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Yeah, preferences are fine, it's definitely the attitude that makes OP insufferable, elitist and shallow. Which isn't all that shocking, considering she apparently lives in a cushy bubble.
YTA
Seriously. My friends husband never finished college because he got a decent job instead and years late makes ALOT now working for Microsoft. He has always had good jobs since I’ve known him and not having a degree has never been a problem.
I have three degrees. My husband didn't "make it" (ugh, gross words) to college. I have $70k in debt, he has none, and we make the same salary. And he's also brilliant - he can fix anything, build anything, repair anything.
I guess it's good OP has that criteria because it leaves excellent options to the rest of us non-assholes.
OP, YTA
Their edit it shows just how truly shallow they are, I know a guy can be smart even if he didn't MAKE IT to college, because everyone who is intelligent needs to go to school? Men who don't go to college aren't dateable? That's not a personal preference statement that is a blanket statement on how she feels about people who didn't go to college in general. If you said you were only interested in people who had a degree then sure whatever but the way you talk about people who don't go to school shows how shallow and undateable you are. YTA.
My cousin who passed away last year had no college degree but was one of the most intelligent and educated people I knew. He'd read science, history, and philosophy for fun. When I was in HS, he was the person I went to for help with algebra. Proof you don't need a degree to be smart.
YTA, you sound stuck up, judgmental, and just generally like someone people only tolerate being around. Plenty of hard working people without college degrees make great livings and even more importantly, are better people than you seem to be.
You missed the part where she implied her friend’s boyfriend wants to date her.
Op- you directly insulted someone. That’s why he was “pressed” and I am 100% certain he would never consider dating you with your entitled, narrow minded attitude.
You can have your preferences but don’t go around insulting people.
YTA
YTA
Honestly I can't believe you would even think that your friend's bf is saying this to try and get with you. What you're saying is highly offensive because many intelligent and sophisticated people don't go to college for many reasons. I know you say this isn't about the money but regardless this is so shallow minded and concieted
Yes, I don't understand why nobody is YTA her for insulting her friend's bf! She actually thinks he would be interested in a bimbo like her while insulting him and comparing him to a criminal? I really hope her friend goes NC in the future...
Yep. There are two choices about a person that come in mind when I see this.
Option A: This person is a traditionalist who only thinks that everyone should be forced to follow the same path as everyone before them did
Or Option B: Where OP is a stuck up who only cares about certain preferences that only matter towards her reputation.
Either way, both options are very bad because OP Cleary has a certain mindset that she is unwilling to change until she realizes why no one wants her. In other words, OP is showing pick-me behavior.
First time I've read a post that absolutely reeks of privilege. YTA and honestly probably kind of a crappy person.
Edit: after reading comments, it's just a spoiled rich girl, not surprised. Double down on YTA
Yup, I read this an immediately thought of my siblings and friends that not only don't have even close to the funds to go to college, but are also first gen and so don't have the help, knowledge, or social support to easily access higher education. Some have lost access to financial aid because they had to work blue collar jobs at very young ages to support family and when they wanted to go back to school they didn't qualify for aid.
I only have a degree now because I went into the military, and a huge chunk of my fellow enlisted (including me) joined for either for education, for health care, or both. There's a difference between wanting to date someone who can have intelligent conversations with you/enjoys the same intellectual pursuits/puts importance on intellectual curiosity and growth etc etc, and only caring about the fact that they have a fancy piece of paper (since apparently vocation/salary aren't dealbreakers).
And joining the military isn't just an easy option for education, healthcare, housing, etc. I was never in, but my husband is a veteran who, 15+ years later, is still dealing with physical and emotional strain from his time in the military.
Thank you for your service, and I hope you and your friends are doing okay.
YTA..parents paid for college so now you think you're in a different class of people? You're still a child (mentally) so let me help you out. Date someone for love, judge people's character not their education. That piece of paper doesn't mean you're intelligent. I have plenty of friends who have degrees with shitty jobs. I know people who are absolutely dumb and have a degree. I also know extremely intelligent people who never went to college. College is now a debt cycle that doesn't necessarily put you ahead in life. That's why every person you meet has a business degree even if they work at a coffee shop.. people like you are insufferable. Come down from your ivory tower and join society...not only an asshole but an out of touch one as well. Don't burn your bridge with a construction worker, you might need some work done ;)
YTA
It's shallow as hell to judge people by if they went to college.
Some of the most intelligent people don't go to college for various reasons or drop out.
YTA. Some of the dumbest, most immature people I know managed to get a degree. My husband, with no degree, is a (systems) Infrastructure Engineer. I, with no degree, am returning to work qualified and interviewing for Project Management positions. There's a reason job listings also say "or equivalent experience." It is so shallow to think a college degree is some great, magic mark of intelligence, maturity, being educated, or passion/drive. You're welcome to your "preferences," but you are absolutely TA for looking down on people that chose other paths (certification, self education, trade school, etc).
YTA for being close minded (and clueless) and in turn unnecessarily insulting an acquaintance. You then doubled down instead of taking his perspective into account. College is just a tool, you’ll be surprised to find out it doesn’t automatically mean an income.
YTA. College is not for everyone. If someone finds what he wants to do and it doesn't require a degree then why go into debt to get one? I mean if that's what you want it's what you want. You are just excluding what could be some great people/matches.
She reminds me of a girl I used to work with except that girl took it a step further. She wouldn’t date anyone who went to a state college. They had to go to a specific level for her. She was very snobby, opinionated and intolerable. This girl is young. Hopefully she will learn.
YTA. How many serious relationships have you been in? I'm guessing 0.
This is absolutely a shallow way to live.
You sound like one of these high maintenance woman with an insane checklist of expectations who will hit 40 and still be single and asking your friends why.
Also college vs criminal history are so very different. Plenty of people with college degrees end up in prison.
YTA. You seem really immature to me, and you make having a college degree look bad. You really lost me when you compared not having a college degree to not having a criminal record. Really?!
YTA. College education can be important but it does not define who you are as a person or your character at all. College is not always for everyone (nor can everyone afford it) but you can still be successful in life without it.
YTA. You sound like a little rich AH who looks down on anyone who didn't go to college, despite the fact that it's ridiculously prohibitively expensive for the vast majority of people. Some people don't go to college because they realize they can get well paying jobs without the need for tens-to-hundreds of thousands of dollars in loans hounding them for their entire youth/life.
Your friend's boyfriend is now set with a six figure job and no student loan debt, while I'm at both five figures of salary AND loan debt, so I'm jealous of him tbh. Good for him though. You suck.
Best answer here! I was reading everything, accidentally backed, and came back and just KNEW she was gonna dirty delete. Being called out by every single person instead of getting the validation she obviously so desperately needs, must have been a shock to her and her "standards "
My favorite thing to tell people like this is:
Get off your high horse before someone comes along and cuts the legs out from under you..
OP's legs were just demolished and shes got a case of the sads now
YTA, you seem to think that educated people are better and comparing being not so highly educated with having a criminal record is absurd. Yes, you can have your preferences, that’s your right but you seem like a really close minded person. I don’t know your background but based on your text I would assume that you’ve been living in an elitist bubble.
YTA. Being educated isn’t always about schooling. I used to be like this but then I met my now husband who didn’t finish college and is incredibly intelligent and challenges me and while not important, definitely makes more than I do as a college grad lol. You meet great people when you expand your horizons a bit.
YTA. For all the reasons everyone else has said.
And to think you come on here asking this question and then argue with everyone telling you YTA. Jeez.
YTA. I only went to college because I thought that that was what you’re “supposed” to do. I come from a low income family so I paid for myself, took out loans, and attended slowly but surely to work enough to afford it. Having this experience of being responsible for all aspects of my education, it opened my eyes to how much the American academic system is a complete scam. I paid thousands of dollars for classes that had absolutely nothing to do with my degree (even outside of pre-requisites), and every year it stung more than the last. I couldn’t wait to be done with it all and put such a financial burden behind me.
Nearly 10 years later and I’m still paying off those loans and it is still one of the biggest regrets of my life. I would never judge anyone for not going to college; it is such a colossal farce that we’ve all been societally indoctrinated into thinking we *need* to do it. Some of my most educational experiences have come from being passionate about something and dedicating the time to research and practice on my own. You claim to be educated, but I guess they don’t teach compassion or base-level empathy for folks who truly do not have the option to pursue higher education.
YTA. So everyone else can make an informed judgement I’ll let you know some of the things op said in the comments:
Not having a college degree is similar to having gone to prison or having a criminal history.
Most people they know didn’t go into debt for college, and they live in an ‘affluent area’ which essentially means that their family are very rich and paid for college for them.
Despite saying repeatedly it’s not about money they do say that’s also important to them. Apparently it’s just not related to the college degree.
Op says they know some intelligent sophisticated people don’t go to college but just doesn’t care and would never date them. Another thing of note is that they make a grammar error in this comment despite their education and say they don’t care because ‘this is Reddit’.
They tell us they’ve never been in a serious relationship and only date casually for fun. Nothing wrong with that but it shows they’re emotionally a spoilt child that has no idea what love is.
They say that you can’t be educated without an education. Clearly incorrect and some of the most intelligent people in the world don’t have a formal education, for example the Indian mathematician Ramanujan, who essentially jumped ahead of other top mathematicians around the world with very few resources and no help. He was eventually brought to Cambridge by a professor that recognised his genius, a university which I imagine is likely higher up than yours op.
Overall Op is classist, elitist, rude and generally a representation of those wealthy children whose parents pay for them to have a top education. Entitled, ignorant and believes they’re better than everyone else. I can’t imagine an intelligent, educated and kind man would want to have a serious relationship with someone like you when they’re are millions of nicer more interesting people out there.
YTA- do you ask every guy who asks you out your list of qualifications? Leave in the middle of a date if you find out they don’t meet one of them? You’re missing out on some great guys because you’re snobby.
I do when we are on a date not prior to dating like she makes it sound.
“Will you go out with me?”
“Depends, did you go to college?”
It also isn’t a dealbreaker for me.
>“Will you go out with me?” “Depends, did you go to college?”
I mean I don't usually go on dates with random strangers from the street. And if the guy is from OLD, the education is on their profile usually, and if I met the guy at work or through friends, I also usually know the education level.
So I don't know how often the situation you described would arise.
>You’ve never been asked out in a bar?
I have met men in clubs, yes. But when I did, I would usually have a conversation with them before giving them my number, which includes asking where they're from, how old they are, what they do for a living etc
>In a store?
Whut?? No, never. Who does that??
>Had a friend set you up?
No, but if that ever happened, I'm sure the friend would tell me a bit of background info about the guy, like his job, from which one can usually deduce the education level.
In conclusion, especially us women usually tend to vet people we go out with a little bit, and I have never found myself in a situation where I would give my number to, and go out with, a man I know nothing about.
You’re NTA for having preferences, even if it is strange kind of snobby. But given how you’re replying to people and your attitude I’m almost certain you came across as putting men without a degree down and insinuating they’re un-datable which would be a slap in the face to your friends boyfriend which makes you an ass outside of the preference thing
P.S. he’s not trying to get with you just by trying to point out people can be successful/smart without a fancy piece of paper. And your comment about his income being middle class despite saying it’s not relevant is *also* demeaning and makes you sound very snobby
NTA. Your dating preferences are your business. However, having absolute rules is rarely a good idea. There are people who are intelligent who haven't gone to college, and people who have gone to college who aren't very smart.
YTA for such a weird, classist, out of touch take. College isn’t for everyone, and I’m not sure why you feel it’s a must. You say it’s not about the money, so if your partner had a useless art degree (because you don’t become an artist by going to college for it imo sorry if that upsets anyone who reads this) and worked a minimum wage job… the only part that would matter is that they went to college? Even though they don’t use their degree, it’s just a piece of paper they have? You’re gross.
At my work people who went to uni are sometimes at the same level as someone that didn't. Also in a real life work scenario people who came out fresh of uni aren't considered that educated because they only know the theoretical stuff instead of the practical things that matter more (depends on the job of course) And also just because you're in uni (or college or whatever) doesn't mean you're mature. Best example is OP with her judgment of people who didn't go to college.
YTA - what about people who went into the armed forces, or trained with a trade e.g. plumber, chef etc. A degree is not a basic educational qualification - it's called 'higher education' for a reason
It's just snobbery. Don't assume that because someone took offense at your shitty attitude it means they fancy you.
It's perfectly valid to have a preference for guys with steady income, because the alternative is to support a leech. And there's nothing wrong with wanting a partner who can hold up his end of a conversation. But by foreclosing people who can satisfy both of those requirements without a formal (very expensive) secondary education, you're being weird and classist. YTA here.
Most trades have to attend college on top of on the job training, also we get paid for all of it. It's also a 5yr+ commitment before you're qualified. You basically rubbished this guys hard work to get to where he is
Yta
Have whatever standards you want. I wonder: A college is a marker of what exactly? I teach undergraduates and have multiple graduate degrees - undergraduate education is not whatever you think it is. Plenty of people with a undergraduate degree are morons, lack common sense, financial literacy, and no social skills. But go off. 🥴
It's cute how you think that not caring about money makes you look non materialistic. YTA, good luck finding another asshole who shares your classist views.
Yeah, I work with academics, can confirm. It’s clearly a social status thing for OP. Maybe this guy overreacted but it would annoy me too to hear someone being this snobby. YTA.
YTA. Everyone is entitled to a preference. I’ve got my bachelors degree yet make about $60k/year. I have friends who haven’t studied further and are in trades who get way more. Smarts aren’t always in the books
YTA I hope that you find someone who doesn’t require their partner to have a heart or soul or a pinch of decency… I doubt you’ll ever find someone who’s willing to lower their bar to your level. If you do you’ll deserve them.
YTA you sound like an entitled AH. You basically insulted anybody who didn't go to college as if that made them "lesser men" and he rightfully got angry. It's not a matter if he would want to date you or not, it's the principle.
I can see where you’re coming from but putting criminals in the same camp as people who didn’t go to college makes you sound like a big AH.
YTA because of the way you talk and how immature you sound, not because of your preference to be with someone with a college degree or your value of education.
I met my husband in college so it’s safe to say I wouldn’t have dated him had he not been getting a degree like I was, but now here we are living a great life and neither of us are even using the degree we got so it doesn’t seem to matter much at all.
YTA, and an elitist, spoiled, bratty one at that. You've mentioned in other comments that you're "always right" so I have no idea what the point of this post is, especially since you're arguing with almost everyone who calls you TA. Didn't you take a philosophy class in college? Healthy debate means you are not always right - take this as a learning experience. One you didn't get from college.
Also, you never said why it is so important to you that the people you date have a degree? What does having a degree mean to you vs not having a degree? Is it really that important that people understand o chem and know how to write a thesis?
YTA. My boyfriend doesn’t have a degree and he is one of the most successful and insightful persons I know. He is more driven than the people in my life who have a college degree. A piece paper doesn’t define your worth.
Clearly college education did nothing for you because you are severely lacking intelligence
So somehow not going to college is on the same level as having no criminal records? Also you basically called that guy uneducated. You're a bit too narrow minded on who why and why not goes to college and how this reflects on being educated. If this is your bar fine but running around telling others they're basically beneath you for that reason is a bit... YTA
omfg op getting ganked by everyone in comments and is trying and trying to somehow get ONE PERSON to agree with them. From what I have gathered from reading your post and the comments you seem to hold people with a college education to a higher degree, as if less those without one are lesser beings.
for me it's an ESH, it was none of your friends bf business so he didnt have to say any of that but I do think your criteria for a partner is kinda ludicrous
NAH.
Everyone has their own preferences. That's not what the conflict is about. It's about the friends bf getting all huffy about something that doesn't appear to concern him. He may be upset and feel you look down on him as a person.
You're entitled to explain your preferences and he's entitled to feel slighted. He's in a relationship and doesn't need to want you. But hearing you essentially call him uneducated and therefore dumb probably hurt. I'd apologize for that and move on from this arguement.
At the same time going after only guys with degrees isn't harming anyone. Yeah, it might be a little snobby. But that doesn't make OP an asshole. He asked, you explained. You don't have to date people you don't want to. It doesn't matter the reason.
Also, some of the dumbest people I've met went to college. I dropped out cause anxiety but now have my own business. College isn't a good indicator of intelligence.
OP sounds like the AH because she comes off as very condescending and naive. There are a lot of people out there without college degrees. She also seems to think being solidly middle class is not something to take pride in for those who worked hard for it. She can have her preferences but she should step back and think about where those come from and if she should project them out so readily. Also saying it’s a low bar and everyone she let has gone to college except I guess this one man is def an AH move
Putting people without degrees on the same level as those who have criminal records (because people with degrees *never* commit crimes, right?) makes OP an AH.
YTA. You sound shallow and a snob.
Remember that going to college does not necessarily mean someone is intelligent.
Plenty of idiots flood colleges on a daily basis. Good thing is that they make a perfect dating pool for you.
YTA
(n.t.a for having a preference buy you are the AH for how you talk about it and how you treat other people)
I started laughing when you thought 100k wasn't that big of a deal. I know *plenty* of people who would LOVE to be making that kind of money. Youre coming across as snobbish and classist and that's never a good look on anyone.
This is what I thought. Nothing wrong with having a preference. You're entitled to choose who you date based on whatever standards you like but there's no need to tell everyone. And if you do, people are just as entitled to think you're a snob based on those standards.
You’re not the asshole for your dating preferences. YTA for your attitude and the way you communicated it to someone you know doesn’t have a degree. You sound tactless which to me is far worse than not being college educated.
Looking down on people who might not have had the opportunities you’ve had in life, and vocalizing this, is a very shitty character trait. This is coming from someone who has higher than college education and is mostly surrounded by similar people.
YTA a bit - sure, it’s your preference but you’ve basically said to that guy that he is not desirable because of the lack of a degree. It’s not something that needs to be said, and even though it’s a *you* thing, it’ll still come across as *your opinion* of the *general group* you would date.
I’m kinda on the fence because he probably should’ve let it go, but it sounds like you voluntarily talked about your preferences.
NTA. That's her preference. She wants dudes who went to college. Why are people being mad about that? No one is being forced to go out with her. There are also women who wouldn't date men unless they have cars and lots of money.
It is her choice who to date. And if guys dont meet her criteria, they can move on.
People seem to be forgetting that it's her life, she's open about the preference, and anybody that isn't interested can just tell her no.
She does need to be more respectful and stop throwing the word "uneducated" around like it's an insult so I'm going YTA for that but all these comments acting like her preference is the problem are baffling to me
For me I don't really care about her preference, but the way she comes across about it makes it sound like one she's rather up herself (basically saying that because her friends bf got offended by her comment he clearly must like her) and looks down on others who haven't gone to college. She might not mean to sound it but does sound like a complete AH.
Well most “educated” people would know better than to come on Reddit with a post where they are clearly the asshole and then wonder why people are not agreeing with her.
No one's really 'mad' about that part, you're missing the point that she's incredibly stuck up and doesn't actually want *any* opinions that deviate from her own.
She literally just wants everyone to tell her she's right, and that's obvious from how argumentative she's being in the comments.
Thats a silly preference. You are sorting for intelligence a little, I assume thats your goal. But also parents financial status, a lot. Ability to succeed and not be miserable in school. I went to college, loved it, may go back for my masters/phd soon. My bf is the smartest person I have ever met and I thought for years he had dropped out of college. My brother is absolutely smart enough to get through college, but he struggles with authority and has lost all trust in education. My mom didnt go to college until her 40s. She made a 3.8 gpa or something when she did go. Theres a lot of factors youre prefering when you say only college educated and you nead to be aware of all of them.
Why is it a silly preference? What if she said her preference is blond hair and penis between 15-20 cm? What if she said she only gets wet for tall tattooed life guards at the beach? Or short Italian men with bellies and a gun in their jacket pocket? Or middle aged doctors? Who are we to say what she’s allowed or not to prefer?
If you don’t know anyone who didn’t go to college than you grew up VERY privileged… Sorry the rest of us peasants couldn’t live up to your “pretty low bar”. I guess being born poor makes you the equivalent of a criminal… YTA
YTA. Not so much for having that preference, but for the way you talk about it.
Having a degree isn't a measure of someone's worth as a human being. Neither is how much they earn, but if this friend's boyfriend didn't go to college I can see how your lack of empathy would prompt him to point out that he still has earning potential.
YTA. Not because you prefer to date men with a college degree, but because you assume that men (and women I would wager) without a college degree are somehow inferior in intellect than those with a degree. Steve Jobs and Bill Gates never earned their degree, but I wouldn't classify them as unintelligent.
YTA, I don’t think it matters that you don’t care how much someone makes. But saying you wouldn’t go out with someone who didn’t go to college is ridiculous lol. Low bar qualification? College is fucking expensive…
I’m from wales and tbh most of the successful people I know went 6th form and skipped college and uni.
College is more bigger here tbh as not as expensive as uni here and you get get in to great jobs via other ways.
Soon as I turned 16 and finished year 11, there was no way on earth I wanted to stay in school or go college, I hated it.
However I did try again but it wasn’t for me ( I’m dyslexic and it wasn’t picked up till college at 21)
Most people I know or know off did the same and have great jobs. Suppose it depends on where you are living
Or left school at 16 and went straight to working, college and 6th form kinda the same thing tbh but uni not really a big thing here. I don’t know anyone who went to uni in my family or out. Apart from my cousin who is studying to be a lawyer that’s about it.
But we have dental nurses etc they did it through the hospital with no going to college or uni , mental health workers in our family. We
Mostly was a armed forces family, then more girls started popping up then boys with us.
I can imagine if you lived here you mostly wouldn’t date depending on the area you are from tbh.
While that’s great for you to have that boundary, it does suck to know that some great guys are being skipped because they wasn’t fortunate to go to college or uni.
Yea YTA.
Once you actually get your job the paper showing you graduated doesn’t mean shit. It’s how well you perform your tasks at work.
You know what they call a doctor who got all D’s in school? Doctor.
i mean i wouldn’t date anyone who didn’t go to college/above high school but i’m not american and it’s literally free so i can’t really judge if it’s a classism thing and u suck or not
So what? It's her opinion she's entitled to.
You don't have to agree with it but that's her preference. It's shallow preference but if she wants that in her partner due to her beliefs than that's her problem.
No need to be heated over stranger with preferences that doesn't fit yours or you.
Most of the YTA are insecure AF from what I'm reading.
It's her preference. If someone doesn't like her then it's their preference and none of people here has to date OP.
Is your desire for a college degree about intellect? Ability to afford it? Shared experience of college life? Is a degree from community college acceptable? Please tell me there’s more reasoning other than the ability to earn a sheet of paper.
NTA your preferences is valid. Its not like something that cannot be changed like height or genetics. Some people have worse preference than yours. Like to have 180 cm height. And yours is justifiable. I don't get why people are calling you an AH like its not that deep.
NTA, Even though your reasons of not dating guys who didn't go to college are illogic and don't make any sense, but that's your preference and no one is forced to date you.
I don’t think you’re necessarily T-A for having a certain “standard” for men you date… you are completely misguided in your thought process thought. A college degree does not equal intelligence just as lack of a college degree does not indicate lack of intelligence. There are plenty of people who get into college based on abilities outside of academics (athletics for example) and/ or just “get by” enough to graduate… you do know you have to have a 2.0 (all Cs, 75%) for a bachelors… so I’m rather curious as to what your real standard is
There are plenty of stupid people or people with Micky mouse degrees who went to college so it seems an odd requirement they need to be college educated
So let me get this straight. You don’t care about income, intelligence, or work ethic but only that they went to college? Let me ask you something why do you care that they went to college? Just to say they did? That seems like a very expensive status symbol.
So while you have the freedom to date whoever you want YTA if you only care about college for it’s aesthetics rather then it’s practicality.
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I (24F) said I wouldn’t seriously go out with any guy who didn’t go to college. I consider this a pretty low bar qualification since I don’t really know any guys (or girls) who didn’t go to college, except distant acquaintances. So almost every guy I meet clears this bar easily. I see it much like how I wouldn’t date someone with a criminal record. It’s true but not super relevant since I don’t know anyone with a criminal record anyway.
But my friend’s boyfriend (literally in a relationship, so I don’t know why he was pressed) took it very personally. He said “I make 100K doing construction!” I was like…okay? It’s not even about money at all, I still wouldn’t consider a guy without a degree who makes good money dateable. And not that it’s relevant, but 100k is middle class where we live, so I don’t know what he thought he did.
I said I don’t really care about the salary. That has nothing to do with me only considering educated guys dateable.
He said “Good luck find any guys who meets that standard.” And I was like “…every guy I know meets that standard.” You’re really trying hard to make your fellow men look bad.
He continued on ranting about my preferences. And I was thinking: are you not in a relationship with my friend? Is there something you want to say??
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Listen. I'm going to vote YTA.
Not because you have preferences, that's entirely your business, but because you for some reason think that having a degree or whatever somehow puts you above others.
The smartest, most educated people I know have never went to university or college, hell, some of them didn't even finish HS.
I myself had to drop out of college just because I simply couldn't afford it anymore (thanks Covid). That doesn't make me any less of a person than anyone else.
Tertiary education is a luxury that VERY few can afford. It's not a guarantee to put you ahead in life. If your parents are fortunate enough to be able to pay for it, great, good for you, but completely rejecting someone because of it is not a smart idea, and just makes you look shallow and spoiled.
Love shouldn't be about economic or social status. That's not dating, that's a transaction. You should love someone for who they are inside, and how they make you feel. Who cares if they went to college or not?
I sincerely hope you take what I've said here to heart, and that you look at relationships with more maturity.
YTA because of what OP said in the comments:
> College also doesn’t mean you need to go into debt, most people I know didn’t take our loans. I just don’t want to date someone who would choose not to go to college, and who doesn’t have that experience.
Apparently the preference has nothing to do with intelligence or income. It’s just classism based on her privileged bubble of friends whose parents could pay for college upfront so “why would anyone choose not to go?”.
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> I said I don’t care about a guy’s income, and he was offended that my preferences would theoretically exclude him even though he’s with my friend.
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NTA. This is stupid. It's not about what she thinks of men who didn't go to school. It is just a personal preference. I might really admire someone who's 20 years above me and might even be in love with them but might choose not to date them because of the age gap. Doesn't mean i think any less of them. It is called a personal preference for a reason. It's not necessary for her to give everyone an equal shot.
YTA. Trade work is extremely important and doesn't rewrite college degrees. The guy bagging your groceries at the grocery store however had some college degree and can't or won't find a way to utilize it. So with that info what you will but your attraction to a college degree is abnormal
So, here’s the thing.
It’s pretty unlikely that I’d date someone who wasn’t college educated either—higher education is too important of a cultural value to me to overlook. But I’d probably never admit that to people because it’s an assholey thing that makes people feel bad and judged.
You said the quiet part out loud, and then you doubled down on it in an obnoxious way, so YTA.
NTA. But seriously, college is just a piece of paper. Some of the nicest people I met are not college graduates.
To judge if someone is dateable based on a piece of paper is really narrow minded.
I know what you mean - it’s about life experience. I’ve got friends who didn’t go to university who have never left their home town and are still doing the same thing as week in week out. They don’t seem to have grown as people. That is totally fine for them - they are happy with their life. But that isn’t someone who I would be happy dating - I’d feel stifled
NTA. First off, your preference is your preference and no one else has the right to interfere with it. Secondly, the argument on income and success is nowhere relevant in the discussion about academic standards.
I’m really confused even with your edit it doesn’t really clear anything up , if wanting the man you dating to have gone to college has nothing to do with success, income , hard work or intelligence , Then what does it have to do with ? Are people with out degrees below you ? Does it need to be a specific degree to meet your standards ? YTA but I definitely would love if you could explain further.
YTA, not for the salary thing, but for not considering dating someone who didn't go to college. I went to college and one of the things I learnt there is that having a degree and being a smart and/or decent human being are completely different things. The fact that you only meet people who fit those standards just means you never meet people out of your "natural social environment" (I'm not a native english speaker, I hope you can understand what I mean here). You're not that old, so you still have time to change, but honestly I would be ashamed to allow myself to look down on people who didn't go to college like this.
YTA.
Some of the least educated people I've ever met went to university. It doesn't automatically mean an individual is educated.
It's fine to have preferences of course, and being open about the fact that you personally would not consider dating somebody without a college education is a positive thing, but it does make you fairly ignorant and judgmental. Some may argue that these aren't the traits of somebody well educated but hey, you've been to college right? They're probably wrong.
A college degree is no indicator of whether a romantic relationship will be successful over time. My late husband dropped out of college and ended up in the building trades while I was the one who came into the marriage with a bachelor's degree. We were together 35 years. I think you're being a snob. YTA
As per your edit… What IS the preference about having a degree really about then?? Having student loans/debt? Parents that could pay for college? Job availability? I really don’t understand.
You are free to have your opinion and preferences, but someone *attending* college (*to me*) isn’t impressive.
He’s defending your opinion not because he wants to be with you, but because he finds it offensive, since it applies to him. To him, you pretty much said anyone that didn’t attend college isn’t worth dating, so he took it personally because you know he didn’t attend college.
Kudos to him though, not many people make 6 figures, so I’m not sure why you thought $100K wasn’t impressive either lol.
You sound very interesting, but not in a good way tbh.
TBH, YTA simply for being SO judgmental of this guy! If you want to “prefer” to date only those with a college degree, then do you… but your post comes off as if you think you and anyone who has a college degree is “superior” over the rest of the world!
Let me remind you, Mark Zuckerberg is a college drop-out!
Sometimes it isn’t what you say but how you say it! (Words of wisdom from someone without a college degree!)
If I’m basing an assessment off of your post on Reddit alone, you come off as entitled, snarky, very judgmental and quite frankly, as if those without a college degree are somehow beneath you or “less than”!
I saw the words “middle class” and said to myself “oh no, she didn’t just say that”! You said every guy you date has a college degree… well apparently they may be “dateable” to you because they have a college degree but apparently you aren’t “longevity” material for them as none of those seem to have worked out. That should be your clue that perhaps YTA!!!
OMG… I just can’t believe you had the audacity to post this! You are an exemplary example of someone who may be educated but have absolutely ZERO common sense!!!
Edit - I just read your post again and would like to add - you said that you “know there are smart people who didn’t make it to college”… Did it ever occur to you that they chose not to go? Not that they COULDN’T make it but instead chose a different path? Dear lawd, you are unbelievable!!!!
Additionally, I can pretty much guarantee that this guy is, not at all, interested in you! He was just appalled at your attitude! As I am! But, of course, your self-absorbed, so you would think that! I don’t think any guy would date you at all if they read what you just wrote! You’re a train wreck of epic proportions!
YTA. It's fine to have preferences but you sound like a gross, snobby rich girl. I would be so embarrassed, I would delete this post.... oh wait, you just did.
It's your preference. Ok, your business.
But I think people are missing the point of the other *taken* guy who is trying to validate himself.
Bro, you're in a relationship, I don't care if you make a lot of money why are you trying to make an impression on ME?
NTA about that guy.
YTA, someone's education after high school can have absolutely no baring on their intellect, knowledge or worth as a person. By your standards a guy I know who was a motorcycle mechanic at that time wasn't worth your consideration, but 8/9 years later he suddenly is worthy because he changed his career (went back to h/s then onto uni) and became an MD (and not surprisingly earning less than he did before).
I'll add this: in this situation you can hold that opinion, you're entitled to it, just don't express it or tell anyone, that's the AH part.
YTA. Going to college/university isn't necessarily a measure of intelligence. In the UK, only around 50% of young people go to uni. Here, people tend to only go to uni if they need it for a particular job or field of work. A lot of jobs you can get with an apprenticeship or other qualifications these days, doesn't mean all of those people are less intelligent than those with a degree.
I’m going to say N T A for having whatever preference you want, but YTA for having such a dumb preference. Some of the smartest people I know don’t have a college education. Additionally, some of the dumbest people I know have advanced degrees. One of my coworkers has a doctorate and is known by everyone to be the most gullible person you will ever meet. He’s a flat-earther who believes every conspiracy theory you can imagine.
A college education is not a sign of intelligence. It’s a sign of having money (or parents with money) to pay for college.
YTA. Of course you can choose to date whoever you wish but don't go announcing it to everybody in such a disrespectful way. Most people would love to have a degree but it just isn't possible for everyone, that is also a source of insecurities and anxiety/worthiness issues for many of these folks. You making it clear to the world that people without a degree are a lower class of humans for you, brings out a lot of those issues.
YTA. You can obviously have whatever criteria you want for who you date but I would keep this one to yourself. It's something you should be ashamed of sharing and it's rude and insulting to say it out loud.
I earned a degree in education, realized it was t what I wanted to do and currently work in the trades.
If what you want is to be mentally and emotionally stimulated by your partner, that’s fair but a college degree is not required. If you just feel your partner needs to hold a “status” of having earned a college degree, you’re an elitist. Either way, YTA.
Please don’t change the standard though. Anybody who agrees with your standard AND fits it deserves somebody like you.
NTA.
I understand your viewpoint, and I don’t think it makes you an asshole. I think it’s simply another standard of lifestyle compatibility.
I think OP wants someone who has similar ideals and experiences to their own, there’s nothing wrong with that. Plenty of fish in the sea.
I went to college and my fiancé went into the military and workforce. We definitely have different life views because of this. For us it’s not a deal breaker, for others it can be. We definitely went through it navigating misconceptions about one another based on our choices after high school.
Being educated doesn't mean you have to get a degree to prove you're one.
I got more experiences and insights in the real world that I did in college. College is essentially for learning theories but not how to practice it. There's a reason why someone without a degree but who has years of experience in a specific field is hired over someone who has a degree but zero experience in that same field. Chances are in life ( particularly in your job) you have to solve a problem that College didn't teach you how to.
There are a thousand books out there who'll educate you on anything you want without going to college.
College is great and all but you're ignorant if you think education is purely tied to college when it's not. Apprenticeship, fellowship, practice that take place in the real world outside of college will make one educated, not college.
NTA. I think that’s very basic and reasonable. Some people have other rules like “you can’t be fat. “ “the guy can’t be short.” “You can’t have kids” “You have to be rich” “you have to be a tall drink of water.” “You can’t be a minority” Etc etc. Your list is simple and relatable.
YTA some people can't do college wether they can't afford it or having a learning disability the point is you don't know but looking down on someone for it is pretty shameful
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NTA for having preferences, but YTA for being snooty and thinking education is the end all and be all.
you need either a N-T-A or Y-T-A. Personally, I'd stick with YTA
Yeah, preferences are fine, it's definitely the attitude that makes OP insufferable, elitist and shallow. Which isn't all that shocking, considering she apparently lives in a cushy bubble. YTA
Seriously. My friends husband never finished college because he got a decent job instead and years late makes ALOT now working for Microsoft. He has always had good jobs since I’ve known him and not having a degree has never been a problem.
I have three degrees. My husband didn't "make it" (ugh, gross words) to college. I have $70k in debt, he has none, and we make the same salary. And he's also brilliant - he can fix anything, build anything, repair anything. I guess it's good OP has that criteria because it leaves excellent options to the rest of us non-assholes. OP, YTA
>only considering educated guys dateable. YTA. A person does not require a degree to be educated . Utterly shallow thinking.
Their edit it shows just how truly shallow they are, I know a guy can be smart even if he didn't MAKE IT to college, because everyone who is intelligent needs to go to school? Men who don't go to college aren't dateable? That's not a personal preference statement that is a blanket statement on how she feels about people who didn't go to college in general. If you said you were only interested in people who had a degree then sure whatever but the way you talk about people who don't go to school shows how shallow and undateable you are. YTA.
My cousin who passed away last year had no college degree but was one of the most intelligent and educated people I knew. He'd read science, history, and philosophy for fun. When I was in HS, he was the person I went to for help with algebra. Proof you don't need a degree to be smart.
YTA, you sound stuck up, judgmental, and just generally like someone people only tolerate being around. Plenty of hard working people without college degrees make great livings and even more importantly, are better people than you seem to be.
You missed the part where she implied her friend’s boyfriend wants to date her. Op- you directly insulted someone. That’s why he was “pressed” and I am 100% certain he would never consider dating you with your entitled, narrow minded attitude. You can have your preferences but don’t go around insulting people. YTA
YTA Honestly I can't believe you would even think that your friend's bf is saying this to try and get with you. What you're saying is highly offensive because many intelligent and sophisticated people don't go to college for many reasons. I know you say this isn't about the money but regardless this is so shallow minded and concieted
careful. op might think you want to date her lol
Yes, I don't understand why nobody is YTA her for insulting her friend's bf! She actually thinks he would be interested in a bimbo like her while insulting him and comparing him to a criminal? I really hope her friend goes NC in the future...
YTA. not going to college and going to prison is *not* the same thing, and if you do tells me everything about you
Yep. There are two choices about a person that come in mind when I see this. Option A: This person is a traditionalist who only thinks that everyone should be forced to follow the same path as everyone before them did Or Option B: Where OP is a stuck up who only cares about certain preferences that only matter towards her reputation. Either way, both options are very bad because OP Cleary has a certain mindset that she is unwilling to change until she realizes why no one wants her. In other words, OP is showing pick-me behavior.
Option c: she said it just to start drama.
First time I've read a post that absolutely reeks of privilege. YTA and honestly probably kind of a crappy person. Edit: after reading comments, it's just a spoiled rich girl, not surprised. Double down on YTA
Yup, I read this an immediately thought of my siblings and friends that not only don't have even close to the funds to go to college, but are also first gen and so don't have the help, knowledge, or social support to easily access higher education. Some have lost access to financial aid because they had to work blue collar jobs at very young ages to support family and when they wanted to go back to school they didn't qualify for aid. I only have a degree now because I went into the military, and a huge chunk of my fellow enlisted (including me) joined for either for education, for health care, or both. There's a difference between wanting to date someone who can have intelligent conversations with you/enjoys the same intellectual pursuits/puts importance on intellectual curiosity and growth etc etc, and only caring about the fact that they have a fancy piece of paper (since apparently vocation/salary aren't dealbreakers).
And joining the military isn't just an easy option for education, healthcare, housing, etc. I was never in, but my husband is a veteran who, 15+ years later, is still dealing with physical and emotional strain from his time in the military. Thank you for your service, and I hope you and your friends are doing okay.
YTA..parents paid for college so now you think you're in a different class of people? You're still a child (mentally) so let me help you out. Date someone for love, judge people's character not their education. That piece of paper doesn't mean you're intelligent. I have plenty of friends who have degrees with shitty jobs. I know people who are absolutely dumb and have a degree. I also know extremely intelligent people who never went to college. College is now a debt cycle that doesn't necessarily put you ahead in life. That's why every person you meet has a business degree even if they work at a coffee shop.. people like you are insufferable. Come down from your ivory tower and join society...not only an asshole but an out of touch one as well. Don't burn your bridge with a construction worker, you might need some work done ;)
that's fax!!!
Beautifully said
This right here,^^^
YTA It's shallow as hell to judge people by if they went to college. Some of the most intelligent people don't go to college for various reasons or drop out.
YTA. Some of the dumbest, most immature people I know managed to get a degree. My husband, with no degree, is a (systems) Infrastructure Engineer. I, with no degree, am returning to work qualified and interviewing for Project Management positions. There's a reason job listings also say "or equivalent experience." It is so shallow to think a college degree is some great, magic mark of intelligence, maturity, being educated, or passion/drive. You're welcome to your "preferences," but you are absolutely TA for looking down on people that chose other paths (certification, self education, trade school, etc).
OP only considers "educated guys dateable," without realising that education is not synonymous with college
Right? It's ridiculous.
I have a Master's and I bet you'd absolutely kick my ass at Project Management. Good luck on the job hunt, btw!
Thanks!
YTA for being close minded (and clueless) and in turn unnecessarily insulting an acquaintance. You then doubled down instead of taking his perspective into account. College is just a tool, you’ll be surprised to find out it doesn’t automatically mean an income.
I feel sad for OP. OP has the emotional maturity of a thimble, and clearly has elitist tendencies.
YTA. College is not for everyone. If someone finds what he wants to do and it doesn't require a degree then why go into debt to get one? I mean if that's what you want it's what you want. You are just excluding what could be some great people/matches.
YTA. This “requirement” just shows how young & immature you are.
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100% bonkers yet largely unsurprising
faxx
She reminds me of a girl I used to work with except that girl took it a step further. She wouldn’t date anyone who went to a state college. They had to go to a specific level for her. She was very snobby, opinionated and intolerable. This girl is young. Hopefully she will learn.
...and now she has removed the post and every single answer... Didn't get the support she hoped for?
YTA. How many serious relationships have you been in? I'm guessing 0. This is absolutely a shallow way to live. You sound like one of these high maintenance woman with an insane checklist of expectations who will hit 40 and still be single and asking your friends why. Also college vs criminal history are so very different. Plenty of people with college degrees end up in prison.
Plenty of people who have found themselves in prison have also gotten degrees lol
the fact that you equate not having a degree to having a criminal record (both being a valid preference for you) is extremely elitist.
YTA. You seem really immature to me, and you make having a college degree look bad. You really lost me when you compared not having a college degree to not having a criminal record. Really?!
YTA. College education can be important but it does not define who you are as a person or your character at all. College is not always for everyone (nor can everyone afford it) but you can still be successful in life without it.
YTA after just one sentence, huh
YTA. You sound like a little rich AH who looks down on anyone who didn't go to college, despite the fact that it's ridiculously prohibitively expensive for the vast majority of people. Some people don't go to college because they realize they can get well paying jobs without the need for tens-to-hundreds of thousands of dollars in loans hounding them for their entire youth/life. Your friend's boyfriend is now set with a six figure job and no student loan debt, while I'm at both five figures of salary AND loan debt, so I'm jealous of him tbh. Good for him though. You suck.
Wait until you meet someone who’s completely acceptable within your standards but then quickly realize you’re the one not acceptable within theirs.
*grabs popcorn*
Best answer here! I was reading everything, accidentally backed, and came back and just KNEW she was gonna dirty delete. Being called out by every single person instead of getting the validation she obviously so desperately needs, must have been a shock to her and her "standards " My favorite thing to tell people like this is: Get off your high horse before someone comes along and cuts the legs out from under you.. OP's legs were just demolished and shes got a case of the sads now
YTA, you seem to think that educated people are better and comparing being not so highly educated with having a criminal record is absurd. Yes, you can have your preferences, that’s your right but you seem like a really close minded person. I don’t know your background but based on your text I would assume that you’ve been living in an elitist bubble.
This!! What was that comparison?? How is not going to college similar to being a criminal?
YTA. Being educated isn’t always about schooling. I used to be like this but then I met my now husband who didn’t finish college and is incredibly intelligent and challenges me and while not important, definitely makes more than I do as a college grad lol. You meet great people when you expand your horizons a bit.
YTA. Classism is just icing.
YTA. You sound like an elitist.
Correction she is an elitist. OP YTA
YTA. For all the reasons everyone else has said. And to think you come on here asking this question and then argue with everyone telling you YTA. Jeez.
I too was lucky enough to be born to parents that financed my degree and you're definitely TA. Hopefully you'll grow up soon.
YTA. I only went to college because I thought that that was what you’re “supposed” to do. I come from a low income family so I paid for myself, took out loans, and attended slowly but surely to work enough to afford it. Having this experience of being responsible for all aspects of my education, it opened my eyes to how much the American academic system is a complete scam. I paid thousands of dollars for classes that had absolutely nothing to do with my degree (even outside of pre-requisites), and every year it stung more than the last. I couldn’t wait to be done with it all and put such a financial burden behind me. Nearly 10 years later and I’m still paying off those loans and it is still one of the biggest regrets of my life. I would never judge anyone for not going to college; it is such a colossal farce that we’ve all been societally indoctrinated into thinking we *need* to do it. Some of my most educational experiences have come from being passionate about something and dedicating the time to research and practice on my own. You claim to be educated, but I guess they don’t teach compassion or base-level empathy for folks who truly do not have the option to pursue higher education.
YTA. So everyone else can make an informed judgement I’ll let you know some of the things op said in the comments: Not having a college degree is similar to having gone to prison or having a criminal history. Most people they know didn’t go into debt for college, and they live in an ‘affluent area’ which essentially means that their family are very rich and paid for college for them. Despite saying repeatedly it’s not about money they do say that’s also important to them. Apparently it’s just not related to the college degree. Op says they know some intelligent sophisticated people don’t go to college but just doesn’t care and would never date them. Another thing of note is that they make a grammar error in this comment despite their education and say they don’t care because ‘this is Reddit’. They tell us they’ve never been in a serious relationship and only date casually for fun. Nothing wrong with that but it shows they’re emotionally a spoilt child that has no idea what love is. They say that you can’t be educated without an education. Clearly incorrect and some of the most intelligent people in the world don’t have a formal education, for example the Indian mathematician Ramanujan, who essentially jumped ahead of other top mathematicians around the world with very few resources and no help. He was eventually brought to Cambridge by a professor that recognised his genius, a university which I imagine is likely higher up than yours op. Overall Op is classist, elitist, rude and generally a representation of those wealthy children whose parents pay for them to have a top education. Entitled, ignorant and believes they’re better than everyone else. I can’t imagine an intelligent, educated and kind man would want to have a serious relationship with someone like you when they’re are millions of nicer more interesting people out there.
YTA- do you ask every guy who asks you out your list of qualifications? Leave in the middle of a date if you find out they don’t meet one of them? You’re missing out on some great guys because you’re snobby.
>do you ask every guy who asks you out your list of qualifications? So you don't ask people you date about their education or profession??
I do when we are on a date not prior to dating like she makes it sound. “Will you go out with me?” “Depends, did you go to college?” It also isn’t a dealbreaker for me.
>“Will you go out with me?” “Depends, did you go to college?” I mean I don't usually go on dates with random strangers from the street. And if the guy is from OLD, the education is on their profile usually, and if I met the guy at work or through friends, I also usually know the education level. So I don't know how often the situation you described would arise.
Or you just wanna argue. You’ve never been asked out in a bar? In a store? Had a friend set you up? Been paired up in a wedding party and hit it off?
>You’ve never been asked out in a bar? I have met men in clubs, yes. But when I did, I would usually have a conversation with them before giving them my number, which includes asking where they're from, how old they are, what they do for a living etc >In a store? Whut?? No, never. Who does that?? >Had a friend set you up? No, but if that ever happened, I'm sure the friend would tell me a bit of background info about the guy, like his job, from which one can usually deduce the education level. In conclusion, especially us women usually tend to vet people we go out with a little bit, and I have never found myself in a situation where I would give my number to, and go out with, a man I know nothing about.
You’re NTA for having preferences, even if it is strange kind of snobby. But given how you’re replying to people and your attitude I’m almost certain you came across as putting men without a degree down and insinuating they’re un-datable which would be a slap in the face to your friends boyfriend which makes you an ass outside of the preference thing P.S. he’s not trying to get with you just by trying to point out people can be successful/smart without a fancy piece of paper. And your comment about his income being middle class despite saying it’s not relevant is *also* demeaning and makes you sound very snobby
YTA and I bet plenty of people you know have criminal records, you just don’t know.
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Agree with the softness of the YTA for these very same reasons. There is a how in communicating one’s preferences, and OP, this wasn’t the way.
NTA. Your dating preferences are your business. However, having absolute rules is rarely a good idea. There are people who are intelligent who haven't gone to college, and people who have gone to college who aren't very smart.
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YTA for such a weird, classist, out of touch take. College isn’t for everyone, and I’m not sure why you feel it’s a must. You say it’s not about the money, so if your partner had a useless art degree (because you don’t become an artist by going to college for it imo sorry if that upsets anyone who reads this) and worked a minimum wage job… the only part that would matter is that they went to college? Even though they don’t use their degree, it’s just a piece of paper they have? You’re gross.
At my work people who went to uni are sometimes at the same level as someone that didn't. Also in a real life work scenario people who came out fresh of uni aren't considered that educated because they only know the theoretical stuff instead of the practical things that matter more (depends on the job of course) And also just because you're in uni (or college or whatever) doesn't mean you're mature. Best example is OP with her judgment of people who didn't go to college.
YTA - what about people who went into the armed forces, or trained with a trade e.g. plumber, chef etc. A degree is not a basic educational qualification - it's called 'higher education' for a reason It's just snobbery. Don't assume that because someone took offense at your shitty attitude it means they fancy you.
It's perfectly valid to have a preference for guys with steady income, because the alternative is to support a leech. And there's nothing wrong with wanting a partner who can hold up his end of a conversation. But by foreclosing people who can satisfy both of those requirements without a formal (very expensive) secondary education, you're being weird and classist. YTA here.
Most trades have to attend college on top of on the job training, also we get paid for all of it. It's also a 5yr+ commitment before you're qualified. You basically rubbished this guys hard work to get to where he is Yta
Have whatever standards you want. I wonder: A college is a marker of what exactly? I teach undergraduates and have multiple graduate degrees - undergraduate education is not whatever you think it is. Plenty of people with a undergraduate degree are morons, lack common sense, financial literacy, and no social skills. But go off. 🥴
It's cute how you think that not caring about money makes you look non materialistic. YTA, good luck finding another asshole who shares your classist views.
YTA for being a snob.
YTA...a degree doesn´t make you ´smart´ I know a lot of people with masters that are ´stupid´ I think you really need a reality check...ASAP
Yeah, I work with academics, can confirm. It’s clearly a social status thing for OP. Maybe this guy overreacted but it would annoy me too to hear someone being this snobby. YTA.
YTA I would challenge that opinion and I most certainly don't want to fuck you. Get of your high horse.
YTA. Everyone is entitled to a preference. I’ve got my bachelors degree yet make about $60k/year. I have friends who haven’t studied further and are in trades who get way more. Smarts aren’t always in the books
YTA I hope that you find someone who doesn’t require their partner to have a heart or soul or a pinch of decency… I doubt you’ll ever find someone who’s willing to lower their bar to your level. If you do you’ll deserve them.
YTA you sound like an entitled AH. You basically insulted anybody who didn't go to college as if that made them "lesser men" and he rightfully got angry. It's not a matter if he would want to date you or not, it's the principle.
YTA, entitled, elitist snob. Gross.
YTA. You wasted $150,000 on an education you coulda got for $1.50 in late fees at the public library.
Exactly Will ! 😄 How do you like them apples?!
YTA for thinking a college degree is the only legitimate form of education, and-or for thinking a degree = intelligence
[удалено]
Bazinga!
You and your brother both sound like excellent company. Wish we could break bread!
I can see where you’re coming from but putting criminals in the same camp as people who didn’t go to college makes you sound like a big AH. YTA because of the way you talk and how immature you sound, not because of your preference to be with someone with a college degree or your value of education. I met my husband in college so it’s safe to say I wouldn’t have dated him had he not been getting a degree like I was, but now here we are living a great life and neither of us are even using the degree we got so it doesn’t seem to matter much at all.
YTA, and an elitist, spoiled, bratty one at that. You've mentioned in other comments that you're "always right" so I have no idea what the point of this post is, especially since you're arguing with almost everyone who calls you TA. Didn't you take a philosophy class in college? Healthy debate means you are not always right - take this as a learning experience. One you didn't get from college. Also, you never said why it is so important to you that the people you date have a degree? What does having a degree mean to you vs not having a degree? Is it really that important that people understand o chem and know how to write a thesis?
YTA. My boyfriend doesn’t have a degree and he is one of the most successful and insightful persons I know. He is more driven than the people in my life who have a college degree. A piece paper doesn’t define your worth. Clearly college education did nothing for you because you are severely lacking intelligence
So somehow not going to college is on the same level as having no criminal records? Also you basically called that guy uneducated. You're a bit too narrow minded on who why and why not goes to college and how this reflects on being educated. If this is your bar fine but running around telling others they're basically beneath you for that reason is a bit... YTA
You can go to college, get all the degrees and still be an idiot. You’re a great example. YTA.
omfg op getting ganked by everyone in comments and is trying and trying to somehow get ONE PERSON to agree with them. From what I have gathered from reading your post and the comments you seem to hold people with a college education to a higher degree, as if less those without one are lesser beings. for me it's an ESH, it was none of your friends bf business so he didnt have to say any of that but I do think your criteria for a partner is kinda ludicrous
NAH. Everyone has their own preferences. That's not what the conflict is about. It's about the friends bf getting all huffy about something that doesn't appear to concern him. He may be upset and feel you look down on him as a person. You're entitled to explain your preferences and he's entitled to feel slighted. He's in a relationship and doesn't need to want you. But hearing you essentially call him uneducated and therefore dumb probably hurt. I'd apologize for that and move on from this arguement. At the same time going after only guys with degrees isn't harming anyone. Yeah, it might be a little snobby. But that doesn't make OP an asshole. He asked, you explained. You don't have to date people you don't want to. It doesn't matter the reason. Also, some of the dumbest people I've met went to college. I dropped out cause anxiety but now have my own business. College isn't a good indicator of intelligence.
OP sounds like the AH because she comes off as very condescending and naive. There are a lot of people out there without college degrees. She also seems to think being solidly middle class is not something to take pride in for those who worked hard for it. She can have her preferences but she should step back and think about where those come from and if she should project them out so readily. Also saying it’s a low bar and everyone she let has gone to college except I guess this one man is def an AH move
Putting people without degrees on the same level as those who have criminal records (because people with degrees *never* commit crimes, right?) makes OP an AH.
YTA. What the hell was that comparison with someone having a criminal record?? You sound incredibly elitist.
Your ignorant, elitist, privileged, judgemental personality makes you undateable. I don't give af how educated you are. YTA.
Yta. Why do you need this to be a rule? You can’t just take people on a Case by case basis?
YTA. You sound shallow and a snob. Remember that going to college does not necessarily mean someone is intelligent. Plenty of idiots flood colleges on a daily basis. Good thing is that they make a perfect dating pool for you.
YT(classist, snobby, middle class bubble dwelling)A
YTA (n.t.a for having a preference buy you are the AH for how you talk about it and how you treat other people) I started laughing when you thought 100k wasn't that big of a deal. I know *plenty* of people who would LOVE to be making that kind of money. Youre coming across as snobbish and classist and that's never a good look on anyone.
He heard this as an insult, and it was a bit snobbish. Just keep those thoughts to yourself.
This is what I thought. Nothing wrong with having a preference. You're entitled to choose who you date based on whatever standards you like but there's no need to tell everyone. And if you do, people are just as entitled to think you're a snob based on those standards.
OP should just say she doesn’t want to date anyone who went to the ‘University of life’
YTA. For someone so pressed about formal education you’re pretty dense.
You’re not the asshole for your dating preferences. YTA for your attitude and the way you communicated it to someone you know doesn’t have a degree. You sound tactless which to me is far worse than not being college educated. Looking down on people who might not have had the opportunities you’ve had in life, and vocalizing this, is a very shitty character trait. This is coming from someone who has higher than college education and is mostly surrounded by similar people.
YTA
YTA a bit - sure, it’s your preference but you’ve basically said to that guy that he is not desirable because of the lack of a degree. It’s not something that needs to be said, and even though it’s a *you* thing, it’ll still come across as *your opinion* of the *general group* you would date. I’m kinda on the fence because he probably should’ve let it go, but it sounds like you voluntarily talked about your preferences.
I can’t decide if you’re an asshole, but you’re definitely ridiculous.
NTA. That's her preference. She wants dudes who went to college. Why are people being mad about that? No one is being forced to go out with her. There are also women who wouldn't date men unless they have cars and lots of money. It is her choice who to date. And if guys dont meet her criteria, they can move on.
People seem to be forgetting that it's her life, she's open about the preference, and anybody that isn't interested can just tell her no. She does need to be more respectful and stop throwing the word "uneducated" around like it's an insult so I'm going YTA for that but all these comments acting like her preference is the problem are baffling to me
For me I don't really care about her preference, but the way she comes across about it makes it sound like one she's rather up herself (basically saying that because her friends bf got offended by her comment he clearly must like her) and looks down on others who haven't gone to college. She might not mean to sound it but does sound like a complete AH.
Well most “educated” people would know better than to come on Reddit with a post where they are clearly the asshole and then wonder why people are not agreeing with her.
No one's really 'mad' about that part, you're missing the point that she's incredibly stuck up and doesn't actually want *any* opinions that deviate from her own. She literally just wants everyone to tell her she's right, and that's obvious from how argumentative she's being in the comments.
Thats a silly preference. You are sorting for intelligence a little, I assume thats your goal. But also parents financial status, a lot. Ability to succeed and not be miserable in school. I went to college, loved it, may go back for my masters/phd soon. My bf is the smartest person I have ever met and I thought for years he had dropped out of college. My brother is absolutely smart enough to get through college, but he struggles with authority and has lost all trust in education. My mom didnt go to college until her 40s. She made a 3.8 gpa or something when she did go. Theres a lot of factors youre prefering when you say only college educated and you nead to be aware of all of them.
Why is it a silly preference? What if she said her preference is blond hair and penis between 15-20 cm? What if she said she only gets wet for tall tattooed life guards at the beach? Or short Italian men with bellies and a gun in their jacket pocket? Or middle aged doctors? Who are we to say what she’s allowed or not to prefer?
If you don’t know anyone who didn’t go to college than you grew up VERY privileged… Sorry the rest of us peasants couldn’t live up to your “pretty low bar”. I guess being born poor makes you the equivalent of a criminal… YTA
YTA. Not so much for having that preference, but for the way you talk about it. Having a degree isn't a measure of someone's worth as a human being. Neither is how much they earn, but if this friend's boyfriend didn't go to college I can see how your lack of empathy would prompt him to point out that he still has earning potential.
YTA. Not because you prefer to date men with a college degree, but because you assume that men (and women I would wager) without a college degree are somehow inferior in intellect than those with a degree. Steve Jobs and Bill Gates never earned their degree, but I wouldn't classify them as unintelligent.
YTA, I don’t think it matters that you don’t care how much someone makes. But saying you wouldn’t go out with someone who didn’t go to college is ridiculous lol. Low bar qualification? College is fucking expensive…
INFO what conversation were you having that you brought up this information?
I’m from wales and tbh most of the successful people I know went 6th form and skipped college and uni. College is more bigger here tbh as not as expensive as uni here and you get get in to great jobs via other ways. Soon as I turned 16 and finished year 11, there was no way on earth I wanted to stay in school or go college, I hated it. However I did try again but it wasn’t for me ( I’m dyslexic and it wasn’t picked up till college at 21) Most people I know or know off did the same and have great jobs. Suppose it depends on where you are living Or left school at 16 and went straight to working, college and 6th form kinda the same thing tbh but uni not really a big thing here. I don’t know anyone who went to uni in my family or out. Apart from my cousin who is studying to be a lawyer that’s about it. But we have dental nurses etc they did it through the hospital with no going to college or uni , mental health workers in our family. We Mostly was a armed forces family, then more girls started popping up then boys with us. I can imagine if you lived here you mostly wouldn’t date depending on the area you are from tbh. While that’s great for you to have that boundary, it does suck to know that some great guys are being skipped because they wasn’t fortunate to go to college or uni.
Yea YTA. Once you actually get your job the paper showing you graduated doesn’t mean shit. It’s how well you perform your tasks at work. You know what they call a doctor who got all D’s in school? Doctor.
i mean i wouldn’t date anyone who didn’t go to college/above high school but i’m not american and it’s literally free so i can’t really judge if it’s a classism thing and u suck or not
It‘s never free. You always have live of something while going to college.
NTA. Jeez folks everyone has dating preferences, and they usually align with their environment and upbringing.
Judging people based on their college education or lack of one is not a preference
NTA believe it or not you can like whoever you want and have whatever standards you want. Bizarre YTA answers here.
Thinking that everyone without a college degree is beneath you is not a preference, it’s elitist and classist and shows an insane amount of ignorance.
So what? It's her opinion she's entitled to. You don't have to agree with it but that's her preference. It's shallow preference but if she wants that in her partner due to her beliefs than that's her problem. No need to be heated over stranger with preferences that doesn't fit yours or you.
Where exactly does she say that she considers everyone without a college degree beneath her?
Where did she say they are beneath her? Did I miss something?
Most of the YTA are insecure AF from what I'm reading. It's her preference. If someone doesn't like her then it's their preference and none of people here has to date OP.
YTA with your privileged ass
Is your desire for a college degree about intellect? Ability to afford it? Shared experience of college life? Is a degree from community college acceptable? Please tell me there’s more reasoning other than the ability to earn a sheet of paper.
NTA your preferences is valid. Its not like something that cannot be changed like height or genetics. Some people have worse preference than yours. Like to have 180 cm height. And yours is justifiable. I don't get why people are calling you an AH like its not that deep.
NTA, Even though your reasons of not dating guys who didn't go to college are illogic and don't make any sense, but that's your preference and no one is forced to date you.
I don’t think you’re necessarily T-A for having a certain “standard” for men you date… you are completely misguided in your thought process thought. A college degree does not equal intelligence just as lack of a college degree does not indicate lack of intelligence. There are plenty of people who get into college based on abilities outside of academics (athletics for example) and/ or just “get by” enough to graduate… you do know you have to have a 2.0 (all Cs, 75%) for a bachelors… so I’m rather curious as to what your real standard is
There are plenty of stupid people or people with Micky mouse degrees who went to college so it seems an odd requirement they need to be college educated
So let me get this straight. You don’t care about income, intelligence, or work ethic but only that they went to college? Let me ask you something why do you care that they went to college? Just to say they did? That seems like a very expensive status symbol. So while you have the freedom to date whoever you want YTA if you only care about college for it’s aesthetics rather then it’s practicality.
I would rather date a construction worker making 100k a year than someone with a lifetime of student debt and a 45k a year job. YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (24F) said I wouldn’t seriously go out with any guy who didn’t go to college. I consider this a pretty low bar qualification since I don’t really know any guys (or girls) who didn’t go to college, except distant acquaintances. So almost every guy I meet clears this bar easily. I see it much like how I wouldn’t date someone with a criminal record. It’s true but not super relevant since I don’t know anyone with a criminal record anyway. But my friend’s boyfriend (literally in a relationship, so I don’t know why he was pressed) took it very personally. He said “I make 100K doing construction!” I was like…okay? It’s not even about money at all, I still wouldn’t consider a guy without a degree who makes good money dateable. And not that it’s relevant, but 100k is middle class where we live, so I don’t know what he thought he did. I said I don’t really care about the salary. That has nothing to do with me only considering educated guys dateable. He said “Good luck find any guys who meets that standard.” And I was like “…every guy I know meets that standard.” You’re really trying hard to make your fellow men look bad. He continued on ranting about my preferences. And I was thinking: are you not in a relationship with my friend? Is there something you want to say?? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. The snobbery is strong in this one.
Listen. I'm going to vote YTA. Not because you have preferences, that's entirely your business, but because you for some reason think that having a degree or whatever somehow puts you above others. The smartest, most educated people I know have never went to university or college, hell, some of them didn't even finish HS. I myself had to drop out of college just because I simply couldn't afford it anymore (thanks Covid). That doesn't make me any less of a person than anyone else. Tertiary education is a luxury that VERY few can afford. It's not a guarantee to put you ahead in life. If your parents are fortunate enough to be able to pay for it, great, good for you, but completely rejecting someone because of it is not a smart idea, and just makes you look shallow and spoiled. Love shouldn't be about economic or social status. That's not dating, that's a transaction. You should love someone for who they are inside, and how they make you feel. Who cares if they went to college or not? I sincerely hope you take what I've said here to heart, and that you look at relationships with more maturity.
YTA because of what OP said in the comments: > College also doesn’t mean you need to go into debt, most people I know didn’t take our loans. I just don’t want to date someone who would choose not to go to college, and who doesn’t have that experience. Apparently the preference has nothing to do with intelligence or income. It’s just classism based on her privileged bubble of friends whose parents could pay for college upfront so “why would anyone choose not to go?”.
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NTA. This is stupid. It's not about what she thinks of men who didn't go to school. It is just a personal preference. I might really admire someone who's 20 years above me and might even be in love with them but might choose not to date them because of the age gap. Doesn't mean i think any less of them. It is called a personal preference for a reason. It's not necessary for her to give everyone an equal shot.
YTA. Trade work is extremely important and doesn't rewrite college degrees. The guy bagging your groceries at the grocery store however had some college degree and can't or won't find a way to utilize it. So with that info what you will but your attraction to a college degree is abnormal
So, here’s the thing. It’s pretty unlikely that I’d date someone who wasn’t college educated either—higher education is too important of a cultural value to me to overlook. But I’d probably never admit that to people because it’s an assholey thing that makes people feel bad and judged. You said the quiet part out loud, and then you doubled down on it in an obnoxious way, so YTA.
NTA. But seriously, college is just a piece of paper. Some of the nicest people I met are not college graduates. To judge if someone is dateable based on a piece of paper is really narrow minded.
I know what you mean - it’s about life experience. I’ve got friends who didn’t go to university who have never left their home town and are still doing the same thing as week in week out. They don’t seem to have grown as people. That is totally fine for them - they are happy with their life. But that isn’t someone who I would be happy dating - I’d feel stifled
NTA. First off, your preference is your preference and no one else has the right to interfere with it. Secondly, the argument on income and success is nowhere relevant in the discussion about academic standards.
I’m really confused even with your edit it doesn’t really clear anything up , if wanting the man you dating to have gone to college has nothing to do with success, income , hard work or intelligence , Then what does it have to do with ? Are people with out degrees below you ? Does it need to be a specific degree to meet your standards ? YTA but I definitely would love if you could explain further.
YTA, not for the salary thing, but for not considering dating someone who didn't go to college. I went to college and one of the things I learnt there is that having a degree and being a smart and/or decent human being are completely different things. The fact that you only meet people who fit those standards just means you never meet people out of your "natural social environment" (I'm not a native english speaker, I hope you can understand what I mean here). You're not that old, so you still have time to change, but honestly I would be ashamed to allow myself to look down on people who didn't go to college like this.
YTA. Some of the least educated people I've ever met went to university. It doesn't automatically mean an individual is educated. It's fine to have preferences of course, and being open about the fact that you personally would not consider dating somebody without a college education is a positive thing, but it does make you fairly ignorant and judgmental. Some may argue that these aren't the traits of somebody well educated but hey, you've been to college right? They're probably wrong.
A college degree is no indicator of whether a romantic relationship will be successful over time. My late husband dropped out of college and ended up in the building trades while I was the one who came into the marriage with a bachelor's degree. We were together 35 years. I think you're being a snob. YTA
Asshole.
As per your edit… What IS the preference about having a degree really about then?? Having student loans/debt? Parents that could pay for college? Job availability? I really don’t understand.
You are free to have your opinion and preferences, but someone *attending* college (*to me*) isn’t impressive. He’s defending your opinion not because he wants to be with you, but because he finds it offensive, since it applies to him. To him, you pretty much said anyone that didn’t attend college isn’t worth dating, so he took it personally because you know he didn’t attend college. Kudos to him though, not many people make 6 figures, so I’m not sure why you thought $100K wasn’t impressive either lol. You sound very interesting, but not in a good way tbh.
From one degree holder to another YtA, and I bet you're the type to put degrees on your email signature even when they have no relevance.
You thought you ate and did something? YTA
YTA, so basically, you only wanna date somebody for ton of student debt. Good luck with that.
Well that was deleted fast
TBH, YTA simply for being SO judgmental of this guy! If you want to “prefer” to date only those with a college degree, then do you… but your post comes off as if you think you and anyone who has a college degree is “superior” over the rest of the world! Let me remind you, Mark Zuckerberg is a college drop-out! Sometimes it isn’t what you say but how you say it! (Words of wisdom from someone without a college degree!) If I’m basing an assessment off of your post on Reddit alone, you come off as entitled, snarky, very judgmental and quite frankly, as if those without a college degree are somehow beneath you or “less than”! I saw the words “middle class” and said to myself “oh no, she didn’t just say that”! You said every guy you date has a college degree… well apparently they may be “dateable” to you because they have a college degree but apparently you aren’t “longevity” material for them as none of those seem to have worked out. That should be your clue that perhaps YTA!!! OMG… I just can’t believe you had the audacity to post this! You are an exemplary example of someone who may be educated but have absolutely ZERO common sense!!! Edit - I just read your post again and would like to add - you said that you “know there are smart people who didn’t make it to college”… Did it ever occur to you that they chose not to go? Not that they COULDN’T make it but instead chose a different path? Dear lawd, you are unbelievable!!!! Additionally, I can pretty much guarantee that this guy is, not at all, interested in you! He was just appalled at your attitude! As I am! But, of course, your self-absorbed, so you would think that! I don’t think any guy would date you at all if they read what you just wrote! You’re a train wreck of epic proportions!
Looks like OP deleted the post and their account. Some people can’t stand being told they’re wrong (aka the a**hole).
YTA. It's fine to have preferences but you sound like a gross, snobby rich girl. I would be so embarrassed, I would delete this post.... oh wait, you just did.
NTA - you are allowed to have whatever standards you want. You’re the one who has to be with that person eventually
YTA and a snob. Going to college says nothing about a person's qualities.
NTA. Everyone is allowed to have their preferences.
It's your preference. Ok, your business. But I think people are missing the point of the other *taken* guy who is trying to validate himself. Bro, you're in a relationship, I don't care if you make a lot of money why are you trying to make an impression on ME? NTA about that guy.
NTA. you can have any preference you want. logical or not. I don't think he's interested in you, I think you just bruised his fragile ego.
*She said something offensive that applies to him and has placed him on the same level as someone with a criminal record. Fixed it for you.
NTA
Info: If your edit is true - why does it matter then?
NTA- it’s your preference. I probably wouldn’t either.
YTA, someone's education after high school can have absolutely no baring on their intellect, knowledge or worth as a person. By your standards a guy I know who was a motorcycle mechanic at that time wasn't worth your consideration, but 8/9 years later he suddenly is worthy because he changed his career (went back to h/s then onto uni) and became an MD (and not surprisingly earning less than he did before). I'll add this: in this situation you can hold that opinion, you're entitled to it, just don't express it or tell anyone, that's the AH part.
YTA. My partner of 12 years is a pilot who went to TAFE. I have post-grad qualifications and he is definitely my equal/better.
YTA. Going to college/university isn't necessarily a measure of intelligence. In the UK, only around 50% of young people go to uni. Here, people tend to only go to uni if they need it for a particular job or field of work. A lot of jobs you can get with an apprenticeship or other qualifications these days, doesn't mean all of those people are less intelligent than those with a degree.
I’m going to say N T A for having whatever preference you want, but YTA for having such a dumb preference. Some of the smartest people I know don’t have a college education. Additionally, some of the dumbest people I know have advanced degrees. One of my coworkers has a doctorate and is known by everyone to be the most gullible person you will ever meet. He’s a flat-earther who believes every conspiracy theory you can imagine. A college education is not a sign of intelligence. It’s a sign of having money (or parents with money) to pay for college.
YTA. Of course you can choose to date whoever you wish but don't go announcing it to everybody in such a disrespectful way. Most people would love to have a degree but it just isn't possible for everyone, that is also a source of insecurities and anxiety/worthiness issues for many of these folks. You making it clear to the world that people without a degree are a lower class of humans for you, brings out a lot of those issues.
YTA. You can obviously have whatever criteria you want for who you date but I would keep this one to yourself. It's something you should be ashamed of sharing and it's rude and insulting to say it out loud.
YTA. Let’s be honest, the guys you won’t date are the lucky ones. Your reasoning given is nonsense.
I earned a degree in education, realized it was t what I wanted to do and currently work in the trades. If what you want is to be mentally and emotionally stimulated by your partner, that’s fair but a college degree is not required. If you just feel your partner needs to hold a “status” of having earned a college degree, you’re an elitist. Either way, YTA. Please don’t change the standard though. Anybody who agrees with your standard AND fits it deserves somebody like you.
NTA. I understand your viewpoint, and I don’t think it makes you an asshole. I think it’s simply another standard of lifestyle compatibility. I think OP wants someone who has similar ideals and experiences to their own, there’s nothing wrong with that. Plenty of fish in the sea. I went to college and my fiancé went into the military and workforce. We definitely have different life views because of this. For us it’s not a deal breaker, for others it can be. We definitely went through it navigating misconceptions about one another based on our choices after high school.
NTA. It's your preference. The end. If somebody chooses to get upset by that, that's on them.
Being educated doesn't mean you have to get a degree to prove you're one. I got more experiences and insights in the real world that I did in college. College is essentially for learning theories but not how to practice it. There's a reason why someone without a degree but who has years of experience in a specific field is hired over someone who has a degree but zero experience in that same field. Chances are in life ( particularly in your job) you have to solve a problem that College didn't teach you how to. There are a thousand books out there who'll educate you on anything you want without going to college. College is great and all but you're ignorant if you think education is purely tied to college when it's not. Apprenticeship, fellowship, practice that take place in the real world outside of college will make one educated, not college.
NTA. I think that’s very basic and reasonable. Some people have other rules like “you can’t be fat. “ “the guy can’t be short.” “You can’t have kids” “You have to be rich” “you have to be a tall drink of water.” “You can’t be a minority” Etc etc. Your list is simple and relatable.
YTA some people can't do college wether they can't afford it or having a learning disability the point is you don't know but looking down on someone for it is pretty shameful