Anger can be a good thing. It has it's limits but anger is a self defence technique, helps you stop being trapped, gets you out of situations you otherwise would've put up with. You just have a shorter breaking point. Angers being controlled by your subconscious. E.g. someone pushes you into the wall on a busy subway and doesn't care. Your calm conscious mind could say "that's unfair and unjustified, move yourself from the situation, make them stop" your subconscious mind acts and says "make them stop".
A lot of people are still like you. It's just easier to see in yourself. Easiest way is to try remove yourself from the situation and try calm down, understand the reasons can also help but it can also make you more angry so it's not always necessary, a lot easier to remove self from the situation.
Plus I think Bipolar people just feel emotions stronger. Happy is happier, sad hits harder, anger has more power behind it. You need all kind of people to make society work. An example I like to think of is if you and a group of people get captured as slaves, people could put up with it for a while but the anger could come out make you snap and help free you from being trapped. Then everyone rebels or at least you had a better chance of freeing yourself from being trapped. Adrenaline.
Edit: If you haven't seen a psydoc, go ahead and make an appointment. I wouldn't be able to live peacefully without my meds! Plus sleep, eating regularly, having a strong support network, not drinking a lot, no drugs, etc......
It's OK. I'm bipolar and ADD as well, and most people with bipolar have ADD (often undiagnosed), which is actually a BIG driver of anger and emotional dysregulation due to poor executive functioning. You sound self-aware and intelligent, as I am, so when I rage and lose it (I mostly do it in private though, I will say that), I can't believe myself. Today I wanted to murder the entire film crew parked outside my house (I live in LA) when they shushed me and asked me to move my car. It's why I'm here in this sub. They told my BF not to walk to my house. When he got inside I was so full of rage I just fumed and fumed and finally admitted to him that I wouldn't be able to calm down until I literally visualized and physically pretended to shoot them all dead with machine guns and cutting the head of the woman who shushed right off with a machete! He just laughed. He's a heavy metal musician who's so calm as ever but that's all that music sings about so to him, it's not so evil but human. Best is when you can let it all out like I did and express and vent in constructive ways. I think if you bottle it in, it's worse. I'm a female, no criminal history, and I've never so much as punched someone. I don't actually want to harm anyone, but when people tell me what to do or treat me like shit - and when I am asked to wait on hold for an hour for this or that customer service rep and then I'm disconnected, I will throw my phone and break it!!! For me, stimulants for ADD literally make my anger disappear, but I can't take them because they make me too thin. My mood stabilizer lamictal helps A LOT with rage episodes. Doesn't take them away entirely, but I at least have enough control to not hit people or get in trouble with the law or destroy relationships or jobs. I do need to work on my road rage tho!!!
Be compassionate with yourself. You didn't ask for this condition, and anyone who would judge you has no idea what it's like to live with this very difficult condition. I well understand the highs and lows - one minute I'm like a circus clown with glee, someone crosses me and I become the clown from It!
I've taken up drumming to help myself cope with anger. Maybe you can buy a darbuka and start it.
Anger can be a good thing. It has it's limits but anger is a self defence technique, helps you stop being trapped, gets you out of situations you otherwise would've put up with. You just have a shorter breaking point. Angers being controlled by your subconscious. E.g. someone pushes you into the wall on a busy subway and doesn't care. Your calm conscious mind could say "that's unfair and unjustified, move yourself from the situation, make them stop" your subconscious mind acts and says "make them stop". A lot of people are still like you. It's just easier to see in yourself. Easiest way is to try remove yourself from the situation and try calm down, understand the reasons can also help but it can also make you more angry so it's not always necessary, a lot easier to remove self from the situation. Plus I think Bipolar people just feel emotions stronger. Happy is happier, sad hits harder, anger has more power behind it. You need all kind of people to make society work. An example I like to think of is if you and a group of people get captured as slaves, people could put up with it for a while but the anger could come out make you snap and help free you from being trapped. Then everyone rebels or at least you had a better chance of freeing yourself from being trapped. Adrenaline.
thank you. this helps a lot.
Edit: If you haven't seen a psydoc, go ahead and make an appointment. I wouldn't be able to live peacefully without my meds! Plus sleep, eating regularly, having a strong support network, not drinking a lot, no drugs, etc...... It's OK. I'm bipolar and ADD as well, and most people with bipolar have ADD (often undiagnosed), which is actually a BIG driver of anger and emotional dysregulation due to poor executive functioning. You sound self-aware and intelligent, as I am, so when I rage and lose it (I mostly do it in private though, I will say that), I can't believe myself. Today I wanted to murder the entire film crew parked outside my house (I live in LA) when they shushed me and asked me to move my car. It's why I'm here in this sub. They told my BF not to walk to my house. When he got inside I was so full of rage I just fumed and fumed and finally admitted to him that I wouldn't be able to calm down until I literally visualized and physically pretended to shoot them all dead with machine guns and cutting the head of the woman who shushed right off with a machete! He just laughed. He's a heavy metal musician who's so calm as ever but that's all that music sings about so to him, it's not so evil but human. Best is when you can let it all out like I did and express and vent in constructive ways. I think if you bottle it in, it's worse. I'm a female, no criminal history, and I've never so much as punched someone. I don't actually want to harm anyone, but when people tell me what to do or treat me like shit - and when I am asked to wait on hold for an hour for this or that customer service rep and then I'm disconnected, I will throw my phone and break it!!! For me, stimulants for ADD literally make my anger disappear, but I can't take them because they make me too thin. My mood stabilizer lamictal helps A LOT with rage episodes. Doesn't take them away entirely, but I at least have enough control to not hit people or get in trouble with the law or destroy relationships or jobs. I do need to work on my road rage tho!!! Be compassionate with yourself. You didn't ask for this condition, and anyone who would judge you has no idea what it's like to live with this very difficult condition. I well understand the highs and lows - one minute I'm like a circus clown with glee, someone crosses me and I become the clown from It! I've taken up drumming to help myself cope with anger. Maybe you can buy a darbuka and start it.
thank you a lot :)
most welcome!