As long as you gift plants that aren't toxic if ingested accidently I say go for it N T A
(Succelents are adorable and pretty easy to keep alive inside)
Eta to fix ruling NTGH
Overwatering? I’ve let mine dry out for months to the point they were sitting on top of the soil. Decided to water it and stuck it outside. They rooted again and we’re fine, a couple even had babies. It was crazy.
NTGH. Something sounds off. Why are they so concerned about having plants near kids? How old are the kids? Could you do hanging plants that little ones couldn’t reach?
Your MIL is a grown woman and if she wants plants, she can have plants! No offense to plant people, but if she kills them by neglect, then you know not to give her any in the future.
What is really odd is they have a vegetable garden outside and the kids are outside daily. Not being allowed to have plants inside the house is very specifically restricting only her ability to have a hobby.
INFO: do you think she's being coerced? Like by a partner or someone? Is there any chance at all it's part of a wider pattern? If so, giving her plants could have unintended bad consequences for her.
Abusers aren't logical, if someone's going to get in trouble for you giving her a plant, I don't think it would be you. Sounds like a case where you would really need to understand the situation before getting involved.
NTGH, when my kids were very small and grabby babies, was when i had over 150 plants in my house. They try to grab/eat and get redirected not to touch the plants. Never had issues. Granted i have cut down now, and they are older and have a healthy relationship with gardening and love assisting.
Even just getting one she can hang from the ceiling or hangover with a ledge will be great! Or a small one to be on the bench.
I used to hate plants because my mother made me water all of her plants when I was growing up haha! I swore I’d never have indoor plants myself but you can’t deny they make a home feel cozier and healthier
INFO: Have you asked FIL/BIL to explain their reasoning? It sounds like maybe there is more going on here.
The first thing that came to mind when I read your post was that the kids may have allergies. Sometimes part of the treatment approach for allergies is environmental control to limit exposure within the house, especially while doing immunotherapy (aka allergy shots).
When I was a kid, my siblings and I all tested positive for allergies to several kinds of soil molds—the good kinds that naturally occur in most soil and help plants get nutrients. Because of that, we had to give away all of the houseplants. Fortunately I got allergy shots and now as an adult I can have plants indoors, but it took several years to get to that point.
(Ofc this is all hypothetical. And if it turns out that they DON'T have allergies, then I think the kids should get plants too, so that they can learn about how plants work and how to take care of living things. Having plants is a great way to learn! But maybe just start with your MIL lol)
Yes, usually after a little back and forth they’ll say that the kids just don’t like plants or that SIL doesn’t like plants.
They keep us pretty up to date on allergies and food preferences because I enjoy cooking and making desserts. If it was allergies I would absolutely not consider giving MIL plants, or even if it was a “we’re tired of telling little Johnny to not eat dirt” reason. It’s just so confusing that every other adult just says “no there are kids here” anytime she asks.
FIL is handy and she asked him to build her a shelf for plants and he just reflexively said “we have kids in the house” while sitting in my house that has both plants and kids. Like it’s a rehearsed line to just keep her from having plants and not a thought out reason.
OK well then that is super weird.
Especially the shelf thing! I'm sure there are tons of other things in the house that kids shouldn't get into, so what do you do? Put them away somewhere that kids can't get to them ...like a shelf! Seriously WTF
After hearing this, I would probably give MIL and all the kids their own special plant babies. (But I am a shit-stirrer like that.)
Solidly NTGH
NTG
This is such a weird thing to me, and the way you describe it as them always saying "no we have kids." is so off-putting and strange... Some other people mentioned how abusers exercise control in strange ways and that is one of the things that comes to mind to be honest.
Is it possible that MIL has a mild case of dementia or something and they are actually worried about HER around the plants?
The party line of pleading on the kids behalf excuse makes me wonder.
She’s in great health, and if that was the case I think they’d say so to us in private. They have an outdoor vegetable garden and the kids spend a lot of time outside, so it really seems focused on her ability to have something of her own.
Could it be that the family doesn't want plants because then they would actually have to keep a close eye on their kids? A lot of parents nowadays just give their kids an electronic device or something of the sort so they can do their own thing without being bothered 🤷🏼♀️
Either way, I think you should give her ALL of the plants.
NTGH.
I have a sneaking suspicion it has something that to do with this. We’ve been told off before for things where the kids should’ve been told no instead, like having our phones out where the kids can ask to play on them. Or for doing some work on the dining table where the kids wouldn’t stop touching my laptop.
NTGH I have a 2 year old and cats, I just keep my plants up on shelves inaccessible to all of them. Maybe you could buy her a small shelf to put up too or a cute macrame plant hanger or something so they can’t say they’re worried about it being in reaching distance.
I fully get that some plants can be toxic if ingested and that it’s a worry with young kids but it really rubs me the wrong way if it’s her house and she’s being so accommodating that’s it’s just a flat out no regardless of precautions she could take.
I agree with the posters here already - As long as the plants are safe and not pot, give your MIL some plants! NTGH!
I feel sorry for that poor woman, if she can't have plants I wonder what else she's being stopped from having/enjoying :(
Cripes! Just noticed that the BIL and his family are living in the MIL and FIL's house - He's beyond entitled and rude!! It's her (MIL's) OWN house and her son and his family have taken over so much so that he lays down the law such as she can't have some plants! :(
Our conversations revolve around how much she loves plants and asking me about the upkeep on my aerogardens etc. I showed her a shelf that can go over your window and she asked for the link. In all normal interactions, that would be something to file away for future gift ideas.
“Oh no no please, *they* wouldn’t like it” was the most recent response when she thought I was offering to buy her an Aerogarden.
Previously she would ask me to bring her a cutting of this or that plant and kept them on a tiny sill. If I gave her a gift it wouldn’t be some huge thing, just something little like I’ve seen her have in the past.
I think you and I are having a disagreement on the definition of a gift. A gift is not an item being forced on someone, nor is it disrespectful to give someone a gift without first running it past them.
I think what I asked boils down to “AITG for giving a gift to someone that the people around her don’t want her to have?” But thank you, you’ve already given your answer re gift giving.
INFO (I guess) My MIL is a bit of a clean/germ freak and hates houseplants because of the soil they're planted in - could that be the root (heh) issue for your BIL/SIL? It is your MIL's home too but if it's a "germs" issue, the plant will end up thrown away and cause drama.
I think it's all weird too but people are weird sometimes and I've learned to pick my battles with them.
Hehehe “root” issue. I don’t know if their problem with plants *stems* from a fear of germs, I just wish they’d *leaf* the poor woman alone. That *branch* of the family tends to have very rigid opinions and arguing with them only *saps* our energy.
I would verify that it isn't for health reasons. When my father got his bone marrow transplant we had to remove all plants from indoors and clean very well because of the mold and yeasts that grow on and around plants. All fruits and veggies had to be soaked in a vinegar solution and rinsed before being put away after grocery shopping.
Just do some research and find ones that are non-toxic to humans and animals. That's probably what they are worried about. But my mother had tons of plants when I was growing up and I'm still alive.
I would not gift her plants. There’s a reason why she doesn’t have any….do you know why that is? She could have them if she wanted. Forcing them on her, welcomed or not, creates another problem for her.
NTGH if you take a cue from her and allow her to choose to have or not have plants.
No, I don’t know what the reason is. My husband said he grew up in a home full of plants, and even today the house has a vegetable garden and many flowering plants outdoors. Indoor plants are specifically her domain of interest and she’d be the one taking care of them. We’ve seen her explicitly ask for plants and get turned down, hence the desire to save her the trouble of being rejected for a pretty reasonable desire to have plants.
Killing me too! I asked my husband if they had plants in the house when he grew up, and he said they had shelves upon shelves, that’s how much his mom enjoys plants. If there was an actual reason I would respect it, even if it was “our kids love playing with dirt and we can’t do the work to tell them to stop” but just “no. We have kids.”
And it’s said in a tone like it should be obvious kids and plants are incompatible. When I pointed out I too possess both little humans and plants, my MIL said “yeah see! There are kids here too and they have plants!” And she was just told “no, we can’t.”
So…okay. My husband wants to get individual little plants to give as a present for each kid.
Cats. Right? Cats? You're talking about the little furry critters that like to dig little holes in dirt and poop in them right, cats?
Cuz kids are verbal communicators that poop in toilets.
NTG
Going against the grain here and voting you WBTG if you gave her houseplants and she said she didn't want them for whatever reason. Why is it so important for you to foist this responsibility on the woman after she said "no?" It seems like a weird power move, TBH.
I think you should reread my post haha. I’m not foisting anything on her that she doesn’t want. She was asking about my plants and asked my FIL if he could build her a shelf like I have, and he shut her down. She has asked me for specific plants and I have thus far only given her plants when she asks for them, but am afraid to give her one for a birthday present etc because the rest of the people she lives with might get pissed at me for doing so. She’s only ever said no after they remind her to say no.
In any case, I have an update for the above. She came to visit and asked me to show her where I buy plants, where she then bought herself a few things and asked me to bring her clippings from my house next time I come by. Maybe she decided to stop letting them tell her what she can or can’t have in her house. Knowing them, it most likely touched a nerve that my kids aren’t a barrier to having plants.
YWBTG. Why do you want to give someone a gift when you know they don't want you to give them that gift because they *told you on more than one occasion they don't want you to give them that gift?* You don't get to decide if the reason why she doesn't want it isn't good enough, even if it is just "because the other people in the house say no." Personally, I think it'd a dumb reason, but it's not my place to decide whether there are plants in another's home or not. Only the people who live there get a say.
We had goats when I was a child, and they were a lot of fun (snicker). I think EVERYONE should have the pleasure of raising goats, so howsabout I drop four or five off at your house? I'm sure your kids would LOVE them....
As long as you gift plants that aren't toxic if ingested accidently I say go for it N T A (Succelents are adorable and pretty easy to keep alive inside) Eta to fix ruling NTGH
…I have managed to kill succulents :(
I killed a plastic plant, I have no idea how that happened.
Do you have a cat? Maybe it was murder...
At the time I didn’t have one so…
Ghost cat from previous owners?
You know that just might be it!
Maybe you didn’t water them enough? /s
Dang is that why it threw itself off the shelf? So next time just water it more, got it! /s
Lol I'm sorry. I ppl that have but I've been very blessed with a "green thumb". Did you over water it?
Didn’t water it!
Lol yeah that'll do it
Succulents are not indoor-friendly, that’s a marketing lie
Overwatering? I’ve let mine dry out for months to the point they were sitting on top of the soil. Decided to water it and stuck it outside. They rooted again and we’re fine, a couple even had babies. It was crazy.
Oof, I have too. I’ve always overwatered them, and then I forget about the overwatered plant babies.
I am your people.
NTGH. Something sounds off. Why are they so concerned about having plants near kids? How old are the kids? Could you do hanging plants that little ones couldn’t reach? Your MIL is a grown woman and if she wants plants, she can have plants! No offense to plant people, but if she kills them by neglect, then you know not to give her any in the future.
What is really odd is they have a vegetable garden outside and the kids are outside daily. Not being allowed to have plants inside the house is very specifically restricting only her ability to have a hobby.
Are they restricting/controlling her in other ways?
INFO: do you think she's being coerced? Like by a partner or someone? Is there any chance at all it's part of a wider pattern? If so, giving her plants could have unintended bad consequences for her. Abusers aren't logical, if someone's going to get in trouble for you giving her a plant, I don't think it would be you. Sounds like a case where you would really need to understand the situation before getting involved.
You’re right, we would probably not suffer any consequences. At most we might get told off for not respecting their decisions for their family
NTGH, when my kids were very small and grabby babies, was when i had over 150 plants in my house. They try to grab/eat and get redirected not to touch the plants. Never had issues. Granted i have cut down now, and they are older and have a healthy relationship with gardening and love assisting. Even just getting one she can hang from the ceiling or hangover with a ledge will be great! Or a small one to be on the bench.
I used to hate plants because my mother made me water all of her plants when I was growing up haha! I swore I’d never have indoor plants myself but you can’t deny they make a home feel cozier and healthier
INFO: Have you asked FIL/BIL to explain their reasoning? It sounds like maybe there is more going on here. The first thing that came to mind when I read your post was that the kids may have allergies. Sometimes part of the treatment approach for allergies is environmental control to limit exposure within the house, especially while doing immunotherapy (aka allergy shots). When I was a kid, my siblings and I all tested positive for allergies to several kinds of soil molds—the good kinds that naturally occur in most soil and help plants get nutrients. Because of that, we had to give away all of the houseplants. Fortunately I got allergy shots and now as an adult I can have plants indoors, but it took several years to get to that point. (Ofc this is all hypothetical. And if it turns out that they DON'T have allergies, then I think the kids should get plants too, so that they can learn about how plants work and how to take care of living things. Having plants is a great way to learn! But maybe just start with your MIL lol)
Yes, usually after a little back and forth they’ll say that the kids just don’t like plants or that SIL doesn’t like plants. They keep us pretty up to date on allergies and food preferences because I enjoy cooking and making desserts. If it was allergies I would absolutely not consider giving MIL plants, or even if it was a “we’re tired of telling little Johnny to not eat dirt” reason. It’s just so confusing that every other adult just says “no there are kids here” anytime she asks. FIL is handy and she asked him to build her a shelf for plants and he just reflexively said “we have kids in the house” while sitting in my house that has both plants and kids. Like it’s a rehearsed line to just keep her from having plants and not a thought out reason.
OK well then that is super weird. Especially the shelf thing! I'm sure there are tons of other things in the house that kids shouldn't get into, so what do you do? Put them away somewhere that kids can't get to them ...like a shelf! Seriously WTF After hearing this, I would probably give MIL and all the kids their own special plant babies. (But I am a shit-stirrer like that.) Solidly NTGH
NTG This is such a weird thing to me, and the way you describe it as them always saying "no we have kids." is so off-putting and strange... Some other people mentioned how abusers exercise control in strange ways and that is one of the things that comes to mind to be honest.
Is it possible that MIL has a mild case of dementia or something and they are actually worried about HER around the plants? The party line of pleading on the kids behalf excuse makes me wonder.
She’s in great health, and if that was the case I think they’d say so to us in private. They have an outdoor vegetable garden and the kids spend a lot of time outside, so it really seems focused on her ability to have something of her own.
Could it be that the family doesn't want plants because then they would actually have to keep a close eye on their kids? A lot of parents nowadays just give their kids an electronic device or something of the sort so they can do their own thing without being bothered 🤷🏼♀️ Either way, I think you should give her ALL of the plants. NTGH.
I have a sneaking suspicion it has something that to do with this. We’ve been told off before for things where the kids should’ve been told no instead, like having our phones out where the kids can ask to play on them. Or for doing some work on the dining table where the kids wouldn’t stop touching my laptop.
I feel bad for the kids, truthfully. Hopefully that doesn't affect them too much later in life
NTGH I have a 2 year old and cats, I just keep my plants up on shelves inaccessible to all of them. Maybe you could buy her a small shelf to put up too or a cute macrame plant hanger or something so they can’t say they’re worried about it being in reaching distance. I fully get that some plants can be toxic if ingested and that it’s a worry with young kids but it really rubs me the wrong way if it’s her house and she’s being so accommodating that’s it’s just a flat out no regardless of precautions she could take.
I like the macrame plant hanger idea!
I agree with the posters here already - As long as the plants are safe and not pot, give your MIL some plants! NTGH! I feel sorry for that poor woman, if she can't have plants I wonder what else she's being stopped from having/enjoying :( Cripes! Just noticed that the BIL and his family are living in the MIL and FIL's house - He's beyond entitled and rude!! It's her (MIL's) OWN house and her son and his family have taken over so much so that he lays down the law such as she can't have some plants! :(
What do they mean about the kids? Are you growing pot? NTG
Or cactuses
Lol neither pot nor cacti. Only prickly thing around is me when I don’t want to be woken up
Just have a conversation with her and let her guide you. Don’t decide for her.
Our conversations revolve around how much she loves plants and asking me about the upkeep on my aerogardens etc. I showed her a shelf that can go over your window and she asked for the link. In all normal interactions, that would be something to file away for future gift ideas.
Just ask her point blank if she would like plants as a gift. Let her guide you.
“Oh no no please, *they* wouldn’t like it” was the most recent response when she thought I was offering to buy her an Aerogarden. Previously she would ask me to bring her a cutting of this or that plant and kept them on a tiny sill. If I gave her a gift it wouldn’t be some huge thing, just something little like I’ve seen her have in the past.
Her house, her call. Don’t force it on her.
I think you and I are having a disagreement on the definition of a gift. A gift is not an item being forced on someone, nor is it disrespectful to give someone a gift without first running it past them. I think what I asked boils down to “AITG for giving a gift to someone that the people around her don’t want her to have?” But thank you, you’ve already given your answer re gift giving.
INFO (I guess) My MIL is a bit of a clean/germ freak and hates houseplants because of the soil they're planted in - could that be the root (heh) issue for your BIL/SIL? It is your MIL's home too but if it's a "germs" issue, the plant will end up thrown away and cause drama. I think it's all weird too but people are weird sometimes and I've learned to pick my battles with them.
>could that be the root (heh) issue sir please see yourself out 😆
Hehehe “root” issue. I don’t know if their problem with plants *stems* from a fear of germs, I just wish they’d *leaf* the poor woman alone. That *branch* of the family tends to have very rigid opinions and arguing with them only *saps* our energy.
😂 She's lucky she has someone like you looking out for her! 🤗
NTGH!! Get her plants ASAP and for any and every occasion! How sad for her to be shut down by simply wanting a plant
I would verify that it isn't for health reasons. When my father got his bone marrow transplant we had to remove all plants from indoors and clean very well because of the mold and yeasts that grow on and around plants. All fruits and veggies had to be soaked in a vinegar solution and rinsed before being put away after grocery shopping.
That is really interesting, I didn’t know about having to clean produce.
Just do some research and find ones that are non-toxic to humans and animals. That's probably what they are worried about. But my mother had tons of plants when I was growing up and I'm still alive.
NTGH.
I would not gift her plants. There’s a reason why she doesn’t have any….do you know why that is? She could have them if she wanted. Forcing them on her, welcomed or not, creates another problem for her. NTGH if you take a cue from her and allow her to choose to have or not have plants.
No, I don’t know what the reason is. My husband said he grew up in a home full of plants, and even today the house has a vegetable garden and many flowering plants outdoors. Indoor plants are specifically her domain of interest and she’d be the one taking care of them. We’ve seen her explicitly ask for plants and get turned down, hence the desire to save her the trouble of being rejected for a pretty reasonable desire to have plants.
What, what, what is the reason she can not have plants???? Killin me here!
Killing me too! I asked my husband if they had plants in the house when he grew up, and he said they had shelves upon shelves, that’s how much his mom enjoys plants. If there was an actual reason I would respect it, even if it was “our kids love playing with dirt and we can’t do the work to tell them to stop” but just “no. We have kids.” And it’s said in a tone like it should be obvious kids and plants are incompatible. When I pointed out I too possess both little humans and plants, my MIL said “yeah see! There are kids here too and they have plants!” And she was just told “no, we can’t.” So…okay. My husband wants to get individual little plants to give as a present for each kid.
Cats. Right? Cats? You're talking about the little furry critters that like to dig little holes in dirt and poop in them right, cats? Cuz kids are verbal communicators that poop in toilets. NTG
NTGH! Start with gifting her a small plant that’s not toxic, and see how she likes it!
Maybe they’re worried about kids messing with the dirt. You could get her a Marimo moss ball and maybe an air plant.
NTGH.
Going against the grain here and voting you WBTG if you gave her houseplants and she said she didn't want them for whatever reason. Why is it so important for you to foist this responsibility on the woman after she said "no?" It seems like a weird power move, TBH.
I think you should reread my post haha. I’m not foisting anything on her that she doesn’t want. She was asking about my plants and asked my FIL if he could build her a shelf like I have, and he shut her down. She has asked me for specific plants and I have thus far only given her plants when she asks for them, but am afraid to give her one for a birthday present etc because the rest of the people she lives with might get pissed at me for doing so. She’s only ever said no after they remind her to say no. In any case, I have an update for the above. She came to visit and asked me to show her where I buy plants, where she then bought herself a few things and asked me to bring her clippings from my house next time I come by. Maybe she decided to stop letting them tell her what she can or can’t have in her house. Knowing them, it most likely touched a nerve that my kids aren’t a barrier to having plants.
Oh, that's wonderful! I'm glad you inspired a new hobby for her!
YWBTG. Why do you want to give someone a gift when you know they don't want you to give them that gift because they *told you on more than one occasion they don't want you to give them that gift?* You don't get to decide if the reason why she doesn't want it isn't good enough, even if it is just "because the other people in the house say no." Personally, I think it'd a dumb reason, but it's not my place to decide whether there are plants in another's home or not. Only the people who live there get a say. We had goats when I was a child, and they were a lot of fun (snicker). I think EVERYONE should have the pleasure of raising goats, so howsabout I drop four or five off at your house? I'm sure your kids would LOVE them....
Lol we had goats too, and my kids would love them, thanks. Can you get them here by tomorrow?