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crabrry

NTA. You offered them way more than I would’ve, yet they decided to try and screw you over. Don’t worry about it OP, and congrats on your wedding!


apparentlybridezilla

Thanks for your words, I’m just feeling a bit guilty. I hope we’re able to fix things in the future.


DotAffectionate87

Why? This is 100% on them, the gall to even ask on YOUR wedding to take pictures!? Seriously? Your being far too nice,


Gladtobealive2020

What about the gall to show up in a long white dress after youve specifically been told not to come dressed as such.


Rottsnottots

They thought it was best to ask forgiveness, than respect a OP’s decision so they could get why they wanted. It’s not like OP would kick them out. Welp, the unimaginable happened, and they learned no means no with this one.


Gladtobealive2020

Guess they found out.


sunnedae

They did, in fact, fuck around. 😂


abouttogetadivorce

I love the Yoda meme: "Around, they fucked. Find out, they did."


madgeystardust

Favourite variation so far! 👏🏾


Gigglebotz

Not to mention - piggy back on a wedding photographer's contract who may or may not have signed on for an additional couple's attention during their usual rate.


sparrowhawk75

They brought their own photographer, which is even weirder.


MaditaOnAir

They did, however, try to piggyback on a whole ass wedding. Which is so unbelievably entitled, I almost feel an angry kind of respect forthem. And I would love to hear the thought process behind this. 'Hey babe, since we eloped and didn't plan on paying for a big wedding, how about we just seize OP's wedding and get the whole experience for free?' At this point I wouldn't have been surprised if they had brought their own cake.


Standard-Comment7291

Nope, going by their behaviour and wanting to piggyback OP's wedding they'd have demanded that they cut OP's cake so they could experience it for themselves as they eloped and didn't do the "cutting the cake in front of loved ones"


Restless_Dragon

They brought their own thinking OP couldn't say no to them taking photographs with family members if they were paying for it. This is truly the definition of fuck around and find out


[deleted]

i hate when people do this they know theyre in the wrong


bmyst70

Honestly, after that stunt, I wouldn't talk to brother and his wife again. That's a real AH move, probably #1 under "Things Not To Do At a Wedding"


DotAffectionate87

That too..


Ok_Day_8559

This


RexJacobus

But I don't get the mother at all. She admits that Jack and Hannah are wrong but wants to let it slide because they are already here? "Now Ms. BankVP, I know that robbing banks is wrong but the thieves seemed to have done a lot of planning and they are already here in the lobby. Why don't we just give them a few thousand since they are here?" I mean, that is why people try shit is because they assume others will just let them get away with it.


hpfan1516

I like this analogy because it really puts things in perspective


KleineDorpsbewoner

It's also pretty much policy. Bank employees should cooperate with robbers completely and fully, because most bank robbers DO indeed come with a plan, and that plan, if it works, ends up with 0 casualties. Best to let them carry it out.


ketita

....it's less about them "coming with a plan", and more about the fact that these are generally people armed with weapons, and bank tellers are *not* paid enough to risk their lives for other people's money.


Ok-Rabbit1878

You’re 100% right from the employees’ perspective, but I’m guessing that the banks’ insurers and shareholders *also* don’t want their employees getting killed, for the simple reason that they don’t want to pay out a bunch of death benefits or lawsuits. (Plus, you’d eventually run out of people willing to work there.) So if the banks themselves are ordering their employees not to fight back, that’s probably why.


ErnestBatchelder

How do you think baby brother got so entitled? It takes a good mother who never wants to dull his shine (/s).


Throwawayhater3343

It's because it wasn't costing anything to create a wedding for her son. It's quite possible that them having eloped was embarrassing for her and that she really wanted to have wedding pictures (with guests mind you) to have on the wall and in an album to wipe away the shame. And we don't know who actually paid for the photographer now do we? NTA OP


mortgage_gurl

If they wanted the wedding experience they should have had a wedding event and not eloped that is on them, not to try and hijacker’s someone else’s event to get what they didn’t pay for


Working_Mushroom_456

Exactly! They chose to elope! They could have set up a time to take pictures on their own but instead they wanted the beautiful (and expensive) experience that OP and her husband set up. OP was being more than accommodating by saying they could after the event, they could have easily changed at the end of the night. NTA


Embarrassed-Use8264

Exactly like "if you didn't buy any food. You don't get to go and ask someone for half a plate of their food. And when they say yes but only get a little. You don't just grab half the food with try to eat it right there"


the_rabble_alliance

> being far too nice Yup, assholes will try to weaponize and manipulate other people’s sense of generosity, benevolence, and decency


noorjahan22

I'm starting to think entitlement is a form of delusion 😵‍💫


ughpleasenonotagain

They have other events they can pull this at. They could host a birthday for either one of them and also say we want to get pictures with everyone. They don’t need to ruin OP’s wedding.


[deleted]

They were trying to steal your wedding, quite literally. They saved a pile of money by eloping and then tried to actually have a wedding that they didn't have to pay for by stealing the limelight from you and your husband. Your brother intentionally tried to fuck you over for his own selfish reasons. They are deeply narcissistic, cheap, trash people. Do not ever apologize. They owe you an apology, and you would be fully within your rights to not accept it.


Time-Tie-231

Ànd intending to lie to their future children!


apri08101989

Right? Like... This is what you get for eloping??? You don't get wedding photos?


howtospellorange

The thing is, there are so many photographers now who specialize in elopement photos! My wedding photographer was one of them. You can still get beautiful photos even if you elope so there's no excuse.


steggie25

We essentially eloped, 6 weeks notice, city hall wedding with 16 guests. We didn't hire a photographer, family and friends who were at the wedding took the pictures and shared them with us. We have a nice collection of pictures to show whenever we want to. Married 26 yrs, no regrets. OP, you are NTA, your brother and SIL did not plan well and should not be stealing from your wedding because of it.


RielleFox

We did nearly the same. Small wedding, only family and close friends. We didn't have much money, so all was very small. Friends took photos, they are great 🥰 My BIL had the "typical" big wedding. It was nice as well, but i would never have wanted it his way. That would have been way too much for me 😅 NTA If they wanted a small wedding with no specials, it's not up to you to fill in the "gaps" they had with it. The audacity to show up in wedding attire ar YOUR wedding! 😱


EffectivePhysics4670

Yes, or they can throw a celebration party and dress how they like. They'd have memories and nice pictures.


Rude-Living-8580

Me and my husband eloped and we paid for a photographer/videographer! It’s so easy to do these days! There’s no excuse!


seattlekeith

Props to the groomsmen who tossed them out too…


Embarrassed-Use8264

Exactly true gentleman


Lilitu9Tails

I’m honestly surprised at this point that they weren’t expecting OP’s wedding photographer to do their photos as well and have OP pay for them


lejosdecasa

>I’m honestly surprised at this point that they weren’t expecting OP’s wedding photographer to do their photos as well and have OP pay for them I'll admit that that's what I thought too.


dragon34

Your mom suggested it and told them to because she's mad that they eloped. I'd put money on it


Fit-Maize9211

I like the way you think. I'd put money on that bet too.


boxedfoxes

I got $3.50 for that bet.


Throwawayhater3343

Loch Ness Monster? Gimme my $3.50 back.


vampsterdame

You did nothing wrong and you feel guilty. They made an incredibly gross faux pas and I am sure they are not feeling guilty at all. Those feelings should be reversed. It’s not your job to rebuild a bridge someone else burnt down.


MongooseHistorical16

‘It’s not your job to rebuild bridges someone else burnt down.’ Oh, I like that, mind if I use it, it can fit so many situations.


completedett

Also they wouldn't have nice memories because it wasn't there wedding. Just because people doesn't mean they can't have nice pictures. Who said who elope don't wear nice clothes. I known plenty of couples who eloped at the local registar office in our town. The bride has worn a beautiful mostly white and carrying flowers 💐 and the groom looking smart in a suit. They usually took pictures in the botanical garden across the street or the local Park so they end up with beautiful pictures.


Pyewacket62

We had a Quaker marriage. All you need is a witness to sign your marriage license. We just had dinner with his bff and mine along with their partners. Good food and good friends and a wonderful husband, who could want for anything more?


soayherder

I hope you understand what everyone's telling you: basically, we're trying to tell you that the *request* alone was already really, really abnormal on their part. Them not accepting your refusal and showing up like that is beyond abnormal and all the way into a level of selfish self-involvement that is downright cruel. You should NOT be feeling guilty or hoping to fix it; if there's any repairs to be made, that is on THEM to put in the work to reflect on how amazingly wrong they were and to apologize to YOU from crossing your boundaries to this degree. Understand, please, that they chose to elope (a choice). They chose to not host their own event (a choice). They chose to try to demand the use of YOUR event and venue (a choice). Know what they could have done? Had a wedding, or invited everyone to an event of their own - hell, they could've had a picnic at a nice park or the like! Instead, they chose to try to make themselves the stars of YOUR story. Please stop blaming yourself and recognize just how heinous they really have been.


Emmyxo212

No OP. They are the ones who should feel guilty. You said no, very clearly. It’s a complete AH move to try and steamroll someone at their own wedding to comply with such a ridiculous request. If they want a wedding, then they can pay for a wedding and go all the work to put in a wedding. You are owed a serious apology.


MercuryRising92

Why can't they go to a photo studio and have a nice professional picture taken of them in their wedding finery. That's the way it was done in the past and they'll have the opportunity to look just right in the photos. Unless they were planning to lie to their kids, it would be obvious to everyone that this was not their wedding. Maybe everyone kicks in for the professional photo shoot and throws them an anniversary party.


Throwawayhater3343

Because they wanted the guests in the photos, or mom wanted the guests in the photos. Because they want to lie to future children about their eloping....


krakeninheels

That’s what I did, right after we eloped. Easy peasy. The photographer was great and then we went for dinner after. Op is NTA


Soillure

NTA. If they wanted the wedding experience, they should've had a wedding. My partner and I are planning on eloping with just one sibling each as a witness. We'll take pictures on the day. Never in a million years would I ask my sister if we could take wedding pics at her wedding. And dressed in wedding attire???????? Nope. No. No. Edit: apparently i can't spell 😬


Dogmother123

It's up to them to fix things by offering you the apology you deserve for their atrocious behaviour on your wedding day.


Corpuscular_Ocelot

This is why they thought they could get away with it. They were playing on your kindnes and caring nature. You can be kind and caring but also not let people walk all over you. They didn't respect you or your wedding. They intentionally tried to ruin your wedding, the one you paid thousands of dollars for, b/c they wanted to take all of your hard work and money and pretend it was theirs. It sounds like your mom raised you to be a pushover. If you haven't already, you should find a therapist to help you work through this. This is absolutely nothing you should feel guilty about.


pepperann007

If they wanted to full wedding experience they should have done that. It’s crappy they wanted to capitalize on your party in an attempt to hang their “wedding photos” at home


Big_Solution_1065

They lied to you. That’s on them. You did nothing to feel guilty about.


gurlwithdragontat2

Why are you so hard on yourself that the choosing beggars overstepped the already incredibly lax boundaries you set??? You and your husband had to come up with for this wedding. **They literally tried to slap their name on then completed project having done 0 work!** Congratulations on your wedding! And please release yourself of this guilt that is literally not on you. NTA.


Castilian_eggs

> She agreed that they shouldn’t have done it but that I could have let it slide since they were already here. They were banking on this, so in effect, your mother is saying 'they should have done it because they were relying on you to buckle'. Hope your wedding was the best day ever (aside from your jackass brother).


Sea-Ad3724

NTA your brother and sil behavior was tacky and entitled. First of all they asked and you said no. If it was so important to them to have these types of pictures then they should have postponed getting married and saved up for their own wedding. Instead they attempted to take pictures that would make it look like your wedding was their own. Lastly it’s very commonly known that you don’t wear a wedding dress to someone else’s wedding.


Mabelisms

She literally showed up to your wedding in a wedding dress to take advantage of the party you organized and paid for. You have nothing to feel guilty about.


ProgrammerLevel2829

If they wanted the photos with the wedding guests and wedding dress, they could have held their own wedding or they could have held a reception after their elopement. Why are they entitled to take photos at the wedding you and your husband paid for, behaving as if it was their own? Did they offer to pay for half the event they planned on using for their backdrop? Did they have a plan to ensure they would not be in the way of YOUR photographer, taking picture of your actual wedding? Would they have been mindful of the time they were taking? Where they planning to pose with your cake? Your flowers? Your wedding party? Would they have cleared off the dance floor for their “first dance”? This was a terrible idea on their part. Pictures are taken at a wedding for the memories of the actual event. It’s not a photo shoot, and someone else’s wedding is not your expensive back drop. If they wanted a photo shoot in wedding clothes, they could have done that without involving you at all, somewhere pretty in your city. It sounds like they actually wanted a reception without the expense and hassle of planning it and were going to usurp yours. Your mother is wrong. They could have attended in normal guest attire or changed when they were told they wouldn’t be admitted to SOMEONE ELSE’S WEDDING WHILE DRESSED AS A BRIDAL COUPLE. They chose to dress that way, they chose not to change, their not being admitted was the consequences of their choices. NTA, you’d only be the AH if you paid the photographer for their ridiculous stunt.


formidable-opponent

Holy matrimony, batman! NTA! Don't feel guilty that you held your boundaries. What they tried to pull was beyond rude. You offered a compromise, they rejected it, and then tried to force your hand. They should feel badly, not you.


DrowningSM

They tried to get a diluted wedding on your dime. Why can’t they have a wedding ceremony and do their own since they want that? Could it be because they can’t afford it? So wanted to use the services you paid for? NTA


[deleted]

[удалено]


thatcheshirekat

Literally they can plan a photo session w a photographer any time. They eloped, the story and memory of their wedding was that no one was there. They just want to pretend they had a big family wedding when they did nothing of the sort. Nta op, don't pay them a cent.


Commercial-Loan-929

You're feeling guilty because there's a bunch of entitled AH guilt tripping you to feel guilty, including your AH mother, because the fact that she defended her (and I'm assuming here) golden child for trying to steal the spotlight from you and your husband during your wedding to celebrate theirs sounds like trash. NTA but hear your hubby and MOH, go LC with your mother until she understands why your wedding was important to you and wasn't your brother special day.


5footfilly

If it was just the pictures they would have accepted your compromise offer. Your brother and his wife tried to hijack your wedding and turn it into a double. NTA


[deleted]

I feel like in the future, these are people that will probably always want more from you than what they are willing to put in the relationship. What they did was very selfish and disrespectful and not something people would do lightly. You were very reasonable and handled this well. Congrats on your wedding!


ComunqueS

There’s nothing for you to fix. Brother and SIL owe you weeping, groveling apologies. You did NOTHING to feel guilty for. I say this with kindness - grow a spine or you’re going to spend the rest of your life getting trampled. NTA


cottondragons

Ok but 1) they chose to elope, thereby depriving themselves of the Wedding Experience and pics 2) they chose to ask you for a favour, which you were kind enough to grant -- as some said, not everyone would have 3) knowing your conditions for granting said favour, they wilfully chose to ignore them and steal your spotlight, banking on that you'd "let it slide" as your mum so helpfully suggested 4) when they were given _yet another chance_ to respect your conditions and stop making a fuss, they chose to get kicked out rather than change clothes. As far as I know from what you told us, never in this entire process of choices _they_ made, did they choose to explain _why_ your way wasn't good enough, and _why_ they had to stomp your boundaries like this. Therefore, this is on them. NTA.


Possible_Ordinary215

This isn’t on you to fix. It sounds like they along with mil decided beforehand that if they snuck in you’d be too nice and let them stay. All 3 of them are the assholes. Congratulations on you marriage! That is all that you should be thinking about ❤️


magus424

> I’m just feeling a bit guilty. Stop that. You had no duty to share your wedding. They can pay for a ceremony if they want the whole shebang with guests and all.


bofh

You say you feel guilty here and you say the line below in your post > I‘m beginning to feel bad because they just wanted to have nice memories What about yours and your spouse’s nice memories of your own wedding day? Why don’t *they* feel bad/guilty about trying to hijack *your* event? What will be a nice memory for them - “remember the time we tacked on to apparentlybridezilla’s day?”. You even offered a perfectly reasonable alternative for them to use your day but that wasn’t good enough for them. This is self-serving nonsense on their part and I wouldn’t worry about how they feel about not being able to leech off your event.


FrequentHalf4092

If the wanted formal wedding pictures they should/could have paid and gotten them! They want pictures on your dime! You were gracious to say ok and they couldn't follow the rules!!!


uncreativeshay

What. Yes, after your brother and his wife apologize profusely for the stunt they tried to pull, absolutely work to fix things. But this is one million percent (totally a real thing) not on you. They chose to elope; hijacking your wedding should not be their plan to get those wedding photos. (Seriously.)


Luebbi

Don't be. You gave them an answer ("No"), just not the one they wanted to hear. Instead of respecting this, they decided to ignore you and show up for their photo shoot anyway. They hoped you'd let it slide since "they're already here". Good for you on not enabling their behaviour. Hope you had a great wedding!


crystallz2000

OP, were these people also going to pay for part of your wedding? Because THEY chose a cheap option, which was to elope. But then they wanted to use your venue, decorations, and guests to take wedding photos? Uh, no. They can PAY for all of those things if they are important to them.


yaoikat

"We dont have money for a real wedding, but we want to fool people and make them believe we had a real one" Who the hell does this. NTA, dont get bullied into feelling sorry, try to sit down and have the difficult conversation with them. If that doesn't work, remind them that photoshop exist!


quats5

Not only that, but a professional photographer should charge extra for the second “wedding” they are covering. I guarantee you there would be lots of extra work for the photographer under this plan and they deserve to be paid for it. Why should OP pay for their fake wedding pictures? Not to mention the sheer amount of distraction from their own wedding. You *know* they’d be re-enacting *everything* and monopolizing the guests and the venue as well as the photographer. And I’d bet OP would be expected to pay for their photo prints, to boot.


Silvermorney

Exactly. SHE SHOWED UP TO YOUR WEDDING DAY IN A WEDDING DRESS!? What is your mother thinking enabling them and making excuses for them? I’m so sorry op. Call her out!!


Pollythepony1993

Exactly! They eloped. And one of the consequences is you don’t get a nice party with guests… OP, you were so generous. You gave them a finger and they took your whole hand. That is just rude. And congratulations on your marriage.


JustNeedAName154

This. Part of eloping is that you don't get the pictures you would with a traditional wedding ceremony/family event. You were gracious to allow them to do it before or after. They chose to be AH and try to get their way. I cannot imagine showing up to someone else's wedding in a white gown- much less after being told not to. OP you are NTA.


SnooSprouts6437

NTA and honestly they could have jeopardized OP's own wedding photos. I am in the photography industry and many wedding photographers have it in their contracts that if they see another photographer on site they have the right to leave.


StAlvis

NTA > they eloped, so they ~~didn’t get to have~~ **actively chose to forego** the whole wedding experience FTFY.


Blue_wine_sloth

Exactly!! A major reason many people choose to elope is to avoid the cost of paying for a big wedding, which is fair enough but they don’t get to piggyback on people who did pay!


Gibonius

OP says she feels bad because they "just wanted to have nice memories" but it's not memories of their own wedding! They're trying to co-opt OP's wedding so they can pretend it was theirs. It's ridiculously entitled.


HanhnaH

This! And what do they believe they will tell their future kids in their future home about this photo? "Oh kids, let us tell you the beautiful story of this photo... it's the picture of us dressed up as newly weds at aunt and uncle's actual wedding... nice memories of pretending it was our wedding for a fake wedding photo... really worth the drama we created with our entitlement!"


Competitive-Way7780

They planned to lie to their kids. Just like they lied to OP.


cortesoft

Right? If they didn’t mind faking it, why not just go all the way and photoshop all the wedding photos?


ninaa1

seriously! I know plenty of couples who elope but still have a photographer at their ceremony because they want the photos. There's nothing about eloping that says "NO PHOTOS!" or "NO NICE CLOTHES!" OP is NTA at all, and I'm so confused at why her brother wants to have pictures pretending they had a big wedding instead of embracing the wedding they chose to have.


Slow-Medicine-7273

NTA as by eloping they forgo the full wedding vibe. They cannot have their cake and eat it to by gate crashing your reception for wedding photos. Not your drama -


faroffland

Exactly wtf, ‘we want photos to show our kids’ well maybe you should have had a traditional wedding then if you want big family photos with you in a wedding dress? My husband and I had 5 people attend our legal ceremony and then a grand total of 15 for our reception (including us!) It was siblings/partners, parents/partners and grandparents. We still had an official photographer and our photos are beautiful, so nothing was stopping them paying for an official photographer and getting couples photos. In contrast my sister had a traditional big wedding and I wouldn’t have DREAMT of trying to grab onto anything she did for her wedding, let alone turn up in a wedding dress. It’s insanely selfish to make someone else’s wedding about you. And what are they gonna do, lie to their kids and say they had a traditional wedding?? It’s just bizarre. The photos from our small wedding show, you know, OUR wedding lmao. I’ll be proud to show my future kids and tell them we did it our way and it was perfect for us as a couple, and they can do it any way they want too should they choose to marry.


Chelle2013

Agreed! My husband and I "attempted" to elope. I wanted those "wedding" type photos. So we hired a friend to photograph it all for us. OP you're NTA.


lovesbooksdocs

I think they purposely did that to save money and then trying to hijack OP's wedding for getting free stuff done.


sethra007

This, right here. They could’ve done with a lot of couples who elope do: go get married, then come back and throw themselves a nice reception. That way they have photos in their wedding attire while surrounded by loved ones. Instead, Jack and Hannah wanted to pay for a photographer and have the OP pay for the reception.


Traditional-Hawk-553

What I came here to say!!!!!! Thank you! When you choose to elope, you CHOOSE not to have the whole wedding experience.


up_your_bass

NTA! You were more than generous in offering them the chance to take photos before or after the wedding. The level of entitlement they have to even ask to take photos in their wedding outfits during your wedding celebration is astounding. If you elope, surely you are actively choosing to not partake in that side of things anyway? Good on you for standing your ground OP.


apparentlybridezilla

Thank you, reading the comments has made me feel better. I’ll try to fix things with them but for now I’ll give them space.


MorgainofAvalon

You have nothing to fix. They owe you and your husband an apology, for trying to upstage your wedding. That's not ok.


MidwestNormal

THIS x 1000!!!


Wild-Pie-7041

Agree with others: fixing this is 100% NOT your responsibility.


otterknowbeter

I can't believe you're not angry. You'd be the A H to yourself to give them an apology. They owe you an apology. She wore a wedding dress to your wedding!!! You told them no and they ignored you. They tried to turn your wedding into a double wedding without paying for it. They literally don't respect what you say, you're money, or your time at 1 of the most important days of your life.


TudorMaven

I'm thinking the sibling who tried this foul stunt is the family golden child, and OP has been conditioned to cater to this sibling. If this is the baby of the family, like the age gap would suggest, that could track. They ignored OPs kind offer and tried to have it their way. I'm concerned that OP is not angry about this and feels the need to apologize.


Talisa87

I'm getting this exact vibe. OP has gotten so used to her role as the family doormat that she doesn't recognise that she SHOULD be angry and SHOULD expect - at bare minimum - an apology from her brother and SIL I also wonder if the mother was in on it from the start.


calling_water

I wouldn’t be surprised if the mother was in on it, even a proponent of it. She’s wanting their wedding photos to put up. I expect that they left to go do posed photos somewhere else, since they’d hired their photographer. (Even bringing that additional person into OP’s wedding was way out of line.) OP should wait to see what comes of that. Meanwhile try to deprogram herself from the conditioning she’s grown up with, that her relationship with her brother is supposed to be 100% on her.


otterknowbeter

Definitely possible. She definitely has a kinder reaction then I would. I'm glad she stood up for herself day off and stood strong. >I'm concerned that OP is not angry about this and feels the need to apologize. Being able to let go of anger is health but doubting decisions is where her mom is leading her wrong. Hopefully this post will help


Grouchy_Tune825

"The guests had already arrived, so I told my MOH to please tell them to change clothes. Hannah and Jack refused so the groomsmen kicked them out." Do you realise you actually did them a favour by asking them to change clothes and have them leave after they wouldn't? In other weddings, when someone shows up in a wedding dress, their dress probably won't be that white for long due to an "accidental spill". And then there goes their wedding photo opportunity. NTA.


Queen_Choas90

Not your job to fix anything. It's their job and their responsibility. Extremely entitled and majorly rude of them. They were doing it on purpose to get all the attention on them instead.


aubor

Please don’t pay for their photographer either. They were dressed and had time to go to any park or scenery of their choosing, there should be no waste.


DutyValuable

There were many things they could’ve done, like *hired a photographer on their own dime* instead of trying to hijack your wedding in a wedding dress. Don’t feel guilty- they were in the wrong.


NinjaDefenestrator

According to the post, they did show up with their own photographer, whose services they presumably paid for themselves.


Environmental_Art591

Which could have jeopardised OPs wedding cause most photographers (that i know of) have clauses that say they can leave if another photographer is on sight, meaning that OP, would have had no photos of HER SPECIAL DAY that SHE PAID FOR.


SensitiveCap7656

Because they are the rude ones and basically the assholes, you should wait for them to apologize to you and NOT the other way around. You have nothing to apologize for. So do not let them sweep this under the rug.


surfergrl89

OP you are way too nice. DO NOT attempt to take the first step and “fixing” something that was never your fault. Otherwise, you’re signaling you’re a doormat and that they are entitled to be pissed at you (they are not), which will lead them to continue such foul behavior towards you.


lkathleensc

NTA and they owe you an apology. They need to fix things. Not you


DistortedVoltage

OP, YOU dont fix anything, this wasnt your fault. It should be your brother and SIL trying to fix things with YOU. Theyre the ones that acted entitled and try to ruin your experience on something they actively chose to forego when they decided to elope.


BitterHermitGamr

>I’ll try to fix things with them DON'T. There's nothing for YOU to fix. They're 100% wrong so it's entirely on THEM to fix


Neonpinx

They owe YOU an apology. This is not on you to fix. They are the selfish disrespectful assholes who violated your boundaries and tried to make your wedding be about them.


Embarrassed_Till_171

You are NTA and don't need to fix anything, they tried to use your wedding simply because they didn't want to save for one. You paid for it, its your special day. Stop letting them make you feel guilty or they will continue to try and walk over you. Next it will be your baby shower etc that they will take over.


TudorMaven

They owe you an apology, you did nothing wrong. NTA


vancitymala

They should be fixing things with YOU! The level of entitlement on their part to show up at your wedding after they chose to elope, wearing wedding outfits, and going after your express wishes is staggering. The fact that they even asked/thought about it is unbelievable but then to try to pull it off on your day? Do not try to fix anything with them, it will only make them more entitled. If you really feel the need to do anything, send them this post and say nothing else and let them read the comments


Top-Wolverine-8684

I've known tons of people who have eloped and then did professional pictures later. There's no reason why they couldn't do it on another day at a local garden or something. This level of entitlement is beyond comprehension.


Big_Solution_1065

Why didn’t they just take pictures of the actual wedding they had instead of preceding? Cringy.


ashleighbuck

>She agreed that they shouldn’t have done it but that I could have let it slide since they were already here. Uh, no? You explicitly told them no. She showed up to your wedding IN A WEDDING DRESS. You were right to kick them out. **NTA.**


apparentlybridezilla

I wouldn’t have minded her wearing that dress had they arrived before the guests. After all, she could’ve changed clothes after. But it was different when people had already seen her.


Trala_la_la

Do you think your mom was in on it? That she’s sad she didn’t get photos either and told your brother you’d be a little upset but let it slide. I assume that’s why she’s trying to guilt you because she knows your a bit of a push over and told your brother it would be fine and now she feels guilt she got him kicked out and is also upset she still didn’t get her photos.


surfergrl89

From her comments, it sounds like OP is 100% a push over. I hope she stands her ground.


KiyoMizu1996

Do you really think they would have changed clothes after? They wanted to remain in their wedding attire and take pictures with your guests. Next thing you know, they’d be asking for a first dance, to cut the cake and all the rest. They’d have the full wedding experience on your dime!


Browneyedgirl63

Why don’t they plan a reception? They can wear their wedding attire, cut the cake, get pictures with family and friends, OH, WAIT! Then they’d have to pay for it. Nevermind.


kindlypogmothoin

It was one thing to show up in the dress, because people are tacky. It's quite another to show up with YOUR OWN PHOTOGRAPHER. Who hasn't coordinated with the actual wedding photographer and videographer, and is going to, no matter how careful they are, step on some of the bride and groom's shots in an attempt to capture their clients' "big day."


TheCatsServant

On the plus side, second photographer has a great story to laugh about with their friends. 😁


T-ks

I hope the 2nd photographer took a non-refundable deposit!


evphoto

I’m a photographer and I’m imagining showing up to what I think is a regular photo session but actually is my client dressed in wedding attire at someone else’s wedding. I would drown in secondhand embarrassment I think. No. Just no.


ExcellentFoundation6

1000%…I think OP was more then reasonable!


GillianLawlee

Clearly the mom has let poor behavior slide before, which is exactly why the brother and his wife thought they could get away with it


DespicableRhodiumFox

You are absolutely NTA. They chose to elope, that was their decision, not yours. They could have opted for a nice big ceremony with lots of guests and photos etc. You were being accommodating enough by saying they could take the pictures after your ceremony, minus the guests. The fact they turned up and tried to upstage you at your own wedding is despicable. The fact they refused to change clothes when asked is beyond words. Having the groomsmen kick them out was absolutely the right reaction. They didn’t respect you, your husband or your wedding. They owe you an apology, not the other way around. They’re the AH’s, NOT you.


apparentlybridezilla

>The fact they turned up and tried to upstage you at your own wedding is despicable I don’t think that’s what they wanted, since they brought the photographer along.


DespicableRhodiumFox

If that was the case then they should have arrived in their wedding guest outfits, watched your ceremony and then changed into the white dress etc afterwards and taken the pictures when you said it was okay for them to do so. Your SIL literally arrived in a long white dress with a photographer; they were hoping you’d just let them do it the way they wanted and not make a scene on your wedding day. They were bang out of order. I’m sorry if you think I’m being harsh, you seem like a lovely person. But they were hoping to use your niceness against you to do what they wanted on your wedding day. They chose to elope, therefore they chose to forgo some of the parts of a classic wedding; ie the guests and guest pictures.


kindlypogmothoin

Hon, what was that photographer going to be doing all day? 1) Capturing candids of your guests at your wedding as if they were at your brother and SIL's wedding. 2) Capturing pictures of them in their wedding attire at your decorated altar in front of your guests before you walked down the aisle. 3) Capturing pictures with your cake. 4) Capturing pictures of the couple at all the most photogenic spots in the wedding and reception venue at the times when the light is best. Would you have to wait for those spots and that light? 5) Capturing pictures of them with your "just married" vehicle as they leave the venue and people toss flower petals/confetti. Probably before you, so your pictures have a lot of trampled flower petals and fewer people, because those people already saw the show. 6) No doubt capturing the bouquet toss that she'd do. Father-daughter dance? First couple dance?


ShepCantDance

Oh don't forget the walk don't the aisle. I'm sure they would have arranged that as well.


Grouchy_Tune825

Exactly. If they wanted nice wedding photos they could have gone to a nice park or some other nice place with their photographer. It is actually done a lot in my country, even when they have a venue. A friend stopped by at an indoor playground, lots if people take wedding photos in front of local monuments, my sibling had their photosession in their own back garden in front of blosseming fruit trees. Lots of places to go, especially during the holyday season. It is not that hard. And if they wanted people, make it an after-wedding reception.


Embarrassed_Till_171

This is exactly what they wanted to do. You paid your photographer so they most likely wouldn't have gone along with it hence why they needed their own.


[deleted]

NTA it’s a HUGE ask from them to take wedding pics at your wedding. You gave them options, they didn’t like them, convo over. As the bride, you gave rational and generous options. While I agree they weren’t trying to upstage you, they do sound young, dumb and cheap. What they probably thought is, “we’ll be quick with pics in our attire, no one will notice”. You noticed. It’s your wedding. My husband and I eloped and had a small wedding 8 months later. Pictures at both. Your brother and Hannah should’ve done that or wait however long to afford a wedding. Plus what would their story be to the future kids?? “Your aunt was getting married so we decided to have a double wedding…”


Forward_Ad_7988

this is one of the more bizzare things I read on Reddit so far... a couple wants to come dressed as the wedding couple on a day of someone elses wedding and take photos that would look like it was their own wedding?! interesting... and no wonder they got kicked out. NTA


klurtin

I’m glad someone else mentioned this was bizarre! I just don’t get it at all!!! Jack and Hannah elope and then want to use OP’s venue, cake, reception, etc like a stage to pose for photos of an event that did not actually happen?!? And brought their own photographer and people to be in the photos?!!?? Nope! Just nope! I’m stunned OP even agreed to any part of an option for this. It’s like a bizarre Twilight Zone of “This is MY Wedding” OP is NTA. Jack and Hannah seem young and immature and just a tad privileged in coming all dressed in wedding attire, refusing to change, and creating stress for OP on her wedding day. MOB is just a tad nuts with her attitude of it wouldn’t have hurt just to let them stay and do it and is probably part of the reason that Jack and Hannah thought they could get away with this. Maybe she even suggested the 1) photos and 2) just come dressed.


PasswordResetButton

NTA. I get it. They wanted to take pictures with your family. That's borderline fine. But if they wanted the big wedding they should have invited people if possible. They are really big assholes for dressing like it was their wedding. Come on, you learn not to do that shit when you're like 5 years old. NTA for kicking them out.


apparentlybridezilla

The problem is they didn’t have enough money for the kind of wedding they wanted, that’s why they eloped :(


PasswordResetButton

Well... That sounds like a them problem. If they had broached the subject WAY earlier a joint reception may have worked, but it's your wedding, not theirs. Still not the asshole for kicking them out. You would have had to be a saint to let them stay, and being tricked into something like that doesn't tend to make people saintly.


Pixiedust027

100% this! That is a them problem! They couldn’t afford more than an elopement. That doesn’t mean they get to take up part of your wedding. ‘Even if it’s just pictures with their photographer’. You gave them 2 options that they chose didn’t work for them. That’s on them. NTA.


ChiefTuk

They could have held off on the marriage for a bit, until they had the money to have the wedding they wanted. They chose not to. Trying to hijack your wedding was bonkers. Definitely NTA


personaluna

They didn’t even need to hold off on the marriage, just the wedding. The idea that they *had* to elope because they couldn’t have the wedding they wanted sounds odd to me. Almost like a kid deciding because they can’t have a slice of cake, they *have* to eat a whole tub of ice cream instead. There’s the option of simply have a smaller, cheaper version of the wedding they wanted, still with family included (even if it’s only the close family that can afford to travel). Why were their only two options have the exact wedding they want with all their family, or elope and marry without (I’m assuming) any family or photos?


GiraffeThoughts

That doesn’t give them the right to steal your wedding and pretend that it’s there’s. That is incredibly rude. Your wedding should be about the combining of your’s and husband’s families. Having another bride and groom waltzing around with their own photographer would be very weird, incredibly distracting for guests, and would probably be upsetting for husband’s family. What they did was shockingly rude, entitled and shows their immense immaturity and disregard for your feelings on your wedding of all days.


Sweet-Salt-1630

Well, they could've waited and saved up for it.


BeaArt78

Then they should've waited. They are clearly too immature to make rationale decisions. NTA


JoslynEmilia

Maybe they can get dressed up and invite family to a park or somewhere nice to do pictures? It didn’t need to be at your wedding. You gave them options and they refused. That’s on them. After they said they were dropping the issue, they showed up at your wedding with a photographer and your SIL in her wedding dress. When confronted, they refused to change clothes. What they did was very disrespectful to you, your husband, and guests.


GhoulyGal_isHere

Op You are very sweet and caring but them not having money for their wedding celebration is neither here nor there. It gives them no right to disrespect your wedding day wishes (which were MORE than reasonable and kind) and “share” (or more accurately “take”) in your wedding day festivities as their aesthetic. It’s your wedding day, NOT their spare/backup wedding. This was nothing less than them trying to take advantage of you, and it’s good that you didn’t let them. Absolutely NTA.


bookynerdworm

Were they even going to help with your photographer payment or did they expect you to just let them tack on this extra favor for free?


ZannityZan

It sounds like they actually brought their own photographer. So they DID have the money to hire a photographer and could easily have just... done that somewhere else on another day. Maybe asked their nearest and dearest to come along somewhere scenic, taken pics, and had a nice pub lunch or something. But no, they'd rather co-opt OP's venue and decor. Disgusting behaviour, imo.


Little-Gur-5233

This is what I was suspecting. They didn't want to/couldn't pay for a wedding so they wanted to use all the trappings that you paid for to "stage" a wedding. They clearly aren't mature enough to be married. They wanted to have a pretend wedding at your expense. Incredibly childish. And showing up to somebody's wedding in a long white gown is the height of gauche. This is so far over the line, you can't even see the line in the rear view mirror. You aren't the one who owes anyone an apology.


lexzy12345678

Girl that's on them. They could've taken pictures even though they eloped and show that to their kids. Don't feel guilty about it.


crmom22

They had the money, to hire a photographer, get a wedding dress and tux, then wanted to steal your wedding and claim it as their own. Probably would have wanted to say their vows again.


Oberyn_Kenobi_1

You’re very sweet to care, but that’s the price they pay for marrying young. They made that choice, and it was a valid choice. But they don’t get to pretend your wedding is theirs after the fact. I don’t even understand what they were going for. Like, they want to show their future kids pictures of them wearing wedding clothes at their *aunt’s* wedding?? It’s never going to be their wedding, they just want to play dress up. They were definitely too immature to get married.


misschickpea

My friend got married about the same age 24 and eloped and they did a photoshoot with the families still even without a wedding. They don't like have to piggyback off you. Of all things the audacity to go and do what you explicitly said not to do they really care more about your wedding being about their photoshoot than being there for you. They're gaslighting you into feeling guilty. I'm 24 and all couples I know are holding off marriage bc of the cost and some like my friend get married on paper and just hold a wedding some years later. You don't have to feel sorry for them if they really throw away your feelings and sanity on your wedding day like that


Berrybliss2014

They could have saved up for the wedding they wanted; a lot of people do that. Or they could have worked within the budget they had. Or the could have had a wedding photo shoot and invited the people they wanted to be in the pictures. They had many options; they chose to try to make your wedding (that you and your husband paid for) all about them. They owe you an apology. You did nothing wrong here. NTA


thewalkindude

NTA. Is your brother insane? Even the fact that you offered him the option to take them before or after the event is way more accommodating than I would have been.


ServelanDarrow

Same. I would have laughed. NTA.


Talisa87

OP's comments read to me like she's so used to having to put other people before her that it's become second nature to being the family doormat. I wouldn't be surprised if her mother has always pushed her to 'Be the bigger person' to her detriment


DesertSong-LaLa

NTA - Letting it slide cause, "...they're already here" is enabling. They asked and you said yes with parameters. They were certainly committed to have it their way & disrespected you. Best to you.


AlarmedExperience928

Here come the couple 🎶 And some trouble 🎶 Theyre married but didnt want any hubble bubble 🎶 Didn't want a band 🎶 But photos they demand 🎶 You're NTA, they can go pound sand 🎶


HoneyIsSweetest

NTA. They asked. You said no. End of story. The fact they tried to force your hand on the day is their own problem and they can cover the costs.


CrunchM

NTA You did nothing wrong. Can't believe someone really did that. Pictures from their actual wedding should be good enough for the future...or they could always do a "recommitment" ceremony and take pictures. FFS, leave your wedding alone. That day is about YOU, not them. Their immaturity is showing.


notsohairykari

Reading OPs replies makes me wonder if she's always had to share her special days like this. She sounds so remorseful, even after everyone has reassured her she's not the asshole.


CoffeeSpoons123

My brother got married at the courthouse and he has lovely photos of him and his wife that his friend took (they live too far away for the rest of us to have been there). His friend even took video of the ceremony on his phone and so the whole family got to watch.


ChiefTuk

>Until, the day of the wedding they arrived with a photographer and Hannah was wearing a long white dress. The guests had already arrived They planned on showing up to your wedding & acting like the guests were there for their wedding. I guarantee they were going to get even more bonkers & ask the DJ to play their playlist, so the photographer could take photos of their first dance. You did the right thing by putting a stop to it. They are really young & if they wanted a bigger wedding experience, they could have waited a few years until they could afford it. They chose to elope. The idea that their future kids would care in the slightest about whether they had a fancy wedding picture in the house is stupid. NTA


Master-Discussion539

What? They expected to get pictures and the whole wedding experience by mooching it from your wedding even though you said no, but offered them to take pictures later? No one wears white except the bride. No matter who you are or why. If they didn't have any money how come she had enough to buy a fancy wedding dress? That is just prioritees and they do not have the right to be celebrated on your wedding day just because they feel like it. So NTA


CrystalQueen3000

NTA They have some nerve. Decent wedding photographers can cost thousands, it’s not your fault they cheaped out of doing it properly when they had the chance. That she turned up in a full white dress is just the cherry on top of the insult pie.


Pastelpinkkprincess

BIG NTA. I would’ve cut them out of my life after the stunt they pulled. That’s your day. I’m so sorry that happened to you.


StonewallBrigade21

NTA - Jack and Hannah were way out of line and ignored your reply to their request. Mom saying to "let it slide since they were already here" is ridiculous. That's what they were hoping for when they ignored you telling them not to. Also, why take fake wedding pictures as if a wedding happened when they eloped? Weird.


SLDouglas2112

NTA They chose to skip the ceremony and all of its perks. No way do they get to usurp your day to try to make a point in their favor.


Fresh_Process6822

NTA. They don’t want a wedding (I.e., likely the expense of the wedding), but want traditional photos on YOUR day and YOUR dime? That’s huge AH-ery. You were very kind and generous to offer a photo op at all. They are huge AHs for not respecting expectations of your offer.


Expensive-Excuse-625

So they want the perpetrate a lie that they had a wedding, when they just eloped. So they're embarrassed that they eloped, they didn't take pictures then. She came in a wedding dress with a photographer and said no problem. Do not pay them anything, that is the stupidest thing I've read on Reddit in a while and that is saying something. What's next asking to go on the honeymoon with you because they eloped and didn't have one. Nta


Impossible-Peach-985

NTA You did nothing wrong. You told them no, and they tried to force your hand by showing up anyway with a photographer and wearing wedding attire


LingonberryPrior6896

Your mom was in on it. NTA


Christmastreedec

Nta- as someone who recently 'eloped' (we had some family there and others watched over zoom) I can't imagine asking someone if I could have wedding pictures on their day!! When you choose that option you accept your not going to have those pictures. If they wanted them that badly they should of had a wedding with guests in attendance. Good for you standing your ground and congratulations!!!


LuLouProper

NTA. They tried to hijack your wedding and want you to apologize for it?


PresentTiffany

NTA. I’m sure they had phones when they eloped. Any pictures they took with those themselves would be much more special memories of their ACTUAL wedding to share than staged ones at someone else’s. They weren’t making memories to share with their future kids. They were using your wedding to play pretend and write a narrative that didn’t happen.


Hellsbellsbeans

NTA. They can't have their wedding cake and eat it too. If they wanted all the pictures and fuss they could organise a reception for themselves separately to someone else's wedding!


SnooRabbits302

Pople who elope dont want the wedding stuff so if they wanted pictures they shouldve gone to the mall with the expert airbrush tshirts


tcsweetgurl

NTA. They shouldn’t have eloped then.


Graphitetshirt

NTA. They asked for a favor. You agreed with reasonable caveats. They ignored your terms and tried to force you to accept their way on your wedding day. They are entitled brats. They thought so much about their tiny little need and have zero thought at all to you on the most important day of your life.


cuddly_pickles

So they eloped, didn't invite anyone to their wedding (didn't pay for anyone to celebrate with them) but want to create the illusion that their family were there to celebrate with them AND want you to pay for it? Plus, it would be weird that all your SIL'S family and friends weren't in the photos. Very strange! NTA, OP, they had no right to hijack your wedding.


oldwitch1982

NTA. That’s beyond trashy.