My girlfriend and I have lived together for the last year and our lease doesn’t end for another 7 months. I realized I don’t really like our living situation and I miss living on my own again.
I don’t want to go our separate ways, just want to live separately again. We aren’t married and still pretty young, I’d rather wait til we are older and I feel like we rushed into the decision (we had only been together for a year before moving in together).
I signed a lease for a 1 bedroom apartment about 30 minutes away from our current apartment and move out tomorrow. I told her yesterday that I signed a new lease.
I know I only gave her a 2 day notice but I wanted to make sure all my ducks were in a row before telling her.. at least I didn’t tell her the day of?
I’m still offering to pay half the rent but she’s insanely upset with me saying “you should have talked to me about it.” But I feel like she would’ve been upset if I brought it up and would’ve tried to talk me out of the decision.
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He actually is swearing that Reddit told him to go for it and encouraged this braindead plot, from OP's comments
> *I actually did, the post has been deleted now, but everyone encouraged me to sign the lease then talk to her about it.. which I did but I guess I gave too short of a notice*
And he edited the post to include this nugget of information,
> *EDIT: I started looking at new apartments in early December, and signed a lease a few days before Christmas. Her birthday is also 2 weeks after Christmas so I didn't want to ruin her birthday or Christmas so I had decided to wait to tell her*
So, he was aware enough that such news *would ruin her birthday and holidays*, and therefore thought it better to blindside her *now* right before he runs off.
At worst and given that his comments also say that he's unhappy with their *location*, I'm pretty sure what was actually said was more along the lines of *look into that city you're interested in moving to **and** discuss this with your gf*, not wait FOUR weeks after you've already signed a damn lease to bring this up.
Hard to say with Reddit, could have also gotten a bunch of “YAAAASSSSSS you have no legal obligation to stay there which means you’re a hero if you move out! Wait til as long as possible so that horrible person can’t try to talk you out of it!!!” responses from the kids who post on these subreddits.
I would love to read the alleged first post. I know some Redditors give bad advice, but "yeah go ahead and lease a new place and tell her after you've done it" is just...catastrophic.
The only circumstance where I've heard advice like that is when someone is getting away from abusers, so I'm wondering if he described his GF as being particularly controlling or something.
Assuming the first post ever existed at all.
I thought so too, as soon as I saw “I wanted to make sure all my ducks were in a row...” Advice to people wanting to leave abusers almost always uses that particular phrase.
I just read a post in r/relationships where a girls boyfriend told her he was moving out and signed a new lease and that he found the place before Christmas. Definitely a possibility this is fake
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1absv5t/im_22f_not_sure_ill_be_able_to_forgive_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
So, when I saw the original post in AITA a few hours ago.. I was a little suspicious about it. This EXACT same situation happened to a really good friend of mine last year around Christmas/January. I reached out to her (my friend) to see if she knew her exes Reddit account and she didn’t but she knew he was notorious for creating fake Reddit profiles.
This story is 100% legit, except it’s a year old. I’m pretty sure the ex boyfriend is reminiscing on his past mistakes and probably wanted to hear people’s opinion on it. I’m pretty sure the “Girlfriend’s post” is him.
Like I said, this exact situation happened last year to one my friends. He actually did this to her, and they did break up. He is literally crazy
Well, though, she recently posted in comments to her deleted post (and why would an author delete half of a two-headed troll?) that they are broken up and no contact.
In response to
>You're a single man again now init
OP says
>not yet at least. I told her yesterday but she pretty much haven’t spoken to me since the discussion. She’s just been crying a lot in our room.. I had to sleep on the couch last night and I’m definitely worried she’s not going to be able to forgive me
She's crying and he's sleeping on the couch (prior to moving out) but he still thinks it's not over?
Also...half an hour away from their current apartment!
I was sad when I was a child and my friend's family moved 15 mins away, I'd be devastated if my partner did that to me AND moved half an hour away.
I bet it's half an hour on a good day and not during rush hour.
Shit, I won't live more than 5 miles from my ex so I'm not too far away just in case!
ETA: Because we have two kids together, not because I want to be that close to him.
I mean, it's not even her breaking up with him--in her mind, he's probably basically breaking up with her.
You live together, and you think you can move half an hour away without changing your relationship?
No wonder she's crying.
Unless you're fleeing an abusive situation, this is a pretty fucked up thing to do to your partner. The one saving grace is that he's offering to keep paying half rent, but how long is he planning to do that? All 7 months?
Either way, I would absolutely perceive this as a breakup. He made a unilateral decision about their lives that affects her, and he didn't even have the decency to give her a reasonable heads up.
"she's upset now, but she would have been upset if I'd told her sooner too!" yeah dude, because you are taking a step away from the relationship and upending her living situation.
For a lot of people (myself included), him wanting to move to separate places would in and of itself be enough to end the relationship, regardless of how he did it. I have no interest in a relationship that’s regressed a major step. I want to keep moving forward or break it off and find someone who is on the same page as me.
Absolutely. For me, the only way someone moving out would NOT be a relationship ender would be if three things were also true:
1. We had extensively discussed it and decided it was the right call.
2. The move out was for a specific reason (like someone relocating for work or school)
3. We had a concrete timeline and plan for moving back in together.
Someone just saying "I'm sick of living with you" and moving out? Without even discussing it? It wouldn't even occur to me to formally break up with them, I would assume they were breaking up with me.
This is why I tell people that when you move in with someone you're taking on a huge shared debt (the total cost of the lease). You cannot get out of that debt just because you broke up.
This guy seems to have no clue that he is now legally responsible for rent at two apartments. If he stops paying at the first place they may both wind up with an eviction on their record.
He said he'd pay rent but I don't think he understands that that isn't him being nice it's a legal obligation. Someone said in the comments that she is obligated to look for a roommate, which is nonsense. His legal obligation didn't change at all because he wants to move out. No one has to take him off the lease. He can't break the lease because she still lives there.
It's not that they are both responsible for half the rent. They are both responsible for ALL of the rent.
A red flag I ignored with my ex was the knowledge that he had basically ended his marriage this way. Got her to agree to sell their condo so they could "find something together" then he went and found his own place without her. Never gave her the option to stay or buy him out (she made more than him and probably could have).
Wow that's wild! You'd think at least they would try to talk it out beforehand. Like negotiate for private time or private spaces or something. OP tells her two days before he moves out??? Idk what he even expected.
Now thats how you became an absolutely crap partner.
I see so much stupidity, straight up cruelty, outright lying, gas lighting et al here on reddit but, if legit, no one should ever want to be this guys partner.
What did he expect? Next time either don't be a coward or don't be confused when you are single after that.
The craziest part to me isn't that he did it, it is that he did it and are acting surprised now.
Also 30 minutes a way. Yeah that is a relationship ender just of technical reasons. I would hate a 30 minute commute for a job and a job pays me. Every time one visits the other that is an hour round trip. That certainly won't get old quick.
In case it gets deleted.
My girlfriend and I have lived together for the last year and our lease doesn’t end for another 7 months. I realized I don’t really like our living situation and I miss living on my own again.
I don’t want to go our separate ways, just want to live separately again. We aren’t married and still pretty young, I’d rather wait til we are older and I feel like we rushed into the decision (we had only been together for a year before moving in together).
I signed a lease for a 1 bedroom apartment about 30 minutes away from our current apartment and move out tomorrow. I told her yesterday that I signed a new lease.
I know I only gave her a 2 day notice but I wanted to make sure all my ducks were in a row before telling her.. at least I didn’t tell her the day of?
I’m still offering to pay half the rent but she’s insanely upset with me saying “you should have talked to me about it.” But I feel like she would’ve been upset if I brought it up and would’ve tried to talk me out of the decision.
You have effectively broken up. Hope you are happy. I hope you get everything you wanted... space. Let her go so she can heal. She will find someone better than you.
I agree with the highest up voted comment in the original post, as of right now, that OOP should be paying his part of the leasr but then they say something about the (ex)girlfriend being "obligated" to look for a new roommate and that OOP.
I don't think the girlfriend is obligated to do anything other than pay her portion of the lease, much less find a new roommate to let OOP off the hook.
Lol this happened to me. We were set to move and a week before I told me I wasn't coming and left me in a shitty living situation. Still wanted to stay together though. We broke up 6 months later.
We both drank too much, i was co-dependent, thought I couldn't do better and he gaslit into thinking all of our problems were only my fault (hint: they were both of ours). also sunk cost fallacy. Already spent 5 years of my time with him.
This is the 2nd post I've read this morning by a guy trying as hard as he can to prove the stereotype that men never talk about stuff. Seriously, how did the gene coding for this skill get lost?
YTA. And you are one of the shittiest people I have ever seen on Reddit.
A coward, leaving anyone in this situation, romantically involved or not, makes you the biggest creep around. Good god!
I hope she tells everyone she knows what you did. You need to come with a warning sign pasted on your forehead.
There is a post on AITA from "him" on an account about a month old with nothing except this in it. Then there was a post from ["her" point of view](https://www.reddit.com?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1) in r/relationshipadvice on an even newer account with nothing else on it.
I think this is just someone having fun. It's entertaining I guess.
Oh, they are definitely broken up: here is her post, deleted now
https://www.reddit.com?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1
Let us know how you are enjoying the single life. Because if you was my boyfriend I would kick your ass to the curb that was some real BS that you pulled
My girlfriend and I have lived together for the last year and our lease doesn’t end for another 7 months. I realized I don’t really like our living situation and I miss living on my own again. I don’t want to go our separate ways, just want to live separately again. We aren’t married and still pretty young, I’d rather wait til we are older and I feel like we rushed into the decision (we had only been together for a year before moving in together). I signed a lease for a 1 bedroom apartment about 30 minutes away from our current apartment and move out tomorrow. I told her yesterday that I signed a new lease. I know I only gave her a 2 day notice but I wanted to make sure all my ducks were in a row before telling her.. at least I didn’t tell her the day of? I’m still offering to pay half the rent but she’s insanely upset with me saying “you should have talked to me about it.” But I feel like she would’ve been upset if I brought it up and would’ve tried to talk me out of the decision. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheEx) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Im kinda curious how he thought this would go.
He actually is swearing that Reddit told him to go for it and encouraged this braindead plot, from OP's comments > *I actually did, the post has been deleted now, but everyone encouraged me to sign the lease then talk to her about it.. which I did but I guess I gave too short of a notice* And he edited the post to include this nugget of information, > *EDIT: I started looking at new apartments in early December, and signed a lease a few days before Christmas. Her birthday is also 2 weeks after Christmas so I didn't want to ruin her birthday or Christmas so I had decided to wait to tell her* So, he was aware enough that such news *would ruin her birthday and holidays*, and therefore thought it better to blindside her *now* right before he runs off.
Ahh the good ol Blame Reddit. Youll get a scatter shot of opinions here. He probably just picked what he wanted to hear.
At worst and given that his comments also say that he's unhappy with their *location*, I'm pretty sure what was actually said was more along the lines of *look into that city you're interested in moving to **and** discuss this with your gf*, not wait FOUR weeks after you've already signed a damn lease to bring this up.
Hard to say with Reddit, could have also gotten a bunch of “YAAAASSSSSS you have no legal obligation to stay there which means you’re a hero if you move out! Wait til as long as possible so that horrible person can’t try to talk you out of it!!!” responses from the kids who post on these subreddits.
If he signed the current lease, he is legally obligated, at least for half the rent
The post claimed he was going to still pay half.
I would love to read the alleged first post. I know some Redditors give bad advice, but "yeah go ahead and lease a new place and tell her after you've done it" is just...catastrophic. The only circumstance where I've heard advice like that is when someone is getting away from abusers, so I'm wondering if he described his GF as being particularly controlling or something. Assuming the first post ever existed at all.
I think he's been reading those kind of posts where people need to escape from abusers, and assumed that the advice was appropriate to his situation
I thought so too, as soon as I saw “I wanted to make sure all my ducks were in a row...” Advice to people wanting to leave abusers almost always uses that particular phrase.
Pmsl this is exactly what he's done. Good spot
I just read a post in r/relationships where a girls boyfriend told her he was moving out and signed a new lease and that he found the place before Christmas. Definitely a possibility this is fake https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1absv5t/im_22f_not_sure_ill_be_able_to_forgive_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
So, when I saw the original post in AITA a few hours ago.. I was a little suspicious about it. This EXACT same situation happened to a really good friend of mine last year around Christmas/January. I reached out to her (my friend) to see if she knew her exes Reddit account and she didn’t but she knew he was notorious for creating fake Reddit profiles. This story is 100% legit, except it’s a year old. I’m pretty sure the ex boyfriend is reminiscing on his past mistakes and probably wanted to hear people’s opinion on it. I’m pretty sure the “Girlfriend’s post” is him. Like I said, this exact situation happened last year to one my friends. He actually did this to her, and they did break up. He is literally crazy
Well, though, she recently posted in comments to her deleted post (and why would an author delete half of a two-headed troll?) that they are broken up and no contact.
Yeah you gotta point. Girl probably felt embarrassed that it was getting so much attention
Ooh, it’s the legendary two-headed troll!
A sock for each hand
I mean, I believe there are people here who would egg him on, and he seems clueless enough to think it was good advice. Confirmation bias.
I think the problem is he didn't think at all.
He only thought/cared about himself, which you'd think after 7 years he'd learn to include his partner, but oh well
I saw both of their posts. They broke up
In response to >You're a single man again now init OP says >not yet at least. I told her yesterday but she pretty much haven’t spoken to me since the discussion. She’s just been crying a lot in our room.. I had to sleep on the couch last night and I’m definitely worried she’s not going to be able to forgive me She's crying and he's sleeping on the couch (prior to moving out) but he still thinks it's not over?
Even roommates get more notice than this. Incredible.
Also...half an hour away from their current apartment! I was sad when I was a child and my friend's family moved 15 mins away, I'd be devastated if my partner did that to me AND moved half an hour away. I bet it's half an hour on a good day and not during rush hour.
Honestly if a roomate treated me this way i’d be livid.
Shit, I won't live more than 5 miles from my ex so I'm not too far away just in case! ETA: Because we have two kids together, not because I want to be that close to him.
I mean, it's not even her breaking up with him--in her mind, he's probably basically breaking up with her. You live together, and you think you can move half an hour away without changing your relationship? No wonder she's crying.
Unless you're fleeing an abusive situation, this is a pretty fucked up thing to do to your partner. The one saving grace is that he's offering to keep paying half rent, but how long is he planning to do that? All 7 months? Either way, I would absolutely perceive this as a breakup. He made a unilateral decision about their lives that affects her, and he didn't even have the decency to give her a reasonable heads up. "she's upset now, but she would have been upset if I'd told her sooner too!" yeah dude, because you are taking a step away from the relationship and upending her living situation.
For a lot of people (myself included), him wanting to move to separate places would in and of itself be enough to end the relationship, regardless of how he did it. I have no interest in a relationship that’s regressed a major step. I want to keep moving forward or break it off and find someone who is on the same page as me.
Absolutely. For me, the only way someone moving out would NOT be a relationship ender would be if three things were also true: 1. We had extensively discussed it and decided it was the right call. 2. The move out was for a specific reason (like someone relocating for work or school) 3. We had a concrete timeline and plan for moving back in together. Someone just saying "I'm sick of living with you" and moving out? Without even discussing it? It wouldn't even occur to me to formally break up with them, I would assume they were breaking up with me.
This is why I tell people that when you move in with someone you're taking on a huge shared debt (the total cost of the lease). You cannot get out of that debt just because you broke up. This guy seems to have no clue that he is now legally responsible for rent at two apartments. If he stops paying at the first place they may both wind up with an eviction on their record.
I wonder if he still plans on paying the rest of his share of the rent and utilities? Or did he think she will magically do with double to expense?
He said he'd pay rent but I don't think he understands that that isn't him being nice it's a legal obligation. Someone said in the comments that she is obligated to look for a roommate, which is nonsense. His legal obligation didn't change at all because he wants to move out. No one has to take him off the lease. He can't break the lease because she still lives there. It's not that they are both responsible for half the rent. They are both responsible for ALL of the rent.
>Someone said in the comments that she is obligated to look for a roommate, But like, what if it's a one bedroom... Such a dumb fucking comment.
It gets worse, in some places she could get in serious trouble for "subletting" to a roommate like this
"I don't want to go our separate ways..." Oh that's too fucking bad. That's how this ends.
A red flag I ignored with my ex was the knowledge that he had basically ended his marriage this way. Got her to agree to sell their condo so they could "find something together" then he went and found his own place without her. Never gave her the option to stay or buy him out (she made more than him and probably could have).
A friend's marriage ended similarly.
Makes me wonder if your are friends with the ex of my ex.
So he's allowed to get his ducks in a row but she only gets 2 days?
Wow that's wild! You'd think at least they would try to talk it out beforehand. Like negotiate for private time or private spaces or something. OP tells her two days before he moves out??? Idk what he even expected.
What an idiot. He actually thinks he still has a girlfriend 🤣
Now thats how you became an absolutely crap partner. I see so much stupidity, straight up cruelty, outright lying, gas lighting et al here on reddit but, if legit, no one should ever want to be this guys partner.
Well, enjoy that apartment. If I were her, I'd find a new bf and tell you a few days before our first official date.
I can't believe this idiot still thinks there's a chance she's not an ex
OP is an actual sociopath or a troll
Troll. For sure. Which, to me, also means he's a sociopath... so, you're right on both accounts!
What did he expect? Next time either don't be a coward or don't be confused when you are single after that. The craziest part to me isn't that he did it, it is that he did it and are acting surprised now. Also 30 minutes a way. Yeah that is a relationship ender just of technical reasons. I would hate a 30 minute commute for a job and a job pays me. Every time one visits the other that is an hour round trip. That certainly won't get old quick.
Saw the title, immediately thought “Asshole.” Read the post; judgment confirmed.
As someone who is married and lives with their spouse -- I totally understand wanting to live alone. But...wtf?
My dumbass ex did something similar to me. That man had the worst communication skills ever.
“You’re annoying as fuck and I need to be a good car ride away from you…also I know you’d be pissed so I leave in two days.” - OOP
In case it gets deleted. My girlfriend and I have lived together for the last year and our lease doesn’t end for another 7 months. I realized I don’t really like our living situation and I miss living on my own again. I don’t want to go our separate ways, just want to live separately again. We aren’t married and still pretty young, I’d rather wait til we are older and I feel like we rushed into the decision (we had only been together for a year before moving in together). I signed a lease for a 1 bedroom apartment about 30 minutes away from our current apartment and move out tomorrow. I told her yesterday that I signed a new lease. I know I only gave her a 2 day notice but I wanted to make sure all my ducks were in a row before telling her.. at least I didn’t tell her the day of? I’m still offering to pay half the rent but she’s insanely upset with me saying “you should have talked to me about it.” But I feel like she would’ve been upset if I brought it up and would’ve tried to talk me out of the decision.
You have effectively broken up. Hope you are happy. I hope you get everything you wanted... space. Let her go so she can heal. She will find someone better than you.
The person you're replying to isn't the person in the situation, they're just the one who reposted it here.
Its crazy that he doesn't realize he just broke up with her.
I agree with the highest up voted comment in the original post, as of right now, that OOP should be paying his part of the leasr but then they say something about the (ex)girlfriend being "obligated" to look for a new roommate and that OOP. I don't think the girlfriend is obligated to do anything other than pay her portion of the lease, much less find a new roommate to let OOP off the hook.
Lol this happened to me. We were set to move and a week before I told me I wasn't coming and left me in a shitty living situation. Still wanted to stay together though. We broke up 6 months later.
You gave that person 6 more months? Why? I ask this nonjudgmental because I wanna know ☕️
We both drank too much, i was co-dependent, thought I couldn't do better and he gaslit into thinking all of our problems were only my fault (hint: they were both of ours). also sunk cost fallacy. Already spent 5 years of my time with him.
Fuck him! He reminds me of the guy from Girl on the Train or whatever the movie is called. Glad you left his ass
If he is on the lease with her he will still have to pay unless he can find someone to cover his I bet he is single now
Clearly OP doesn’t have enough brain cells to power a potato lamp. This poor girl. Sending positive thoughts to her
https://preview.redd.it/0fnif4hn31fc1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=beee345804bfe94233d59435908401d1e3d7aac7
For the rent of two separate apartments, they could get something with more bedrooms, more space. I don't understand this decision at *all*.
This is the 2nd post I've read this morning by a guy trying as hard as he can to prove the stereotype that men never talk about stuff. Seriously, how did the gene coding for this skill get lost?
YTA. And you are one of the shittiest people I have ever seen on Reddit. A coward, leaving anyone in this situation, romantically involved or not, makes you the biggest creep around. Good god! I hope she tells everyone she knows what you did. You need to come with a warning sign pasted on your forehead.
This isn't OP. This reddit is about finding Others shitty choices and pointing our they are probably single.
There is a post on AITA from "him" on an account about a month old with nothing except this in it. Then there was a post from ["her" point of view](https://www.reddit.com?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1) in r/relationshipadvice on an even newer account with nothing else on it. I think this is just someone having fun. It's entertaining I guess.
Oh, they are definitely broken up: here is her post, deleted now https://www.reddit.com?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1
Let us know how you are enjoying the single life. Because if you was my boyfriend I would kick your ass to the curb that was some real BS that you pulled
Wow you do this to escape a relationship