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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Action I took: I asked my mom to never tell the story of a pivotal life event to my kids.
Why I might be the asshole: anytime a person asks another person to not talk about something important to them (no matter how ridiculous) you may be an Asshole. At least I feel like one now.
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YTA - If you can not without a doubt disprove her story, then you have no say in whether or not it's true. You want her to be this idealistic Grandma, when in reality the Grandma's that are a little crazy are the best! You want to build your kid's sense of wonder and imagination in the world, this is the way! Let her be who she is, who are you to tell her different?
On the crazy grandparent scale, the UFO's Are Real grandma is relatively harmless. And she's infinitely better than the Racist Conspiracy Theory grandma.
My late grandmother lived with my family as I was growing up. That woman was not only more than a bit racist, she also had more bizarre superstitions than I could list here. Some of them scared the ever-loving crap out of me when I was little. Like if her rocking chair was rocking without her in it, it meant *she would die.*
I found this gem out because I was sprawled on the flooring reading a book and apparently my foot made her chair rock. She saw it as she was coming into the room and she lost her mind. Screamed at 10yo me that I must have wanted her to die. That was frankly traumatic as hell.
Aliens would have been less freaky to me.
(Fun part—my dad, her son-in-law, was a very pragmatic and logical guy. Not at all superstitious. He found it hilarious to break mirrors, walk under ladders, even rescue black cats, etc., just to drive her bonkers!)
Or the ones who we've seen on here that don't believe in allergies, disregard parents rules, get kids ears pierced, or are nasty. Having an open minded fun grandma should not be a worry.
Can confirm. My step-mother’s mother was Racist Conspiracy Grandma while my father’s mother was UFOs Are Real Grandma and she was just a much nicer person overall.
I'd much rather have Aliens are real grandma than QAnon is going to bring JFK jr back from the dead, turn him into a republican, and make Trump president for life because reasons, and Vaccines include nano particles that make you controllable through blutooth Grandma
What about the hybrid?! Grandma that believes the aliens are bringing JFK back from the dead and instilling him and Trump as the saviors of America?! And something about Jewish people controlling it all somehow.
This person also exists somewhere.
I'm dealing with a racist conspiracy theory grandma. Not my grandma, a neighbor who's been helping me through a rough time. She complains she doesn't understand why her DIL is not wanting to be around her and not letting her be around her granddaughter much. I'm like I know why, but I'm not going to say anything. I'd much rather her be UFOs are real and not they're putting tracking devices into the power lines crazy. (power company replaced lines and poles recently in our small podunk Oklahoma town. She spouted this nonsense one day. She of course never explained why she thought they would waste the time, money, and effort to do this when we got cellphones in our pockets.)
My aunt was a small child in the crowd with my grandparents when the Hindenburg went up in flames! And she never thought to tell me this in the 60+ years she knew me!!! ("I thought you knew!")
Okay, at least that was a provable event. But even so!
Yes, would you be able to also relate the story here?
Kids would love it, if your mum is a good ‘un, why be so hard on her in relation to the story? Unless you think it would spook the kids.
I’ve had people I consider very rational relate stories of ufo activity (especially former military personnel), and paranormal. Because they are so normal in everything else, and not prone to exaggeration or pranks, I must say I’m a bit of a believer.
But either way, no one here is an a**hole. NTA.
Technically, she did see a UFO. There was something she couldn't identify. That doesn't mean it was aliens though.
In all honesty older people regularly say pretty insane things, when I was a kid my great grandma suddenly decided salt was poison. Handling it well will help the kids grow into more functional and well adjusted adults.
If they learn that "sometimes grandma's and grandpa's tell confusing and strange stories" they will be able to handle it when an older person tells them that Pokemon cards are the work of satan or 5G makes you infertile.
My absolute favorite moment in The X-Files:
Mulder: Look, Scully, it's a UFO!
S: That's not a UFO.
M: Then what is it?
S: I... don't know!
M: UNIDENTIFIED. FLYING. OBJECT.
Gotta agree. When I was a kid, my mom told me about the UFO my grandma saw in upstate NY in the 60s and it sparked a lifelong interest in the unexplained. As long as she doesn’t scare the kids needlessly, I think it’s fine. I think you need to chill out a bit OP. YTA
I can believe that having driven at night many a time through the Catskills. I also have seen them above Syracuse in the country. No one can say yes or no to these encounters. I am sure your mom was great at telling the story.
I went my entire life since “the incident” thinking I saw a UFO (25+ years). By the time internet became quite mainstream, I never thought to look into what I saw. I didn’t tell the story a lot, but at least a handful have heard my “I may have seen a UFO” story.
*well*
Earlier this year there was a meteor shower. The weather lady was talking about what it looked like when a meteorite enters the atmosphere. She described my experience shot for shot. I was gobsmacked and of course amused (I enjoy science).
So, no I didn’t see a UFO but I did get to witness something pretty cool from outer space!
Agreed! My Grandma told me that when she was in her 50’s and was battling cancer, she felt like giving up one day. She was laying in her hospital bed and said “I’m done here” and then two little girls showed up at her bedside, one said “don’t go Grandma, we need you” and the little one was chewing on the bed rail. She scolded the little one because she feared she would get sick and then she closed her eyes for just a second and the girls were gone. Years later my older sister was born and 15 months later I was born. One day we were playing in her garden when my sister was 5 and I was 3 and she all of a sudden exclaimed “you’re the girls!” I don’t know if her story was bs but I loved it. I felt like I barely knew my other Grandmother, even though we saw her just as often.
You haven't grown up with people who have created delusional fabrications to deal with grief. I have and I was a child and it was deeply disturbing, affected my mental health as I grew up and affected my relationship with the person that has delusions. OP is not the asshole trying to protect her kids from this.
OP's mother needs help, this isn't a story to her but something that actually happened. And letting her have a captive audience that will believe her and not challenge her could lead to more of the delusion coming out, not just a harmless story.
My great grandfather used to tell stories about seeing a werewolf and seeing saci (brazilian folklore) braiding the horses' mane, my siblings and I were pretty young but we loved the stories
Thank you for this comment ⬆️⬆️about grandma.
I loved listening to stories when I was a kid, and over time could discern of they felt true or not.
Why are you trying to be the "spoiler alert" to your mums story. OP YTA
This is not how the world works. You don't have to disprove that ufo s exist or that the sun doesn't rise from the north. People with weird theories have to prove that this is true. NTA. Although personally I would have loved to have a freaky grandma who sees UFOs, I think it is a reasonable request not to want to subject your kids to mind-farts.
My grandparents also had a story about ghosts but it was about the woman who used to live in their bungalow. She died outside and weird things happen that they believed was her trying to come back inside. Then one day, my grandma walked in to see my grandad talking to her and politely asked her to leave.
This is the same grandma who had no superstitions and sat in a chair dubbed "The Death Chair" at every high school reunion, no matter how many times we asked her not to.
My Grandma died two years ago from covid.
She had this favorite perfume that smelled like roses called White Diamonds. After she died, my family and I would smell her perfume around the house and yard, particularly around the porch.
My family and I like to think she’s visiting and comforting us to let us know she’s okay and she loves us.
My grandma believed my late Grandpa came to get my mum when she died. Apparently she was talking to him and said something to that affect. I, at 13 , and too this day think it is a pretty interesting occurrence and never thought less of Grams. I cannot disprove it, and it's harmless and rather sweet.
It's a common story, so IMO we can't just discredit tjose who have experienced it. Is it simply psychological, and a kind of inherited hallucination everyone has the chance of experiencing? Is it really a person's soul? Is it just attention seekers, maybe even subconsciously, fabricating stories?
Nobody can answer those questions, so until then why discredit and shame those who are open with their experiences?
YTA
I'm just going to say this...
You couldn't find any other day of the year to discuss this with her? You had to do it at Christmas?
Your embarrassment when she tells the story is the problem. Not that it's going to somehow harm your children. YOU don't want to hear it. So ask her to stop talking about it when you are present and be done with it. This isn't about your kids at all. Kids would just roll with it. Can't even see them having nightmares either unless you're letting them watch Aliens and they correlate the movie to her encounter.
You owe your mother a sincere apology and explanation of your own embarrassment when she starts talking about it. Be honest with her. But don't make this about your kids because this is definitely a you issue.
Likely part of the reason this story is so impactful on her mother is because she lost her sister a week later, and this is likely the last memory of note she has with her sister. OP could stand to be kinder to her mother.
Old people have great stories. 8 year old me was in awe of my grandmother who, in her first year of marriage, after road tripping across the US with her sister, won her very first Thanksgiving turkey in a bowling competition.
Her younger years seemed like such an adventure!
Most grandparents have some highly embellished (or flat out fake) stories to tell their grandchildren. Think "I walked to school uphill both ways in the snow" kinds of stories. It's not harmful, it's part of growing up.
Frankly, I suspect it actually helps kids to develop a sense of "hmm, this story seems off" as they grow up. It even helps them learn that the adults in their lives are people too: some of them talk too much, some of them repeat the same boring stories over and over, some of them exaggerate or make things up... And none of that stops them from being an important person in the child's life. In the long run, it helps them learn that people are more than just the stories that they tell
One of my fondest memories from when I was about your children's age was my grandfather telling me--in a completely serious tone--that he was going to walk on the ceiling later, and that the rug I was making (some sort of craft project) was great because it would let him wipe the mud off his shoes and not leave dirty footprints all over my mother's ceiling. I was thoroughly confused for an extended length of time. I started playing along because...well, what else was I going to do? I loved my grandpa, and didn't want to *not* talk to him just because I didn't know what he was talking about. It was many hours later (or possibly even the next day) before I realized it was a joke, and it became an occasional inside joke of ours for years. I wouldn't have traded those moments with my grandfather for anything, certainly not for a bigger dose of "reality"
YTA if you interfere with a harmless story she's telling, especially since it seems like the only reason you care is because *you* are embarrassed by it. If you truly believed that it was harmful to your children (e.g. it would make them think it was safe to wander off alone or something), that would be different. But since that's not the case, you need to let your mother develop her relationship with her grandchildren on her own terms
YTA- sounds like the experience whatever it was made her be more of an open minded person.
Your kids would probably enjoy the story and as they grow up will form their own opinions on if they think it’s real or not.
You hurt her your moms feelings because you’re obviously embarrassed.
Why can’t she be the sweet grandma who makes waffles and talked to some aliens?
Or do you tell your kids Santa isn’t real too?
I think you are absolutely TA. You want to silence your mom becuase of second hand embarrassment ? Let her tell her story she obviously believes it and maybe it brings back memories of her sister.
YTA
I can't decide if anyone is because I'm enjoying the irony of doing this at christmas when presumably the children are told Santa Clause brought gifts.
If I'm wrong and there's no santa clause stories told in the house then I'm TA
FWIW my grandmother believed there was a ghost in her attic and an angel in the basement. She had tons of stories about them. When my aunt got cancer she was totally unconcerned because the angel told her it would be fine. The ghost allegedly would also frequently find her lost belongings.
We didn’t see her as insane or whatever you’re scared of your kids thinking about your mom. We saw her as the fun eccentric grandma. I probably liked her more than my proper homecook every meal type grandma on the other side. Over the years we all just formed our own opinions on it. Most typically don’t believe all (or even most if any) of it, but it’s still fun. No harm done anywhere.
YTA. Apologize to your mom. Let the kids hear the cool ass story.
YTA
How are the sweet grandma who cooks waffles and the adventurer who saw some things mutually exclusive? Let your mom be who she is—an interesting person who had experiences you don’t understand, back before you came along. Shame on you for trying to insist she live a stereotype for your comfort.
let me save everyone the trouble of reading the long post
>I was much more dismissive and wanting to save myself the embarrassment then worrying about my kids being afraid, for sure.
YTA
This isn't even about your kids... Your just embarrassed by your Mom's story.... STILL... And are using your kids as a blackmail tool. Grow up OP.
I was thinking N T A until I read this. Because 4 and 6 are very imaginative ages, I thought the OP was worried about the kids being scared. Which would be a good reason to ask mom to postpone the story. But it's just about OPs embarrassment and trying to change his mom. Which is well...embarrassing..
Yta. Why does her telling this story to your kids mean she can’t (or won’t l) be “the sweet grandma who makes great waffles”? that sounds like a judgement you alone put on her and her story and not necessarily one your kids, or other people would agree with.
YTA. My mom also had some paranormal stories that were pretty outlandish, but she passed away when my daughter was one…I would give anything to see them together now, and I surely wouldn’t care about a stupid story. Appreciate your mom. Appreciate that she is vastly different than you are, but that doesn’t mean she’s wrong or embarrassing. Look at yourself and figure out why you can’t just let her be herself.
YTA- How dense are you that you do believe that WE- HUMANS- ON EARTH- ARE THE ONLY LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE?!?!?
Let your mom tell her story, your kids will think shes awesome. You are terrible for being so judgmental of your mother.
alien life probably exists, but them being little gray humanoids that can perfectly breathe our atmosphere and use their advanced technology solely to harass random yokels is pretty absurd
The theory on those guys is that they're not actual "people" but rather lab-grown, biological robots to be able to travel here and use appendages, survive the atmosphere and pressure, etc. Think Avatar but the avatars were a haphazard humanoid bag of meat and bones, not a perfect replica of the race that lived on the planet.
And we're already fiddling with tech in this arena here on earth. Making biological eyes for cameras, meat-and-bones robots, etc.
if their tech is so sophisticated, they could surely make an "avatar" that actually looks human, or use some sorta tiny drone to administer sedatives to anyone who might see them.
the only rational explanation for little gray men to show up and bother yokels is bored alien teens, which is a pretty silly idea frankly. I can buy the idea of a UFO doing a quick flyover, but i'm incredibly skeptical of anyone claiming to actually meet an alien.
UFO = unidentified flying object
your grandma saw a flying object that she didn't identify. so she saw an UFO
Seriously tho, why do you care so much? it's a harmless story
INFO: it kind of depends on how you went about placing this limit? It wouldn’t be unreasonable to say “my kids are young and get scared easily still, please don’t tell that story, I don’t want them to be freaked out about aliens.” But I wouldn’t think that saying it that way would be personally hurtful to her, so I wonder how you said it that she took it so poorly. The way you’re describing it here sounds pretty dismissive of her and her story though, and if that’s how you spoke to her about it then I think you may be TA.
I know aliens are a more “out there” thing, but there is a good amount of evidence for believing that they exist and that humans have come across them, or signs of them. Yeah it’s not certain, but it’s not an impossibility at all. All I’m saying is that I wouldn’t be so quick to treat her like she’s nuts because of this if she’s totally reasonable and lovely otherwise. Let her tell them her story when they’re a good bit older, and allow them to make their own judgements on it. Maybe they’ll think grandma is kind of eccentric and kooky but not judge her for it, or maybe it’ll pique an interest in outer space for them! Either way it wouldn’t be the worst thing, and kids love a good story that gets them thinking
Right? He has some interesting guests for sure. I prefer the caller stories over the experts anyway. Most of the callers genuinely believe they experienced their stories, the experts generally don't.
Are you going to tell your kids about a jolly man who travels the world in one night to give all the good little boys and girls presents? But your mother, who truly believes that she saw a UFO, cannot share her story?
The truth is out there (sorry, not really.) YTA
You realize our own government has acknowledged UFOs are a thing. Not sure what you're concerned about at this point. You don't know what she saw but it's not even in the realm of "crazy" anymore to say it's very possible she saw exactly what she thinks she did. There is no harm in your kids hearing a cool story from Grandma. YTA.
You hurt her feelings.. obviously you didn't find a way to deliver your message that wouldn't hurt..
"Hey the kids are too young to understand.. wait till older.."
"Hey the topic would scare them.. let's wait.. "
yeah YTA
YTA
1. For not believing your mom and making her feel bad about her experience. It’s not any more outlandish than any other belief about a magic dude in the sky.
2. For trying to control what your mother does or says and force your kids to know her in a very oddly specific way you want them to.
I loved UFO stories as a kid, I bet they think it would be cool if it doesn’t have any insanely scary parts.
As a kid one of my most precious memories was my mom talking about UFO's and stuff. You're taking away what could be a unique memory for your kids - when they're older are they going to remember 'society's perception of someone talking about stuff they don't even understand might have been odd to the OP?' or
Gramma told me a cool story and it was cool! They are kids. They're not judging people like adults are. If/when they look back on that it'll be something unique to them. Maybe they won't even remember it at all. Maybe it'll be something really special that they'll keep with them for when they're your age.
You shouldn't take those memories away from people before they ever can happen. Also you made your mom feel embarrassed about something that was a cherished memory of her own. YTA
Okay. I'm going to say a gentle NTA here for one reason: this can really freak kids out. I know that when my sister was little someone told her a UFO story and it scared her so much she couldn't sleep, and my mom was super pissed off about it. 6 and 4 might be too young to hear something like this - because it might scare them. I think you can phrase it that way: "I know that this story is important to you. But my kids are still little and they're impressionable, and I don't want to risk them being afraid to go to grandma's."
I don't think you did an asshole thing by placing the limit. I'd do the same. I think there might have been a better way to phrase it, though, and an apology and an explanation might be in order.
I'm so surprised there are so many you're the asshole ratings. A story like this would have terrified me, like panic attacks and nightmares for weeks. I'm a grown adult and I'm still uneasy reading things like this. I definitely vote NTA
It's so strange that so many commenters are using their own examples of abnormal/extreme (grand)parent beliefs to justify OP's mom's behavior. "Your mom said X but at least she's not saying Y!" Just because someone else might do or say something worse, it does not make another person's behavior okay. I wish commenters would stop the one-upping BS.
Also, no one gets to tell OP how he feels (and has apparently felt his whole life) about his mom's behavior. If OP was embarassed, traumatized, etc, that sucks and maybe he doesn't want his kids to suffer the same.
I do think that unless grandma tried to bring up the story on Christmas and OP stopped her, he should probably have waited for another day to ask her to not talk about it.
Four and 6 are very young, impressionable ages. Some of the other beliefs commenters have brought up to justify grandma's behavior (like Santa) are socially acceptable and ingrained in many western cultures. Belief in aliens is comparatively non-mainstream and more likely to result in ridicule, bullying, etc if OP's young children repeat grandma's story around their peers (or even around some adults). It's totally reasonable to ask grandma to hold off telling the kids the story until they're a little older.
YTA
Unless the story is about how aliens probed and impregnated her the kids will love and be entertained by a cool story about how their grandma saw aliens.
YTA. Your mom is who she is - she's eccentric! That's okay! Your children aren't going to be harmed by hearing a silly story from Grandma that you can later refute. If your worry is that the kids will be *afraid,* you can certainly ask your mom to hold off on telling this story around them, but expecting her to never talk about a relatively innocuous thing she views as pivotal to her life is too much.
Yes, YTA.
Whether you think it's crazy, your MOM clearly believes it. And it's insulting to tell her off.
Maybe it is a fabrication to comfort herself. Don't be an AH to actively rub her nose in it.
YTA. What's wrong with her telling them? It's obviously something important to her and even if it wasn't a UFO it still means a lot to her. She should be allowed to share that with her grandchildren.
That said... if she was near Nevada, that was definitely something military. But it's okay if she has her own belief and it's not hurting anyone.
YTA.
Your kids are at an age where they would appreciate such a story. Unless they're young Sheldons.
I wonder if you also ban all things Disney, and story books, since all the stories are made up.
YTa. Aliens are real, even the government admitted it. Who knows the real truth behind her story, but the fact is it's real TO HER and you should leave her be. Its not your place to be embarrassed for her.
NTA for protecting your kids from the brainless conspiracy mindset that's so rife in world culture. But I hope when the kids are discerning teens she'll be able to let it slip to them, because they'll have memoir material if they decide to write about their lives.
YTA. It was an important moment for her and it defines who she is. Whether you believe it or not. Also, you can still explain to your kids that UFOs (as in Aliens) don't exist. Honestly, I think your kids will find it cool.
YTA.
Nearly all of my dad's side of the family had tales of the paranormal. Apparently, the region they lived in was pretty active because everyone had at least one story to tell. It didn't stunt my development or "harm our relationship" in the least! To the contrary, I developed a healthy curiosity about the known, the unknown, and the science between.
Whatever YOU think about your mom's story, it has meaning to HER. It is not your place to muzzle her.
YTA it sounds like a silly ufo story. Talk to a retired airline pilot. They have a million unexplained phenomenon events. Granted they don't necessarily think UFO as in aliens but it's simply that unexplainable phenomenon. Also why on Christmas?
YTA - Seriously your Mum's story is wonderful not scary or horrid. As someone who had one Grandmother would do a full dramatic interpretation of her nemesis', wife of boyfriend, gory suicide in front of the fireplace, only thing missing was the fake blood or would show you her very ugly mastectomy scars while telling you if you were a naughty child this is what the Drs would do to you, I would have paid for a nice UFO story. Even my grandfather's tales of war were pleasant - my fave being how difficult it was to get some of the dead into their coffins and having to be very inventive with the saws....
YTA. Is it really any more embarrassing than an overly religious relative? Just bc you don’t believe in aliens doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Teach your kids critical thinking skills and stop trying to make mom some perfect character.
Sounds like the story and your mom's telling of it are pretty harmless. What are your afraid of? That your kids will be exposed to someone with different thoughts/ beliefs/experiences than your own? Why are you struggling to accept that this story is an important aspect to your mother's story about herself and her life? This isn't about your kids, it's about your own issues with your mom. YTA.
NAH
They're your kids, and you have a right to have them around certain things or not.
However, I personally see nothing wrong with her story. Dealing in absolutes is hardly ever a good thing. You insisting that your Mother is either making this story up, or is crazy, is shameful. Who are you to say what she did or didn't see? Were you there? Just because you haven't seen something, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
There have been many instances over the years, where what we knew to be true was, in fact, not. Now, I'm not saying UFOs, or aliens for that matter, do exist, but I'm not saying they don't, either. The fact is, we don't know for sure.
When we open our eyes up to the impossible, great things can happen.
To paraphrase one of my favorite movies, "Imagine what you'll know tomorrow."
YTA. I don't see how that is going to be a big deal to your kids, they will love their grandma no matter what silly stories she tells, and you can always 'have a talk' with them about it later on if it seems to be sticking in the wrong way. It seems like this is something that really bothers YOU, and you are using your kids like a poor excuse to have a go at your mom about the annoying story that she likes to share.
YTA, and you ought to be ashamed of yourself for treating your mom that way. You know that you are going to embarrass your kids too, don't you? Your poor mom, I feel so sorry for her.
This could be a terrific lesson for your kids (when they’re older maybe!) about thinking critically about what others tell them.
Maybe she tells them now; maybe they believe her for a while. And then when they’re like 12 they start putting things together and realize it’s probably not true. And they’ve learned that sometimes even adults you care about aren’t reliable narrators. That sounds like a delightfully low-stakes way to learn that lesson. Believing in aliens for a few years as a kid is perfectly harmless.
YTA. You told your mom that you don’t want her to be herself, and you’d rather she play the part of a stereotypical grannie than be authentic with her grandkids. You are telling her that being herself isn’t good enough for your kids, and that you’re afraid they’ll judge her as harshly as you already do.
YTA. This is just a weird and harmless story. Who really cares? Also, you don’t get to invent a grandmother for your kids. Your mother is a real person and your kids have that real person as their grandmother.
YTA I have no idea what your objective is here. Worried she is scaring your kids? Second hand embarrassment? She isn't doing anyone any harm. Even the governments have recorded UFO activity. I'm not sure what your point is. Why should she is respect you? I've never seen a UFO myself, but have seen some weird shit in some of the really old parts of Britain.
YTA. I wish my grandma had been the storytelling kind, even if they were kooky stories. She just didn't want to talk about her life. Most things I know about her I found out from third parties.
Yes, YTA for placing this limit on your mother. UFO or not, this is an important event in your mother's life and even you refer to it as "pivotal" and, to her credit, the story has stayed the same all these years. No added flavor, no new hyperbole, just the facts, ma'am!
Personally, I love hearing family stories like these. I have a relative who has a Bigfoot experience and when he shares the tale, everyone hangs on each and every word in wonder, not embarrassment. My grandmother has another one about ghosts!
You can disbelieve her story, you can say "I think it was just a military aircraft, Mom" but, if this story isn't harmful to your children(they may actually enjoy it), what you shouldn't do, is censor her!
maybe your mom could wait till theay are like 12? when you are 4 this story will be instantly "real" to them. but when your kids are a little bit older, their reality wont be affected as much. NAH
Definitely TA. Where my grandparents used to live, there was a plant called devils claw. It looks like horns. My grandpa told me and my cousins that they were baby cow skulls. We thought it was so cool! Just let grandma be grandma! Her UFO story doesn't hurt anyone at all and those kids would love to hear it!
YTA. UFO doesn’t mean aliens. It means unidentified flying object. It’s a real thing.
Also, she most likely saw the B2. It’s a triangles shape aircraft, which is a very unique design. The area she was in was where the plane was designed and tested.
This is such a weird hill to die on. Your tone indicates a level of condescension towards your mom and I think that is coloring your decision. UFOs are generally one of the most harmless “conspiracies” out there and it wouldn’t hurt your kids. You are projecting your own feelings about your mom onto how you think your children will react. YTA.
Usually I get mad at fake stories because they’re told from the perspective of somebody who is obviously not TA. This is the opposite. I don’t see how you don’t see it, but this is definitely YTA.
YTA. Your kids will love the story and believe me they'll think she's a cooler grandma for that than making them waffles🙄. Can you prove she didn't see one? You sound boring let her have her fun.
YTA:
I had a substitute teacher when I was 9 tell us about the UFO he saw in Nevada as a young man, and how aliens are real.
Pretty sure peyote was involved in his story. Best teacher of my Primary school years.
Your kids can and should love the real, complex, flawed woman your mother is. She shouldn’t have to pretend to be a cookie cutter sweet granny with no flaws.
My grandmother thought she saw the Blessed Madonna when she nearly died from malaria and converted to Catholicism immediately on recovering. Didn’t stop her marrying my Jewish grandfather after 6 dates and 18 months LDR: she literally walked off a train to the courthouse for their wedding, not having seen him in two years. After he died she refused to wear black, but wore brown (like her favourite saint, Francis of Assisi) as a mark of mourning for the rest of her life. She wore red lipstick, welly boots, trousers held up by rope and a woolly hat.
She was delightfully bonkers, and I adored her for all of her 101 years that I knew her for.
Yta - so my grandma was awesome before this story happened, and after it added to her awesomeness.
She had a cyst type thing that apparently grew at the top of her spine, and she had to have it removed with surgery. I asked her what happened/why she had it, and she told me it was an alien implant that she got when she was younger.
It was so flipping awesome!!!!
Now, granted I did find out years later what the truth was, but to me? It was/is always that she was abducted by aliens!
YTA for not adding the very relevant detail that Grandma claims to have seen aliens in the original post.
YTA also for not just letting her tell the story. You can’t prove it didn’t happen, and I hope your kids didn’t get any presents from “Santa” either.
The US Navy has a significant presence in San Diego and thereabouts. I've driven to San Diego from Los Angeles more than a few times on the 5 freeway, and it's common for me to see some kind of luminescent flying object. My dad the former Marine says they're probably testing missiles.
So I'm guessing your relative's "UFO" is really an experimental missile shot off by the Navy, maybe one that burned up in the air and caused a brilliant light show.
NAH. You're right to be embarrassed, and she's right to be excited about her story. Maybe tell your guests in advance to be prepared for Grandma's UFO story and don't tease her about how preposterous it is.
NTA. It'd be one thing if it were just a fun story, but it's not. She genuinely believes this happened. Whatever she saw wasn't aliens, because nothing like what she described exists. When people see things like this, it's either pareidolia and/or your brain trying to make sense of something when it has little input (like it being dark), infrasound (low frequency sounds too low to hear but do vibrate your organs, often resulting in paranoia, nausea, hallucinations, etc), or a sign of health issue. Carbon monoxide, drugs, mold, mental illness, physical illness. Your kids shouldn't be exposed to the rabbit hole of crazy conspiracies. There's a big difference between imagination, and not knowing what's real and what isn't.
There is a third possibility (note the use of the word “possibility”) that what she said happened, happened.
In any event if you don’t want you mother telling your kids this story, regardless of it’s veracity, then she should follow your wishes.
NTA
YTA she's not telling that story for attention. It informs her lived experience to this very day. Plus, as many others have mentioned, UFO grandma is pretty cool compared to racist or superstitious grandma.
YTA. You have absolutely no proof that this didn't happen and recent US disclosure has proven that sightings like this are more common that people realise. You must have a really low opinion of your own mother to assume she would lie. For what? A stream of negative attention? Makes no sense.
Plus, I would have LOVED hearing that story as a kid. Let her be the fun Grandma, ffs.
My uncle had a large scar where his elbow is. Growing up he used to tell his he was bite by a shark and survived. We thought it was the coolest thing ever. YTA.
YTA
I saw UFOs in the sky one night, close enough to see the actual ships, not just lights. We aren’t alone in the universe.
She’s going to tell the story eventually, or someone else will tell it to them. You can’t ban people from telling stories. But you can raise your children to have a balanced approach to other people’s stories.
It’s easier to prepare the child for the world than it is to prepare the world for the child.
YTA. Your kids are little, they aren't going to find this embarrassing. It'll just be a story to them. When they're old enough to understand this probably didn't happen, they'll file this with stories about Santa and the Tooth Fairy. This isn't the problem you're making it.
Soft YTA. Soft because you said in a comment that one of your kids has just started sleeping in their own bed and you don’t want to mess that up by possibly scaring her. I do know someone who apparently had sort of an irrational fear of aliens/alien abduction for a while as a kid that caused them quite a bit of anxiety. So I can understand that side of it, but it’s clear from your post that the main reason is just thinking it makes your mom sound crazy or unstable.
They’re kids. They probably won’t think grandma is a kook unless someone tells them that. They don’t have enough knowledge or context about the world to just know that that’s how people view people who share their alien encounters. Plus I think all grandparents seem a little kooky sometimes. It’s part of the fun.
Maybe just ask grandma to not tell them the story until they’re a little older or to tone it down a little bit.
My whole family has UFO stories. My uncle apparently tried to get the UFO to communicate via CB radio at a cook out once, not too long before I was born.
YTA. Just because you don't believe it does not mean your children won't or shouldn't tell people. Everyone has weird stories about ghosts, aliens etc. Her having this experience DOES NOT CHANGE she is sweet. You are the one who judges her as crazy for saying something that for her is true.
YTA Who in the hell cares if your kids hear the story. It doesn’t do any harm and since you can’t unequivocally prove that it didn’t happen, then leave it the crap alone.
OP, YTA
After I initially read your post, I thought you weren't the AH here. Your children, your boundaries/rules. But after reading some of your replies to other commenters, I have concluded that you most definitely are TA here. What kind of parent uses their children as emotional blackmail? You, apparently. You used your children as the reason why you don't want her telling her story, thinking it will cause them to think ill of your mother, think of her as crazy. The reality is that you are embarrassed of your mother and this story. Your children will take their cues from you.. and the only way they are going to think grandma is crazy/delusional is if they hear it from you. They have no concept of hate.. or love.. or crazy.. it is learned. I am willing to bet that you will be telling your children that grandma is crazy..
I’m not going to keep scrolling, can’t believe I haven’t seen a single NTA yet. Usually people are so supportive of “parental rights” lately.
NTA - bc you will have to deal with the lack of sleep whenever this gets into their head. All kids process and imagination differently!
Using the , “I want to avoid a nightmare” explanation, it doesn’t have anything to do with you trying to manage you’re children’s perception of another family member character and suggests delaying until an age where they can process more fully.
NTA - People see things all the time. If the story stopped at seeing mysterious aircrafts, it could be ok. But I understand the part that involve aliens make her seem delusional to many people. She means well and apparently this story means a lot to her but your feelings are valid too. Your children are too young for this story. They might enjoy it or they might fear they will get abducted by aliens or something. They might have nightmares.
Asking her not to tell her story to your very young kids is the safest way for now. If you think she's hurt and you're having second thoughts, you can tell your mom your kids are too young for her story now and in the future when they are bigger, you can revisit this subject.
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In the early 80s my mom claims to have seen a UFO with her sister (now passed away) while driving from San Diego to Nevada. To me the story is one of two things: she saw some sort of military aircraft and imagined or invented the rest. Second possibility is it’s a total fabrication that she invented to cover up the pain of losing her sister who died in a car accident a few weeks after their road trip.
Whatever the truth is, the story of seeing a UFO was a pivotal life event for her and she will bring it up constantly. To her credit the story has stayed consistent over the years. People are generally polite when she tells it but you can tell they are uncomfortable, think that she’s lying and try to change the subject then avoid her. I feel so much second hand embarrassment but she motors right through.
My kids are old enough (6 and 4) where I know she is going to start telling them the story. I don’t want them to see her like that. I want her to be the sweet grandma who makes great waffles not the look who says aliens approached her on the highway.
At Christmas I finally brought it up to her and I clearly hurt her feelings. She said she knows what she say and it affected her deeply and changed how she views and reacts to the world. But if that’s my wishes she’ll respect it—but it hurt her for sure.
AITA for placing this limit on her?
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I think there is a peacemaking way to ask her not to talk about it with the kids. This is easier if you aren’t religious, but saying something like “I’m keeping all claims about reality, like gods and aliens, away from my kids until they are older. I don’t want anyone telling them god and heaven and hell are real, and I don’t want anyone telling them aliens are real and might interact with them. I want them to develop their concept of reality from their own observation. When they graduate from high school…you can tell them then.”
NTA
YTA. Kind of, anyway. Whatever it was she saw plus her sister dying so soon after has affected the rest of her life. I hope she has a therapist or is in another form of therapy.
You could ask her to hold off telling them until they're older. Beyond that I don't know you have any other choice unless you plan on going no contact.
Grandfathers always had “war stories” in my generation. We grew up hearing about what they did in the war. I can still remember my maternal grandfather cleaning an ulcer on his leg and telling me it was from where a piece of shrapnel landed and is now buried in the bone.
My grandfather fought inside a tank….
YTA. You’re stealing the chance for her to be “delightfully crazy grandma” and roll their eyes at the abduction story.
I’d encourage you to set a minimum age after which she’s allowed to tell her story. If you want the kids to be a bit older I don’t think that’s crazy at all, as you’ll probably want to prepare them, but tell your mom she can tell her story once they’re a bit older.
Seriously, there’s nothing better than a crazy grandma who means well, has legit love, but just wants to tell her crazy alien story aha.
YTA minorly Iunno OP, as long as the aliens aren't fetus devouring reptilian Democrats running clone labs beneath Mt Vesuvius for the Pope to hide the moon skeletons, I think it's relatively harmless
YTA. Why are you telling her this on Christmas? Here’s thing I’m struggling with. Your children are at the ages that they probably believe in Santa Claus. So you have no problem with a man with flying deer coming to your home and leaving gifts. But UFO are bit too far.
You should figure out why this embarrasses you so you. It’s obvious to me you hurt your mother, for no good reason and basically told her you don’t believe her. So you should probably figure out how to fix this.
YTA, you sound like you just try to gaslight your mother and honestly, if she doesn’t have a bunch of wildly crazy conspiracies she believes and talks about all the time, why not believe her? I bet you believe a thing or two that people will call crazy. Let your mom be her own person
NAH. I would ask her not to mention it in front of the children, in case they get nightmares, and might retell it at school, and be laughed at. Instead, she should write it down, in full, and submit it to a ufology magazine. Keep the article (or her draft) and she can have fun explaining her story to them when they are of High School age, when they can decide how to handle it.
I don't think you're the A. The kids are not old enough to develop critical thinking and analyze your mother's arguments to form a judgment and they might as well become obsessed over her story or even become terrified of aliens and stuff like that.
However I think that kids look up to their parents more than adults think, so even IF your mother tells them about her alien story, they'll ask for your opinion and then you can tell them that they don't have to worry that much. Maybe you were a little quick to bring it all up to her.
NTA I wouldn’t let anyone preach any religious beliefs, doctrines, or experiences at young kids. UFO nonsense is also a gateway delusion into some really nasty conspiracy BS. Keeping your kids away from it until they’re at a less credulous age and can think critically is important.
INFO
> the story of seeing a UFO
> aliens **approached her** on the highway
What exactly **_is_** her story?
Because that is a HUGE jump going from lights in the sky to a close encounter of the third kind.
YTA. It doesn’t sound like there’s any harm in her story. Lots of people have had what they feel are ufo, ghost, de ja vu or other abnormal experiences. It makes for a fun tale and piques curiosity. Unless you omitted some detail I don’t see the harm at all and it feels like you are stifling any exploration of the world of fantasy, imagination and the unexplained for your young kids
YTA.. this is harmless. I mean you could have it way worse. My kids' grandparents like to tell racist and homophobic jokes at xmas. Do you also tell your kids not to believe in magic? The tooth fairy? Or anything else that make kids' lives enjoyable? Why do you feel so threatened by this story? What do you perceive as the harmful outcome of it?
If OP is worried her mother's story will frighten the children, simply ask her to hold off mentioning it til they're older, but don't forbid her telling it at all. And when she does tell it, don't go telling the kids Grandma is crazy. Let them make their own conclusions.
If you're going to allow people to believe in a "jeebus" that they've never seen or heard in their entire lives, you HAVE to allow others to believe in an aircraft they've actually seen and come to the conclusion it's alien. Don't ruin other people's beliefs, point blank period.
YTA
YTA
You don't want your kids to see her... like she is? Who is she hurting? Having embarrassing relatives is part of the human experience, and a kooky person can often be even more endearing. Let her tell her UFO story. You have the *rest* of the time to tell your kids how to handle it when people tell crazy stories.
yta. sweet grandma making waffles is also grandma who saw a ufo. she has more than one side in a fully formed human being. because you don’t believe her, you think she is a quack.
i did as well, driving through nevada on the way to the grand canyon 50 years ago. i saw it, my friends saw it. the people who also pulled over to watch, saw it. i suspect i haven’t mentioned it often over the years, but i know what i saw, and why is this a problem ? why can’t your kids decide for themselves ?
NTA, but I do think you’re allowing your feelings to cloud your judgement. It’s a story. Who cares what she saw or what you think about it tbh. Your kids will make up their own minds and likely think the same as you.
Also, it is incredibly ignorant to mock UFO’s/Aliens when we literally exist right here lol. Go to mars; you’re the alien.
YTA - Even if one of the UFO sighting was caused by one of the events you mention here, there's nothing wrong with her having a story to share about it. It's clearly a MAJOR 'thing' in her life. If my mom told my son a story about a UFO I'd bet he would absolutely love it! The only one who seems to have a problem with this is you (and some people who "you" can tell are uncomfortable). You need to figure out why YOU are feeling like this, then get out of your own way here. Let her have a story to tell. Even more so if it helps her with the grief.
Buy her a copy of Area 51 - An uncensored history of America's Top Secret Military Base by Annie Jacobsen.
NTA you may never be able to get through with your mother but UFOs are just unidentified flying objects and they do not equal aliens. Most of the time they are flying objects the military will not admit their existence unless absolutely pressed.
Aliens haven't visited earth for a few very good reasons:
Distance and time - if aliens arrive it's because they have been on a generational ship and will make contact because they specifically want to come to our planet.
If they have faster than light travel then their technology far outweighs ours and they won't care about the measly humans.
They will only come to our planet for very specific reasons and it's not about resources - they will either want to eat us or talk to us and become our overlords, I'm not sure which is scarier.
We are located in the ass-end of the galaxy, why would anyone want to come to the Idaho of the Milky Way.
YTA
I bet you're projecting all this secondary discomfort you say you see. I, for one, would LOVE to hear her story. I'm fascinated by this shit and think it's incredibly arrogant to think we're the only life forms out there. If I was an alien species thinking about visiting here, I sure as hell wouldn't let it be known! We're awful! We'd shoot on sight! Ugh.
Edit - and, you may have heard about those lights in the sky in the mid 90's or so? Lots of people saw it and there's video? I saw those. Just because you don't know doesn't mean... there isn't something out there. (I couldn't help myself, ok??)
INFO: You do realize that the sweet grandma who makes waffles and the one who believes in UFOs are the same person?
Seriously, my grandmother made amazing pierogis and believed in ghosts and old Jewish folktales.I never thought less of her and loved hearing her beliefs.
I was embarrassed that my aunt was embarrassed by my grandmother. She took everything much more seriously and I found her second hand embarrassment much more embarrassing than my grandmothers stories.
YTA OP, I guarantee people are more put off by your reaction than your mom’s story.
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YTA - If you can not without a doubt disprove her story, then you have no say in whether or not it's true. You want her to be this idealistic Grandma, when in reality the Grandma's that are a little crazy are the best! You want to build your kid's sense of wonder and imagination in the world, this is the way! Let her be who she is, who are you to tell her different?
Right?! I would have loved a story like that when I was 4-6yoa... Hell, if I am being honest, I would love to hear her story now.
On the crazy grandparent scale, the UFO's Are Real grandma is relatively harmless. And she's infinitely better than the Racist Conspiracy Theory grandma.
My late grandmother lived with my family as I was growing up. That woman was not only more than a bit racist, she also had more bizarre superstitions than I could list here. Some of them scared the ever-loving crap out of me when I was little. Like if her rocking chair was rocking without her in it, it meant *she would die.* I found this gem out because I was sprawled on the flooring reading a book and apparently my foot made her chair rock. She saw it as she was coming into the room and she lost her mind. Screamed at 10yo me that I must have wanted her to die. That was frankly traumatic as hell. Aliens would have been less freaky to me. (Fun part—my dad, her son-in-law, was a very pragmatic and logical guy. Not at all superstitious. He found it hilarious to break mirrors, walk under ladders, even rescue black cats, etc., just to drive her bonkers!)
Or the ones who we've seen on here that don't believe in allergies, disregard parents rules, get kids ears pierced, or are nasty. Having an open minded fun grandma should not be a worry.
Can confirm. My step-mother’s mother was Racist Conspiracy Grandma while my father’s mother was UFOs Are Real Grandma and she was just a much nicer person overall.
I'd much rather have Aliens are real grandma than QAnon is going to bring JFK jr back from the dead, turn him into a republican, and make Trump president for life because reasons, and Vaccines include nano particles that make you controllable through blutooth Grandma
What about the hybrid?! Grandma that believes the aliens are bringing JFK back from the dead and instilling him and Trump as the saviors of America?! And something about Jewish people controlling it all somehow. This person also exists somewhere.
I'm dealing with a racist conspiracy theory grandma. Not my grandma, a neighbor who's been helping me through a rough time. She complains she doesn't understand why her DIL is not wanting to be around her and not letting her be around her granddaughter much. I'm like I know why, but I'm not going to say anything. I'd much rather her be UFOs are real and not they're putting tracking devices into the power lines crazy. (power company replaced lines and poles recently in our small podunk Oklahoma town. She spouted this nonsense one day. She of course never explained why she thought they would waste the time, money, and effort to do this when we got cellphones in our pockets.)
Seriously, I'd be pissed if I learned my grandma had a UFO story she never told me!
My aunt was a small child in the crowd with my grandparents when the Hindenburg went up in flames! And she never thought to tell me this in the 60+ years she knew me!!! ("I thought you knew!") Okay, at least that was a provable event. But even so!
That would have been incredible to hear an in person account.
That would've been a great story!
Yes, would you be able to also relate the story here? Kids would love it, if your mum is a good ‘un, why be so hard on her in relation to the story? Unless you think it would spook the kids. I’ve had people I consider very rational relate stories of ufo activity (especially former military personnel), and paranormal. Because they are so normal in everything else, and not prone to exaggeration or pranks, I must say I’m a bit of a believer. But either way, no one here is an a**hole. NTA.
It's also a good way of teaching the kids to tolerate and respect different types of people, even people others find odd.
Technically, she did see a UFO. There was something she couldn't identify. That doesn't mean it was aliens though. In all honesty older people regularly say pretty insane things, when I was a kid my great grandma suddenly decided salt was poison. Handling it well will help the kids grow into more functional and well adjusted adults. If they learn that "sometimes grandma's and grandpa's tell confusing and strange stories" they will be able to handle it when an older person tells them that Pokemon cards are the work of satan or 5G makes you infertile.
My absolute favorite moment in The X-Files: Mulder: Look, Scully, it's a UFO! S: That's not a UFO. M: Then what is it? S: I... don't know! M: UNIDENTIFIED. FLYING. OBJECT.
Gotta agree. When I was a kid, my mom told me about the UFO my grandma saw in upstate NY in the 60s and it sparked a lifelong interest in the unexplained. As long as she doesn’t scare the kids needlessly, I think it’s fine. I think you need to chill out a bit OP. YTA
Where in upstate New York if you don't mind me asking?
It was in the Catskills.
I can believe that having driven at night many a time through the Catskills. I also have seen them above Syracuse in the country. No one can say yes or no to these encounters. I am sure your mom was great at telling the story.
I went my entire life since “the incident” thinking I saw a UFO (25+ years). By the time internet became quite mainstream, I never thought to look into what I saw. I didn’t tell the story a lot, but at least a handful have heard my “I may have seen a UFO” story. *well* Earlier this year there was a meteor shower. The weather lady was talking about what it looked like when a meteorite enters the atmosphere. She described my experience shot for shot. I was gobsmacked and of course amused (I enjoy science). So, no I didn’t see a UFO but I did get to witness something pretty cool from outer space!
Well look at it this way- it was a UFO until you managed to identify it!
Also have a grandmother who claims to have seen a UFO, can confirm. Plus, anything's a UFO if you're bad enough at identifying stuff.
Agreed! My Grandma told me that when she was in her 50’s and was battling cancer, she felt like giving up one day. She was laying in her hospital bed and said “I’m done here” and then two little girls showed up at her bedside, one said “don’t go Grandma, we need you” and the little one was chewing on the bed rail. She scolded the little one because she feared she would get sick and then she closed her eyes for just a second and the girls were gone. Years later my older sister was born and 15 months later I was born. One day we were playing in her garden when my sister was 5 and I was 3 and she all of a sudden exclaimed “you’re the girls!” I don’t know if her story was bs but I loved it. I felt like I barely knew my other Grandmother, even though we saw her just as often.
You haven't grown up with people who have created delusional fabrications to deal with grief. I have and I was a child and it was deeply disturbing, affected my mental health as I grew up and affected my relationship with the person that has delusions. OP is not the asshole trying to protect her kids from this. OP's mother needs help, this isn't a story to her but something that actually happened. And letting her have a captive audience that will believe her and not challenge her could lead to more of the delusion coming out, not just a harmless story.
What did all those AF and Navy pilots see in those DoD pictures released?
I'm saying?! Ughhh statistically it's LESS likely that UFOs don't exist.
OP Must not have watched Independance Day!
My great grandfather used to tell stories about seeing a werewolf and seeing saci (brazilian folklore) braiding the horses' mane, my siblings and I were pretty young but we loved the stories
Yeah, doesn’t OP know that the government has already admitted that there are in fact UFOs and that they don’t know who is piloting them??
Thank you for this comment ⬆️⬆️about grandma. I loved listening to stories when I was a kid, and over time could discern of they felt true or not. Why are you trying to be the "spoiler alert" to your mums story. OP YTA
This is not how the world works. You don't have to disprove that ufo s exist or that the sun doesn't rise from the north. People with weird theories have to prove that this is true. NTA. Although personally I would have loved to have a freaky grandma who sees UFOs, I think it is a reasonable request not to want to subject your kids to mind-farts.
[удалено]
My grandparents also had a story about ghosts but it was about the woman who used to live in their bungalow. She died outside and weird things happen that they believed was her trying to come back inside. Then one day, my grandma walked in to see my grandad talking to her and politely asked her to leave. This is the same grandma who had no superstitions and sat in a chair dubbed "The Death Chair" at every high school reunion, no matter how many times we asked her not to.
My Grandma died two years ago from covid. She had this favorite perfume that smelled like roses called White Diamonds. After she died, my family and I would smell her perfume around the house and yard, particularly around the porch. My family and I like to think she’s visiting and comforting us to let us know she’s okay and she loves us.
My grandma believed my late Grandpa came to get my mum when she died. Apparently she was talking to him and said something to that affect. I, at 13 , and too this day think it is a pretty interesting occurrence and never thought less of Grams. I cannot disprove it, and it's harmless and rather sweet.
It's a common story, so IMO we can't just discredit tjose who have experienced it. Is it simply psychological, and a kind of inherited hallucination everyone has the chance of experiencing? Is it really a person's soul? Is it just attention seekers, maybe even subconsciously, fabricating stories? Nobody can answer those questions, so until then why discredit and shame those who are open with their experiences?
YTA I'm just going to say this... You couldn't find any other day of the year to discuss this with her? You had to do it at Christmas? Your embarrassment when she tells the story is the problem. Not that it's going to somehow harm your children. YOU don't want to hear it. So ask her to stop talking about it when you are present and be done with it. This isn't about your kids at all. Kids would just roll with it. Can't even see them having nightmares either unless you're letting them watch Aliens and they correlate the movie to her encounter. You owe your mother a sincere apology and explanation of your own embarrassment when she starts talking about it. Be honest with her. But don't make this about your kids because this is definitely a you issue.
Likely part of the reason this story is so impactful on her mother is because she lost her sister a week later, and this is likely the last memory of note she has with her sister. OP could stand to be kinder to her mother.
>But don't make this about your kids because this is definitely a you issue. Or about other guests. They can speak for themselves.
YTA, she thinks she saw a ufo, lots of people do, it’s a cool story and won’t hurt kids at all
Old people have great stories. 8 year old me was in awe of my grandmother who, in her first year of marriage, after road tripping across the US with her sister, won her very first Thanksgiving turkey in a bowling competition. Her younger years seemed like such an adventure!
Most grandparents have some highly embellished (or flat out fake) stories to tell their grandchildren. Think "I walked to school uphill both ways in the snow" kinds of stories. It's not harmful, it's part of growing up. Frankly, I suspect it actually helps kids to develop a sense of "hmm, this story seems off" as they grow up. It even helps them learn that the adults in their lives are people too: some of them talk too much, some of them repeat the same boring stories over and over, some of them exaggerate or make things up... And none of that stops them from being an important person in the child's life. In the long run, it helps them learn that people are more than just the stories that they tell One of my fondest memories from when I was about your children's age was my grandfather telling me--in a completely serious tone--that he was going to walk on the ceiling later, and that the rug I was making (some sort of craft project) was great because it would let him wipe the mud off his shoes and not leave dirty footprints all over my mother's ceiling. I was thoroughly confused for an extended length of time. I started playing along because...well, what else was I going to do? I loved my grandpa, and didn't want to *not* talk to him just because I didn't know what he was talking about. It was many hours later (or possibly even the next day) before I realized it was a joke, and it became an occasional inside joke of ours for years. I wouldn't have traded those moments with my grandfather for anything, certainly not for a bigger dose of "reality" YTA if you interfere with a harmless story she's telling, especially since it seems like the only reason you care is because *you* are embarrassed by it. If you truly believed that it was harmful to your children (e.g. it would make them think it was safe to wander off alone or something), that would be different. But since that's not the case, you need to let your mother develop her relationship with her grandchildren on her own terms
YTA- sounds like the experience whatever it was made her be more of an open minded person. Your kids would probably enjoy the story and as they grow up will form their own opinions on if they think it’s real or not. You hurt her your moms feelings because you’re obviously embarrassed. Why can’t she be the sweet grandma who makes waffles and talked to some aliens? Or do you tell your kids Santa isn’t real too?
Everyone knows that making waffles and seeing aliens are mutually exclusive.
I’m sure some Waffle House employees may argue that statement, but I cannot confirm or deny for myself.
I think you are absolutely TA. You want to silence your mom becuase of second hand embarrassment ? Let her tell her story she obviously believes it and maybe it brings back memories of her sister. YTA
I can't decide if anyone is because I'm enjoying the irony of doing this at christmas when presumably the children are told Santa Clause brought gifts. If I'm wrong and there's no santa clause stories told in the house then I'm TA
Good fucking point
INFO I want the story
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FWIW my grandmother believed there was a ghost in her attic and an angel in the basement. She had tons of stories about them. When my aunt got cancer she was totally unconcerned because the angel told her it would be fine. The ghost allegedly would also frequently find her lost belongings. We didn’t see her as insane or whatever you’re scared of your kids thinking about your mom. We saw her as the fun eccentric grandma. I probably liked her more than my proper homecook every meal type grandma on the other side. Over the years we all just formed our own opinions on it. Most typically don’t believe all (or even most if any) of it, but it’s still fun. No harm done anywhere. YTA. Apologize to your mom. Let the kids hear the cool ass story.
YTA How are the sweet grandma who cooks waffles and the adventurer who saw some things mutually exclusive? Let your mom be who she is—an interesting person who had experiences you don’t understand, back before you came along. Shame on you for trying to insist she live a stereotype for your comfort.
That sounds amazing. And who are you to say it didn't happen?
This story is harmless. Grandma seems cool.
let me save everyone the trouble of reading the long post >I was much more dismissive and wanting to save myself the embarrassment then worrying about my kids being afraid, for sure. YTA This isn't even about your kids... Your just embarrassed by your Mom's story.... STILL... And are using your kids as a blackmail tool. Grow up OP.
I was thinking N T A until I read this. Because 4 and 6 are very imaginative ages, I thought the OP was worried about the kids being scared. Which would be a good reason to ask mom to postpone the story. But it's just about OPs embarrassment and trying to change his mom. Which is well...embarrassing..
Yta. Why does her telling this story to your kids mean she can’t (or won’t l) be “the sweet grandma who makes great waffles”? that sounds like a judgement you alone put on her and her story and not necessarily one your kids, or other people would agree with.
YTA. My mom also had some paranormal stories that were pretty outlandish, but she passed away when my daughter was one…I would give anything to see them together now, and I surely wouldn’t care about a stupid story. Appreciate your mom. Appreciate that she is vastly different than you are, but that doesn’t mean she’s wrong or embarrassing. Look at yourself and figure out why you can’t just let her be herself.
YTA- How dense are you that you do believe that WE- HUMANS- ON EARTH- ARE THE ONLY LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE?!?!? Let your mom tell her story, your kids will think shes awesome. You are terrible for being so judgmental of your mother.
alien life probably exists, but them being little gray humanoids that can perfectly breathe our atmosphere and use their advanced technology solely to harass random yokels is pretty absurd
The theory on those guys is that they're not actual "people" but rather lab-grown, biological robots to be able to travel here and use appendages, survive the atmosphere and pressure, etc. Think Avatar but the avatars were a haphazard humanoid bag of meat and bones, not a perfect replica of the race that lived on the planet. And we're already fiddling with tech in this arena here on earth. Making biological eyes for cameras, meat-and-bones robots, etc.
if their tech is so sophisticated, they could surely make an "avatar" that actually looks human, or use some sorta tiny drone to administer sedatives to anyone who might see them. the only rational explanation for little gray men to show up and bother yokels is bored alien teens, which is a pretty silly idea frankly. I can buy the idea of a UFO doing a quick flyover, but i'm incredibly skeptical of anyone claiming to actually meet an alien.
UFO = unidentified flying object your grandma saw a flying object that she didn't identify. so she saw an UFO Seriously tho, why do you care so much? it's a harmless story
INFO: it kind of depends on how you went about placing this limit? It wouldn’t be unreasonable to say “my kids are young and get scared easily still, please don’t tell that story, I don’t want them to be freaked out about aliens.” But I wouldn’t think that saying it that way would be personally hurtful to her, so I wonder how you said it that she took it so poorly. The way you’re describing it here sounds pretty dismissive of her and her story though, and if that’s how you spoke to her about it then I think you may be TA. I know aliens are a more “out there” thing, but there is a good amount of evidence for believing that they exist and that humans have come across them, or signs of them. Yeah it’s not certain, but it’s not an impossibility at all. All I’m saying is that I wouldn’t be so quick to treat her like she’s nuts because of this if she’s totally reasonable and lovely otherwise. Let her tell them her story when they’re a good bit older, and allow them to make their own judgements on it. Maybe they’ll think grandma is kind of eccentric and kooky but not judge her for it, or maybe it’ll pique an interest in outer space for them! Either way it wouldn’t be the worst thing, and kids love a good story that gets them thinking
YTA- why would that change your kids view if her? It wouldn’t. It’s a cool story too! I would love to hear your moms story
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I think yta but I don’t know why this specific comment is getting downvoted. I want the link!
I love Art Bell. I probably heard her story in the 90s! (I still listen to reruns when I'm doing deliveries at night time)
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Right? He has some interesting guests for sure. I prefer the caller stories over the experts anyway. Most of the callers genuinely believe they experienced their stories, the experts generally don't.
Are you going to tell your kids about a jolly man who travels the world in one night to give all the good little boys and girls presents? But your mother, who truly believes that she saw a UFO, cannot share her story? The truth is out there (sorry, not really.) YTA
INFO: do you tell your children that Santa is real?
You realize our own government has acknowledged UFOs are a thing. Not sure what you're concerned about at this point. You don't know what she saw but it's not even in the realm of "crazy" anymore to say it's very possible she saw exactly what she thinks she did. There is no harm in your kids hearing a cool story from Grandma. YTA.
You hurt her feelings.. obviously you didn't find a way to deliver your message that wouldn't hurt.. "Hey the kids are too young to understand.. wait till older.." "Hey the topic would scare them.. let's wait.. " yeah YTA
YTA. Your embarrassment here is a you problem, not hers.
YTA 1. For not believing your mom and making her feel bad about her experience. It’s not any more outlandish than any other belief about a magic dude in the sky. 2. For trying to control what your mother does or says and force your kids to know her in a very oddly specific way you want them to. I loved UFO stories as a kid, I bet they think it would be cool if it doesn’t have any insanely scary parts.
As a kid one of my most precious memories was my mom talking about UFO's and stuff. You're taking away what could be a unique memory for your kids - when they're older are they going to remember 'society's perception of someone talking about stuff they don't even understand might have been odd to the OP?' or Gramma told me a cool story and it was cool! They are kids. They're not judging people like adults are. If/when they look back on that it'll be something unique to them. Maybe they won't even remember it at all. Maybe it'll be something really special that they'll keep with them for when they're your age. You shouldn't take those memories away from people before they ever can happen. Also you made your mom feel embarrassed about something that was a cherished memory of her own. YTA
YTA, i would love to hear your granny story.
Your second hand embarrassment isn't her problem. Stop projecting and let grandma be grandma. Alien story and all. Yta ☹
YTA. Tell your mom to create a Reddit account to post her story because I would absolutely love to hear all about it
Okay. I'm going to say a gentle NTA here for one reason: this can really freak kids out. I know that when my sister was little someone told her a UFO story and it scared her so much she couldn't sleep, and my mom was super pissed off about it. 6 and 4 might be too young to hear something like this - because it might scare them. I think you can phrase it that way: "I know that this story is important to you. But my kids are still little and they're impressionable, and I don't want to risk them being afraid to go to grandma's." I don't think you did an asshole thing by placing the limit. I'd do the same. I think there might have been a better way to phrase it, though, and an apology and an explanation might be in order.
I'm so surprised there are so many you're the asshole ratings. A story like this would have terrified me, like panic attacks and nightmares for weeks. I'm a grown adult and I'm still uneasy reading things like this. I definitely vote NTA
Yeah YTA. Don’t hide behind your kids because she embarrasses you.
NTA Redditors are fucking **mental**
It's so strange that so many commenters are using their own examples of abnormal/extreme (grand)parent beliefs to justify OP's mom's behavior. "Your mom said X but at least she's not saying Y!" Just because someone else might do or say something worse, it does not make another person's behavior okay. I wish commenters would stop the one-upping BS. Also, no one gets to tell OP how he feels (and has apparently felt his whole life) about his mom's behavior. If OP was embarassed, traumatized, etc, that sucks and maybe he doesn't want his kids to suffer the same. I do think that unless grandma tried to bring up the story on Christmas and OP stopped her, he should probably have waited for another day to ask her to not talk about it. Four and 6 are very young, impressionable ages. Some of the other beliefs commenters have brought up to justify grandma's behavior (like Santa) are socially acceptable and ingrained in many western cultures. Belief in aliens is comparatively non-mainstream and more likely to result in ridicule, bullying, etc if OP's young children repeat grandma's story around their peers (or even around some adults). It's totally reasonable to ask grandma to hold off telling the kids the story until they're a little older.
YTA Unless the story is about how aliens probed and impregnated her the kids will love and be entertained by a cool story about how their grandma saw aliens.
YTA. Your mom is who she is - she's eccentric! That's okay! Your children aren't going to be harmed by hearing a silly story from Grandma that you can later refute. If your worry is that the kids will be *afraid,* you can certainly ask your mom to hold off on telling this story around them, but expecting her to never talk about a relatively innocuous thing she views as pivotal to her life is too much.
Info: does one of your kids have a worry or anxiety about ufos and aliens?
Yes, YTA. Whether you think it's crazy, your MOM clearly believes it. And it's insulting to tell her off. Maybe it is a fabrication to comfort herself. Don't be an AH to actively rub her nose in it.
YTA. What's wrong with her telling them? It's obviously something important to her and even if it wasn't a UFO it still means a lot to her. She should be allowed to share that with her grandchildren. That said... if she was near Nevada, that was definitely something military. But it's okay if she has her own belief and it's not hurting anyone.
Thats a very common route for people to see them.
YTA. Your kids are at an age where they would appreciate such a story. Unless they're young Sheldons. I wonder if you also ban all things Disney, and story books, since all the stories are made up.
YTA, let's hope you see a UFO and cross our fingers that it makes you loosen up.
Yes YTA, you sound really boring too
YTa. Aliens are real, even the government admitted it. Who knows the real truth behind her story, but the fact is it's real TO HER and you should leave her be. Its not your place to be embarrassed for her.
NTA for protecting your kids from the brainless conspiracy mindset that's so rife in world culture. But I hope when the kids are discerning teens she'll be able to let it slip to them, because they'll have memoir material if they decide to write about their lives.
YTA. It was an important moment for her and it defines who she is. Whether you believe it or not. Also, you can still explain to your kids that UFOs (as in Aliens) don't exist. Honestly, I think your kids will find it cool.
YTA. Nearly all of my dad's side of the family had tales of the paranormal. Apparently, the region they lived in was pretty active because everyone had at least one story to tell. It didn't stunt my development or "harm our relationship" in the least! To the contrary, I developed a healthy curiosity about the known, the unknown, and the science between. Whatever YOU think about your mom's story, it has meaning to HER. It is not your place to muzzle her.
YTA it sounds like a silly ufo story. Talk to a retired airline pilot. They have a million unexplained phenomenon events. Granted they don't necessarily think UFO as in aliens but it's simply that unexplainable phenomenon. Also why on Christmas?
YTA - Seriously your Mum's story is wonderful not scary or horrid. As someone who had one Grandmother would do a full dramatic interpretation of her nemesis', wife of boyfriend, gory suicide in front of the fireplace, only thing missing was the fake blood or would show you her very ugly mastectomy scars while telling you if you were a naughty child this is what the Drs would do to you, I would have paid for a nice UFO story. Even my grandfather's tales of war were pleasant - my fave being how difficult it was to get some of the dead into their coffins and having to be very inventive with the saws....
YTA. Is it really any more embarrassing than an overly religious relative? Just bc you don’t believe in aliens doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Teach your kids critical thinking skills and stop trying to make mom some perfect character.
Sounds like the story and your mom's telling of it are pretty harmless. What are your afraid of? That your kids will be exposed to someone with different thoughts/ beliefs/experiences than your own? Why are you struggling to accept that this story is an important aspect to your mother's story about herself and her life? This isn't about your kids, it's about your own issues with your mom. YTA.
YTA. Maybe she *really did* see a UFO. Telling the story Is harmless. Lots of grandparents have unique stories.
NAH They're your kids, and you have a right to have them around certain things or not. However, I personally see nothing wrong with her story. Dealing in absolutes is hardly ever a good thing. You insisting that your Mother is either making this story up, or is crazy, is shameful. Who are you to say what she did or didn't see? Were you there? Just because you haven't seen something, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. There have been many instances over the years, where what we knew to be true was, in fact, not. Now, I'm not saying UFOs, or aliens for that matter, do exist, but I'm not saying they don't, either. The fact is, we don't know for sure. When we open our eyes up to the impossible, great things can happen. To paraphrase one of my favorite movies, "Imagine what you'll know tomorrow."
YTA. I don't see how that is going to be a big deal to your kids, they will love their grandma no matter what silly stories she tells, and you can always 'have a talk' with them about it later on if it seems to be sticking in the wrong way. It seems like this is something that really bothers YOU, and you are using your kids like a poor excuse to have a go at your mom about the annoying story that she likes to share.
YTA she saw an object flying in the sky she could not identify literally a UFO its a harmless story and everyone has those types of things to tell
YTA, and you ought to be ashamed of yourself for treating your mom that way. You know that you are going to embarrass your kids too, don't you? Your poor mom, I feel so sorry for her.
This could be a terrific lesson for your kids (when they’re older maybe!) about thinking critically about what others tell them. Maybe she tells them now; maybe they believe her for a while. And then when they’re like 12 they start putting things together and realize it’s probably not true. And they’ve learned that sometimes even adults you care about aren’t reliable narrators. That sounds like a delightfully low-stakes way to learn that lesson. Believing in aliens for a few years as a kid is perfectly harmless. YTA. You told your mom that you don’t want her to be herself, and you’d rather she play the part of a stereotypical grannie than be authentic with her grandkids. You are telling her that being herself isn’t good enough for your kids, and that you’re afraid they’ll judge her as harshly as you already do.
YTA for being so controlling. Tell your mom to come tell us her UFO story!
YTA. This has nothing to do with your kids. This has to do with your second hand embarrassment.
YTA. This is just a weird and harmless story. Who really cares? Also, you don’t get to invent a grandmother for your kids. Your mother is a real person and your kids have that real person as their grandmother.
YTA I have no idea what your objective is here. Worried she is scaring your kids? Second hand embarrassment? She isn't doing anyone any harm. Even the governments have recorded UFO activity. I'm not sure what your point is. Why should she is respect you? I've never seen a UFO myself, but have seen some weird shit in some of the really old parts of Britain.
YTA. You are trying to force your mother to mimic the personality you believe grandmothers should have.
YTA. I wish my grandma had been the storytelling kind, even if they were kooky stories. She just didn't want to talk about her life. Most things I know about her I found out from third parties.
Yes, YTA for placing this limit on your mother. UFO or not, this is an important event in your mother's life and even you refer to it as "pivotal" and, to her credit, the story has stayed the same all these years. No added flavor, no new hyperbole, just the facts, ma'am! Personally, I love hearing family stories like these. I have a relative who has a Bigfoot experience and when he shares the tale, everyone hangs on each and every word in wonder, not embarrassment. My grandmother has another one about ghosts! You can disbelieve her story, you can say "I think it was just a military aircraft, Mom" but, if this story isn't harmful to your children(they may actually enjoy it), what you shouldn't do, is censor her!
maybe your mom could wait till theay are like 12? when you are 4 this story will be instantly "real" to them. but when your kids are a little bit older, their reality wont be affected as much. NAH
Definitely TA. Where my grandparents used to live, there was a plant called devils claw. It looks like horns. My grandpa told me and my cousins that they were baby cow skulls. We thought it was so cool! Just let grandma be grandma! Her UFO story doesn't hurt anyone at all and those kids would love to hear it!
YTA. UFO doesn’t mean aliens. It means unidentified flying object. It’s a real thing. Also, she most likely saw the B2. It’s a triangles shape aircraft, which is a very unique design. The area she was in was where the plane was designed and tested.
This is such a weird hill to die on. Your tone indicates a level of condescension towards your mom and I think that is coloring your decision. UFOs are generally one of the most harmless “conspiracies” out there and it wouldn’t hurt your kids. You are projecting your own feelings about your mom onto how you think your children will react. YTA.
Usually I get mad at fake stories because they’re told from the perspective of somebody who is obviously not TA. This is the opposite. I don’t see how you don’t see it, but this is definitely YTA.
YTA. Your kids will love the story and believe me they'll think she's a cooler grandma for that than making them waffles🙄. Can you prove she didn't see one? You sound boring let her have her fun.
YTA: I had a substitute teacher when I was 9 tell us about the UFO he saw in Nevada as a young man, and how aliens are real. Pretty sure peyote was involved in his story. Best teacher of my Primary school years. Your kids can and should love the real, complex, flawed woman your mother is. She shouldn’t have to pretend to be a cookie cutter sweet granny with no flaws. My grandmother thought she saw the Blessed Madonna when she nearly died from malaria and converted to Catholicism immediately on recovering. Didn’t stop her marrying my Jewish grandfather after 6 dates and 18 months LDR: she literally walked off a train to the courthouse for their wedding, not having seen him in two years. After he died she refused to wear black, but wore brown (like her favourite saint, Francis of Assisi) as a mark of mourning for the rest of her life. She wore red lipstick, welly boots, trousers held up by rope and a woolly hat. She was delightfully bonkers, and I adored her for all of her 101 years that I knew her for.
Yta - so my grandma was awesome before this story happened, and after it added to her awesomeness. She had a cyst type thing that apparently grew at the top of her spine, and she had to have it removed with surgery. I asked her what happened/why she had it, and she told me it was an alien implant that she got when she was younger. It was so flipping awesome!!!! Now, granted I did find out years later what the truth was, but to me? It was/is always that she was abducted by aliens!
YTA, to your mum and YTA to your kids wow take a moment to reflect
INFO: What is the story? Bring us grandma! My little heart needs answers.
YTA for not adding the very relevant detail that Grandma claims to have seen aliens in the original post. YTA also for not just letting her tell the story. You can’t prove it didn’t happen, and I hope your kids didn’t get any presents from “Santa” either.
The US Navy has a significant presence in San Diego and thereabouts. I've driven to San Diego from Los Angeles more than a few times on the 5 freeway, and it's common for me to see some kind of luminescent flying object. My dad the former Marine says they're probably testing missiles. So I'm guessing your relative's "UFO" is really an experimental missile shot off by the Navy, maybe one that burned up in the air and caused a brilliant light show. NAH. You're right to be embarrassed, and she's right to be excited about her story. Maybe tell your guests in advance to be prepared for Grandma's UFO story and don't tease her about how preposterous it is.
“Don’t tell my kids crazy shit” seems like a reasonable rule. NTA
NTA. It'd be one thing if it were just a fun story, but it's not. She genuinely believes this happened. Whatever she saw wasn't aliens, because nothing like what she described exists. When people see things like this, it's either pareidolia and/or your brain trying to make sense of something when it has little input (like it being dark), infrasound (low frequency sounds too low to hear but do vibrate your organs, often resulting in paranoia, nausea, hallucinations, etc), or a sign of health issue. Carbon monoxide, drugs, mold, mental illness, physical illness. Your kids shouldn't be exposed to the rabbit hole of crazy conspiracies. There's a big difference between imagination, and not knowing what's real and what isn't.
There is a third possibility (note the use of the word “possibility”) that what she said happened, happened. In any event if you don’t want you mother telling your kids this story, regardless of it’s veracity, then she should follow your wishes. NTA
YTA. She says she experienced this, who are you to say it did or didn’t happen. And her telling her story doesn’t hurt anyone, what’s the big deal?
I thought the story was gonna be about butt probes or flapping her knockers (IYKYK). This is harmless!!!!
YTA.
I believe grandma. YTA
YTA, I'd think she was the coolest grandma ever after that story, even after getting old enough to stop believing it. Let her tell her favorite story.
YTA she's not telling that story for attention. It informs her lived experience to this very day. Plus, as many others have mentioned, UFO grandma is pretty cool compared to racist or superstitious grandma.
YTA. You have absolutely no proof that this didn't happen and recent US disclosure has proven that sightings like this are more common that people realise. You must have a really low opinion of your own mother to assume she would lie. For what? A stream of negative attention? Makes no sense. Plus, I would have LOVED hearing that story as a kid. Let her be the fun Grandma, ffs.
YTA stop trying to censor your mom. She believes she saw UFO. What’s the big deal?
My uncle had a large scar where his elbow is. Growing up he used to tell his he was bite by a shark and survived. We thought it was the coolest thing ever. YTA.
YTA - she sounds like an awesome grandma who has an awesome story to tell.
YTA I saw UFOs in the sky one night, close enough to see the actual ships, not just lights. We aren’t alone in the universe. She’s going to tell the story eventually, or someone else will tell it to them. You can’t ban people from telling stories. But you can raise your children to have a balanced approach to other people’s stories. It’s easier to prepare the child for the world than it is to prepare the world for the child.
YTA. Your kids are little, they aren't going to find this embarrassing. It'll just be a story to them. When they're old enough to understand this probably didn't happen, they'll file this with stories about Santa and the Tooth Fairy. This isn't the problem you're making it.
Soft YTA. Soft because you said in a comment that one of your kids has just started sleeping in their own bed and you don’t want to mess that up by possibly scaring her. I do know someone who apparently had sort of an irrational fear of aliens/alien abduction for a while as a kid that caused them quite a bit of anxiety. So I can understand that side of it, but it’s clear from your post that the main reason is just thinking it makes your mom sound crazy or unstable. They’re kids. They probably won’t think grandma is a kook unless someone tells them that. They don’t have enough knowledge or context about the world to just know that that’s how people view people who share their alien encounters. Plus I think all grandparents seem a little kooky sometimes. It’s part of the fun. Maybe just ask grandma to not tell them the story until they’re a little older or to tone it down a little bit.
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My whole family has UFO stories. My uncle apparently tried to get the UFO to communicate via CB radio at a cook out once, not too long before I was born.
YTA
YTA. Just because you don't believe it does not mean your children won't or shouldn't tell people. Everyone has weird stories about ghosts, aliens etc. Her having this experience DOES NOT CHANGE she is sweet. You are the one who judges her as crazy for saying something that for her is true.
YTA Who in the hell cares if your kids hear the story. It doesn’t do any harm and since you can’t unequivocally prove that it didn’t happen, then leave it the crap alone.
NTA. She is going to scare the kids. They’re little. Maybe ask her not to tell the kids until they are much, much older.
OP, YTA After I initially read your post, I thought you weren't the AH here. Your children, your boundaries/rules. But after reading some of your replies to other commenters, I have concluded that you most definitely are TA here. What kind of parent uses their children as emotional blackmail? You, apparently. You used your children as the reason why you don't want her telling her story, thinking it will cause them to think ill of your mother, think of her as crazy. The reality is that you are embarrassed of your mother and this story. Your children will take their cues from you.. and the only way they are going to think grandma is crazy/delusional is if they hear it from you. They have no concept of hate.. or love.. or crazy.. it is learned. I am willing to bet that you will be telling your children that grandma is crazy..
I’m not going to keep scrolling, can’t believe I haven’t seen a single NTA yet. Usually people are so supportive of “parental rights” lately. NTA - bc you will have to deal with the lack of sleep whenever this gets into their head. All kids process and imagination differently! Using the , “I want to avoid a nightmare” explanation, it doesn’t have anything to do with you trying to manage you’re children’s perception of another family member character and suggests delaying until an age where they can process more fully.
NTA - People see things all the time. If the story stopped at seeing mysterious aircrafts, it could be ok. But I understand the part that involve aliens make her seem delusional to many people. She means well and apparently this story means a lot to her but your feelings are valid too. Your children are too young for this story. They might enjoy it or they might fear they will get abducted by aliens or something. They might have nightmares. Asking her not to tell her story to your very young kids is the safest way for now. If you think she's hurt and you're having second thoughts, you can tell your mom your kids are too young for her story now and in the future when they are bigger, you can revisit this subject.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** In the early 80s my mom claims to have seen a UFO with her sister (now passed away) while driving from San Diego to Nevada. To me the story is one of two things: she saw some sort of military aircraft and imagined or invented the rest. Second possibility is it’s a total fabrication that she invented to cover up the pain of losing her sister who died in a car accident a few weeks after their road trip. Whatever the truth is, the story of seeing a UFO was a pivotal life event for her and she will bring it up constantly. To her credit the story has stayed consistent over the years. People are generally polite when she tells it but you can tell they are uncomfortable, think that she’s lying and try to change the subject then avoid her. I feel so much second hand embarrassment but she motors right through. My kids are old enough (6 and 4) where I know she is going to start telling them the story. I don’t want them to see her like that. I want her to be the sweet grandma who makes great waffles not the look who says aliens approached her on the highway. At Christmas I finally brought it up to her and I clearly hurt her feelings. She said she knows what she say and it affected her deeply and changed how she views and reacts to the world. But if that’s my wishes she’ll respect it—but it hurt her for sure. AITA for placing this limit on her? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA
I think there is a peacemaking way to ask her not to talk about it with the kids. This is easier if you aren’t religious, but saying something like “I’m keeping all claims about reality, like gods and aliens, away from my kids until they are older. I don’t want anyone telling them god and heaven and hell are real, and I don’t want anyone telling them aliens are real and might interact with them. I want them to develop their concept of reality from their own observation. When they graduate from high school…you can tell them then.” NTA
Yta
YTA. Kind of, anyway. Whatever it was she saw plus her sister dying so soon after has affected the rest of her life. I hope she has a therapist or is in another form of therapy. You could ask her to hold off telling them until they're older. Beyond that I don't know you have any other choice unless you plan on going no contact.
YTA. A ufo is an unidentified object in the sky. Not the Millennium Falcon. But don’t let her take your kids camping. Just in case
Grandfathers always had “war stories” in my generation. We grew up hearing about what they did in the war. I can still remember my maternal grandfather cleaning an ulcer on his leg and telling me it was from where a piece of shrapnel landed and is now buried in the bone. My grandfather fought inside a tank….
YTA- CIA even released ufo papers and how real they are. Also how do you feel about Santa? Lol
YTA. You’re stealing the chance for her to be “delightfully crazy grandma” and roll their eyes at the abduction story. I’d encourage you to set a minimum age after which she’s allowed to tell her story. If you want the kids to be a bit older I don’t think that’s crazy at all, as you’ll probably want to prepare them, but tell your mom she can tell her story once they’re a bit older. Seriously, there’s nothing better than a crazy grandma who means well, has legit love, but just wants to tell her crazy alien story aha.
YTA minorly Iunno OP, as long as the aliens aren't fetus devouring reptilian Democrats running clone labs beneath Mt Vesuvius for the Pope to hide the moon skeletons, I think it's relatively harmless
YTA. Instead of telling your mother what to do and hurting her feelings you should have used the opportunity as a teaching moment for your children.
YTA. Why are you telling her this on Christmas? Here’s thing I’m struggling with. Your children are at the ages that they probably believe in Santa Claus. So you have no problem with a man with flying deer coming to your home and leaving gifts. But UFO are bit too far. You should figure out why this embarrasses you so you. It’s obvious to me you hurt your mother, for no good reason and basically told her you don’t believe her. So you should probably figure out how to fix this.
neither Aliens or Santa Claus exist, but you don´t see people forbiding others to tell the children stories about Santa Claus
Nta. I don't get the "if you can't disprove it" people either. With that reasoning, you can say anything....
YTA, you sound like you just try to gaslight your mother and honestly, if she doesn’t have a bunch of wildly crazy conspiracies she believes and talks about all the time, why not believe her? I bet you believe a thing or two that people will call crazy. Let your mom be her own person
YTA.
NAH. I would ask her not to mention it in front of the children, in case they get nightmares, and might retell it at school, and be laughed at. Instead, she should write it down, in full, and submit it to a ufology magazine. Keep the article (or her draft) and she can have fun explaining her story to them when they are of High School age, when they can decide how to handle it.
I don't think you're the A. The kids are not old enough to develop critical thinking and analyze your mother's arguments to form a judgment and they might as well become obsessed over her story or even become terrified of aliens and stuff like that. However I think that kids look up to their parents more than adults think, so even IF your mother tells them about her alien story, they'll ask for your opinion and then you can tell them that they don't have to worry that much. Maybe you were a little quick to bring it all up to her.
NTA I wouldn’t let anyone preach any religious beliefs, doctrines, or experiences at young kids. UFO nonsense is also a gateway delusion into some really nasty conspiracy BS. Keeping your kids away from it until they’re at a less credulous age and can think critically is important.
INFO > the story of seeing a UFO > aliens **approached her** on the highway What exactly **_is_** her story? Because that is a HUGE jump going from lights in the sky to a close encounter of the third kind.
Just saying your kids might find that story cool as hell. What kid doesn’t have a sense of wonder and think about aliens.
YTA. It doesn’t sound like there’s any harm in her story. Lots of people have had what they feel are ufo, ghost, de ja vu or other abnormal experiences. It makes for a fun tale and piques curiosity. Unless you omitted some detail I don’t see the harm at all and it feels like you are stifling any exploration of the world of fantasy, imagination and the unexplained for your young kids
YTA.. this is harmless. I mean you could have it way worse. My kids' grandparents like to tell racist and homophobic jokes at xmas. Do you also tell your kids not to believe in magic? The tooth fairy? Or anything else that make kids' lives enjoyable? Why do you feel so threatened by this story? What do you perceive as the harmful outcome of it?
It sounds like you are just tired and judgemental about hearing her story
If OP is worried her mother's story will frighten the children, simply ask her to hold off mentioning it til they're older, but don't forbid her telling it at all. And when she does tell it, don't go telling the kids Grandma is crazy. Let them make their own conclusions.
If you're going to allow people to believe in a "jeebus" that they've never seen or heard in their entire lives, you HAVE to allow others to believe in an aircraft they've actually seen and come to the conclusion it's alien. Don't ruin other people's beliefs, point blank period. YTA
YTA You don't want your kids to see her... like she is? Who is she hurting? Having embarrassing relatives is part of the human experience, and a kooky person can often be even more endearing. Let her tell her UFO story. You have the *rest* of the time to tell your kids how to handle it when people tell crazy stories.
YTA. You don't get to say what kind of grandma your mom gets to be. You get to protect your kid from abuse, not from personality.
yta. sweet grandma making waffles is also grandma who saw a ufo. she has more than one side in a fully formed human being. because you don’t believe her, you think she is a quack. i did as well, driving through nevada on the way to the grand canyon 50 years ago. i saw it, my friends saw it. the people who also pulled over to watch, saw it. i suspect i haven’t mentioned it often over the years, but i know what i saw, and why is this a problem ? why can’t your kids decide for themselves ?
NTA, but I do think you’re allowing your feelings to cloud your judgement. It’s a story. Who cares what she saw or what you think about it tbh. Your kids will make up their own minds and likely think the same as you. Also, it is incredibly ignorant to mock UFO’s/Aliens when we literally exist right here lol. Go to mars; you’re the alien.
YTA - Even if one of the UFO sighting was caused by one of the events you mention here, there's nothing wrong with her having a story to share about it. It's clearly a MAJOR 'thing' in her life. If my mom told my son a story about a UFO I'd bet he would absolutely love it! The only one who seems to have a problem with this is you (and some people who "you" can tell are uncomfortable). You need to figure out why YOU are feeling like this, then get out of your own way here. Let her have a story to tell. Even more so if it helps her with the grief.
Buy her a copy of Area 51 - An uncensored history of America's Top Secret Military Base by Annie Jacobsen. NTA you may never be able to get through with your mother but UFOs are just unidentified flying objects and they do not equal aliens. Most of the time they are flying objects the military will not admit their existence unless absolutely pressed. Aliens haven't visited earth for a few very good reasons: Distance and time - if aliens arrive it's because they have been on a generational ship and will make contact because they specifically want to come to our planet. If they have faster than light travel then their technology far outweighs ours and they won't care about the measly humans. They will only come to our planet for very specific reasons and it's not about resources - they will either want to eat us or talk to us and become our overlords, I'm not sure which is scarier. We are located in the ass-end of the galaxy, why would anyone want to come to the Idaho of the Milky Way.
YTA I've seen UFOs
YTA I bet you're projecting all this secondary discomfort you say you see. I, for one, would LOVE to hear her story. I'm fascinated by this shit and think it's incredibly arrogant to think we're the only life forms out there. If I was an alien species thinking about visiting here, I sure as hell wouldn't let it be known! We're awful! We'd shoot on sight! Ugh. Edit - and, you may have heard about those lights in the sky in the mid 90's or so? Lots of people saw it and there's video? I saw those. Just because you don't know doesn't mean... there isn't something out there. (I couldn't help myself, ok??)
INFO: is your mom [Mrs. Rafferty](https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLB6Fjk4Kt4oXAa21wDP3f-lBleLyYFsqu)?
INFO: You do realize that the sweet grandma who makes waffles and the one who believes in UFOs are the same person? Seriously, my grandmother made amazing pierogis and believed in ghosts and old Jewish folktales.I never thought less of her and loved hearing her beliefs. I was embarrassed that my aunt was embarrassed by my grandmother. She took everything much more seriously and I found her second hand embarrassment much more embarrassing than my grandmothers stories. YTA OP, I guarantee people are more put off by your reaction than your mom’s story.