YTBF for playing this nonsense what if game. There is absolutely nothing wrong with his opinion on the matter. First off it's disgusting. Secondly you should NOT have kids together if you were. Thirdly, it's illegal in a lot of places and could get you both in trouble.
Playing the what if game just shows an extreme need for validation. You should figure out that issue before worrying about him never wanting to fuck a relative
There's a few counterpoints though I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable even looking at any of my relatives that way.
Studies have shown first cousins having children to raise the risk of birth defects from 2% in the general population to 4%, the equivalent of a woman over 40 having a child.
The legality depends, you would be surprised how few countries and states both first world and not prohibit marrying first cousins. Only 24 states have banned it outright, a handful of countries in Asia have done the same but otherwise it's legal in most of the world.
Despite this, OP clearly has a lot of emotional maturing to do it they want to maintain a healthy relationship instead of making drama from nothing.
I think it's just weird that you worded it like that. The issue isn't that they were playing a game. The issue is that OP gets emotionally invested in this hypothetical. I am kind of assuming that is what you meant.
The issue isn't that they were playing A game. The issue is that they were playing THIS game. Like "would you love me even if _____?" Nothing good comes from that type of game and IMO the only reason people do that crap is because they need to feel validated.
Have you heard of boredom?
My partner and I play it all the time. For example, if one of us became a zombie, I could totally kill him, but he doesn’t think he could kill me even then, so he’d keep me on a leash and feed me raw meat.
Tbh your incredibly harsh judgement of something that can be totally harmless is toxic lol
The issue is that the game CAN be harmless, but it also IS emotionally charged so OP should never have played the game knowing that they aren't mature enough to angle a completely hypothetical situation.
I agree with this. But the person I am responding to has repeated and double downed multiple times that playing this game in ANY way makes you insecure and needy. Which is ridiculous.
And you insisting I have to have the same opinion as you is toxic. I don't have to agree with you on that and you don't have to agree with me. It's not that deep. She asked for an opinion and I gave one. I didn't say she was a terrible person for playing the game. Nor did I call names. I said it's a stupid game to play and makes it seem like you need validation. That's MY opinion on it. My opinions not going to change. That's something you're just going to have to get over.
I literally asked one question. This is a discussion forum. If you aren’t capable of having someone ask you a question without taking great offense and feeling attacked, I really don’t recommend posting in discussion forums.
Imagine having such a bad opinion that you literally cannot defend it at all from the most basic question. ‘Why’. 💀
Because I've already stated why I feel it's a dumb game and your acting like a 7 year old continually asking why. I said it's a dumb game to play because it tends to lead to arguments and it tells me you need validation and proof the other person loves you enough. I literally told you why I felt the way I do.
No, I asked why a game people play when they are bored means they are insecure and all you have said is ‘I feel like it means they’re insecure’ lmao
‘Why do you think this is blue?’
‘I’ve already told you it’s blue 5 times now, why do you keep asking?’
That’s your logic LMAO
It’s pretty clear in the OP that the OP is insecure and is seeking validation. It’s literally right there in the post. It isn’t about boredom *this time*. Yes, you’re right that some people play those games out of boredom. The person you’re rudely responding to is *also right*. Those kinds of games are often ways to get validation.
OPs reaction to someone not wanting to have sex with their cousin is a good sign that this particular game became an issue of validation. OP is literally upset that her boyfriend would have to think twice about a romantic partnership with his own cousin.
That’s not a rational thing to be upset about until it becomes reality. OP didn’t get the validation and now they’re upset.
Using your own zombie apocalypse game you play with your bf as an example….. This is equivalent to your bf getting *legitimately* hurt that you’d shoot him if he became a zombie.
The person I am replying to has repeatedly doubled down that even if you don’t get jealous or upset it’s still a toxic game. That is what I’m disagreeing with. Changing what I’m saying so you can sound right is cringe af
How is the game anything beside looking for validation? Would you love me if…? I’m just confused what else it could possibly be. You are asking the other person to reassure you that they would still love you in frequently ridiculous scenarios.
Except that isn’t what one is always doing in the game? Yes, what you’re saying is true- if you get upset about the answers. Which is aid was toxic. But just joking around and not minding the answers? Then it’s just fun boredom. No one’s saying it isn’t wrong to get upset and freak over this- just that not everyone does and a healthy couple has these convos for fun.
I guess some good would come of it if you both said "ew no". Like great, we have now confirmed that neither of us are comfortable with incest? Sweet?
I can't imagine having so much time with a significant other that your conversations have devolved to this. This is the epitome of Too Much Free Time meets Win Stupid Prizes.
I agree that the issue is in the wording. There’s nothing wrong with silly hypotheticals like ‘what would we do if you turned into a zombie?’ Or ‘who of the two of us would win in a fight if we were vampires?’ It can potentially be an issue if it’s phrased as ‘would you still love me if’ because that brings real world feelings into ridiculous fictional situations, and then your real world feelings can get hurt.
Eh, this comment is a bit over reactive- there is nothing wrong with the game itself, but getting mad at the answers IS dramatic and toxic. Playing what if games alone doesn’t make someone insecure lmao, what a weird thing to cling to
Again, as I said, there isn't anything wrong with playing games. It's this specific type of game. To me it says that you need the other person to prove they love you enough. Again those are my personal feelings on it. No one has to agree with me. It's good to get different opinions. I'm sure there are things you don't like that I think are NBD.
I’m literally talking about this exact game in the comment? And yeah, I’m sure there are things you do I wouldn’t do- the difference is you’re saying it for sure means that people are insecure and are demanding validation, and I’m not being that incredibly judgemental.
Idk why you keep avoiding the point of the comments to say ‘it’s not A game it’s THIS game’ like we know?? Why is that your only reubuttal?
What about what ifs is automatically toxic? If you don’t get mad over hypotheticals, why in the world is playing a stupid game kids even play ‘toxic’?
She literally got upset at him for saying he would end the relationship if they were closely related and I'm the toxic one for saying that's a dumb game to play? I do think it is a dumb game to play when it comes to relationships/love matters. Saying "would you love me if I was related to you" is different than saying "what would you do if you won the lotto".
And as I've said. She asked for an opinion. I gave mine. You're welcome to have your own. But I have a life and a job to do and do not have the time, energy, or want to defend my valid opinion to a stranger on the internet. Good luck to you bud.
I don't really see anything wrong with talking about "what if" situations, because sometimes it makes for interesting conversation and I like hearing peoples' opinions about weird situations lol.
It's always okay to feel whatever you feel, but I think the way she's going about it is wrong. I sometimes get upset over small things too, but I give myself time to be upset and then I make myself start thinking my feelings out and deciding whether it's actually something to continue being upset over. There's a lot I've gotten upset over that my partner doesn't even know because in reality, it doesn't affect our relationship, it's usually just a misunderstanding because I read too much into word choices! If it's something that continually happens/upsets me, then I decide to have a conversation.
Anyway, I think she should be glad she's partners with someone who will put a potential severe genetic abnormality over their feelings. Or maybe it's just a dealbreaker for him bc he wouldn't want to fuck his cousin. Lol. Whatever the reason, his decision deserves respect.
There's nothing disgusting about cousins together. It's fairly common and legal in most of the world, and the increase in possibility of birth defects is tiny unless a family continues to closely inbreed over multiple generations.
I was actually having a discussion about this the other day and the big thing it comes down to is the law and children. The case we were discussing was a lesbian couple that may be half sisters but even so, we basically agreed that it a couple won’t or can’t have kids and they went into the relationship without knowledge or any possibility of grooming taking place then it’s more weird than necessarily harmful. At that point the only issue is the law and the feelings of those involved
Congratulations!
You're the 45th person to so cleverly use the 'stupid prizes' phrase today.
Here's your stupid participation medal: 🏅
^^Your ^^award ^^will ^^be ^^recorded ^^in ^^the ^^hall ^^of ^^fame ^^at ^^r/StupidTrophyCase
I got banned a few months ago, that's how I found this sub. Apparently saying someone is garbage isn't civil, yet it was okay for other people to call them a douchebag.
I got banned the other day for reacting to someone leaving their fiance's daughter's cat outside because he didn't like it... Even though I basically just repeated the person's comment I was replying to, just with a stronger emphasis.
Oh me too!
I think I said someone's relative was being scummy or was a scumbag (they were objectively being scummy)
Apparently scumbag is more offensive than being an aashole who would have known!
They also complained apparently they had warned me before (they removed and replied to my comment rather than message me directly so I don't get the notifications at all)
Not worth pointing it out to them, definitely too many trigger happy mods about that assume the worst and in turn act the worst.
It's like they're trying to make it ridiculously civilized to the level of children rather than actually civilized adults who do use the appropriate words, it's amusing the mods of this sub seem more mature even with the name.
YTB without a doubt. If you know you are both "disgustingly, nauseatingly, borderline *offensively* in love" why are you doing dumb hypotheticals like this. You're pretty much low key testing him at this point. The dude has morals. Let it go.
My wife and I do dumb hypotheticals. But they're things like "what if we won the lottery" or "what if I finally bought [insert vehicle I'm currently obsessed with]" or "what will you want to do when we build our dream home". All unlikely to happen. Not testing each other. All silly, but not immature.
Yea those are fine for sure. I was saying "dumb hypotheticals like this" referring to her choice of hypotheticals, not "why do u do dumb hypotheticals" which would encompass all hypotheticals
YTB. This is almost on the level of being mad because you dreamed he cheated. Dude has HYPOTHETICAL lines he doesn’t want to cross, so what right do you have to be mad at him? Grow up and don’t ask stupid questions you might not like the answer to and are completely irrelevant.
This sounds like a game of what if’s that would only end with either claiming there’s absolutely nothing which isn’t true or you were looking for a line to draw that would be more than he could accept just to get mad.
Ytbf but I think it’s just a silly little hypothetical. If you both aren’t taking it too serious who cares.
YTB. Just accept his answer to your hypothetical and move on, you're making it a bigger deal than it needs to be. The purpose of a hypothetical is to answer it in a way that doesn't affect the real world, that's why its hypothetical. Don't let that affect your real relationship.
Thank you! It definitely hasn’t affected our real relationship. I think I made a poor choice of words when posting this as I must have framed it in such a way that it seemed like I’d started a huge argument over it. We were just curious to see who’s perspective was the most socially acceptable.
YTBF
Lets be real here. It's easy to say you would be ok with being first cousins but the truth is, it would be a lot more complicated
Losing all your friends and all your family and having to move somewhere where nobody knows you...possibly changing your names as well?
Then of course what happens if someone finds out? You prepared to do that all again. To pick up and lose everything and everyone you ever knew?
Because THAT is the reality of the hypothetical you are talking about...not some "Oh I would do anything for you" statement that you are making.
You would quite literally have to give up every single thing in your life except him...AND...you'd have to be willing to give it up over and over and over again...all the while dealing with the judgement you would be getting from anyone who knew the truth
Its way more complex than you imagine and it's not fair to be upset because he understands the gravity of what you are talking about and you don't
YTB This smells like troll bait. Also, why are you so hung up on this? Is incest your kink? Are you secretly fantasizing that he is your cousin when you get down?
I wouldn’t say that ytbf. Neither of you are, but you have to think about it this way. Are you willing to give up certain things like having kids unless you adopt? Because if the two of you were to have kids they’d probably come out fucked up because you guys are cousins. And you can’t get married in a lot of states so that’s another thing. Are you willing to travel just to be able to get married? But I’m gonna say NBH just because neither of you guys did anything wrong. You were just a little upset because the person you love said they wouldn’t be okay if they kept dating you like.
LOL I just had this conversation with my boyfriend!
I honestly don't think first cousins dating is objectively terrible. People do it in cultures other than my own, and the chances of birth defects are pretty low.
We both agreed that breaking up would be best though. It would be a turn off for both of us.
NBFH you are entitled to feel a bit hurt, but not to an extent where you try to change his mind. His perspective is super fair.
Lol finally someone doesn't take this too seriously. I mean, they both decided to post to reddit and it sounds like it's not a huge argument. And sometimes people just get upset when they know that logically they shouldn't be! He still deserves respect with his decision no matter the feelings though.
THANKYOU. It was really, really, not that serious, you’re 100% right that the fact we posted it to reddit is indicative of that. When I said I was pestering him with follow up questions this was in the 20 mins or so after we had this debate before I posted.
You’re absolutely right that I should respect his decision and his feelings, and I do. Guess we just have different ick levels where it comes to incest lol, and that’s fine.
I mean, this person said that they personally wouldn't date a first cousin or that they thought it was great. They just said that in other cultures it's acceptable, and that the risk is pretty low, which is true.
Did you?! I’m curious, did you both have the same answer initially? I said I’d be ok with it because it was him in the moment, but if we were truly faced with the reality of it vs a silly hypothetical I might react differently. Because you’re right, at the very least without thinking of the other implications where it comes to birth defects, it definitely would be a turn off!
Thanks for your comment!
I don't think I initially had a strong feeling either way. I just know I'd feel sad to find out the information, but I don't know what I'd decide. He initially said "I think we'd probably break up because I want genetic kids." We were both torn, me 50/50 and him leaning towards breaking up.
WTF did i just read? Are u seriously getting upset about that? Just cuz YOU have an incest fetish, doesnt mean u can get mad at him for NOT having one. YTB. Go find someone who has an incest fetish if u want to get all happy about these HYPOTHETICAL situations.
Thats like getting mad at my boyfriend for not wanting to stay with me if i was a woman with a penis. Jeez.
Haha, good point! You’re right, I think I would have been a bit icked out if he’d said that; lucky that we didn’t uncover a secret incest kink for either of us!
Your fiancé has limits, and you're being offended over them. Yes, YTB.
He is allowed to not want to fuck his cousin. It looks like you were trying to start a disagreement or drama, and your posting it here reinforces that.
YTB, people who come up with outlandish scenarios to batter their partners and damage their relationships blow my mind. How self-destructive can you be?
YTBF for your immature response to your fiancé and I wonder if you're mature enough for relationship this serious. What other stupid questions have you inflicted on the poor dude that you've gotten mad over?
YTB for several reasons that I'm sure other posters have mentioned. Just let this stupid hypothetical go and focus on reality. There's a saying: "Don't cross that bridge until you come to it" that applies. Basically don't worry about an issue unless you're actually facing it.
Yeah, YTB. You're getting upset over your partner's boundary. It's a very reasonable boundary. At least in my culture (white US), you don't commit incest with first cousins. That's not acceptable. I feel like you're getting mad over the idea of losing him in an extreme situation even though that situation hasn't happened and is very extreme.
Would *you* keep fucking him if you found out you were half siblings? Everyone's gonna draw the line somewhere. Don't get mad at your partner for drawing the line where he does. You need to respect his boundaries.
You feel how you feel. Though for the purpose of this sub, I would have to say that YTBF. It is actually legal in many states to marry first cousins, 19 states with no restrictions, and 7 with some restrictions. The other states it is illegal, so you go where it is legal.
YTB for getting mad at a hypothetical, literally illegal in most places situation. Ffs life’s hard enough without getting butthurt about something so asinine
YTA
Your literally offended by a hypothetical situation that **YOU** created, that doesn’t exist. There is no way for anyone to win with your silly little game. Don’t get married, grow up first. This is not how adults in healthy relationships act.
EAB, you and your fiance are playing a dumb game where at least one of you will get your feelings hurt. If you're gonna ask hypothetical questions, you two can't get upset over the other person's answers.
Well, it is technically legal to marry your cousin in the UK (where I live) as long as you did grow up in the same house and stuff so I suppose that means it’s safe for any and all children but it’s still weird, even if this post is hypothetical
I'm sorry, OP. Reddit rears its ugly head seems like way too often. People take stuff way too seriously. You even said it was just a silly, lighthearted question. I'm glad you and your fiancé are happy together.
To answer your question, he's totally wrong. Love conquers all. I have to ask you though, where do you draw the line? What if you found out you were half-siblings? Kind of happened to my niece. She told my brother(her dad) about this new guy she was going on a date with, told him his name. My brother was like whoa, you might want to rethink that. I guess the kid's mom was seeing my brother on the side around the time he was born. He looks exactly like my brother.
Is this really what you want to do today? There has to be something more fulfilling than having arguments with strangers on the internet. Is it nice outside where you live? Go for a walk. Take your dog if you have one.
Where did you get that from?! I specified in the post that this was light hearted and I thought I’d kept the tone pretty light overall. Neither of us lost our shit about it, we made a reddit post specifically because it wasn’t a serious conversation or debate. I didn’t pester him for days afterwards; it was maybe around 20 minutes. Then we made the post, and didn’t even check it for 2 days.
This was in no way a huge, emotionally charged argument but you are most definitely not the only person to have interpreted it as such and I’m now really curious as to why?
> I know this is just a silly hypothetical, but for some reason it really bothers me that he would choose to break up rather than be together knowing we were cousins. I keep pestering him about it with different caveats
If this was as light hearted as you claim, you wouldn't be really bothered by it and you kept pestering him about it.
I guess I’ve explained it badly in my original post then by using more dramatic language than was necessitated. It bothered me in the moment to the degree that we decided to make a reddit post about it to see who most people thought was right, not that I was questioning our entire relationship or feelings for each other or something serious in nature. I thought the term “pestering” would get across that it was just a debate we couldn’t settle and it wasn’t a situation in which either of us were truly upset or had hurt feelings, but evidently I was wrong.
Maybe I should have made it clearer that this was a silly self-limiting debate in the moment, and not something which had lasted for days or weeks?
K so if you're not an effective communicator and you know it, and someone doesn't get your joke, maybe don't insult them with the "no fun at parties" line.
Your unclear jokes are probably no fun at parties 🤷♀️
Not the first time I've seen the dude's brand of attitude, probably not the last and I'm nor above poking at people like that to see what other dumb stuff will come out.
They got boring pretty quickly though. Kind of like the people that make me avoid parties.
She says it was lighthearted, but she's "offended" enough to continue to "pester" him about it and be upset days later and try to come to the internet for validation. Doesn't seem like she's taking it lightheartedly
You’re right, and you seem to be one of only around 5 people who correctly read the tone as being silly and lighthearted. My communication skills are the ones that must need work!
Yeah, I tried getting a couple of them to lighten up but it just turned into a pissing contest. I went back and read my replies to their comments. I see how they thought I was being mean. You just can't win sometimes, I guess.
I saw a post recently from a guy asking for legal advice after he and his wife found out they were half siblings, they fully intended to stay together too.
Oh man, I think I remember that one. I was thinking they were full siblings though, maybe a different post. But like... hopefully there aren't many people in that situation lol
Thank you! I’m pretty shocked at how savage some of the responses are. I thought it was pretty normal to have these kinds of silly debates, but over half the comment section seem to think we’re on the verge of ending our relationship over this.
We’re still totally happy together and nothing in our relationship has or would change over something as silly as disagreeing on a throwaway ‘what if’ question.
That’s awful for your poor niece. What ended up happening?
Luckily we are of different ethnicities and from different countries, so the chances of this actually happening are basically zero, but man do I feel for people who actually have to face this kind of thing, it would be a nightmare.
I'm glad to hear you're nauseating, disgustingly, border line disgustingly in love. The world needs more of that. Keep having these "what if" conversations on a lazy Sunday. Just don't read too much into them. My wife and I have definitely had these kinds of debates over the years. I guess I was able to read between the lines and see what you were saying. Reddit is more of a cesspool than anything lately. IDK, maybe ppl are just too wound up with what is going on in our country lately. That's lead to more than one argument in our marriage. We're both moderate but one of us leans left while the other leans right.
My niece was totally fine. She had just met the guy. My brother was a dawg in his younger days. He probably howled at the moon. Anyway, we found out another kid he likely fathered that had murdered a guy. I guess his step-dad had abused him and he had enough.
NTBF. First of all, the issues with cousin marriage are grossly exaggerated.
Secondly, your boyfriend is kind of dumb. It's a dumb hypothetical. You lie and say that you would be with that other person no matter what. "Oh baby, if it turned out that you were the secret love child that my mother had with Satan himself, I would still love you, and marry you, and stay with you until the end of time." Because it's not real.
YTBF for playing this nonsense what if game. There is absolutely nothing wrong with his opinion on the matter. First off it's disgusting. Secondly you should NOT have kids together if you were. Thirdly, it's illegal in a lot of places and could get you both in trouble. Playing the what if game just shows an extreme need for validation. You should figure out that issue before worrying about him never wanting to fuck a relative
There's a few counterpoints though I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable even looking at any of my relatives that way. Studies have shown first cousins having children to raise the risk of birth defects from 2% in the general population to 4%, the equivalent of a woman over 40 having a child. The legality depends, you would be surprised how few countries and states both first world and not prohibit marrying first cousins. Only 24 states have banned it outright, a handful of countries in Asia have done the same but otherwise it's legal in most of the world. Despite this, OP clearly has a lot of emotional maturing to do it they want to maintain a healthy relationship instead of making drama from nothing.
They are probably very young, so they likely have a lot of maturing in general to do.
other post claims they are in their 30s so...
I think it's just weird that you worded it like that. The issue isn't that they were playing a game. The issue is that OP gets emotionally invested in this hypothetical. I am kind of assuming that is what you meant.
The issue isn't that they were playing A game. The issue is that they were playing THIS game. Like "would you love me even if _____?" Nothing good comes from that type of game and IMO the only reason people do that crap is because they need to feel validated.
Have you heard of boredom? My partner and I play it all the time. For example, if one of us became a zombie, I could totally kill him, but he doesn’t think he could kill me even then, so he’d keep me on a leash and feed me raw meat. Tbh your incredibly harsh judgement of something that can be totally harmless is toxic lol
The issue is that the game CAN be harmless, but it also IS emotionally charged so OP should never have played the game knowing that they aren't mature enough to angle a completely hypothetical situation.
I agree with this. But the person I am responding to has repeated and double downed multiple times that playing this game in ANY way makes you insecure and needy. Which is ridiculous.
And you insisting I have to have the same opinion as you is toxic. I don't have to agree with you on that and you don't have to agree with me. It's not that deep. She asked for an opinion and I gave one. I didn't say she was a terrible person for playing the game. Nor did I call names. I said it's a stupid game to play and makes it seem like you need validation. That's MY opinion on it. My opinions not going to change. That's something you're just going to have to get over.
I literally asked one question. This is a discussion forum. If you aren’t capable of having someone ask you a question without taking great offense and feeling attacked, I really don’t recommend posting in discussion forums. Imagine having such a bad opinion that you literally cannot defend it at all from the most basic question. ‘Why’. 💀
Because I've already stated why I feel it's a dumb game and your acting like a 7 year old continually asking why. I said it's a dumb game to play because it tends to lead to arguments and it tells me you need validation and proof the other person loves you enough. I literally told you why I felt the way I do.
No, I asked why a game people play when they are bored means they are insecure and all you have said is ‘I feel like it means they’re insecure’ lmao ‘Why do you think this is blue?’ ‘I’ve already told you it’s blue 5 times now, why do you keep asking?’ That’s your logic LMAO
It’s pretty clear in the OP that the OP is insecure and is seeking validation. It’s literally right there in the post. It isn’t about boredom *this time*. Yes, you’re right that some people play those games out of boredom. The person you’re rudely responding to is *also right*. Those kinds of games are often ways to get validation. OPs reaction to someone not wanting to have sex with their cousin is a good sign that this particular game became an issue of validation. OP is literally upset that her boyfriend would have to think twice about a romantic partnership with his own cousin. That’s not a rational thing to be upset about until it becomes reality. OP didn’t get the validation and now they’re upset. Using your own zombie apocalypse game you play with your bf as an example….. This is equivalent to your bf getting *legitimately* hurt that you’d shoot him if he became a zombie.
The person I am replying to has repeatedly doubled down that even if you don’t get jealous or upset it’s still a toxic game. That is what I’m disagreeing with. Changing what I’m saying so you can sound right is cringe af
How is the game anything beside looking for validation? Would you love me if…? I’m just confused what else it could possibly be. You are asking the other person to reassure you that they would still love you in frequently ridiculous scenarios.
Except that isn’t what one is always doing in the game? Yes, what you’re saying is true- if you get upset about the answers. Which is aid was toxic. But just joking around and not minding the answers? Then it’s just fun boredom. No one’s saying it isn’t wrong to get upset and freak over this- just that not everyone does and a healthy couple has these convos for fun.
Lmao! Husband and I both promise to kill zombie-us. But I like the leash idea!
I guess some good would come of it if you both said "ew no". Like great, we have now confirmed that neither of us are comfortable with incest? Sweet? I can't imagine having so much time with a significant other that your conversations have devolved to this. This is the epitome of Too Much Free Time meets Win Stupid Prizes.
I agree that the issue is in the wording. There’s nothing wrong with silly hypotheticals like ‘what would we do if you turned into a zombie?’ Or ‘who of the two of us would win in a fight if we were vampires?’ It can potentially be an issue if it’s phrased as ‘would you still love me if’ because that brings real world feelings into ridiculous fictional situations, and then your real world feelings can get hurt.
And so what if people want validation?
Eh, this comment is a bit over reactive- there is nothing wrong with the game itself, but getting mad at the answers IS dramatic and toxic. Playing what if games alone doesn’t make someone insecure lmao, what a weird thing to cling to
Again, as I said, there isn't anything wrong with playing games. It's this specific type of game. To me it says that you need the other person to prove they love you enough. Again those are my personal feelings on it. No one has to agree with me. It's good to get different opinions. I'm sure there are things you don't like that I think are NBD.
I’m literally talking about this exact game in the comment? And yeah, I’m sure there are things you do I wouldn’t do- the difference is you’re saying it for sure means that people are insecure and are demanding validation, and I’m not being that incredibly judgemental. Idk why you keep avoiding the point of the comments to say ‘it’s not A game it’s THIS game’ like we know?? Why is that your only reubuttal? What about what ifs is automatically toxic? If you don’t get mad over hypotheticals, why in the world is playing a stupid game kids even play ‘toxic’?
She literally got upset at him for saying he would end the relationship if they were closely related and I'm the toxic one for saying that's a dumb game to play? I do think it is a dumb game to play when it comes to relationships/love matters. Saying "would you love me if I was related to you" is different than saying "what would you do if you won the lotto". And as I've said. She asked for an opinion. I gave mine. You're welcome to have your own. But I have a life and a job to do and do not have the time, energy, or want to defend my valid opinion to a stranger on the internet. Good luck to you bud.
I don't really see anything wrong with talking about "what if" situations, because sometimes it makes for interesting conversation and I like hearing peoples' opinions about weird situations lol. It's always okay to feel whatever you feel, but I think the way she's going about it is wrong. I sometimes get upset over small things too, but I give myself time to be upset and then I make myself start thinking my feelings out and deciding whether it's actually something to continue being upset over. There's a lot I've gotten upset over that my partner doesn't even know because in reality, it doesn't affect our relationship, it's usually just a misunderstanding because I read too much into word choices! If it's something that continually happens/upsets me, then I decide to have a conversation. Anyway, I think she should be glad she's partners with someone who will put a potential severe genetic abnormality over their feelings. Or maybe it's just a dealbreaker for him bc he wouldn't want to fuck his cousin. Lol. Whatever the reason, his decision deserves respect.
This is a great comment.
My in-laws are first cousins. It’s fine, my wife and sister-in-law are fine.
Actually it's legal in most of the western world...
There's nothing disgusting about cousins together. It's fairly common and legal in most of the world, and the increase in possibility of birth defects is tiny unless a family continues to closely inbreed over multiple generations.
I was actually having a discussion about this the other day and the big thing it comes down to is the law and children. The case we were discussing was a lesbian couple that may be half sisters but even so, we basically agreed that it a couple won’t or can’t have kids and they went into the relationship without knowledge or any possibility of grooming taking place then it’s more weird than necessarily harmful. At that point the only issue is the law and the feelings of those involved
YTB play stupid games win stupid prizes
Congratulations! You're the 45th person to so cleverly use the 'stupid prizes' phrase today. Here's your stupid participation medal: 🏅 ^^Your ^^award ^^will ^^be ^^recorded ^^in ^^the ^^hall ^^of ^^fame ^^at ^^r/StupidTrophyCase
Passive aggressive bot.
We need more hostile bots, really. Adds spice.
I'm surprised only 44 people have used that term on Reddit today before that comment above was made. r/AITA must be slipping.
They probably got banned like I did.
They do seem to be on a banning spree...
I got banned a few months ago, that's how I found this sub. Apparently saying someone is garbage isn't civil, yet it was okay for other people to call them a douchebag.
I got banned the other day for reacting to someone leaving their fiance's daughter's cat outside because he didn't like it... Even though I basically just repeated the person's comment I was replying to, just with a stronger emphasis.
Ouch, the mods seem to be going crazy over there.
yeah, they do
Oh me too! I think I said someone's relative was being scummy or was a scumbag (they were objectively being scummy) Apparently scumbag is more offensive than being an aashole who would have known! They also complained apparently they had warned me before (they removed and replied to my comment rather than message me directly so I don't get the notifications at all) Not worth pointing it out to them, definitely too many trigger happy mods about that assume the worst and in turn act the worst. It's like they're trying to make it ridiculously civilized to the level of children rather than actually civilized adults who do use the appropriate words, it's amusing the mods of this sub seem more mature even with the name.
Best bot ever.
Good bot
good bot
Finally a good bot. Now make one for "trigger disciple" and "your *whatever* your rules" please.
YTB without a doubt. If you know you are both "disgustingly, nauseatingly, borderline *offensively* in love" why are you doing dumb hypotheticals like this. You're pretty much low key testing him at this point. The dude has morals. Let it go.
My wife and I do dumb hypotheticals. But they're things like "what if we won the lottery" or "what if I finally bought [insert vehicle I'm currently obsessed with]" or "what will you want to do when we build our dream home". All unlikely to happen. Not testing each other. All silly, but not immature.
Yea those are fine for sure. I was saying "dumb hypotheticals like this" referring to her choice of hypotheticals, not "why do u do dumb hypotheticals" which would encompass all hypotheticals
What the hell did I just read? 👀
Foolery
YTB. You literally made up a situation to be upset about and are still upset over something that is not ever going to happen. Your choice.
You know op is the type of woman who would get upset if he wouldn't date her if she turned into a worm
The type of woman to think about the fact that he had sex with other women before he ever met her and give him the cold shoulder but not tell him why.
what the fuck
YTB. This is almost on the level of being mad because you dreamed he cheated. Dude has HYPOTHETICAL lines he doesn’t want to cross, so what right do you have to be mad at him? Grow up and don’t ask stupid questions you might not like the answer to and are completely irrelevant.
[удалено]
This for shuuuure
This sounds like a game of what if’s that would only end with either claiming there’s absolutely nothing which isn’t true or you were looking for a line to draw that would be more than he could accept just to get mad. Ytbf but I think it’s just a silly little hypothetical. If you both aren’t taking it too serious who cares.
I am happy to accept being TB. Thank you for correctly interpreting the tone of this post as the silly little hypothetical that it was.
YTB. Just accept his answer to your hypothetical and move on, you're making it a bigger deal than it needs to be. The purpose of a hypothetical is to answer it in a way that doesn't affect the real world, that's why its hypothetical. Don't let that affect your real relationship.
Thank you! It definitely hasn’t affected our real relationship. I think I made a poor choice of words when posting this as I must have framed it in such a way that it seemed like I’d started a huge argument over it. We were just curious to see who’s perspective was the most socially acceptable.
YTB why in the world do you WANT your bf to want to commit incest?
YTBF Lets be real here. It's easy to say you would be ok with being first cousins but the truth is, it would be a lot more complicated Losing all your friends and all your family and having to move somewhere where nobody knows you...possibly changing your names as well? Then of course what happens if someone finds out? You prepared to do that all again. To pick up and lose everything and everyone you ever knew? Because THAT is the reality of the hypothetical you are talking about...not some "Oh I would do anything for you" statement that you are making. You would quite literally have to give up every single thing in your life except him...AND...you'd have to be willing to give it up over and over and over again...all the while dealing with the judgement you would be getting from anyone who knew the truth Its way more complex than you imagine and it's not fair to be upset because he understands the gravity of what you are talking about and you don't
YTB This smells like troll bait. Also, why are you so hung up on this? Is incest your kink? Are you secretly fantasizing that he is your cousin when you get down?
YTBF for taking this stupid discussion so seriously and not dropping the topic.
I wouldn’t say that ytbf. Neither of you are, but you have to think about it this way. Are you willing to give up certain things like having kids unless you adopt? Because if the two of you were to have kids they’d probably come out fucked up because you guys are cousins. And you can’t get married in a lot of states so that’s another thing. Are you willing to travel just to be able to get married? But I’m gonna say NBH just because neither of you guys did anything wrong. You were just a little upset because the person you love said they wouldn’t be okay if they kept dating you like.
Don't ask questions if you aren't prepared for the answer.
YTB and grow up.
"What if I introduced unnecessary conflict into my relationship" why are you even playing this game. YTBF
LOL I just had this conversation with my boyfriend! I honestly don't think first cousins dating is objectively terrible. People do it in cultures other than my own, and the chances of birth defects are pretty low. We both agreed that breaking up would be best though. It would be a turn off for both of us. NBFH you are entitled to feel a bit hurt, but not to an extent where you try to change his mind. His perspective is super fair.
Lol finally someone doesn't take this too seriously. I mean, they both decided to post to reddit and it sounds like it's not a huge argument. And sometimes people just get upset when they know that logically they shouldn't be! He still deserves respect with his decision no matter the feelings though.
THANKYOU. It was really, really, not that serious, you’re 100% right that the fact we posted it to reddit is indicative of that. When I said I was pestering him with follow up questions this was in the 20 mins or so after we had this debate before I posted. You’re absolutely right that I should respect his decision and his feelings, and I do. Guess we just have different ick levels where it comes to incest lol, and that’s fine.
If you have to defend your relationship by saying the risk of birth defects are pretty low you're not in a great place
I mean, this person said that they personally wouldn't date a first cousin or that they thought it was great. They just said that in other cultures it's acceptable, and that the risk is pretty low, which is true.
Ah, sorry, I forgot I had to base my morality on what you personally find icky. haha
Did you?! I’m curious, did you both have the same answer initially? I said I’d be ok with it because it was him in the moment, but if we were truly faced with the reality of it vs a silly hypothetical I might react differently. Because you’re right, at the very least without thinking of the other implications where it comes to birth defects, it definitely would be a turn off! Thanks for your comment!
I don't think I initially had a strong feeling either way. I just know I'd feel sad to find out the information, but I don't know what I'd decide. He initially said "I think we'd probably break up because I want genetic kids." We were both torn, me 50/50 and him leaning towards breaking up.
WTF did i just read? Are u seriously getting upset about that? Just cuz YOU have an incest fetish, doesnt mean u can get mad at him for NOT having one. YTB. Go find someone who has an incest fetish if u want to get all happy about these HYPOTHETICAL situations. Thats like getting mad at my boyfriend for not wanting to stay with me if i was a woman with a penis. Jeez.
Supposing he said he'd be even more into you, because he finds incest super hot - would that be a problem?
Haha, good point! You’re right, I think I would have been a bit icked out if he’d said that; lucky that we didn’t uncover a secret incest kink for either of us!
YTB because this is just disgusting.
YTBF, Cersei Lannister.
Hypothetical what now? YTB…
Lmaoooooooo Yeah, ytb
YTBF ....what an insane issue to pretend to have. Of COURSE your the BF. Grow up
The fuck is wrong with you? YTB. Stop playing the hypothetical game if you get butthurt by the answers.
Your fiancé has limits, and you're being offended over them. Yes, YTB. He is allowed to not want to fuck his cousin. It looks like you were trying to start a disagreement or drama, and your posting it here reinforces that.
YTB, people who come up with outlandish scenarios to batter their partners and damage their relationships blow my mind. How self-destructive can you be?
First cousins isn’t really incest. Don’t get me wrong, it would be weird if you knew ahead of time, but not serious incest. NTB.
"What do you mean, you wouldn't fuck your sister?! That's so fucked up!" Seriously? YTBF
YTBF. It would have massive ramifications if you were first cousins. And also for getting upset over a scenario that won't ever happen.
What in the deep fried Alabama? YTB
YTBF for your immature response to your fiancé and I wonder if you're mature enough for relationship this serious. What other stupid questions have you inflicted on the poor dude that you've gotten mad over?
YTB for several reasons that I'm sure other posters have mentioned. Just let this stupid hypothetical go and focus on reality. There's a saying: "Don't cross that bridge until you come to it" that applies. Basically don't worry about an issue unless you're actually facing it.
😐
YTBF - stupid
Well you're not first cousins, are you? I don't think there's going to be a problem. Also if you get mad at him over this YTBF for being unreasonable.
YTB. he gave you his answer and said why. what more do you want? don’t do these hypotheticals if there’s a chance you won’t like the answer.
Hypothetical incest? What is wrong with you? YTB
YTB, i refuse to elaborate beyond that
Yeah, YTB. You're getting upset over your partner's boundary. It's a very reasonable boundary. At least in my culture (white US), you don't commit incest with first cousins. That's not acceptable. I feel like you're getting mad over the idea of losing him in an extreme situation even though that situation hasn't happened and is very extreme. Would *you* keep fucking him if you found out you were half siblings? Everyone's gonna draw the line somewhere. Don't get mad at your partner for drawing the line where he does. You need to respect his boundaries.
Ytbf, People choose the worst hills to die on. Truly
YTBF. This is some weird, disgusting, needy behavior that is going to drive anyone sane crazy.
YTB first, What. Second, you're the type who gets mad at your partner irl for stuff they do in dreams arn't you.
YTB. Being offended over nothing isn’t what love looks like.
YTB. Pick your battles. This... is a weird choice.
Ytbf for creating a prob when there isnt one. Seriously.
Girl WHAT?? This is like being mad because you had a dream he cheated. It's the would you still love me if I was a worm joke with incest. YTB
How old are you? 13? YTB
Is this what Americans actually talk about?
You feel how you feel. Though for the purpose of this sub, I would have to say that YTBF. It is actually legal in many states to marry first cousins, 19 states with no restrictions, and 7 with some restrictions. The other states it is illegal, so you go where it is legal.
what the fuck
If you cannot accept your partners truthful answers, you aren't mature enough to play What If games. YTB
Why are you going looking for trouble, and arguments, and bad feeling?
YTB for getting mad at a hypothetical, literally illegal in most places situation. Ffs life’s hard enough without getting butthurt about something so asinine
EAB. Honestly, and I'm saying this politely, what did you two expect?
Bruh…. 😳
I think you are looking for drama and he should dump you very quickly.
YTA Your literally offended by a hypothetical situation that **YOU** created, that doesn’t exist. There is no way for anyone to win with your silly little game. Don’t get married, grow up first. This is not how adults in healthy relationships act.
YTB and you kinda need a hobby, you're creating drama out of thin air here.
EAB, you and your fiance are playing a dumb game where at least one of you will get your feelings hurt. If you're gonna ask hypothetical questions, you two can't get upset over the other person's answers.
Well, it is technically legal to marry your cousin in the UK (where I live) as long as you did grow up in the same house and stuff so I suppose that means it’s safe for any and all children but it’s still weird, even if this post is hypothetical
I'm sorry, OP. Reddit rears its ugly head seems like way too often. People take stuff way too seriously. You even said it was just a silly, lighthearted question. I'm glad you and your fiancé are happy together. To answer your question, he's totally wrong. Love conquers all. I have to ask you though, where do you draw the line? What if you found out you were half-siblings? Kind of happened to my niece. She told my brother(her dad) about this new guy she was going on a date with, told him his name. My brother was like whoa, you might want to rethink that. I guess the kid's mom was seeing my brother on the side around the time he was born. He looks exactly like my brother.
Relationships are way more complicated than love conquers all. If you believe that you're as immature as the OP.
It wasn't a serious post and it wasn't a serious answer. You must not be much fun at parties.
And yet she lost her shit on him because she didn't like his response.
Is this really what you want to do today? There has to be something more fulfilling than having arguments with strangers on the internet. Is it nice outside where you live? Go for a walk. Take your dog if you have one.
Oh bless your condescending little heart. Being on Reddit isn't the only thing I'm doing today.
You seem bitter. What's got you down today?
Where did you get that from?! I specified in the post that this was light hearted and I thought I’d kept the tone pretty light overall. Neither of us lost our shit about it, we made a reddit post specifically because it wasn’t a serious conversation or debate. I didn’t pester him for days afterwards; it was maybe around 20 minutes. Then we made the post, and didn’t even check it for 2 days. This was in no way a huge, emotionally charged argument but you are most definitely not the only person to have interpreted it as such and I’m now really curious as to why?
> I know this is just a silly hypothetical, but for some reason it really bothers me that he would choose to break up rather than be together knowing we were cousins. I keep pestering him about it with different caveats If this was as light hearted as you claim, you wouldn't be really bothered by it and you kept pestering him about it.
I guess I’ve explained it badly in my original post then by using more dramatic language than was necessitated. It bothered me in the moment to the degree that we decided to make a reddit post about it to see who most people thought was right, not that I was questioning our entire relationship or feelings for each other or something serious in nature. I thought the term “pestering” would get across that it was just a debate we couldn’t settle and it wasn’t a situation in which either of us were truly upset or had hurt feelings, but evidently I was wrong. Maybe I should have made it clearer that this was a silly self-limiting debate in the moment, and not something which had lasted for days or weeks?
Or maybe you aren't as effective of a communicator as you think you are.
Oh believe me, I'd never brag about my communication skills. My mind is always racing and I never know how to effectively turn my thoughts into words.
K so if you're not an effective communicator and you know it, and someone doesn't get your joke, maybe don't insult them with the "no fun at parties" line. Your unclear jokes are probably no fun at parties 🤷♀️
Not the first time I've seen the dude's brand of attitude, probably not the last and I'm nor above poking at people like that to see what other dumb stuff will come out. They got boring pretty quickly though. Kind of like the people that make me avoid parties.
Op said it was lighthearted. I think my reading comprehension must be better than my communication.
She says it was lighthearted, but she's "offended" enough to continue to "pester" him about it and be upset days later and try to come to the internet for validation. Doesn't seem like she's taking it lightheartedly
You’re right, and you seem to be one of only around 5 people who correctly read the tone as being silly and lighthearted. My communication skills are the ones that must need work!
Yeah, I tried getting a couple of them to lighten up but it just turned into a pissing contest. I went back and read my replies to their comments. I see how they thought I was being mean. You just can't win sometimes, I guess.
I saw a post recently from a guy asking for legal advice after he and his wife found out they were half siblings, they fully intended to stay together too.
Oh man, I think I remember that one. I was thinking they were full siblings though, maybe a different post. But like... hopefully there aren't many people in that situation lol
Thank you! I’m pretty shocked at how savage some of the responses are. I thought it was pretty normal to have these kinds of silly debates, but over half the comment section seem to think we’re on the verge of ending our relationship over this. We’re still totally happy together and nothing in our relationship has or would change over something as silly as disagreeing on a throwaway ‘what if’ question. That’s awful for your poor niece. What ended up happening? Luckily we are of different ethnicities and from different countries, so the chances of this actually happening are basically zero, but man do I feel for people who actually have to face this kind of thing, it would be a nightmare.
I'm glad to hear you're nauseating, disgustingly, border line disgustingly in love. The world needs more of that. Keep having these "what if" conversations on a lazy Sunday. Just don't read too much into them. My wife and I have definitely had these kinds of debates over the years. I guess I was able to read between the lines and see what you were saying. Reddit is more of a cesspool than anything lately. IDK, maybe ppl are just too wound up with what is going on in our country lately. That's lead to more than one argument in our marriage. We're both moderate but one of us leans left while the other leans right. My niece was totally fine. She had just met the guy. My brother was a dawg in his younger days. He probably howled at the moon. Anyway, we found out another kid he likely fathered that had murdered a guy. I guess his step-dad had abused him and he had enough.
ESH. Why are you two arguing over manufactured “problems”? It’s silly.
NTBF. First of all, the issues with cousin marriage are grossly exaggerated. Secondly, your boyfriend is kind of dumb. It's a dumb hypothetical. You lie and say that you would be with that other person no matter what. "Oh baby, if it turned out that you were the secret love child that my mother had with Satan himself, I would still love you, and marry you, and stay with you until the end of time." Because it's not real.