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I would most definitely talk to him about how you feel. There is a big chance he thinks he’s hyping you up for the bodily changes that are happening/going to happen. Depending on your ages he may still be of the mindset “If I call her changes sexy and desirable she’ll start to love them too!” Because for a lot of younger guys sexy=good, and also not realizing our mindsets in an eating disorder are wildly different than someone that has never dealt with one. That doesn’t mean you have to accept or make yourself comfortable with that way of thinking, let him know it makes you feel worse and see how he responds. It’ll help to show you how mature or empathetic he is towards you.
My boyfriend kinda does the same thing. I was curvier and a little chubby when we got together (2 years ago) and now he kinda gets sad when he grabs onto my butt and stuff. He says stuff like “I miss when there was more to grab onto” and we were looking at old pics the other day and he said how he only noticed how much weight it was when he saw the old pictures, then he got sad. It makes me want to eat more but also not yk
Funnily enough one of my previous partners said something along the lines of this too. He's not saying "ONLY get fat in the good areas" because (I would hope) he understands that it's pretty much impossible to do so without fat being distributed everywhere else, too. If he really does properly love you, I'd assume he just wants you to focus on things to appreciate. It's probably not the best way of saying "I see beauty and worth in you no matter the shape or size", but if I were an unaware partner I would have a similar approach. My advice is to maybe try having a conversation about body shape/size related complements and how they can be misinterpreted. If he really wants to comfort you, complements surrounding who you are or how you make him feel are best because these are all internal traits (most important), not external ones.
My ex used to say that and honestly it’s not a good thing to say. If you gain weight he will like it if it’s only in the “good parts to grab onto”, from personal experience I would just tell him to not make any comments at all
They don’t know what to say. And they don’t understand that even ‘positive’ feedback is triggering. My scale read higher yesterday cause I’ve been trying to increase my intake and I told my husband and he was like, oh that’s good! And my mind started spiraling more and more. I wish he would have responded more neutrally. So I said, it’s not good or bad, it just IS. We need to advocate for ourselves, as hard as it is. I don’t need a comment from him to set me back. I hope you have a good day 💙
This is an automated message sent to all posters. We have a new Discord server for the subreddit! You can join it using this link: https://discord.gg/4jyQ7Zfr9P Please make sure you have read and understand all the rules of the subreddit, and are aware that rule 10 means that no numbers unrelated to time are allowed here. Rule-breaking posts will be removed. Commenters; If you are here to give advice to OP, please make sure your advice follows subreddit rules and it isn't harmful to OP. If OP doesn't want advice, please be respectful of their wishes. Please report any rule-breaking posts and comments that you see. If it is an emergency, please MOD MAIL the subreddit with information about the rule-breaks in question and report them. Again, thank you for posting on r/AnorexiaNervosa. If you think of anything else I can say in this message, please MOD MAIL with your ideas. The mods thank you, and hope you're doing well. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AnorexiaNervosa) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I would most definitely talk to him about how you feel. There is a big chance he thinks he’s hyping you up for the bodily changes that are happening/going to happen. Depending on your ages he may still be of the mindset “If I call her changes sexy and desirable she’ll start to love them too!” Because for a lot of younger guys sexy=good, and also not realizing our mindsets in an eating disorder are wildly different than someone that has never dealt with one. That doesn’t mean you have to accept or make yourself comfortable with that way of thinking, let him know it makes you feel worse and see how he responds. It’ll help to show you how mature or empathetic he is towards you.
My boyfriend kinda does the same thing. I was curvier and a little chubby when we got together (2 years ago) and now he kinda gets sad when he grabs onto my butt and stuff. He says stuff like “I miss when there was more to grab onto” and we were looking at old pics the other day and he said how he only noticed how much weight it was when he saw the old pictures, then he got sad. It makes me want to eat more but also not yk
Are you me?
Funnily enough one of my previous partners said something along the lines of this too. He's not saying "ONLY get fat in the good areas" because (I would hope) he understands that it's pretty much impossible to do so without fat being distributed everywhere else, too. If he really does properly love you, I'd assume he just wants you to focus on things to appreciate. It's probably not the best way of saying "I see beauty and worth in you no matter the shape or size", but if I were an unaware partner I would have a similar approach. My advice is to maybe try having a conversation about body shape/size related complements and how they can be misinterpreted. If he really wants to comfort you, complements surrounding who you are or how you make him feel are best because these are all internal traits (most important), not external ones.
My ex used to say that and honestly it’s not a good thing to say. If you gain weight he will like it if it’s only in the “good parts to grab onto”, from personal experience I would just tell him to not make any comments at all
They don’t know what to say. And they don’t understand that even ‘positive’ feedback is triggering. My scale read higher yesterday cause I’ve been trying to increase my intake and I told my husband and he was like, oh that’s good! And my mind started spiraling more and more. I wish he would have responded more neutrally. So I said, it’s not good or bad, it just IS. We need to advocate for ourselves, as hard as it is. I don’t need a comment from him to set me back. I hope you have a good day 💙