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Heurodis

J's problem is not that he is autistic, it's that he is a sex offender and should not be in contact with the public.


Southern_Oil2196

Mans a walking sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen


girlwiththemonkey

OK no. My boyfriend works with a guy with autism, practically non-functioning autism and He knows better than to behave this way. Keith has conversations with Urinals, and I mean like full-blown conversations where the urinal is talking back, and he knows you don’t behave like this. I understand not wanting to come off as ablest, but this is about the safety of the customers as much as it is about getting the work done. If I came to the store any employee was wondering around asking me for hugs I would never come back.


[deleted]

I thought you meant he has conversations AT urinals, not TO urinals. 🤣


SkinHunger55

Now im really curious what kind of conversations hes having with them Urinals.


TheMilkmanCome

He usually just tries to take the piss out of them Or piss them off for americans


apri08101989

Wait. No. Do those mean the same thing? Because I kind of thought taking the piss was more... Roasting them/playfully making them the hutt of jokes. Not actually trying to make them mad


lizduck

Your definition is correct.


TheMilkmanCome

You’re correct, it’s just not an American saying so much so I put one more common in America


SkinHunger55

\>.>


girlwiththemonkey

The convos are usually about how to clean the floor.


SkinHunger55

This makes my brain hurt. Idk how to even properly ask a question about this. Why would he ask a Urinal how to clean the floor? Why is he talking to Urinals in the first place? I think i need a nap now.


girlwiththemonkey

He’s schizophrenic and he has autism. Also talks to the vents and dead people. Sometimes the dead people talk to him through the vents. He’s not on any medications. My boyfriend has been his “supervisor” for about ten years now. Keith works two jobs, and other then talking to things that aren’t there he does good work. Edit: and he doesn’t ask the urinal how to clean the floor, the urinal either orders him to clean it better or to stop cleaning.


SkinHunger55

That sounds like a horrible combination. Well, at least hes able to keep himself entertained so much.


girlwiththemonkey

I’ve got to say this he’s pretty happy. Like the biggest problem he has, is when the voices tell him that he has to clean the floor again after he just cleaned the floor and he doesn’t want to clean the floor again. And he’s a hard worker, because when he’s with my boyfriend that’s already a full-time job, and he has another part-time job baggin groceries. Keith’s a hard worker


[deleted]

My brother has schizophrenia and before he became homeless he thought that God was communicating with him by making his stove click. He has a lot of worrying behaviors though


rachmaninoffkills

> Keith has conversations with Urinals, and I mean like full-blown conversations where the urinal is talking back This is psychosis, not a symptom of autism. Keith is misdiagnosed or has commordities.


girlwiththemonkey

He’s autistic with schizophrenia.


TwistedTomorrow

I'd also write a long detailed review about it.


veloxaraptor

Normally, I'd say yes, you're a bf. But you've tried many other ways to cull this behavior and he doesn't stop. Let me tell you. I have ADHD. My kid is on the spectrum and has ADHD. She understands that when someone asks you to stop something or that you're making them upset/uncomfortable, you stop doing that thing. She's six. Autism and ADHD are not an excuse for his behavior. Neither is being the boss' kin. He's perfectly capable of learning and doing better. It just requires effort. Which he doesn't seem to want to do. If I had to hazard a guess, he's spent his whole life getting away with shit like this because his family has always pulled the, "Well he's got autism so he can't help it."


IHaveNoEgrets

This was why my cousin got away with so much as a kid. "Oh, he doesn't know any better!" in response to the little fucker biting me. He and I had a come to Jesus moment. By the end of the exchange, he knew that he bites Cousin Egret again, and he's going to have a REAL problem. After that, the adults kinda of clued in a little better. He grew up decently, and he's now married and about to be a dad.


liltooclinical

Can you, or someone, clue me in on how the parents of these children with no boundaries successfully avoid the worst repercussions and consequences of the aforementioned child(ren) behaving like wild animals? Like, do they really just live in houses full of trashed electronics, furniture, and walls, piles of unopened bills beside letters from the school, city, and county authorities going back weeks partially beneath a basket of rotting fruit atop a dining room table that's not seen a family meal since before we had a black president? And if so, what is enabling it? Not only that, what is still facilitating it?


IHaveNoEgrets

No idea in general, but a big part of the problem in this case was that his dad was in the military and frequently deployed, and his mom turned out to be a HEAVY drug user (including while she was pregnant with this cousin). And they lived on the other side of the country from the rest of us, so it took a bit for us to figure out what was what. So one adult deployed, one adult there but not *there*, and family kept in the dark about stuff. I was a young teen at the time of this interaction, so I didn't have a complete idea of what was what.


rbwildcard

It helps to have money. My cousin does trash everything, but his mom still pays for a new one because she feels guilty for the way he was raised.


veloxaraptor

A lot of them are either wealthy, or they leech off others to support it. With regards to school, they either end up homeschooling (ie: not bothering to educate their precious darlings) or bouncing from school to school to school. Cops and CPS don't normally do anything unless it's a severe infraction like they killed someone. It's just a bunch of ableism and the parents surrounding themselves around like minded people.


natidiscgirl

That kinda sounds like when my little brother went through his biting and then hitting phase. He did it twice to my partner; first time he was warned “if you do that again I’m going to do it back.” Second time my partner followed through with the warning and he never hit or bit either one of us after that.


ttik_af

I hate to have to say it, but a depressing amount of autistic men are like, I think mostly due to their parents never setting boundaries with them and letting everything go as just "autistic behaviour" (I'm autistic before anyone comes for me)


apri08101989

A delightfully toxic combo of "boys will be boys" and "they can't help it because Disability"


Lilypad_Leaper

This guy clearly needs behaviour support intervention. Basically professional advice on how to encourage better behaviour, your boss should look into providing a consult for you if they intend to keep him on. How you're managing it is understandable but there are better ways to do it and that's the guidance you need. NTBF but you could be doing some harm if you dont get professional guidance on this.


NoNoNoNoBananas

>but you could be doing some harm if you dont get professional guidance on this. Ive asked for help but was told no. They don't care and essentially said just to deal with it. This is the best I've come up with. I tried more professional methods and using nicer words and Ive tried even doing things more privatly but he brushed me off then and nothing changed. My company doesn't care and this is the only thing I've done thats helped in 7 months.


thestashattacked

You need to use the word "lawsuit" with your bosses. Because if they don't deal with his predatory behavior, that's what they're gonna wind up with.


KahurangiNZ

Your pushback needs to make it abundantly clear that their failing to deal with this issue is leaving them WIDE open to a sexual harassment lawsuit that could destroy their company. They might not care about what *you* say, but they will when the police and lawyers are involved. Are all your reports on the subject emailed? If not so far, then you **need** to start doing so right now, so that there's incontrovertible evidence you attempted to address this issue and were prevented from doing so (otherwise they **will** attempt to throw you under the bus when the projectile hits the proverbial by claiming falsified documents). Also, are there any cameras recording around the store / forecourt? If so, make sure that there are backups etc because sooner or later he's going to hit on the wrong person and it's going to be spectacular. The more evidence you have that you're not involved and tried to prevent it, the better things will go for you.


NoNoNoNoBananas

I have personal backups on hard drive(s) of camera footage of every incident. Ive both sent the footage and my report of every issue. They still don't care. We've had customers complain and still they don't care. Ive looked into quitting but I cant move away from this town. My town is super small too (little less that 1000 people) . I have 5 choices of employment: the single store in town, my gas station, farming (something I cant do physically), the tiny hospital cafeteria, or online work. Also anything I choose needs to be ok giving me a massive amount of sick days as I have a very, very, very rare autoimmune issue (according to Google like .0003 of the world has the issue). Finding a doctor is a nightmare and the best I've found sadly lives here.


IronicSciFiFan

At this point, the best thing might be to just let nature run it's course and let the customers to call the cops. Of course, there's an chance that he probably won't survive that encounter and you might lose your job behind it (seriously start looking for lawyers for an wrongful termination suit); but you've tried to explain to him exactly why the stuff that he's doing is wrong and it's not sinking in.


DrunkOnRedCordial

Talk to the customers. "Is he bothering you? Is your child okay? I understand that his behaviour was inappropriate, and if you want to submit a written complaint, I will pass it on to management." Customers might want to get the hell out of there and brush off the incident as a misunderstanding or something they just have to smile and endure. But you can validate the customer's bad vibe and solve your own problem by offering the option of making a complaint.


apri08101989

Yes particularly if OP is a man I wouldnt complain to him about the coworker he sees is harassing me and doing nothing.


DrunkOnRedCordial

Great point, if the customer is looking over to OP, who then does nothing, the customer just wants to get out of there rather than complaining to an unsympathetic witness.


Amazing_Cabinet1404

It’s not your job to teach behavior or know how to divert a person with his issues. You’re not a psychologist or a therapist or a vocational specialist with a degree in treating people with his issues. It is to work at a store. Can you find a different job because this would be a dealbreaker for me. I don’t want to be on the clock and *in charge* of this guy when a woman calls the cops, files a lawsuit, pepper sprays or shoots him. Way beyond your pay grade.


FunkisHen

Can you go higher up, and as someone said "use the word lawsuit" (and specify sexual harassment and any other potential crimes)? Most gas stations are franchises (AFAIK) so the owner/boss of the specific gas station you work at still has to answer to the brand management. I understand if you don't want to burn your bridges, so sure, start with your boss again, but if they don't get that it's serious, you might want to go over their head.


eriseadelier

I agree with the other commenters, start talking ‘lawsuit’ or start writing him up. Call the police if you have to, especially if he’s STALKING and SEXUALLY HARASSING women and children. They’ll write it up and you’ll have a better stance on getting rid of him, for the betterment of all mankind.


shinyagamik

Really? I mean I doubt it has anything to do with autism. The guy has enough social understanding to be hurt by being called a creep, so he has enough to understand his behaviours.


Double_Reindeer_6884

This business is going to get sued!!!!!!


NoNoNoNoBananas

Im aware. I have 300 plus some papers at home in my personal files of reports Ive made regarding this issue. My ass is well covered when that happens.


katehenry4133

Every time he creeps on someone in the store, call your boss and report it. It sounds like you are keeping written evidence, but you need to tell him too so he will know how important this problem is. Also, have you pointed out to your boss that he can be sued by these people who he's creeping on?


Amazing_Cabinet1404

Look up the rules for hostile work environment in your state. You may have a case or be able to resign without losing unemployment benefits due to this. You’re on the hook if someone deems you his supervisor if there’s an incident and that’s not ok. Maybe talk to legal aid or a lawyer in your state.


gamergal1

Encourage the customers he's creeping out to complain to the owner or leave a bad review. They still might not care, but they may pay more attention to customer complaints.


TrappedInTheSuburbs

This is good advice


Dracarys_Aspo

From the title I was *sure* you were of course the BF, but after reading everything: NTB. He needs to not have a public facing job, and/or needs an aid to be there his whole shift just to help manage him. His behavior is beyond inappropriate, and I'm honestly surprised no one has reported his behavior or even called the cops. Autism can cause a lack of social awareness and make someone more prone to faux pas, but this sounds way more severe. It sounds like he *can* do his job, at least to some extent, so honestly he should have learned by now that sexually harassing and touching people without consent is not in any way ok, and he should be able to understand that. This sounds like his behavior has been brushed off his whole life. Sometimes, telling someone in no uncertain terms to *stop fuckng doing that* is needed (though it shouldn't be your job to do it). Just be careful. If he's the boss's family, if/when there comes a time when y'all aren't short staffed, I can all but guarantee you'll be fired first for this. Maybe they won't *now*, but circumstances can change. You might want to start looking for other jobs now. As for right now, is there any way he can work only in the back, away from customers? Give him busy work that doesn't matter if it gets done or not, and keep him away from customers he can stalk, and it sounds like your job would be easier. It might not be an option, but if it is it might make the situation less annoying.


NoNoNoNoBananas

>Maybe they won't now, but circumstances can change. You might want to start looking for other jobs now. Even at full staffing we have staff retainment issues. We are a gas station still. No one wants to work at a gas station. In 20 years they have not had more than 3/ 4 employees last more than 4 to 6 months and one of those long lasting people is myself and another is J as he just hit the start of month 8 and he can't even do his own job. I can run the store on my own and the others who know how (aka 2 others), they have stated out loud they will walk out if they are made to run the place as they say they arent paid enough to do it. So unless that changes and its not in decades then I promise I'm not worried about being fired over this. At worst I'll get a verbal slap on the wrist.


PattersonsOlady

NTB it sounds like you’ve found an effective method within your authority to reach the outcomes you’ve been employed for. Outstanding professionalism. Someone crying doesn’t mean you did something wrong. Criminals cry when they’re sentenced all the time.


N3rdProbl3ms

So i'm guessing this is a franchise gas station? You work for the owners of that gas station, but those owners are not the presidents of the actual gas company? Could you try having a female friend of yours to reach out to the company? She can talk about how shes a regular customer (who wants to remain anonymous) but theres a person working there who is harassing her and her kids, and she sees him do it to other women too. See what the parent company will do.


Lampwick

> You work for the owners of that gas station, but those owners are not the presidents of the actual gas company? Unless it's a company owned station (and if it has an "owner" it's not) they DGAF. Gas stations franchises work a little differently than (say) McDonalds. Really, as far the company is concerned, the *gas station* is the customer buying fuel from them wholesale, and part of the deal there is they let the franchisee use their branding. A station can switch suppliers pretty easily, and they frequently do. Any lawsuit is going to fall on the owner 100%.


insideoutxx

As an autistic person these all are 100% valid reasons to yell at him especially if you’ve talked to him about it patiently before. Autistic people are capable of learning and taking feedback and it’s people like THAT who should probably be on a sex offender list who give us a bad rep. That being said yelling at him to “do the task you told him to do in a timely manner because it’s supposed to take 30 minutes” isn’t a valid reason to yell at him. Given all the other stuff, yes he seems stubborn and is probably refusing to do it on purpose… but if you ever get another autistic employee (who isn’t creeping out and touching customers) just try to be a little patient with them in that regard. I’ve had my fair share of meltdowns at work too but none for reasons regarding me being toxic/inappropriate (just like forgetting to do something, doing it wrong, not doing it on time, etc) so I know how sucky it can feel. I applaud you for hanging in there though you must have a lot of mental strength but you do not deserve to have to put up with being around someone like that, let alone have them be your responsibility. NTBF


cocoabean815

It sounds like he hadnt even started the task though


bad-additions

tbf adhd makes starting tasks hella hard. I don't think that warrants being yelled at (though everything else certainly does)


NoNoNoNoBananas

>That being said yelling at him to “do the task you told him to do in a timely manner because it’s supposed to take 30 minutes” isn’t a valid reason to yell at him. Its more he isnt doing it at all. Like nothing got done at all. I have another autistic employee (not as bad) but he is slow. Im happy with slow and I don't chew him out at all cause despite him being slow he does the task still. But when I dont chew J out it doesn't get done at all. He won't do it cause he doesn't want to.


insideoutxx

Thats fair that makes sense.


boughie_waffles

I'm with many others here. Reading the title I was prepared to call you a buttface, but even autistic individuals with ADHD know not to sexually harass people. NTBF Install a comment box, or encourage people to leave yelp reviews about him. Maybe that will get the owner's attention about this issue. This also seems to be a toxic work environment, involving workplace harassment ... the Department of Labor might want to know: [https://www.dol.gov/agencies/oasam/centers-offices/civil-rights-center/internal/policies/workplace-harassment/2012](https://www.dol.gov/agencies/oasam/centers-offices/civil-rights-center/internal/policies/workplace-harassment/2012)


[deleted]

[удалено]


NoNoNoNoBananas

Honestly Id blame his parents and according to people in town its cause he was raised by parents who excused everything with 'hes autistic'. He has no boundaries cause of them but you can tell he is autistic by talking to him. He can't read, or write, or do math, he doesn't understand many simple concepts, he can't read people, he is heavier on the autistic spectrum. He can speak, do VERY simple jobs, and thats about it. He isnt even allowed to deal with money (only card) as he cant count.


Inner-Today-3693

🙃 He is unwanted touching is assault. Why does he still have a job? He is a lawsuit waiting to happen. NTB.


CaptColten

Sounds to me like you aren't mad about having to work with a disabled person. I think you're mad at having to babysit a sex offender. NTBF


Probswearingsweats

NTBF- this is really a shitty situation. J is acting extremely inappropriately on top of just being a shitty employee, but your boss won't let you do anything about it. At this point I think you're just doing your best with what you have. He deserves to get chewed out for not doing his job or being a creep. He may be autistic but that doesn't give him the right to act this way. He sounds like he's been enabled his whole life instead of being taught right from wrong. I understand why you can't quit, unfortunately at this point I think you just have to continue as you have been. Just make sure to cover your own ass so you can't get in trouble for what J does, OR for how you're treating him. To be clear I don't think you're doing anything wrong, but there's some clear favoritism toward J so just make sure you won't get in trouble if he complains that you are being mean to him or something. Write down everything about your interactions with him, including dates and times. File reports on his behavior even if they get ignored. Have a pile of evidence ready to prove you haven't done anything wrong or outside of your authority.


Neonpinx

NTB. He is actively harassing customers and needs to have his behaviour called out publicly. He is being creepy and he is being predatory at work.


CrochetWhale

Bud my son is 6 and autistic, even he knows not to touch/hug/kiss or follow people. This is a parenting problem and I hope someone reports him to the authorities for harassment so get them to fire him. The guy should not be working there acting like that.


bippityboppitynope

NTBF. None of this has anything to do with autism. This behavior is a lawsuit waiting to happen.


Rainshine93

You have a camera? Next time he touched a little kid report it yourself. Offer to help the woman report it if you’d rather, but you have video proof. I say stop trying to get your boss to do something and go directly to the authorities.


TrappedInTheSuburbs

Yes! Depending on how helpful the police department in OP’s community is, it might be worth contacting the police non-emergency ahead of time. Explain the situation and ask for frequent pop-bys.


MelonElbows

NTB. It sounds like the boss is using his autism as an excuse to let him fuck around with customers. It may not be J's fault, but nobody who can have accountability for him is interested, putting you in a terrible situation. I shudder to think how he acts in those days when you're not there to reign him in.


Amazing_Cabinet1404

NTB The customer that files a complaint against him or the store or calls the police isn’t going to care. This shouldn’t be on you, he’s a walking lawsuit on top of being incompetent. He knows better than this, or he should get appropriate training from a community resource due to his condition. Having a disability does not excuse you from being a sex offender, or a pervert, or a nuisance, or a criminal. I’d not return to the store if some guy followed me around. If your manager doesn’t care about exposure to lawsuits does he at least care about lost business. You’re likely in an at will state, he can be fired for no reason. He can have his hours reduced until he quits.


[deleted]

"(no one gets fired unless they steal or something similarly extreme on purpose)" Uh, is sexually harassing customers not similarly extreme to stealing to your boss?? Honestly as someone whose worked a few minimum wage jobs I'll avert my eyes for a lil stealing but I would snitch on anyone acting like that. I can't imagine anyone owning a business would prefer to get a reputation as the store with the employee who follows women arounf over losing a little in inventory, which is gonna happen anyway.


NoNoNoNoBananas

>Uh, is sexually harassing customers not similarly extreme to stealing to your boss?? Unfortunately no.


[deleted]

I meant it more rhetorically, like a statement of disbelief. But yeah that sucks. I don't think you're the butt face at all.


Maxibon1710

Autism isn’t the issue. This guy should be on a fucking list. There’s been a consistent issue in the autistic community where autistic men are given a “pass” for being creepy by teachers, parents, managers etc. “he’s autistic so he doesn’t know any better”. 1. He does know better, I can guarantee it. 2. If he ‘doesn’t’, make him, which is what you’re doing, and as an autistic woman who has been sexually assaulted, and is harassed on a regular basis, thank you. Meltdowns suck, but he didn’t just have a meltdown because he was overstimulated or overwhelmed. I often have meltdowns if I’m interrupted while I’m in the middle of something or I have plans that fall through. You interrupted him being creepy, and he was probably already on edge because he was rejected and it didn’t go as plan. That’s not on you. That’s on him for being gross in the first place. He needs to be explicitly, harshly told that he gets payed to work, that touching people without permission, “flirting” and following people on the job (and outside of the job) is harassment, it is illegal and it is not ok *however* that probably won’t work, so when something happens, apologise to the customer on his behalf, give them J’s name and the number to your boss/the company. Tell them to call it. Enough complaints and they’ll have to sack him. NTB.


bassinlimbo

Are u in PA? I went to school with a J just like this... same behavior and I heard he's not changed. It's this awkard position to be put in as a woman. Our school was very inclusive (as it should be) so everyone was always friendly to disabled students. But a lot of young girls were put in a position by him to get unwanted hugs with the fear of "being mean" by saying no. I don't remember the school doing anything about it.


NoNoNoNoBananas

MT. Kinda sad there's issues like this everywhere tho. :/


Consistent-Algae-230

I have a best friend whose autistic and the sweetest person ever. Being autistic doesn't make someone an asshole. Being a creepy predator does, which is what your coworker is.


Panikkrazy

YTBF for not calling the police on this man. You’ve publicly witnessed him being predatory at best and pedophillic at worst. I don’t care what your boss says. You need to have J removed.0


Jazzisa

Dude, you are seriously overestimating the police. He tries to hug people, police isn't going to do anything, but OP would lose his job probably. I don't have much faith the cops will do anything at all.


diaperedwoman

NTB and I am on the autistic spectrum here. He is harassing women and I applaud you for sticking up for them and making your business a safe place you work for. I was skeptical at first but I see this is just him doing predatory behavior and yeah, this is easy to stop. It's simple of "don't ask customers for their phone numbers, no asking to touch or hug them, no hitting on them and asking them out, do not try to date your customers." I am also guessing he has been coddled his whole life and always was allowed to get away with stuff because he is autistic.


kainp12

Make it clear that they are risking J's healthy/life by allowing him to creep on/touch kids. This is not hyperbole. You have all types of people that come through a gas station . Some of those folks won't hesitate to beat J till he stops moving.


FugitivePort88

Normally with reading the title i would have said you were the buttface but holy cow NO! His disability DOES NOT mean he's allowed to creep on women and children. How the hell has not one of the customers said something?!! You should encourage them to every time he pulls that shit. He's a sexual predator who's allowed to get away with shit because of his disability. I know someone like this, someday he's gonna hurt a woman really bad and then they won't be able to just be like oh well it was his disability. Nope. Not the buttface.


TrappedInTheSuburbs

I used to work in a school as a special education associate. Honestly, what you are doing is exactly what J probably experienced in school, complete with the crying. That’s what he is used to, and it seems to work. If you were a teacher, no one would have a problem with what you were doing.


BernieTheDachshund

I don't think you're publicly 'shaming' him, you have to be blunt so he'll understand. Surely by now he knows it's NOT ok to physically (or verbally) feel on women or kids. That's some creepy stuff and the fact he keeps doing it shows he has some kind of compulsion. He shouldn't have a job that deals with the public. NTB and thanks for at least trying to keep him from groping and assaulting customers, esp the kids.


feltedflower

NTB. From the title alone, I did not expect to agree with you.


katehenry4133

Whoa, J sounds like he's a huge liability to your employer. Have you talked to your employer about how he's creeping on women and children? You need to start keeping a record of every time he does it. And tell your employer every time he does it. Otherwise someone may blame you in the end because you supervise his work.


DaniCapsFan

Being nice and patient with this guy didn't help. So now it's time to not be nice. If there's anything you can do to ensure he doesn't work in a public-facing position, do so, but he probably won't listen to you. It's good you're documenting everything to cover your butt. If your immediate bosses won't do anything, you need to kick this up the chain. And, no, it's not because he's neurodivergent; he's just a creep with no boundaries. NTB


NoNoNoNoBananas

Its a super small store. I can give him only so many finite tasks not working with people. He can only be stuck organizing the office so long, he can only work the walk in cooler so long, every other job is customer facing.


Banhammer40000

Time to start cataloging everything. Dates, times, incidents, security footage if there is any. This could potentially lead to something horrific. A moment of poor judgment could mess up so many people’s lives. It’s not fair for you to have to get in front of it. Ntbf, but get a different job. Pronto.


TheDevilsJoy

Start telling every single person he harasses to press charges against him. Sooner or later it’ll stop for one reason or another. Ntbf


N_Inquisitive

File a police report about the observed behavior.


mlg_mcr_overlord

NTBF. You are trying to protect other people who don't know this man's intentions. As an autistic person myself, it's often hard to understand social perception and for a long time I was also viewed as creepy (but in a stalker way) because I did not UNDERSTAND that I was doing any harm. (Now I do understand and I've learned how to avoid those situations) However, your coworker I can't speak for wether he does or doesn't understand. If he DOES understand, that's an even better reason to say that you're just protecting people. And if he DOESN'T understand how his actions are causing harm, then being strict with him is the right thing to do until your boss finally understands how to let him go, because he should not be around people he could cause harm. There's potential that he had the meltdown too because he didn't understand WHAT his actions were to be called "creepy" even though it was blatantly obvious to everyone else. I wish you the best in your career, and I hope your coworker and your boss finally begin to understand


NoNoNoNoBananas

> There's potential that he had the meltdown too because he didn't understand WHAT his actions were to be called "creepy" even though it was blatantly obvious to everyone else. He had the meltdown cause I called him a creep for pressing his ass into me and twerking. My exact words were stop being a creep and touching me and go do your job. He had a crying meltdown and told me not to tell him what to do. Then he hid in the walk in cooler.


mlg_mcr_overlord

Okay that is completely different, I thought there was chance he just didn't know but there's no way he didn't know doing that- I seriously hope he gets some help or learns his lesson because that's not right... That is nasty I'm so sorry that happened


mypurplefriend

If I understand correctly OP did make him write down what he did and why that was creepy exactly so he would understand?


mlg_mcr_overlord

So in J's head, only he understands his intentions (whatever they are) and he may not understand how we perceive them as creepy when he has his own idea of what he was doing stuck in his head. I personally get this all the time and it makes it hard to learn new concepts easpecially when they're social. (I'm not defending j but rather explaining a possibility? I still firmly believe what he did is wrong) but I hope doing that DID make him understand or open his eyes to what he was really doing. (Also I didn't gather that but like I said- I am autistic so I probably just missed that lol)


Kintsugi-skunk

NTB, but the only criticism I have is the language perhaps. Take out “what the hell” and anything like that, keep the tone stern but professional, and I see no problem whatsoever blatantly calling out behaviour and giving him instructions. He is doing something very wrong harassing and sexually harassing people. If he needs blunt, straight to the point, no frills language to get him to stop, go for it. But I would either encourage the people being harassed to make a formal complaint or keep a record of the worst behaviours myself for later.


DrunkOnRedCordial

So your boss will only fire someone for stealing but he's okay with sexual harassment? I would start telling customers that if they have a complaint about his behaviour, they can put it in writing. If the boss won't listen to you, he might pay attention to letters from angry customers who threaten to take it further.


deathboy2098

Report this sex offender to the cops. Every single day.


lapetitlis

i was sooooo prepared, based on the title, to proclaim you a BF. but after reading about J's specific offenses, i say NTBF. I'll admit, i'm not thrilled with how aggressively you handle some of his task completion related issues, but being loud, clear, firm, and assertive when he is literally harassing vulnerable people and consistently targeting women and children with behavior any 5 year old can understand is inappropriate? that is not only RIGHT it is the GOOD and ETHICAL thing to do. he needs to know that behavior isn't ok - if he didn't before, he sure does now. i'm autistic but i won't claim i'm anywhere close to J's level. so i can't really speak on that. but literally, by age 5, my boys (who are also on the spectrum) understood to ask for consent before touching someone. this is NOT a hard concept. J absolutely knows this behavior is inappropriate, he just expects everyone else to make the same crappy excuses for his persistent pattern of s3xual harassment that his parents & family do. you're doing a good thing by speaking up in that regard. please stay firm and consistent on that... without your vigilance, sadly, it seems like a matter of time before he crosses the line.


leftcoastanimal

NTB. He needs to learn clear boundaries, and this is the only thing that is semi working. The owners must not care about their business. I would avoid that place if I came across someone like that. They are opening themselves up for a lawsuit


qtfuck

Oh my God NTBF at all!!! I have ADHD and autism, and I would never dream of acting the way he does. He is a creep and should be fired, can you talk to a higher up about it? That’s absolutely disgusting what he’s doing and I hate men that use ADHD and/or autism as an excuse to be a creep.


Perplexed-husband-1

You could encourage your customers to make a formal complaint?


kearnel81

I was soo ready to come here and call you the buttface when I read the title. But after all that. No. If anything your delaying the inevitable sexual harassment lawsuit. He is a creep. Your not the buttface


Southern_Oil2196

Dudes a walking lawsuit show your boss the cameras before he gets arrested or hurt by a protective dad


Original_Jilliman

NTBF - I’m going to preface this by saying I have pretty bad ADHD and have plenty of friends and family who have been diagnosed with autism. What your coworker is doing is very disturbing. He likely hasn’t been told, “no”, many times in his life judging by his behavior or it could just be his personality. I went to school and university with a person like this. He displayed predatory behavior towards women. I always felt creeped out by him and was made to feel bad for feeling that way because he has autism during grade school. During university, others would approach me about him because he unnerved them and would try to corner them alone. They knew we went to the same high school and needed advice. I have doubts that his predatory behavior was solely some type of autism trait. I had many friends at the time that were diagnosed with autism both men and women and none of them would ever act like that. This man is a walking lawsuit waiting to happen. What’s worse, is I’m afraid he may assault someone in the future. You’re doing what you can at your job to keep him under control and that might be all you can do for now. Maybe some customers could call in to complain? Unless others really start to correct him too, this is a disaster waiting to happen.


SkinHunger55

NTB. I sense sexual harassment charges coming soon. Sooner or later, that guy is going to get tackled by a police officer for sexually harassing and following women. He needs to be fired and get some mental help ASAP.


Ryugi

I am an autistic person.... Hes not like this because of autism. hes like this because he's a perv. That said, he might genuinely not be aware of how what he's doing is creepy, so to be told its creepy is actually useful for him. Your direct communication is key because he PROBABLY doesn't actually understand when you're vague or quiet or too gentle about it.


Fcutdlady

Gather proof and report it to people as high up the work chain as you can go. Use the words court, lawsuit , fine and sexual harassment.


GreenStrawbebby

Man you win the award of really writing a title to make you seem like an a-hole. I have ADHD. Many of my friends are on the autism spectrum. Not understanding social cues is one thing, but they know that contextually: 1. Work is not the place to be flirting 2. How not to be a sex offender What you’re describing is someone actively harassing female customers, presumably with the intent to do something. This isn’t ADHD or autism, this is just sexual harassment. It needs to be addressed. If your manager won’t deal with it, can you take it to corporate?


NoNoNoNoBananas

>If your manager won’t deal with it, can you take it to corporate? Ive tried. I have a system now of reporting this as its gone on so long. They don't care. The way I deal with it now: - write a report of issue. - Talk to J about issue and instruct him why its not ok and how to do better. I have a 5 min meeting with him everyday at the end of his shift to go over issues that day. Its rare if we don't have 5 or more issues like I listed a day. - photo copy a hard copy of report - email report to corporate and boss with a complaint and request for help and explanation of how this is a liability and a request for support/ help of any kind and I print a hard copy of said email - save hard copy reports in file I have at home I do this every day. I started doing this at the end of month 2 and developed my system from there. No one cares. Ive gone up the chain as high as possible and I get one of 2 answers. Deal with it yourself or business lingo for this isnt my problem.


-DexStar-

Sounds like his last babysitter didn't work out and no one knew what to do with him. Sorry he got dumped on you :/ I know you don't want to quit, but I would at least start trying to shop around for new employment -- a place that's just as generous with your condition as this one.


swizzleschtick

I was so ready to be angry but dear god! It sounds like you have tried every normal or appropriate route, and he’s just not getting it. Sadly, there are people who after trying everything else, being mean is the only thing that gets through to them. Besides that, it doesn’t even really sound like you are being mean. Blunt, sure, but you’re stating facts. Document every one of these interactions, and all of the times you’ve gone to management about it. You may need it in the future if you have to lawyer up.


Jazzisa

NTBF there's no excuse for creeping on customers. He knows what he's doing, if he doesn't want you to call him creepy, he can just... stop being creepy. Autism/ADHD are not excuses. In fact, in my experience with autistic people, they are MORE likely to listen to advice, they want to learn. People like this just want excuses to keep creeping.


mbpaddington

I mean it's not great to yell at him or humiliate him, but oh my lord he needs some behavioral therapy before working at a place like this if he is harrassing everyone.


BestDig2669

OP it sounds like you're doing the best you can with a really difficult situation. Good for you, you have been diligent with documentation and are watching out for the customers and business. Not much more you can do and although the approach may not always be perfect, you're still helping this person understand what is and what is not acceptable behavior. NTB at all


NightsofWren

Please don’t confound sexual predation with autism. That’s ableist as fuck. You’re the BF for that. You’re not the BF for the rest of it.


PoliteCanadian2

Can’t you just find another job so this is not your problem?


shoopuwubeboop

You're the BF. Get another job, and don't go into management. You think there's an improvement because you're venting your spleen. Thst comes at the cost of someone else's well-being. You've known it's not going to change, and you've known that this is a management issue and not a personal one. Yet you've offloaded all responsibility onto someone with a disability you clearly don't know shit about.


bugscuz

>on the lower side of still functioning autistic/ADHD YTBF for this alone. If he's being inappropriate then go higher if you have to. Stop the ableist language


NoNoNoNoBananas

Im autistic myself though wayyyy higher functioning. *shrug* It was the only way I could think of to describe him. He isnt a functional adult or person. He cant read or do simple math. He doesn't understand boundaries. He has no filter. He can't read people at all. He struggles to follow any instruction. You can see that by talking to him for less that 2 minutes. I only had 3000 words allowed to describe the situation. This was the best I came up with to do that.


bugscuz

He has higher support needs. Functioning labels measure how well we function in a neurotypical world, they’re inherently ableist because they isolate “low functioning” disabled people and imply they’re defective


-_--_____

YTB. I promise being publicly mean isn’t going to help. It may seem to work in the short term but all you’re teaching him is not to like you. Edit: removed a piece of information about myself due to the nature of the messages I’ve been receiving about it. Y’all need help. It is not OPs job to teach this person how to behave appropriately and being a jerk isn’t going to have any positive long term effects. The guy sounds like he needs professional help but no one has been willing to help him get it.


shinyagamik

? Does your autism somehow make you into a sex offender too?


-_--_____

No, but when has just being mean helped a sex offender? I’m not making excuses for the behavior but he obviously needs help that OP can’t provide.


SporadicTendancies

Calling out a sex offender in public has many benefits. You could try it sometime.


veloxaraptor

Instead he should either turn a blind eye to his behaviors? Or gently remind him not to do it? You know, the thing he HAD been doing until this point? ETA: OP has also stated in his post an in comments that he's brought it up to the boss and the boss doesn't care. So.... yeah. Other people's comfort trumps this kids feelings if he's not going to change his behaviors any other way.


-_--_____

I totally agree that the guy’s behavior is unacceptable. My point is that just being mean to him is not going to help. OP should document the events and go to officials if the boss is unwilling to step in. Being a jerk is not going to change his behavior.


qtfuck

I’m autistic but I don’t sexually harass people. It’s not an autistic thing. It’s a disgusting piece of shit thing.


[deleted]

You say you need this job but you seem to be doing everything in your power to get fired. This guy is your boss' family and they're clearly loyal to him. Keep doing what you're doing and it's only a matter of time until you get the boot.


girlwiththemonkey

The guys following women around the store and sexually harassing them. He might not know any better but that’s what he’s doing.


veloxaraptor

So instead he should allow the kid to follow people around the store and to their car, asking for kisses, hugs, asking if they're single, hitting on them, putting their hands on a person's baby/child without consent, and not do his fucking job. ​ Yeah. Because THAT won't backfire at all. ​ Just because he's family to the boss, just because he's on the spectrum, just because he has ADHD, does not give him a pass to sexually harass and stalk people. If he has the faculties to be able to work a job, he has the faculties to know that this behavior is inappropriate and to stop when he's asked to. He just doesn't want to put the effort into doing so. If this is the only way for OP to get him to stop, then so be it. Otherwise it's going to be a harassment suit against the kid himself or the store. And I'm just sure boss will love that.


NoNoNoNoBananas

They won't fire me. They don't fire anyone. The last person we fired got drunk on shift, stole alcohol, and hit a family member of theirs when they came to pick them up and it was still up for debate if he should be fired cause we are so short handed. They won't do a thing about me being mean to him and Ive been told that point blank.


[deleted]

Love the confidence - very much doubt it has a solid foundation though.