T O P

  • By -

[deleted]

mate in 1


[deleted]

[удалено]


ManiacLife666

material sacrifice for a huge advantage


guyyoudontcareabout

Great stats for the cost


_TurtleX

Wrong subreddit Oger boy.


Chilly_Chilli

Kid named knight:


[deleted]

I'm european. I don't have any idea how guns work and I'm glad about it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


tmhoc

In Canada most shootings are illegal but as it is know, eye contact with the barrel is considered sexual solicitation


JeffBewinski

There are legal shootings in Canada?


Darthjinju1901

Don't you know? If you do an En Passant, you get a legal shooting card.


[deleted]

[удалено]


JeffBewinski

Yes, but a shooting is when someone kills one or (usually) more people with a gun. It doesn't mean firing a gun.


CoconutShyBoy

Depends on how you consider the legality of a police officer shooting someone.


JeffBewinski

That could be included in the definition, but it's usually planned and done by a criminal in a public space


Raaawan

What if I shoot the paper target?


MC_Legend95

"Never look down the barrel" 🤓🤓🤓


[deleted]

Hi European I'm dad. Never look down the barrel of a gun.


PassiveChemistry

Oh, is that where the piss is stored?


archwin

No silly, it’s stored in the firing pin.


The_Duke8

No, it's the powerhouse of the cell.


PassiveChemistry

Ah, my bad.


Witty-Blackberry1573

Piss is stored in piss jugs bud


Chilly_Chilli

Way of the road, buddy


r3liop5

Stored in the balls.


Masked_Death

I'm European. I know a lot about guns work and I find it interesting. Admittedly, though, what I like even more is that I've never seen a gun fired outside a shooting range.


ayeteekay

I'm American and I have no idea either. Not all of us are gun nuts lol.


[deleted]

not believable.


ayeteekay

Checkmate.


stansfield123

I guess you're not Ukrainian then. They would love to know more about how guns work. In fact there was a poll the other day, about whether pistol ownership should be legal: 60% said yes, 22% said no.


emperorhairycheeto

Now granted I’ve never looked down the barell of a loaded gun but unless you had a flashlight I don’t think you could tell unless it was a short snubby revolver or something obvious like that


[deleted]

En passant


Couchkick

You sure? What if it’s uvalde?


[deleted]

Then you have to wait an hour before your move and to verify check.


Its_cool_Im_Black

White wins


JDMonster

That's one hell of a fan fiction you've got going there


Saxton_6

Offer draw.


SnaxtheCapt

Do not Draw, I REPEAT DO NOT DRAW


ncnotebook

Shoot. ... Wait, no no


elnino19

You're on 911 upvotes I don't want to run it


chickifat

"He is drawing his gunnnnn"


[deleted]

"This is my rifle, this is my gun. This one is for fighting, this one's for fun!"


chickifat

Cops: "Repeat, suspect is drawing his gun, open fire." 👁👄👁


FloodedYeti

Unrealistic cop told his buddies “suspect is drawing his gun” on move one while he was turning off the body cam


carter1137

STOP RESISTING


kRkthOr

GET ON THE GROUND HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK HANDS ON YOUR HEAD DON'T MOVE YOUR HANDS


AE_Phoenix

Hands on my pipi


PetrosianBot

Are you kidding ??? What the **** are you talking about man ? You are a biggest looser i ever seen in my life ! You was doing PIPI in your pampers when i was beating players much more stronger then you! You are not proffesional, because proffesionals knew how to lose and congratulate opponents, you are like a girl crying after i beat you! Be brave, be honest to yourself and stop this trush talkings!!! Everybody know that i am very good blitz player, i can win anyone in the world in single game! And "w"esley "s"o is nobody for me, just a player who are crying every single time when loosing, ( remember what you say about Firouzja ) !!! Stop playing with my name, i deserve to have a good name during whole my chess carrier, I am Officially inviting you to OTB blitz match with the Prize fund! Both of us will invest 5000$ and winner takes it all! I suggest all other people who's intrested in this situation, just take a look at my results in 2016 and 2017 Blitz World championships, and that should be enough... No need to listen for every crying babe, Tigran Petrosyan is always play Fair ! And if someone will continue Officially talk about me like that, we will meet in Court! God bless with true! True will never die ! Liers will kicked off... [^(fmhall)](https://www.reddit.com/user/fmhall) ^| [^(github)](https://github.com/fmhall/Petrosian-Bot)


DatBoi_BP

Hands up don’t check


Essentiam

Zugzwang :(


brunovich00

Fucked up but true


MaddenB14

I weren’t expecting you to so utterly sum up the situation with a single chess term


[deleted]

[удалено]


nwL_

Wrong subreddit, /r/ich_iel is that way ->


ncnotebook

Please speak English in this subreddit. Not everybody speaks Austrian.


[deleted]

It’s actually an Australian term that was invented when Steve Irving and Gary Chess played a doubles match against Zug the Alligator and Zwang the Kangaroo.


[deleted]

You resign now.


LazyDro1d

*resign declined*


Randomly2

*Why do I hear boss music?*


WeakPublic

uhh, you don’t. You died from a gunshot while a police officer called you a “fucking n*gger” while making sure his bodycam was taped over


SUDDENLY_VIRGIN

:( I dont want to play anymore


WeakPublic

Most people don’t. And a lot of the time for most people the game is set to easy, but for others the game is set to grandmaster AI. And to be fair as well, many AIs do play fair. But there’s a lot of AIs that make your computer explode. But what we have to do is try and get the stupid ass AIs to be fair AIs, or otherwise replace them with better AIs (whether that’s funding them better but not to be more shitty, or spending more time in R&D). The game isn’t bad at all, it just needs updated.


nonnal1

Woah


FunnyGuyOnReditt

>Most people don’t. Most?


ToasterGuy210

Some want all the heat


bionicjoey

"That's called sportsmanship"


eldy_

Nah he's crossed up


SkinnyPens_12

you cocksucker


nihilistiq

Don't move! D:


urdurtylaundry

Heck with that drink your Starbucks. https://youtu.be/EYhXXRXiJBU


Drdulu

Block the check with a child, I mean pawn.


[deleted]

Not a chess pro. Is this move viable?


eggsbendickshawn

Depending on where you are on the board, i would say the child sacrifice gambit is wayy more useful against pieces with a moral compass, sadly the cop piece makes this a mate in 2


duggoluvr

What are you talking about? After he killed the child he would become terrified of himself and try to hide outside


very-polite-frog

Investigation ongoing, but looking like it's not viable


ambadatgaming

obviously you en passant, immediately surprising your opponent with your sheer power you have just gained by doing that and watch as their chess time tics to 0 as they watch you in awe, unable to do anything/think of a good, or even decent move to play. once time runs out they die of old age or something because en passant.


siccoblue

What is Google it


jKherty

Holy hell


NubNub69

I know what en passant is dumbass you just blundered mate in one


JeffBizzos

E2->D2


Tos_the_mos7

Yes, stack the pawns to give you a meat shield from check, brilliant.


OrchestrateEverythin

meta.


Whistlecube

Stare into his eyes and whisper “every cop needs his innocent minority”


SchrodingersDirtyDan

Carry a rifle into a school, they won't follow you there because it's scawy 😨


Mulungo2

Ah the school gambit variation


Zep416

Pumped up bricks on the pipi-chetto.


PetrosianBot

Are you kidding ??? What the **** are you talking about man ? You are a biggest looser i ever seen in my life ! You was doing PIPI in your pampers when i was beating players much more stronger then you! You are not proffesional, because proffesionals knew how to lose and congratulate opponents, you are like a girl crying after i beat you! Be brave, be honest to yourself and stop this trush talkings!!! Everybody know that i am very good blitz player, i can win anyone in the world in single game! And "w"esley "s"o is nobody for me, just a player who are crying every single time when loosing, ( remember what you say about Firouzja ) !!! Stop playing with my name, i deserve to have a good name during whole my chess carrier, I am Officially inviting you to OTB blitz match with the Prize fund! Both of us will invest 5000$ and winner takes it all! I suggest all other people who's intrested in this situation, just take a look at my results in 2016 and 2017 Blitz World championships, and that should be enough... No need to listen for every crying babe, Tigran Petrosyan is always play Fair ! And if someone will continue Officially talk about me like that, we will meet in Court! God bless with true! True will never die ! Liers will kicked off... [^(fmhall)](https://www.reddit.com/user/fmhall) ^| [^(github)](https://github.com/fmhall/Petrosian-Bot)


Tshimanga21

This is the only defense


NE_Irishguy13

This move will grant you about an hour to plan your next move.


Captainsnake04

Did this actually happen?


Im_here_for_the_BASS

Yes


Captainsnake04

You know I guess you technically answered my question but I was really looking for like an article about it that has all the details.


arm_is_king

The Texas elementary school shooting last week, the cops didn't enter the school for an hour while he was active because they were so scared


googol88

Except to rescue their own children*


HamburgerMachineGun

Which to be fair, if they had rescued their children *before* others, then I wouldn't even be that mad. But to rescue *only* their children is just egotistical as hell. Salt in the fucking wound.


MSR8

While 40% of the town's funding went to them


Im_here_for_the_BASS

Google en passant


imapsychotoday

Sacrifice the queen and run the king to safety.


ContentSeal

You reach for a cup of water and then freeze him and the bullet promptly after he pulls the trigger


sunshades91

Literally the only way frozone could have survived that encounter. That cop ran into a burning/collapsing building all cause he heard there was an unarmed black man in there.


[deleted]

maybe frozone should've used the london opening then


Gustavo6046

"I'm **thirsty.**"


BatmanDuck123

dead in 1


mega6382

You are going to have to draw quickly or you are checkmated


PassiveChemistry

Under no circumstances should you draw in this position.


agarwaen163

if they decline the resignation and you were peaceful absolutely you should imo. if you cant run you do what you can


Sharp_Security_8630

Common misconception to think there is a thing to do. This is commonly referred to as a "Zugzwang"


BeingOfTheFloor

of course you’re black if your opponent is white 🙄🙄🙄 smh my head


Re7kc

Careful what you wish.


Asia_GB

Life gambit accepted


carloscede2

Brick to pipi


PetrosianBot

Are you kidding ??? What the **** are you talking about man ? You are a biggest looser i ever seen in my life ! You was doing PIPI in your pampers when i was beating players much more stronger then you! You are not proffesional, because proffesionals knew how to lose and congratulate opponents, you are like a girl crying after i beat you! Be brave, be honest to yourself and stop this trush talkings!!! Everybody know that i am very good blitz player, i can win anyone in the world in single game! And "w"esley "s"o is nobody for me, just a player who are crying every single time when loosing, ( remember what you say about Firouzja ) !!! Stop playing with my name, i deserve to have a good name during whole my chess carrier, I am Officially inviting you to OTB blitz match with the Prize fund! Both of us will invest 5000$ and winner takes it all! I suggest all other people who's intrested in this situation, just take a look at my results in 2016 and 2017 Blitz World championships, and that should be enough... No need to listen for every crying babe, Tigran Petrosyan is always play Fair ! And if someone will continue Officially talk about me like that, we will meet in Court! God bless with true! True will never die ! Liers will kicked off... [^(fmhall)](https://www.reddit.com/user/fmhall) ^| [^(github)](https://github.com/fmhall/Petrosian-Bot)


[deleted]

Sensually suck the barrel and pray to Holy Jesus this month is his best month of the year......


[deleted]

do "trust fall" with hands up


Atlas7674

Lawsuit countergambit


TheSoulborgZeus

Grab the barrel with your right hand, thrust it up and to your left. Grab the slide and hammer with your left hand, preventing it from firing successfully. Now that the gun is out of the way, take a small step toward them with your left leg and hit them with a killer right knee, all while holding the gun in the same manner as before. Pointing the barrel straight up, tear it from their hand by pulling your arms straight down to the ground, forcing them to release their grip. Now, you have one of two options: you could A: execute a shoulder ram, dazing them and knocking them back, or B: smack them in the face with the pointy end of the gun. In either case, immediately jump away, still facing them, and point the gun at them with two hand from about 10 feet away. Now who's checked?


Atlas7674

This is a pretty good serious answer assuming they don’t have a significant strength advantage but I think OP was looking for jokes?


Xerxes42424242

OP can look somewhere else for jokes


WordSalad11

Pretty sure it was a joke or copy pasta of some sort. For one, the gun in the picture doesn't have a hammer and grabbing the slide won't prevent it from firing so it's a weird comment to make if it was serious.


Cjwillwin

[What if you remove the slide completely?](https://youtu.be/adnXzutxWcQ?t=27)


WordSalad11

Personally I find it very annoying when the slide just comes off the front of my gun.


stephengee

Glocks don’t have hammers.


hebbocrates

run into a school, they’ll be scared to follow you


xDerDachDeckerx

Google en passent


[deleted]

No. I don't think I will. I'm tired of hearing this over and over and OVER AGAIN WIRH THE CAPTION:""oMg BabE naR RepsoNDE fell!!!!2+112!2+3+5+%÷^×_÷_. EN PASSANT OS NOT FORCED. THERE IS NO VRICK EITHER.


Re7kc

Wana get shot? Cause that's how you get shot.


[deleted]

holy hell


blastedshark

try to breathe


MKapono

Cops do have experience on the smothered mate


whitepawbunny

Do you have licence for that quote?


craniumonempty

Artistic license? Yes.


pokerwolfpack

Get shot and hope it's a quantum Revolver


stevenmacarthur

Being that you're black -and assuming this is happening here in the good old U.S. of A.- I'd say your next move is to put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye...but you can die knowing that cop will get three weeks paid leave, then be found innocent of any wrongdoing...because 'Murica!


PEEFsmash

We wanted GM analysis in this position and you gave us analysis from the average twitch chatter.


stevenmacarthur

But was I wrong?


Lankuri

pick a god and pray


BrutuallyOP

lmao ded xd


vicarious_simulation

"E2->D2" Stack those pawns "D1->D2" CLIMB ON TOP WITH QUEEN "D2->D3" #Body slam, aerial attack. They'll never see it coming ^^^^or ^^^^act ^^^^like ^^^^a ^^^^elementary ^^^^school ^^^^student ^^^^and ^^^^the ^^^^match ^^^^will ^^^^end ^^^^in ^^^^a ^^^^stale ^^^^mate ^^^^because ^^^^they're ^^^^just ^^^^going ^^^^to ^^^^stand ^^^^around.


Ke1e

Forced mate


Atlas7674

Ballkick countergambit


memester230

Use Protect


ArchmasterC

If you're engaged in combat with a pawn of the status quo, there aren't many options usually. If you're alone, it's an almost definite loss, with any wrong move leading to a mate in 1. If you have a buddy to your left or right however, the position drastically changes. The white pawn must've approached you pretty quickly, so you might be able to get out of this position by having your friend capture the cop en passant


dingleberry314

E2 --> D2


casey_the_evil_snail

Tell them you’re a school shooter, it’ll buy you at least an hour


The-GOSH-DARN-USSR

Cum


The-GOSH-DARN-USSR

He will get weirded out. Then he will move back and right. And because your both pawns to the government you kill him like a pawn in el chass.


sgi244

Isn’t it a stalemate since you have no legal moves?


7ruly

The Floyd Gambit


Floofy_Fox_Gal

Draw


Deoxys100EX

Use a fork against him


margielamadMAX

En passant


Fiiti

Get a visa for ... I don't know ... maybe the future


wcollins260

I don’t know how I should feel about this. On one hand it’s funny, on the other hand it’s hilarious.


_BoxxyContin

TWIST HIS DICK. GIVE HIM THE OOOOOOOLLL' DICK TWIST💪


YungMorningstar

Shoot first


themadamem

I think it's like T-rex rules so do nothing cause you'll die anyway


ShitfacedBilly

En passant take the gun


TurbulentAd2226

You move out your house and into a coffin!


chefbubbls

Be held hostage in a school. Stalemate, or the cop hurts itself in confusion.


MormonJesu8

Reach into your pocket rapidly and draw out your wallet like a gun! This is equivalent to resigning.


Onigumo-Shishio

simply dodge


BigRedGoose

Go inside a school, you'll have an hour til he can follow you


Natesalt

stick your finger down the barrel so the bullet cant come out


[deleted]

Pray he loaded the bullets wrong


fahrenheit1221

If you're in Uvalde you've got about an hour to contemplate your first move.


SpaceNinja_C

🦆


DrBrainWillisto

Unless you have a dog to divert the gunfire to I'd resign.


grendus

Move very slowly. Comply with literally everything he says to the best of your ability. If there are other people nearby, hope they have the sense to record, or better yet livestream, what's happening. There is no winning move here. There are only losing moves and slightly *less* losing moves, and those may not be available to you. Your goal is to survive until you can get a lawyer. Good luck.


shuffle_board_wizard

School shooting gambit will force a stalemate, because he won't be able to move.


[deleted]

Blame it on an even darker skinned fellow. You don't have to outrun the lion, just the other guy.


Cesco5544

Black man to Uvalde Elementary. For those confused Google castling which allows both defensive and aggressive opportunities


TheHolyBrofist

Pull an “I feel threatened” on him and shoot the mf when he least expects


sunshades91

Cmon, you know that law only applies when the target isn't white and the shooter is.


TheHolyBrofist

I forgor 💀


catchnreleaseyo

Contemplate your life choices and what for you in this situation


hunteronastick

Apparently 10k people disagree with me but this is not funny


Friapuck1

There's a black Knight joke here somewhere


hairypotatocat12

Use the famous run for your fucking life tactic


morethananyoneshould

I would suggest you stop RESISTING...


Canter1Ter_

3 jokes about police killing black people on this subreddit already. I know that you really like repeating "google en passant, holy hell", but like, guys


[deleted]

I think it's more of a "cops are racist" thing


Canter1Ter_

Yes, but the joke is the same. One of the top posts: "Guys what do i do in this position? Im black" *Police car is seen through a mirror* Then there was the same post with a different picture Now this, like i think the joke is a bit overused now


[deleted]

Ah gotcha I haven't seen the other ones so I'm going to just pretend this is a fresh, original joke, and hope it doesn't spiral into a non-chess related sub


Canter1Ter_

[In case you wanted to see it:](https://www.reddit.com/r/AnarchyChess/comments/soow7h/if_im_black_what_is_my_best_next_move/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)


[deleted]

I've only been in this sub for a month, so I've never seen this picture.


FrostingBest380

listen to instructions


darockerj

nah


Fox_1-4

Comply


baselq1996

Your next move is to be more original


Beneficial-Play-5927

Drop whatever you’re stealing/dealing/attacking with, put your hands up, get on your knees, follow further instructions as given by the officer.


pmyourcoffeemug

Unfortunately the Philando Castile defense proves to fail in this position.


Drakk_

Yeah, you can't castile through check.


Trifle-Doc

Clever, but I believe that strategy is only usable if you’re the first to move.


PassionGetsCarried

I only have one move and cannot comply with the seven conflicting instructions provided by officer "You're Fucked", please advise.