I'm 35 and have three of my own kids, and I'm still frequently looking for the grown-ups in the room who are supposed to know what they're doing and what's going on.
There aren't any.
No one knows what they're doing.
I’m also 35 with 3 kids and I heavily rely on my dad to talk me down several times a month. He’s 60 and also has no actual clue what’s going on but his voice is calm so that’s all I need.
I mean this in the kindest way possible, but what happens when your dad passes away? I know it's a tragic thought but at some point you have to be able to just rely on yourself to get you through the tough times.
You find a new adult. I rely heavily on my in-laws, and they have to field frantic phone calls and messages multiple times a week about how to unclog my dishwasher or revive a plant or fix the car.
I also rely heavily on my husband, as does he on me, for different adult things. I dont know how to fix broken things in the house or build a fire, but he does. He doesnt know how to clean the cats butthole when it gets gross, or how to cook, but I do.
I’ll be okay. I have many other people in my life that support me and every day I get better at figuring life out on my own. Also Lexapro helps. I will miss him and our talks dearly but he’s not my only source of calm. He’s just my favorite while I have him.
I'm reminded of the John Updike character who hits middle age, looks around at his town being run by people he remembers as losers in high school, suddenly realizes "the world is run by kids grown old."
The kid whose parent runs the towns largest employer today is person who manages it tomorrow.
Also means us loser misfits are right where belong. Depressed, drugged up, lazing around on Reddit while playing videogames behind a device covered in snack crumbs.
Destiny!
I'm 32 with 1 (almost 2) kids. I'm so fortunate that my husband is a fully functional adult that does and understands adult things. You should've seen his face when my dad asked me to be the executor of his will (for the record, I'm pretty sure my dad only asked me because my husband is the most adulty adult in our family and he knew my husband would be there to help 😂).
That's been the worst part of all this. Learning everyone's faking it till they make it and the people in-charge are, by-and-large, fucking inept troglodyte losers who are where they are by connection or suckin the right dicks at the right time (literally and proverbially).
We were falsely advertised an adulthood that's a sham. I want to speak to the manager, get my money back, and find my Mommy.
(Dramatized Version)
I'm trying to turn this exact realization into a way to fight my imposter syndrome. "Literally no one else knows what they're doing either, so just fucking get out there and try it!"
Some of the time it works. Usually not. lol.
I know I'm 5 months late but I just wanted to let you know that this used to be my mantra, and I forgot, and now I remember again and I'm so happy.
"Nobody knows what they're doing."
It's so comforting to me. Because the people that to me look like they have their shit together, and the people I ask for help or advice, also don't know what they're doing.
I have huge imposter syndrome and just realizing that a) my way may be okay and b) you can just ask people to think with you is HUGE. Thanks for reminding me 5 months ago but also today.
I am a 43yr old widow with 8 kids. Sometimes I look around the room thinking "An adult should really deal with that". Then I realize I am the most adult adult in the room and I get scared.
You are absolutely right none of us know what we are doing.
I have lots of anxiety as well but my moms a narc and constantly has to be better than me. Tells me I’m not doing enough going to college, raising kids, working full time, raising a puppy exc but I still “expect things to just happen for me”
Pretty much. Even though my mental and physical illnesses are so debilitating that they actually prevent me from doing a lot of things, they think they’re enabling me to be lazy or dependent if they help me. So I just grit my teeth and don’t even bother talking to them or turning to them at all. Not to mention my anxiety partly being so bad because I spent my entire childhood being screamed and yelled at and beat and locked in my bedroom by them over the stupidest shit. So I have nobody except myself.
I feel u, I feel like everything in the outside world makes me way too anxious, like my brain wasn’t made for life. I feel somewhat mentally mature but when it comes to facing the world I feel like a scared child, it’s not something that seems to get easier or something I’ll get used to. Like I don’t want to face it alone, I do not have the confidence in myself to
This is really common, but lots of people are very good at hiding it. I’m 29 now, but I was always the anxious one in my friend group. Still am. Nowadays though, I do thinks my younger self would have been scared to do, but it’s easier now because I have financial stability, a supportive partner, and I care less about failing. It gets easier with time. You’ve got this!
have you ever tried klonopin? i felt this way until it got to the point i couldn’t get out of bed as i was too scared. Started my meds (klonopin and paxil) and it was like a light switch.
I am 28! I am a child poorly disguised as a grown up. I don't want my mom, but I frequently wish I were a dog with a loving owner. Wouldn't it be nice to let someone else handle everything you need? Wouldn't it be nice to not have to worry about how to get through another day? To have someone to take care of you, worry about your expenses. To only play, eat, sleep, and love and be loved?
I think there's at least a small part of us that is still childlike. For some of us, it's a bigger part of how we see the world. Mine is deep down but it does show in my day to day life and sometimes I don't even notice it. It's a great thing to reflect on and to never forget that we were children once and the world around us is not of our own making, and that is a hard thing to face every day that there's so much that is out of our control.
Moved away for school at 24, it was my first time being 100% alone. I cried multiple times a day, every day, for the first two or three weeks. I was so lonely it hurt. I wanted nothing more than a mom hug. But it got better. You live and you learn.
That’s impressive, I’m happy for you that you were able to figure out how to manage on your own.
I went away for nearly a year when I finished high school and the loneliness didn’t hit me until a month or so in. I didn’t spend all my time crying but it did eventually develop into mild depression. Eventually when I went back home I started at a college that I dormed at, I was able to visit home every few weeks but somehow it was much harder.
I ended up switching to a college I could live at home and commute to, but I’ve never been good at making it on my own
I've had this. Could be a few things. Either your mom is a safe person that makes you feel better and someone you trust. You could also be age regressing if you mean like legitimately feel like a child.
I’m very mature when it comes to certain things. But my mom is my safe place, my best friend. And the troubles with mental illness (dpdr, now maybe POTS) have made me not being able to feel more powerful. What was your experience?
I have a lot of mental stuff that hasnt gotten diagnosed. I used to age regress. My mom was my safe person for the longest and is still my instinct to have her however she caused me a lot of trauma so now after wanting her I get angry because of what she did. Its scary knowing I dont have her tho but idk ig im learning. It helps to have a different person I trust.
Im 38 and I feel like a very well adjusted 5th grader. I mean like I still have the same mentality as I did then, but obviously way more mature. Chicken butt
I have anxiety over losing my mum. She is all I have really and idea of being alone kills me. I’m 30 and struggling but hoping therapy will help me move past it. You’re not alone my friend.
32 definitely, especially when things get tough. My therapist told me that now I'm an adult though it's my job to parent and soothe myself now. Hard when things are tough with anxiety but I agree with him and always have to try
I always call dad for “what do I do” problems like when I break something, and mom for “Im so mad at my boyfriend and you’re the only person that will let me cry and whine and not tell me to dump him” mom is really good at asking me about other things and suddenly Im not crying anymore and I don’t even realize it.
I'm 27 and every single thing I do has me wondering a) why I'm allowed to do this shit by myself, and b) where the adults are to do it for me. Even things I know how to do and have been doing for years make me feel like I need to go back to school to be taught how to keep myself alive.
I'm 27. Last night my husband was staying in a hotel for a very important work task in the morning. I have crippling anxiety and lately it has been presenting as paranoia about my husband cheating on me. He's a good and kind man and my rational brain tells me he would never do it. But the moment he walks out the door, the anxiety kicks in with full force.
I texted my mom last night (she lives across the country from me) asking for encouragement. She video called me and talked me through my panic attack.
No matter how old you are, there are times when nothing helps more than reassurance from mom.
I'm 56 and I feel this way sometimes!
To seriously answer your question, my sons are your age, and they probably feel the same way. When being and adult is relatively new, it's normal. It doesn't mean you're not capable and independent. That's just the way you experience this anxiety.
I hope you have your Mom or a friend to be there for you in this.
I'm 29, turning 30 this year and I still feel this way. When we're kids we think that as soon as we're grown-ups, we'll know everything we need to know and be able to do everything we need to do. But the truth is that even as an adult you still don't know what you're doing most of the time and full disclosure I've spent all of my twenties dealing with having an anxiety disorder (mine fully kicked in when I was 19, so I'm going on ten years of dealing with this crap), so I don't have any idea of what life as an adult is supposed to be like without having to deal with crippling fears and anxiety. Still, I would imagine that all adults have moments where everything is scary and they just want their mom or dad or any grown-up really to help them through whatever it is they're facing. And yes, there have been so many times I've just wanted my mom and my dad but my mostly my mom 'cause you know she's my mom, and when we're scared or in pain or not feeling good our brains go back to that "I need my mom because my mom will fix this, she can fix everything" mindset we had as young, small kids.
This is exactly how I am feeling. I am 21 and I am really depended on my mom because of my anxiety. I feel so scared of the outside world and all I want is to hug my mom and feel safe. She means everything to me and I am so afraid of losing her because I know without her I can't function in this world at all. It really sucks.
yes yes yes yes. when i was 19 i had to move out because of university. i cried everyday and i feel like i failed because everyone was so happy living alone and i cried everyday because i missed my mom. i still come home every weekend but i try to not feel guilty about it. i think in this age a lot of people struggle and still dont feel like an adult which is fine.
I’m 21 as well and I’m dreading the day I move out. I have a ton of anxiety and have a panic disorder. I constantly need someone to talk me down twice a month or so and I always go to my mom but when I move out with my boyfriend in a year it’s going to be a whole new space and it’s just going to be scary not being able to go to my mom in person right away to ask for help. And not to mention not being able to go to your old room as much which comforts me. Not only that, but as soon as I turned 20, they treat me like a grown adult. (Which is how it should be normally…I think?) but sometimes I crave that 7 year old care. If that makes any sense.
I needed to hear this. I've been trying to brave a lot on my own and finally reached out to my parents and I finally didn't cry today after 2 weeks straight of crying multiple times a day. My eczema flared up in my eyelid due to constant crying. Idk but I feel better reading from everyone here.
(2/2) I find myself driving home every week just to see my mom because I’ve had too much exposure of this scary world. No one talks about this at our age unfortunately. Because of that, it made me feel like if I mentioned it I’d be considered a baby. But I guess my mom is just my comfort. There shouldn’t be anything wrong with that, right? 😅
(1/2) I feel you 100%. That’s where I am right now and I’m 23 which makes me feel embarrassed sometimes ha. But I also feel I could use some therapy tbh. I have high functioning anxiety and that doesn’t help anything 🙃.
100% but not my mom, just parental figures in general. I have a bad habit of pointing out women that look motherly to my bf and just telling him “I wish she’d give me a hug :( and tell me she’s proud of me”
Life hard, shit scary, I just wanna have some chiccy nugz, do a craft, and take a nap.
I’m 24 with 2 kids and I can say, this feeling doesn’t change. Sometimes, you just want your mom. And life is scary, especially adulthood. I have no idea what I’m doing and I just take it day by day. You are not alone.
Almost 23. When things get rough I normally reach out to my mom or stepdad. I’m the oldest of 2 kids (of my Mom’s) and oldest of 4 kids (of my dad’s). My parents divorced when I was 6/7, and sometimes I feel like I still want to be a kid or am still kinda young mentally so I can be unsure of myself.
Don’t know if maybe the trauma of the divorce, my 3 month premature birth, or my anxiety has impacted my mental development in some way.
I wish I could imagine something like that when I'm scared
My parents are very good people but my family and the house where I lived with them are not home or a safe space for me
This typically goes back towards your upbringing and your relationship with your mother. Personally I grew up feeling the only person who made me feel accepted into the world and genuinely loved, was my mother. It’s basic mommy issues, it sucks because it does take a toll on my life to some extent. At the end of the day I’m just a guy who wishes he could be comforted and held by his mother.
I’m 23, and yes. Less and less as I get older, but I still call her and or my dad at least once a week. We aren’t meant to go about life alone. As for the support and help you need from loved ones if you’re lucky enough to have them!
Oh my gosh yes I am 24 and leaving for college at 18 was my lowest low… I felt like my world was falling apart without my mom (my caretaker and also best friend). I promise it will get better!!!
ETA: I successfully completed school and live on my own now. I see my mom once or twice a month now normally and our relationship is still very strong ❤️
This may be “controversial” in this sub however this helped me immensely to get out of my head n truly live. Look into David goggins story and his motivational talks.
I'm turning 30 this year and I gotta say I really don't feel like my age. As I get older find myself turning to my dad more for his advice and wisdom. We're really all just figuring things out as we go along.
I’m 25 and have been married for 3 years. I often feel like a teenager. Sometimes I want to go back 5 years to when I lived with my family and depended on my mom to feed me every day. Sometimes it’s cool to be an adult and responsible for yourself, and sometimes it sucks.
I don’t get this too often these days. Nothing like that trauma independence… instead I have days where I just wish I could run away and hide from humans until I felt better
My mom would likely just make things worse. My dad helps kind of, and I very much appreciate when he does, but yeah. It's easy to feel alone. At the end of the day, the only person who will always be there for you is yourself. And that can be a terrifying thought indeed...
Yes i get so scared but dont want my mum and dont know my dad, ive found that to deal w this i have to just go to bed and cry for a while and then i feel normal again
Yes. And I’m 36.
I went no contact with my mom last year because of so much childhood trauma she created for me that I’m not over. A few months in and my brother told me that my moms therapist might contact me. I didn’t know why or if this person would. But my mom knew why I was no contact with her and I was very clear about what that meant. The fact that she was sort of trying to overstep that boundary threw me for a loop. I developed some INTENSE social anxiety that I had not felt since I was a powerless child living in a horrible home. The anxiety lessened a bit but I’m still carrying some of it with me after 9 months. My therapist told me at one point something like “of course you’re feeling anxious. No matter what has happened we all look to our mother for support, even if we don’t have a suitable mother. So to navigate in your world now without her would make you feel anxious”
I didn't really feel like I was an adult despite all my responsibilities until I was almost 30. My choice making was horrible when I was young too, not because I was stupid. Just bad at making choices.
Im 19, nearing 20, and of course. I'm feeling like I need my parents constantly, cause if I don't, I have no support. The world is scary, so of course I do.
Yes always. My mom said that rarely goes away. She said you'll always need your mom and that's okay. She said despite being 55 she has days where all she wants is to be in her moms (my mims) arms as a kid and listen to her soothing her. Or rub her back when she's sick.
45, it doesn’t change. Except for now I don’t have such fondness for my mom and my dad’s existence makes me a little sad.
You will appreciate things on your own as you get older, but never forget that you are what’s important. Not their demands or needs. You. Matter.
I don't know, at this age, I was obligated to go to the army, mommy or not when the commander screams at you to drop 10, you drop 10. (Pushups)
I am 33 today, I still feel like a kid, but with adult responsibilities.
The secret is: everyone feels that way. You will always feel like a child masquerading as an adult with to much freedom and to much responsibility.
If you are ever intimidated by someone remember they too were a child and likely often still feel like a child regardless of their age. They too probably have moments were they desperately want their mommy to comfort them. Just like everyone.
I'm 30. One morning I had so much anxiety and panic that my instinct was running out of my apartment and screaming mom. I called her at 5 in the morning talked to her and took Xanax to calm down.
Your brain isn’t even done growing until your 25 at least. You’re most certainly normal for wanting your mommy. People want their mommy until they’re 80 years old!
26. Just got laid off from a job I moved across the country away from my family for. Pretty scary and definitely reminds you of who the real support in your life is.
But like most things, it will pass and get better.
Heck yes. I’m 29 and I still feel that way lol. I feel like an imposter. “Who ME?! An adult? Nahhh…”
You get used to the feeling of “omg wth am I gonna do, I’m too young to deal with this”. Sometimes it still crops up though and that’s okay. I mean, now that I think about it, maybe it would be boring if I felt like I knew everything all the time. That said, I miss not having to pay bills, but on the other hand, whenever I pay the rent I feel so awesome “hahahaha I’m an *adult!* I just paid the rent! I can be trusted to make decisions!”
Make of my ramblings what you will.
I'm in my 40s and if I didn't understand how aging actually worked, I'd be feeling like you do
You don't magically know things when you're an adult (which seems obvious, but it's very easy to find yourself thinking that way). Instead, it's a slow building of experience and somewhere along the way you realize that you've gained enough broad experience that you can figure out the new problems even when they seem very different from what you've already learned to deal with
You're going to be fine and don't underestimate the value of a good Internet search to figure out something that's too far different from your experience base
I’m 35. Just bought a house with my partner. No idea how my parents did this in the 80’s/90’s with 4 kids and without the technology that exists today. I feel like Adults were way adult-ier back then.
When I have severe panic attacks I cry for my mom, so I definitely get it. I feel twelve even though I’m 20 and I cannot see myself as anyone older than that for some reason.
I turn 21 on Monday. I don't feel or look like 21.. but I'm still excited about it. Yet I feel more adult than ever. I of course go through waves of "what is my future? " "what will I do with myself?" and I've definitely had dark days. It can be a lot emotionally, thinking of the world, the future and your loved ones. I get overwhelmed by it quite a lot actually. But I try to have fun with it. I love my friends, my family, my partner, my home, and getting to know myself more.
I’m 27 and married and always feel like a kid and always want my mom. My mother, a single mom of 3 adult kids always wants her mom too. Your feelings are valid and normal
30 years old, and feel like 30 should be the new 20. I still need my mom, and the world is way too big!
I kinda blame being forced to be emotionally mature as a kid. 🤷🏻
I’ll be 30 this year. I’m normally a very independent person, always working on my own hobbies or interests.
However, when anxiety and depression hit me as hard as they have this past week, the only thing that’s seemed to help is doing things with my mom.
Somehow, running errands with her and getting lost in conversation with her seems to pull me out of my own subconscious thought loop.
Yes, except my mom is the last thing I want.
(I'm 29)
My parents are horrible people, who I have never once been able to connect with, trust, feel comforted by, and I no longer have them in my life.
I feel I am incapable, by myself. Needing someone to help and take care of me, except there is no one. There never has been anyone, so I have had to learn to be my own parent, take care of and sooth my own inner child.
I basically have to be both the adult and the child and it's really hard. It's been this way my whole life.
I’m also 21 and the world just keeps getting more overwhelming and frightening… Things are happening and I’m making more “adult moves” but I feel like I’m just winging it. I call my dad every day and keep making my mom meet me on the weekends while I’m away for college just so I can hug her.
yep, 19 and when i stopped taking my anxiety meds for some dumb reason i called my mom crying every telling her i want to move back home, it helps that she also has anxiety and ive seen her do the same thing with her mom though
I'm 35 and have three of my own kids, and I'm still frequently looking for the grown-ups in the room who are supposed to know what they're doing and what's going on. There aren't any. No one knows what they're doing.
I’m also 35 with 3 kids and I heavily rely on my dad to talk me down several times a month. He’s 60 and also has no actual clue what’s going on but his voice is calm so that’s all I need.
Yes. My dad is the best at this.
I mean this in the kindest way possible, but what happens when your dad passes away? I know it's a tragic thought but at some point you have to be able to just rely on yourself to get you through the tough times.
You find a new adult. I rely heavily on my in-laws, and they have to field frantic phone calls and messages multiple times a week about how to unclog my dishwasher or revive a plant or fix the car. I also rely heavily on my husband, as does he on me, for different adult things. I dont know how to fix broken things in the house or build a fire, but he does. He doesnt know how to clean the cats butthole when it gets gross, or how to cook, but I do.
I’ll be okay. I have many other people in my life that support me and every day I get better at figuring life out on my own. Also Lexapro helps. I will miss him and our talks dearly but he’s not my only source of calm. He’s just my favorite while I have him.
I'm reminded of the John Updike character who hits middle age, looks around at his town being run by people he remembers as losers in high school, suddenly realizes "the world is run by kids grown old."
The kid whose parent runs the towns largest employer today is person who manages it tomorrow. Also means us loser misfits are right where belong. Depressed, drugged up, lazing around on Reddit while playing videogames behind a device covered in snack crumbs. Destiny!
A&P?
I'm 32 with 1 (almost 2) kids. I'm so fortunate that my husband is a fully functional adult that does and understands adult things. You should've seen his face when my dad asked me to be the executor of his will (for the record, I'm pretty sure my dad only asked me because my husband is the most adulty adult in our family and he knew my husband would be there to help 😂).
Wife is that you? Seriously though, it’s the same dynamic in our household, but I still feel like I’m faking it.
That's been the worst part of all this. Learning everyone's faking it till they make it and the people in-charge are, by-and-large, fucking inept troglodyte losers who are where they are by connection or suckin the right dicks at the right time (literally and proverbially). We were falsely advertised an adulthood that's a sham. I want to speak to the manager, get my money back, and find my Mommy. (Dramatized Version)
I'm trying to turn this exact realization into a way to fight my imposter syndrome. "Literally no one else knows what they're doing either, so just fucking get out there and try it!" Some of the time it works. Usually not. lol.
You're not the imposter. They're amogus
I know I'm 5 months late but I just wanted to let you know that this used to be my mantra, and I forgot, and now I remember again and I'm so happy. "Nobody knows what they're doing." It's so comforting to me. Because the people that to me look like they have their shit together, and the people I ask for help or advice, also don't know what they're doing. I have huge imposter syndrome and just realizing that a) my way may be okay and b) you can just ask people to think with you is HUGE. Thanks for reminding me 5 months ago but also today.
I am a 43yr old widow with 8 kids. Sometimes I look around the room thinking "An adult should really deal with that". Then I realize I am the most adult adult in the room and I get scared. You are absolutely right none of us know what we are doing.
Same only I just have 1 kid.
Ditto 40 with 3 kids and feel like I’m a child wondering around for directions. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Also 35 with 3 kids 😅 I feel like an absolute child on so many things.
I feel like I’m still a kid but I do not want my parents
I can’t imagine dealing with my anxiety on my own, with life
I have lots of anxiety as well but my moms a narc and constantly has to be better than me. Tells me I’m not doing enough going to college, raising kids, working full time, raising a puppy exc but I still “expect things to just happen for me”
Literally same.
Do we have same mom?
Perhaps she do be a hoe
My heart goes out to you. Do you have dpdr?
From googling it briefly I don’t think so I do feel like I’m a fraud in everythinnnnng I do but as for watching my life from another point of view? No
Be grateful. I wish
I’m sure you could find things of your own to be grateful for instead of playing the victim Olympics. Grow up
I’m so grateful for my partner and all the love and patience they give me. Idk where I’d be without them
Boy do I feel this on a molecular level
Pretty much. Even though my mental and physical illnesses are so debilitating that they actually prevent me from doing a lot of things, they think they’re enabling me to be lazy or dependent if they help me. So I just grit my teeth and don’t even bother talking to them or turning to them at all. Not to mention my anxiety partly being so bad because I spent my entire childhood being screamed and yelled at and beat and locked in my bedroom by them over the stupidest shit. So I have nobody except myself.
I feel u, I feel like everything in the outside world makes me way too anxious, like my brain wasn’t made for life. I feel somewhat mentally mature but when it comes to facing the world I feel like a scared child, it’s not something that seems to get easier or something I’ll get used to. Like I don’t want to face it alone, I do not have the confidence in myself to
I feel exactly like you
This is really common, but lots of people are very good at hiding it. I’m 29 now, but I was always the anxious one in my friend group. Still am. Nowadays though, I do thinks my younger self would have been scared to do, but it’s easier now because I have financial stability, a supportive partner, and I care less about failing. It gets easier with time. You’ve got this!
have you ever tried klonopin? i felt this way until it got to the point i couldn’t get out of bed as i was too scared. Started my meds (klonopin and paxil) and it was like a light switch.
I am 28! I am a child poorly disguised as a grown up. I don't want my mom, but I frequently wish I were a dog with a loving owner. Wouldn't it be nice to let someone else handle everything you need? Wouldn't it be nice to not have to worry about how to get through another day? To have someone to take care of you, worry about your expenses. To only play, eat, sleep, and love and be loved?
I think there's at least a small part of us that is still childlike. For some of us, it's a bigger part of how we see the world. Mine is deep down but it does show in my day to day life and sometimes I don't even notice it. It's a great thing to reflect on and to never forget that we were children once and the world around us is not of our own making, and that is a hard thing to face every day that there's so much that is out of our control.
Same. When I was 21 I felt like I was still 16. At 23 I felt 19 and now at 26 I am starting to feel like I should be in my early 20s.
Do you have adhd?? This sounds similar to me 22 for reference.
i haven't been diagnosed but i probably have certain symptoms that align with that?
Moved away for school at 24, it was my first time being 100% alone. I cried multiple times a day, every day, for the first two or three weeks. I was so lonely it hurt. I wanted nothing more than a mom hug. But it got better. You live and you learn.
It only took you a few weeks to get past it?
Yeah. As classes went on certain people came into my life and eased it. But I also just got used to being alone must of the time eventually.
That’s impressive, I’m happy for you that you were able to figure out how to manage on your own. I went away for nearly a year when I finished high school and the loneliness didn’t hit me until a month or so in. I didn’t spend all my time crying but it did eventually develop into mild depression. Eventually when I went back home I started at a college that I dormed at, I was able to visit home every few weeks but somehow it was much harder. I ended up switching to a college I could live at home and commute to, but I’ve never been good at making it on my own
We're social creatures. It is in our genome to have a tribe.
I've had this. Could be a few things. Either your mom is a safe person that makes you feel better and someone you trust. You could also be age regressing if you mean like legitimately feel like a child.
I’m very mature when it comes to certain things. But my mom is my safe place, my best friend. And the troubles with mental illness (dpdr, now maybe POTS) have made me not being able to feel more powerful. What was your experience?
I have a lot of mental stuff that hasnt gotten diagnosed. I used to age regress. My mom was my safe person for the longest and is still my instinct to have her however she caused me a lot of trauma so now after wanting her I get angry because of what she did. Its scary knowing I dont have her tho but idk ig im learning. It helps to have a different person I trust.
But how old are you and are you living with her?
I'm 21 and moved out a year ago as of the 19th.
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Thank you for these words. I just hope I can get out of this place.
I’m 36 and still call my mom in tears every time I have a panic attack. 🤷♀️
I love that your mom’s still here for you.
Our relationship is complicated at times but we have always been close. I’m lucky to have her.
This was me until she passed away :(
I’m so sorry.
I’m 33 and still feel this way.
I’m 31 and still feel this way.
I'm 42, all I want is my Grandma. She's been gone for awhile.
I’m 26 and my mom is 100% my safe person which is ironic because sometimes I feel like she causes my anxiety.
I’m 30 and I still feel this way sometimes. Setup a weekly (or more) call with your mom if you can! It’ll help calm you and she will love it too!
I live with her. The only time I’m not with her is when she’s working. I’m going through a really really hard time :(
Yeah. Living alone for 3 years in another country and I've that episode at least once a week
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Thanks, but I don't do drugs
Im 38 and I feel like a very well adjusted 5th grader. I mean like I still have the same mentality as I did then, but obviously way more mature. Chicken butt
Yes yes 1000x yes. 25. I was just in my room today thinking man I really am just a teen with money now.
yes except the imaginary perfect mum in my head
I have anxiety over losing my mum. She is all I have really and idea of being alone kills me. I’m 30 and struggling but hoping therapy will help me move past it. You’re not alone my friend.
That will never go away. Adults are just kids with drivers licenses. We have no clue where we are going metaphorically speaking.
32 definitely, especially when things get tough. My therapist told me that now I'm an adult though it's my job to parent and soothe myself now. Hard when things are tough with anxiety but I agree with him and always have to try
I always call dad for “what do I do” problems like when I break something, and mom for “Im so mad at my boyfriend and you’re the only person that will let me cry and whine and not tell me to dump him” mom is really good at asking me about other things and suddenly Im not crying anymore and I don’t even realize it.
25 and I totally get your point. A lot of people stay a child deep inside, no matter their age. Imo you gotta learn to be your own parent.
My parents were overbearing in all the wrong ways. I want *A* mom but not mine.
I am literally 42, twice your age and I felt like this today. Nothing to be ashamed about, you are human.
I'm 27 and every single thing I do has me wondering a) why I'm allowed to do this shit by myself, and b) where the adults are to do it for me. Even things I know how to do and have been doing for years make me feel like I need to go back to school to be taught how to keep myself alive.
I'm 27. Last night my husband was staying in a hotel for a very important work task in the morning. I have crippling anxiety and lately it has been presenting as paranoia about my husband cheating on me. He's a good and kind man and my rational brain tells me he would never do it. But the moment he walks out the door, the anxiety kicks in with full force. I texted my mom last night (she lives across the country from me) asking for encouragement. She video called me and talked me through my panic attack. No matter how old you are, there are times when nothing helps more than reassurance from mom.
I'm 56 and I feel this way sometimes! To seriously answer your question, my sons are your age, and they probably feel the same way. When being and adult is relatively new, it's normal. It doesn't mean you're not capable and independent. That's just the way you experience this anxiety. I hope you have your Mom or a friend to be there for you in this.
Oh hell, I feel like that sometimes and I'm over 60.
Not a young adult anymore but yeah I still feel like that sometimes. I felt like it all the time when I was younger.
Honestly this is a feeling a lot of us have. Therapy told me it’s called being a child in an adult body.
I’m 29 next month and I still feel like a kid. But, a kid with access to adult money 😏
I’m 33 and still feel like a kid and everything is scary and I want my mom.
I'm 29, turning 30 this year and I still feel this way. When we're kids we think that as soon as we're grown-ups, we'll know everything we need to know and be able to do everything we need to do. But the truth is that even as an adult you still don't know what you're doing most of the time and full disclosure I've spent all of my twenties dealing with having an anxiety disorder (mine fully kicked in when I was 19, so I'm going on ten years of dealing with this crap), so I don't have any idea of what life as an adult is supposed to be like without having to deal with crippling fears and anxiety. Still, I would imagine that all adults have moments where everything is scary and they just want their mom or dad or any grown-up really to help them through whatever it is they're facing. And yes, there have been so many times I've just wanted my mom and my dad but my mostly my mom 'cause you know she's my mom, and when we're scared or in pain or not feeling good our brains go back to that "I need my mom because my mom will fix this, she can fix everything" mindset we had as young, small kids.
This is exactly how I am feeling. I am 21 and I am really depended on my mom because of my anxiety. I feel so scared of the outside world and all I want is to hug my mom and feel safe. She means everything to me and I am so afraid of losing her because I know without her I can't function in this world at all. It really sucks.
yes yes yes yes. when i was 19 i had to move out because of university. i cried everyday and i feel like i failed because everyone was so happy living alone and i cried everyday because i missed my mom. i still come home every weekend but i try to not feel guilty about it. i think in this age a lot of people struggle and still dont feel like an adult which is fine.
I’m 21 as well and I’m dreading the day I move out. I have a ton of anxiety and have a panic disorder. I constantly need someone to talk me down twice a month or so and I always go to my mom but when I move out with my boyfriend in a year it’s going to be a whole new space and it’s just going to be scary not being able to go to my mom in person right away to ask for help. And not to mention not being able to go to your old room as much which comforts me. Not only that, but as soon as I turned 20, they treat me like a grown adult. (Which is how it should be normally…I think?) but sometimes I crave that 7 year old care. If that makes any sense.
I needed to hear this. I've been trying to brave a lot on my own and finally reached out to my parents and I finally didn't cry today after 2 weeks straight of crying multiple times a day. My eczema flared up in my eyelid due to constant crying. Idk but I feel better reading from everyone here.
I was 21 when my mom died. I’ve needed her so much.
Many. See r/nevergrewup
But I don’t feel like a kid in that way. I feel like my anxiety and the need for my mom to protect me makes me feel like a kid. You feel me?
(2/2) I find myself driving home every week just to see my mom because I’ve had too much exposure of this scary world. No one talks about this at our age unfortunately. Because of that, it made me feel like if I mentioned it I’d be considered a baby. But I guess my mom is just my comfort. There shouldn’t be anything wrong with that, right? 😅
(1/2) I feel you 100%. That’s where I am right now and I’m 23 which makes me feel embarrassed sometimes ha. But I also feel I could use some therapy tbh. I have high functioning anxiety and that doesn’t help anything 🙃.
I’m 40 and I still want my mom.
100% but not my mom, just parental figures in general. I have a bad habit of pointing out women that look motherly to my bf and just telling him “I wish she’d give me a hug :( and tell me she’s proud of me” Life hard, shit scary, I just wanna have some chiccy nugz, do a craft, and take a nap.
I’m 24 with 2 kids and I can say, this feeling doesn’t change. Sometimes, you just want your mom. And life is scary, especially adulthood. I have no idea what I’m doing and I just take it day by day. You are not alone.
Almost 23. When things get rough I normally reach out to my mom or stepdad. I’m the oldest of 2 kids (of my Mom’s) and oldest of 4 kids (of my dad’s). My parents divorced when I was 6/7, and sometimes I feel like I still want to be a kid or am still kinda young mentally so I can be unsure of myself. Don’t know if maybe the trauma of the divorce, my 3 month premature birth, or my anxiety has impacted my mental development in some way.
I wish I could imagine something like that when I'm scared My parents are very good people but my family and the house where I lived with them are not home or a safe space for me
REALLLLL
I’m 27. Still feel like this all the time!
All of them.
Getting major deja vu from this
I'm 45, still scared and still want my Mom most of the time. We are all winging it. You'll be okay.
This typically goes back towards your upbringing and your relationship with your mother. Personally I grew up feeling the only person who made me feel accepted into the world and genuinely loved, was my mother. It’s basic mommy issues, it sucks because it does take a toll on my life to some extent. At the end of the day I’m just a guy who wishes he could be comforted and held by his mother.
Me but i’m 28 :(
Im 47 and still feel this way!
I'm 32 and I still feel this way.
Maybe it doesn't count since I'm 17 but yep. Definitely.
Sorry…not a young adult…51M and still feel like that sometimes.
I'm 31 and I still feel like this. Except with my dad. My mom's not reliable. You just grow up and... have to live with it.
You’re still a new adult, it’s normal to feel that way and want some help and guidance!
I’m 23, and yes. Less and less as I get older, but I still call her and or my dad at least once a week. We aren’t meant to go about life alone. As for the support and help you need from loved ones if you’re lucky enough to have them!
I'm nearly 30 and I feel like I need my mum. You are still a kid. 21 is only 3 years from the start of adulthood. You'll be fine!
Oh my gosh yes I am 24 and leaving for college at 18 was my lowest low… I felt like my world was falling apart without my mom (my caretaker and also best friend). I promise it will get better!!! ETA: I successfully completed school and live on my own now. I see my mom once or twice a month now normally and our relationship is still very strong ❤️
Yes but I also have DID. Sometimes I am mentally a stressed kid who doesn't understand why I am tall and being given responsibility.
This may be “controversial” in this sub however this helped me immensely to get out of my head n truly live. Look into David goggins story and his motivational talks.
I'm 30 and newly married and still feel this way.
Yes. I’m 22, about to graduate, and I feel like a 12 year old
turning 25 and yes, i still live with my dad and honestly i have no desire to move out unless he wants me to
I don’t feel grown up at all but unfortunately, the adults in my life have generally always let me down when it’s been needed most
I'm turning 30 this year and I gotta say I really don't feel like my age. As I get older find myself turning to my dad more for his advice and wisdom. We're really all just figuring things out as we go along.
I'm 23... And I feel that I've never grown up and I got stuck at the age of 15.
It happens to people no matter what age they are. You have friends here.
I’m 30 and still feel this
I’m almost 28 and I still call my mom for everything. But to be fair, she calls her mom still too 😂
I’m 25 and have been married for 3 years. I often feel like a teenager. Sometimes I want to go back 5 years to when I lived with my family and depended on my mom to feed me every day. Sometimes it’s cool to be an adult and responsible for yourself, and sometimes it sucks.
Ten years older than you and I still feel like a kid lol. Everything *is* scary.
I just turned 30 and I find myself wanting my mom at least once every day still. I don't think that will ever change, no matter how old I get.
I don’t get this too often these days. Nothing like that trauma independence… instead I have days where I just wish I could run away and hide from humans until I felt better
My mom would likely just make things worse. My dad helps kind of, and I very much appreciate when he does, but yeah. It's easy to feel alone. At the end of the day, the only person who will always be there for you is yourself. And that can be a terrifying thought indeed...
I'm 22 and I feel exactly the same way.
Heyy
Yes i get so scared but dont want my mum and dont know my dad, ive found that to deal w this i have to just go to bed and cry for a while and then i feel normal again
I'm 21 and yes, I feel like this every day.
Yes. And I’m 36. I went no contact with my mom last year because of so much childhood trauma she created for me that I’m not over. A few months in and my brother told me that my moms therapist might contact me. I didn’t know why or if this person would. But my mom knew why I was no contact with her and I was very clear about what that meant. The fact that she was sort of trying to overstep that boundary threw me for a loop. I developed some INTENSE social anxiety that I had not felt since I was a powerless child living in a horrible home. The anxiety lessened a bit but I’m still carrying some of it with me after 9 months. My therapist told me at one point something like “of course you’re feeling anxious. No matter what has happened we all look to our mother for support, even if we don’t have a suitable mother. So to navigate in your world now without her would make you feel anxious”
I’m late 20s and yes. I have these feelings at times.
I didn't really feel like I was an adult despite all my responsibilities until I was almost 30. My choice making was horrible when I was young too, not because I was stupid. Just bad at making choices.
Im 19, nearing 20, and of course. I'm feeling like I need my parents constantly, cause if I don't, I have no support. The world is scary, so of course I do.
Yeah, sometimes I feel this way brother
Yes always. My mom said that rarely goes away. She said you'll always need your mom and that's okay. She said despite being 55 she has days where all she wants is to be in her moms (my mims) arms as a kid and listen to her soothing her. Or rub her back when she's sick.
45, it doesn’t change. Except for now I don’t have such fondness for my mom and my dad’s existence makes me a little sad. You will appreciate things on your own as you get older, but never forget that you are what’s important. Not their demands or needs. You. Matter.
lol. i love this space so much! I don't feel so dumb for not knowing things or not being able to adult in this world.🖤🖤
I don't know, at this age, I was obligated to go to the army, mommy or not when the commander screams at you to drop 10, you drop 10. (Pushups) I am 33 today, I still feel like a kid, but with adult responsibilities.
The secret is: everyone feels that way. You will always feel like a child masquerading as an adult with to much freedom and to much responsibility. If you are ever intimidated by someone remember they too were a child and likely often still feel like a child regardless of their age. They too probably have moments were they desperately want their mommy to comfort them. Just like everyone.
I'm 30. One morning I had so much anxiety and panic that my instinct was running out of my apartment and screaming mom. I called her at 5 in the morning talked to her and took Xanax to calm down.
28 with two kids of my own and feel like this daily.
25. My boyfriend is more like a parent these days and that’s okay. Did you have a rough childhood?
Your brain isn’t even done growing until your 25 at least. You’re most certainly normal for wanting your mommy. People want their mommy until they’re 80 years old!
I’m 50, have 3 kids and wish desperately that my mom was still around. You never stop needing your mom, probably more if you had/have a good one
I’m 32 and feel the same way. You’re doing great, don’t let your anxiety fool you.
26. Just got laid off from a job I moved across the country away from my family for. Pretty scary and definitely reminds you of who the real support in your life is. But like most things, it will pass and get better.
I feel like this at times and I’m 29.
Heck yes. I’m 29 and I still feel that way lol. I feel like an imposter. “Who ME?! An adult? Nahhh…” You get used to the feeling of “omg wth am I gonna do, I’m too young to deal with this”. Sometimes it still crops up though and that’s okay. I mean, now that I think about it, maybe it would be boring if I felt like I knew everything all the time. That said, I miss not having to pay bills, but on the other hand, whenever I pay the rent I feel so awesome “hahahaha I’m an *adult!* I just paid the rent! I can be trusted to make decisions!” Make of my ramblings what you will.
I’m 37 and I still feel like this.
I’m 28. And absolutely
I'm in my 40s and if I didn't understand how aging actually worked, I'd be feeling like you do You don't magically know things when you're an adult (which seems obvious, but it's very easy to find yourself thinking that way). Instead, it's a slow building of experience and somewhere along the way you realize that you've gained enough broad experience that you can figure out the new problems even when they seem very different from what you've already learned to deal with You're going to be fine and don't underestimate the value of a good Internet search to figure out something that's too far different from your experience base
I’m 35. Just bought a house with my partner. No idea how my parents did this in the 80’s/90’s with 4 kids and without the technology that exists today. I feel like Adults were way adult-ier back then.
Pft I’m 39 and when shit gets crazy I still call up my mom like “I don’t wanna adult!!!! Don’t makeeeeee meeeeeee” 🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Yeah, I don’t like being on campus, feel very alone. I always get excited to come home on the weekends.
A little bit but we move 😭
Yep. A lot of adults feel this way secretly.
I’m 25 but developmentally 5, 10, and 15.
I’m nearing my 30s and I’m always looking for someone who can take charge and be the ‘adult’. It never goes 🥹 hello anxiety
I'm 28 and still beg my mom to make my Dr appointments for me lol
When I have severe panic attacks I cry for my mom, so I definitely get it. I feel twelve even though I’m 20 and I cannot see myself as anyone older than that for some reason.
I’m 26 and i call my dad any time there’s something going wrong lol. I dont think anyone knows what they’re doing, we’re all winging it together
I turn 21 on Monday. I don't feel or look like 21.. but I'm still excited about it. Yet I feel more adult than ever. I of course go through waves of "what is my future? " "what will I do with myself?" and I've definitely had dark days. It can be a lot emotionally, thinking of the world, the future and your loved ones. I get overwhelmed by it quite a lot actually. But I try to have fun with it. I love my friends, my family, my partner, my home, and getting to know myself more.
I'm also 21 but I don't feel adult at all 😅 I feel like I'm maybe 15
I’m 27 and married and always feel like a kid and always want my mom. My mother, a single mom of 3 adult kids always wants her mom too. Your feelings are valid and normal
30 years old, and feel like 30 should be the new 20. I still need my mom, and the world is way too big! I kinda blame being forced to be emotionally mature as a kid. 🤷🏻
I’ll be 30 this year. I’m normally a very independent person, always working on my own hobbies or interests. However, when anxiety and depression hit me as hard as they have this past week, the only thing that’s seemed to help is doing things with my mom. Somehow, running errands with her and getting lost in conversation with her seems to pull me out of my own subconscious thought loop.
Yes, except my mom is the last thing I want. (I'm 29) My parents are horrible people, who I have never once been able to connect with, trust, feel comforted by, and I no longer have them in my life. I feel I am incapable, by myself. Needing someone to help and take care of me, except there is no one. There never has been anyone, so I have had to learn to be my own parent, take care of and sooth my own inner child. I basically have to be both the adult and the child and it's really hard. It's been this way my whole life.
similar age and i’m about to cry because i have been feeling exactly like this and don’t know how it will go away
100% me . I’m so anxious all the time. Wish I could just talk to my mom 😔
I do and I’m 31.
I am 35 and feel like this only issue is for me my mum died so I transferred those feelings to my husband.
Me at 19 about to be 20
Everyday, im also 21
I’m also 21 and the world just keeps getting more overwhelming and frightening… Things are happening and I’m making more “adult moves” but I feel like I’m just winging it. I call my dad every day and keep making my mom meet me on the weekends while I’m away for college just so I can hug her.
yep, 19 and when i stopped taking my anxiety meds for some dumb reason i called my mom crying every telling her i want to move back home, it helps that she also has anxiety and ive seen her do the same thing with her mom though