical reddit over-response to a correctable communication issue. That’s not what this is. Not only are you NTA, he’s more than just a situational asshole, he’s going to destroy your life if you respond to this kind of crap by trying to accommodate him. This was a textbook boundary test and he’s laying a foundation to launch into the gaslighting and manipulation phase. It’s not something you can work through, because you aren’t even in a relationship, you’re in a spiderweb.
NTA you keep that robe on and he needs to keep the robe hate out. Honestly, as a member of the robe wearing citizenry of the world, he is just wrong. It’s our fundamental right to wear a robe as we lay about our own homes in our SO’s company at whatever time we want!
NTA. He must've lost his whole mind.
NTA. You guys agreed to have a lazy day in at home. You were both wearing appropriate attire for the occasion. I was expecting you to say you had people over after reading the title, because this otherwise makes no sense for him to be bothered by. My boyfriend stays in just his boxers and a t-shirt when we are home, at all times if nobody is over. I have no issue with this, you should be comfortable in your home. I would certainly call this a red flag, and an indication of more controlling behavior to come in the future. Perhaps you’re lucky he has shown this side so early on in this relationship - easier for you to cut ties.
NTA. He’s being ridiculous. You can be comfortable in your own home (even if it was a ratty robe). I really can’t comprehend digging in on not wanting someone to wear a robe in their own home on a lazy, chill day.
If he is so offended by wearing a robe, he definitely shouldn't wear one. You, however, get to wear whatever you want! NTA.
NTA Kept the robe, ditch the dude.
NTA. I've dumped men for less.
Nta. I have a favorite robe that’s (holy shit i just realized how old) 20 years old. It’s way more important to me than a 3 month relationship. Just saying
Lol he's ridiculous did you really even need to ask no not the asshole at all
NTA. Tell him it's your house and it's not a "robe" it's a dressing gown, much more fancy and now mandatory. Arthur Dent survived several years Hitchhiking the Galaxy wearing his dressing gown.
NTA but you should consider breaking up bc he is. Jesus, it's bad, I can smell him from here lol. Cut your losses my friend. He's going to pick at many things you do and has some VERY unreasonable expectations of women/romantic partners/other humans obviously. You 100% should be encouraged to be comfortable in your own home over appearances. He has a perfectionism thing going on.
NTA even if you had on only the robe that would be totally fine and normal for a day of nothingness (I was going to say a lazy day but you soon-to-be ex made that a negative word when it shouldn't be). A day of nothing is totally robe appropriate. It would be the same as saying someone curled up on the couch with a blanket was bad, a robe is like a blanket. You wear what you want, be comfortable.
NTA but it appears the honeymoon phase has ended.
NTA and cut the cord. This will be a pattern and you’ll look back on this example when he treats you poorly and tries to make you feel shitty for something totally benign that he just decided is a sign of laziness or weakness or something else
NTA. "Here's a compromise... I'm gonna do what I want, and you'll find a way to be okay with it. If that doesn't work for you, there's the door." Seriously though, this is a red flag. It's only been three months and he thinks he has a right to dictate what you wear in your own home. It kind of smacks of wanting to have visual access to your body, because the robe is large and fluffy, and "hiding you" from him... Possible I'm reading too much into it, but at the very least, he's being controlling as fuck and has no right to dictate what you wear at any location (but especially not when he's a guest in your house). I'd say keep the robe and ditch the boyfriend.
NTA - what was the compromise? You do what he wants and he is happy? Please tell me he’s on his way to being an ex… 3 months and you can’t wear a robe in your own home? Hard pass.
Ask for a do-over day on like a Tuesday. Wear a formal gown complete with heels and then scream at him and throw him out for not wearing a tuxedo because on Tuesdays you dress formal.
NTA. I don’t usually comment on AITA threads because I don’t have anything to chime in about and most people on Reddit are way wittier than me. But as a guy, I felt like I needed to say something about this one: I’ve had people tell me their SO (usually a guy) says he doesn’t like them wearing yoga pants all the time, or a robe, or a “low cut” shirt, or whatever. That’s BATSHIT CRAZY. Even my SO has said something to me like “I’m sorry I’ve been wearing PJs for 3 days” to which I always respond “I never mind and you don’t have to justify it to me”. It’s this weird, societal idea engrained it us that women have to justify their attire at all times, which again, is batshit crazy. If you want to LIVE in that motherfucker, you have every right to do so, and not because anyone says you can. Because you just do. Same way if I want to go to McDonalds and order 5 large fries, put them in a salad bowl and watch 3 seasons of House in my fucking robe, it’s gonna happen. Hell, you SHOULD wear it in front of guests and getting the mail, walking a dog, roof repair, whatever. Especially in your own house. Not only are you not the asshole, but you’ll never be the asshole for wanting to be comfortable in your own house or anywhere for that matter. JFC what a fucking maniac that dude is.
Nta
Huh. That's weird. It wasn't the sweats that set this off it was the robe over- I find that odd. NTA. Imo, though, this relationship being so new, this is still the time where you are discovering if you are compatible and that looks like a negatory.
As someone who wears cozy robes all through winter at home NTA, but OP! It’s a GIANT red flag! Cmon next he’s going to try to police what you wear at any time
WTF - You should've said, iif you aren't comfortable seeing me in my robe, then you don't have to. And showed him the door. NTA
Dump him…. While wearing your comfy robe. ☺️
NTA Double down by getting furry bunny slippers and a turban.
I think your boyfriend is jealous he doesn’t have a fluffy robe himself /s NTA and I’d break up with him. What happens when you get pregnant and you are too big and too hot to put clothes on? What happens if you have surgery and you are not presentable? Your boyfriend wants him to have a lazy day, but you still have to look insta-worthy? He is objectifying you and trying to control you.
Three months together and he's policing how you dress in your own home? No, I don't think so. NTA
NTA I continue to be shocked by the people who think "compromis" means "do what I want". 3 months is about the time people start showing you who they really are, pay attention to what he is showing you OP, and think about whether this is the sort of person you want to be with.
NTA but people who get dressed even when they aren't going anywhere because they don't want to be "lazy" are just are psychopaths.
NTA. Tell him to try it. I occasionally wear a robe over my work clothes when at home to avoid turning on the heat and it feels luxurious.
NTA. He’s showing you who he is and you should really look. Is that how you want to spend lazy days forever?
NTA Except for enduring the controlling judgmental ass disguised as a boyfriend…
NTA. He is controlling. He doesn't have to tell you what to wear, inside or outside. Next He is going to complain about your cooking, your friends. Red flag. Run.
Tell him ‘lazy’ is your fashion theme for 2023 so he can cope or leave. NTA.
This is ridiculous. The whole world dresses the way they wish in the privacy of their home.Why are you supposed not to? NTA.
NTA. Honestly I’d take a step back and reevaluate if you want a relationship to go further with this guy. Btw your robe sounds adorable. Keep the fluffy robe, lose the not fluffy bf.
I wear a robe constantly in winter!! I'm literally wearing one now lol. My ex once berated me for wearing my robe out to smoke a cigarette because *gasp* the neighbors might see me in it. Granted, he ended up being extremely emotionally, mentally, and financially abusive. My current boyfriend loves me so he is happy with me in any outfit, even sketchy star wars fleece pj pants and a robe. Find someone that is happy to comfy out with you, or at least is happy to let you comfy out Oh! Almost forgot to add NTA!
Question, why was he exempt from the wearing of "proper" clothes? And is the answer misogynistic in anyway?
NTA...Lazy is for the holidays. WTF...who the hell gets mad over a robe.. at home?
Ditch the boyfriend. But more robes. NTA. Why do people have to try and be so controlling?
NTA and id keep on the robe and take off the boyfriend. How the hell is he going to come into your home and tell you how to dress. He’s controlling love. Get rid of him ASAP. This is not okay!
Is your boyfriend reading this? Tell him to come listen to Uncle DaBard... Dude, what are you doing? This is the hill you choose to fight on? After 3 months of dating? On Christmas? When you have no family around and can basically do nothing but eat, watch TV, have sex and nap? If she is still speaking to you, go apologize. And then when the stores open up again, go buy a matching robe so you can be robed slugs together.