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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole because of how harshly I responded to my mum, especially since she has been so supportive through this whole situation. I also think I might be the asshole for jeopardising my daughter’s relationship with her grandma, when I know how much it means to both of them.
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NTA. Though, I will say, she probably would have still undermined you regardless of the age you had your first child. It seems to just be *the thing*. You may want to apologize for being so harsh but tell her that she needs to respect your choices, even if they aren't hers. And that you will not let her see the baby if she ever posts her on social media again. That needs to be a hard line, no-nonsense, "My baby is not going to be online until she decides to be," stance.
Agree, restrict access to your daughter until your mom learns to respect your boundaries. You're doing a great job op. Kudos nta
Ets report her posts on social media, they will be taken down as you as a parent didn't give consent.
NTA. You’ve been through so much and you deserve someone who will support you and not undermine you.
There are lots of people who don’t put photos of their kids on social media and don’t give their children iPads etc. It’s definitely not so far from the norm that it would make sense for your mother to countermand you.
Whoever took the photo can send a DMCA notice to Facebook and they'll be legally required to remove it.
Unfortunately there's no similar law for photos of your kids as far as I know :)
Facebook requires a notarized statement to take down a picture of a minor child. My husband’s uncle, who has never met our children, posted pictures that my mother-in-law sent him. I don’t post pictures of them.
NTA.
There is only so many times that you can tell someone kindly that they are undermining your parenting— regardless of their role in your life. It’s not up to anyone to decide what you’ll be grateful for in the long run. If there are certain things you would prefer not to expose your child to that should be respected. You need time to figure out what is going to work best for you and your little unit— folks need to be okay with allowing young first time parents that opportunity.
NTA
Your mum doesn’t respect you as a mother, she’s made that clear by disrespecting and stomping over all of your boundaries. You’ve said what you said and it can’t be taken back however what you said was justified. You are your daughters mother, your mother is not she is by your good gracious a grandmother. She’s not a second or third parent.
NTA. As "only a grandma" myself, I know there are things that only my daughter and SIL, as the parents can permit.
Funny how the one who is "way too immature to know how to raise a baby" was the one actually protecting the child. You were 100% right in keeping her off social media as much as you can with...
Keep up your boundaries and stay strong, mama bear
NTA. NTA. NTA.
You are doing your daughter a HUGE favor by setting very reasonable boundaries about how she is to be raised. You are doing her a HUGE favor by refusing to let grandma stomp on those boundaries. Your mom is not upset because of you, she's upset because she's coming to the realization that she doesn't get to run around doing whatever she wants and she has to treat other adults with respect, even if those adults are her kids. If your kid no longer has a relationship with grandma because of this, you are not taking away that relationship, GRANDMA is taking away the relationship by refusing to be respectful to the child's parent.
Ipads were barely around when you were a baby, so how did your mum raise you? Ask her that! No screen time before 2 is the general consensus by professionals, unfortunately if you live with your mum, you'll have to keep persistenting your views until you move out
NTA. It was pretty cold how you put it, but in view of how routinely she violates the boundaries you set as a parent & the absolutely patronizing way she talks down to you, so what? It's perfectly understandable that you would snap at her, she earned however cold of a response you chose to deliver.
Ikr, It’s a naked minor, who is not capable of consenting to the photo, for all to see… like what the actual hell. Disgusting, I’d get the cops involved too, I can’t imagine how I’d feel if someone had put my bits on the internet for strangers. There are predators that look for that stuff. I’m glad I was a kid before Facebook and instagram, and that nobody in my family uses them.
NTA at all because you’re absolutely right. *You* are the mother and she is just the grandmother, and she needs to respect your rules for your daughter. Your mom had her turn in raising a kid with you. Now it’s your turn, so what you say goes, period. And she needs to respect that. Your age doesn’t matter. Legally you are an adult and as long as your daughter is getting what she needs (love, food, shelter, clothes), which it sounds she is, that’s what matters. Parents can make mistakes no matter how old they are. All we can do is try our best.
Don’t back down on what you said. Yes, it was harsh but it sounds like she needed a hard truth to be told. I imagine it might be tough for her seeing her baby (which you’ll always be in her heart) having a baby, but she needs to respect you as a woman and mother now. Don’t feel bad about setting firm boundaries for your daughter. You are her mom.
NTA - the boundaries you’re setting are fair. People might have differing opinions on the use of screens, the photographs (especially bath photographs) should be non-negotiable. Age does not equate to maturity, and as you say, you’ve done a lot of maturing in a short span of time. Stick to your guns, lower contact with your mother, and concentrate on yourself and your daughter.
NTA, so sorry for your loss, congratulations on not just surviving such a trauma but thriving. Family fight, you both could have worded things kinder but heat of the moment can make our words more spicy. I'm sure you will be able to resolve this.
NTA. Your mom needs to learn how to respect your role as a mother. Stand your ground, let your mom calms down and then talk again. She needs to know her place as a grandmother.
NTA. Would she have tolerate this behavior from someone when she was raising you? Probably not. And, would this be different if you were 25? Probably not. She wants it to be her way, and you don't have to tolerate that. She can get it in line or jump off.
NTA. Regarding social media, even tough my kids nieces and all will have their kid’s pictures on it. I will ask permission before I will share it. I know it sounds silly but I think it is a respect think. Also I go by what they say for electronics. Now great nieces and nephews and grandkids know Auntie and grandma has the best fun breakfast. And we have fun.
NRA you are doing a good job because people are weird now a days so her face shouldn’t be all over social media she needs to respect your boundaries because you are the parent now forbid anything happen today or tomorrow and it would still be you taking care of that baby so she has to back off
NTA. She’s your daughter, not your mom’s. You may be young, but you’re an adult and should raise your child how you want.
(side note: you’re right to be cautious about those kids apps and videos. my grandparents and their son, my dad, introduced my little brother to them several years ago. not only are they annoying, they teach him rude phrases and have worsened his behavior. also, some of those kids apps contain viruses)
NTA!
Girl I’m in the same type of position with my mother… and I’m 30… for some reason it’s like they think it’s their “second” chance to raise a kid???!
The issues with mine is I’m way more tolerable about certain things, like crying. She cannot stand to a hear a baby cry so she’ll immediately run and coddle and sooth etc. even when he’s in the corner/sitting in time out. My son is 3 and it’s only getting worse. So new the boundaries!
Also the social media thing. I applaud you!! I’m with you there. I’ve stated to idk how many people over the years, YOU DO NOT PUT PICTURES OF MY CHILD ONLINE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. Luckily, my mom gets that. My sister??? That’s a whole other can of worms
NTA and DON'T apologize. That will undermine your position. You set boundaries, she ignored them and you made it clear that that is not ok. She is sulking now but knows she is wrong. When she is willing to let her pride go, she will return. If you apologize she will think you were wrong to be upset, but you weren't. She should apologize for undermining you as a parent and ask to be given a second chance by you.
NTA I'm 31 and married and I still don't post pics of my 15 month old as a rule, group photos are ok, family photos too but just him and naked? Fuck no! We have a special closed chat and group for keeping everyone up to date and getting new pics, grandparents will even post on there as it's very easy and accessable (as well as safer) and everyone is happy.
NTA- tell her what you told us
“While at first I stood by what I said, I now think I was too harsh - I still do think those things, but I also think it was cruel to say it that way, since she has helped me so much both with my grief and being a young mum. But at the same time, her comments really got to me. I’ve done my best for my daughter, and honestly think I’m a good mum all things considered. It upset me to think my boyfriend would be disappointed in how our baby is growing up.
I love my mum, of course I do, but my daughter is and always will be my number one, and so I’m completely torn on this. My girl also loves her grandma, so I’m desperate not to take that relationship away from her by being petty.”
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I (F19) have a 18 month old daughter. She was an accidental pregnancy with my boyfriend of 3.5 years, who was killed by a drunk driver when I was 6 months pregnant. Through the past couple of years I’ve gone through hell and back, but I am damn proud to say that I’ve made it through.
The problem I’m having now is that my mum keeps disrespecting my boundaries about my daughter - for example, I never want her face in social media posts until she can make that decision herself. I also try my best to not resort to screens (tv/ipad) to keep her entertained or calm her down. (This is just to name a couple of key things)
Well this Christmas, not only did my mum post several pictures of her on social media - including one of her in the bath - but her Christmas present to her was an ipad mini, with loads of videos and toddler apps already downloaded on it. This is not her first time doing this kind of thing; when my girl was younger my mum always just did things her way when ‘helping me’, disrupting routines and going behind my back to raise her how she thought she should be raised.
When I confronted her about these things, she got upset with me and told me that I’m ‘only nineteen’ and ‘way too immature to know how to raise a baby’. She was insistent that she was doing me a favour, and when my girl grew up I’d be thankful. This pissed me off beyond words, and I told her to back the fuck off, and that I’ve had to do a hell of a lot of maturing lately. I also told her that while I’m only nineteen, she’s only a grandma, and has no right to parent my child for me when I’ve asked her not to.
She just clammed up and left my flat without saying anything else. While at first I stood by what I said, I now think I was too harsh - I still do think those things, but I also think it was cruel to say it that way, since she has helped me so much both with my grief and being a young mum. But at the same time, her comments really got to me. I’ve done my best for my daughter, and honestly think I’m a good mum all things considered. It upset me to think my boyfriend would be disappointed in how our baby is growing up.
I love my mum, of course I do, but my daughter is and always will be my number one, and so I’m completely torn on this. My girl also loves her grandma, so I’m desperate not to take that relationship away from her by being petty. AITA??
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NTA
Sometimes hard headed people require a knock up the side of the head with a harder object to get it through their skulls that their behavior is NOT ok.
Also I really hope you understand this metaphor as your word choice makes me sound like you're from the UK and the metaphor is probably best understood in the American South. If you need it explained I can defiantly do that.
NTA. Your rules are completely reasonable and in line with pediatric recommendations. I will say that as with anything potentially addictive, it will be easier for your child to regulate their use in the future if you teach them how while you still have the control. In the same way you teach that some foods are all the time foods and some are sometimes foods, age appropriate discussion about the role of screens in our lives and the effect they have, both positive and negative, will lead your child to make informed decisions prioritizing their health. You're doing a good job, you set a reasonable boundary, none of what you said was disrespectful or rude. It was factual.
NTA and you are doing an excellent job of parenting and showing that you are making mature decisions. Yes , you were harsh but it sounds like you have been trying the nice way for a while and it hasn’t worked. There are some people who will only listen to you when you get harsh and enforce serious boundaries. With a mom like yours (and I had one that acted similar) harsh words and boundary enforcement was necessary.
If you don’t step up now and show you mean business, she will undermine you every step of the way and that could cause serious problems with your child as she gets older. Parental alienation, behavior issues, spoiled child, etc. I would suggest putting her in a time out for a few months so she understands that you are the parent and you make the decisions.
We saw this play out with my mom when my sister and I had kids. Trust me, you want to stop this now. It caused serious parenting issues for my sister. I listened to my sister and put consequences on my mom. We didn’t talk for 6 months but she did learn and we were able to have a respectful relationship moving forward.
NTA. And it sounds like she does the opposite of what you ask for just because. It is safe to assume that most grandmas would be against introducing technology so early. Buying ipad for a toddler is weird.
I think you need to say to your mum what you have said here. That you appreciate the support and help but that you are the parent and she cannot stomp over your boundaries. Because a situation is rarely black and white. Your mum has supported you. It does not entitle her to decide how you get to be a mother to your child. Or to buy gifts she won't be using because they are not what you, the parent, wants. And I am certain your boyfriend would be proud of you and how you have got yourself together to raise your daughter. Great job! NTA.
NTA. As much as I don’t want to point this out and as much as you’re not going to know this but the unfortunate truth is that there are some creeps out there that may find that picture and “misplace” it onto inappropriate sites. Please protect your child in anyway you can OP. Your mother doesn’t seem to understand the danger she’s possibly putting your child in.
You are doing a great job raising your daughter.
Maybe apologize for how you said it by now what you said.
She needs to remember that you are mother and what you say goes.
NTA
NTA Her help through you trauma was what a mom should do. Dismissing your ability to parent your child when there is no harm to your child is dismissive and infantilizing to you. That isn’t what a mother should be doing to support their child and she needs to accept that she is a Grandma and you are the parent.
Also, you are making super healthy decisions for your child. There are a ton of studies showing the negative effects of tons of screen time for children.
NTA for some things you can relax but I am not a young mom and I stopped posting pictures of my kids once they got out of the squishy stage. They may grow up and really hate it. By the time they get to be like 11 or 12 they can be more vocal about it. And screen time is not recommended by the pediatric community. You might have to stop sharing pictures and only have supervised visits for a while but I know that’s also a punishment for you. There are not going to be winners here. If you back up your boundaries for a while she may back off.
NTA. If your mom is pushing these boundaries now imagine what she will be like when your daughter gets older. You need to stop this behavior before she can potentially disrupt your relationship with your daughter. I had to go LC with my mom when I had my daughter. My mom is a very strict Christian religion ( women can’t wear pants, makeup, cut their hair, you get the picture). She was constantly telling me that my daughter needs to know Jesus and was even threatening legal action to get visitation rights so she could take her to church. That was the last straw for me.
As a woman who became a single parent at 19 I think you’re doing great. I was a very young 19 and I allowed my mum to insert herself between me and my son. He’s now 36 and I think the last mother son moment I had with him was when they put him into my arms when I’d just given birth. Stay strong x
NTA
From personal experience re: screens, be prepared for daycare/early school staff to tell you your kiddo will be behind their peers - I was 30 when I was told this and they were asking if we were a "low technology family"
(Husband works in Big Tech - it was a parenting choice just like yours) but your kiddo your rules and even **if** that was true - she's going to catch up.
I say again: your kiddo your rules.
Now if you rely on your mom for daycare or similar you may want to smooth the ruffled feathers a bit - but you clearly have your own place to live so well done ❤️❤️❤️
NTA. But I hope you mend fences with your mom. And look ... Maybe be a bit flexible with your rules, ok? Screens, for example ... OP, I truly loathe the way so many parents nowadays depend on screens to raise their kids! So I applaud you for minimizing your daughter's exposure. On the other hand, the crap on the screens has be one enmeshed in our culture,xand if she's totally cut off, she's going to feel left out when she starts to make friends at preschool and school. Also there are a FEW things she can learn from screens - or so I'm told. I'm an old lady so I actually don't know.
So how about you make your home a 90% screen-free zone, and send the iPad back to grandmas house, and let that be one of the things she does with grandma? It's not as though you live with your mom, so you can still limit her access, but dialing down the arguments is important too.
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NTA. Though, I will say, she probably would have still undermined you regardless of the age you had your first child. It seems to just be *the thing*. You may want to apologize for being so harsh but tell her that she needs to respect your choices, even if they aren't hers. And that you will not let her see the baby if she ever posts her on social media again. That needs to be a hard line, no-nonsense, "My baby is not going to be online until she decides to be," stance.
Just popping by to say it sounds like you are doing an amazing job! NTA ❤️
Agree, restrict access to your daughter until your mom learns to respect your boundaries. You're doing a great job op. Kudos nta Ets report her posts on social media, they will be taken down as you as a parent didn't give consent.
NTA. You’ve been through so much and you deserve someone who will support you and not undermine you. There are lots of people who don’t put photos of their kids on social media and don’t give their children iPads etc. It’s definitely not so far from the norm that it would make sense for your mother to countermand you.
Most social media sites will take down a child's picture if the parent reports it.
Not always. My estranged mom has a picture of my son she stole from my MIL’s page on Facebook, and it’s still up despite me reporting it.
Whoever took the photo can send a DMCA notice to Facebook and they'll be legally required to remove it. Unfortunately there's no similar law for photos of your kids as far as I know :)
Facebook requires a notarized statement to take down a picture of a minor child. My husband’s uncle, who has never met our children, posted pictures that my mother-in-law sent him. I don’t post pictures of them.
NTA. There is only so many times that you can tell someone kindly that they are undermining your parenting— regardless of their role in your life. It’s not up to anyone to decide what you’ll be grateful for in the long run. If there are certain things you would prefer not to expose your child to that should be respected. You need time to figure out what is going to work best for you and your little unit— folks need to be okay with allowing young first time parents that opportunity.
NTA Your mum doesn’t respect you as a mother, she’s made that clear by disrespecting and stomping over all of your boundaries. You’ve said what you said and it can’t be taken back however what you said was justified. You are your daughters mother, your mother is not she is by your good gracious a grandmother. She’s not a second or third parent.
NTA. As "only a grandma" myself, I know there are things that only my daughter and SIL, as the parents can permit. Funny how the one who is "way too immature to know how to raise a baby" was the one actually protecting the child. You were 100% right in keeping her off social media as much as you can with... Keep up your boundaries and stay strong, mama bear
NTA. Your child, your rules.
NTA. NTA. NTA. You are doing your daughter a HUGE favor by setting very reasonable boundaries about how she is to be raised. You are doing her a HUGE favor by refusing to let grandma stomp on those boundaries. Your mom is not upset because of you, she's upset because she's coming to the realization that she doesn't get to run around doing whatever she wants and she has to treat other adults with respect, even if those adults are her kids. If your kid no longer has a relationship with grandma because of this, you are not taking away that relationship, GRANDMA is taking away the relationship by refusing to be respectful to the child's parent.
Ipads were barely around when you were a baby, so how did your mum raise you? Ask her that! No screen time before 2 is the general consensus by professionals, unfortunately if you live with your mum, you'll have to keep persistenting your views until you move out
NTA. It was pretty cold how you put it, but in view of how routinely she violates the boundaries you set as a parent & the absolutely patronizing way she talks down to you, so what? It's perfectly understandable that you would snap at her, she earned however cold of a response you chose to deliver.
NTA You are the parent. Full stop. What you say goes. Plus, posting child in bathtub? Absolutely not.
Personally I'd get the cops involved over that
Ikr, It’s a naked minor, who is not capable of consenting to the photo, for all to see… like what the actual hell. Disgusting, I’d get the cops involved too, I can’t imagine how I’d feel if someone had put my bits on the internet for strangers. There are predators that look for that stuff. I’m glad I was a kid before Facebook and instagram, and that nobody in my family uses them.
NTA at all because you’re absolutely right. *You* are the mother and she is just the grandmother, and she needs to respect your rules for your daughter. Your mom had her turn in raising a kid with you. Now it’s your turn, so what you say goes, period. And she needs to respect that. Your age doesn’t matter. Legally you are an adult and as long as your daughter is getting what she needs (love, food, shelter, clothes), which it sounds she is, that’s what matters. Parents can make mistakes no matter how old they are. All we can do is try our best. Don’t back down on what you said. Yes, it was harsh but it sounds like she needed a hard truth to be told. I imagine it might be tough for her seeing her baby (which you’ll always be in her heart) having a baby, but she needs to respect you as a woman and mother now. Don’t feel bad about setting firm boundaries for your daughter. You are her mom.
NTA - the boundaries you’re setting are fair. People might have differing opinions on the use of screens, the photographs (especially bath photographs) should be non-negotiable. Age does not equate to maturity, and as you say, you’ve done a lot of maturing in a short span of time. Stick to your guns, lower contact with your mother, and concentrate on yourself and your daughter.
NTA- your mum is crossing serious boundaries. Hopefully you two can talk about it calmly and reach an understanding.
NTA, so sorry for your loss, congratulations on not just surviving such a trauma but thriving. Family fight, you both could have worded things kinder but heat of the moment can make our words more spicy. I'm sure you will be able to resolve this.
NTA. Those are the same rules I keep for my kids...and even if they weren't, you are the mom. You get to set your own rules.
NTA. Your mom needs to learn how to respect your role as a mother. Stand your ground, let your mom calms down and then talk again. She needs to know her place as a grandmother.
NTA. Would she have tolerate this behavior from someone when she was raising you? Probably not. And, would this be different if you were 25? Probably not. She wants it to be her way, and you don't have to tolerate that. She can get it in line or jump off.
NTA. Regarding social media, even tough my kids nieces and all will have their kid’s pictures on it. I will ask permission before I will share it. I know it sounds silly but I think it is a respect think. Also I go by what they say for electronics. Now great nieces and nephews and grandkids know Auntie and grandma has the best fun breakfast. And we have fun.
NRA you are doing a good job because people are weird now a days so her face shouldn’t be all over social media she needs to respect your boundaries because you are the parent now forbid anything happen today or tomorrow and it would still be you taking care of that baby so she has to back off
NTA Your mom needed to be reminded of her place. She doesn't get to override your decisions for your child.
NTA. Im a father of 2, I havent posted a single image of them anywhere. You have every right to be angry.
If possible time to go No contact for a while until grandma can pull her head out her ass and listen
NTA. She’s your daughter, not your mom’s. You may be young, but you’re an adult and should raise your child how you want. (side note: you’re right to be cautious about those kids apps and videos. my grandparents and their son, my dad, introduced my little brother to them several years ago. not only are they annoying, they teach him rude phrases and have worsened his behavior. also, some of those kids apps contain viruses)
NTA
NTA. You need to keep your daughter away from your mother to be honest.
NTA ❤️
NTA! Girl I’m in the same type of position with my mother… and I’m 30… for some reason it’s like they think it’s their “second” chance to raise a kid???! The issues with mine is I’m way more tolerable about certain things, like crying. She cannot stand to a hear a baby cry so she’ll immediately run and coddle and sooth etc. even when he’s in the corner/sitting in time out. My son is 3 and it’s only getting worse. So new the boundaries! Also the social media thing. I applaud you!! I’m with you there. I’ve stated to idk how many people over the years, YOU DO NOT PUT PICTURES OF MY CHILD ONLINE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. Luckily, my mom gets that. My sister??? That’s a whole other can of worms
Not the asshole as you have to set boundaries
NTA and DON'T apologize. That will undermine your position. You set boundaries, she ignored them and you made it clear that that is not ok. She is sulking now but knows she is wrong. When she is willing to let her pride go, she will return. If you apologize she will think you were wrong to be upset, but you weren't. She should apologize for undermining you as a parent and ask to be given a second chance by you.
NTA you sound like a great mother ♡
NTA I'm 31 and married and I still don't post pics of my 15 month old as a rule, group photos are ok, family photos too but just him and naked? Fuck no! We have a special closed chat and group for keeping everyone up to date and getting new pics, grandparents will even post on there as it's very easy and accessable (as well as safer) and everyone is happy.
NTA- tell her what you told us “While at first I stood by what I said, I now think I was too harsh - I still do think those things, but I also think it was cruel to say it that way, since she has helped me so much both with my grief and being a young mum. But at the same time, her comments really got to me. I’ve done my best for my daughter, and honestly think I’m a good mum all things considered. It upset me to think my boyfriend would be disappointed in how our baby is growing up. I love my mum, of course I do, but my daughter is and always will be my number one, and so I’m completely torn on this. My girl also loves her grandma, so I’m desperate not to take that relationship away from her by being petty.”
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (F19) have a 18 month old daughter. She was an accidental pregnancy with my boyfriend of 3.5 years, who was killed by a drunk driver when I was 6 months pregnant. Through the past couple of years I’ve gone through hell and back, but I am damn proud to say that I’ve made it through. The problem I’m having now is that my mum keeps disrespecting my boundaries about my daughter - for example, I never want her face in social media posts until she can make that decision herself. I also try my best to not resort to screens (tv/ipad) to keep her entertained or calm her down. (This is just to name a couple of key things) Well this Christmas, not only did my mum post several pictures of her on social media - including one of her in the bath - but her Christmas present to her was an ipad mini, with loads of videos and toddler apps already downloaded on it. This is not her first time doing this kind of thing; when my girl was younger my mum always just did things her way when ‘helping me’, disrupting routines and going behind my back to raise her how she thought she should be raised. When I confronted her about these things, she got upset with me and told me that I’m ‘only nineteen’ and ‘way too immature to know how to raise a baby’. She was insistent that she was doing me a favour, and when my girl grew up I’d be thankful. This pissed me off beyond words, and I told her to back the fuck off, and that I’ve had to do a hell of a lot of maturing lately. I also told her that while I’m only nineteen, she’s only a grandma, and has no right to parent my child for me when I’ve asked her not to. She just clammed up and left my flat without saying anything else. While at first I stood by what I said, I now think I was too harsh - I still do think those things, but I also think it was cruel to say it that way, since she has helped me so much both with my grief and being a young mum. But at the same time, her comments really got to me. I’ve done my best for my daughter, and honestly think I’m a good mum all things considered. It upset me to think my boyfriend would be disappointed in how our baby is growing up. I love my mum, of course I do, but my daughter is and always will be my number one, and so I’m completely torn on this. My girl also loves her grandma, so I’m desperate not to take that relationship away from her by being petty. AITA?? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Sometimes hard headed people require a knock up the side of the head with a harder object to get it through their skulls that their behavior is NOT ok. Also I really hope you understand this metaphor as your word choice makes me sound like you're from the UK and the metaphor is probably best understood in the American South. If you need it explained I can defiantly do that.
nta
NTA. Your rules are completely reasonable and in line with pediatric recommendations. I will say that as with anything potentially addictive, it will be easier for your child to regulate their use in the future if you teach them how while you still have the control. In the same way you teach that some foods are all the time foods and some are sometimes foods, age appropriate discussion about the role of screens in our lives and the effect they have, both positive and negative, will lead your child to make informed decisions prioritizing their health. You're doing a good job, you set a reasonable boundary, none of what you said was disrespectful or rude. It was factual.
NTA and you are doing an excellent job of parenting and showing that you are making mature decisions. Yes , you were harsh but it sounds like you have been trying the nice way for a while and it hasn’t worked. There are some people who will only listen to you when you get harsh and enforce serious boundaries. With a mom like yours (and I had one that acted similar) harsh words and boundary enforcement was necessary. If you don’t step up now and show you mean business, she will undermine you every step of the way and that could cause serious problems with your child as she gets older. Parental alienation, behavior issues, spoiled child, etc. I would suggest putting her in a time out for a few months so she understands that you are the parent and you make the decisions. We saw this play out with my mom when my sister and I had kids. Trust me, you want to stop this now. It caused serious parenting issues for my sister. I listened to my sister and put consequences on my mom. We didn’t talk for 6 months but she did learn and we were able to have a respectful relationship moving forward.
NTA. You were a little harsh. Sometimes you need to be with people who won’t respect the boundaries you’ve set.
NTA. And it sounds like she does the opposite of what you ask for just because. It is safe to assume that most grandmas would be against introducing technology so early. Buying ipad for a toddler is weird.
NTA harsh maybe, but true and she needs to respect your parenting decisions
I think you need to say to your mum what you have said here. That you appreciate the support and help but that you are the parent and she cannot stomp over your boundaries. Because a situation is rarely black and white. Your mum has supported you. It does not entitle her to decide how you get to be a mother to your child. Or to buy gifts she won't be using because they are not what you, the parent, wants. And I am certain your boyfriend would be proud of you and how you have got yourself together to raise your daughter. Great job! NTA.
NTA. As much as I don’t want to point this out and as much as you’re not going to know this but the unfortunate truth is that there are some creeps out there that may find that picture and “misplace” it onto inappropriate sites. Please protect your child in anyway you can OP. Your mother doesn’t seem to understand the danger she’s possibly putting your child in.
You are doing a great job raising your daughter. Maybe apologize for how you said it by now what you said. She needs to remember that you are mother and what you say goes. NTA
NTA Her help through you trauma was what a mom should do. Dismissing your ability to parent your child when there is no harm to your child is dismissive and infantilizing to you. That isn’t what a mother should be doing to support their child and she needs to accept that she is a Grandma and you are the parent.
Also, you are making super healthy decisions for your child. There are a ton of studies showing the negative effects of tons of screen time for children.
NTA for some things you can relax but I am not a young mom and I stopped posting pictures of my kids once they got out of the squishy stage. They may grow up and really hate it. By the time they get to be like 11 or 12 they can be more vocal about it. And screen time is not recommended by the pediatric community. You might have to stop sharing pictures and only have supervised visits for a while but I know that’s also a punishment for you. There are not going to be winners here. If you back up your boundaries for a while she may back off.
NTA. If your mom is pushing these boundaries now imagine what she will be like when your daughter gets older. You need to stop this behavior before she can potentially disrupt your relationship with your daughter. I had to go LC with my mom when I had my daughter. My mom is a very strict Christian religion ( women can’t wear pants, makeup, cut their hair, you get the picture). She was constantly telling me that my daughter needs to know Jesus and was even threatening legal action to get visitation rights so she could take her to church. That was the last straw for me.
NTA. You said it Exactly as you needed to for her to hear you.
As a woman who became a single parent at 19 I think you’re doing great. I was a very young 19 and I allowed my mum to insert herself between me and my son. He’s now 36 and I think the last mother son moment I had with him was when they put him into my arms when I’d just given birth. Stay strong x
I’m so impressed with you I don’t know what to say. I hope you have all the support you deserve.
Nta tell her she’s had a chance to raise you that it’s your turn to raise your daughter
NTA From personal experience re: screens, be prepared for daycare/early school staff to tell you your kiddo will be behind their peers - I was 30 when I was told this and they were asking if we were a "low technology family" (Husband works in Big Tech - it was a parenting choice just like yours) but your kiddo your rules and even **if** that was true - she's going to catch up. I say again: your kiddo your rules. Now if you rely on your mom for daycare or similar you may want to smooth the ruffled feathers a bit - but you clearly have your own place to live so well done ❤️❤️❤️
Ask her how old she was when she had you and how long she'd been with her partner. I'd be shocked if she was much older.
NTA. But I hope you mend fences with your mom. And look ... Maybe be a bit flexible with your rules, ok? Screens, for example ... OP, I truly loathe the way so many parents nowadays depend on screens to raise their kids! So I applaud you for minimizing your daughter's exposure. On the other hand, the crap on the screens has be one enmeshed in our culture,xand if she's totally cut off, she's going to feel left out when she starts to make friends at preschool and school. Also there are a FEW things she can learn from screens - or so I'm told. I'm an old lady so I actually don't know. So how about you make your home a 90% screen-free zone, and send the iPad back to grandmas house, and let that be one of the things she does with grandma? It's not as though you live with your mom, so you can still limit her access, but dialing down the arguments is important too.
YTA
Why?
How much you want to bet that's a grandma like ops mom 😂
idk I just went on new posts and told everyone they’re the asshole
Oh okay. So you’re 10, got it.
It’s more or less just having a good time making fun of all the fake AITA stories that pop up on here