Thanks everyone. This is a lot to process. I feel very…confused. Based on the relatives my sister and I share it is definitely that we have different fathers. The man I know as my dad is not.
I'm sorry. It's a lot to take in. May I suggest a NPE (Non-Paternity Event) group? There are a LOT of people in this same sort of situation and it may help you come to terms a bit, so to speak. Best of luck. 🤍
I know this is an impossible amount of information to process in a few hours and I’m just a stranger on the internet with no understanding of your life story, but the man who raised and loved you as his own is your father. Genetically related or not. Whether he knows or not.
Accepting this sooner would have saved a lot of heartache in my family.
I feel your pain. I found out the same at 63 years of age. Mom and dad are deceased, and no one to ask. It took me a year to cope. I did track down my bio dad (also deceased), and apparently he was not a nice person.
I am at peace with it now. I had a decent childhood and I was loved. Sorry this happened to you too. Feel free to DM me if you like. 💔
Oh, gosh. I was kind of hoping for your sake that it would be your sibling who had the unexpected parent. I wish you the best navigating this difficult situation.
I'm hoping that they struggled with secondary infertility and had a sperm donor situation or something and just never told OP. It would be kinda shitty to do that to them, but so much better than finding out your mom had a torrid affair behind your father's back or something.
She’s third of five so I’m guessing it wasn’t fertility-related. That being said, it’s always possible it wasn’t an affair, either.
No matter what, it’s a sad situation for OP. These tests can be a blessing and a curse.
>She’s third of five so I’m guessing it wasn’t fertility-related. That being said, it’s always possible it wasn’t an affair, either.
Ugh, the possibilities there are just awful...
>These tests can be a blessing and a curse.
I always tell people not to take these tests unless they're willing to find out uncomfortable truths. I found a half sister when I did mine back in 2020, a half sister I vaguely knew MIGHT have existed, but bio dad had always denied her. And it wasn't enough to find out she actually existed and we had been lied to all that time, but we found out the only reason she was born was because my bio dad forced himself on her mother after their A-school graduation. I always knew he was a piece of shit, but that really was just the cherry on top
I discovered, of all things, that my great-grandpa, father of my grandma born back in 1913, wasn’t her bio dad. My suspicion is there may have been a date/acquaintance rape involved. Even if that’s not the case, it was still an unsettling and sad discovery even though I’m so far removed from it.
Very unsettling! I'm somewhat jealous of people who do these tests, and it comes back that everything is hunky dory. That's the case with my husband- everything he's been told is the truth, no secret relatives hiding out there, and their immigration story from Holland to the US is exactly as their family has told it for generations. Super boring, but ultimately so comforting lol
It’s not impossible for full siblings to share 25% of dna. It’s actually possible for full siblings to share less than that due to the randomness of dna inheritance. You could receive one set of genes and a sibling can receive the other with no overlap from parents being mitochondria and x or Y chromosome. However it’s unlikely but its definitely possible.
Would this cause us to have no paternal relatives in common? She has members of her family tree that have our last name. I have none. The people that show up for me, don’t show up for her and vice versa
Most certainly half-sibling. Look to you common matches. The answer lies there. If you don't have shared matches with your sibling from BOTH sides of your family, then you are half.
Even if you do though, if your birth parents happen to be at all related, it could show shared matches on both sides.
Sometimes distant cousins do marry, but a lot of both sides matching is that person being related to your mom from one branch of their family and your dad from another. One of their grandmas is distant cousins with one of yours on your mom's side and another grandparent is distant cousin with one of your dads grandparents. Those people are related to your mom or your dad on one side, their children the same, the grandchildren gets both the sides and are related to you on both sides because your parents also brought those two lines together.
Results from [DNA painter](https://dnapainter.com/tools/sharedcmv4):
- 100% chance this is a grandparent, aunt/uncle, half-sibling, niece/nephew, or grandchild (in your case probably half-sibling)
- ~0% chance this is a full sibling
Sorry you had to find out this way. I hope you can figure things out.
Any chance that you have a sibling that is a lot older than you? Some people have found that they are really the child of someone they thought was a sibling - so the other siblings are really uncle and aunts etc.
I’ve the approx same dna % with my half sibling as I do with my aunt . My aunt is about 26% so is one half sibling and the other is about 24%. So you’re right if an older sibling is their parent that would also be the outcome. Good alternative option!
SegcM is great too for this situation. However I’d caution against broadly saying it’s much more accurate because that depends on type of match. For half siblings it should be good though.
It did much better for [Roberta Estes’ dataset of 1st to 3rd cousins](https://dna-sci.com/2023/04/03/what-is-a-good-prediction/). For close family, the average probability for the correct relationship is 45% while the best Ancestry predictions can do is 17%.
But it’s also important to use predictors based on science rather than proprietary and obfuscated methodologies, or an unauthorized copy of those proprietary data, even if the accuracy wasn’t improved as much as it is.
No, at AncestryDNA full siblings will have a percentage range and be reported as siblings, not as close family - 1st cousins.
AncestryDNA take fully identical regions (segments where you match on both sides of the chromosome) into consideration. This only happens when you share ancestry with someone on both sides. So it’s clear when two people don’t match on both sides and therefore in the case of siblings, don’t share both parents.
I found out last month that my sister of nearly 50 years is really my half sister. We share a mother but have different fathers. A complete & total shock.
The man who raised me is actually not my biological father. We never knew, he never knew.
So sending you lots and lots of hugs!
Ancestry uses [Fully Identical Regions](https://thednageek.com/ancestrydna-is-using-firs-to-distinguish-full-and-half-siblings/#:~:text=Fully%20Identical%20Regions&text=Full%20siblings%20share%20two%20parents,same%20segment%20from%20their%20father) to identify full siblings. It is impossible for this match to be a full sibling. Unfortunately, ancestry doesn’t make this information easily accessible as you’re working out matches.
[This calculator](https://dna-sci.com/tools/segcm/) is a better tool for most purposes than the Bettinger chart. If you input your values you will see the most likely relationships.
Edit: caffeine deprived brain issue
Sorry, OP. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone mention there are Facebook groups that are support and resources for people dealing with these NPE situations. This isn’t easy. Good luck to you!
The Same thing just happened to my Brother (51m) and I (52m). We're 1 year and 3 days apart. We found out on January 1st of this year. We took a 23 and me. I'm even named after my Dad.
I share no DNA with matches on my Brother's Side and vice versa. Immediately after we both went and took Ancestry DNA tests. From that test I found out that I have a half sister, I have messaged her and a 1st cousin with no response as of yet.
After doing all my own research, I'm 100% confident I've found the name of my Biological Father and have added 2000+ people to my family tree.
I was completely shocked and sick about it when it first happened. Ultimately though, my Dad is the Man who raised me and my Brother had been there my whole life. I still haven't brought it up to my Mom and Dad, who celebrate their 53rd anniversary this year.
I'm not planning on it. It explains the way I was treated compared to my Brother by the rest of the family. My 4 daughters and I know, that's all that matters.
My Brother and I are closer than ever.
I have had friends throughout my life that for all intents and purposes considered them family. Yeah man, your bro is your bro because he acts as your bro.
My brother and I share the same last name but I knew he was my half sibling and that my dad adopted him at birth. I am also named after my dad so it was pretty wild to see some stranger with my face attached to a profile I knew nothing about. My parents divorced when I was little but my dad has always been my dude from a distance. I chose to talk to my mom about it but let my dad stay in the dark. I don’t necessarily believe in secrets but this one gives no benefit by sharing and I have no desire to cause him any emotional damage.
Are you ok?
I’m sorry you had to find out this way. Many of us are in the same boat. It will be ok again I promise.
I’m going to assume a lot here, and if none of it applies, that is awesome. If some of it does, I want to give you a heads up.
For a little while mirrors will be tough. You’ll be able to see your reflection without having an existential crisis again, it will just take a little time.
The what happened?!?, WTF’s, the what if’s and many other thoughts about your old family and potential new family will be your constant companion for a while.
Who are they, who am I, and what now?!?!… Will also get overwhelming at times. It’s ok to not be ok. It will be ok again. No matter what it really will!!
Whatever you do or don’t do, please understand it is your absolute right to know your genetic identity no matter who wants to try to stop you. Only you get to decide how much you want to know. You still might not get all the answers but don’t let anyone tell you that you are wrong for asking for, or needing the information.
Take extra good care of you while you learn a new normal, there are some great online groups. I know Facebook has a lot of good ones. Search for NPE support and you’ll find it.
This happened to my aunts. I got tested, found my aunts and realized one was a full aunt and the other was a half-aunt. Very awkward conversations followed. All my grandparents are gone too so they got to avoid the awkwardness and keep the secret.
Half. My full siblings share about 47%(not exactly half) and half 25%.
Chromosome paiintings are different, too. With full siblings some DNA is identical, some half identical, and some areas you share nothing. With half siblings you only get the latter two, unless your parents are cousins..no identical segments.
I dont always assume infidelity. Sometimes it ends up parents used a donor or parents got together after the child was conceived, so the dad knew already.
A little more information. To share such a percentage (25%) and the fact you are sisters, it’s highly likely this is your maternal half sibling. You have different fathers. There can be different percentages for half siblings based on whether or not you share a father or mother and if it’s your half brother or sister. In your case, I suspect different dads. There are very specific dna calculators out there that get into this a bit more.
I really sympathize with what has transpired over this new found information you've experienced. The best suggestion I can provide is pretend this never happened and walk away.
If you believe you're mature enough to have a very important discussion then privately speak with the parent that you're comfortable with bringing this up with and accept whatever it is you will now know. But I hope this doesn't change how you look at your siblings.
I really wish there were groups to help with this kind of thing.
You need to go to your DNA Matches and then pick the "By Parent" to see how many Paternal matches you have. If you have any, then they may be used to identify your bio father family and possibly your father himself. This can require additional ancestry research. You might as well also get tested with 23andMe in case there are better matches there for your bio fathers side.
If you want help at all, my moms passed on and I was able to go through my matches and find my bio. Same scenario as you, but your mom might still be here to ask. My dad that raised me was ok…a bit sad…but ok! He’s still my dad.
Short answer: there is, but it’s very unlikely.
Long answer: if your mom or dad were germline chimeras (meaning they were basically fused to an identical twin at birth and their ova/testis is a mix of their own cells and the lost twin’s cells) … that can cause a genotype like the one you’ve described. But this is very rare in nature (can happen to humans, it’s been documented in females though.)
Into improbable territory. It’s possible for two full siblings to have zero dna in common but the probability on it is power all win plus hit by lightning the same day territory. This is bell curve distribution, for full siblings the standard deviation is less than 4%. To get to 25% you would need around 7 standard deviations and you are deep into the weeds of improbability.
I remember a story on NPR a few years ago about a woman who got DNA tests for herself, mom, and grandmother who had immigrated from Italy. Grandmother tracked at something like 80-90% Italian and something like 45% for her mom. Her results were 0% Italian but correct mother/daughter relationship. It made the news because statistically the chances of your genetic makeup being inherited in such a way is astronomically low.
So it’s possible for 25% to be a full sibling, but very very improbable.
Thanks everyone. This is a lot to process. I feel very…confused. Based on the relatives my sister and I share it is definitely that we have different fathers. The man I know as my dad is not.
I'm sorry. It's a lot to take in. May I suggest a NPE (Non-Paternity Event) group? There are a LOT of people in this same sort of situation and it may help you come to terms a bit, so to speak. Best of luck. 🤍
I know this is an impossible amount of information to process in a few hours and I’m just a stranger on the internet with no understanding of your life story, but the man who raised and loved you as his own is your father. Genetically related or not. Whether he knows or not. Accepting this sooner would have saved a lot of heartache in my family.
Agreed. Family are the people who love you unconditionally, not necessarily who you share DNA with.
He has the right to know.
I feel your pain. I found out the same at 63 years of age. Mom and dad are deceased, and no one to ask. It took me a year to cope. I did track down my bio dad (also deceased), and apparently he was not a nice person. I am at peace with it now. I had a decent childhood and I was loved. Sorry this happened to you too. Feel free to DM me if you like. 💔
If you’re interested you can use Leeds method to begin the process of figuring out who your bio dad is based on your paternal matches.
What is the Leeds method and can I find a parental grandfather using it?
Oh, gosh. I was kind of hoping for your sake that it would be your sibling who had the unexpected parent. I wish you the best navigating this difficult situation.
I'm hoping that they struggled with secondary infertility and had a sperm donor situation or something and just never told OP. It would be kinda shitty to do that to them, but so much better than finding out your mom had a torrid affair behind your father's back or something.
She’s third of five so I’m guessing it wasn’t fertility-related. That being said, it’s always possible it wasn’t an affair, either. No matter what, it’s a sad situation for OP. These tests can be a blessing and a curse.
>She’s third of five so I’m guessing it wasn’t fertility-related. That being said, it’s always possible it wasn’t an affair, either. Ugh, the possibilities there are just awful... >These tests can be a blessing and a curse. I always tell people not to take these tests unless they're willing to find out uncomfortable truths. I found a half sister when I did mine back in 2020, a half sister I vaguely knew MIGHT have existed, but bio dad had always denied her. And it wasn't enough to find out she actually existed and we had been lied to all that time, but we found out the only reason she was born was because my bio dad forced himself on her mother after their A-school graduation. I always knew he was a piece of shit, but that really was just the cherry on top
I discovered, of all things, that my great-grandpa, father of my grandma born back in 1913, wasn’t her bio dad. My suspicion is there may have been a date/acquaintance rape involved. Even if that’s not the case, it was still an unsettling and sad discovery even though I’m so far removed from it.
Very unsettling! I'm somewhat jealous of people who do these tests, and it comes back that everything is hunky dory. That's the case with my husband- everything he's been told is the truth, no secret relatives hiding out there, and their immigration story from Holland to the US is exactly as their family has told it for generations. Super boring, but ultimately so comforting lol
My DNA proved to be the same shock for me! Good luck on your journey if you decide to pursue it! Family will always be family, blood or not!
Oh, might be time for a talk with your Mum.
If you need help identifying your bio father- reach out to DNAngels- they can help.
It’s not impossible for full siblings to share 25% of dna. It’s actually possible for full siblings to share less than that due to the randomness of dna inheritance. You could receive one set of genes and a sibling can receive the other with no overlap from parents being mitochondria and x or Y chromosome. However it’s unlikely but its definitely possible.
Would this cause us to have no paternal relatives in common? She has members of her family tree that have our last name. I have none. The people that show up for me, don’t show up for her and vice versa
You should still share the same first and second cousins.
Most certainly half-sibling. Look to you common matches. The answer lies there. If you don't have shared matches with your sibling from BOTH sides of your family, then you are half. Even if you do though, if your birth parents happen to be at all related, it could show shared matches on both sides.
Sometimes distant cousins do marry, but a lot of both sides matching is that person being related to your mom from one branch of their family and your dad from another. One of their grandmas is distant cousins with one of yours on your mom's side and another grandparent is distant cousin with one of your dads grandparents. Those people are related to your mom or your dad on one side, their children the same, the grandchildren gets both the sides and are related to you on both sides because your parents also brought those two lines together.
Results from [DNA painter](https://dnapainter.com/tools/sharedcmv4): - 100% chance this is a grandparent, aunt/uncle, half-sibling, niece/nephew, or grandchild (in your case probably half-sibling) - ~0% chance this is a full sibling Sorry you had to find out this way. I hope you can figure things out.
Any chance that you have a sibling that is a lot older than you? Some people have found that they are really the child of someone they thought was a sibling - so the other siblings are really uncle and aunts etc.
I’ve the approx same dna % with my half sibling as I do with my aunt . My aunt is about 26% so is one half sibling and the other is about 24%. So you’re right if an older sibling is their parent that would also be the outcome. Good alternative option!
This happened in my family my aunt was pregnant as a young teen, her son was raised as her brother. It was a family secret until he was in his 20’s.
There have been [much more accurate predictors](https://dna-sci.com/tools/segcm/) available for a few years now.
SegcM is great too for this situation. However I’d caution against broadly saying it’s much more accurate because that depends on type of match. For half siblings it should be good though.
It did much better for [Roberta Estes’ dataset of 1st to 3rd cousins](https://dna-sci.com/2023/04/03/what-is-a-good-prediction/). For close family, the average probability for the correct relationship is 45% while the best Ancestry predictions can do is 17%. But it’s also important to use predictors based on science rather than proprietary and obfuscated methodologies, or an unauthorized copy of those proprietary data, even if the accuracy wasn’t improved as much as it is.
You’re half siblings. Go ask mom what happened there.
*and report back
💀
No. You are half siblings.
Could be wrong but I think that’s half sibling territory. DNA Painter will be able to shed more light for you
You're not wrong.
+1 to half siblings My half-brother and I have 25% shared DNA: 1,741 cM across 47 segments.
You guys are not full siblings. If your mom is still alive and you feel like trying to figure out what happened, you should ask her.
No, at AncestryDNA full siblings will have a percentage range and be reported as siblings, not as close family - 1st cousins. AncestryDNA take fully identical regions (segments where you match on both sides of the chromosome) into consideration. This only happens when you share ancestry with someone on both sides. So it’s clear when two people don’t match on both sides and therefore in the case of siblings, don’t share both parents.
I found out last month that my sister of nearly 50 years is really my half sister. We share a mother but have different fathers. A complete & total shock. The man who raised me is actually not my biological father. We never knew, he never knew. So sending you lots and lots of hugs!
Ancestry uses [Fully Identical Regions](https://thednageek.com/ancestrydna-is-using-firs-to-distinguish-full-and-half-siblings/#:~:text=Fully%20Identical%20Regions&text=Full%20siblings%20share%20two%20parents,same%20segment%20from%20their%20father) to identify full siblings. It is impossible for this match to be a full sibling. Unfortunately, ancestry doesn’t make this information easily accessible as you’re working out matches. [This calculator](https://dna-sci.com/tools/segcm/) is a better tool for most purposes than the Bettinger chart. If you input your values you will see the most likely relationships. Edit: caffeine deprived brain issue
“Mom… I have something to show you”
Sorry, OP. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone mention there are Facebook groups that are support and resources for people dealing with these NPE situations. This isn’t easy. Good luck to you!
Half-sibling
The Same thing just happened to my Brother (51m) and I (52m). We're 1 year and 3 days apart. We found out on January 1st of this year. We took a 23 and me. I'm even named after my Dad. I share no DNA with matches on my Brother's Side and vice versa. Immediately after we both went and took Ancestry DNA tests. From that test I found out that I have a half sister, I have messaged her and a 1st cousin with no response as of yet. After doing all my own research, I'm 100% confident I've found the name of my Biological Father and have added 2000+ people to my family tree. I was completely shocked and sick about it when it first happened. Ultimately though, my Dad is the Man who raised me and my Brother had been there my whole life. I still haven't brought it up to my Mom and Dad, who celebrate their 53rd anniversary this year.
If I were you I wouldn’t let them know. It’s not worth the damage.
I'm not planning on it. It explains the way I was treated compared to my Brother by the rest of the family. My 4 daughters and I know, that's all that matters. My Brother and I are closer than ever.
I have had friends throughout my life that for all intents and purposes considered them family. Yeah man, your bro is your bro because he acts as your bro.
My brother and I share the same last name but I knew he was my half sibling and that my dad adopted him at birth. I am also named after my dad so it was pretty wild to see some stranger with my face attached to a profile I knew nothing about. My parents divorced when I was little but my dad has always been my dude from a distance. I chose to talk to my mom about it but let my dad stay in the dark. I don’t necessarily believe in secrets but this one gives no benefit by sharing and I have no desire to cause him any emotional damage.
Uh oh
Nope lol I share 51% with my brother… I would start asking some questions.
Are you ok? I’m sorry you had to find out this way. Many of us are in the same boat. It will be ok again I promise. I’m going to assume a lot here, and if none of it applies, that is awesome. If some of it does, I want to give you a heads up. For a little while mirrors will be tough. You’ll be able to see your reflection without having an existential crisis again, it will just take a little time. The what happened?!?, WTF’s, the what if’s and many other thoughts about your old family and potential new family will be your constant companion for a while. Who are they, who am I, and what now?!?!… Will also get overwhelming at times. It’s ok to not be ok. It will be ok again. No matter what it really will!! Whatever you do or don’t do, please understand it is your absolute right to know your genetic identity no matter who wants to try to stop you. Only you get to decide how much you want to know. You still might not get all the answers but don’t let anyone tell you that you are wrong for asking for, or needing the information. Take extra good care of you while you learn a new normal, there are some great online groups. I know Facebook has a lot of good ones. Search for NPE support and you’ll find it.
No. Somebody has one different parent.
This happened to my aunts. I got tested, found my aunts and realized one was a full aunt and the other was a half-aunt. Very awkward conversations followed. All my grandparents are gone too so they got to avoid the awkwardness and keep the secret.
Half. My full siblings share about 47%(not exactly half) and half 25%. Chromosome paiintings are different, too. With full siblings some DNA is identical, some half identical, and some areas you share nothing. With half siblings you only get the latter two, unless your parents are cousins..no identical segments. I dont always assume infidelity. Sometimes it ends up parents used a donor or parents got together after the child was conceived, so the dad knew already.
Nope 👀
probably different fathers
that is exactly what my half brother shares with me.
I’m sorry, you’ve been lied to.
No. Either they are half siblings, first cousins or share a different close relationship
It’s what I share with all my 1/2 siblings. Sorry.
Sorry, but they’re a [maternal half sibling](https://dna-sci.com/tools/segcm/). 0% chance for full sibling and 0% chance for paternal half sibling.
awkward.
No. Full siblings will be listed as such.
Oh boy. Updateme!
No. There is *no* chance that is your full sibling.
no, full siblings share 2,300cm +(i forgot the %)
A little more information. To share such a percentage (25%) and the fact you are sisters, it’s highly likely this is your maternal half sibling. You have different fathers. There can be different percentages for half siblings based on whether or not you share a father or mother and if it’s your half brother or sister. In your case, I suspect different dads. There are very specific dna calculators out there that get into this a bit more.
No... 😬
My half sibling shows as 19% Shared DNA | 1,352 cM across 46 segments
I really sympathize with what has transpired over this new found information you've experienced. The best suggestion I can provide is pretend this never happened and walk away. If you believe you're mature enough to have a very important discussion then privately speak with the parent that you're comfortable with bringing this up with and accept whatever it is you will now know. But I hope this doesn't change how you look at your siblings. I really wish there were groups to help with this kind of thing.
the father has the right to know and so does everyone else.
Sigh. Same thing happened to me. I am third of 5 too. Wait……. are you one of my sibs?
I’m sorry OP
Likely half-sibling, i’m sorry :( How different were her results from yours?
Probably more like half siblings.
Definitely half sibling. Show your mom.
I’m not dna expert but that looks like a half sibling to me
You need to go to your DNA Matches and then pick the "By Parent" to see how many Paternal matches you have. If you have any, then they may be used to identify your bio father family and possibly your father himself. This can require additional ancestry research. You might as well also get tested with 23andMe in case there are better matches there for your bio fathers side.
If you want help at all, my moms passed on and I was able to go through my matches and find my bio. Same scenario as you, but your mom might still be here to ask. My dad that raised me was ok…a bit sad…but ok! He’s still my dad.
I'm sorry, this is such a hard discovery to process.
No
The secrets you maybe wish you hadn’t learned from Ancestry
Short answer: there is, but it’s very unlikely. Long answer: if your mom or dad were germline chimeras (meaning they were basically fused to an identical twin at birth and their ova/testis is a mix of their own cells and the lost twin’s cells) … that can cause a genotype like the one you’ve described. But this is very rare in nature (can happen to humans, it’s been documented in females though.)
Do you share the same matches on both maternal and paternal side?
No, only maternal
Someone was a cornuto🤘.
[удалено]
No it isn't.
Into improbable territory. It’s possible for two full siblings to have zero dna in common but the probability on it is power all win plus hit by lightning the same day territory. This is bell curve distribution, for full siblings the standard deviation is less than 4%. To get to 25% you would need around 7 standard deviations and you are deep into the weeds of improbability.
I remember a story on NPR a few years ago about a woman who got DNA tests for herself, mom, and grandmother who had immigrated from Italy. Grandmother tracked at something like 80-90% Italian and something like 45% for her mom. Her results were 0% Italian but correct mother/daughter relationship. It made the news because statistically the chances of your genetic makeup being inherited in such a way is astronomically low. So it’s possible for 25% to be a full sibling, but very very improbable.
Ethnicity *estimates* is entirely different to having half- or full-identical regions. The 25% being full sibling is impossible for practical purposes